Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / How to Flip Your Script and Live Wholehearted | a Simply Wholehearted Foundations
Transcript
- 0:00SPEAKER_00: But in this specific book, Hero in a Mission, he talks about the four characters or roles that you find in every single story.
- 0:07SPEAKER_00: And then he relates that we take on every single role at some point in our lives.
- 0:17SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome to the Simply Wholehearted Podcast.
- 0:20SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Amy Wicks, your wholehearted living coach.
- 0:24SPEAKER_00: And I'm so glad that you stopped by to spend some time with me.
- 0:29SPEAKER_00: Are you curious about the Enneagram?
- 0:31SPEAKER_00: Do you want to learn biblical truths?
- 0:33SPEAKER_00: And have you wondered if there are life rhythms that will help you thrive?
- 0:37SPEAKER_00: Well, friend, you are in the right place.
- 0:41SPEAKER_00: For six years, this podcast has focused on sharing conversations with my friends about life, business, motherhood, faith, and all things Enneagram from a Christian perspective.
- 0:54SPEAKER_00: I truly understand what it's like to juggle everything as a wife, mom to three teenagers, a pup, and all while building a growing business.
- 1:04SPEAKER_00: And friend, I haven't always done things with clarity, peace, or joy.
- 1:09SPEAKER_00: But still, the Lord has taken my broken-hearted pieces and healed them so I can live with whole-hearted rhythms to provide women like you with a step-by-step process so you can get free of anxiety, shame, and frustrations that might be holding you back from thriving.
- 1:26SPEAKER_00: I pray that the Lord speaks to you as you listen today and that you would invite your friends and family to join the fun conversations.
- 1:34SPEAKER_00: Are you ready to laugh a little and learn a whole lot?
- 1:38SPEAKER_00: Alrighty, let's get to the conversation.
- 1:49SPEAKER_00: But we are celebrating six years of the Simply Wholehearted podcast this month.
- 1:54SPEAKER_00: It has been a wild ride, and I can't tell you enough how grateful I am to have you have been on this ride with me.
- 2:02SPEAKER_00: There are so many fun stories to tell about the formation of Simply Wholehearted, how it began and the adventures I've had or we've had together.
- 2:10SPEAKER_00: But still, I wanted to use this opportunity of celebration to sit with you, not to tell the history, but to talk about your story, or rather to evaluate where you are in your story and this wholehearted journey that we are on together.
- 2:27SPEAKER_00: Because we are a people that love story.
- 2:31SPEAKER_00: How about you?
- 2:33SPEAKER_00: What's your favorite story?
- 2:35SPEAKER_00: Do you enjoy the sad, tragic classics?
- 2:38SPEAKER_00: How about the fairy tale romance?
- 2:40SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you're an adventure or mystery person, perhaps even a sci-fi fan.
- 2:47SPEAKER_00: I do love good stories because they usher me into a place of action.
- 2:51SPEAKER_00: A good story invites you to immerse and identify with the characters.
- 2:56SPEAKER_00: The story gets inside you when the storyteller has successfully done this.
- 3:00SPEAKER_00: And the best of all, the good stories, they change you.
- 3:05SPEAKER_00: And you begin to carry it around with you.
- 3:08SPEAKER_00: So what is the story, narrative, or script that has marked you in your life?
- 3:13SPEAKER_00: What kind of stories do you carry around with you?
- 3:16SPEAKER_00: What are your favorites?
- 3:18SPEAKER_00: Some of my favorites are Star Wars, right?
- 3:21SPEAKER_00: Heroes, unsung heroes fighting and winning the battles.
- 3:26SPEAKER_00: The story of Little Women never grows old to me.
- 3:28SPEAKER_00: I don't know what it is, but Joe March wins my heart every single time.
- 3:32SPEAKER_00: And then there's stories like Narnia.
- 3:35SPEAKER_00: I think about those tales often, and the author himself, C.S.
- 3:38SPEAKER_00: Lewis, his works are amazing.
- 3:41SPEAKER_00: And then another favorite of mine has been the Medford series.
- 3:45SPEAKER_00: Over the years, I've come to love Father Tim and embrace his morning office routine, and I've even written down some of the prayers that the author wrote for him to say in his books.
- 3:57SPEAKER_00: Now, as you think about your favorite stories, my guess is that you have a few good ones that quickly come to mind.
- 4:03SPEAKER_00: But I also imagine there might be some narratives that you would rather forget.
- 4:09SPEAKER_00: For me, there are some scripts and conversations that I would rather leave unvisited.
- 4:15SPEAKER_00: Specifically, when I was at a sleepover, I decided it was a good idea to watch Arachnophobia, though I totally knew I wouldn't have been allowed to watch it.
- 4:25SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was a bad idea.
- 4:28SPEAKER_00: But it got deep inside of me.
- 4:30SPEAKER_00: And I imagine some of those scripts and stories and conversations for you that weren't such a great experience.
- 4:38SPEAKER_00: Well, it's deep inside of you.
- 4:40SPEAKER_00: And perhaps even the words or those phrases or those scenes float to the surface in the most unhelpful times.
- 4:48SPEAKER_00: Now, as you listen, I'd love for you to just take a minute and identify some of those negative stories, or as I've referred to them, sometimes they're narratives or scripts.
- 4:58SPEAKER_00: And before we finish our little conversation today, I would like us to together begin to rewrite, or what I like to call flip the script.
- 5:09SPEAKER_00: Now, raise your hand.
- 5:11SPEAKER_00: Okay, unless you're driving, don't raise your hand, but raise your hand if you would like to have some more agency over your own story.
- 5:20SPEAKER_00: And by agency, maybe some say over what happens from here on out on the pages.
- 5:28SPEAKER_00: I'm guessing if you could, you're raising your hand, or you did.
- 5:33SPEAKER_00: So why don't you join me?
- 5:34SPEAKER_00: Let's figure out what that would look like.
- 5:38SPEAKER_00: Now, if you were part of the Wholehearted Summit last fall in 2022, you probably heard my conversation with Brian Lee.
- 5:46SPEAKER_00: It was one that was for the books, and he used an illustration that has really stuck with me.
- 5:53SPEAKER_00: So I'm going to co-opt it a little bit and utilize it for helping you understand where you are in your story and to gain some agency.
- 6:02SPEAKER_00: Now, Brian Lee mentioned a book that he and I both have read, and you may have as well.
- 6:07SPEAKER_00: It's called Hero on a Mission by Donald Miller.
- 6:10SPEAKER_00: He is a prolific writer and an amazing businessman.
- 6:14SPEAKER_00: I've learned a lot from him over the years.
- 6:16SPEAKER_00: But in this specific book, Hero on a Mission, he talks about the four characters or roles that you find in every single story.
- 6:23SPEAKER_00: And then he relates that we take on every single role at some point in our lives.
- 6:28SPEAKER_00: And those four roles are the victim, the villain, the hero, and the guide.
- 6:34SPEAKER_00: To define the different roles, now the victim takes a passive role in the story.
- 6:39SPEAKER_00: They usually have a passive mindset that life happens to them, right?
- 6:43SPEAKER_00: This bad thing happened to me.
- 6:46SPEAKER_00: And friend, we are all the victims at some point.
- 6:50SPEAKER_00: Bad things happen to us, things that are beyond our control, and certainly things that weren't God's best plan at the very beginning.
- 6:59SPEAKER_00: But every victim comes to a fork in the road.
- 7:02SPEAKER_00: This is when the victim can choose to become a villain or decide to become a hero.
- 7:08SPEAKER_00: And the choice to become the villain is often because the victim has been beaten down too often or too much.
- 7:15SPEAKER_00: When they've taken it for too long, something rises up in them that wants to exercise power and control, but they're not using that self-control over themselves.
- 7:25SPEAKER_00: They want to control others.
- 7:28SPEAKER_00: They don't lead, instead, they manipulate.
- 7:31SPEAKER_00: The villain doesn't inspire, they cajole.
- 7:34SPEAKER_00: And in the end, the victim turn villain rules by fear.
- 7:38SPEAKER_00: They don't usually have friends or partners, instead, they have minions.
- 7:44SPEAKER_00: But if the victim faces the obstacle, looks at the struggles, maintains hope, and goes on a journey to overcome them by going to the other side of that fork in the road, they can become the hero.
- 8:00SPEAKER_00: No longer the victim.
- 8:02SPEAKER_00: Instead, they begin the hero's journey.
- 8:05SPEAKER_00: Now we all love the hero's journey.
- 8:08SPEAKER_00: It's who we love to identify with in the stories.
- 8:11SPEAKER_00: The hero is often very human and they fail, they have struggles.
- 8:16SPEAKER_00: The stories that are our favorites tell us how the hero has to overcome something.
- 8:21SPEAKER_00: And as they're overcoming, they also fall a whole bunch of times doing it.
- 8:25SPEAKER_00: But the detail that separates the hero from everyone else is they keep getting up and they go forward.
- 8:32SPEAKER_00: Of course, the best moments are when they finally reach that goal or finally conquer the hurdle or the obstacle, and then we cheer for them, right?
- 8:40SPEAKER_00: We're all like, yes, go.
- 8:43SPEAKER_00: Now the last character in the stories, and it's certainly not the least character, is the guide.
- 8:50SPEAKER_00: They're oftentimes the most intriguing and the biggest champion of the hero.
- 8:55SPEAKER_00: They're different.
- 8:56SPEAKER_00: The interesting thing is the guide was at once the hero, but they kept on going and growing, and they've experienced things that the hero hasn't come across yet, and they're usually a few steps ahead of the hero.
- 9:10SPEAKER_00: They've experienced things that the hero in the story hasn't come across yet, and they can point the way for others to follow.
- 9:17SPEAKER_00: I think of characters like Mrs.
- 9:20SPEAKER_00: Allen or Miss Stacy for Anna Green Gables, and if you've listened to my Anna Green Gables episode, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
- 9:27SPEAKER_00: You can also think of Mr.
- 9:29SPEAKER_00: Miyagi in Karate Kid, right?
- 9:32SPEAKER_00: And even another favorite, Hey Mitch for Katniss in The Hunger Games.
- 9:37SPEAKER_00: There are so many.
- 9:38SPEAKER_00: And of course, Yoda, or Obi-Wan, right, for all the Jedi's that follow suit.
- 9:46SPEAKER_00: Now, you and I probably share many similar experiences about being a victim, right?
- 9:51SPEAKER_00: It's usually what I term as broken-hearted moments.
- 9:56SPEAKER_00: My story specifically includes trauma, spiritual abuse, loss, grief, right?
- 10:01SPEAKER_00: You probably are raising your hands to all those and nodding your head.
- 10:05SPEAKER_00: Maybe you can name the times that you were a victim.
- 10:08SPEAKER_00: And those broken-hearted moments come quickly to mind.
- 10:13SPEAKER_00: And friend, you are not alone.
- 10:16SPEAKER_00: But there is good news.
- 10:18SPEAKER_00: You have agency in writing your story as you partner with the Lord.
- 10:23SPEAKER_00: You get to decide, do you want to be the victim, the villain, or the hero?
- 10:31SPEAKER_00: You also get to decide, will you let God turn your broken-hearted moment into wholehearted living?
- 10:37SPEAKER_00: And then, even better, would you like to help the heroes in your life and take the role of the guide?
- 10:44SPEAKER_00: I believe my mission at Simply Wholehearted is to help women day in and day out to become heroes of their own stories.
- 10:51SPEAKER_00: And what delights me even more is when I watch those heroes become a guide for others.
- 10:57SPEAKER_00: And you might even be listening today and listen to this podcast on the regular because you would love to be the hero of your story.
- 11:05SPEAKER_00: And you then would love to guide others in spiritual, physical, and emotional growth.
- 11:10SPEAKER_00: But first, a major key to wholehearted living in Christ and then guiding others is prioritizing the care and the condition of your heart.
- 11:21SPEAKER_00: I want to invite you to take time to consider the unique wounds in your heart and how they might be tampering with your perspective and reactions toward people and situations.
- 11:31SPEAKER_00: The invitation I remind my clients and myself is to deal with your sin and to acknowledge the pain that the wounded child still feels.
- 11:39SPEAKER_00: That pain does impact your view of Father God and your ability to receive the beloved role that you were designed to live.
- 11:46SPEAKER_00: When you acknowledge your pain before your all-loving, all-knowing, all-healing father, not only will you repair, but you can also begin to rewire as well.
- 11:58SPEAKER_00: Now, here are a few reflection prompts I want to give you before we begin the work of flipping the script, if you will.
- 12:05SPEAKER_00: First of all, I want you to evaluate what role are you playing right now?
- 12:09SPEAKER_00: The victim, the villain, the hero, or the guide.
- 12:14SPEAKER_00: And then I want you to acknowledge the disappointments of your story.
- 12:19SPEAKER_00: I believe when we validate and hold those wounds and hurts to the light, we can get healing faster than trying to pretend they don't exist or pushing past them constantly, wanting them to get out of our way.
- 12:33SPEAKER_00: Because, friend, wholeness is found in Christ.
- 12:37SPEAKER_00: It takes great intentionality and willingness to engage your heart with the wholeness process.
- 12:43SPEAKER_00: And when you do, you will move into deeper places of wholeness with the Lord, yourself, and others.
- 12:50SPEAKER_00: Now, a shortcut on that wholehearted path to growth is first of all identifying the harmful scripts or narratives that you have been believing and maybe living out most of your life.
- 13:02SPEAKER_00: And thanks to the Enneagram, I can quickly share with you the top nine lives most women believe.
- 13:08SPEAKER_00: As I read this list, I invite you to close your eyes, again, unless you're driving, and listen closely to see which of these lies might be most familiar to you.
- 13:18SPEAKER_00: Number one, what happens to me in life is a reflection of my moral goodness.
- 13:24SPEAKER_00: Two, I am powerful when giving, not when I'm in need or receiving.
- 13:31SPEAKER_00: Three, that others love me when I succeed at delivering what they want.
- 13:38SPEAKER_00: I am uniquely tortured.
- 13:40SPEAKER_00: Something is missing or defective in me.
- 13:44SPEAKER_00: Five, I shouldn't act until I have complete understanding.
- 13:51SPEAKER_00: Doubting and being prepared for trouble keeps me safe.
- 13:56SPEAKER_00: Seven, the world tries to limit people, but I won't let that happen to me.
- 14:02SPEAKER_00: Eight.
- 14:04SPEAKER_00: Guts and gusto are where it's at.
- 14:06SPEAKER_00: No vulnerability allowed.
- 14:09SPEAKER_00: And nine.
- 14:10SPEAKER_00: I'm not that important.
- 14:12SPEAKER_00: What I do doesn't make a big difference.
- 14:16SPEAKER_00: Those are some intense lies.
- 14:18SPEAKER_00: But how many have been familiar to you?
- 14:22SPEAKER_00: This, my friend, is your fork in the road moment.
- 14:26SPEAKER_00: The moment that you, the victim, decide if you want to get up, go forward, and take your broken-hearted moment to make a whole-hearted decision to live as a beloved daughter of God.
- 14:39SPEAKER_00: Now the journey from victim or wounded to beloved isn't easy, but it is done simply.
- 14:46SPEAKER_00: Samuel Chadwick, a theologian of a very much bygone era, wrote, It's a wonder what God can do with a broken heart if he gets all the pieces.
- 14:57SPEAKER_00: This is the invitation.
- 15:00SPEAKER_00: Give the Lord all your broken pieces to become whole again.
- 15:04SPEAKER_00: You can flip the script by exchanging lies for the truth found in the gospel, who God is and whose you are.
- 15:12SPEAKER_00: Now the nine lies that I shared with you today reflect my study and the insights of the Enneagram.
- 15:19SPEAKER_00: But most of my work, the coaching work that I do, is fits more in the spiritual direction category.
- 15:24SPEAKER_00: We pray together, listen, seek the Lord, and I offer accountability for my client to spend time in solitude, stillness, and silence.
- 15:35SPEAKER_00: Of course, I've talked about this before, and I'm not going to reiterate it right now.
- 15:39SPEAKER_00: Instead, I'll link to that episode in the show notes.
- 15:43SPEAKER_00: And I'm guessing the rhythm of silence and creating margin has been something you've heard a few times from me and from others.
- 15:50SPEAKER_00: So I'm wondering, is the Lord inviting you to pay attention?
- 15:54SPEAKER_00: And it's not to spend more time with the Lord because He's demanding it, but rather it's because the Lord has refreshment for you.
- 16:04SPEAKER_00: Now, with my clients, the accountability to get in the Word of God regularly always brings the most fruit.
- 16:11SPEAKER_00: Remember how we talked about story getting inside of us?
- 16:14SPEAKER_00: Well, that is what the scriptures are meant to do.
- 16:17SPEAKER_00: The big God story, his words, his holy scripture are meant to change you and me.
- 16:23SPEAKER_00: The word of God tells us who God is, whose we are, and who we are in Christ.
- 16:29SPEAKER_00: Because the goal here is not to suppress or ignore the lies or narratives that you have believed your whole life.
- 16:36SPEAKER_00: Instead, we hold them to the light and shine God's truth on them.
- 16:40SPEAKER_00: I'm going to share one passage of God's truth with you today, and I'm going to pair it with an acronym to help you remember that while wholehearted living isn't easy, it can be done simply.
- 16:52SPEAKER_00: Right?
- 16:53SPEAKER_00: Just like I nodded to you before.
- 16:55SPEAKER_00: Simply wholehearted?
- 16:57SPEAKER_00: All right, Ephesians 1, 3 through 11.
- 17:00SPEAKER_00: It's a few words here, but bear with me and let these words wash over you.
- 17:06SPEAKER_00: All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ.
- 17:17SPEAKER_00: Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes.
- 17:24SPEAKER_00: God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ.
- 17:32SPEAKER_00: This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.
- 17:37SPEAKER_00: So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear son.
- 17:43SPEAKER_00: He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his son and forgave our sins.
- 17:51SPEAKER_00: He has showered his kindness on us along with all wisdom and understanding.
- 17:56SPEAKER_00: God has now revealed to us his mysterious will regarding Christ, which is to fulfill his own good plan.
- 18:05SPEAKER_00: And this is the plan.
- 18:07SPEAKER_00: At the right time, he will bring everything together under the authority of Christ, everything in heaven and on earth.
- 18:16SPEAKER_00: Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to his plan.
- 18:29SPEAKER_00: Now my acronym simply is a collection of truth statements based on Ephesians 1 to remember whose you are, so you can flip your script and live wholeheartedly.
- 18:39SPEAKER_00: Remember, the goal is not to suppress or ignore the lies or narratives that you believed your whole life.
- 18:45SPEAKER_00: Instead, like we have done together today, we hold them to the light and shine God's truth.
- 18:51SPEAKER_00: You can flip the script when you remember you are S saved by grace.
- 18:57SPEAKER_00: I was brought into being to be your child.
- 19:00SPEAKER_00: M.
- 19:01SPEAKER_00: Mercies are new every morning.
- 19:04SPEAKER_00: P Profound purpose is at work.
- 19:07SPEAKER_00: Loved as I am, and Y.
- 19:10SPEAKER_00: I yield my wounding to God's care.
- 19:14SPEAKER_00: So my friend, every day we get our fork in the road moment.
- 19:18SPEAKER_00: You get to decide if you want to get up, go forward, and take your broken-hearted moments to make a wholehearted decision to live as a beloved daughter of God.
- 19:29SPEAKER_00: And as the back of the shampoo bottle says, rinse and repeat, that simple action is the makings of the guide that you want to become, and championing other women to be the hero in their story.
- 19:45SPEAKER_00: Now I won't take the time to unpack all the biblical stories that perfectly illustrate the victim, villain, hero, and guide roles.
- 19:54SPEAKER_00: One story that's worth mentioning here is the story of King Saul and King David.
- 20:01SPEAKER_00: A book written a while ago, as in maybe 90s, early aughts, maybe even earlier, I don't remember, but a book written by Gene Edwards, The Tale of Three Kings, illustrates this idea really, really well.
- 20:15SPEAKER_00: In fact, as he talks about the relationship between King Saul and King David, we are reminded that we play all the roles at one time or another.
- 20:26SPEAKER_00: And there was only one king that played the hero and the guide perfectly.
- 20:32SPEAKER_00: And that's why we must always return to King Jesus as the perfect example for us, not only as the hero, but also as the guide.
- 20:41SPEAKER_00: And he was the victim, but he took the road less traveled.
- 20:47SPEAKER_00: So I want to leave you with this question.
- 20:50SPEAKER_00: Where are you at in this story?
- 20:53SPEAKER_00: Are you a victim, a villain, a hero, or maybe a wannabe guide?
- 21:00SPEAKER_00: Are you a victim who needs a little bit more help?
- 21:04SPEAKER_00: Do you need a guide by the side?
- 21:07SPEAKER_00: And perhaps you're even wondering if you're ready to guide others.
- 21:11SPEAKER_00: I want to invite you to identify your broken-hearted moments and where you are in your story and come along with me and take that fork in the road that leads you to be the hero of your own story.
- 21:24SPEAKER_00: Now, as I've worked with so many women and trained other coaches, I am confident that one of the best ways to find freedom is to have your very own guide by the side.
- 21:34SPEAKER_00: And that's why I have formed the Wholehearted Collective.
- 21:38SPEAKER_00: They are women who, like me, have been equipped with training, experience, and have been the hero of their own story and are ready to guide others, to truly be that guide by the side.
- 21:52SPEAKER_00: Now, each one of the women, there's just four of them to choose from, who are in the Wholehearted Collective, each have very specific giftings, talents, trainings, and lived out unique chapters in their life that might be best for you.
- 22:08SPEAKER_00: Some of them are going to be leading some small group coaching opportunities that are coming up, but ultimately, if you're ready for that one-on-one guide by the side, I highly recommend each of my coaches, whether it's Deanna, Sarah, Janae, CJ, each of them really has this heart posture to be someone who continually walks out to be the hero in their story through the grace and thanks to Jesus Christ, but also want to guide others, not so they get the glory, but other women like you see victory in their story, to see the freedom and the healing that is available to you as well.
- 22:48SPEAKER_00: Now, next week you're gonna get to know the Coaching Collective even better.
- 22:52SPEAKER_00: Last month I shared an episode with them introducing, and I'll link to that in the show notes, but next week they're taking over the mic to help me celebrate the six-year anniversary of this podcast episode.
- 23:04SPEAKER_00: Our conversation was truly, really special.
- 23:07SPEAKER_00: I didn't know any of the questions ahead of time, so it was all a surprise, and it was super fun, just how I like it.
- 23:14SPEAKER_00: We laughed, we cried, truly.
- 23:17SPEAKER_00: It was, I had kind of one of those embarrassing crying moments, totally catching me off guard.
- 23:22SPEAKER_00: But I also ultimately got to share more of my heart and mission behind Simply Wholehearted.
- 23:26SPEAKER_00: I really do hope these foundation episodes will be helpful to you as you continue to unpack your whole story and invite others to the process.
- 23:35SPEAKER_00: If you've been wondering how does Enneagram, spiritual formation, spiritual direction, and unpacking your story, what that really means to you and how it can help you, well, I hope that these episodes will bring clarifying answers to those questions and helpful direction in your life.
- 23:53SPEAKER_00: So until next week, friend, continue to pursue God's perspective, purpose, and plans for your wholehearted life.