Latest / Healing Her Story with Riva Jean-Paul / Why Calm Beats Butterflies in Dating: Intuition, Safety & Choosing the Right Partner with Anna Cordin

Transcript

Why Calm Beats Butterflies in Dating: Intuition, Safety & Choosing the Right Partner with Anna Cordin · Healing Her Story with Riva Jean-Paul

1:39
SPEAKER_00: Hello everyone.
1:41
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to today's episode of the Healing Her Story Podcast.
1:45
SPEAKER_00: I am delighted to be coming to you today with a guest episode, and today's guest is a very unique individual who I'm really looking forward to speaking to.
1:57
SPEAKER_00: And as we've been moving through Scorpio season, this conversation felt divinely timed as they usually are.
2:04
SPEAKER_00: And today we're going to be exploring topics around intimacy, sex, pleasure, relationships, and any other threads that weave into today's conversation as well.
2:16
SPEAKER_00: Anna is a professional ballroom dancer, electric violinist, and author who has been helping couples to reconnect since 2012.
2:25
SPEAKER_00: She is a certified NLP practitioner, primordial sound meditation teacher, and certified hypnotist, and she leads seminars and experiences on passion, including how to keep it alive in relationship.
2:39
SPEAKER_00: She is the author of Power of the Dick, a love story, which, despite its attention-grabbing title, is a love story about intimacy, pleasure, and choosing a partner by paying close attention to your own feelings and who you become in their presence.
2:55
SPEAKER_00: Anna lives fully into all of her gifts, and I am so excited to have her dear here today.
3:01
SPEAKER_00: Anna, welcome to the show.
3:02
SPEAKER_02: Thank you, Riva.
3:03
SPEAKER_02: Thank you for having me.
3:05
SPEAKER_00: I appreciate it.
3:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
3:08
SPEAKER_00: Well, Anna, as I was uh sharing before we record, I always invite all of our guests to start off by sharing a little bit about their story.
3:17
SPEAKER_00: So I'll offer the same invitation to you today.
3:21
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
3:21
SPEAKER_02: Well, I'm a simple girl from Siberia, from the coldest part of Russia.
3:27
SPEAKER_02: Um, as long as I remember myself, at the age of five, I was dancing, sweating in front of my grandparents who were sitting on the couch and applauding me.
3:40
SPEAKER_02: And my grandma would make uh princess costumes, she would take drapes from the windows and you know, make me like a little princess, and I was dancing for them, made them happy.
3:52
SPEAKER_02: At the age of five, as long as I remember myself, because I grew up uh in the family of two musicians.
4:01
SPEAKER_02: My father was conductor of the orchestra, my mom was a professional musician, also in orchestra.
4:08
SPEAKER_02: I grew up in the hallways of the music school, and one day I just wandered into the room of where the violin teacher was sitting, and her uh student didn't show up, so we started uh fiddling a little bit, and I felt like wow, it's my instrument.
4:32
SPEAKER_02: So I was playing violin from the age of five until 14, and then my rebellious nature of a teenager came, and I was like, you know what?
4:44
SPEAKER_02: This static four or five hours a day seems like uh uh seems like uh pinching my freedom.
4:54
SPEAKER_02: I didn't like it, so I went back into dancing.
4:57
SPEAKER_02: Uh, there was no aerobics in my small military town where I grew up.
5:04
SPEAKER_02: And uh I don't remember how the tape of Jane Fonda got into my hands.
5:11
SPEAKER_02: I watched it.
5:12
SPEAKER_02: I watched it and I was like, I want to do that.
5:16
SPEAKER_02: And at the age of 14, I started my aerobics career in my small little like small military town, and I remember groups of 50 women aged 40, 50, and I'm a little girl in that beautiful one-piece swimsuit and leg warmers and was teaching uh confidently.
5:40
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
5:41
SPEAKER_02: Then I started like putting um little choreographs with two of my best girlfriends, and we were performing in school for the prom and everything, so we were like celebrities, you know.
5:55
SPEAKER_02: It was fun, so dancing uh and violin were my passions.
6:01
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think it's important to remember as we are grown-ups, which I do it on my seminars on passion, to have uh dialogue with your inner child and remember what you were passionate about from the age of five, four until twelve, because we were so uninhibited and we just remember that and reach out when you're older to what you used to brew inside of you and uh made you feel alive, and that's what happened to me.
6:42
SPEAKER_02: Um, I'll get there later.
6:46
SPEAKER_02: So, anyways, I went to college, yeah, uh to University of Kabarovsk Art and Culture, got a bachelor's degree in arts and culture and uh started working in pantomime theater.
7:01
SPEAKER_02: I was the youngest girl there.
7:03
SPEAKER_02: I don't know how I got into the professional, you know, crew and was on stage for two years with them doing pantomime.
7:14
SPEAKER_02: So the violin didn't show up uh until the age of 50.
7:20
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
7:21
SPEAKER_02: My actually 51, which was uh since April, I started playing it again.
7:27
SPEAKER_02: So 37 years I didn't play, and my current husband actually gave me electric violin.
7:34
SPEAKER_02: He said, You said you can play, do it now.
7:39
SPEAKER_02: Well, I'm jumping all over the place, but the thing is that I met my first ex-husband, first husband back then, uh there in Siberia.
7:48
SPEAKER_02: He was an American, ambitious, uh 25-year-old man who was working as uh regional manager of Gillette Company in far east of Russia.
8:01
SPEAKER_02: Wow, so they the company treated him like a king.
8:05
SPEAKER_02: The car, you know, it was a Russian car that always broke, but he felt like on top of the world and he stood out and he pursued me.
8:14
SPEAKER_02: So that's how I got into the United States.
8:17
SPEAKER_02: Long story short, I ended up in uh uh University of Chicago campus area, Hyde Park in Chicago, uh with uh my both kids, and uh we lived together for eight years.
8:35
SPEAKER_02: Uh then we got divorced, unfortunately.
8:39
SPEAKER_02: But uh what attracted me to him was his uh knowledge of academics.
8:48
SPEAKER_02: He was an academically brilliant guy, uh photographic memory, spoke perfect Russian with a little accent, and just swapped me away with like knowledge of philosophy.
9:00
SPEAKER_02: We we spent so much time talking about philosophy, uh religion.
9:09
SPEAKER_02: It was really wow uh fresh air for me, and because I'm very cerebral and I always curious about the world.
9:17
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
9:18
SPEAKER_02: So that's pretty much how I got into the United States.
9:23
SPEAKER_02: And when after we got divorced, I uh wanted to go to Florida.
9:28
SPEAKER_02: I wanted to be in Miami because when I uh the girl from Siberia who saw only snow and winters, first time I got into Miami, I'm like this blue waters, yeah, this greenery, this sun.
9:43
SPEAKER_02: I was enamored and I wanted to uh be in Florida, which I am finally, but I went through I went around the globe with that.
9:52
SPEAKER_02: So uh by the time we were divorcing and kids were there, we lived in Charlotte, North Carolina.
10:00
SPEAKER_02: Oh wow, and he said, uh, why do you need to go to Miami?
10:04
SPEAKER_02: There's Charleston, three hours away.
10:06
SPEAKER_02: I can see my kids, and I was like, Okay, I'll go in Charleston.
10:12
SPEAKER_02: So I got into Charleston where waters were not that blue, no, and uh, but I I did it for the kids.
10:20
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, as soon as I moved to Charleston, uh, that's why we got divorced.
10:25
SPEAKER_02: He moved next week to New York because he got a better offer, and I got stuck in Charleston.
10:32
SPEAKER_02: Oh gosh, wow, yeah, good deed is always punished, yeah.
10:38
SPEAKER_02: So I didn't end up in Miami, and because I was in Charleston with my Russian accent and my brown hair, you know, all the Southern girls all blonde and stuff, I was such an outcast.
10:54
SPEAKER_02: And uh I just met this guy, Russian guy, wow, big massive guy, former uh former member of uh uh Dica Slone, like Dika Slong.
11:11
SPEAKER_02: Well, how do you say it?
11:13
SPEAKER_02: Tan sports, yeah.
11:16
SPEAKER_02: Here we go, thank you, and uh we hit it off because my kids really loved him.
11:23
SPEAKER_02: There are two boys, four and six years old, and they were just like wow, because he taught them tennis, he taught them, he was very active.
11:32
SPEAKER_02: Wow, they were the youngest surfers there, too.
11:36
SPEAKER_02: Four-year-old going like in surfing, they were just psyched about him.
11:42
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, um, so we got married, and he was not only Russian, but he was also Russian Canadian.
11:49
SPEAKER_02: He said, Oh, forget about the United States, let's go to Canada, you're gonna love it better there.
11:55
SPEAKER_02: So I moved to Toronto, okay, and I was there for two years with him, and uh then we uh divorced.
12:05
SPEAKER_02: Um, I'm gonna leave uh because I I don't know how elaborate, uh how detailed should my introduction.
12:12
SPEAKER_02: Sure, sure, sure.
12:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, it's beautiful.
12:15
SPEAKER_00: I'd love for you to yeah, you can share kind of like I'd love to hear more about that transition from the second divorce into where you are now.
12:23
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so this one is a journey because it took me places.
12:28
SPEAKER_02: I you know, I moved back to Chicago where I started because my mom lived there with her husband, and uh I have been in uh a few relationships, serious relationships.
12:45
SPEAKER_02: Uh and I think because I'm so cerebral, as I mentioned earlier, I was living out of here, yeah, not out of here.
12:55
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and uh I think a lot of decisions were made out of my jump box, so to speak.
13:05
SPEAKER_02: So those relationships didn't work out, and I basically thought I'm just not built for a relationship because I'm so strong-minded, so rebellious.
13:16
SPEAKER_02: My uh number one, I used to say it, my number one value in life was freedom.
13:22
SPEAKER_02: Don't tell me what to do, you know.
13:26
SPEAKER_02: But uh my biggest value in life is love.
13:32
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I just never found it because I was looking out of here, not out of here.
13:38
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and uh the book this is the book.
13:45
SPEAKER_02: Uh oh here we go.
13:49
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so the book covers my journey exactly where you wanted me like to cover.
13:58
SPEAKER_02: Each chapter is uh the guy uh that I dated, uh been in good relationship with, and they are great guys.
14:08
SPEAKER_02: I I won't tell you otherwise.
14:11
SPEAKER_02: I didn't put uh anyone in a bad lighting in my book because they're great people, yeah, also very smart, and I had a great time, but I was never able to let go with any of them, and I didn't know it existed until I met my current husband.
14:33
SPEAKER_02: Okay, we've been together for almost three years now, and it's been a hell of a ride.
14:38
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, and I feel like I finally started blooming in this relationships relationship because I danced, I started playing violin, not only started after 30 years, 37 years of a break, which I don't know any violinist who picked up violin and I'm performing now for corporate events.
15:06
SPEAKER_02: I don't know how it's happening, but it brings me so much joy.
15:10
SPEAKER_02: I still dance at the age of 51 with my partner who is a world champion of 2026.
15:18
SPEAKER_02: We put amazing shows, we we are we are focused on performances.
15:24
SPEAKER_02: So my company is called Gala Balroom, so galabalroom.com, and uh we listen to the clients and we just like really cater what they are looking for.
15:38
SPEAKER_02: We are doing this crazy in a couple of weeks, crazy 70s disco uh party.
15:44
SPEAKER_02: I'm losing all of this, I will survive.
15:47
SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah, hot stuff, you know, uh dancing queen.
15:53
SPEAKER_02: Yes, it's it brings me so much joy to like sit and fiddle and like understand the songs.
16:00
SPEAKER_02: I don't even have notes, I I can hear it.
16:02
SPEAKER_02: Wow, it's not me who is doing it, it's kind of like started happening through me.
16:08
SPEAKER_02: Yes, you know, it's it's just somebody is leading, yes, and I'm just going one step at a time.
16:17
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I practice four or five hours a day.
16:19
SPEAKER_02: I have a bruise here.
16:22
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but it's the every day is a small life, and I cherish every second of it.
16:33
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, wow, yeah, beautiful.
16:36
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for sharing.
16:38
SPEAKER_00: I feel like I'm like uh listening to like a movie.
16:43
SPEAKER_00: It feels like a movie.
16:46
SPEAKER_00: All the just like unique life experiences that you've had and how they really have come together into this beautiful life that you've created for yourself, and it's really lovely to just hear you just kind of like almost just surrendering to the unfolding of it all without being attached to what it's all supposed to look like and just allowing, like you said, just life to kind of flow through you.
17:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
17:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
17:12
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I see a lot of my own life in that too.
17:15
SPEAKER_00: So it's nice to have that mirrored back to me here.
17:18
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you're gonna trust the flow.
17:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely beautiful.
17:24
SPEAKER_00: Well, I'd love to hear a little bit more about the title of the book because it's a very, as we said, attention-grabbing title.
17:34
SPEAKER_00: And I'm curious how did you arrive on the title of this book?
17:40
SPEAKER_02: Well, I was going through Amazon and looking at uh books to read.
17:45
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, because we often download the book to read, and I came across this book, it's called Power of the Pussy.
17:52
SPEAKER_02: You know, and we do have a great, we do have a great sense of humor.
17:57
SPEAKER_02: I was like, I was like, baby, I I think we should write the book Power of the Dick.
18:03
SPEAKER_02: Yes, because what happened to me, which I has not covered yet, uh here during our conversation, that also with none of the men in my life until the age of 49 with my current husband, yes, I never ever had an orgasm.
18:27
SPEAKER_02: Yes, and I know a lot of women are faking it.
18:30
SPEAKER_02: I faked it.
18:32
SPEAKER_02: I if I had uh uh championship in the world, you know, how to fake orgasm, I would have a fucking trophy room part of it.
18:44
SPEAKER_02: I would have a I I'm just so emotionally charged about it.
18:47
SPEAKER_02: That's why I wrote the book, yes, because I would have a trophy room with full of trophies and medals, how to fake an orgasm.
18:57
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I never had a problem to to make myself come by myself, okay.
19:02
SPEAKER_02: You know, I know my body, yeah, and I never thought um I could do that, you know, but picking my love from from here finally, yeah, yes, allowed me to fully trust him.
19:24
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
19:25
SPEAKER_02: There is there is uh no way to describe the feeling of a hundred percent a thousand percent trust, yeah.
19:36
SPEAKER_02: But I'm stumbling here.
19:41
SPEAKER_02: That's okay.
19:42
SPEAKER_02: That's okay.
19:42
SPEAKER_02: Well, back to the title of the book, back to the title.
19:46
SPEAKER_02: The title came because of that other title, and we had like a just a humorous moment from it, but I was thinking about it.
19:56
SPEAKER_02: My mom is uh straightforward person, yeah, with cursing words, and she's very fiery at times when things uh when she's as like over impasse and she feels like this shift of energy, and I was because I was so like snappy all my life.
20:23
SPEAKER_02: I was snappy.
20:24
SPEAKER_02: I had I know you're talking about menstrual cycles and PMS.
20:28
SPEAKER_02: My PMS were yeah, I didn't have any pain, I was just so irritable all the time.
20:34
SPEAKER_02: Like I snap at people all the time, yeah.
20:38
SPEAKER_02: And uh she with her uh love for me, but straight as a sick Siberian mother would tell me, you know what?
20:49
SPEAKER_02: She knew I couldn't come with someone, go outside and let somebody fuck you because I don't care who fucks you, but they have to fuck your brains out, and so you stop fucking me.
21:04
SPEAKER_02: I was like, I was like, wow, wow.
21:09
SPEAKER_02: So I finally came uh with my husband, and I completely changed who my demeanor is.
21:21
SPEAKER_02: I walk slower, yeah, I talk slower, I'm a little bit like buzzed all the time.
21:28
SPEAKER_02: We have sex often, very often, yeah, but it's just changes you, yeah.
21:35
SPEAKER_02: So the dick, the right dick, but it's not even about the dick, to be honest.
21:42
SPEAKER_02: It's not about mechanical or physical part of it.
21:47
SPEAKER_02: It's right when you relax.
21:49
SPEAKER_02: The book is not about the dick, it's not about mechanics of sex, right?
21:54
SPEAKER_02: It's about uh ethereal um substance that has to be between two people to feel and fully let go and fully relaxed, and I and that is definitely going in every single area of your life.
22:14
SPEAKER_02: 100%.
22:16
SPEAKER_02: Yes, I have been performing and I've been dancing, but there was tension inside of me.
22:22
SPEAKER_02: Now I just do it because I feel, yes, I feel, I feel everything in life was like amplified micro microparticles.
22:36
SPEAKER_02: I uh it's hard to describe unless you're in it, yeah.
22:39
SPEAKER_02: And I put a lot in this book and wanted to deliver it to mostly women, but I think men will take a lot of uh uh good hints how to court the woman, how to be because I describe how me and my husband met and what I felt and how he behaved.
23:03
SPEAKER_02: So the book is the message.
23:06
SPEAKER_02: Um so they don't have this extra work looking for the right one, they have to feel it.
23:15
SPEAKER_00: Yes, yeah, yeah.
23:17
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for for sharing all of that.
23:19
SPEAKER_00: And I love that you bring this topic up.
23:22
SPEAKER_00: I feel like sexuality is such a taboo for women sometimes, and orgasms can have such a stigma to them.
23:29
SPEAKER_00: And I get curious about you not experiencing an orgasm until being with this partner, and I want About your previous partners, and if they were more focused on their own pleasure and their own experience, or if maybe that's what you were focused on, like you just weren't even thinking about considering like how it affected you, and if it was if if you felt like it, if they felt like it was kind of all about them sexual.
24:01
SPEAKER_02: No, I think they actually wanted to to pleasure me.
24:04
SPEAKER_02: Okay, and I am naturally over pleaser, like whatever I do, I am like over pleaser.
24:13
SPEAKER_02: So no, okay, but I think I think now, yeah, um, I focus more on my own pleasure, yes, yes, yeah, but I know my husband is focusing on my pleasure too.
24:29
SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes, okay.
24:31
SPEAKER_02: I don't know how to describe it, but I know that's what we are doing, and we talk about sex every day, yeah, all the time, about what happened yesterday or today, and we we talk, it's healthy, yeah.
24:48
SPEAKER_00: We talk a lot about this, yeah.
24:50
SPEAKER_00: If you don't know like what the other person is experiencing, then you'll never get the chance to refine or improve things if it's not working for you, right?
24:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
25:00
SPEAKER_00: I think many women are probably afraid to say out loud what they like and what they don't like.
25:06
SPEAKER_00: I know that I had that experience.
25:08
SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, I've been in a marriage, we've been together for 10 years, and when we started getting deeper in our intimacy, even I was a little like hesitant to be like, oh, actually, like I don't really like that, or I like it like this.
25:22
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, was that something that you experienced too?
25:26
SPEAKER_02: No, I was always straightforward, just like my mom.
25:29
SPEAKER_02: I I told everyone what I like, but then I gave up because it didn't work.
25:34
SPEAKER_02: Okay, I am uh OCD, it's a little bit not like that, you know.
25:39
SPEAKER_02: Wow, okay.
25:40
SPEAKER_02: So control I had no problem expressing myself how it needs to be done, but I don't think that was the uh gist of that.
25:50
SPEAKER_02: The gist is that I don't even know if my husband is perfect in what I'm telling him to do.
25:57
SPEAKER_02: It's right, I just trust he knows better.
26:01
SPEAKER_00: Ah okay, so it was kind of discrediting your own inner compass and inner sense of like what worked for you and what didn't.
26:11
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I know what works for me when I masturbate, which I stopped.
26:14
SPEAKER_02: Right, I don't do that anymore.
26:16
SPEAKER_02: Why would I do this?
26:17
SPEAKER_02: I mean, no more toys, I toast everything, but the thing is that I I tell I used to tell him, but he's still not doing what I tell him.
26:29
SPEAKER_02: And then because and and I fully trust that he knows what needs to be done better than me.
26:37
SPEAKER_02: Wow, right?
26:39
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they're here for a reason.
26:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
26:43
SPEAKER_02: And I think that comes a lot from our our cultural conditioning too, and it works, it works because you know, when I'm not dancing and I'm not like thinking what needs to be done, oh no, a little bit left, a little bit right, a little bit harder, whatever.
27:00
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I let go.
27:02
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he starts feeling me, yes, and he knows what needs to be done as long as I'm receiving, yeah.
27:11
SPEAKER_00: Ah, yeah, I I can really hear like a shift in kind of like your you know energy.
27:18
SPEAKER_00: Tell me if this resonates with you, but kind of moving from a more masculine way of kind of living and operating into a more feminine way of living.
27:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the openness, the receptivity, the allowing, the attunement, um, both you attuning to yourself and then allowing your now husband to attune to what's pleasurable for you as well.
27:43
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there's such beauty and and power in that.
27:46
SPEAKER_00: And I think you know, maybe women listening, you know, may be wondering if you know that's that type of relationship is possible for them.
27:54
SPEAKER_00: I know a lot of my clients are are dating right now, and you know, I'm really grateful that I'm not dating right now.
28:02
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but it's tough.
28:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think it's really tough.
28:08
SPEAKER_02: And in these times, it's like really, I I wouldn't even want to imagine this horror experiences.
28:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think with just like the apps and social media, and yeah, it can be really tough for women to to find I was dating for four years, yeah.
28:28
SPEAKER_02: And uh I was salvated for four years, didn't have sex with nobody.
28:33
SPEAKER_02: Wow, I was like on the life mission to find my guy, yes, you know.
28:38
SPEAKER_02: I just got very stubborn and I was going like my life depends on it, and it did.
28:44
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I was like, oh, 51 minus how old was I?
28:51
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I spent the greatest uh years of the woman being single, yeah, and I was on all of the apps, and I was going like somebody invites me.
29:03
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, okay, let's go, let's go.
29:05
SPEAKER_02: I did I wasn't uh uh texting too much.
29:08
SPEAKER_02: I was like, I can always get up and leave, you know, if anything, which I never did.
29:13
SPEAKER_02: I always let the person to re like to be in my presence to feel the energy, and the longer I was doing it, I think uh the more I understood about men, yeah, about women.
29:31
SPEAKER_02: I I really encourage women not to sit around and text forever, just go there and look at the physical guy and feel your energy, like what you're feeling, and also encourage them to do it for another reason, because when the right one is in front of you, you might lack skills of how to communicate with the man.
29:59
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you have to always be in masculine energy, dining with them, like talking to them.
30:08
SPEAKER_02: So you are having a skill, it's a skill to be with the man, it's a skill to put yourself together, it's a skill to dress up and be feminine.
30:18
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think until you find the right one, you should always go and do it.
30:24
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, taking that chance, right?
30:27
SPEAKER_00: Putting yourself out there, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
30:30
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, because it's easier to sit uh on the couch as a slub, feeling a self-pity and eating chips and getting fat and always unkept.
30:41
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no one is gonna knock on your door and show up.
30:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, we do have to take the risk and put ourselves out there if that's something that we're really wanting in our life.
30:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
30:52
SPEAKER_02: So four years of hard, laborious undertaking, I finally met the guy.
30:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, beautiful.
30:59
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think that's that's a wonderful message.
31:02
SPEAKER_00: Like if you really truly do desire that type of relationship, taking the risk, putting yourself out there, um, and and being open to the opportunities as they present themselves.
31:14
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
31:15
SPEAKER_02: So luck is not uh a fluke, you know, you have to create your own luck all the time.
31:22
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, beautiful.
31:24
SPEAKER_02: And also in these four years of being single, I learned so much about myself, about my preferences, even micro-preferences, and uh my style, how I put myself together, yeah, and uh got uh little hobbies here and there that excited me, found the cadence of my day.
31:45
SPEAKER_02: Yes, like it was not a chaos, it was organizing time, yeah.
31:50
SPEAKER_02: Um cleaned up my wardrobe, removed clutter from my house.
31:55
SPEAKER_02: It was really preparational work for the for the grounds that uh the right seed is going to bloom.
32:04
SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes, I can very important.
32:07
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it is.
32:07
SPEAKER_02: Women are so afraid of being single and being alone and being out of market, they think something is wrong with them.
32:15
SPEAKER_02: Nothing is wrong with them.
32:16
SPEAKER_02: I think it's important, just like seasons.
32:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
32:25
SPEAKER_02: You have to embrace it, yeah.
32:27
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
32:28
SPEAKER_00: I also get curious too, because you've talked a lot about um, you know, feeling your energy and and noticing your how you are in someone's presence.
32:38
SPEAKER_00: And I'm wondering if you could speak to like if you're speaking of like um, you know, thinking of women who are maybe out there dating.
32:46
SPEAKER_00: And what's the difference between like feeling lust and like feeling that sense of like like that rush, right?
32:55
SPEAKER_00: Of like, oh wow, like this, I really like this person versus like connecting with someone who you can actually relax with, and maybe it actually feels a little bit more.
33:06
SPEAKER_00: I don't know if boring is the right word, but it feels more more consistent, right?
33:11
SPEAKER_00: There's not like this rush.
33:13
SPEAKER_00: Is that sustainable?
33:15
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
33:16
SPEAKER_00: Is that something that you experienced in your dating?
33:19
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
33:21
SPEAKER_02: You know, with all of my uh previous partners, yeah, I felt this butterflies, this butterflies, you know, sweaty hands, you know, yeah, gasping for air, chirping like crazy, you know, uh eating food without even knowing what you're eating.
33:40
SPEAKER_02: You have you looked at it?
33:41
SPEAKER_02: Have you smelled it?
33:42
SPEAKER_02: I was like, what is it?
33:44
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, what did I eat last night?
33:46
SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
33:47
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's like zero visceral uh memories left there, just anxiety.
33:56
SPEAKER_02: So the butterflies, uh, I I think Hollywood is uh all of the movies we watch, yeah.
34:03
SPEAKER_02: They kind of program us for this.
34:05
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they are telling you this is the right way.
34:08
SPEAKER_02: If you feel something there here, stomach is I think it's uh the center of everything you're experiencing.
34:18
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's why people say, I felt it, you know, or or here or here people grab themselves like you know, if they are scared, they do it, you know what I mean?
34:29
SPEAKER_02: So for a reason, the stomach and the butterflies in it, those those butterflies are parasites.
34:36
SPEAKER_02: They are it's I think it's a uh fight and flight response, yeah.
34:43
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and they are telling you run from this individual, just it's not it's not right energy for you, and then they say like it's uh honeymoon period, and then they also program you that it's going to end six, nine months, year and a half, maximum two years, and that is righteously so because your body won't be able to survive lack of oxygen, sleepless nights, yeah, wow, like cortisol release, and all of this uh symptoms uh of uh sickness that you're experiencing during this honeymoon phase.
35:27
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I mean, who wants that?
35:29
SPEAKER_02: And uh with my husband, when we met first, we met in the steakhouse.
35:36
SPEAKER_02: Uh, when I arrived, he was already sitting there, yeah, no cell phone, hands on his knees, just observing, observing everything like this, just looking at people, being in the moment, drinking water.
35:51
SPEAKER_00: Yes, yeah.
35:54
SPEAKER_02: Um, I showed up, sat down with him, no butterflies, and he's hot as hell.
36:00
SPEAKER_02: And I was never into looks, but these guys who look like buffed and good and like MO uh MMA neck, you know, with veins, hands like all veins here.
36:16
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I sit down, I look at him, he's so sexy, you know, gaze like that, and they're just looking at me, and I'm so calm.
36:25
SPEAKER_02: Wow, I am so calm.
36:27
SPEAKER_02: I sit back and I just chill and we talk about anything.
36:33
SPEAKER_02: Yes, and I look at people at tables who is there.
36:36
SPEAKER_02: I don't just look at him, you know, because when you have these butterflies, you look at the person without blinking, without moving, and talking fast.
36:47
SPEAKER_02: And I'm just thinking now why?
36:50
SPEAKER_02: Because the animal inside of you, because I I believe we do have internal Labrador inside of us.
36:58
SPEAKER_02: Yes, so if Labrador is not blinking, he's afraid something wrong is gonna happen to him.
37:04
SPEAKER_02: Wow, but I was like, back, sit back, relax, uh, watch, like looked at distant uh table, noticing what they're doing, yeah.
37:13
SPEAKER_02: You know, not completely fixated at him and his sexiness, you know.
37:17
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so relaxed, so relaxed.
37:20
SPEAKER_02: Look through the menu forever, not like okay, this salad, and you know, because I I you know I'm the woman with the um experience.
37:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I have had done four years of almost daily dates, and I know the feel.
37:41
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that was completely different.
37:44
SPEAKER_02: Wow, and that was for the first time when I felt it.
37:47
SPEAKER_02: Wow, it was so distinct, yeah.
37:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and so so when that happened, what was your interpretation of that?
37:57
SPEAKER_00: Were you like, ah, yes, like this is this feels right, or was there any sort of no?
38:03
SPEAKER_02: I was thinking maybe no, I was thinking, I mean, he looks like a trouble.
38:08
SPEAKER_02: Um it's just a date, you know what I mean?
38:12
SPEAKER_02: It's not like I fell in love with him on the spot, right?
38:15
SPEAKER_02: Because the butterflies were uh on vacation that day.
38:20
SPEAKER_02: I think it's just a date, you know.
38:22
SPEAKER_02: The meat is great, I'm enjoying myself, and it's just a date.
38:27
SPEAKER_02: That's all.
38:28
SPEAKER_02: Nothing special has happened.
38:30
SPEAKER_02: We didn't even kiss.
38:31
SPEAKER_02: He thinks we kissed.
38:33
SPEAKER_02: I told him we did not, because I I would have remembered that I'm not that type of girl who kisses on the first date, but he would disagree with that.
38:43
SPEAKER_02: Then next day, so you know, we got together again, then again, and I was still not sure about him.
38:53
SPEAKER_02: Okay, I felt like okay, it's like it's like air, you know, pleasant.
38:58
SPEAKER_02: I mean, masculine and everything.
39:00
SPEAKER_02: I took him dancing, there was social dancing nearby, so he would not move, he was like uh like a robot running.
39:10
SPEAKER_02: So I mean he's a fighter, he is a black belt jiu-jitsu guy.
39:15
SPEAKER_02: Okay, of course, he didn't have reason that annoyed the hell out of me, but I love to dance, so yeah, I just want him to dance.
39:24
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
39:25
SPEAKER_02: I it wasn't anything special, yeah.
39:28
SPEAKER_00: No, yeah, but there's something so important about that, like just the the oh yeah, she's always gonna make her little appearance.
39:39
SPEAKER_00: But just the the steadiness of the dating process, it went slower, it took more time.
39:46
SPEAKER_00: There was um not this quick fixation on this person being like you know, the person who's gonna that you're gonna be with for the rest of your life, that it just more organically unfolded with time.
39:59
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's such a healthier way to date and to start a relationship with someone, yeah.
40:07
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, and then uh he said, Well, this restaurant, because he was driving two hours to see me every time, you know, two hours for dinner and then two hours back home.
40:20
SPEAKER_02: Wow, he told me later he fell in love with me from the first sight, and uh again, he was talking about energy.
40:29
SPEAKER_02: He loved my energy, and I was just completely who I am.
40:34
SPEAKER_02: Um my mom was telling me that I was always staging myself in the past, like she's like, you just always put the mask, you always like you know, she feels the fake.
40:48
SPEAKER_02: My mom is just like a but she was right, and I was getting tired of these masks, what is expected from me all the time.
40:59
SPEAKER_02: I think this kind of uh mask is lost forever.
41:02
SPEAKER_02: I am who I am, yeah, true to myself, to uh tea.
41:08
SPEAKER_02: So then he said, Look, uh these restaurants don't let us uh communicate more to be with each other more.
41:17
SPEAKER_02: Uh one time we actually went after the restaurant already closed and walk around in the parking lot forever.
41:24
SPEAKER_02: Wow, and I was still not you know physically doing anything.
41:29
SPEAKER_02: And he said, We should cook home.
41:32
SPEAKER_02: And I was like, home over there?
41:35
SPEAKER_02: I'm not driving for two hours to your home.
41:39
SPEAKER_02: He's like, home, maybe in your home, and I'll and my mom was always telling me, never, ever, ever you bring any guys to your uh place, it's it's it's your sanctuary.
41:52
SPEAKER_02: You can't so I never in my life brought a guy and had sex with the guy in my bed.
41:59
SPEAKER_02: Wow, they've never even been to my house.
42:01
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
42:02
SPEAKER_02: So I show up at my mom, and uh she lives like a couple miles away from me.
42:07
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so we hang out a lot on the beach, and I always share with her like what we're doing.
42:14
SPEAKER_02: Like I was like, okay, there's this guy, it's whatever guy, you know.
42:19
SPEAKER_02: It's um, you know, he he said uh he would like to cook here, but obviously it's not happening.
42:26
SPEAKER_02: So so how to bring it back in uh not bring it back, how to bring it on to a next level in this what do you rent a hotel?
42:36
SPEAKER_02: Do you go in a hotel?
42:37
SPEAKER_02: I mean, like how, right?
42:39
SPEAKER_02: So she's like, let me see the picture.
42:42
SPEAKER_02: I give the picture to my mom to look at.
42:44
SPEAKER_02: She's like, Oh that's a testosterone man.
42:51
SPEAKER_02: Bring him alone.
42:54
SPEAKER_02: He was hilarious.
42:55
SPEAKER_02: I was like, What?
42:57
SPEAKER_02: He said, Never.
42:58
SPEAKER_02: She's like, No, no, bring him over.
43:00
SPEAKER_02: I'll be here, we'll cook all together.
43:02
SPEAKER_02: I was like, Okay, so he shows up, brings like food, we cook together.
43:11
SPEAKER_02: My mom pokes him, like she's always she's poking, poking, you know, and he's just like enjoying, relaxed, you know, we eat.
43:20
SPEAKER_02: He left again, yeah.
43:22
SPEAKER_02: Then next week he showed up, left again.
43:25
SPEAKER_02: And then there was um time when I told him that when I was a teenager, yeah, far east of Russia, there were these wild islands where I spent three summers, three months every every year.
43:40
SPEAKER_02: Um the islands are located between Japan, Korea, and uh there are like completely no electricity, no water.
43:51
SPEAKER_02: But we used to have a camp that was like, anyways, long story short, I was telling him about that, how it was beautiful, it was full moon and everything.
44:02
SPEAKER_02: I and then I told him, and I forgot I told him it was a long time ago.
44:07
SPEAKER_02: Um, I said, I would like somebody to guard me while I'm looking at the full moon here on the beach.
44:16
SPEAKER_02: We live right on the beach here in Boeington in Florida, but I'm afraid to go there uh by myself.
44:24
SPEAKER_02: I want to spend the whole night looking at the moon and the stars, and uh, it was full moon.
44:30
SPEAKER_02: He's like, You said you want to do this, the full moon is coming.
44:34
SPEAKER_02: Would you like me to bring like all of the equipment and sleeping bags and pillows?
44:40
SPEAKER_02: I we can do that.
44:41
SPEAKER_02: I was like, Yeah, so he shows up, we have dinner, and this is the full night, uh, full moon night.
44:49
SPEAKER_02: Of course, of course, I'm thinking like this is gonna happen.
44:54
SPEAKER_02: I was like, damn, and I said, Oh no, no, no, we're not doing it today.
45:00
SPEAKER_02: You're going home, it's gonna be raining.
45:02
SPEAKER_02: He's like, No, no, no, it's not gonna be raining, it's gonna be okay, and it was okay, it was not raining.
45:08
SPEAKER_02: Uh, we went, we had our first sex on the beach.
45:12
SPEAKER_02: Wow, there was a full moon, wow, and I did not come.
45:17
SPEAKER_02: Okay, and that wasn't a surprise for me.
45:20
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, then uh he stayed over.
45:23
SPEAKER_02: Uh, I had an extra bedroom even till today.
45:27
SPEAKER_02: We never slept in one bed one night.
45:30
SPEAKER_02: Wow, it's I I just I don't you sleep by yourself, I sleep by myself.
45:35
SPEAKER_02: I have my bed.
45:36
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
45:37
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
45:38
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
45:38
SPEAKER_02: So he I had an extra bedroom.
45:40
SPEAKER_02: He stayed there.
45:41
SPEAKER_02: And then he started coming every weekend.
45:45
SPEAKER_02: He brings food.
45:46
SPEAKER_02: My mom and him, we will cook, and then we uh have great sex and he goes.
45:52
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
45:53
SPEAKER_02: And then it was for like three months, like every weekend.
45:57
SPEAKER_02: And the weekend started on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, first day, Monday.
46:02
SPEAKER_02: He leaves.
46:03
SPEAKER_02: Then it started the weekend started on Thursday.
46:09
SPEAKER_02: Then the weekend started on Wednesday.
46:13
SPEAKER_02: I was like, and where he's going.
46:17
SPEAKER_02: I have no idea where he lives.
46:18
SPEAKER_02: Like, I have no clue where he's going, what is he doing there?
46:23
SPEAKER_02: He knows my habitat, what I do, how I am.
46:27
SPEAKER_02: I have no idea who the guy is, you know.
46:31
SPEAKER_02: And then he was uh talking about moving in together.
46:35
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm like, what?
46:36
SPEAKER_02: My mom is like, well, he might as well just move in.
46:40
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, no, no, no, no, no.
46:42
SPEAKER_02: So uh he found a place uh where I was living.
46:47
SPEAKER_02: Ah, okay.
46:48
SPEAKER_02: Uh I and we just like lived together, yeah, two miles away from my mom.
46:55
SPEAKER_02: Uh it's just it's been interesting.
46:58
SPEAKER_02: It's been a ride.
47:00
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I can hear that.
47:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I really appreciate you sharing your your love story with us all today and just like giving hope to maybe any of our listeners who are still looking for their partner or their life partner.
47:15
SPEAKER_00: And uh yeah, just it's nice to be able to hear what other women's experiences are.
47:21
SPEAKER_02: Yes, but I never like to text or call, yeah.
47:26
SPEAKER_02: So, you know, you go in uh go for a date, and the guy's like, Good morning, beautiful.
47:32
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, what are you up to?
47:33
SPEAKER_02: I was like, Oh, it's not my god, it's not my bad.
47:37
SPEAKER_02: I I block, block, I I can't uh like this nonsense is is uh very irritable.
47:45
SPEAKER_02: I know some women really like it.
47:46
SPEAKER_02: Good night, good morning, but I mean, typically it's a stranger, yeah.
47:51
SPEAKER_02: Sure, it's a stranger.
47:53
SPEAKER_02: Why do you need this uh droplets of love from him?
47:57
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, droplets of attention.
47:59
SPEAKER_02: This is meaningless to me, yeah.
48:01
SPEAKER_02: But I'm not going to speak for everybody, and that's so I told him not to text me, not to call me.
48:09
SPEAKER_02: So, I mean, we are waiting for the weekend to start.
48:13
SPEAKER_02: There are weeks passing by, and one day he shows up and we reunite again, we have great times, we go bike rides beach, you know, we just have amazing sex, great meals.
48:27
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he leaves again, and one weekend he shows up, and I said, Well, you can call me sometimes.
48:36
SPEAKER_02: He's like, I was just listening for direction.
48:39
SPEAKER_02: Don't you think I never wanted to call you?
48:42
SPEAKER_02: You asked me not to do it, so I listened.
48:45
SPEAKER_02: Wow, so and till this day, he listens to me, yes, does everything that I say.
48:52
SPEAKER_00: Yes, oh beautiful.
48:54
SPEAKER_00: I love that for you.
48:56
SPEAKER_02: So I grew to love him, yeah, and he loved me from the beginning, and he listened and heard what I asked and required, and he did everything to make me feel good.
49:10
SPEAKER_02: And yeah, and but if I called him, he picked up right away.
49:14
SPEAKER_02: He never ever ghosted me.
49:17
SPEAKER_02: Um, from the first uh ring, he picks up, hello, how are you?
49:21
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, you know, yeah, oh wonderful.
49:26
SPEAKER_00: Well, you've shared so much about your story and like your transformation just personally and also in relationships, too.
49:32
SPEAKER_00: And I'm wondering, I always like to end our episodes with some like tools or just resources, or obviously your book, of course, and I'm also curious if there's any other things that supported you through this big process of transformation.
49:48
SPEAKER_02: Well, I have always been listening, and I still do um listen lots of long stretch podcasts, yeah, in Russian and in English, yeah, about relationships.
50:06
SPEAKER_02: I always do educate myself, I think it's so important because no one teaches it in school, right?
50:13
SPEAKER_02: And sometimes we don't have the best families to teach us and to get this information downloaded by osmosis.
50:26
SPEAKER_00: Right.
50:26
SPEAKER_02: So I always, always educate myself on that.
50:31
SPEAKER_02: And uh I finally arrived to practice what I learned.
50:38
SPEAKER_02: I do, I'm aware of uh what men and their ego and how to talk to men.
50:47
SPEAKER_02: And it's not even like uh taming my temper because I'm fiery and yeah, type A.
50:58
SPEAKER_02: But it's when you hear it a lot, yeah, it's already part of you.
51:05
SPEAKER_02: Right.
51:07
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, I love that.
51:08
SPEAKER_00: I mean, education is I think so important, and that's uh a big part of the work I do here and with my clients is empowering them with the information and the tools to be able to navigate um life as a woman in this day and age.
51:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
51:25
SPEAKER_00: Wonderful.
51:26
SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm I'm curious if there's any other final words you would like to offer our listeners today around these topics of sex, pleasure, intimacy, relationships.
51:38
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think it's important to establish connection with you and you.
51:47
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
51:48
SPEAKER_02: Number one, without reaching out to fulfill this part of your soul with somebody else, because they never would be able to, they won't, and the void will grow bigger if you didn't find yourself, if you didn't really meet your true self.
52:13
SPEAKER_02: Yes, and that is a journey, and everybody has to trust the way um their soul knows exactly what books to reach to, you know, notice signs.
52:29
SPEAKER_02: Um maybe there is gonna be a song you can hear.
52:34
SPEAKER_02: You suddenly hear and the lyrics will hit you.
52:38
SPEAKER_02: The path is yours, and no one can grab your hand and take you to this path.
52:45
SPEAKER_02: Not one podcast, not one book will people just we'll we live in the informational era, it's all there.
52:56
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it could be a good uh speaker for me, but somebody needs a different voice, right?
53:04
SPEAKER_02: And we are all united, but you just need to find the your voice, your person who you can hear.
53:18
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, trust the path, yeah.
53:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well said, yeah.
53:24
SPEAKER_00: I think I've experienced that in myself too, not just in romantic relationships, but friendships as well.
53:29
SPEAKER_00: It's like the more I come back to myself and back to my essence and back to my truth, that kind of ripples out and it changes the people that I start to be in relationships with.
53:40
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, really beautiful invitation for listeners.
53:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
53:45
SPEAKER_00: Well, Anna, how can listeners um get in touch or connect with you if they are inspired by your story and our conversation today?
53:54
SPEAKER_02: Well, definitely my website has uh forum sprees you can fill out.
53:59
SPEAKER_02: Um it's gala ballroom.com.
54:04
SPEAKER_02: Uh also Instagram, gala ballroom underscore.
54:09
SPEAKER_02: Uh you will see all of my performances and yeah, new violin performances, and stuff.
54:16
SPEAKER_02: We also um organize the relationship event uh here in Delay Beach, Florida.
54:22
SPEAKER_02: If you're in South Florida, if you would like to have uh uh self-discovery and self-uh the passion that you have forgotten under the burden of being an adult.
54:35
SPEAKER_02: Totally uh we do have the seminar coming up in this month, November 21st, in beautiful yoga studio.
54:43
SPEAKER_02: The yoga studio is like wow, like a castle, castam on a bliss.
54:48
SPEAKER_02: So it's also could be found in events on my website page.
54:54
SPEAKER_02: It's going to be a little bit of dancing.
54:57
SPEAKER_02: I play a little bit of violin, love it, and uh, we're gonna sing together, we are going to dance together, we are going to have uh relationship exercises on self-discovery and self-passion.
55:10
SPEAKER_02: So it's going to be interactive, yes, uh, three hours and and fun.
55:15
SPEAKER_02: Wonderful.
55:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we'll get all of that in the show notes for listeners.
55:19
SPEAKER_00: And if you're in South Florida, I definitely recommend conducting with Anna.
55:23
SPEAKER_00: I've really enjoyed our conversation today and really appreciate your story and your wisdom that you've shared with us.
55:30
SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
55:31
SPEAKER_02: Thank you, Riva.
55:33
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, thanks for having me.
55:34
SPEAKER_02: You're so welcome.