Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Build a Feedback Culture on Day One
Transcript
- Lucas: You know, I was talking to a friend last week who just got promoted to manager for the first time — she's about six weeks in — and she said the thing keeping her up at night isn't the workload. It's that she's afraid to give honest feedback. She says her team seems happy, but she's already seeing small issues — someone is chronically late on updates, another person keeps over-engineering solutions — and she doesn't know how to bring it up without damaging the rapport. Luna: That's a really common pain point. And I think the instinct is to wait — wait for the formal review, wait for a bigger problem, wait until you have more authority. But that delay actually makes it harder. Lucas: Exactly. So today I want to talk about something we haven't covered yet in this series: how new managers can build a feedback culture from day one — not as a reactive fix, but as a proactive system. And I've got one specific tool that I think is a game-changer for first-time managers. Luna: I'm intrigued. But before we get into the tool, let's name the problem. Why is it so hard for new managers to give regular feedback? Lucas: Part of it is psychological. When you're promoted from within, your former peers are now your direct reports. There's a fear of being seen as bossy or condescending. And even if you're an external hire, you don't want to rock the boat. So you default to positive reinforcement or silence. Luna: And silence isn't neutral — it's actually negative. Because the team doesn't know where they stand, so they either assume everything is fine or they get anxious. Neither is good. Lucas: Right. So the tool I want to talk about is what I call the 'weekly feedback loop.' It's a simple structure: every week, in your one-on-one with each direct report, you spend the first five minutes on what I call the three-question check-in. Luna: What are the three questions? Lucas: Question one: 'What's one thing I can do to support you better?' Question two: 'What's one thing you think is going well this week?' Question three: 'What's one thing you'd like to improve or change about how we work together?' Luna: Okay, I like that. Especially the first question — it puts the manager in a posture of service, not judgment. That can lower the defensiveness. Lucas: Exactly. And the key is consistency. You do this every single week. It doesn't have to be a long conversation — five minutes, max. But by making it routine, you normalise the idea that feedback is a two-way street and that it happens continuously, not just when something goes wrong. Luna: But what about the people who are more reserved? I've had direct reports who would freeze if I asked them to critique our working relationship. They'd just say 'everything's fine'. Lucas: That's a great point. And that's where the manager's own vulnerability comes in. If you model receiving feedback gracefully — if you say 'thank you' and actually act on it — you build trust over time. Also, you can reframe the question. Instead of 'what needs to improve,' you can say 'what's one small thing we could try differently next week to make things smoother?' Luna: That's a softer framing. I like that. And I've seen a similar principle at play in companies like Amazon and Bridgewater, where feedback is built into the operating system. Lucas: Right. Amazon's narrative memo process is a great example — they start meetings with silent reading and structured critique. And Bridgewater's radical transparency is famous for recording every meeting and making feedback a public, constant practice. Those are extreme versions, but the principle scales down. You don't need to record every conversation. You just need a predictable, low-stakes moment each week where feedback is expected. Luna: So for a new manager, the first step isn't to master difficult conversations — it's to build the container for them. The weekly one-on-one becomes that container. Lucas: Bingo. And once that container is in place, the actual feedback conversations become easier. Because you're not springing something on someone for the first time during a performance review. You've been practicing the muscle of honest conversation all along. Luna: Let me push back a little. Some managers worry that if they invite feedback every week, they'll get flooded with complaints or requests they can't act on. What do you say to that? Lucas: It's a valid concern. But in my experience, most people won't dump everything on you at once. They'll give you one or two things. And you don't have to fix everything. You just have to acknowledge it and say 'I hear you — let me think about that and get back to you.' The act of listening is often more important than the action itself. Luna: That's a good distinction. Listening doesn't mean agreeing or committing. It means creating space. And that space, by itself, builds psychological safety. Lucas: Exactly. And there's research to back this up. Google's Project Aristotle found that psychological safety was the number one predictor of high-performing teams. Regular feedback loops are one of the fastest ways to build that safety. Luna: So let's get practical. If I'm a new manager listening to this, what do I do tomorrow morning? Lucas: Tomorrow morning, you send a calendar invite to each of your direct reports for a recurring thirty-minute one-on-one. In the invite, you say 'I'd like to use the first few minutes of our meeting to do a quick check-in on how we're working together. No agenda needed — just come ready to share one thing that's going well and one thing we could tweak.' That sets the expectation. Luna: And then in the first meeting, you as the manager go first. You model the vulnerability by sharing something you're working on improving. Lucas: Yes. You say something like 'I've been thinking about how I give feedback, and I want to make sure I'm not just praising but also offering constructive input in a way that's helpful. So I'm going to try something: I'll start each week by asking for your input on how I can support you better. And I'll also share one piece of feedback with you. Sound good?' Luna: That script is gold. It's honest, it's humble, and it gives permission. I think a lot of new managers overthink this — they think they need a formal framework or a training course. But really, it's just about starting. Lucas: Exactly. And here's the thing — if you wait until you're comfortable, you'll never start. The discomfort is part of the process. The goal isn't to be perfect at giving feedback. The goal is to be consistent. Luna: I want to circle back to something you mentioned earlier — the idea that feedback culture is a two-way street. That means the manager also needs to be open to receiving feedback from their own boss. Have you seen that dynamic play out? Lucas: Absolutely. I think the best new managers are the ones who are transparent about their own growth areas with their team. When you say 'I'm working on being more concise in meetings' or 'I realize I interrupt sometimes — please call me out,' you give your team permission to do the same. It creates a culture where feedback is seen as a gift, not a weapon. Luna: And that's especially important when managing former peers. Because there's always that lingering dynamic of 'you used to be one of us.' By being vulnerable, you signal that you're still part of the team — you just have a different role now. Lucas: Right. The role change is real, but the relationship doesn't have to become adversarial. The weekly feedback loop is actually a way to strengthen those relationships, because you're communicating more openly than you did as peers. Luna: So to sum up: start with the weekly one-on-one, use the three-question check-in, model vulnerability, and be consistent. That's the foundation. Lucas: That's it. And I'll add one more thing: keep it simple. Don't try to implement a complex system. Just pick one small practice and do it every week. The compound effect over three months is huge. Luna: I think that's a great note to end on. But before we go — you know, if this episode helped you think through your own approach to feedback, and you want to support the show so we can keep making these conversations ad-free, there's a link in the show notes. It's buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Even a small gesture helps us keep the lights on and the content coming. Lucas: Yeah, and honestly, we love hearing from listeners too. If you try the weekly feedback loop and it works — or if it totally backfires — drop us a note. We might even do a follow-up episode based on your stories. Luna: Alright, so to close: if you're a new manager, start your feedback culture tomorrow. One meeting, three questions, five minutes. See what happens. Lucas: Good luck. And as always, thanks for being part of the Fexingo community.