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Transcript

I Miss When Friendship Was Easy · Ok But Are You Good?

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Hi there.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Corinne, and this is Okay But Are You Good?
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Where we check in ourselves on a weekly basis to see how we're doing.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Are we living our best lives or are we just trying to get by?
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: I think things are going a little bit better than last week and like the prior weeks.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm I'm doing I'm doing what I can.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope you guys are having a good week.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: And let's get into it, shall we?
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: So lately friendships have been on my mind.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like I do have friends, I do have people, I text on the reg and see when I can.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I still think like friendships are just looking different lately, especially because we've gotten older and it's something I still can't fully grasp, and I still struggle with.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I struggle with it because friendships used to be so easy back in the day.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't have to plan six months out and make a Google sheet and compare calendars of when we can hang out just to have it not end up happening.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I just gotta see my friends all the time.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I get it.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: We're getting older, we got different priorities, not as much free time.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: But why is it so much harder the older we get?
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: When we're growing up, I feel like you just have an endless amount of friends.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: You got the kids in class, sports, the neighborhood kids, family friends, just like lots of people you're meeting and constantly hanging out with to a certain capacity.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: And it was a lot of like those easy friendships of like you're just consistently seeing these people.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: So you're caught up in each other's lives, you're hanging out all the time, you're doing the same activity, um, or you're living together if you're in college, out of college, all that jazz.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's just friendship you don't have to think about and you don't have to maintain it as much.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I miss that.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: I growing up, I had school, I had volleyball, I had whatever other sport.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: My best friend doesn't believe me, but I did do rowing at some point.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I just don't have any evidence of it, but one day I'll get it.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just something I really miss.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: I just think like I used to have so many different front groups and so many different like plans all the time, and then the groups would collide, and it's like, wow, I have all my friends together.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's like my wedding where everyone from all walks of life were there, and then now I haven't even seen or talked to half of them.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's not all on them, which I get, but that is my point for this episode of like, why is it so hard?
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Why, like, what am I doing wrong?
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: That like, or is that just not a reality now?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: That I can't just have all these friends maintain all these like different friend groups and like see them all the time.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Then I think that really does play a role in my loneliness.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: I've been feeling more than ever lately.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: I've said this plenty of times.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Some of my best, my best friends, I'm lucky if I see them once a year.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Especially now, there's not really any major life events, so there's no like parties to go to or get togethers, no one lives in the same city.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, like you really have to go out of your way to see the other person.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I was supposed to go on a trip with my two best friends, and then I'm the one that ended up having it to be canceled.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: It was a good reason.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's was the weekend of my half marathon.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: And have we tried to reschedule it?
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, that is part of the problem.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: This is why, like, it's like you gotta really make the effort.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: You and but it's like, why do I have to put in 90% of the work?
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I want you to want to hang out with me and spend time.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, as we've gotten older, just like people change.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe they're not as like energetic or funny or like they're just so laid back now.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: They really don't want to hang out on the weekends, and like I'm really not trying to hang out during the weekdays.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: I am too old for that.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm showing up for you on a Monday, I must really love you because I just want to be home and doing my routine so I can go to sleep and do everything else the next day.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: But what I've really been struggling with is like, I have people in my life to hang out with, but like we don't hang out.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then I've been having anxiety lately where like I'm with all my friends and I just don't feel connected.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: I don't feel like myself.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, don't talk too much, don't ask so many questions, don't do this, don't do that.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I remember it used to just be so natural.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't thinking so hard.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes when I'm seeing these friends, I don't see that often, it's almost somewhat exhausting because you got to catch them up all on the past six months.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, what if I just don't want to do that?
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what if why can't we just hang out?
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I'm part of the problem, but I I don't like this like social anxiety.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's from 2020 and not being around people a lot, and I just still haven't gotten over it.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know why I'm getting anxiety being around my best friends.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that is not normal to me.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I should not be feeling like that, but I am.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: It is my reality.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: And the only thing I can really think of to get through it is to like keep showing up and keep hanging out with people and like until it kind of feels more normal.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: I just have to keep putting myself out there and just hope.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: And, but you know, maybe it'll get to a point where, like, okay, if you're so anxious hanging out with these people all the time, like maybe you gotta find new friends.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe this just ain't working out for you.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: And on the other end, like, you know, I talk about how much I miss hanging out with people all the time and having all these plans and seeing a bunch of different friends and just like experiencing whatever shenanigans for the weekend.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: On the other side is I don't want to have plans, I don't want to hang out with people and go have fun.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that is me getting older.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's because if I make plans for the weekend, I gotta shift my entire schedule.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: I gotta go grocery shopping earlier, I have to clean earlier, I have to get something done during the weekday that I was gonna get done on the weekend that I can't anymore because I have plans to have go have fun.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it that is so exhausting.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: I don't remember feeling like that, but maybe life was simpler and maybe I just didn't care if I didn't go grocery shopping before the start of the week because I was just ordering in, anyways.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: But this is probably part of the reason I haven't seen certain people in so long, because I'm not making the effort to make plans and neither are they, and like things just fall through.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I also, you know, I have anxiety about when I'm in the middle of a conversation with someone and like trying to not say the wrong thing or say too much.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: And in my head, I'm trying to stay focused.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like the times when I don't want to make these plans, I don't want to see people, I'm like avoiding that.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm like, this kind of works out.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like, there's a pro to like not having plans because then I don't have to put myself in that situation.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: But like, why is my mind going to that where like I can't just have fun?
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like, there's very few people in my life where I can turn my brain off and I don't have to worry about saying the wrong thing.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: But those are the people I'm not seeing that frequently.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: So it's an endless cycle, and I don't know how to break it.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I maybe I don't want to break it.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, maybe I'm okay not having plans all the time.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's not like how it was back in my early 20s, where like I had plans all day, every day, it felt like, and I still got what I needed done, as we all do.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: But this is a very real thing I'm struggling with of friendships changing and they're not as easy as they used to be.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like half part of the equation of like why it's not as simple anymore.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because as these friendships shift and change, and you're not seeing the people you used to hang out with all the time and text or call so frequently, I've come to the realization, like, okay, maybe we're just not friends anymore.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like, maybe we just don't talk anymore, and it's okay.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like, there's no beef.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like, lives shifted, and you're not always gonna have the same people in it forever.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: I think as a kid, maybe it was a little naive, but I was like, I'm gonna be best friends with all these people forever.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then I don't talk or see any of them, like a good chunk of them, but there is still quite a few I see.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I still have so many friends from kindergarten and middle school.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like those are my ride or dies for sure.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's just unfortunate they're not part of my day-to-day or my weekly uh hangout because they majority of them do not live in the same city as me.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: The good thing is, you know, this isn't always want wont pork in my SF friends, my college friends, like we do make the effort to see each other, and like, so that's been very good to have.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: And like, we all love to travel, so those are my little travel buddies.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: So that's good.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I think I just accepting that friendship isn't easy and it changes as we grow and our life is just different, you know.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: I really wish I appreciated more fresh and year, living in the dorms where all your best friends were in the same area, you all lived on campus together.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you will most likely never get that again.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: And like, I didn't realize how amazing it was until the next year when everyone was spread out in apartments or on campus, and it just it's like unless everyone stayed in the same city and in like a decent driving distance, like you're not gonna see them as conveniently as we did previously.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: So I guess I'm even learning from this episode myself of like, I need to figure out how to maintain my social anxiety and I need to make the effort to see my friends because I keep venting about it.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't say I'm complaining, I'm just keep venting or talking about like I miss the good old days, I miss seeing all my friends, but like I need to accept, like, hey, if you want to see these people and it make time and make good memories, like you're gonna have to go grocery shopping earlier than you wanted to.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, I sound ancient.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I guess this is a wake-up call or reminder that hey, you might be part of the problem of why you're not seeing your friends so much.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: And that's okay.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: This is an easy fix.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta remember friendship change like the seasons do sometimes, that everyone's just going through different life things, and you gotta make the effort.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: And like the people that keep showing up, they're gonna be in your life.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: If they're still here, they're probably gonna be there for the next 50 years.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I think we can miss the past and still be grateful for what friendship looks like now, who we still hang out with.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, it might look different in the next five or 10 years, but the people that are still around, like that's who you gotta keep showing up for and you gotta keep taking care of yourself and just have fun.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's what it is.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: Just make the effort to have fun and go easy on yourself.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: This is, I guess I really am talking to myself.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: I I needed to hear this, so I hope you do too.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: If you're struggling with friendships right now and the people you are or aren't hanging out with, because we're all only human and trying to do our best, and we can get through the struggle of not being around our friends 24-7, like how we might have been back in the day.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: So, this is that friendly reminder of hey, like maybe you should text someone, text that person you've been missing and go hang out with them because that's what I'm gonna do and try and reschedule my trip that got canceled because of myself.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: So don't forget to ask yourself, okay, but are you good?
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll catch you all next week.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Make sure to like them, subscribe.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.