Latest / MESSmerized - Funny and faith based encouragement in marriage , family , Christian parenting , and finding purpose / Episode 110 Know Before You Go: Junior High Edition with Stephanie Martin

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Episode 110 Know Before You Go: Junior High Edition with Stephanie Martin · MESSmerized - Funny and faith based encouragement in marriage , family , Christian parenting , and finding purpose

0:05
[SPEAKER_00]: This is Cynthia Gannoff and you are listening to the mesmerized podcast.
0:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay friends, welcome to the podcast.
0:16
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm glad you're here and I'm so grateful that you guys have been listening.
0:20
[SPEAKER_00]: The last few weeks at the know before you go series because I have heard from so many of you and you loved, loved Molly and Kate who talked about the college years and then last week is Brett and Ella and Riley and you guys gave such incredible feedback about those three and then this week.
0:36
[SPEAKER_00]: We have Stephanie Martin with us and Stephanie is one of my dearest friends and really
0:42
[SPEAKER_00]: literally one of the wisest people I know and I don't care if your kids are fully grown out of the house or you are rocking a baby right now you need to hear today's show Stephanie has just across the board wisdom and I'm always blown away when I have her on and some of you may be saying but wait why don't you having junior high kids come on listen we love you junior high kids but you're still squirrely and we really I don't I don't think the podcast world ain't ready for that so
1:07
[SPEAKER_00]: And instead Stephanie's going to talk with us and she's put several kids through junior high one very recently and so I'm so thrilled that she's with us.
1:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for everyone checking in on how I'm doing with my older two getting ready to leave.
1:20
[SPEAKER_00]: My middle one is starting his freshman year so like we're launching another one and I'm
1:24
[SPEAKER_00]: really sad we've talked out this I'm not well but I will tell you this having launched a girl first and getting ready to send her to college well that's quite different than sending a boy and you warned me of this and now I'm living it because we're about ten days out from leaving and only yesterday did we get interested was he really interested in maybe thinking through some things we might want to take with us
1:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Like we might need a lamp.
1:47
[SPEAKER_00]: We might need, I don't know, like in a alarm clock, although I guess they used their phone now.
1:52
[SPEAKER_00]: How about a pillow trash can?
1:54
[SPEAKER_00]: So we sat down last night and Amazon because it's a new day and that's what you do, right?
1:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you just start click, click, click, click, click.
1:59
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm trying to match finishes.
2:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Like oh wait, didn't we order a black bookshelf?
2:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, do we want to get that and black two instead of brown and lost on him, right?
2:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Lost on him.
2:09
[SPEAKER_00]: But we did decide to go out and do a little shopping at a place where we could like touch feel and get the stuff in hand at the moment.
2:17
[SPEAKER_00]: And I want you to know, we didn't come home with anything except for one item.
2:22
[SPEAKER_00]: You ready?
2:24
[SPEAKER_00]: a spatula that look like a fishing rod.
2:27
[SPEAKER_00]: That's one of the things that's what he wanted.
2:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Now he's moving into place as a full meal plan and no kitchen in his little dorm style room thing.
2:38
[SPEAKER_00]: But that's what we have.
2:38
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's going swimmingly over here.
2:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Everybody don't even worry.
2:42
[SPEAKER_00]: It's going great.
2:43
[SPEAKER_00]: We will drop him off at college with his spatula.
2:46
[SPEAKER_00]: And I guess he will
2:47
[SPEAKER_00]: He will sleep with no pillow.
2:49
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, but that's what's going on.
2:51
[SPEAKER_00]: And maybe that's what happens with boys.
2:52
[SPEAKER_00]: It just keeps you laughing and guessing and then it's easier to drop them off.
2:57
[SPEAKER_00]: But that was not my experience with the girl.
2:58
[SPEAKER_00]: We did it completely differently.
3:00
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's what's going on again off house guys.
3:03
[SPEAKER_00]: And I hope I was doing great in your house as we get ready for back to school.
3:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Enjoy today's with some of Stephanie.
3:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Here we go.
3:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Stephanie, welcome.
3:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome back.
3:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome back.
3:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I can't remember which ones of my podcast you've been on, but hi.
3:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Hi, I don't know which ones have been on either, but thanks for having me back.
3:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, thanks for doing it.
3:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Everyone, um, background, Stephanie, and I have been very good friends for a long time.
3:26
[SPEAKER_00]: And you're my wise counsel friend.
3:29
[SPEAKER_00]: You're also my fun friend.
3:31
[SPEAKER_00]: You know how you categorize people, kind of, and you're like, okay, like, I got this going on.
3:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Who's the one that is the wise counsel friend?
3:38
[SPEAKER_00]: And I say this a lot.
3:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, there's only a few people that I really, really, let's speak into my life, because I want to be discerning about that, and you're the one.
3:45
[SPEAKER_00]: You're the go-to.
3:46
[SPEAKER_00]: So, I figured it would not be the go-to for everyone's day as we talk.
3:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Hey, well, what a privilege.
3:51
[SPEAKER_01]: What an honor.
3:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, thank you.
3:54
[SPEAKER_00]: We've walked some, we've walked some roads and that,
3:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Last week was it wasn't an easy one.
3:59
[SPEAKER_00]: So here we are guys, just keeping it real, what raising our kids, all the things.
4:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's talk junior high.
4:06
[SPEAKER_00]: And by the way, when I reached out to you and told us doing this series, I'm like, I want you to talk about junior high with me.
4:11
[SPEAKER_00]: You were like, oh, for the love.
4:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I was like, oh, okay.
4:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, and I was hesitating because, you know, the thought of, you know, just speaking a few minutes on what represents twelve years of my life.
4:26
[SPEAKER_01]: and tears and reading the Bible.
4:30
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just, I don't want it to come across Glyb or just like, oh, she's got it.
4:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't, I just would love to share some of the hard lessons that I've learned.
4:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
4:40
[SPEAKER_00]: And so let's give everybody a little perspective around you.
4:43
[SPEAKER_00]: You have three kiddos, two old boys, two old boys in a daughter, tell us their ages where they are in life and all of them.
4:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, my oldest is about to be twenty two, a senior at Texas A&M.
4:56
[SPEAKER_01]: than another one who's nineteen and going to be a sophomore at Auburn University.
5:01
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I have a little kebist and she's going to be fifteen and going into high school.
5:08
[SPEAKER_00]: So you have done boys and girls through middle schools.
5:12
[SPEAKER_00]: We called middle school in our school, but we're talking junior high is age.
5:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
5:16
[SPEAKER_00]: And just recently you got your daughter through.
5:20
[SPEAKER_00]: So your is kind of fresh.
5:22
[SPEAKER_01]: What's on the mind?
5:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Fresh, fresh on the mind, yes.
5:27
[SPEAKER_00]: What surprised you the most about these middle school years?
5:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so this is hard for me to say, but I'm also, I want to share it.
5:36
[SPEAKER_01]: One of the things that really surprised me is that I had to forgive other kids.
5:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I thought that I would be so much older, wiser, mature, spiritually, along, that the slides that other kids, and what may be not even slides.
5:53
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, pretty significant hurt.
5:54
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not talking slides.
5:56
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm talking pretty significant pain that other kids caused my kids.
6:01
[SPEAKER_01]: I was caught off guard that I would have to forgive those kids.
6:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I did not know that that would be part of the middle school parenting experience.
6:13
[SPEAKER_00]: And is it fair that like everything in you wants to hold a grudge not invite them talk about them to your kids and well they're just not nice kids or well make sense because their parents are and and so what did that forgiveness process looks like is it not doing all the things I just said is it like how did you walk through it?
6:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, I think, yes, I think exactly.
6:33
[SPEAKER_01]: You can't, you don't want to talk bad about other kids.
6:36
[SPEAKER_01]: You can be honest with your kids, like, hey, this happened.
6:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And I see that this person did that.
6:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that's fine.
6:44
[SPEAKER_01]: I think you don't want to say, yeah, they're real turkey.
6:49
[SPEAKER_01]: They've always been a turkey.
6:50
[SPEAKER_01]: The parents are turkeys.
6:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, you don't want to say that.
6:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And the other thing about forgiving for me was being open to the fact that the Lord forgives.
7:02
[SPEAKER_01]: And he forgives that child.
7:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And then he has a plan for that other kid.
7:06
[SPEAKER_01]: And that they may turn it around.
7:11
[SPEAKER_01]: And they may be a great person.
7:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And I threw many years and many tears.
7:17
[SPEAKER_01]: I finally landed on the phrase, you know, so and so is not a good friend right now.
7:24
[SPEAKER_01]: right now.
7:26
[SPEAKER_01]: But God is so good and he changes hearts and that person might be a good friend later.
7:31
[SPEAKER_01]: And so let's just hold that super loosely.
7:33
[SPEAKER_01]: They've hurt you.
7:34
[SPEAKER_01]: So we need to put some boundaries in place.
7:36
[SPEAKER_01]: But that doesn't mean they're a bad person or they're going to be like this forever.
7:41
[SPEAKER_01]: But that took my work of forgiving that kid to be able to say that in honesty.
7:48
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know this because I know you well, but you're really good about praying for other people's kids.
7:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Your friends' kids, I mean, my kids are where they are because I know you've prayed so hard over my kids, but you're really great about praying over the kids that have been really hard on your kids.
8:05
[SPEAKER_01]: It was easy.
8:05
[SPEAKER_01]: It was easy, and at the first, I will tell you, when I first thought, you know, the Lord really wants me to do that.
8:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, the very first thing I could even do was say their name.
8:18
[SPEAKER_01]: You're Lord, I pray for so and so.
8:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's all I could get out.
8:23
[SPEAKER_01]: And then, you know, it was like, you know what I know, so and so has this coming up.
8:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I pray for so and so it was not easy, but it was very effective.
8:32
[SPEAKER_01]: And when I started giving those my kids and those other kids over to the Lord, they, he changed his heart.
8:37
[SPEAKER_01]: See, change my heart.
8:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah.
8:39
[SPEAKER_00]: What's the thing you wish you would have known going in a middle school and maybe you just answered that, but is there anything that you're like, gosh, I wish that I could tell everyone this when you start.
8:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, yeah, yeah.
8:53
[SPEAKER_01]: So middle school, I love middle school.
8:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, I love it.
8:57
[SPEAKER_01]: It's hard.
8:58
[SPEAKER_01]: I taught middle school.
9:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it's a great, it's so fun because the kids or kids, some days, and then they're trying to be adults other days.
9:06
[SPEAKER_01]: And you kind of just don't know who you're gonna get.
9:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I think that's super fun.
9:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And you start then to really see them grow significantly and to who they might be.
9:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's very exciting.
9:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, but as they're doing this, they do all kinds of crazy things.
9:25
[SPEAKER_01]: And there's lessons that you think, oh, we've already, we've already learned that we shouldn't eat too much butter.
9:33
[SPEAKER_01]: But like one time I got a call from the nurse and the nurse was like, you need to come get your oldest because he, um, he's, he's real sick.
9:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Just stomach.
9:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And he feels like he's about to throw up.
9:42
[SPEAKER_01]: So pick him up.
9:44
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was so surprised because that morning he looked great.
9:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, there was no, there was no indication of illness.
9:52
[SPEAKER_01]: And I pick him up.
9:52
[SPEAKER_01]: He's as green as ever.
9:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Green as ever.
9:55
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, just looking six, six, six, six.
9:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, well, honey, what on earth have been during the day?
10:01
[SPEAKER_01]: And it took a while.
10:02
[SPEAKER_01]: And he finally confessed to he was like, well, at lunch, we were going to see who could eat the most better and handle it.
10:08
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll order.
10:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Yep.
10:11
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, that is middle school.
10:12
[SPEAKER_01]: That is like, you know what?
10:13
[SPEAKER_01]: There was a challenge and I wasn't gonna lose.
10:17
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I was going to eat so much better that it was gonna make me sick.
10:20
[SPEAKER_01]: It was just one of those times where you're like, I thought we already learned this.
10:25
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's just this whole new foray into them learning new things and trying new things and it's just ridiculous.
10:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
10:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and it's funny.
10:36
[SPEAKER_00]: We've talked about this before with my youngest.
10:38
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like when I take him to a plate ate or something, I can't think of all the scenarios.
10:43
[SPEAKER_00]: I need to pre-team all of you.
10:45
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's all of Junior High, too.
10:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't feel like, don't eat too much butter at lunch.
10:51
[SPEAKER_00]: You go through all the things.
10:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Be respectful to your teacher.
10:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Be kind to friends.
10:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Sit by the kid in the lunch room.
10:58
[SPEAKER_00]: You go through all of it in your head.
11:00
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you're like, gosh, man, I never covered that
11:03
[SPEAKER_00]: If you put chocolate milk up your nose, then it'll sour.
11:07
[SPEAKER_00]: And so yeah, it's a process with them.
11:10
[SPEAKER_00]: But yet, in the moment, the things feel big.
11:16
[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes they are, but most of the time in retrospect, now having college kids and young adults, can we agree that some of the things that felt ginormous, you're like, hmm, maybe not as big.
11:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And more than that, thank goodness they learned it then.
11:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yeah.
11:32
[SPEAKER_01]: So the other thing that I think I learned, I'm not sure, I think it took my kids to be in high school, is that, okay, so we talked about middle schools a time where they're growing and they might be growing into the person they're gonna become.
11:45
[SPEAKER_01]: And with that, they're gonna make some of the steps, of course, as we all do.
11:50
[SPEAKER_01]: And whether that be with a teacher, an administrator, other adults, I don't know what it is, but there's gonna be consequences.
11:59
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think,
12:01
[SPEAKER_01]: What I learned after many years is if I would let my kids suffer those consequences.
12:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Then maybe perhaps that was a lesson the Lord wanted to teach them.
12:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And if I shield them from that in middle school and I shield that from them in high school, then what I'm essentially doing is postponing that lesson that the Lord wants to teach them.
12:25
[SPEAKER_01]: And a lesson that they could learn at twelve looks a lot different than a lesson they would learn at nineteen or twenty two or thirty three or forty five when they've got kids and a spouse.
12:37
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's not easy.
12:39
[SPEAKER_01]: It is it is not easy and you don't want consequences to come to those that you love.
12:45
[SPEAKER_01]: But man, I just was convicted one day.
12:48
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, Lord, am I helping you?
12:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Henry knew.
12:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And I want the Lord to do his work because the Lord knows what's going to happen.
13:00
[SPEAKER_01]: And he's preparing them.
13:02
[SPEAKER_01]: And as much as I left my kids, I don't know what's going to happen today.
13:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Much less tomorrow.
13:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
13:08
[SPEAKER_00]: I remember that you and I, you told me the years ago, and we did this, we started praying that our kids would get caught in their sin.
13:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
13:20
[SPEAKER_01]: It's some of the faithful prayer.
13:22
[SPEAKER_01]: The Lord has answered in my life.
13:26
[SPEAKER_00]: They got caught.
13:26
[SPEAKER_00]: They're sent.
13:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Boy did them.
13:27
[SPEAKER_00]: All of them.
13:28
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I think at the time of five kids and now we have six, but I think we had five and we're like, wow, one by one, they fall.
13:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, yet, thank goodness, right?
13:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I look back and I'm like, let's do it.
13:40
[SPEAKER_00]: And not to say that the things that my kids are stumbling over a foggy of our college and high school are the same is to your height or not.
13:46
[SPEAKER_00]: But the principles are that a lot of the principles are the same.
13:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, if you lie or you're dishonest or you are unkind or you don't follow
13:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Biblical truth, it will bite you.
13:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, you know, this isn't just, we're not just saying this day or ourselves speak.
14:02
[SPEAKER_00]: And to see them stumble over that when they were younger, really was a gift now that they're older.
14:09
[SPEAKER_00]: So, to your point, that's a, that's a faithful prayer, but who it's like praying for patients, right?
14:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, look out.
14:17
[SPEAKER_01]: It is, it is a great prayer.
14:21
[SPEAKER_01]: It is a very hard prayer, because when your kids get caught in a sin,
14:25
[SPEAKER_01]: There's consequences.
14:26
[SPEAKER_01]: There's something there that has to be dealt with.
14:30
[SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, the benefit if you try to practice it because we make mistakes too, but if you try to practice it earlier, I think your kids also see that you're kind of serious about some stuff.
14:41
[SPEAKER_01]: You're not going to sweep it under the rug.
14:43
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that helps too.
14:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, okay, let's talk about faith during these years because it's easy to think that like we haven't done enough or maybe we think we have done enough.
14:55
[SPEAKER_00]: We've really, you know, we've soon to VBS every year and we've done the family devotionals and all the things and they're still
15:02
[SPEAKER_00]: They're still getting it wrong or they're just doing stuff that's not who we are as families and you're like, I didn't.
15:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to take the guilt and the blame for that.
15:12
[SPEAKER_00]: So talk to us a little bit about how you walk through that with faith and your kids and I think you're so good at this, but speaking, faith issues over your kids at that age when they're impressionable without turning them off.
15:28
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that's a loaded question.
15:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, seventy different ways to go.
15:32
[SPEAKER_01]: That was a seventy different question.
15:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
15:34
[SPEAKER_01]: The bottom line is the Lord knows and and there's so much pressure now on moms and parents to get their kids in the right class and to do the right devotional and to do the right sport thing and to get the right trainer and to it's and it's overwhelming.
15:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think if I could speak anything to other parents, is it's not all on you?
16:02
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not.
16:04
[SPEAKER_01]: The Lord pursues them.
16:06
[SPEAKER_01]: He's the one who changes hearts.
16:09
[SPEAKER_01]: We don't change hearts.
16:10
[SPEAKER_01]: He changes hearts.
16:12
[SPEAKER_01]: And he's the one, you know, even in, even in, I think as EQ, he says, you know, I will give you a new heart.
16:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I will take that heart of stone and I will give you a heart of flesh.
16:23
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's the work of him and the spirit.
16:26
[SPEAKER_01]: And as far as faith, it starts to feel tricky for some and middle school because they may be interested or they may not be.
16:37
[SPEAKER_01]: I think I learned that my kids knew exactly how I felt about every issue.
16:44
[SPEAKER_01]: They already know.
16:46
[SPEAKER_01]: They already know how I feel about any number of things.
16:51
[SPEAKER_01]: And so, as I grew and I learned, it was far more helpful for me to be like, oh, drinking under age.
16:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
17:00
[UNKNOWN]: Yeah.
17:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Tell me what you're hearing about that.
17:03
[SPEAKER_01]: What do you think about it?
17:04
[SPEAKER_01]: What do you, you know, and so you can have that conversation.
17:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And if it goes far enough, we're used to think, oh, this might be a stumbling block for them.
17:12
[SPEAKER_01]: You can be like, hey, just a reminder like,
17:14
[SPEAKER_01]: We're not into that.
17:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you choose to do that, we're going to punish.
17:18
[SPEAKER_01]: But the kind of changing the discussion to just.
17:25
[SPEAKER_01]: What they're thinking, because they already know what I think.
17:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
17:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
17:30
[SPEAKER_00]: And lectures stop working.
17:32
[SPEAKER_00]: I think we'll know that academically.
17:34
[SPEAKER_00]: The lectures stop working.
17:35
[SPEAKER_00]: They really, I'm not sure they have a worked, but they've really stopped working in middle school, high school college.
17:40
[SPEAKER_00]: And nobody cares.
17:41
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I think like you to your point, they already know what you believe.
17:46
[SPEAKER_00]: They already know where you're going to fall on things.
17:48
[SPEAKER_00]: And so the lecture in my experience, too, has not worked.
17:53
[SPEAKER_00]: having definite lines of what we will not what we don't permit our house like you were saying that under a drinking that's an example.
18:02
[SPEAKER_00]: We just don't like that's just we've told our kids you and I have our kids on school where if they got caught under a drinking there's very big repercussions.
18:10
[SPEAKER_00]: But we've made it clear to our kids, the school's the least of your worries if you underage drink.
18:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Like we're lawyers.
18:15
[SPEAKER_00]: We were believers first floor lawyers.
18:17
[SPEAKER_00]: We believe that there is a standard and we're going to meet that standard.
18:20
[SPEAKER_00]: But we've made that clear of the years, but also as they've gotten older, I've been able to speak into the fact that in my family, we have a lot of alcoholism, not my immediate family, but up in the generations.
18:32
[SPEAKER_00]: And being able to speak that over it, too.
18:34
[SPEAKER_00]: And here's kind of the why behind it.
18:36
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I think as they get older, that is kind of the fun, too, of maybe it's not fun.
18:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe that was, let's not call it fun.
18:44
[SPEAKER_00]: But that is the beauty of it.
18:46
[SPEAKER_00]: You can really kind of get into different layers.
18:48
[SPEAKER_00]: And when we say, like, listen, let me tell you why the curfew looks like this.
18:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Or let me tell you why we're not, whatever those things are.
18:55
[SPEAKER_00]: But just having these definitive things, but giving the why behind it, he was at that says,
19:01
[SPEAKER_00]: rules without relationship, uh, breeds rebellion.
19:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, but at one cast, it's sorry, whoever you are is really great line.
19:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Matt Chandler, Lou Geigleo, type, but that's just it.
19:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, you know, you have the rules or kids probably know the rules, but then you're forming the relationship and speaking through it and rules without relationship, right?
19:23
[SPEAKER_00]: It is.
19:23
[SPEAKER_00]: They rebel, but if you can build in that relationship, I think it's a game changer.
19:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and then the other part of that is having grace when they mess up.
19:37
[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't mean that you won't discipline if you need to, but we all mess up and just learning if something that I did not do well that I think I've hopefully grown in is maybe having more of an openness like
19:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Christ for the mistakes and to have more compassion first.
20:00
[SPEAKER_01]: And to know, you know, I remember with one of mine, I kind of got on to him about something.
20:07
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, man, and they looked at me.
20:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And they said, did you know how many times I've said no?
20:18
[SPEAKER_01]: to you?
20:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Can you even guess how many times I got it right?
20:25
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know what, I had, no, I hadn't considered how many times they got it right.
20:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And they missed it.
20:35
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that grace piece, I'm a sympathetic choir, by the way, thinking everything I got it, we heard a hold it together.
20:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, well, I'm not, that's it, that's it.
20:43
[SPEAKER_00]: No, but what you're saying with that is that compassion level,
20:46
[SPEAKER_00]: of like, you know, like, maybe your kids said no to the drinking to five hundred times and maybe they had to sip the five hundred first time and you know, not that there's not repercussions, but there is empathy within that and grace for an acknowledgement that they do, they've gotten it right so many times.
21:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's talk about things junior high years and they start to pull away from you.
21:09
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a real thing.
21:12
[SPEAKER_00]: And they want less to deal with you.
21:13
[SPEAKER_00]: They're horrified.
21:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Like as if seeing being seen in a grocery store with you is going to, you know, that's social suicide or something.
21:20
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's talk through that.
21:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I think my best piece of advice and I'll let you play off of this is it's not all personal.
21:27
[SPEAKER_00]: I think I took things personal if my first one like it was just an indictment on me.
21:32
[SPEAKER_00]: And then like, you know, a couple kids in, I'm like, I don't know, they're just all squirrely.
21:36
[SPEAKER_00]: But talk to us about this pulling away and how do we maintain relationships and maybe even boys versus girls, you've done it with both.
21:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so yeah, it's just hard.
21:45
[SPEAKER_01]: They start pulling away and they start criticizing you.
21:49
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, they might have a little opinion about how you do things or what you make for dinner or whatever.
21:56
[SPEAKER_01]: They start to criticize if it's so, so, so personal.
22:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, that they are trying to figure out what's wrong around them.
22:06
[SPEAKER_01]: So they know what's wrong with themselves.
22:09
[SPEAKER_01]: So they can fix or change because they just want to be a long be the apartment.
22:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, it is very hard not to take a personal, I think you need to.
22:21
[SPEAKER_01]: definitely we talk in a Lord and you need to have friends and you need to be able to fill your cup maybe and you know fill your cup with things that give you life
22:31
[SPEAKER_01]: and maybe it's also a hobby to just blow off some steam because it is not as personal as it seems.
22:38
[SPEAKER_01]: But it is hard to kind of weather that storm.
22:42
[SPEAKER_01]: There's two things that I did that helped with connection.
22:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Number one, and I know that sounds so silly, but I had my kids take a personality test.
22:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, you think, well, how could you not know your kids?
22:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I don't know.
22:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes when you're just so close, you can't, you can't see the force for the trees.
23:01
[SPEAKER_01]: And one thing that the personality test really showed me when I thought about the different kids, is it showed me their strengths, it showed me their weaknesses and it also kind of showed me maybe motivations that they might go from.
23:15
[SPEAKER_01]: For example, I'm the complete middle child, the peacemaker always willing to bend for others.
23:22
[SPEAKER_01]: But you know, the personality test said, hey, when they actually voice their opinion, it took a lot of effort and a lot of trust for them to actually voice their opinion.
23:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And so really try to honor that.
23:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Whereas my first
23:38
[SPEAKER_01]: They speak their desires like it's air.
23:40
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, like, you know, so it was very helpful for me to consider, okay, when they speak up, not that we have to do what they want, but they took a lot of effort.
23:50
[SPEAKER_01]: And so the personality test helped a lot.
23:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And then honestly, there were times, I didn't like them as much as I normally did.
23:59
[SPEAKER_01]: I just asked the Lord, like, Lord, give me eyes for them that you see them.
24:05
[SPEAKER_01]: And then tell me fun things that I can do with them.
24:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, like the things they like I remember hearing that and I don't think I knew how important that would be as they get older because we're trying to connect and I think with boys, especially if you can connect on whatever level the things they like to do, whatever that is, but also I find that talking to boys and we probably heard this just reminder, ready, but
24:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Talking to boys face to face doesn't work.
24:31
[SPEAKER_00]: So you need to hold in the car.
24:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I had a really hard conversation one time with Brett and I, we are at home and I, I literally pulled out ground beef and I cooked ground beef with my back to him.
24:41
[SPEAKER_00]: The whole time it was on the best cover.
24:43
[SPEAKER_00]: So for some reason that has been my.
24:47
[SPEAKER_00]: And with girls, they need your full attention.
24:50
[SPEAKER_00]: I think you don't care.
24:51
[SPEAKER_00]: like you know they want to they want to go get ice cream or a pedicure and they want to hash it out and so it's kind of different depending on the kid so.
25:01
[SPEAKER_01]: I think boys want to have fun.
25:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
25:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Boys want to have fun and they want to feel relaxed and you have to put in that time also without always going at them.
25:13
[SPEAKER_01]: So you can't be like, oh, let's just go to Sonic and then every time you go to Sonic you're like, bring something up.
25:19
[SPEAKER_01]: You need to have some fun with them.
25:20
[SPEAKER_01]: You need to have some fun and that's how you show them that you care and you're there.
25:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's go have some fun or let's go have some chill time.
25:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And then, yes, with my daughter, it's more face-to-face.
25:29
[SPEAKER_01]: I see you.
25:30
[SPEAKER_01]: It's repeating backwards.
25:31
[SPEAKER_01]: She's saying it's a lot more involved.
25:37
[SPEAKER_01]: For me, it felt more involved, but it was good.
25:40
[SPEAKER_01]: It was good.
25:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
25:42
[SPEAKER_00]: OK.
25:43
[SPEAKER_00]: In elementary school, we are all trained.
25:47
[SPEAKER_00]: And not all of us do this.
25:48
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm really bad with it.
25:49
[SPEAKER_00]: I heard kid.
25:49
[SPEAKER_00]: But you know, we're like, I'm going to be the room mom.
25:51
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm going to be at the teacher's initiation.
25:53
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm going to
25:55
[SPEAKER_00]: be in PTA and all the things.
25:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Like we are conditioned to think that if you love your kid, then you are really involved.
26:01
[SPEAKER_00]: And there's nothing wrong with being really involved.
26:03
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was for a kid, maybe a kid and a half.
26:05
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I threw in the towel.
26:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you feel like in those middle years, those junior high years?
26:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, talk to us just a, like, is it the same philosophy on getting involved or is it a little bit on a parental level letting go of some things, maybe backing out of some things?
26:22
[SPEAKER_00]: What do you think?
26:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yeah.
26:24
[SPEAKER_01]: This is really hard.
26:25
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it depends.
26:27
[SPEAKER_01]: First of all, you're trying to let them grow up.
26:31
[SPEAKER_01]: And so you do want to kind of let them guide in some ways.
26:35
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think helping them facilitate getting together socially, they might need a little support there, but maybe they guide it and they go for it.
26:49
[SPEAKER_01]: The thing that I saw in middle school that was really hard
26:54
[SPEAKER_01]: is that you might have your elementary school mom friends.
26:58
[SPEAKER_01]: And your kids are friends because y'all are hanging out and y'all like each other and y'all go to the park together and it works out and then all of a sudden something weird happens in middle school and sometimes those kids don't want to be together anymore.
27:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And there's two lessons here.
27:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Number one, I think it's great when your kid wants to explore friends that are in the same things that they're in.
27:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Are they inquire?
27:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Are they in drama?
27:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Are they in softball?
27:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Are they in volleyball?
27:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Are they in football?
27:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Like whatever it is, it is fun for them to have friends who do the same thing.
27:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, and I think that's great.
27:30
[SPEAKER_01]: And that might feel kind of hard for you, but I think that's great.
27:33
[SPEAKER_01]: But at the same time, those friends that you've had for elementary school that maybe they don't care for anymore,
27:43
[SPEAKER_01]: They need to figure that out and how to be with them and be a pleasant person.
27:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Not all the time, okay?
27:49
[SPEAKER_01]: We're gonna let them have their friends, but we're not just going to ditch people because we don't like them anymore because you've got to learn especially as believers, to be kind, to people.
28:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
28:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I see this more in Dallas, I grew up in Amarillo,
28:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And there's not as quite as many friend options at times.
28:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
28:16
[SPEAKER_01]: So we couldn't just ditch somebody because we joined a volleyball.
28:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, but when you get here in Dallas, there's just so many options.
28:25
[SPEAKER_01]: And so it's that balance of letting them explore some new friendships.
28:29
[SPEAKER_01]: And then also be able to be kind to those, um, that they were friends with, but maybe we don't want to have a, you know, spend every weekend together, but you can.
28:38
[SPEAKER_01]: I used to tell my kids, it's not a marriage.
28:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
28:41
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a marriage.
28:42
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a dinner.
28:43
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you can't be kind during a dinner, then something's wrong with you.
28:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
28:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
28:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Amen.
28:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's talk about our friendships as parents.
28:57
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'll just say this, Stephanie and I are very, very close and not a one of our kids is close, right?
29:04
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I don't know.
29:05
[SPEAKER_00]: And we even laugh about it because our two older ones now, the oldest is a boy girl, the boy versus girl.
29:10
[SPEAKER_00]: The middle or boys.
29:11
[SPEAKER_00]: And they like each other fine, but we've, yeah, kids in our little certain different ages.
29:15
[SPEAKER_00]: But, um, but
29:17
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it has been so invaluable in my life to be surrounded by friends.
29:24
[SPEAKER_00]: that are gonna hold me and my kids to a higher level.
29:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes like our different brandy, like her kids are messed up friends with my kids.
29:32
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's great, it worked out great.
29:34
[SPEAKER_00]: But sometimes they're not like you and me.
29:36
[SPEAKER_00]: But here's the thing, you've called my kid over before and said, I need you to speak into one of my kids a younger brother.
29:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I all the time call you and I'm like, I need you to pray over this.
29:48
[SPEAKER_00]: I need, you know, how are we gonna manage this?
29:50
[SPEAKER_00]: I need help.
29:51
[SPEAKER_00]: And so,
29:52
[SPEAKER_00]: how important it is to have people around you that, and no offense.
29:55
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not saying it's about you, Stephanie, but sometimes we're tempted to pick the flashy people.
29:59
[SPEAKER_00]: The ones that, the gray formations of people that are fun things are just like our kids want to pick, you know, you want to be on a certain social lover, whatever.
30:07
[SPEAKER_00]: And as parents, like we can fall prey to that.
30:09
[SPEAKER_00]: So talk to us like, how do we do this well?
30:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Because the days get hard.
30:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I think you touched on something that is so tempting.
30:18
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you see the Facebook post or the Instagram reel and there's this family or three families and they've all gone out to eat dinner after the big sports event or their on vacation together and their kids line up perfectly and they're all interested in the same thing and it's so tempting to want that.
30:36
[SPEAKER_01]: It is so tempting to want that because it looks so good, you know, but you'll want
30:44
[SPEAKER_01]: You want fun people, but you also want people who are going to get their hands dirty with you and who are going to pray for you and that who actually care about your kids and not just because your kids will do something for their kids.
31:00
[SPEAKER_01]: And you want those because when the harder times come, that's what you need because you need to be able to call them on especially as a exit middle school and go into high school.
31:14
[SPEAKER_01]: You need somebody who can you can talk to because you can't talk to a lot of people because then it's their stuff and and you just have to say I need help and this is what's going on point me in the right direction because sometimes are so shocked or so numb.
31:27
[SPEAKER_01]: You need to be like okay remember remember you're okay you're okay you're gonna be okay but remember these are the things that we said we care about.
31:35
[SPEAKER_01]: These are the things that we're going to do.
31:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Remember the Lord, remember what he said, we're going to do it together.
31:41
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's so important.
31:43
[SPEAKER_01]: So have fun and that they wise in your picking of your friends.
31:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
31:51
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think you have time to course correct, too.
31:53
[SPEAKER_00]: If you need to, and you have time because I remember someone told me just recently someone told me that like their kid did something kind of ridiculous, which I mean, haven't they all?
32:03
[SPEAKER_00]: didn't kind of make house in high school and they felt like everybody abandoned ship like nobody called nobody brought it to this.
32:10
[SPEAKER_00]: She figured it out then she starts calling a friend's every kind of avoiding her we've got some of the I don't want you to my kid to hang out with yours anymore the whole thing like and it's it's real and so I would just say like now's the time start figuring that out in junior high to high schools coming and then call it coming and they're going to end the state higher when they do stupid stuff
32:29
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it's say like now, if you're realizing like, hey, I'm not sure we've picked the best families to surround ourselves with.
32:35
[SPEAKER_00]: We still kind and love them, but we really start searching for those deeper friendships.
32:40
[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes their kids will be your kids, good friends.
32:42
[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes it's just who you're surrounded with that walks throughout with you.
32:46
[SPEAKER_00]: So Jair Heiser, great time to course correct that.
32:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, a couple things that I want to ask.
32:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's lies that middle schoolers are believing.
32:57
[SPEAKER_01]: No, okay.
32:58
[SPEAKER_01]: All right.
32:59
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what?
33:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Here's the thing.
33:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
33:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I do think it's the lies that the junior high kids are believing, but I actually think this is the lie that the parents are believing more.
33:12
[SPEAKER_01]: It's scarcity.
33:14
[SPEAKER_01]: That we serve a God that only has so much.
33:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know what?
33:19
[SPEAKER_01]: That's just not true.
33:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And I offer my heart here because this is one of
33:26
[SPEAKER_01]: the lessons that took me the absolute longest.
33:29
[SPEAKER_01]: And if I could just offer anybody this, it's that the generosity that the Lord shows other kids or families does not limit the generosity that he offers you in your children.
33:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
33:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Now I can play that again because I need to hear that about five more times.
33:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I do too, and I have to hear it almost every day.
33:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Now listen, I want you to hear this too.
33:58
[SPEAKER_01]: I understand that there's only so many people who can play basketball.
34:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I understand that there's only so many people who can be valedictorian, okay?
34:07
[SPEAKER_01]: There's only once.
34:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's not one of ours.
34:09
[SPEAKER_01]: He's definitely not a one.
34:11
[SPEAKER_01]: No, and not, you know what, we're not competing with y'all, so it's fine.
34:14
[SPEAKER_01]: And we have some friends and yes, yes, they could be up for it, not ours.
34:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so I understand that there's deep hurt and I understand that when your kid is struggling and they've practiced every single day and they still didn't make the basketball team, it hurts.
34:29
[SPEAKER_01]: It hurts.
34:30
[SPEAKER_01]: It hurts so bad and it hurts so kid, it hurt you.
34:33
[SPEAKER_01]: But the generosity that he shows other kids does not limit the generosity he wants to show your kid.
34:43
[SPEAKER_01]: And we have, I think as parents, we have to embrace that.
34:46
[SPEAKER_01]: So we can be happy for other kids.
34:50
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, the other kid who made it, you didn't even practice them.
34:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Because they're just, that's just what they can do.
34:56
[SPEAKER_01]: And what's helped me shift this is the fact that the Lord wants to bless my kids.
35:03
[SPEAKER_01]: And he wants to be good to them.
35:05
[SPEAKER_01]: But he also doesn't want to give them gifts.
35:07
[SPEAKER_01]: They can't handle.
35:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And so maybe just maybe they're not supposed to make the team.
35:14
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's okay because he has something else.
35:17
[SPEAKER_01]: And if I can trust in that, it'll help me and it'll help them.
35:22
[SPEAKER_01]: And you will face this with your kids.
35:29
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
35:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, you will, and you will watch friendships dissolve over kids playing time or who got what part in the play and is deserving.
35:38
[SPEAKER_00]: And I mean, it just is the reality of it.
35:41
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't have to be our reality.
35:44
[SPEAKER_01]: That's right, and you and I both have two kids, probably more, but at least two, were their best qualities are not really measurable.
35:54
[SPEAKER_01]: They're just not.
35:55
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not something you get a lot of awards for.
35:57
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not something that shows up on our report card.
36:00
[SPEAKER_01]: It may not even be something that shows up on the field, but they have qualities that are amazing and that are so God honoring.
36:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I would say parents try to talk those up and encourage your kid because they're just as discouraged as you are.
36:20
[SPEAKER_01]: If that's not measured, but that doesn't mean that the Lord doesn't, it's not, he's not there.
36:25
[SPEAKER_01]: He is there.
36:26
[SPEAKER_01]: He has a plan for them and he's preparing not.
36:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's a good word.
36:30
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a good word.
36:31
[SPEAKER_00]: I think one of the best pieces of advice, and this is more in the call, going, having a high school going to college, but I'm going to throw this out because I think it's so invaluable and you, I think, are one of the ones that kind of encourage me to do this.
36:43
[SPEAKER_00]: But I think one of the best things you can do
36:45
[SPEAKER_00]: junior high going in a high score definitely high school going to college is a good strong Christian counselor for your kids and that is not something that naturally I think most of us do and most of us would do it when crisis strikes and I think you've done a good job without we don't want to sell it any kids along the way saying this but you've done a really good job of just prophylactically having someone available for your kids to talk to and which is then
37:13
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I dropped the ball huge on Kate and didn't.
37:17
[SPEAKER_00]: And then she went to college and it was like crisis mode.
37:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, oh, we need a counselor.
37:21
[SPEAKER_00]: And so then we did that.
37:23
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was harder to do when she was in college rather when she was at home.
37:26
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's doable.
37:27
[SPEAKER_00]: But I would just say, that's been a game changer and it's changed.
37:31
[SPEAKER_00]: I won't do that again.
37:32
[SPEAKER_00]: I will have someone that they talked to, they focused with just checking in with them.
37:36
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know that can be expensive.
37:38
[SPEAKER_00]: I think there's a lot of resources to be able to do it through churches and other things.
37:41
[SPEAKER_00]: But to set the standard, especially with your kids, that it doesn't mean something's wrong or you're in crisis, because we think you should talk to someone that loves the Lord, but also can walk you through hard stuff.
37:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, for sure.
37:56
[SPEAKER_01]: And my daughter wouldn't mind sharing because she tells everybody on earth that she sees the counselor and, you know, she kind of went kicking and screaming.
38:08
[SPEAKER_01]: we weren't having a crisis, you know, there wasn't too much going on, but I just kind of tell, I might be helpful for gonna have somebody.
38:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, she didn't wanna go in now.
38:21
[SPEAKER_01]: She one thing that she loved is that I told her, which is true, legally, that counselor can only tell me when you're in deep trouble.
38:31
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, like what Y'all discussed is completely confidential.
38:36
[SPEAKER_01]: And I didn't know this, and maybe y'all who have girls know this better than I do, but she really didn't want to hurt me.
38:45
[SPEAKER_01]: She didn't want her problems to affect me, and so she was keeping some of them on.
38:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Like underestimating what you can handle.
38:53
[SPEAKER_01]: I think she could under, I think she was underestimating me a little bit, but also not, but she knows that it would bother me and so for her to have somebody that she can totally unload with, it was so helpful.
39:06
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, so now everybody knows why I call you full of wisdom or Stephanie Martin.
39:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Sadly, both of our wisdom comes from how poorly we've done it often on over the years.
39:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Our poor first kids, moment of silence.
39:19
[SPEAKER_00]: First kids.
39:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Hey, and by the way, speaking of first and he knows this, I mean, he wants to learn by experience.
39:29
[SPEAKER_01]: He didn't really want to live in her skin.
39:32
[SPEAKER_01]: He didn't really want to listen to a whole lot of how to say he wanted to test it for himself.
39:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, and so ladies and gentlemen, if you have a few of those kids out there who learn by experience, um, that's, that's okay too.
39:46
[SPEAKER_01]: That's okay too.
39:47
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it, it, it might, it might feel a little harder, but you're gonna, you're gonna make it.
39:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's a, that's a great way to put it because I do have one that's completely compliant and wouldn't want to do anything that would ruffle feathers with us and, and then I have one that's like,
40:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I mean, I mean, not all the way over the line, but sure puts a toe up to it.
40:10
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, huh.
40:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
40:12
[SPEAKER_00]: So totally.
40:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, last question.
40:15
[SPEAKER_00]: What's like one piece of encouragement that you would like to give to junior high parents?
40:20
[SPEAKER_00]: Someone is a trenches or somebody who's fearful going into it.
40:23
[SPEAKER_00]: What's your encouragement?
40:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Junior high is not the end of the story.
40:30
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, God willing, junior high is not the end of the story.
40:32
[SPEAKER_01]: This is not, you know, there's so many times I looked at these people's faces at thirteen and I thought, oh, man, this is it.
40:40
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you're gonna be thirty three like this, but that's not it.
40:43
[SPEAKER_01]: They've got a lot of growing to do.
40:45
[SPEAKER_01]: They've got a lot of learning and it's who you're seeing at twelve is not exactly who they're gonna be later.
40:51
[SPEAKER_01]: The Lord is so good.
40:58
[SPEAKER_01]: He knows us.
40:59
[SPEAKER_01]: He knows today, he knows tomorrow.
41:03
[SPEAKER_01]: He wants to prepare them for the job that he has for them.
41:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And so he's there.
41:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And he knows more than we do and he cares.
41:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And then lastly, if you can hang in there and I know you will, I can say that my boys and college are starting to kind of admit that some of the truth I've been speaking is actually true.
41:28
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's just a while, but now they get interesting because they finally see oh people who've been running like this for a long time now.
41:37
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm seeing what happens to them and it's not good.
41:40
[SPEAKER_01]: You aren't lying and it's like no in the other thing that I would say is that the guidance that the Lord gives is not because He just wants to give guidance.
41:52
[SPEAKER_01]: It's because He actually know how our hearts and bodies in mind work.
41:56
[SPEAKER_01]: and he wants us to be the most fruitful and productive that we could possibly be.
42:03
[SPEAKER_01]: So you're not done yet, and who you're looking at right now is not the end product, reach a Bible, pray, get some good friends, and you're gonna make it through.
42:15
[SPEAKER_00]: good advice.
42:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I've said many times before, nobody wants me judged by their thirteen-year-old self or their fifteen-year-old self.
42:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Wait, I told you about the friend I met up with recently, not a friend, I guess.
42:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I mean, I thought we were friends, but I met up with and she is something happened in, you know, early high school between the two of us.
42:32
[SPEAKER_00]: She still wouldn't talk to me.
42:33
[SPEAKER_00]: We met up with a funeral and kind of, oh, friend.
42:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, come on, like, nobody should be judged by their junior high school stuff.
42:40
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, um, there you are, you know?
42:43
[SPEAKER_00]: We give grace, right, for our kids and ourselves.
42:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
42:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
42:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
42:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
42:49
[SPEAKER_00]: So we will wrap it with that.
42:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Stephanie, thanks for doing this and I'm sorry.
42:55
[SPEAKER_00]: You always draw the short end of the stick when I have you on the podcast.
42:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Not that junior highs are short in the stick, but it's much more fun to talk about elementary.
43:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Whoo, or even getting them to college.
43:05
[SPEAKER_00]: And I gave you right in the middle, but you killed it.
43:07
[SPEAKER_00]: So thank you.
43:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Your high spine.
43:09
[SPEAKER_00]: It's fun.
43:10
[SPEAKER_01]: It's sticky.
43:11
[SPEAKER_01]: It's stinky.
43:12
[SPEAKER_01]: It's fun.
43:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I will say I am grateful that we've passed.
43:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, man.
43:19
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm in.
43:23
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, friends.
43:24
[SPEAKER_00]: I know you enjoyed that.
43:25
[SPEAKER_00]: I know.
43:26
[SPEAKER_00]: She's so wise.
43:27
[SPEAKER_00]: So, here's, thank you, Stephanie, for doing this.
43:29
[SPEAKER_00]: And then, I wonder what you know, that we have some incredible, some incredible shows coming your way.
43:33
[SPEAKER_00]: The next, well, several weeks, but going in the fall, too.
43:37
[SPEAKER_00]: We have Christine Nockles and Tony Collier and Candace Cameron Buray is coming back.
43:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Lauren Chandler, Melissa Radke is gonna be back on.
43:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Carrie Compacas, Darren Kendor, y'all remember him?
43:48
[SPEAKER_00]: One of my very favorite, ever.
43:51
[SPEAKER_00]: interviews that was nine eleven secret service.
43:55
[SPEAKER_00]: You remember him?
43:56
[SPEAKER_00]: I wrote about him in my first book as well.
43:58
[SPEAKER_00]: He's coming back on Natalie Ranian.
44:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my gosh, you know, we have so many great shows coming your way.
44:02
[SPEAKER_00]: So please tune back in every week and leave a review if you haven't already and share it with a friend.