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Why They Leave You In The Hospital! The Ultimate Narcissistic Discard · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  Imagine being sick in the hospital and your partner just
• 0:03
  abandons you there. That's a reality for a lot of
• 0:05
  people that are dealing with narcissists and toxic people
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  where you get sick, you get hurt, and then all of a sudden
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  your partner is poofs and disappears on you seemingly out
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  of nowhere and it's sudden, it's traumatic.
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  You are. You are already going through
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  trauma, but now you got the traumatic Yeah, you got to.
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  Now you go through the loss and as someone diagnosed with
• 0:25
  narcissistic person out the disorder.
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  Yeah, this is not uncommon when you're dealing with a
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  narcissist, right? You're dealing with a toxic
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  person. They feel like you no longer
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  serve them, like they're not getting any type of narcissistic
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  supply or validation from you. So they feel like they feel,
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  they feel the need to go ahead and discard you and get rid of
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  you, right? I'm gonna have to donate to the
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  guardian here pretty soon, y'all.
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  But they did an article about the men who leave their spouses
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  when they have a life threatening illness that this
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  article just is deep dive, right?
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  But before my fellas hop on here and say, Lee, you're pandering.
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  You're just talking about the women, y'all.
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  Women do it too. The narcissistic men just do it
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  at a much higher rate. Did you hear me?
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  Clearly, men, women do it as well, just at a much higher
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  rate. Got it.
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  And the reason narcissistic men do it at a much higher rate is
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  because the mind works differently.
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  Most times when you're dealing with a narcissist or toxic
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  person, they are with you because they're getting
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  something from you. The spotlight is on them most of
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  the time because they're able to get some type of narcissistic
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  supply or attention or something from you along those lines,
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  right? But when you get hurt or you get
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  sick, you no longer serve them. They know they're no longer
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  getting that narcissistic supply.
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  So they feel like they don't need you anymore, right?
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  They're getting their little narcissistic, narcissistic belly
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  full belly's full off of you and from your narcissist from what
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  if you're getting getting right. And another term for this is a
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  fair weather partner, right? When everything's going good and
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  fine, they can be around. They're amazing.
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  They are going to be there for you.
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  But as soon as you get sick, as soon as you get hurt, as soon as
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  something inconveniences them, bam.
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  Now they want to discard you. Now they want to argue.
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  Now they want to fuss, now they want to just make it seem like
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  you're, you're hell to deal with.
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  And the crazy thing about it is y'all, you don't even have to be
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  hurt or injured or something like that.
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  A narcissistic person like this will discard you if you have a
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  baby. You could be in a hospital about
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  to give birthright and they'll just drop you out at the
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  hospital and dip out, right? They won't even be there for
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  you. They'll come up here and try to
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  hold the baby after you done pushed or had AC section or
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  something like that. But then they they just want the
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  credit. They want the end result.
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  They want you to be better. They want things to go back to
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  normal so they can get that narcissistic supply and that
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  auto from the guardian. They tell a story about Christy
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  Sanchez who said when she was 12 she had the best stepdad in the
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  world. He was charismatic and
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  intelligent. He introduced her to new music
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  and took her hiking every weekend.
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  Then her mom got sick. Doesn't sound like love momming.
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  Does that not sound like love bombing you right there?
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  Because you know when you get a narcissistic partner, they will
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  love bomb the kids to get to you.
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  They will love bomb the children.
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  You see how present she said her stepdad was?
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  He's always here. He's done so much for me.
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  But when my mom got sick, poof. For two years, Sanchez's mom,
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  Sandra, battle stage 4 breast cancer.
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  It was advanced enough that within days of her diagnosis,
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  she was having breasts, lymph nodes and both ovaries removed.
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  Oh my goodness. Sanchez's step dad Tom was
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  upbeat at first because guess what, he could get narcissistic
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  supply from this. Tom probably thought this could
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  be a short lived thing and he could be there be to play the
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  hero role. Be there, play the hero.
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  Get. Look.
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  Look how good, Look how good of a husband I am.
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  Y'all see me taking care of my wife, Look how good I am.
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  Everybody, everybody see me doing good.
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  But then when you realize that this is a long term thing, poof,
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  look playing the hero, Sanchez. He was upbeat at first, attended
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  appointments with his wife, cooked meals, looked after the
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  children. But within a week, Sandra, the
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  breadwinner of the family, oh Lord, was back at work.
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  And within two she was already cooking and cleaning again.
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  Was Tom a bum? OK, Tom will be there first.
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  She's already back at work. By the six month mark, her step
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  dad's attitude had completely changed.
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  It's like he was the once the chemotherapy started and he saw
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  the decline in her health, he was kind of like oh shit.
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  And tapped out he had. He wanted nothing else to do
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  with it. Christy shared her experience of
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  the ordeal on a thread that went viral on Twitter in February.
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  The tweet that sparked it off? My sister had stage 4 cancer and
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  her ex-husband complained about her not doing her part to clean
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  up. I would never forget that as
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  long as I live. Wow, that shows you that
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  narcissistic toxic people that are emotionally disconnected
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  from you always want things to go back to the norm.
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  They want the status quo. They want that narcissistic
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  supply we're having to put very little effort in.
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  Now again, they will put a lot of effort in at 1st to get you
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  right, but once they feel like they've done enough, the effort
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  declines. The effort goes down.
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  Just like he was like Tom was love bombing his wife when she
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  first got diagnosed. Once he realized this was for
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  the long haul, you will you got to battle this together.
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  He's like Nope, I'm out of here. Somebody said my mom has stage 4
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  cancer to my dad and my dad and brother let her clean every day
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  since she died. Wow.
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  My mom was in the Hospice and her husband was out and about in
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  a new sports car picking up single moms and my siblings
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  after school sports program. Absolute garbage if you're
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  hoping that these are rare horror stories.
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  There is comfort to some to be had.
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  But most people, regardless of gender, do not leave their
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  partners when they get sick. Most people don't, right?
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  But some do. There's absolutely a gap in this
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  right here. There's an empathy gap because
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  they found some studies where they look, they tracked 515
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  couples, right? They tracked 515 patients that
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  had gotten sick that had partners and in those 515
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  patients, they found that when like like when the woman was the
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  one that got sick, 21% of the time the man divorced her.
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  Isn't that crazy? 21% of the time the woman
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  divorced her when when the man got sick, it was only three
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  percent. 2.9% lessons I rounded up it was it's crazy.
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  Does that make y'all think just like that is crazy as hell?
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  And the crazy thing about it is to add to that 3% stat to just
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  give you another mind blowing kind of inkling into that 3%
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  stat. Most of the time the women left
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  their partners. That meant that male partners
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  when they were sick was because the male partner was abusing
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  them. Even when they got sick, the
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  woman still wanted to stay, but the male partner was still
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  abusive when they got sick. And the woman's like, oh, hell
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  no, I'm not taking care of you and you beating my ass.
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  Hell no. But that's crazy out.
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  It's crazy how the mind of a narcissist or toxic person works
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  in these in these situations because it been it's all has to
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  benefit them, right? It all has to benefit them.
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  It really is because like that's the mindset of a narcissist.
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  I have to be getting something from this.
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  Now when you get sick, like normally in the relationship,
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  the narcissist wants to be the centerpiece.
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  They want to be the light, right?
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  They want to be the they want to be the shining bright light.
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  But when you get sick, they're no longer the the light is not
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  on them. That's what they that's the way
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  they look at it. They look at it like, oh, you're
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  sick, you're getting all the attention.
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  I'm not getting anything. So why, why do you even need me
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  here? I don't even need to be here
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  anymore because you get there all the stuff is you getting
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  everything from it. I don't get nothing out of here.
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  What? Isn't that an insane mindset to
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  have? But that's how narcissists
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  operate. I have to get something from
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  this. If you want to thank like a
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  narcissist, ask yourself this question right here.
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  What's in it for me? Before you, before you do
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  anything, before you make any kind of decision, ask yourself
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  that question right there. What's in it for me?
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  Because that's what narcissists do.
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  That's what we do. We have to ask ourselves that
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  question right there. What am I getting from this?
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  How does this benefit me? Regardless of the situation,
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  you're sick, you're giving birth, You're like I said, you
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  broke an arm, broke a leg, you need a ride, your car broke
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  down. It's not just personal injuries,
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  not just, it's just not just anything like a cancer diagnosis
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  or something like that or terminal illness or anything
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  like that. Sometimes it can just be as
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  simply as you broke your arm or your leg.
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  The flip side of this article y'all which you can kind of blow
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  your mind if not. It said on the flip side that
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  this relationship tend to function well when the woman
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  gets sick and requires intensive care from her partner.
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  But in cases where caregiving is not necessitated, men tend to
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  downplay a woman's symptoms and class her as largely
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  self-sufficient, expecting her to ask for help rather than
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  proactively giving it. So what that is saying right
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  there is that like, if you need help to be, if I can take care
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  of you, I will because I get something from that.
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  You see what I'm saying right there?
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  If I have to, if you need me to take care of you, that's
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  different because I can do, I can milk that.
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  That's yeah, that's milkable. There's like a cow that's
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  milkable right there, right. I can take care.
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  I if I can take care of you that's and get something from
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  it. Hell yeah.
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  What? I'm getting nothing from it.
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  Hell no, that's not how it works right there.
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  Y'all see the mentality that goes into that right there.
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  I know it sounds crazy. I know it sounds stupid, but
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  that's how I'm the mind of a narcissist works right there,
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  y'all. And the thing about that is you
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  can't teach empathy. You can't teach a narcissist
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  empathy. I know, but people will look at
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  me like, well, you seem like you have empathy.
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  Yeah, I've been in psychotherapy at this point right here for
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  nine years, nearly for nearly nine years I've been in
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  psychotherapy. I've been able to kind of bridge
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  the empathy gap within myself by by being proactive, by
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  practicing it, by doing things, look, by refusing to ask myself
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  that question or refusing to answer that question.
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  Remember that question I asked you earlier?
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  What question was that, y'all? What's in it for me?
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  What am I going to get from this?
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  How does this benefit me? I'm no longer asking myself
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  those questions right there. Instead, I'm asking myself the
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  questions like how can this help others?
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  How can I assert how can this benefit others?
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  And how can this be mutually beneficial?
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  Depends on the circumstance though, right?
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  No, that's not how my mind works every single time.
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  But how can this be mutually beneficial is a question I tend
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  to ask myself more often times than not.
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  How can I help somebody else? Because I do give and do things
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  that don't benefit me, right? But most times my mind still
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  works that way. So you dealing with a
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  narcissist, that's one question you had to ask yourself, right?
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  They're going to turn on a lot of times, they're going to turn
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  on you. They're going to do things that
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  hurt your feelings. They're going to do things that
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  mess with your head. They're going to do things they
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  make you feel like you're going crazy.
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  They're going to expect you to get better or pretend that
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  you're not sick because they want everything to go back to
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  the status quo. That's just how it works right
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  there, y'all? As you know, narcissists do not
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  handle change well. They don't have to handle change
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  very well at all. So if things are going to change
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  and it doesn't benefit them directly, you're going to see a
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  lot of argument, you're going to see a lot of fuss, and you're
• 10:56
  going to see a lot of fighting, y'all.
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