Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why You Should Stop Defending Yourself To Narcissists

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Why You Should Stop Defending Yourself To Narcissists · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be talking about this one thing that you
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  need to stop doing with your narcissistic partner or ex or
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  whoever they are. Stop defending yourself.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
• 0:17
  The Narcissist Code. So boom, welcome back folks,
• 0:36
  welcome back, welcome back y'all.
• 0:38
  Stop it right now. Write this instinct before we
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  hop deep into today's video. Y'all.
• 0:43
  I got a shout out my kids book. Remember, it's not your fault
• 0:47
  it's on Amazon. Check it out.
• 0:49
  It's a good conversation starter with your kids about your toxic
• 0:52
  relationship dynamics, telling them the truth, setting
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  boundaries, all the other good stuff.
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  Y'all. But yeah, Amazon right now,
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  write me out. But y'all, yes, yes, yes, Lord,
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  stop defending yourself to narcissistic people.
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  Yeah, let's keep it hot and ready.
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  Y'all know on this channel? We keep, I try to keep it.
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  I try to keep it. Hot and ready like a Little
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  Caesars pizza. You know what I mean?
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  Little Caesars? What's up, man?
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  I didn't say this too much. I'm gonna stop saying Little
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  Caesars pizza, y'all. Y'all.
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  We're doing sponsorships over here now.
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  Somebody, I'm just talking. But seriously, I'll keep it hot
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  and ready over here. So you need to stop doing this
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  right this instance, right meow, right meow.
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  What's that? Super troopers.
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  But yeah, you have to stop doing it out.
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  This is one thing that you need to stop doing.
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  Narcissist, the people, they, they want you to defend
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  yourself, y'all, They want you to, because as long as you're
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  defending yourself, as long as you're, you know, defending
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  yourself against my allegations, it's just allegations, y'all.
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  I know you didn't know. I know that you did not do
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  whatever I'm accusing you of doing.
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  I know that I'm familiar with it.
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  I already understand it, already got it.
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  But what you don't know is that I do know and I just want to
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  argue with you because if you're defending yourself, then guess
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  what? I win.
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  I win because you can never defend yourself enough to a
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  narcissistic person. Now this isn't, this could damn
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  near be an unending situation. It really can't.
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  It's one of those situations that could damn near never end.
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  You could be dealing with this narcissistic person forever
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  trying to defend yourself to them.
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  Like absolutely, you're trying to defend yourself.
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  You're trying to do this, you're trying to do that like you, but
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  I didn't do that. You know I'm not like that.
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  I would never do that. They know you not like that.
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  They wouldn't beat y'all if they thought that you were like that.
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  They wouldn't be with you. If they thought you were crazy,
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  if they thought you were a cheater, if they thought you
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  were a liar, if they thought you were a manipulator, they would
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  not be. They would not be with you.
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  Knock the mic off. I guess so look, and I got so
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  hype out of knock the mic off. They know they absolutely know
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  y'all. They know you, you, you.
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  They wouldn't be with you if you, if you, like I said in that
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  space right there. That's why I have to just
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  continue to let you know that because narcissistic people,
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  toxic people have this mindset. They have this mentality that as
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  long as you're talking to me about yourself, then I win.
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  You're not focusing on me, you're focusing on yourself.
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  So I win. It's like I can get away with
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  things. As long as I can convince you or
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  as long as I can get you off topic.
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  As long as I can get you talking about yourself and not about me,
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  then I have a victory. There.
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  Now I know it sounds ignorant. Lee.
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  That's Lee. That sounds so stupid.
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  Yeah, y'all, it's dumb. It's ridiculous.
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  It's it's yeah, it's really, really stupid.
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  It really it's a dumb mindset to have.
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  But that's what I'm trying to break you out of that habit of
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  feeling the need to just hop to the hop to the space and defend
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  yourself against this narcissistic person.
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  Like, you know what they have done.
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  They know what they have done. They know it all.
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  They get it, they understand it. But guess what?
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  As long as you're defending yourself to me, you're not
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  worried about me. You're not worried about me.
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  As long as you are defending yourself to me, then you're not
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  worried about me. I can get away with whatever I
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  want. I can.
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  It's like I'm moving under the radar.
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  You know what I mean? They know you're not lying,
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  y'all. So let me say this right here.
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  Are there? Could there be?
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  Could there be some paranoid, delusional, manipulative
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  narcissistic ass people out there that believe the lies that
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  that are paranoid and delusional and believe this type of stuff
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  Yes, those and those people right there.
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  Y'all can get dangerous. The paranoid delusional
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  narcissist can get very, very dangerous very very fast, right,
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  very very fast quickly. So that was saying like, but the
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  ones who are not paranoid, the ones who are just trying to
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  throw you off the scent, the ones that you know, like it's
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  like a drug. It's like a drug sniffing dog.
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  Get all the dogs to be in the airport that maybe they be
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  walking up to the bags and stuff like that.
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  You know, people used to take the coffee beans or have some,
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  have some ether on a napkin and try to rub it into the dog's
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  face or something like that to throw the scent off.
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  That's what they're trying to do with you.
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  They're trying to eat through you.
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  They're trying to smell this right here.
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  You like? No, I don't want to smell.
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  I want to smell the truth. I want to smell the truth.
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  I don't want to smell this. I want to smell the truth, you
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  know? They're just trying to throw you
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  off a scent like a drug sniffing dog.
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  Like you're like, matter of fact, like you, you're an
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  accountability sniffing impact and they're trying to throw you
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  off the scent like a drug sniffing dog.
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  That's what they're trying to do, y'all.
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  They don't want you on the scent.
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  They want to throw you off the scent.
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  So as long as you are defending yourself anyway, they win.
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  You know, like I said, yeah, I know there are some moments in
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  time that it's worth defending yourself, like when there's when
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  your reputation is definitely on the line or it's going to ruin
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  your life or ruin your career or something like that.
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  I get I can definitely understand it right there.
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  But a smear campaign to you, if they're smearing you to your
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  face, it's like if they're telling you one thing and
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  telling everybody else something else, they know it's the truth.
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  They know they're lying to you. They know what the truth is.
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  They Yeah, if they are running a smear campaign about you to you,
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  you don't have to defend yourself, especially if it's, if
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  it's the, if it's the same common insults.
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  There's nothing new about it. There's no authenticity, there's
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  no originality. It's just them just launching.
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  It's just them going on a, a toxic narcissistic tirade,
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  right? It's just them going on a tirade
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  and you're just like, man, this is getting old as hell.
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  I'm tired. I'm tired of dealing with this
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  toxicity. I'm tired of dealing with this
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  manipulative, toxic bastard. Somebody please save me.
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  Somebody please help me. And I definitely understand that
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  right there, y'all, I definitely understand the space that you're
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  in when you're trying to go through this, when you're trying
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  to heal through this, when you're trying to grow through
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  this. I definitely understand it.
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  I understand it now. Y'all know there's a trend on
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  TikTok. I understand it now, right?
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  This is the space that so many people have going on.
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  Like you don't have to defend yourself.
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  I know you want to. I know you want to.
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  You don't have to defend yourself to them.
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  You don't have to defend yourself to their family, to
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  their friends, to your family and friends who are not
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  questioning you based on some a lot of narcissists and saying
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  like, yeah, if they are your real friends, that you have to
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  defend yourself to your real friends.
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  They would know like I I know Lee Lee be lying his ass off.
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  Nobody believes him about you. You know that right?
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  Your friends, your real friends would say that instead of just I
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  don't know about you. Lee said you.
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  Lee said you growing, you growing that some mongo Rook
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  about in your closet and you be getting high and sniffing it.
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  You go that manga root. There's some I don't know the
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  hell manga root is. Y'all just popped in my head.
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  They just make stuff up. You don't have to defend
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  yourself. I know you want to y'all.
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  You'll waste a lot of energy trying to defend yourself
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  against a narcissist accusations.
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  And the only person that benefits from that in the end is
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  them because you're defending yourself against a lie.
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  Look what I thought. I think Shannon Sharpe said
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  this, but I know he he didn't create it, but he, he he didn't
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  make it up, But he, he, he he introduced me to it.
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  It says a lie. Don't care who tell it.
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  You know what I mean? They said a lie.
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  Don't care who tell it. You know what I mean?
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  So it just like they don't care who like, yeah, they just be
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  telling lies to get reactions out of people.
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  You know, they've been telling lies just Narcissists are chaos
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  agents, agents of chaos. They like creating this, these
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  chaotic environments because they thrive in the chaos that
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  they create. They create these chaotic
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  environments because they feel like they can thrive in them,
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  because they feel like they can do this and do that.
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  You know this is the space that narcissistic people fall into,
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  right? This is the dynamic there's so
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  many people face when you're dealing with an abusive, in an
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  abusive, toxic ass relationship, narcissist or not.
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  Like, you don't have to defend yourself.
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  I know you want to. Yeah, I know you want to.
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  You know, your toxic ex pops up at your job and starts heroin
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  accusations that you about. You did this, you did that.
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  Yeah. You don't have to defend
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  yourself. Tell them to get the hell out of
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  there. Get the hell out of here.
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  Like, OK, Believe what you want to believe.
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  Hit it. Look, you got to hit them with
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  one of their lines. Think what you want to think.
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  Believe what you want to believe.
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  You got to flip the table off. You got to flip the script on
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  the right there with that word. OK, You, you OK?
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  Believe what you want to believe.
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  That's what you think. Oh, so I'm sorry you feel that
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  way. I'm sorry you think that way.
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  You got to hit it with their lines sometimes.
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  Yeah. To get them to leave you alone,
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  you have to hit them with their own lines.
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  Believe what you want to believe.
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  Think what you want to think. Tell everybody what you want to
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  tell them. Everybody.
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  This is one thing right here, y'all.
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  I ain't gonna hold y'all too much longer.
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  You have to be OK with being the villain in their story.
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  You're the bad guy, baby. You just are.
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  You're the bad guy. Welcome to the bad guy, Hood.
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  Welcome to the bad guys club. You're the villain in this
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  narcissistic, abusive line chaos creating bastard story.
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  Everything that everything that they, they've done nothing
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  wrong. Everything they've done is
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  right. They've tried to love you.
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  You they cheated on, they cheated on.
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  You didn't forgive them, blah blah blah blah.
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  Boo, Boo, Boo, BB. We all understand it.
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  We all get it, don't we? This is the space that so many
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  of us fall into, the dynamic that so many of us go through.
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  You can heal, you can grow through it.
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  You just have to get like, yeah, it's it's like that.
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  No, I tell people no reactions is a superpower.
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  It's like building up that muscle.
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  It's like doing some curls and bicep curls or something like
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  that. No reaction is a superpower that
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  you have to develop. If you're trying to heal from a
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  narcissist or a toxic person, it's just one of those things
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  y'all, you really, really do. You have to heal, you have to
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  grow, you know what I'm saying? Les Brown says.
• 10:45
  If are, are you going through it or are you growing through it on
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  this channel, We're growing through it.
• 10:53
  Live what we learn. It might be too late for
• 10:55
  somebody you already defended yourself, but just work on the
• 10:57
  y'all. Ask yourself if this is worth
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  defending yourself over. You mean Anyway y'all made it
• 11:01
  this far hit that subscribe button.
• 11:03
  They say tick tock is going away.
• 11:04
  So if you only follow me on TikTok and you don't follow me
• 11:06
  here, make sure hit that subscribe button so you don't
• 11:08
  miss any videos or anything like that.
• 11:10
  Instagram tick tock face. I mean face Instagram, Facebook,
• 11:13
  YouTube, whatever, follow me everywhere y'all I'm out.
• 11:16
  Peace What's going on beautiful folks.
• 11:18
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 11:20
  I truly appreciate it. You have no idea.
• 11:22
  If you haven't already hit that subscribe button.
• 11:25
  You made it this far, you might as well subscribe.
• 11:28
  It really does help the channel y'all.
• 11:30
  Y'all helps me reach more people as well.
• 11:31
  Also, I have coaching my courses and my support group available
• 11:35
  at www.mentalillness.net. Thank you so much.
• 11:38
  Make sure you stick around, watch another video or two.
• 11:41
  I appreciate it, I'm out.