Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #860 Meet Lolly & Pops (Our Biggest Announcement Ever!)

Transcript

#860 Meet Lolly & Pops (Our Biggest Announcement Ever!) · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: The time poor parent who just wants answers.
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: Now, if you've been listening to the Happy Families podcast
• 0:13
  Speaker 3: for any length of time at all, you will know
• 0:16
  Speaker 3: that maybe we overshare a bit.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: We share our lives quite a lot. Would you say
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: that's fair?
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: Well, people meet us on the street, and they do
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: and we don't know them.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: They think we know.
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: Them because they know all about that.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Somebody who walked up to.
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  Speaker 3: Us just the other day and said, I so badly
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: want to tell you so many things about my life,
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: but I've realized you don't know me. But I feel
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: like I know so much about you because I listened
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: to the podcast and I want to ask you so
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: many questions.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: And it's actually, it's really delightful.
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: I mean, it's really wonderful to be able to share
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: so many warm experiences with people.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: I was standing next to somebody the other day and
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: we kind of got talking. I had no idea who
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: she was, and halfway through she collicked that I was
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: Kylie Coulson. And she looked at me and she said,
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: I've been listening to your voice the whole time, thinking
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: why do you sound so familiar I ever met.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: Isn't that funny? I love that. I usually just get
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: people saying I thought you'd be taller.
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  Speaker 3: Oh, anyway, we are going to share something from our
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  Speaker 3: lives that we think is worth sharing, and we're kind
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: of excited to tell you about it. It starts Saturday.
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: Just over a week ago, we received a call. It's
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: eight point thirty at night. Your phone starts ringing. But
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: it's not a regular phone call. This is an eight
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: thirty pm FaceTime call.
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  Speaker 2: It was our son in law, which is even weirderking
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  Speaker 2: for this call.
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  Speaker 1: Our son in law never uses face time to calls.
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  Speaker 2: He never used his face time. And I started crying
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  Speaker 2: before I even picked the phone up.
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  Speaker 3: And as soon as you started trying, I jumped on
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: the bed and hugged you and started crying as well.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: And we push connect and there was our brand new
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  Speaker 2: granddaughter with grandparents.
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  Speaker 3: Folks, this is the official announcement we're allowed to tell
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: everybody we have become grandpa.
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  Speaker 1: Actually we're not Grandpa and Grandma.
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  Speaker 3: Thanks to Karen Young from Hay Sigmund who gave us
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  Speaker 3: the idea we are lolly.
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  Speaker 2: And Pops, So we're lollipops.
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  Speaker 3: Well, you're Lolly and I pops. Let's not confuse that.
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  Speaker 3: So we just wanted to share that with you. We
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  Speaker 3: thought it was wonderfully exciting news and for everyone who
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: is I don't know, getting their day ready and heading
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: back to school today, if you've got children in Queensland
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: or if you're in Victoria, school holidays are over and
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: it's back into the grind, back into the routine. We
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: thought this might be a nice bit of news to
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: lift your spirits. I want to share something else about
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: what happened that night, so we facetimed and just it
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  Speaker 3: was so beautiful to have the call. But then we said,
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: can we come and visit please, And they checked with
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: the midwives and the midwives said visiting ours are well
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: and truly over. And we said, oh, but we've got
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: we had some stuff to do the next day, and
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  Speaker 3: we just literally we were out of town.
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  Speaker 1: We couldn't we couldn't see the baby.
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  Speaker 3: And they explained it to the midwives and they said,
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  Speaker 3: maybe why don't you come in and we'll see if
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  Speaker 3: we can sneak you in.
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  Speaker 1: So we went into stealth monkey.
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  Speaker 3: We jumped into the car, we drove to the hospital
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  Speaker 3: park and then we went all top.
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  Speaker 2: How hard it is to navigate a hospital after ours.
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  Speaker 2: You can't get in all of the different doors. We
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  Speaker 2: had no idea where we're going. We've never been to
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  Speaker 2: this hospital before.
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  Speaker 1: It was all a bit tricky.
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  Speaker 3: Anyway, we got in there and we got to hold
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  Speaker 3: our brand new baby grand girl.
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  Speaker 1: We should we should mention her name? Is it okay
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  Speaker 1: to tell her name? Are we allowed to do that?
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  Speaker 1: Of course? Yeah?
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  Speaker 2: Indiana's Sky.
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  Speaker 1: So she's going to be Indie Indie Indiana Sky. Isn't
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  Speaker 1: that gorgeous?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah? I asked them. I asked them where the name
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: came from, and she I really liked Indy, but they
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  Speaker 2: didn't want that to be her whole name, and so
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  Speaker 2: they talked about Indigo, didn't like Indigo, and then they
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  Speaker 2: ended up with Indiana, and they really just they both
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: fell in love with it. But Jared has been sitting
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  Speaker 2: outside on the deck every day watching the beautiful coastal
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  Speaker 2: views of the beach and the sky, and Sky just
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  Speaker 2: kind of seemed like a really peaceful option to add
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  Speaker 2: to Indy.
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  Speaker 3: So Indiana Sky, Indiana Sky is the newest member of
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  Speaker 3: the family. But I just thought, isn't birth extraordinary? Isn't
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  Speaker 3: birth such a powerful experience, transcendent no words. You had
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  Speaker 3: a bit of a bit of a challenge around this
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  Speaker 3: because initially you were invited along. Our daughter said, Mum,
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  Speaker 3: I'd like you to be present in the birth. I'd
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  Speaker 3: like you to be like the second support person. I
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  Speaker 3: want my husband, I want Jared to be their number one,
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  Speaker 3: but I think i'd like you to be there.
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  Speaker 1: And then she changed her mind.
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  Speaker 2: So when she asked me way back, she was only
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  Speaker 2: about three or four months pregnant, and she said, Mom,
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  Speaker 2: I want you to be in there. I said, that's beautiful.
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  Speaker 2: I'm really excited to be there and I would love
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  Speaker 2: to be there, but I need you to understand that
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  Speaker 2: as you grow, and as your baby grows, things might change.
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  Speaker 2: You might have a different mindset around this. And I said,
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  Speaker 2: and when that time comes, I just needed to know
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: that you can come and tell me that you don't
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  Speaker 2: want me anymore.
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  Speaker 1: And so she did, and so she did.
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  Speaker 2: And it was a really hard conversation for me because
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  Speaker 2: up until she talked to me about going in, I
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  Speaker 2: would never have imagined or dreamed that I would be
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  Speaker 2: going in. But then there was this lifeline of yes,
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  Speaker 2: you can go in and I was so excited to
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  Speaker 2: be there for her and to have the experience, and
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: so nervous and anxious about watching her go through that process.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: There was just so many different emotions. But when I
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: finally was kind of told that I wasn't needed anymore,
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: that was really hard. It was really hard to sit
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: in that place of trying to work out what my
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  Speaker 2: role was then, because up until that point I kind
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: of had a clear view of what I was what
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  Speaker 2: I needed to do. My role was to support both
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  Speaker 2: of them and let Jared do the work. But to
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  Speaker 2: just be there to hold their hand, I guess, and
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: to be told that they didn't need my hand anymore
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  Speaker 2: was really hard. It was hard to take.
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  Speaker 3: So all day long, we knew that she was in labor,
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  Speaker 3: we knew that the contractions were kicking on, we knew
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  Speaker 3: that the baby was coming, and that.
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  Speaker 1: Was really, really really hard for you.
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  Speaker 3: But I said to you something that I think really
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  Speaker 3: matters here, and that was we had the experiences that
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: we had together, and those experiences as I supported you
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  Speaker 3: through six baby births, those experiences bound us together in
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  Speaker 3: ways that had someone else been present, we wouldn't have
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  Speaker 3: had the shared experience that made what we share in
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  Speaker 3: our relationship so special.
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  Speaker 1: And they needed to have this experience, and.
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  Speaker 2: I agreed with you wholeheart.
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  Speaker 1: Doesn't make it any easy, though, it was so hard.
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  Speaker 2: I've spent nine months with her ringing me every time
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  Speaker 2: there's a tiny little change or there's a little rash.
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  Speaker 3: I have to quote you here. I have to quote
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  Speaker 3: you because as you were explaining this to your sister,
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  Speaker 3: you said, she calls me to tell me about the
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  Speaker 3: color of her poop, and now I'm not in the
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  Speaker 3: labor room.
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  Speaker 1: No, it wasn't it.
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  Speaker 2: I'm not allowed in.
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  Speaker 1: There was zero communication why you wanted to know there's
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  Speaker 1: another contraction. There's another contractions there a part of what's happening.
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  Speaker 1: So it was so tricky.
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  Speaker 3: Now this brings up a really important conversation point, though,
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  Speaker 3: and that is being grandparents boundaries.
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  Speaker 1: What kind of grandparents are we going to be? How
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  Speaker 1: are we going to navigate this?
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  Speaker 3: I think this is relevant for everybody who's listening, because
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  Speaker 3: everyone's generally dealing with grandparents that are either too intrusive
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: or not there enough, or have In fact, I just
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  Speaker 3: remembered a story. Somebody very close to us was talking
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  Speaker 3: to me about what kind of grandparents were going to be,
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  Speaker 3: and he told me that this has happened in his family.
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  Speaker 3: So we've got our friend. We'll call him Ben, and
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  Speaker 3: he has a sister, we'll call her Kate. Okay, so
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  Speaker 3: Ben and Kate brother and sister, growing up together. They
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  Speaker 3: both get married, they both start their families. Kate, when
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  Speaker 3: she has her first baby, Mum is there and she says,
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  Speaker 3: I'm here. Whatever support you need, I'll give it to you.
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  Speaker 3: If you want to go back to work, I'll look
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  Speaker 3: after the kids full time. I'm here. I can't wait
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  Speaker 3: to be an involved grandma. And Kate says, amazing, fantastic,
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  Speaker 3: I'm so excited, thank you. But then when Ben has
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  Speaker 3: his first baby, mom says, well, I'm going to just
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  Speaker 3: stay out because a mom's duty is to her daughter.
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  Speaker 3: And so Ben, your wife has a mum and it's
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  Speaker 3: up to her how she supports you and your family.
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  Speaker 3: And I heard that and I was like, well that
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  Speaker 3: sounds I mean, I can't actually get the logic, but
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: I don't think I like the logic at all. And
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  Speaker 3: I asked him what the long term impact of that is.
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  Speaker 3: So he's got kids who are our adults and He
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: just said, they don't have a relationship with my mom.
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  Speaker 3: They don't have a relationship with their paternal grandmother because
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: she was always there for the cousins, but she was
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: never there for them. When he said that, I thought, that,
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  Speaker 3: to me is a cautionary tale.
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  Speaker 2: I can see the challenge that you have with in
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: law relationships, you know, and being the in law to
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: the daughter. Being an in law makes it tricky because
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: you don't want to step on her mum's toes. I
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  Speaker 2: can see that. But the mentality that it's her mum's
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: job and that you won't have anything to do, you
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: can see the outcomes. It was really damaging to the
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  Speaker 2: relationships that she could have had with her grandchildren. I
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: don't think that's going to be ours.
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  Speaker 1: I don't think so either, But we are going to
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: be hands on.
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  Speaker 3: I'm telling you, we've got all girls, so we're responsible
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: for them all. I can't wait to take this little
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: girl down to the beach and teach to surf and
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: to ride bikes to school or take them on holidays.
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: I'm so excited. I mean, I know we're still raising
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: our own. We've still got three who are very much
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: dependent on us. Our youngest three are what nine and
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: thirteen and sixteen. I'm teaching daughter and im before to
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: drive right now, but hands on, hands on, which I
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: guess brings up another question, and that is visiting rights.
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: Do you know when you're visiting too much? Like we
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: have really juggled and struggled with this over the last
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: week or so since the baby came into our world,
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: because we kind of want to live at our grandchild's house.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: Now it's the grandchild's house. Is that's right.
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: It's not our daughter and son in law's place, it's
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: our grandchild's place.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: I kind of I just want to live there. Do
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  Speaker 1: you know what I mean?
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  Speaker 2: Well, I've emptied my calendar. I've made myself completely and
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: utterly available. But from the time our daughter could speak,
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: we knew that we had this fiercely, fiercely independent kid
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: and she just is. She has just taken the role
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: of motherhood with both hands, and it was so beautiful.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: She sent me a message the first night they were
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: home from the hospital and baby and her were skinned
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: to skin and bed and she said, this is what
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: heaven must be like. Honestly, Is that now I know
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: why you just kept going back and doing it again
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: and again and again. This is perfection.
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: Does that mean we get to have another grand baby?
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: I can't Befulley, she's saying that already so good.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: Well it all went downhill from there because baby didn't
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: sleep all night.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: She's like, this is harder than I thought.
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: But I just I've watched these kids, and I think
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: part of that process of her wanting me in the
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: labor room to start with was she didn't know if
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: her husband had the capacity to be all she needed
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: him to be. And as the pregnancy continued, she watched
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: and she saw this guy who she's chosen to spend
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: her entire life with just magnify. He stopped up and
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: so I'm.
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: Going to take some credit for this. I took him
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: out for breakfast. I said, hey, ask me anything, ask
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: me anything. And he didn't know what to ask me.
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: And I said, okay, why don't you ask me what
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: I wish that I knew when I first became a
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: dad that I didn't know? And he said, oh, that's
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: a good question. What do you wish you knew? I
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: was like, let me tell you, and we I just
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: he has stepped up. I'm in jest. I'm taking credit
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: he has stepped up, and what a wonderful thing to
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: see and.
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: What that did for their relationship. I just loved, as
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: hard as it was to sit on the outside, when
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: we walked in that room and met our granddaughter for
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: the very first time, it was like these two kids,
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: because they're still so young, that these two kids had
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: just grown four inches taller, like they were just completely
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: and utterly united in a way they haven't experienced before.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: And it was so beautiful to watch.
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: But this is everyone's story if we're doing it right.
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: This is everyone's story, right. Anyone who's listening to this,
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: they've been through it. They've got their kids and they've
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: had that moment where they were in the delivery room.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: They're in the labor room, the birthing.
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: Suite, and hopefully hopefully dad or the second parent has
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: been absolutely there stepping up and just being that support person.
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: And mum as she used to live, this baby has
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: done the impossible. I mean, I just don't know how
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: mums do it. It brings back so much for me,
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: such a great experience to reflect on and talk about it.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: When I was talking to Jared's mum, she said, she said,
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: I am I'm absolutely blown away at how Jared did
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: what he did, she said, because for his entire life,
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: he sees a little bit of blood and he goes
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: weak at the knees. So she's like, I don't actually
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: know how he got through this, but you know, from
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: all of the retelling, there's just an acknowledgment that he
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: was Channell's rock the whole way through.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: And what it's about.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: I just love it.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: I love it as well. Hey, thank you so much
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: for listening today.
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: We are so grateful to be able to share this
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: part of our lives with you. We can't wait to
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: talk to you about all our grandparents' stories, but we
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: will continue with the regular parenting stuff because my goodness,
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: we are still doing that. Oh hey, this Friday, and
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: I'll do better tomorrow. We've got some more earth shattering
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: news to tell you. Like I think it's going to
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: rock well, it's rocking our worlds. It is absolutely blowing
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: us way. We can't we don't know how much it's rocking.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: Your world, but it's definitely rocking mind.
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: I'm just putting a big teas in, that's all. I'm
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: just saying big teas for Friday. For I'll be better tomorrow.
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: If there's one other episode that you listen to this weekend,
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: it's got to be that one.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: Oh, we've got so much fun tomorrow.
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: We're talking tomorrow about building hoping kids on Thursday book Club.
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: We haven't done that for a couple of months. We've
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: got so many books to tell you about. It's all happening.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much again for listening to the Happy
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: Families podcast, produced by Justin Roland from Bridge Media. Craig
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: Bruce is our executive producer.
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: If you'd like more info about how to make your
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: family happy and join us at happy families dot com
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: dot au