Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E 371: You Are More Than Your Diagnosis: BPD, Childhood Trauma & Reclaiming Your Voice with Dene Dubois

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E 371: You Are More Than Your Diagnosis: BPD, Childhood Trauma & Reclaiming Your Voice with Dene Dubois · Adult Child of Dysfunction

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hello, everybody.
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Welcome back to another episode of Adult Child of Dysfunction.
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Today, we have with us Denis Dubois, who is an author, lived experience advocate, and founder of BPD Raw.
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After surviving complex trauma, he moved past rigid clinical labels to practice radical self-accountability.
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Now he empowers others to take back their personal power and actively transform deep emotional pain into a lasting life purpose.
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Ooh, I love that.
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That sounds pretty cool, huh?
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Yep.
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I say, "Don't you love it when someone else reads your bio and you're like, 'Ooh, yes, I got this.'"
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So I'm just gonna start off right off the bat, we're just gonna have a great conversation here, but what does BPD Raw mean?
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Just tell the listeners.
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BPD Raw is something that I recently came up with about eight, about maybe about 10 years ago.
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I visited New York City and I went into a pop-up shop called Strangers Project.
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So basically it's a shop of letters, so just letters on a wall.
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So letters that aren't necessarily going to the recipient anymore, they're getting...
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The public are able to read.
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So you can imagine letters of lost love, letters of thanks yeah, just everything.
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So basically I walked into that shop, and when I walked out my face was wet from crying.
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Also, the, my...
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Goosebumps.
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It was just amazing.
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Now as a child I had a very dysfunctional childhood.
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I had two older brothers, a younger sister, but in my memory they're not there anymore.
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It was basically me and my mother.
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My mother had very bad bipolar.
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My father was alcoholic compulsive gambler which ended up, I ended up becoming impulsive gambler in my early teens, and that did not end up too well.
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I ended up in jail for that.
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But ever since, no trouble at all.
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So with my mother, it was basically when she was at home, she was high.
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So she was in the heights of mania.
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There was a period there that she was that bad, and I ended up hitting my mother with a frying pan.
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Oh.
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I was young.
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I had no idea.
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I wanted to silence it.
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I just could not cope anymore.
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I had come to my limit.
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Unfortunately, my father tried to have me charged, which was basically laughed by the police.
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How could you do that to a child?
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Yeah.
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So later in my early teens, I came out as being gay.
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I didn't really come out in the, as they say, come out.
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I basically used as ammunition because I was angry.
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I was angry at my parents for the childhood I'd had.
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So I basically said, "Stuff you, I'm gay."
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So till this day, I am not sure whether I've actually accepted.
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Even though I'm open, everybody knows about me, I'm an open book, I don't hold anything out.
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So yeah, it's...
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I honestly don't know.
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Maybe it's due to work that I'm doing now in BPD Raw, it will help me, because I can't say I really love myself.
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I like myself, I love my qualities, but as a whole, it's really difficult to deal with.
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So when I ended up getting in trouble with the law, I, the day that I got out of jail, my father picked me up to take me to go gambling And at that stage I thought, "Okay, this is
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a toxic family."
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I need to leave.
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So I ended up in Oxford Street in Sydney, and it was a...
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In in those days it was community.
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It was also drug, party drugs.
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I got into that scene.
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I was a social butterfly.
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You wouldn't have thought that I had borderline.
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I didn't get diagnosed about eight years ago, but I'm sure there were things about it, because with borderline you have high emotions, and it's all about if people are constant with you in what they do and communicate properly,
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it doesn't come out as much.
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If that makes sense.
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Yeah.
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So in those days, we didn't have the phone.
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We weren't looking at our phone.
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We were talking to people.
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We were paying attention.
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That's the reason I think I wasn't diagnosed till later in life, because it's changed.
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And I feel sorry for people who have borderline or mental illness now, because people aren't listening anymore.
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There- there's so many organizations around mental health that is based on clinical jargon, not on lived experience.
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So what is it- There needs to be, yeah.
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Go on so how old were you when you got diagnosed?
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Officially diagnosed.
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50.
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I'm 58 now.
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Yes.
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So it's only been eight years.
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Yes.
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Yeah.
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I, when I look back there were little signs of it.
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So basically when I hit Oxford Street and I became in the party scene and everybody knew me I actually ended up becoming a drug dealer.
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And silly me, I'm such a nice, sweet guy.
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I wasn't designed for the drug.
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But the problem was I was getting recognized.
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People wanted to know me.
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So the drugs bit, not that I became addicted, it was the fact that I had the drugs on me.
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I used them for myself.
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I nearly got myself in a lot of trouble because I told my dealer, "Oh, someone took them."
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I was taking them.
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So it ended up I ended up in, a couple of years later I ended up in a relationship.
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And then I found out that I contracted hepatitis through intra- intravenous drug use.
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Oh.
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And I was one of these people that never got sick from anything.
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So I was told that I needed to go through a treatment program called interferon.
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So you basically inject your stomach with something that basically gives you the flu every night.
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So for someone that doesn't get ill, you can imagine what that done to me and the relationship I was in.
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It destroyed the relationship.
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At the beginning of it my partner at the time said, "Do it.
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Go through it.
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This will be good for your health, and at the end of it we'll go on a holiday."
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So because the treatment was that bad, the relationship completely broke down.
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Towards the end of the relationship, I was actually on apps talking to people overseas.
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So by the time of the the treatment finished, I had already organized to meet someone in Canada.
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So I ended up going by myself.
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He still agreed to it.
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I went to holidays.
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I didn't leave Canada.
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I ended up meeting this man.
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I ended up getting married.
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I had an instant family, a boy and a girl.
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But unfortunately, he was very bad bipolar, and he treated his kids like they were his friends.
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So here I come along, I'm a wicked stepmother, because you're not getting away with that.
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Sorry.
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So you can imagine the arguments we had.
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You can't tell my children do this, but they can't get away with that.
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So it didn't last.
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So that's where the, my first book came out on the places I didn't belong.
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And just more recently, through my journey with BPD Roar, I've released another book in the in the series, the Belonging series, of maybe I did belong.
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Because I always thought I was running away, but I've learnt growing up that you're there for a reason.
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So I learned stuff along the way.
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I never wanted to come back to Australia, 'cause my Australia was a place of pain for me.
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But I ended up back in Australia met Brian who lives with me now.
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We got a relationship but it was a time that when I came back, I needed someone in my life.
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And it was like we both needed someone.
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The relationship didn't last very long.
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But anyway, so up until about two months ago or three months ago, I ended up in court on my last job due to discrimination.
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And it did go in my favor even though they didn't offer a formal apology.
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But what happened is when it was over, I approached the CEO of the company because I'm one of these people, I didn't want it to happen to anyone else.
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So I tried to get a conversation with him.
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He didn't wanna know.
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And I thought, "Come on.
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Why?
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It's not for me.
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I don't want to, excuse the expression, bitch at you.
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I just want to help you so it doesn't happen again."
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Because surely it was a pain in the ass for them to go to court, but they didn't wanna listen.
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So I went into about two months of feeling sorry for myself just watching all the soapies on TV crying every five seconds.
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And then I started looking at borderline support groups on Facebook.
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One thing I noticed is a lot of people would open up on these groups but unfortunately because you're dealing with thousands of people and some have different illnesses, someone's gonna say something that triggers someone else.
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Oh, of course.
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So they will put a comment and it turns toxic.
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So those people who wanted to open up and get help are being attacked so they are being silenced in a way and don't wanna speak anymore.
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So I came back to thinking, "Oh, Strangers Project.
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What if we could have those letters in a book so they're not getting that instant stigma?"
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So this book is going to be fantastic.
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Like I've had so much...
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in two months I have got over 750 followers I get 25,000 views in the last 28 days on my Facebook page On your Facebook page, okay.
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Yeah.
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It's just grown unbelievably.
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I've started a podcast.
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I recently, actually, in August, in a couple of days, I'm going to have a feature in Force Magazine, which is in 13 different countries.
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So that will explode it more.
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It's just- Wow it's going beyond belief.
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But look, this will be a book.
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You know who I think will buy it the most?
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A therapist 'Cause it's real life Because- It's lived experience yeah, because when it comes to BPD, it seems that the only people to speak about BPD is other people that don't have BPD.
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Yeah.
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And they, and that's what I was gonna say.
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So for the people out there listening that don't even understand what BPD is, or how you can- Yeah go 50 years and not get diagnosed, can you tell us a little bit about BPD and maybe what you felt
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as a child that you knew something was, I don't wanna say off, but that you were experiencing things that other people weren't?
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Can you talk a little bit on that?
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Okay.
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So BPD is about high emotional, so we feel things 1000% higher than you.
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So if we're upset or we feel love or anything like that, it is heightened.
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We also have the fear of abandonment, which especially comes from childhood for me, because my mother would be in hospital most of the time, so I felt abandoned.
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Impulsivity.
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There is a lot of suicide with BPD.
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Luckily for me, and I think it's because of what my mother had, I don't have depression.
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So whether it's a good thing or bad thing for me, I think I have something built in my brain and I don't want to go there.
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I have no problems showing my emotions and I th- and it just stops at a certain point, so there's a lot of that.
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Drug use, self-medication.
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But when it comes to self-medication I've learnt over the years that actually our brain is the one that's sorting it out.
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So they're doing a lot of psychedelic therapy with borderline now, which seems to be helping a lot.
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Impulsivity, as I said.
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So the main things for me are trust issues because I trusted my parents to look after me.
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So with me, I trust you straight away, but then it wanes, because the closer I get to you, the least I trust you.
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So- So can you tell me, just for curiosity's sake, because those are all the exact symptoms of someone who just went through severe childhood trauma.
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Yeah.
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So how, what is the differentiation?
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Is BPD acquired or is it something you're born with and it just doesn't rear its ugly head until later, or- most of it is through childhood trauma, but you will get the occasional person said they had a great
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childhood.
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Okay.
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So yeah, I believe that with BPD, with the standard, there are lots of therapies that tend to work.
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But with people like me with trust issues, I have gone through all the therapies.
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The only therapies that have ever helped are ones that there's called TMS.
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It's like shock therapy, but it deals with the cortex in your brain and ch- like rewires it.
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So I believe it's more...
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Like, when you have splitting so basically that's when someone says something to you or shows you something that triggers something in your childhood trauma, it's like an immediate knee-jerk reaction.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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So people talk about, I talk about accountability, but in a different way.
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Because pe- I don't think we should feel gui- why should we feel guilty?
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We can feel sorry for what we've done, but why should we feel guilty 'cause it's something that's happened in our past?
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We're not...
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We are aware at the time what's happening when we do it, but we can't stop it.
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And I say that, that's one of my biggest messages is everything you did while you were going through childhood trauma, you did out of survival.
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You did out of your brain- Yeah and your trying to protect you.
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And you can, like you said, you can feel bad, but there is absolutely no reason to live and wallow in guilt and shame, because that just starts another spiral of just pr- knowing, quote unquote, "knowing" you're a bad
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person and you did all these things.
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I kinda look at it the same thing when you are...
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My mother, I have empathy and compassion now that I know that the things that she was doing to me, she was doing out of her own trauma.
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So- Yeah yeah it's a hard...
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You don't wanna say you can't feel bad.
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But you can't beat yourself up about it be- 'cause it does- no one anybody any good, because I think the, a majority of the, the stigma actually comes from ourselves, because we wear the labels.
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So many people in chat are calling themselves crazy and s- and narcissistic and stuff.
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It's come on, guys.
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Wipe them away.
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Wipe them away, because it's only adding to it.
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Absolutely Yeah And there is so much stigma, and I think, that's why I want to have people come on and talk about different things.
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Because if people understood, maybe they wouldn't be so quick to judge.
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And, we're hard enough...
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Like, when people are going through this, you're hard enough on yourself.
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We don't need other people looking at you and backing up all your inner critic thoughts.
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Because when it comes to abandonment, how it works if someone upsets me okay, I'll give you an example.
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Let's say someone's texting you, and all of a sudden they just stop mid-conversation.
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My brain will go, "They're abandoning me.
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I've done something wrong."
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Of course.
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And it doesn't...
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And why is it so difficult to say, "I'm busy," or, "Goodbye"?
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People don't do this no more.
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People pay, don't pay attention.
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They drift off into another space.
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So I don't think I'm that difficult to deal with.
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We talk about being fixed.
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I don't want to be fixed.
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I love having high emotions.
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If I had someone that understood me, like I have been in a relationship now for maybe- Seven years?
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I wanna meet someone that understands me.
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It, and it, all it has to be is constant.
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So you can s- say, let's say someone messages you once a week.
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If they don't message you for a month, I'm gonna go into, "Oh, they've left me.
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What's going on?
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What's going on?"
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So it's, and then it goes further if, and then you wanna reach out to them, but you try to hold yourself back, then you feel bad for holding back.
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Then you think of other people that have hurt you, and then you start blocking people.
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Not that person, 'cause you wanna try to hold onto that person.
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So it's a constant battle.
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Yeah, we just, actually the last podcast I just did, may- maybe two hours ago, was talking very much about that.
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It was funny.
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So you guys are gonna ep- your air, episodes will air back to back, and it was really- Yeah interesting 'cause it was really what he was saying about that whole, you beach...
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y- you feel that need to not be able to...
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You can't voice what you wanna say.
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So when somebody doesn't- Yeah call you back or they just stop communicating, and you're sitting there and you're wallowing in that "Oh, my God.
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What's wrong with me?"
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And it's like, do you have that, because I know that's where the people pleasing and the just, the, the trauma makes you not be able to go to that person and say, "Hey, you didn't text me back.
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What's going on?"
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So there's that disconnect of communication.
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Is that what you're finding?
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Yeah, because we're worried about the rejection.
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There are times that I am able to message back and say, "Is everything okay?"
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without getting upset.
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But the, yeah it's a struggle.
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I've got someone who's a very good friend of mine that hasn't messaged, doesn't message me like month, like on a month or two months, that I'm really holding onto, and it's getting really hard not to say goodbye, because
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I don't know whether it's good for my mental health as well.
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But I don't, 'cause I, the only friend that I have in my life is Brian.
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I have other friends, but the only person I, let's say, 95% trust.
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And the only way that we were able to build that trust is in the beginning I had access to his bank accounts, his, all his logins.
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I, so when I went in relationships, I used to look for problems.
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If they went out shopping, I'd look in drawers for problems.
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I would look for problems.
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I was constantly looking for issues.
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Today I don't need to look at Brian's, anything of Brian's.
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I trust him now.
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But it took eight years maybe to actually trust someone.
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Wow.
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And that's- Yeah trust issues is one of the biggest things I deal with all my clients, and it's, it sounds very, again, that's I guess why I'm like how many of my clients are sitting here listening to this
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going, "Huh, I wonder if I have BPD?"
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Because- Yeah it's, it is very, very...
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Like I said, it mimics 100% just the normal repercussions or the normal effects of having just childhood trauma.
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Or, you know- Yeah I grew up in that dysfunctional family with the abandonment issues and all of that, and it's, I, it took a long time of being able to not be tri- like when you're triggered, being able
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to calm that nervous system down enough to be able to be like, "Okay, stop.
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Don't get in that spiral.
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Get out of your amygdala.
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Start thinking with your logical side of your brain."
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It's not, and just instead of being so reactive.
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So is that what you...
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Do you, I know you say you don't wanna be fixed, you're okay with that, but isn't that hard in relationships?
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'Cause it's a give/take.
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I've, throughout the journey, I've met a lot of people who have BPD that have very successful relationships because the people listen.
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They're like old school.
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Like it was in, in, in my younger years, people would listen to you.
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There are people out there like that.
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But if you, what I guess what I'm asking, I guess where I'm And I don't mean to put you on the spot, I'm just really curious.
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No.
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Oh, go ahead.
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This is exactly what- Go ahead.
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I like being put on the spot.
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No, this is exactly what I do with my clients.
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So I'm like, okay, if you get that text and your mind immediately goes to, "Oh my God, what did I do?
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He's mad at me.
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Something's going on," being able to jump out of that, take a deep breath, breathe, and then go, and then process before reacting would let you eventually reach out and be like, "Hey, I haven't heard from you in a
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while.
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What's going on?"
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And open that line of communication versus isolating or shutting down.
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Does that make sense?
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I do it better now because as I said, this person hasn't messaged me for about six weeks, and normally I would, within a week I'd be telling someone off.
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But I've also realized is even though in our, in BPD world, We want everyone to be our friend.
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We want everyone to love us.
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We live in that fantasy world, but it'd be a great world if...
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Look, I believe everyone should have a bit of BPD.
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I think the world would be a whole lot better if we had high emotions.
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But yeah, so I learned to deal with it a lot better, but when you say that it basically sounds like an, like childhood trauma, is when I was given a BPD label, till today I understand parts of it.
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But I agree with you.
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Is it just childhood trauma?
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Because I don't have some of the things that most people have.
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I don't have the depression.
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I don't have the suicide tendencies.
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But because I've always lived around labels, like my mother, my father, my grandmother, my auntie, my sister, all mental illnesses.
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So it's like without a label I feel lost.
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But I don't trust the label enough anyway.
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And that's, yes, I was just going to say that having that label can be a two-edged sword, because a lot of people get those late-stage diagnosises.
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They get these diagnosises at 50, 55.
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A lot of people are coming to me and they're going, "Oh my God, I'm 55, and they just said I was bil- bipolar," or, or you...
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they'll come to me and I'm like, "So does it change anything that we've been working on?"
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And sometimes they say yes, sometimes they say no.
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Because some people, it, believe me, I've seen both sides of it, so it's like the, the label gives you, I don't wanna say an excuse, I, that's not what I'm saying at all.
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But it gives you understanding.
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As to- Yeah oh.
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But at the same time, you in your own mind go, "No, I know," and you react different ways, and you do different things.
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So I've...
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a lot of people I know a lot of people that are just now going, "I just got told I have ADHD," and I'm like, "You've been having focus problems since we be- you knew- for two years that you
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had focus problems, and we've been working on that."
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Because again, childhood trauma, when it shrinks a part of your brain, it does different things, and it manifests as ADHD because you have brain fog.
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You have...
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it's so all these things.
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So it's, I love that you kinda look at both sides of that, but that you're...
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I don't remember exactly how you just said it, but you said it so well.
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You said, what did you say?
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You said the- the label ga- the label gave me something, but at the same time you don't trust the label enough.
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Yes.
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Yeah.
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Say that again.
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Yeah.
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That was...
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I love that.
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I don't remember the actual word, but yeah.
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What?
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But it was basically- you, like you were saying the label gave you...
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It kinda gives you a little peace.
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It's when you have childhood trauma and people come to me and they say, "Tammy, I don't understand," and then I explain to them what trauma does to your brain.
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It's kinda they can give themselves a little grace now because they can go, "Oh."
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It's like also it's that suffer- I suffer bad with my BPD is my memory.
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And I, for years and years, I t- I was telling people that I was sexually abused.
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But now because I can't remember it, we've got out in the community people saying, "BPD, you're attention seekers."
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So I've started to think, "Okay, so maybe it didn't happen."
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So the so part of me wants to remember as well, but I haven't been able to do it.
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With therapy, with psychologists, I will go to a psychologist, they will give me homework.
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I won't do it because I don't trust it.
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I don't trust they will help me.
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And then I end up going to a psychologist, "Why am I coming?
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Don't I want help?"
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And then they come back and say, "But you're coming anyway, so you must want something."
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So it's oh my God.
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So the standard therapy doesn't work for me neither because I can't trust it enough.
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So I'll never...
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For the standard therapy, I'm sure that I've gathered some tools from it- but yeah, it hasn't really worked for me.
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And honestly, again, with trauma, which you said it could come, some of that comes from that, is that trust issues are huge.
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And it's not just trusting other people, it is like, it sounds like you don't even trust your own judgment 'cause you don't know anymore.
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It's like your brain- Yeah has been gaslighting itself for how long?
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Like you said, if someone comes and I...
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It's the same thing with me.
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When you don't remember something as a child, your brain wants to fill it in with a story.
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Yeah.
25:54
So it's like, because that's what you wanna do.
25:57
You don't remember, so you wanna fill in a story, and then you start going is that story real or did I just fill it in because I don't know?"
26:03
So that's why I tell people, if you're gonna make shit up anyway...
26:06
And I'm not saying you're making shit up.
26:07
That's not what I'm saying at all.
26:08
No.
26:08
Not what I'm saying.
26:09
Yeah.
26:10
But I'm saying if your brain is gonna manifest a story so that it can fill in that gap, make it a freaking good story.
26:21
Make it a happy story with a good ending.
26:23
You might be making it up anyway, so who...
26:25
Don't put in the bad stories- Yeah unless but, that's why I like some of the therapies where they bring you all the way back, but you don't have to relive.
26:34
Yeah.
26:35
That to me is so powerful You know what I mean?
26:39
But I, again, I'm one of these strong persons that I would be okay if I had to relive it.
26:45
I believe that.
26:46
Strongly believe that.
26:46
I'm very strong.
26:49
But you don't have to.
26:50
Yeah.
26:50
You can let go of the energy that's holding that pain and that, that memory.
26:56
You can let go of that energetic attachment to you without having to relive it.
27:00
So that's, Yeah that's the route I'm going.
27:03
I actually- But is it...
27:04
The, the, the...
27:05
Yeah, go ahead.
27:06
No, I was gonna say, I had a recurring nightmare from the time I was four years old, and it was a violent nightmare that no four-year-old should ever even...
27:14
Like, how we even, like how my brain even came up with to have this nightmare, I don't even understand.
27:20
But I had so many ther- like, psych- psychiatrists say to me, "We can take you back-" And we can get, bring you back to that."
27:30
And I'm like...
27:31
But they're like, "But you're gonna have to be ready for what you find, because to have a nightmare from four..."
27:36
And I still ha- I'm 57, and I haven't had it in about 10 years, knock on wood.
27:42
But I think it was because I did enough therapies that I realized there was some serious trauma.
27:48
But I let go of that energy when I started doing energy work, and I haven't had it, and like I said, knock on wood, 10 years.
27:54
'Cause I would wake up crying, sweating, screaming, and it was...
27:58
And my husband's like, "What the hell?"
28:01
I'm like, "Sorry, just my 10-year-old...
28:03
every five years I have this dream."
28:05
But it's crazy.
28:07
It's crazy how the mind works in general.
28:09
Yeah.
28:10
Yes.
28:10
I actually had, I have had nightmares all my life every night up until about six months ago, and still until I started me taking medication for it.
28:21
I was just used to it.
28:22
And every nightmare about death, and that is the thing that scares me the most.
28:29
I am terrified.
28:30
So I'll never be suicidal.
28:32
I'm terrified of death.
28:33
I wanna liv- I don't care how much pain I'm in, I...
28:37
But then again, I've never had pain.
28:39
I hope that I don't die of anything painful, because I think my suicide brain might click in.
28:46
But yeah, no, terrified, absolutely terrified of death.
28:49
Are you really?
28:51
Oh, yes.
28:51
Yes.
28:52
And then sometimes I look at me and go, I wish I...
28:54
i'm just the, like I'm just the opposite.
28:56
I just...
28:58
I don't know.
28:59
I had a stroke last year, about a year and a half ago, and I was completely paralyzed on my left side, and I'm sitting there going, "God, I don't think it's my time, but if it is, go ahead
29:08
and take me.
29:09
But before you do that, I need to tell my husband a couple things he's gonna need to take care of."
29:14
I was so- and that's, yeah so calm.
29:16
I was like, "If this is my time, this is my time."
29:19
It was weird.
29:19
And that's why I'm scared, and that's why I'm scared of death, because of my trust issues.
29:23
I think there's higher.
29:24
There'd have to be.
29:25
It doesn't make any sense.
29:26
But I don't trust it enough.
29:28
And then I think if there is a God, and they say you have to accept the God, but if you can't accept a God, you're gonna go to hell.
29:36
See, so it's a constant struggle.
29:38
It'll probably be on my deathbed, I'll go, "Oh my God, I accept you.
29:42
Take me," because I won't have any other choice at that time.
29:47
Yeah, hospice bibles.
29:48
Indeed.
29:48
There's a lot of hospice bibles- Yeah.
29:50
for people last minute.
29:51
But it's funny, I, the joke, I always joke, and I get, I guess I've never really been afraid...
29:57
I don't know why I've never been afraid to die.
29:58
I guess because I so believe, and then the joke is people are like what if you don't do the right thing, and what if you don't end up in heaven?"
30:04
I'm like then I get to meet my mother again."
30:09
I was like, "Maybe she'll be nicer down there."
30:14
So that was always...
30:16
I probably shouldn't even joke like that.
30:17
God's probably looking at me like, "Girl, you are walking a thin line."
30:21
But I don't know.
30:22
It just, everybody has their thing, but talk about, I wanna ask you, Yep you said you finally took your power back.
30:30
Talk about that.
30:31
What, talk about what that looked like to you.
30:35
Helping people.
30:36
So when I started joining the groups and opening BPD Raw, I'd have people wanna submit letters, and some people just wanted advice from me.
30:47
I started doing 30-second clips on my page.
30:52
They're totally raw, I'm using the F word and stuff, and people messaging me and saying, "Oh my God, thank you.
30:57
I needed that today."
30:59
So for the past four weeks, I've been doing two videos a day, posting them up, and like 200 views on every video.
31:08
It's And just family members, mothers coming to me, their children having be- "Oh, thank you."
31:15
The trust issue still comes into it.
31:16
Why are they saying thank you?
31:19
And then I get upset when I put up a video and no one..
31:22
Saying anything.
31:24
You know what, though?
31:25
But that should make you feel- Yeah o- it's okay.
31:28
Because think about, like you said, the, the stigma behind all these mental health issue kind of things, and I can't stand that.
31:36
I actually did a summit last year, two years ago, and it was called Shattering Stigmas, and we had people come on and talk about all of the stigmas behind all these mental health issues.
31:48
And, one girl came on.
31:49
Yesterday, I just had a girl reach out to me yesterday, who was on my podcast, and she said they've decided to call it brain health instead of mental health.
31:58
And I'm like, "But it's your mind.
32:00
It's mental health.
32:01
It can be good, it can be bad, it can have issues, it can be perfect.
32:04
It is mental health, your mind's health."
32:07
And I was like, "No, I'm not giving it a different name."
32:10
But I'm like, "I totally have respect."
32:13
I said, "People just need to learn about the different nuances of mental health variations," I was like, there's so many stigmas.
32:21
So if people are listening to you or watching you and they're not commenting, it's okay, 'cause you're still reaching them.
32:29
You're still hearing your message.
32:31
And just because they don't comment, that just means they're not ready yet.
32:35
Yeah.
32:35
But you're still doing wonderful, amazing things.
32:39
So don't let that bother you one bit.
32:41
Yeah, because, yeah I actually you hit the nail on the head there, because the people that are commenting are the same people every single time.
32:50
Yeah.
32:50
They're the ones that are ready.
32:52
Yeah.
32:53
And I say that all the time.
32:54
I know people don't, comment, they don't like, they don't do anything on my podcast, but they reach out to me personally sometimes and just say, "Hey, girl, you nailed it.
33:03
Thank you.
33:04
I needed that."
33:05
That's good enough for me.
33:06
I can't save the world, but if only one.
33:09
If every podcast episode touches one person and it makes their day a little brighter, or it gives them something to think about, or a different way to maybe look at something, I've more than fulfilled my duty here on
33:22
this earth.
33:24
Yeah.
33:25
That's what I say to people myself, so I've gotta wear that as well.
33:27
Yeah.
33:27
So Denis Dubois, you just know that you're doing good stuff, my friend.
33:33
Thank you.
33:33
So- I appreciate it.
33:34
Yes.
33:35
So if someone is listening right now, and they're stuck in that, "They gave me this label."
33:41
I, and I don't like labels either.
33:42
I don't.
33:43
Because I think it sometimes makes you define yourself, where I'm like, you define yourself however you want.
33:49
Only you can decide your destiny and what you're gonna do with whatever God gave you.
33:55
But what would be a first step if someone is trapped in this label identity crisis, I guess you could say?
34:04
I actually spoke to someone the other day, and it made a lot of sense because we tend to listen to what's happening in our outside world.
34:13
If you've got a label, go onto the internet and put in celebrities with that illness, and see what they've done in their life, and see what is possible you're dealing with people who've done amazing things with their illness,
34:32
but are also struggling with it.
34:34
There's a lot of things.
34:35
So that I found that an amazing thing to tell people, because we do.
34:40
We all have favorite actors and actresses, and you'd be amazed at the amount of people who have BPD or bipolar or schizophrenia that are doing amazing things.
34:49
You look up statistics on IQ.
34:52
The higher IQs comes from people with mental illness.
34:55
Yeah.
34:55
So you're not broken.
34:58
No.
34:58
You're not broken.
34:59
You just have to hold onto those powers and Think of the good things that you can bring to this world.
35:05
Absolutely.
35:06
I have a friend who is bipolar, and I love him, and I just...
35:11
he has those manic episodes.
35:12
I said, "Dude, turn it into your superpower.
35:15
You know how much I could get done if I had your mania?"
35:19
Even just for an hour.
35:20
Yeah.
35:20
I'm like, use what you got.
35:23
God gave you whatever He gave you for a reason.
35:25
If it was the trauma that w- turned into whatever it is, use it as your superpower."
35:31
ADHD, I've never seen someone be able to get so much done when they s- had that super focus on something they enjoyed.
35:39
So I'm like- Yeah "So only do shit you enjoy."
35:42
Find your superpower in whatever was given to you.
35:45
And I think that's what basically you're saying is- Yeah use, something that gives you goosebumps.
35:52
Yeah.
35:52
Something that wakes you up in the morning.
35:54
Don't worry about what other people think about it.
35:56
You do it.
35:57
Amen.
35:58
'Cause there's gonna be someone else you're gonna touch with doing that.
36:01
Absolutely.
36:02
And, you found your superpower.
36:03
Doesn't matter if you got a...
36:05
If someone told you had BPD at 10 years old, so what?
36:10
You're still gonna use it because that's the kind of guy you are.
36:14
It's not gonna change who you are.
36:16
It's- No but now you can share your lived experience, and you can help other people.
36:22
One of my absolute favorite coaches to listen to speak, speaks...
36:27
She teaches people and coaches people on how to deal with ADHD, how to focus, and how your brain is just wired a little differently.
36:37
So use that, and be the most organized person and set up these tools.
36:42
And she's an amazing coach, amazing.
36:46
Also, one of my favorite podcasts is Sam Elliott, I think, i'm drawing a blank on his name, but, his podcast is Autism Rocks.
36:55
And- Yeah again, take your powers that God or whatever you believe in- And take those superpowers and use them for good.
37:05
And I think that's what you're trying- Yes to tell people here.
37:08
Yes, exactly.
37:10
So what else do you wanna share with us?
37:12
I know we've been talking for a while, and I'm talking a lot, but- Oh, what e- Oh I can talk.
37:17
I've become addicted to podcasting, 'cause I've started my own now.
37:20
Let's talk about where they can find my book.
37:22
Okay.
37:23
So my book as I said, my The Places I Didn't Belong and then Maybe I Didn't or Maybe I Did Belong.
37:31
They're available on Amazon.
37:33
They're available in paperback and e-book, so check them out.
37:37
Where you can find me, so I have a website, bpdraw.com.
37:43
And if you look up BPD Raw on Facebook, I have there a page there as well.
37:48
And Instagram, you can find a lot of videos there, @dendub on Instagram.
37:56
Okay.
37:57
Sounds good.
37:57
And I will put all those links, so guys, if you're listening but you can't write, you can't stop doing what you're doing to write it down, don't worry.
38:05
Everything will be in the show notes so that we can make sure that you can get hold of Denis Dubois and grab his insane wisdom.
38:13
So I love that.
38:15
So but Denis, thank you so much for coming on.
38:19
But before you go- if you had to give- the listeners one more message, words of wisdom, something awesome to take with them th- to make their day a little brighter, what would it be today?
38:35
Never let someone silence your voice Amen.
38:43
Yeah.
38:44
Amen.
38:44
I love that.
38:45
And you should definitely trust your voice because you're the person that you speak to the most, if you think about it.
38:52
Absolutely.
38:53
Yeah.
38:54
Yeah.
38:55
Very well said.
38:57
Thank you so much, and thank you so much for coming on.
39:01
I really had fun doing this.
39:03
Cool.
39:04
Yeah.
39:04
I did too.
39:05
Yes, absolutely.
39:06
I think this is one of, this is one of my best so far, I think.
39:09
Oh, thank you.
39:10
I love that.
39:11
We had a great conversation.
39:13
And for everybody else out there listening, you heard it.
39:15
The best and simplest way I can put it, and if you've listened to any of my podcasts, you've heard me say it a million times.
39:21
You were born beautiful, amazing, perfect, divine and joyous, and then life lifed on you, and people told you different things, and you started to believe the things, even if it was deep, deep in your subconscious beliefs or even
39:34
in your nervous system.
39:36
You started believing things that weren't true.
39:39
So it's not about becoming a new you.
39:42
It's about going back and finding the you that you were before life lifed on you, and that is that beautiful, divine, joyous creature we all are.
39:52
And you all deserve to go back and have that authentic voice.
39:56
Don't ever, like Denise said, don't ever let someone silence that voice.
40:03
That is you.
40:04
That is your truth, and you deserve to live that truth every single day that you're on this planet.
40:09
So- Beautifully said.
40:11
Yeah, so phew, I just, I believe that.
40:13
So you all have a most wonderful and blessed day, and we will see you back soon.
40:18
Bye.
40:19
Bye.