Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #347 When You Can't Get Help

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#347 When You Can't Get Help · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:03
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
0:07
Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.
0:10
Speaker 2: Now, on average, a lot of people can actually work
0:14
Speaker 2: through these challenges by just having a couple of safe
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Speaker 2: people that they can talk with.
0:19
Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
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Speaker 1: and dad.
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Speaker 3: Hello.
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Speaker 4: This is doctor Justin Coulson.
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Speaker 3: I'm the author of six books about raising families to
0:28
Speaker 3: be happy, and have a PhD in psychology. I'm the
0:30
Speaker 3: founder of Happy Families dot com.
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Speaker 2: You're putting your psychologist voice on.
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Speaker 4: A I'm not trying to. Am I sounding serious? Am
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Speaker 4: I very serious?
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Speaker 2: Today?
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Speaker 4: I'm sounding clinical? How does that make you feel?
0:43
Speaker 2: Oh?
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Speaker 3: This is happy fanis the couch but to sleep on
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Speaker 3: to talk to me on? So I'm obviously a very
0:51
Speaker 3: serious person by the sounds of things. I've got a
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Speaker 3: PhD in psychology, and I've written some books. You're the
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Speaker 3: mom to our six daughters and my podcast co host
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Speaker 3: and wife.
1:00
Speaker 4: I should put that in there as well.
1:02
Speaker 3: There's a bit of a problem happening around the world
1:05
Speaker 3: at the moment. Most people are fully aware of it.
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Speaker 3: It's called a global pandemic, and today, in fact, all
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Speaker 3: of this week We're going to be addressing the mental
1:13
Speaker 3: health issues and talking about solutions when it comes to
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Speaker 3: what the extended lockdowns are doing to our nation's children
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Speaker 3: and youth and also parents. I can't wait for this week.
1:27
Speaker 3: We're having a really important conversation on Wednesday with Professor
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Speaker 3: Lee Waters from the University of Melbourne, the Center for
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Speaker 3: Well Being Research in the Graduate School of Education. We're
1:35
Speaker 3: also going to be answering listener questions and today we're
1:39
Speaker 3: talking about what to do when you can't get help.
1:42
Speaker 3: I want to share something with you, Kylie that I
1:44
Speaker 3: think is really important. This came from a news article.
1:47
Speaker 3: Unfortunately I don't actually have the resource. Somebody sent it
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Speaker 3: to me and all I can do is quote what
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Speaker 3: it says. But have a listen to this. There is
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Speaker 3: no availability of psychologists for children under twelve in the West.
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Speaker 3: Now we're talking about western New South Wales. Here there
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Speaker 3: is limited mental health support. Let's not pretend we're able
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Speaker 3: to mitigate the effects of lockdown by our existing absolutely
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Speaker 3: overburdened mental health care system. Somebody says, as a psychologist
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Speaker 3: working long hours in direct client service and hours in
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Speaker 3: indirect reports and letter writing, etc. Every day for the
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Speaker 3: last eighteen months, the task feels insurmountable. The pain and
2:22
Speaker 3: suffering of broken lives has not been seen on this
2:25
Speaker 3: scale for decades. There's a cognitive neuropsychologists and Swinburne University
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Speaker 3: of Technology researcher by the name of Susan Rossell. She
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Speaker 3: says that demand for mental health services has grown as
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Speaker 3: the pandemic has entered the second year of challenges. She
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Speaker 3: said in early twenty twenty, people were about three to
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Speaker 3: four times more anxious, depressed and stressed than before the pandemic.
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Speaker 3: That's now surged to about six to seven times based
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Speaker 3: on data from both April and August this year, and
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Speaker 3: a GP in Melbourne in Bundura says avenues for mental
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Speaker 3: health support are capacity. She told nine news dot com
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Speaker 3: dot Au. Many child and adolescent psychologists across Victoria have
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Speaker 3: closed their books and are not taking any more patients
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Speaker 3: because of the huge demand on their services. There are
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Speaker 3: children on waitlists for months and months and months. So
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Speaker 3: what we're really doing here is we're witnessing firsthand this
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Speaker 3: collective mental breakdown among children. Because of the state of
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Speaker 3: perpetual lockdown across New South Wales, the ACT and Victoria
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Speaker 3: Victoria in particular, where it has been over the top
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Speaker 3: unhealthy and while not making a political statement, the Andrews
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Speaker 3: fixation on COVID zero is leading to decisions that don't
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Speaker 3: have any empirical basis but are absolutely locking people in
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Speaker 3: in unhealthy ways. That's the situation we're up against, and
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Speaker 3: that's what we're talking about today.
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Speaker 2: So we actually had a conversation recently with Tony Fitzgerald.
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Speaker 2: He was the virtual services manager at your Town. They
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Speaker 2: take care of both parent Line and Kids help Line,
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Speaker 2: and that conversation was really eye opening. He talked about
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Speaker 2: the fact that numbers going through the call center had
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Speaker 2: skyrocketed like twelve to eighteen months.
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Speaker 3: And every day they're basically setting new records because of
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Speaker 3: the distress of kids and parents people. John Brogden, who
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Speaker 3: runs Lifeline, he was on Twitter saying every other day
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Speaker 3: the numbers are all new records. It's staggering how many
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Speaker 3: people are struggling.
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Speaker 2: So today's podcast is about helping you when you can't
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Speaker 2: actually access the help that you need.
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Speaker 4: Yeah.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, If you tried to get into the GP so
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Speaker 3: that you can get an appointment with a psychologist, it's
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Speaker 3: going to be really challenging.
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Speaker 4: I think that's really it.
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Speaker 3: And Kylie, you were listened to a podcast we were
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Speaker 3: talking about this earlier, and you had a couple of
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Speaker 3: really useful insights that I think are worth sharing.
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Speaker 2: This particular podcast was interviewed a therapist and just the
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Speaker 2: acknowledgment that on the whole therapy is frowned upon or
5:02
Speaker 2: doesn't necessarily have a good connotation to it as a
5:07
Speaker 2: society in general. But his acknowledgment was that there are
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Speaker 2: so many different forms of therapy. We often think about,
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Speaker 2: you know, sitting on the couch, as we joked about
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Speaker 2: at the beginning of the podcast, and you know, talking
5:21
Speaker 2: to a psychologist, but the realization that for some people
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Speaker 2: that's not what they need. And his acknowledgement was that
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Speaker 2: a good therapist will actually help you to tap into
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Speaker 2: your own authentic self is what he called it, authentic self,
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Speaker 2: to find your own answers. A therapist isn't going to
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Speaker 2: give you the answers. A therapist is going to guide
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Speaker 2: you through a process to help you get those answers.
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Speaker 3: In other words, it's about doing inner work. It's about
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Speaker 3: self discovery, it's about growth and development. It's not about
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Speaker 3: sitting down on the couch and being given a prescription
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Speaker 3: for this is what you need to do to be happy.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, And he acknowledged that if you have a village,
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Speaker 2: which I talk about all but if you have a village,
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Speaker 2: if you have a good friend or a good family
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Speaker 2: member who you feel that you can be completely open
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Speaker 2: and vulnerable with that, more times than not, you actually
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Speaker 2: don't need therapy. You just need to be able to
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Speaker 2: talk through and work through challenges. Now, he also obviously
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Speaker 2: acknowledge that there are some extremely challenging experiences that people
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Speaker 2: go through and they do need therapy, and there's all
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Speaker 2: kinds of therapy available for them. But on average, a
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Speaker 2: lot of people can actually work through these challenges by
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Speaker 2: just having a couple of safe people that they can
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Speaker 2: talk with.
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Speaker 4: Yeah.
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Speaker 3: So we're not discouraging people from receiving professional help, because
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Speaker 3: professional help is absolutely necessary in many many cases. However,
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Speaker 3: there are many cases as well where we if we
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Speaker 3: can get circumstances in environment, people and processes right in
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Speaker 3: our lives, we can negate or dramatically reduce our need
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Speaker 3: for therapeutic help. And that's I think where we can
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Speaker 3: be most helpful in this podcast because it's hard to
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Speaker 3: get in to get therapeutic help. And if you can't
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Speaker 3: get that help with somebody who is a professional who's
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Speaker 3: paid to help you to get through these hard times,
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Speaker 3: what options have you got given that waiting lists months
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Speaker 3: and months long. I mean I talked to somebody the
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Speaker 3: other day who is trying to get into a psychology
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Speaker 3: clinic for their child who has really really big challenges autistic,
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Speaker 3: and the wait list that they've just closed their books.
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Speaker 3: They've said, we don't know when we're going to open
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Speaker 3: our books again, because we are that busy. They've got
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Speaker 3: that much going on. It's such a big challenge.
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Speaker 4: I really like what you've said, though.
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Speaker 3: If we can get the environment right, if we can
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Speaker 3: get our processes right in our lives, sometimes we can
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Speaker 3: negate the need for therapy. So let's talk about what
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Speaker 3: we could do if we're in that situation where.
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Speaker 4: We know we need help.
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Speaker 3: Help's not available other than via the helplines, which of
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Speaker 3: course we recommend that you call because they'll at least
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Speaker 3: give you something. Let's talk about what you can do
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Speaker 3: right after break.
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Speaker 1: It's their Happy Famili's podcast.
7:58
Speaker 4: For a happier Family.
8:00
Speaker 2: Try a Happy Families membership because a happy family doesn't
8:03
Speaker 2: just happen. Details at happyfamilies dot com dot au. It's
8:08
Speaker 2: the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time poor
8:10
Speaker 2: parent who just wants answers now and today, we are
8:15
Speaker 2: endeavoring to give you some help when you can't get
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Speaker 2: the help that you think or want.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, we've framed the problem.
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Speaker 3: There's a lack of good professional help because psychologists are
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Speaker 3: closing their books and they're just saying we can't help
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Speaker 3: any more people. But there is a silent epidemic that
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Speaker 3: goes along with this global COVID pandemic, and the epidemic
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Speaker 3: is that we've got major problems with people getting mental
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Speaker 3: health help. So if that is you, or if you
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Speaker 3: know somebody who needs help but they can't get it,
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Speaker 3: there's a handful of things that science tells us we
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Speaker 3: can try that may at least alleviate those depression or
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Speaker 3: anxiety or stressed out symptoms and make family life and
8:55
Speaker 3: personal life a little better.
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Speaker 2: So I think one of the biggest challenges that we're
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Speaker 2: experiencing seeing as a society in general with lockdown is
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Speaker 2: a lack of connection. And it's really easy when you're
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Speaker 2: not able to do the things that you'll do on
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Speaker 2: a day to day basis to make connections to kind
9:11
Speaker 2: of sever connections in the process. And one of the
9:15
Speaker 2: things that I have found so helpful. I hate those
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Speaker 2: video face time call things. I really really struggle with them.
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Speaker 2: But because of lockdown, I've actually had to put on
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Speaker 2: my big girl pants and deal with the fact that
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Speaker 2: I'm staring at my own face and my friend's face
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Speaker 2: at the same time. And the joy that it has
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Speaker 2: brought to me and the feeling of connection that I
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Speaker 2: have had surpasses any phone call that I've had with
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Speaker 2: my friends. But I think sometimes even though we know
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Speaker 2: it's there, we don't utilize it because we can't have
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Speaker 2: that coffee that we have with them every Tuesday morning
9:50
Speaker 2: or whatever. And we recognize that we're all dealing with
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Speaker 2: homeschool and all of the challenges. So I think that
9:56
Speaker 2: you know, tapping into some of those technology opportunities we
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Speaker 2: make decisions for other people. We assume that they're too
10:03
Speaker 2: busy because they're dealing with their stuff and you're dealing
10:05
Speaker 2: with your stuff. But I think it's really important for
10:07
Speaker 2: us to actually be very conscious in our decisions to
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Speaker 2: make connections in spite of the fact that it's not
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Speaker 2: where we are. I've had the opportunity, through some of
10:16
Speaker 2: our isolating periods of just reaching out to some older
10:20
Speaker 2: ladies in our area who are extremely isolated and just
10:25
Speaker 2: touching base with them, checking in, making sure they're doing okay,
10:28
Speaker 2: and seeing the joy on their face that somebody actually
10:31
Speaker 2: thought of them. You know, for those of us who
10:33
Speaker 2: live in families and we have other people around us,
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Speaker 2: it still can be challenging, but at least we've got
10:38
Speaker 2: other human contact. But these people who live on their
10:41
Speaker 2: own really really struggle. One of the other things that
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Speaker 2: I've done too is just acknowledging that I recognize that
10:47
Speaker 2: there are a few people in my circles who are
10:49
Speaker 2: really really struggling, and I can see them spiraling down.
10:53
Speaker 2: And so I created a little gratitude group with them
10:57
Speaker 2: and just got them to send me three things that
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Speaker 2: were grateful for each day. And as they did that,
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Speaker 2: I could literally see the cogs turning as things started
11:08
Speaker 2: to change because their focus was on things, and some
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Speaker 2: of them were tiny, tiny little things, you know, their
11:14
Speaker 2: child laughed, but they could see something to be grateful
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Speaker 2: for and it made such a difference.
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Speaker 3: Okay, time's getting away from us. But really this is
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Speaker 3: about what do you do when you can't connect with
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Speaker 3: anyone you need that psychological help.
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Speaker 4: Connection is at the heart of it.
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Speaker 3: I've got a couple of other things that I think
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Speaker 3: are worth just mentioning for sort of ten or fifteen
11:32
Speaker 3: seconds each. The first thing I'm going to emphasize is
11:34
Speaker 3: you've got to look after your body. Like everybody knows
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Speaker 3: this and yet so I can't tell you how good
11:40
Speaker 3: it feels. You know this, If you do this, if
11:43
Speaker 3: you have physical activity in your life regularly, you just
11:46
Speaker 3: feel better, full stop, end of story. I love I
11:50
Speaker 3: just love getting out of my bike every morning and
11:52
Speaker 3: going for that ride. It changes everything, and it's the
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Speaker 3: social part as well as the exercise part.
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Speaker 2: One of the things that I absolutely love when we
12:00
Speaker 2: went down into first Lockdown last year was how busy
12:03
Speaker 2: our neighborhood became with people walking. They don't do it,
12:07
Speaker 2: they don't get out, but because it was their only
12:10
Speaker 2: source of getting out and about, people were walking all
12:14
Speaker 2: day every day.
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Speaker 4: It was awesome. For seeing people in the street was
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Speaker 4: like wow, and I have.
12:18
Speaker 2: I've noticed everybody is so much more friendly.
12:20
Speaker 4: That they want to say hello. Yeah. Secondly, sleep like
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Speaker 4: actually get enough sleep.
12:25
Speaker 3: Stop binging on different series, on whatever streaming service you use.
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Speaker 4: Get enough sleep so important for well being.
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Speaker 3: It's associated with not enough sleep is associated with a
12:35
Speaker 3: whole lot of medical issues.
12:37
Speaker 4: Get enough sleep, I.
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Speaker 2: Think in line with that is just an acknowledgement that
12:41
Speaker 2: keeping a routine yep. Even though you're not going to
12:44
Speaker 2: work and you're not doing X, Y and Z, it's
12:46
Speaker 2: so important for you to have that routine and structure
12:49
Speaker 2: to your day so that you're not being idle yep.
12:52
Speaker 3: And the last thing that I'm going to highlight is
12:56
Speaker 3: digital devices. Like I'm not anti screen, and we've talked
13:00
Speaker 3: about this quite a lot on the podcast, but I
13:02
Speaker 3: do know that screens can if they're not serving a purpose,
13:06
Speaker 3: if they're not doing something meaningful, if you're not using
13:08
Speaker 3: them mindfully, if you're not able to moderate. These are
13:11
Speaker 3: the three ms that Joscelyn Brewer talks about all the time.
13:14
Speaker 3: You should check out Digital Nutrition with Joscelyn Brewer. She says,
13:17
Speaker 3: use your screens mindfully, use them moderately, and use them
13:21
Speaker 3: in ways where you can really maximize your life. If
13:25
Speaker 3: they're detracting from your life, they're distracting from your connections.
13:27
Speaker 3: If they're distracting from your ability to exercise and live large,
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Speaker 3: then ditch the device and folks on the stuff that works,
13:34
Speaker 3: because all too often it will interfere.
13:37
Speaker 2: And if you love reading, I'm going to suggest pick
13:39
Speaker 2: up a few books Brene Brown. She has been brilliant
13:42
Speaker 2: as I've started to work through some kind of just
13:44
Speaker 2: my own little challenges. Not so much therapy, just an
13:47
Speaker 2: acknowledgment that there's room to grow and room to learn.
13:50
Speaker 2: And I think that if you're open to hearing new
13:54
Speaker 2: ideas and new suggestions, that this can be a wonderful
13:56
Speaker 2: way to kind of work through your own process.
13:58
Speaker 3: Okay, so this isn't therapy. You do recommend it for
14:00
Speaker 3: those who need it, but we also recognize that sometimes
14:03
Speaker 3: therapy is not what you need.
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Speaker 4: Sometimes you just.
14:05
Speaker 3: Need to move your body, be in nature, connect with others, volunteer,
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Speaker 3: make a difference in the world, get enough sleep, look
14:11
Speaker 3: after yourself, read, do some inner work. These are the
14:14
Speaker 3: kinds of things that may actually help you during these
14:16
Speaker 3: extended lockdown periods. We really hope and pray that things
14:21
Speaker 3: are going to get better for you. If you're in
14:23
Speaker 3: a lockdown state at the moment and if things are
14:26
Speaker 3: a struggle, we again recommend that you call out to
14:28
Speaker 3: those lifelines, whether it's Lifeline itself or Kids help Line
14:32
Speaker 3: or parent Line or wherever it might be that you
14:34
Speaker 3: can get some help. The Happy Famili's podcast is produced
14:37
Speaker 3: by Justin Rulan and he's from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce
14:40
Speaker 3: is the guy that's our executive producer, and we appreciate
14:43
Speaker 3: the work that both of those gentlemen do to help
14:44
Speaker 3: the podcast sound as good as it does and to
14:47
Speaker 3: have the impact that it has in so many lives.
14:49
Speaker 3: If it's working for you, can you jump onto Apple
14:51
Speaker 3: Podcasts and leave a rating and review. It's those ratings
14:54
Speaker 3: and reviews that help other people to find out about
14:56
Speaker 3: the podcast and get help that might be useful for
14:58
Speaker 3: them and their family. And if you like premium help,
15:01
Speaker 3: the very best help that we've got, please have a
15:02
Speaker 3: look at our Happy Families memberships. Those memberships are available
15:06
Speaker 3: at Happy Families dot com dot a