Latest / Come Back to Love: / Come Back To Love June 11, 2026 Your Come Back to Love QA

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Come Back To Love June 11, 2026 Your Come Back to Love QA · Come Back to Love:

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Welcome to come Back to Love with your host, Robin Vogel.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Each week at this same time, come Back to Love
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: covers an endless array of topics related to relationships, love
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: and intimacy, along with all the reasons you may be
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: keeping love at a distance. Can a shattered heart be
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: your doorway to your greatest love story? Robin will give
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: you practical tools that can be used to heal the
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: past and help you to safely love again. And now
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Today's come back to Love.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: In a world that often feels disconnected, uncertain, and overwhelming,
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: there has been no more important time in life to
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: come back to love. I'm Robin Vogel, psychotherapist, relationship expert,
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: love and intimacy coach, an author of come Back to Love,
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: a Path to Healing that was published this year back
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: in February twenty twenty six by Coohler Books please look
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: forward on Amazon. For over twenty years, I've been sitting
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: with people in their most tender, courageous moments, the heartbreaks,
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: the longing, the walls they've built around their hearts, and
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: the quiet hope that real love is still possible. I
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: want to tell you that it is. This show is
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: a sanctuary, a place to heal the past, reconnect with yourself,
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: and fall in love again with your life, with others,
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: and most importantly, with yourself. Welcome to come back to Love.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: We are on KMET, your ABC News radio affiliate. Come
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: Back to Love radio show airs in southern California on
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: the radio km ET fourteen ninety AM and ninety eight
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: point one FM. Otherwise, listeners from all over the world
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: can listen on any podcast platform that you can find,
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: and most especially you can come to km ET and
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: find me Robin Vogel. So let's begin today. I am
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: actually doing something slightly different. I just did two weeks
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  Speaker 2: of topics that are really really important, especially when it
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: comes to considering the practice of come back to love
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: with yourself and come back to love in relationship with others.
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  Speaker 2: Two weeks ago, I did a show on survival mode
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  Speaker 2: and how being in survival mode, especially as a child,
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  Speaker 2: really helps us on the flip side, on the positive side,
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: develop things like resilience capacity, controlling environments in a positive
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  Speaker 2: and maybe not so positive way, but we really developed
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  Speaker 2: this huge capacity for life and living, and those same
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: skills that are so valuable that often keep us independent,
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  Speaker 2: keep us separated from love and disconnected from the relationship
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  Speaker 2: that you are desiring, craving and deserving. So that was
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  Speaker 2: two weeks ago, and then last week I did a
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  Speaker 2: show on a part of what it means to be
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: to rival mode and develop those skills that often block love,
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: and I spoke about overworking, overdoing, overcaretaking, overgiving, overgiving, and
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  Speaker 2: how when you overgive, some people feel really great about receiving,
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  Speaker 2: but there's a cost to you. And that same strategy
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  Speaker 2: of overgiving, that strategy, that technique that you developed a
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  Speaker 2: long time ago, also has One of the costs is
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  Speaker 2: that it blocks you from relationship because when you overgive,
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  Speaker 2: you are actually attracting people that are more like takers,
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: and then they're not giving and gifting to you. So
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  Speaker 2: with these two episodes, I started to receive a lot
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  Speaker 2: of questions, and I decided to do a full episode
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  Speaker 2: answering questions. And so I want to say also right
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: now that if you are listening to an episode and
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: you've got questions, please write to me. You can go
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: to comeback Toolove dot com and just click on contact
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: very easy and just send me a message and say
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: you were listening to the show on k m e
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: T Radio and you have a question and you can
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: reference the episode date, but you don't have to. You
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: can just submit a question, or you can email me directly.
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: I look at all my emails personally, so it's Robin
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: rob y n at come back to love dot com.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: And so you can just again put k M e
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: T in the subject line or just put question and
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: I will, like I said, read your email and get
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: your question and answer your question on the radio. How
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: amazing is that. So please do feel free to send
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: me questions as they come up. So that is my
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: intention for today is to answer some of the questions
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: that have come in. I hope those of you that
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  Speaker 2: sent them are listening, but either way, these questions are
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  Speaker 2: applicable to everyone who is listening. So thank you again
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  Speaker 2: for being here. By the way, we are here every
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: Thursday at one thirty pm Pacific for thirty pm Eastern time.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: That's a live show on km e T. And then
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: you can listen to the replay anytime anywhere on any
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: podcast platform that you love to use to listen to podcasts.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: So again, thank you for being here. The first question
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  Speaker 2: is from Susie from Illinois. She says Robin. I heard
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  Speaker 2: your show last week about overgiving, and I cried the
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  Speaker 2: whole way home. I've been the strong one my entire life,
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  Speaker 2: for my kids, for my friends, for my aging parents.
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  Speaker 2: I don't even know how to need something anymore. Where
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  Speaker 2: do I even start, Susann, Susie, this is a really
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  Speaker 2: common question. This is an example of how you lose
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  Speaker 2: the thread between you and you. You lose the thread
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  Speaker 2: between yourself, your parts of yourself, and your higher self.
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  Speaker 2: In ifs and internal family systems, we call that, we
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: call the higher self. We call it self energy with
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  Speaker 2: a capital S. So you might hear me say that
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  Speaker 2: from time to time and you'll know what I mean,
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  Speaker 2: and maybe you have your own word for self energy. Anyway,
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  Speaker 2: the question is just about really being in a space
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  Speaker 2: of overgiving to kids, to friends, to aging parents, and
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  Speaker 2: not even knowing how to need something anymore. I want
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  Speaker 2: to invite any and all of you that resonate with
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  Speaker 2: this question to put your hand on your heart. This
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  Speaker 2: is the first practice actually in response to the question.
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  Speaker 2: Put your hand on your heart, Take a breath, feel
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  Speaker 2: the warmth of your palm and your fingers, feel that
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  Speaker 2: connection to your body, to your skin, and This is
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  Speaker 2: going to sound strange, but I want to invite you
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  Speaker 2: to say hello to yourself. So for me, I've got
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  Speaker 2: my hand in my heart and I'm just saying hi, Robin,
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  Speaker 2: and a breath. I'm here. I'm willing, and I desire
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  Speaker 2: to reconnect with myself. I'm willing and I desire to
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: reconnect with myself. That's the next piece to say. That's
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  Speaker 2: kind of the prayer. That is the prayer hello and
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  Speaker 2: your name. I'm willing and desiring to reconnect with myself.
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  Speaker 2: And then I want you to practice something very very simple.
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  Speaker 2: I want you to practice choosing a flavor of ice
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  Speaker 2: cream that you love. I know this is a really
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  Speaker 2: really simple example, but honestly, I was actually just with
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  Speaker 2: somebody recently, and pretty much every question to this person,
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: she just was like, I don't know whatever, I'm fine,
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  Speaker 2: you know, do you want to, you know, talk first,
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  Speaker 2: I don't know, I'm fine. Do you want you know,
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  Speaker 2: these kinds of nuts or those kinds of chocolate? I
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  Speaker 2: don't know. I mean, there was just sort of a
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  Speaker 2: general giving it over to somebody else to make a decision.
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  Speaker 2: And that is, you know, one of the things that
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  Speaker 2: can show up here and that's really draining on your
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  Speaker 2: energy because there can be resentment, you know, making so
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  Speaker 2: many sacrifices like that to your kids, to your friends,
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  Speaker 2: to your aging parents. And I want to invite you
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  Speaker 2: to come back to what you need and want for you.
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  Speaker 2: And I know that word need can be triggering. So
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  Speaker 2: but you know, we all have needs. We're human. We've
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  Speaker 2: got needs. It comes with being human. And we also
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  Speaker 2: have desires we have once sometimes I like to use
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  Speaker 2: the word requirements for needs. So if that's a word
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  Speaker 2: that feels a little better to you, a little less
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  Speaker 2: triggery to you. Like I have a requirement that I sleep,
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  Speaker 2: you know, eight hours a night. So no, I'm not
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  Speaker 2: going to stay up and watch the second half of
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  Speaker 2: that movie with you because actually I need to go
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  Speaker 2: to sleep so I can get eight hours of sleep.
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  Speaker 2: That's a requirement for my body. So where do you start?
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  Speaker 2: Start with something simple? What kind of ice cream would
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  Speaker 2: you like to purchase today at the ice cream store?
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  Speaker 2: What would you like for dinner? Feel into your body,
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  Speaker 2: feel into your belly, what comes up right away? You know,
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  Speaker 2: often somebody who's been overgiving just pushes away their needs
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  Speaker 2: in their mind, like it's not that the needs aren't pressent,
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  Speaker 2: and it's not that they don't show up, but they
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  Speaker 2: just get pushed away. So often it's like, oh, kids,
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  Speaker 2: you know, where do you want to go for dinner?
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  Speaker 2: And you're thinking, I'd love a hamburger and they say,
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  Speaker 2: we want pizza, we want pizza, and you say, okay, yeah,
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  Speaker 2: let's go for pizza. So the need showed up for
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  Speaker 2: some protein, some nourishing, dense protein for your body, but
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  Speaker 2: it just gets dismissed and discounted. So I want to
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  Speaker 2: point you to that, because if you turn the awareness
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  Speaker 2: up inside yourself on your needs, on your listening for
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  Speaker 2: what it is you need and you want, this information
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  Speaker 2: is going to come to you. And I want you
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  Speaker 2: to start really simple, and I invite you to get
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  Speaker 2: back to me and let me know how it's going.
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  Speaker 2: Because this is a practice, and it takes a while.
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  Speaker 2: Practice practice, practice really opens up even more more awareness,
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  Speaker 2: more information, more gifts for you. And the practice is
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  Speaker 2: really what rewire your brain to stop overgiving and to
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: tune into yourself and to choose yourself first. This is
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  Speaker 2: what come back to love is all about. So thank
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  Speaker 2: you for this question, all right. Question number two comes
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  Speaker 2: from Antonia in New York City. I'm a very successful woman.
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  Speaker 2: I run my own business, I have great friendships. I'm
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  Speaker 2: proud of my life. But every relationship I get into,
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  Speaker 2: I somehow end up doing all the emotional work. I'm
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  Speaker 2: starting to wonder if I'm attracting broken men on purpose?
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  Speaker 2: Am I? Well, it's a great question, and it's also
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  Speaker 2: a very very common experience for people that come to
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  Speaker 2: work with me. I've been talking about it in the
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  Speaker 2: radio show, you know almost every week around repeating patterns
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  Speaker 2: of choosing and interacting, and when you don't do the
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  Speaker 2: deep work of healing what's happened in the past, there
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  Speaker 2: can be absolutely be a repetition. I'm not going to
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  Speaker 2: say that you're attracting broken men, because I don't think
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  Speaker 2: you are, and I don't certainly you're not attracting them
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  Speaker 2: on purpose. But are these men coming to you to
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  Speaker 2: reflect something back? Yes, so we can say the universe
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  Speaker 2: is bringing people in front of you, quote unquote on purpose,
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  Speaker 2: but you're not doing anything wrong. The gift in these men,
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  Speaker 2: in this case, men showing up where you're doing all
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  Speaker 2: the emotional work is meant to be a reflection. And
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  Speaker 2: I'm just tuning in now to my intuition to this
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  Speaker 2: person who asked this question, but I know it's applicable
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  Speaker 2: to all listening. These men are showing up as a mirror,
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  Speaker 2: and what I'm seeing is you looking in the mirror,
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  Speaker 2: and instead of seeing yourself in the mirror, I invite
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  Speaker 2: you to see one of these men that you're referring to,
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  Speaker 2: and then to breathe and be with Whatever the experience
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  Speaker 2: was with that person, you ended up doing the emotional
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  Speaker 2: work work he's not tending to his emotions, or I
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: don't know, you were making an assumption about how he
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  Speaker 2: feels and then talking to him about it to see
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  Speaker 2: if that's how he feels, or I don't have the
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  Speaker 2: specifics about how you're doing your emotion the emotional work
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  Speaker 2: of the relationship, but I get it. And so as
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  Speaker 2: you're looking in the mirror, I want to invite you
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  Speaker 2: to see aspects of yourself reflected back in the mirror.
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  Speaker 2: And these are the parts without shame, without guilt, without judgment.
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  Speaker 2: These are just the parts of you that are ready
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  Speaker 2: to be healed. When the universe drops people in front
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  Speaker 2: of us or situations in front of us, the universe
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  Speaker 2: is just saying, here on a platter, this is what's important. Now,
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  Speaker 2: this is what you could or should look at. This
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  Speaker 2: is what I'm inviting you to step into to do
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  Speaker 2: the healing work on. Now. Here is your next step.
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  Speaker 2: It's amazing. Some people will be like, I don't know
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  Speaker 2: what to do. I don't know what my next step is.
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  Speaker 2: I'm not sure where to go, ignoring all of the
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  Speaker 2: gifts which might not feel like gifts, but gifts from
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: the universe that they're handing to you literally on a platter.
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  Speaker 2: So I want to invite you not to see these
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  Speaker 2: men as broken, and also not to see yourself as broken,
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  Speaker 2: but to see yourself as open to receiving the information
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  Speaker 2: that's coming to you. And that is the most important
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  Speaker 2: piece of coming back to yourself, of coming back to love,
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: of growing and evolving, and really again opening up to
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: the truth of who you truly are, because each time
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: you take a look in the mirror and you get
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: information back, you're like, oh, I mean, who we truly are? Yes,
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  Speaker 2: we're perfect divine beings, but we're also in our personality
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  Speaker 2: is not perfect divine beings. So seeing who we truly
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  Speaker 2: are and getting who we truly are is really important.
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  Speaker 2: You know, I look at who I truly am. I
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: see that I can move really quickly through things. I'm
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: a mover and a shaker type of person. Someone asks
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  Speaker 2: me to do something or something that comes to me
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  Speaker 2: that I want to do, and I do it step
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  Speaker 2: by step, and I can sometimes do it quickly. Well,
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  Speaker 2: guess what the flip side of that is that I
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: can be impatient. Sometimes I can be impatient with people.
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  Speaker 2: I can be impatient with systems. I can be impatient
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  Speaker 2: with bureaucracy. I can be impatient and Okay, so it
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  Speaker 2: shows up in the mirror, and yes, I try to
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  Speaker 2: breathe and I try to let go of impatience and
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: come back into what I call allowance and just be
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  Speaker 2: with what is. But it's just also who I am
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  Speaker 2: in this lifetime, you know, the mover and the shaker energy.
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  Speaker 2: It comes when with some impatience. So imvotue you to
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  Speaker 2: take a look in the mirror and really get and
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  Speaker 2: understand what's being reflected back from these men that seem
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: to not be doing their emotional work or the emotional
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: work of the relationship that the relationship requires. I guess
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  Speaker 2: one piece I would ask you is do you step
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  Speaker 2: in soon or sooner, like are they actually capable or
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  Speaker 2: maybe one of these men is actually capable of doing
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  Speaker 2: the emotional work, or all of them. But if you
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: jump in quickly and you start making assumptions and then
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  Speaker 2: you start giving, you know, that's called codependent. And we
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: are all codependent in many ways. But that's codependent. And
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: so where can you step back, take a breath, and
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  Speaker 2: give space for the other person to come forward? So
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  Speaker 2: that's another piece. I hope that's really helpful, not only
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: to you, but to everybody who's listening, because this is
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: really an important dynamic that a lot of people talk
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: about when they come to work with me, which is
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: this repetition of the same kind of person but in
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: different bodies. So take note and perhaps listen to this
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: episode again because there's so many great questions and answers
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  Speaker 2: coming through. I'm Robin Vogel from come Back to Love
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: dot com founder come Back to Love and the host
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  Speaker 2: of this radio show. We are on km ET Radio,
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: and I'm really excited to be here. Every Thursday one
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: thirty pm Pacific and four thirty pm Eastern Standard Time
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: or Eastern Daylight Savings time, which is what we're in
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: right now. Alrighty. Your next question from Bob and Escondido,
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: that's in California. You talked about overgiving as a form
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: of control last week, and it really hit me. But
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: I genuinely don't feel like I'm controlling anything. I feel
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: like I'm just being loving. How do I know the
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: difference between real generosity and the kind you're describing? Oh
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: my god, that is such a great question, and it's
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: a sophisticated question, and it sounds like you, Bob, are
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: doing some really good self reflection. So let's take this
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: a little bit deeper. We're looking at the distinction between
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: giving from a full place actually, which would be genuinely generous,
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: and giving from a place of something else, from fear,
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: most often, giving from an empty cup, given from a
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: place where you're already drained. Your cup is empty. The
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: question I'm asking you and our listeners and my listeners
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: is why would you give from an empty cup? So
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: take a breath with that question, because I know this
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: is also really common that people are drained and exhausted
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: these days. Oh my goodness, myself included, I've been really
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: recovering from some exhaustion and overgiving and feeling drained and
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: just coming back to myself and a lot of people
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: talking about this. So the question for you is why
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: would you give from an empty cup? And I just
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: allow an answer to be there, Why would you give
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: to someone if your cup is empty? Now, sometimes there
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: are extenuating circumstances, but I would say that's more the exception,
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: because there's often just a pattern of giving. And I
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: talked about this in the other episode as well, that
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: there's a pattern of giving. As a transaction, I give,
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: and therefore I will in my mind, I might believe
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: that I'll receive love and that if I don't give,
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: I won't. So amusing myself as a reference because it's
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: absolutely something that I have had to process. Love as
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: a child, for me was transactional and in certain ways
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: meaning I had to It was conditional. I should say
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: it that way. It was conditional I had to do.
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: When I did certain things, well, I got love. When
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: I didn't, I actually got reprimanded. So to know the
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: difference between real generosity that I've been talking about and
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: not true generosity, And it's not that the heart is
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: not still feeling loving, but you're crossing your own boundary
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: when you're giving from an empty cup. So if this
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: is you, if you feel drained, if you feel exhausted,
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: if you feel just sick and tired of you know, people,
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: and you just don't feel loved and nurtured, I really
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: invite you to pause and ask yourself what you need,
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: what you require to fill your cup. And for those
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: of you that are visual, you can literally just look
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: at a cup in front of you. Is it full,
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: is it half full? Is it empty? And just assume
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: that's where it is today, in this very moment, And
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: if it's half empty or empty, what do you need
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: to fill it? Maybe you're literally dehydrated. That's one thing
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: that comes to me because I'm just you know, opening
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: up to my intuition here to answer your questions along
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: with bringing in my experience and wisdom from all these
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: years of doing this work. But also like, are you dehydrated?
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: So ask yourself that question and grab your big mug
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: of water that you're carrying around with you and take
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: a sip, take a gulp. But also what else have
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: you been sleeping? Have you been sleeping well? Have you
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: been eating well? Have you been nurturing yourself by connecting
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: with other people. Have you received touch in a long time,
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: partnered or not. Touch is so important? You know, have
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: you hugged your friends? Do you hug your friends? Do
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: you hug your aging parents? Do you hug your partner
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: if you have a partner. So really, really take a
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: look at this distinction. It's really really important and a
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: great question. Okay, the next question is from Toronto, Canada.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: I've been single for six years since my divorce. I
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: work out, I have therapy, I have a full life.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: But my friends say my friends say, I seem fine,
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: but I go home every night to an empty house
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: and I'm not fine. After listening to your show, I'm
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: wondering am I using my independence to hide? And if
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: I am, how do I stop without feeling like I'm
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: falling apart? Yes? Yes, Oh my gosh. This is an
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: intimacy as armor question. Great question, raw and real, and
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: I just want to say I have so much compassion
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: for you as I know this is you know, this
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: is a really big important piece of life, and I
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: want to first of all, really acknowledge you for saying
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: I'm not fine. You know, I've been single for six
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: years since my divorce. My friends think I'm fine, but
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: I'm actually not. Thank you, thank you, thank you for
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: naming that to yourself, you know, And I encourage you
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: to be vulnerable and share it with some of your
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: really close friends, those people that are close to you.
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: They want to know that you're not fine. They want
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: to know, really and truly what's going on. So yes,
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: you might be using your independence to hide. And I'm
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: again just tuning in to you and your energy and
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: also to this pattern that exists. I talked about it,
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: you know, two episodes as a Goo that independence is armor.
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: It can be armor. You know, I don't need anyone.
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: I'm okay without anybody. I'm happy. See, my life is full.
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: I have lots of you know, social things, and I
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: have a lot of friends, and my work is great
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: and I'm successful. But then there's this deep yearning inside
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: for vulnerability, for softness, for connection, for dependence, to rely
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: on someone else. Ah, there's like this real letting go,
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: real letting go. And I want to invite you just
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: to consider these concepts of letting go, of softening, of
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: being vulnerable, of opening up to possibility of relaxing, of
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: moving from sympathetic nervous system do doo dooo to parasympathetic
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: nervous system, relax, relax, relax, and stillness. It takes practic
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: is for those that have been in survival mode, in
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: success mode, in independence mode. It takes a breath. It
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: takes getting into nature walking. The weather's good now depending
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: on when you're listening to this episode, but the weather's good.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: You can walk barefoot at the beach in nature on trails.
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: Nature is such a wonderful teacher when it comes to
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: pausing and being still and listening. So want you and
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: invite you to really consider independence as armor and that
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: intimacy is actually just on the other side of that corn.
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: So I can invite you to do some journaling on
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: that and to start to feel into again a hand
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: on heart, relaxed body. What would it feel like to
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: just receive and relax and open up to the vulnerability
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: of what's really really going on in your life, because
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: that's the way to meet your partner. I would really
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: love to hear how this is going when you have
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: some time to practice. Happy to support you on this journey.
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: It is one I know myself and I needed to
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: really learn and practice myself. Very glad to be you know,
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: on the other side, although I need constant reminders to
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: relax and receive. Ah, okay, we have time for one
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: more question. This is from Jill in Southern Florida. I
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: tried the two second pause practice you gave last week.
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: Someone held a door for me and I said, you
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: look great today, and oh sorry, that person said you
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: look great today, and I actually stopped and said thank you,
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: And then I started crying in the parking lot. And
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: I have no idea why what happened? Oh my god?
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: This is so first of all, great to hear that
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: you listened to the radio show and tried the practice.
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: I want to encourage everybody who's listening to to try
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: these practices, each one that I offer, that anyone that
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: resonates with you take it on as a practice. So
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: this is such a beautiful first of all, share and
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: second of all, question like, what happened? Why did I
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: start crying? Why was I moved by just this little exchange?
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: And I will say, because, first of all, you did
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: something different. You stepped out and stepped in. You're leaning
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: in to the practices of come back to love, which
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: says a lot about the choices that you want to
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: make for yourself, moving forward and what you actually want
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: to create in your life. So first of all, just
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: YAE for taking action, and that's moving in and of itself.
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: But the second piece is likely, and of course I'm
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: not you and your body, but I'm guessing the second
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: piece is a grief and you know, perhaps really, you know,
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: the most important piece here is that there's a grief
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: about what you haven't been receiving. And in a moment
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: of having an actual exchange of receiving, which is so beautiful,
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: there can also very easily just be grief on the
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: other side, like, Wow, I've been missing this, i haven't
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: been receiving, i haven't allowed myself, I've been blocked. I'm
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: longing to receive. And when you have that tangible, practical experience,
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: something cracked open, and something often does crack open, and
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: you step into a space of receiving, even if the
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: opening is just a tiny little space for light to
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: come through. Keep practicing, keep opening, And I want to say,
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: keep grieving, because on the other side of the grief
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: is the love. Love for you to let me know
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: how this goes as well. And one more brief question
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: from Elaine in Chicago, and she says, I'm a therapist myself,
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: and I listen to your show every week. Thank you, Elaine.
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: I see these prowd of and my clients constantly, but
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: I'm starting to realize I live with them too. I
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: give everything to my work and my home, with nothing
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: left for my own relationships. How do you separate doing
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: this work professionally from healing it personally? Oh my gosh,
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: such a good question for this k M e T
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: Radio show. I hope there are others that work in
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: other professional fields that really understand this question as well.
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: And gosh, I just want to say, really briefly, because
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: they're at the end here, that this is a case
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: of meeting really clear boundaries going to work and creating
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: an energetic boundary around yourself, visualizing it, doing your work
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: with all of your own not only professional you know, therapy,
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: clinical experience, but also all of your personal experience that
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: you're garnering to serve your clients, and then remembering and
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: realizing and maybe perhaps I'm going to say again, remembering
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: that your clients come to you also as a mirror.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: I talked about a mirror in the first question in
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: today's episode, but your clients also come our clients also
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: come to us as mirrors. So I want to invite
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: you back to the exercise of bringing of the mirror,
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: exercise of looking in the mirror actually in real life
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: and putting one of your clients in the reflection back
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: to you and then ask the question what are you
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: reflecting back to me that I need to know for
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: myself and then write that down. And now you know
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: there's your personal healing work, which impacts, of course your
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: professional work. So I hope that's helpful. I really really
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: hope that's helpful. I hope that speaks to other people
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: in the helping and healing professions and any other types
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: of coaches and therapists, etc. That are listening to my
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: radio show each week. I want to say thank you
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: so much for spending time with me today. I'm really
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: enjoying doing like a Q and a session and or
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: Q and a radio show, and I plan to do
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: these once a month, so please do send me questions again.
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: You can go to Comeback Too Love dot com, click
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: on contact and write to me, or you can write
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: to me directly Robin rob Y and at Comeback Too
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: Love dot com. If something's stirred in you if you
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: want to go deeper with this material or with me,
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: if you want to have a real conversation about where
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: you are and what might be possible, I always offer
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: a free thirty minute private conversation again. You just go
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: to come Back to Love dot com and click right
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: in the center. You'll see book your thirty minutes. Very
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: easy to do, just you and me. Book yours again
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: at Comeback too love dot com. You've built something remarkable
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: with your life. You deserve to have love be part
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: of it. Not someday, not when you finally figured it
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: all out, but now, I'm Robin Vogel. Be gentle with yourself.
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: Love is possible, and it starts with coming back to you.
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: I'll see you next week. Hi, this is Robin Vogel,
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: host of come Back to Love. If you are ready
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: to heal the past and open your heart to love again,
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: I want to talk with you. Book a free thirty
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: minute private conversation with me at comebacktolove dot com. I'll
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: meet you where you are and give you real tools
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: you can use right now. Because love isn't just possible
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: for you, it's waiting for you. Go to comebacktolove dot com.
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: And book your free thirty minutes.
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: Today you've been listening to Come Back to Love with
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: Robin Vogel, a transformative program that covers an endless array
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: of topics related to relationships, love and intimacy, along with
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: all the reasons you may be keeping love at a distance.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: Tune in each week as Robin gives you practical tools
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: that can be used to heal the past and help
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: you to safely love again. Join Robin again next week
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: at the same time for come Back to Love.