Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Ronny on the End of the Iran Ceasefire_ Trump_s FIFA Meddling _ Platner_s Dropout _ The Daily Show

Transcript

Ronny on the End of the Iran Ceasefire_ Trump_s FIFA Meddling _ Platner_s Dropout _ The Daily Show · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: How was everyone's Fourth of July weekend? Did you do
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: all the normal stuff like barbecue or go to the
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: beach or get married at Madison Square Garden? Well, I
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: didn't do shit because it was a billion degrees outside.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: My AC was working harder than Graham Platner's PR team.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: It was so hard, my balls declared independence from my penis.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: But even with the heat, people managed to get outside
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: and celebrate in ways that did not in any way
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: feel like a metaphor for where America's at right now. Again,
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: that was not a metaphor for America. because that guy
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: is completely okay. I mean, seriously, the skydiver is fine.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: And actually fine, not like Mitch McConnell fine. Just kidding,
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Mitch is doing great, he's doing great. And he can't
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: wait to get back. But you know who did not
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: piss himself off flying through the sky this weekend? President Trump.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: He spent the holiday reflecting on why America is the
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: hottest country in the world.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: We are the nation that dreamed and created the modern
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: world and invented the light bulb, the telephone, the airplane,
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: the assembly line, the television, the microchip, the personal computer,
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: the internet, the GPS, the smartphone, and almost everything else
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: that has ever Been invented.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: We invented everything that's ever been invented. And also everything
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: that hasn't been invented yet. We also invented, because I
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: just invented the idea of inventing all your inventions. It's
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: called pre-vention. And I just invented that word. We invented
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: all that shit. All right, Trump, give us another one.
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: We invented it all. We charted the human genome to
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: cure diseases.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: Wait, what? What do you mean, genome? Why is he
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: pronouncing it like it's an old-school rapper? My top three, Jay-Z, Jeezy,
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: and genome. But Trump hasn't just been learning about the
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: human genome. He's also been learning about the sport of soccer. Because...
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: America has been hosting the World Cup. Yeah! Very American
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: to not share the World Cup. And up to the
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: last week, the U.S. team was doing much better than expected,
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: in large part thanks to its leading scorer for Lauren Balogun.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: Nothing could stop this guy. I mean nothing. One of
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: the star players on the U.S.
• 3:07
  Speaker 4: Men's soccer team getting hit with the red card and
• 3:10
  Speaker 4: forced to skip next week's big game.
• 3:12
  Speaker 5: Leading scorer, Fowler and Balogun, given a red card for
• 3:15
  Speaker 5: a hard foul. The high-level penalty resulting in a player's
• 3:18
  Speaker 5: immediate ejection from the current game and suspension from the
• 3:22
  Speaker 5: very next game they play.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: What? You're gonna give Balogun a red card because it
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: looks like maybe he snapped the guy's ankle in slow motion? Yo,
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: everything looks worse in slow motion. You ever seen a
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: guy get hit by a car in slow motion? It
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: looks horrible. It looks like murder. But if you watch
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: it in reverse, it looks like my car revived him. Anyway,
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: for Lauren Balogun, getting a red card meant that he
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: wasn't allowed to play the next game against Belgium. But
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: you know what? That's what's beautiful about sports, okay? Not
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: everything goes your way. What matters is how you rise
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: to the occasion and dig deep to find a way
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: to win. And that's exactly what America did. President Trump
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: revealing he intervened, calling FIFA's president to protest Balogun's red
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: card as unfair.
• 4:13
  Speaker 5: FIFA now clearing the way for Balogun to play.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: Psyche, this is America, bitch! The land of the Karen.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: And when life hands us lemons, we call life's manager
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: and say, take these lemons back and let Balogun play.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: And of course, the rest of the world started complaining,
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: saying it wasn't fair, asking why President Trump gets to
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: pull strings. Well, there's a good reason why.
• 4:47
  Speaker 6: And I'm a person that loves sports and was a
• 4:49
  Speaker 6: good athlete. And I understand sports really well, really well.
• 4:56
  Speaker 6: And that wasn't a foul.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: See, you heard it from him. You heard it from him.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: That wasn't a foul. President Trump understands sports, okay? It's
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: in his genome. Sports is deep in his DNA. So
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: I think he knows what a red card is. I
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: didn't know what the hell a red card was. When
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: I found out, I said, you gotta be kidding. Psyche!
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: This man didn't know what a red card is. But
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: you know what he did know? How to get a
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: guy a pardon.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: And if you're thinking this is corrupt, well, yeah, it is.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: Because that's America's style of play. You think we're gonna
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: obey soccer rules? We don't even listen to the Geneva Convention.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: And there's something else about this case that's even more American.
• 5:57
  Speaker 4: Flaren Balagan, who is this star.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: Player, is also a birthright citizen.
• 6:02
  Speaker 4: He was born in New York, but he was only
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: born in the U.S. because his mother was denied the
• 6:09
  Speaker 4: ability to fly home after being on vacation in the U.S.
• 6:13
  Speaker 4: because she was too pregnant to get on the plane.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: What a twist. Last week, Trump was at the Supreme
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: Court trying to end everyone's birthright citizenship. This week, he
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: personally intervened to protect one specific birthright citizen, previously known
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: as a citizen. And you might think that's hypocritical, but
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: real Americans know this is actually the most American immigration
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: policy ever, okay? The policy is this, all immigrants, conceptually.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: Just not the specific immigrants we need to do the
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: jobs we don't wanna do, okay? Like picking crops, or
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: creating vaccines, or playing soccer. And maybe you don't like
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: that about America, and maybe you don't like how we
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: bend the rules when it's in our interests, or exploit
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: all the advantages of immigrants while vilifying them. But that's
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: what makes you guys haters on the sidelines while we
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: stay winning.
• 7:13
  Speaker 4: And the dream is over for the team USA in
• 7:17
  Speaker 4: the World Cup. Monday night, they lost to Belgium by
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: a final score of 4-1.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: What the f * * *? 4-1? Bargain, get the
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: f * * * out of my country, all right?
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: This is the worst thing a person pardoned by Trump
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: has ever done. 4-1. For those Americans watching at home
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: who don't understand soccer, four to one is a humiliating score. Okay,
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: the Belgians took the red card we canceled and shoved
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: it up our goal post. And if you don't think
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: the Belgian players had that in mind when they took
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: to the field against us, just look at how they
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: celebrated afterwards.
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: The Belgian players were doing the Trump YMCA dance to
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: mock him.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: No! No! They're using our president's own jerk-off dance against him.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: They're not even good at it. Look, the dicks are
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: supposed to be up here.
• 8:30
  Speaker 4: They're up here.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: They're not down here. You guys look like idiots doing
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: it like this.
• 8:39
  Speaker 7: But.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: But Trump only has himself to blame because thanks to him,
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: we went from being the heroes of our own Disney
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: sports movie to being the villain in some weird European film.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: I mean, up until last week, America was the scrappy
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: underdog again. But then Trump's intervention galvanized Belgium and the
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: entire world to defeat Team USA for the integrity of
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: the game. And just like everything else he tried to fix,
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: he made it worse and ruined our reputation in the process.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: Before Trump.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: Before Trump... We were a shining eagle soaring through the sky.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: And now we're this. Oh shit, that was a metaphor.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: All right, well, President Trump flew to Turkey this week
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: for the NATO summit, which means he's surrounded by allies.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: And I don't mean the kind of ally who tells
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: you he's not racist because he has an Asian wife.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: I mean geopolitical allies. And if you listen to Trump,
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: it seems like the meetings have gone really well.
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: If you could have seen the respect and the love
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: in the room, there was tremendous love in that room.
• 9:49
  Speaker 6: It's too bad the press couldn't have seen what we
• 9:53
  Speaker 6: were doing in that room. The real love, it was
• 9:58
  Speaker 6: sort of pretty wild.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: It's pretty wild. I wish the press could have seen
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: all the tremendous love. What the was going on in
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: that room? I mean, I don't want to be gross,
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: but it sounds like they were having a big circle
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: jerk in there.
• 10:19
  Speaker 6: It's too bad the press could not see what's happening
• 10:21
  Speaker 6: in this room. You saw the big round circle with
• 10:24
  Speaker 6: all of the leaders of all of those countries.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: Gross. This whole time I thought he was dancing. It
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: turns out it was practice. But you know what? Maybe
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: it's good that Trump is getting in sync with NATO
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: because right now he really needs that support with the
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: big issue that's looming over the entire summit.
• 10:45
  Speaker 5: Overnight, Iran and the U.S.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: Trading fire. Tehran launching attacks across the region, targeting U.S.
• 10:51
  Speaker 5: Military sites in Bahrain and Kuwait.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: Just hours earlier, the U.S. hitting over 80 targets.
• 10:56
  Speaker 7: President Trump said the ceasefire with Iran is now over,
• 11:00
  Speaker 7: calling into question the future of these negotiations and whether
• 11:03
  Speaker 7: America will fully be brought back into this war.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: What do you mean brought back into the war? We're
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: the ones doing the war. It's like a tornado being like, oh, wow,
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: why is there so windy in here? What's happening? So yeah,
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: the ceasefire may be over, but lucky for us, we
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: got a deal-making chief as our president. And when he's
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: in charge, it's never over.
• 11:28
  Speaker 7: To me.
• 11:30
  Speaker 6: I think it's over. They're scum. They're sick people. They're
• 11:33
  Speaker 6: led by sick people. Vicious, violent people. They're cuckoo. As
• 11:39
  Speaker 6: far as I'm concerned, they're a bunch of lying guys.
• 11:41
  Speaker 6: They're liars. They're cheats. They're sick people. They're scum. You
• 11:46
  Speaker 6: know what scum is?
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's the thing covering your reflecting pool, right? But, look, Mr...
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: But look, Mr. President, take a step back, okay? You've
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: only been negotiating for three weeks. What made you so
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: mad at them?
• 12:08
  Speaker 6: You know, they asked for a timeout. They wanted to
• 12:11
  Speaker 6: go to the funeral of Khomeini. And I said, give
• 12:14
  Speaker 6: it to him. And they started shooting missiles. I mean,
• 12:17
  Speaker 6: it was the craziest thing.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so crazy. It's crazy. I mean, look, I
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: get what you're saying. Iran asked for a timeout for
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: a funeral, and then they shot missiles at oil tankers.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: You're not supposed to shoot during a timeout, okay? You
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: got to respect playground rules. But, Mr. President, is there
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: any possible reason you think they might want to launch
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: missiles during their leader's funeral?
• 12:43
  Speaker 6: I mean, it's a crazy thing.
• 12:46
  Speaker 8: Now.
• 12:48
  Speaker 6: We did kill him. Yes, I guess you have to
• 12:50
  Speaker 6: look at it that way.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: I think we make a breakthrough here, okay? Because that's
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: what I love about Trump. He sees things from other
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: people's perspective sometimes. But whoever started the war, it doesn't matter.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: Although it was you. The important thing now is getting help.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: And again, it's great that he's at the NATO sex summit.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: Because he could... He can use all the allies he
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: can get.
• 13:19
  Speaker 6: I spoke to Germany. I spoke to France. Spoke to UK.
• 13:25
  Speaker 6: Spoke to Italy. I spoke to... I didn't speak to Spain.
• 13:27
  Speaker 6: Spain is a wasted cause.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: Wait, what? Wait, Spain? Where did that come from? Did
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: I miss an episode or something?
• 13:42
  Speaker 4: Because....
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: I don't remember Spain being a character in the show,
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: but I guess Trump has some kind of problem with Spain.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: They're hopeless.
• 13:53
  Speaker 8: Bad people because, you know, they have everybody else going
• 13:56
  Speaker 8: and paying and.
• 13:57
  Speaker 6: Working in Spain, in particular Spain. There are a couple
• 14:00
  Speaker 6: of others, but in particular Spain.
• 14:02
  Speaker 8: We don't want to do any trade business with Spain anymore,
• 14:04
  Speaker 8: by the way. I'd like you to cut it off.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: Holy shit, they're cutting trade off? Wait, are you confusing
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: Spain with Mexico? You know Spain is white, right? They're
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: the white people. I mean, they're tan, but they're still
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: white people. You can't just cut off trade with Spain.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: I mean, how are we gonna get our.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: What the do these guys make again? Cathedrals? Croquetas? Why
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: is Spain causing you so much pain? Explain.
• 14:49
  Speaker 8: Spain is a terrible partner in NATO. They don't participate,
• 14:55
  Speaker 8: they don't pay. I don't want anything to do with Spain.
• 14:58
  Speaker 8: Cut off all trade with Spain, please. Including visits.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: Whoa, okay, now I'm causing a timeout. What do you mean,
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: including visits? Does he mean diplomatic, or am I not
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: allowed to go to Spain now? Because I had a
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: whole eat, pray, love plant. The eat was in Mallorca.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: Can you at least talk to Spain first?
• 15:23
  Speaker 6: I don't want to do any more trade with them,
• 15:24
  Speaker 6: all right? Take it immediately. Don't even talk to them.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: Don't even talk to them. You can look at their stories,
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: but don't like them. All right, fine. Are there any
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: other fights you want to pick with NATO while you're
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: at it?
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: Denmark doesn't spend money to really help Greenland, but it's
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: an important part for the United States. That should be
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: controlled by the United States, not by Denmark.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: Okay, here we.
• 15:52
  Speaker 9: Shit again. I guess.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: Okay, I guess we're going to war with Iran and
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: Spain and Greenland. All I ask is before we invade Greenland,
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: can we at least triple check that Greenland doesn't also
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: control some vital choke point for the entire planet? Because
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: I don't want to find out that all the world's
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: oxygen comes from some volcano in Nuuk. Listen, Trump, you
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: gotta get over this shit and get NATO on board
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: with the war, okay? Because it sounds like Iran is
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: getting some new allies.
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: Two months ago, we had 100, I told this story yesterday,
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: we had 111 missiles shot by the Islamic Republic of Japan.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: Oh my God. were losing the war with Iran so
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: bad it converted Japan to Islam. And I know it
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: sounds stupid when Trump says it, but if someone told
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: you the Islamic Republic of Japan was a new fusion
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: restaurant in Bushwick, you hipsters would be lining up for it.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: So basically on this NATO trip, Trump managed to restart
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: the war of Iran, piss off our allies, threatened to
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: kidnap Greenland, and again, and now no one is allowed
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: to visit Spain. This would be considered a catastrophic failure
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: for any president, but for Donald Trump, solid B minus.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: It's not his worst outing. President Trump is back from
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: Turkey after his incredible NATO summit where everyone loved him
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: and agreed to his idea to restart the war with
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: Iran was super smart. Unfortunately, his flight back wasn't quite
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: as luxurious as his flight there.
• 17:50
  Speaker 7: This morning, new questions about the security of President Trump's
• 17:53
  Speaker 7: new Qatari-gifted Air Force One. The Secret Service urged the
• 17:57
  Speaker 7: president to depart Turkey in the older Air Force One
• 18:00
  Speaker 7: instead of the new jet as a safety precaution amid
• 18:02
  Speaker 7: escalating tensions with Iran.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: Okay, first off, how do you fly back on a
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: different plane? Like, what do you mean? Did they bring
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: both Air Force Ones? Is that why there's no gas
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: in the world anymore? Because the president flies with an
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: extra emotional support plane. Also, you know what happens anytime
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: they switch planes on you, okay? Trump definitely lost his luggage.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: He is calling them like, hey, did you guys find
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: a box? It says Epstein files. Don't open it. And,
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: of course, yeah, Epstein, yeah!
• 18:46
  Speaker 4: Epstein.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: And of course, we had to abandon the Quattare plane
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: for security concerns. Of course that happened. This is why
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: when it comes to the most important plane in the world,
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: you don't go certified pre-owned. America should spring for a
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: new one. And Trump should give the Quattare plane to,
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: I don't know, give it to Southwest. I'll fly in it.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: I don't care if they spy on me. What are
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: you gonna do? Find out I'm watching my own movies
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: on the entertainment system? I'm not ashamed. I'm great in them.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: But let's move on from this story about a thing
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: that looked cool but turned out to be a bit
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: shady to something completely different, Graham Platner. You remember Graham Platner,
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: the Senate candidate who had a Nazi tattoo, a cheating scandal,
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: and tons of offensive Reddit posts? Well, brace yourself, because
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: something bad came up about me.
• 19:44
  Speaker 10: Overnight, in the most closely watched Senate race in the nation,
• 19:47
  Speaker 10: Maine Democrat Graham Plattner scandal-plagued coming to a dramatic end.
• 19:52
  Speaker 10: The announcement following an arduous three-day collapse of Plattner's candidacy
• 19:56
  Speaker 10: after an ex-girlfriend accused him of sexual assault, which he denies.
• 20:01
  Speaker 9: This is incredibly difficult because I know that some will
• 20:05
  Speaker 9: think it's an admission of guilt, and it most certainly
• 20:07
  Speaker 9: is not.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: Okay, I mean, it is a little suspicious. It's like
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: being at a party where the toilet's overflowing and all
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: of a sudden I'm like, okay, everyone, I have to
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: leave immediately. No one read into this, please. Obviously, Plattner
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: had to drop out once there was credible sexual assault allegations.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: I mean, at that point, the only person in Maine
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: who might still vote for him is Susan Collins. The
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: question is, how could this happen? How could the people
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: in Maine have picked this guy to run in the
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: first place?
• 20:45
  Speaker 4: He was picked to run not by people in Maine
• 20:49
  Speaker 4: or from Maine, but by consultants for highly progressive movements.
• 20:54
  Speaker 4: The initial headhunters, Dan Moraff and Leanne Fahn, told Mr.
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: Plattner he was the one, a hero of the movement.
• 21:01
  Speaker 7: I think it was the spring of 2025, and we
• 21:03
  Speaker 7: went through thousands and thousands of prospects.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: Is this guy going through puberty in real time? But hey,
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: grown up McLovin and the lady who runs a cat cafe,
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: they're professionals, right? How did they shit the bed so hard?
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: At this point, you hadn't vetted Graham Platner. You hadn't
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: done a full scrub.
• 21:38
  Speaker 9: Of who he is.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: How did you go about vetting him? And why did you?
• 21:42
  Speaker 4: We paid, yeah, we.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: How are these people the king makers? This is why
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: we need to stop taking political advice from Dungeons and
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: Dragons polycules. These Napoleon Dynamite-looking dorks were so excited to
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: find someone who looked like an authentic main man, they
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: failed to do their due diligence. But however Plattner got there,
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: now he's officially out. The best thing he can do
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: is step aside and get out of the way. Now
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: reports say the disgraced candidate wants to help pick his replacement.
• 22:21
  Speaker 9: I'm not trying to dictate to anyone who it should
• 22:24
  Speaker 9: be or how we get there, but I will say this.
• 22:27
  Speaker 9: It needs to be reflecting the will and the values
• 22:30
  Speaker 9: of the people that built this movement.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: Okay, buddy, you've done enough, okay? That's not really up
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: to you. You didn't even have the job. You were
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: an applicant, okay? When I blew my interview with Orange
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: Julius in high school... I didn't stick around to tell
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: the manager, okay, fine, I'm leaving, but you have to
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: hire someone as edgy as me. But look, don't worry,
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: there's tons of qualified people from Maine, and I know
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: just the perfect guy.
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: Actor and Maine native Patrick Dempsey said he seriously considered
• 23:15
  Speaker 4: a bid, but decided he does not want to serve
• 23:18
  Speaker 4: in Congress.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: That was my only idea. I can't believe a rich
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: actor who's so handsome that people literally call him McDreamy
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: doesn't want to be a senator. It seems like an
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: awesome opportunity to make less money while also having to
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: talk to John Fetterman about ocean fishing rights. All right, Maine,
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: there's got to be another option. Who else you got?
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: Democrats are already jumping into the race to replace Plattner,
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: including Maine Beer Company founder Dan Kleban and Troy Jackson,
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: a logger who served in the state Senate.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: Oh, man, a beer brewer and a logger. Jesus, everyone
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: in Maine is so rugged. Why don't they just run
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: a lobster who does drywall?