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Monday Mini: The Work Spouse · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Anna and Samantha and welcome to stuff
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: One Never told you production of iHeartRadio.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: And and you I have a question for you. We
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: haven't done this in a while, but have you ever
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: had a work spouse or would you ever say that
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: you actually had a work spouse at any point in
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: time that you called them this. I don't think I've
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: ever called anyone that.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: I would say, given the job we do and how
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: it kind of works, I've never called you that, but
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: I would say you Lauren from Safer and before that,
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: Kristen from stuff one never told you the previous Pounder
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: notes like and it's kind of like your whole days
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: spent somewhat in involved in what they're doing, and you're
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: working together. Then I would say those those three.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, oh, you can't have two work spouses any That's
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: not how this works. It's not no, like, this is
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: not a.
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: Thing my hands, isn't that it's so funny like according
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: to and we're gonna talk about some of the reasons
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: why you don't want to have it, this is one
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: of those reasons.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: Jealousy within the workplace, because I used to make jokes
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: about this and uh, in my job as a bartender
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: slash h brewer and work in the breweries. I had
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: a dude who he and I were always paired together
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: because we had the same schedule. So I had two
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: people that I worked with specifically, and they're both dudes,
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: and one of them we were just laughing about the
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: fact that we only see each other and this is
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: so weird whatever, and he's like, oh, no, are you
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: my work wife, Like he said that way incredulously, and
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: I was like what, And then the whld joke was
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: that he was my work husband slash the dude the
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: other dude that I was working with with my boyfriend
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: my side piece, is how we joked about it, just
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: because he wasn't around as much as this one. But
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: like the one who said it, the original work spouse
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: was like married, happily with children and all these things,
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: like all all those things, and I never really thought
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: of it outside of we see each other at work
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: and we talk about work. End of story, Like we
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: don't really talk about personal life. We talk about our
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: other job because that was a part time job. His
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: job was difficult, my job was difficult, So we would
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: talk about that, but never anything else. So it wasn't
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: ever a thing outside of that, so it was very
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: innocent to me. And apparently like in my other job,
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: as when I worked as a social worker, I made
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: really good friends with this one dude that I thought
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: nothing about. But according to who is now another good
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: friend of mine from that workplace was like, you stole
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: him from me, and I was like what, Just like, yeah,
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: we used to. One of the things we would do
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: is go around and check up on our kids and
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: make school visits and house visits and make sure that
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: everything was going okay, and he and I would partner
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: up and do this every time. Part of the reason
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: is like he is a six foot seven dude, very big,
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: and I was like, you know, it's kind of nice
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: having this when I'm going to see kids who are
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: on the juvenile list and that I are all bigger
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: than me, So like this was not a bad thing,
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: but I didn't think anything about it. But I think
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: someone had told me at one point that his wife
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: at the time was not happy that I would be
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: in the car with him because we would drive together
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: to these places and he would either mention my name
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: or something like that. So I was like, oh, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: back and off real quick, back and off real quick.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: Because in my mind I hung out with married men,
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: which is not a great sentiment, but because they were safe,
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: I did not think of them as again, we've had
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: this conversation of any being available, so therefore we were fine.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: There would be no attachments, there would be no feelings
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: were good. That is my naivety of like, of course
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: he's married, why would he want to talk to me.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: This is silly. We are just friends like it. Just
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: it didn't make sense or co work coworkers because we
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: didn't hang out outside of work. We didn't talk or
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: text each other outside of work. That was not a thing.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: It was all in house. And of course he would
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: tell me a little bit about his wife, but never
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: his problems. It was more about like, oh, this are
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: some things that we're doing. We're building a house, we're
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: moving here, stuff like that. So in my head it
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: wasn't a big deal. Well, y'all, if you can't tell
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: what this Monday Mini is about, I think you've got
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: a hint. And we are talking about the work wife
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: work spouses now essentially, and we're going to cling to
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: that side of the story of like everything is not
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: what it seems. I guess because I've gotten so many tiktoks. Yes,
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: I know, I've talked about TikTok constantly for the past
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: six years, just getting have only bit on a fr
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: a couple of years. But anyway, and in the tech talks,
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: there's a whole about these stories of work wives gone wrong,
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: essentially a lot of cheating, a lot of infidelity, or
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: a lot of problems happening, which I'm not surprised, but
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: I didn't think that as in like I've called people
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: of work spouses where husbands being called the work wife
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: and never had any like ill intent. I will say
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: it that way. So to see it this way, it
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: feels dramatic, like it's a soap opera but apparently goes down,
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: Annie goes down. But of course, yes, I did go
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: down this rabbit hole. But before we talk about it,
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna talk about the brief history. And this is
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: according to the cut dot com and Wikipedia, So those
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: are the two sources I'm pulling from. So, according to
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: the cut dot Com. In a nineteen thirty three story
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: for The New York Times, the British journalist and British
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: liberal Party politician Philip wood Well Wilson attributed the term
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: office wife to Prime Minister William Ewart Gladstone, who parl
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: Wilson used it to describe the ideal relationship between a
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: prime minister and his secretary, and by secretary, Gladstone referred
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: not to the person in an office stereotypically a woman
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: who answers phones and completes other administrative tasks, but a
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: person stereotypically a man who serves as an advisor, ghostwriter,
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: schmoozer beneath a prominent politician, and by osmosis, absorbs some
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: of his political power. According to Gladstone, the relationship between
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: politician and secretary should mirror that of husband and wife,
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: except that both should be men. But still, I guess
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: office wife would be derogatory because he has less power
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: the office wife, but still wants to be a man,
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: right well, it goes on to say. The terms modern
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: connotations are most often attributed to the journalist David Owen,
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: who wrote a story called work marriage for the Atlantic
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: in nineteen eighty seven. Like Gladstone's before him, Owen's definition
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: of work marriage is allegedly platonic, but unlike Gladstone, as
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: far as I can tell anyway. According to the writer,
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: Owen explicitly explains that the appeal of a work wife
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: lies in her being very much like your quote home wife,
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: except she doesn't nag you. Your work wife would never
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: ask you why you don't just put your dishes right
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: into the dishwasher instead of leaving them in the sink.
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: She doesn't know you do it, he writes. Also, she
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: would never wedget your car between two others in the
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: parking lot at Bradley's, sign you up to be the
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: pie auction here at a church bazaar, or grab hold
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: of your stomach and ask what's this blubber? She knows
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: you only as you appear between nine and five, recently,
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: fully dressed, largely awake, and in control of your life.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: In other words, your work wife finds you sexy long
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: after the woman you married does. So you can already
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: kind of tell the problem here. So from the Wikipedia page,
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: it says work spouses is a phrase, mostly in American English,
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: referring to a co worker with whom one shares a
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: special relationship, having bonds similar to those of a marriage.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: Early references suggest that a work spouse may not just
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: be a coworker, but can also be someone in a
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: similar field who the individual works closely with from a
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: partnering company. A work spouse has been defined as a
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: special platonic friendship with a work colleague characterized by a
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: close emotional bond, high levels disclosure and support, and mutual trust, honesty, loyalty,
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: and respect. So again, all of these are supposed to
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: be platonic friendships, and yes, as you can tell, these
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: are more of the heteronormative ideas. In fact, the cut
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: article also notes that it does bring a layer of
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: hetero sexist ideas. Owen's work marriage and its larger cultural
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: adaptation is also exclusively exhaustingly heterosexist, close but platonic relationships
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: that can exist between coworkers of the opposite sex. The
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: woman coworker is a wife because that's the only way
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: her male superior can conceive of her presence in his
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: place of work, no matter her title. Her primary role
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: is to support him, and she has little to no
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: power in her own right. So obviously this kind of
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: goes hand in hand in that conversation we had about
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: weaponized incompetence, especially with sexism in the workplace. But Again,
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: that's not necessarily the focus here, which we should come
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: back to, because that's a whole different conversation that we
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: need to have and why that's not as qcy as
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: many of us think. But like this conversation in itself
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: about what it is and who it's belonging to and
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: who get is the title, and yeah, it does seem
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: that it's mainly about the work wives being a support
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: and that whole Owen's connentation of her seeing him as
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: sexy right after the many years of marriage with his wife,
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: even after that, which makes me cold, Like, who is
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: this dude? He can't know if he was married, He
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: wasn't married for long, right, There's no way he wrote
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: a whole damn article. Come on, yeah, like at this
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: point the wife was he never was married or he
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: just recently got divorced, was on the cuspod of divorce,
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: Like there's no way.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Well, I mean so much of this sounds
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: like what you hear when you hear about cheating anyway, right,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: is that you know the usually in what we hear,
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: the woman in very ahead and arm of contacts who
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: the man is cheating with. She is seeing the side
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: of him that is not the side that the wife
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: is getting.
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: Right, the disaster of him not being.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: Supportive, like wanting someone to essentially just be like, Wow,
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: you're amazing.
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: You're so smart, I love your ideas. Oh yeah, and
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: you know it's it's that question is this title problematic
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: in the first place? And should partners and spouses be
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: worried or jealous? And what does that look like? So
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: there are studies that show that having good relationships and
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: the workplace can be healthy, even for your personal relationship.
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: So in a article written by FastCompany dot com, which
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: we've talked about when it comes to corporate stuff, Interestingly,
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: when you have a strong relationship with colleagues, it tends
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: to spill over into your life with your real spouse.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: An intriguing study published and Applied Psychology found when you
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: have a great relationship with a friend at work, you'll
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: be more likely to build a strong, positive relationship with
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: your husband, wife, or partner. So that was interesting to me.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: I was like, really, okay, I mean I think like,
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: as long as you're open, I know for the most part, yes, Annie,
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: I would call you my work spouse as well, because
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: you're the only person I pretty much talk to in
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: our workspace. But in that we also talk about the
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: fact that you're pretty much in a relationship with myself
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: and my partner because you fulfill needs for both of
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: us that aren't given by the other. So like you
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: give the gaming nerdy conversations that he is dying for
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: all day. So when y'all talk about the last of us,
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: when you talk about games, when you talk about D
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: and D and I just sit at there, sit and
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: stare at you with blank faces like I don't know
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: what's happening, but congratulations. I don't mind that at all.
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: I love that he for you, like he will fulfill
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: the world, Like I don't know what's going on in
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: Star Wars, but he loves it it. Wants to go
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: with you to these things, and I love that y'all
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: have fun. Like I literally tried to send him away
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: with you to do the Haunted House. His schedule wouldn't
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: allow it because I didn't want to do it, but
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: I didn't want you to be by yourself. But I
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: ended up doing it, But like that was one of
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: my plans. But also with that, like you and I
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: are very close and we are very like personal. You
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: come over often, well not as much anymore. But you
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: did come over often and we would have Sunday Sunday
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: Sundays and we would have personal conversations about what's going on.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: I know about your family, you know about my family,
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: all these things, so like that's definitely an open book
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: as well as the fact that my partner knows about
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: everything pretty much we talk about like there's nothing that's
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: really that secretive and unless it's like a surprise gift
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: or something. And that's kind of how I think it's
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: a great relationship because it's open for all of us.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: Like I don't hide anything I talk to you about
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: to him or you know all that. Of course, I
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: don't tell you everything about me and my partner talk
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: about necessarily because that's a different relationship on that level.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: But like that's the same way with his coworkers. He
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: will come and tell me most of the things that
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: there's nothing really to like hide, even with the few
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: people that he talks to constantly because they have to
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: be online with each other to help each other work
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: from home. But there are those things that I'm like, Okay,
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: this seems healthy to me, and I think it brings
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: up better conversations the part of that is, like my
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: partner tells me a lot about work, and that's that's
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: a great conversation. That's kind of that common ground that
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: I know nothing about. But I can be supportive, right,
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: So that's different, Like I can see that as a thing.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: And again Fast Company does make the point that the
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: majority of people, or majority of the friends that people
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: make is through work. It's kind of that proximity and
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: all that. That's all you've got a lot of the times,
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: unless you are creating new adult hobbies, which is awesome,
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: and are actually active in getting out there, most likely
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: the only places that you're able to make friends is
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: through work. And yeah, I think with the closest first,
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: I bring out like two or three friends per workplace
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: I've discovered, Yeah, which is pretty good.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: I feel like I would say probably two thirds of
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: my friends I made through work that I am in
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: constant like contact, right, right, And it's true. I mean,
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: if you're spending your time with them, you have common
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: shared experiences because you have things you can complain about together. Right,
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: it makes sense.
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: You're right, we complain a lot too. But again, this
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: proximity thing can be dangerous, especially when it's crossing boundaries.
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: According to a Newsweek art call, many people don't think
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: this type of relationship is appropriate, so they say. According
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: to a poll conducted by Redfield and with Wilton Strategies
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: for Newsweek, U of US adults that is okay to
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: have a work spouse, but forty five percent said it
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: wasn't appropriate, and the study goes on saying that it
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: could be a generational thing. Feelings about work spouses are
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: sharply divided along generational lines. Members of Gen Z and
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: Baby Boomers, which to me this is a huge gap,
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: are most likely to approve of work spouse relationships. The
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: middle cohorts, millennials, and Generation X are more likely to disapprove,
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: which I found is interesting because technically, again I would
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: be gen ic slash millennials. I'm an exllennial whatever that is.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: I don't have a problem with it necessarily, This again
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: has an underlying aship not necessarily do you trust but
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: are they trustworthy? But the fact that it is like
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: gen Z and baby but was surprising to me. I
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: feel like those are two different reasons to why.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, my d jerk answer would be, I don't know,
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: maybe I'm totally wrong, but I feel like a lot
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: of this feels so like Boomer generation, right, which is,
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: you know, women coming into the workplace, She's still going
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: to be subordinate to me, but she's in here. And
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: then the woman at home, because that was the situation
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: at the time. Most of the time, the wife may
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: be wondering why he's.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: Still not home.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: I can't share that part of her life with him.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: I remember once this is such a weird story and
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: I still don't know what to make of it. But
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: one time my dad came home late and I kissed him.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: I was like eight, I was young. I kissed him
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: on the cheek and I had I was like wearing
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: lipstick and it made like a you know, a little
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: kind of lipstick on his cheek.
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: And he was like, oh great, now you're your mom's
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: gonna be mad. She's gonna think I'm having an affair.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: And you know, as a kid, I was like what what?
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so I would think it was it would be
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: much more they would think that.
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: But right, I don't I agree. I find that odd.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: I find this like a lot. Then who did they ask?
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: Just a bunch of men who was like hell, yeah, yeah,
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: boomers who were like yeah, absolutely, Like I just think
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: of like a Madman generation of which is like I
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: feel like that was the not the startup, but the
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: beginning of the stereotype of like the secretary of fair things.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I mean it is a big trope, and
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: that is true. It is a big trope.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: So I just wonder if I were like the men
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: of that generation was like, yeah, we loved having work wives.
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: You know what this is me? What does that mean?
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: Or maybe it's just like back into that conversation of
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: like having someone who is your subordinate do all your
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: work for you and you get to take credit and
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: its usually a woman, Like is it that too, which
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: is also a part of mad Men? Right, So again,
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: according to Lovepanky dot com, I didn't make you say that,
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: You're welcome. There are some pros and cons to having
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: work spouses, and I feel like that was on everything,
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: and there's even like how to like being like, you know,
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: they were great. But some of the pros would be
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: companionship at work. Obviously, it's nice to have a friend
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: there so it's not an awful day at work being
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: able to collaborate with someone, and then it boosts your
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: confidence when you have someone backing you like, I definitely
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: have really great friends who, like we both would come
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: through and have conversations with about ideas and especially if
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: you need validation of like am I crazy for thinking
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: this was like off or this way and they're like no, no, no,
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: this is this. So having that, But then of course
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: there's the cons There's jealousy from other coworkers, which I
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: dealt with and some that I was like, wow, and
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: then we would just joke like I'm I'm just nicer
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: than you, Just kidding, but no, like having people being
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: jealous of other people's bonds, competition from co workers, and
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: trying to be closer to different people. Maybe it's closer
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: to the boss who knows, and it can cause problems
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: with your actual spouse, which again that's that big question
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: of like who who is being hurt here? Again, there
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: are things that I've seen on TikTok are far more
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: dramatic and life changing than what we were talking about here,
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: especially with the connotations of the conversation, like kind of
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: joking to me, it's such a joke term that didn't
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: really think about what that implies. But yeah, probably not
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: the best to go home to someone and be like, yeah,
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: my work wife and just keep referencing them as a
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: work wife and then that they're too into the joke.
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: I feel like that's a big red flag, like they need
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: to stop. There's something odd going on. There was all
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: these warning signs of them people being too close to
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: their work sposses, workwives, where husbands like the fact that, uh,
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: if they never want you to meet them, that's a
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: huge red flag and I would think that too. Yeah,
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: of course we know when it comes to cheating, there
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: are so many other things that contribute to cheating, and
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: then there's a whole underlying factor. Not that that it's
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: not people's faults. It is, but like we know, oftentimes
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: with trust issues, commitment issues, we don't know how far
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: or what's happening in a marriage or a relationship that
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: could be the catalyst, but this could be the final
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: nail on the coffin or the beginning. And to me
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: again personally, it's discussing unnecessary to cheat, especially if you're
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: in a committed relationship with open conversations of being committed.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: Of course, again if you're a polyamorous and if you
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: have other open if you have open marriages and such
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: coco cool. But for those who are doing these and
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: lying and hurting people, of course it's gross. Uh yeah,
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: And for some just the level of closeness borders on cheating.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: Uh.
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: And there's a lot of that conversation. I mean, you
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: would say that this is emotional cheating. Especially if all
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: you do is confide into that work spouse about the
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: problems that of your marriage or your relationship. That's a reflag.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: If you're doing that, that is emotional cheating. If you're
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: investing in them to get all of your confidence and
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: all of your like, there's something wrong with that too.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: And then there's this level of conversation that you have
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: again and the personal information that it's being shared. Again,
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: there's a few things that I understand, Like, for sure,
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: if I'm upset or something, we have this conversation, and
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: I guess it really is Like, especially if it's the
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: opposite sex, with you being heterosexual, that's the whole problem.
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: If you're not and you're having this conversation with someone
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: that you're a little too attracted to, also like a
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: big problem too, especially again if it's not agreed upon
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: to be open or to be polly or whatever whatnot.
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: That's the whole level of like h red flag. So
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: definitely some ideals, and then like a lot of conversations
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: and a lot of articles came to like, maybe we
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: should just retire that phrase all together. And I'm like, yeah,
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: maybe it's not a bad idea.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I think it served. It serves a purpose.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: It served a purpose of the person you like, work
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: really closely with. But maybe there's a better way to
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: say it. Also say, because I wasn't entirely sure what
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: the meaning actually meant. I was in a situation once
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: with the guy he's actually gay, but we were very
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: very close and we worked together, but everyone everyone was like, oh,
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: you're in love. They would always tell me like, oh
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: you're in love, or oh you were trying to get ahead,
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: or you were trying to So I also think there's
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: like that situation is the whole thing I could go into.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: But I also think there is a layer of whenever
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: women are hanging around men that maybe have more power
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: than them, it's seen as oh, I know what you're
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: trying to do, right right?
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: Well, then yeah again, everybody has as you're talking about
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: the rumor mill in general, it doesn't matter if they
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: see that I was told repeatedly. Everybody's like, y'all are
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: sleeping together, you know, like what what are you talking about?
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: And being very shocked and yeah, I actually had a
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: similar incident where my coworker uh was gay. He didn't
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: come out at work. He only came out to a
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: few of us, and of course, so it wasn't our
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: business to out him. And so people would be like,
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: y'all are gonna y'all should shoul day, y'all should do
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: these things, and I just be like, I'm not his type,
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: like or he's not my type.
• 24:36
  Speaker 4: Like that's just that's just the end of the converce, right,
• 24:41
  Speaker 4: it wouldn't go well, but like but the level of
• 24:44
  Speaker 4: like gossip, which could be a problem in itself, and
• 24:47
  Speaker 4: that could start some trouble obviously with your relationships as well,
• 24:50
  Speaker 4: no matter what.
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's the whole thing. But seeing I don't know
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: if we're coming at the end of this term and
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: it's like down fall. Although again, terms have nothing, no
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: real power honestly when it comes to when people do
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: bad things in general. We know this, but like there's
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: something to be like, yeah, maybe that's just that rhetoric
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: needs to go.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, listeners, let us know what you think, should
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: it say or should it go? You can email us
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: at Stuff Media, Moomstuff at iHeartMedia dot com. You can
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: find us on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcasts, or on
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: Instagram and TikTok at Steph I Never told you. We
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: have a tea public store, and we have a book
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: you can get wherever you get your books. Thanks as
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: always to our super producer Christenior executive producer Maya, and
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: your contributor Joey.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: Thanks to you for listening Stuff I Never Told You
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: to production of iHeart Radio. For more podcast from my
• 25:47
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• 25:49
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