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How Do Narcissists Experience LOVE? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So how do narcissists experience love?
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  LOVLUV for the disconnected ones, right?
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  How do they experience the Big L?
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  How? What goes on through their mind?
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  Can they even receive love? Do they even know what love is
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  like? What the hell is love to a
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  narcissist in the 1st place? That's what we're talking about
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  today, y'all. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist, here to give you the perspective and the mindset of a
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
• 0:29
  of The Narcissist Code. Welcome back, folks, welcome
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  back, welcome back. I'll be bouncing around to the
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  theme music. I get hype.
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  The theme music gets me hype. But yes, what goes on to the
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  mind of a narcissist or a toxic person, right?
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  When they are in love, do they, how do they experience love this
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  overall, in general, how does that go on?
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  What happens in these scenarios right here, How, why, when,
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  where, who, right? So narcissistic people, I do
• 1:14
  think that we can experience love, right?
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  And I know people wanted to say, Lee, you might be able to 'cause
• 1:21
  you being in therapy, but I've always thought that I could
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  experience love even before I was in therapy, right?
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  And mainly because most, I think this is how it goes, right here.
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  I could be wrong, of course, probably not wrong, but I could
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  be wrong. I think most narcissists
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  experience love in a way that's physical.
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  It's a physical thing for narcissists, right?
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  It's, I think love is physical. Love is physicality, yes.
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  Can we can we connect to people emotionally?
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  I think we can, right? I think a lot of us can.
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  Not every single Marxist, not every single narcissist can
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  connect to you emotionally. I don't think that's possible,
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  right? Not every single it's a
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  spectrum. The the ones further along the
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  spectrum when you kind of cross into, you know, maybe high
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  levels of psychopathy or sociopathy, you probably might
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  not be able to connect emotionally.
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  But I think physical stuff is how we experience it more the
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  physicality, right? This is why when you ask a
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  narcissist, typically when you ask a narcissist about love and
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  do they love someone, they'll say yes, right.
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  But then you ask them how they'll say I'm still here.
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  You say, do you love me? Yes, I love you.
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  What what are you talking about? Well, do you really love me?
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  I just, I just want to know it don't feel like you love me.
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  If I didn't love you, I wouldn't be here.
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  OK, OK. They feel like their physical
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  presence in the relationship is is equal to being loved, being
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  in love. They think because I'm
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  physically here with you, I'm physically present and available
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  to you right now, that that means that I am in love with
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  you. This is the mentality that a lot
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  of narcissistic people go through and face right here.
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  They think that because they're physically with you or
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  physically present around you, that this is love.
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  And we all know that that is absolutely not true.
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  We all know that that is absolutely not how it goes.
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  It's just, it's just not the truth, right?
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  It's just not how it works. Like they don't physically it's
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  more love is more than physical. The love is a verb, right?
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  Love is an action word. So, but you think about it, if
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  love is a verb, love is an action word.
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  Me being here is me physically being is me taking action to be
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  here, right? Me being me.
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  What we did in the bedroom last night, that was love.
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  We was, we was and we was actually.
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  It was action, wasn't it? That bedroom stuff?
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  That was action, wasn't it? Was it not?
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  Did you not love it? You said I love you during it,
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  and I said I love you too. So is that not love?
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  Giggity. Giggity is the quagmire, isn't
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  it? Giggity is hey move just like
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  that. Is that not love what we did
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  last night in that bedroom? Because if that ain't love, I
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  don't know what is. I love every part of you, you
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  know, you. You say you love that part of me
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  too. So was that not love?
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  You sound crazy, you know, but you see how crazy it is to you.
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  It's crazy. But for narcissists, it makes
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  sense because how we experience love is going to be different.
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  Yeah. We experience love through
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  actions. Now we think that you, now, we
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  know that you are, we are emotionally connected to you,
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  right? And we think that you're
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  emotionally connected to us. But for us, for you to show us
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  that you love us, there has to be action too.
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  This is why a lot of times it's always going to be bedroom stuff
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  or physical stuff, right? It's always going to be, give us
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  gifts. If you love us, give us gifts.
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  If you love us, give us some, give us some of that.
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  Give us some of that body. Give us some of that delicious
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  body, right? That's what they'll tell you,
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  right? You know, this is the space that
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  so many people fall into and whatnot, right?
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  This is what happens. So I say that to say this, if
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  you're dealing with an emotionally manipulative
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  narcissistic person, they absolutely are going to think
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  that they love you. They're going to think that they
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  know that, like they're going to think that they love you, they
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  care for you and stuff like that because of their physical
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  presence and doing it in the bedroom.
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  This is why when you try to leave or think about it right
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  here, when you leave them, they'll tell you you never love
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  me, didn't, did you? You never love me.
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  You must not love me because you left.
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  You took your physical a present.
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  You took your physical presence away.
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  Your emotional love for this person probably didn't turn off
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  right? But your physical presence
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  disappeared. Your feel.
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  You physically cut them off. You physically physically cut
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  off access. You know social media wise as
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  well, access has been denied. So they think that you don't
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  love them anymore. They try to make you feel like
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  you see how it all comes together, how they equate
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  physical presence and physical actions to love.
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  Not the emotional stuff, not the deep emotional bond that you
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  probably need to build in order to actually be in love with
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  someone. It's always something else along
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  those lines, right? It's always something else along
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  these lines in these spaces. So like when you're dealing with
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  an emotionally abusive, manipulative person, this is
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  kind of the thing that you fall into.
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  This is kind of the trap that so many people fall into, right?
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  We fall into this trap of dealing with narcissistic people
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  that drain. It can be draining to deal with
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  a manipulative, abusive person, y'all.
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  And I think y'all, I think most people understand how draining
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  it can be. So we narcissists experience
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  love on a physical spectrum, physical.
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  Like we know that you emote, we can feel that you're emotionally
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  connected to us, right? We just don't necessarily
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  connect to you on a deep, deep emotional level, which is why
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  because a lot of us don't understand it, a lot of us
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  narcissistic people, we are emotionally dysregulated.
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  Like you are our regulator, right?
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  You as our partner or whoever it is in our life, you or you
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  regulate us. So we use you to regulate us.
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  So This is why when you're dealing with manipulative,
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  abusive, narcissistic people, this is what this is what you're
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  going to face, right? This is who you're going to
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  face. This is part of it, y'all?
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  And I know I, I, I, I even hate to say that to a lot of people
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  because you, as you're growing and as you're healing and you're
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  trying to make sense of it all, you are deeply still connected
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  to this personal emotion, which makes it harder for you to
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  leave. They themselves try to think
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  like, look, even when they leave you, even when a narcissist
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  leaves you for someone else, they'll tell you that they still
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  love you because they're still coming around, right?
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  They might leave you and being in a full blown relationship or
• 8:02
  marriage with someone else, but still be coming back to you,
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  still try to give you their body or try to get your body from
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  you. This is what be happening.
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  They experience love on a physical spectrum.
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  It's physical. It's physical stuff.
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  And look, is that enough for some people?
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  Yeah, that might be enough for some of y'all.
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  Some of y'all enjoy the physical stuff, right?
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  Some people enjoy the food like, you know, 'cause some people
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  just like, well, I just, I just want something like give me
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  something. They, they not giving me
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  nothing, you know, Yo, they not giving me, they're not giving me
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  anything. They, they're not giving me
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  anything at all, but at least they give me their body.
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  But that's not enough. Like it's no, there's no
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  connect. I, I don't get into it, but I'm
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  not emotionally connected to the person.
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  But narcissistic people, they think as long as they're, as
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  long as we're physically, physically connected, we good,
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  We good, right? Good.
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  This is how they show you love. This is why the narcissist we
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  experience less because we experience love on the physical
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  spectrum. Guess what happens?
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  They give you gifts. They assume, like we assume that
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  everybody feels loved the same way we feel it.
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  So we give you gifts and things of that nature too.
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  Like we'll give you a gift to make up for lying to you.
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  We'll give you flowers to make up for cheating on you.
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  We'll give you a PlayStation 5 for for mistakenly getting
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  pregnant by somebody else. You know what I'm saying?
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  It's always physical. They'll try to sleep with you
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  when you're angry at them. Let me show you.
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  Let me show you how much I love you.
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  Take your clothes off. What?
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  Here's a diamond necklace, here's a watch.
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  Here's some earrings. Go get your nails and hair dead.
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  You see what I'm saying? It's always something physical.
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  They don't want to sit down and actually see this.
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  This is how you know it's physical.
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  This is why most nurses are therapy averse.
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  Therapy is the is a physical act of going to therapy, right?
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  They'll go to therapy physically, but they won't get
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  anything out of it emotionally because they're not trying to.
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  They they think physically. Again, they think physically.
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  Going to the physically, going to the therapy's office or going
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  to church automatically means that they're better or they've
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  done it. I showed you how much I love
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  you, didn't I? I went to therapy.
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  I went to therapy and I'm actually getting better.
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  And taking therapy seriously are two totally different things.
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  Those are two totally different things.
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  Anybody can go to a therapy's office, but will anybody get
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  better, right. Will anybody get better?
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  Anybody can step inside a therapist office and do this and
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  do that, do this, that in the third, but will anybody get
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  better? It's completely different
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  dynamic. That's something you have to
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  consider as well when you're dealing with this manipulative,
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  narcissistic person because they think it's physical.
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  They think going to physically going to the therapist office is
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  enough to win you back, is enough to get you back to them.
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  It's enough to win you over. It's enough to get you back in
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  their good graces. You said it goes right there.
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  You see how that works? It's crazy, isn't?
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  It's just like you got to think on a deeper level right there
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  with it and whatnot, y'all? Anyways, I got to hop off this
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  thing, y'all. This Saturday, April 5th, 2025,
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  we're going to be in St. Louis, MO for our next in person
• 11:07
  workshop. You can find more information at
• 11:10
  at mentalillness.net slash events or you go to
• 11:14
  mentalillness.net and just go to the events on the set on the
• 11:17
  side and get registered up for our St.
• 11:19
  Louis, MO in person workshop slash Q&A.
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  It's going to be an amazing experience.
• 11:25
  We have amazing experiences and then Durham, NC, Durham, NC, my
• 11:29
  hometown, my home state. We will be in Durham, NC April
• 11:33
  12th, 2025 for our in person workshop slash Q&A.
• 11:37
  Both of those are. You can register for both of
• 11:39
  those in the bio Mental Illness, My name, Mental
• 11:41
  illness.net/events and I will see y'all there.
• 11:45
  Peace. Before you go, make sure that
• 11:48
  you hit that subscribe button if you haven't already.
• 11:50
  Are you already here? Just hit the button.
• 11:52
  Also you can find my coaching, my courses, my one on ones.
• 11:55
  Everything is available at my website, mentalillness.net, kids
• 11:58
  book, self love journal. Also check out joining the
• 12:01
  channel memberships as well. Y'all thank you so much for
• 12:03
  being here. I'm super grateful I'm out.
• 12:05
  Peace.