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Grief-Informed Mediumship with Deb Decelle · The Unity Code - Where Science Meets Energy, Consciousness, and Spirit.

1:13
SPEAKER_00: Hello, everyone.
1:14
SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the Unity Code.
1:16
SPEAKER_00: I am joined here today by the lovely and amazing Deb DeSell.
1:22
SPEAKER_00: Welcome, Deb.
1:23
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
1:23
SPEAKER_00: I'm so happy to be here.
1:25
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm so excited that you're here.
1:26
SPEAKER_00: So, Deb is an international intuitive medium and mentor known for her trauma-informed, heart-centered approach.
1:35
SPEAKER_00: She helps people connect with spirit, trust their intuition, and step into a soul-driven, successful life.
1:41
SPEAKER_00: And she leads classes and retreats all around the world and is the host of our upcoming show, The Intuitive Edge, where Soul Meets Strategy.
1:50
SPEAKER_00: Is that like an amazing bio or what?
1:52
SPEAKER_00: Holy moly, Deb, what aren't you doing these days?
1:55
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much, Nicole.
1:57
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
1:57
SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness.
1:58
SPEAKER_00: So I've invited Deb on here to talk about grief and trauma-informed mediumship, which I think expands beyond mediumship.
2:07
SPEAKER_00: But before we go there, I'd love to maybe chat a little bit about how we met, what projects we've been working on.
2:14
SPEAKER_00: We actually met in the 3D in Mexico recently.
2:17
SPEAKER_00: That was an amazing, that was an amazing time.
2:19
SPEAKER_00: But let's rewind back because I met you through Soul Journey Sundays, and I was actually a part of your amazing book.
2:28
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
2:29
SPEAKER_01: And what a great part of the book you are.
2:32
SPEAKER_01: So the the um it's such a passion project for me, that piece of work that we did.
2:40
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
2:41
SPEAKER_01: Um, and it's something that I hold near and dear to my heart.
2:45
SPEAKER_01: Um, and so I loved when, you know, talk about asking and saying yes and showing up, you know, you really just showed up in just this magnificent form and fashion.
2:57
SPEAKER_01: Um, and your chapter really speaks to so many people.
3:00
SPEAKER_00: Oh, thank you so much, Jeb.
3:02
SPEAKER_00: It's um so for those of you that aren't are unaware, this is called the Intuitive Entrepreneur.
3:06
SPEAKER_00: I have it on the video here.
3:07
SPEAKER_00: Um, and it's a compilation of how many different 22.
3:11
SPEAKER_00: There's 22 people.
3:12
SPEAKER_00: Of course, there's 22.
3:13
SPEAKER_00: It's an angel number, right?
3:15
SPEAKER_00: Master number.
3:16
SPEAKER_00: Um 22.
3:18
SPEAKER_00: Nature of it.
3:19
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
3:20
SPEAKER_00: Um, so it is available on Amazon.
3:22
SPEAKER_00: I'll add it in the show notes, but um, but Deb called me up on the way to my son's soccer appointment one day, and we just got chatting about this incredible book and this incredible opportunity.
3:33
SPEAKER_00: And I just want to number one, thank you so much for letting me be a part of it.
3:36
SPEAKER_00: It was so rad.
3:37
SPEAKER_00: It was so rad.
3:39
SPEAKER_00: Did you know?
3:40
SPEAKER_00: So I'm chapter 17 in the book.
3:43
SPEAKER_00: Did you know that I saw the number 17 repeatedly for months before you told me what chapter number I was?
3:50
SPEAKER_01: Really?
3:51
SPEAKER_01: That is so interesting.
3:53
SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, I love it.
3:54
SPEAKER_01: I love when Spirit has a plan.
3:57
SPEAKER_00: So true.
3:57
SPEAKER_00: And you know it's a sign because as soon as you see it and you're like, oh, I'm 17, it goes away.
4:02
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, oh, they were just they knew all along.
4:05
SPEAKER_00: Um so that's an amazing book.
4:07
SPEAKER_00: If you are an entrepreneur, it has stories of all these amazing intuitive entrepreneurs as well as tips in every single um chapter.
4:15
SPEAKER_00: And then we got the chance.
4:17
SPEAKER_00: Can I fangirl a little bit to meet the amazing Davide of the Star Mantaro through this who does the cover work?
4:24
SPEAKER_00: And I like I can I just tell you that was the most blowing, blown away experience of my mind having him involved in the fact that if you go through this chap, this book, every single, I don't know what they call it, every single one of these mandalas, he created custom for every single chapter.
4:43
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that was amazing.
4:45
SPEAKER_01: David did an amazing job.
4:47
SPEAKER_01: Um, and his name is Um Davide D'Angelo.
4:51
SPEAKER_01: Um, and he is just absolutely amazing.
4:54
SPEAKER_01: He worked with David Bowie for many years.
4:57
SPEAKER_01: Um, and he is the um artist for the book.
5:01
SPEAKER_01: And he actually read each of our chapters and then did a download, an energetic download, to create a unique piece of art for each and every chapter.
5:11
SPEAKER_01: And boy, I just couldn't be happier.
5:13
SPEAKER_01: Um, and he actually is just has just remastered the Starman Tarot, which is also available on Amazon.
5:20
SPEAKER_01: Um, he went a little bit deeper with the work um and added some things in and changed some things around.
5:27
SPEAKER_01: And um, yeah, so you can grab that on Amazon as well.
5:30
unknown: Oh my gosh.
5:32
SPEAKER_00: I no no accident in that timing, by the way.
5:34
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I think this is the magic of working with you, Deb, because everything just falls into place when when I've seen things kind of come around you and go around you, which is why I'm like so excited to number one be in your like circle, um, but also just just be hanging out with you here today.
5:51
SPEAKER_00: Um, so let's scoot on to so we had been chatting for a year because I believe we started chatting about this time last year about the book.
5:59
SPEAKER_00: Um and then we had been chatting on and off for the past year, and then we actually finally met each other in person in Mexico, which is really funny because Deb lives like an hour and a half west of me.
6:08
SPEAKER_00: I could probably drive to her right now and go see her.
6:12
SPEAKER_00: But we met each other in Mexico, and it was so great to meet you in the 3D.
6:16
SPEAKER_01: It was wonderful.
6:17
SPEAKER_01: It was such a great time.
6:19
SPEAKER_01: It was so amazing.
6:20
SPEAKER_01: Julie does such incredible retreats and you know, just the teaching experience and watching you teach and seeing what you bring to the table really just lit me up and made me so happy.
6:31
SPEAKER_01: So it was beautiful to watch you teach um and to experience your energy in the 3D.
6:36
SPEAKER_01: It was really great.
6:37
SPEAKER_00: Oh, thanks.
6:38
SPEAKER_00: And the feelings mutual, which is why I want Deb on here to talking about her workshop that she had in Mexico about the um grief and trauma-informed mediumship.
6:48
SPEAKER_00: So this is such a unique area, Deb.
6:51
SPEAKER_00: So do you mind me asking you how did you number one get involved in the mediumship work overall?
6:56
SPEAKER_00: And then, like, how did you get into this really interesting niche of this grief and trauma-informed perspective?
7:03
SPEAKER_01: Well, um, I've been able to sense energy from a very young age.
7:06
SPEAKER_01: I didn't know what that was.
7:08
SPEAKER_01: I didn't know what was mine, what was from spirit, and what was just other people's stuff.
7:11
SPEAKER_01: Um, fast forward to my mid-30s, I started to study healing modalities.
7:16
SPEAKER_01: And as I did, I realized that I was getting messages and the messages were coming faster and faster.
7:21
SPEAKER_01: And I knew I needed to do something with it to help other people heal.
7:25
SPEAKER_01: Um, in 2017, I started doing this work professionally.
7:29
SPEAKER_01: Um, and it was two years ago in August that I left my world of education to do this full-time.
7:36
SPEAKER_01: And so my narrative, part of my life story is that I spent um 15 years working in education and with at-risk youth.
7:46
SPEAKER_01: So part of my training while working in education was um something called therapeutic crisis intervention.
7:54
SPEAKER_01: And so you learn to be trauma-informed, you learn to know what to say and what not to say, you learn how to manage big emotions of other people, you learn how to walk through things in a way that is respectful and loving.
8:13
SPEAKER_01: Um, and you're doing no harm.
8:15
SPEAKER_01: And that's something that's really important to me because I've had people come to me that have had really negative experiences with mediums who were not trauma-informed.
8:25
SPEAKER_01: And so that can be really challenging because people are saying hurtful things because spirit said, um, you know, thinking that they have to just say everything that comes to mind instead of looking at it from a trauma-informed perspective.
8:40
SPEAKER_01: Um, so from that trauma-informed piece, I got that from my 15 years in education.
8:45
SPEAKER_01: And the grief-informed has been more recently um the office space that I have in upstate New York, I actually share it with therapists, um, a few of whom are um grief-informed and grief-trained, because over 60% of therapists are not trained in grief in their master's programs.
9:03
SPEAKER_01: They're not trained.
9:04
SPEAKER_01: That's insane.
9:05
SPEAKER_01: That's absolutely they're trained in trauma, but they're not trained in grief, what to do when someone passes away, how to handle that, how to navigate that with people.
9:15
SPEAKER_01: Um, and so, you know, it's kind of really near and dear to my heart to deliver messages in a way that is kind and that is trauma-informed and grief-informed.
9:30
SPEAKER_00: That is amazing.
9:32
SPEAKER_00: I can't believe that so few practitioners, therapists are trained in grief.
9:37
SPEAKER_00: Do you mind explaining what the difference is between the grief and the trauma then, why they wouldn't be informed, uh educated in one versus the other?
9:44
SPEAKER_01: Well, trauma can deal with a whole umbrella of things.
9:47
SPEAKER_01: Grief is just when you think about from a grief perspective, you're thinking about what happens when someone dies.
9:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
9:53
SPEAKER_01: So they're not necessarily trained in how to work with someone when someone dies.
9:59
SPEAKER_01: You know, they have this whole host of experience of other things, but not specifically grief as it relates to someone dying.
10:09
SPEAKER_00: That's so interesting.
10:11
SPEAKER_00: And I it there is such a need for this within the metaphysical space because to your point, people will be like, spirit said this.
10:19
SPEAKER_00: And I have actually worked with another teacher, I will not name names, that was like that, and it was horrible.
10:27
SPEAKER_00: Like, I've actually she read for me, and the spirit was my my husband's grandfather, actually told me, Don't ever let her read for me again because she was that bad.
10:37
SPEAKER_00: Um, so so I think this is such an important topic that everyone should be aware of, especially me.
10:44
SPEAKER_00: I know this is definitely my blind spot, and I'm so thankful that you came to Mexico to present this.
10:48
SPEAKER_00: Um, and we can educate more on this platform because words matter, and and we're dealing with people that are already deep deep in grief or trauma.
10:58
SPEAKER_00: Um, and we don't want to make it worse, right?
11:01
SPEAKER_00: Right.
11:01
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, absolutely.
11:04
SPEAKER_01: When I think oh go ahead.
11:06
SPEAKER_01: When I think of kind of the biggest, what one of the biggest changes that people can make is the language that they use.
11:13
SPEAKER_01: You know, that's something that's really important.
11:16
SPEAKER_01: And, you know, committed suicide is no longer accepted language, you know, it's not acceptable.
11:22
SPEAKER_01: When we think of someone committing something, we think of them committing a crime, we think of them being committed to a hospital, you know, so it's that they've done something wrong.
11:31
SPEAKER_01: And really, when people die by suicide, it's about wanting to leave this physical world behind.
11:38
SPEAKER_01: So it's not that they've done anything wrong.
11:40
SPEAKER_01: And so the term that we're using now, the language we use now, is died by suicide.
11:45
SPEAKER_01: And that way it takes away that sting that you know they've somehow done something wrong.
11:51
SPEAKER_01: So I think it's important, even for simple semantics, to really be aware of the language that we're using and the tone that we carry.
12:00
SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's so interesting.
12:02
SPEAKER_00: And I think it's such a great point.
12:04
SPEAKER_00: And I've definitely said the wrong thing there in my readings.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: I will fully admit that.
12:09
SPEAKER_00: Um, what do you say when, and and maybe this is uh because it's all based on your bias and your own perception.
12:16
SPEAKER_00: What do you say when when the spirit is taking responsibility for the circumstances around their passing?
12:23
SPEAKER_00: How do you how do you relay that, whether it's suicide or something else?
12:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you can say, you know, they want to take some level of responsibility in their passing, you know, you can say that.
12:33
SPEAKER_01: Um, grief-informed people aren't in love with that, but um, it's really the way that we were able to get it done.
12:40
SPEAKER_01: You know, them saying, I want to take, they want to take some responsibility in their passing.
12:45
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
12:46
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
12:46
SPEAKER_00: Do you have some more examples or what are your like biggest pet peeves, Sarah?
12:50
SPEAKER_00: Because because let's be honest, like you are this tough New York woman, right?
12:54
SPEAKER_00: That's like that's like on on this stand for making sure that we have grief and trauma-informed practitioners.
13:02
SPEAKER_00: And I think it's so important.
13:04
SPEAKER_00: It's so important.
13:05
SPEAKER_00: So, what what caused you to go down this specific teaching rabbit hole?
13:11
SPEAKER_00: Because I know that you're already informed because of your background, but why?
13:14
SPEAKER_00: So, what was the link that actually had you bring it here?
13:17
SPEAKER_00: Or was that something natural that just happened?
13:19
SPEAKER_01: I think it was something natural that just happened, but uh, you know, some of the other examples that I get are, oh, don't forget you chose this.
13:28
SPEAKER_01: You know, mediums telling people, oh, well, you chose this lifetime, you chose everything that's happening to you.
13:34
SPEAKER_01: And while some people believe that that may be true, yeah, people don't need to hear that.
13:40
SPEAKER_01: You don't need to hear, I chose to be abused, I chose to grow up in an abusive household, I chose to be assaulted.
13:47
SPEAKER_01: You know, that's not trauma-informed language, and it's not okay.
13:51
SPEAKER_01: Oof, isn't it?
13:52
SPEAKER_00: It's so true.
13:53
SPEAKER_00: It's so true.
13:54
SPEAKER_00: And I think this is where I think this is where that free, oh, I could go way down the rabbit hole with this one, Deb.
14:03
SPEAKER_00: Like, because I think there's this rabbit hole of there is free will, but there's also these milestones.
14:08
SPEAKER_00: But I agree with you, especially in the delivery of some of these items to the clients.
14:13
SPEAKER_00: And and I think some clients are ready to hear, let's talk about what your soul did choose.
14:19
SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about the milestones or the lessons your soul wanted to learn in those people that maybe disagree with that belief system or disagree with the um or can't handle that approach, or and I don't, and I don't mean that negative.
14:32
SPEAKER_00: I know you don't, you know that, but it's so it's so interesting.
14:36
SPEAKER_00: It's so interesting.
14:37
SPEAKER_00: Do you find um how do you let me see if I can phrase this differently?
14:44
SPEAKER_00: In my head, I was just gonna ask the question.
14:45
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna see if I can make this question make sense.
14:48
SPEAKER_00: But how do you balance when you find when you feel that potentially from spirit versus what comes out of your mouth?
14:58
SPEAKER_01: Well, I think it's really about being cautious and careful, um, and really thinking about, you know, how would I feel if someone came across and said, Oh yeah, you chose to grow up in an abusive household.
15:11
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
15:12
SPEAKER_01: It's as simple as thinking, how would I feel?
15:16
SPEAKER_01: How would I feel?
15:18
SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, just because spirit says doesn't mean that we need to lay it all out there because we're souls having a human experience.
15:28
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
15:28
SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, in the 3D, we really need to be mindful of language and how we approach things and the things that we say.
15:36
SPEAKER_01: You know, I've had mothers come to me whose sons were involved in gangs and either they weren't aware of it or they were in denial about it.
15:45
SPEAKER_01: So, how do you handle that?
15:47
SPEAKER_01: And so one of the ways, just as an example, is you know, I sensed that your son had a group of friends that were really loyal to him.
15:55
SPEAKER_01: I sense that it was one for all and all for one.
16:00
SPEAKER_01: I sense that it was a deep brotherhood that he really trusted.
16:04
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
16:05
SPEAKER_01: And so you can see that's very different than coming out and saying, hey, your son was a gangbanger.
16:11
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
16:12
SPEAKER_01: That's a huge, it's it's such a huge difference.
16:16
SPEAKER_01: And it's important because the people that seek out mediums are people that are grieving.
16:21
SPEAKER_01: They're people that are in a season of grief.
16:23
SPEAKER_01: And so we're really tasked with almost being therapeutic in our approach to really help them heal because that's really what mediumship is about, is about deep healing, it's not about entertainment.
16:37
SPEAKER_00: Preach.
16:40
SPEAKER_00: Completely agree, completely agree.
16:42
SPEAKER_00: And I think that is the really special part.
16:44
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's why a lot of media mediums, at least in my experience, tend to move on from this space, is because it's heavy.
16:52
SPEAKER_00: I mean, clients are coming to you grieving and sad and processing.
16:56
SPEAKER_00: And to your point, Deb, like we need to be careful.
16:59
SPEAKER_00: There's so much that goes into just being able to receive and relay the information from spirit.
17:03
SPEAKER_00: We have to make sure that we're relaying it in a way that is loving and supportive, which is always the intention of this incredible work to help people, you know, helping them transform their transmute their grief energy into hopefully something that feels a little bit better or lighter.
17:19
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I was actually um, I was actually gifted.
17:22
SPEAKER_01: Um, there was an incredible gift that was available to me a few years ago.
17:26
SPEAKER_01: I wrote on a project called the Grief Experience Tools for Acceptance, Resilience, and Connection.
17:32
SPEAKER_01: Um, and that is also available on Amazon, but I was the only medium in the book.
17:37
SPEAKER_01: Um, and it's 25 different authors, 25 different perspectives of grief.
17:42
SPEAKER_01: We have disenfranchised grief of pet loss, we have um anticipatory grief, we have grief um for people that have migrated to the US, we have grief for you know fertility issues, both uh for a gentleman and for a woman as well.
17:58
SPEAKER_01: There are so many different perspectives of grief, and it's important for us to be grief informed if we're going to be working with people that are grieving.
18:08
SPEAKER_00: That I'm gonna have to check out that book.
18:10
SPEAKER_00: That book sounds amazing.
18:11
SPEAKER_00: And I my goodness, this is the stuff they don't tell you when you start this work, that this is what you need to be careful of and cautious of in um relaying messages.
18:21
SPEAKER_00: And I love that there's a resource out there that allows you to see all the different perspectives of Greece because I think as you said in your presentation in Mexico, everyone grieves differently, right?
18:32
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, absolutely.
18:34
SPEAKER_01: And you know, what is helpful for some might not be helpful for others.
18:38
SPEAKER_01: So it's important for us to really have awareness about you know how we're working with people, how we're approaching people.
18:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
18:47
SPEAKER_00: And can I tell you how beneficial your class was?
18:52
SPEAKER_00: And I keep telling Deb to do more of these classes.
18:54
SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna tell you again, Deb, you should you should do like a workshop, like a one-day thing.
18:58
SPEAKER_00: I will absolutely promote the heck out of it.
19:01
SPEAKER_00: Um, it was so helpful and insightful listening to your speech in Mexico and what we're talking about today, because my I've had two friends um since Mexico where they've had close family members pass.
19:15
SPEAKER_00: And they're and you're like there, it's one thing to be a medium, right?
19:19
SPEAKER_00: And and be able to at least know what what a typical protocol is and how to how to receive and relay, but it's a whole different person perspective coming in from a friend perspective or coming in from like uh even an acquaintance and knowing what to say or how to say it.
19:36
SPEAKER_00: And I have to tell you, some of your talking points, some of the things we talked about as the group has been so helpful for me to digest it because it's so uncomfortable.
19:44
SPEAKER_00: Is it weird for me to say that?
19:46
SPEAKER_00: It's so uncomfortable.
19:47
SPEAKER_01: It's it is uncomfortable.
19:49
SPEAKER_01: We're taught, you know, that grief we're not educated about grief in our society, you know, it's kind of like, oh, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swim, swim, swim.
19:59
SPEAKER_01: I call it dorying it, um, because you're just continuing to swim through life.
20:04
SPEAKER_01: And, you know, we're not informed, we're not taught, we're not schooled about how to be there for people.
20:11
SPEAKER_01: What what else to say besides I'm sorry for your loss, you know?
20:15
SPEAKER_01: Um you know, holding you in my heart, you know, here and even the hear if you need anything, you know.
20:23
SPEAKER_01: I feel like saying that can be helpful, but then back it up with something, you know, instead of saying, Oh, call me if you need anything, that leaves it on the person that's grieving.
20:34
SPEAKER_01: You might say to them, you know what, I know that your kids love juice boxes in their lunch, so I'm gonna grab a couple packages and drop them off for you.
20:42
SPEAKER_01: So it's moving into action um when it's a personal connection that can be so helpful to people instead of let me know if you need anything, because then that leaves the weight on them.
20:54
SPEAKER_01: And when people are grieving, they're not reaching out to other people.
20:57
SPEAKER_01: So you have to be the one that moves things kind of into action for them.
21:03
SPEAKER_00: That's so important.
21:04
SPEAKER_00: That is so important.
21:05
SPEAKER_00: So, what are some other ideas or things that you wish medium?
21:11
SPEAKER_00: Or people new about how to handle or how to talk about grief with either clients or or friends?
21:17
SPEAKER_01: Well, I think just being mindful of grief and that everyone grieves differently, that's a huge thing because some people um are tearful, other people are not.
21:26
SPEAKER_01: Some people are angry, other people are not.
21:28
SPEAKER_01: So it really is an individualized type of emotion grief is.
21:34
SPEAKER_01: And, you know, grief can happen for so many reasons.
21:37
SPEAKER_01: It's not just death.
21:39
SPEAKER_01: And I talk about that in the grief experience.
21:41
SPEAKER_01: It's not just death and dying.
21:42
SPEAKER_01: You know, we can grieve a whole lot of different things in our life and in our world.
21:47
SPEAKER_01: Um, so it's really just about being mindful of the language that we're using and the way that we approach people, you know?
21:56
SPEAKER_00: It is.
21:57
SPEAKER_00: What are the terms?
21:58
SPEAKER_00: I know we've talked about a few already, like died by or um committed suicide.
22:03
SPEAKER_00: Like, what are the terms that get under your skin when you hear people say them and you're like, oh no, you're not supposed to say that.
22:12
SPEAKER_01: Um, well, I think that really the big one is, you know, you chose this.
22:19
SPEAKER_01: That's the other, that's another big one.
22:21
SPEAKER_01: Or, you know, um things like that.
22:24
SPEAKER_01: And, you know, really just kind of um allowing people to say things that are heartfelt instead of that are about ego.
22:37
SPEAKER_01: Because whenever it's about ego or what you want to get across, that's where we go wrong.
22:42
SPEAKER_01: If it's heartfelt, you really can't go wrong.
22:45
SPEAKER_01: Just think about different ways that you can say things, different things that you might say to people so that they can feel at peace, so that they can feel at ease, you know.
22:56
SPEAKER_01: Um, let me just try to try to think for a minute.
23:00
SPEAKER_00: Okay, I want to ask, like the coming from ego.
23:02
SPEAKER_00: Well, can you can you talk about that a little bit?
23:04
SPEAKER_00: That's so I haven't heard of that before.
23:06
SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, so yeah.
23:09
SPEAKER_01: Um the other thing is too, is I guess people delivering messages like right off the rip without getting consent from people, um, you know, like randomly accosting people with readings, um, you know, when they may or may not be ready to hear that.
23:25
SPEAKER_01: Um, so I think that that is something that's important.
23:27
SPEAKER_01: It's the way that we approach things also that's important.
23:31
SPEAKER_00: I think one that you mentioned in Mexico was, and I it relates to people grieving differently, but like highlighting how strong somebody is.
23:40
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, you're so strong.
23:42
SPEAKER_01: That's the worst thing that you can say because people feel like, oh, I have to be strong then.
23:50
SPEAKER_01: And you know, they weren't really given another choice.
23:52
SPEAKER_01: Strong is sometimes the only choice that you have, and to be reminded of that, that can be really hard.
23:59
SPEAKER_01: And so we want to talk about, you know, what's the language that we could use instead of you're so strong or I'm so sorry for your loss.
24:08
SPEAKER_01: How about trying something like I cannot even imagine how hard this is for you?
24:13
SPEAKER_01: Do you see how that resonates differently?
24:15
SPEAKER_01: Or I can't even imagine how you must feel right now.
24:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
24:19
SPEAKER_01: Because saying I understand or I know how you feel, those are also no-nos because you don't, you're not literally living that person's experience, you know, and so you don't really understand.
24:32
SPEAKER_01: You know, if you had a similar type of loss, of course you you have some understanding, but coming out and saying, Oh, I understand what you're going through is is definitely not great grief-informed language.
24:47
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
24:48
SPEAKER_00: A slight sidestep topic here.
24:52
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
24:53
SPEAKER_00: Mainly because I'm interested to hear what your answer is.
24:56
SPEAKER_00: How soon after somebody passes, do you recommend people to come to see a medium?
25:02
SPEAKER_00: Does it do you have a timeline?
25:04
SPEAKER_00: Do you not?
25:04
SPEAKER_00: Where what's your standard?
25:05
SPEAKER_01: I I don't really have a timeline.
25:08
SPEAKER_01: I've heard other mediums say six months at least.
25:12
SPEAKER_01: But I've had people come to me.
25:14
SPEAKER_01: I was I did an event and um I had someone come to me and they hadn't and they were still like they hadn't even had the funeral yet.
25:24
SPEAKER_01: So sometimes information comes in very quickly.
25:28
SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, if you're dealing with someone that's really heavy in their grief, I would say wait six months just to give it some time, the healing and things like that.
25:37
SPEAKER_01: You know, if somebody comes to me and it's sooner than that, certainly I don't turn them away.
25:41
SPEAKER_01: Um, but if it doesn't feel like the reading is going well, I'll postpone or reschedule um just to give it some more time.
25:50
SPEAKER_00: I completely agree because I've had spirits come through, and I think I when I explain it to my clients, I make the distinction that spirit is there.
25:58
SPEAKER_00: So they're always there on the other side.
26:00
SPEAKER_00: The moment that they move into the spirit world, they're fine, they don't get stuck, right?
26:04
SPEAKER_00: They are accessible from a mediumship perspective, but it really depends on the grieving level of the sitter, of the person coming, because if going to this mediumship reading is gonna be number one, full of expectations of what uh from the sitter of what they want to hear, what they want to say, or who they want to hear from, right?
26:24
SPEAKER_00: But also number two, if they're so deep in grief, they're gonna change the vibration of the reading, and it's not gonna be beneficial to anybody.
26:33
SPEAKER_00: And so, if the if in my experience, and I love this conversation, if we can't make this a positive, loving experience for the sitter, spirit will show up and be like, not today.
26:46
SPEAKER_01: Right.
26:46
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, absolutely.
26:49
SPEAKER_01: And, you know, the other interesting thing too is that, you know, what do you do if someone comes through that your sitter doesn't want to hear from?
26:56
SPEAKER_00: That's happened, yeah.
26:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
26:58
SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, at the beginning of the reading, I feel like it's important to say, you know, you're in charge.
27:05
SPEAKER_01: If someone comes through that you don't want to hear from or anything else like that, just raise your hand like this and we'll move in a different direction.
27:12
SPEAKER_00: I love how simple you make it, Deb.
27:15
SPEAKER_00: Like I you really make it easy and accessible and making sure that your client feels at ease for these sessions.
27:24
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's so important.
27:26
SPEAKER_00: And and it has to, and I like I don't think about this mainly because like by the time it this is this is something I'll need to work on, but by the time a sitter is in front of me, generally spirits already been talking to me.
27:36
SPEAKER_00: And so I'm like, let's go.
27:38
SPEAKER_00: Um, but I love it because if you set your client up for success, the whole session is going to be a success, right?
27:45
SPEAKER_00: Right.
27:45
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, absolutely, and it gives them an out to be honest, you know.
27:49
SPEAKER_01: Imagine someone's father coming through who was abusive to them.
27:53
SPEAKER_01: That's not who they want to hear from, you know, and spirit always gives me that signal when that's the case because they'll come through, but their head will be hung.
28:01
SPEAKER_01: So I know that there's regret in the way they communicated here in the physical world, and so I may communicate that regret, um, but then leave it alone.
28:12
SPEAKER_01: Just say I know they they would have had regret about communication style when they were here in the physical world, and they want me to leave that with you.
28:19
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
28:20
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
28:20
SPEAKER_01: And then move on, moving on.
28:23
SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's so great.
28:24
SPEAKER_00: That's so great.
28:25
SPEAKER_00: Um, is there are there any other examples of not necessarily grief-informed words, but uh like where what are some examples?
28:35
SPEAKER_00: I know you've already given them along the way, but what do you what is are there any other tips or tricks that mediums could walk away with that they could do to help put the sitter at ease or like or words or phrases that are very beneficial for for them to relay some tough information for the clients?
28:55
SPEAKER_01: Well, first of all, I think that having resources for our clients is so incredibly important.
29:01
SPEAKER_01: So finding a local grief counselor that you can refer people to, okay.
29:06
SPEAKER_01: Finding it's all about the resources and it's as simple as that thing right in the beginning of the reading saying, you know, I'm going to continue or I'm gonna move forward with the reading.
29:17
SPEAKER_01: If there's things that come up that you're not comfortable with or that you need me to move on from quickly, just gently raise your hand and I'll know that that's my cue.
29:26
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
29:27
SPEAKER_01: It's giving them the power, it's setting up the reading so that they're in control.
29:33
SPEAKER_01: Really, that's where we can be strong and stand strong in a grief-informed and a trauma-informed way, is you're giving them an out, you're giving them power over the reading.
29:45
SPEAKER_01: And that's something that is the most important thing, in my opinion.
29:49
SPEAKER_00: Right, because it's a communication, right?
29:51
SPEAKER_00: It needs to go both ways.
29:52
SPEAKER_00: And if your sitter's not comfortable, or if you're right, right, if they don't they need the out so that they don't walk away feeling like, oh my gosh, I won't use an example, Deb, but like Nicole was the worst medium ever.
30:05
SPEAKER_00: Like, oh my gosh, I walked away feeling worse than I did before because this person came through because of the words and language that she used, because words are so powerful in this case.
30:18
SPEAKER_00: Yep, they are.
30:20
SPEAKER_00: And and I mean, it's even come to the pat fact the the example I always like to give is mischievous.
30:26
SPEAKER_00: I don't know why that word in particular just constantly bombards me, but when I even like not even grief aside, grief aside, when I use the word mischievous, everybody has a deaf different definition for that word.
30:39
SPEAKER_00: Everybody does.
30:39
SPEAKER_00: And so, like when he's saying, like, oh, your dad was or your uncle, it's usually an uncle, your uncle is really mischievous, and they'll ultimately say no.
30:47
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, no, no, no, he's like fun and playful in a positive way.
30:50
SPEAKER_00: He's not, it's not negative.
30:52
SPEAKER_00: It's he's he likes to play practical jokes on people and then they'll say yes.
30:56
SPEAKER_00: So if you're a medium and you're like, oh yeah, that's interesting because I say words and my client can't un can't take the word, but they can take the description of it.
31:05
SPEAKER_00: That's a really I'm I'm sure that spirit at some level is saying, like, pay attention to your words because your words matter in these readings.
31:13
SPEAKER_00: They really do, they really do.
31:15
SPEAKER_00: And they can change the whole dynamic of a good session to a great session.
31:21
SPEAKER_01: Right.
31:21
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
31:22
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
31:24
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
31:25
SPEAKER_00: Um, Deb, is there anything that we left out?
31:30
SPEAKER_00: I'm looking at my list of questions.
31:31
SPEAKER_00: I feel like I've covered everything I wanted to make sure we were covering, but is there anything else from a grief or trauma perspective that we didn't talk about that you think is really important to highlight?
31:41
SPEAKER_01: Um, let me just give some thought to that.
31:43
unknown: Sure.
31:46
SPEAKER_01: I think it's really about just using your heart.
31:49
SPEAKER_01: You know, you hear the phrase use your head.
31:51
SPEAKER_01: Well, use your heart on this one, you know, really have heart-led communication, heart-led connection.
31:58
SPEAKER_01: Um, and just think about kind of the way that you would feel.
32:01
SPEAKER_01: Think about the words that you're using um so that you can leave the client feeling um warm and fuzzy instead of cold and prickly.
32:12
SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
32:13
SPEAKER_00: That makes a lot of sense.
32:14
SPEAKER_00: And then maybe from a practical or application perspective, how do you recommend mediums do that?
32:22
SPEAKER_00: And I think there is a big difference between professional mediums or mediums that have done this for a while that can stay in the power regardless of how many questions, how many thought patterns they interrupt versus those are that are newer?
32:34
SPEAKER_00: So, I guess would you have any advice for newer people to how do you do this and stay in the power and balance what you're saying and right?
32:43
SPEAKER_00: Because there's so there's so many balls in the air when you're juggling this stuff.
32:46
SPEAKER_00: So, do you have any advice for the newbies doing this work on how they can approach this, even at like a micro level, that helps them really educating, yeah, educating yourself is something that's really important.
32:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, educating yourself is something that's really important, and you know, making sure that um you have resources to give clients, but also resources for yourself so that you can have the proper information.
33:16
SPEAKER_01: And there's a thing out there called the Dougie Center, um, and they do grief-informed um things.
33:24
SPEAKER_01: It's for grieving children, but there are a lot of great grieving resources, and you can find them at www.dougie do-u-g-y dot org.
33:35
SPEAKER_01: Um, and it's really there's a whole wealth of resources there that you can look at that you can find that you can sift through.
33:43
SPEAKER_01: Um, and like I said, it's for grieving children, but grief, there's it's one of the most wonderful places I know that has a lot of grief resources that can help other people get up to speed quickly.
33:56
SPEAKER_00: That's really helpful because I don't know when they said it's not okay to talk, say committed suicide anymore.
34:02
SPEAKER_00: I don't know at what point that happened.
34:04
SPEAKER_00: I missed that boat big time.
34:05
SPEAKER_00: So I will be checking out the Ducky Center.
34:09
SPEAKER_00: Excellent, excellent.
34:11
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
34:12
SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness.
34:13
SPEAKER_00: So, Deb, how do people get a hold of you?
34:14
SPEAKER_00: What are you working on lately?
34:16
SPEAKER_01: Well, they can get a hold of me on my website, it's debdicell.com.
34:20
SPEAKER_01: Also, my socials are Facebook and Instagram, and it's DebDisell Medium, all lowercase, all one word.
34:26
SPEAKER_01: Um, I am currently working on a class coming up in January.
34:30
SPEAKER_01: It's going to be a virtual intuition 101.
34:33
SPEAKER_01: It's part of the Sacred Senses series that I'm doing.
34:36
SPEAKER_01: And it's really about Intuition 101.
34:39
SPEAKER_01: It's about getting your foundation, it's about getting the basics, learning what the Claire's are, um, learning, you know, where, you know, which Claire applies to you and things like that.
34:49
SPEAKER_01: So I'm really excited.
34:50
SPEAKER_01: Um, it's for people that are just getting started, and that's going to be taking place at the beginning of January.
34:55
SPEAKER_01: Um, if you go to my Facebook page, the event is set up right there.
34:59
SPEAKER_01: You can get your tickets.
35:01
SPEAKER_01: And I'm really looking forward to 2026.
35:04
SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's amazing.
35:05
SPEAKER_00: And then you have your show coming up, right?
35:08
SPEAKER_00: You the intuitive edge.
35:09
SPEAKER_01: I do.
35:09
SPEAKER_01: I do, I do.
35:10
SPEAKER_01: The intuitive edge, we're soul meet strategy.
35:12
SPEAKER_01: So I'm going to be talking to uh entrepreneurs and how they use their intuition in their business.
35:18
SPEAKER_01: Um, and it's going to be airing on the women's channel, um, which I'm super, super excited about with Deb Drummond Mission Accepted Media and Easy Way TV.
35:26
SPEAKER_01: Um, so that should be coming up in 2026 as well.
35:30
SPEAKER_00: You gotta give everyone, you gotta give Deb a follow, everybody, because Deb is going places.
35:35
SPEAKER_00: She is obviously, as you can tell, such an amazing outstanding medium that really works hard for the integrity and quality of the readings with her clients.
35:43
SPEAKER_00: So um give Deb a follow.
35:45
SPEAKER_00: I'll add all of that in the show notes.
35:47
SPEAKER_00: Check out her classes, definitely go check out her show once it's released.
35:51
SPEAKER_00: Uh, you can access that through like Amazon and Apple and Roku and everything too, right?
35:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
35:57
SPEAKER_01: You can pick up Easy Way TV on Apple, Roku, Amazon.
36:01
SPEAKER_01: Um, and it's all right under there.
36:03
SPEAKER_01: And you just pop onto Easy Way TV and you'll be able to see it.
36:06
SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, I can't, I can't wait.
36:08
SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited.
36:09
SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited for that.
36:10
SPEAKER_00: Well, Deb, thank you so much for your time, sharing your knowledge and expertise.
36:14
SPEAKER_00: And um, I really still think this would be a fabulous class.
36:17
SPEAKER_00: So I'm just gonna put that out there for you.
36:19
SPEAKER_00: But everyone, give her a follow.
36:20
SPEAKER_00: Um, she's amazing.
36:21
SPEAKER_00: And Deb, thank you so much for being here today.
36:23
SPEAKER_00: I really appreciate you.
36:25
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for having me, Nicole.
36:26
SPEAKER_01: I appreciate you as well.
36:28
SPEAKER_00: All right, love and love you.
36:30
SPEAKER_00: Spirit's like, tell her you love her.
36:31
SPEAKER_00: Love you too.
36:32
SPEAKER_01: Love you too, soul sister.
36:35
SPEAKER_00: All right, have a good one.