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Dr. Judith Orloff - The Genius of Empathy · Destination Unlimited with Victor Fuhrman

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My name is Victor Furman. Some call me the Voice. I've always been
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fascinated with human nature, spirituality, science, and the crossroads at which they
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meet. Join me now and we will explore these topics and so much more
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with fascinating guests, authors and experts who will guide us to Destination Unlimited.
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Is empathy a superpower? If so, how may we embrace empathy as a
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daily healing practice in our lives and relationships. My guest this week on Destination
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Unlimited is my dear friend, doctor Judith Orloff. Doctor Orloff as a psychiatrist,
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an EmPATH, New York Times bestselling author, and a UCLA Clinical faculty
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member. Her books have included The Mpath Survival Guide, and Thriving as an
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EmPATH. She synthesizes the pearls of conventional medicine with cutting edge knowledge of intuition,
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energy, and spirituality. Doctor Orloff specializes in treating highly sensitive people in
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her private practice. She's been featured on The Today Show, CNN, Oprah
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Magazine, and The New York Times. Her website is doctor Judithorloft dot com,
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and she joins me this week to share her new book, The Genius
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of empathy. Please join me in welcoming to destination unlimited, Doctor Judith Orloff,
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welcome, doctor Orlof Thank you, Vick, so nice to have you
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with us, and congratulations on your brand new book. Which was the introduction
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was done by the Dali Lama, his holiness, the Dali Lama. How
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did that make you feel? It made me feel incredible. But the Dalai
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Lama focus is so profoundly on empathy and compassion. I think it was right
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up his alley because this is what he truly believes in. And I feel
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so honored that he chose to write the forward to the Genius of empathy.
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That's so wonderful. Congratulations. Let's start with what inspired the genius of empathy?
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Well, what inspired the genius of empathy was that now I look at
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the world and the world isn't working really, you know, it's just falling
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into old traps of resentment and polarization and hatred, and we need something else.
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And empathy has always been nearer and dearer to my heart because I'm an
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EmPATH. But I wanted to devote a book on empathy and how to reach
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it in a variety of situations and why we would want to do that because
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I present empathy in the gene is of empathy as a healing force and a
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healing energy to tap into, not just as a something nice to do,
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but when we tap into empathy, we literally can change our biochemistry and the
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energy flowing in our bodies and our environment around us, and we need that
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in our world today. Let's begin with your early path. When did you
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first realize that you were able to feel the feelings of others and how did
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this manifest for you? As this verse began when I was a little girl
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and I noticed that I could feel what my mother was feeling, or feel
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what strangers were feeling. Or I would go into a shopping mall or crowded
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place and feel what everyone there was feeling and walk out exhausted or overwhelmed.
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And I didn't realize I was an EmPATH at that point. And what an
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EmPATH is is somebody who doesn't have the normal filters that other people have,
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So I take on the various emotions and energies of the world like an emotional
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sponge. And so I did not have any tools back then to learn how
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to deal with that, and so it's taken me many years to develop many
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of the skills I talk about in the book that can teach people how to
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be empathic and also learn how to set healthy boundaries so you're not taking on
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all this energy that isn't serving you. Can you remember or share with us
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some of the experiences early on when you started sensing and feeling things and what
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it was like. It was my nature. It was something I did naturally,
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and it was overwhelming because nobody else did it around me, and my
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parents, who are both physicians, said never mention these insights or intuitions or
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you know whatever you're picking up again around my friends or other people. And
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so I grew up ashamed of my abilities, and I got very heavily in
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all with drugs in my teenage years to try and squash my abilities. And
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then I had a near death experience where I went over a cliff in a
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car and which I survived miraculously, And afterwards my parents forced me to see
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a psychiatrist to turned out to be an angel in my life who taught me
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that to be whole, I had to embrace my deepest empathy and my intuitions
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and my spirituality into my being. I couldn't keep running from them because it
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wouldn't work. You chose a career in medicine with psychiatry as your specialty.
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What role has being an EmPATH played in your work? Central? Central,
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It's the heart of my practice, being an EmPATH. I combine both traditional
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medicine, everything I learned at UCLA, Wadsworth me A Hospital, the University
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of Southern California, the County Hospital, I combine all that knowledge with empathy,
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intuition and energy medicine. And so whenever I see patients, so whenever
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I give workshops, I'm always listening with all those different years. And it's
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a very natural thing to do for me. I've been doing it for you
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know, over twenty five years. So I've had lots of practice, and
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I've had lots of amazing experiences and success experiences integrating, and so in my
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books, I like to present that integration as a possibility for the readers.
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You know, And how do you incorporate empathy into your family? You know?
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How do you incorporate empathy in your work? Now? Where is it
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appropriate? What does empathy mean? What doesn't it mean? You know?
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What it doesn't mean is that you're on call twenty four hours a day for
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everyone in need. That is not healthy empathy. There's a chapter on what
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healthy empathy is and how to achieve it rather than being a martyr. And
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so it's important to learn how to set boundaries with your empathy. Give when
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you can, when you're tired, rest and say no, and have it
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a balancing of self care and giving to others. This empathy people, you
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know, this book is for empaths and people who are just simply interested in
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developing empathy, who aren't necessarily empaths. But it's for everyone who wants to
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find a form of healing in their own bodies and in their own lives that
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comes from the compassionate empathy that we all have. And it can change your
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life. It can enhance your relationships and better the world without a doubt.
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And empathy, like charity, begins at home, taking care of yourself first,
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right, it does. And there's a chapter on self empathy. And
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you think that would be the easiest thing to do, just to be nice
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to ourselves, but it's really the hardest thing to do. Now. I've
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had conversations with other therapists over the years, you know, saying why is
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it so much easier to take care of our patients than it is ourselves.
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And it's just a common dilemma. And if you're experiencing this, you no,
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don't feel shamed or anything, but it's important to be able to shift
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that and be able to show empathy for the experiences that you go through in
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life. Life can have as ups and it can have as downs, and
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you want to be self empathic the whole ride. You don't want to give
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up your empathy when things start to get really rough because life is a combination
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of many things. And if you're going to a physical challenge, if you're
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going through an emotional challenge, your self empathy will be your best friend.
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You need it. The last thing you need to do is to be beating
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yourself up as you're trying to heal. Have colleagues ever ask you about your
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empathic abilities? Oh, all the time, because I've I've written these books
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about them, and I do trainings for healthcare practitioners on how to incorporate empathy
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and intuition and to patient care. And so I'm very candid about my abilities
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for those who want to learn how to also do it and combine those aspects
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of themselves. Now it's very important. And for let's say physic who don't
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believe in any of this, and there are many, I could still be
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friends with them. It's not deal breaker. It's a difference, you know,
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if they're happy not doing this, I'm happy for them now. I
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just know that there's a lot of people who are attracted to developing these aspects
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of themselves to be more whole. But that doesn't mean everybody. Every It's
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not for you if you don't want it. Basically, you have to be
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attracted to it to develop it, and then it will be a beautiful right
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path for you for an entire lifetime. For those who may be unsure and
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you've touched upon some of these elements, what is an EmPATH and what are
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some of the traits and abilities? Well, an EmPATH is somebody who doesn't
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have the regular filters that other people have, So we feel everything. We
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feel what's going on and strangers, we feel what's going on in people who
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are suffering in other countries, we feel what's going on with family members,
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but so much so it can overtake us and deplete us, so we go
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on sensory overload and so EmPATH. Also, the positive traits are intuition,
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connecting to nature, love and service, being in nature and helping the earth,
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listening to music, giving to others, helping, being helpers, and
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just loving. They're not really into loud noises or big events. Empaths would
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rather one have one to one meetings or just small meetings that are quiet,
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rather than let's say, going to a Madonna concert as one of my extroverted
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friends just went to and loved it, you know. And empaths can be
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introverted. They can be ambroverts, which is in the middle between introvert and
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extrovert, or they can be extroverted. So I happen to be an introvert
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and an EmPATH, but the empaths are different. But even the extroverted empaths
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need to recoup their energy and decompress after they're around a lot of people.
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It's very important otherwise they go on overloaded. You touched upon some of the
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biological aspects of this. Is there a scientific explanation for being an EmPATH?
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Yes, and there's a psychological and neuroscience explanation for empathy, not just being
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an EmPATH. But you can look at empaths as being the highest on the
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spectrum of the empathy spectrum, and they're able to sense and know and pick
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up things I think more than other people. But midline midpoint empathy, which
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is on the midpoint of the empathy spectrum, has so many interesting neuroscience explanations.
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There's something called the Mother Teresa effect which just fascinates me, where it's
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been proven that if you witness an active empathy somebody's being empathic on the street,
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let's say, and researchers were to measure your blood at that point,
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your immunity would have gone up, your stress hormones would have gone down,
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and all kinds of good things would be circulating in your blood as a result
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of simply witnessing the act of empathy. And I want you to really think
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about that. That is really powerful. The active empathy is healing not only
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for the person experiencing it, but the observer who I mean, that is
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really powerful. Now, I was in the gymney other day and a woman
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was there with her husband who'd lost the use of his legs, and she
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he was on one of the machines working out his arms, and she just
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lovingly put her arms around him and gently it looked like they were making love
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actually, you know, the gently lifted him up and put him in his
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chair in the slowest, most loving way, and I felt so much love
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coming from that, and it just rushed through my system, you know,
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as well as a far away observer. And so I just want people to
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know that the genius of empathy is about developing something really powerful in yourself,
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and it's the power of love, is the power of the heart, and
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you can feel it energetically, uplifting and healing in the body to witness such
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things. Therefore, it's important that we create acts like that in the world
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so others can witness it, so we can experience the healing of it,
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and the recipient by all means, will feel the healing of it. And
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so the neuroscience of empathy and being an EmPATH, it involves the mirror neuron
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systems in the brain, the compassion neurons, and it's thought that with EmPATH
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the compassion neurons are on overdrive where they're going much faster than with ordinary empathy,
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which is ordinary, I mean exceptionally oriented, exceptionally ordinary and wonderful and
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amazing. But it's having the compassion neurons on overdrive, and so you feel
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more compassion for everybody all the time, and it sometimes can deplete you.
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So the trick of empathy and EmPATH is learning how to find balance in your
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life, is learning how to give and to appreciate the empathy that's shown to
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you and to others in the world, and just instead of just going on
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to the next thing, let yourself feel it, as there's healing energy that
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comes from it. And Vic, I know with you, I've experienced it
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so many times, you know, as you're so empathic, just being around
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you and the love in your heart can make my energy rise and be more
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heart centered. And we can do for each other. We can for our
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friends and our family and for strangers, even just emanating empathy in a line,
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let's say, in a market. Obviously, for those who haven't learned
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to train this gift, there are both blessings and curses, aren't there.
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Yes, So I think that you know, the biggest curse is that a
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so called curse is that you just get so exhausted all the time from being
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empathic. And it's very painful to go on empathy overload. It's extremely painful,
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and so you want to avoid it at all costs. So when people
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are developing their empathy, they need to learn how to set limits with it,
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and how to regroup and to come back and have some alone time and
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meditation time and really come back to yourself rather than interacting with people, because
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otherwise you'll get burnt out and that could be a long process of illness and
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depression or anxiety or panic or fibromyalgia. The body can turn against you if
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you're overloaded all the time. You don't want to do that to the body.
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And so that's the I don't know, the challenge, I think is
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a better word than curse. Some people are labeled as highly sensitive people.
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Is there a difference between being an EmPATH and being a highly sensitive person?
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A highly sensitive person is a little bit down lower on the spectrum in the
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sense that they don't usually have the issue of being an emotional sponge and absorbing
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other people's energy, but they are very sensitive to sensory inputs such as light,
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smells, sounds, crowds, any kind of sensory input that's intense they
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could get overloaded from. So that's just one step down on the spectrum of
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empathy, and then below that are people with everyday empathy, which is gorgeous.
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And in the book I talk about the various types of everyday empathy.
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You could have cognitive empathy. For instance, some people have empathy with their
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minds and that's all. They want to go where they want to go.
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They don't want anything else. They're comfortable with that, and that's fine,
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you know, if they don't want to go further than that, that's fine.
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Any kind of empathy I honor. And then there's emotional empathy, where
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you can actually feel the emotions of somebody else, but in the book I
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also teach you how not to take those on. There's intuitive empathy, where
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you might relate to people intuitively and get flashes about them, images, impressions,
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sites, smells, sounds, knowings. You might relate to people that
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way, and just as a warning, it's important to avoid intuition overwhelm,
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where you're getting too much information too fast, and so that could overwhelm you
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as well. And then their spiritual empathy, where some people's default form of
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empathy is that they relate to people spiritually, where they see the goodness and
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others and they see what the person can do to help themselves in the world
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and they can see the white light above their heads. And it's just a
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particular orientation. It's more of a natural stance for you know, let's say
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some ministers or monks or nuns you know, to you know, come from
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that place of seeing with the capital s from the spiritual standpoint of a person's
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energy. And so no matter what your default is for your empathy type,
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you can learn to develop it, or you can learn to test the other
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types of empathy types, and it really begins to develop many different variations on
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empathy in terms of how you sense the world. My guest is doctor Judith
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Orloff her brand new amazing book, The Genius of Empathy. Doctor Orloff,
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please share with our listeners whether you can get your books and find out more
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about you and your amazing work. Yes, you can buy The Genius of
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Empathy at www dot d r Judithorloft dot com and it has a special offer
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with free ebook, free Empathy ebook and Empathy gift collection with the purchase of
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the book www dot dr Judithorloft dot com. And you can find out about
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my book tour schedule there and come and visit me on an event and we
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can have an empathy talk and we could talk about all kinds of aspects of
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empathy and spread it around in the world. Absolutely. My guest is doctor
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Judith Orloff. We'll be back with more after these words. On the Own
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and the Shelterpetproject dot Org. Back on Destination Unlimited. My guest this week
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is doctor Judith Orloff. Her new book is entitled The Genius of Empathy,
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Doctor Roloff. Many people have been told you're too emotional or you're too sensitive,
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and they grow up feeling like there's something wrong with them. Is it
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your experience that many of these people are actually empaths. Oh? Yes,
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that's very typical of being an EmPATH, where people are told that they're just
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too emotional and there's something wrong with them, that there's something that needs to
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toughen up or change, and it can be a very shaming message. That
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was the message I got as a child, and I want to tell everyone
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who's been ever told you're overly sensitive, it's not true. You're not overly
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sensitive. You're beautifully sensitive, exquisitely sensitive. But you may need to learn
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how to set bungaries and limits, and you may need to have a better
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radar for positive people rather than getting involved with narcissists, sociopaths or psychopaths.
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That's all true, but your sensitivity is a gift. I remember as a
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child being told that I was overly sensitive, and also that I had an
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overactive imagination when I would share things that no one else could pick up on.
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But I've come to absorb them as an adult and to learn how to
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move forward with them and use them properly. So absolutely, there's an old
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cliche that women are more sensitive than men. Does gender player role when it
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comes to being an EmPATH? I think gendered play a role in that both
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men and women are empathic and intuitive. I just want to say that.
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But culturally, particularly in the West, men are given a really hard time
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about being sensitive and being a cry baby and being a whiner and being a
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mama's boy and not wanting to go to football games but rather wanting to go
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for a walk in the woods to write poetry. So men have had a
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horrible time with it growing up in Western culture, and not that women have
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had it perfectly. But women are quote emotional, you know, they're considered
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emotional, and men, you know, who are emotional are not really considered
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strong. So hopefully all that is changing. I'm doing my best to help
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help those stereotypes that are untrue chain but you know, there's still any existence.
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And I have a Facebook group with about twenty two thousand mpaths and most
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of the sharing happens with women, And occasionally a woman would say where are
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the men? And then suddenly a bunch of them would appear and say,
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we're here, we're listening. I just never felt comfortable sharing about my sensitivities
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because I've been made fun of or called a crime baby. And they stick
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around for a while, and then they kind of recede again, and it's
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mainly the women sharing. What are some of the challenges that empaths may face
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in their personal relationships? Ah, personal relationships, well, you know,
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in relationships, and there's a chapter on relationships and the genius of empathy.
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Men can face challenges such as not listening in a particular way to a woman
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when a woman shares her emotions. Sometimes men can be considered overly rational or
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wanting to come in and solve the situation too quickly, you know, rather
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than being empathic with what the partner is going through now saying I see you're
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going through a lot, just something minimal even, But a mistake that many
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men make is coming into or many linear linear people make. They come in
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and want to solve the problem too quickly, and that doesn't feel good coming
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from Let's say I'm the person who is sharing something I need to be listened
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to. No, I don't need to be told what to do in the
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first five seconds of my sharing. It feels very abrupt to do that.
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And so it's important when you're in a relationship that's empathic. You want to
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listen to each other. You want to listen to what each other says.
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You don't want to talk over each other. You don't want to overwhelm each
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other with too many questions or too many subjects brought up at once. Is
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that's a mistake that many people make, is that they begin they express one
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thing. Let's say, you know, I don't feel comfortable with the way
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that you brought up having your parents come and visit, and then the other
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person will say, oh, well, what do you mean? And then
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they'll go on from the parents visiting to ten other things that they have gripes
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about, and by the time they're finished expressing everything, the other person's so
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overwhelmed they can't remember anything. And so it's important when you're empathically communicating is
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to bring up one subject at a time, and you can talk about other
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subjects later. But if you keep it very focused like that, you're more
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likely to reach a solution, and a loving solution. Now in the book,
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I talk about the art, the high art of empathic listening, as
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I don't think many couples are taught that they get into blaming and shaming and
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talking over the other one, which never never works. But empathic listening is
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letting someone have a chance to talk and really just listening and not saying too
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much. You can say uh huh, or you know, I know what
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you mean, but it's not about interjecting your opinions or anything. It's about
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just listening to where a person is at given a specific time limit. Now,
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I don't really prefer open ended sharings because they could go on forever and
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they're exhausting for me. And so when I am empathically listening to somebody,
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I will set a limit. Yes, I'd like to listen, but for
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about five minutes or ten minutes, and then we can take it from there
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and decide what to do. But I don't I like to have limits to
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my listening time if that's possible. Sometimes the situation is such that it needs
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to go on longer. But with most people, you can listen a lot
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and give high quality listening in five or ten minutes, and so that's important
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that you establish empathic listening you know with with others, by setting a time
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limit, by having privacy, and by truly listening with your heart and not
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your head and not checking your phone and not getting looking distracted and not being
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too intense. Either you don't want your eyes to probe somebody when they're sharing
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as that that can be misconstrued or because strewd as a intrusive So you want
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to just be careful in terms of staying in your heart, sending out heart
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energy when you listen, not saying too much, because most people, they
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want to be heard, they want to be seen, they want to be
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valued, and that is the most important thing. You could be across from
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somebody who either think I don't like them, I don't have the same values
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as these people. They're so hostile, they're this, and they're that.
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And if you sit there and do an experiment, sit there across from them,
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and they could say the most outrageous thing, and you could you could
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say something like I heard you, I hear what you say. I'll give
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it some thought, and just that will remove so much resistance on the other
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person's side, instead of you arguing with them or telling them what a horrible
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person they have to have those beliefs. You've opened a door up for future
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communication in a lot of cases. You know, it's interesting because a couple
33:12
of years ago this concept brought through a poem from me called the Gift of
33:17
True Listening. May share it with you. Sure, there often are words
33:22
that need to be heard without cutting in or positioning. Your heart will be
33:28
stirred and compassion conferred. As you offer the gift of true listening, you'll
33:34
create sacred space while bestowing great grace, with love all around you glistening.
33:40
It may be any place where a soul you embrace as you offer the gift
33:45
of true listening. So gift someone near you by saying I hear you lifting
33:52
them up with your christening. And one day, when you're due, you'll
33:57
be heard too, receiving the gift of true listening. Oh what a beautiful
34:02
voice you have. Rig Thank you, Thank you so much. And I
34:07
think that message is so important because in today's world people are screaming and not
34:12
really listening to. So thank you for sharing all that you shared about that.
34:16
Doctor Roloff, what is emotional contagion and how does it impact the empathic
34:22
person? Emotional contagion is when emotions get spread from one person to another,
34:30
usually in a workplace or a gathering of people. For instance, if somebody
34:34
comes into work and says, oh my god, I'm going to lose my
34:37
job, and that panic will spread over the whole workplace. Now everyone will
34:47
think, oh, am I going to lose my job. It's just like
34:50
a panic energy that's spread as opposed to I'm so happy to see everyone today,
34:57
you know, And then you have positive emotional contagent. We go,
35:00
oh that's nice, and everybody feels a little bit more uplifted. And so
35:07
emotions have energy. Empass feel the emotional implications the most. Somebody who's an
35:14
emotional has emotional empathy as their primary style might feel it very strongly, but
35:23
we feel emotions and they can take speed. In an environment with a lot
35:30
of people. In a hospital, you want to have the communications be calm
35:37
as possible and loving as opposed to panicked or mean or abrupt, and so
35:45
that will create more healing in the hospital. Most people aren't taught this unfortunately.
35:52
I mean some of the nursing staff is if they go to energy healing
35:55
workshops and they learn how to hold their energy, I mean, I think
36:00
that's a primary skill for healthcare providers is to learn how to move your energy,
36:07
learn how to come from your heart, learn how not to let negative
36:10
emotional contagions spread over the whole hospital unit. And so it's important to know
36:17
that emotions are contagious positive ones. You can spread gratitude, you can spread
36:23
empathy, you can spread understanding you know, or you can spread panic and
36:30
fear and doubt, which is often a technique for fear mongering. What technique
36:39
would you offer to those who experience someone starting to spread panic? How can
36:45
they turn that around? Well, I would leave the room for one thing,
36:50
if I I mean, I don't want to be around it. I
36:53
would, you know, say I have to go to the bathroom. That's
36:55
always a good excuse, but you want to get out of it. You
37:00
don't want to see what mpaths do and what highly empathic people do or people
37:05
who are caring. They want to sit it out, you know, they
37:08
want to be polite. They don't want to rock the boat. When they
37:12
see this negative emotional contagion starting up and taking over everything. They don't want
37:20
to leave basically because they can. They perceive that as being impolite. And
37:25
I am a big believer in setting limits and leaving and not enduring negative emotional
37:34
contagion if you can help it. Now, if you have a choice.
37:38
Now, if somebody starts up with me in my life about something, you
37:45
know, if they get a kind of punitive or nasty, I'll just say,
37:52
you know, I've really got to go and leave. I won't get
37:54
into it with them. I just won't be around it. I just because
37:59
it's too much of a price I pay being around it. And also you
38:05
can, if you're in a workplace, you can counter it with telling someone
38:09
how grateful you are to be their coworker, you know, just counter it
38:15
with something else. So how may someone empathize without taking on the stress of
38:21
others? Yes, well, one of the principles I talk about and the
38:25
genius of empathy is to observe, not to absorb, which means you take
38:31
a step back from somebody. As empaths and highly empathic people even jump in
38:37
other people's bodies energetically, and they want to they feel everything. It's their
38:43
natural inclination to merge rather than simply a tune from a little bit more of
38:49
a distance. And I think it's healthier to attune from a bit more of
38:54
a distance, and you can regulate that by keeping your awareness on observing.
39:00
You can observe some energy, but yet you don't have to take it on.
39:06
You could even put a shield up in front of your body, protective
39:10
shield so that let's say somebody's rage, someone's having a rage attack, so
39:15
that rage doesn't get absorbed into your system, and you could picture a shield
39:22
all around you, or take a few steps back. The more physically distant
39:28
you are from the actual focus of the energy, the less you'll absorb it
39:35
and don't overstay. You. See again, I've worked with so many empathic
39:39
people who feel its third job to just listen to the bitter end of these
39:45
kinds of interactions, and I say, no, you know, I say,
39:49
you have to protect yourself, and that's self care. You are under
39:53
no obligation to sit and be abused by negative energy, unless, of course,
40:00
just at work and you have a let's say, a narcissistic boss and
40:02
you can't leave. There's some circumstances like that. That's true. Many years
40:08
ago you shared with us the term energy vampire. What happens when you confront
40:15
one of those that depends who they are. You don't want to confront your
40:20
narcissistic boss. It won't get you anywhere except fired, which may be where
40:23
you want to be, or more tormented than usual. But you have to
40:31
know who you're dealing with and be very wise. You know, if someone's
40:36
in a situation with a narcissistic boss, I strongly suggest looking for another job
40:43
if possible, because that person isn't going to change. You're going to have
40:46
to count how to them and stroke their ego to get even a little of
40:52
what you need and want from the job. And it's it's tedious, and
40:57
so I would look for another job. But in terms of friendships, no,
41:01
in terms of you know, other kinds of relationships that are more fluid,
41:07
I think it's really important to set your limits. You know, I
41:10
had a patient whose husband would have rage attacks at her in the car and
41:16
I, you know, I told her, you know, just at those
41:21
points when you come up to a lake, just get out of the cards,
41:22
tell them I'm leaving. I'm not going to subject myself to this if
41:25
you can't control yourself, and she actually did. She would get out and
41:30
then take an uber and that actually helped to train him because he was having
41:35
visible consequences of his his behavior, which is always good. My guest is
41:42
doctor Judith Orloff her amazing new book, The Genius of Empathy. We'll be
41:46
back with more after these words on the Old Times Radio Network. Humanity Healing
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Hi, this is Bill Mark. I can find humor and almost anything,
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five on one Front Street in Norfolk, Virginia, two three five one er
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back on Destination Unlimited. My guest this week, doctor Judith Arloff. We're
45:15
talking about her new book, The Genius of empathy. In the Genius of
45:21
empathy, you refer to it as a superpower. How So, empathy is
45:28
a superpower because it can heal you, and it can transform relationships that weren't
45:35
working at all before and make them to at least being compatible, let alone
45:38
loving. And empathy can help to heal you physically, emotionally in terms of
45:45
your relationships, and it can help heal the world as well. For instance,
45:52
if many of my patients feel powerless listening to the news, they get
45:57
so drained from it, and they want to help the world, they don't
46:00
know how. And I'm telling you, if you sit by your sacred space,
46:05
or if you don't have one, just know a place to Just have
46:07
a candle in some incense where you can sit quietly and do a meditation and
46:14
focus on your heart energy and put your hand on your heart and feel that
46:19
warmth generated there, and send your prayers of empathy and love to those who
46:27
need it in the world. That energy will go exactly where it's needed,
46:32
and it will find that person who's lost, or that person who is just
46:38
about to give up, and it will suddenly bring a bright light to them
46:44
and lift them up. And it's magic. How this works, how the
46:47
energy knows exactly where to go. But don't ever underestimate the power of your
46:54
empathy and love. When it's sent across miles and oceans and millennium, it
47:00
can travel and it can do wonderful, powerful things. You can sit at
47:07
your space and do this everyone. There is not one person listening who can't
47:13
do this. If you just do it, don't see what happens is the
47:16
mind will say, oh, what good can I do? I'm just one
47:20
person, and you can do so much good. No, I believe in
47:24
the power of one. I really do the power of one. I know
47:29
what it's like to sit alone in my altar. I do it every night.
47:32
And I know how that love and that empathy can shine on yourself,
47:40
on others and on the world. And you just try it and you'll feel
47:45
it. You'll feel the goodness of it, and you'll feel the power of
47:49
the energy. And the healing aspects of empathy is what I'm most interested in
47:53
in this book. For those who have never done this before, how can
47:58
they tap into that energy, the healing aspects of empathy. You just take
48:06
one stop a minute and close your eyes and put your hand on your heart
48:14
and envision something that you have such empathy for. It could be you know,
48:19
your doggie, or your cat, or your little child, or the
48:23
moon or the stars or the ocean. Focus on what moves you and let
48:31
that build up in your chest area and show yourself empathy with that energy,
48:38
say I know how hard you've been trying, and I appreciate you and you're
48:45
doing a great job. Tell yourself that coming from that energy and allow yourself
48:53
to take the edge off and heal and feel the softness and feel the flow
49:00
of what empathy can be as opposed to the rigidity of the mind, which
49:06
is quite different. What are some practical empathy techniques that people can use to
49:13
heal their relationships. Well, one of the ones we've spoken of, which
49:19
is empathic listening, is showing your partner that you or your coworker that you
49:25
value their opinion and you might not agree with them, but you value them
49:30
and you want to take the time to listen to them. And when you
49:34
make other people feel important, that's half the battle. And feel listened to,
49:39
not just dismissed. You know, if you dismiss somebody, it's the
49:44
most humiliating feeling. And if you get in the habit of putting your hand
49:50
on your heart and showing yourself self empathy. At the end of the day,
49:54
keep an empathy journal and say what areas could I have shown an empathy
50:00
more? And where can I where? What areas did I show myself empathy?
50:06
And bravo, you know, really give yourself a lot of positive feedback
50:12
for the empathy that you do show for yourself and others, because there you
50:17
know again, life is up, life is down. You know sometimes it's
50:22
super intense, really intense, and so even in those darker times, you
50:29
want to be able to be sweet to yourself, especially in those darker times,
50:35
and hold your own hand, you know, our hold God's hand,
50:38
however you perceive it, and just know that you're not alone through anything you
50:45
go through and when working with others. In addition to the gift of true
50:50
listening, simple acts of kindness. Also simple acts of kindness smiling, acknowledging
51:01
somebody saying you look beautiful today. You know, it can do so much,
51:08
or what a nice thing you just did. You know, I really
51:12
appreciate you. Just a little something we can do for each other all the
51:16
time, you know, a little building each other up and that's very important,
51:22
and a little love goes along. Ways. We have all of this
51:27
negative news, and we have all this social media stuff being thrown around.
51:31
How may the EmPATH protect themselves from all of that material. Well, the
51:37
only way I found is that I recommend to my patients is to limit the
51:42
amount of time you spend on the news, because mpaths can become addicted to
51:46
the news, and you don't want to do that because it's so terrible and
51:51
there's so many challenging things happening in the world. You know, we're kind
51:55
of at a low lower point and a lot of respects. You know,
52:00
it's a very challenging time, and so give it. Give give yourself small
52:06
doses of it, and spend the rest of the time living your life in
52:09
the present. Go out for a walk, you know, spend have tea
52:14
with a friend, do something, live life. Don't spend time glued to
52:19
the news. That's you're not going to be able to do much about other
52:24
than sending that love from your heart to the to the world. You must
52:30
take a step back and live your life in the present. Be loving to
52:36
your partner, be loving to your children. Take that alone time, you
52:40
know, go walk in the park, go write a poem. You no
52:45
go change a life, you know, just stay in the present and minimize
52:52
the amount of news. You might want to get minimal exposure to the news,
52:58
but I wouldn't keep talking about it. I wouldn't keep dwelling on the
53:02
particularly darker aspects that are going on in certain people, because it'll suck you
53:07
in, and you don't want to be sucked in by it. You want
53:10
to be We talked about positive emotional contagion before. You want to be where
53:15
the love is. You want to be where the empathy is. You want
53:20
to be developing empathy in yourself and not reading so much about all the horrendous
53:24
behavior of those in the news. No, you want to see that as
53:29
a reality. I mean one thing, humankind can be brutal and it could
53:34
be a marvel So empathy lets you feel all of it. You know,
53:38
there's a brutality to human nature and it's also marvelous and miraculous. So empathy
53:45
lets you see both, and you can go towards the marvelous and miraculous aspects
53:52
a little bit more than you would if you focused on the news all the
53:55
time. What would you like your readers to take away from a of empathy.
54:01
I would like the readers to take away hope that hope for a better
54:07
self, better health, better emotions, a better future, better relationships,
54:16
time out, and also connection, deeper connection to quell the loneliness that may
54:24
happen in our society and around the world. To feel a connection to yourself,
54:30
to spirit, to others, and feel the unity of those who value
54:37
empathy and love and try and come together with that kind of a community and
54:43
have empathy be your mantra that your entire lifetime, it will be mine.
54:49
You know, to the very end, I know these values. I believe
54:52
in them. I know they work, and I know they can uplift you
54:57
no matter what's happening. So I hope you go away with that knowing as
55:01
well the wisdom of doctor Judith Arloff her brand new book, The Genius of
55:07
Empathy. Doctor Arloff, one more time, please share with our listeners where
55:10
they can get the book and find out more about you. Yes, you
55:15
can go to my website Dr Judithorloft dot com where you can get the book
55:22
and a special author of a free ebook and free empathy webinars along with the
55:30
purchase of the book. That link is there, and also my book tour
55:35
schedule is there. I'm giving in person events as well as many online empathy
55:39
events, and I invite everyone to attend an event and continue this empathy conversation.
55:46
I want to hear what you're thinking and what you're feeling about this and
55:51
how we could move this forward as a community of human beings. Doctor Arloff,
55:58
thank you so much for joining us and sharing the genius of empathy.
56:04
It is my pleasure big and thank you for joining us on Destination Unlimited.
56:08
I'm Victor the Voice Ferman. Have a wonderful week.