Latest / The Dr. Sarah Hensley Show / Episode 8, Season 1: Be Kind but Take No Sh!t

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Episode 8, Season 1: Be Kind but Take No Sh!t · The Dr. Sarah Hensley Show

• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Love Dog Podcast. I'm your co host
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Erena Butcher here with doctor Hensley. This is episode seven,
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Part two, where we are going to talk about.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: What to do when someone hurts you. And I'm not
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: talking about a small slight. I'm talking about when someone
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: profoundly hurts you, because that can be traumatizing and a
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: lot of people do not know how to cope with betrayal,
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: or even if it's not a betrayal, because it wasn't
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: somebody close to you. How do you cope with the
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: aftermath of someone doing something to you that was not deserved,
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: that caused you a lot of pain? How do you
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: deal with that pain?
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: What do you do?
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and we want to preface this with if you
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: did not watch or listen to the episode before this,
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: which is part one, very necessary, Yes, listen to that
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: first and then come back and listen to this episode
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: because you talked more about the faith perspective in the
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: last episode, and this episode you're going to talk more
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: about the psychological perspective.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely So just a warning there may be curse words.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: Well usually I usually don't curse, but yeah, I think
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: there's some needed emphasis and.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: Some of this there that, let's do it. Let's drop
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: some f I'm here for it.
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah you can, you can do more of that. I'll try,
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: I will try to be good. So let's yeah.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: Last episode I very much focused on what does Gotten
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: tell you to do? Right? And God says you better forgive,
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: you gotta stay in faith, you gotta be in love.
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: You know, love your enemy. I mean, it is so
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: uber clear, and it is so easy to want to
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: slip into bitterness and wanting revenge and hatred and rumination
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: and fear, especially of what's going to happen to me?
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: Or are they going to keep hurting me? What's gonna
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: you know? And God has very explicit instructions on what
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: to do, and I only but I only covered part
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: of it right, So basically in a nutshell, God says,
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: and I'm actually stealing this from Kendlepool the Peloton girl.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: Remember I sent you that tick, So I don't want
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: to I don't want to pass this off as I
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: give her credit for sure.
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: You make peloton seems so awesome.
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: I want a Peloton now, even though I hate spinning,
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: because now I'm getting some of her tiktoks And she
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: made one the other day that was so great.
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: It was be kind, but take no ship, Take no ship.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: And when I actually I was like, okay, I need
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: to hold that up to scripture.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: So I was like, we love Jesus, but we cuss
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: a little a little bit.
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: I try not to.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: It's it's very rare that you will hear me say
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: a curse word. I promise you really curse around my
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: kids and curse and usually in my videos. But you know,
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: this is a space that we get to to bring
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: our guard down.
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: A little bit.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and really be authentic and.
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: Really be vulnerable and authentic.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: So you know, hopefully people give me a pass for
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: that that they you and far between for me.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: But if they don't, come on people, yeah.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: I mean, this isn't I never said it was a
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: kid's podcast, right, right, this is for adults.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: Yes, most of the things you talk about are more
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: adults oriented.
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: Right, this is an adult podcast. It's not something I'm gonna.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: Be like, hey kids, mommy, you know when they're adults,
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: they'll listen to it. But here's the thing. So I
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: was like, okay, you know, we know the be kind part.
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: God is so clear, but he's a little bit less
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: clear in some places on the take no shit part.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: So what I really dug into this this week, I
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: was like, I need to know what God says right
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: and absolutely got says to have boundaries. In fact, he
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: basically God stands on this. From what I understand from
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: scripture is you try everything you can. You try to
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: ignore them, you try to turn the other cheek, you
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: try to stay away from them. You know, the first
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: boundary is always removing yourself.
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: Right and not engaging.
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: And what I will say, and I can't say details
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: of my situation for many reasons, and I will not
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: say details in my situation, but what I will say is.
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: That we've tried that.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: That we have spent a long time removing ourselves and
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: not paying attention.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: To so when that doesn't wurk, and so then we.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: Have to go one step farther and say okay when
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: that doesn't work, when in fact it makes them more mad. Yeah,
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: it makes them more mad that you don't respond to
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: antagonization or false allegations or whatever, right like we don't
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: or whatever type of abuse somebody is throwing at you,
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: because that tends to be the type of abuse and
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: relationships that people experience. What do you do well, God
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: says you stand. And in fact, he said you put
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: on the full armor of God, which means you're armed
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: with your forgiveness.
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: You're thinking in the spirit.
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: You know, you're not going to stoop to their level.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: You are not going to get revenge. You are not
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: going to treat them like you treat they treated you.
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: But you won't back down either. You're going to put
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: on that full arm of God and you're going to stand,
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: and you're going to say no. And and in fact, the
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: scripture that says you go out and you tell them
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: you're boundary. Yeah, you confront them and you say, enough's enough.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: This is the line in the sand, this is the boundary.
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: If it keeps up, we're going to let the law
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: or the court system or whatever it is then take
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: over for your right.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: And you're firm, and your firm you're not.
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: Mean no, no, if you.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: Don't kind, you don't use aggression.
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: No, absolutely not.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: You just state it firmly.
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: You state it firmly, and then you hold I mean,
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: you draw the line, and you toe the line, and
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: you absolutely do not take it anymore.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, pass to and you stand by what you say.
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, And then you let natural consequences play out,
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: because let me tell you people, Okay, I was married
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: tun Abezer for a really, really long time. I hate
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: to give him that label. He's not here anymore. But
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: the man put me through hell.
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: I mean, as you were there, you saw it firsthand
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: with your own two eyes.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: I was scared of him too.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I went through an absolute living hell. And the
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: one thing that I didn't do in that situation was
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: truly stand my ground because I was too scared.
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, if I stay in my ground, I'll get demolished.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: Well, and there's probably some you know, some battered woman
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: syndrome there going.
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: On, the big trauma body.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: And you didn't have I mean, just like I told
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: you this morning, you know about your current situation. Then
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: you didn't have what you have now, which was is
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: your faith.
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I didn't have my faith.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: Your attachment security yep, and your husband and those are
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: three things that make you you.
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: Know, because you know we talked about this, but this
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: was a complete re traumatization of me. This it's like
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: if you break your arm twice in the same place,
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: and I did, you know, I did a lot of
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: digging into the science this last month of like re
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: traumatization and like what it does to the brain. And
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: I started to get a little discouraged because a lot
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: of my trauma symptoms came back up, my physical trauma
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: symptoms like my burning skin, like hard time controlling my
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: body temperature, just just real signs that my autonomic nervous
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: system was acting dysfunctional.
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: Because I was in fight or flight.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: But what I have to remember is that God gave
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: us that system to help us survive, but it's not
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: meant to be a place that we stay, and with trauma,
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: you can get stuck there. And I was able to
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: overcome it once, and so I'm confident that I'm going
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: to overcome it again. It's just too soon to see
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: the fruits of that labor, right because it's so new.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a big shift that I had that I
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: that I hadn't always had. Right when it came to
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: the ailments that would come up in my body when
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: I was dealing with trauma, I always thought, oh, gosh,
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: I'm dying. I've got cancer, autoimmune. But then I started
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: to change my perspective on it and said, no, no, no, no, wait,
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: this is my body trying to protect me.
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: And the moment that I had that perspective shift and
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: started respecting and honoring what my body was trying to
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: show me, yep, it got easier to get out of it. Yeah,
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: I didn't get stuck in it.
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: And so this time around, like I've never really experienced
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: a functional freeze state before. I was more of an
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: in and out of fighter flight yeah right, Yeah, I
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: definitely don't have great abilities to compartmentalize. I have some
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: avoidance side to me, but it's small, you know. And
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: this time I actually found myself a little bit in
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: functional freeze, and I let myself be there for a
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: little while. It's not a place you want to live
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: your life. It's not a place you want to stay.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: But I allowed myself because it was giving me rest
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: from the constant adrenaline and cortisol and norepinephrin and like
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: all the inflammation.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: And we want to do a whole episode I don't functional, yeah,
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: And maybe we'll do that, yes, later on.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: Because a lot of people live their entire life and
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: functional das DA's lived there pretty much all the time.
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: And so but I know now kind of how to
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: pull myself out when I need to And that was
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: totally the difference between me now and me last time.
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: I'm experiencing symptoms, but I have tools.
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: It's just that I got to a point where the
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: tools worked very very quickly, and that I didn't experience
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: a lot of symptoms anymore, or didn't experience a lot
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: of problems anymore.
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: And I had three blissful years no traumas, and then boom.
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: And it does make you lose faith in humanity a
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: little bit. But what you have to understand is that
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: there's a lot of evil in that. Oh yeah, so
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: much evil, and you can't always control it, but you
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: can't stand in faith against it. And I think the
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: mistake that I found myself making this time around was
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: allowing myself to really indulge a little bit too much
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: in like that bitterness. And I was like, nope, And
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: I mean I'd pull myself out a bit, but it
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: would come right back. I mean that's a demon Yeah,
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: it's demonic. I mean bitterness and anger, prolonged bitterness and
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: angers is demonic. I mean, that's not what God wants
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: for us. Anger is meant to be transient, to let
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: you know something's wrong.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think that you know, the difference is
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: just showing your self grace in that right, like not,
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: because there's no room for shame and feeling. So you
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: can't shame yourself when you're like, well, and I know
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: that you've told me a few times in this specific
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: situation that you've struggled with this too, where when you
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: do have those feelings of anger bitterness, like you're like,
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: why am I feeling this? Why am I feeling this?
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: But then you're able to bring yourself right back out
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: of it, right, So you have to show yourself grace
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: in those moments where you're like, Okay, I felt anger,
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: I felt some bitterness, but I know that that's not right.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: I know that's not the path that God wants for me,
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: what God is calling me to do, And then you're
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: able to pull yourself out.
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: Right, right.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: But I think the point I really want to make
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: in this episode is about the boundaries. Yeah, because I
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: did not in my you know, I would say the
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: trauma that was most significant in my life before this
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: particular situation was my ex husband, yeah, right, and then
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: the divorce, I mean the infidelities, the divorce, the court
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: battle that went on for a year and a half
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: and then his death right and it was just like,
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: oh my gosh, it was so much, it was so overwhelming,
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: and I didn't have those tools.
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: But this time around, I know you have to take
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: a hard stance. I will not make the same mistake
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: the last.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: Fear doesn't stand in your way, right because setting back
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: A big something that makes setting boundaries really really hard
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: for people is fear.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: It is It is one hundred percent fear. And here's
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: the thing. When you are in the right, when you
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: have God on your side, when you have the truth
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: on your side, when you have love on your side,
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: when your heart is pure, and the intention isn't for revenge.
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: If you're using boundaries as a punishment.
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: Or a revenge, you're in the right behavior.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's not what it's there for. The boundary when all,
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: when you've done it all, you stand.
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: That's what God says.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: It's because you've tried everything else, You've tried to be loving,
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: you've tried to turn away, you've tried to do everything,
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: and they won't quit. And God doesn't say, hey, you
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: know what, you get to be everybody's punching bag in
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: this world because they have pain right right now, Jesus
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: was the punching bag for everybody, and he took that.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: He said, I'm going to be the punching bag of
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: the world, So you don't have to be the punching
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: bag of the world right now. That doesn't mean that
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: we'll never suffer or that people won't hurt us. But
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: what it does mean is that we know how to
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: deal with our suffering if we look to him and
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: we we set boundaries, and we set them out of
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: love and self protection, because sometimes boundaries are very loving
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: for the other person, sure, because it prevents being enabled.
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: And when you don't set a boundary and you enable
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: someone's bad behavior over and over again, that's not loving
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: towards them. That's not teaching them correction or giving them consequences,
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: right because we learn from consequences. So if we don't
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: allow consequences to play out because we're scared, we're being enablers.
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: Love is not indulging in people's bad behavior.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: And I feel like when I was coaching, that was
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: a big thing that was that I would try to,
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: you know, pound home. It's like, no, when you say
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: these boundaries, you not only do yourself a service by
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: doing it, you're actually doing your partner a service by
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: by setting it as well. Yeah, and you know, seeing
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: as many messages as I see, you know, on your
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: social come through and one in particular actually that came
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: through yesterday, somebody was asking, well, you know, she was
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: asking what she should do with her partner, and you know,
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: we talked a little bit about boundaries, and she was
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: she really couldn't get it. She was like, but yeah,
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: how but how how do I set it? And you know,
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: of course I'm like, well you need to you know,
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: make an appointment talk to doctor Hensley, yeah, or in mestagram. Yeah,
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: it's it's too hard. You got to go deeper than that.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: But how do you you know, like I mean concrete,
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: step by step ways, Like I know that's what the
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: people really want to know, Like how do you set
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: those boundaries?
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: So a boundary is not you know, if I don't
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: get what I want, I'm going to punish you. It's
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: if you do this thing that hurts me, I'm gonna
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: have to draw a line in the sand somehow, right,
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: And I'm either I'm going to do this thing if
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: you do X, I do why right?
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: And it's like you're free to do X, I can't.
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: I'm not trying to control you by saying you can't
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: do X. If you do X, I do why right?
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: Which is the ultimate boundary inside of a relationship is
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: leaving that relationship.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I was going to say, like real
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: life example.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know a very common boundary that I talk
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: to my clients about when they have a dismissive avoidant
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: partner who just refuses to participate in conflict resolution. I mean,
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: they just their nervous systems get so overwhelmed. They bow out,
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: they shut down, they ice them out, and it's torture
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: for the other partner, it's absolute torture. But then the
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: DA I mean, they don't want to lose connection forever,
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: so we'll come back around and try to act like
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: everything's fine.
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like a joke, right, And you have to say, hey.
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: I would love to reconnect with you, but I have
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: to remind you that there's still something unsettled between us,
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: and until we have that coregulation and until we settle
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: this and we move forward together as a couple, I'm
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: going to have to pull back and focus on myself.
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: Here's the deal.
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: Because both people are responsible for self regulation.
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: Of their own nervous system.
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: But if you're in a relationship, you're also responsible for coregulation,
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: meaning you have to have an obligation to sue your
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: partner's nervous system, even if you are the one that
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: made them upset in the first place.
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: Yep, right.
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: And so if someone like the DA is refusing coregulation,
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: they're saying, no, I can self regulate, I can check out,
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: but you are forced to do that too, and then
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: you need to come back and pretend like it didn't happen.
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: That's not okay. So you're going to have to set
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: the rules of engagement. I would love to re engage
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: with you, but not until this is settled, right, And
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: so then you have to pull back. Go to that
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: yoga class instead of pack in their lunch, you know,
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: take that walk, instead of doing their laundry, Go to
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: see your therapists.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: And write things out. And this is what I would
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: tell some clients when they were like, well, I don't
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: know what to say, you know, I don't know what
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: to do. And I would give them some guidance, but
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: I would tell them, you know, what would feel good
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: to you if you could have the perfect scenario, what
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: would that feel and look like, write that down and
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: then when the opportunity presents itself, that's what you say.
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And sometimes you have to just say sometimes, and
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: preferably it can be said like, here's what I would
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: love to see in this relationship.
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: This is actually what I need in this relationship. I'm
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: not really willing to go without it. Yeah right, Yeah.
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: But if they're like, well, I'm not going to do that,
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: they're very clearly communicating to you that they are unwilling
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: or unable to meet your needs. So you should be
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: then setting the ultimate boundary of leaving the relationship, right,
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: because if you're just a boundaryless dormat the other person
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: is the dictator in the relationship.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that doesn't work. It doesn't work.
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: No, It's such an imbalance of power that creates so
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: much resentment and so much hurt.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: And I think specifically with the girl that was reaching
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: out yesterday asking which you know is this leads into
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: a segue about the brain and what happens with the brain.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: But it's like I think she was in It was
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: obvious just through you know, dialogue, not even hearing her voice,
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: how much pain she was in. And so I think
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: that we're when we're in so much emotional pain and
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: we're living there for this period of time because she's
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: I mean they'd been divorced for two years and she
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: was still trying to get him back.
• 18:39
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: If I could speak to her directly right now, I
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: would say, you need to move on time.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's time.
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: It's your attachment wounds that are tricking you into believing
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: that the pain of detachment is too much for you
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: to bear right and that better to have some measly
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: connection with someone who may be breadcombing you or well.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: And that's what he was doing, because she would initiate
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: text here and there saying, you know, like I miss
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: our family, you know, they have children together. I'm like,
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: first step, stop stop initiating the text with that, because
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: of course he's breadcrumbing you after that, because that's what
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: dismissive avoidance do. They'll give you just enough to appease,
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: to appease the situation so that satisfies their nervous system
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: and they don't realize the damage that they're doing to you, right,
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: which is making you hold on.
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: Right because dismissive avoidance are not good at stating hard boundaries.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: They're good at behaving with hard boundaries, like not speaking
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: to you if they don't want to speak to you, right,
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: which is often because they lose their capacity to engage.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: But sometimes I mean the dismissive avoidance. They know what
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: they're doing with the bread crumbs sometimes, yeah, because it
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: gives them just enough validation to like keep going and
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: to feel important. But it doesn't mean that they then
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: have to meet someone's needs and actually commit and all
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: of that.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: And that's definitely what was happening in this situation with her.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: But I think that she'd been stuck for so long
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: and this you know, this two year span of just
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: being in so much emotional pain that I mean, she
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: was asking really basic questions like you know, I was like,
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: you need to work on, you know, achieving your attachment security.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: What does that mean? What do you mean set boundaries?
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: What does that mean?
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: And it's like there's no conscious mind there at all,
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: And it's and and it fascinates me at the same
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: time frustrates me. Not gonna lie, I'm like, ah, I just.
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: Want to like shake these people, you know.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: But you know where I'm curious and I know other
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: people are curious, Like when you live in that emotional
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: pain for so long and someone has hurt you over
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: and over and over again, you know what happens? What
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: happens to the brain?
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, let me tell you. Yeah, let me tell you.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: This is the best part. This is always fascinating.
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: So the brain when you've had relational trauma.
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: Which there's degrees of severity of.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: Relational trauma, right, I mean maybe you went through a
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: breakup that's not necessarily traumatizing. Domestic violence traumatizing, right, abuse traumatizing,
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: and fidelity traumatizing. Neglect is of neglect traumatizing. So what
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: happens to the brain with trauma, Well, a number of things.
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: First of all, we see decreases in the hippocampus matter,
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: the matter the brain matter around the hippo campus or
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: that makes up the hippo campus, I should say, the
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: hippo campus kind of shrinks, and that's our memory center.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: And we especially see issues with working memory. So a
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: large symptom, a big, very prominent and common symptom of
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: complex post traumatic stress is brain fog and working memory issues.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: I mean, I can't remember Jack nothing right now. That's
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: why I'm like, ran, what they have post it notes everywhere.
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: I'm in brain fog. The second thing that happens is
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: we may.
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: Have some reduced activity in the prefrontal cortex and overactivity
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: of the limbic system. So the prefrontal cortex is right here,
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: it's your smart brain to your executive control. It's your
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: rational thought, your self control, your planning, action to consequence.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: Like it's your smart human brain.
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: The limbic system is the emotional brain. It's more it's
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: a little bit more primitive. And we see an enlargement
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: of the structure in the limbic system called the amygdala,
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: which is your threat center, and it's responsible for feelings
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: of fear and feelings of anger and detecting threats. So
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: you become very much more hypervigilant, you become much more
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: easily emotionally reactive, You have a lot more anxiety. So
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: traumatization actually changes our brain. Yeah, and you know, my
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: daughter's dad passed away four years ago and she has.
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: ADHD sort of as a result of that trauma. I
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: think the way her therapist.
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: Has always described it as like, this isn't real AHD.
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: This is the brain fog and the working memory issues
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: from the traumatic events, right, and so you know, bless
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: her heart, she's done so amazing. She has the most
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: amazing therapist. Shout out to Abbie Jones. Follow her on TikTok.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: She's fantastic. Abby Jones psychologist is my daughter's psychologist. And
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: I got my daughter an ADHD life coach and listen.
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: My daughter has thrived. Oh gold. She's an amazing.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: Humane and she's just she's matured so much, so much
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: emotionally over the past three years.
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: Oh for sure.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: I mean she's an excellent, you know student, she's on
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: the basketball team, she's super involved in her church youth group,
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: very faithful, you know, sweet, sweet, loving kind, and she
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: is just a true testament of someone that can overcome
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: trauma at a young age, at a young age. But I, God,
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: are the right resource.
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I mean.
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: I made it go mom.
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: I pulled.
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: I pulled everything I could think of for supports for
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: my children after their dad died. I went in every
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: direction possible. And that's why I wanted to fix myself
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: so much, because I wanted to be able to be
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: the attachment.
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: Parent that they needed me to be.
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I needed to be okay so I could help
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: them be okay.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: And attract someone who could be who could step into
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: that father role.
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: What you did jackpot with that?
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah you did hit the jackpot with that too.
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: And I think that that's what was so hard about
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: this situation is that everybody that was impacted by this
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: situation did not at all deserve it. No, like didn't
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: not one iota deserved.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: And don't worry, guys, when it's all over, we'll tell
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: you all what it is.
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: Maybe maybe we'll see about that, maybe not anytime soon,
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: but maybe this make people in trees. They're gonna be
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: like after it's like, yeah, you're not gonna know, You're
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: not gonna know. I promise I'm not dumb and I'm
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: and I'm also not here to throw people under the bus, right,
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: I'm not gonna do that.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: No, no, it's not your style. But it's not your style.
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: No, No, I know.
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: It's funny like the the courts like you can't post
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: about this on social media.
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: I'm like, who would post about that? Like, Okay, I
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: get I'm not going to post about this on social media.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: No people do people do that all the time. It's
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: really it's honestly one of my pet Peeves.
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: I'm like, nobody wants to hear your dirty launch, Trea. Well,
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: it makes you look terrible, it does.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: It makes you look worse and as as big of
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: a crisis that it may be for you, it's like
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: you said, it's not for anybody else.
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: It's not anybody else's crisis. And people are just chopping.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: Popcorn right, They're like, oh, what's oh, oh, she's in pain,
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: like people love to thrive on other people's pace.
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: Yes, and just have some class, yeah, you know, just
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: have some class. There's two sides to every story. Now
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: in this situation, I don't like there's a clear right
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: side and a.
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: Clear wrong side.
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: But at the same time, that's not again, that's not
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: what setting boundaries looks like.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and don't use social media as your personal journal,
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: just no, don't geez.
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: Like I said, if you have had things happen to
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: you that you can use to help heal other.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: Right as a platform like as you do, it's different.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: Right to say, hey, this is how I overcame this,
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: and you can overcome it too, And you're not alone
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: if you've experienced this.
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: We need people. That's what God has called me to do.
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: That's entirely my mission, So you know, to not talk
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: about what to do when people hurt you would not
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: be feeling like I was using this suffering for good,
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: because God doesn't waste st our suffering. But am I
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: going to get specific names, details, people, situations. No, absolutely not.
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: That is not right.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: But what I will say is what am I learning
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: from it and what is it in this time around?
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: What I'm learning is I will be so rock solid
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: on my boundaries that you will not be able to
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: move me. Try to move me, try, just try to
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: push past this boundary. Just try to walk past this
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: line in the sand.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: Taking your heels in and tacking them deep.
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: Deep, like I am immovable, immobile right now. You will
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: not cross this line in the sand ever again. And
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: if you do, I'm going to hit back ten times
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: harder then you hit me. Not because I'm trying to
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: punish you, but because if I have to hit back
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: ten times harder to protect myself.
• 27:46
  Speaker 3: From being bulldozed, I'm going to do that.
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: My job is to protect myself, my family, my brand,
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: my integrity, my reputation that I've worked so hard to build,
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: you know, and that was built out of suffering, right,
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: it's built out of tragedy, and I suffered, and I
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: had tragedy and I had trauma and it almost killed
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: me and broke me. But then God brought me back.
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: And so I would not be a godly person if
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: I aired out all the details of this drama. But
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: what I will do, and what God pushes me and
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: calls me to do, is to say, hey, listen, be kind.
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but take no shit.
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right, take none of it. You are nobody's
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: punching bag.
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: Well, and again, you know, if you I think that
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: other than God's love, like the ultimate love is self love.
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah and yeah, And I mean in doing what you're describing,
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: it's it's essentially like you're saying, no, I love myself enough,
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: and I know that God wants me to love myself
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: this much that I'll set this this firm line and
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: the same and you're not allowed to cross it because
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: that's how much I honor myself. That's how much I
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: respect myself, and that's how much I love myself, which
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: is what people should do in their romantic relationship.
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: And here's the thing.
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: God says, love your enemy as yourself. If you don't
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: love yourself, how are you loving your neighbor?
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: You can't.
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, if you don't love yourself, you can't give love
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: to others. And so I think, I personally think what
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: God is saying is like, hey, we're all connected, we
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: all come from everybody comes from me, everybody comes from
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: the source of love. And you have to see your
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: neighbor as yourself. So again, indulging in someone's pathologies is
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: not love. No, it's saying what you are doing is
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: hurtful and it's wrong, and you really need to think
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: about your behavior. You need to reflect on what you're
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: doing here. You need to see some consequences of that.
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: Because Jesus was loving and kind, but he was hard
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: on sin. He ate with the sinners. He he administered
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: to the sinners, but he never once said, yeah, you
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: know what you go aheading from on sinning, I love
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: you anyway. He said, I love you anyway, but I
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: need to be real clear that I'm this is not
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: acceptable to me, that this is detestable to me.
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: Well, that was his whole mission, similar to what you
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: were just saying, like, yeah, he may have eaten, slept with,
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: and stayed with the sinners, but it was so that
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: he could preach the word to this that's right, so
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: that they could essentially change right.
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: And I think about narcissistic relationships, and I think about
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: the narcissist, and I think about how they have no person,
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: they take no personal responsibility. It's always everybody else's fault,
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: their bad behavior. They are masters at taking their bad
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: behavior and making it your fault, right and so and
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: then one of the I think the most cruel narcissistic
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: abuse tactics is when someone and says, why can't you
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: just love me for me? Why can't you just love
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: me for who I am? When who you are is
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: hurtful and controlling and manipulative. That wouldn't be loving for
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: me to say, you know what, You're allowed to control me.
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: You're allowed to manipulate me. You're now allowed to abuse me.
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: You're allowed to talk, you know, trash about me, You're
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: allowed to do these things. That's indulgence. That's not love.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: No love is saying I love you so much that
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: I want you to have better for yourself. I want
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: you to realize that if you stay down this path,
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: it's not going to go well for you. And even
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: if I can't teach you that lesson. What I'm going
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: to teach you through my boundary is you're not going
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: to get away with it.
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I'm so glad you're getting to clarify this, and
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: I just hope so many people on your social media
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: accounts listen to this, because lots of your followers sometimes
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: or maybe they're new followers and they haven't watched a
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: lot of your content, they skew this right. They feel
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: like you're excusing the behavior. People who even if it
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: is just attachment insecurities and it's not MPD, right, like
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: narcissistic personality disorder. We want to be clear like, you're
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: never excusing those behaviors. No, you're just trying to bring
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: light to the behavior so that people can maybe sit
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: back and be like, oh wow, you know I can
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: relate and identify with some of these behaviors and maybe
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: it's time that I start to change.
• 32:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's it. That's it.
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: People, She's not to say listen to me. Yeah, she's
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: not saying it's okay.
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: No, it's not okay. That's why I'm saying, yeah, take no.
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: You know what, like wine in the sand, firm boundary,
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: toe it and do not budge because love is not
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: indulgence of people's bad behavior. And love is not severe
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: codependency and being a doormat. And I'm being allowed to
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: be abused. It's not loving to yourself and then enabling that.
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: It's not loving to your neighbor. So you are actually
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: you know, I love my mom. Mom, if you're listening,
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: I love you when I say this. Okay, I love
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: her too, But my mom is very codependent. And I've
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: told her this to her face, and I'm not talking
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: about it like she knows how I feel about it.
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: She feels like, well, God's love means taking all any
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: and all of what anybody gives you and just allowing it.
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: And it's like, no, that's not how that works, right, Yeah,
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: we just aren't. We aren't the world's punching bag. Jesus
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: was the world's punching bag for us. And and he
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: died and he suffered and he you know, and he died.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: But yeah, he had to die for it.
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: He had to die for it, right, and he but
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: the thing of it, he was willing to do that
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: so that we could be free.
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: And so then when people say.
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: Oh, you you know, you excuse by forgiving people you're
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: excusing their behavior.
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: No, you're not.
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: But you know what bitterness does? Who does bitterness hurt?
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: Does bitterness hurt the person that hurt you? They don't know,
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: They don't even know how you're feeling on the inside.
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: Does bitterness room in your adrenal glands and pump out
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: cortisol and make you feel terrible and cause you to
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: engage in destructive behaviors and keep you in emotional pain?
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: Yes? Yeah, forgiveness is for you, that's right, right, And
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: it's because what God called us to do. But God
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: called us to do it.
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: Not just because it's kind to the other person, but
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: mostly because it's kind to ourselves.
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: It releases us from the.
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: Demonic anger that keeps you stuck, keeps you stuck, and
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: it hurts your body. You know, it brings you anxiety,
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: brings you depression, It you know, activates your nervous system into.
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: A hard response.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: It hurts everyone around you. You know.
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: It doesn't do any good. No, it does no good
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: to be bitter. And like I said, if your boundaries
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: are out of bitterness, then they're punishments. Yeah, we're not
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: talking about punishments. We're talking about boundaries and consequences. That
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: come from people's behavior.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: And I think that you know, as we wrap up
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: this part two, to summarize, the two best things you
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: can do when someone hurts you and it's out of
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: your control is one rely on your faith and forgive
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: and forgive and to take no ship, take no ship.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: Set those firm boundaries and stand and stand strong and listen.
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: If you don't know how to do that, I'll help you. Yeah,
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: doctor Hensley will help you my website. Yeah, I go
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: to her website.
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: Will help you construct the boundaries unique to your situation
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: because there are different levels. Absolutely, yeah right, we're not
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: necessarily pulling out the nuke.
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah at the first time.
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, something happens, it's it's progress. You know, there's progression
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: with boundaries. But I can help people set you know,
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: first level boundaries, second level boundaries before we get to
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: that option of leaving the right.
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: And I know just because I've seen it watching you practice,
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: but I mean she actually gives concrete, tangible ways to
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: do it within her what you need to say, step
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: by step right down, this is what you say, this
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: is what you do, which again, your results speak for themselves.
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: So if you need help with this again, if you're
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: enjoying this content, please continue to watch, listen, share, subscribe.
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: We are sending all the love to you, guys. We
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: are so appreciaive that we get to do this and
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: share this knowledge. We have so much more to come,
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: and please continue to tune in and until next time, peace,
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: love and perspective