Latest / DA CREW Podcast / DA CREW PODCAST SEASON 2_ EPISODE _24_ HOST TRIVEDA HARRIS

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DA CREW PODCAST SEASON 2_ EPISODE _24_ HOST TRIVEDA HARRIS · DA CREW Podcast

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All things ain't what things us to Where did all the blue sky's or as
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the building to be educated and power in and churge come out support Queen sweet
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sweet sweet No, it wasn't a sweet sweet sweet No. Good evening and
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welcome to believe in the Journey Podcast where I'm your host, Trevita Harris,
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and welcome to season two. This is episode three, and this is part
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of the Crew podcast. So make sure that you're tuning in each and every
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day to my podcast sisters, as we bring you each and every topic there
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is under the sun. But tonight, my guest is somebody who is near
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and dear to my heart. Who is I want to say he thinks he's
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my dad sometimes, but he's actually my little brother. But he's near and
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dear to my heart. But I cannot bring him up first until we go
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to God in prayer. So, Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for bringing
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me here tonight in front of you as you do each and every second Sunday
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and fourth Thursday of each and every week that you bring me here. Thank
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you for giving me the words that I need to bring in front of the
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audience, giving me the strength to step outside of my comfort zone and into
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the space and into the atmosphere that you bring me forth. Every time,
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I honor you, and without you I am nothing, but with you,
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I am everything. And let the lear ears that are listening tonight, let
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them take away anything that they need tonight to nourish their minds and their bodies
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and bring forth everything that they need to heal and learn from tonight and your
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precious the Holy name Jesus. We pray Amen, y'all forgive me. I
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have been battling this call for the last month, and I finally have my
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voice back. But this cough you may hear in and out of this interview,
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but without further ado, I want to bring up my brother Thaddeus Harris.
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What's up? What's up? Listen, Jon't be shy. I ain't
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gonna listen. I ain't gonna have a spot too much. You know,
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I'm not shy about nothing. It is what it is, all right.
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I'm gonna let you introduce yourself. Tell them about you, because I can
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tell them about you. But that's gonna be a little you know, it
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ain't nothing much in a nutshell. Thaddy's Harris, somewhat middle child of four,
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I mean that little brother, big brother, mindset Waveley, the father
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of two. I have a son who's a freshman in college at Guildford College.
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Have a daughter who's a freshman in high school, Mariah. So I
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enjoy working with kids and families. I can have a total deer, totally
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different career path now working with First National Bank as a construction loan representative,
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totally totally different direction. And what both of my degrees, my bachelor's degrees
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is in sociology and my master's marriaging family counsel. I have done work at
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social services and group homes and you name it, dealing with kids, you
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and our services and also but God saw something different gave me out to get
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outside of that. But I still enjoy giving back to the community of a
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months working with my nonprofit organization. So I'm just me, Well, listen,
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no matter where you are in that space, like you work at the
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bank now, but your overall calling is still with the youth. What directed
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you on that path to start with social work? Well, I think for
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me with what started me on that path was just some of the childhood trauma
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that I dealt with as a kid, you know, having to go having
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to be pulled away from you all like ten days before my tenth birthday.
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It was a very traumatic instance in itself. With all of the scholars that
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we grew up with as kids, I know un Mildred and Uncle Kenny and
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Big Mom Hattie, Uncle Mitchell, and Sis. They attempted to create that
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village for me, but you know, we were still broken because we didn't
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have that. So having to leave to be fostered and to force in a
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sense, to foster relationships with people that I didn't know, and then just
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growing through high school, middle school, high school, and then some of
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those years in college, it was like, Okay, what can I do
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differently so that kids who are under me don't have to experience some of the
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hardships that I've endured as a kid. So that was a pretty much a
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no brainer. It was either gonna be education, and if not education,
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something dealing with working with families, you know, than things from our childhood
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as it pertains to Mom with our younger siblings, with paying Josh, things
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that place with them, and we wanted to try to put ourselves in a
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better situation that we can take control or ownership of, not even so much
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ownership, but just be there for them. And got stagnant with that.
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So it was like, yeah, I can't have anybody that's gonna be connected
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to me go through this. So but that being in that space with social
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services, I don't miss the I missed the I don't miss I missed the
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people that I worked with throughout those years, but I don't miss the job.
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I did more damage to families than than good because understanding how that whole
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process of social services and social work, they high behind a narrative. And
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you know, I'm in North Carolina. You all grew up in stayed in
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South Carolina, so always here in North Carolina, and they are similar to
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that of South Carolina, but here in North Carolina. They have a narrative.
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They want to put social work in the box. Every family has to
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fit this narrative within this box. And I couldn't continue to destroy families based
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off of their narrative. And I think that I don't think it's just North
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Carolina. I think it's the narrative of social work in itself because just being
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on the outside, because you know, I went so far as to try
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to get our younger two siblings out of foster care, and the hardships that
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I faced, like they were down to two final steps and that was the
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home study and the physical exam for myself and my then husband at the time,
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so that we could become their foster parents. And the caseworker that I
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was working with. They went so far as to fire her lied and said
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that I I had canceled the appointment with the fire department to come out and
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do the home study, and when I requested the time and date of those
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things being done, no one could give me any information. Like I'm still
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waiting to this day to find out who canceled that appointment because I had just
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confirmed it a week and a half before. So I think that it is
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the I think the consensus overall is the same. Is because if social services
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for Mom, for Capathia and Joshua, basically they have been called on Mom
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several several times before they were in they ended up being taken and so it
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was a fact of instead of them giving her the help that she needed,
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they waited until there was nothing else that they felt that they could do,
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and they deemed her unfit. But then when she did everything that they wanted
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her to do, it was still not enough. Right, So being in
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that how how social work And I've said this even during the time that I
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was there, with being asked to sign off on documents or make certain statements
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towards families, and I refused, So I already knew that my days at
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social services were numbered long before my exit. But as I've always stated,
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it was arganized slave trade. They was just using keys in the more money
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that they could make off of bringing kids into care, so that that family
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would have to deal with the torment and tormoil of trying to fight to get
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their kids back. It's a no win, right, It's a revolving door.
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So now we've created a sense of abandonment with kids from a from a
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legal standpoint now because we've again we fostered these kids to be unruly and out
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of control now to where you're pretty much trying to mandate for parents to be
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involved with their kids, but you've you've pretty much castrated them. You can't
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parent because of your parent, you have to deal with law enforcement and DSA.
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So it's a revolving door. But that's how they created the system because
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they know that they can get more money with bringing kids into care, which
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is that state funded money that you don't do anything to utilize. So it's
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a revolving door. And man, I'm as again as I stated, I
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missed the people that I worked with, but I don't miss the job,
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right, And The other thing that I can say about this is just speaking
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from our personal experience with our younger siblings, and that is the fact that
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they were told a narrative that we didn't want them, that their family didn't
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want to have anything to do with them, and that we were not looking
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for them and anything of that nature. And so when it came down to
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us finding them and reconnecting with them, they experienced a whole another side of
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what they have been brainwashed to believe. It's all part of that. It's
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sad now that we're still at paypay is what she should be? What thirty
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seven, thirty eight three. I'm forty five, so she's thirty five.
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Okay, So we're still having to break down childhood trauma. And as I've
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told Pape, just when we first was able to get to a point to
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reconnect back with her, she questioned a lot. And I was like,
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you are not mentally in a place to where you can understand or comprehend the
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answers to the questions that you had right because you are still broken and you
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get past that point of brokenness to where you understand any of the answers that
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anybody in the family was to tell her it's gonna come across to what she
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was brainwashed to believe. So, Josh, mainly, I think Kapathia now
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is in a space to where she can receive it a little better. Josh.
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Yeah, Josh was a little bit more so angry. But you know,
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I feel like the growth that we've all done, and you know,
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over the last you know, seven and a half almost eight months that mom
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has, you know, transitioned over has taught us a lot, you know,
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and the final months that we had with her was it was memorable.
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It was hard, but it was also challenging. I know for me,
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I spent the most time out of all of us with her through huh And
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I think I thank you dearly for that because I couldn't always get here or
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get there as as I felt that I needed to. Well listen, I
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am honored to be able to have that opportunity. And even though there were
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times where you know, I just wanted to, you know, be like,
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look here, Ma, I want to be the baby. I want
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to be the child. I don't want to be your mama. You know,
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I don't want to tell you what to do. But you know,
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when I look back over that I am. I'm blessed, I'm honored,
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I'm grateful because it allowed me and especially since she's been gone now. I
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was talking to Ky the other day and I was on my way home from
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work and I had to I had to call her and tell her. And
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I'm gonna try to keep myself together before i say this, but I called
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her because I was on my way home and I was just thinking about Mom
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and I was thinking about raising my own kids, and it was it came
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to me, and it was like I became the mom that I wanted and
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me becoming the mom that I wanted. Mom was the mom that I needed
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in order for me to be the mom that they needed me to be,
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because had she been who I wanted her to be, I would not have
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been who I needed my kids to be, you know. And in that
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process, it made me a better person. It's made me realizing, you
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know, my kids, as they used to get so mad at all the
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neighborhood kids. Now you know, my kids will make friends with anybody you
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know, and they would get it's so mad because their friends would always be
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at the house. And I had to explain to them because Kyle was like
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why they always at the house. They don't know how to go home,
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Like, well, first off, y'all invited them over here, y'all tell
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them that I'm cooking dinner. I'm making funnel cakes. I got a lot
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of kids going out the door because they want funnel cakes, because y'all don't
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went outside and told the neighborhood my mama making funnel cakes. I said,
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But, baby, you gotta understand when kids feel love and peace and understanding
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and they can be kids, they gravitate in a space where they feel that,
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and so when they feel that space, that's where they gravitate to.
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I said. So, you're gonna have to learn how to share me with
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other people and share your space. I said, So, if you want
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me to be any different than what I am, I don't know how to
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do that, I said, because I know what it's like to not feel
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that love, to not feel that comfort, to not feel that affection.
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I said, So, since I don't know that, I want to give
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it to others, I said, And y'all feel it every day. I
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said, So, y'all don't know what it's like to not have it.
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I said. That was one of the hardest things for Malachi MJ to really
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understand. Yeah, and I had when I was at the middle school.
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It was a couple of kids man that that I came to. I went
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to them like during their first week when I was there at the middle school.
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I was like, hey, I can help save your life, get
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you on the right path, or you can continue to go down and do
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stupid. But it was one particular Saturday, I had Ky with me and
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Kyle was in the same grade that these kids were in, and I pulled
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that one of those kids to the side and I asked him, was it
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fair for me to constantly be here for you neglecting my own two? It
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was like no, And I said, Malachi, do you think it's fair
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that I'm neglecting y'all to be here with them? And he said no,
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But in the sense of understanding that. That's when I knew that Malachi was
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in a different space because he was able to understand some of the work that
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I was doing in the community. And I know when during the whole process
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of dealing with Mom going through, Malachi asked a question which it was it
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was a tough question, and he wanted to know why did I hide Mom
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from them, m hm. And I try to explain to him, I'm
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like, so I didn't. I never intended to hide Mom from you all,
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but it was just certain stuff in regards to how Mom was that I
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felt that as a father and as a parent, I needed to protect you
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all from right Kai. He spent more time with Mom than m J.
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Right did because during that time when you all lived in the apartment close to
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West Spartingbury High School is now, Kay stayed with you over the summer for
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like a week, and that's when my mom was there with you, yep.
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So he had a little bit more time to engage with her, to
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see her in a different space, yep, compared to times to where we
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he just only heard stories. Right So, But as I explained to him,
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I hate for you, you and MJ that y'all never got a chance
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to see her in her sober state outside of those final days, right And
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you know, I'm grateful that my kids, my kids got to see you
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know, more so both sides, but they were still young. I want
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to say. The only time was when she had her stroke in twenty fourteen.
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She got mad with me, of course, because she wanted to do
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something and I was telling her that she couldn't because she was still learning how
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to get her strength back on her right side. And I told her,
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you know, that she couldn't do something, and Micah went to, you
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know, reiterate what I was saying, and so she got to yelling and
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cussing at him. And I was like, first off, we're not doing
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that. I said. Now, you can take your anger and your frustration
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out on me, but you're not going to do that with my son,
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I said, because he doesn't know how to respond to that, because he's
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never seen you in that space. I said, So if that's how you're
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going to respond, because I'm taking care of you, then we're going to
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have to find other accommodations. And so that bothered Micah for a little bit,
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and I had to explain to him, you know that this is the
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mom that I grew up with. This is a new space, and this
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is a new time for you, I said, And honestly, she didn't
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mean it, you know, but that's just how she responds, you know,
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it's her protective mechanism, I said, but you know, and she
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got mad, and of course she walked away from the house, and you
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know, That's how she ultimately ended up in Anderson with Paypay and josh But
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you know they got to spend some time with her as well. And you
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know, I explained to Capethe and Joshua was that it wasn't as easy,
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you know, to deal with her, and of course Paypay whinny and blonde
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saying, oh I got this, I can handle her. Okay, oh
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yeah, okay, let me know when she's had something to drink and you
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call me back. Oh yeah. And she was just funny, like the
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whole transition. When I went down for Mother's Day in twenty eighteen, after
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Keith told me where where she was, and I made contact with Paypey and
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drove down there for Mother's Day or whatever, and she appeared to be in
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a good space. But as we were sitting there on the porch, you
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know, at the lady's house, Janie or whatever her name is, as
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we were sitting there in the house, we're just sitting out there and were
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talking, were having a great conversation, and then all of a sudden it
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started this. Yeah, I said, pay Pay, it's time for me
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to go ahead and leave. Well it, bro, you ain't got to
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go nowhere I'm like, nah, Pays, you haven't seen all of the
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pre stuff. She's she's in a space of uneasy because her thoughts justime for
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me to go ahead and leave. And about three four weeks after that,
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Paypay come calling me saying that it was my fault. I triggered Mom because
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I came down. Nobody had been brewing for some time. Yeah, they
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had been brewing for some time, because you couldn't pick up on the signs
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early on that you felt that by me coming down trigger her. No,
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she has she this was something she was already planning. Yeah, this was
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something that she was already planning because that was her pattern. So when I
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think as time went on, you know, pay Paper went through her little
24:15
rant where she felt that she needed to cuss everybody out. And that was
24:19
during that time period of trying to explain the pay you're acting just like your
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mama and Lloyd Behold. That triggered her because she felt, while y'all because
24:30
you acting just like her, it's not And now that she's a little older
24:36
and can understand and receive and it's never a bad thing. And I don't
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think she takes it as as a negative statement as she did before, trying
24:48
to set her up to let her know, you need to learn how to
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control your emotions and not be a puppet to anyone or the environment around you.
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She just couldn't. She just didn't understand that, right. So the
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four of us we got it. We got it, We got it all.
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It's a gift and a curse depends on the situation. So I'm thankingful
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for Grandma Banana. Yeah, in my early years when she was telling me,
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son, you need to practice Proverbs fifteen and two, and I'm like,
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Grandma, what the hell that means? She's read it for yourself.
25:23
You And it never really until until I got older, when I really saw
25:30
my own personal relationship with God and finally understanding that a soft answer turns away
25:34
wrath, right, Hurst Man, I usually get heated, you know how
25:37
My attitude was. Oh, I used to be the same way. It's
25:42
just it's just funny, man. But I think like overall, it was
25:48
necessary for me to go through everything that I went through. The times too
25:56
when Mom tried to take me out of this place, for the times that
26:00
she was cussed me out, for the times that we've had fights, to
26:03
the times to where she smacked me in the face and you was getting ready
26:07
to get it with that hammer. Hey man, I mean I look back
26:11
over all of it now and I'm grateful and I'm thankful those few months of
26:15
being in that space with her as she transitioned. I still have my moments
26:23
to where I'm I'm I'm down and all of that, But as I reflect
26:34
on it, yeah, it's a great space. Yeah, that's one thing
26:41
that I can honestly say. It's not a space of regret for me,
26:47
and it's not a space of sadness too much. The sadness is that I
26:52
miss her silliness because you know, that woman was absolutely core to no end.
26:57
And you know, I'm gonna tell you something. I don't know if
27:03
I told you this, but you know, I ended up in the hospital
27:07
on the twenty ninth, like the following week after we had her service.
27:11
Okay, so that night, I'm laying in the bed, you know,
27:15
Undidi came down and everything, and I'm laying in the bed. And of
27:18
course, like for the first like three months after Mom passed, I carried
27:22
her phone with me everywhere I went. With that particular night, I'm in
27:26
the bed and I had my phone on the night stand, so to speak
27:33
at the hospital, and I had Mom's phone in the bed with me.
27:37
Now Mom's phone is basically black, just like I got it with me right
27:41
now. It's just like this. My phone is just like this. Both
27:47
of them are faced down. Why did my phone start ringing on Google duo
27:52
that says Mom's calling? And I said, look here, Mama, I
27:59
ain't. I ain't got to I'm already in the hospital. We're not doing
28:03
this tonight. So I'm about to go to sleep, and you're about to
28:07
get off this phone because I'm not playing. I'm telling you it is.
28:11
It is funny. I'm I have a bear beside the bed. And I
28:19
told one of my homeboys about a couple of months ago, and I can't
28:26
sleep at night and whatever. I'm like, I can't roll to and face
28:30
the wall facing the bathroom because that's where Mom's barry is every time I roll
28:36
over. And then that's where the light is, my phone or watch or
28:38
whatever, the box for the WiFi, so all these different lights, and
28:42
then the light on the TV and TV is off. And I was like,
28:45
well, and when I faced that way, it seemed like the bear
28:48
shifts to look at me and whatever. And I told him, I like,
28:52
bro, man, I can't sleep, And he was like, he
28:52
was like, man, you need to turn mama around and face it's just
28:59
funny. But man, I've I've learned how to find a happy meeting in
29:04
between those moments because of loss to understanding and I and I questioned myself,
29:18
I've been been having these questions in my head for the last few weeks or
29:22
whatever, not even so much pertaining to us getting on here tonight, but
29:26
just in reference to did I respond sooner than I should have? Meaning I
29:36
know Ki and I came down the December of twenty two, December tenth,
29:41
and we took her to the emergency room and the doctors there, and still
29:45
going back through listening to those videos of the doctor's there. But then I
29:49
questioned myself, did I did we wait too long to try to find her
29:55
to get her help? But as I said, and I reflect on that
30:02
whole process, and the only thing that comes to mind is God's time.
30:06
It happened the way that it was supposed to, just from when Keith called
30:11
me on that day February ninth, Hey man, you need to call the
30:14
hospital. Your mom was rushed to the hospital. She can't walk. Everything
30:18
it goes in sequence. And you know, as I sit in as one
30:23
of the seven leaders over the youth department at the church, and I'm always
30:26
constantly asking the kids and the leaders, if God was to show you everything
30:32
to take place in your life, good, bad, and indifferent, would
30:34
you try to change it? And I remember and I tell them, like
30:37
in my younger years, hell yeah, I want to change it. Yeah,
30:42
yeah, I want to change Like even with the times that I've gotten
30:45
hurt. One of the lessons that we've done in reference to that where I
30:48
told them, man, I was going to I was going to the NFL.
30:51
You couldn't tell me I wasn't going, and all of those moments of
30:55
injuries and God was like, come in, stupid, let me talk to
30:56
you. I got to show you these that you ain't going. But you
31:02
know, so throughout the whole process, man, I was looking like it
31:04
had to happen the way that it happened. It had to come to a
31:10
place to where God had to get her attention, to take her her ability
31:18
to walk from her, to get her to find ownership of herself. And
31:26
I'm thankful how it came in a moment and in a space to where the
31:33
four of us could get closure in reference to the childhood scars that we that
31:38
we had right and you know, Mom and I had a lot of different
31:44
conversations, like she even argued with me two days before she left here because
31:49
she thought I was being mean to her and not wanting to give her because
31:52
you know, Mom loved water, and you know she was saying that I
31:59
wasn't given her enough water or whatever, and it was like, that's not
32:01
even a case. I'm giving you the water that you can take in at
32:06
this space and at this moment. But you know, everything was designed by
32:14
God, and he had to take her ability to walk away from her,
32:20
to get her in a space to where we all had time to say what
32:24
we needed to say to her and to spend the time that we needed to
32:28
spend with her. Because without those moments and without that time, we all
32:36
would have been left with those what if questions and those what if moments.
32:43
And you know when Rod had called me and asked if we had other pictures
32:49
of her and without her being in the hospital bed, I explained to him,
32:53
you gotta understand, for my entire life either my mom was missing,
32:59
or she was in jail, or she was in the hospital. I said,
33:04
so this is the one and only space where we've had her consistently for
33:09
months and we didn't have to worry about where she was. I said,
33:14
so when you understand that, you'll understand why it was so important for us
33:19
to make the memories that we made. You know, And one of the
33:24
well I can say, not just one, but the most cherished memories I
33:29
have is doing her hair. Because you know how tender headed that woman is,
33:32
and so for her to for me to do that video of me washing
33:37
her hair. Just to watch that video and how much peace she had and
33:44
how just relaxed she was with me doing that, it brings me so much
33:52
joy just to watch that. And she didn't complain, she didn't fuss,
33:59
she didn't and do this the whole because that was always her thing. Like
34:05
when I when she told Mildred that she wanted me to braid her hair,
34:08
I was like, because I'm Milja calling, Like before they moved her to
34:12
Gaffney, she was like, your mama says she wants you to come and
34:15
calmb her hair. I was like, did you are you sure? You're
34:16
talking about my mama. She was like, yeah, your mama says she
34:20
wants you to come and call on her hair. So I called Ma,
34:22
and I was like, you want me to come do what? She was
34:24
like, yeah, I need you come camb my hair. I was like,
34:27
okay, So I took Kyle with me, so Ki had to sit
34:30
on the bed with her and hold her hand the whole time that I braided
34:34
her hair, so that it was just a precious moment and precious time that
34:40
I had with her. And just to walk in that room every time.
34:45
Now I didn't know what I was going to walk into each and every time
34:47
I got there, but just to see her face when I walked in the
34:52
room was a joy. Now I was running late, Now she's she knew
35:00
what time I was gonna be there. Now, if I was running late,
35:02
she would call. She would always pretend now I'm just calling to see
35:07
if you are right. You just called to make sure I'm on my way.
35:12
I'm walking down the hallway. You know, my legs short, don't
35:15
rush me, I'm coming. Oh okay, all right. I'm how infectious
35:22
her her personality was, Yeah, just with the facilities that she was in
35:30
and even with everybody, like, I'm so grateful and thankful for the people
35:36
that showed up for her after she had already always made mention, ain't nobody
35:42
I'm not gonna have no funeral on on nobody standing over me. And if
35:46
I told my homeboys and stuff that came down from from the church to support
35:51
me, and as we leaned over and whatever, because it rained that whole
35:54
day, yes, much the whole day, and then right when the reverend
36:00
got up there to do the eulogy, to share the kind words and whatever,
36:06
it started raining harder. I leaned over to you when I said,
36:08
she up that showing out because she mad at the hell of us, cause
36:12
uh huh yeah. When I got back to Samasbury, he was like,
36:16
hey man, what was you and your sister them laughing atout? I was
36:19
like us, it was raining, and my mama told us that she didn't
36:21
want nobody standing over her looking at her like that. And I was like,
36:23
she up there, cousin, I ass out, coach, No,
36:27
But that's the that's the beauty. And in reference to her, because just
36:32
how infectious her personality was, whether it was on the softball field or whatever,
36:39
she was just a joy to be around. Now you get that flip
36:44
side when you piss off. And she was gonna tell her mind. She
36:45
was gonna speak her mind. Yep, she had me done laughing. I
36:50
feel she I was on the phone talking to Tanya and I don't know what
36:55
I was telling her, but whatever it was, I got off the phone
36:59
with her, her and my mom and Mama said, I can't be your
37:04
friend. I said, what you mean she's talking about you ain't gonna be
37:07
my friend talking to me like that. I said, well, it's a
37:09
good thing you not my friend because you my mom. I said, So
37:14
it's okay. And so she was having a bad night and she woke up.
37:21
I was trying to sleep, you know, and she woke up screaming
37:24
because she didn't see me. And so I get up and I go to
37:30
and I'm like, mommy, I'm here. I haven't gone anywhere. I'm
37:32
just on the bed. I'm on the other side. The curtain had blocked
37:37
me from her view, and so she was like, come and hold me.
37:40
So I went to hold her and she was like, you're my best
37:43
friend. I said, oh, nah, today I'm your best friend.
37:45
She's talk about just shut up. I said, oh, okay, all
37:50
right, I'll shut up. And then she told me. I said,
37:53
mom, I said, why you gotta be so stubborn? I said.
37:58
She said, I'm not stubborn. And I said, what you mean You're
38:00
not stubborn? I said, you are stubborn. She said, no,
38:04
I'm not stubborn. If I don't want to do something, I'm just not
38:07
gonna do it. I said, so that doesn't mean that you're stubborn.
38:08
No, that they don't mean I'm stubborn. I said, okay, well,
38:13
then you definitely have a definite different definition of being stubborn, because that's
38:17
what I call being stubborn. So I mean, she she's truly missed.
38:22
I have my days. I still carry it with me every day. I
38:28
reflect my prayers and getting people to understand man, that grief comes in waves.
38:34
Yeah, there are seven different phases of grief, but grief comes in
38:37
waves. You may be at a five and on that grief scale one day,
38:40
the next day you may be back at one. Right, you're gonna
38:44
get to that seventh step. But it's a process, man. And and
38:47
one thing that I've learned is that you can never allow or let somebody tell
38:52
you where you are as it pertains to your grief exactly. But your nephew
39:01
told me something. And I had came home from visiting Mom one day,
39:06
and you know, they say that I have been tough their whole lives.
39:13
And now I was just sitting in my reclina in the room and trying to
39:17
fight back tears, and Nathan said, he said, Okay, look here,
39:22
you can't be little gangster your whole life. You gotta learn how to
39:27
let it go, he said, And you deserve to cry, and you
39:30
deserve to let it go. So cry if you need to, yell and
39:35
scream if you need to, and it's okay. And so what I've learned
39:38
from that is whatever emotion I'm feeling in the moment that I'm feeling, that
39:44
I give myself permission to feel it. I don't run from it. Because
39:49
what I've realized also is grief it's gonna gonna meet you whenever you finished doing
39:53
whatever you're trying to run away from. If you're trying to pack yourself up
39:58
with doing your job, doing you know, your work, your workout,
40:02
your cooking dinner, washing clothes, taking your bath, taking your shower,
40:08
writing your essay, whatever you're doing. Grief is gonna wait for you to
40:12
finish doing every single thing that you're doing, to say, Okay, I'm
40:15
still here. I didn't go nowhere. I'm waiting on you to acknowledge me.
40:21
So gone and let it gone to down because we got something to talk
40:23
about. So whatever I'm feeling, whatever I'm thinking in that moment, even
40:30
if it's two or three minutes, So whatever i'm I'm gonna go ahead and
40:32
cry about it. But one other thing is that sky My, my little
40:37
move move. I love my baby to death. The I have Mom's blanket
40:43
on the back of the recliner and anytime I sit in that recliner, she
40:46
rubs that blanket the entire time that I sit in that in that chair.
40:52
And I know that those two had a bond like there was no no other
40:58
because if MoU was in the room, you couldn't touch her with Mama because
41:04
Mama had to have move with her. And I don't know if Mama's in
41:09
this space, in this new space with us, but I feel like she
41:14
is because wherever MoU is, Mama somewhat close. You know, the same
41:19
as with Kai and Myers that when he passed they had. They had an
41:24
amazing bond. Just when we was going up to the hospital during that time
41:30
when when he passed, after her mom called and said that he they was
41:35
trying to transport him to another hospital. From the time that phone hung up
41:40
to the time we got to the hospital, Malachi threw up. He threw
41:46
up all in the back of that explorer for our wan and half straight until
41:51
we got to that hospital in Harrisburg. And from there, Mara went upstairs
41:55
into the ICU room unit where her dad was, and I took Malakai on
42:00
the other side of the hospital to the emergency room and until they later pronounced
42:07
that he was brain dead. That's when Kyle stopped early and his fever broke.
42:13
But during that time, it was he felt that connection with his grandfather
42:17
and that kid. I mean, just to show at eighteen the level of
42:29
but nineteen now yeah, yeah, yeah, he's just saying nineteen the level
42:36
of strength, man and tenacity in resilience that him and MJ show. And
42:44
you know, we we protect the MJ from a lot because she's my little
42:49
my little baby girl. But Malachi, he's really grown into to himself.
43:00
But both of them, it's difficult right now for him to be in college
43:06
as a freshman, to be on a team to where he's not being able
43:09
to play right now. But I'm like, man, be a sponge kid,
43:15
yep, everything that you can. If you God gonna work it out
43:21
in your favor, He's gonna turn the tables for you. Yeah. I
43:24
just checked on him the other day, you know. But you know,
43:28
Mariah and Malachi are so respectful and just so humbled and down to earth,
43:34
and I'm grateful for that because it's hard growing up in this day and age,
43:38
you know, to stay in that space and to allow God in the
43:44
way that they are. You know, it's easy to go into peer pressure.
43:50
But they've kept their heads on straight and stayed in true to themselves.
43:54
And that's what I love about them. And I love that about my own
43:58
kids because they don't fall suit to following the leader so much, you know.
44:05
And that's that's I can honestly say, that's that's one trait that Mom
44:09
did give all of us, and it's trickled down to their their kids,
44:14
our grandkids, you know, her grandkids and our kids. Oh yeah,
44:16
that's why I've challenged the kids, and that's the slogan that we adopted over
44:22
the Youth Department that for last year's theme there to be different. Yeah,
44:28
great, to be different. Don't try to fit in liking and doing stuff
44:31
that everybody else is doing it. Write your own way. He's done.
44:37
He's done great with doing that. Man, this is the only kid that
44:38
I can really say that he's held down two jobs since he was probably about
44:43
fourteen fifteen years old, being a lifeguard with the city and the YMCA,
44:50
And every time now you pretty much log on to Rowan salisby Parks and Recreation
44:54
page, his picture is somewhere, yeah, somewhere promoting this. So,
45:00
I mean, I'm extremely proud of him and MJ. Listen. I love
45:06
them dearly. They are an extension of you. They're an extension of mom,
45:12
and you know, they continue to make you and my are very very
45:15
proud each and every day as they step out and become who God has destined
45:21
them to be. You know, you've led them, and you've led by
45:24
example, and anybody that you come in contact and the youth that you ministered
45:29
to is always going to be in good hands. So you know, I
45:34
thank you for being on my platform tonight. You know, It's always good
45:37
talking to you outside of this. You know, you're my little brother,
45:42
but you know you think you're my big brother. Oh yeah, you called
45:45
that little that little big brother phase long before Big Buys started saying it,
45:50
before ATL came out, exactly exactly, and I will continue to do so.
45:57
But you know, you inspire me and so many different ways. You
46:00
know, I always say, you know, when I grow up, I
46:04
want to be like you because but I ain't growing up, you know,
46:07
I'm stuck right here at four eight, you know, But I can dream,
46:13
you know, but that's all I can do is dream. But as
46:16
long as God keeps us connected, will always be on the path in which
46:21
He creates for us. But you know, you'll have to definitely come back,
46:25
and we'll definitely continue the conversation because I want to have a conversation about
46:30
trauma and how we've been able to heal from that, because I don't think
46:37
we talk about it enough, because you know, in the Black family is
46:43
usually what happens in this house stays in this house. Yeah, and we
46:47
got to let that stigma go because you know, I've gone to therapy,
46:52
you know, and therapy is really therapeutic. It helps and also being able
46:59
to talk to other people who's overcome the things that we've had to overcome,
47:04
because there's other people who've gone through similar situations and don't know because they feel
47:08
shameful to even speak these things out loud. So we got to have another
47:14
show about trauma. So get ready, I'm gonna be reaching out to you
47:20
about that and let them know how they can reach you at the church and
47:24
anything else that you may want people to know about and your nonprofit organization where
47:30
they can help well. You can reach me with Blue Thunder b l U
47:35
Thunder zero zero one at gmail dot com. You can reach me at THADDEUSB.
47:40
Dot Harris at gmail dot com, the Transitions page Transitions Foundation Incorporated dot
47:49
com. I'm on Instagram at under gq, Starter, Underscore Blue. As
47:58
far as the church wise was Dorset Chapel ucc or you can click on DC
48:04
Youth Department page and follow us on Facebook. Actually, man, we got
48:08
some great things lined up with our youth where I just rolled out today after
48:14
church. We had a meeting with the parents as we were getting ready to
48:16
plan ours. We always try to plan an annual trip since we took over
48:21
the youth Department. In twenty eighteen, we went up to DC COVID hit
48:25
and it turned our trip to Atlanta. So now we're focusing on going to
48:30
Alabama in June the twenty fifth through twenty seven to go down to the EDM
48:36
and Petties Bridge and look at some other stuff there. Just very insightful.
48:40
Man. I'm excited for what God is going to do in this season.
48:46
My mentor says you need to send her your media kit because she wants to
48:50
share you on our blog. Okay, all right now listen you guys.
48:55
Thank you for tuning in tonight. My guest is in two weeks, which
49:00
will be mister Charles Smith. We will be talking about the impact that he's
49:06
had in entrepreneurship, so you don't want to miss that show. It will
49:09
be March to twenty eighth at eight o'clock on a Thursday. So thanks again
49:15
for tuning in. This has been believing the journey and I am your host,
49:17
Trevida Harris, and my guest tonight has been my little big brother.
49:22
Love you guys, and remember what God says, stay out of God's business.
49:28
The only thing that he needs you to do is be obedient to what
49:30
he calls you to do, because he doesn't need anything other than that love
49:35
you see you later. All things ain't where all the blue Scott's Blue from
49:55
the north South Well person person think