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Transcript

The Paulie & Tony Fusco Show: Caitlin Clark to Pacers & other SMART ideas to fix LAME Thunder-Pacers NBA Finals · The Paulie & Tony Fusco Show

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: All right, I'll get you coming to you live from Philly.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: It's the number one rated Tolly and Tony Fools Go
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: show Yo as always, Paulie Fools go here with Tony
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Fools Going and Tony a huge and very important show today.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: You know, as you all know, if you're following the
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: NBA closely, which is almost always a total waste of time,
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: it is and you know this year has been no exception.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: That's the truth is right now, there is straight up
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: fear running through the entire NBA as the entire sports
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: world looks at what could be a thunder Facers NBA
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: Finals horrible. You know, there's real fear out there that
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: the ratings will not just be bad for an NBA Finals,
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: but any telecast in the history of television, Isn't that right, Tony.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the experts is saying this is gonna be the
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: worst televised matchup, not since Spurs versus Nets, but since
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: Joni Loves Chachi.
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: Wow. Truly dire.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: And that's why today we are doing a very special
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: report Fatal Finals, the thunder Paces disaster. Fatal Finals, the
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: thunder Paces Disaster. Now We're not just gonna bitch and
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: moan like all the others. You know, we're gonna give
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: you actual solutions, absolutely, as we always do to save
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: this terrible series. But before we get into that day,
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: remember you hit like you hit subscribe your comment and
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: your rate and review too on Apple Podcasts.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: Right, don all of it, you know, because if you
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: don't do that, then the algorithm might force you to
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: watch much worse content like highlights of the Paces Thunder
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: NBA Finals, and you certainly don't want that.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: Nobody wants that anyways, so go ahead and avoid that.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: And anyway, on the subject of great content, let's get
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: right into our special report.
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: Fatal Finals, the Thunder Paces disaster.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: Okay, we begin our special report the concern about these
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: TV ratings. You know, as we said, there's a general
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: acceptance out there that this series is going to be
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: even more boring and unwatchable than both Spurs Nets Finals.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: In fact, that Spurs Nets Finals Doning was so unwatchable
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: people don't even still know what happened in the series,
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: isn't that right?
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah, a lot of.
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: People say the Spurs won, but since nobody actually watched
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: it and no one can actually verify it, there's a
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: faction of Nets truthers out there who claimed the New
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: Jersey Nets actually won. You know, we've attempted to go
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: back and watch the video, but the cameraman at the
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: game fell asleep, so there's no footage of anything from
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: that series.
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we tried to find it.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: And you know, in fact, people don't know this, but
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: the Nielsen ratings for that series were so low because
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: many TVs actually automatically turned themselves off and went into
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: sleep mode when on the TV they were actually just
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: showing Tim Duncan in the sleepy Spurs offense, but the
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: TV just thought nothing was happening, so you know, shut
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: down exactly.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: You know, I still personally believe that the Nets one.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: I mean, think about it. Do you know anyone who
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: saw the Spurs win those two titles? It's very suspicious,
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: don't you think?
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: Very suspicious. You know, we'll never know, you never know
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: the truth things exactly. But you know it's not all
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: da for people out there, you know, worried about this
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: thunder Paces series, and you know, Spurs Nets Part three,
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: there are still ways to save this series coming up
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: and make it somewhat watchable. And Tony, you add some
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: great ideas. Why do you tell the people one of them.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: You know, I think the Thunder Paces series can only
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: work if each team is allowed to bring back one
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: player from its team history. I think the Thunder should
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: bring back Russell Westbrook and the Paces should bring back
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: rona Test. But instead of playing against each other, they're
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: pitted against all the fans in the stands to see
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: who can make it out of the arena alive. You know,
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: we could even rename the thunder Stadium the thunder Dome
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: and do it mad Max style where almost everyone dies.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: Now that's a Thunder Paces series I would watch.
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: That is a series I would watch.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: And Tody on that note, I just saw something come
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: through hit that sound that we got breaking those in
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: all right? This just didn't from the ESPN website. You
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: know the Thunder used to be the Sonics. Well, former
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: Sonics player Sean Kemp has just pled guilty to assault
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: with a deadly weapon after shooting at two men.
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: In a mall parking lot. Wow, Tony, your instant reaction.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: Wow, this is just perfect timing, because what is the
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: NBA built on nowadays outside shooters exactly. Sean Kemp is
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: clearly also a perfect fit for the Sonic slash Thunder
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: to bring back. He's the kind of long range and
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: also point blank range shooter people want to see but
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: then also want to run from.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: Well, that dope, but it's not terrific instance analysis that
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Tony and Dank. Well, you know, Tony, you're not the
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: only one coming up with some very bold ideas to
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: fix this series. You know, you've heard from your sources
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: that Adam Silver himself is also considering some very bold ideas,
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: isn't it.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: Absolutely My sources inside the league tell me that Adam
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: Silver is considering secretly replacing the Paces with the Lakers
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: and hoping nobody notices or even cares. Well, first off,
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: they both wear yellow jerseys, and their names already have
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: four of the same letters, so you could just SHOPI
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: in Lakers to look like Paces. So if you're watching
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: on your phone and it's all small, you're not even
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: gonna be able to tell. And also, most people haven't
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: watched any Paces games at all, so nobody's gonna know
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: who's on the team.
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: Anyways.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: That is an interesting point that, Donny, but a little
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: too far fetched from Adam Silver. You know, you had
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: other ideas that I think were much more reasonable. Tell
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: the people that other one.
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, of course, you know what I think is most
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: reasonable to help a thunder Paces series become watchable is
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: to just have Caitlin Clark join the Paces. She's already
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: on an Indiana basketball team, and since she's injured, you know,
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: she can't play in the WNBA anyway, so it would
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: be so historic to see the first woman win the
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: NBA finals. That's, of course, if you're not counting Dennis Rodman.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, if you don't count Probman. But a great point that, Dony,
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: and thank you. All right, Well, you know what I'm
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: about to say next very controversial, I know, gonna make
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: out lines, you know, be around the internet whatever, But
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: I for one and many people, we're not exactly thrilled
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: with this Shay Gilligan Alexander winning MVP. You know, that's
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: seven years in a row now that a foreign born
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: player has won MVP.
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: Terror.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: You know, we gotta we gotta fix this foreign a problem, Tony,
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: and you had an idea on how to fix it.
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: Tell the people one word, tariffs.
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: You know, we need to start charging the team's extra
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: for signing foreign born players. You know, we need to
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: get back to American born players. You know, people out
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: there may say, well, what about Joe l Embiid, But
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: Joel Embiid is just further proof of what happens when
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: you and port foreign made products.
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: They're all flimsy and they break easily.
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: You know, Joel Embiid, hum days anything on Team Move.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: Take your pick, yeah, exactly. If Thunder may be happy now,
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: but check back in four years when this Shay Gilligan
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: is a shipwrecked exact anyway, let's say in the Western
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: Conference finals and just talk about what went wrong there
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: for the Timberwolves. You know, they had so much momentum
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: coming into the series. You know, as we all know,
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: they had so much length. And by that we're talking
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: about Anthony Edwards, of course, allegedly giant phoenix that they
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: get bragging about. But Tony, it's very easy to see
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: where everything went wrong for him specifically, isn't it totally?
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: Anthony Edwards played so much better on the road than
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: he did at home, and there's one clear reason for
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: that shrinkage. You know, inside the cold weather climate of Minnesota,
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: his allegedly massive penis clearly shriveled up.
• 8:11
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: Meanwhile, he and it his giant penis both thrived in
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: the warmer climates of Los Angeles, Oakland and even Oklahoma City.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: You know, if I'm Anthonny Edwards, I'm asking for a
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: trade to the warm climate of Miami that will almost
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: certainly extend his career and also his penis.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: There's great points all around, Donny. And of course what
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: we bring this up.
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: We got to talk.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: About the player who had the most allegedly massive penis
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: in the history of NBA possibly time.
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: Of course, I'm talking about Shaqui exactly.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: You know, he had success in Orlando, Los Angeles, Miami,
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: but what happened when he went to Cleveland, Boston, cold weather.
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: Shrinkage.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: I mean, it was Shack's penis, so it was still
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: absolutely massive relative to any normal human, but still shrinkage
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: brought it down.
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: Exactly, shrinkage.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: You know, on the subject of shrinkage, we have to
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: talk about the shrinking quality of the ESPN basketball broadcast.
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: What a sege was exactly?
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: I say, people, your journalist students out, they see that's
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: how you do a segue. You take the one thing shrinkage,
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: which was formally about penis size, right, but I made
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: it about ESPN broadcast squad write that down exactly. So
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: that's that's how you make it, and that's how you
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: do So watching first take the other day, which I
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: never do, and of course I instantly regret it because
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: it was the after game two of the Thunderworld series.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: All right, and this and this, the graphic comes across
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: the screen and it says, is this series over after
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: game two?
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: How ridiculous is that?
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: Donny?
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: Absolutely ridiculous.
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: You know, isn't ESPN supposed to be a sports news network.
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: They don't even know how long this series is yep.
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: Everybody knows that it's a best of seven series, yep.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: So that means the series isn't over until a team
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: wins four games, then the series is over.
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: I can't believe I even have to explain it. I
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: can't believe you have to explain it either, Tony. Just blickball.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: You know, another thing just we got to talk about
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: while with talking basketball, we got to talk about this
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: situation in the WNBA. You know, there's this outrage after
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: the league announced that it ended its probe into.
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: The racial slurs hurled that Angel race.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: You know, when a team, the Chicago Sky played in Indiana. Yeah, well,
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: the league came out and said, well, they couldn't find
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: the person who said the racial slurs. And it's Tony
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: very easy to see why this investigation went nowhere, is it.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, My sources tell me that the WNBA couldn't identify
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: the one person who is hurling those racial slurs at
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: Angel Reese because Indiana just has too many racists. You know,
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: it would take way too much time to interview all
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: of them. I mean you'd have to interview about fourteen,
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: three hundred and fifty seven racists just.
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: In the arena alone.
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: That's why the WNBA can't expand to Mississippi.
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: I mean they'd have to interview the whole state. Great
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: point that, Doni and the.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: Maes.
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: That sound and you know what that means.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: It's time to get out your Fusco bet app because
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: Dony is about to make his NBA Finals prediction. Don'ty
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: take it away.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: This is my prediction for the NBA Finals, which unfortunately
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: is gonna be Thunder paces Game one, Thunder win, Game two,
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: Thunder win again.
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: Game three.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: ABC pre empts the Finals to show something that will
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: get better ratings, celebrity Wheel of Fortune, which will be
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: one in Alan Slide by Wayne Brady and Game four.
• 12:04
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• 12:16
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• 12:24
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• 12:33
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  Speaker 1: All right, well, now it's time for our favorite part
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: of the show. The ads when we make all our money.
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  Speaker 1: You know, I got mine on now, Tony and looking good,
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  Speaker 1: ahead wrap it right there.
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: We get the takes and we got our ads and
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: then oh you kidding me?
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: Oh?
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: What the heck is going on? He's not even in
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: the studio. Where are you? Where are you? Right now?
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: Here's where I am.
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: I'm doing my job exactly. Nobody cares where you are.
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: He's still learning. But seriously, where are you, comedian? Where
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: are you?
• 15:08
  Speaker 4: I'm in Florida?
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: Okay, what are you doing there? Dying like most people?
• 15:14
  Speaker 4: Hopefully I'm not a conference. I flew down here today
• 15:17
  Speaker 4: from Newark.
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: Oh, from Newark.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: See the people at Newark again, Tony failing to do
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: their jobs. Of all the planes they could have made disappear,
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: they failed to.
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: Make the only one that the one did. But unfortunately
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: he's here, Tony, what do you want anyway? Why are
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: you even talking?
• 15:33
  Speaker 4: Wow?
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: Direct?
• 15:35
  Speaker 4: Well you said a kill on Neil was successful in
• 15:38
  Speaker 4: warm weather climates.
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, bro, yeah, learn basketball?
• 15:42
  Speaker 4: Bro. Okay, well shock plate in Phoenix, which is a
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: warm weather climate, and he kind of sucked there. So
• 15:51
  Speaker 4: how do you explain that?
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm going to drop you in a warm weather
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: climate a volcano.
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you remind me of a Phoenix River of Phoenix dead.
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: Oh great one, Doty.
• 16:09
  Speaker 4: And what you called the singer John Cougar Mellencamp.
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Bro, respect the legend.
• 16:16
  Speaker 5: Bro.
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: You stopped using Cougar thirty years ago. It just goes
• 16:20
  Speaker 4: by John Mellencamp. Now, time to update your references.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, well, uh, you're gonna need to update your
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: references on your resume after we fire you.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what, Cougar, I keep using your mom
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: Oh great one.
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: Do what what.
• 16:45
  Speaker 4: You said? Hondai's are unreliable for made products that break easily.
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: Totally bro, buy American, Bro.
• 16:54
  Speaker 4: Hondays are literally the most dependable cars on the market today.
• 16:58
  Speaker 4: They wouldn't safety awards every single you.
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, well I can't wait until you Handai.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I want to congratulate you on the award
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: you win every year, smallest Penis.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: And you want to talk about award winners. Tony just
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: booked next week on the show super Bowl MVP winner,
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: Eagles legend Nick Foles, forget you like.
• 17:30
  Speaker 5: Your subscribe, your rate and review on Apple five stars.
• 17:34
  Speaker 5: All leave all comments, full comments, but leave them all
• 17:40
  Speaker 5: the reels and everything exactly a Tony, great job as always,
• 17:45
  Speaker 5: same to you, poorly, another floorless show.
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: There you go, see people next week. See your