Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / The signs and traits of a Narcissistic Mother

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The signs and traits of a Narcissistic Mother · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people.
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  Today we're talking about narcissistic mothers.
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  Yep, Yep, Yep. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of the Narcissist Code. What is going on?
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  Y'all. What is going on?
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  What is going on? Welcome back, Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Yeah, so let me go and preface
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  this bio. Y'all.
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  So I have spoken to thousands of people over the last few years.
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  Right? Last.
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  So I've been doing this 2020, early 2020.
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  No, not early May 2020 is when I start doing this.
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  So over three years now, in one of the most consistent, constant
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  terms or phrases that I hear when I'm talking to people is my
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  mom was a narcissist. My mom is highly narcissistic.
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  Are not a lot of narcissistic people men?
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  Yes, absolutely. But this right here is one of
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  the terms that I hear so much. I'm just like, really?
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  They're like, yeah. And it like say, yeah, my mom
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  was a narcissist. My mom did this.
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  My mom did that. Like it.
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  I hear so many horror stories from people about toxic
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  narcissistic mothers. I've seen it happening.
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  Yeah. I've seen this happen in real
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  life too. Some one of my, like good
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  friends, she has a narcissistic mom.
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  And watching this stuff play out in real life is mind blowing.
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  It is wild. So you know, so to speak, it is
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  absolutely, It can be absolutely crazy.
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  And so we're going to go into some different signs, symptoms,
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  signs and traits of narcissistic mothers if you have one, if you
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  dealt with one and whatnot. So narcissistic mothers, the
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  first thing you want to know about narcissistic mothers child
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  is that they do not respect your boundaries.
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  You don't like if you have a narcissistic mother or father
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  whoever, but if we talk about mums, but this can, this can
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  apply to fathers as well. Y'all this can apply to
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  narcissistic fathers as well. But I'm just going to keep
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  saying mother, if you have a narcissistic mom, you will know
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  that they don't respect your boundaries like you don't you?
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  Damn, they don't get to have boundaries.
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  It's like you don't you know how when you're a kid, sometimes you
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  get in trouble, your parents take the door off like they they
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  take the doorknob off. You don't have, you don't get a
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  doorknob, you know, and you something.
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  I don't get doors like they take the doorknob off their doors
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  off. Like they don't respect your
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  boundaries. You don't get to have autonomy
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  as a child when you have a narcissistic mother they just
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  don't like. They really, really do not
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  respect your boundaries. Like they will trample over top
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  of you to get their needs met. Like they they want to make you
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  know. And the one reason they don't
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  respect your boundaries is because they want you to make
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  them look good, if that's possible.
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  You know, because they typically see you, you know, as an
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  extension of themselves. They look at you as, you know,
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  as an extension of themselves. They really, really do.
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  Narcissistic moms look at look directly at you and they might
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  see them, they might see themselves.
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  But that's not always a good thing.
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  I know a lot of people are like, well, that's a good thing.
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  Shouldn't it be a good thing since narcissists love
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  themselves? No, no, not always.
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  Y'all because if you if you have a narcissistic mom, right, and
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  they have a lot of shame and you remind them of that shame,
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  shame. Let's say you remind them of
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  that shame that they or experience that shame that they
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  have deep down buried within themselves.
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  They typically take it out on you.
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  They are typically angry towards you.
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  They typically treat you badly. They do like because they see
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  you as an extension of themselves, they might treat you
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  badly just because they see you as that.
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  Like they see like they see you as like a little mirror, right.
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  So you're reflecting back all the bad qualities, and they hate
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  that right there. They hate that.
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  So they try to change you or they just treat you badly
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  because you know, they see you. They instead of beating
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  themselves up, they beat. They beat you up emotionally and
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  sometimes physically, you know, sometimes physically.
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  It absolutely happens in these spaces.
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  You know another thing about narcissistic mothers that a lot
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  of people will probably know if you have siblings, if you're not
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  an only child, like they tend to pit the kids against each other.
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  Like it's like the damn near the the toxic Olympics in their
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  household with a narcissistic mom or parent or not, you know,
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  it just is. It's just like you have to
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  compete for their love, you have to compete for their effects.
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  You have to compete for every damn near everything, every
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  morsel of affection or whatever. Sometimes like they make you
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  compete for food and shelter and stuff like that.
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  They make like you are in consistent, constant
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  competition. When you have a narcissist, a
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  parent that is a narcissist, you know what I mean?
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  You you really, really do. Like if you, if you have
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  siblings, y'all will be battling for that, that love of that
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  narcissistic parent. It's just one of those.
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  It's just one of those wild things that consistently happens
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  a lot, you know? And I tell this to people all
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  the time. It's just it's just the the flow
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  of it right there. It becomes the flow of it all.
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  Like they get power from invalidation, from making you
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  argue and fuss and fight with your siblings.
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  You know they get power. And the sibling that wins the
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  love and affection typically becomes the golden child, golden
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  children, or the ones who don't get the affection, the ones who
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  reflect back the worst qualities of that narcissistic parent.
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  You. You tend to get the label of the
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  scapegoat like they scapegoat the hell out of you.
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  They treat you badly because they, like I said, they look at
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  you in a certain type of way. They look at you in a certain
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  type of life that happens quite a bit.
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  So yeah, like you have siblings and you had a narcissistic
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  parent or narcissistic mom. You know exactly what I'm
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  talking about. Like they made y'all fuss and
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  fight and like do projects together, right?
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  Maybe they made y'all race, you know.
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  Or maybe whoever gave them the most validation won won the
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  affection award that day. That the affection gold medal,
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  you know what I mean? And then, like once you, another
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  thing that some of them might do, not all of them.
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  You know, one thing that some of them might do, not all of them
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  is, yo, this is, what's that? What's that little girl's name?
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  I think she's about to get out of jail now.
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  But she had it. She said she she said her mom
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  was a narcissist and her mom made her fake being sick, like
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  her mom made her fake being sick.
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  And to get sympathy, to get like money and stuff like that, to
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  beat people, to feel bad for the mom.
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  I think she ended up taking her. I think she ended up taking her
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  mom's life. I think she actually went to
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  jail for that. I think her name was.
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  No, that's not it. I can't think of her name, yo.
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  I can't. I can't think.
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  I cannot think of the name. But she did it.
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  But that's a variety. But some narcissistic parents
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  will make you fake sick. But one day, a lot of most
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  narcissistic moms will do is constantly criticize you like
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  nothing you say or do will ever be good enough.
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  You know. Nothing you say or do will ever
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  be good enough for them. They like you'll be battling and
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  fussing and fighting for your parent to tell you that they
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  love you. You know you'll be battling,
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  fussing, fighting for your parent to just, you know, give
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  you any type of love or faction or validate your emotions like
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  they will criticize the hell out of you.
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  Nothing you say or do would be good enough.
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  You you will never be good enough.
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  And it sucks it's had to say that out loud.
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  But to a narcissistic mother, you will never be good enough,
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  You know, because they will set these unrealistic expectations
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  upon you, right? And even if you hit those
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  expectations, it's still not good enough.
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  They will. They will require more of you.
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  They will absolutely require more of you.
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  They really, really do. They will require more of you
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  all the time. Like, you can never do enough
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  for them. Like they And they expect you to
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  take care of them as well. Like if you have a narcissistic
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  mom and they they make you feel like you're obligated to take
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  care of them, take care of her, you know they she does.
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  You know they make you feel obligated.
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  Like I birthed you. You need to take care of me.
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  I put my life on the line to bring you to this earth.
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  So you need to dedicate your life to serving me and repaying
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  that debt you like. You owe a debt to your
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  narcissistic mom. I'll say it like that.
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  You owe a big debt to your narcissistic parent.
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  If you have a parent that is a narcissist, you know they make
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  you feel like you owe them for just being born and for raise
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  you in any type of way. And just like most narcissists,
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  like, you can't. Like, they can criticize you,
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  but they cannot take any criticize, any criticism, any
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  little bit of criticism that you push back on to your
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  narcissistic mother will be like, sometimes they react like
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  a narcissist, yeah, they'll rage out on you.
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  They'll scream at you. Some of them will ignore you,
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  give you solid treatment. Some of them, some of them will
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  disown you. It'll make you feel like you're
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  ungrateful because you criticize them in any way, shape or form.
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  And this is super prevalent as a young child.
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  But it gets more prevalent the older you get.
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  Like when you get old enough to have your own autonomy to the to
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  the point where you don't actually need that narcissistic
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  parent anymore. Like when I say you don't need
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  them, Like you can take care of yourself, like they hate that
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  because then you come back in with the criticism.
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  You could like, you come back in with the criticism bombs and
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  you're just dropping bombs on them, right?
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  You're just dropping bombs on that narcissist.
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  Don't even a narcissistic parent and just telling them how they
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  treated you badly, how they were abusive and they will tell you I
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  did the best I can do. You're ungrateful.
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  They y'all any little bit of criticism, they take it like
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  you're trying to stab them with a damn knife and this wow, that
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  mindset is absolutely wild. It is insane how it goes to that
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  space right there, you know? But that's how it happened.
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  That's how it happened right there.
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  But you also, you know, in addition to that you get the
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  narcissistic mother that can be super obsessed with how they
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  look, you know, reputation wise of course, but also physically,
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  you know, they get super obsessed with how they look and
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  they Oh my goodness, this is going to suck.
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  Sounds bad when I say it. They if you are more
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  conventionally attractive than them and they see it, they
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  notice it. They will try to hold you back
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  looks wise. They will try to fatten you up
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  or get you bigger. They will do a lot of different
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  things to you to mess, to mess with your your appeal.
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  You know they will just literally, you know, they will
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  take you down or not take you down, try to take you down a
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  peg. If they are obsessed with their
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  appearances and you know, whatever, how you know how you
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  know your narcissistic mom decided to work on her parents,
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  you know they will just try to hold you back.
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  They hate any if you point out any flaws.
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  Oh Oh my goodness. And this is one one of the
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  reasons why I do a lot of videos when I tell you narcissists
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  don't get better with age. Especially the narcissistic
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  people who are consumed with their appearances.
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  The more wrinkles that pop up, the older the crow's feet or
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  whatever. They will get mad at you.
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  They take it out on you. They become old, bitter people.
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  I'm telling you, it gets it get very, very hurtful and get very
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  bad. It really, really can, you know,
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  because they they, they, like the narcissistic mother, wants
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  you, wants to play a hero towards you.
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  They absolutely do. They want to be heroes for you.
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  They want like they want you to look at them like they're the
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  greatest thing that ever happened to you, no matter how
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  badly they treat you. You know, they want to have this
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  good appearance. They want you to praise them
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  like they're you. Like they're the the goddess of
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  God, gods of your life for bringing you into there, you
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  know? Yeah, And now another thing
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  narcissistic moms tend to do, which I'll probably have
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  experienced if you have one, or think you have a mom with
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  narcissistic, high narcissistic traits, borderline, whatever.
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  They always ignore your needs and put their own needs before
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  you put put their own needs before yours.
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  Like your needs, no matter how young you are or how old you
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  are, your needs are secondary to theirs.
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  Which is why if you go back to the point I made earlier about
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  them expecting you to take care of them, their needs, even when
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  you have to take care of them, should come before your own.
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  Even when the dynamic switches and they can no longer take care
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  of themselves, they want you to put their needs before your own.
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  And sometimes this how it happens.
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  Like, especially if you don't know your parent is a
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  narcissist. A lot of y'all, A lot of people
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  feel obligated to take care of their parents no matter how
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  badly they treated them. It is, it is a wild experience
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  to have. It really, really is, you know,
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  not wild in a bad way, Not wild. Oh, that's wild, man.
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  That's wild. It's crazy.
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  You know, there's part of it right there.
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  That's part of this ever changing dynamic.
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  When you deal with that narcissistic parent, you know,
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  they also y'all. They also compete with you.
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  They also compete with you. You get your narcissistic
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  parents. They love your best of your
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  moms. They also compete with.
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  I was telling you earlier, they will try to hold you back from
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  accomplishing things because they don't want you to go
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  further in life than they did. You know most parents are here.
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  Most good parents want their children to have better lives
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  than they did. They're not jealous because you
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  have a better life than they did.
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  They're not jealous because you have more opportunities.
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  And even if they are jealous, they don't just say, oh you
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  lucky you wasting your talent out.
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  You know, even if you are, they might not.
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  They a good parent wouldn't say that to you all necessarily
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  unless they might try to play it under the guise of motivating
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  you. You know, I'm just trying to
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  motivate you to be better and do better and blah, blah, blah,
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  tell you they will absolutely compete with you.
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  You know, And the the last thing I will say about narcissistic
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  moms, y'all is they always, almost always play the victim.
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  They're almost always they're going to be the perpetual victim
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  no matter what in gaslight you about what happened to you in
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  your childhood. Like I was like I was saying
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  earlier, earlier, if you try to hold them accountable for stuff
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  that they did to you as a child, they would say that the they did
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  the best they could. Or they're just telling you,
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  telling you lie. You're ungrateful, You
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  misremembering. Like what?
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  About how I was raised. I didn't have a mom.
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  I didn't have a dad in the house.
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  You're lucky to have me, yo. They will lie to you about your
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  childhood and play the victim. They will always try to
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  victimize themselves in ways like say you tell them mom used
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  to beat the hell out of me. They were like, what?
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  I didn't know. You know they'll start crying
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  and be somehow be the victim because they're they're angry
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  that they hurt you, but they want you to say sorry for trying
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  to hold them accountable. This happens.
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  Y'all this happens. So much so.
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  If y'all want me to do a video about narcissistic fathers, I'm
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  down to do that. Y'all.
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  You know, this is not just a channel bashing any, any gender
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  or whatnot. You know, we're open over here.
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  Open up. Y'all hope y'all enjoyed this
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  Thank you. I will see you in the next
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