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Transcript

Why Do I Feel Disconnected From Myself? (It's Not What You Think) · Your Utmost Life

0:00
Misty Celli: Something is wrong.
0:02
Misty Celli: You can't explain it.
0:03
Misty Celli: And the worst part is your life looks fine.
0:06
Misty Celli: You have the kids, the home, the people who love you.
0:09
Misty Celli: You're grateful and you know you're grateful.
0:12
Misty Celli: And yet, underneath all of it is this hollow feeling you cannot name and cannot shake.
0:17
Misty Celli: And that disconnect between the life that looks fine and the woman who feels like she's disappearing inside of it is exactly what we're talking about today.
0:26
Misty Celli: Specifically, I've been thinking about the woman who's going to find this episode.
0:30
Misty Celli: Maybe through search, maybe through a friend who texted her a link and said, this is you.
0:35
Misty Celli: And she pressed play, not entirely sure why, but just knowing that something in the title stopped her mid-scroll.
0:43
Misty Celli: That was not an accident.
0:44
Misty Celli: That was her, the part of you that is still paying attention, still reaching, still trying to find her way back to you.
0:52
Misty Celli: She saw those words and said, Yes, that one.
0:56
Misty Celli: Play that one.
0:57
Misty Celli: So if you are a woman who loves her life on paper and feels hollow inside, this episode is for you.
1:04
Misty Celli: Stay with me, because what I'm about to tell you is going to change the way that you understand everything you've been feeling.
1:10
Misty Celli: And if you've caught yourself going through the motions of your own life and wondering when exactly that happened, this episode is for you.
1:18
Misty Celli: And if you've ever felt guilty for feeling empty when you have so much to be grateful for, especially if you have felt that, this episode is for you.
1:28
Misty Celli: Stay with me because what I'm about to tell you is going to change the way you understand everything you've been feeling.
1:35
Misty Celli: If you are tired of feeling like you don't know who you are anymore, and when you look in the mirror, you catch yourself thinking, is this all there is?
1:42
Misty Celli: Even though you know you were made for more, you're in the right place.
1:46
Misty Celli: I'm Miss Tucelli, and I help women step into their highest potential and design a life that feels true, rich, and deeply satisfying.
1:54
Misty Celli: A life built by design, not by default.
1:56
Misty Celli: On this podcast, you will learn the principles and strategic tools that create real lasting transformation in your health, your relationships, your confidence, your goals, and the deeper parts of you like purpose, growth, love, and parenting.
2:09
Misty Celli: This is where you begin the process of becoming your utmost self and reclaiming a life that feels like yours again.
2:15
Misty Celli: Welcome to your utmost life podcast.
2:18
Misty Celli: Before I get into anything, I want you to just take a breath.
2:23
Misty Celli: Not a deep cleansing breath, not a yoga breath, just air.
2:27
Misty Celli: In and out, like a woman who has been holding herself very tightly for a very long time and is finally, just for a moment, putting something down.
2:37
Misty Celli: Because here's what I know about you, even though we've never met, you have been carrying this feeling for longer than you admit to anyone, including yourself.
2:45
Misty Celli: You've been carrying the weight of it in your body, that low grade heaviness that shows up before your feet even hit the floor in the morning.
2:52
Misty Celli: You feel it in your chest when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and don't quite recognize who's looking back.
2:58
Misty Celli: You hear it in the quiet, in those stolen moments when the house is finally still and instead of feeling peace, you feel this hollow echo where you used to feel like yourself.
3:08
Misty Celli: And you've been telling yourself that you're fine, that you're just tired, that everyone feels this way.
3:14
Misty Celli: You don't have any right to feel lost when you have a beautiful life and people who love you and so much to be grateful for.
3:21
Misty Celli: You've been pressing that feeling down, that feeling with gratitude, like a lid on a pot that keeps trying to boil over.
3:28
Misty Celli: And here's what I want you to hear, what I need you to hear before anything else.
3:32
Misty Celli: That feeling is not ingratitude.
3:35
Misty Celli: It's not selfishness, it's not a character flaw or a spiritual failure or evidence that something is wrong with you.
3:42
Misty Celli: It is a signal, and you have been working so hard to silence it.
3:47
Misty Celli: You've been carrying this for a long time, haven't you?
3:51
Misty Celli: I see you and I am so glad that you are here.
3:55
Misty Celli: Here's what I think has been running through your head.
3:58
Misty Celli: Maybe not in these exact words, but something close.
4:02
Misty Celli: You say to yourself, I don't understand why I feel this.
4:06
Misty Celli: My life is good.
4:07
Misty Celli: I have kids who need me and a home and people who love me, and I should be grateful.
4:12
Misty Celli: I am grateful.
4:13
Misty Celli: So why do I feel like I'm disappearing?
4:16
Misty Celli: Why do I feel so hollow?
4:18
Misty Celli: Why does it feel like I'm watching my own life from a distance?
4:22
Misty Celli: Like I'm in the room, but not really there.
4:25
Misty Celli: And the worst part, I feel guilty for feeling this way.
4:29
Misty Celli: Like wanting more, wanting to feel more alive, wanting to feel like myself.
4:33
Misty Celli: Like that makes me selfish.
4:35
Misty Celli: Like I'm supposed to just be happy with what I have.
4:39
Misty Celli: Like focusing on myself is somehow taking something away from the people I love.
4:44
Misty Celli: So I push it back down and I keep going and I keep telling myself it'll pass and it doesn't pass.
4:50
Misty Celli: And I'm starting to wonder if this is just who I am now.
4:55
Misty Celli: Y'all, I know that thought.
4:57
Misty Celli: I know exactly how that thought sits in your chest at 2 a.m.
5:02
Misty Celli: when the house is quiet and you're lying there staring at the ceiling, wondering if the woman you thought you would be by now is ever going to show up.
5:11
Misty Celli: That thought, this is just who I am now, that is the most painful thought a woman can have about herself because it sounds like acceptance, but it's not acceptance, it's surrender.
5:22
Misty Celli: And deep down she knows the difference.
5:25
Misty Celli: And the reason you're here listening to this right now is because some part of you refuses to surrender.
5:31
Misty Celli: Some part of you is still fighting for her, and I want to talk about why.
5:36
Misty Celli: Here's the false belief I want to name directly, because I think you've been living inside it so long you've stopped being able to see it from the outside.
5:45
Misty Celli: The belief is prioritizing myself is selfish.
5:50
Misty Celli: I should be grateful for what I have.
5:52
Misty Celli: Wanting more, wanting to feel alive, wanting to feel like myself means that I'm not grateful enough.
5:58
Misty Celli: I want to honor that belief for a second before I dismantle it because it didn't come from nowhere.
6:04
Misty Celli: It came from love.
6:06
Misty Celli: It came from the way you were raised, from the woman who watched, from the message that was woven into everything that a good woman gives, that good mothers put her people first, that wanting more is greedy, that feeling empty when you have so much is ungrateful.
6:24
Misty Celli: That belief was installed in you by people who were just passing along, what was installed in them.
6:31
Misty Celli: It was protective once.
6:32
Misty Celli: It helped you be who everybody needed you to be.
6:36
Misty Celli: But here's what it's costing you right now, today.
6:39
Misty Celli: It's costing you the ability to be fully present in the life you've built.
6:43
Misty Celli: Because a hollow woman cannot give from a full place.
6:47
Misty Celli: She can only give until she runs out, and then she gives from debt, and debt giving looks like resentment and exhaustion and going through the motions of love without feeling it.
6:59
Misty Celli: That's the immediate cost.
7:01
Misty Celli: But here's the cost beneath the cost, the one you haven't let yourself fully look at yet.
7:07
Misty Celli: This belief is not just making you feel guilty for wanting more, it's actively silencing the part of you that knows who you are.
7:16
Misty Celli: Every time you press down that feeling, every time you tell yourself, be grateful, stop wanting more.
7:24
Misty Celli: You are turning down the volume on her, on your own voice, on your own rhythm.
7:30
Misty Celli: And the longer that goes on, the harder she is to hear.
7:33
Misty Celli: And here's the cost that I want you to really sit with, because this is the one that matters most.
7:41
Misty Celli: Project this forward, not dramatically, just honestly.
7:45
Misty Celli: Five years, ten years, same pattern, same pressing down, same hollow feeling, managed but never addressed, the same woman a decade deeper into a life she was present in but never fully inhabited.
8:01
Misty Celli: This is what this belief, unchallenged, produces.
8:05
Misty Celli: Not because you're not trying, not because you're not grateful, but because gratitude was never designed to replace identity.
8:13
Misty Celli: You can be deeply, genuinely grateful for your life and be deeply, genuinely disconnected from yourself at the same time.
8:21
Misty Celli: These two things are not in conflict.
8:24
Misty Celli: They are simply both true.
8:26
Misty Celli: Here's the reframe I want to offer you.
8:29
Misty Celli: Prioritizing yourself is not the opposite of gratitude.
8:34
Misty Celli: It is the foundation of it.
8:36
Misty Celli: Because the woman who knows who she is, who is connected to herself, living in her own rhythm, she experiences her life differently.
8:45
Misty Celli: She is present in a way that a hollow woman cannot be.
8:49
Misty Celli: She loves her people from fullness instead of obligation.
8:52
Misty Celli: She shows up in a way that is sustainable and real and alive.
8:57
Misty Celli: Choosing yourself is not selfish.
8:59
Misty Celli: It is the most generous thing you can do for every single person in your life.
9:05
Misty Celli: The guilt is not your compass.
9:07
Misty Celli: It is your conditioning.
9:09
Misty Celli: And those are two very different things.
9:12
Misty Celli: I want to tell you about a woman I think you're going to recognize.
9:17
Misty Celli: Forty-three years old, three kids, a life that from the outside looks exactly the way it was supposed to.
9:24
Misty Celli: She has the house, the marriage, the career she worked for, the kids she prayed for.
9:29
Misty Celli: She is organized and capable, and the person everyone calls when they need something handled.
9:34
Misty Celli: And she is exhausted in a way that sleep does not fix.
9:38
Misty Celli: She can picture herself at 28 with a kind of aliveness that she doesn't know how to access anymore.
9:44
Misty Celli: She had opinions and energy and this low hum of excitement about her own future.
9:50
Misty Celli: She knew what she liked.
9:52
Misty Celli: She knew what she wanted.
9:54
Misty Celli: She knew, not in an arrogant way, just in a quiet, grounded way, who she was.
10:00
Misty Celli: And somewhere in the years between then and now, that woman got quieter.
10:04
Misty Celli: She didn't leave dramatically.
10:06
Misty Celli: There was no single moment.
10:07
Misty Celli: She just faded.
10:09
Misty Celli: Like a song turned down so gradually you don't notice until you realize you can't hear it anymore.
10:15
Misty Celli: And every time she tried to say something about it to her husband, to a friend, even just to herself in the mirror, the guilt came up like a wall.
10:25
Misty Celli: You have so much.
10:27
Misty Celli: You are so lucky.
10:29
Misty Celli: Stop wanting more.
10:30
Misty Celli: This is what you asked for.
10:32
Misty Celli: So she stopped saying it.
10:34
Misty Celli: She stopped even thinking it mostly.
10:36
Misty Celli: She became very good at managing the feeling, staying busy, staying needed, staying useful, until one Tuesday morning she was standing in her kitchen making lunches at 6 a.m.
10:46
Misty Celli: and her youngest walked in and said, Mama, are you okay?
10:50
Misty Celli: And she said, Of course, baby, I'm fine.
10:52
Misty Celli: And her daughter looked at her for a very long moment and then just nodded and went to get her backpack.
10:58
Misty Celli: And she stood there at the kitchen counter and thought, When did even my eight-year-old stop believing me when I say I'm fine?
11:06
Misty Celli: She stood very still in that kitchen, and in that moment, that moment of quietness, something shifted.
11:13
Misty Celli: Not dramatically, not like a lightning bolt, just a small, clear voice underneath all the noise, underneath the guilt and the busyness and the managing.
11:23
Misty Celli: This isn't fine.
11:25
Misty Celli: I don't want it to be fine.
11:27
Misty Celli: I want it to be alive.
11:29
Misty Celli: This was the moment she stopped pressing the feeling down, not because anything changed.
11:34
Misty Celli: The lunches still needed to be made, the kids still needed school, and the days still needed happening, but she stopped treating the emptiness like a character flaw and started treating it like a signal.
11:45
Misty Celli: And what she discovered, slowly, imperfectly, in the middle of an ordinary life, was that she hadn't disappeared.
11:52
Misty Celli: She had just gotten quieter as everything else around her got louder.
11:56
Misty Celli: And that path back wasn't about becoming someone new.
12:00
Misty Celli: It was about remembering someone she had always been.
12:03
Misty Celli: She stopped looking for herself and started listening for herself.
12:07
Misty Celli: And the difference between those two things changed everything.
12:12
Misty Celli: Her rhythm never stopped.
12:14
Misty Celli: It just got drowned out.
12:16
Misty Celli: And the moment that she understood that, really understood it in her body, not just in her head, she stopped feeling guilty for wanting to hear it again.
12:25
Misty Celli: Now, I know what some of you are thinking right now because I've heard it, I've felt it myself, and it goes something like this: This sounds beautiful, but I don't have time for this.
12:36
Misty Celli: My life is genuinely full.
12:38
Misty Celli: My people genuinely need me.
12:40
Misty Celli: And by the time I get through everything that actually has to get done, there is nothing left.
12:45
Misty Celli: And I want to say, I hear you.
12:47
Misty Celli: And I want to name what's underneath that because it's not really about time.
12:52
Misty Celli: The real fear underneath I don't have time is I'm not worth the time.
12:59
Misty Celli: Not as a conscious thought, but as an operating belief, as the thing that runs in the background every time you consider doing something for yourself and then quietly talk yourself out of it.
13:10
Misty Celli: Time reorganizes around self-worth.
13:14
Misty Celli: That's not a motivational quote, it's a mechanical truth.
13:18
Misty Celli: You find time for what you believe deserves it.
13:21
Misty Celli: And right now, somewhere deep in the programming, you don't fully believe that you do.
13:28
Misty Celli: That is not a character flaw.
13:30
Misty Celli: That's the conditioning we just talked about.
13:33
Misty Celli: And it's exactly what we start to untangle.
13:36
Misty Celli: Some of you are thinking something else.
13:38
Misty Celli: I've tried this before, I've read the books, I've started the journals, I've done the things, and I always fall back.
13:45
Misty Celli: So what makes this different?
13:47
Misty Celli: That fear, I can't afford to hope again, is one of the most understandable fears a woman can have, especially a woman who has tried hard and fallen back and had to live with the weight of that.
13:59
Misty Celli: But here's what I want you to consider.
14:01
Misty Celli: The reason those things didn't create lasting change isn't because you lacked discipline or follow-through.
14:07
Misty Celli: It's because they were behavior attempts addressed as identity attempts.
14:12
Misty Celli: They tried to change what you did without touching who you believe you were, and that's exactly why we start at the root.
14:20
Misty Celli: I want you to close your eyes for a second if you can, or just soften your gaze and come with me somewhere.
14:28
Misty Celli: It's a Tuesday morning, same house, same life, same kids new need breakfast in a day that needs happening, but you wake up before the alarm.
14:39
Misty Celli: Not because you couldn't sleep, but because some part of you is ready.
14:43
Misty Celli: You get up in the quiet before anyone else is awake and you make yourself coffee first, not because everything else is done, but because you are someone who does that now.
14:54
Misty Celli: You sit down in the kitchen at the table, wherever your spot is, and you feel something you had almost forgotten was possible.
15:02
Misty Celli: You feel your own breath.
15:05
Misty Celli: Not the managed breath of a woman bracing for the day, your actual breath, your own rhythm.
15:11
Misty Celli: Slow, steady, yours.
15:14
Misty Celli: You think about your kids and you feel love, not obligation love, not guilt love, but the real thing, the full chest version, because you are not running on empty.
15:25
Misty Celli: You are not giving from a place of debt.
15:28
Misty Celli: You are present in your own life in a way that has been missing for a very long time.
15:33
Misty Celli: Your daughter walks in and she looks at you and she doesn't ask if you're okay.
15:38
Misty Celli: She just sits down next to you and leans her head on your shoulder because she can feel the difference.
15:43
Misty Celli: Kids always can.
15:45
Misty Celli: You are the same woman in the same house with the same people and the same life, but you are living in your own rhythm again.
15:53
Misty Celli: And everything, everything feels different from the inside.
15:57
Misty Celli: That woman is not far away.
15:59
Misty Celli: She is not someone you have to become.
16:02
Misty Celli: She is someone you have to remember.
16:04
Misty Celli: And the remembering is closer than you think.
16:08
Misty Celli: You are allowed to want this.
16:10
Misty Celli: Not someday when you've earned it, not when everything else settles down, but right now, exactly as you are.
16:17
Misty Celli: You are allowed to want this right now.
16:21
Misty Celli: So here's what we do next.
16:22
Misty Celli: Monday, I'm releasing the next episode, and we're going to go deep on something I call the identity eraser effect.
16:30
Misty Celli: It's the actual mechanism, the specific thing that happened that turned your volume down.
16:37
Misty Celli: And once you understand it, y'all, you cannot unsee it.
16:40
Misty Celli: It changes the way you understand everything you've been feeling, and it is the beginning of understanding how to reverse it.
16:48
Misty Celli: Subscribe right now if you haven't, so it shows up in your feed automatically Monday morning.
16:52
Misty Celli: And I want to tell you something else.
16:54
Misty Celli: Starting next week, I am releasing two episodes every single week, Monday and Thursday.
17:00
Misty Celli: And I want you to know why.
17:02
Misty Celli: Well, because I think you deserve to know.
17:04
Misty Celli: It's not a strategy, it's not a growth play.
17:07
Misty Celli: It's because I know what it feels like to be in the middle of a hard week, to be running on empty, going through the motions, carrying that hollow feeling and not knowing what to do with it.
17:16
Misty Celli: And I don't want you to have to wait.
17:18
Misty Celli: I don't want you sitting with the weight of feeling invisible and unseen and stuck for a whole week before someone walks back into that space with you.
17:26
Misty Celli: You matter too much for that.
17:28
Misty Celli: Your struggle is too real for that.
17:31
Misty Celli: And the woman inside you, the one who's been whispering, she has been waiting long enough.
17:36
Misty Celli: So twice a week, I'm going to show up for you, to walk with you, to remind you who you are when the noise gets loud and she gets quiet again.
17:46
Misty Celli: That's the deal.
17:47
Misty Celli: That's why we're here.
17:48
Misty Celli: Now, before you go, I want to leave you with something to carry out of this episode and into your next week.
17:55
Misty Celli: Say this with me, even if you just say it in your head.
17:58
Misty Celli: I am not selfish or wanting to feel alive.
18:02
Misty Celli: I am not ungrateful for feeling empty.
18:05
Misty Celli: I am a woman with utmost self is already inside of her.
18:10
Misty Celli: She has been whispering, and today I hear her.
18:13
Misty Celli: That's not wishful thinking.
18:15
Misty Celli: That is the truth about you.
18:17
Misty Celli: And I need you to hold on to it.
18:19
Misty Celli: Especially in the next hour, when the busyness comes back and the guilt tries to reassert itself, and a voice says, Who do you think you are taking up space like this?
18:27
Misty Celli: When that voice comes, and it will, answer it with this I am a woman who hurt herself today, and I am not pressing her back down.
18:37
Misty Celli: You are more than everyone's everything.
18:40
Misty Celli: You are someone.
18:42
Misty Celli: I will see you Monday.