Latest / The Curve / RTC70: Embracing your broken pieces and buying expensive shoes with Sarah Lindsay

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RTC70: Embracing your broken pieces and buying expensive shoes with Sarah Lindsay · The Curve

• 0:00
  Welcome to Raising the Curth, a podcast designed to teach you everything you need to know
• 0:05
  to be better with your money.
• 0:07
  And the wise words of Amy Schumer were slipping carrots into the brownie recipe.
• 0:11
  I don't really get the saying.
• 0:14
  It's kind of like eating vegetables that actually taste good.
• 0:17
  You know, I'm like, still not ready to eat.
• 0:19
  Are you on the script?
• 0:21
  It's basically like saying, investing in finance can be boring but it totally doesn't
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  eat a bit.
• 0:27
  Okay, okay.
• 0:29
  So we're making it fun by putting the carrot.
• 0:31
  Okay, the vegetables are good for you.
• 0:33
  It's the brownie recipe.
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  Okay, we got there.
• 0:35
  We got there.
• 0:36
  Okay.
• 0:37
  Okay, you've really got a finance mate.
• 0:39
  Yeah, one of us has to.
• 0:41
  This is true.
• 0:41
  Okay, come and learn alongside me from Vic Harris, ex-fun manager.
• 0:45
  Well, I'm going to ask all the questions that you wish you could.
• 0:48
  And I'm going to be eating all the brownie you wish you could.
• 0:51
  It's so not the joke, Vic.
• 0:54
  Okay, just come and talk and learn and laugh with us.
• 0:56
  Because together, we really can raise the curve.
• 1:01
  Okay, this is a real pleasure.
• 1:02
  We have our first founder in studio.
• 1:04
  Well, to be fair, maybe there's been some other founders in the studio before.
• 1:08
  Now, we have, this is a no particular order, by the way.
• 1:10
  So this is a bit of, you might feel embarrassed,
• 1:12
  but I just wanted to highlight some of your achievements,
• 1:16
  things about you just as a quick overview.
• 1:19
  So Sarah Lindsay is an incredible yoga teacher.
• 1:22
  One of my favorites.
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  She's a yoga student.
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  She's a business owner.
• 1:25
  She created Sala for anyone based in Auckland, New Zealand.
• 1:28
  You'll probably know what I'm talking about.
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  But it's one of New Zealand's best places for group fitness, yoga, bar, etc.
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  That's amazing.
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  Yeah, we love it.
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  Vic and I, yeah, all the time.
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  She is a wife.
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  She has a poet.
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  She's a mother, creative, and just all-round terrific human.
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  And we are both very inspired by her.
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  So we're very excited to have you in studio, Sarah.
• 1:49
  Oh, we get a round of a cross-cure.
• 1:51
  Okay, let's do that again.
• 1:53
  No, really, you are one of the most authentically open,
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  vulnerable, genuine people that I've met in a long time.
• 1:59
  I would love to kind of wind things back to the beginning,
• 2:03
  which may or may not feel like a very long time ago,
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  but I think for both Vic and I, something we've been
• 2:09
  slowly trying to unravel over time
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  is our deep rooted money beliefs,
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  particularly for me, because my relationship with my finances
• 2:16
  has definitely not been the smoothest of sailing.
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  So yeah, I guess if you're going back to your childhood
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  and how you grow up, could you maybe paint a bit of a picture
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  of what that was like?
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  Because I think for a lot of people,
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  maybe they haven't spent the time looking at
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  that childhood relationship with parents,
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  with people older, with money,
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  and that's a consciously impacting the way
• 2:37
  that they relate with a lot of things in adult life.
• 2:41
  Hmm, absolutely.
• 2:42
  So I grew up on a cancel estate,
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  like a British cancel estate.
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  Not sure if you've spent much time on those.
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  They are not very pleasant.
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  But what actually is a cancel estate?
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  A cancel estate is like there's often like a whole kind of suburb
• 2:57
  that I just high rises of cancel flats and cancel houses.
• 3:01
  And so you're sort of put in like little,
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  I suppose they become like ghettos in a way,
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  because you're sort of just put with other low economic people
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  and you're often all on benefits.
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  So I grew up with my solo mom.
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  My mom's got quite severe mental health issues.
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  She's got autism, bipolar, and a personality disorder.
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  What was the last one, Trey?
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  A personality disorder.
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  And so I grew up with her on my own in a cancel house.
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  Did she have that through her whole life?
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  Yeah, she was a diagnosed until she was in our 50s, actually.
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  And she was only diagnosed because my younger brother was getting diagnosed
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  and they were like, well, who's helping you with your personality disorder?
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  But you know, she didn't need the diagnosis as a child.
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  Like we could tell from a very young age,
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  just I always remember knowing something's a bit off here.
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  Like, you know, and obviously that then affected my whole experience growing up
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  because the children's parents wouldn't want them to come to my house
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  because of my mom's behavior.
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  She's very volatile, so you can flip between extremes.
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  She's like, can be quite violent, quite aggressive.
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  It was always aware.
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  And actually, that's why I'm a big, big believer
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  in the importance of diagnosis.
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  Not because it takes anything away or changes the situation,
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  but it gives you permission to lean into the edges of what that experience is.
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  So, you know, there's only so much medication can do.
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  But now, as an adult, I have a lot more compassion.
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  You know, when I reflect on those situations,
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  it wasn't just that my mother hated me as a child or hated being a mother.
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  It's like, well, she just didn't have the tools necessary as someone
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  with those sort of mental health issues.
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  And I think that it has really been pivotal in sort of anchoring me
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  to the sort of path, the sort of mom that I am, particularly,
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  the sort of teacher that I am, the way that I run business,
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  the sort of partner that I am.
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  I do believe that I'm a deeply compassionate person.
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  Like, I'm always thinking about everyone else in every situation
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  and is this for the great a good, you know, one of my main phrases
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  that I live my life by is, you know,
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  when you've got enough, build a bigger table, not a higher wall.
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  And so, that's something I believe I do, I'm aligned with,
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  and I live my life by in an authentic way.
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  Like, that's not just lip service.
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  But that will be rooted deeply to experiencing my mom's health issues
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  and being an outsider and knowing what it feels like to grow up as an outsider.
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  In terms of many, we were living on benefits
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  which gives you the bare minimum.
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  So we had like, yeah, I mean, actually one of my saddest,
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  one of my saddest realizations, I was actually on a teacher training.
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  I would have been like in my early 20s.
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  I had a lot of resentment in my later teens and early 20s about growing up.
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  And you know, there was a lot of anger.
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  I was very rebellious as a person,
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  which I've managed to channel into passion.
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  We have redefined this.
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  Passion and partying.
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  I'm crazy, but the fungi.
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  But I remember having this realisation,
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  so I had this like childhood memory that had obviously been a cool memory
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  that we would never eat together.
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  I would eat and she would be in a different room.
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  And so now it's defining the way that I experience tenderness.
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  Me, Josh and I feel like a hefty at table.
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  Even when I'm friends, we're never, I do not let anyone sit in separate rooms
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  on the sofa, anything on your lap.
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  Even a snack, we're in the kitchen.
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  And so that is just like a cool memory of never having that as a child.
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  And in my mind, defining family and love and tenderness as being together.
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  And it wasn't until I was on the teacher training and I was deep in reflection.
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  And I realised it was because there wasn't enough food and she was just
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  eating my leftovers.
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  And I just had this heart-dropping moment of,
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  oh my god, what an awful experience for my mom.
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  And I just didn't know.
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  I just was not aware.
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  And it wasn't for me to be aware.
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  I was a child.
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  But that realisation has helped me with a lot of forgiveness for my mother.
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  And what an awful life she's had and very unfair.
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  Having experience not knowing what it would be like to not have the fundamentals of food,
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  of shelter, of power, electricity, of just really small affectionate nods from a parent,
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  whether it be sitting with you for a meal or that kind of thing I can't even imagine.
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  And it's quite incredible to see how you've used that,
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  upbringing to create a better world for your daughter,
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  for the people who come to your studio,
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  the relationship that you have and all of your friends I think.
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  It would be very easy to become a victim of a circumstance, you know?
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  So I mean that I think in itself is just incredibly empowering to hear how far you've come
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  from really just realising that's not the kind of life that you want to live as an adult.
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  Absolutely.
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  And I think that I will say that I did at one point come from a mentality
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  of being a victim and being very hard done by.
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  And fear enough.
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  I mean I would bet the thing.
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  I mean I feel like I probably would be done the same.
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  Yeah, but I think that you know there was honestly a pivotal time in my mind where I realised that
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  you know the past wasn't holding me back anymore, it was just me.
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  It's like okay I need to make a decision now.
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  Like if I want to move forward I just need to like draw a line in the sand.
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  And like those tethers still sometimes show themselves.
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  Like those shadows are still with you and it's always just every time I face a new one it's like
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  oh it's also just giving yourself permission to be human.
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  Like you know I think we've often even when we say oh we've drawn a line or we've created a boundary
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  it's almost a shame or guilt and you're pushing and repressing that back and I'm moving forwards
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  and I've changed.
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  But also to change isn't just like a contrast of then and now.
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  It's how do I use that experience to amplify or be a catalyst to integrate these layers
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  because all of the fractions of main deserves space to be loved and to be held.
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  And you know just to experience yourself in the full spectrum of being human.
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  Like we fuck up all the time.
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  We make mistakes.
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  We're toxic.
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  We do toxic things.
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  People hurt us.
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  We hurt others.
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  We hurt ourselves.
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  And it's like okay well there's no like good and bad black and white.
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  It's just like here's the fractions of me and how do I create the container to hold them
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  all with compassion and to give them all permission to feel seen.
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  And so when you were in that situation growing up at what point did you decide okay it's time
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  to leave I've I've had enough here.
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  I'm going to do my best to sort of step out on my own.
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  Wow um I was a little bit of a naughty child and I was always getting myself
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  out of the syrup.
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  I did naughty situations.
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  From a very young age you know I remember as young as I remember like being
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  hold up like stealing books from the library because obviously I would like
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  you know everything had to be a bit naughty.
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  Do you think that came from a place of necessity though when you say did naughty things or
• 10:26
  spoil us or did that?
• 10:27
  You know what so it's funny you say that because actually I'm also a part of my personality
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  is like a really goody two shoes.
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  Like I won't cross the road if it's on rare like you know on the run color I you know there's so
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  I've like got a really good strain in me and also I mean I'm very lucky through different
• 10:45
  situations I was strangely you know abled at school and academic ended up you know doing okay
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  with the very limited experience I had I barely went to school.
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  I was always like off smoking cigarettes and cars with boys and drinking.
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  But even though even when you're stealing you're stealing books.
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  You know it's like I was expecting to be like stealing alcohol jewellery.
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  You know like you're stealing books like I'm like okay I'm like that's probably like
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  give the book a little speed.
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  But it looks like definitely an escapism and I think like through that I just desperately
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  wanting to escape and it wasn't necessity it was you know how do I survive within this
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  really limited container because within that as well not only where I'm not having my meat
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  needs met at home just in terms of safety or you know materialism but I wasn't in a town with
• 11:34
  light-minded people like no one was like you know confining in like having light-minded thoughts
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  and so I felt very alienated like am I just weird what's wrong with me.
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  Because then you weren't happy and you didn't like the situation but you were now
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  seemed to be kind of fine with that.
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  Everyone was fine and everyone like genuinely was like yep that's fine I'm just going to have
• 11:53
  a kid at 16 and have a cancel fly and just live in my house and be on the door and I suppose I
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  didn't have a contrast at that point I didn't know anyone that had a professional career or that
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  had been to university or anything so I had no no one to look forward to to like okay well that's
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  a possibility but I had these books and I was like well I could just get in a car one day and just
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  drive and be somewhere else and so I guess that's what I thought the dream was of expansion of
• 12:19
  growth was like I'm going to like go somewhere else. I can't even imagine going up where I didn't
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  know one professional at all. You know that in itself was just so hard to imagine but the fact
• 12:33
  that you had the you knew that there was something beyond what you were experiencing is incredible.
• 12:39
  And that's probably why there's such a cycle is that because people don't see what you can
• 12:43
  become or how to get out of a situation like that and yeah in fact that you did is like
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  incredible. I remember going to university and learning that there were jobs other than like a teacher,
• 12:53
  a policeman and like a homeless person. I was like wait I've got more options. Wow yeah.
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  What kind of experiences when you were younger do you remember specifically relating to
• 13:05
  the feelings of lack or not having enough? I definitely felt unconsciously but knowing
• 13:13
  that I was lacking in emotional support and community. Community is huge to me but I remember
• 13:20
  as a child like I'm really into writing poetry and I would try and perform at home to like my
• 13:25
  twigs spoken word and actually once my mom like freaked out about it and like just got really
• 13:31
  mad and so I just stopped probably about the age of eight. I remember.
• 13:35
  If anyone sent us here as yoga class by the way it was like a string of poetry throughout the
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  entire higher class. You guys are like my forced like audience. I'm like so
• 13:44
  normal listen to me. It's like we trapped here for an hour we have to listen to her.
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  I'm having a great time. She's like it's yoga but it's actually awesome poetry. Sit down you
• 13:56
  want to listen to me. And so I definitely you know and so I would read books and I would
• 14:03
  and listen to music music was a big thing to me I was always like trying to also like break into
• 14:08
  gigs and shows and to you know access music. Creativity was like definitely a cool value to me
• 14:16
  that I didn't realise and so I could feel that that was lacking but I didn't realise that in terms
• 14:21
  of many I was poor until I went to university. So I ran away from home at 15. I was three months
• 14:28
  pregnant. I was like I'm really getting in trouble. I'm going to have to climb over the bat fence
• 14:34
  I'm off. Did you actually climb over the bat fence? Yes I ran off and so I didn't speak to my
• 14:37
  mum again until I was 17. Did she know you were alive? Well she did when I called her out
• 14:42
  but she didn't really care. Oh my god. Where did you go? So I stole enough money to get on a train
• 14:50
  to Birmingham City so into Birmingham City. It's sort of a bit of a blur even when I talk about it.
• 14:56
  I suppose I was like kind of living squatting various different situations but I went into a
• 15:04
  job centre and was like hey I don't know like what to do but I'm sort of in a situation here
• 15:12
  and the woman's like oh my god like how old are you like what's happening and actually said that
• 15:16
  she sort of like helped me through the process of like getting a termination of. So she was not
• 15:22
  you know that was she went into a job centre just to be like can someone. I just was like I need a
• 15:27
  grownup I suppose like I don't know where to go or what to do and so at that time it's actually
• 15:32
  very sad it doesn't exist anymore but at the time there was a thing called income support
• 15:37
  where if you met the criteria which I did they would give you a certain allowance weekly
• 15:42
  and put you in a housing situation and so from I was turning 16 and they put me in a house
• 15:50
  I'm very blessed because it meant I wasn't homeless but in hindsight I'm like it was so hectic
• 15:56
  it was just a house where all random people that needed help lived in so there's like some 30 year old
• 16:01
  guy an ex addict there was me there was like some other random person I don't know a lot of
• 16:09
  stuff happening that has ace throw a lot of crazy pies and a bunny that was dyed pink and was
• 16:14
  free range I don't know it was a bit crazy but you had a house and you had a money that was coming
• 16:21
  from the government and so and the government and so basically at 16 I went to college so that was part
• 16:25
  the criteria and I would have to get like a form signed every day to say that I had been going
• 16:30
  that I was at my class and they would pay my rent in this house and give me money to live on
• 16:36
  and so at that point I felt quite rich because I was like a 16 year old receiving like the equivalent
• 16:41
  $8 a week and like you know it seemed like a lot and those years were a bit crazy because I attracted
• 16:48
  obviously other like lost kids and so we created our own all bit of chaos I suppose and actually
• 16:56
  I will say that I started to see even at that time at 16 I say these things in hindsight where
• 17:03
  now I've reflected and thought a lot of these things at the time are very unconscious but they were
• 17:08
  just like a feeling but I felt as though I was like more robust and stable than some of the other
• 17:17
  people around me you know I was like okay like I'm I don't know and I somehow became almost like
• 17:26
  and this happens still now if I'm in any situation my moniker always says like I'm main character
• 17:31
  energy I'm always at the orbit like I'll take care like okay I'm in control you're going to do
• 17:36
  this we're doing this I like become like did you become almost mother yeah sorry I'm almost like
• 17:41
  the mother and like I take care of everyone and you know I'm kind of like chaotic and doing my
• 17:45
  thing but at the same time I'm like you're rooted and I'm like this is what everyone's doing
• 17:49
  this is where we're going this is your job this is who you are how amazing that that's the role
• 17:54
  you stepped into when you really didn't have that modeled at all when you were doing that as a child
• 17:59
  I was the mother of my parents yeah you know like I was often like my mom would often be so
• 18:04
  high on medication like passed out and so for like days and I would be like feeding her and
• 18:09
  taking care of her and so I suppose that's just a natural role that I have always stepped into and
• 18:15
  it makes me feel better because it gives me a sense of control you know and so without knowing
• 18:20
  that will be something that I'm leaning into so okay well at least I know what everyone's doing
• 18:25
  and what everyone's you know where they are and so went through those two years at college I really
• 18:33
  don't remember that time I think that was probably a really chaotic time and then I made friends
• 18:40
  and became my best friend she stole my best friend she's at home Rebecca whose father she was at
• 18:45
  college tune her father had recently died and we were both sort of I guess trying to numb out
• 18:52
  with all the things that we were doing we were just trying to find a spark of happiness in the
• 19:00
  sad little orbit that felt like life well like is this life like no one asked my permission
• 19:05
  for this why am I here like in this you know the situation and so we spent a lot of time
• 19:13
  just doing a lot of drugs and I know obviously drugs like you know boo hoo naughty but like actually
• 19:20
  it was like my savior because it really gave me access to different parts of my mind the backdrop
• 19:27
  of my mind and I just really from a young age got really intimate and got to know myself and wow
• 19:33
  you know it's like actually drugs were a really important portal for me to connect the fractions
• 19:39
  of myself and to bring them all in and so drugs have been a really positive tool in my life
• 19:45
  definitely abused them but it was necessary for for the very limited tools that I had they were
• 19:52
  very necessary and so we spent a lot of drugged up late night just talking at dreams and that we
• 19:59
  wanted to live a different life and how are we going to make that happen that I don't think we
• 20:04
  would have had the confidence to admit or to understand as 16 17 18 year olds without that
• 20:11
  instrument of expansion so within that one of those conversations there's a university called
• 20:18
  Goldsmiths it's like a really liberal arts university it's really difficult to get into it and
• 20:23
  London and I was like I really want to go to Goldsmiths obviously I'd seen some artists that I like
• 20:30
  that went there I really wanted to go at this time were you still in the housing yeah and I was like
• 20:35
  that's just not going to happen for me because people like me don't get to go to places like that
• 20:41
  and I don't say that consciously but that's just how you feel yeah and I was like fuck it I'm just
• 20:46
  going to go under the train so when on the train to London went in and like the guy is like
• 20:52
  looks he's like well you just don't have the grades yet into this university and I just feel like
• 20:56
  I could do this and we just in conversation and he's just sort of asking me how I feel about
• 21:01
  different things some different quite like kind of I don't know inquiries and we're in conversation
• 21:06
  and he's like you know I'm just going to take a chance on you I think like you I think you can do
• 21:10
  this but you just like one person can change the whole trajectory of your life and that
• 21:16
  man just saw something in me that he's like I think that you've just had a battery but I think
• 21:21
  that you can do I think you've got the ability and the drive to do it but he was like but you're
• 21:28
  going to have to dig deep and let go of some of these other parts you know like you're just going
• 21:33
  to have to dig in how incredible how did you even fun there so I managed to get half scholarship
• 21:40
  ambassadors and then half student loan so I did mostly for some support so then yeah I was
• 21:46
  like goldsmiths that's amazing zero I know and goldsmiths was probably the one of the pivotal
• 21:54
  points of my whole life that I think back to a lot because a lot happened there it was a huge
• 22:00
  growth period for me in lots of ways a lot I did sociality and philosophy which is just oh of course
• 22:07
  you do and you know and I use that all the time so it's like the study of human behaviour which
• 22:13
  I'm just so deeply passionate about how incredible that you at such a young age fell into something
• 22:18
  that is so part of who you are because how many of us struggle at university to think about what
• 22:23
  on earth we're going to study the fact that you managed to land in the right sphere of learning
• 22:28
  and at the right places quite incredible it was amazing I was like learning about Marxism and
• 22:33
  as learning about feminism and all these amazing passionate people but that was the first time in
• 22:38
  my life that I realised how poor I was because there's a lot of middle class liberal like private
• 22:44
  schooled people there and that was very so I almost felt I experienced a lot of shame and I'm
• 22:52
  worthy in us because you know I hadn't even been like using a knife and fork properly growing up
• 22:57
  so I had to learn all these like rituals of like living of like you know this is how you hold like
• 23:04
  because we would do things and I'm like is that how you hold your knife and fork is that how you
• 23:07
  sit at a chair and it was always I was like oh well no like retraining quick on the go retrain retrain
• 23:13
  retrain fit in don't let anyone see don't let anyone know that's been so exhausting and so like
• 23:18
  there was like all these elements of masking projecting trying to survive still but in a very
• 23:26
  different way one of my I made a really good friend there Sally she was here at my wedding when
• 23:32
  I moved here so all these sort of different parts started to you realised what other people had
• 23:39
  that you didn't grow up with and so suddenly I was like wow I am really poor I didn't know any
• 23:44
  bruns I didn't know like it bruns all I wish I didn't know bruns you know well I didn't know
• 23:51
  anything like I just felt like suddenly I just didn't know I'd never like left the country I
• 23:56
  didn't know about like all these holidays people were talking about like like I remember someone
• 24:00
  laughing like never being on a plane like all of these things it's like oh okay I don't even have
• 24:06
  a passport so and so did you contact your mom at this point yes I'd go into it through my mom
• 24:12
  and we had a very fragmented relationship still she was you know so also during this time I'd
• 24:19
  started therapy with at university you get access to that that's amazing it's amazing so actually
• 24:25
  unfortunately since then I think a lot of things have changed EMAs no longer I think Inconsport
• 24:30
  is no longer a thing and paid for canceling at universities no longer a thing the barceries
• 24:36
  accepted so actually if I was now going through that I would just be home I would just be in a
• 24:41
  drug addict I would have been homeless in terms of your relationship with money and the way that
• 24:45
  that changed I mean I imagine there probably wasn't much of a relationship until you started
• 24:49
  getting money right because you would never have spent it before so at that point when you were
• 24:53
  all of a sudden given $80 a week you were probably like I don't really know what to do with this
• 24:58
  I was like this is a lot of money like I still think eight dollars a week is a lot of money
• 25:03
  if all of these things I would say in some ways because I grew up with so little I have got a
• 25:09
  really good sense still knows I mean Josh actually you know Josh is always like why you're so
• 25:13
  good with money Josh actually like is spends quite a lot more than me and you know what can
• 25:19
  accidentally waste money whereas I have it more of a sense of like what's the real importance of
• 25:26
  this how much do we need it but almost goes to the detriment of I don't feel like I deserve things
• 25:32
  and so actually only just now I'm waiting I think they arrive today I've got myself a really
• 25:37
  expensive pair of shoes and so the whole time everyone working with Sarah I've obviously been
• 25:42
  working really hard I'm currently you know I'm in the middle of a teach training which means
• 25:46
  on top of what I'm doing with Sarah and being a mom I work six weekends like four weekends
• 25:52
  teaching other people to be teachers it's like a lot of energy a lot of time you have to give a lot
• 25:57
  because you're holding space for other people's healing and so you're really creating a really
• 26:01
  strong field and it's very exhausting even just doing that without a full time job without a
• 26:06
  kid would be exhausting and so I don't haven't you know obviously don't really earn any money and
• 26:12
  so Josh was like look why don't you just buy yourself something like outrageous and it's taking me
• 26:18
  Josh Josh sounds like me Josh is the Josh in this relationship so you know what you deserve
• 26:25
  something outrageous and so it but it taught me ages because I was like really overthinking I was like
• 26:30
  what how much wear will I get from this how long would they last can I hand these down to a failure
• 26:34
  Josh is like you know don't ever think it just if you want it get it so I brought myself you know
• 26:38
  the TV my my jealous shoes oh my god nice I know so they come today I have no idea what you
• 26:43
  know but I meant you never know so I like I've got like the channel time oh I know the
• 26:48
  way yeah but I was like you know if I'm gonna spend this money I want people to like know like
• 26:53
  ew they did it us the highest thing with yeah the highest thing with them is finding socks to wear
• 26:59
  with the shoes oh no yeah what do you have a cut-off hole on the top do you do well or just we had
• 27:04
  no song that's kind of gross yeah I do like the commitment though yeah like I'm commit into these shoes
• 27:10
  so much I've cut holes in all of my socks bandage holes I feel like that's a celebration though in
• 27:16
  itself to be able to spend their amount of money on something kind of frivolous because well exactly
• 27:21
  and so but I it was actually through that that I realized actually the poor relationship I have
• 27:28
  with money is that I don't believe that I deserve to spend it so like I don't care Josh could
• 27:33
  like anything I'm not sort of tight in that way but to spend it on myself you don't think you're
• 27:40
  worthy of nice thing yeah I don't know I actually went through so then the days after I was texting
• 27:45
  Josh been like actually I'm gonna send them back I was like going into a spiral and Josh was like
• 27:49
  I just am not disinvested in the story it's like I'm way more than that like on a daily
• 27:59
  it's quite interesting that that doesn't feed onto your like relationship with Josh or into how
• 28:04
  you spend money for a failure but when it's yourself it's a completely different story but it's
• 28:08
  like what's the root feeling beneath this like what's the root of this and it's like not feeling like
• 28:13
  I deserve something yeah so it's still like I need to work with myself a steam and then when
• 28:18
  that happens then spending the money will come as a boy product of that because and so I think
• 28:23
  it's like it was an interesting trigger so I've been very triggered about spending this money it's
• 28:27
  like okay like actually so what's the real problem like I still don't feel good enough and then
• 28:33
  actually so I expanded that and I was like and realized I actually had a lot of I'm carrying a lot of
• 28:40
  trauma about moving to New Zealand and not feeling like I've quite found my flow here and actually
• 28:46
  it's triggering me I almost feel like some childhood memories I'm not feeling like I belong
• 28:51
  that I haven't really spoken about and but that doesn't mean they're not there and so actually now
• 28:57
  so now after this I've booked a therapy session I haven't seen a therapist for like five years
• 29:03
  and which I love like so if you was like you know we're filming this so you don't have to get
• 29:07
  dressed up you might feel better if you put makeup on so now my therapist is gonna think I've
• 29:10
  come dressed up like do you like me and my trauma how pretty am I though do you like me yeah I think
• 29:20
  um I think just the awareness around oh spending money brought up this emotion for me and therefore
• 29:26
  there's something that's not happy inside whether it be my heart my head my gut whatever it is
• 29:32
  but to then action you know what this is something I need to actually look at further is so great
• 29:37
  nothing happens in isolation yeah you know I also think there's a lot of people on the flip side of
• 29:42
  there as well that spend a lot of money to cover up a lot of trauma or you know to make themselves feel
• 29:47
  better because I look good and I'm in fancy clothes and I'm you know I want to feel nice but they
• 29:51
  don't actually and it's kind of not that whole money doesn't bring you happy experience that a lot
• 29:55
  even the teach training like I'm gonna do this training and I'm gonna feel spiritual I'm gonna
• 30:00
  buy have this relationship and I'm gonna feel full I'm gonna stuff this whole with all of the stuff
• 30:05
  that I can like a care bear like it's gonna but at some point bus up it's not rainbows it's like
• 30:12
  yeah I think that we live in a society that encourages to do that film the whole with something and
• 30:18
  it will heal but it will not and you always know deep down when you're you're fighting it or you're
• 30:26
  not yeah it's not a true reflection of how you feel or I've experienced that a lot in the wellness
• 30:31
  world like a lot of people use spirituality as a crutch but they're not really doing the walk
• 30:36
  they look like they're doing the walk and they're doing the right things to do the work but they're not
• 30:41
  they're not reflecting on their toxic shadows and you can't do the walk unless you look at yourself and
• 30:46
  say what am I doing that's toxic how am I fucking this up it's not always everyone else yeah it's
• 30:53
  sometimes it's me and first of all let's get those people out at the table like they all
• 30:58
  come out it's like Sarah who's like you know she's like rude people because she's actually a bit shy
• 31:03
  and there's this one and she's like shouts at just because actually she feels like he might leave her
• 31:08
  so she's just gonna treat him bad because I'll leave you fast and like they're all there so hey
• 31:12
  thanks for coming guys you guys are kind of fucking this up you guys how do I get rid of you so
• 31:18
  like how do I make you guys happy yeah so it's not even about making them go away it's like let's
• 31:22
  integrate you how do I make what do you want from me like how do I make you guys happy and
• 31:27
  he's like I just need him to tell me he really loves me like okay but I'll talk to him about that
• 31:31
  he's not very good with his feelings but I'll try my best you I love me I'm gonna fight all the
• 31:37
  little selfies to the table I have so many back scars I love meeting other people's shadows
• 31:44
  this one what's she gonna do shit I reckon I could write a book on my toes bar out the other day I
• 31:51
  ate two bags this is not that joke to full bags of chips and one sitting and I was like wow that
• 31:59
  was an emotional eating bench like my mouth is peeling off from so much so many so it's not good
• 32:07
  so we need to find out which sofa he came out to be on the reading sofa the emotional
• 32:11
  reading what is what does she need what does she need more chips more chips so fast forward when
• 32:21
  you came to New Zealand you found a love with Josh we've mentioned him a few times throughout
• 32:26
  this episode hi Josh where did you meet and and how has the relationship with him influenced
• 32:34
  you and I guess because we're talking about money your relationship with finances I'd be
• 32:38
  curious to know so Josh and I met on a dating app so I'd just broken up my really toxic
• 32:43
  experience no it was um happened and so it's where you cross paths with someone and so you can
• 32:49
  go hang out in an expensive neighbourhoods that was the joke you'd go hang out in expensive
• 32:52
  neighbourhoods because your crossing paths is like you know the bankers you're like oh yes please
• 32:58
  I actually got the train from East London they're like no no no no pavo artist for me thank you
• 33:03
  back on your train back to your bartender oh my gosh I'm gonna end Kensington and I cross paths
• 33:09
  them because his work was next to my ex-boyfriends work so I must have been like doing circles like
• 33:15
  stalking my ex-boyfriend and this new life comes along you're like no no I'm shooting this one please
• 33:20
  yeah and then actually so we matched and actually I was because I obviously wasn't really into it
• 33:25
  so I'd been in this toxic relationship my ex for years and finally we'd broken up for like the
• 33:30
  millions of time my friends were like you are going on a dating app you need to date someone else
• 33:33
  so I'm done with this it's good date match with yacht and I just kept standing him up so like
• 33:38
  just wouldn't turn up one time like he texted me he was like hi I'm at the cafe and I was like oh babe
• 33:43
  I'm at one rubble doing spin like I'm gonna make one ribble as I say I know I love one ribble
• 33:48
  spending too much money at one rubble it was one ribble the beast exercise and so I'm going
• 33:53
  and they've actually got one in Melbourne now I went in recent like and it's just as epic I guess
• 33:57
  really looked the place that I'm going to live in in London not sure when this episode's coming
• 34:01
  out but it's a fifth day minute walk from one ribble right living the dream yeah it was important
• 34:07
  it was it is important continue um and so anyway after like six or seven times this happening
• 34:12
  do you have to run on my Instagram just dig dig dig to like to see if I was like actually hard
• 34:17
  enough to chase this much it's like who's pretty hard what like is this what and then deep down
• 34:22
  and found that I did my first teacher training in 2013 in India with a girl called Andrea
• 34:27
  whose husband went to school Josh in darker bill as it means like hey I know your friend
• 34:32
  Andrea's husband I'm like well sweet what are you doing now let's meet four p.m. on a Tuesday
• 34:37
  went to the spurs door arms you're also like why are you so deep right I was just about to say
• 34:42
  quite bold from him to admit that he got to 2013 oh Josh I could tell some great stories
• 34:48
  Josh is a guy that when I was living with all my girlfriends at home and they'd be like he's
• 34:53
  ghost in me or I can't find this guy or I let this guy Josh but he's like oh I found his mom
• 35:02
  I found where he lives like oh my god he is the guy like so all my girlfriends were like can you
• 35:08
  like text Josh this name and like game to find it he's like we mean and my like according like
• 35:15
  lady whistle down like he just loves it oh that's not there that is Josh and so you've got to
• 35:22
  be careful what you say maybe scrap that he's going to be so bad he's so angry so lady
• 35:34
  oh and so we went on a date on a Tuesday we got so blackout rank I actually have a
• 35:40
  photo of it because we sent it to Andrea and like I've drank so much wine I've got like no
• 35:45
  trouble and I'm just like I'm not cute at all but I can't delete it because I'm like hey that was
• 35:50
  our first date um took him to my house I was so drunk apparently I just forgot he was there
• 35:56
  took off all my clothes brushed my hair and like passed out and then woke up and was like oh excuse me
• 36:03
  he's like trust me I did not do anything to you that you were not in a state and he's like leaves
• 36:11
  goes to work text me like honestly I have it out like he's like hey do you want to go for a walk
• 36:15
  and we went on like this 13 hour walk and our second date like did you walk to lean so
• 36:21
  we like walked towards Brighton like there's this big famous walk you can do I can't remember
• 36:25
  moments could like seven on a hangover a 13 hour walk yeah wow it was not the next date
• 36:31
  next date next date sorry I was a few days between um and anyway so yeah Josh and I start dating
• 36:37
  he had said to me on that fast date I don't usually date British girls because I really want to go
• 36:41
  home and so considering myself the yes girl that I am when he said can we go back I was like yeah
• 36:48
  why not she had probably googled fast New Zealand so you may skip what you say here
• 36:53
  yeah it is you see me playing and like this is fun this is quite great and he like we get here
• 37:05
  he takes me like straight to dog about I'm like is this where we live surely not
• 37:09
  terrible sorry beautiful beautiful place um yeah we came to Auckland and then very quick so I'm
• 37:18
  like hitting all the different studios community is hugely important to me like as I spoke about
• 37:24
  like very briefly but coming from somewhere that I always grew up you know without feeling like
• 37:30
  I was surrounding with like many people I've spent all of my adult years gravitating and holding
• 37:34
  like even I was joking to you guys earlier about when I'm drunk I'm like scanning the room for
• 37:38
  any other people I like fun that I can like bring in I'm like a bring in person I'm like someone
• 37:43
  that's always like hey do you know like like get him to say but you know like or do you know
• 37:48
  someone I'll connect you like I'm like a real connector person I want everyone sitting at a table
• 37:53
  you know make it as big as busy as possible the big table on other big walls the big tables like
• 37:58
  you love a big table in my life so I'm at the Salah studio you've just bought a big table I know
• 38:02
  it was very that was a big part of the New Zealand I love it and so I'm liking for my people
• 38:09
  and I'm not finding very easily my people you know all kind of you guys I'm sure can
• 38:13
  agree it is challenging to make friends as a new person and I was like what school do you go to
• 38:18
  I'm like oh yeah it's very New Zealand like yeah it's very small country kind of viruses yeah
• 38:26
  what school where did you grow up who do you know where do you don't know anyone that I know
• 38:31
  that's weird it's like no no that's quite normal in every other country yeah and so I really
• 38:36
  struggled and so very early on like a couple of months in we were you know thinking like okay if
• 38:42
  I'm gonna stay here and give this a good go as I've said that I am I need to make my community
• 38:48
  because this is not gonna work for me and so we sat down like okay what does that look like
• 38:53
  I'm gonna open a studio we had saved really hard when we were in London to it was gonna be to go
• 39:00
  traveling we'd been planning to go traveling around New Zealand to maybe eventually get a hat like
• 39:04
  towards us and so we'd been saving this man and we're like okay maybe we'll open a studio
• 39:09
  and then within a few days Joshua's cousin was like hi there's a space in the building that I'm
• 39:15
  and he invited us to go see his work so he was imponso me's in you know that big brick building
• 39:19
  that looks like a shortage building he's like hi there's a spare space in here and I was like I'm
• 39:24
  gonna get it I'm gonna do it like so so it is unravelled as things seem to do in my life like
• 39:30
  really and so did he spend the money that he was gonna spend traveling as well
• 39:34
  yeah so we've been working and saving and so we pulled that money that we were gonna spend on
• 39:41
  anything else into the first studio I opened the first studio with on a hundred and thirty thousand
• 39:46
  dollars which actually I think is amazing we did so much ourselves and I had to cut a lot of corners
• 39:52
  and we didn't have to do anything like PR or marketing or any extra things it was just like
• 39:57
  me and Josh that digging in like Josh doing all the website building the website doing all the
• 40:01
  background stuff me doing just all the like you know photography and creative stuff and everything
• 40:07
  like building the schedule building the schedule with people I didn't know with teachers I didn't
• 40:11
  know with a community I didn't know did you find it hard spending that money that you'd say for
• 40:16
  something else on opening the studio I think weirdly no because I'm a yes person I had said to
• 40:23
  yeah Josh yes I commit to coming here but not the detriment I've already lived my unhappy years
• 40:29
  I'm not gonna live an unhappy life you know my life is too short to be unhappy and so I am making
• 40:34
  this compromise for you but I need this studio and I didn't I don't consider it only just my
• 40:40
  it's our studio and I believed very early on that I was creating something with purpose and it
• 40:47
  not to sound too cheesy but I truly felt like for the first time I'd stepped into like a clear
• 40:52
  end I'd like this is my dynamic path like I think that this is what everything has been
• 40:56
  leading me towards and anyone that's never done a yoga teacher training or a yoga class
• 41:02
  Dharma is like your purpose it's like your life's work it's like the northern star I felt really as
• 41:07
  soon as I said the words that like I'm gonna open a studio even though that had not been a consideration
• 41:12
  before something cleared and it felt very precise of this is what I'm doing like there is no turning
• 41:19
  back this is everything and I can't believe you had the guts to do that based on everything
• 41:27
  that you've just shared I just couldn't have committed to spend that much money on something even
• 41:33
  if I felt that it was my one true passion like it is mind blowing to me that you were like yeah
• 41:40
  let's spend that hard work to money and open a studio I mean opening a yoga studio
• 41:44
  financially in itself is just a total aside is really hard oh I mean it was hard work
• 41:51
  if I didn't challenging to spend money on myself on things like getting even getting
• 41:56
  haircuts and I just recently I went to it's called Colleen because Josh made me so I was getting
• 42:01
  super cut haircuts you know because I don't really value what I look like I've always considered
• 42:06
  my biggest asset is like my ability to connect and I don't really I don't think I'm pretty I don't
• 42:12
  think I'm unpretty but I don't care you know Josh was sort of like Josh is amazing he's
• 42:16
  like the biggest cheerleader he's like treat yourself what and he's googling places I could get
• 42:20
  my haircuts like why don't you try this place and it's actually a very lovely experience I love
• 42:24
  it but I find it challenging to make those commitments because I guess I don't have value
• 42:30
  this so much but I do value this like my mind and my vision I still consider Sala as this
• 42:37
  psychology this philosophy that like is still unfolding and that people are looking for Sala like
• 42:45
  people that felt lost like me are looking for Sala and that that's their beacon that's their home
• 42:49
  and it's something important it's not just like a jacket you're going to put on and begin about
• 42:54
  it's like this is home I've got that vision and drive and that belief in Jarl in in Sala but Josh
• 43:01
  I think I should be going to believe in Josh but Josh at the beginning I now understand
• 43:06
  was doing it because he knew I needed something and I don't think he realized how difficult it was
• 43:12
  going to be and what a drain on our resources emotionally energetically financially and at some
• 43:18
  point I think he was like shit we've gone too deep and didn't want to vet people at that point
• 43:24
  and there was a pivotal point in our relationship where we were starting to no longer be on the
• 43:31
  same page and it was almost like I was pushing so hard to the vision that I was almost like mad
• 43:36
  I lost my mind so Sala was open less than a year when the pandemic happened like lockdown still
• 43:42
  paying rent when we're locked down you know we have a baby we're losing money like Sala was working
• 43:48
  on loss every month and they wouldn't give us a business loan we had to get a personal loan
• 43:54
  to like keep supporting the business that was like running at a loss Josh is like this is going
• 43:59
  too far like we need to stop and so you finally he'd got me around and if I was like fuck it then
• 44:05
  yeah maybe this is it the next day the line was like hate the least next door they're like going
• 44:10
  under do you want it I was like we would have a from street entrance and a reception like that's
• 44:16
  what I've always known we just need to grow can we dig in one last time he's like oh gosh he's like
• 44:23
  no so impressed that you had the confidence to do that I think there is very few people who would be
• 44:31
  looking at that situation and have the optimism to keep going I also think when there's a period
• 44:37
  of time in your life when you think like of almost giving up and then something like that happens
• 44:42
  it's kind of like this is my side it's a sign yeah and it pains me to say because during COVID so
• 44:48
  many businesses did go under and unfortunately that's why you were able to get the space but
• 44:53
  yeah I just feel like everything happens for a reason and it's kind of like your relationship
• 44:58
  I assume would have come out stronger if the business has come out stronger you know like all those
• 45:01
  things just yeah it's just seemed to happen for a reason absolutely and I think you know and just
• 45:08
  to make it clear why Josh was wanting to give up is because Josh has been paying for us to live
• 45:14
  and subsidise in Salah this whole time and so he's working at a corporate job and he has no space
• 45:21
  to dream of doing anything else because we need that that wage to make this dream come true and so
• 45:27
  it has been a lot on Josh I just want to make sure that I'm making clear like how much
• 45:33
  he has supported even in the times of I can't go any further because he has been like drained of
• 45:39
  every resource that he has and there was a tip points are like at the beginning of the year so
• 45:44
  this all happened about October the space between us became available I was like I think this is
• 45:52
  this is all on a thing this is like make or break it's you know innovate or die that's where we're
• 45:57
  at right now if we don't do this we measure us close to Salah so it was very stressful
• 46:04
  Did you make the decision together or were you like please trust me
• 46:08
  there was a definite element of please trust me and that that was dragged out for about four
• 46:13
  months of intense stress of finances so having to be like okay this bill's coming from the
• 46:20
  builder and mortgage is do you want x-day so we're going to have to not pay that hope that enough
• 46:25
  money comes from this to pay for that and like it was a chess board you were really trying to
• 46:29
  puzzle it's really stressful like you know at the same time like we're trying to take care of a child
• 46:34
  there was a different breaking point there was some serious talks about the future of our household
• 46:40
  in general like I'm not surprised by that I think they can I even openly talk about the fact that
• 46:46
  like we have to have distance from each other because we're friends we love each other we have a
• 46:51
  business together we can't also live together you know it's like to live together be in a relationship
• 46:56
  own a business have a child like all of those things together and meanwhile then on top of that
• 47:01
  have mortgage repayments the business isn't financially doing well to be able to maintain that
• 47:07
  relationship I can't I don't know how you did that I think within that sort of period is what
• 47:13
  really came through was how different me and Josh approach living and that was sort of where
• 47:20
  the most friction was coming from which now I think is going to create a new expansion where I
• 47:25
  about to move into something really beautiful but actually what had happened through that time
• 47:29
  that it seemed as though I was actually very frivolous with money in terms of the business
• 47:34
  because I was just so driven on the dream that I was like everything else can be absorbed
• 47:38
  this is where I'm going and either you need to come with me or get out and so was it self-sacrificing
• 47:44
  things like spending money on yourself or in him or anything in the personal realm to put everything
• 47:50
  back into the business yeah and I think that actually what was happening was that I had already
• 47:55
  experienced in multiple times in the past and all on that mentality like you've got to go
• 47:59
  warning but I think now dare I say it has really taken off things are starting to flow and Josh
• 48:05
  has now got he's come through the clearing and he's like oh my god actually we might be building
• 48:10
  something that I might be able to eventually my corporate job and we both work for so did you
• 48:14
  had to take out another loan for Sala for this new expansion so to do the expansion we had to take
• 48:19
  out a considerable loan how was it dealing with banks and everything was all for and
• 48:24
  and I cheats so awful because Josh we did all of that you know because it was him the money that
• 48:29
  is on the line and like that and so I'm sort of like just an extra in this whole thing like I'm
• 48:34
  just irrelevant and not helpful also disagree absolutely disagree but Josh has to do everything
• 48:43
  so he also was doing a lot of the fundamental stress for form-filling things
• 48:52
  like you deal with the lawyers you deal with all the conscience and without meaning because we were
• 48:56
  into so much stress it sort of was definitely building some resentment in our relationship even when
• 49:01
  we were in conversation we were not meeting each other because we were just only hearing through
• 49:07
  the backdrop of what we could hear our own experience was and what you want to get out of that
• 49:12
  conversation opposed to actually being receptive listener what we both just wanted was to be seen
• 49:17
  and actually I read this thing on Instagram and it was about love languages and about how you
• 49:23
  show someone love don't show them through your language show them through that show them the way
• 49:28
  they want to be loved so mine's quality time and he's is acts of service mine's physical touch
• 49:35
  just if wow what do you want a background yes that is what she's so good for you
• 49:46
  and actually that was a really useful thing to rig so it's like actually I'm just speaking to him
• 49:52
  from what I want and what I need to be seen and treating him the same way but actually what happens
• 49:58
  when we meet each other from the place that they need okay acts of service Josh can you give me
• 50:04
  one thing today that I can do that would help you and actually it was like a turning point in our
• 50:09
  relationship um you know because I was thinking I was helping by doing all the things I thought
• 50:12
  were helpful but actually he's like I just need you to do this now so I can do this other thing
• 50:18
  and I think it's also just the showing that you care enough that you're trying yes yeah meeting
• 50:24
  them halfway and enlisting to them and dressing them yeah definitely so I've got the coconut oil
• 50:29
  with me I mean in my romantic relationship well you've got to have to rethink that for the
• 50:36
  corporate relationships what would you say would be the biggest thing that's like starting
• 50:43
  Salah funding Salah paying contractors working with money in a business since has taught you
• 50:49
  how to run a business which sounds very like obvious but actually I went into it as just a you
• 50:55
  know a person I'm just an individual and I'm going into this experience and also just to throw
• 51:01
  out there I have no other experience other than teaching yoga so I left university I went to
• 51:07
  India to like you know go on a little Sanchara trip for myself did I teach training just because
• 51:11
  it was in India and I felt like that would be a fun thing to do came back my friend was like hey
• 51:15
  didn't you just do a teach training will you come teach our office yoga within a month I was a
• 51:20
  full-time teacher just like accidentally happened I didn't even mean to teach yoga you know I'm
• 51:25
  always threatening to do something else actually in Josh is like absolutely one non-paying job at
• 51:30
  a time thank you very much they'll be quite a good joke I'm kind of over the Salah stuff Josh
• 51:35
  sure if you like absolutely don't because actually I love Salah and I just feel like Salah's my
• 51:40
  definitely you know my drama but actually I feel like my true deep path is I really want to be a
• 51:45
  therapist I've always wanted to be a therapist I couldn't afford to do my masters which is why
• 51:50
  I went to India to fight like do a little trip but I'm always like that then I'm like you know
• 51:54
  maybe I'm going to go back to uni and like be a therapist just like I like you are so close
• 51:59
  so close to doing on the outer circle but I also think remembering that you know we have 30
• 52:07
  more years of our working career and this is just a little phase in southern sorry not to say
• 52:12
  the Salah's own face but very big stressful phase but what I mean is is we have so many opportunities to
• 52:18
  do different things and to grow I mean what's that stat like our parents used to do two or three
• 52:23
  sorry six two or three jobs and we now do 16 I think thinking about Salah is yes this is a
• 52:31
  chapter and this is something I love and I'm passionate about and you're changing people's
• 52:34
  lives like this morning going into that class like I had the worst sleep last night and I
• 52:38
  texted saying like I'm really going to try and pull my shit together for our recordings today
• 52:42
  but I went to a Salah class Tim Whiteley thank you for that class we love you and it was beautiful
• 52:49
  and I loved it and I left feeling like I'm going to be a better human in the world today and I
• 52:54
  really truly think that yoga changes lives so as much as it might feel sometimes really difficult
• 53:01
  coming back to that reason why it's not just what you're doing and what your skills are but what
• 53:06
  you're bringing to other people and I think that you know you can do that in many different ways
• 53:10
  and maybe eventually it will be well this is what I now believe I believe Salah and I've always seen
• 53:15
  it as an evolution even from the beginning I've almost sort of joked that Salah's not my
• 53:18
  unfolding art project and so Josh is like stop using all the crafts across put the glitter away
• 53:27
  but you know and I'm building a strong foundation of trust where people trust the unfolding
• 53:32
  we've got these you know classes we you know remember when I opened Salah as well
• 53:37
  classes were not to music mostly like it was quiet in that it was like you thought you'd
• 53:42
  introduced yourself you know but you know things have changed so much in the time that it's been
• 53:46
  open and I think Salah is really like steamed ahead and changed the category of yoga and wellness
• 53:52
  studios in Auckland but I believe that we are building people's trust to know that they can
• 53:59
  integrate all these layers so you know even I want to bring in talks I want to bring in more
• 54:04
  community events and then eventually you know like we've got like soreners and ice baths
• 54:08
  oh I can't I know why it's fun for the soreners you know why not a therapy room you know why not
• 54:14
  these other modalities why not it's like the same way you do a sauna is the same way you do your
• 54:18
  class is the same way that you go to therapy these are just fractions of our self that need healing
• 54:25
  and support and nourishment and this as well and so I do believe it will happen and we're just
• 54:30
  building the blocks of that modality that to exist and but I think that to go back all the way
• 54:37
  back to your question I've learned how to be a business person and some of those things are
• 54:43
  that thing that someone said to me clear communication is kindness that's something I've taken on
• 54:47
  and I live but live by but before I would almost be a little bit flaky because I was still coming from
• 54:54
  the mindset of a yoga teacher a soul practitioner and you know but unfortunately you want to be kind
• 55:01
  and compassionate to everyone but sometimes you've got to set these boundaries and it's not going
• 55:05
  to be suitable for everyone but like now you know now we've got things like we've got no show fees
• 55:11
  you pay $10 for not coming and it sucks it actually pains me to do it and I could would never
• 55:16
  have the confidence to do it when I'm fast open but what was happening as I got more busy there's
• 55:21
  too many wait lists there's so many wait lists you can't get into any classes they don't want to go
• 55:26
  it's not sustainable and so actually we have re kind of structured people's behavior patterns so
• 55:33
  they're only booking what they think they're accountable not only for themselves but their community
• 55:38
  and actually I have grown as a business owner to be like I've got to do what's best for my business
• 55:43
  and my community and not just each individual and it sucks you know like I hate doing that stuff but
• 55:50
  it's now four years deep I'm like no Silas gonna make it and no one's gonna stop me not you
• 55:56
  moaning about your $10 no like get on board or get out my way and you can't be everything to
• 56:02
  everyone as well you know exactly people are constantly you know you should do like physio as soon as
• 56:07
  you introduce that though people have a different idea of and Sila you're coming the I want the music
• 56:12
  loud we're moving we're in community we're having good time here about physio nothing sexy about
• 56:18
  physio sorry physios listen for like therapists is sexy yeah and then I'm touching you yeah
• 56:26
  circle that oil oh god I feel like I could sit and talk to you all day I mean there's so many
• 56:32
  things I'd love to ask you about what it's like balancing being a mom and a visitor
• 56:35
  sonar and all of those things but I just don't think we have time and I think you know this is
• 56:39
  probably gonna have to be a two point oh but as someone in the community and who very much gets
• 56:45
  a lot out of Sila thank you for creating such a beautiful space because there's not a lot of
• 56:50
  them in Auckland and I know that this just sounds like an Auckland centric episode but it's not and I
• 56:54
  think actually it's a really good reminder that when you have to pay $25 for your class or you have
• 56:59
  to pay $35 for whatever it is some kind of recognition for all of the hard work and love and
• 57:07
  business that goes on behind creating a space and a class that goes for you to enjoy because I
• 57:13
  think a lot of the time there's a mentality of like oh why is yoga so expensive oh why is and
• 57:19
  I get it because I am also don't have much money right now but I'm choosing to spend that money
• 57:24
  on things that bring better alignment and health for me personally and I think hearing you know
• 57:30
  just the struggles and the reality of running a business in that space and realizing how important
• 57:34
  it is for you to survive as a business I also think even with like your own hobbies that you
• 57:39
  prioritise you have to think even with the things that you buy and your hobbies you participate in
• 57:44
  like it's not just about you I think also in wellness there's this thing if it doesn't serve me
• 57:48
  let it go it's it's not about you it's about the whole it's about the totality it's about what is
• 57:53
  your unique contribution what is what you're offering and how do you improve the totality that
• 58:00
  longer table not that higher wall because if I honestly laid out everything that's all it pays for
• 58:05
  in each class not just like the teacher and the space the music licensing that you don't even
• 58:11
  like I'm having to pay just to play you know all these different costs like one of things
• 58:15
  there is and still so I do not get paid and it's so well like people come like look at
• 58:20
  salad it is surviving it is packed and I'm like really clear that I am very wealthy and abundant
• 58:27
  and rich in I am building my dream and not everyone gets to have a go at that in their life
• 58:32
  and I am very blessed and I think it all pay off and I think that you have to come back to the
• 58:37
  question me and you always have when we're trying to work towards something bigger how much is
• 58:42
  enough because I don't think enough people ask that I don't need a fancy car I can't drive
• 58:46
  by the way I don't need any car I got my legs okay I just have one more quick question how do you
• 58:55
  think your relationship has changed with money for the better and the way that you want to
• 59:00
  teach your child a failure to grow up in this world what is the exchange of your
• 59:06
  your labor say the word labor not just labor but your contribution everything that is
• 59:12
  informed everything that you offer out there's an exchange for that and you deserve
• 59:19
  to spend the money that you make and I think that I know that sounds obvious but I think
• 59:23
  particularly as women a lot of us especially our parents our mothers and their mothers would have
• 59:28
  been living on the husband's money a lot of them they wouldn't have even had access to their
• 59:32
  own individual money and so we're only a couple of generations deep into a new pathway of understanding
• 59:40
  and so I would like a failure to have a healthy relationship but she knows that she deserves nice
• 59:46
  things if she wants them and nice things don't always have to cost a lot and what I don't know
• 59:51
  she deserves things but to also understand higher contribution to the ecosystem and what you're
• 59:57
  putting in and where is it going and valuing it oh my goodness I think this is going to be the
• 1:00:04
  longest episode we've ever done like as in I don't want to cut anything out but I know that you
• 1:00:11
  mentioned earlier you don't often share those stories because you don't want it to be you know
• 1:00:15
  the label or the view that people see salad or you as a person or anything from so I guess I just
• 1:00:21
  wanted to say thank you for feeling comfortable to share it with us because I know there's a lot of
• 1:00:25
  people that would have taken so many things from all different parts of your journey so thank you
• 1:00:29
  for being so open and sharing yeah I agree thank you I need to start taking yoga
• 1:00:38
  well I think my pilates is my yoga but yeah well just movement movement is medicine yeah yoga is just
• 1:00:44
  the way that I meet that you know medicine but exactly you know and actually I often joke so I do
• 1:00:49
  like so many things I've done so much therapy I've I've practiced with I've done like you know
• 1:00:55
  lived in the archer center I've been to on this journey I do so much yoga the most sane
• 1:01:01
  stable person I've ever met is Joshua Preston who does nothing he like plays a game boy I'm like
• 1:01:08
  where are you getting your information from mate I think he's piggybacking off my healing
• 1:01:13
  he's just processing it a lot quicker than me oh gosh Josh is going to love this episode
• 1:01:18
  I love these from the star of the show thank you so much for listening to Raising the Curve
• 1:01:24
  these conversations are designed to teach you everything that you need to know to be
• 1:01:28
  better with your money from saving to investing to talking to your friends about your salaries
• 1:01:33
  and if you'd like to what you heard we would love it if you could hit subscribe button please
• 1:01:37
  or leave a review at our nice five seconds and it would really make our week our year our month
• 1:01:44
  okay lots a lot see you soon bye