Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 476. How to keep the spark alive in a relationship (or create one from scratch)

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476. How to keep the spark alive in a relationship (or create one from scratch) · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:14
Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful beans, and welcome to the podcast episode off Todays.
0:19
Speaker 1: So this episode is all about how to keep the
0:23
Speaker 1: spark alive slash how to create a spark altogether in
0:28
Speaker 1: a relationship.
0:29
Speaker 2: We're talking about romantic relationships. I feel like that goes
0:32
Speaker 2: without saying.
0:32
Speaker 1: But anyway, now this is not so obviously number one.
0:36
Speaker 1: We're talking about what to do when the spark has
0:39
Speaker 1: died in a relationship. So people that have been together
0:42
Speaker 1: for a really long time, they're not necessarily wanting to
0:45
Speaker 1: leave their partner, but they're like, it's mundane, it's flat,
0:47
Speaker 1: like nothing's really going on with us. I'd love to
0:50
Speaker 1: bring the spark back. This is for people who have
0:52
Speaker 1: a really good thing going and think I don't want
0:55
Speaker 1: the spark to ever die and these things. If you
0:57
Speaker 1: were to do these things, you would be always keeping
0:59
Speaker 1: this alive. This also goes for if you've been in
1:02
Speaker 1: a relationship for a long time and you're kind of
1:04
Speaker 1: getting that itch I like, I don't know if this
1:07
Speaker 1: is the person for me or not, Like I need
1:09
Speaker 1: to make a big decision, but there's no big enough
1:12
Speaker 1: factors that pull me in or push me out. And
1:14
Speaker 1: I'm kind of in this limbo. So this will by
1:17
Speaker 1: doing these things, it's going to really determine if you
1:20
Speaker 1: really are in love with this person or if it's
1:22
Speaker 1: just absolutely not meant to be. And it's also really
1:25
Speaker 1: good if you are kind of seeing someone they're in
1:30
Speaker 1: to you, but you're not sure if they're the one
1:32
Speaker 1: for you, and you're kind of like, should I return
1:35
Speaker 1: to the dating pool? Should I put myself out? There's
1:37
Speaker 1: kind of you know, when you've got too many options
1:38
Speaker 1: and it's really hard to commit. You've got someone right
1:41
Speaker 1: in front of you who on paper is actually.
1:42
Speaker 2: A really good person.
1:43
Speaker 1: They treat you well, they're lovely, but you're like, I
1:45
Speaker 1: just don't know what it is, but I also feel
1:47
Speaker 1: bad leaving, So I'm you're kind of in this limbo. Okay,
1:51
Speaker 1: now I've spoken to you about a few examples where
1:54
Speaker 1: friends of mine have the stage of the guy. I don't know
1:56
Speaker 1: if I've mentioned this recently, but a good friend of mine,
1:59
Speaker 1: he was in the dating scene for a couple of years,
2:02
Speaker 1: hadn't had a relationship, loved, loved to date, whatever. Then
2:05
Speaker 1: he started dating this guy and they were having a
2:09
Speaker 1: really good time, but he was kind of because it
2:11
Speaker 1: was so used to being on the apps and so
2:13
Speaker 1: used to going on multiple dates. He was kind of like,
2:15
Speaker 1: I don't know where it's where I stand here. I
2:18
Speaker 1: don't know, like is it something that I pursue?
2:20
Speaker 2: Is it not? Is it it wasn't one of these
2:22
Speaker 2: things of like absolute love at first sight.
2:24
Speaker 1: He enjoyed his company, it was all well and good,
2:26
Speaker 1: but he was like, I don't really know where to
2:27
Speaker 1: go from here, Like I don't know if it's big
2:30
Speaker 1: enough for it to be an official thing. So I
2:33
Speaker 1: said to him, You've got to pretend for the next
2:36
Speaker 1: three months. And obviously if you get your answer earlier
2:38
Speaker 1: than three months, and then great, you've got your answer.
2:41
Speaker 2: But set yourself a three month timeline and you are going.
2:44
Speaker 1: To pretend that this person is your fucking person, right,
2:49
Speaker 1: they are the love of your life, that there is
2:51
Speaker 1: no you only have eyes for them. You act that way,
2:54
Speaker 1: and when you do that, you fully commit to this
2:56
Speaker 1: individual that individual, Then they start reciprocating, they start warming up,
3:02
Speaker 1: they start you know, acting in a similar way, or
3:04
Speaker 1: they might pull away and leave and again you've got
3:06
Speaker 1: your answer. But in general, when you start really giving
3:09
Speaker 1: that warmth, that vulnerability that you know, you start to
3:12
Speaker 1: see the relationship for the real potential that it has.
3:16
Speaker 1: Long term, you start to see it's like a window
3:18
Speaker 1: into what the future if your relationship could be like
3:21
Speaker 1: if you only ever half ass a relationship because you
3:23
Speaker 1: think there might be something like the grass is always grainer.
3:25
Speaker 1: On the other side, there's another twenty people on this
3:27
Speaker 1: app that I haven't responded to in a conversation.
3:30
Speaker 2: If you're always thinking that way, then you're never really.
3:32
Speaker 1: Going to give your all to this person, and you
3:34
Speaker 1: then end up judging that person instead of judging what
3:38
Speaker 1: you gave to the relationship. Most of our experiences are
3:42
Speaker 1: for relationship, well not most, but at least fifty percent
3:44
Speaker 1: of what we experience in a relationship is what we
3:46
Speaker 1: bring to the table. And if you are in love
3:50
Speaker 1: like excited, passionate, vulnerable, you feel safe and secure, then
3:54
Speaker 1: your experience of that relationship is going to heavily influence
3:58
Speaker 1: your belief about that individual as well. Well. Okay, so
4:01
Speaker 1: if you are always with one foot out the door,
4:04
Speaker 1: that person doesn't have a fucking chance. They could be
4:07
Speaker 1: the best thing since fucking slice bread and you will
4:10
Speaker 1: not see it. Okay, So what I'm about to tell
4:13
Speaker 1: you applies to all those scenarios. Oh and by the way,
4:16
Speaker 1: my guy friend who did that, they're now married, absolutely
4:20
Speaker 1: in love. They're the best, They're the fucking best couple ever.
4:22
Speaker 1: So yeah, and after about a month he was like, oh,
4:25
Speaker 1: this guy's the love.
4:26
Speaker 2: Of my life.
4:27
Speaker 1: Like you know, I've gone all in and it's really
4:29
Speaker 1: paid off. And I'm so glad I did that because
4:31
Speaker 1: I was like one foot in, one foot out, and like,
4:33
Speaker 1: when I fully committed, it made me realize that this
4:36
Speaker 1: is the man for me.
4:38
Speaker 2: Now. If I'm going to read, I think it's about
4:43
Speaker 2: fourteen points, which is hair deck. But I've got fourteen points.
4:47
Speaker 1: You don't have to practice all of these fourteen points
4:50
Speaker 1: to keep the spark alive. You can take a couple
4:52
Speaker 1: of them. You can you can lean all in and
4:54
Speaker 1: do all of them, see how you go. But there's
4:56
Speaker 1: fourteen things that I'm going to recommend that you do.
4:59
Speaker 1: Best case scenari is that you and your partner are
5:02
Speaker 1: across these fourteen points and you get your partner to
5:04
Speaker 1: listen to this as well, and.
5:06
Speaker 2: You do it mutually. That's when you're going.
5:08
Speaker 1: To see amazing results. Okay, but if after listening to
5:13
Speaker 1: these fourteen points, you're sitting there thinking, well, why would
5:18
Speaker 1: I do all of that for my partner? Why would
5:19
Speaker 1: I do that for them? They wouldn't do.
5:21
Speaker 2: It for me.
5:22
Speaker 1: Then you're in a position of tit for tat in
5:25
Speaker 1: your relationship, and it's not a good position. And when
5:28
Speaker 1: you get into tit for tat, it's kind of hard
5:31
Speaker 1: to snap out of it without a bit of awareness.
5:32
Speaker 2: From both ends.
5:33
Speaker 1: So you've got to really pay attention. It's like, is
5:35
Speaker 1: this the relationship that I want to have long term?
5:37
Speaker 1: If I'm refusing to do something unless my partner does
5:40
Speaker 1: something good for me.
5:41
Speaker 2: Okay. The other thing is that I recommend, like I said,
5:44
Speaker 2: that you show this to your partner.
5:46
Speaker 1: And if you say to that, oh my god, I
5:49
Speaker 1: couldn't show this to my partner because no matter how
5:52
Speaker 1: good I am to my partner, they would never reciprocate, Well,
5:55
Speaker 1: then that says a lot about who your partner is,
5:57
Speaker 1: isn't it. If you know for a fact, without even asking,
6:00
Speaker 1: that your partner would absolutely never reciprocate on a nice
6:03
Speaker 1: thing that you could do for them and.
6:05
Speaker 2: They could do it for you, then I think that's.
6:07
Speaker 1: Very telling of the kind of person that you're in
6:09
Speaker 1: a relationship with and maybe you're going to get more
6:11
Speaker 1: answers that it's not the right thing.
6:12
Speaker 2: After listening to all of this.
6:14
Speaker 1: Now, another thing that I do want to say is
6:18
Speaker 1: I do recommend you try it anyway, because you never know.
6:22
Speaker 2: You might be surprised.
6:23
Speaker 1: Sometimes you think, oh, my partner would never do that
6:25
Speaker 1: with you know, we're in a slump, we've been together
6:26
Speaker 1: for too long.
6:27
Speaker 2: There's no way they'd be romantic. There's no way.
6:29
Speaker 1: Sometimes it just takes one person starting the momentum of
6:34
Speaker 1: romance again or kindness or spontaneity, and they start to
6:38
Speaker 1: feel really seen and heard and loved again, and it
6:42
Speaker 1: reignites their love their passion for you, and then they
6:46
Speaker 1: start doing it. You might be surprised. So even if
6:48
Speaker 1: you're being negative and you think, oh, it's not going
6:51
Speaker 1: to happen, I still recommend you do it because then
6:53
Speaker 1: the beauty of doing it is either A or everything
6:58
Speaker 1: turns out the way you want it to turn out.
6:59
Speaker 1: The spark is ignited, the love returns well I mean
7:02
Speaker 1: that level of love returns, or B you can comfortably
7:06
Speaker 1: say I know now that I did everything I could
7:10
Speaker 1: have done, I'm walking away from this really knowing that
7:13
Speaker 1: it just wasn't right. It wasn't right, even when I
7:16
Speaker 1: did all these things, even when I gave it my all,
7:19
Speaker 1: They it just wasn't it. It wasn't it, and it
7:21
Speaker 1: would never been better. Then you walk away with no questions.
7:25
Speaker 1: You don't you're not arming an a ring adel or
7:26
Speaker 1: did I make a mistake? You know you did everything
7:28
Speaker 1: you could have done, so I always think it's worth it. Now,
7:31
Speaker 1: we are not referring to unhealthy relationships here. I'm not
7:35
Speaker 1: encouraging you to try and keep the spark alive if
7:37
Speaker 1: you're in a relationship with a selfish, narcissist or someone
7:41
Speaker 1: who manipulates you like this podcast is not This episode
7:46
Speaker 1: specifically is not targeted at unhealthy relationships. I've got a
7:49
Speaker 1: whole bunch of episodes about nists, selfish partners, all of that.
7:53
Speaker 2: This is not it.
7:54
Speaker 1: This is for healthy relationships with Sparker's diet. Okay, now
7:58
Speaker 1: let's get straight into it. We've got fourteen points. Okay,
8:03
Speaker 1: some of them are going to sound relevant and some
8:04
Speaker 1: of them are going to be slightly not directly relevant.
8:07
Speaker 1: But number one, it is always make sure that you
8:12
Speaker 1: and your partner allow each other to maintain a degree
8:16
Speaker 1: of independence, like real independence, okay.
8:19
Speaker 2: And the reason why this does keep the.
8:21
Speaker 1: Spark alive is when you have real independence, you are
8:25
Speaker 1: kind of creating an environment where you're nurturing your own passions,
8:28
Speaker 1: your own interests, your own hobbies. And when you are
8:31
Speaker 1: a happy individual, you show up as a happier partner.
8:34
Speaker 1: If you think, no, we have to do everything together. Oh,
8:36
Speaker 1: my partner wants to go and do this with their friends,
8:38
Speaker 1: Oh well fuck them, fuck them, because you know they
8:41
Speaker 1: need to spend all their time with me.
8:42
Speaker 2: No.
8:43
Speaker 1: No, A happy you know, a happy wife, happy life,
8:46
Speaker 1: a happy partner, a happy relationship.
8:47
Speaker 2: That kind of thing.
8:48
Speaker 1: You have to really nurture and encourage the independence.
8:52
Speaker 2: Of your partner.
8:53
Speaker 1: It's not to say that you don't depend on each other,
8:56
Speaker 1: of course you do, but this should always be Everyone
8:58
Speaker 1: is entitled to have a like this very healthy section
9:02
Speaker 1: of their life to be independent, okay, because that is
9:05
Speaker 1: where your self of sense derives from. That's where your
9:08
Speaker 1: self love, your self respect, your self esteem, your confidence
9:12
Speaker 1: comes from. It's really important that you encourage that in
9:15
Speaker 1: your partner. And if you don't encourage that in your partner,
9:17
Speaker 1: ask yourself, why are you trying to control them. Are
9:20
Speaker 1: you trying to decide what they do with their free
9:23
Speaker 1: time and what they don't?
9:24
Speaker 2: What is this need?
9:26
Speaker 1: Do you think that if they have this independence they
9:28
Speaker 1: would leave you? And if that's the case, why do
9:30
Speaker 1: you think that? Do you think that they would want
9:33
Speaker 1: to leave? Or there's better options out there? Like why
9:35
Speaker 1: are you thinking that? But basically the important thing is
9:40
Speaker 1: that you do allow for total independence mutually with each other.
9:43
Speaker 1: Number two bids for connection. You've heard me say this before,
9:47
Speaker 1: So it's the Gotman Institute. Look it up, Bids for Connection,
9:49
Speaker 1: Gotman Institute. There's interviews, there's all articles, research, paper's done,
9:54
Speaker 1: But it is this idea of a bid for connection.
9:56
Speaker 1: When your partner makes a statement, even if it's seems
10:00
Speaker 1: so irrelevant and so unimportant, pay attention to when they're
10:04
Speaker 1: just trying to get you to connect. So the example
10:08
Speaker 1: that they use with the Gotman Institute is where they say, oh,
10:13
Speaker 1: look at this, look at that bird. Pay attention to
10:17
Speaker 1: how your partner responds.
10:18
Speaker 2: If your partner.
10:19
Speaker 1: Ignores you or dismisses you, they've dropped this bid for connection.
10:23
Speaker 1: You threw the ball and they didn't catch it and
10:25
Speaker 1: throw it back. They just let the ball fall, and
10:27
Speaker 1: then that's kind of where a bid for connection does.
10:30
Speaker 1: So the opposite of that, they would say, oh, look
10:32
Speaker 1: at that bird, you'd be like, yeah, wow, that's a
10:34
Speaker 1: really nice bird. Or they might say, oh can you
10:36
Speaker 1: You know, they'll comment on something and you acknowledge it.
10:38
Speaker 1: You don't have to agree if anything, you can have
10:41
Speaker 1: a nice debate, you can whatever, but it's always acknowledging.
10:44
Speaker 1: Sometimes your partner will say something that you're like, that's
10:47
Speaker 1: so fucking pointless, that's so random.
10:48
Speaker 2: Why did you say that. I don't need to respond.
10:51
Speaker 1: But then maybe it's deeper than that. Maybe they don't
10:52
Speaker 1: actually care about the actual thing they said. Maybe it
10:54
Speaker 1: was just them trying to bid for connection and it's
10:57
Speaker 1: their way of doing it. The couples that acknowledge the
11:01
Speaker 1: bid for connection are the ones that are likely to
11:03
Speaker 1: stay together for longer versus the couples that ignored or
11:08
Speaker 1: dismissed the bid for connection, and they were more likely
11:11
Speaker 1: to actually get divorced.
11:12
Speaker 2: Now I don't know the exact rates.
11:14
Speaker 1: I have quoted the rates of this in the past
11:16
Speaker 1: on my podcast, but I can't remember the top of
11:19
Speaker 1: my mind. But there were actual numbers that were published around,
11:23
Speaker 1: you know, bids for connection and ignoring and how that
11:26
Speaker 1: was a predictor for success in the relationship or divorce.
11:29
Speaker 2: So very important.
11:31
Speaker 1: Even if you don't care about the thing, you care
11:34
Speaker 1: about your partner. So this does pay off long term
11:37
Speaker 1: because they feel heard, They get this little like feeling
11:40
Speaker 1: of connection and then their warm up to you. So
11:43
Speaker 1: you win when you acknowledge that bid for connection. Number three,
11:47
Speaker 1: encourage personal growth outside of the relationship and celebrate each
11:52
Speaker 1: other's wins. It is very important to celebrate each other's
11:55
Speaker 1: wins because you one of the predictors of healthy relationships
12:02
Speaker 1: and friendships is if you're together in the good times.
12:06
Speaker 2: People think we've got to be together in.
12:07
Speaker 1: The bad times, and that's what is like the marker
12:10
Speaker 1: of a strong relationship. Actually, there's a lot of evidence
12:13
Speaker 1: to show that it's more so being together for each
12:16
Speaker 1: other in the good times that will be a marker for.
12:21
Speaker 2: A successful relationship. So you are actually celebrating each other's wins.
12:24
Speaker 2: You're encouraging each other's wins.
12:26
Speaker 1: You are genuinely happy when something goes well for your partner.
12:29
Speaker 1: You're not resentful or annoyed or thinking, well, you know,
12:34
Speaker 1: whatever it is thinking, well, you know, you should have
12:36
Speaker 1: been doing something else instead of that, like really celebrating
12:38
Speaker 1: each other's wins. When they're good at something, you celebrate
12:41
Speaker 1: and when something you know has happened to them that
12:43
Speaker 1: was really nice, you are celebrating that. You are showing
12:46
Speaker 1: that you are really happy for when something happens to
12:48
Speaker 1: them that only benefits them. Okay, the next one is
12:52
Speaker 1: encourage your partner to see their friends and have a
12:54
Speaker 1: social life, because, like I said, when your partner's cup
12:58
Speaker 1: is full, they're going to show up as a better person.
13:00
Speaker 1: If I feel drained and depleted and that I've not
13:03
Speaker 1: been able to see my friends or or you know,
13:05
Speaker 1: my close family and none of that, I'm going to
13:07
Speaker 1: be drained, and the version of me that's going to
13:09
Speaker 1: show up to Tyrone is not going to be the best,
13:11
Speaker 1: that's for sure. But if I see my friends regularly,
13:15
Speaker 1: have these nice outings, seeing my family, have all this
13:18
Speaker 1: time with the people that I connect with the most,
13:20
Speaker 1: that really fill up my cup, the version of me
13:22
Speaker 1: that presents itself to Tarrone is going to be a
13:23
Speaker 1: much happier, well rounded, balanced, relaxed version of myself. Okay,
13:28
Speaker 1: So encourage that and Again, if you're saying, well, you know,
13:32
Speaker 1: I don't like then that's you need to dig a
13:35
Speaker 1: bit deeper and say, why is it that I don't
13:37
Speaker 1: like this?
13:37
Speaker 2: Why is it because they don't allow that for me?
13:41
Speaker 1: And it's then you're looking at a different dynamic and
13:43
Speaker 1: there's a power and balance in your relationship.
13:44
Speaker 2: Is it because they have all heaps.
13:47
Speaker 1: Of friends and I've got none? And then what am
13:48
Speaker 1: I going to do with my time? Like why do
13:50
Speaker 1: you feel that you don't want them to have this
13:53
Speaker 1: social life outside of you? Because you've got to get
13:55
Speaker 1: to the bottom of that, because that's unhealthy. Number four,
14:00
Speaker 1: Really pay attention. Look into quality time versus quantity time.
14:05
Speaker 2: So this is number five, not number four. Number five.
14:08
Speaker 2: Look into quality time versus quantity time. Okay, so.
14:13
Speaker 1: There are going to be things that happen in your
14:15
Speaker 1: life that's going to min like shrink the amount of
14:20
Speaker 1: time that you have one on one with each other.
14:23
Speaker 1: And when you only focus on just time spent with
14:27
Speaker 1: each other, you think, well, we spend more time than
14:29
Speaker 1: ever together and we're just more miserable. That's because you're
14:33
Speaker 1: not focusing on the right kind of time. For example,
14:35
Speaker 1: if you're a couple that's about.
14:37
Speaker 2: To move in with each other.
14:39
Speaker 1: One thing that I want you to discuss before moving
14:42
Speaker 1: in is how are we going to still on our
14:46
Speaker 1: quality time together? Because a lot of the time couples
14:49
Speaker 1: move in together and all of a sudden, after a
14:51
Speaker 1: couple of months, the spark is dead.
14:53
Speaker 2: The spark is dead. It's boring. And they think, oh,
14:55
Speaker 2: it's because you know I know them to well, it's
14:56
Speaker 2: because we've moved into each other. It moved into each
14:58
Speaker 2: other times or home or whatever.
15:00
Speaker 1: And now you know, we say, that's not why the
15:03
Speaker 1: spark has died. The reason the spark has died likely
15:05
Speaker 1: is because when you don't live together, you set aside
15:09
Speaker 1: times for a date. Let's meet for breakfast, Let's have
15:12
Speaker 1: a coffee here, I'll walk you to work. Let's have
15:14
Speaker 1: a nice dinner date. I'll come over, we cook and
15:16
Speaker 1: watch a movie.
15:16
Speaker 2: All this a d D.
15:18
Speaker 1: So you are having all these pockets of quality time
15:21
Speaker 1: where you where you both agree on a time to
15:23
Speaker 1: be together, to spend in each other's company.
15:26
Speaker 2: That is the intention of that time.
15:28
Speaker 1: Then you move in together and you think, well, we
15:30
Speaker 1: now live together, we get to see each other all
15:32
Speaker 1: the time, we sleep in the same bed, we wake
15:33
Speaker 1: up together, so then all your pockets are free.
15:36
Speaker 2: Time is spent. I'm gonna go say this friend, I'm
15:38
Speaker 2: gonna do this thing. I'm gonna whatever, I'm gonna run.
15:41
Speaker 1: And then for a lot of people, the dates the
15:44
Speaker 1: quality time. Let's cook a dinner and sit and chat
15:47
Speaker 1: instead of just you know, smashing a meal and watching
15:49
Speaker 1: TV in the morning, waking up at different times or whatever.
15:53
Speaker 1: So then it becomes this thing where there's all this
15:55
Speaker 1: time spent together, but you're wondering why the spark has died.
15:59
Speaker 1: But then if you were to say, say when was
16:00
Speaker 1: the last time we spent quality time together, just the
16:03
Speaker 1: two of us, just checking in with each other, laughing,
16:06
Speaker 1: creating new experiences, and you won't be able to remember when.
16:09
Speaker 1: So it's so important that you prioritize quality over quantity time.
16:13
Speaker 1: The same goes now time run and I have kids,
16:15
Speaker 1: so we have to be really mindful of having that
16:18
Speaker 1: quality time together.
16:19
Speaker 2: Because we have time together.
16:20
Speaker 1: There's no doubt that we have time together, but how
16:23
Speaker 1: much of that is quality time? And that is going
16:25
Speaker 1: to be a huge marker if you can identify, you know,
16:29
Speaker 1: what they we actually haven't spent any quality time, and
16:31
Speaker 1: your part would be like, what do you mean I
16:33
Speaker 1: spend all day with you? And then you say, when
16:34
Speaker 1: was the last time we actually sat uninterrupted, without the
16:38
Speaker 1: TV and without distractions, just for a nice date.
16:41
Speaker 2: And see what your partner says to that.
16:42
Speaker 1: Okay, the next one, this is kind of what I
16:46
Speaker 1: said at the start of the episode number six. Pretend
16:48
Speaker 1: that this person is the love of your life. And
16:50
Speaker 1: if you say, well, I don't have to pretend they are,
16:52
Speaker 1: then act like it.
16:53
Speaker 2: Okay.
16:54
Speaker 1: So imagine that this person that you are in a
16:56
Speaker 1: relationship with is what wrong coms are made of. Okay,
17:00
Speaker 1: and pick time a time frame, make it one month,
17:02
Speaker 1: two months, three months, especially if you're someone that's trying
17:04
Speaker 1: to decide is this it or not for me this relationship?
17:08
Speaker 1: Then I want you to have like a hard date
17:10
Speaker 1: that you're going to work towards where you are like,
17:12
Speaker 1: this person is the love of my life.
17:14
Speaker 2: I adore them.
17:15
Speaker 1: The way I actually around them shows them how much
17:18
Speaker 1: I care for them, respect them, and love them.
17:20
Speaker 2: Okay.
17:21
Speaker 1: When you change your behavior, you give your partner the
17:25
Speaker 1: opportunity to meet you there. Okay, And you might say,
17:29
Speaker 1: but what, like, why would they mean that I can
17:31
Speaker 1: tell you for sure, if Tyrone enters the room and
17:34
Speaker 1: I'm just in a neutral mood, and maybe if you
17:37
Speaker 1: just said hey and walk past it and say hey,
17:39
Speaker 1: how was your day whatever, versus if he came in
17:42
Speaker 1: and said, oh my god, I've missed you, I love you.
17:44
Speaker 2: It gives me a hug. What am I going to do?
17:46
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm going to sell these nice things
17:47
Speaker 2: to him. I reciprocate, I hug back. Wikis we embros.
17:50
Speaker 1: We might joke most of the time in a healthy relationship,
17:53
Speaker 1: even when the spark has died. When you offer your
17:57
Speaker 1: partner this I'm in love with you moment, partner's going
18:00
Speaker 1: to be like, oh my god, oh and they're going
18:02
Speaker 1: to reciprocate straight away. They instantly melt and they reciprocate. Okay,
18:06
Speaker 1: So allow for those times. And if the partner absolutely
18:09
Speaker 1: doesn't reciprocate repeatedly, repeatedly, maybe they're also not into you anymore.
18:14
Speaker 1: And maybe that's, you know, a reason to move on.
18:19
Speaker 1: Sense number seven physical touch for oxytocin.
18:26
Speaker 2: And I'm not talking about sex. This is the furthest
18:29
Speaker 2: thing from sex.
18:30
Speaker 1: Okay, we are talking about moments of physical caring intimacy
18:36
Speaker 1: where you are making your partner feel safe, secure, wanted,
18:40
Speaker 1: and loved, but has nothing to do with sex. Okay,
18:44
Speaker 1: because some people say, hey, we have we have sex
18:45
Speaker 1: all the time. But then how often do you actually
18:48
Speaker 1: hold hands? Do you ever lean into them when you're
18:51
Speaker 1: watching TV and they have their arm around you?
18:53
Speaker 2: Do they ever play with your hair? Do you whatever?
18:56
Speaker 1: Like I'm talking about that kind of physic physical touch
18:58
Speaker 1: when you're driving and you're holding hands when you're driving,
19:00
Speaker 1: what kind of thing? And you might not like holding hand, fine,
19:03
Speaker 1: but you do whatever. You know, how often are you
19:04
Speaker 1: actually hugging? How often do you give like a long,
19:07
Speaker 1: you know, six second kiss before they leave the house?
19:11
Speaker 2: All right, when you do a.
19:13
Speaker 1: Six second kiss, you start to release oxytocin, which is
19:16
Speaker 1: that bonding chemical, that bonding hormone. So this hormone is
19:22
Speaker 1: what leads to feelings of safety, connection, enhanced intimacy. So
19:27
Speaker 1: if you want intimacy, and again it's not about sex,
19:30
Speaker 1: but intimacy with your relationship, have those longer kisses, pro
19:34
Speaker 1: like intentionally longer kisses, hug them, hold their hand when
19:38
Speaker 1: you walk past them, rub their back, things like that,
19:41
Speaker 1: things that show like I adore you. I want to
19:45
Speaker 1: be intimate with you emotionally. I am your emotional safe space.
19:49
Speaker 1: So we want more of this physical touch for oxytocin.
19:52
Speaker 1: And if the spark has died and one partner starts
19:54
Speaker 1: doing that, the other partner is going to feel warm
19:58
Speaker 1: and very loved very soon, unless they absolutely fucking hate
20:01
Speaker 1: physical touch. But I'm sure you know that about your
20:03
Speaker 1: partner by now. So if this one doesn't apply, fine,
20:05
Speaker 1: But for the most part, that's going to do wonders
20:08
Speaker 1: for your relationship. The next thing, number eight is you
20:12
Speaker 1: want to ask what can I do to make my
20:16
Speaker 1: partner's day easier tomorrow?
20:20
Speaker 2: Okay, so think what's something I could do for my
20:22
Speaker 2: partner that would actually lighten the load.
20:24
Speaker 1: Like one of the things that I love so much
20:26
Speaker 1: about Tyrone, There's many things I love about.
20:28
Speaker 2: Him, is that our relationship, he makes my life easier.
20:33
Speaker 2: And that's how I know that he.
20:36
Speaker 1: Well, one of the reasons why I know that he
20:37
Speaker 1: really loves me because he wants to make my life easier.
20:41
Speaker 1: I think a good partner should want to make their
20:44
Speaker 1: partner's life easier. You're not trying to like create drama
20:48
Speaker 1: and hassle and extra work and extra headaches and whatever.
20:52
Speaker 1: If you loved your partner, wouldn't you want their day
20:55
Speaker 1: to be easier.
20:56
Speaker 2: Their life to be easier.
20:58
Speaker 1: So you've got to ask yourself, what could I do
20:59
Speaker 1: that really would make their life easier?
21:01
Speaker 2: Like, what's something you know?
21:02
Speaker 1: Maybe I could help get something ready for their day,
21:05
Speaker 1: or maybe when they come home there's something that I've
21:07
Speaker 1: done for them, Or maybe I can drop them off
21:10
Speaker 1: when I'm going to work, I can drop them off
21:12
Speaker 1: somewhere so they don't have to walk, or I could
21:13
Speaker 1: pick something up for them that they were going to
21:15
Speaker 1: go and pick up, or it could be whatever it
21:17
Speaker 1: is depending on your timetable, whoever's home first or last
21:20
Speaker 1: or whatever, it doesn't matter. Ask yourself, what can I
21:24
Speaker 1: do to make their life easier?
21:26
Speaker 2: And I don't know the.
21:27
Speaker 1: Ins and outs of your relationship, certain only you can
21:29
Speaker 1: answer that. And imagine if both of you were acting
21:32
Speaker 1: like that way for each other, you would be such
21:34
Speaker 1: a team, right you would have to. There'd be less
21:37
Speaker 1: double dipping on tasks around the house.
21:39
Speaker 2: And tasks for each other. You're working more as a
21:41
Speaker 2: team because when you work together.
21:43
Speaker 1: You know you can eliminate so much other work and
21:47
Speaker 1: so much other bullshit because one person takes responsibility for
21:49
Speaker 1: one thing and the other for the other.
21:51
Speaker 2: Okay, so that's really really important.
21:54
Speaker 1: I think if, like, if your partner said about you,
21:57
Speaker 1: I love you so much because you want to make
22:00
Speaker 1: my life easier and you make my life easier, that
22:02
Speaker 1: to me is one of the biggest compliments someone could
22:04
Speaker 1: ever receive, because it shows that you are factoring in
22:07
Speaker 1: not just the aspects of a relationship that also mutually
22:11
Speaker 1: benefit you, but you really care about your partner in
22:15
Speaker 1: a way that even if it puts you out a
22:16
Speaker 1: little bit, it's something that makes you so happy because
22:19
Speaker 1: you know that it's going to benefit their day.
22:21
Speaker 2: Okay.
22:22
Speaker 1: And when you do something really nice for someone, especially
22:25
Speaker 1: someone that you love, you feel this beautiful sense of like, oh,
22:28
Speaker 1: that was really nice. Now, if you're someone that says
22:30
Speaker 1: I do fucking everything for my partner, I do everything
22:32
Speaker 1: and they do nothing for me, again, get them to
22:34
Speaker 1: listen to this episode. But also, that's a fucking problem
22:37
Speaker 1: if you're in a relationship where your partner does fuck all.
22:40
Speaker 2: Run for the hills is what I have to say.
22:42
Speaker 1: Okay, Number nine, When possible, anticipate each other's needs before needing.
22:48
Speaker 2: To ask them. Okay, So tiny things. For example, so
22:52
Speaker 2: Tyrone and I use different bathrooms.
22:53
Speaker 1: He uses the main bathroom, I use the on suite.
22:56
Speaker 1: If I'm going to go to the shop, sometimes I'll check,
22:58
Speaker 1: being like, oh, he's about to run out of toothpaste,
23:00
Speaker 1: Sure that I'll get some toothpaste. Or he will be like, oh,
23:02
Speaker 1: I knew that you had run out of electrolytes, so
23:03
Speaker 1: I when I got you some electrolytes.
23:04
Speaker 2: Little things like that, Okay.
23:06
Speaker 1: So it's like making sure that you're just across that
23:10
Speaker 1: kind of thing, you know, and also anticipating mutual needs
23:13
Speaker 1: and not expecting one person to have like the mental
23:16
Speaker 1: load just because they've done it once. So, for example,
23:19
Speaker 1: Tyrone doesn't expect that I'm the one that has to
23:22
Speaker 1: be on top of when the nap is run out
23:23
Speaker 1: just because I did it the first two times, so
23:25
Speaker 1: then he's on top of it the next time. Like
23:26
Speaker 1: it's like it's this shared anticipation of what the household needs,
23:31
Speaker 1: what each other needs, and how can we do it
23:33
Speaker 1: without being asked to do that thing?
23:35
Speaker 2: Okay.
23:37
Speaker 1: The next one is create a meaningful ritual ideally once
23:42
Speaker 1: a week. I mean, if you can do it every day,
23:44
Speaker 1: fucking love that for you. But for the most I'd
23:48
Speaker 1: say most people, if you can do once a week,
23:50
Speaker 1: that would be really nice. Like maybe every Sunday your
23:53
Speaker 1: phones are away, like I mean, you don't deleve them
23:55
Speaker 1: at home, but you can like put them in your
23:57
Speaker 1: pockets on silent. You're not checking your phones and you're
23:59
Speaker 1: doing like a phoneless walk together and then you walk
24:03
Speaker 1: somewhere and you get a coffee or breakfast, or maybe
24:05
Speaker 1: you walk up to the local markets and you do
24:08
Speaker 1: a little cute little shop together and get a little snack,
24:10
Speaker 1: or maybe you go to the movies once a week together,
24:13
Speaker 1: or maybe.
24:15
Speaker 2: You go for whatever the fuck it is. But it's a.
24:17
Speaker 1: Ritual that ideally you try and stick to and it
24:20
Speaker 1: doesn't just I mean, like now, Tarn and I's ritual
24:22
Speaker 1: include the twins and our dog Habib, and we go
24:25
Speaker 1: for a nice walk and get.
24:26
Speaker 2: Breakfast, you know, once a week, and.
24:30
Speaker 1: It's something that you do that you look forward to
24:33
Speaker 1: that it's the eve of that day and you're like, oh,
24:35
Speaker 1: we're looking forward to the morning where we get to
24:37
Speaker 1: do this together. And then it's that beautiful bonding time
24:39
Speaker 1: where you've got that, you know, special quality time that
24:43
Speaker 1: I was talking about.
24:44
Speaker 2: Okay.
24:45
Speaker 1: The reason why it's nice to have the ritual is
24:46
Speaker 1: because it's something that you can look forward to. It's
24:49
Speaker 1: really important in a relationship to have things that you
24:52
Speaker 1: love in the now and things that you can mutually
24:54
Speaker 1: together look forward to.
24:56
Speaker 2: Okay.
24:58
Speaker 1: Eleven, Ask your partner to do something nice for you,
25:03
Speaker 1: something random. But ask your partner because there's also and
25:08
Speaker 1: I'm not saying something that's like around the house, like.
25:11
Speaker 2: I asked you to clean the bathroom, can you clim
25:13
Speaker 2: in the bathroom? Something really nice?
25:15
Speaker 1: Like you could ask them, you know, I'd love for
25:17
Speaker 1: you to book this thing for me, or would you
25:20
Speaker 1: be able to drop me off at this location or
25:25
Speaker 1: you know whatever, but then also do the same for them.
25:29
Speaker 2: So so say to them, is there something that you
25:32
Speaker 2: would like me to do for you today? Okay?
25:34
Speaker 1: So then this is really nice thing where you start
25:36
Speaker 1: feeling really comfortable being like you are my person. I
25:38
Speaker 1: can rely on you, I can ask you to do
25:40
Speaker 1: something for me, and it feels nice having a partner
25:43
Speaker 1: that's like, yep, I'll pick up the slack for you
25:45
Speaker 1: when when needed. You know, do you mind going to
25:47
Speaker 1: the post office and picking up that thing because it
25:49
Speaker 1: never got delivered to the door and they left that
25:51
Speaker 1: fucking Australia post slip that gets fucking left the door
25:54
Speaker 1: and they never ring the doorbell.
25:55
Speaker 2: So now it's left at the post office. Do you
25:57
Speaker 2: mind going to pick it up? Yes, no problem, of
25:59
Speaker 2: course I picked that up for you. Bus AVERSA.
26:01
Speaker 1: You did something asking your partner to do a favor
26:04
Speaker 1: and then they say yes, makes you really feel like, oh,
26:07
Speaker 1: I feel cared for, I feel looked after.
26:10
Speaker 2: And you do that. You do the same for your partner.
26:13
Speaker 2: Number twelve.
26:14
Speaker 1: You need to express gratitude for what you do for
26:18
Speaker 1: each other.
26:19
Speaker 2: Okay, to yourself and also to them.
26:22
Speaker 1: So when your partner does things for you or how
26:24
Speaker 1: they make you feel, or how they make the household feel,
26:27
Speaker 1: or how they are with your dog or with your
26:29
Speaker 1: children or with your family, you are letting them know
26:32
Speaker 1: that you are grateful for that.
26:33
Speaker 2: You are saying, you know, I love how you are
26:35
Speaker 2: with my parents.
26:36
Speaker 1: I love how you you know, make me a coffee
26:40
Speaker 1: every single morning and bring it to my bed. Taro
26:42
Speaker 1: makes me a coffee every morning, brings it to my
26:44
Speaker 1: bed while I'm feeding one of the kids. That's working out,
26:46
Speaker 1: like these little kind of rituals that you just do
26:48
Speaker 1: and you say like, I love that you do that
26:50
Speaker 1: for me. I love that you call me x amount
26:53
Speaker 1: of times throughout the day just to say something nice.
26:55
Speaker 1: I love you know, you express that gratitude, but then
26:57
Speaker 1: also to yourself, Like if you're someone who's struggling with
27:00
Speaker 1: your relationship right now, just sitting down and writing the
27:03
Speaker 1: things that you're grateful for with your partner will start
27:05
Speaker 1: to change the rhythm of.
27:07
Speaker 2: How you feel about that person.
27:08
Speaker 1: You start to be like, oh, it tips the scales
27:10
Speaker 1: a bit, and you're like, I actually do really value
27:13
Speaker 1: this person for all these things, and I do really
27:15
Speaker 1: love this, and well maybe they've done a bit less
27:17
Speaker 1: of this.
27:17
Speaker 2: I really love this about them. Then you start feeling
27:20
Speaker 2: warmer and kinder, and then when you.
27:21
Speaker 1: See them again, you're not pent up with all this
27:23
Speaker 1: frustration of just the mundane day to day where you're
27:27
Speaker 1: not really connecting, but you're warmer and kinder to them,
27:30
Speaker 1: and then they reciprocate and then it starts this healthier
27:33
Speaker 1: flow in the relationship. Someone has to start it. Someone
27:35
Speaker 1: has to start being warmer, someone has to start being
27:38
Speaker 1: more romantic. Might as well be you, and then hopefully
27:41
Speaker 1: they take your lead. And this is why I recommend
27:43
Speaker 1: you sending this episode so they listen to it as well.
27:45
Speaker 2: Because both of you are across it.
27:46
Speaker 1: It makes life so much easier than just one of
27:48
Speaker 1: you being across it. Okay, but I think it's really
27:51
Speaker 1: important and praise goes such a long way in feeling
27:55
Speaker 1: appreciated and feeling useful and needed. You know, we want
27:59
Speaker 1: to do more of the same. If someone really says,
28:04
Speaker 1: if tarant says to me, oh my god, thank you
28:06
Speaker 1: so much for doing that for me.
28:07
Speaker 2: I really appreciate it that you did it.
28:09
Speaker 1: What's my reaction. I want to do more of the same.
28:11
Speaker 1: I want to do more of that. I love words
28:12
Speaker 1: of affirmation. Most of us love words of affirmation because
28:15
Speaker 1: you feel validated. Okay, so even if it's not, you
28:18
Speaker 1: all love language you needed. I'm sure you like it
28:22
Speaker 1: at the very least, and it feels nice that your
28:25
Speaker 1: partner gives you this validating words of affirmation and it
28:28
Speaker 1: makes you want to do more. To me, I have
28:30
Speaker 1: no wish if someone's complimented, like if I do a
28:33
Speaker 1: storm clean of the house and Tarrant gets back, he
28:35
Speaker 1: will always notice that I've cleaned the house and you're, oh, babe, babe,
28:38
Speaker 1: the house looks amazing, like, thank you so much for
28:41
Speaker 1: doing that.
28:41
Speaker 2: What does that make me want to do?
28:42
Speaker 1: Next time he's out, I'm like, oh my god, kind
28:43
Speaker 1: I quickly tidy up the house because he likes coming
28:46
Speaker 1: into a really nice tidy home.
28:47
Speaker 2: You know, things like that.
28:48
Speaker 1: And then again, make it reciprocal it, make sure that
28:50
Speaker 1: it goes both ways.
28:53
Speaker 2: The next thing is nice surprises. So do something random,
28:59
Speaker 2: spontaneous and sweet. It doesn't have to cost you money.
29:02
Speaker 1: It could be a little note that you leave, you know,
29:05
Speaker 1: in their car on their bedside table. It could be
29:08
Speaker 1: you pick a flower, you buy one flower. It could
29:10
Speaker 1: be oh, I saw your favorite chocolate that you normally
29:13
Speaker 1: can't see anywhere, like find anywhere, and I found it
29:16
Speaker 1: and I thought i'd buy it for you. Like tiny,
29:19
Speaker 1: nice spontaneous surprises. That's sweet. It catches them off guard.
29:23
Speaker 1: It's unexpected, and it's purely because you were.
29:25
Speaker 2: Thinking of them.
29:26
Speaker 1: Okay again, so unimportant how much money you've spent on it.
29:31
Speaker 1: It's all about them being like, oh my god, I.
29:33
Speaker 2: Can't believe you remember that. Oh that's so sweet.
29:35
Speaker 1: That you took the time to write that thing down
29:36
Speaker 1: or whatever it is. It's always nice to have a spontaneous,
29:41
Speaker 1: unexpected surprise from your partner. And then so it was
29:45
Speaker 1: thirteen and then the last one, and this is so important.
29:49
Speaker 2: I can't fucking I can't.
29:52
Speaker 1: What's the saying, I can't impress upon you in it?
29:55
Speaker 1: Whatever the saying is, I can't stress this enough.
29:58
Speaker 2: Is what I'm trying to.
29:58
Speaker 1: Say is show no interest in something that they love
30:03
Speaker 1: and ask questions. I'm not saying that you've got to
30:06
Speaker 1: also do the thing. I'm not saying that you've got
30:08
Speaker 1: to fall in love with that. I'm not saying you've
30:09
Speaker 1: got to have the same hobbies. I'm saying be interested
30:12
Speaker 1: because your partner loves it.
30:13
Speaker 2: Okay, So not only do you.
30:15
Speaker 1: Let's say your partner loves like Okay, for example, Tarrone
30:19
Speaker 1: loves camping, camper vans, all of that stuff, and he
30:24
Speaker 1: loves youtubing those things. If I sit down and I'm
30:27
Speaker 1: not really that interested in it, okay, like I'll go
30:30
Speaker 1: camping in a camper van, but I don't have like
30:32
Speaker 1: I've never initiated and it's definitely not something I would
30:35
Speaker 1: be youtubing ever. But if I sit down and I say, okay, well,
30:40
Speaker 1: why do you like that camper van so much?
30:41
Speaker 2: Like why is this one the one that you've looked
30:43
Speaker 2: up the most?
30:43
Speaker 1: Like what is? Then he'll be like, well, it's because
30:46
Speaker 1: And then it allows him to talk about something that
30:49
Speaker 1: he loves. So not only does he get the opportunity
30:52
Speaker 1: to share with me something that he loves, it also
30:55
Speaker 1: gives him the opportunity. It gives me the opportunity to
30:58
Speaker 1: see him in a really good light, like in an interested, motivated, driven,
31:04
Speaker 1: excited light. Okay, the sang go's for any kind of
31:07
Speaker 1: hobby that your partner might have.
31:09
Speaker 2: Just show interest.
31:10
Speaker 3: You don't have to share the hobby. You don't have
31:12
Speaker 3: to be like you could never ever ever get involved.
31:14
Speaker 3: But if like, that's my partner and I love them,
31:17
Speaker 3: why can't I show some interest in what it is
31:19
Speaker 3: that they do? Why can't I say, you know what,
31:21
Speaker 3: I love that you love this thing. I love that
31:23
Speaker 3: you actually are passionate about something and have a hobby.
31:25
Speaker 3: There's nothing more attractive than when someone shows passion in life.
31:28
Speaker 3: It doesn't matter what it's about.
31:30
Speaker 2: So you ask.
31:31
Speaker 1: Questions, you show interest, and then they light up and
31:34
Speaker 1: you see when you see your partner light up and
31:37
Speaker 1: they're really excited and passionate about something, you get to
31:39
Speaker 1: see a really beautiful side of your partner. And that's
31:42
Speaker 1: a really special time to be able to connect over something.
31:45
Speaker 1: Even if it's not a shared passion, you still get
31:48
Speaker 1: to connect over that thing and the sangs vice versa.
31:50
Speaker 2: If they were to ask you about something that you
31:51
Speaker 2: really loved.
31:52
Speaker 1: Let's say you're reading a book series that you're obsessed with.
31:55
Speaker 1: Your partner could be one that's like the fucking fucking
31:57
Speaker 1: those fucking books. Or they could be like, okay, so
32:01
Speaker 1: what's happening in this book now? Like why is this
32:03
Speaker 1: book so much better than the last one? Then you
32:04
Speaker 1: could be like, well, actually, so this character.
32:06
Speaker 2: And then they're like oh okay, And then that's show interest.
32:08
Speaker 1: They don't have to read the book, they don't have
32:10
Speaker 1: to love the same author, but it's so nice when
32:12
Speaker 1: they care about something that you care about, it's beautiful
32:16
Speaker 1: and again, that's kind of like a bit for connection.
32:19
Speaker 1: And these things are what grow that spark back together.
32:23
Speaker 1: These are the things that you know when you see
32:24
Speaker 1: those couples that are like, I don't know if this
32:27
Speaker 1: is just me with my algorithm.
32:29
Speaker 2: But I love saying like people, you know, millennials or
32:32
Speaker 2: gen z film their.
32:33
Speaker 1: Parents who are very in love and the banter that
32:35
Speaker 1: their parents have, who are you know, much older. The
32:37
Speaker 1: parents might be in the sixties or even in the seventies,
32:40
Speaker 1: where they're really in love.
32:43
Speaker 2: They laugh together, they joke together, they travel together. They're
32:47
Speaker 2: probably doing a lot of these points that I spoke about.
32:50
Speaker 2: And that's why you are those couples that are together
32:53
Speaker 2: for decades and decades and they're always going to be
32:55
Speaker 2: each other's person. They've got this their connection runs so deep.
33:00
Speaker 2: They're shared you know, humor, the band that they have,
33:05
Speaker 2: they're shared experiences, the life that they've shared together. It's
33:08
Speaker 2: not like ooh, chemistry, chemistry, and then it feelss that
33:11
Speaker 2: we're onto the next, onto the next. This is how
33:12
Speaker 2: you create those bonds that can really last and you
33:16
Speaker 2: can feel secure and safe being like I have this
33:20
Speaker 2: my person who has my back. But what I love
33:23
Speaker 2: so much is that I have their back and I
33:25
Speaker 2: can be that person for them. It feels really fulfilling
33:28
Speaker 2: knowing that you can be that person for them as well. Okay, so.
33:33
Speaker 1: I just I can't stress enough on the importance of
33:36
Speaker 1: doing as many of these things as possible.
33:38
Speaker 2: No matter how pessimistic you.
33:40
Speaker 1: Are about the status of your relationship right now, I
33:43
Speaker 1: encourage you to try it, unless, of course, like I said,
33:45
Speaker 1: if your partner is a toxic psycho, a walking red flag,
33:48
Speaker 1: or a narcissist, don't bother, just run for the hills.
33:51
Speaker 1: But like I said, this is more for a healthy
33:53
Speaker 1: relationships with the spark has died.
33:54
Speaker 2: Please try it.
33:56
Speaker 1: You might ignite a flame in your partner that you
33:59
Speaker 1: thought had died a long time ago, and whether they're
34:03
Speaker 1: open to it or not, suggest that they listening to
34:05
Speaker 1: this episode and say, hey, I'd love to do this together.
34:08
Speaker 2: I think you know. And if they get offended being like, well.
34:11
Speaker 1: Do you think the spark has died, just say well, yes,
34:14
Speaker 1: love you so much, but yes the spark has died.
34:15
Speaker 1: I love you, but I don't think there is a
34:17
Speaker 1: spark and I actually am going to do what it
34:19
Speaker 1: takes to bring the spark back.
34:21
Speaker 2: So I'm not having a dig at you or me.
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Speaker 1: I'm just saying, this is what's happening, and let's just
34:27
Speaker 1: work really hard to have that passion and that love
34:30
Speaker 1: that we know is there for each other, but have
34:31
Speaker 1: it expressed.
34:32
Speaker 2: Okay, awesome. Hopefully that gave you some food for thought.
34:36
Speaker 1: If you're someone that's dating someone that you're like, is
34:39
Speaker 1: it here, isn't there?
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Speaker 2: I don't know. And if you did all these things
34:41
Speaker 2: for this person, I'm telling you.
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Speaker 1: There is a massive chance that person is going to
34:44
Speaker 1: be like, I'm so fucking in love with you, and
34:46
Speaker 1: then you are going to be so fucking in love
34:47
Speaker 1: with them because you reciprocate, and then it's just this
34:50
Speaker 1: epic thing and then they are your person.
34:51
Speaker 2: You're in love and it's just awesome, amazing. That is
34:55
Speaker 2: AWFU today. Thank you so much for tuning in.
34:57
Speaker 1: Please obviously share this episode with your partner, but please
35:00
Speaker 1: share it with your friends. Rate review all the above
35:04
Speaker 1: if you haven't yet, which I'm sure you have, but
35:07
Speaker 1: if you haven't, click subscribed so that way you're able
35:11
Speaker 1: to see when new episodes come out and they come
35:13
Speaker 1: to the top of your feed if you've subscribed, And
35:15
Speaker 1: that is all love you guys so much. As always, remember,
35:18
Speaker 1: becind to yourself, become to your brain. Don't take shit
35:21
Speaker 1: from anyone, and especially don't take shit from yourself.
35:25
Speaker 2: Dunker since