Latest / Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha / Rabbi Moshe Haber Orchot Yashar:Pedestals of Honor: The Power of Respect and Tradition 4.26.26

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Rabbi Moshe Haber Orchot Yashar:Pedestals of Honor: The Power of Respect and Tradition 4.26.26 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  As we've been traveling through these different letters and the
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  guidance from the safe and he deals with the letter cough.
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  It was pretty much in a different form.
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  This passage part of sharp he talks about this helps a person
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  develop. So we were saying last week.
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  Now, many, they bring some example from the dosh of a
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  regular person, a butcher actually, who has said that he's
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  going to have a great place in Ganadin because of the way he
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  takes care of his parents. So I want to use this idea of
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  keep without him to segue into a bigger team.
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  It's going to go to another character vote in a second, and
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  that is this. The ultimate purpose, if there
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  is one, to keep without him is that you get used to a concept.
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  And that concept is respect. The idea of having certain
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  people on a pedestal, your parents on a pedestal, in this
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  example, your grandparents, I was older than you.
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  Having them on a certain degree of a higher regard is what
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  Kiwanivam is about. And that is he taking a regular
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  person, whom to other people is a regular person And in your
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  eyes, there's something special. If someone else would ask them
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  their opinion, it would be regular opinion.
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  But to you, their opinion carries more weight that they
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  ask something to be done for somebody else.
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  The other person would or would not do it, but for you, it's
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  bringing the action the moment they ask you to do it.
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  Why? Because to you, they're on a
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  different level. And that theme is developed when
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  someone respects their parents and grandparents.
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  It's the ease of the idea that there are other people on a
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  different level. Now, why is that so helpful?
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  The reason it's so helpful is the way the world is structured,
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  especially when it comes to parents and grandparents, is
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  that they give over tradition. They give over them a soda,
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  right? What we know and our way of life
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  has only been provided for us from our parents and
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  grandparents and those that came before us.
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  If they do not seem like anything significant, if they
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  seem like regular people to us, then there's no misura.
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  I learned it from them the same I learned it from my brother or
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  I learned it from a friend that doesn't carry the same weight.
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  But if I remember all my father said this and my grandfather did
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  that, then an elderly man did something else, then it carries
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  much more weight. So the idea and the significance
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  of cavort for parents is one of the main ways that Misuras has
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  given over and the concepts that we have from the earlier times
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  carries value and weight only because these people carry value
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  with you. Ever seen non Jew?
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  Sometimes they have respect for parents, but sometimes they
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  don't. And you see them working with
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  their parents and there's a yelling back and forth that goes
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  on between the child and the parents.
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  Now what do you expect when time comes for that parent to tell
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  that child the way of life? It's going to be a zero.
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  It's not going to go in. It's going to carry no
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  ramifications at all. When I on the other hand, if I
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  were to ask you something about what your father or grandfather
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  did, you're thinking back, you're digging deep.
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  You're trying to find the quote, you're trying to remember how
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  they do this and how they do that.
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  Why do you care? They're just another old person
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  that answers to us, our parents and grandparents, regardless of
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  the statue of the community or in the world, just for us.
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  They carry a lot of weight and that's built on the structure of
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  respect. So respect when it comes to
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  parents and grandparents allows their word and their actions to
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  be able to be given over. And you say, why does that
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  matter? The regular person, no Hashem
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  structure in a way that the parents give over to their
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  children and that structure. And therefore the only way that
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  can be done is if the parents are put on a pedestal.
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  That's why it's important for parents even today, when today
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  we know a parent is a friend of a child.
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  We know the world today. We know how it's different.
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  Even so, it's very important to have levels of respect.
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  It's significant to allow this concept of standing up for the
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  parents to be a thing, even though it's not a thing anymore.
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  It's significant to allow that the children don't sit in your
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  seat. That's a real thing.
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  And even though you want to be the father that you know the
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  best friends with his son, that's a classic term.
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  Today we're best friends. That's cute, it's nice, it's a
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  good thing. It's very important to be
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  connected to your children and that way, absolutely.
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  But at the same time, having this degree of stature, some
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  degree is significant so that one day you'll give over to them
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  and they'll listen to you because you carry more weight.
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  Being that you're a person who has been on the pedestal for all
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  these years, right? It has to be some degree of
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  distance, Some degree of distance between a parent and
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  child. Well, that means that you have
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  conversations that the children do not hear about and they're
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  not allowed to get involved in. You have opinions that they
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  don't. You have discussions that they
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  don't jump into. You have certain things that you
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  say you guys shouldn't be around for this some degree of
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  distance. Even in a very cozy, cute,
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  friendly world, you need this. So you are a pedestal.
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  I think unless you can figure out another way to place parents
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  on a pedestal, it's necessary. And the TADA clearly shows the
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  way. Like, for example, a very
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  difficult law, which you mentioned last week is arguing
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  with your parents. And now that I argue with your
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  parents, that's a very tough law.
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  Anyone who's worked with their father knows that's a very tough
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  law to keep. But if necessary, why isn't, you
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  know, to say he's right now that I argue and you're also not
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  allowed to agree. Exactly.
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  Neither one. Why?
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  Because they're bigger than you. They're more important than you.
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  And that is a basic theme. The basics we'll go through.
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  Can't argue, can't agree, can't call them by their first name,
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  can't even refer to their first name.
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  All right, so much so that there are different communities that
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  would not name their children the names of their parents.
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  And why not? Because they didn't want to say
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  when they referred to their child, they don't want to say
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  their father's name. Now to us, we know I've
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  discussed with my father many times, it's the greatest cavoid
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  for a grandparent to have their grandchild running around as a
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  mini me. We know that.
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  But at the end of the day, on this theme of cavoid, there's a
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  level of disrespect in a sense, when you say their name.
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  It's basically showing you just how much the parent has to be
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  placed on the pedestal. And for us, it's very important.
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  As much as we love our children, as much as you want to connect
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  to them, and as much as you want to break down all barriers, some
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  barriers are good because they create a level of awe, level of
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  respect. Now, we'll segue from this over
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  to an area with this really, really a place.
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  And that is, I might be partial to this topic and that is Kabuto
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  Rabbis, Kubota bravas. Now, I have a lot of opinions on
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  this topic. Oh, good, very good.
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  I have a lot of opinions on this topic.
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  And they're not really related to myself at all.
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  But they, they, they came before I was even in this this position
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  at all. And that is, I have a lot of
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  back and forth about whether we're doing the right thing or
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  the wrong thing when we have Kubota bravas.
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  Let me first play it out for you.
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  The way he brings it, he northeast Loma sinu shum avera.
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  We do not find one topic, Sheikh Hazar Likh Mirubo, where our
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  rabbis are as tough kokak as basically unbelievably tough as
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  a top. The topic of kikivo drabo, the
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  topic of giving respect to a rabbit Valco gambo drabo hayav
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  mitad, the way is brought down as a somewhat disrespectful to a
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  rabbi. They get a very significant
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  penalty. But Shalom Alzino can be shum
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  davar. We do not find this level of
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  surprising. I mean, you do find such
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  penalties on other topics, but you don't find such a great
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  disparity between what seems logical and what is the halacha
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  and this topic. This is the most severe topic
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  around, more than our logic. I am better hard looking the
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  Gemara. What does it say?
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  For example, if someone asks you a halacha and you're in the
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  presence of your rabbi and you give an answer, what does the
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  Gemara say? Punishable by the most severe
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  punishment. This thing about rights,
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  whatever it says, all these different answers, and the God
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  talks about the punishments that happens to people and what does
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  it mean in front of your rabbi? So you say I'm in a different
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  room. No, no, no.
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  And meeting you within a few miles of the rabbi.
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  You can't give a halacha. While my father was alive, I was
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  not willing to give a halacha in the building, for she wanted
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  even even a distance. Because you're not allowed to
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  give Allah in the presence of your rabbi at all, Rabbi.
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  What if there's two rabbis in the?
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  Room oh so now today this ball game has changed big time
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  because what is your rabbi what is right it's.
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  Not saying that saying rabbi itself is not my.
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  Rabbi, no. So the big thing is this
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  specific is the rabbi and he referred to at a time when there
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  was a main rabbi and that has changed.
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  Doesn't mean you go to anyone's. I once had a conversation with
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  someone he told me he says I have and my my phone.
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  I have a rabbit for this and a rabbit for that.
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  Last Friday night I was mentioned and everyone has their
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  own rabbit for this rabbit for that.
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  And it's not insult any rabbit. The fact that you call all the
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  rabbits all the things. Everyone knows how it works.
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  All right, Just go to their weddings and they have a million
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  rabbits. Fine.
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  OK, so this law changes a little bit because it's referring to
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  the head rabbit Rabru. Different examples now, in fact,
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  call on the 10 Shalom that I bought.
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  I don't want to just reach around, but like a regular
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  person there, he brings it, treats him like a regular
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  person, says hello like a regular person, doesn't give him
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  the proper respect. It's very severe punishment.
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  Now remember to see there's more examples and more laws.
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  I want to just stop. Before you go forward.
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  I want to explain my overall opinion on this topic and where
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  I am. There are some people like I
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  always remember this. I taught him that school for a
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  year. OK.
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  The way they talk in the school, a lot of respect to rabbis.
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  I told you this before. What do they say?
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  Does the rabbi know where the rabbi is going?
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  When the rabbi does this and the rabbi does that, right?
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  They know. They talk to a third person.
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  And after a while, I said to the kid, they say, you talking about
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  me? What are you talking about?
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  Rabbi at either head of the school.
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  Who are you talking about? The rabbi.
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  The rabbi. I'm confused, right?
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  It's a lot of respect. And it was cute.
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  And my question always was, and he really is today.
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  Be very honest. We can have a person who got
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  this position 5 minutes ago who is a graduated coil person,
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  which means he's 28 years old and they're treating him like
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  he's a gadolado. So he walks into the room and
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  he's saying, oh, they go over to him.
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  Well, you can have, for example, we have Israeli rabbis come to
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  the shoe and you treat them like a very big deal.
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  And I've always had this question.
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  I've always had this debate. I am a cynical person at heart,
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  deep down, Agnes cynical. I can be very critical and
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  definitely can be somewhat. And I can, you know, pretty much
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  tear any prominence down in 5 minutes.
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  You give me a guy, you give me his prominence.
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  I can tell you. Where did he learn?
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  Where did he go? What does he know?
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  What does he do? I can say by myself too.
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  I'm being honest. All right, so now I've always
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  had this question. Serum people, nice, sweet, maybe
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  somewhat gullible people. Look at anyone with a beard.
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  And anyone has a rabbi, Anyone practicing as a rabbi, they make
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  him into a very big deal. And other people, like I said,
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  people who are maybe a little more knowledgeable or maybe more
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  cynical or maybe more critical, you name it, let me describe it.
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  They are checking up on them and they're, you know, I'm not sure.
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  I'm not sure when they're going the other way.
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  So we have this topic of couple of rabbi.
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  I've had this question, which approach is better?
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  I know there's an in between, I understand, but it's hard to
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  really have that in between, especially if you don't know
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  enough. So which approach is better over
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  time? I used to think that the cynical
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  approach is more safe. Why?
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  Because you won't make the mistake of believe.
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  I've had people come to me with so and so sad.
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  I'll pick up all of this and so and so said this and all these
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  different nonsense and I want to tell them you're talking to a
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  nobody and he just practicing as a rabbi, right?
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  And it's scaring you. So I had that opinion and said
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  OK, so you have your cynical over time I found that you're
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  far better off buying in and to have some degree of knowledge
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  you're far better off buying in then you are being cynical.
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  It's not as dangerous as it seems to be very respectful of
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  rabbis. There are some risks at times
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  when you believe everyone is a Godzilla door.
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  There's a risk there. But overall the concept of
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  giving people like this respect does outweighs the risk of all.
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  You're going to fall in on something and you can be
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  sketched and duped. I'll show you why in a second,
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  gardeners. He could hurt the rabbi too by
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  giving him too much. I would because a 28 year old
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  that doesn't know that much, it's getting a ton of respect
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  just because of 1 achievement that he did is boosting his ego
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  a little. Me maybe a little too much.
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  Absolutely very dangerous, but I don't think one person that's
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  can can help or hurt. It's overall that style of
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  people and if you want to be live in a very cold society or
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  you know, where we're questioning everyone before we
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  really know that could their their levels credentials.
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  And yeah, people will not become a big deal until they're really
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  a big deal. But we don't live in such a
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  world. We live in a world where we
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  don't really all know exactly what's going on behind the
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  scenes or what a person really is.
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  So then we just basically judging respect based on the
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  overall concept. And to that, I'm telling you, I
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  believe there's more good than there is harm.
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  Why? Because when someone is cynical,
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  when someone is critical and they're looking at the people
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  and saying, oh, come on, he has a beard.
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  Very nice. He has a cola.
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  They all have Cola's. OK, very nice.
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  His father was a Rabbi Mabruk. And they go and they question a
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  question, a question. You're right.
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  Before you ask them a life altering question, you can look
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  at it before you give them a crazy donation, you can analyze
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  it. But overall, just discussing
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  what they are and standing up for them and giving them
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  respect. The concept of giving respect
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  allows people to be more Hashim than us and it allows us to live
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  a life. But we are in an appreciative
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  mode. If you look at people that are
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  acting and practicing and carry themselves as rabbis, and most
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  of them of course are very Khashu people, but if you look
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  at them and you get them full khashuvut, you are practicing
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  respect. What ends up happening is you're
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  valuing people and you get more and more used to the concept.
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  And there are people who are greater than me.
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  There are people who are more knowledgeable than me.
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  There are people who are able to teach me something.
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  And you play into the the concept as you know who is the
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  wise person who want to learn? Some old people.
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  And you're living your life where you're learning from
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  people and you're growing from people.
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  Those who had offices that had rabbis come to the office all
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  day long, right? People have that.
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  They have offices. Rabbis come to them.
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  You think every rabbi is a Gadola door?
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  No, but they treat the rabbi with respect.
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  They give them the time. And sometimes they find gold.
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  They find the rabbi that's a gem, that's a special person
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  from a special family and something to deal with the
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  regular person's collecting. But the overall theme of giving
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  these people respect has done so much good for their family and
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  themselves that it's way worth it.
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  And instead of being the one who's critical and cynical and
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  making fun of and saying, oh, I don't know who's who it will be
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  anymore. No, everyone's a rabbi.
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  You live. There's so many rabbis, what
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  does it hurt to give them respect my money?
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  I can't give $1,000,000 to everybody.
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  I can't even give $1000 to everyone.
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  Fine, but just to give it's. Not like a qualification of a
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  rabbi used to have like this used to have to get to me.
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  If I am the fire anymore, if he'd come in the rabbi of my
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  shoe or my community, I shall look into him.
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  But just to give him respect and just to idle people, every time
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  they see rabbi, they ask you for a better ha, the dread that he
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  has, right? So Iverson right here, he all
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  know the level more than you. I remember it's good that other
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  crime, millions of rabbis used to come in the you can give it
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  to somebody, people. Yeah, so forget the money
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  amount, that's the only. Give them the respect.
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  Respect. When you get used to giving
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  respect, it gives you you mold in the way that you appreciate
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  the people that are better than us.
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  There's no harm in that. There's harm if I ask them a
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  major life question and they misguard me.
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  There's harm in that. There's harm if I, you know,
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  give them so much money and they're not really in that
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  position because it's not really going to a major coil.
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  There's harm in that, but we're not doing that.
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  Overall, the idea of respect allows us to look up to other
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  people. All it does is it makes us
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  humble and all it does is it makes us value other people and
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  allows us to be in a position that we're looking at other
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  people in the right way. It's the best thing out there.
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  I used to think it's the worst thing.
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  I'm telling you, it's the best thing guys all let's.
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  I wouldn't give you an. Example of something.
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  We know names, cities. You're on the 1st.
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  Floor your father's on the 3rd. Floor you might be giving a
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  class. You know a guy comes to you, he
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  has Jack around. He says Rabbi have a Holocaust
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  question. Are you supposed to say like ask
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  my father later or can you answer him?
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  I was supposed to say that's my father gave me permission.
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  I'm supposed to say yes, I follow.
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  Absolutely. Ask what to be expecting.
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  OK, you need a Milky Lavan. You need some sort of a mission.
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  Yeah, I've been people. Yeah, absolutely.
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  That's when it comes to asking questions.
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  But it's overall theme of respect.
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  That's why you graduate. Once they make you graduated,
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  yeah, you graduate means you're allowed.
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  Now you got to graduate what you have to do, the process of you
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  got to graduate eventually, 100%.
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  But I'm telling you this idea of respect, it's been tried and
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  true. And you look at two people, some
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  people as they're a little bit critical and they end up saying,
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  oh, who said who's that? Come on, you, you believing in
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  so and so. And then they have it starts off
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  very smart and every cynic out there, it's actually every
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  person is critical and cynical is smart.
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  That's one of the great gifts of cynical people is able to poke
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  holes. You give me something to poke
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  hole and I could poke hole in anybody out there, honestly.
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  But at the same time, what's the outcome?
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  The outcome is you're not treating them with respect.
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  The outcome is all you is lose out.
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  Whereas if you give them respect and you appreciate them, you
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  don't know if they have. You try to appreciate the Torah
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  of assassin before your cavuto. Rabbit is cavuto of Torah.
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  You think they're all full of Torah.
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  Well, they are, or it doesn't make a difference.
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  You're trying to respect the Torah and the result is that you
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  value Torah. And the result eventually is
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  it's for you and your children and your family.
• 18:42
  There's a respect out there and the concept of living life with
• 18:45
  respect is so much more valuable then leave me life without
• 18:49
  respect. So to me, my overall opinion has
• 18:52
  changed in this concept. It used to be I was cynical and
• 18:55
  I didn't really like the fact that everyone is treated like
• 18:58
  such a big deal when they may or may not be right.
• 19:01
  But now I think it's the best thing.
• 19:03
  I know people that every time they see a rabbi, they ask them
• 19:05
  for a baraka. I just think it's to you.
• 19:08
  I once had my my Rosa Shiva was a very big rabbit with a long
• 19:14
  white beer. He was representing Tora
• 19:16
  Missouri in deal, so I went to visit him.
• 19:19
  He's asking how about I went to visit him when it was a deal.
• 19:22
  So while he's there, they were like 100 I think there's a #100
• 19:27
  Syrian girls, single girls who were lining up in the hallway of
• 19:31
  the home and he ready to see the Ralph and I went inside
• 19:35
  privately to meet him before talk to him comes over to me and
• 19:38
  he's talking to me. He says MO grabs me.
• 19:40
  He says MO. He goes, he's calling him MO MO.
• 19:43
  These girls want me to give them a bracha.
• 19:45
  Bracha. What do I tell them?
• 19:47
  Tell me what to tell them. They said, though, around me all
• 19:51
  they want is you tell them that they're going to get married
• 19:54
  unless they get married. And they walk down the room and
• 19:57
  they all line up and they come in, they busting down and ride
• 20:00
  along, my dear. And he's playing the part like
• 20:03
  the whole thing. But the truth is to them, they
• 20:06
  came in, they wanted a bracha. They want that good feel.
• 20:11
  And he's a big rabbi who spends his whole life with Torah.
• 20:14
  Why not? Now I know him.
• 20:16
  He's he's not that type. He doesn't give Barakota.
• 20:20
  He probably makes fun of the whole concept himself.
• 20:22
  But what harm does it have to them when they believe in him
• 20:26
  giving Baraka now, if he tells that mean to get married in six
• 20:29
  months. So two months, in fact, in a
• 20:31
  positive way, right. He tells them to get married at
• 20:34
  six months. That's scary.
• 20:35
  They don't do that. No.
• 20:36
  No real person does that stuff. FYI.
• 20:39
  Real people don't do these prediction stuff.
• 20:42
  And these, you know, you give money here, you're going to have
• 20:45
  this. That's not really done by real
• 20:46
  people unless they know something about breaking it,
• 20:48
  gives it up. But in general, they don't do
• 20:50
  it. Instead, they just give a person
• 20:52
  a good feel. And from the girl's point of
• 20:53
  view, is it the right thing that they might forget about?
• 20:55
  How? Yeah, why not?
• 20:56
  Of course it is. It's Rob.
• 20:57
  It's a very Hashu person. But for overall our families,
• 21:01
  the best thing we can have is respect of those those rabbis
• 21:06
  and those who talk. I know I talk to people always
• 21:09
  talk about they go home and they talk about their rabbi speech,
• 21:12
  right? Rabbi is a veteran, sure, such a
• 21:14
  thing out there. Sometimes the rabbi prepared 3
• 21:18
  minutes before they got up to speak.
• 21:19
  Some places the rabbi prepared 3 minutes before.
• 21:22
  That means his words are just words.
• 21:24
  If you prepare a 3 minutes and four, there's no value to your
• 21:26
  words. It's not.
• 21:27
  It's not powerful than his words.
• 21:29
  Now does that mean that those who go home should not really
• 21:33
  value the Rabbi's speech because it was 1/2 baked prepared
• 21:36
  speech? No, they should look at the
• 21:38
  rabbi speech like it's kadosh, even though from his point of
• 21:41
  view it's not. But for them, it's valuable.
• 21:44
  And to me, this is a very important thing.
• 21:46
  The fact that our community gives such great respect to
• 21:49
  rabbis is the best thing out there.
• 21:52
  It's an unbelievable thing because it allows the community
• 21:55
  to value, to learn from, to ask, to rely on, to be dependent on.
• 22:01
  It's a great thing because the other option is you'd be
• 22:05
  cynical. It's always just fundraising,
• 22:07
  always just this, always just that.
• 22:09
  And then before you know it, you don't care what they have to
• 22:12
  say. Now you're judging these in your
• 22:14
  own opinion, right? When they buy a house, come put
• 22:16
  the messages in, right? Exactly.
• 22:18
  Then they run to the rubber. Exactly.
• 22:20
  Otherwise, don't tell me what to do right?
• 22:23
  And tell you it's the best thing there is.
• 22:25
  Great for your children to watch and to learn and to realize what
• 22:28
  you consider important and what you value.
• 22:31
  So even though it's confusing that people are so dependent and
• 22:34
  ask questions and they seem to be relying on, they seem to put
• 22:37
  people on penicillin, they may not be worthy of the gut.
• 22:40
  You should know the respect that the rabbis and our community get
• 22:45
  are equal to the respect of the Gadoliado.
• 22:47
  Really the level of respect that our rabbis community get are
• 22:51
  equal and certain sense that the respect of the greatest rabbis
• 22:54
  and maybe we're not the greatest rabbis.
• 22:56
  So maybe the respect isn't so deserving, but it's the best
• 22:58
  thing for our community. Now with children, now with our
• 23:01
  own selves and we put someone on a pedestal, we value them or
• 23:05
  what they represent. So whether it be parents, same
• 23:07
  way parents are regular people to others, but to us they become
• 23:12
  a big deal. Rabbis as well, the same idea
• 23:14
  they might be even to their colleagues, not everything, but
• 23:19
  to us, we make them a big deal. What it does is it allows us to
• 23:24
  have a constant respect. And there's nothing better than
• 23:27
  having respect because when you value ta da in respect to that,
• 23:31
  you start to listen and learn and copy and develop firm.
• 23:35
  So no, you don't rely on someone you don't know for a life
• 23:38
  altering question that you don't.
• 23:40
  But you do give the overall theme of everyone who carries
• 23:44
  and stuff like around. But you give them respect and
• 23:46
  the greater outcome is only good.
• 23:48
  Stop this.