Latest / The Nadia Chapman Show / You Don’t Actually Know What You Want. That’s Why You’re on Autopilot.

Transcript

You Don’t Actually Know What You Want. That’s Why You’re on Autopilot. · The Nadia Chapman Show

• 0:02
  Hey everyone, welcome back to the Nadia Chapman Show.
• 0:06
  Okay, I need to start this one with a little confession.
• 0:11
  This episode was born out of so many conversations I've had lately with friends
• 0:18
  of mine, skaters, parents,
• 0:21
  high achievers that I've worked with recently, anybody trying to figure out their next chapter.
• 0:27
  Every single time I ask the same question, which is, what do you want?
• 0:33
  The room gets quiet.
• 0:36
  And that is, in my book, a problem. So I decided to do a podcast about that.
• 0:42
  What is it that you want anyway?
• 0:45
  And why do you want it? When I ask, what do you want to someone?
• 0:52
  Sometimes the person will look at me like I just ask them to solve a math equation.
• 0:57
  Others say something vague like, oh, I just want to be happy.
• 1:02
  And while that's all very cute and beautiful, it's not specific enough.
• 1:07
  It's not a compass because if you don't know where you're going,
• 1:11
  you can't possibly get there, right? It's like driving a car.
• 1:16
  And today's episode is all about that. I want to make this about clarity,
• 1:20
  about reconnecting with what you truly want, helping you find,
• 1:25
  first of all, what you want and why.
• 1:28
  Your why is the fuel. It's what keeps you going, even when your motivation runs out.
• 1:34
  So this episode is not about hustling and pushing harder. It's just about aligning.
• 1:39
  It's about remembering who you are and what you really want in this life.
• 1:44
  I'm going to start with this hard truth. and that is that most people and maybe
• 1:49
  you don't know what they want.
• 1:52
  Let's be honest for a second. Most people don't actually know what they want.
• 1:57
  I remember when I started this whole coaching career thing and they were like, but what do you want?
• 2:02
  And you know, you're being asked like, what do I want? You're like,
• 2:04
  oh shit, what do I want anyway?
• 2:06
  You're like, they don't know. People in general don't know what they want.
• 2:11
  I too, at some point in my life did not know what I wanted. They know that they're
• 2:17
  tired. They know what they don't want.
• 2:19
  They know they're burnt out. They know they're overwhelmed.
• 2:22
  They're unfulfilled. But when you ask somebody, okay, what do you want instead?
• 2:28
  People freeze. And maybe right now you're freezing because I'm engaging in this conversation.
• 2:33
  Because we live in a world that's constantly telling us what we should do,
• 2:38
  but also what we should want, like a bigger house and the perfect body and the
• 2:43
  busier schedule and the business.
• 2:45
  So we get so used to chasing what looks right that we forget to listen to what's
• 2:52
  feeling right. And what's feeling right for me is going to be different from
• 2:56
  what's feeling right for you. Right?
• 2:59
  So we get caught up in every other people's definition of success and happiness.
• 3:05
  Our parents and society and coaches and social media, you name it.
• 3:10
  And little by little, we kind of lose our own voice and all that noise.
• 3:15
  And then one day, we wake up and realize we're climbing a ladder that's leaning on the wrong wall.
• 3:22
  That's not my ladder. Where's that going?
• 3:25
  So I want your what, what you want to be a compass.
• 3:30
  Here's what I've learned as a mindset coach for all these years. Clarity is power.
• 3:35
  Knowing what you want gives you direction to everything else in your life. It's like your GPS.
• 3:41
  You can have the nicest car in town and the best mindset tool and all the motivation in the world.
• 3:47
  But if you haven't typed in your destination, you're just driving in circles.
• 3:53
  Where are you going? When you don't know what you want, you default to reacting instead of creating.
• 3:59
  And you wake up and go through motions. I do that too at times.
• 4:03
  Check your phone, handle what's, you know, what needs to be done and what's
• 4:07
  in front of you. But you're not steering your life. You're kind of drifting.
• 4:11
  And there's people, they live their whole life drifting. That's my biggest nightmare.
• 4:16
  And here's the scary part.
• 4:18
  You can live decades like that. And I see it all the time. It's terrifying.
• 4:25
  You're busy, you're productive, successful even, but you're not fulfilled.
• 4:33
  Fulfillment doesn't come from doing more. It comes from doing what matters to you.
• 4:38
  So why do we freeze or why do we avoid the question.
• 4:42
  Why is it so hard to answer?
• 4:45
  What do you want out of life?
• 4:47
  Tell me exactly what you want to do next. Why do we avoid this?
• 4:53
  Why is it so hard to answer this?
• 4:56
  Because, let me tell you right now, it forces honesty.
• 5:00
  And it forces you to look at the gap between where you're now to where you want
• 5:05
  to be. And that's a little bit uncomfortable.
• 5:08
  When you get clear on what you want, you can't hide behind distractions anymore.
• 5:13
  You can't blame luck or you can't blame timing because now you've drawn the map.
• 5:18
  And if you're not moving forward, it's on you.
• 5:23
  Right? And that's kind of confronting, but it's also very liberating.
• 5:30
  I'm going to bring up Bob Proctor again, because one thing he said was,
• 5:35
  most people wander through life acting as if they're going to live forever,
• 5:40
  but clarity creates urgency.
• 5:43
  And boy, was he right. When you know what you want, what you really want,
• 5:51
  and you really know it, life gets way sharper.
• 5:55
  And you start noticing opportunities that will align with that.
• 5:59
  You stop wasting your energy on things that don't align with it.
• 6:02
  That's the beauty of clarity. It's like turning the light in that dark room.
• 6:08
  Okay? Now, once you know what you want, you need to know why you want it.
• 6:15
  The power of the why. Here's where most people go wrong.
• 6:20
  They make a list. So they make a list of what they want. I want more money. I want confidence.
• 6:26
  I want better relationships. But they never connect it to the why.
• 6:31
  And without that why, the what has no soul. I should say less soul.
• 6:38
  Your why is that emotional anchor behind your goals.
• 6:42
  And that's what gets you out of bed. that's what
• 6:45
  gets you to push when it's hard and it keeps you
• 6:48
  moving even when your doubt creeps in if
• 6:51
  your goal doesn't move you emotionally let's
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  say it won't move you into action okay like
• 6:58
  for instance if a skater says i want to land a double axle okay great but why
• 7:05
  is it because you want to feel proud because you want to prove to yourself that
• 7:10
  you can do hard things because you love the feeling of flying in the air and conquering fear.
• 7:16
  That why will turn your goal into a mission. And that's the difference between trying and becoming.
• 7:23
  Have you ever heard that reasons come first and results come second?
• 7:28
  Your reasons are your rocket fuel. So how do you actually figure out what you want?
• 7:35
  Simple question, but quite hard to answer.
• 7:38
  You slow down.
• 7:41
  Yes, you get quiet and you meditate.
• 7:45
  You reflect. You ask the hard questions. We live in a world that is constantly overly stimulating us.
• 7:54
  You can't find your answer in the noise. You find your answers in stillness.
• 8:01
  So ask yourself, What do I want my days to feel like? Who do I want to be five years from now?
• 8:08
  What would make me feel so fulfilled, not just successful?
• 8:12
  And here's a powerful one for you.
• 8:15
  If no one judged me, what would I choose? Because sometimes we know what we want.
• 8:20
  We're just kind of afraid to say it out loud, right? You have to give yourself permission.
• 8:25
  You get to give yourself permission to want what you want, even if it doesn't
• 8:30
  make sense to people around you.
• 8:31
  You've got to give yourself permission to want what you want,
• 8:35
  even if it's messy and uncertain.
• 8:38
  That's your soul talking to you. And it's been trying to get your attention
• 8:42
  probably for a while now, because once you know your compass,
• 8:46
  decisions get way easier and the shoulds fall away.
• 8:52
  So you stop saying yes out of guilt and you learn to say no and you start saying
• 8:57
  yes out of alignment and then I don't know, you just start setting boundaries.
• 9:02
  So here's my challenge to you this week. I want you to take 10 minutes every
• 9:07
  day and sit with this question.
• 9:09
  What do I really want? Not what your friends want, not what your parents want,
• 9:15
  not what your boss wants, not what your boyfriend or girlfriend wants. What do I really want?
• 9:21
  And I want you to write whatever comes up. So no filters, no editing.
• 9:27
  Just ask yourself, why do I want that?
• 9:30
  And do it over and over until your answer hits you in the gut.
• 9:36
  You'll know when it's real because it will make you a little bit emotional.
• 9:41
  And that is your truth. That's your direction. That is your roadmap.
• 9:47
  And from there, your job isn't to have it all figured out.
• 9:51
  It's just to start walking towards it. You don't need a five-year plan.
• 9:55
  You just need clarity for your next step.
• 9:58
  Here's the thing. Clarity doesn't come from thinking harder.
• 10:02
  It comes from listening deeper. and the moment that you decide to get clear
• 10:06
  on what you want and why you want it, your life starts moving differently.
• 10:12
  The right people show up, the right opportunities unfold, and then suddenly
• 10:16
  things start to click. Not because you forced them, but because you finally
• 10:20
  knew what you were aiming for.
• 10:23
  So stop living on autopilot. All right. Stop saying, I don't know.
• 10:28
  I don't know. you do know.
• 10:30
  You've been too distracted to hear it. So get still and ask again,
• 10:35
  what do I want? And why do I want it? This is coaching 101, guys.
• 10:41
  And then start moving into that direction.
• 10:44
  One bold, aligned step at the time. You don't need a map of your whole life or your whole journey.
• 10:49
  You just need the courage to take that first step towards what's true to you.
• 10:53
  Because when you get clear what you want.
• 10:55
  Life stopped kind of feeling chaotic and you start feeling like you're living on purpose.
• 11:02
  If this episode hit home, please download, share, share with someone who needs clarity.
• 11:09
  And if you're ready to go deeper into discovering your what and your why,
• 11:15
  you can join me for a private coaching session.
• 11:17
  I'd love to help you create your personal roadmap.
• 11:20
  Until next time, Remember, clarity is the beginning of freedom.