Latest / She Said It Out Loud with Emma Young / EXPLICIT EPISODE - Certified Sex and Intimacy Coach Alicia Schifferle

Transcript

EXPLICIT EPISODE - Certified Sex and Intimacy Coach Alicia Schifferle · She Said It Out Loud with Emma Young

0:00
SPEAKER_01: You're listening to She Said It Out Loud, where real women share real stories without sugarcoating a thing.
0:06
SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, Emma Young, and I'll bring you on filtered conversations with ambitious women who faced challenges, made bold moves, and learned a lot along the way.
0:16
SPEAKER_01: You'll get real takeaways, honest lessons, and stories that you're gonna relate to.
0:21
SPEAKER_01: Righto, let's get started.
0:24
SPEAKER_01: Hey there and welcome to the podcast.
0:27
SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, Emma Young, and this is She Said It Out Loud.
0:31
SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is kindly sponsored by Matso's Brewery.
0:34
SPEAKER_01: Here in Broom, it is an absolute iconic establishment and the best place to go to if you want to have a very fun Sunday session.
0:43
SPEAKER_01: The best way to find out what's going on at Matso's Brewery is to head to their socials page, whether that's Instagram or Facebook, to see what's happening.
0:50
SPEAKER_01: Trust me, you can't go past their ginger beer.
0:54
SPEAKER_01: It is delicious.
0:55
SPEAKER_01: On to today's episode.
0:57
SPEAKER_01: It is a sensitive one and it is a juicy one.
1:00
SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna lie.
1:01
SPEAKER_01: So first up, that's why I wanted to give you the heads up.
1:03
SPEAKER_01: Please, if you have little ears listening, today's episode is not gonna be for them because we are going to be talking about, you guessed it, sex.
1:12
SPEAKER_01: Like salt and pepper say, let's talk about sex baby.
1:16
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, that was so cheesy.
1:18
SPEAKER_01: But today's guest is Alicia Schifferly.
1:21
SPEAKER_01: She is a qualified podiatrist and she is also a certified sex coach.
1:26
SPEAKER_01: After suffering with major anxiety at work in healthcare during COVID lockdowns in Melbourne, this was around 2020-2021.
1:33
SPEAKER_01: Alicia experimented with therapy and learning breathwork.
1:36
SPEAKER_01: Feeling trapped in Melbourne in 2022, she quit her job, she bought a van, and then travelled around Australia with her then boyfriend.
1:44
SPEAKER_01: She was only three months into her trip, she broke up with him, she knew that she couldn't go back to Melbourne, and so decided to move to Broome.
1:50
SPEAKER_01: After having her eat prey love moment with purchasing an online female embodiment course, this was a literal awakening for her.
1:57
SPEAKER_01: Fast forward to today, she has found the love of her life, become even more educated in the intimacy space, is a certified sex coach, and has a business called sensual sessions.
2:08
SPEAKER_01: Alright, enough of me waffling.
2:10
SPEAKER_01: I know you want to hear this conversation.
2:12
SPEAKER_01: Let's do this.
2:13
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the podcast, Alicia.
2:16
SPEAKER_01: I haven't actually interviewed a sex coach before, so I am incredibly excited to have you on the podcast today.
2:21
SPEAKER_01: This is gonna be a new thing, and like I would have mentioned in the intro, this episode is gonna be sensitive.
2:28
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna, it's gonna be in the title, there's gonna be capitals.
2:30
SPEAKER_01: This is only because, in case there's little ears that are listening to us today having our conversation, now's the time to kind of switch off because we are gonna be talking about some sensitive topics.
2:39
SPEAKER_01: If you're all over this and you're keen for it, then happy days.
2:43
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna get started.
2:44
SPEAKER_01: And welcome to the podcast, Alicia.
2:46
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
2:46
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for having me.
2:47
SPEAKER_01: Oh, not a problem.
2:48
SPEAKER_01: I have had quite a few people that have dropped your name and have said, I mean, Coach Carly's one of them, and she'll be laughing because she'll definitely be listening to this.
2:56
SPEAKER_01: But there's been quite a few people that are like, you should totally get Alicia on and interview her and ask her all the questions.
3:02
SPEAKER_01: And so thank you for agreeing to be on the podcast today.
3:04
SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
3:05
SPEAKER_01: Talking about sex is literally my favourite thing.
3:08
SPEAKER_01: Yay! I'm so excited to be here.
3:10
SPEAKER_01: Okay, that's great.
3:11
SPEAKER_01: For my listeners out there who might not know who Alicia is, can you explain a little bit about yourself?
3:16
SPEAKER_00: So I am originally a Melbourne girly and I relocated to Broom maybe three and a half years ago.
3:22
SPEAKER_00: I am, yeah, a qualified podiatrist, but also a sex coach.
3:27
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, just living my best broom life.
3:29
SPEAKER_00: You are living your best broom life.
3:31
SPEAKER_01: And so on that, you decided to just sort of up and lead the East Coast, which I'm always in awe of people when they go and do the whole thing.
3:38
SPEAKER_01: You know, living that life where you're like, okay, buying a van, gonna travel around Australia, live this nomadic life where I'm just gonna see where the wind takes me.
3:47
SPEAKER_01: What made you stop in Broome?
3:49
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I mean, I think because we were going around Australia and we were actually following my sister.
3:54
SPEAKER_00: She was traveling um down a little bit ahead of us.
3:58
SPEAKER_00: And then we came to Broome and we were like, oh my god, this place is incredible.
4:02
SPEAKER_00: And we actually like extended our stay like everyone here does.
4:05
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
4:05
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, we extended our stay, and I was like, wow, this place is amazing.
4:08
SPEAKER_00: Could definitely live here.
4:08
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
4:09
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that happens.
4:10
SPEAKER_01: There's so many people that I've met where you're like, oh, how long have you been here?
4:14
SPEAKER_01: And they're like, oh, we got here in 1972 and haven't left.
4:16
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh my god.
4:17
SPEAKER_00: Such a common story.
4:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, or the amount of times that you hear that from people that say they're only gonna come here for like six months and they're still here, and that was the 80s.
4:25
SPEAKER_01: I did a bit of research because obviously, this is the very first time that we've met.
4:29
SPEAKER_01: I need to know, you know, obviously things about you and know what questions I can ask and sort of know a little bit about your history.
4:35
SPEAKER_01: And I saw on your socials that you did a female embodiment course.
4:40
SPEAKER_01: I just want to know more about that.
4:42
SPEAKER_01: It's it to me, it's very intriguing.
4:43
SPEAKER_01: What does that even entail?
4:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so that was my first ever course that I did post all of the anxiety and post-like breakup and stuff that I was able to actually get into my body.
4:54
SPEAKER_00: So it taught me how to get out of my head, it taught me how to get into the body, taught me how to feel emotions, it taught me how to find my voice a bit more, speak up, express.
5:03
SPEAKER_00: So I felt like that was really the start of my sexuality journey because you have to be able to come home to yourself first before you can move forward.
5:11
SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, I love that.
5:13
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, wow.
5:14
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's gonna be a common theme that's get that's gonna be brought up, I'm sure.
5:18
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so female embodiment course, probably something that not a lot of people know about, but probably most women are gonna get something out of it, I'm sure.
5:26
SPEAKER_00: 100%.
5:27
SPEAKER_00: Most women are living their lives in their heads.
5:29
SPEAKER_00: They're just like little floating walking heads doing, you know, running a million miles an hour doing all these different things.
5:34
SPEAKER_00: So embodiment is really the practice of being able to combine your felt sensation in your body and also your mind.
5:40
SPEAKER_00: So you're kind of like one.
5:42
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
5:42
SPEAKER_00: And most women don't do that.
5:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
5:44
SPEAKER_00: Can't do that.
5:45
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna talk more about the busy mind later for sure.
5:47
SPEAKER_01: I'm just gonna go straight into this juicy stuff.
5:49
SPEAKER_01: Ask you, why is it called SEGS?
5:52
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so on your socials, anybody that's gonna look through this, because I'm gonna put Alicia's business name and all her details in the show notes.
6:00
SPEAKER_01: But when you go onto her page, it's like S-E-G-G-S everywhere.
6:04
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, SEGS, this woman can't spell.
6:07
SPEAKER_01: That's the teacher in me.
6:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
6:09
SPEAKER_01: And then not only that, I see that you talk about porn.
6:12
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
6:13
SPEAKER_01: So I'm like, porn, why is she talking about this vegetable?
6:17
SPEAKER_01: It's clearly her favorite vegetable, but porn is porn.
6:20
SPEAKER_01: Can you educate us?
6:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, it's so funny because I get so many comments on all of my content as well.
6:26
SPEAKER_00: People being like, just say sex.
6:27
SPEAKER_00: Like, why can't you just spell it?
6:29
SPEAKER_00: S-E-X.
6:30
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, guys, you don't understand.
6:31
SPEAKER_00: Because Meta has crazy censorship.
6:34
SPEAKER_00: And like we, yeah, it's insane.
6:36
SPEAKER_00: I've had so many posts flagged for being like too uh encouraging sexual activity.
6:42
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, you can't, it's really, really, really hard for sex educators to be online.
6:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
6:47
SPEAKER_00: God, that's gotta be annoying if you actually have a business in this space.
6:50
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's really, you know, what's actually really funny as well is like now that we're moving into the AI era and everyone's getting on like Chat GPT and Claude.
6:57
SPEAKER_00: Claude and Chat GPT like censor sex.
7:00
SPEAKER_00: So I actually really struggle to use AI as well.
7:04
SPEAKER_00: Oh wow because there's so much censorship around it.
7:07
SPEAKER_00: Damn.
7:08
SPEAKER_01: I mean, yeah, look, that's gotta be frustrating.
7:10
SPEAKER_01: Did you come up with this yourself?
7:11
SPEAKER_01: Or is sex just a thing in the intimacy coach world?
7:14
SPEAKER_01: Oh, everyone says something different.
7:16
SPEAKER_00: Some people will put like asterisk, some people will put like emojis, some people some people really like are a bit edgy and will try writing the words, but yeah, the more edgy you are, you're most likely gonna get flagged.
7:27
SPEAKER_00: And if you get flagged, you an account gets suspended, then that's annoying as all.
7:32
SPEAKER_01: Well, if your whole business is on it, it's like hard.
7:35
SPEAKER_01: Well, thanks for educating us on that, because that's something that I definitely was like, why is she doing this?
7:41
SPEAKER_01: And I only just discovered you the other day.
7:43
SPEAKER_01: So for me to get that level of frustration, I mean, look.
7:45
SPEAKER_01: You really have to try and read between the words.
7:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
7:48
SPEAKER_01: What sort of training or experience goes into being a certified sex coach?
7:52
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
7:52
SPEAKER_00: What do you even have to do?
7:54
SPEAKER_00: So a bit has gone into it.
7:56
SPEAKER_00: So I did start my Masters of Sexological Practice at Curden University about 18 months, two years ago.
8:02
SPEAKER_00: I deferred that for 12 months while I did my uh somatic sex coaching certificate through the Institute of Somatic Sexology, who are amazing.
8:10
SPEAKER_00: It was such a good nine months that I studied with them.
8:13
SPEAKER_00: And then yeah, I'm going back to finish my master's in June.
8:17
SPEAKER_01: So that's how you obviously get the experience to become educated in this.
8:20
SPEAKER_00: That's how you get the experience.
8:22
SPEAKER_00: And I have a I like I really like working with women that have orgasm difficulties and low sexual desire.
8:27
SPEAKER_00: And that's mainly come from personal experience because I couldn't owe until I was 24.
8:32
SPEAKER_00: And I had like as soon as the honeymoon energy dropped off in my relationships, that meant my sexual desire kind of hit the ground as well.
8:40
SPEAKER_00: So I think from having the education from like Curtain and ISS and then having my like lived experience makes a really beautiful combination that I can then help women with those two difficulties.
8:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
8:51
SPEAKER_01: Why do you think intimacy, you think that's so important though, and that white people should make time for it?
8:57
SPEAKER_01: Is this another reason why you set up your business?
8:59
SPEAKER_00: It's an interesting question, and I think we have to really think about it from the lens of if you do prioritize sex and intimacy, because there's a lot of couples out there who where sex and intimacy, or not necessarily intimacy, but sex is not a priority for them.
9:13
SPEAKER_00: Yep, and that's okay.
9:14
SPEAKER_00: So I never want to make those people feel like they're shamed for not wanting to have sex or that there's anything wrong with their relationship.
9:21
SPEAKER_00: If they don't want to have sex, that's completely fine.
9:24
SPEAKER_00: But if you do want to have sex, then having an intimate relationship and a close intimate relationship is really important because you get the emotional connection from that, you get the physical connection from that.
9:36
SPEAKER_00: What's the difference between like a friendship and a relationship?
9:39
SPEAKER_00: Mainly sex and intimacy.
9:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, okay, that's a really good point.
9:43
SPEAKER_01: You started up central session sessions, have I got that right?
9:47
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
9:47
SPEAKER_01: That's your business.
9:49
SPEAKER_01: And so I did have a quick look.
9:51
SPEAKER_01: It seems like you do one-on-ones with people.
9:54
SPEAKER_01: Women can come to you.
9:55
SPEAKER_01: Can men come to you?
9:56
SPEAKER_01: I don't coach men.
9:57
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so it's women.
9:58
SPEAKER_01: Women come to you, they come and they can come and talk to you one-on-one, or they can be a part of a workshop.
10:03
SPEAKER_01: I want to know more about these workshops.
10:05
unknown: Yeah.
10:05
SPEAKER_00: And what's happening in these workshops?
10:07
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so I do like lots of different workshops.
10:10
SPEAKER_00: Depends how like some of them are more PG, some are more spicy, just kind of depends.
10:13
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
10:14
SPEAKER_00: The more PG ones are more around like the embodiment stuff.
10:17
SPEAKER_00: So how to get out of your head, how to start feeling, building sexual confidence, that kind of things.
10:21
SPEAKER_00: The more spicy ones is like, okay, how do we build a self-pleasure practice that's actually really supporting and nourishing for yourself?
10:27
SPEAKER_00: How do you figure out what you like in bed?
10:30
SPEAKER_00: How do you figure out and create relationship dynamics that support that?
10:34
SPEAKER_00: How do you learn to express yourself in bed?
10:36
SPEAKER_00: Um, so they're more of like the spicier ones.
10:38
SPEAKER_01: Okay, yeah, that's really good.
10:39
SPEAKER_01: Oh man, getting hot and flustered already.
10:42
SPEAKER_01: Jesus.
10:42
SPEAKER_01: Obviously, uh sex coach, it's a little less common occupation, you know, that isn't spoken about.
10:48
SPEAKER_01: How can women find out about you?
10:51
SPEAKER_01: How can they find out about the fact that we've got this sex coach that's living in Broom, that has these qualifications, that offers these workshops.
10:58
SPEAKER_00: You know, how do people find out about you?
11:00
SPEAKER_00: I think at the moment most of it is through Instagram, um, but then also word of mouth in Broom.
11:05
SPEAKER_00: It's definitely an emerging thing that's coming up.
11:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, look, like I said at the start of the podcast, I found out about you from Coach Carly.
11:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
11:13
SPEAKER_01: And she knows a lot of people.
11:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
11:14
SPEAKER_01: So I'm sure that there's probably this will just have a flowing effect.
11:18
SPEAKER_01: I am interested though, have you ever had so far in your business somebody come to you with an intimacy issue or a sex problem that you just simply cannot address or you don't know how to approach it?
11:30
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'm a teacher, we're not expected to know everything.
11:33
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna go off because I wanna be a good teacher and find out that information.
11:38
SPEAKER_01: I want to do the research to become a better teacher.
11:40
SPEAKER_01: What does that look like for you though?
11:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
11:42
SPEAKER_01: Like if somebody comes to you, they've got an issue that obviously you're not sure how to approach, what does that, you know, how do you do go about that?
11:49
SPEAKER_00: This happens quite a bit actually, because a lot of the reasons why, well, one of the big blocks for orgasm and one of the big blocks for um low libido is sexual trauma and sexual assault in someone's past.
12:02
SPEAKER_00: The stats around it are wild.
12:03
SPEAKER_00: Like one in five women has experienced sexual trauma in her lifetime.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: I am also seeing quite a specific part, you know, of women that are coming for help.
12:13
SPEAKER_00: And so a lot of the time those women have sexual trauma or sexual assault in their past.
12:17
SPEAKER_00: And I don't work with active trauma.
12:18
SPEAKER_00: I always have like a bit of a process at the site where we have a little connection call, we have a little chat, and often it will come up in that.
12:24
SPEAKER_00: And then from there, I'll always refer to a professional that can help with that.
12:29
SPEAKER_01: Okay, that's really good to know.
12:30
SPEAKER_01: I didn't even think about that, to be honest.
12:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's huge.
12:33
SPEAKER_01: I was thinking of people that are like, oh, I've got no libido, what should I do?
12:38
SPEAKER_01: Or I'm having the same sex position and I've done it like vanilla sex, which is there's nothing wrong with vanilla sex, but I've done the same two positions for the last 20 years.
12:48
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
12:48
SPEAKER_01: Help.
12:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
12:50
SPEAKER_00: And you have to think, so there's like three main reasons, I think, behind low libido.
12:54
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
12:54
SPEAKER_00: Number one being it's protecting you from something.
12:57
SPEAKER_00: So you have to figure out what it's protecting you from because your body is so smart and it's just doing what it knows.
13:04
SPEAKER_00: So either it's like a sexual assault or sexual trauma, maybe it's protecting you from you're super busy and you're super stressed from things that are going on outside of your life.
13:12
SPEAKER_00: So it sex is like the last thing on the priority list, you know.
13:15
SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's that you don't feel emotionally safe with your partner.
13:18
SPEAKER_00: You know, there's lots of things that it could be protecting you from.
13:21
SPEAKER_00: Secondly, is that loss of connection with your partner, so you're not having that emotional connection.
13:26
SPEAKER_00: And most women on average need emotional intimacy and emotional connection first to feel like sex.
13:32
SPEAKER_00: Whereas on average, men are kind of the other way.
13:34
SPEAKER_00: They have sex for emotional connection, but both people are trying to connect.
13:38
SPEAKER_00: And then the third part is as you just said, you're just having unfulfilling and boring sex.
13:44
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes when I say that, people can get quite offended, but it's not, yeah, it's not that at all.
13:49
SPEAKER_00: It's just that we've had really shitty sex education, and most people are having sex in a way that's not very pleasurable for a woman's body.
13:56
SPEAKER_00: There's not a lot of novelty around it, and women need novelty to be able to continue to desire sex.
14:01
SPEAKER_00: And when you look at what desire is made of and and having um desiring your partner, you need novelty and you need newness.
14:08
SPEAKER_00: And a lot of the time in long-term relationships, the safety of that can dampen down desire.
14:14
SPEAKER_00: So you end up having sex in the same way, and you can get bored.
14:18
SPEAKER_01: Well, you said that so well.
14:20
SPEAKER_01: I'm literally just staring at you like a crazy person, like very interested.
14:24
SPEAKER_01: But okay, thanks for sharing that.
14:26
SPEAKER_01: I'm sure there's gonna be a lot of women probably nodding their heads listening to this, going, okay, yeah, that makes sense.
14:31
SPEAKER_01: You know, you mentioned partner, which is great because I want to go straight into you have a partner, yes, Hayden.
14:37
SPEAKER_01: We love him.
14:38
SPEAKER_01: We do love him.
14:38
SPEAKER_01: I've never met him, but I already love him.
14:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
14:40
SPEAKER_01: I adore the fact that he's in some of your social media content.
14:44
SPEAKER_01: For me, this makes it seem very genuine because it's like you're also practicing what you're preaching.
14:49
SPEAKER_01: Um that's not to say if you didn't have a partner that you're not gonna know about sex and intimacy.
14:54
SPEAKER_01: It's just the way that he seems to be so incredibly willing and open to whatever you're asking of him to give examples, to do little demos.
15:03
SPEAKER_01: I think it's very sweet and endearing, yeah.
15:06
SPEAKER_01: But he's clearly supportive of you.
15:08
SPEAKER_01: And so for me, that's like an attractive quality in someone where I mean, everybody knows I've got an incredibly encouraging and supportive husband, Chris, and he just goes above and beyond to the point where I need to lift my game, and I'm very well aware of that.
15:21
SPEAKER_01: But Hayden seems to be that person for you.
15:24
SPEAKER_01: And so, does he enjoy being a part of this journey for you and supporting you in your business?
15:30
SPEAKER_01: But so that's one side question, and I guess my other sort of follow-up question from that is is does he feel pressure though to be on his game all the time because you're the professional in this area?
15:40
SPEAKER_00: He is, or I'll answer the first question first.
15:42
SPEAKER_00: Yes, yeah, he is the most supportive partner that I could have ever asked for, and he genuinely, yeah, really loves showing up for me and for my business.
15:50
SPEAKER_00: I think I do have a bit of like a capacity with him, like if I'm filming, there's some point in the day where it's just like, okay, I need to put my phone now.
15:58
SPEAKER_00: Okay, he's so happy to be in all of my content for me, which is amazing.
16:02
SPEAKER_00: Love that.
16:03
SPEAKER_00: And secondly, I think with the him feeling pressured to need to be a certain way, it's never been something in our relationship.
16:10
SPEAKER_00: We set that precedent incredibly early.
16:12
SPEAKER_00: Like I think we were talking about sex on the our first or second time that we ever met.
16:16
SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
16:16
SPEAKER_00: Um we've really started unpacking any of like the layering that was there around shame with sex or like needing to be a certain way or act a certain way.
16:26
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
16:26
SPEAKER_00: So it's never really been part of our relationship.
16:29
SPEAKER_00: That's really cool.
16:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
16:30
SPEAKER_01: And I mean that I love that he's that supportive and encouraging.
16:32
SPEAKER_01: Do you know what I mean?
16:33
SPEAKER_01: I I think that that would be really difficult to have a business in this space where it's called central sessions, and then you had a partner that was like, don't want it wouldn't work.
16:42
SPEAKER_01: No.
16:43
SPEAKER_01: Straight away, I'm just gonna go here.
16:44
SPEAKER_01: The big O.
16:46
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
16:46
SPEAKER_01: The big O, as in orgasm, and I can say, because I'm not on Instagram currently right now, it's Spotify Apple.
16:53
SPEAKER_01: Do you think women are becoming more vocal about their needs and wanting to have orgasms and caring about it?
17:00
SPEAKER_01: Or do you think men, and I'm gonna say men slash women because this is for other partners as well, are just more interested in pleasing their partners and getting them to have an orgasm?
17:09
SPEAKER_00: I think both.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: I think we have been given a script for most of our lives that orgasms need to happen a certain way and in a certain situation in a certain environment.
17:21
SPEAKER_00: And I think most women are now figuring out, with the more information online about it, that the script that we've been given doesn't work for most women's bodies.
17:30
SPEAKER_00: And because of that, they're able to express their needs and wants and desires more.
17:34
SPEAKER_00: And then as women are talking up about it and men are being like, oh, hold on a second, maybe there's other ways of having sex that are more pleasurable for a woman's body, and how can we get more quality of pleasure in the bedroom?
17:47
SPEAKER_00: And they're genuinely wanting to know more.
17:49
SPEAKER_00: And I see this on my Instagram as well because I have a lot of male followers now, and these men are like genuinely interested and genuinely curious about how to pleasure a woman because That's awesome.
18:02
SPEAKER_00: It's so awesome.
18:03
SPEAKER_01: So they're coming to your page and they're obviously being educated on what you're saying from a female point of view.
18:08
SPEAKER_00: And most men, I would say most men, they really do want to pleasure their partner and for them to be having great sex together.
18:15
SPEAKER_00: You know, they've been given the same scripts we have, which is why we have to unpack it for everyone.
18:20
SPEAKER_01: Do you think that so when you say the same scripts, do you think that's like not talking about it, not being educated in actually finding how to do it or the build-up foreplay, all that sort of stuff?
18:31
SPEAKER_01: Do you think it's just not spoken about?
18:32
SPEAKER_00: It's not spoken about enough.
18:34
SPEAKER_00: And there's this like set script of how sex is supposed to happen, which is like you have the foreplay, which is a bit of, you know, kissing, and then you get into maybe like genital stimulation, oral sex, and that's in foreplay as well.
18:47
SPEAKER_00: And then you get to the main event, which is penetration, and that's like the pinnacle of sex.
18:52
SPEAKER_00: But when you think about what penetration is and like the nerve endings within the top two thirds of the vaginal canal is essentially the same as the nerve endings on a male's balls.
19:01
SPEAKER_00: For a lot of women, penetration actually doesn't feel that good.
19:06
SPEAKER_00: But the way that we're given this script about sex, women are expected to love it and be able to orgasm that way.
19:12
SPEAKER_00: But that's not really how sex works for our bodies.
19:14
SPEAKER_00: So flipping that script, we need to expand our definition of sex and start putting what was considered foreplay into our core play.
19:23
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
19:24
SPEAKER_00: And have different types of sex.
19:26
SPEAKER_00: Like if you took penetration off the table for a week, what does that look like?
19:29
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's a great conversation starter with your partner.
19:33
SPEAKER_01: In the media, it just seems like in particular, Gen Z don't seem to be having nowhere near as much sex as Millennials or Gen X or even boomers for that matter.
19:43
SPEAKER_01: They just don't seem to be having that as much sex as what millennials were, that's for sure.
19:48
SPEAKER_01: And I think the flow and effect from that is a lot of people are learning that they think sex is yeah, it's done in porn, like old school porn, where it's like, wham bam, thank you, ma'am, off you go.
19:57
SPEAKER_01: But not only that, why do you think maybe screens or social media they're not having nowhere near as much sex?
20:03
SPEAKER_01: And so it's just not something that anybody's ever really kind of talking about.
20:07
SPEAKER_00: I did see stats around this the other day, actually.
20:09
SPEAKER_00: So Gen Z are having more solo sex.
20:12
SPEAKER_00: Oh.
20:12
SPEAKER_00: And like as in they're just taking the time, the pleasure themselves.
20:15
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
20:15
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
20:16
SPEAKER_00: And millennials are having more partnered sex.
20:19
SPEAKER_00: But I think the reason that Gen Z maybe are having more solo sex is A, I think sex is starting to be talked about a lot more.
20:27
SPEAKER_00: So there's less shame around sex, and people are encouraged to masturbate.
20:31
SPEAKER_00: So that then would mean that there's more solo sex happening.
20:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
20:35
SPEAKER_00: But I think there's less partnered sex because of screens and loss of connection and the dating apps and porn.
20:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
20:42
SPEAKER_00: So I think all of that kind of thing.
20:43
SPEAKER_00: There's like a com there's like a combination deal that's not a very good one.
20:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
20:47
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
20:48
SPEAKER_01: I mean, all of that makes sense.
20:49
SPEAKER_01: Growing up, and everybody has their own experiences too.
20:52
SPEAKER_01: I do think some of it does happen to be like how your own parents, yes, huge, you know, really perceived it, spoke about it, treated it.
21:03
SPEAKER_01: That then flows on to sort of your own, you know, as you get older, sort of the way that you perceive it as well.
21:09
SPEAKER_01: I agree with you on the masturbation thing.
21:11
SPEAKER_01: I think I well, I know.
21:12
SPEAKER_01: I know for a fact.
21:14
SPEAKER_01: I grew up as a teenager in the 90s in Drelton.
21:17
SPEAKER_01: No one was talking about masturbation.
21:20
SPEAKER_01: To be honest, and again, I lived a very sheltered life, as in, I was terrified of boys.
21:25
SPEAKER_01: And anybody that's heard me talk about this, I had my very first kiss in America when I was on exchange.
21:31
SPEAKER_01: That was it, just a kiss.
21:33
SPEAKER_01: That was when I was 16.
21:34
SPEAKER_01: Like I actually was sweet 16 and never been kissed.
21:37
SPEAKER_01: It was like the month after.
21:38
SPEAKER_01: I don't reckon I knew about what masturbation was until I was talking about it with some girlfriends after I'd gotten married.
21:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
21:46
SPEAKER_01: The first time.
21:46
SPEAKER_01: And the first time I got married, I was 24.
21:50
SPEAKER_01: Still never masturbated.
21:52
SPEAKER_01: I didn't know what it was.
21:53
SPEAKER_01: Nowadays, I feel like that's unheard of.
21:56
SPEAKER_01: I feel like more people are masturbating, women in particular, are not feeling shattered.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: They're not feeling strange.
22:01
SPEAKER_01: And there's gonna be friends that will be listening and laughing to this.
22:05
SPEAKER_01: I have some girlfriends that were very experimental, that were out there doing all sorts of sorts of fun stuff.
22:10
SPEAKER_01: That there are lots of people like me.
22:12
SPEAKER_01: I think that we all have different backgrounds.
22:14
SPEAKER_01: But now when I'm thinking about what you're saying, it kind of makes sense that I can see that why Gen Z people are having sort of more solo sex because like the dating apps, the being addicted to your screen, being on your phone the whole time.
22:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, 100%.
22:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
22:30
SPEAKER_00: And that will be a big thing that Gen Z and is it Alpha that comes after Gen Z?
22:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
22:35
SPEAKER_00: No.
22:36
SPEAKER_00: Like they're gonna really have to focus on how do they connect to their bodies, how do they connect to their pleasure, and how do they connect to another human with so much screen time and technology around them, and that will be their challenge.
22:49
SPEAKER_01: Draight away into that on your socials, you talk about busy mind.
22:54
SPEAKER_01: And I love this.
22:55
SPEAKER_01: I was like, oh my gosh, I am guilty.
22:57
SPEAKER_01: Hands up.
22:58
SPEAKER_01: But you talk about how important it is to get out of your busy mind, focus on, which I thought was really cool, and I hadn't even considered a sense.
23:07
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
23:07
SPEAKER_01: So a particular sense, we have five senses.
23:10
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
23:10
SPEAKER_01: You talk about focusing on a particular sense that's then gonna have you less busy mind and more focused on getting your body sort of prepared, ready for sex, considering sex, all that sort of thing.
23:21
SPEAKER_01: Busy mind, where did you come up with this?
23:23
SPEAKER_01: As in, how did you know that this is a thing?
23:25
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so busy minds are up there as number like one or two of the biggest blocks of orgasm and desire.
23:33
SPEAKER_00: And it's because when you are living such a busy life and you're constantly on the go, always doing a million things, means that you're in your head thinking about it all the time, and that can cause external stress.
23:46
SPEAKER_00: So then again, sex becomes like the last thing on your priority list.
23:50
SPEAKER_00: Why would you have space in your life to feel pleasure and want to have sex when you've got 10 million things on your to-do list?
23:57
SPEAKER_00: It's really hard for women because so much of our worth is tied to how productive we are, how good we are at doing all of the things for everyone else.
24:05
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
24:06
SPEAKER_00: It's something that is conditioned into us very early on.
24:12
SPEAKER_00: It's something that we have to unlearn if we want to be able to experience pleasure.
24:17
SPEAKER_01: And so do you talk about this like on your one-on-one?
24:20
SPEAKER_01: Like if somebody comes to you and they talk about this, is this something that you discuss with them and what they can do to get out of it?
24:25
SPEAKER_00: Oh my God, 100%.
24:26
SPEAKER_00: My whole like module one and week one of my program is all about nervous system regulation and trying to find small moments of um slowness throughout the day.
24:36
SPEAKER_00: Because with being busy, it's like for a lot of women, being busy is your superpower.
24:41
SPEAKER_00: Oh man, it's my superpower.
24:42
SPEAKER_00: I love it.
24:43
SPEAKER_00: It's your superpower.
24:43
SPEAKER_00: You love it.
24:44
SPEAKER_00: It's how you get all of your stuff done, and it's how a lot of women have become very successful.
24:49
SPEAKER_00: So you don't necessarily want to take away your busyness and just become so slow that you don't get anything done.
24:55
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
24:56
SPEAKER_00: What you do want to do is expand your capacity to be able to move between states so that when you want to be busy, you can be busy, but you can regulate yourself into calm easily.
25:06
SPEAKER_00: So that when you come in from a busy day, you can then regulate yourself into like a sex mindset easier.
25:14
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
25:14
SPEAKER_00: So small moments throughout the day of nervous system regulation are very important for this.
25:19
SPEAKER_00: And small moments of slowness so that everything doesn't feel like an emergency.
25:23
SPEAKER_00: So just putting like your skincare on a bit slower.
25:26
SPEAKER_00: Walking out the front door a little bit slower.
25:28
SPEAKER_00: When you have lunch, eating it without your phone, eating it slower.
25:31
SPEAKER_00: And that's where the senses come in too, because if you are able to notice the senses that are happening, your five senses, you have to be slowing down to do that.
25:40
SPEAKER_00: And that is part of getting into your body and starting to feel pleasure again because you feel pleasure from your senses.
25:47
SPEAKER_00: Okay, nailed it.
25:48
SPEAKER_01: Holy cow.
25:49
SPEAKER_01: So you touched on just then, you touched on your program, like your model.
25:54
SPEAKER_01: Tell me more about this.
25:56
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so I have a program for women with low desire, and it's a 12-week program, and we go through all of this.
26:03
SPEAKER_00: So the first part of it is nervous system regulation, learning how to slow down, learning how to feel emotions, um, a bit of body image, healing, that kind of stuff.
26:13
SPEAKER_00: Then the second part of it is like, okay, now that we've learned how to slow down and regulate our nervous system, how do we actually feel pleasure?
26:19
SPEAKER_00: What are our, this is where you were talking about before, right?
26:21
SPEAKER_00: Like our sex senses.
26:23
SPEAKER_00: What is your entry sense into feeling?
26:27
SPEAKER_00: And how can you use that sense to start having good sex and to start accessing pleasure in your body?
26:33
SPEAKER_00: Because you will have senses that are different to mine in the sense that maybe you love smell, but I love sound.
26:38
SPEAKER_00: So if you love smell, then if you're putting like an incense on or a candle, that's gonna get your mind on board.
26:44
SPEAKER_00: And then all of your other senses will come on after that.
26:46
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
26:47
SPEAKER_00: I'm just thinking, what is my sense?
26:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, what and see, and this is why, like I always say, how you live your life is how you fuck.
26:53
SPEAKER_00: And that is really important to understand because there's so many clues in your life about how you like having sex.
27:01
SPEAKER_00: For example, I was talking to someone the other day, and she was like, one of my things in my program is I get my clients to check in with me every single day, little micro pleasure nervous system regulation stuff.
27:09
SPEAKER_00: She's like, I was feeling really stressed about the cleanup of the house, but I was really excited because I love the feeling of a clean room.
27:16
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, bam, that is a sexual break and a sexual accelerator all in one.
27:21
SPEAKER_00: Because when you're having sex, do you feel anxious if the room's clotted?
27:24
SPEAKER_00: Do you feel nice and like you have a free mind when you know that there's no dishes to be done and your room is clean?
27:31
SPEAKER_00: So then if that is your sexual break, it's sexual accelerator.
27:34
SPEAKER_00: How can you work with yourself or your partner to remove that break?
27:38
SPEAKER_00: And maybe that looks like eroticising chores, chore play.
27:41
SPEAKER_00: Oh, chore play.
27:42
SPEAKER_01: Chore play.
27:43
SPEAKER_01: Man, I do love to clean.
27:45
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
27:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
27:46
SPEAKER_00: Clean naked.
27:47
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
27:48
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
27:48
SPEAKER_00: How if you know that that's your break and your accelerator, then you're you know that you need a clean space to be able to focus.
27:55
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
27:55
SPEAKER_00: But the last part of my program is okay, now that we've learned how to regulate the body, how to slow down, how to feel pleasure, we want to learn what do we like?
28:04
SPEAKER_00: What kind of sex do we like having?
28:05
SPEAKER_00: What kind of sex gives us the most pleasure?
28:07
SPEAKER_00: How do we express that to our partner?
28:09
SPEAKER_00: How do we speak up?
28:10
SPEAKER_00: How do we talk about it?
28:12
SPEAKER_00: Because that is such a huge shame point for so many women, right?
28:16
SPEAKER_00: We've been told, be a good little girl, be quiet, go stand over there in the corner.
28:19
SPEAKER_00: And that makes it so hard to speak up.
28:22
SPEAKER_00: And it get the words get stuck in your throat.
28:24
SPEAKER_00: So we we work a lot on that.
28:26
SPEAKER_00: And then we work on how do we create the relationship dynamic that supports the sex life that you want.
28:32
SPEAKER_01: I just thought of something then that came into my head is possibly learning about thinking of your own words when you're talking with your partner.
28:38
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
28:39
SPEAKER_01: About things that I mean, I didn't even know about what kink shame was.
28:43
SPEAKER_01: And then also I only found out about that recently.
28:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
28:46
SPEAKER_01: And it was to do with Sabrina Carpenter cover.
28:48
SPEAKER_01: Oh.
28:48
SPEAKER_01: So Largey, when that came out, I was like, what the hell?
28:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
28:54
SPEAKER_01: I love Sabrina, but I was like, why has she got this guy gripping onto her hair?
28:58
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, oh, this is so controversial.
29:00
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if I want him grabbing her hair like that.
29:03
SPEAKER_01: How dare he?
29:04
SPEAKER_01: That was my first initial reaction.
29:06
SPEAKER_01: And then this chick that I know that's like an influence, she was like, oh, uh, that's so fucking hot.
29:12
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, what?
29:13
SPEAKER_01: What's so hot about some dude grabbing some chick's hair?
29:15
SPEAKER_01: And then part of me was like, Sabrina, why are you a powerful little pocket rocket?
29:21
SPEAKER_01: Don't you let him grab your hair?
29:22
SPEAKER_01: And I was talking to my husband about this, and he's like, that's like proper kink shamey.
29:26
SPEAKER_01: Like, she might like that.
29:27
SPEAKER_01: She might like to have a little bit of a grip, tight grip on her hair.
29:30
SPEAKER_01: And another one of my friends was like, she was talking about, I was like, Yeah, push me up against the wall and grip my hair.
29:35
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, um, hello, we're not doing that, I guess, because I myself have these very guarded sexual fantasies and sexual wants and needs.
29:45
SPEAKER_01: When I saw that, I was like, wow, that's out there.
29:47
SPEAKER_01: And it was so controversial, and so many people had comments.
29:51
SPEAKER_01: And I think I learned in that moment not to be so out there with my own, you know, vocab around other people.
29:57
SPEAKER_01: Because there are people out there that probably really, really enjoy that.
30:00
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
30:00
SPEAKER_01: I really learned a lesson from that.
30:02
SPEAKER_01: When you mentioned that, I thought, we've got to be aware too of saying what you like, what you don't like in front of other people too.
30:08
SPEAKER_01: Because when you talked about that good girl thing as well, there are probably women out there that probably like that.
30:14
SPEAKER_01: And then there are probably women out there that do like to be that little experience things a little bit more rough.
30:19
SPEAKER_01: And I guess it's the importance of speaking about that with your partner.
30:23
SPEAKER_01: And I guess that's you have spoken about consent too, which I thought was really good.
30:27
SPEAKER_00: Consent is huge, and it's something that everyone who's in a relationship needs to or should explore, even if you've been in a long-term relationship, because consent is ongoing and fluid, and your needs, wants, and desires are going to change.
30:39
SPEAKER_00: And that is an ongoing conversation that you should be having with your partner.
30:43
SPEAKER_00: And something I think that is is really helpful with this, that all couples can do is writing out a list or like looking up a list of all of the different kinds of sexual acts that you can do, and then going through it with your partner.
30:56
SPEAKER_00: Is it a yes, no, or a maybe?
30:58
SPEAKER_00: And then creating a list together of your yes and like maybe to explore list.
31:03
SPEAKER_00: And this way, at least, it kind of helps to get rid of any shame around some sexual fantasies or curiosities that you might like to try.
31:10
SPEAKER_00: And it puts it onto the table in a really safe way, and both people's boundaries are being expect respected.
31:15
SPEAKER_00: I think it's just important to know that when you're in a relationship, that you can't expect your partner to have all of the same wants as you, and that's okay.
31:25
SPEAKER_00: And that's something that you need to discuss and um communicate with your partner about, have a conversation about it.
31:31
SPEAKER_01: That's really important having the conversation.
31:33
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, probably feeling confident to have that conversation to start with.
31:36
SPEAKER_01: Maybe just addressing it at the very start that give our sakes, it's really important.
31:40
SPEAKER_01: Let's also consider, you know, like you said, the word shame.
31:43
SPEAKER_01: This is gonna benefit the two of us if we kind of know what if we're on the same level playing field, I guess you could say.
31:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, 100%.
31:50
SPEAKER_00: And it just puts it out into the open, means you're talking about it more.
31:53
SPEAKER_00: Often one of the first steps to having better sex is just talking about more sex.
31:57
SPEAKER_01: Communication.
31:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
31:58
SPEAKER_01: Which I think is what we all need to work on at some part in our lives.
32:02
SPEAKER_01: So we do it every day.
32:03
SPEAKER_01: Why not do it also in the bedroom?
32:05
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
32:05
SPEAKER_01: Or on the kitchen bench, wherever you like to do it.
32:07
SPEAKER_01: Okay, you've just turned 30.
32:10
SPEAKER_01: And for me, that's young.
32:11
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
32:12
SPEAKER_01: Everyone knows I just turned 44.
32:14
SPEAKER_01: I'm not old, but for me, 30 just seems like a lifetime ago.
32:18
SPEAKER_01: And of course, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
32:21
SPEAKER_01: And where I'm going with this is I actually think it's brilliant that we've got somebody here in Broome that, and anybody else that's listening from far and wide, that you've got this qualification that people can access.
32:32
SPEAKER_01: For me, I've always looked at people that are a sex coach as being a woman that's in their 50s, 60s, even potentially early 70s.
32:40
SPEAKER_01: Which I want to know, have you ever received, you know, any criticism or had critics from older women that are kind of like, mmm, you're only 30, kind of what would you know?
32:49
SPEAKER_01: What would you, what have you got to offer me about sex?
32:51
SPEAKER_01: You're only 30, like that's young.
32:52
SPEAKER_00: Have you ever experienced that?
32:54
SPEAKER_00: I haven't.
32:55
SPEAKER_00: I haven't ever experienced I that doesn't mean that there's probably not people out there thinking it being like, you know, this chick looks so young.
33:01
SPEAKER_00: What does she know about sex?
33:03
SPEAKER_00: I do think, like, when I look at my Instagram analytics, like it is a very young crowd.
33:08
SPEAKER_00: I think I do attract a young crowd, especially when you're talking about orgasm difficulties, because most women who have orgasm difficulties are between like 20 and 30.
33:17
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
33:17
SPEAKER_00: When you're talking about lower desire, that does attract a more of an older crowd, like um above 30, sometimes under, but I don't really have that many followers over 40 on my Instagram.
33:29
SPEAKER_00: And I think it is just because I do look young, and probably people are thinking that.
33:33
SPEAKER_01: We need to get the 40-year-old women out there.
33:35
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
33:36
SPEAKER_01: Okay, because that's my demographic.
33:38
SPEAKER_01: But I'm gonna be straight up honest.
33:40
SPEAKER_01: I think it's refreshing in the sense that even though yes, you're obviously a decade younger, there's gonna be things that we won't think of that you've obviously done the qualifications, you've got the knowledge, and I think it's just refreshing that we've got someone that's so energetic and will open your mind to seeing things in a different light.
33:59
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
33:59
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
34:00
SPEAKER_00: I do think there is a lot of benefit for women above 40 starting to look down this and and figure out what they want and what they like, because there's been so much shame around sex for all of your youth, right?
34:10
SPEAKER_00: So now that the conversation is finally starting to be open, it's like, great, now's the chance for discovery.
34:16
SPEAKER_00: I agree with you on that.
34:17
SPEAKER_01: I think, look, I'm I'm only speaking from personal experience, but yeah, look, there's shame.
34:22
SPEAKER_01: We had the sex education that we had in high school was literally year 10.
34:26
SPEAKER_01: You had the banana, you had the condom, boys were still present, it was incredibly awkward and weird.
34:31
SPEAKER_01: No one ever talked, like, if there was a gay person that was, you never talked to that person, you're like, oh my god, I think they might be gay or I think they might be lesbian or they might be both, but we're not talking about it.
34:41
SPEAKER_01: It was still in that time where that was never talked about.
34:45
SPEAKER_01: Sex kind of in general wasn't spoken about.
34:48
SPEAKER_01: If you had a girl that was, I don't want to use the word promiscuous, but if she was friendly, that's a word that we used to use.
34:54
SPEAKER_01: If she was friendly and was friendly with the boys, instant S-word.
34:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
34:59
SPEAKER_01: Instant slut, I hate that word.
35:01
SPEAKER_01: That was kind of what you were labelled with.
35:02
SPEAKER_01: You might have kissed a boy, you might have done something, you know, behind the garden shed, but you were instantly called that, and then you were tarnished with that terminology for like years to come.
35:12
SPEAKER_01: I never forget year seven disco 1994.
35:16
SPEAKER_01: Again, remember, this is me terrified of boys.
35:18
SPEAKER_01: I had a boy come up to me, Jeffrey Drew, and he was like, Oh, do you want to go out with me?
35:24
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, um, I have to ask my mum.
35:27
SPEAKER_01: I have to ask my mum.
35:29
SPEAKER_01: That stayed with me until I was in year 12.
35:32
SPEAKER_01: So that happened in year seven, and this is before the obviously the last year of primary school.
35:36
SPEAKER_01: Silly sweet.
35:37
SPEAKER_01: Well, I was I was legitimately being honest.
35:39
SPEAKER_01: I have to ask my mum.
35:41
SPEAKER_01: And then in year nine, same thing.
35:42
SPEAKER_01: I was still terrified of boys.
35:44
SPEAKER_01: He came up to me in year nine, asked the same question, but then went and told a whole bunch of boys don't ask Emma out because she probably has to ask Emma.
35:52
SPEAKER_01: I learnt about the words title and frigid, and I didn't know what those were.
35:56
SPEAKER_01: What was the first one?
35:56
SPEAKER_01: Title Titole.
35:57
SPEAKER_01: Title.
35:58
SPEAKER_01: Titole.
35:59
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, Titole.
35:59
SPEAKER_01: Sorry, that's the Jerodera accent coming out.
36:01
SPEAKER_01: Tight hole.
36:02
SPEAKER_01: And frigid.
36:02
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, what is what does this even mean?
36:04
SPEAKER_01: And it's because I didn't obviously like boys, I never spoke to boys.
36:07
SPEAKER_01: And in year 10, this the social, like the year 10 bowl, I remember doing like the typical like arms on the shoulders kind of snowball dance.
36:15
SPEAKER_01: And he got close to me, and I was like, this is his name was Robert, and I felt like a lump.
36:20
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, what the hell is that lump?
36:22
SPEAKER_01: Downstairs, something's touching me.
36:24
SPEAKER_01: I ran off the dance floor, call my mum, come and pick me up.
36:28
SPEAKER_01: And I told her, Mum, there was a lump.
36:30
SPEAKER_01: Now my mum didn't ever talk about what that lump was.
36:32
SPEAKER_01: I figured it was obviously his penis.
36:35
SPEAKER_01: But this is the kind of background that I'd grown up in.
36:37
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
36:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
36:38
SPEAKER_01: And so year 12 comes, and I'm still terrified of boys, and I never had a boyfriend, didn't go anywhere near them.
36:46
SPEAKER_01: I liked a boy who then obviously ended up becoming my ex-husband, who, yes, we're still friends to this day.
36:51
SPEAKER_01: But I think that there are plenty of women that grew up in the 90s, maybe not having similar experiences to me, but I feel like it was one or the other.
36:59
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
36:59
SPEAKER_01: You were either a girl that stayed in the corner, that didn't talk to boys, or you graduated and then you became wild.
37:05
SPEAKER_01: One of my bet one of my best friends was literally that girl, didn't touch a boy her entire high school life, graduated and become this wild, wild woman, and I lived a lot of my life through her stories.
37:14
SPEAKER_01: Or you were that girl that was incredibly friendly, that was tarnished with the slut label.
37:19
SPEAKER_01: You then it kind of retracted as you got into your like early teens, early twenties, and you're like, oh, I've just been this person.
37:25
SPEAKER_01: And don't get me wrong, there are women out there that have been very confident that are some of my really good friends that are like very vocal about it, but only in small groups and with people that you feel safe with because of that exact reason that you talked about before.
37:39
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
37:39
SPEAKER_01: The shame of going, oh yeah, like if a chick's like, oh man, I love sex, all these things.
37:44
SPEAKER_01: You do know what I mean?
37:45
SPEAKER_01: Not a lot of women are either open in expressing that, feel comfortable in expressing that, or feel even allowed to say that they like sex, to say that they want to be pleasured, to say that they want to do the pleasuring or that they like doing that.
38:00
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I have a friend that's like, yeah, I'm happy to give all sex, and she told me that we're in year 10.
38:05
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, why would you do that?
38:06
SPEAKER_01: Like, why would you put that thing in your mouth?
38:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
38:08
SPEAKER_01: Again, this is because they didn't know much about it.
38:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
38:11
SPEAKER_01: But then I can see now, like we talked about before, that up and coming generation, social media screens really broken it down.
38:18
SPEAKER_01: It has like that.
38:19
SPEAKER_01: And I think it's important to mention too that I think the word in particular sexy, a lot of people find different things.
38:25
SPEAKER_01: There are of it's obviously attracted to them, but like intelligence.
38:29
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
38:29
SPEAKER_01: I think back in the day, no one would have said being an intelligent person or being an intelligent woman or a man is sexy.
38:35
SPEAKER_01: No.
38:36
SPEAKER_01: Whereas that's become a lot more accepted now.
38:38
SPEAKER_01: Where it's like, I love the fact that she's smart, I love the fact that she's confident, I love the fact that she's not afraid to speak her mind.
38:47
SPEAKER_01: I hate the word bossy, you know, assertive is I guess a better word.
38:50
SPEAKER_01: But in saying that, some people like that.
38:53
SPEAKER_01: Some people like it when a woman tells you what they want.
38:55
SPEAKER_01: They want that, they want to be told.
38:57
SPEAKER_01: Like we talked about with the conversation, you're gonna find that out with your partner.
39:01
SPEAKER_01: What does my partner like?
39:02
SPEAKER_01: You you might be thinking, hey, I think I know my partner.
39:04
SPEAKER_01: Deep down, do you though?
39:06
SPEAKER_01: Do you know if they like to be Yeah, have you asked them?
39:09
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
39:10
SPEAKER_01: Fancied or the cleaning thing.
39:11
SPEAKER_01: I do love that.
39:12
SPEAKER_01: What did you call it?
39:13
SPEAKER_01: Chore play.
39:14
SPEAKER_01: Chore play.
39:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, do they like that?
39:16
SPEAKER_01: Any of that sort of thing.
39:17
SPEAKER_01: I think if there's one thing that people take away from that, is obviously that little section of our conversation is how important it is to communicate to your partner.
39:25
SPEAKER_00: 100%.
39:26
SPEAKER_00: Yes, communication is key to having any kind of good relationship, um, like full stop, but then also a good sex life on top of that.
39:33
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
39:34
SPEAKER_00: And I do talk a lot about this like on my Instagram and in my program too, of having like little relationship check-ins and having like either a daily relationship check-in or like a weekly or a monthly check-in.
39:45
SPEAKER_00: Because if without a check-in, without constantly asking your partner if you're on the same page or if there's anything that's left unsaid, resentment builds in your relationship.
39:55
SPEAKER_00: And then you start drifting, and then it's very hard to get back together.
39:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
39:58
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for sharing that.
39:59
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for letting me go off on my tangent too.
40:02
SPEAKER_01: I'm very guilty of doing that.
40:03
SPEAKER_01: I do do rapid fire questions, and I I mean, look, if you want to think about it a lot, that's okay.
40:07
SPEAKER_01: But rapid fire is usually we just put out there whatever's in your mind on the tip of your tongue.
40:12
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
40:12
SPEAKER_00: So, what are three things that you wish women knew about having better sex?
40:16
SPEAKER_00: Firstly, you have to learn how to be in your body.
40:18
SPEAKER_00: You've got to get out of your head, you've got to be in your body.
40:20
SPEAKER_00: The reason is because sex is a physical act, it happens in your body, you feel pleasure in your body.
40:26
SPEAKER_00: If you're in your head, you're not gonna feel pleasure, you're gonna be disconnected.
40:29
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
40:29
SPEAKER_00: Number two is that you need to learn what you like.
40:32
SPEAKER_00: Not what the movies say, not what corn says, not what oh my god, I just called it corn.
40:36
SPEAKER_00: I'm so used to doing it.
40:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
40:38
SPEAKER_00: Not what porn says.
40:39
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
40:39
SPEAKER_00: Um, not what your friends say, you have to learn what you like.
40:42
SPEAKER_00: And number three, you have to learn how to express it.
40:45
SPEAKER_00: You have to learn how to be able to say what you want and what you like to the person that you're having sex with.
40:50
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I love that.
40:51
SPEAKER_01: That's so good.
40:52
SPEAKER_01: Controversial.
40:53
SPEAKER_01: Do you have a favorite sex position?
40:55
SPEAKER_01: I want to know.
40:57
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
40:58
SPEAKER_00: And I and I love this question because I think like initially, before I'd done sex coaching, I would have initially thought, oh, what like penetrative position do I like?
41:12
SPEAKER_00: But now actually thinking about that position now, I'm like, okay, well, well, what kind of sex do I like?
41:16
SPEAKER_00: And what sex position that's not necessarily penetration do I like?
41:20
SPEAKER_00: Because I know that I don't get that much pleasure from penetration.
41:22
SPEAKER_00: Like, put hands down, oral sex.
41:25
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
41:25
SPEAKER_01: Oral sex.
41:26
SPEAKER_01: That's your favorite.
41:27
SPEAKER_01: That's my favorite.
41:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
41:28
SPEAKER_01: Love it.
41:28
SPEAKER_01: And obviously Hayden's keen on it.
41:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
41:30
SPEAKER_01: As I know, I mean, I know that's controversial.
41:33
SPEAKER_01: Some guys hate it, some girls don't like it.
41:35
SPEAKER_01: I guess can we say you learn to love it, or it's you just learn to accept that your partner might not like to do it?
41:41
SPEAKER_00: I used to hate it.
41:42
SPEAKER_00: Also, didn't really like giving it, probably because I didn't really like receiving it as well.
41:46
SPEAKER_00: Like they're kind of intertwined.
41:47
SPEAKER_00: I think really learning what I really learned like pussy worship and cock worship and like having those practices where you just really it's like a devotion practice.
41:56
SPEAKER_00: Damn, worship.
41:57
SPEAKER_00: That's a powerful word.
41:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
41:59
SPEAKER_00: We're literally worshiping this.
42:01
SPEAKER_00: We're literally worshipping it.
42:02
SPEAKER_00: And you bring that energy to the practice and it makes it so yummy and so gooey.
42:08
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, it's amazing.
42:10
SPEAKER_00: Damn.
42:11
SPEAKER_00: I love those words.
42:12
SPEAKER_01: Yummy and gooey.
42:14
SPEAKER_01: God, I'm picturing chalk chip cookies now, but yes, okay, okay.
42:18
SPEAKER_01: Let's take that and put that with that.
42:19
SPEAKER_01: All right.
42:20
SPEAKER_01: Last one.
42:20
SPEAKER_01: If you weren't doing central sessions with your business, is there anything else that you would be doing?
42:24
SPEAKER_01: Or is it going to be tied into that?
42:26
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
42:27
SPEAKER_01: Going forward, like more into the sex thing.
42:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we're definitely going more into central sessions and more into sexology and away from podiatry.
42:35
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
42:35
SPEAKER_00: They say that a podiatrist has seven years, and I've done my seven years.
42:38
SPEAKER_00: That's the that's a lifespan for a podiatrist, seven years.
42:40
SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm at the time.
42:41
SPEAKER_00: My time's done.
42:42
SPEAKER_00: Your time is done.
42:43
SPEAKER_01: One more sex.
42:44
SPEAKER_01: One more sex.
42:45
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
42:45
SPEAKER_01: Lastly, I always do this at the end of all my episodes.
42:48
SPEAKER_01: I want to give you the platform right now to do a shout-out.
42:52
SPEAKER_01: So anybody, like as in a woman that has inspired you, that you think is just the bee's knees, anything.
42:58
SPEAKER_01: I was literally gonna say you worship their pussy.
43:00
SPEAKER_01: That sounds weird.
43:02
SPEAKER_01: Um, it's a shout out to a woman that has been incredibly great in your life.
43:08
SPEAKER_00: Okay, I have two.
43:09
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
43:10
SPEAKER_00: So one is my um sister, my middle sister, I have one of three.
43:15
SPEAKER_00: Well, actually both my sisters, but my middle sister, because she has really, really, really helped me give belief in myself that I can do this online business.
43:25
SPEAKER_00: Um, she has an online business of herself and she's been mentoring me through that.
43:28
SPEAKER_00: So her and also my sexology mentor, Ruby, who has also been on the other side lifting me up too.
43:37
SPEAKER_01: That's cool.
43:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
43:38
SPEAKER_01: Sexology mentor, that's special.
43:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
43:40
SPEAKER_00: Well, you c you have to.
43:42
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
43:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
43:43
SPEAKER_00: Because it's kind of like psychology, you know, you need to be having a regular supervision and regular mentoring.
43:47
SPEAKER_00: She's been doing that for me.
43:49
SPEAKER_00: Go, Ruby, and go your sisters.
43:51
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
43:51
SPEAKER_01: Fabulous.
43:52
SPEAKER_01: Listen, I have learnt already so much from today's episode.
43:56
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I was looking at it like this is a chat, not an educational session.
44:00
SPEAKER_01: But that's exactly what it's been, and I love it.
44:02
SPEAKER_01: I want to say I appreciate you coming on to the podcast today and sharing all your sex wisdom.
44:07
SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna have to edit out too much of the sex words because I'm lucky, but yes, when this goes on Instagram, I will remember to do that.
44:12
SPEAKER_01: So I learnt that as well.
44:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
44:14
SPEAKER_01: Um so thank you so much for joining me today.
44:16
SPEAKER_01: I appreciate you.
44:17
SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for having me.
44:22
SPEAKER_01: Thanks for listening to She Said It Out Loud.
44:24
SPEAKER_01: If you took something away from today's episode, I would love to hear from you.
44:28
SPEAKER_01: Come find me on Instagram at officially EmmaYoung.
44:32
SPEAKER_01: And hit follow so new episodes land straight in your feed.
44:36
SPEAKER_01: See you next time for more real and honest stories from legendary women.