Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Minisode: Cosby Voice with Yamaneika Saunders

Transcript

Minisode: Cosby Voice with Yamaneika Saunders · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, Welcome to a mini episode where these are our minisodes.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: We have a special guest on our minisode. Her name
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: is Yamnika Saunders.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: You may have heard her. Hello, what I'm trying to
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: look thin next to you? Okay, well, thank you. They
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: brought me water. It's like a leader of water. Isn't
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: that crazy? Thank you, my love. I appreciate it. Yeah,
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: I need it. I'm what's in that thing? I'm dry vaginally.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: You need a lubricant every time I'm around you.
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: My pussy is the driest ever you be drying bitches,
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: pussies up because you need all the moist so you
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: can get Danny and your motherfucking batcave bitch, do not
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: come for me.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: I'm high, Catherine. Are you listening to this? Are you
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: listening to her talk about her dry pussy?
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: Okay, I want to make sure we're recording because I
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: would like that as part of the episode.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: Okay, thank you, welcome pussies everywhere.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: I want to say something, well, yam Monika lathers herself up.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: We're not going to say where we went. Please don't
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: don't do this. I Am not going to say where
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: we went. No, I want to say something I'm going
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: to say. Listen the time, it could be anywhere.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: Baby took me to one of the worst meals I've
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: ever had in New York City, the worst meals. It's
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: so hard to have a bad meal in New York City.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: There are so many beautiful restaurants in this city. One
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: of the reasons I love to come here. One of
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: the reasons I spend so much time with you in
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: New York is because we go to different places and
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: we eat and it's always a good situation. Last night
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: was the worst. I actually woke up this morning angry.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: I woke up this morning and I thought, when was
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: the last time I had such a bad meal?
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: Because you're racist?
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: This?
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: You have to racist? How did you say something this
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: climate race? I have to there it was. It wasn't
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: a black restaurant. Are you talking about you? I'm racist
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: against you?
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, because I went to your other restaurant the
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: other time we went up to Harlem and we had
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: a great meal.
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: So I don't know what you're talking about. Race. I
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: did have a good Okay, you wasn't. No, it wasn't.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: It was a great press really bad.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: It was the thing. You know what it is, Chelsea.
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: The thing about it is you gotta remember that your
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: taste buds they're in a different text bracket as well. Right,
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: I'm still to tape a bitch and to go to
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: TGI Fridays and say, why are.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: You talking like Bill Cosby? Right now?
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: What is this voice that you're using? Wait a minute, Red,
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: Red Fox Cosy nobody. You're talking like some old black
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: man that I know. I've been raised by old black Okay,
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: but why are you talking like old black man?
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: You're not old and you're not black. Anyway, There wasn't
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: just me, it was there was a four of us. No,
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: nobody else said that, nobody else else I said. I
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: said that, you said for everybody, and everybody had to
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: imprint with your attitude.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: Now that day I got today this morning going, can
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: you fucking believe that meal last night?
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: No? No, no, it was the best place to have been.
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: Tell me, I'll tell it. Well, what will you getting.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: Ready to say? Well, see this is the thing you
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: were doing. It's totally fine. I'm telling you you have
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: you ever eaten there before? Absolutely? I have eaten it.
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: I told you.
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: Also, when people decide to go upstairs and outside outside,
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: in New York City takes down the quality of the food.
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: Okay, the kind of voice again?
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: Okay, Catherine, do we have an update for some of
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: our what's going on today?
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: For our min Minnesota, our Minisot. I like say, many
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: voice and full of ship.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: You're just I could see the wheels turning, just one
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: full of ship after another.
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: It's just blah blah blah blah. I'm over it. And
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: now she's wearing a shoulder brace today. What happened to
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: your shoulder?
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: She can't talk and she's yesterday you kept saying, yeah,
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: I know, but what happened to you my rotated cuff
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: is like, well some ship?
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah? Did you heard it working out? You see
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: a bench? You haven't? Yeah, But it was not on
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: my train.
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: That was on me because I was doing stuff I
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: wasn't supposed to do on my own time outside of her.
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: I was trying to get back because I was at
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: two seventy five with it, and I'm trying to get
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: back to like deadlifting.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: That careful because when you were doing that shoulder lifting,
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: did you also have lipstick all over your teeth?
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: You just get to an age where you don't give
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: a fuck about way to make up lands? Why even
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: bother though? Yeah, I'm just gonna be on your teeth.
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: No, no, no, I opened my bag up, I saw
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: my lipstick was open. I put my face in the bag.
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: I came out with some lipstick. I don't care what
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: it looks like.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: You actually put your face in the makeup bag. Is
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: that what you're saying? Yes, I did, like the Jacksons. Okay, Catherine,
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: we can continue. Now. What's happening?
• 4:45
  Speaker 4: Okay, Jill says, help. I'm being trilled on the internet
• 4:50
  Speaker 4: by my ex. Dear Chelsea. I'm a forty three year
• 4:53
  Speaker 4: old psychotherapist in New York City, never married, no kids,
• 4:56
  Speaker 4: but myriad rich life experiences. However, my dating life life
• 5:00
  Speaker 4: has not been a source of light. Every relationship, like clockwork,
• 5:03
  Speaker 4: after six to nine months, goes awry. I wonder why
• 5:06
  Speaker 4: I'm finding the same guy in a different T shirt,
• 5:08
  Speaker 4: Men with zero accountability and putting me down to serve
• 5:11
  Speaker 4: their own ego. After going no contact immediately following my
• 5:14
  Speaker 4: most recent breakup, my ex has taken this to a
• 5:16
  Speaker 4: new low by trolling me on the internet. He launched
• 5:19
  Speaker 4: a smear campaign at what seems like an attempt to
• 5:21
  Speaker 4: elicit a reaction from me.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: So here's the thing.
• 5:24
  Speaker 4: In addition to being a psychotherapist, I've engaged in underground
• 5:28
  Speaker 4: work in the psychedelic space. While I'm interested in the
• 5:31
  Speaker 4: power of psychedelics for psychological and healing insights, I also
• 5:34
  Speaker 4: fully support if someone takes them recreationally. Who cares right
• 5:38
  Speaker 4: as long as someone isn't hurting themselves or others. I
• 5:40
  Speaker 4: see no reason to have any judgment when it comes
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: to how someone manages their life or makes money. It's
• 5:44
  Speaker 4: also one of the ways I make money.
• 5:46
  Speaker 5: For what it's worth.
• 5:47
  Speaker 4: I have student loans from my master's degree, and the
• 5:49
  Speaker 4: mental health field doesn't pay much while in clinical training.
• 5:52
  Speaker 4: So as this ex fancies himself a comedian, he has
• 5:55
  Speaker 4: mined me for material and used me as fodder on
• 5:58
  Speaker 4: a public platform, debasing me as a drug dealer, and
• 6:01
  Speaker 4: named other private and personal details, joking that my practice
• 6:04
  Speaker 4: is a front for psychedelic sales. How do I move
• 6:07
  Speaker 4: forward from feeling violated and exposed?
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: Jill Hi, Jill, Hello, Jill Hi Hi. This is our
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: special guest, Yaminika. She's here today.
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: Nice to see you, my love. I'm excited about this.
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: This sounds very really easy comedian.
• 6:24
  Speaker 5: He had a flash in the pan about eight years ago,
• 6:26
  Speaker 5: but not actively writing and working and going up.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: But is he actually hurting your practice in any real
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: tangible way.
• 6:36
  Speaker 5: That's the thing. I think that his reach isn't that large.
• 6:39
  Speaker 5: I think it's probably more ego driven and the debasing and.
• 6:45
  Speaker 6: The minimizing and the way of no accountability that my
• 6:51
  Speaker 6: work somehow is triggering him, or just the zero accountability
• 6:56
  Speaker 6: and pointing fingers is now more of the piece that
• 7:01
  Speaker 6: I have more problem with.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: This is one hundred percent you a problem.
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: You understand this right, one hundred percent is your problem,
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: and you're still invested in it.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: That's why you've not healed from it.
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: If you were over this guy, he could fucking drop
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: right in front of you off the ninetieth floor into
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: a splat and you'd walk.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: Over him to get a dunkin donut.
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: I'm telling you, you've got to get over the guy
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: and move the fuck on. It doesn't matter what he's saying,
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: and he's trying to agitate you because it's all he's
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: fucking got.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: He's a loser, I agree, and he's completely I honestly
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: think you have to pay absolutely no attention, give him
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: absolutely no reaction and just ignore him until he runs
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: out of steam and find somebody else to occupy his time.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: And thoughts like it's just so lame and so meaningless,
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: and if it's not having a big impact on you,
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: like it's the let them theory, let him, let him
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: go and spin himself out, you know, without you engaging,
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: there's only so much gas he has.
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: And here's the things we need to focus on with you, right,
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: I'm a beautiful woman.
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: I'm a woman, a career woman who's done.
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: Very well for herself. I can take care of myself.
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: You know, any man would be blessed to have me,
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: specifically for these things that I can.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: It cannot be focusing back on him and not focusing
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: on you.
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: You're sitting here, you look very beautiful. You got yourself together.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: Maybe a few guys somewhere think you're crazy. We've all
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: got a few guys that you know that is well,
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: you too, okay, well together. We can't go to the
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: East coast a lot, right, we barely hear all right,
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: But focus on the positives of you and less on
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: what he got going on. Because you're a beautiful woman.
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: Focus on that and what you've done in life.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely, I agree with her.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: And don't worry about your hallucinogens like like affinity for that.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: Don't be apologized for that.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: You're allowed to do whatever the fuck you want.
• 8:52
  Speaker 5: I think that's that's my own fears is being called
• 8:56
  Speaker 5: a drug dealer when it's like it is this gray
• 9:00
  Speaker 5: market and.
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: But you're not a drug dealer. Don't worry about that.
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: How much money drug dealers make? You focused on the
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: wrong thing. You're gonna come to my academy about not
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: giving a fuck.
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, the whole breaking bed was about that, wasn't it.
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: That guy was a drug dealer. He was a teacher
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: then he was.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: He did it end well for him?
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: Yea?
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: And bring up because somebody to watch win? Okay, well
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: you watch it and reverse. I don't know. I've never
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: watched it. Don't bring it up. You can't bring that
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: up about it? Okay. Anyway, was it that? Yeah, it wasn't.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: He's not a it's not a success story in the end, anyway,
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: don't worry.
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: About he doesn't die in the end, does he don't worry.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: About any of this. That guy's a loser. Just yeah,
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: well no, but you shut the fuck up for two seconds.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but you're fine.
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 9:48
  Speaker 5: I was just wanting you to call him a loser on.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: A public Okay, so you're fine. Move on with your life.
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: Forget about him, and that will end soon.
• 9:58
  Speaker 4: Okay, block him on everything, because the only way you're
• 10:00
  Speaker 4: seeing any of this stuff is because you're following still,
• 10:03
  Speaker 4: So like, block his emails. You're not getting any of
• 10:05
  Speaker 4: that communication.
• 10:06
  Speaker 5: Block him.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: He's not your problem anymore. Doesn't matter, right exactly. Yeah,
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: thank you guys, Okay, than take care, goodbye. I love
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: how you reference a show that you've never even watched. Okay, okay, okay,
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: what I don't know, did you? I don't know. You
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: had a good point. Here's the reality.
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: This this young lady, beautiful young woman, and you know,
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: I hate to give wait women too much credit, but
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: she's a beautiful white woman.
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: The way she not focused.
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: On When I see this woman and I'm like, wow,
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: she seems like such a lovely woman. A man would
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: be dumb not to like, whatever, go focus on the
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: guy that can see the beauty and who you are.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: What you got going on?
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: And I'm telling you, I just got to the point
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: where I learned this myself. You know, as you get older,
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: you go, why was I There's so much time trying
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: to act like I needed to find somebody that was
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: gonna accept me, instead of just letting that person find me,
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: I find them and enjoy your life. If so much
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: time wasted being young worrying about who were going to
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: be in a relationship with, and then you get older
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: you realize you eve want a motherfucking in your crib.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: There's also just like a chemical thing when you're don't
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: when you're not doing something, when you're not mingling with someone,
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: they can only mingle about you or long after, like
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: it runs out of steam if there's not two energies colliding,
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: if it's just one guy circling, like eventually he's gonna drown,
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: you know, eventually there's no one else mingling with him.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: So like when people are in your life and are
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: causing you distress, like you just like exit far right
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: and don't look at them, don't talk to them, don't
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: don't engage ever, and and and yeah.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: Have a little faith in yourself.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, thank god you were here today, yaminika.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: Thank god you came and got lubricated you're with lipstick
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: on your teeth. I'll see you in ant and we're
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: going to do another miniso, so I'll see you next time.
• 12:02
  Speaker 4: Okay you and you can find Yaminica on Instagram at Yaminica.
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: My remaining dates for Vegas, there are remaining dates for
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: this year. Summertime is coming and I will be in
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on July fifth.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: We will be the next date that I'm there July fifth,
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: August thirtieth, and then November one and twenty ninth. November
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: first and November twenty ninth, I will be in Las
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: Vegas at the Cosmo performing inside Myself at the Chelsea.
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay,
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: thank you.
• 12:41
  Speaker 4: Do you want advice from Chelsea? Right into Dear Chelsea
• 12:43
  Speaker 4: podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea pod.
• 12:51
  Speaker 5: Dear Chelsea is
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: Edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: And be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: dot com