Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #198 I'll Do Better Tomorrow

Transcript

#198 I'll Do Better Tomorrow · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for.
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  Speaker 2: The time poor parent who just wants answers.
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  Speaker 3: Now, when we are intentional, we just get better results.
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  Speaker 2: We create moments, because moments aren't created on their own.
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  Speaker 2: And now here's the stars of our show, My Mum
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  Speaker 2: and Dad today.
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  Speaker 3: This is doctor Justin Colson, the author of six books
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  Speaker 3: about raising happy families. This much I can tell you
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  Speaker 3: you can write six books about happy families and still
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  Speaker 3: struggle to have a happy family.
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  Speaker 1: But I can also assure you that if you read.
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  Speaker 3: A book about having a happy family, you will so
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  Speaker 3: buy one because It'll make a difference for you, even
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  Speaker 3: if I'm struggling every now and again. And I'm here
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  Speaker 3: with the laughing wife in the background, My Wife Podcast,
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  Speaker 3: Partner Parenting, Partner, Missus, Happy Families, Kylie, Mum to our
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  Speaker 3: six daughters.
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  Speaker 2: Well, shout out to all the moms and dads who
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  Speaker 2: have now got a little bit more breathing space forever.
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  Speaker 1: It's back for everyone.
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  Speaker 2: We're all on the same page. We made it.
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  Speaker 3: We've talked to a lot of parents in the last
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  Speaker 3: week from right around the country who especially in the
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  Speaker 3: New South Wales and wa parents and act parents have
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  Speaker 3: been like, can.
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  Speaker 1: I please just hurry up? Please please please?
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  Speaker 3: You know it's not fair Queensland Victoria back, why can
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  Speaker 3: our kids not be back there as well? I know
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  Speaker 3: some parents love it when the children are at home,
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  Speaker 3: but overwhelmingly this year it seems like parents are like,
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  Speaker 3: I just needed the break, so glad they're back at school.
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  Speaker 3: So this is the episode. Every week, every Friday, we
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  Speaker 3: talk about how We'll do better tomorrow. The name of
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  Speaker 3: the episode is I'll do better tomorrow because we're looking
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  Speaker 3: for parenting insights, lessons, learnings, things that we can glean
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  Speaker 3: to make ourselves more effective as parents. And I kinlie,
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  Speaker 3: what what's your insight this week? How can we inspire
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  Speaker 3: and learn from our parenting experiences recently?
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  Speaker 2: You know, I love celebrations, and I make a really
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  Speaker 2: big deal in our house about Christmas and Anzac Day
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  Speaker 2: and Valentine's Day, Easter. They're all a really big deal
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  Speaker 2: in my house. But I have to convert Australia Day
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  Speaker 2: is just one that I have not jumped on the
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  Speaker 2: bandwagon with Australia.
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  Speaker 1: Mate.
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  Speaker 3: It's one of those days where we kind of just well,
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  Speaker 3: we're exhausted at the end of the holidays.
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  Speaker 2: It's usually just because I go back, so I use
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  Speaker 2: that day to kind of, you know, do all my
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  Speaker 2: final preparations. But this year, I really felt strongly that
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  Speaker 2: I needed to make it count.
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  Speaker 3: So your word for the year is intentions. So I'm
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  Speaker 3: not surprised to hear you so that. And we had
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  Speaker 3: a really great day.
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  Speaker 2: We did, We did, but it really, it really took
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  Speaker 2: a lot to be intentional in that moment. I was exhausted,
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  Speaker 2: and I really, if I'm completely honest, I just wanted
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  Speaker 2: to have a lazy day in bed with you, watch
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  Speaker 2: some Netflix, read some books, and not even you know,
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  Speaker 2: just register that there was five children in the house.
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  Speaker 1: Why did we not do that?
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  Speaker 3: Actually, you know what, I shouldn't say that because that
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  Speaker 3: undermines the great day that we had and the amazing
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  Speaker 3: work that you did that day. I know that we're
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  Speaker 3: sort of stretching way back when, but it was a
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  Speaker 3: really really it was a really great day. And like, yes,
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  Speaker 3: a conversation yesterday with Jessica Rowe who says, I'm a
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  Speaker 3: housewife and I'm not going to try too hard on
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  Speaker 3: some of these things you made, Pablo, that you made
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  Speaker 3: Anzac biscuits, you made weak, big slice.
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  Speaker 1: You made something else? What was it?
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  Speaker 3: Whatever it was, there was Slammington Lammington's.
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  Speaker 1: You made Lamington's. I mean it was incredible. We had
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  Speaker 1: some people over. So is that what you're going to
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  Speaker 1: talk about?
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  Speaker 3: How when we do this, life is better because we're intentionally,
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  Speaker 3: We've made the effort and it is worth the effort.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, it really is. I look at Australia Day this
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  Speaker 2: year and I just feel like I was able to
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  Speaker 2: connect my family with my family in really intentional ways.
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  Speaker 2: And Lamington's came about because Emily made them with me
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  Speaker 2: for the very first time when we were in isolation
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  Speaker 2: and had all the time in the world and has
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  Speaker 2: been begging ever since for us to give them a
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  Speaker 2: go again, and I haven't had the time. So I
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  Speaker 2: really enjoyed being able to spend that time with the kids.
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  Speaker 3: You're learning, that's that's the old do better tomorrow is
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  Speaker 3: when we are intentional, we just get better results.
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  Speaker 2: We create moments because moments aren't created on their own.
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  Speaker 3: Can I share a fun moment from our Australia Day?
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  Speaker 2: Sure thing.
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  Speaker 1: So we got up early, we went to the beach.
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  Speaker 3: The beach was packed by like eight o'clock when we
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  Speaker 3: got there, it was chockers.
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  Speaker 1: But on the way back I decided, I.
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  Speaker 3: Mean, if you've been listening to the podcast for any
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  Speaker 3: length of time, you know that I'm big on music
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  Speaker 3: and playing lots of music and helping my children to
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  Speaker 3: appreciate the music that I grew up with, you know,
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  Speaker 3: really really good stuff, and so I decided to just
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  Speaker 3: some music appreciation on the way home from the beach.
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  Speaker 3: It did, and I cranked up a whole lot of
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  Speaker 3: ossie pub rock hits.
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  Speaker 2: Guns and Roses did not well.
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  Speaker 3: They're not Australian, but we played a bit of Chisel,
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  Speaker 3: bit of Casan, bit of Hanness and Collectors all that
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  Speaker 3: sort of stuff, some Barnsey and then the kids were like,
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  Speaker 3: I'm sick of listen rule this pub rock stuff, and
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  Speaker 3: I said, well what about this? And I cranked up
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  Speaker 3: some John Williamson. That was so much fun.
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  Speaker 2: And we probably won't get a recording deal out of
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  Speaker 2: that one, but it was a.
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  Speaker 1: Lot of fun. So what a great I'll do about
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  Speaker 1: it tomorrow.
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  Speaker 3: Put in the effort and you get out of life
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  Speaker 3: what you put into it, and you really were we
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  Speaker 3: as a family put a lot in and that's not
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  Speaker 3: normally what happens on this day. But it was just
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  Speaker 3: so fulfilling, so much fun, and it.
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  Speaker 1: Worked out great.
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  Speaker 3: I've got a different kind of an insight to share
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  Speaker 3: about what I've picked up from parenting this past week,
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  Speaker 3: and maybe we can do that after the break. I
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  Speaker 3: just want to tease it by saying that it's really
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  Speaker 3: hard for me to share it and I.
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  Speaker 1: Completely blew it.
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  Speaker 3: But sometimes our biggest mistakes give us the best insights.
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  Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families Podcast.
• 6:01
  Speaker 4: Imagine a home where discipline got results without anyone having
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: to feel bad or in trouble. The do's and don'ts
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  Speaker 4: of discipline as a webinar to help parents set limits
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  Speaker 4: with love, compassion and humanity. Find it now at happyfamilies
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  Speaker 4: dot com, dot au slash shop.
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  Speaker 2: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time
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  Speaker 2: poor parent who just wants answers now, And we have
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  Speaker 2: been talking about the insights that we've had this week
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  Speaker 2: on our parenting journey. Justin you cheased us before the break?
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  Speaker 2: What is your insight?
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  Speaker 1: So I had this moment.
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  Speaker 3: I've made no secret of the fact that the last
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  Speaker 3: few weeks have been fairly challenging for me, just at
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  Speaker 3: a personal level, carrying a lot of stress, a lot
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  Speaker 3: of burden, way too much to do, not keeping up
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  Speaker 3: with it, doing insanely long hours. And that's just, you know,
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  Speaker 3: it's not a good recipe for a happy family when
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  Speaker 3: you carry that much stress and you don't get enough sleep,
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  Speaker 3: and you're not exercising, you're eating poorly, and you can't
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  Speaker 3: get all your work done and you're still doing fifteen
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  Speaker 3: hours a day and that kind of stuff. And I
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  Speaker 3: walked upstairs out of the office one evening and one
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  Speaker 3: of the kids had been sitting on the couch reading
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  Speaker 3: a book. She got up from the couch and went
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  Speaker 3: to do something, and when she went back to sit
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  Speaker 3: on the couch to read her book, about ninety seconds later,
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  Speaker 3: one of her other sisters had sat in the same
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  Speaker 3: seat that she was in, and she started to lose it.
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  Speaker 1: That's my seat.
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  Speaker 3: I was sitting there, I was reading, I was right there,
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  Speaker 3: and she started to get really really yon.
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  Speaker 2: Just to paint the picture here, we actually have four
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  Speaker 2: couches in that space.
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  Speaker 1: So we've got a.
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  Speaker 3: Really big living room, like it's a funny shaped room,
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  Speaker 3: and it's excessively large for a living room. And so
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  Speaker 3: we've got.
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  Speaker 2: Because it's so long, we have to split it into
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  Speaker 2: two spaces, which is why we have four couches, so
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  Speaker 2: that they.
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  Speaker 3: So there's like there's ten or twelve lounge seats, which
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  Speaker 3: means that you can comfortably probably sit with children, you know,
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  Speaker 3: eighteen or twenty people in that living room. It's insane,
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  Speaker 3: and there's all these seats everywhere. But she wanted that
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  Speaker 3: while and you're sitting in my seat.
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  Speaker 1: I was there.
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  Speaker 3: I don't know what happened, but something inside me just went,
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  Speaker 3: this is insane, Like this is not supposed to be
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  Speaker 3: how it is.
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  Speaker 1: And without channeling my.
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  Speaker 3: Inner mental mentor and thinking what would Wally do, and
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  Speaker 3: without stepping into any psychological distancing strategies and any of
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  Speaker 3: the things that I've talked till I'm blue in the
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  Speaker 3: face on this podcast about to help other parents do
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  Speaker 3: not lose their cool.
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  Speaker 1: I just snapped.
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  Speaker 3: I just you know, all the stuff that I teach
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  Speaker 3: people about not yelling it went out the window in
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  Speaker 3: that moment. And well the story gets a little bit worse.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, yep.
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  Speaker 3: So while I start to lose it, what I actually
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  Speaker 3: did was my brain kind of shut off and I
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  Speaker 3: just said, I said to this child.
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  Speaker 1: And I'm going to take the microphone away from my mouth.
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  Speaker 5: I'm like, there's twenty seats. Just take another seat, any seat.
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  Speaker 5: There's all of these seats. Why are you making such
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  Speaker 5: a big deal about that seat. It's not your seat.
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  Speaker 5: Sit in another seat.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, I was, it was.
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  Speaker 3: It was pretty full on. I wasn't there was no anger.
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  Speaker 3: Well no, it was angry, but it wasn't. It wasn't hostile.
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  Speaker 3: It was just frustration. It was sheer, this is so stupid.
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  Speaker 3: Just go and sit in another seat kind of thing.
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  Speaker 2: Like.
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  Speaker 1: It wasn't.
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  Speaker 3: I didn't call her any names. I wasn't horrible to
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  Speaker 3: her as a person. It was more like, I just.
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  Speaker 1: Can't believe the inanity of this.
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  Speaker 3: And then you've walked into the living room with your
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  Speaker 3: phone in your hand, and you were having a FaceTime
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  Speaker 3: call with somebody as I was doing it, and so
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  Speaker 3: they know.
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  Speaker 2: It wasn't a FaceTime call, which made it worse. It
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  Speaker 2: was a Marco Polo. So our video recorded and you.
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  Speaker 1: Can't delete Marco Polo's.
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  Speaker 3: So you're recording this thing and it's going to somebody,
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  Speaker 3: and they've heard the parenting expert, you know, the guy
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  Speaker 3: with the PhD in the Six Books and the guy
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  Speaker 3: who's up there saying happy families, Happy families, absolutely losing
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  Speaker 3: it because his daughter wouldn't sit in the right seat.
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  Speaker 3: So insight and learning from that. Sometimes there's a couple
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  Speaker 3: of things. First of all, sometimes it's really hard to
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: practice what you preach, you know, like we actually all
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  Speaker 3: we all make mistakes, we all blow it and and
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  Speaker 3: I did.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, I just got it so wrong. So that
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  Speaker 1: was insight number one.
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  Speaker 3: Insight number two, when you don't look after yourself as
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  Speaker 3: a parent, it's really.
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  Speaker 1: Hard to look after your kids. And I haven't been
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  Speaker 1: looking after me.
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  Speaker 3: Well I'm getting better again now because that was actually
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  Speaker 3: a big wake up call.
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  Speaker 1: I was like, I've got to actually get this right.
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  Speaker 3: The more time we spend staying up late, eating poorly,
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  Speaker 3: missing out on the stuff that we know nourishes us
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  Speaker 3: and keeps us well sustained, the less effective we're going
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  Speaker 3: to be with our children.
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  Speaker 1: And that was a huge reminder.
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  Speaker 3: And I think the third thing was that we really
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  Speaker 3: need to get some permanent markers and right on the
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  Speaker 3: couches so that everyone knows who's seat whose That was
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  Speaker 3: another lemo.
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  Speaker 2: I think if you let that child know that's much.
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: We will, Oh my goodness, all those seats, so, you know,
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: a bit of a confessional really, but also to highlight
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  Speaker 3: nobody's perfect I've never made any claims to parenting perfection.
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  Speaker 3: And every now and again, it doesn't happen often, but
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  Speaker 3: every now and again we all lose it, we all
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  Speaker 3: blow up. And that was my shameful but all too
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  Speaker 3: real moment. I think, more than anything, though, what it
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  Speaker 3: reminds me of is we've got to when we're feeling
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  Speaker 3: like that, we've just got to stop for two seconds
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  Speaker 3: and think to ourselves what matters most here, what's the
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  Speaker 3: most important thing. And what I probably could have done
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  Speaker 3: is redirected the other daughter and said, you know what,
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  Speaker 3: if she wants to sit there that much, it must
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  Speaker 3: be really important to her.
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  Speaker 1: Do uk where you.
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  Speaker 3: Sit, and then do the teaching later when everybody's calmed down,
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  Speaker 3: talk about those kinds of issues. So that's my I'll
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  Speaker 3: do better tomorrow, and clearly I've needed to do better tomorrow.
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  Speaker 2: Some great insights there.
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  Speaker 3: We hope that you've enjoyed the podcast, Thanks so much
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: for listening. If you do enjoy what we do, we
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: enjoy reading your ratings, and we love the five star reviews,
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: especially on Apple podcasts.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: If you can jump on there and leave one, we'd
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: be so grateful.
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  Speaker 3: And if you'd like more information about how to make
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: your family happier, please visit happyfamilies dot com dot au