Latest / Spunky Spirit with Cari Mugz / Being Spiritual Doesn't Equal Being Nice.

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Being Spiritual Doesn't Equal Being Nice. · Spunky Spirit with Cari Mugz

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Welcome to the Spunky Spirit podcast. I'm your host, psychic medium Carrie Mugs.
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This is where we learn all things spirit everything from spiritual gifts, awakenings,
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ghosts, aliens and star seeds. Nothing is untouchable but always fun and
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spunky. I am honored to be on this spiritual journey with you, so
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make sure you get the subscribe button so you never miss an episode. Hello
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and welcome to this week's episode of Spunky Spirit. I am your host,
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psychic medium Carry Mugs, and this week we are going to talk about kind
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of that you don't have to always be nice to be spiritual. We kind
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of have this perception that we have to be all forgiving, all encompassing,
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all love and light, and honestly, sometimes when we do that, which
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is good, but it's like toxic positivity and it's not so something that you
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can do all the time. And when we can't do it all the time,
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we feel guilty. We feel like we don't measure up or are or
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we're not spiritual enough because we're taught that we have to be all loving and
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all, which turns us into a walking people pleasing doormat. To be honest,
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and I have gone that down that road for so long that it's so
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hard to get out of. But I want you to know that it's okay
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if you do it's okay if you're not one hundred percent all the time,
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uplifting, cheerful, forgiving all that stuff, because honestly, we are here
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to have a spiritual experience, and we are here to experience all the things
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that we go through, and it doesn't mean we have to do it perfectly.
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In fact, sometimes when we it can be known as spiritual bypassing,
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is when we are just we dismiss people's feelings or we dismiss our feelings and
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say, oh all is well, love and light, everything is beautiful,
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everything is fine. I've got to be I got to rise above. I
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got a bigger I gotta be the bigger person. I gotta take the right
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road, which is all can be true. But we've been taught and taught
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by social religions and social cultures that we always have to be nice, or
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we always have to be pleasant, or we always have to be no gossip,
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always forgiving, always loving, and if we if we go to somebody,
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we're a bad person, or if we have feelings and we're mad,
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or we have anger, we're a bad person, and we kind of go.
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I think I kind of talked about this last week a little bit actually,
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where we have this persona that if we can only be spiritual if we're
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nice, and if we're not nice, then we can't be We can't raise
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have a higher frequency or raise our frequency because we're all supposed to be love
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and light and blah blah blah, and that's not true. We have to,
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as humans, experience this life. We have to experience all the good
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and the bad. And so a lot of people ask me, when they
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ask you, what is shadow work. Your shadow work is when you can't
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be love and light. Your shadow is when you're not nice. Your shadow
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is when you don't like people. Your shadow is when you can't when you
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let something go and bury it and don't deal with it and process it,
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so then you have to deal with it and process it lead you. I
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it's just so hard because what you don't understand is the more that you people
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please and the more that you want to. I mean, it's okay to
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be friendly, right, and it's okay to to be nice, but to
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a point where you don't have to sacrifice yourself to do it is the key
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and we and I don't know about you, but on my journey, I
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sacrifice my happiness a lot to be the good person. And nice doesn't always
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acquiviate to good, right, so we just have it in our head that
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to be a good person, we have to be nice, we have to
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be accommodating, we have to be of service, we have to do all
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these things, which can be true to some extent, but at some point
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we've got to take care of ourselves. And when we're doing all of that,
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we bypass ourselves and we don't look at ourselves and we don't process what
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we're really feeling because we think, oh, if I'm mad at her because
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she did this and it's really petty for me to be mad, then I'm
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a bad person. That's not what it means. It means you're feeling,
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you're having emotions, and that's okay. And usually when we have sorry about
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air conditioner just went on it, so I can hear it, I can
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hear it in the background, so it's bugging me. Usually when we we
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think that when we are not nice or when we have these feelings, because
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culture has taught us that we have to be nice. We have to be
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the better person. We have to do all these things or we're not a
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good person. And or we have to go to church, or we're not
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a good person. We have to meditate for hours a day, or not
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a good person. We have to be nice to everybody. We have to
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the regular The full rule of thumb really is to treat others like you would
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want to be treated. So if we can add no physical harm to other
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people, right, like no physical harm. And the reason why I say
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no physical harm to other people is because sometimes your boundaries are going to hurt
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other people's feelings. So if I create a boundary that I do not let
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people in my let's do a business boundary, right, and I do not
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let people. I get lots of people messaging me all the time. Can
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I get in? I have an emergency, can I get it early?
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And I don't really think that that's far to the people who have been waiting,
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right, So, and I don't have a wait list because the wait
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list got too long, it got too too hard to take care of,
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and I never really got cancelations. So it was just way too big of
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a headache. But I did it to please others, and in the way,
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I was sacrificing myself because I was trying to accommodate other people so much
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that I was causing myself anxiety. And if I couldn't get them in or
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be the nice person, then I would seriously have guilt, racked guilt and
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feeling all this bad stuff because I'm not a good person because I didn't get
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them in when they needed to be. And all this time I was sacrificing
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myself. I was creating anxiety for me, and I was creating stress for
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me that wasn't necessarily and all the time I thought, well, better me
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than them, better me to have anxiety, better me to have this uncomfortable
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feeling than them. But then it got to the point where I got sick.
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I got physically sick, and so then I was like, okay,
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wait, and that's when I kind of realized that you take care of you
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first. You take care of you first, and if you have feelings of
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euphoria and love and unitedness, that is great, because some days you're gonna
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have those, and then there's gonna be other days that you're gonna be ticked
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and you're gonna be pissed and someone's gonna make you mad. And for women,
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it's all emotional too, like at certain times of the month. Right.
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So, but then if you go through that point and you're like,
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Okay, I'm so mad at this person, then you feel guilty afterwards for
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being so mad. Right, so, as long as you like process your
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feelings. Now, processing your feelings doesn't mean you call that person and scream
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at them and yell at them. If that's something you feel like you need
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to do, that's okay, But you know what, you're gonna have to
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face the consequences later, and you might lose that friend, or that friend
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might tell somebody else, which is okay because you really don't need to worry
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about what other people think. But at the end of the day, if
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you lose other friends because of it, that's on you. So you get
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to decide how you get to man or process this stuff. But just because
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you make a mistake or just because you become a and I hate this word,
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but they call it a karen because Karens are like super over the top
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and mean and aggressive. But sometimes those Karens are legitimate, they have legitimate
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reasons. Sometimes they do not. Sometimes they do not, and they talk
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out a turn. But you know what, all the time, they're processing
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their emotions. They're processing their emotions, and we really don't understand what's going
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on in their mind at the time that they're losing it. Right. We
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don't know if that morning they just lost their father. We don't know what
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happened to them. We don't know the circumstances. So we have to let
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it not get personal. But we also don't have to take it. If
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we get somebody who starts to be mean to us, we can walk away.
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We don't have to sit and film them. We don't have to try
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and make them like us. We don't have to try and make it better.
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It doesn't make us a better person if we do, and it doesn't
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make us a better person. To accommodate. That makes us a better spiritual
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person is to acknowledge who we are, Acknowledge those feelings that we have,
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and be okay with it. Be okay that we do make mistakes. Be
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okay that we're not happy positivity all the time. Be okay that we're not
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people pleasers anymore. Be okay that you create boundaries, Be okay that you
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want to be authentically you, And sometimes that means you don't want to go
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out with your friends, and sometimes that means you don't want to have a
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big, huge family get together and you don't want to go to it because
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sometimes you need to take care of yourself first. And it all goes back
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to if you don't take care of yourself first, how are you going to
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take care of those people? And especially if you're a people pleaser. So
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I just want to remind you that I guess I don't want you to feel
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like you're a bad person just because you get mad at somebody. And I
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don't want you to feel like you're a bad person because you have you,
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you know, like put somebody out of your life for a little bit,
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even if it has to do either with them or with you. And I
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want you to remember that you are it's okay to feel those things. Usually
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when you do not like somebody, or you have bad feelings towards them,
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usually they're right on, unless you have like your intuition is to usually write
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on and it's your intuition that's protecting you from something they're going to create or
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do to you, or or you just don't like to be around them,
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and that is okay because a lot of times we're taught well we have to.
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We have to deal with it, and at works sometimes we do,
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at our jobs sometimes we do have to just be like, Okay, I
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gotta make this work. I gotta figure it out, and that's okay.
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But I don't want you to feel like you're a bad person. If you
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are, you're not spiritual, if you don't have love and light all the
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time for everybody, because that's not how it works. That's how we're taught.
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It works, and that's how we're taught. We have to meditate,
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we have to know these chakras, we have all these things, and in
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reality, we just have to be ourselves. And if part of that is
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acknowledging that we don't like some people, and part of that is acknowledging that
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there are some things. And I know a lot of Christian people. I
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love Jesus. I'm a good I love Jesus, I Christian all the way,
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but I also like other religions too. I like there's But what I'm
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trying to say is if we now I forgot what it's going to try and
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say something about if we are always nice, we're just taught that we always
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oh forgiveness. I do have spirits come through and they want to apologize to
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the person who is in front of me, the sitter, my client,
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and sometimes my sitter or my client isn't ready to accept their apology, and
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the spirit totally understands. The spirit is all. The spirit gets it,
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and the spirit says, I'll try again another time. I even tell people
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before we do the readings, if somebody on the other side comes through and
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wants to apologize for something you're not ready to forgive, please let me know
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and we'll move forward because it might not be time. It might not be
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time for you to forgive yet. So I know that we have this thing
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where we have to always forgive and we have to move on and forgive people
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for what they do, and that is not always true. So I don't
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want you to feel bad if you can't forgive somebody, if you're having a
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hard time forgiving somebody, because it just means that you haven't processed it all
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yet. And when I talk about processing it or forgiving somebody, it just
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means too that if you haven't forgiven them on earth, it's something that there's
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just some things that are so unforgivable on earth that some people have gone through
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that they can't they can't bring themselves to forgive. And that's okay. I
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don't want you to think less of yourself, and that will be something that
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you will be able to do on the other side. So any time you've
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had any kind of qualms or bickers or fights or anything like that, you
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can process that stuff on the other side, and you are a little bit
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harder on yourself because because you can see the higher picture, not because you
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think you're a bad person or a bad spirit, but you can see the
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bigger picture and you can see why people did the things they did, and
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so you kind of like are like, oh wow. When you are on
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the other side looking at your life review, you don't really judge yourself.
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Nobody else judges you. You just kind of think, oh, wow,
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this is how I handled it, and then you could see the different ways
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and how you could have handled it differently. But just because you want to,
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not because you have to, not because you're being taught a lesson or
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that you're passing a test. It's just because you want to know you as
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a spirit, want to know how you could have done that better because you're
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always we're always continuing to grow right, even on the other side, even
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when we go over to the other frequency, when we pass over or we
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transition. So just because sometimes if you don't forgive somebody, the trick is
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is if you don't forgive somebody, or you can't find it in your hard
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to forgive somebody right now, and it's too much for you to have a
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process and feelings, that's okay as long cause when you forgive somebody, you
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don't have to be their best friend anymore. You don't have to invite them
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out for dinner, you don't have to do all the things that you used
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to, you don't even have to be friends with them. You can just
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forgive and let it go. And if you even can't do that, that's
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okay until you can. But if you can't forgive somebody, I don't want
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you to feel bad about it, because it sometimes it's too hard for us
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on this earth and it's not a test on whether or not to forgive somebody,
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And so I just don't want you walking around constantly feeling bad because because
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that's what's gonna get you right. That's why they teach forgiveness is because when
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you don't forgive, it eats it you. When you don't forgive, it
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eats it you all the time, and you feel like you're a bad person.
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Or if you as long as you are not a think of forgiveness as
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like a little bottle of poison, And it's okay if you set the poison
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on the counter and you say, okay, I'm done with that. But
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if you don't forgive somebody and you're okay with that, that's great. But
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if you're trying to make sense but I don't know if I'm a giving but
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if you do, but not forgiving is taking that bottle of poison and drinking
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it and you constantly worrying about it. You letting it control everything, the
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situation, the other person in situ, all of the things. You're letting
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it control you. The key is to process it and let it go and
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not let it control you anymore, and not dwell on it anymore. That's
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the key. And so if you can do that, then you're a good
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person, because you are. The point of being a good person is trying
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to figure out how to love yourself and not care what other people think.
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Being you authentically, which means being the mad you all the motions like in
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and out the show In and Out, I think, is that what it's
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called When all the emotions are in her head, and she's got to love
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every single one of those emotions. She's gotta love the anxiety character, she's
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got to love the envy character, she's gotta love the joy character, the
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anger character, the sad character, the one, the anxiety character. In
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fact, we just spot an anxiety character, so we could remind ourselves to
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love who you are with all those characters in your head. So I want
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you to kind of think that you are this body, just kind of like
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the show In and Out on Disney. I think that that's what it's called
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in and Out is anyways, Well, she has all the emotions in her
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head. I want you to start thinking of yourself like that. I want
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you to start kind of naming those emotions and understanding those emotions and picturing those
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emotions as controlling you or controlling your head. And you are a beautiful person
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and you're a kind person, and those emotions come in and out, and
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you've got to love them as you. You got to love the anger one
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as you You've got to love the anxiety one as you. You can't be
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mad at that one all the time. You can't be mad at anxiety all
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the time because she's constantly in your brain. You've got to love her as
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who she is, which really means you're loving who you are. You can
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try and fix those things, and you can try and process and get on
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top of those things, but you've got to love that self. You've got
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to love yourself regardless. You've got to love yourself of whatever whatever character is
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in control. You've got to love yourself and know that everybody has them,
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even even super confident people, even people that think they that look like they
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know they have their life together and everything's great. They've all had these experiences
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too. They have been there, they've done it. They just either hide
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it very well or they care less about what people think. And that's okay
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because that's the main goal, right care less about what people think and figure
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out what you love, figure out what you want and what you truly want
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to do. So what you believe in? Do you really believe in all
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the things that you were taught since you were five? You? Why do
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you believe those things? Because you were taught them, or because you really,
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sincerely at your core believe them. So start to figure that thing,
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those things out. And that's why the Carry Connects card was to ask for
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help. And so if you're having problems, because I know right now life
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is hard for everybody. I see it in my own family, I see
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it in my readings. It's hard, and we are we're rising to a
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new frequency, which makes it super hard to get there because frequency raises aren't
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fun. And I got a little pen that even said this weekend from a
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client that said easy, psy lemon squeeze. And I love it because it
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reminds us all the time that spiritual growth is not easy, psy lemon squeeze.
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It can be very difficult and very hard. And it's hard to love
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yourself when you think you're a bad person, when you think you do something
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wrong or you made a mistake, because you measure yourself worth on that.
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And our culture and our society and our religion teaches you that you have to
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rise above. You have to be christ like, you have to do what
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Christ would do. Christ was perfect all those things. And you know what,
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if we were all perfect, it would be easy, peasy lemon squeezy,
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but we're not. And we're here to learn how to become or how
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to become like that, but at the same time love who we are why
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we become that. Even Christ wasn't perfect to you guys, and I keep
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using Christ, but I love the Buddha religion and all that stuff. But
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even I mean, everyone says he was. But he got mad in the
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temple. He got mad at people, and he threw furniture around, and
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he threw them, He threw them and yelled at them. And I don't
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think that he left feeling guilty about that. I think he felt very There's
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a time and a season for everything right and sometimes when you and he processed
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those feelings and that's how he did it. And so I just want you
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to remember that he loves us, The universe loves us, God loves us,
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Our ancestors love us, and it's okay if we're not perfect. They're
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just here to help us experience the feelings that we have, the emotions that
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we have, the trials that we go through, and the happy and the
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joy that we go through. Try to experience it and being ourselves, not
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trying to show up as somebody that we're not, which is trying to be
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nicer than we feel like we should be, or trying to accommodate everybody but
20:30
ourselves, or please everybody but ourselves, or or do never say no because
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we don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, or because that's what nice people do.
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It's okay to say no. It's okay to be you. It's okay
20:44
to have feelings of not wanting to help somebody. It's okay to have selfish
20:48
feelings. Sometimes everybody does it, so I guess I'm just trying to tell
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you that you're okay. We all just are trying to do our best.
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We all trying to do our best. I mean, some of us aren't.
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Some of us aren't trying your past out there, but to them,
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they might be right. And some people do like to harm other people physically
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and emotionally on purpose. And that's not a good place to be either,
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because that always doesn't work out for you, because somewhere it's got to eat
21:15
at your core to do that. I just want you to know that it's
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so normal to be so hard on yourself. It's so normal to measure your
21:27
self worth on things that aren't really relevant, like your job or how much
21:32
money you have. That's not what your self worth is measured on. Not
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even how good of a mother you are, even though being a mother is
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a super important job, it's not. I mean, your self worth isn't
21:44
measured on that. And I did measure that my self worth on that for
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so so long. And your worth is measured on your integrity and your belief
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system and how you honor who you are, And so I just kind of
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want to leave that with you this week. Being so hard on yourself,
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Be kind to yourself and know that you don't have to be perfect, and
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you don't have to be I mean, you're so we're so busy being kind
22:08
to other people that we forget to be kind to ourselves and to be a
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spiritual person. To be a good person doesn't always necessarily mean you have to
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be nice, and it doesn't always miss necessarily mean you have to be a
22:21
people pleaser. It means you have to put yourself first sometimes and love yourself
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and know that you are we are all connected, we are all divinely guided.
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So when you do put yourself first and you are kind to yourself,
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in essence, you're being kind to everybody else, because you're taking care of
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you, so you can take care of everybody else. So I just want
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to remember that and remember that I love you. And I know this is
22:45
so hard sometimes, but I just don't want you to beat yourself up and
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try and be so perfect and try and do all the things and meditate,
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and if you did all the things that they taught you to be spiritually lifted
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or spiritually you'd be it'd be crazy. It'd be so crazy, and you
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have to you know, for such a long time, I held myself to
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such a high standard, and I held my readings and I still do such
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a high standard. But I was so hard on myself. If I got
23:14
one little tidbit of information wrong, I would I would be so hard on
23:18
myself, and I would constantly, constantly worry about it. Even if I
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got like one hundred details right and I got one wrong, I would constantly
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focus on the one I got wrong. And so it takes a lot to
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let that go, and it takes a lot to move on and move forward,
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and it takes a lot to love yourself even when you're angry. And
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it was so crazy because this weekend was the weekend I was like, it's
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okay if I don't like somebody. It's not everybody likes me, So it's
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okay if I don't like somebody and it doesn't measure my self worth. And
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it's okay if I feel this way, and I don't have to be their
23:48
best friend even if they haven't treated me wrong. I remember during my divorce
23:55
my aunt, who was I just always thought that I either had to have
23:59
a good reason I had to catch him in the act, or I had
24:02
to have a good readison to leave, because that's what I was taught.
24:04
I was taught that I had to save the marriage unless I had a good
24:07
reason to leave. I had to have a reason, and so I was
24:08
constantly looking for the reason. I was constantly looking. Well, actually there
24:12
was some cheating going on, and I was constantly looking for that because I
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was constantly trying to I had to have that to have proof so I could
24:19
leave. And one day my aunt sat me down and she said, you
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don't have to have all that. You're miserable in what you're in right now.
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You're miserable right now. That is enough for you to walk away from
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this. You don't have to find the evidence you don't have to find the
24:36
truth, or you don't have to catch him in the act. You can
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leave right now based on how you feel, based on how you feel.
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But I had been so so blinded by my religion and my background that every
24:49
I had to work the best I could to get this to work. And
24:53
I did do that, but I also had to find proof or I had
24:59
to make sure it was true because it was his word against mine. And
25:03
finally I just realized realized I don't have to I can leave because this has
25:08
been two years of hell, and that's good enough. That's good enough for
25:12
me. So put yourself first, you guys, don't, don't. I
25:18
was just so worried about what everybody else would think that I wasn't a good
25:21
mom, that I didn't try and save my marriage, and I didn't try
25:23
and do all these things. And it doesn't make me a good person because
25:26
I left him because I thought he was doing this. I could never prove
25:30
it. But you know what, I finally left because I trusted my intuition.
25:36
I trusted me, I did me. I didn't have to have the
25:37
proof, and I got out and it wasn't eazy psy Lemon squeezy. But
25:42
about two or three years later, everything that I wanted, everything that I
25:48
wanted, all the stuff all of my intuition was telling me at the time
25:52
was validated and it was true. And so trust those thoughts, trust yourself,
25:59
trust you. You don't need evidence, you don't need validation, you
26:03
don't need all the things. As long as you're not physically harming somebody,
26:07
you can do whatever the hell you want. You can block that person,
26:11
you can ghost that person, you can do whatever you want. If that's
26:15
what's it's what's making you sane, if that's what saves your sanity or saves
26:18
your health. Right, Because if your gut is telling you one thing and
26:23
you think, okay, but if I follow that instinct, it's not gonna
26:26
make me a nice person because I'm not gonna be that doormat, then it's
26:29
okay. Because honestly, at the end of the day, it's your it's
26:33
you that matter, your authenticity. You're being true to you, And by
26:37
by ghosting that person, or blocking that person, or or or clearing that
26:41
person from your life, is you being true to you, You listening to
26:44
you, you putting yourself first. And that is one hundred percent okay to
26:48
do. So that was my soapbucks, I guess, wasn't it. It's
26:52
because I want so badly for you to learn this lesson, and I'll be
26:56
so hard on yourself and not measure yourself work on what we've been taught to
27:00
measure our self worth on, which is our jobs and our careers and how
27:07
we treat other people and how we I mean treating other people. It can
27:11
be somewhat of an indication, but not to the point where you let yourself
27:14
get treated poorly. Your self worth is based on you and your spirit and
27:19
your integrity and your love and your compassion, and you can have those and
27:23
still not be a dormant and not have to be a completely nice person to
27:29
put and put your own feelings aside. So I love you guys so much,
27:33
and I know I wouldn't be here without you, and I love everything
27:37
I love. I love all the support you guys. You guys are coming
27:40
to my events and they've been awesome. So there are more events posting today
27:45
on If you haven't got my email letter, there is more events coming up
27:51
four May and June, and the first to know about it are in my
27:55
email letter. So if you need my email, you can go to Carrie
27:56
mugs dot com and sign up for my my newsletters every week that tells you
28:02
what events are coming and they're pretty awesome. So so there you go.
28:07
And I think that is it. I think that's I do have retreat.
28:12
I am going to do a retreat this year all but however, there has
28:15
been some family stuff coming up with one of the kids and we're going to
28:18
kind of see where the and a wedding coming up all in the fall,
28:22
so we're going to kind of see how that navigates, and then I'll see
28:23
when we have time for that retreat. So I love you guys so much,
28:29
I really do. I love you and I mean it, and I
28:32
just wish I could hug you right now, and I just want you to
28:34
remember you have everything you need inside of you already. And I will talk
28:38
to you guys next week