Latest / The Difficult Boss Podcast with Fexingo: Managing Up, Toxic Managers, and Workplace Survival / How to Manage a Boss Who Withholds Information
Transcript
- Lucas: You know that sinking feeling in a meeting when someone mentions a project update you have never heard of? And you realise your boss has been selectively sharing information — leaving you in the dark. Luna: Yeah, I think everyone has felt that at some point. It is one of the most frustrating things because it directly hurts your performance and your reputation. Lucas: Exactly. And today we are going to focus on bosses who withhold information — not because they forget, but because they choose to. A 2023 study in the Journal of Organizational Behavior found that about 34 percent of employees reported their manager regularly withheld relevant work information from them. Luna: That is a huge number. And I bet the real figure is even higher because people under-report it. So why do bosses do this? Lucas: We can group the reasons into three buckets. First, strategic secrecy — the boss believes knowledge is power and sharing it weakens their position. Second, insecurity — they worry you might outshine them if you have the full picture. Third, pure power play — they use information as a tool to control and disorient. Luna: I had a boss once who would ‘forget’ to add me to meeting invites for key strategy sessions. When I asked, she said it was an oversight. But it happened every single month. Lucas: That is textbook power play. And the worst part is, when you confront them, they gaslight you — make you feel paranoid or needy. So how do you handle it without looking like the difficult one? Luna: Right. That is the core challenge. Because if you push too hard, you are labeled as not a team player. If you stay quiet, you keep missing out. Lucas: Let me offer three specific tactics, each suited to a different scenario. First, if you suspect the withholding is strategic — maybe your boss wants to retain control over a high-visibility project — you can try what I call the ‘curious collaborator’ approach. Luna: What does that look like in practice? Lucas: You frame your request as wanting to help them succeed. Instead of saying ‘Why didn’t you tell me about the budget cut?’, you say something like: ‘I want to make sure my work aligns with the latest direction. Could you loop me in on any changes so I can adjust proactively?’ Luna: That shifts the dynamic from accusation to partnership. It is harder for them to say no without looking unreasonable. Lucas: Exactly. The second scenario is the insecure boss. They fear you might replace them. In that case, you need to reassure them of your loyalty. You can say something like: ‘I really value your guidance on this. I want to make sure I am executing as you envision — can you share the full scope so I don’t miss anything?’ Luna: That strokes their ego a bit while still getting you the info. It feels manipulative, but sometimes that is what the situation demands. Lucas: It is. And the third scenario is the power player — the boss who withholds to keep you off-balance. With them, direct confrontation often backfires. Instead, build alternative information channels. Luna: Like what? Networking with peers? Cross-functional allies? Lucas: Exactly. You cultivate relationships with colleagues in other departments, your skip-level manager, or even the boss’s assistant. You don’t go behind their back — you just expand your own visibility. If your boss notices, you can say you are trying to understand the broader business context. Luna: That is smart. And it also makes you less dependent on one person, which is good for your career anyway. Lucas: Right. Now, a crucial point: you need to differentiate between a boss who withholds information and a boss who is simply a bad communicator. A bad communicator might genuinely forget or assume you know. Withholding is intentional and repeated. Luna: How do you tell the difference? Because the behavior looks the same from the outside. Lucas: Good question. Look for patterns. Does the missing information always benefit them? Do they seem evasive when you ask? Do they give partial answers that require you to dig further? Those are red flags. Also, check with your peers — if everyone on the team feels left out, it might be incompetence. If you are the only one being excluded, it is personal. Luna: That is a really useful diagnostic. I remember at my old job, my boss would send detailed briefs to everyone except me. When I finally asked a coworker, they said ‘Oh, she always does that to new people — you just have to ask.’ Lucas: And did asking work for you? Luna: Sometimes. But it felt like a test. And it never stopped being uncomfortable. Lucas: The thing is, even when you have tactics, living with a withholding boss takes a toll. Harvard Business Review published a piece in 2024 showing that employees with information-hoarding managers report 23 percent lower job satisfaction and are 40 percent more likely to be actively looking for a new job. Luna: Those are big numbers. And it makes sense — when you are constantly in the dark, you can’t do your best work, and you feel disrespected. Lucas: So when do you escalate? If the information gap is causing real harm — like you miss a deadline or a project fails because you didn’t have the full picture — you have a duty to protect yourself. Document everything. Send a polite follow-up email after conversations: ‘Just to confirm, we discussed X, and I will proceed with Y.’ Luna: That creates a paper trail, and it also subtly signals that you are paying attention. If your boss pushes back or says you misunderstood, you have a record. Lucas: Exactly. If the pattern persists and affects your performance review, you may need to have a conversation with HR. But frame it as a communication breakdown, not an accusation. Say something like: ‘I want to ensure I have the information I need to meet my goals. Can we establish a regular check-in to align on priorities?’ Luna: And if HR is not helpful, or if your boss retaliates? Then it might be time to think about leaving. Lucas: Absolutely. No job is worth your mental health. And in this market, there are employers who value transparency. I have seen companies like Patagonia and Buffer publish their internal communication protocols — they treat information flow as a cultural priority. Luna: I want to go back to something you said earlier about building alternative channels. Can you give a concrete example? Lucas: Sure. Let us say you are a product manager, and your boss is the director of product. She holds weekly syncs with engineering leads but does not invite you. You could start attending the engineering stand-ups yourself — not to spy, but to understand the technical constraints. If your boss asks, you say you are trying to improve your technical fluency. Luna: That is a legitimate reason. And you might learn things that your boss was ‘forgetting’ to share. Lucas: Right. And you also build relationships with engineering, which makes you more valuable. Another idea: create a shared document where you track project milestones and invite your boss and key stakeholders. That way, updates are visible to everyone — not just the people your boss chooses to tell. Luna: That is proactive without being confrontational. I like it. Lucas: One more thing. If you have tried all the tactics and the situation is not improving, consider whether the withholding is a symptom of a deeper cultural problem. If the whole organisation has a knowledge-hoarding culture, your boss may just be playing by the rules. In that case, leaving might be the only real solution. Luna: And that is a hard decision, but sometimes the best career move. Speaking of decisions that are hard but worth it — if today’s episode helped you think through your own situation, that is exactly why we keep this show ad-free. If it was worth a coffee to you, you can find us at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Lucas: Yeah, every bit of support helps us keep doing deep dives like this one. And honestly, we appreciate it more than we can say. Luna: Alright, back to the tactics. Lucas, you mentioned a Fortune 500 case study earlier — can you walk us through that? Lucas: Sure. I was talking to an engineering manager at a major automotive supplier. Her boss — the VP of engineering — routinely excluded her from meetings with the C-suite. She would learn about new strategic priorities through the grapevine. She tried the curious collaborator approach: ‘I want to make sure my team’s roadmap aligns with the CEO’s vision — can you include me in those updates?’ Luna: How did the VP respond? Lucas: He said he would, but nothing changed. So she started attending the weekly all-hands and asking questions directly to the CEO during Q&A. She framed it as wanting to stay informed. The CEO noticed her initiative and started including her in smaller strategy sessions. Within six months, she was promoted — reporting directly to the CEO. Luna: That is remarkable. She essentially bypassed her boss without undermining him. She just expanded her own network. Lucas: Exactly. And that is the ultimate lesson: when your boss withholds information, do not just complain — take control of what you can. Build your own information network, document what you know, and if the situation is untenable, vote with your feet. Luna: Great advice. And for our listeners, if you have a story about a withholding boss, we would love to hear it. You can share it with us on social — we are Fexingo Business on most platforms. Lucas: Till next time, keep your eyes open and your information channels wide.