Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / S3 Ep1: Schoolin' You in 18: Black Comics Unleashed 🤣

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S3 Ep1: Schoolin' You in 18: Black Comics Unleashed 🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm gonna give you a history lesson.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm sure this wasn't on your entry exam.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: But every naturalized American has heard something about what I'm about to tell you.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Picture is the early 50s in the United States.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: A 14-year-old boy goes down from Chicago to Mississippi to meet his extended family for the first time.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: He'd never been to Mississippi.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: And before he went, his mother said to him, very pointedly, she said, if a white man looks you in your eyes in Mississippi, look away.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know what you know about black people from Chicago, but they're not a scared people.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: He was in front of a convenience store hanging out with his cousins, having a good time.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: And a white woman walked out of the store, and he thought she was pretty, and he said, Bye, baby.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Not realizing that he had just made a fatal mistake.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Four days later.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Four days later, a group of adult white men burst into this family's home and snatched a 14-year-old boy out of bed in front of his family that was powerless to stop him, and he was never seen alive again.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: His name was Amateil.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: They found his body maybe a few days later.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: It was in a creek tied to a wheel so it would sink, horribly beaten and bloated.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: Hideous.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: And lucky for everybody in America, his mother was a fucking gangster.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: She was.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: She said, Leave my son's casket open.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: She said, the world needs to see what they did to my baby.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: And every publication here in the United States, from Jet Magazine all the way to the New York Times, had this boy's horribly bloated body on its cover.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: And if our civil rights movement was a car, this boy's dead body was premium gas.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: This was a very definitive moment in American history where every thinking and feeling person was like, ugh, we gotta do better than this.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: And they fought beautifully, and here we all are.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I took out uh five dollars and I I gave him five dollars.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: He looked at me and we're having a conversation.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: We're having this moment where we told he's telling me about his life story, his parents were abusive, he ran away from home, got hooked on drugs.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: And he looks at me and he goes, Hey man, tell me more about yourself.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: Where are you from?
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: I said, I'm from South Africa.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: He said, Where about in Africa is that?
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: I said, in the South, I suggested as suggested on the title, on the title of the So he looks at me, he goes, Are you you from Africa, man?
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: I said, Yeah, I'm from Africa.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: He said, You're from Africa?
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: I said, Yeah, yeah, I'm from Africa.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: And then he then he gave me my five dollars back.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, it's fine, okay.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like he was like he just looked at me like, no, you know what, just take your money.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: My whiteness will sort this out, don't worry.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I told this to my friend, and my friend was like, that's such an offensive thing to happen to you.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, no, that was a special moment because this dude was aware of his privilege as a white dude.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: He was fully aware.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: He was like, listen, this is a fucked up situation, but trust me, I do not want to be African.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: Do you understand what I mean?
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: And it was a beautiful thing, and it's such a hard thing to understand.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: So I appreciate that, dude.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, and here's the thing I'm gonna try to explain what white privilege is in a room full of white people.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: So wish me luck.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: This this is what white privilege is.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_06: As long as white people can say bad credit, we should be able to say nigga.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_06: That's our shit.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_06: Oprah talking about we can't say nigga no more.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_06: Come on, Oprah.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_06: You own everything, don't take nigga from us.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_06: Don't remember we love you, Oprah, cause you were nigger.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_06: Did you forget that?
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_06: Never color purple till you do right by meat, nigga.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_06: That was the shit.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_06: Oprah's our nigga.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_08: You need a black friend.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_08: You need a black friend.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_08: It's 2019.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_08: If you don't have a black friend, you're the problem.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_08: But if you don't have one, I understand.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_08: I understand.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_08: It's scary.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_08: It is.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_08: Because of how we've been portrayed, right?
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_08: Black people have always been portrayed as sinister, menacing, a threat.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_08: In Chicago, a black security guard, right?
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_08: At a club.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_08: There was a shooting.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_08: The black security guard apprehended the shooter, but the cops show up, shoot the black security guard.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_08: Because all they saw was a black man.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_08: Why can't we be the good guy?
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_08: Black people, we need a better publicist.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_08: No, fuck that.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_08: We need a publicist.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_08: I want the publicists that the white guys use.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_08: That publicist kicks ass.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_08: That publicist is the best.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_08: Because they know how to spin it.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_08: Even when white guys fuck up, they can spin it.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_08: And where you won't think, oh, all white guys are fucked up.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_08: No.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_08: Because they make them individuals.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_08: You know?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_08: A crazy white guy shoots up a movie theater, they give you his backstory.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_08: Right?
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_08: They tell you where he went to school.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_08: Oh, he was a loner.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_08: They put a picture up in the news of him that's so sympathetic.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_08: I'm watching news, I'm like, oh man, he should have called me.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_08: We need a better publicist.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_08: Yeah, I want a campaign, a campaign for black people, right?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_08: How about how about like some billboards all across the country of black people just doing fun, non-threatening, frivolous shit?
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_08: Just black people just like bowling.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_08: Just how about some slogans?
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_08: You know, like toys for tots.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_08: How about a good slogan for black people?
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_08: Hey, let's get black to business.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_08: Like that.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_08: Or maybe, you know, something environmental, like like uh, like show black people just taking out the recycling can, you know, like we're black, but we're green.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_08: You need a black friend.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_08: Get a black friend, you'll learn some shit.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_08: Here's an easy one.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_08: You should know this one.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_08: Never touch a black woman's hair.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_08: Yes.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_08: Never touch a black woman's hair.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_08: I don't give a fuck if she has a tarantula sitting on her head.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_08: Let it bite her.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_08: Here's another one.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_08: Here's another one I'll give y'all.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_08: Right, people, you go and you get a tan.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_08: You get a nice tan.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_08: You've been on vacation.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_08: Do not go back to your job and go up to your black co-worker.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_08: Hey Denise.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_08: I'm almost there.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_08: Hey, girlfriend, I'm almost there.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_08: We hate that shit.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_08: And we secretly wish bad black shit happens to you when you do it.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_08: I'm almost there.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_08: I hope you get sickle cell.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_07: Here's my question.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_07: You would think, you would think, you would think the cops would occasionally shoot a white kid just to make it look good.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_07: You would think that every couple of months they'd look at that dead nigga calendar.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_07: Oh my god, we're up to 16.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_07: We gotta shoot a white kid quick.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_07: Oh, which one?
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_07: Ah, the first one you see singing Cardi B.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_07: Right.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_07: I mean, honestly, I want to live in a world with real equality.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_07: I want to live in a world where an equal amount of white kids are shot every month.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_07: An equal world.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_07: I want to see white mothers on TV crying, standing next to Al Shawman.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_07: Talking about we need justice for Chad.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_07: We need justice for Chad.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_07: He was just coming home from racing ball practice.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_07: I know some people are like, come on, Chris, man.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_07: You go too hard on the cops, man.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_07: You celebrity.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_07: I'm sure they let you go.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_07: I'm sure they nice to you, man.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_07: You celebrity.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_07: I'm not famous, you know.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_07: But I'm not like Michael Jackson famous.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_07: I mean, I'm not famous from miles away.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_07: My fame kicks in right about here.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_07: When the cops see me walking down the street, they're like, nigga, nigga, nigga, nigga, nigga.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_07: Hey, that's Chris Ross! Man, you are funny, man.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_07: I love Pudy Tang, man.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_02: Look at this.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_02: This is this is not the Hollywood look.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_02: This is not.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_02: There's two looks for black women in Hollywood.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_02: You either look like Halleberry or Precious.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_02: And there's no slanting scale.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_02: I used to get sent for the most ridiculous auditions when I was in Hollywood.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_02: This was an actual audition that I got sent for.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not even making this up.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_02: This was the name of the character.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_02: Ghetto Hoochie number three.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_02: I had one line.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_02: Do you want to hear the line?
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_02: Nigga is natural, baby.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_02: That was it.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_02: I said to my agent, I will not say that.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_02: I refuse.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_02: I would not say it.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_02: I'm an in I got integrity.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a black woman.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_02: I will not do it.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_02: And then I saw the money.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, nigga is natural, baby.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_02: Do you think I'll get promoted to Ghetto Hoochie Wang?
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_02: What do you think?
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_02: So I don't know if some of you look a bit confused.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_02: Did you know there were black people in England?
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_02: Did you know?
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_02: We are everywhere.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_02: You look confused, though.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_02: You're looking up at me like, is that Idris Albert?
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_02: What is happening?
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_02: I know, from London, England, born and raised.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_02: Because I don't know if you know this, Americans, but the Brits are the best at racism.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_02: They're the best.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_02: They're better than you, Americans.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_02: They're so good you don't even know you're being discriminated against.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_02: They are fucking ninja racists.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_02: And that's why I prefer good old-fashioned American racism.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I say America, I prefer it.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_02: It's in your face.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_02: You know where you stand with American racism.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_02: You guys have even made movies to let me know where I'm welcome and where I'm not.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_02: For instance, I know I'm never going to fucking Mississippi.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_02: Having said that though, my manager did recently put some shows in my calendar for Birmingham, Alabama.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_02: I know.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_02: I saw that come up in my calendar and I was like, fuck no! And then I saw the money.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, you know what?
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_02: We shouldn't be so quick to judge.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_02: We should give the people a chance.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_02: So I went to Birmingham, Alabama, people.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_02: And it was alright.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_02: I had a good time.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_02: I experienced that southern hospitality, and the shows were great.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_02: And they put me in a very nice hotel.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_02: Very nice.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_02: I was very surprised by this.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_02: I'll tell you why.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_02: Uh I'm from England.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_02: All I know about Alabama is from your movies.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_02: So I wasn't expecting to be staying in a nice hotel.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_02: I was expecting to be staying in a shack on a swamp run by some guy wearing overalls.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_02: Who referred to me as boy?
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_02: That's what I was expecting.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_02: So I was very surprised by the hotel.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_02: I thought, oh, this is lovely.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_02: This is this is very civilized.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_02: This is wonderful.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_02: I basically treated Alabama the way white people treat Africa the first time they go.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_02: You know I'm talking about white people.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_02: You turn up in Africa for the first time, you're like, wow.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_02: They have cars and shoes and shit.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_02: That's how I was in Alabama.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, wow, they have electricity and teeth.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of black people in Alabama.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_02: That shocked me.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_02: I was really surprised by that.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, wow, a lot of black people.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_02: I got off the plane and I saw the black people and I ran out to them.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, You know you can leave, right?
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_02: You don't even have to go underground, you can just drive.