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Common Regrets I’ve Heard From Older Adults · Rooted Thoughts

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Tierra, and this is Rooid Thoughts Podcast.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: On today's episode, we are going to talk about some of the common regrets that people have when they get older.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: And this episode is based off of conversations and patterns that I've noticed while working with the older population.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: So, as many of you know, that I do work for Adult Protective Services.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: So, of course, we're not going to be talking about any specific people or specific situations, just a lot of patterns that I have noticed.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Doing this work has taught me so much.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: And not only that, it has also put so much into perspective for me.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's one of those situations whereas the job itself, it is draining as hell.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: But as someone who loves stories, I also get to hear about so many different people's stories and their life experiences.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: And since I do work with the ages of 18 to 100, and I'm just going to stop at 100 because I don't think that I've had anyone over 100, but I have quite a few who were 100 or close to it.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: So working with people who have lived through so many different generations, some of the stories they tell are just out of this world.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: And some of the stories will have you feeling like there is no way that this is the truth.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: But there is just something different about hearing about the regrets that people have.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: So that is why I decided to share this episode with you today about some of those coming regrets that I'm hearing come up very often.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: So the first regret I'm going to talk about is the regret of not having children.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: And this is one that usually I hear more so from women.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not referring to people who could not have children because of some type of medical reason.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm actually referring to those people who just chose not to have children for whatever reason they chose not to do so.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: And with having this conversation, it's not that I'm saying that, oh, everyone should have kids because I'm not saying that.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: And it's also not even about just having kids so that you can have someone to take care of you once you reach a certain age, because I'm also not someone who just automatically believes that because someone is your child, they automatically are responsible for caring for you in your later years.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: But what I have noticed with a lot of individuals is that siblings pass away, cousins pass away, friends pass away.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: And there are so many people, and I'm talking about a lot, who have absolutely no one in this world.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about not one relative, not one friend.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about no one.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: And when you think about it, it is, it's very sad, honestly.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: And when I have to ask someone, like, hey, do you have any adult children, any grandkids?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: The look on their face when they say, No, I never had kids, I don't have any living relative, any living friends, it's always such a sad feeling.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: I've never asked someone that question, and they told me that they did not have anyone, and they said it with a smile.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: So the second regret that I've noticed a lot is the regret of not being in their children's lives, not repairing the relationship, or not creating a bond in the first place.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: This is one of those ones that I have noticed more so with men.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, it's not every man, but there have been several people who I have spoken with, and you're asking them about their family and their children, and they'll say something like, Oh, I have 10 plus kids, but I haven't spoken to them in over 20 or 30 years.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what state they're in.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even know if they're alive.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, I don't know which one is more sad being alone in the world without anyone, or actually having several children whom you do not know where they are, they don't know where you are.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: If I had to guess, I would probably say they're both probably equally sad.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: So the third common regret that I have noticed is the mother's codependent relationships with their sons.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this dynamic is one of those ones that shows up so often that it is really insane.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: This looks like the sons who have never left their mother's home, they totally depend on their mother's income.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Their mother has to pay all the bills, has to purchase the food.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not talking about young men 1920s.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about men in their 50s and 60s.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: With these particular relationships, oftentimes the sons never really live outside of the mother's home, like ever.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: Every now and then you may see one whereas they may live outside the home, but they come right back.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: And some of them, even if they start to date someone, they move the girlfriends into the home who also starts to leech off the mom.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: But what I have also noticed with several of these scenarios like this is when you have a conversation with the mom about, hey, I don't think this is benefiting from you or benefiting you.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: This person seems to be more of a burden and a help to you.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you should consider them moving out of your home.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: I've had several people to tell me, well, he's not gonna have anywhere to go.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I have to literally say to them, ma'am, he is 50 years old.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: He should be able to figure it out at this point.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: And the last common regret that we're gonna talk about is the regret of not establishing a living for themselves.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: One thing that I did not realize until working this job was that there are several individuals in their 70s and 80s who are actually getting divorces.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I'm not saying that I just thought that, oh, that never happens, but I didn't think it was common.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: But on the other side of the people who are getting divorces, there are also a substantial amount of people who want to get a divorce, but feel like they cannot do so because they have never worked again in their life, and they don't even know the first step in how to get benefits or provide for themselves.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: And usually I see this regret more so with women.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: And that's because there are a lot of women from certain generations who husbands want to take care of them, and so they allowed them to do that, and a lot of them have never worked a day in their life.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that's common that, you know, even with today's generation, that a lot of people do that.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm also not saying that there's anything wrong with that.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: If your husband or your spouse or whoever wants to take care of you, that's completely fine.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: But what I am saying, and what I'm teaching my daughter and my son, is that even if that is so, you always know how to create a living for yourself.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: You always know how to get out of a situation if you need to do so.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: Always be able to stand on your two feet without depending on someone else.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: And that's so that just in case a situation gets bad, you don't feel like you're stuck somewhere.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: So now, since I have shared those common regrets with you, I want to challenge you to do a few things.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: The first thing is I want you to get to know the people in your life before they were your grandparents or your parents.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: The second thing is that I want you to tell your children about who you were before they were created.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: And the third challenge is that I want you to take a look at your life and see if there is any area in your life that you could improve on today so that you may not have any regrets tomorrow.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Sierra, and this is Root Thoughts Podcast.