Latest / Pod Therapy / #393: Clutter, Toxic Friend, Wedding PTSD

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#393: Clutter, Toxic Friend, Wedding PTSD · Pod Therapy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: So anyway, we get it all fixed, and it just
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: wasted a day on my vacation. And now in total,
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: I've spent way more than I would have spent on
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: taxis if we just would have taken a fucking taxi
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: to the maritime music. So that's the point. Don't drive
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: in California if you can avoid it. That place it's
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: the devil. This is my path I learned, I got.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: I got engaged this weekend from fabulous. This is therapy,
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: real people, real problems, and real therapists. You can submit
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: your questions anonymously at pod therapy dot net or email
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: us pod therapy.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Guys at gmail dot com. Broadcasting from the Churn. That's Jim,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: that's Whitney. I'm Nick. It's time for spot there right.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: We buried the lead here so I can't. I'm kind
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: of mad at you that you're engaged. Oh no, but
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: I want to hear more about your time because I
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: got a better you know, patch on this things out
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: the door, Jim. Yeah, shout out to Big O' tires
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: at San Diego.
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: Big deal. Good.
• 0:55
  Speaker 4: Whitney still get a lot of shame for somebody who
• 0:57
  Speaker 4: told her old story about tires.
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, ten seconds.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: It was a story about time. It was eventful. Honestly,
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: I will buy them, I mean to be fair, I've
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: been married before. Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is not that
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: his first experience with the time, first flat tire ever
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: at this resort. All right, now, who'd you get engaged to? Yeah? Like,
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: don't leave us in suspense? Who is this chick? And
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: does Laura know about chick? Yeah? So I'm mad that
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: I saw this on Facebook because I feel like, why
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: didn't I hear it? Why wasn't I consulted about this?
• 1:29
  Speaker 4: I heard about it from s J, whose question was
• 1:32
  Speaker 4: why didn't you tell me?
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: Nick was engaged right now?
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: Thank you?
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: This, I definitely said, Nick.
• 1:40
  Speaker 4: Who Nikka?
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: So tell us the story, man, tell us about this
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: whole thing. This is great. Yeah, so we got engaged.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: That's so cool. Congratulates thank you. Where you will be?
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: Where'd you pop the question? What's what's the story of this?
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: We did a little staycation at g v R Nice
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: Green Valley Ranch for the uninitiated Paris of Las Vegas.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: It is so nice. It is locals hotel, but it's
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: like a luxury it is.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: It's Laura's favorite hotel. So we always like to go
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: there and hang out and whatnot. And uh, you do
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: like the spa stuff, you do all this?
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: They do have a nice spot. We did not. Okay,
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: I love that spot. They have a pool, areas, really
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: great restaurants. There's a shopping district over there. Pool is amazing.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: So I had told her how.
• 2:39
  Speaker 4: Tires getting into the parking lot?
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: Yea driving or do you take a tax?
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: Do you need any tires? Have a good story?
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: Oh, go ahead, go ahead? What brand are they with me?
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: That's what people want to know. Pictures so hot tire pics.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: It's it's Laura's favorite hotel. So I had told her.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: And she does not like surprises.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: She does not like surprise, notoriously does not like surprise.
• 3:07
  Speaker 4: And I've tried to surprise her with stuff before. Does
• 3:10
  Speaker 4: she like surprising you and just not like being surprised?
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: Think she now used the concept of the surprise on
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: all sides. Yeah, I love her consistence. The surprise thing
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: is just not type of thing I don't give a about.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: If you make the waiters come out and sing happy
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: birthday to she just leave. Is that where she's just like,
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: I don't know how she would deal with that let's
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: let's find out. Let's take her to a nice apple
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Bee's for her birthday. Yeah, there you go, get that
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: song going on. So I did tell her we're gonna
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: we're we're going out to eat. I said this earlier
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: in the week. I said, Friday and night, keep that open,
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: We're going out to eat. She's like, all right, where
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: are we going? I said, well, it's a surprise. Realize.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: So she's like, she's already she handled that. She handled
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: that very well. She took that.
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: That's float over to dinner. So it's like, where is
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: the surprise? But what you're doing is okay?
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: And then uh, about a couple of hours before, I said, hey, uh,
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: just another surprise real quick.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: Packing overnight bag.
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: Oh okay, So because you're sleeping on the well, what
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: do I need? I need to know what to pack?
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: You got to tell me what's going on? You know,
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: are we gonna be doing? Are we gonna be down
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: on the strip? Are we gonna I told her, okay,
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: it's a staycation. We're going to Green Valley Ranch. He's like,
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: all right, cool, she knows how Now she's happy.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: And then I already had arranged Whitney to to dog set.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: This is why when we were remorded last time, you
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: were like, Whitney, can I talk to you? Yes? Because
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: I was like, why is he talking to Whitney.
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: In the league? I knew Jim was going to be jellyous.
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: I was like, I hoped, like, doesn't say ship about
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: anything right now? Just is like so seems like it's
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: really important.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Wow, man, I was left out of all this ship.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: Did you know? Did you know about h.
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: I know? I'm really friend.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: J James is so mad.
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: First to tire now.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: You couldn't just tell her to watch your dogs for
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: no reason. You didn't have to give her the deets on.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: We're not on video right now, you can't see. Actually,
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: I'm actually remember when when you got the iPad. I
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: was just thinking, this is really close. This is now
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: his legs are turning around. God damn it. Continue with
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: your tail.
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I got lovely story, yeah.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: Which I already knew was going to happen. I was
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: rooting for you the whole time.
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: Got a room up at the very top, so it's
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: only like seven stories tall, but she she likes the
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: high floors and all that. So got that and the
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: uh proposed before we went out to eat.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: The hotel room. Very cool. I'll keep the details to myself, sure,
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: but a gentleman never to how much was the chimp.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: Though, Yeah, that's what Jacob surprisingly the whatever you think
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: it is. It's like a quarter of.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you got the right hand. Yeah
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: you got to shop under he works so much. Yeah,
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: all right, come on, don't what did she say? Uh?
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: So technically okay, so this is funny because we didn't
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: after proposing.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: Then we went out to eat. We went to Echo
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: and rig yeh is there one over Green Valley Ring? Yeah,
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: there's a new one.
• 6:45
  Speaker 4: It would have been a lot funny if they left
• 6:46
  Speaker 4: Green Valley.
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: Technically it's not.
• 6:52
  Speaker 4: In gv Arts in the district. It's just right outside
• 6:54
  Speaker 4: walk across the street. But it's her one of her
• 6:58
  Speaker 4: favorite restaurants. So we went there and oh yeah, the
• 7:01
  Speaker 4: maple bacon thing. Yes, my god, it's so good.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: Uh but we didn't really discover this until we were
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: eating later on that she's like, you know, I never
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: really said yes, And then and then she's like, you
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: know what, you never asked? You didn't add I technically
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: never asked what? Like I just dropped did you drop
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: to a well, I don't want to. Did you did
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: you drop trout? Yeah? I dropped, and I was like,
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: you know what this is about? Yeah, I threw the
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: box at her feet. I put a gun on the
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: table in the box on the other side. I need
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: to know right now you enter one of these paths
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: leads to echo and rag. Yeah, there will be dinner served.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: So that was it.
• 7:52
  Speaker 4: So we did, and the last easy night of your
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: life after the night you become missus nick.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: Nick. It's going to let me tell you Wow. Okay,
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: So we're still waiting to find out if she's going
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: to say yes, but it sounds like she signs her ring,
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: well I would. I'm not gonna say no, like kind
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: of whatever happens at this point, that's her ring, Like
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: that's how the judge is going to see how long
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: have you been for eight and a half years? Wow,
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: that's really cool.
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: How many of her friends were telling her like, you
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: got to get him to get you a ring girl?
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: Well, I told her that all the time.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: I remember the first time that I I mean not
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: met Laura because I knew her as a kid, but
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: we were at we ended up at a Big five
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: and we were getting ready to like buy sun hats
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: or something to go to like a water park, and
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: Nick was randomly there and we're just like, oh, hey, buddy,
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: how you doing? And then like she comes in. He's like, oh,
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: she's my girlfriend. And Laura comes She's like, jimmy job,
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, what's up? How are you doing? She's like,
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: I'm great, this is my boyfriend Nick. I'm like, no,
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: I know, Nick. This is so crazy. So that was
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: so cool that I go about James. Now. Yeah. Also,
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you've heard, I'm going with this
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: whole James thing. To try that out for a while
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: sounds James Dean, sounds like a cool edgy name. Well, congratulations, man,
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: this is exciting. So this is the ring. Yeah, so
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: we'll see if the wedding. Where is the wedding? Are
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: we going? We have not playing? Okay, Well, I'm hit
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: you with this.
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: Feeling very real.
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: Gym is starting ready, you can guarantee I will from that.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: That's what's gonna happen is the wedding week. He's gonna
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: come to be like, you know, Jim, can I talk
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: to you for a second, Like, oh yeah, yeah, what's up, man,
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: can you watch my dog? It's wondering if I could
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: drop my dogs off. I kind of have this whole
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: thing going on. Oh yeah, sure, so it was.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: It was challenging because I was thinking about boarding the dogs,
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: but then obviously, how do I do that without the dogs?
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: Asked Laura to marriage.
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: Oh then she dogs? Yeah, so I couldn't board the dogs.
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: So I was like, okay, well I gotta find I wonder.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: I'll bet Whitney will do it. And then yeah, then
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: I also, because you know Whitney was going to be
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: at our house, I started doing some cleaning and surprisingly
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: that didn't make her suspicious that you're just like cleaning
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: the house a little bit, and she's like, this is weird.
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: But okay, yeah, he gets in these he gets in
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: these moods every once in a while.
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: Also the weekend you're going to propose, Yeah, get caught
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: doing some chores. I think that's just gonna salt the
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: jar a little bit, like the wheel. Yeah, that's right,
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: it didn't hurt. Did not hurt your odds very cool man,
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: Like I didn't.
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: I wasn't able to clean up or anything. I go
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: in his house like spotless. I was like, excuse you.
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: I was like, I don't than.
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: My house random.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: Well that's awesome, man, congratulations, that is a big deal.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: And uh yeah, I think you're you're a social media's public,
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: right people. Okay, yeah, so that's fine. Just going on. Well,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: I was gonna I usually what I do a lot,
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: I run our social media for that's mean, reply to
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: my social media with big pics always. But there's been
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: a lot of times in history that you'll travel or
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: something and you'll be posting photos on your account. I'll
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: grab him and put them on the show page because
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: I know you don't mind. And this one I remember
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: seeing going holy shit and like I was just instantly
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: diving on your page to like steal it and put
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: it on. But I was like, well wait a minute,
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: Like I didn't even know he was gonna do this,
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: like I'm not, which is why you like it radio
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: fuck you. I just pissed, you know, Laura didn't tell
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: me about it text from Laura and be like, oh
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: my god, nothing again. He is getting a little I'm
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: kind of honestly, I ironically mad, But yeah, I didn't.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: I didn't take it down and put it on socials
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: because I was like, well, this is so personal, Like
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: I don't know where that lie. I figured eventually the
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: world knows, but like this is day one, I'll just
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: shut the fuck up. So now that you're bringing it up, though,
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: we'll probably post it on the socials so people can
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: see that. That'll be really cool. So getting an honest
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: man out of you, finally not living in sin anymore?
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: I mean my favorite so those chick tracks have been
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: sending you every week about your.
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like the comments from aunts and uncles about like,
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: make an honest woman out of.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: Oh there it is. Oh yeah, I like that bit.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: When you say it about the guy. I think that's
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: fine and nobody will possibly get it wrong when you
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: go making a man and a nick. Okay, But when
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: you say it and you're from the Midwest and you say, like,
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: finally make an honest woman out of your girlfriend, I
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: worry about that.
• 12:51
  Speaker 4: I because she is a whore, Because she is kind
• 12:54
  Speaker 4: of a war because I think your girlfriend is a whore.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: That's what I'm hearing.
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: Now she won't be since you finally.
• 13:00
  Speaker 4: Make your girlfriend not a whore.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah please, that's what he said when he dropped one knee.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: That's why he's not telling us because he was like, well,
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: you finally stopped being such.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: A well once you started when she when she stopped
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: crying and we had that discussion.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: Wore and he's crying for the same reason. Yeah, save
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: so much money, miss it so much? Well, congratulations Nick,
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: and check us out. Check out our social media. It's
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: at pot Therapy Guys on Instagram and slash pot Therapy
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: on Facebook. There's a blue sky somewhere and if you're
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: in the discord, we'll we'll get it posted in the
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: selfies area too. Nick, I am ordained. Oh that's right.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: I already have a talk.
• 13:48
  Speaker 5: Run a little something something, not just the train will
• 13:54
  Speaker 5: be run. Scoops wedding is a good idea. I think
• 13:57
  Speaker 5: that's just there.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: Oh well, I had.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: To do it this time before scoop Fest because that
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: was the threat last year or last scoop Fest was
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: Jacob was gonna somehow arrange it, Like, Nick, you have
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: something you need to say.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: Oh that's right, I remember. Yeah. I tried to set
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: up like lights and music cues, the whole thing. Really
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: just get it going. Yeah, saha, way to get ahead
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: of that that that definitely could have gone wrong. So
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: all right, so.
• 14:21
  Speaker 4: This year, that means I could like have a just
• 14:23
  Speaker 4: like a minister show to do it.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: Say if we because Laura usually will do a cameo,
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: she'll usually pop the scoop fest and say hi. But
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: it'd be great if we can get the two of
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: you so drunk that you decide to just a lope
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: that night. We could just go straight to that like
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: little chapel West side thing, and that.
• 14:39
  Speaker 4: Could probably happen. I'm not against it. I've got if
• 14:43
  Speaker 4: you if you truly want to do that. We have
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: friends that like own chapels, and we have like other
• 14:48
  Speaker 4: friends that all character U officiates. I guess that like exactly, yeah, yeah,
• 14:56
  Speaker 4: that kind of thing. They do all those types of things.
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: It's all just the fun.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: It's great.
• 15:02
  Speaker 4: We had a couple of friends do it and like
• 15:03
  Speaker 4: just have big parties at the you know that, to
• 15:05
  Speaker 4: drive through wedding chapels and things.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: That's so much fun. La, and then you go to
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: like a bar or something. It's wonderful.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: Being born and raised in Vegas, it seems like that
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: would be a Really she's probably.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: Not so soft.
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: Yes, maybe yeah, throw it up.
• 15:22
  Speaker 4: I say, you just give her those two options you go, hey, look,
• 15:27
  Speaker 4: we can get married in a Vegas chapel, and when
• 15:29
  Speaker 4: she's like, oh, I don't know, or my other option
• 15:32
  Speaker 4: is we could have Jacob do it, yeah chapel.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the hard think of all the money you're
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: gonna save. It's great. Also, we haven't gotten Jacob's prices yet.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: He didn't say do it for free, So you know
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: two words. Prima knockta as is tradition in Jacob's religion,
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: of which he is an efficient. You do want to
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: respect the old ways. Well, welcome everybody, and make sure
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: that you wish our buddy a Mazeltov. Is that what
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: we said? Some question. We've got some great questions for
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: today's show. We're still here working, so we will answer
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: these questions despite wonderful news in our buddies' life. First
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: one is titled Cluttered House. Hello friends. I moved in
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: with my girlfriend and my best friend who's who've lived
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: together for years. I'm in my own bedroom, but the
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: rest of the house is packed with clutter nick knacks everywhere.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: A garage so full I had to carve a path
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: to the workbench, which promptly filled. Back in the fridge
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: is filled with half eaten mystery food. The living room
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: is stacked with random stuff. I like things organized. I
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: like clear walk ways, less visual noise, and a few
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: lights on the house or lights on so the house
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: isn't a dark cave when I get home from work.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: But they don't care about that, and if any, they
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: like it as it is. I've tried to tidy things
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: up and talk about it, but nothing sticks. I feel
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: like I have no say. And here's the kicker. I
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: feel like this is my problem. I don't want to
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: be the guy who storms in telling everyone how they
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: should live, so instead I just hole up in my room,
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: feel invisible and get resentful. I love these people, my
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: girlfriend and my best friend, but the clutter drives me insane,
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: and my brain tells me I'm the problem for caring
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: so much about it. How do I live here without
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: feeling like I'm trying to force my ideals on people
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: who don't share them? Signed some scoop, I feel like
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: Laura wrote this.
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: Oh you got to move out. You can either move
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: out or be prepared to never speak to that girlfriend
• 17:51
  Speaker 4: and best friend again.
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: It's a you gotta right.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: It's tough because I feel like everything you can't feel
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: like this like you appeal to some sort of rational
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: standard and you're like, okay, so there's a normal. But
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: then you're three different humans and two of the humans
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: agree that this is normal, that this is fun, this
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: is acceptable. God damn that sucks to some degree. Yeah,
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: I I do appreciate some scoop. I do appreciate the
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: accountability that you're taking with this. But you think it's
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: some scoop's fault.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: No, but I think some scoop is taking accountability for
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: their own Okay, being bothered by it because it's one thing,
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: like you know, if you've if these were college roommates
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: who it was set up by the university, you've never
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: met them before, you've never seen them before.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: I had one of those that's a terrible. But these
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: are two individuals that you knew prior to moving in,
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: and I'm assuming you have visited the home before. I
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: had an idea, which it is kind of that.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: Thing of like, uh, you know, they are not going
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: to adjust to your expectations.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: They seem pretty comfortable where they're at or is it?
• 19:00
  Speaker 4: Wait, did the did the letter say did some scoops
• 19:04
  Speaker 4: girlfriend and best friend live together before some scoop.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: Almost sounded like you said, who've lived together for years?
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, okay, okay, so that's interesting. So you're the
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: Johnny Come Lately with your fucking cleaning hands and you're
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: trying to make it better. Nick, I know the answer
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: before I asked this, But who is the cleaner and
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: messier person in your house? Oh? Uh, that's a toss up,
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: is it? Really?
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: We're both clean and both messy and different. Okay, yeah,
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: so like my clean or my my my mess is clutter. Okay,
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: So like there's one there's one spot in her kitchen
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: where the countertop. That's where I've got the coffee and
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: all of that stuff. When we first moved in, Laura said, okay,
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: this is your space, okay, And she was very clear
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: about that because we lived together in my apartment first
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: before we moved in there, and she understands that my
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: biggest issue is all set something on the counter and
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: then walk away something else on the count and then
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: after a while there's no usable space on that count.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: This is like a staging ground. This is where you
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: just this is where you put things, and this is
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: your personal loss and found. So they're like, where was
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: that oh, it's over there.
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: And natural, like her natural instinct is to come in
• 20:23
  Speaker 4: and set everything that she's carrying on the bar, and
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: I have to be like, don't on.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: The box, just don't.
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: You can't put stuff on the bar because.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: And now it lives on the box.
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: And the other thing too, is like that. That was
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: always been a big problem living in small spaces because
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: when you do that in small spaces, it goes from
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: looking very clean very messy very quickly. Yeah, yeah, exactly,
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: that's true. So she said, like, Okay, all the other
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: space on the counters, don't touch. Put all your ship whatever.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: You're gonna do, your ship's obtained cat box. Let you
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: keep that spot. Uh, yes, that you? Yeah? Is that
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: what honest means?
• 21:10
  Speaker 4: Buddy and writing, you better get that counter space in right, Yeah,
• 21:14
  Speaker 4: because that ship's.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: About to change. About marriage, walk all over you, Jesus Christ.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: Day before you've got a counter just for yourself. Next day,
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: bachelor Pad's gone. Dude, how about you winning? Who's the
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: who's the dirty roommate in your house?
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: We are we are definitely probably similar. I am the
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: counter clutter person. Peter is not that way, but his
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: is like m I don't want to say that either.
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: We basically both are the same, and then it'll be
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: a little crazy for a while, and then we're both like,
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: oh my gosh, this is too much, and we do
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: like kind of together we both hit that wall about gotcha. Okay,
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: all right, No, we're going to go through it.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: Jacob. I feel like you're the clean guy.
• 21:59
  Speaker 4: We're s J and I are pretty even, Okay, Okay,
• 22:02
  Speaker 4: I kind of take care of the kitchen and s
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: J kind of takes care of the laundry. Okay, but
• 22:11
  Speaker 4: we both like like obviously she deals with the kitchen,
• 22:14
  Speaker 4: I deal with the laundry. Like we both kind of
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: dip into those other two things. Like I'm predominantly kind
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: of I can't keep the kitchen clean. She kind of
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: keeps the laundry done. And then I don't know. We
• 22:25
  Speaker 4: we have the little robot vacuum that runs around and
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: does the floors.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: And the servants often they keep it nic.
• 22:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, every every so often, I you'll have one of
• 22:33
  Speaker 4: the servants run a mop over everything.
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe you'll have like a cleaner that comes in and.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: We've we've done that. I mean, especially when you have kids,
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: Like it's just it's so fucking you can never keep
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: up with it.
• 22:46
  Speaker 4: I don't Maybe I have a cleaner come like once
• 22:48
  Speaker 4: a month.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah that's the bit. Yeah, I don't think I want
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: to have a cleaner at all. Just somebody's just going
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: through your ship, somebody who I don't know, coming in
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: the house and just moving stuff around. Okay, so you
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: want me to stop coming, knows you?
• 23:02
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you're right, you're right.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: Also, I've got I've got an organization system where it
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: looks like clutter to the outside, but I know where
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: that is exactly. Yeah, in our house, all of my
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: mess is confined to the home office and like that's where,
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: but it's a fucking nightmare in there. Like just there
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: it's everything. Yeah exactly. I have like my office camera
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: set up and like this little partition behind these that
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: I can work, and then everything behind that is just
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: fucking chaos. All of my bullshit is kept in that
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: one room and like everything else in the house is beautiful,
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: everything is always tidy, and then my fucking room is chaos.
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: But she's just abandoned it. Like that is that's my
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: little countertop is like okay, I'm just not going to
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: look in here. Keep this door closed. And I'll forget
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: it exists like great, sure, and that works out for
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: both of us. But I think it's really hard whenever
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: you have this dynamic, because like I feel like your
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: house and like cleanliness is a big part of mental health.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: It's a big part of feeling safe and comfortable in
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: your own home. And like whenever sh it's just left
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: out and it bothers you, and you're constantly in charge
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: of cleaning it, and no matter what you do you
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: put things away, it comes back out and like shit
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: in the fridge and just oh my god. At some
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: point it's like your skin's crawling.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: I kind of feel like you could, you might be
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: able to negotiate, possibly, but writer, I would set your
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: standards very low, low excitation, low expectations, because it's really
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: hard when like if somebody else's to have to live
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: by somebody else's expectations, when you're used to living the
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: way that you've been living for a while, it's I mean,
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: you have to really love somebody to be able to
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: change years of habits.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: I don't.
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: I mean maybe the girlfriend, the best friend. Probably you
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: don't get it. Yeah, it's like I'll find other friends.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you are very replacing.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: So I think I think to some degree, if it's
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: gonna be one of those things where it's like, if
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: you want a clean house, you're gonna have to make
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: a decision that either you do more than your share
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: to keep it clean or you find another place to live.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: I think it's going to be really difficult.
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: I wonder if there's room though, to kind of do
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: what you and Laura did where she's like, this is
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: your counter or the reverse of what Jim's situation, like
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: the I'm sorry James's situation over there, thank you where
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: his office is the crazy place. It's like, can you
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: negotiate a space like that?
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: Sounds like they have a room, right then they say
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: it because the writer has his own room, some scoops
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: room because.
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: He's not sharing room with the girlfriend.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I have a private space, can keep how they want. Okay,
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: how do I get that though?
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: Because you don't want to be locked in there forever
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: and you kind of have to have that shared public space.
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah oh yeah, but I kind of agree that you
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: not agree. Nobody's on my side on this, but I
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: think that you should actually have some amount of say,
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: like just like some scoop say third of the occupants.
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: I feel like that, what does that look like.
• 26:08
  Speaker 4: I don't think we're saying that the that the roommates
• 26:10
  Speaker 4: should not meet some scoop in the middle, Okay, I
• 26:12
  Speaker 4: think we're saying, uh, be uh wary of setting too
• 26:16
  Speaker 4: high an expectation for how clean those roommates are going
• 26:19
  Speaker 4: to be.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: I feel like there are scenarios where the the the
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: shared agreement has to rise or fall to whatever, like
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: the highest standard is. There are scenarios like that where
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: it's like, okay, like you can't get married and be like, look,
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: I'm kind of a dirty person, you're a kind of
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: clean person. I guess you're just gonna have to fuck
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: accept me. It's like, no, that's not how this is
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: going to work. Like you're going to change. Like you've
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: got Laura on the line. Let's say she's going to
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: accept that. Let's get some answers on this, but no,
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: I feel like there are scenarios where you're going to
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: find like this minimum threshold, and I think like a
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: clean house, it does it falls to like the lowest
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: standard of of whoever has the highest standard. So I
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: feel like some scoops should be able to say, look,
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: I agree with that. This is kind of what I
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: I have to have. This, this is what works, and
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: like I'm asking everybody to get to that standard. It
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: only improves everybody's living space. I'm not asking you to
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: paint the walls orange like I'm asking you to clean shit.
• 27:14
  Speaker 4: I mean just to live better. Is that a weird
• 27:16
  Speaker 4: thing to ask some scoop? Don't present it like that, okay, correct,
• 27:19
  Speaker 4: polish it up alone.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: I do think.
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: Consider two would be like rent. So it's not like
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: the The Girlfriend musical, Yes exactly. It's not like the
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: girlfriend and friend are not benefiting from some scoop living there, Okay,
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: assuming he's paying rent, that would then indicate that the
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: other two are paying less in rent. Okay, So it's
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: kind of I think that's kind of a negotiating chip
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: to Okay, to be able to say, like, look, you know,
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: the three of us living together, it brings all of
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: our costs down, you know, so I feel like we
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: should each contribute. You can even do like a chores list,
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: like I used to do that with my roommates, like
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: we all had different things that we were responsible for.
• 28:05
  Speaker 6: Okay, you know, so somebody don't do it. What happens beatings,
• 28:08
  Speaker 6: Oh in a guy household. Honestly, Yeah, yeah, I mean
• 28:13
  Speaker 6: get one nice punch to the back of the head.
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: And you're like, no, no, you would hope for the
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: beating because the alternatives were much more.
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: Ice water.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: Somebody put their dick in it.
• 28:27
  Speaker 4: Yeah, maybe maybe you should, Like, maybe you should fucking
• 28:33
  Speaker 4: vacuum every now that day.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: If you ran the vacuum, your water wouldn't taste like
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: my dick. You thought about that. We had an agreement.
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: I just got back from a workout. No, I agree
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: with your theory though that like there can be a discussion,
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: but I just feel like it's not. There are scenarios
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: where you can't ask a person to actively suffer all
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: the time in order to live here, and so like
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: the cost that some scoop and I don't know what
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: you think. Marriage is good point solid. We can scare
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: him out of this, by the.
• 29:06
  Speaker 4: Please, I've been married equal number of times as all
• 29:12
  Speaker 4: of you put together.
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: This is true, This is true, and he's still a
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: scar bunch.
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: Cardun card, I'm signing up to go again. I'm ready
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: for my next tour in Vietnam. I'm sure this time
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: it will work. So you know, just keeps swinging. But no,
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: but like if I can't officiate this, WEE could at
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: least officiate the next one is there? It is an
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: this bit I want to guaranteed shot at number four.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: You get a frequent flyer card at some point, just
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: go to the same venue at some point, like, oh,
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: mister Tangman, we appreciate your business. If I get married
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: a fourth time, not only will you officiate, I'll tell
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: Jim first, and Whitney will never know. I like this,
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: it's all fair. But like asking some scoop to go
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: through a certain amount the units of suffering to live
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: in a space, when asking the other people to just
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: clean and live in a nicer space, there's almost no
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: suffering attached to that. You're just doing adulting. You're just choring.
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: Like I just I feel like asking somebody to suffer
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: to live with you is too far. I don't disagree
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: with anything you just said.
• 30:17
  Speaker 4: But the other side of that is always going to
• 30:20
  Speaker 4: come back to the other Like I'm really looking at
• 30:24
  Speaker 4: it from the from the other roommates, yeah, spot, because
• 30:26
  Speaker 4: like they're looking at it going like I had a roommate.
• 30:30
  Speaker 4: I was fine with my roommate. Yeah, now I've got
• 30:32
  Speaker 4: two roommates and my prices might be a little down. Yeah,
• 30:37
  Speaker 4: but maybe I wasn't looking for a third roommate.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: Maybe I was just cool with me in my roommate.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: You just feel like this is the cost to be
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: in relationships though.
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: I agree, Well, but they have to decide that though.
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: So that's where I like what Nick was saying, where
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: it's kind of like, hey, I'm paying a third of
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: this rent, this is what I would like to see,
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: or you know, like this what i'd like to see.
• 30:54
  Speaker 3: What do you think you know you can find somewhere.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: Here's of my minimum standards, And yeah, well I definitely
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: would want some scoop at a minimum. To make it clear,
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: this sucks for me, Like I'm writing into therapy shows
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: like I'm unhappy. I don't like being home. I'm avoiding
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: you guys. I'm not coming out into the social spaces.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: I don't I'm I'm feeling hurt being here. I don't
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: like it because like if we were all roommates, which
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: you know, if you guys were open to it, I mean,
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: we could get a cool space and like over here,
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: you take everything from me, brought you on the show
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: so I could take a break every once in a while.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: He is the man I'm going to Oh my god,
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: so upset. I'll give you a hundred dollars.
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: My my wedding party is gonna be Whitney Jacob, some
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: guy I met at the Busy.
• 31:51
  Speaker 4: Half the therapyroducer.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: Jim Son. Can you show me how to do this
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: boat tie? Where are you going to a place? Yeah,
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: you have a monogrammed fucking whiskey. Flower girl is going on.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: But like, yeah, know, if we were all roommates and
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: it was like, look, regardless of who pays what or
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: who moved in with who, our relationship clearly matters. We
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: all would like each other to be happy. And like,
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: if I'm unhappy in our space, and if I should
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: tell you that, and if I could not be a
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: dick about it, great, But like I would hope that
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: that bothers my roommates, my girlfriend, my best friend. I
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: would hope that it'd be like, yeah, okay, you know,
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: we're sad for you, man, we We're not just gonna
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: push back. And I'm kind of pissed at his girlfriend
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: and best friend. They're kind of like that sounds like
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: your fucking problem. It's like, fuck you guys, like I'm
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: really unhappy, Like this is not a crazy ask.
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: Have you ever watched a show called Hoarders?
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: Okay, tell me more. I mean for late at night
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: on Cinemax? Right? Is that is that the one I've seen?
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: That horrible? Yeah? Yeah, whit Whitney. Also, somebody figure out
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: if a go daddy hoarders dot com when the w
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: is available, we changed the name of the podcast, or
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: we have a third link to the store. Yeah no.
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: But here's the thing with that show is that you're
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: you're valid, just like Jacob was saying. But I watched
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: that show because it seems bananas that these people will
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: put their stuff over people that they love, really do
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: they love they care about these people, and they're like, yep,
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: I do. I want to do it. I want to
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: clean up. I'm going to let go of all this stuff.
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: And then when the therapist comes in and it comes
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: time to get rid of the stuff, they freak the
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: fuck out because it's it is obviously a mental health thing.
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: I'm not saying that's what your girlfriend in this roommate
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: or I don't know where. There's a lot of emotion,
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: but there can be like those I want to call them,
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: like borderline where it's like okay, maybe we're not on
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: the show, but.
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: Like yeah, yeah, yeah, just a little little tip. Yeah.
• 34:10
  Speaker 3: So with those people, I think it's like you still
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: have to be very cognizant when you're sharing your feelings
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: that they may say like, yes, I want you to
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: feel comfortable, I want you to be welcomed here. I
• 34:21
  Speaker 3: want to be with you. That's where I really go
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: into what we said in the beginning. I think Jacob
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: said this where it's just like Okay, well you can
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: go live somewhere else, like I don't know if you're
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: not even sharing the same room, why are you. It
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: doesn't have to be you can buy the apartment next
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: doore or like rent the apartment next door. You can
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: be like a walking distance away, like it doesn't have
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: to be that difficult or complicated.
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: By the way Fuddy or Die already did.
• 34:44
  Speaker 4: Hoarders, Yeah, it's about a guy who hoards whoress.
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: How are we spelling hoarders? W H O R E
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: D E R S. Okay, good, that's the episode title. Yeah,
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: I just wanted to make sure we got that. That's
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: that's excellent engagement. It's on the episode titled It's with
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: a And also, if we can be real, the fact
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: that you didn't turn your proposal into Patreon content a
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: little uh selfish? Getting read again, he's getting read. I
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: can just wear a wire, you know, like you have
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: a mic, like, yeah, it would have been it would
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: have been really yea one more surprise throw it out there.
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: So anyway, writer, I don't know. I think I'm on
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: a team. Like when you are hurting and you are annoyed,
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: I don't think you're justified to be cruel or mean
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: to other people, Like that's that's a choice crossing the
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: street to like poke somebody in the eye because they
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: bother you. Like, I don't like that. So I don't
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: want you to be unpleasant, but I do think that
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: you're not. I don't think you have to keep it
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: a secret. I don't like that we live together. Like
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: your choices hurt my heart. You got to have a
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: talk about it. We've got to talk about it. It's like, well,
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: I don't like having a clean toilet, so fuck you.
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: You can clean the toilet, and it's like, no, not
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: worse than a clean toy. Yeah, but that's my point.
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. I'm saying like that, you're actively
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: choosing a dirty lifestyle that bothers me. I'm not we
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: like to stick to it.
• 36:11
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Oh god Jesus, I don't even know in that
• 36:15
  Speaker 4: sentence what it is referring to.
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: I'm bothered. Either way, I don't like it. I don't
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: like any part of it. I just thought of part
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: that I liked. Good luck with this. If you need
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: to stage an intervention, uh, and that that's another Just
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: go the opposite way. Just invite a whole bunch of
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: friends over and just like constantly have them all over place. Well,
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: this is how I like it. I just like my
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: house like this, fuck you guys, or out dirty them.
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: Could we do that? Just leave your ship everywhere? And
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: then at some point it.
• 36:42
  Speaker 4: Bos starts actively shipping on the floor.
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: I think, yeah, it just it's it's just trash chicken.
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: You just keep throwing everywhere, and eventually they're like, hey,
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: this kind of fucking sucks, and you're like, oh does it?
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: Do you not like that? Would it make your life
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: better if I tidied the fuck up? Great?
• 36:56
  Speaker 4: Why don't we all do that? That?
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: No, I'm telling you, Sassy James is here. He's talking
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: around like a clean fucking house. You could tell that
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: Jim is really pissed off. You can really know. I'm
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: so upset. It's funny because my first thought when I
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: saw the because the photo's lovely and Laura has her
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: hand up, she's showing the ring, and there's and it
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: says it's official, and I promised, to God, my first
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: thought was, fuck him for not telling me this. How
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: did he not tell me this? Like, I was like,
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: it's probably a joke, it's probably not real. I'm sure
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: there's some kind of I'm sure if I look close,
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: it's gonna be like a ring pop, you know. And like,
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: as I looked at it closer and I realized it
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: was real, I was just increasingly fucking furious. God damn it.
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: Not only when s j asked me did I say,
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: I didn't know.
• 37:48
  Speaker 4: I'm learning about it right now. She didn't like ask further.
• 37:51
  Speaker 4: She wasn't like what Nick didn't like. None of us thought.
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: I was furious. It's weird that Nick didn't give me
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: a heads up. I just fuck you know. I knew
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: her first. I knew you first. I practically introduced you well,
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: you know, to be fair, to be fair there, Whitney
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: was the only person who knew that christ very she
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: need to know. Why couldn't you just say watch my
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: dogs and I'll tell you why later or whatever? Just
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: fuck you know, just god damn it.
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: Well, I intentionally didn't tell anybody because I didn't want
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: to risk having to later tell him.
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: She said, no, Okay, all right, it's fine.
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: I was eight percent sure she was gonna say yes, yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: But that two percent is real.
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: That's a big two percent. That's I mean, that's what
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: I said.
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: I told everybody except Laura that I was going to
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: propose it happened to be She said no.
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: No, Now that I'm not in that simulation makes a
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: lot long trail to have to walk back. I feel
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: like you chose the right friend to conceal shame. Like
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: I feel like if if she had said no, and
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: Whitney was like, so how did it go, and You're like,
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: you know, I don't want to talk about it, she'd
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: be like okay, And like I feel like I would
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: trust Whitney with that. She was the only one in
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: this room who would have empathy. Yes, let's you don't
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: learn about that one. There's no way that doesn't come
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: out in the middle of trivia. I don't know that
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: was the right move. Actually, I'm not mad anymore. You
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: chose wisely. That's exactly the right choice. We are gonna
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: take a quick break and when we come back, we
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: are talking about the weight of one toxic friend. I
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: have one when you could have two. And being a podcast,
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: you're listening to bod Therapy.
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: Today's episode of Fatzi Bye, Judy Schneider, Leon, Carolyn Albert,
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: Sammy Scoop, Sarasmian Might Com, Darren Cunningham, Tody the DeLorean Guy,
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: Brady Malayscheck and Max the Ginger Scoop. Would you like
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: to sponsor show? Become a therap producer at patreon dot
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: com slash. All right, all right, here's our trivia. I
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: hope it's wedding trivia.
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: Nope, damn it. What movies did they appear together? I'm
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: gonna list off some actors and you gotta say what
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: movie they appeared in? Are we buzzing in? No, let's
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: just go on order. All right, let's probably what's the order.
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: Let's go wors.
• 40:13
  Speaker 4: We're sitting differently now than we usually said. We'll go
• 40:15
  Speaker 4: with an order of people who knew about the engagement.
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: Good good. I probably am third because I'm pretty sure
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: saw the post pretty quickly. Yeah, I don't know. No,
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: by the time I saw it, there was like over
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: a hundred likes. No, it's not, Whitney. I couldn't get
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: a text. You couldn't just say this first, Like, I
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: feel like you're on social media all the time. It's
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: as quick as text. I just feel that I deserved there,
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: all right, Whitney, Matt Dillon, Ben Stiller, Sarah, I.
• 40:59
  Speaker 3: Haven't Okay, I kind of want to shoot, going to
• 41:03
  Speaker 3: have to there's no options. Okay, there's something and friends
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: on Facebook. I got the I got the trivia right.
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: Just who is Matt Dylan. I don't know if I
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: know how to him.
• 41:17
  Speaker 4: He's just about it.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: I didn't point it out that I don't follow follows me.
• 41:22
  Speaker 3: That's been there.
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: Sorry, I missed the question. What was the question? What
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: was the answer? There's something trying to tell me the
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: mat Dylan is so uh Sarah Silverman was one of
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: Mary's friends.
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: The friends. Okay, like that one threw me off a little,
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: but I was.
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: Like immediately, what was it was? There's something about Mary.
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: There's something about Mary.
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: Who's Matt Dylan.
• 41:43
  Speaker 4: He plays the investigator, the big teas, hilarious, a lot
• 41:47
  Speaker 4: of stuff.
• 41:47
  Speaker 3: But I can't even tell you.
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: Okay, I got it Day's character, so you got she
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: got one point for that? Yes, okay, all right? Jacob
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: oh right, Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Huge Jackman, Huge Jackman. Oh,
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: that'll fuck you because it was Batman until you got
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: Hugh Jackman.
• 42:06
  Speaker 4: I don't even know which Batman that is.
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: Hugh Jackman.
• 42:09
  Speaker 4: Need to know fucking Batman's hue. Not the Hugh Jackman part,
• 42:12
  Speaker 4: the part with the other two who are the other joke,
• 42:14
  Speaker 4: all of them. Christian Bale, Michael Kane, Christian Bale and Michael.
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: You know Michael Kane from him up at Christmas, Carol.
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: I know all three people are.
• 42:25
  Speaker 3: Batman then Diagram over last and.
• 42:29
  Speaker 4: Batman Broke who was the last one, Pierce Broston, Hugh Jackman,
• 42:34
  Speaker 4: Huge Jackman, the Pierce Broston Australia, Huge jack Hugh Jackman,
• 42:41
  Speaker 4: Michael Caine, a local.
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: Porn star, really cool guy. Jack Hugeman. Uh and he
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: looks like Hugh Jackman.
• 42:50
  Speaker 3: That's huge. Jackman.
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: He just does Hugh Jackman parody porn exclusively.
• 42:54
  Speaker 3: Amazing, really nice guy.
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Oh, I can't want to steal. I
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: mean fuck Christian Bale, Muppet Christmas Carol. No, fuck.
• 43:06
  Speaker 3: I don't have a guess.
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: The prestige, Oh, Michael, I never would have gotten to
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: the pristige.
• 43:13
  Speaker 3: Yes, I know, people are one.
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: We make fun of that movie on ice Cream Social
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: quite a bit. I haven't seen it enough. Oh Magic,
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: Oh that's right, because at the same time there was
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: a movie with Edward Norton that came out. It was
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: also a magic movie, and it was I think it
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: might have been The Illusionist or so in my brain,
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: I've now conflated all that and I think it's Edward
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: Norton and Christian Bale and I forgot that. Hugh Jackson.
• 43:40
  Speaker 3: Your excuse is Michael Caine.
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: He's in every fucking thing. Okay, Jim, here we go.
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: Amy Adams, buzz, Jennifer Gardner, what come on? You gave
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: me girl ones? Because you know, I don't know. And
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: Leonardo DiCaprio. Okay, I know who that is. Okay, who's
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: Amy Adams? What I don't know is like Whitney. Yeah,
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: but red hair like Houston with red hair? Okay, Man
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: of Steel, she played Lois. I never watched The Superman.
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: She's the sender. I don't want to say any answers
• 44:15
  Speaker 3: that might be it. I think she plays Cinderella, the
• 44:17
  Speaker 3: Cinderella characters in the live action.
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: I only watched The Cinderella with Brandy in it. That's
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: the move, Okay. Whoever? That chick is Leonardo DiCaprio. And
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: who's the other chick, Jennifer Gardner? Fuck? Who's that? Wait
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: a minute, isn't it the chick that was married to
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: Ben Affleck? Yes? Oh and Jennifer Puerto Rican Rapper? All right,
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: I don't think so. Yeah, yeah, Jennifer Gardner, she is
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: not she's you're thinking Jennifer Lopez.
• 44:48
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: Fuck, Jennifer Gardner is an actor in the names all right?
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: Uh?
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: Okay, So Leonardo DiCaprio and Jennifer Gardner I could probably
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: get somewhere with that. Uh, come on, Leo, And so
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: you're only in so many movies? Wasn't inception? What's another
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: Leonardo DiCaprio movie? Nick?
• 45:13
  Speaker 4: Was an inception?
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: It was not let's do that?
• 45:15
  Speaker 4: I really hoping would be exception.
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: Oh oh h the one. Don't look up no ship
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: whinny for the steal.
• 45:26
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna get it goes around the horn. You're just
• 45:29
  Speaker 3: gonna guess off to catch me if you can.
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: Yes, very good.
• 45:35
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, I honestly don't remember that. And they're
• 45:38
  Speaker 3: just leo.
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: Amy Adams was the nurse or she.
• 45:43
  Speaker 4: Was the candy striper.
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah that was Amy Adams. Oh my god. Jennifer Gardner
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: was the model who he paid to have sex with
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: in the hotel.
• 45:52
  Speaker 3: Wow, I've probably seen that movie twice.
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: Geeze, yeah, I got zero, you picked up two and
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: then you. Wow, we suck. All right, Well, I hate
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: this game. These are hard. They are really hard. Also
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: because you're a dick and you're not saying, like Tom
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: Hanks Leonardo dicapri answer order. I'm putting them in as
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: strategic as well, order of appearance. Okay, I'm so excited
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: there for I think we're fine. It's all right. The
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: weight of one toxic friend. Hello, pod therapy crew, long time,
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: first time. My pronouns are he and him. I'm forty
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: and I have a mostly amazing friend group of about
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: eight people. We're a pretty tight knit bunch, and I
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: consider myself close with all of them. Over time, I've
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: kind of fallen into the dad role of the group.
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: I'm the oldest, I host the gatherings most often, and
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: I'm usually the one to come to for advice, whether
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: it's out a budget, write a resume, or just talk
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: through stuff. I have mixed feelings about that role, but
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: that's not really why I'm writing in. I'm here because
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: there's a metaphorical ticking time bomb in our group, and
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: I could really.
• 47:10
  Speaker 4: Use it as a literal one.
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: Yes, apps always pick the metaphor one. I need some
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: help figure out how to navigate it. It mostly involves
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: the three youngest members of the group, John, Greg, and Amy.
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: John and Greg are actually my younger cousins, and they
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: grew up together as best friends. I didn't really get
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: to know them until we were all adults, mainly due
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: to the age gap. They're in their late twenties. Amy
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: is married to Greg and the three of them currently
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: live together. I wonder if they wrote in the first question,
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: oh my god, that'd be so crazy. They're so messy,
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: and they're so messy, but Greg's unhappy with it. I
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: introduced them to my Friends, which eventually formed the group
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: we have today. I understand no one is ever one
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: hundred percent to blame for any situation, but there's been
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: a lot of tension in the group lately that is
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: centered around Greg. He's the only one in the group
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: whose politics don't align with the rest of ours, and
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: he often made comments that many of us find problematic.
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: He drinks too much and pressures others to drink more
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: than they want to. He can't seem to hold down
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: job and owes several people in the group over one
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: thousand dollars.
• 48:11
  Speaker 4: Despite that, man really sucks being the second person videos
• 48:14
  Speaker 4: that thousand dollars.
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right, you didn't learn from the first one.
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: Despite that, he's managed to go on to international vacations
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: just this year and keeps making expensive purchases. You know
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: how you do that. You don't pay those thousands of
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: dollars that would probably help. He makes expensive purchases like
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: cosmetic upgrades to his car and new video game consoles.
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: It feels disrespectful and hurtful to the people he owes,
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: and oh shit. Greg also has a history with theft.
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: He was caught stealing thousands from his parents' emergency fund,
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: and he's even bragged about how easy it is to
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: steal from certain big box stores. Why the fuck is anybody.
• 48:57
  Speaker 4: Friends with this asside avice because he can get you
• 49:01
  Speaker 4: anything you want from a good point, Yeah, you got
• 49:03
  Speaker 4: to know about Honestly, it's gotten to the point where
• 49:07
  Speaker 4: I don't feel fully comfortable having him in my home
• 49:10
  Speaker 4: week after week.
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: To be completely honest, many of us likely wouldn't still
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: be friends with Greg if it weren't for how much
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: we cared about Amy and John. Historically, the three of
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: them have kind of felt like a friendship package deal,
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: if that makes sense. But that started to change. John,
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: who only ever had Greg as a best friend growing up,
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: is starting to see that genuine, healthy friendships look like
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: what they look like, Oh, I'm just older to and
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: closer to others in the group. He's beginning to recognize
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: how one sided his relationship with Greg has been, and
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: he's developed some resentment. He doesn't want to confront Greg yet, though,
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: because he's worried Greg will react badly and make the
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: living situation unbearable until the lease is up. John has
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: confided in the rest of us, and we all empathize.
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: Many of us feel the same way about Greg. So
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: now we're all in this weird holding of trying to
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: keep the beast until John can move out in a
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: few months. The ticking time bomb I mentioned is the
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: inevitable fallout once that move happens. Everyone except for Amy
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: is probably going to side with John, and as the
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: group's dad, I have this strong sense that everyone is
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: going to look to me for guidance on what happens next.
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: I truly believe Greg brought this on himself. We've given
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: him more grace and second chances than a lot of
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: other people would have, but I still feel awful about it,
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: and I genuinely like Greg despite his faults. I enjoy
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: spending time with him. We share a lot of the
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: same hobbies and interests, and he's family. But this friendship
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: is deeply unbalanced, and he seems unwilling to grow or
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: take accountability. Honestly, the group would probably be better off
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: without him, but he's still a person and this is
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: likely going to hurt him badly. He'll likely lash out,
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: blame us, and spiral even further. And as if that
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: wasn't enough, someone recently confided in me that they slew
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: with Greg a few months ago. Damn it, Nick, damn it, Nick,
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: I can't help it, meaning he Nick, you have to
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: keep a professional distance. As a podcast, Yeah, you can't
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: just go in there listeners roommates podcast ethic. Yeah, yeah,
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: we signed a code, my man, and as if that
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: wasn't what I asked us, but we did. We wrote
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: it ourselves. Someone recently confided that this up with Greg
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: a few months ago, meaning he has likely cheated on Amy.
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: I don't know if, how, or when to tell her,
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: and now I'm carrying that weight too. So I'm asking
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: for advice, not just for me, but for anyone in
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: this story. How can we handle this? How do I
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: support John and the group through what feels like an
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: unavoidable explosion while keeping the fallout to a minimum. Thank
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: you for taking the time to read and ponder my question.
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: I love you all in a healthy and totally non
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: parasocial relationship way, truly The friend father of frenemies.
• 52:03
  Speaker 3: Boundaries.
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: Oh, I'll start at the end because I think it's
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: the easy one.
• 52:06
  Speaker 4: Good if you want to stay friends with Amy, Yeah,
• 52:10
  Speaker 4: if there is a way, if you think that you
• 52:13
  Speaker 4: can keep it a secret that you already know that
• 52:15
  Speaker 4: he cheated on her, and you think that she will
• 52:17
  Speaker 4: not find out that you ever knew, then I would
• 52:20
  Speaker 4: take that ship to my grade. It's just not your
• 52:22
  Speaker 4: truth to tell that's it. Then she could find out
• 52:25
  Speaker 4: that you knew and didn't tell her. That makes it complicated.
• 52:28
  Speaker 4: But if she's not gonna find out that you somehow knew,
• 52:31
  Speaker 4: I'd never say a goddamn word about it.
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: What if he only suspects, then I wouldn't say then
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: my even more so, fancy, now you have plausible deniability.
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: I wasn't sure, and not my business.
• 52:42
  Speaker 4: And like people are telling people are telling this girl
• 52:46
  Speaker 4: that her boyfriend is not the best, Like there's already
• 52:49
  Speaker 4: enough friends and coworkers and family and whatever in this
• 52:53
  Speaker 4: person's life. I imagine telling her that not the first time.
• 52:57
  Speaker 4: She probably don't need to add to that chorus. I'm betting.
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, if she's unaware of it, I guess maybe let
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: her know. But God, short of that, Oh my goodness,
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: so many layers to this. I felt like that was
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: the easiest one.
• 53:10
  Speaker 4: I wanted to tackle that one.
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm on the same page. I got nothing to add,
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: So we're okay. So let's let's start at the end.
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: Are we all in agreement. It's not what's our writer's name,
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: friend father, let's go with that. Yeah, it's not friend
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: father's responsibility to go straight to Amy and just out
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: this rumor that Greg has maybe hooked up with a members,
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: especially if not if he doesn't know. Okay, if Amy
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: doesn't know, if a friend father doesn't know, sure, that's it,
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: got it.
• 53:37
  Speaker 4: Okay, the friend knows that, and maybe you feel like
• 53:40
  Speaker 4: an ethical or moral responsibility to your friend to tell her. Uh,
• 53:44
  Speaker 4: I wouldn't, Yeah, okay, that that relationship is going in
• 53:47
  Speaker 4: one way or another with without your help, So like
• 53:51
  Speaker 4: why involve yourself?
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: Right? And you also don't have a responsibility to take
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: action on a rumor, like you don't even have a
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: responsibility to investigate. This is just people talking shit, that's it.
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: And I wouldn't even if you think, I definitely think
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: this happened, Like yeah, no, Greg's pretty shitty. He's done
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: a lot of bad things. So it's one more thing
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: on the pile.
• 54:08
  Speaker 3: I don't know. It says that the friend confided in
• 54:09
  Speaker 3: them that they personally are oh.
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: That they have had an affair with Greg. That means
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: you can find out.
• 54:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because it's worded like they say that someone confided
• 54:23
  Speaker 3: in them that they slept with Greg a few months ago,
• 54:25
  Speaker 3: meaning he is likely cheated on Amy. But I'm like,
• 54:28
  Speaker 3: what do you mean likely he didn't he like, maybe
• 54:30
  Speaker 3: they don't.
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: Know and it could have been like they break up sometimes,
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: and so there's an open question of like.
• 54:36
  Speaker 3: Oh, they broken if it's anything like that, I think too,
• 54:39
  Speaker 3: or I.
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: Don't know their arrangement, you know, so, but yeah, oh
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: my god. That puts father figure in like a lot
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: of tough positions just to like call it out because
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: I don't. I don't want to betray a friend. He
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: told me this, They told me that in confidence, So
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: I don't want to betray them. I don't want to
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: intervene in these guys' relationship.
• 54:57
  Speaker 4: I don't want to get involved.
• 54:58
  Speaker 2: That's kind of where I'm at. I don't know if
• 55:01
  Speaker 2: i'd get involved in that mess, because you got another
• 55:04
  Speaker 2: mess that you're already dealing.
• 55:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fair. There's already enough going on,
• 55:08
  Speaker 3: I think, saying like, well, they mentioned it, but I
• 55:10
  Speaker 3: wasn't sure with the timeline, Like you can kind of
• 55:12
  Speaker 3: have some plausible deniability there, especially if you're trying to
• 55:15
  Speaker 3: not ask more questions, when was it, how what happened?
• 55:18
  Speaker 3: Were they dating?
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: And I know that there's some people that are like, no,
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: you have responsibility to tell amy, like this is so nuclear,
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: you just you have to break all the rules, and
• 55:25
  Speaker 1: like I don't side on that. I'm usually like, nah,
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: that's taking an awful.
• 55:30
  Speaker 3: Response, just like I made sure I didn't say anything to.
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: God damn you, God damn you couldn't tell me.
• 55:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you.
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: Don't tell anybody. You told her not to tell anybody.
• 55:44
  Speaker 4: I want to make get very clear when I say
• 55:46
  Speaker 4: that Jim is tiny read all these different times, I'm
• 55:49
  Speaker 4: not kidding.
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: I didn't tell her that. She knew that. I just didn't.
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: That's how Broy. It hurts because you pulled her away
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: from me. Jacob went back in his house, and the
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: three of us were in the parking lot, and you
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: specifically said, oh, Whitney, can I talk to you for
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: a second? Jim keep going, Yeah, pretty much that part
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: of it wasn't spoken, but it was strongly implied. Whenever
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: you specifically said, oh, Whitney, can you come over here
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: for a second? I talk to you guys, I assumed
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: there was something like, oh, I don't know what this
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: comes up. I'm just gonna gets they were fucking yeah.
• 56:27
  Speaker 3: I assume you guys well, and Jacob has his camera
• 56:29
  Speaker 3: so he has to hear it all.
• 56:31
  Speaker 4: I almost told Jim about it when I saw it
• 56:35
  Speaker 4: on the camera and heard the camera. I remember, I
• 56:38
  Speaker 4: almost called Jim. I actually got in.
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 56:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we.
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: All came to the front door. We had we had
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: some celebratory drinks. Just hurts celebratory drinking. That band little
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: party party, Yeah, doing the shush sign. A lot of
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: people can't tell Jimmy. Jimmy doesn't know. I couldn't believe
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: Jimmy doesn't know that louren Nick got engaged a Green
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: Valley branch. So what are we saying to this guy? So,
• 57:08
  Speaker 1: father figure, I don't like that you're being assigned to
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: all this extra responsibility. Nobody's assigning father Figure that this. Okay,
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: jump on that I was coming in. I was coming
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: in hot on that one.
• 57:17
  Speaker 4: Nobody's assigning you this. Yeah, I've been in this position
• 57:20
  Speaker 4: in friend groups before. Let me actually I thought about
• 57:22
  Speaker 4: this while while you were reading it. Uh, weird question
• 57:25
  Speaker 4: for the three of you, have you ever done any
• 57:28
  Speaker 4: kind of like intervention or anything like that with a friend,
• 57:32
  Speaker 4: not as part of being a therapist. M yea for
• 57:39
  Speaker 4: bad behavior, for drugs, for whatever I did.
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: Your friend was an alcoholic. There you go, destroying his
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: life and family's life. And several of us close friends
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: sat him down and had the talk and was there
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: was there a friend in that group that was kind
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: of like that that parental Yeah, that was me. That's
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: a stupid thing to be. It was shitty because like
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: I've been, I've been that friend.
• 58:01
  Speaker 4: And the last time I did one of those one
• 58:05
  Speaker 4: of kind of the intervention things, I really I was.
• 58:07
  Speaker 4: So I was aware that I was in that position,
• 58:11
  Speaker 4: and I was aggravated that I was in that position,
• 58:14
  Speaker 4: and I literally just sat there and didn't say anything.
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: Oh so you almost protested the role a little bit,
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: but not not exactly though, because I wasn't.
• 58:24
  Speaker 4: You know, something was happening with a dear friend that
• 58:28
  Speaker 4: you know, and they were in trouble and they had
• 58:30
  Speaker 4: some a lot of things that they that we were
• 58:32
  Speaker 4: having to deal with. So you know, I'm not trying
• 58:35
  Speaker 4: to take focus away from that, right, But at the
• 58:39
  Speaker 4: same time, I'm just not doing that role. And man,
• 58:43
  Speaker 4: I would suggest something along those lines yeah, you know. Literally,
• 58:46
  Speaker 4: I'm just sitting you know, I'm not pouting. I'm certain
• 58:49
  Speaker 4: you know, nothing like that. I'm just sitting over there.
• 58:50
  Speaker 4: I'm listening to what everyone is saying. If someone asks
• 58:53
  Speaker 4: me a direct question, I answer it directly. Yes, I'm
• 58:57
  Speaker 4: not expounding a whole lot on it, you know. Uh,
• 59:01
  Speaker 4: you know, I just I answer the question. I say
• 59:02
  Speaker 4: what I think about it. I'm honest about it. But
• 59:06
  Speaker 4: I don't need to lead that conversation.
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: And I don't need to.
• 59:10
  Speaker 4: I don't need to sway where people are going with it.
• 59:13
  Speaker 4: If I can just say here is what I think
• 59:15
  Speaker 4: about this, yeah, and that can be the end of
• 59:19
  Speaker 4: my opinions on it. I don't have to have an
• 59:21
  Speaker 4: opinion on what everybody else needs to do.
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: If people in the friend group like to come to
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: you to confide in you because they feel like, Hey,
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: on a one on one level, I like to talk
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: to you, and you tend to receive it pretty well,
• 59:31
  Speaker 1: and you give me advice one on one. You're not
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: broadcasting it. But this is I talk to you about
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: my stuff. And if everybody in the friend group is
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: talking like fuck this one person Greg sucks, that puts
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: you in a weird position where like you kind of
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: are holding all the tokens, like everybody independent. You don't
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: want to be in that spot. That's a weird spot
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: to be.
• 59:48
  Speaker 4: You don't want to be in that spot. For one thing.
• 59:51
  Speaker 4: Nobody fucks the dad figure. That's a solid point, you
• 59:54
  Speaker 4: know what, the asshole of the group. Yeah, he gets
• 59:57
  Speaker 4: a little stink on the hang low. Yeah, yeah, daddy, yep.
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 1: You know what they do with daddy. They leave the bill.
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: That's right, that's what they do. You know what. He's
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: in the best position. He's older, he'll take care of it,
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: he'll clean up, he'll do the dishes, you know, and
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: he just wants the big piece of chicken.
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 4: Yeah, things are knocking out them lights, dad, But if
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 4: y'all want fatherly advice from me, y'all better start saving
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 4: me the big goddamn piece of.
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: Chicken at the very least. So what are you guys
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 1: doing this? Okay? So here's what I would do if
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: I was in the writer's position. The thing that I.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 2: Like about enforcing boundaries, I think if you do it correctly,
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 2: you don't have to tell somebody, hey, new rules.
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: Here's some new boundaries. I'm gonna start enforcing these boundaries.
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 1: I don't think that's the right approach. I think if
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: you're gonna start enforcing boundaries with Greg, what you do
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: is you internally know what those boundaries are, and when
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: he tries to push them, then you just enforce them, okay,
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 1: and that's it, and then he learns the boundaries natural
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: when he comes to you from it's not a conversation
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: that needs to happen. It's just like, oh, we're gonna
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 1: hang out. Yeah, I'm gonna come over to your house. Nope, Nope, nope,
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: we're gonna go over here. We're gonna go do something else, right,
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: and you just start enforcing those boundaries. So that's what
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: I would do with Greg. With John, when Greg says
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 1: could I get some money? Yeah, absolutely not. Don't ask
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 1: me for money.
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 4: I'm not gonna give you any money, and I would
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 4: just make it quick, just no, exactly, and then if
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 4: he wants more information, just be like, well I still
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 4: haven't gotten my last thousand yeah yeah, and then and
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 4: then just yeah. I mean you could just say like
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 4: I'm not gonna loan you any money, yeah, just quick,
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 4: let's let's get lunch, let's do whatever exactly, and.
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: Then with John, what I would do is, as I'm
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 1: enforcing these boundaries naturally with Greg, I'm watching John okay,
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: and if he starts feeling like the boundaries are being
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: enforced with him, then I go to him privately and
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 1: I have a conversation to say, Hey, look, just want
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 1: like you know, we're cool.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 4: We're cool.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I really like hanging out with you. I like
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 2: you know, I I respect you. I get the sense
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 2: that you respect me. I'm enforcing these boundaries with John
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 2: because that's what I think.
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Greg. Yeah, Yes, in fact, I won't even use
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: his real name. Yeah, I called him John. I also
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 1: call him John, other John, little John. I know it's confusing.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: I like it John with a scene like John with
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: an age versus j O N John John.
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 2: So I think, yeah, that that's how I would deal
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 2: with it. I wouldn't even go and have a conversation
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 2: with John. No, I have no reason to have the
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 2: house down, because then what happens is then then now
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 2: you're putting this on John to keep from Greg, as
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 2: opposed to just letting it happen naturally.
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 1: That's how I deal with this.
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And it's one of those things like because that
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 4: is less rewarding kind of in that immediate you know,
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 4: it's less gratifying. I think to just be like, I'm
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 4: going to change how things are done in this I'm
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 4: going to change this dynamic from my Yeah, it's not exciting.
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 4: It's not like a story that you're ever going to
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 4: be able to tell, right, Well, but it's not like
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 4: I told him this and this and this and then
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 4: he said this, and then I said bla blah.
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 1: But I I called me James, I know, yeah or else. No.
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 3: I think you're touching on something else too, though, Jacob. Yeah,
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 3: where it's like, uh, well sorry, you're sitting next to me,
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 3: all right, she shoo. So then when he says in
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 3: the beginning, like my role has been this like parental figure,
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 3: and all these people, these other people in this story
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 3: are in their twenties, you're forty, like not even about
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 3: a big story. But I think you're just used to
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 3: being in control, so that feels comfortable, Like that urge
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 3: to step in and do that comes so naturally to
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 3: you that it's like you may not even be thinking
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 3: about it. So that's why you're asking these questions and
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 3: they're swirling around in your head like do I step
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 3: in and tell Amy, do I like step in and
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 3: do something about Greg? Like, do I manage this situation?
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 3: And it's actually really hard to step back and not
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 3: manage a situation and not make it like a big
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 3: deal kind of what Jacob was saying, because that's where
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 3: your tendencies will go to. If that's the role you've played,
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 3: that's where you've probably been validated and praised for your
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 3: whole life. Like, without going into all that, that does
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 3: play a part in what you're doing now. So I
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 3: think just taking a step back and yeah, making those
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 3: simple changes, people will respond to those as someone who
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 3: can relate to this writer, and yeah, being that person
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 3: and just starting to set those boundaries. What I find
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 3: is I had a family member who borrowed around one
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 3: thousand dollars from us and they didn't pay it back.
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 1: Cousin Greg. What cousin Greg?
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 3: Cousin Greg, Yes is absolutely his name, So Greg and
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 3: my family Greg, Mike Greg. They never paid me back.
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 3: And so after that, guess who doesn't ask me for
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 3: money because they know the laid me back.
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Greg, the bail The last person that bothered or
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 4: that borrowed money from me.
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 1: I said, yeah, that was the that was the first
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 1: spot therapy host. I miss Richard. He was a great guy.
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 4: But yeah, I remember telling me. I was like, I
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 4: don't want to loan you money. I'll give you some
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 4: money or whatever, but like I don't want to loan
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 4: it to you and this whole thing.
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 3: And that's fair. I've like given them or like, oh
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 3: I need money to pay myself and Bill I paid
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 3: that for them, whatever, but I'm not gonna I.
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 4: Want to get into it.
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 1: Just don't.
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 3: No, I agree.
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 1: I think it's also really hard to keep a friend
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 1: group of eight together and keep it tight over a
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 1: long period of time. Eight's a lot and so like
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 1: you know, father figure, like trying to position is like
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 1: how do I keep the team together? It's like, oh,
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 1: that was never gonna happen, like eight people being friends
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 1: in close for a long period of time. No, they're
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 1: gonna date each other as is happening. They're gonna fling,
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 1: you know, like all that shit, their roommates together, they're
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 1: gonna break leases, they're gonna you know, borrow money. Like
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 1: there's just so many fissures in an eight person group
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 1: that I just don't feel like I want The writer
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 1: to have any sense of responsibility of like, oh, I
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 1: alone can hold us together. I can like or I
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: am the judge deciding if Greg is voted off the island,
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 1: like no, if if three of them don't like Greg,
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 1: that's kind of fucking it gonna be the end of
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 1: the eight person group. Or Greg's not invited to the
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 1: next hang, like that's what's gonna happen, Especially whenever he's
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 1: not plus one ing with John or with Amy, You're
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 1: probably gonna lose Greg and Amy and they're gonna go
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 1: off and do their own fucking thing. I don't know.
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 1: I feel like the writing's on the wall. I think
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 1: it is a time bomb. I think it is gonna
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 1: fall apart. I don't think it's a father figure's job
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 1: just try to prevent any of this. So I think
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 1: at best, you can be a person who others can
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 1: confide in and say I'm struggling with this or that sucks.
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 1: And I wouldn't want you to have any advice. I
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 1: would just want you to give people permission to talk. Yeah,
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 1: just hear them, man, Like that's it. If you have
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 1: to be in this role of caretaker, because that's your
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 1: nature and Okay, there's a person like that in every
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 1: friend group, of course, regardless of your age. Maybe that's you.
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 1: But I just wouldn't take any position of trying to
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 1: drive this thing or steer it or tell people here's
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 1: how we're gonna handle it. You can be a caretaker.
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 4: You can even be that parental figure for people, and
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 4: you know, being that person who's just taking care of
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 4: everybody and making sure that everybody's got what they need
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 4: and being okay, you know, yeah, a lot of people
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 4: are like that, and you can do that. It is
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 4: just that like, all right, daddy, it's time to make
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 4: the decisions, like you don't you don't want that. No, no,
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 4: I agree, And it's so much and like it's like
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 4: Whitney was saying, like you do get into that loop
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 4: of doing that, it's so much nicer when you get
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 4: out of that loop.
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, it's so hard to do in the beginning,
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 3: but it's very so.
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 4: Much less stress when you're out of that, when you're
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 4: out of that loop, and you could still be helpful,
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 4: you can still do all these things, but it is
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 4: you know, it's a little bit of that boundary and
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 4: everything else.
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, no, I think it's a tough one writer,
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 1: and you know, at the end of the day, I
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 1: just don't want you to be responsible for any of this.
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: I want you to accept that friendship groups have a
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 1: life cycle. Like I mean, over the years, I've had
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 1: little groups of people that have you know, collaced a
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 1: different ages or whatever. None of them last forever. You know,
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 1: like it just isn't going to and eight people. It's
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 1: just destined to eventually crack, and it is, and it's
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 1: probably gonna reshape, especially like as you get older, friendship
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 1: groups get smaller. I think that's true.
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, Like when you're in high school, you can
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 2: hang out with a large group, but now like I
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 2: just need one or two people.
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 1: I think that's probably well.
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 3: And this is a good example because the three of them,
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 3: like John, Amy and Greg were brought into the original
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 3: group to create the eight. So it's like if they
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 3: kind of split off again, or if Amy and Greg
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 3: split off because she sticks with him, I mean, you
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 3: don't need to be in control of that. Just let
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 3: that be and let I play itself out.
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I think also the only reason you have
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 1: an eight person friend group right now is because you're
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 1: hanging on a bunch of twenty year olds like, I'm
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 1: almost forty. I don't know eight people I want to
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 1: hang out with. There's only one person in this room
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 1: I want to hang out with. And it's not fucking you.
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 1: And it's not you, No, it's Jacob.
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 4: I like, Jacob, God, fucking dad, You're welcome.
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 1: No, we're best friends now, fucking these idiots, you and me.
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 3: But you know what when we leave you right died? Hey, Jacob,
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 3: can I talk to him?
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Oh fucking lose it. I'm too busy talking to naked.
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 1: But no, I'm gonna start telling Jacob all my secrets.
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 2: I'm not walk out the front door. Then Whitney and
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 2: I are going to walk around the back as everybody's
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 2: been in their.
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 1: Cars, and Jacob's like, oh, hey, can I talk to
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 1: you really quick? Whitney? You two by Jim, Fuck this, Jim,
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: get off my prophet. That's right. We're gonna take a
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 1: quick break, and when we come back, we are talking
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 1: about wedding PTSD. There we go in time for Wow,
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 1: Here we go. You're listening to pod Therapy. Today's episode
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 1: is brought to you by Judy Schneider, Leon Cas, Carolyn Albert,
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 1: Sammy Scoop, Sarah Smith, Mike Holm, Darren Cunningham, Cody the
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 1: Thelreian Guy, Brady Malay, check.
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 2: Max the Ginger Scoop. Would you like to sponsor the show?
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 2: Become a therap producer Patreon dot com therapy. All right, Uh, Whitney,
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 2: it's you again. Zoey Daschanel, Anna Paquin, Kate Hudson, Philip Seymour.
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 1: Hawk, Jesus I don't know who any of the March
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 1: of the Pegs. Oh, there it is.
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 2: M Sam one more time, please, Zoey Deschanel, Anna Paquin,
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 2: That Kate Hudson, Philip Seymour Hoffman.
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 1: Jesus Christ. He was not okay, so not Jim Caviezel
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 1: got it.
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 3: The only movie I can think of with Kate Hudson
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 3: in it is How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days?
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 3: And I guess that one.
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 1: No, Oh goes to Jacob Oh, I don't know, can
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 1: it go to me? Give me the Hunger Games? Were
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 1: any of them in the I feel like Philip s
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 1: wore Hoffman was in The Hunger Games and so was
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 1: that one girl.
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 2: This one was tough because I started off with Zoey
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 2: Deschanel and Anna Paquin who are bigger names but had tiny,
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 2: tiny rolls almost famous.
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 3: Oh I never saw that movie.
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 1: Were not going to get that. I never saw that movie.
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 4: Oh.
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 1: I also scure enough movies, you can win the game. Jacob,
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 1: What am I thinking? Right you?
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 2: Jim two points, Jacob, Keefer Sutherland, Richard Dreyfus, River Phoenix.
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, I might know this one.
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 4: I think I did to Richard Dreyfus, who is the
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 4: first one?
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 1: Keefer Sutherland?
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 4: I know it is this, I know.
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 3: I think I was like, I don't know what I think.
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 4: Debbie does doubt that's it playing the part of Dallas
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 4: keeper Sutherland. The big d was that that'sn't that vampire movie?
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 1: Is it?
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 4: No?
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 1: Okay? Oh fuck uh, I don't know what that one
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 1: called Lost Boys, that's it? Yeah. I don't think Dustin
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 1: Hoffman was be a weird movie, but Dustin Hoffman's I
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 1: am d read Dustin Hoffman. Richard dy.
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 4: Wuld also be weird if Richard final answer I was
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 4: I'm really glad you said that, because I was definitely
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 4: thinking Dustin Hoffin this whole time.
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 1: All right, Wait, Richard Dreyfus, huh River Phoenix?
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 4: And who was the other one Keeper Southern Keeper Southern right.
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 4: Fuck now my brain just flipped upside down.
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 1: I have no idea. It's so weird because I also
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 1: thought of Dustin Hoffman for Richard Dreyfus, and now I can't,
• 1:12:43
  Speaker 1: for the life of me, remember who the fuck Richard
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 1: Dreyfus is. Ah, but I'm going to stand by me. Yeah,
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 1: River Phoenix and stand by Richard Dreyfus was the writer,
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 1: so he was also narrating the way you're doing your game.
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 1: You got.
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, there's gonna be an explanation.
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 1: At some point of why you're naming the people you are.
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 1: There's a system here. Yeah, well no, I mean I'm
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 1: intentionally making it difficult. Oh great.
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 2: If I would have said Kate Hudson, Philip Seymour, Hoffman,
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 2: it would have been easy. You're easier to get it
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 2: wasn't almost famous. Okay, here you go the last scene
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 2: stand by me.
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 1: I'll take that point and go for another. Bruce Willis,
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 1: Oh got it, John Travolta, Chris Kirsty Ally, God damn it,
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 1: Look who's talking. Yeah, let's go nice. Because you were
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 1: thinking pulp fiction for like five seconds, right, and then
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 1: you're like, wait, what and look who's talking? Remember, Oh,
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 1: my god, your taste of movies so Chirsty Ally was
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 1: so fucking hot back then, Jesus Christ not as a
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 1: baby the voice of a baby. She was not the voice.
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 1: She was the mom of the baby voice. If I'm right,
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 1: hold on, was the voice of the baby. You're gonna
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 1: have to look this up, so I'm pointing at you. Great,
• 1:14:17
  Speaker 1: I think the voice of the baby is the guy
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 1: from Back.
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 4: To the.
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 1: Bruce Willis. Yes, Oh, I just thought he was in
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 1: the movie. I think he's also in the movie. He
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 1: was a cameo. He was going to say, No, that's uh,
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 1: that's three men and a baby. Look who's talking to
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 1: is when he has a little sister. Yes, I definitely
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 1: want all these movies. Wedding PTSD, my dearest host, I
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 1: think my wedding gave me PTSD pause for everyone to
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 1: guess what happened. No, you're all wrong, probably story time.
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 1: Back in late May, I got married to the absolute
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 1: love of my life. Being as we are pushing fifty
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 1: and this was not the first wedding for either of us,
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 1: we planned and executed almost every aspect of the wedding ourselves.
• 1:15:09
  Speaker 1: So when the day finally arrived. I was so happy
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 1: to finally make it happen and, for lack of a
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 1: better term, get her done. My parents lived two hours
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 1: away from us, and they drove in on the morning
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 1: of the wedding and got ready at our house. Everything
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 1: seemed to be going according to schedule. They were in
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 1: good spirits and happy for us. Skipping ahead, we all
• 1:15:28
  Speaker 1: got to the venue, which was a beautiful ranch outside
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 1: of the town we live in. As always happens on
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 1: this day on days like this, time suddenly moved very quickly.
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 1: The ceremony was performed inside a tall barn. People cried
• 1:15:40
  Speaker 1: happy tears, and everything went off without a hitch. Well,
• 1:15:44
  Speaker 1: aside from the unexpected one charming, low tech, beautiful, with
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 1: a few nice surprises from the ranch owners to make
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 1: our special day. Aside from the usual nerves you feel
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 1: on a big day, everything was going great. Then things
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 1: took a sudden left turn. After taking some pictures with
• 1:16:01
  Speaker 1: our photographer, we returned to the barn area, where the
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 1: reception was already in swing. With our small gathering of
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 1: forty people enjoying drinks and mingling. The time had come
• 1:16:10
  Speaker 1: to gather our children and other family members for some
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 1: family photos, and then we'd be all set to finally
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 1: relax and enjoy the party. As I locate my mom
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 1: and let her know the plan, she suddenly gets a
• 1:16:21
  Speaker 1: concerned look on her face and says, I feel kind
• 1:16:24
  Speaker 1: of dizzy. It was a very warm day, so I
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 1: assumed she was just feeling the heat and maybe a
• 1:16:30
  Speaker 1: little dehydrated. I get her seated on a stool and
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 1: get her a glass of ice water. She seems okay,
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 1: so I left her for a minute to go take
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 1: care of something else. Suddenly I hear people calling my name.
• 1:16:40
  Speaker 1: At first, I thought to myself, yeah, yeah, I know,
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 1: we need to go take the family pictures before dinner
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 1: is served. But then I hear your mom fell. I
• 1:16:48
  Speaker 1: whip around and my mother is laying on the ground
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 1: next to the stool that she was sitting on. We
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 1: get her on her back and put her legs up.
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 1: She is slightly shaking and her left arm is curled
• 1:16:59
  Speaker 1: up toward her face a strange clench. Luckily, one of
• 1:17:02
  Speaker 1: the guests happened to be a firefighter and EMT, so
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 1: he starts talking to her and doing his thing. She
• 1:17:08
  Speaker 1: regains consciousness but cannot sit back up without going out again.
• 1:17:12
  Speaker 1: Nine on one is called the whole time. My mom,
• 1:17:14
  Speaker 1: true to her ways, was apologizing profusely, and I kept
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 1: telling her not to worry about it and just focus
• 1:17:20
  Speaker 1: on feeling better. She is taken to the nearest hospital
• 1:17:23
  Speaker 1: and my dad goes with her. Everyone said I was
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 1: amazingly calm through the whole incident. I think both my
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 1: dad and I were in a state of shock and
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 1: our practical brains took over. So there I was left
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 1: to wonder if I should go too, but I know
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 1: she would have wanted me to stay and enjoy my
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 1: big day. I consoled myself that she was in good
• 1:17:42
  Speaker 1: hands and that it was probably just heat exhaustion. I
• 1:17:45
  Speaker 1: managed to sort of block it out of my head
• 1:17:48
  Speaker 1: for the rest of the reception, and we all danced
• 1:17:50
  Speaker 1: and had a mostly lovely time, while occasionally getting text
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 1: updates from my dad. Don't worry, She's okay now. However,
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 1: it turns out what I had missed, or what I
• 1:17:59
  Speaker 1: had witnessed, was my mom having a mild heart attack.
• 1:18:02
  Speaker 1: Even though all her health indicators have always been pretty
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 1: darn good for a seventy six year old woman, she
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 1: had several blockages in her heart and ended up having
• 1:18:10
  Speaker 1: a quadruple bypass surgery a couple days later by an
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 1: excellent cardiac team. The surgery was a great success, and
• 1:18:16
  Speaker 1: she is back home recovering and doing well. My issue
• 1:18:20
  Speaker 1: is that I keep flashing back to those scary moments
• 1:18:24
  Speaker 1: and seeing her on the ground, and I think about
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 1: her falling, which I thankfully didn't personally witness, and it
• 1:18:30
  Speaker 1: just makes me so sad and afraid for her. Why
• 1:18:33
  Speaker 1: do I keep obsessing about the incident even though everything
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 1: literally ended with the best pausible outcome. She's doing well,
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 1: getting better every day, but I still sometimes relive the
• 1:18:45
  Speaker 1: incident and play it in my head over and over,
• 1:18:48
  Speaker 1: especially when the day is done and I lie down
• 1:18:50
  Speaker 1: to sleep. It keeps me up sometimes. Is this a
• 1:18:54
  Speaker 1: form of PTSD or intrusive thoughts? Or is it me
• 1:18:58
  Speaker 1: trying to come to grips with the fact that I
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 1: have aging parents and I'm probably going to have to
• 1:19:03
  Speaker 1: start stepping up more often to help them. Thanks in
• 1:19:07
  Speaker 1: advance for your thoughts, Sincerely, anonymous. Pronouns are he and him,
• 1:19:12
  Speaker 1: p S, continuous, pillow, reservoir, wow in there at the end, wow, Wow, wedding.
• 1:19:24
  Speaker 1: By the way, Jim.
• 1:19:25
  Speaker 2: Reading them quickly doesn't change the fact that you mispronounced whatevernounced.
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 1: If I mumble them, I feel like people will notice.
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 3: That is so scary to go through on your wedding day.
• 1:19:35
  Speaker 3: I was sitting here thinking what would I do.
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 1: In that situ?
• 1:19:39
  Speaker 3: Like, how do you decide to stay that house? To
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 3: feel bad? Decided to feel bad?
• 1:19:43
  Speaker 2: And if I'm the parents that has that medical episode
• 1:19:46
  Speaker 2: and I come to I know I'm going to be apologizing,
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I feel like I feel so terrible.
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 4: I think I think mom apologizing constantly is just standard.
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, That's a lot to go through,
• 1:19:59
  Speaker 3: and I actually think it's really insightful and You're not
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 3: wrong that A big part of this replaying in your
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 3: mind is like maybe this was the first time you
• 1:20:08
  Speaker 3: saw your parent be like right weak or you know,
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 3: like not just carry everything on their shoulders take care
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 3: of everything. If that's the type of mom your.
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 1: Mom was, like, I feel like seeing your parent in
• 1:20:18
  Speaker 1: a fragile health state always shakes you. I remember when
• 1:20:22
  Speaker 1: I was a kid, my dad fell in a parking lot.
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 1: I remember he just like it was dark. We were
• 1:20:26
  Speaker 1: walking to the car and he stepped on a stone
• 1:20:29
  Speaker 1: that was in the parking lot that neither of us saw,
• 1:20:31
  Speaker 1: and is just foot landed on it awkwardly and it
• 1:20:33
  Speaker 1: just took him down, just boot collapse onto the ground.
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 1: And I remember as a kid seeing my grown man
• 1:20:39
  Speaker 1: father hit the ground and just have the wind knocked
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 1: out of him, to see him so fragile for that
• 1:20:44
  Speaker 1: one moment. He was probably like in his late thirties
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 1: at the time. Yeah, And I remember just being shaken
• 1:20:48
  Speaker 1: by that, like, oh my god, like you can't fall
• 1:20:51
  Speaker 1: like your dad, you know, like what the fuck? Just
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 1: it's a weird moment, like just and I think at
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 1: any age it probably rattles you.
• 1:20:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I mean, is it PTSD?
• 1:21:03
  Speaker 1: I you know, here's the thing, and I don't know,
• 1:21:05
  Speaker 1: time hasn't gone by. Yeah, I mean yeah, probably doesn't
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 1: meet criteria as far as like diagnosed, but I think
• 1:21:12
  Speaker 1: it's relevant all all, you know. Nonetheless, I think what
• 1:21:15
  Speaker 1: it and here's my take on this, And I don't know,
• 1:21:18
  Speaker 1: but I feel like your brain needs to process this. Yeah,
• 1:21:23
  Speaker 1: you know.
• 1:21:24
  Speaker 2: I always like to use the analogy of like your
• 1:21:25
  Speaker 2: brain kind of being like a filing cabinet, like it's
• 1:21:28
  Speaker 2: got this really important piece of information. It's not really
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 2: sure where to put it yet, right, and so it's
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 2: it's kind of keep it keeps coming up and like
• 1:21:37
  Speaker 2: as a way to kind of say like, hey, do
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 2: something with this, right, we need to put this someplace.
• 1:21:41
  Speaker 1: What do we have a countertop in your kitchen? You
• 1:21:44
  Speaker 1: know it's a lot like that, which is like a
• 1:21:46
  Speaker 1: stage cabinet. There was a space ye where your brain
• 1:21:50
  Speaker 1: was like hey, look, fuck up this area all you
• 1:21:52
  Speaker 1: want just keep this area clate wow, the designated sites out.
• 1:21:59
  Speaker 1: If there were arts of the brain like that. I
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 1: do think the brain stem is the part that you
• 1:22:03
  Speaker 1: want to keep clean. Yeah, yeah, yeah, tidy tighty brain stem. Yeah,
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 1: you know that's anyway in case guests come over. Yeah, anyway. Writer,
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 1: to me, it just sounds like this is something that
• 1:22:15
  Speaker 1: you maybe need to talk to somebody about and just
• 1:22:18
  Speaker 1: kind of process and you know, just be able to
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 1: kind of experience it and just be like, yeah, this happened.
• 1:22:25
  Speaker 1: Be aware of how you feel about it. Yeah this sucked,
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 1: you know, And what were the thoughts that I had? Yeah?
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 2: I felt vulnerable, I felt fear, I felt all of
• 1:22:33
  Speaker 2: these different things. Just so that you can kind of
• 1:22:36
  Speaker 2: language it and maybe stow it away somehow.
• 1:22:40
  Speaker 4: So parent is not going to suddenly start getting younger, right, yeah,
• 1:22:43
  Speaker 4: so go ahead.
• 1:22:45
  Speaker 1: And start thinking about this, right, No, it's it's definitely
• 1:22:49
  Speaker 1: a warning sign. I think that we could definitely use
• 1:22:51
  Speaker 1: the word trauma here. I think that's fine. It is
• 1:22:54
  Speaker 1: a traumatic moment. Use them there, you go, well, give it.
• 1:22:57
  Speaker 1: Probably it stops short of And again, we don't diagnose
• 1:23:00
  Speaker 1: on the show. It's an educational program. But if you
• 1:23:02
  Speaker 1: were to visit with a therapist and they were to
• 1:23:03
  Speaker 1: go through the story with you, they would probably be
• 1:23:05
  Speaker 1: reluctant to write down PTSD. And it just really has
• 1:23:08
  Speaker 1: to do with the length of time. Right, you got
• 1:23:10
  Speaker 1: married in May. As we record this, it's July. So
• 1:23:13
  Speaker 1: we do with PTSD try to look for these symptoms
• 1:23:17
  Speaker 1: to be intrusive and disruptive and alarming and bother some
• 1:23:22
  Speaker 1: over a longer period of time. And that's whenever we're
• 1:23:25
  Speaker 1: starting to say, hey, this is malignant, this is sticking
• 1:23:27
  Speaker 1: to you. But it also indicates that it's quite normal
• 1:23:30
  Speaker 1: for a person to be shaken up any length of
• 1:23:33
  Speaker 1: time prior to the limit that we usually classify PTSD,
• 1:23:36
  Speaker 1: which is correct me if I'm wrong, I think it's
• 1:23:37
  Speaker 1: three months. Yeah, it might be three or six somewhere
• 1:23:40
  Speaker 1: in there, but it's not two. And so like, I
• 1:23:42
  Speaker 1: feel like it's well with it. It's par for the
• 1:23:45
  Speaker 1: course to have gone through something like this and to
• 1:23:48
  Speaker 1: still be haunted by it, to have flashbacks on it,
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 1: to feel like these intrusive thoughts are happening and you're
• 1:23:53
  Speaker 1: reliving it. And part of the dynamic of why that
• 1:23:56
  Speaker 1: happens in a traumatic moment is because of this unique
• 1:24:00
  Speaker 1: situation you catch yourself in where you're in that fight
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 1: or flight or freeze kind of moment, and we are
• 1:24:06
  Speaker 1: freezing because something beyond our understanding is happening in this
• 1:24:09
  Speaker 1: very abrupt, frightening way. You're seeing your mother on the ground.
• 1:24:13
  Speaker 1: You're a moment earlier at your wedding, just your head
• 1:24:16
  Speaker 1: is spinning. You're trying to get to the pictures. You're
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 1: trying to go over here. Where's your bride? Okay, now
• 1:24:19
  Speaker 1: I'm supposed to go here, We're supposed to got the cake?
• 1:24:21
  Speaker 1: What time is it? Is? Everybody having a good time? Hi?
• 1:24:23
  Speaker 4: Mom?
• 1:24:24
  Speaker 1: You know it's good to see. Oh, you're feel all flush? Okay,
• 1:24:26
  Speaker 1: sit down and you're just like your your brain's going
• 1:24:28
  Speaker 1: in so many different directions. You're trying to keep your
• 1:24:30
  Speaker 1: clothing nice. You're wondering why your friend didn't fucking tell
• 1:24:33
  Speaker 1: you about the proposal way beforehand so you could just
• 1:24:35
  Speaker 1: you know, know about it, support him, pray for him,
• 1:24:37
  Speaker 1: you know, whatever, whatever he needs, you would have done it,
• 1:24:39
  Speaker 1: because you're a good friend, you know. I'm just saying,
• 1:24:42
  Speaker 1: all these things are welding to the story, and then
• 1:24:45
  Speaker 1: you know, all of a sudden, your mom collapses. Your brain.
• 1:24:47
  Speaker 1: I think it's like stuck between gears when that happens.
• 1:24:51
  Speaker 1: And this is usually the the the kernel of what
• 1:24:54
  Speaker 1: we see with trauma, that something beyond our ability to
• 1:24:58
  Speaker 1: language or functionally understand happened in an abrupt way, and
• 1:25:02
  Speaker 1: that is bigger than us. And so it's like Nick's
• 1:25:04
  Speaker 1: filing cabinet situation. It doesn't cleanly get filed. The brain
• 1:25:07
  Speaker 1: just holds it out and sort of says, I don't
• 1:25:10
  Speaker 1: know what the fuck to do with this, and just
• 1:25:11
  Speaker 1: kind of leaves it out, and so you keep bumping
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 1: into it. So again, it's probably not going to meet
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 1: that criteria for PTSD because of the amount of time
• 1:25:19
  Speaker 1: it's gone by, but I do think it is a
• 1:25:21
  Speaker 1: traumatic experience and that trauma is traumaing and not fitting.
• 1:25:27
  Speaker 1: And so the way that we usually deal with that,
• 1:25:29
  Speaker 1: as Nick had already suggested, is languaging it, discussing it,
• 1:25:33
  Speaker 1: storytelling it, sitting down with others and just recapping the
• 1:25:37
  Speaker 1: story and trying your best to go back and remember
• 1:25:40
  Speaker 1: what was that like for me? What did I feel
• 1:25:42
  Speaker 1: like in that moment? What do I remember? And you'll
• 1:25:44
  Speaker 1: probably find that it's a blur that you think back
• 1:25:47
  Speaker 1: to you're like, oh my god, it was also fast.
• 1:25:48
  Speaker 1: I don't know what was I feeling, what was going on,
• 1:25:50
  Speaker 1: what was happening right here? And then questioning yourself like
• 1:25:52
  Speaker 1: should I have done more? Did I not respond well?
• 1:25:54
  Speaker 1: Did everything go okay? That is normal traumatic reaction stuff.
• 1:25:59
  Speaker 1: But what we've is that when people go through some
• 1:26:01
  Speaker 1: kind of crisis like this, and that was a crisis,
• 1:26:03
  Speaker 1: that was an emergency situation, we usually want them to
• 1:26:06
  Speaker 1: debrief afterward. And you probably didn't get to do a
• 1:26:09
  Speaker 1: lot of yeah, you know, debrief, you know, hang some
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 1: things out, go on the honeymoon brief. I can never
• 1:26:16
  Speaker 1: hear that word without thinking it is you're welcome. Yeah.
• 1:26:19
  Speaker 1: He always comes back to taking off underwear as to
• 1:26:22
  Speaker 1: that been doing for years anytime we talk, especially on
• 1:26:31
  Speaker 1: the honeymoon bed, you've got a deproof donemit. But you
• 1:26:33
  Speaker 1: probably didn't get a chance to do that. You probably
• 1:26:34
  Speaker 1: didn't get a chance to talk it out with people
• 1:26:36
  Speaker 1: because it was like, hey, we're not trying to bring
• 1:26:37
  Speaker 1: attention to this is your mom, Okay, Yes, Dad's got
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 1: at the hospital. Dad checked in. She's great, Okay, great,
• 1:26:42
  Speaker 1: And people are not trying to make that a big
• 1:26:44
  Speaker 1: stink and you're probably trying to move on. And that
• 1:26:46
  Speaker 1: wasn't selfish, that was the correct thing to do, but
• 1:26:49
  Speaker 1: I think that that would ultimately cause you to not
• 1:26:51
  Speaker 1: have an opportunity to digest it. So if you're now
• 1:26:54
  Speaker 1: at a place several months later where she's safe, everything's okay,
• 1:26:58
  Speaker 1: finding opportunities to just ask somebody, Hey, can I sit
• 1:27:01
  Speaker 1: down and just kind of do some emotional work with
• 1:27:04
  Speaker 1: you where I talk through this thing and just kind
• 1:27:06
  Speaker 1: of play it out block by block as I can
• 1:27:09
  Speaker 1: best remember it and just talk through it, and can
• 1:27:11
  Speaker 1: you sort of ask me reflecting questions and just give
• 1:27:13
  Speaker 1: me a chance to wrap my mind around it and
• 1:27:15
  Speaker 1: to get, you know, my mouth to shape the words
• 1:27:17
  Speaker 1: and recall this in an active way. If you can
• 1:27:20
  Speaker 1: do that, writer, that's sort of the emotional yoga that
• 1:27:22
  Speaker 1: ultimately stretches the stuff out, and then over time we
• 1:27:25
  Speaker 1: do see it diminish. If you don't see it diminish
• 1:27:27
  Speaker 1: and you see these intrusive thoughts coming and like feeling
• 1:27:30
  Speaker 1: this sort of like ab reaction whenever it's happening, then yeah,
• 1:27:33
  Speaker 1: we probably want you to get into some therapy and
• 1:27:35
  Speaker 1: and they're probably going to start that process over again
• 1:27:37
  Speaker 1: with some processing work. But yeah, this could be something
• 1:27:41
  Speaker 1: that lingers over you. I don't expect it will. I
• 1:27:43
  Speaker 1: think the vast majority of times that humans go through
• 1:27:46
  Speaker 1: these really scary things, these do resolve on their own.
• 1:27:48
  Speaker 1: But what you're describing, I think is pretty par for
• 1:27:50
  Speaker 1: the course. Yeah, going through trauma usually feels like this. Yeah, yeah,
• 1:27:55
  Speaker 1: glad to hear your mom's okay.
• 1:27:57
  Speaker 3: I know, I'm really glad to hear that.
• 1:27:59
  Speaker 1: I mean, I've heard stories like this that whenever I
• 1:28:01
  Speaker 1: was a school teacher, there was another teacher at the
• 1:28:03
  Speaker 1: school whose son was getting married and she passed away
• 1:28:07
  Speaker 1: at the wedding brain aneurysm. Just that was it.
• 1:28:10
  Speaker 4: Some people just can't handle it being about somebody else for.
• 1:28:12
  Speaker 1: A little while are you saying I'll fake my own
• 1:28:16
  Speaker 1: death at at Nick's wedding because.
• 1:28:19
  Speaker 4: I show up hands who puts it past at Nick's wedding?
• 1:28:24
  Speaker 4: I mean, you know I'll come, I'll miraculously be okay,
• 1:28:28
  Speaker 4: but I would. I'll be texting Nick from the hospital
• 1:28:30
  Speaker 4: and from the ambulance like.
• 1:28:30
  Speaker 1: Hey, No, I just really want you to enjoy yourself. Man,
• 1:28:32
  Speaker 1: don't even worry about me. Just I'm in room three
• 1:28:35
  Speaker 1: one one. That's fine, you know, I just I just
• 1:28:37
  Speaker 1: wanted to let you know I'm at this hospital. It's
• 1:28:40
  Speaker 1: no big deal. Everything's gonna be. I'm gonna be fine. No,
• 1:28:42
  Speaker 1: but you enjoy yourself. Send me photos. Tell everybody to
• 1:28:45
  Speaker 1: pray for me. If you want to, like have a
• 1:28:47
  Speaker 1: small prayer circle, that's fine. But again, I just don't
• 1:28:51
  Speaker 1: want it to be about me. I'm going to there's
• 1:28:55
  Speaker 1: like an in Memoriam at his wedding. Everybody, gim's going
• 1:28:58
  Speaker 1: to the hospital or you're gonna minister this thing? More
• 1:29:04
  Speaker 1: one out for the old boy. Rick jam Anyway, writer,
• 1:29:07
  Speaker 1: congratulations on the wedding. It's wonderful to hear that you're
• 1:29:10
  Speaker 1: so happy. It sounds like you found your person. It
• 1:29:12
  Speaker 1: sounds like, besides this one little setback, everything went really
• 1:29:15
  Speaker 1: really well. Other than that, Missus Lincoln, how was the player?
• 1:29:25
  Speaker 1: Everybody's great. But anyway, congratulations on this, but don't don't
• 1:29:29
  Speaker 1: overthink it. I do think it will pass on its own,
• 1:29:32
  Speaker 1: but yeah, find an opportunity to language it. I really
• 1:29:34
  Speaker 1: feel like the more you need that dough, the more
• 1:29:36
  Speaker 1: it kind of goes away that the filing system just
• 1:29:38
  Speaker 1: eventually processes it. And you know, you put away the
• 1:29:41
  Speaker 1: shit on the counter, so I think you'll get to
• 1:29:43
  Speaker 1: the other side of it. We are going to take
• 1:29:44
  Speaker 1: a quick break and when we come back, we're wrapping
• 1:29:46
  Speaker 1: up the show. You're listening to pod Therapy.
• 1:29:50
  Speaker 2: Today's episode is brought to you by Judy Schneider, Leon
• 1:29:53
  Speaker 2: Carolyn Albert, Sam Scoop, Sarah Smith, Mike To, Darren Cunningham,
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  Speaker 2: Cody the Dolorian Guide, Brady Malaychic and Max the Chin
• 1:30:00
  Speaker 2: your scoop and if you would like to sponsor the show, become.
• 1:30:02
  Speaker 1: A therapister paton dot com. Slash Therapy got a couple
• 1:30:06
  Speaker 1: more if you want them. All right, let's go, okay,
• 1:30:09
  Speaker 1: rapid fire, can this be called out? Buzz in? Okay, yeah,
• 1:30:12
  Speaker 1: buzz in Okay, Pierce Brosman, Sally Field, Buzz, missus, doubt
• 1:30:17
  Speaker 1: fire everybody, Ewan McGregor, Eric Banna, Josh Hartnett, Oh Buzz yes, no, no,
• 1:30:30
  Speaker 1: nice try buzz black Hawk down, Yes, fucking wow, Paul Bettany,
• 1:30:40
  Speaker 1: Ed Harris, Jennifer Conley. Who's Jennifer Conley? Who's She's the
• 1:30:46
  Speaker 1: same Jennifer Conley? Oh no, that was Jennifer Garden.
• 1:30:50
  Speaker 3: She was in Top I feel like I know this one.
• 1:30:54
  Speaker 1: Okay, the second one she bangs Maverick, she's the bartender. Yeah.
• 1:30:59
  Speaker 1: And Ed Harrison is the other one. Who's the Paul Bettany.
• 1:31:02
  Speaker 1: Who's Paul Bettany?
• 1:31:04
  Speaker 4: Paul Bettany, He was the voice of Uh that does
• 1:31:08
  Speaker 4: not help buzz in Top Gun Mavericks.
• 1:31:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah. No, oh but two out of the three? Two
• 1:31:16
  Speaker 1: three is good. He was Vision in The Adventures. Oh,
• 1:31:22
  Speaker 1: is not that one? Ed Harris? And he also played
• 1:31:26
  Speaker 1: the roommate in A Beautiful Mind? Yep, yeah, it's not
• 1:31:31
  Speaker 1: Eastern Promises, is it? No? Is that Eric?
• 1:31:34
  Speaker 4: Ed Harris?
• 1:31:34
  Speaker 1: Apollo thirteen? No, the Cleaner? Nope? What is it? A
• 1:31:41
  Speaker 1: Beautiful Mind?
• 1:31:41
  Speaker 2: Fuck that one you just said, the one I just
• 1:31:44
  Speaker 2: told you about. Great Kim Beason, Jack Nicholson, Oh see, williams.
• 1:31:53
  Speaker 3: La it's not Joker one. It's one of the Wow wow.
• 1:32:00
  Speaker 1: It is. But I don't you do not give that
• 1:32:04
  Speaker 1: whatever absolutely to play for that. This game has no
• 1:32:07
  Speaker 1: fucking integrity. If you give the name of the movie three.
• 1:32:11
  Speaker 3: Tell me the name of the two, then Joker, the
• 1:32:14
  Speaker 3: Batman returns.
• 1:32:16
  Speaker 1: Buzz, yes, Batman, Yes, what I said? Batman returns? Has
• 1:32:26
  Speaker 1: Michelle Pfeiffer his Catwoman? And is it Danny Devi?
• 1:32:30
  Speaker 3: They're both penguin.
• 1:32:31
  Speaker 1: That's it? Oh no, it's not. I got more, okay,
• 1:32:35
  Speaker 1: real quick, Reese Witherspoon, Sarah Michelle.
• 1:32:38
  Speaker 3: Keller, Buzz cruel intentions, Yes.
• 1:32:42
  Speaker 1: God damn the movie hot. That was my sexual awakening.
• 1:32:45
  Speaker 3: I think a lot of us.
• 1:32:46
  Speaker 1: That was a big one. The incest.
• 1:32:48
  Speaker 3: I was just gonna say, it was like all the
• 1:32:49
  Speaker 3: inappropriate things.
• 1:32:51
  Speaker 1: Okay, rich kids, fucking Don Rickles, Penjulette, buzz, cruel intentions. No, so,
• 1:32:58
  Speaker 1: John Ratzenberger, Tom Hanks, I don't know, Jesus, I don't know.
• 1:33:04
  Speaker 1: Did you say Pellette? I did? And Don Rickles?
• 1:33:08
  Speaker 4: Is this like Joe versus the Volcano? No?
• 1:33:12
  Speaker 6: Is this.
• 1:33:15
  Speaker 1: Pen made a movie?
• 1:33:16
  Speaker 4: Is the Aristocrats?
• 1:33:17
  Speaker 1: No, oh, ship, that would have been a good one.
• 1:33:19
  Speaker 1: Slasher or whatever he came up he had it was
• 1:33:22
  Speaker 1: something else. Don Rickles, Pett's the Red Herring. Oh is
• 1:33:29
  Speaker 1: this gonna be.
• 1:33:32
  Speaker 3: Something?
• 1:33:32
  Speaker 1: No, it's probably gonna just be a Las Vegas background. No,
• 1:33:37
  Speaker 1: this is a Pixar movie. The fuck? Oh what?
• 1:33:41
  Speaker 3: Don Rickles one of those little African animals? What's that one? Madagascar?
• 1:33:46
  Speaker 1: Racist? Not believe that's streamworks? Don Rickles, racist?
• 1:33:54
  Speaker 3: Bitch inside out?
• 1:33:56
  Speaker 1: Okay? Tim Allen, Oh, toy story, toy story, Don Rickles,
• 1:34:01
  Speaker 1: Penn Gillette. Yeah, apparently he got an IMDb.
• 1:34:04
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, what was he he was?
• 1:34:05
  Speaker 1: He was a voice?
• 1:34:06
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I forget what Don Rickles, the first Slinky Dog, right,
• 1:34:14
  Speaker 4: I can't remember what.
• 1:34:15
  Speaker 1: He was John Rat Don Rickles might have been mister
• 1:34:20
  Speaker 1: potato head. Oh, yes, he's mister potato Yeah. So now
• 1:34:25
  Speaker 1: I'm curious what Penn played. He might have just been
• 1:34:28
  Speaker 1: like a voice on a TV. No, I think he was.
• 1:34:30
  Speaker 1: I think he had a part of it.
• 1:34:31
  Speaker 4: I don't know what it was.
• 1:34:32
  Speaker 1: As we wrap up the show and remind you can
• 1:34:34
  Speaker 1: send up a Patreon dot com slash therapy. You can
• 1:34:36
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• 1:34:39
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• 1:34:41
  Speaker 1: weekly deep dives, interviews, skill shares, research roundups and rants.
• 1:34:45
  Speaker 1: And we have somebody new to the Thera party who
• 1:34:48
  Speaker 1: has joined us at patre dot com slash Therapy producer
• 1:34:53
  Speaker 1: the wrong column, but it is a producer, Inca Prince Nice.
• 1:34:58
  Speaker 1: I feel like it's ONCA like I nka Ben was
• 1:35:03
  Speaker 1: the Trevy announcer.
• 1:35:05
  Speaker 4: I was right.
• 1:35:06
  Speaker 1: I said he was a TV announcer. You didn't say
• 1:35:08
  Speaker 1: it loud. You should speak into the microphone. Yeah, I
• 1:35:12
  Speaker 1: should do that. We'd like to thank the benevolent, revered, generous,
• 1:35:14
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• 1:35:17
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• 1:35:20
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• 1:35:22
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• 1:35:24
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• 1:36:07
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• 1:36:08
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• 1:36:14
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• 1:36:15
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• 1:36:17
  Speaker 1: Special congratulations to Therap producer Kevin Chamberlain who became an
• 1:36:21
  Speaker 1: honest man this last week and got himself married to
• 1:36:23
  Speaker 1: the woman who was secretly pining for Jacob's gray hair.
• 1:36:27
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• 1:36:29
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• 1:36:33
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• 1:36:36
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• 1:36:38
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• 1:36:41
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• 1:36:44
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• 1:36:50
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• 1:36:52
  Speaker 1: I'm Nick Tangeman, I'm Jim. Thanks and we'll see you
• 1:36:55
  Speaker 1: for appointments next week. Goodbye, a