Latest / Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast / How Can I Help My Child Overcome Back-to-School Anxiety Without Making It Worse?

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How Can I Help My Child Overcome Back-to-School Anxiety Without Making It Worse? · Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

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  Speaker 1: Life Audio.
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  Speaker 2: What if the tears, stomach aches, or sudden mood swings
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  Speaker 2: your child is experiencing right now aren't just back to
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  Speaker 2: school nerves, but signs of anxiety their brain doesn't yet
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  Speaker 2: know how to process. As backpacks are packed and school
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  Speaker 2: doors reopen, many families are quietly navigating a surge of stress, fear,
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  Speaker 2: and emotional overwhelm. Your child may not have the words
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  Speaker 2: to explain what they're feeling, but their behavior is speaking loudly.
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  Speaker 2: And if you've ever felt unsure how to respond, wondered
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  Speaker 2: whether to push them forward or pull them close, or
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  Speaker 2: questioned if you're helping or accidentally making it worse, You're
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  Speaker 2: not alone. In today's episode, we're uncovering what's really happening
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  Speaker 2: beneath the surface of back to school anxiety and equipping
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  Speaker 2: you with both the neuroscience and the scripture based truth
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  Speaker 2: that you need to help your child move forward from
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  Speaker 2: fear to peace and from overwhelm to confidence. Welcome to
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  Speaker 2: your hope filled perspective, where it's always our goal to
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  Speaker 2: restore hope, renew minds, and empower listeners to live in
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  Speaker 2: your God given identity. I'm your host, doctor Michelle Bankson
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  Speaker 2: Board certified clinical neuropsychologist, author, speaker, and companion in your
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  Speaker 2: journey to mental, emotional, and spiritual wellness. I'm delighted you've
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  Speaker 2: chosen to spend a few minutes of your week with us.
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  Speaker 2: Today we're going to be talking about an important topic.
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  Speaker 2: We're going to be discussing how can I help my
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  Speaker 2: child overcome back to school anxiety without making it worse.
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  Speaker 2: We'll dive into that right after this brief word from
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  Speaker 2: our sponsor.
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  Speaker 1: Welcome back to your Hope Field perspective, where we offer hope,
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  Speaker 1: encouragement and practical, science backed and biblically based strategies for
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  Speaker 1: life's challenges. If you've been asking yourself, why is my
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  Speaker 1: child so anxious about going back to school? Or how
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  Speaker 1: can I help my child manage school anxiety without making
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  Speaker 1: it worse? You are not alone. Back To school anxiety
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  Speaker 1: in kids is more common than many parents realize, showing
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  Speaker 1: up as tears, resistance, physical complaints, and even sudden behavioral changes.
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  Speaker 1: But what if those reactions aren't defiant? What if there's
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  Speaker 1: signals from a child's brain overwhelmed by stress and uncertainty.
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  Speaker 1: In today's episode, we're diving into the real cause of
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  Speaker 1: school anxiety, what's happening in your child's brain, and practical
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  Speaker 1: faith based strategies you can use to help your child
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  Speaker 1: feel calm, confident, and secure as they head into a
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  Speaker 1: new school year. For today's conversation, I'm your co host
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  Speaker 1: Jessica Funrokel, and I get to ask my dear friend,
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  Speaker 1: entrusted neuropsychologists, doctor Michelle bankson some of your pressing questions
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  Speaker 1: as well as some of those topics I wish I
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  Speaker 1: could have asked my children were school aged.
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  Speaker 2: I'm so thrilled that we're addressing this issue because so
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  Speaker 2: many parents struggle and don't have anyone to ask for sound,
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  Speaker 2: practical and clinically relevant advice, which reminds me. We love
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  Speaker 2: nothing more than hearing from our listeners and viewers about
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  Speaker 2: how an episode answered questions they've had or encouraged them
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  Speaker 2: in some way. And if there are topics that you'd
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  Speaker 2: like for us to cover in future episodes, let us
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  Speaker 2: know by going to my website, doctor michelleb dot com
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  Speaker 2: and reach out through the contact button at the bottom
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  Speaker 2: of the page. We do these episodes for you, and
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  Speaker 2: we want to know what's encouraged you and what you'd
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  Speaker 2: like us to cover.
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  Speaker 1: Michelle, this is such a timely conversation. Families everywhere are
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  Speaker 1: gearing up for a new school year, and while it
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  Speaker 1: can be exciting, it can also bring a lot of
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  Speaker 1: stress and anxiety for both kids and parents.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely, Jessica, back to school season often up a mix
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  Speaker 2: of emotions anticipation, excitement, but also fear, uncertainty, and overwhelm
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  Speaker 2: for both kids and parents. And what many parents don't
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  Speaker 2: realize is that these emotional responses have both spiritual and
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  Speaker 2: neurological components.
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  Speaker 1: And that's why I'm so glad we're talking about this today,
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  Speaker 1: because parents just aren't looking for behavior tips. They want
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  Speaker 1: to understand what's really going on inside their child and
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  Speaker 1: how to respond in a way that brings peace instead
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  Speaker 1: of more pressure exactly.
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  Speaker 2: And the good news is God has equipped us with
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  Speaker 2: both truth and tools. When we understand how the brain
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  Speaker 2: works and align that with scripture, we can help our
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  Speaker 2: children and ourselves move from anxiety to peace and confidence.
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  Speaker 1: I love that. So let's start with the big question,
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  Speaker 1: why does back to school season triggers so much anxiety
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  Speaker 1: in kids?
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  Speaker 2: That's a really important question for us to address first,
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  Speaker 2: because at its core, anxiety is the brain's response to
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  Speaker 2: perceived threat or uncertainty. Let's face it, back to school
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  Speaker 2: introduces a lot of unknowns, new teachers, new routines, social dynamics,
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  Speaker 2: academic expectations. But when the brain perceives uncertainty, it activates
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  Speaker 2: the stress response system, specifically the amygdala. We've talked about
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  Speaker 2: the amgdala many times on this podcast together, but it
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  Speaker 2: essentially asks am I safe? And if the brain isn't sure,
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  Speaker 2: it defaults to caution, and that's when anxiety shows up.
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  Speaker 1: So even if there's no real danger, the brain can
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  Speaker 1: still respond as if there is.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, absolutely, the brain is wired for protection, not perfection.
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  Speaker 2: It would rather over react than miss a potential threat.
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  Speaker 2: For children, especially whose brains are still developing, this response
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  Speaker 2: can feel overwhelming.
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  Speaker 1: This makes so much sense. I think sometimes parents assume
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  Speaker 1: their child is just being dramatic or resistant.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, and that's where we need a mindset shift. What
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  Speaker 2: looks like defiance or avoidance is often distress. Instead of
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  Speaker 2: asking what's wrong with my child, we should ask what
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  Speaker 2: is my child's brain trying to process or protect against?
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  Speaker 1: And that's such a compassionate reframe, and what I.
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  Speaker 2: Love about that is that it aligns with scripture pal
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  Speaker 2: I'm fifty six y' three says when I am afraid,
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  Speaker 2: I will put my trust in you. But noticed it
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  Speaker 2: doesn't say if it says when fear is a normal
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  Speaker 2: human experience. The key is what we do with it now.
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  Speaker 2: A common response to worry, fear, and anxiety is to
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  Speaker 2: try to avoid the thing that makes us anxious. True,
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  Speaker 2: and that often works in the short term, but in
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  Speaker 2: the long term, what it does is reinforces the stimulus
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  Speaker 2: that made us anxious in the first place, so we
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  Speaker 2: actually become more and more anxious in similar situations. For example,
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  Speaker 2: I've had patients come into my office in the private
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  Speaker 2: practice who were afraid of driving on the freeway, so
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  Speaker 2: they avoided it, and that avoidance temporarily decrease their anxiety,
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  Speaker 2: but it ended up reinforcing their fear and it became
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  Speaker 2: more crippling in their life. So they then became more
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  Speaker 2: afraid of driving on busy roads, then more afraid of
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  Speaker 2: driving on less busy roads, then became afraid of leaving
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  Speaker 2: their home. The key is that we need to learn
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  Speaker 2: how to respond better to anxiety and not try to
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  Speaker 2: avoid the things that make us anxious.
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  Speaker 1: That makes so much sense. That is, I'm sitting here thinking, wow,
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  Speaker 1: it's true, all right. So what are some ways anxiety
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  Speaker 1: shows up in children that parents might not immediately recognize?
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  Speaker 2: No, great question, because anxiety doesn't always look like worry.
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  Speaker 2: In children, it often shows up as irritability or emotional outbursts.
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  Speaker 2: It can show up like physical complaints, like stomach aches
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  Speaker 2: or headaches. And I can attest to that one because
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  Speaker 2: I remember being an anxious child, and there were many
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  Speaker 2: mornings before I would go to the bus stop where
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  Speaker 2: I would complain to my mother of having a stomach ache.
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  Speaker 2: I look back now and realize that was anxiety wearing
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  Speaker 2: its ugly head, but neither she nor I had the
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  Speaker 2: appropriate label for it. And in children, anxiety, much like adults,
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  Speaker 2: can show up as avoidance, refusing to go to school
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  Speaker 2: or refusing to participate in activities. But from a physiological standpoint,
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  Speaker 2: anxiety can also show up like trouble sleeping or difficulty concentrating.
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  Speaker 2: When we're anxious, we're busy focusing on that thing that's
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  Speaker 2: making us worried, fearful, or anxious. And sometimes anxiety even
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  Speaker 2: looks like perfectionism or overachievement. And in my later years
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  Speaker 2: I didn't have the stomach aches nearly so often. But
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  Speaker 2: I was definitely a perfectionist and definitely an overachiever. And
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  Speaker 2: I look back now and realize, Man, I wish someone
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  Speaker 2: had given me or my parents the tools to manage
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  Speaker 2: that anxiety instead of reinforcing it.
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  Speaker 1: Wow, that's really interesting. So what you're saying is that
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  Speaker 1: even a child who seems like they're doing everything right
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  Speaker 1: could actually be anxious.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely, that child might be driven by a fear of failure,
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  Speaker 2: a fear of rejection, or even if of abandonment, all
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  Speaker 2: of which we've discovered we've discussed before on this podcast.
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  Speaker 1: And I think that's important for parents to hear because
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  Speaker 1: we often celebrate the outward behavior without understanding the internal struggle.
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  Speaker 2: Oh yes, and when anxiety goes unrecognized, it actually intensifies.
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  Speaker 2: That's exactly why awareness is the first step towards helping
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  Speaker 2: our children and why I thought it was important to
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  Speaker 2: discuss this as parents are looking at the back to
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  Speaker 2: school season.
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  Speaker 1: So good and Michelle, I think one of the biggest
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  Speaker 1: questions parents are asking right now is this is this
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  Speaker 1: normal back to school stress or is it actually anxiety?
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  Speaker 1: So how can parents tell the difference between normal nerves
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  Speaker 1: and something that needs more attention.
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  Speaker 2: That's such an important place to start. Some level of
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  Speaker 2: nervousness is completely normal. Our brains are wired to respond
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  Speaker 2: to new or uncertain situations, but anxiety actually goes beyond that.
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  Speaker 2: From a neuroscience perspective, anxiety is when the brain's alarm system,
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  Speaker 2: the amygdala, is activated, either more frequently or more intensely,
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  Speaker 2: even when there's no true danger. As a parent myself,
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  Speaker 2: I encourage you to look at three things, intensity, duration,
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  Speaker 2: and impact. If your child's distress is ongoing, or it's
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  Speaker 2: escalating and getting worse, or you're starting to notice that
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  Speaker 2: it's interfering with daily life, like interfering with their sleep
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  Speaker 2: or their appetite or their school attendance or performance, it's
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  Speaker 2: likely more than typical normal nervousness or stress. Ask yourself,
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  Speaker 2: is there a change in behavior, mood, or attitude from
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  Speaker 2: say the middle of summer to now. Is the anxiety persist,
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  Speaker 2: is it escalating? And is it interfering with daily functioning.
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  Speaker 2: If the answer is yes to any of those things
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  Speaker 2: or multiples, it's time to step up in more intentionality.
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  Speaker 2: From a faith perspective, I love how scripture normalizes fear
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  Speaker 2: but redirects it. So I'm thirty four to four says
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  Speaker 2: I sought the Lord and he answered me, he delivered
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  Speaker 2: me from all my fears. What it doesn't say is
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  Speaker 2: he delivered me from all my circumstances. Right, So those
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  Speaker 2: things that tempt us to get worried, anxious or fearful
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  Speaker 2: are still going to happen. But the Lord says he
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  Speaker 2: delivered me from all my fears. So fear may come,
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  Speaker 2: but it doesn't have to lead. It doesn't have to
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  Speaker 2: be a driving force in our life.
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  Speaker 1: I've often said to my kids, fear is an indicator,
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  Speaker 1: it's not a dictator. Excellent, and I think that's what
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  Speaker 1: we're talking about right here. So in light of that,
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  Speaker 1: this leads into another question. I sometimes hear a lot,
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  Speaker 1: Why is my child suddenly anxious about school when they
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  Speaker 1: were fine before?
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  Speaker 2: Yes, and that can feel confusing for parents. But children's
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  Speaker 2: brains are constantly developing, and their capacity to think and
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  Speaker 2: to imagine and to anticipate is growing. So if a
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  Speaker 2: child was fine last year, they may now be more
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  Speaker 2: aware of things like social pressures, academic expectations, or even
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  Speaker 2: what if scenarios and Sadly, we as parents are not
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  Speaker 2: always aware of the experiences that our children encounter. So
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  Speaker 2: they may have successfully made it through the last school year,
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  Speaker 2: but we don't know what kinds of things happened last
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  Speaker 2: year that would prompt them to be anxious about this year.
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  Speaker 2: Think about bullying. A child may have been bullied last
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  Speaker 2: year but not shown outward signs and not to a
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  Speaker 2: parent or teacher about it. Well, if that happened last year,
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  Speaker 2: there's a tendency then that they're going to be afraid
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  Speaker 2: that that's going to happen again. Now, neurologically, our kids'
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  Speaker 2: brains are better at predicting outcomes, but not always accurate ones.
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  Speaker 2: So they can imagine, just like we as parents do.
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  Speaker 2: They can imagine worst case scenarios and respond if those
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  Speaker 2: imaginations are real threats. Wow, now that was neurologically. Let's
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  Speaker 2: look at it spiritually. This is where we help them
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  Speaker 2: take those what if thoughts captive And just I so
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  Speaker 2: wish that someone had taught me this when I was
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  Speaker 2: a child, because it's so powerful. You and I both
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  Speaker 2: know Sewod Corinthians ten to five reminds us to take
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  Speaker 2: every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. We
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  Speaker 2: can gently teach our children to question in those fearful
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  Speaker 2: thoughts and then replace them with truth.
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  Speaker 1: So good, so good. So what are some signs of
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  Speaker 1: anxiety in children that parents might miss.
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  Speaker 2: Anxiety and children is often expressed through the body or
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  Speaker 2: behavior more than it is through words. You're going to
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  Speaker 2: notice it in physical complaints they have, or outward expressions
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  Speaker 2: more than you'll ever hear I'm worried or I'm afraid
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  Speaker 2: or I'm anxious. What might happen is you might see
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  Speaker 2: things like stomach aches, headaches, irritability, especially in the morning
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  Speaker 2: before they have to go to school or before say,
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  Speaker 2: an extracurricular activity. You might notice an increased frequency in tears,
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  Speaker 2: or avoidance, or even perfectionism. I was a straight A student,
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  Speaker 2: but in A was not enough. I was worried if
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  Speaker 2: I didn't get an A plus. Looking back on it,
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  Speaker 2: that should have been a signal to my parents that
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  Speaker 2: I was dealing with some anxiety. Now, what's happening in
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  Speaker 2: the brain is that stress hormones are being released and
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  Speaker 2: the body is preparing for danger, even if the quote
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  Speaker 2: unquote danger is just walking into a classroom or sitting
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  Speaker 2: next to someone who says things to us that make
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  Speaker 2: us afraid, or who ignores us and makes us fear rejection.
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  Speaker 2: But instead of assuming misbehavior as parents, let's ask the question,
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  Speaker 2: is my child experiencing distress somewhere? And this is where
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  Speaker 2: compassion matters deeply. Colossians three twelve encourages us to clothe
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  Speaker 2: yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, and that
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  Speaker 2: is exactly what our anxious child needs from us. But
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  Speaker 2: often I've seen it where a child expresses anxiety to
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  Speaker 2: parent does whatever they know to do, and it doesn't
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  Speaker 2: seem to make a difference, and internally that makes the
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  Speaker 2: parent insecure, So then they react with more force or
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  Speaker 2: aggression or a decrease in combation, and that's the wrong
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  Speaker 2: thing to do. So now that we better recognize anxiety
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  Speaker 2: in our children, let's turn our discussion to what parents
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  Speaker 2: should do and what they should not do to help
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  Speaker 2: their anxious child. Will delve into that right after this
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  Speaker 2: brief word from our sponsor.
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  Speaker 1: All right, welcome back. Let's get really practical. What are
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  Speaker 1: some common mistakes parents make when trying to help an
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  Speaker 1: anxious child. Maybe things they might be doing that they
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  Speaker 1: don't realize could actually be making the situation worse.
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  Speaker 2: And one of the most common mistakes is trying to
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  Speaker 2: eliminate the anxiety altogether. It's easy to think that this
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  Speaker 2: is helpful, but ultimately it will create a fearful, avoidant
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  Speaker 2: child lacking in good coping skills. Kind Of like my
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  Speaker 2: example before the break, when we were talking about the
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  Speaker 2: patients that I've had who were afraid to drive on
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  Speaker 2: the highway. So they try to eliminate the stressor that
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  Speaker 2: prompts the anxiety. Well, what happens then is the anxiety
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  Speaker 2: just starts to spread to more and more and more situations.
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  Speaker 2: The other thing is that parents might also try reassuring
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  Speaker 2: their child excessively or removing every stressor thinking that's helping
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  Speaker 2: their child. Now, while I know that comes from a
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  Speaker 2: place of love, it actually teaches the brain that the
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  Speaker 2: situation is dangerous and needs to be avoided.
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  Speaker 1: So instead of helping, it reinforces the fear.
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  Speaker 2: Exactly. The goal is not to remove anxiety. The goal
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  Speaker 2: is to teach our children how to move through it
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  Speaker 2: with confidence and truth.
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  Speaker 1: And that's a powerful distinction.
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  Speaker 2: Very much so. Yeah, another mistake is dismissing or minimizing
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  Speaker 2: our children's feelings, saying things like you're fine or there's
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  Speaker 2: nothing to worry.
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  Speaker 1: About, which I think many parents say that because they
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  Speaker 1: want to comfort their child. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: I think it comes from a place of wanting to
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  Speaker 2: comfort their child or feeling a lack of confidence in
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  Speaker 2: their own ability to help their child process the anxiety.
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  Speaker 1: Right.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, Now, comforting is good, but what children need first
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  Speaker 2: is validation, not correction. Our feelings are powerful, and making
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  Speaker 2: statements like you're fine teaches children that there's something wrong
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  Speaker 2: with them and that they can't trust either their emotions
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  Speaker 2: or trust their parent to be a safe place to
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  Speaker 2: share their feelings.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: And what I've spent a lot of time in my
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  Speaker 2: LI career talking to parents about is that we want
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  Speaker 2: the parents and the home to be a safe place
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  Speaker 2: for their children to land. A better thing is that
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  Speaker 2: when we say I see that you're nervous and that
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  Speaker 2: makes sense, we actually help our children calm the brain's
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  Speaker 2: alarm system and it opens the door to further conversation,
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  Speaker 2: like about what's prompting the anxiety, what happened at school,
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  Speaker 2: and is there something truly threatening that we as parents
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  Speaker 2: need to consider talking to a parent or an administrator
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  Speaker 2: about But when we make those statements like I see
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  Speaker 2: that you're nervous and that makes sense, that actually helps
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  Speaker 2: instilled trust between child and parent.
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  Speaker 1: So validation actually helps regulate the brain.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, it does. It engages the prefrontal cortex, which is
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  Speaker 2: the part of the brain responsible for reasoning and emotional regulation.
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  Speaker 1: All right, so we've given a good amount of what
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  Speaker 1: not to do. So what are the dews. We've gone
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  Speaker 1: through the don'ts now. Let's talk about the dews.
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  Speaker 2: Here's a few key strategies. Number One, validate their feelings.
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  Speaker 2: Like we were just saying, I see that you're anxious
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  Speaker 2: and that makes sense. It validates that you recognize that
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  Speaker 2: they are having this feeling. And our feelings may be real,
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  Speaker 2: but they're not always communicating true, so we want to
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  Speaker 2: validate that they're experiencing the feeling. Another thing to do
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  Speaker 2: is to help our child name the anxiety, put words
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  Speaker 2: to it. What are you feeling inside? Is it making
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  Speaker 2: you feel scared? Is there something that's making you feel anxious?
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  Speaker 2: Is there something that's making you feel not good about yourself?
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  Speaker 2: By helping our kids name the anxiety and put words
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  Speaker 2: to it, it increases their capacity to communicate to us
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  Speaker 2: about other things and other feelings. One of the things
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: that I used, especially with younger kiddos who are struggling,
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: is to give them a feeling chart. It's usually like
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: emoji looking faces, and there would be a face for scared,
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: and a face for mad, and a face for happy,
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: and a face for confused, and probably thirty different emotions.
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: Them looking at those different emojis and picking out the
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: one that most looks like they're feeling inside then helps
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: us as parents to put a label to it so
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: that they have the words to communicate how they're feeling now.
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: A third to do is to teach our children coping
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: skills like deep breathing or grounding exercises, which we'll talk
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: about a little bit more later in this episode, but
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: we've also discussed them on previous episodes for managing stress.
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: So teaching our kids coping skills allows them to take
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: those skills into the anxiety provoking situation and be able
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: to manage it in real time so it doesn't build up.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: Think about the times when I realize I'm anxious, or
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: the times when I realize I'm holding my breath in
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: that moment by doing deep breathing exercises, I tell my brain,
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: now you're safe, You're okay, right now, there is nothing
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: threatening or dangerous. So teaching those coping skills is a
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: really important one, and I've spent a lot of my
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: career working in the situation with parents and kids doing that.
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: Another to do is to encourage gradual exposure to what
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: they fear. I mentioned the opposite of that with avoidance
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: and the driving scenario. But say a child it is
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: anxious about an extracurricular activity. Well, gradual exposure would be
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: things like driving to the parking lot of the place
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: where they're anxious, and then next time driving to the
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: parking lot and actually getting out of the car. And
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: then the next experience would be driving to the parking lot,
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: getting out of the car and going to the door,
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: And the next would be driving to the parking lot,
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: getting out of the car, walking to the door, walking
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: into the building. That gradual exposure teaches them you're safe
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: and you can handle this. Wow. And probably one of
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: the most important to dos is to model calm and
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: confidence for our kids.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: That last one feels really big. Modeling calm.
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: It's really big because children actually borrow our nervous system
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: if we are anxious, they feel it. But when we
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: are calm, we communicate safety and just I don't know
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: if it's like this for you, but my husband is
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: like a rock and he's really positive and he doesn't
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: get ruffled easily. But in those situations where I've seen
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: him become worried or when I've seen him become tearful,
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: that communicates indirectly to me that I have a reason
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: to be worried or tearful. We as parents have the
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: exact same influence on our children. And there were times
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: when I worked with young nursing moms and they would
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: be so anxious and their children would end up being
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: fussier because they're communicating that anxiety to their babies.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: Yes, you know what you're saying about children borrowing our
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: nervous system, frankly is encouraging, but it's also convicting well.
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: And the good thing is that it brings us to
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: Scripture again. One of my favorite verses when it comes
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: to anxiety is two Timothy one to seven. That verse
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: reminds us for God has not given us a spirit
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: of fear, but of power and of love and of
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: sound mind. So we as parents are in a unique
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: situation and that we can model that sound mind for
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: our kiddos.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: I love that. I love it. Now. I have a
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: really tough question though, and I think every parent has
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: wondered this one. Should I make my child go to
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: school if they're anxious?
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: Oh? Really good question, because I've had a lot of
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: parents ask that, and frequently the gut reaction is is
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: if that environment is making my child so anxious, there
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: must be something dangerous there, so they keep them away.
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: So it's a really tender balance. Avoidance actually strengthens anxiety
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: over time because the brain learns if I escape, I'm safe,
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: and safety feels good. But gentle supported exposure actually helps
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: retrain our child's brain to recognize I can do this
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: and I'll be okay. So yes, in most cases, we
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: do want to help our child go to school or
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: to that extracurricular event, but we support preparation, encouragement, and compassion.
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: We don't push harshly, but we don't rescue completely. We
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: actually walk alongside them. And it's in those circumstances where
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: I often remind parents of Joshua one nine. Be strong
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: and courageous, for the Lord, your God will be with you.
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: Wherever you go. We're not sending our children into school alone.
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: We're sending them with God's presence. And that's such a
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: powerful reminder. And when we teach our children this at
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: a young age, it's a tool that they can use
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: for the rest of their life because they're relying on
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: God's promises.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think, well, that's topic for another day,
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: Thank Zach. I'm just going to say yes, yes, and
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: more yeses. So let's turn our attention to some specific
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: practical tools the parents can use during this back to
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: school season.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely, because preparation is key and the brain thrives
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: on predictability.
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: So routines matter very much.
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: So okay, things like start adjusting sleep schedules, morning routines,
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: and expectations before school begins. I'll give you a silly example,
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: but I think it's pertinent to the discussion. So my
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: son is a pilot and he's been training on a
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: new aircraft. So for this training, before they put the
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: pilots in a real airplane, they do simulation exercises. Well,
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: because there's so many pilots who are training, they don't
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: all get the eight am simulation experience. His sim experience,
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: this week is somewhere between eight pm and one am
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: in the morning, and so I heard him say, I'm
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: working on my sleep hygiene this week, particularly in anticipation
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: for having to work during the hours I would normally
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: be sleeping. So he is adjusting his sleep schedule to
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: optimize his performance when he needs to be on, so
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: to speak. So we as parents should be doing the
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: same thing for our young kiddos. You know, sometimes we
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: get kind of laxed during the summer months and we
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: let our kids sleep, stay up, and sleep in, take naps,
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: but then school starts and their system is all out
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: of whack. So things like adjusting sleep schedules and morning
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: routines before the school year starts is really helpful.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: What about for kids who are especially anxious, because you
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: know there are plenty of those out there. I had a.
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: Couple in those situations where it's obvious what they're dealing
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: with and it's anxiety. I recommend creating a preview experience,
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: things like let's visit the school ahead of time. And
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: a lot of times anxiety increases when our children change facilities.
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: So they might change from the preschool environment to the
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: elementary school, or change from the elementary school to the
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: middle school, or from the middle school to the high school,
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: and just visiting the school and starting that exposure early
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: can help along those lines. I strongly recommend letting your
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: kids meet their teacher or teachers if possible, and a
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: lot of schools are really good about this. They'll have
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: them meet the teacher afternoon or evening. And part of
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: the reason they do that is so that parents can
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: meet the teacher and so that the children don't walk
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: in on day one to a complete stranger. And for
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: our kiddos who have a change, say they change teachers
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: every period, help them walk through the schedules so they
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: know where they're going in between classes. But we can
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: even help our little ones walk through the schedule of
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: So what do we do first thing in the morning
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: when Mommy comes in and wakes you up, or when
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: the alarm goes off. First thing we do is we
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: put on our clothes, and then we go get breakfast,
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: and then we brush our teeth, then we put on
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: our shoes, then we get our backpack, and we can
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: reverse the schedule at the end of the day. The
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: backpack comes in for mom to look through it. The
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: shoes go in the shoe closet, the jacket gets hung up,
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: so then in the morning they're not frantically searching for
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: the things that they need, which just fuels anxiety.
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: Oh so good.
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: The more familiar something feels, the less threatening it becomes
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: to the brain.
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: And what you've given are so practical. Do you have
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: something else to share?
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: Another tool is teaching children simple calming techniques. We were
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: talking a few minutes ago about teaching our children practical
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: tools that they can use in the moment, and one
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: of the tools that I recommended was deep breathing. Is
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: we teach our children to inhale for four counts, hold
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: for two, and then exhale. And what I strongly recommend
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: is that you inhale through the through the nose, hold it,
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: and then exhale through the mouth. This is something that
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: they can do on the bus, when they're standing in
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: line before a test, anything that promotes that anxiety, and
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: have them do that four or five times, and what
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: they'll see is that your brain can't be anxious and
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: relaxed at the same time. And when you do those
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: deep breathing exercises, it takes away the anxiety and lets
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: your brain relax good. Another really simple exercise that I
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: teach patients is grounding. That is naming five things they see,
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: four things they feel, three things they hear, two things
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: they smell, and one thing they taste. And why this
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: is so powerful is because it actually arrests their thought
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: processes where they may be thinking about something in the future,
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: like getting on the bus and having to sit next
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: to that person who's been mean, or thinking about the
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: test that's coming up. It stops that process and it
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: refocuses them on the immediate present. It's so helpful because
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: these tools regulate the nervous system in real time.
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: And I love that these are simple enough for kids
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: to remember.
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: Yes, and once they learn it, they can teach it
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: to their friends.
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: Parents can practice these with their children, which reinforces that
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: parent child connection. And that's what I love. When parents
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: start feeling anxious, they can even ask the child to
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: do one of those exercises with them.
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: But let's turn our attention to the spiritual side. I
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: know you emphasize incorporating biblical truths with science back to tools,
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: So how can parents incorporate fail into this?
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: This is where we have such a beautiful advantage as believers,
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: we can teach our children to bring our fears to God.
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: The Libyans four six through seven says, do not be
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition,
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. So we can
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: help our children turn their anxious thoughts into prayers. Communicate honestly.
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: And one of the beautiful things about that is that
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: it teaches them you don't have to be embarrassed about
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: your feelings.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I was also thinking it helps us as
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: parents also learn to do this and it becomes this
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: family practice, And it's such a powerful habit to build
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: early on, isn't it?
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: Oh? It is? And I wish that I had learned
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: that much earlier than I did. And parent prayer with truth,
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: like memorizing scripture, helps rewire ours patterns over time. I
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: wish that I had learned that as an anxious child
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: instead of having to wait until I was in my
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: adult years.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: Right, And you know, I'm sitting here listening and I
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: can almost hear parents, some of them are asking, what
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: if I'm make you my child's anxiety worse without realizing it.
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: Well, first of all, grace upon grace upon grace, that
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: is such an honest and humble question. And the truth is,
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: sometimes unintentionally, we as parents do reinforce anxiety, but when
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: we know better, we do better. So, for example, over
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: reassuring or trying to remove every stressor or helping our
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: children to avoid those things that induce anxiety can teach
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: the brain that the situation truly is dangerous. See. The
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: problem is is that the brain doesn't have a way
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: of distinguishing perceived versus real danger. So it's key for
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: parents to monitor your own emotions because, as we said,
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: our kids pay attention not only to what we say,
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: but how we act, and if we're anxious, they will
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: pick up on things like our irritability and that communicates
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: to them they have a reason to be anxious. But
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: there's really good news, and that is that you don't
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: have to be perfect to be effective. The key is
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: to validate that your child is experiencing a feeling while
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: still encouraging growth. So you might say things like I
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: see that that feels scary, but I believe that you
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: can handle it. God promises he goes with us in
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: every situation, so you're not handling it alone, you're handling
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: it with God on your side, and that balance engages
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: both emotional safety and cognitive strength. And like we were
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: talking about with Philippians four, six or seven, it reminds
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: us that when we bring our anxieties to God, it's
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: his peace that guards our hearts and minds. And that's
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: true for us parents too, the friends. We want to
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: offer more additional practical encouragement for you right after this
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: brief word from our sponsor.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: All right, let's get really practical. How can I calm
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: my child down in the moment, like during those stressful mornings.
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: In those moments, we want to focus on calming the
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: body first, because a disregulated brain cannot process logic. So
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: simple tools like the deep breathing in hell for four,
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: hold for two, exhale for six helps reset that nervous
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: system right there in the moment. Those grounding exercises like
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: naming what you see here, feel they bring the brain
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: out of panic mode. And your presence matters more than
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: your words. So a calm tone, a steady posture, and
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: even a gentle touch communicates safety, which helps minimize the anxiety.
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: So I'm forty six ten says be still and know
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: that I am God. Sometimes we help our children access
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: that stillness physically before they can access it spiritually.
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: Which is so helpful. What I have to tell be
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: honest though here too, parents also wonder what do I
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: actually say to my child when they're anxious.
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: That's an important question because our words matter. We want
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: to avoid dismissing by saying things like you're fine, and
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: we want to avoid amplifying fear like that's really hard. Instead,
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: we aim for truth and reassurance. So try phrases like
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: I can see this feels scary, You're not alone, I'm
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: with you. Yeah, you know what you've done really hard
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: to before. Yeah. And one of the ones that I
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: love is saying we can trust God with this together.
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: So what we're doing is helping reframe their thoughts while
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: keeping connection. And Isaiah forty one to ten is a
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: beautiful truth to speak over them. Do not fear, for
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: I am with you. I will strengthen you and help you.
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: I feel encouraged just listening to you. So how do
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: we help our kids not just survive school, but actually
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: build confidence?
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: So here's what's key. Confidence comes from experience, not avoidance.
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: When we avoid things that make us anxious, what that
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: does is it denigrates our confidence. So confidence only comes
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: from experience. So each time a child faces something hard
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: and gets through it, the brain we rewires to say
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: I did it, I can handle this. Yes, So we
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: celebrate effort, not just outcomes, and we remind them of
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: past successes, and we gradually increase the challenges, and spiritually
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: we anchor their identity not in their performance, but in
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: who God says they are. When a child knows that
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: they are loved, chosen, and never alone, that becomes the
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: foundation for real confidence.
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: So encouraging. Now let's talk about a harder situation. What
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: if my child refuses to go to school altogether.
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: So let me first acknowledge that's incredibly stressful for parents
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: and it often signals more than significant anxiety. So in
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: those cases, we want to respond with both compassion and structure.
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: So we validate the fear, but we don't allow avoidance
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: to become the long term solution, and we may need
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: to involve teachers, counselors, or professionals to create a support plan.
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: This isn't failure, it's actually an opportunity for additional support.
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: You am reminded of Galatian six' to, two which says
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: carry each other's, burdens and sometimes that means inviting others
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: into the. Process if it's gotten to such a point
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: that they're so, avoidant we need to enlist the help of.
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: Others so when should a parent seek professional?
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: Help if anxiety is, persistent it's, worsening or it's interfering
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: with daily functioning like school, attendance, relationships or physical, health
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: it's time to seek professional support because early intervention can
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: make a tremendous. Difference the sooner we can halt this
• 41:50
  Speaker 2: response and teach coping, strategies the better off they'll. Be
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: AND i always remind parents seeking help is not a
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: sign of, weakness is actually a step of whist them and.
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: Love if we remember proverbs of love and, fourteen it
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: says in the multitude of counselors there is. Safety So
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: god often provides help through.
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: Others all, Right, well before we wrap, UP i want
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: to talk directly to the parents, listening because let's be,
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: honest this season can be stressful for them.
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: Too oh for, sure parents often carry their own anxieties
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: about their child's, success their, safety or their social.
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: Experiences so what would you say to the parent who feels.
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: Overwhelmed first of, all you're not. Alone and, second your
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: presence matters more than your. Perfection your child doesn't need
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: a flawless, parent they need a connected one and that's so.
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: Freeing and, remember your peace sets the tone for your.
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: Home isaiah twenty six' three reminds us you will keep
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because because
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: they trust. In you so when we as parents anchor
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: Ourselves in, god's truth we create an environment of peace for,
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: our children.
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: And that's a.
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: Beautiful, picture also don't hesitate to seek help. If needed
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: there is no shame to reaching out to a counselor or. A,
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: specialist really support can make a.
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: Significant Difference, doctor michelle this has been. INCREDIBLY helpful i
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: know parents are walking away with both understanding and, practical
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: tools and, most. IMPORTANTLY hope i think parents are listening
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: and they're going to start this back to school process
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: feeling both equipped and encouraged and.
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: Not alone and that's always our goal to bring hope
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: and healing through both science.
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: And, scripture friends if this episode, encouraged you we'd love
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: for you to share it with another parent who might.
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: Need it, and remember you don't have to navigate.
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: Anxiety alone and as you head into this new, school
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: season may you and your child walk, in, peace confidence
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: and the Assurance that god is with you every step of.
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: The way it's our prayer for you that this back
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: to school season will be a, less stressful, more peaceful and. Confident,
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: one friends we've enjoyed sharing another episode of your hope
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: filed perspective, with you and we look forward to being
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: with you again. Next week, until then it's my prayer
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: for you that you have a hope. Fuilled week.
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: Are you or your group looking for a speaker for
• 44:35
  Speaker 3: your next event? Or gathering nothing Delights Doctor Michelle bankson
• 44:39
  Speaker 3: moore than connecting with her audiences and sharing from her
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: professional expertise and personal experience to champion others in. Their
• 44:47
  Speaker 3: journey she has spoken on a wide variety, of topics including,
• 44:51
  Speaker 3: hope prevails living the Abundant life christ came to give
• 44:54
  Speaker 3: the hem of, his garment reaching Out to god when
• 44:57
  Speaker 3: pain overwhelms victor not a f to rid yourself of
• 45:01
  Speaker 3: the poisonous shame and self defeat in, Your life walking
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: in the truth of, our identity hope for the, silent epidemic,
• 45:07
  Speaker 3: understanding depression in children and teens and breaking anxiety's grip
• 45:11
  Speaker 3: how to reclaim The peace. God Promises doctor benkson is
• 45:15
  Speaker 3: willing to tailor a message specifically to your group. Or
• 45:18
  Speaker 3: event past audiences have included One Hundred Honley Street, life
• 45:22
  Speaker 3: Today The american Association Of, Christian Counselors, Gateway Church, roaring
• 45:26
  Speaker 3: Lambs and Fellowship Of, professional women to name. A Few
• 45:30
  Speaker 3: doctor benkson is now accepting invitations for. Speaking engagements for
• 45:34
  Speaker 3: more information or to Contact doctor benkson to speak at,
• 45:37
  Speaker 3: your event reach out to our staff at info At
• 45:40
  Speaker 3: doctor michelle b. Dot com thank you for Joining doctor
• 45:47
  Speaker 3: bankson For your hope. Build perspective we hope you are
• 45:51
  Speaker 3: encouraged by, her, authenticity vulnerability and. Biblical truths if you enjoy,
• 45:56
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• 46:00
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• 46:03
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• 46:11
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• 46:15
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• 46:18
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• 46:21
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• 46:26
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• 46:30
  Speaker 3: next event please Visit doctor mishelbe. Dot com until, next
• 46:34
  Speaker 3: time may you have a hope. Filled week.
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: I'd like to take just a second to thank the
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: Team At life audio for their partnership with us on.
• 46:45
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• 46:48
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• 46:52
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