Latest / You Didn't Ask For This / 87 | God's Mistake

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87 | God's Mistake · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Matt: So, eric, what was?
• 0:02
  Eric: your high school mascot.
• 0:03
  Eric: I'm so glad you asked, matthew.
• 0:05
  Eric: My high school mascot was the Glen Burnie gopher.
• 0:10
  Matt: Glen Burnie.
• 0:11
  Matt: You know what I think.
• 0:12
  Matt: We've talked about this before.
• 0:14
  Eric: Yes, natural prey to all other mascots.
• 0:19
  Matt: Natural prey?
• 0:20
  Matt: Sure yeah, and did he have a name?
• 0:22
  Eric: or he was just the, just the oh he might have had a name, but I think I I certainly, you know what I can remember we we did talk about this because you abducted him, yes, and you hung him out in front of the school.
• 0:36
  Eric: Yes, to be clear for new listeners, perhaps, part of my senior prank we stole the mascot suit and put it in a little rope swing and a sundress.
• 0:46
  Eric: Uh, just had swinging from the from the smokestack of my high school.
• 0:50
  Eric: Just to be clear that I did not do anything psychotic yeah, no, not at all problematic behavior whatsoever.
• 0:58
  Matt: Now I I think, now that I'm remembering this, we have talked about it, but this is our themed cold open for this episode, so we're committing to it.
• 1:07
  Eric: We've been carefully, carefully curated for this experience.
• 1:11
  Matt: And by that I mean we talked about it two minutes before hitting record.
• 1:14
  Matt: Correct, I had two An official mascot and a unofficial mascot.
• 1:21
  Eric: Oh, I love an unofficial mascot.
• 1:24
  Matt: Matthew, Please go on yeah, the official mascot was just a lion in a manheim township, blue streaks, that's.
• 1:32
  Matt: That was the name of our team.
• 1:34
  Matt: So wait, you weren't even the lions no no, we were the blue streaks.
• 1:39
  Eric: Dumb mascot, bad and to be clear the blue streaks is a cool name.
• 1:43
  Eric: A lion can be a cool mascot, but when your name is the blue streaks, your mascot is not a lion but the lion was just wearing a township uh jersey, like a football jersey.
• 1:54
  Matt: That was, yeah, it's dumb, it's dumb stupid I think he had a name, and it was probably fucking leo yeah, fuck, that's stupid, but we had an unofficial mascot that everybody really treated as if it was the real one.
• 2:07
  Eric: God, give it to me, mouth open, come on, it's like communion All right, thank Please stop.
• 2:16
  Matt: There was a tradition where the mantle of this mascot would be passed from a senior to a freshman who's becoming a sophomore.
• 2:26
  Matt: Oh, so that person would then be the mascot from sophomore year, junior year, senior year, at which point he would pass it to a freshman becoming a sophomore.
• 2:36
  Matt: Fucking, loving this.
• 2:38
  Matt: Okay, the mascot's name was Sir Streaks-A-Lot.
• 2:42
  Matt: Oh, what, sir Streaks-a-Lot?
• 2:44
  Matt: What Sir Streaks-a-Lot would do?
• 2:48
  Eric: Yeah, his outfit was as follows I do have concerns, but I hope you'll allay them.
• 2:53
  Eric: Go on A blue Speedo.
• 2:56
  Matt: Okay, blue body paint and shitty blue lightning bolts on his sneakers Like coming off the back like Apollo, Like Mercury of old.
• 3:17
  Eric: And what Sir Streak's a lot would do, you'll never guess.
• 3:18
  Eric: I can't Matt.
• 3:19
  Eric: What did Sir Streak's?
• 3:21
  Matt: a lot do.
• 3:21
  Matt: He would show up at football games and basketball games Not everyone, but a lot at unexpected intervals and just run across the field, just begin his routine running around and he'd get chased off.
• 3:41
  Matt: But then he'd just end up in the stands.
• 3:43
  Matt: And it was a friend of mine for a while, but I won't reveal his name right now.
• 3:47
  Matt: So, yeah, he'd just party in the stands and that was what the people, the student body, chose to represent us, as opposed to this stupid lie.
• 4:00
  Eric: Good, this was objectively the correct choice to make.
• 4:02
  Eric: Two quick questions.
• 4:03
  Eric: Question one was the school administration obligated to send someone after you, or were they in on it too?
• 4:14
  Matt: No, they didn't like Sir Scrooge.
• 4:15
  Matt: Oh, they didn't like it one bit.
• 4:16
  Matt: No, he wasn't recognized by the county, did they?
• 4:22
  Eric: ever, ever acknowledge his existence in any way no, there's never an official like so.
• 4:31
  Matt: Oh and sir streaks, a lot will be there.
• 4:32
  Eric: No, absolutely basically batman I.
• 4:36
  Matt: I was not.
• 4:37
  Matt: Sir streaks a lot, I wasn't nearly popular enough.
• 4:40
  Eric: Sorry, I would have meant to say is like if you were sir streaks a a lot, you were basically Batman.
• 4:44
  Matt: Basically yes, except everyone knew who you were and you didn't in any way wear a mask, that is incredible.
• 4:53
  Eric: I like to think that they had to chase after you the day of, but once you got back to school, they weren't calling you into the office.
• 5:06
  Matt: No, I don't think the guy who played Sir Streak's a lot.
• 5:07
  Matt: I don't think he ever really got in any serious.
• 5:08
  Eric: Maybe you know detentions here and there, but I'll be honest, he was getting detentions left and right for I mean, they got to be shown doing quote something about the issue, right like I, I, I love this, this ecology.
• 5:20
  Eric: No, no one would ever the blue street.
• 5:22
  Matt: I would, if I was sir streaks, a lot.
• 5:24
  Matt: Nothing would have happened to me because I uh, I think I've told this story before I usurped the morning announcements you have.
• 5:32
  Eric: I told this I know you did morning announcements yeah, I wasn't supposed to.
• 5:40
  Matt: I I okay, we were supposed to do a quick, cold open, but here's what happened.
• 5:44
  Matt: The president of the key club, or something like that is who is the designated person to do the announcements, right, uh-huh?
• 5:52
  Matt: And every now and then, somebody from a different club or whatever would come on to promote their club, say their little soundbite, leave, and it goes back to Liz, who would do the rest of the announcements.
• 6:04
  Matt: Yeah, I came on one day to do an announcement for something I do not know what, because it was in the middle of junior year.
• 6:13
  Matt: I came on to do my announcement and let me just say that the reception was so popular that I was asked to do another one for a club and I can't stress this enough that I was not a member.
• 6:31
  Matt: I became a freelance announcer, showing up for different clubs to do bits on the mic, and then, and then, eventually, eventually, the principals were just like hey, matt, you should just do the announcements with Liz.
• 6:53
  Matt: Oh, and she was so pissed about that.
• 7:00
  Eric: She had to be.
• 7:01
  Eric: She had to be so mad.
• 7:03
  Matt: And did I?
• 7:04
  Matt: Matthew Sheew shay?
• 7:05
  Matt: Oh you monster.
• 7:06
  Matt: Did I do anything to stop the situation?
• 7:10
  Matt: No, fuck.
• 7:12
  Matt: No, I doubled down, eric, I came up, you're like characters.
• 7:17
  Matt: I did bits left and right.
• 7:19
  Matt: Oh yeah, I did the Pledge of Allegiance with such gusto.
• 7:25
  Matt: Yeah that.
• 7:30
  Eric: I made it a talking point once again and, friends, I'm just going to say this right now If you were listening to this with or near an actor and they're also hearing these words, you'll note that they're just nodding grimly.
• 7:39
  Eric: Yes, because they know, they fucking know.
• 7:43
  Eric: Some of you might be thinking, wow's so hard.
• 7:45
  Eric: Oh, my god, how do you do that?
• 7:46
  Eric: But look to the actors in your life and know that they approve, god, do they approve of this cold blooded?
• 7:57
  Matt: murder.
• 7:58
  Matt: Listen, it's a cutthroat business.
• 8:01
  Matt: Yeah, there, okay, all right.
• 8:03
  Matt: Liz and nothing is given to you in this world, you gotta earn it.
• 8:07
  Matt: Yeah, and that's what I did, by coming on there and saying students and teachers, please rise for the pledge of allegiance.
• 8:23
  Matt: Anyway, it's the M madness episode.
• 8:26
  Matt: Let's go.
• 8:26
  Matt: Hello everybody, and welcome to you.
• 8:48
  Matt: Didn't ask for this, the podcast that answers life's least pressing questions.
• 8:53
  Matt: My name is matt shea, my name is eric poach and listen, eric, normally I ask you right now how you doing.
• 9:00
  Matt: Don't fuck it fuck we don't have time.
• 9:03
  Eric: Don't have time for it.
• 9:04
  Eric: Poach, get the fuck out of the way, let's go.
• 9:06
  Eric: I do not care about you.
• 9:08
  Eric: Thank you, I I don't normally, but I don't normally say it, yeah yeah, you don't, and I thought I was more ready for that than I was okay but listen, we gotta eric.
• 9:21
  Matt: Yeah, I need you to put your emotional breakdown once again on the back burner.
• 9:25
  Eric: Leave the money boots at the door.
• 9:26
  Eric: Leave the money boots at the door.
• 9:28
  Matt: We have got.
• 9:28
  Matt: I know a lot of times we start the episode by saying like, oh, we got a whole lot of show or something like that.
• 9:34
  Matt: But we really do Get a lot of, because we not only are going to go through our like a year in advance long talked about mascot madness bracket, but we are also going to end the show with the new segment that we have been teasing for a very long time.
• 9:56
  Matt: Yes, we'll talk about that segment when we get to it, I think.
• 10:00
  Eric: Yeah, We'll.
• 10:00
  Eric: We'll burn that cape when we get to it.
• 10:03
  Matt: So let's, without further ado, jump right in.
• 10:07
  Matt: It's March.
• 10:08
  Matt: It's madness, baby.
• 10:10
  Matt: This has nothing to do with basketball.
• 10:13
  Eric: No fuck.
• 10:14
  Matt: no, we have been asking you to give us your mascot ideas for this show.
• 10:20
  Matt: As Zach Deuce put it, is it so hard for all of you to give us our content for?
• 10:28
  Eric: right now we're doing a modicum of effort and that's, and that's, that's pushing the needle, that's, that's, uh, that's pushing the needle, something fierce, listen we are the talent, yeah, okay, we don't have time to be the producers too.
• 10:44
  Matt: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no from people.
• 10:49
  Matt: Oh, babies, you stepped up and we rounded it out with some other candidates that we put on at the end here in the 11th hour Because we needed brackets, because we needed to fill out the bracket just a touch.
• 11:14
  Matt: Now I did.
• 11:16
  Matt: Those who follow us on social media at Uden Ask Pod on the various places can.
• 11:21
  Matt: Oh, I was just going to say I was checking our last minute posts to see if we have any last minute candidates.
• 11:30
  Matt: We do technically have one from Chris Hatfield.
• 11:33
  Matt: It is after the deadline.
• 11:36
  Eric: Okay, hold on.
• 11:37
  Eric: Can we get a?
• 11:37
  Eric: Yeah, can we get a check?
• 11:38
  Eric: Can we get a check on that?
• 11:39
  Eric: Can they do that?
• 11:41
  Matt: I can add it.
• 11:42
  Matt: The bracket software will let me add it.
• 11:46
  Eric: Okay, can they do that?
• 11:46
  Eric: I can add it.
• 11:47
  Eric: The bracket software will let me add it, okay.
• 11:48
  Eric: So I think we add, while matt's doing that.
• 11:49
  Eric: I'm just going to remind everyone when we say march madness mascot, we're talking about determining what is going to be the mascot for the show you're listening to right now.
• 12:01
  Eric: This is right now going and matt.
• 12:04
  Eric: This is kind of a nice little touchstone reminder for the both of us that what the results of this?
• 12:10
  Eric: That will be the mascot of our show forever that is true.
• 12:19
  Matt: That is what we've been saying that this competition don't be wrong.
• 12:22
  Eric: They're all bangers but like I, just I, I just like to be you know up front about the stakes absolutely 100.
• 12:30
  Matt: So we have 26 candidates to become our mascot eric.
• 12:37
  Matt: They have been seeded from the first one that was given to us to the last one.
• 12:43
  Matt: Hell yeah Now, because we only have 26,.
• 12:47
  Matt: We have some sort of like.
• 12:48
  Matt: We have some buys.
• 12:51
  Matt: The early rounds got some buys.
• 12:54
  Eric: And you know, this bullshit happens every March, every March, every.
• 12:59
  Matt: March.
• 12:59
  Matt: Before we do that, we have to determine some of the lower, more recent submissions for what will go on to the first round proper, if you will.
• 13:11
  Matt: So.
• 13:14
  Eric: Eric, should we dive right in?
• 13:14
  Eric: I?
• 13:15
  Matt: think we need to dive right in Now.
• 13:17
  Matt: Our first matchup is UP versus the three questionnaires Right Now Yuppie for those who don't know is a real mascot.
• 13:32
  Matt: Yes, yes, for currently.
• 13:36
  Eric: Starting strong.
• 13:38
  Matt: Yuppie is currently the mascot of the Montreal Canadiens in the National Hockey League, but he was previously the mascot for the Montreal Expos.
• 13:51
  Matt: So he is a real mascot and therefore he cannot be used as our official mascot Do you disagree?
• 14:05
  Eric: No, I don't disagree, but paradoxically, I am going to say that the submitter 100% understands this show and the assignment.
• 14:16
  Matt: Yes, it was submitted to us by at.
• 14:18
  Matt: Bri grew on on on the good old fashioned Instagram there, and I should have said this at the top you can follow along on our Instagram.
• 14:30
  Matt: The link is actually going to be right in the show notes this time around, and I'm going to post this at the same time Actually, I'm going to post it the day before so everyone can see what will be involved in the bracket and what was given.
• 14:48
  Matt: So go to our Instagram at.
• 14:50
  Matt: You didn't ask pod.
• 14:51
  Matt: That's the letter U.
• 14:52
  Matt: You didn't ask pod, and check all these out right now.
• 14:55
  Matt: You can follow along if you so wish, not if you're driving, though.
• 14:59
  Eric: No.
• 14:59
  Matt: And, to be clear, these images that you're going to see, many have been submitted to us by the submitter with their candidate, but for the ones who didn't, I just popped in an AI suggestion and put the results here and mind you, babies disclaimer yes.
• 15:22
  Eric: And mind you, babies, disclaimer yes.
• 15:24
  Eric: We only use the AI as a visual tool for us within the episode so that we can visualize right.
• 15:33
  Eric: We can visualize using a lot of stolen art, absolutely.
• 15:49
  Matt: The look and vibe of a mascot if you stole a bunch of other people's art to make it absolutely and if our final mascot the one that wins, we are not going to use an ai.
• 15:53
  Eric: No, fuck, no.
• 15:53
  Eric: We're going to commission someone to make actual good fucking art.
• 15:56
  Eric: We're going to pay them because they're an artist.
• 15:58
  Eric: Are you fucking kidding me?
• 16:00
  Eric: Are?
• 16:01
  Matt: you kidding me right now, once again, do you expect us to do?
• 16:06
  Eric: the work.
• 16:07
  Eric: Fuck.
• 16:07
  Eric: No, I'm gonna give someone a bunch of fucking money to draw the shit out of whatever we pick, we're gonna negotiate with the.
• 16:15
  Matt: We're gonna give them fat stacks we're gonna give them fair compensation, which will begin with us.
• 16:24
  Matt: Yeah, we're gonna make it.
• 16:26
  Matt: First ask if they'll do it for free, and then we'll look always start with offering exposure yeah, then when they turn that down, they can be a guest tell them you have a lot of followers and you'll turn them.
• 16:42
  Eric: Threatened to dox them essentially, absolutely.
• 16:45
  Eric: And then if they threaten to call the police on you for threatening to dox them, that's when you offer them money, absolutely now then, yuppie, is a big old orange, a man person, yes uh, yes, appears to be a human man but has, like, bad face, bad face.
• 17:05
  Eric: The head looks as is the most human part of the mascot, but then like because he has the crop of of right of orange hair and big bushy beard, but then it just keeps going.
• 17:19
  Matt: It's as if they, when they were making gritty yes, if they said, ok, but he, he's still gotta look like a man shave just right, yeah, give him, give him the old her suit yeah, so anyway, he's up against the three questionnaires which was submitted to us from one of the many submissions from at zach deuce zaggy d just kind of shotgunned it.
• 17:43
  Eric: Gonna tell you all that right now.
• 17:45
  Matt: Yeah, he sure did, eric, I'm so glad that you put it that way.
• 17:48
  Matt: And he also went ahead and gave us some backstory.
• 17:53
  Matt: So the backstory on this one is in a realm where curiosity reigns supreme, meet the three questionnaires.
• 18:03
  Matt: Inquisitive, insightful and intrepid those are their names.
• 18:05
  Matt: These three embark to seek out answers to life's least pressing questions with wit, camaraderie and a dash of whimsy.
• 18:14
  Matt: Love it.
• 18:15
  Matt: They traverse the podcasting landscape with Matt and Eric, uncovering mysteries and unraveling the complexities of existence, one question at a time.
• 18:22
  Matt: And unraveling the complexities of existence, one question at a time.
• 18:24
  Matt: First of all, zach, I absolutely love and adore that you would put in a backstory.
• 18:32
  Matt: Love some deep lore, and so for that reason only, if not for copyright infringement, eric, I say the three questionnaires move on.
• 18:41
  Eric: Oh yeah, it's kind of a tough call with the three questionnaires versus an already existing copyrighted and protected mascot, but I'm going to have to go with the three questionnaires.
• 18:53
  Matt: Yeah, we did start off with a bit of a softball, if you will.
• 18:59
  Matt: Yeah, a little bit of softball.
• 19:01
  Matt: So our next one is a heavy hitter.
• 19:05
  Matt: The next one is Harry the Centaur, who made his appearance with us in the debut episode of Centaur and Panera, very near and dear to our heart.
• 19:17
  Matt: Oh yeah, he was submitted to us by many of you.
• 19:20
  Eric: Yes.
• 19:21
  Matt: Many of you did not hesitate to hit us with with harry the centaur remind me again who's he going up against he's going up against our last minute edition, or one of our last minute editions, uh adhd, that was from alexalee on instagram.
• 19:42
  Eric: alexalee on Instagram A Lexalee thank you so much.
• 19:45
  Matt: Lexi gave us several submissions and several today.
• 19:50
  Eric: Just.
• 19:51
  Matt: Right at the deadline we asked she answered.
• 19:54
  Matt: We asked, she answered.
• 19:56
  Matt: God bless you.
• 19:57
  Matt: Yes, the concept of ADHD, I think, does not trump Harry the Centaur, for me no, but God damn it.
• 20:08
  Eric: Harry is so powerful, he can defeat entire concepts.
• 20:11
  Matt: Yes, and I got to say we had a good old chuckle about ADHD.
• 20:16
  Eric: Oh, yeah, oh oh, oh golly.
• 20:20
  Matt: Now he came in so late or she came in so late ADHD that I, at this moment in time of recording, have not done the AI generator treatment.
• 20:30
  Matt: But I will by the time this comes out.
• 20:33
  Matt: So just enjoy whatever that looks like, because I don't know yet.
• 20:36
  Eric: Yeah, I'll do it.
• 20:38
  Eric: I'll definitely get to that.
• 20:39
  Eric: I'll commit to that now and I'll definitely do that You're going to.
• 20:46
  Matt: Oh, I see what you're doing.
• 20:47
  Matt: I have an executive dysfunction.
• 20:49
  Matt: I see what's happening.
• 20:51
  Matt: Yeah, very funny.
• 20:53
  Eric: Thank you very funny the emphasis on very made it worse oh absolutely very very.
• 21:03
  Matt: Now, eric, our next group also features a candidate given to us by at the deadline, a Lexa Lee Yep.
• 21:13
  Matt: But this is a big matchup.
• 21:16
  Matt: This is Titans.
• 21:18
  Matt: So the first matchup, the first candidate in this matchup is JG.
• 21:23
  Eric: Toesworth 877 Toes Now.
• 21:26
  Eric: Toesworth 877-TOES-NOW TOES-NOW.
• 21:28
  Eric: Already got his own jingle going for him.
• 21:32
  Matt: Now we should surprise none of you to know that JG Toesworth was also submitted to us by multiple people.
• 21:39
  Matt: But I think ultimately we've got to give credit to the Against All Oddities podcast.
• 21:45
  Eric: They're really the crux of JG Toesworth, the progenitors.
• 21:50
  Matt: Because we came up with the name JG Toesworth, if I remember correctly.
• 21:55
  Matt: I believe so, but it was for a question from Against All Oddities, and then they have since given us several.
• 22:06
  Eric: Yes, a continuing saga of JG Toesworth.
• 22:10
  Matt: He's appeared in at least three, four episodes he's wanted in three states Absolutely, and his AI generated image of him I am very delighted by.
• 22:21
  Matt: It is, it nailed, the whimsy he is very creepy, big old bushy beard, big old bag that says Tojo's worth.
• 22:34
  Eric: I'll tell you this though he's creepy looking, but he's put together, yeah, like he is well kept.
• 22:40
  Eric: He is a big.
• 22:40
  Eric: He's got like prospector facial hair, but it's like more neatly trimmed.
• 22:46
  Eric: He looks like a prospector who just became rich.
• 22:49
  Eric: He's new money.
• 22:50
  Matt: Yeah, he's out here digging toes.
• 22:52
  Matt: His beard is clean and voluminous.
• 22:56
  Matt: There's a twinkle in his eye.
• 22:57
  Matt: There is Well In his dead, dead eyes.
• 23:02
  Matt: There is certainly a motive in his eyes.
• 23:05
  Matt: Shall we say, yeah, there is hunger in those eyes.
• 23:08
  Matt: So if for some reason you're joining us for the first time in this episode, let me first say maybe just go back.
• 23:15
  Matt: One Start there.
• 23:17
  Matt: But the context JG Toesworth.
• 23:20
  Matt: He offers cash for toes, obviously.
• 23:23
  Eric: Yeah, his name's JG Toesworth and he needs toes now.
• 23:26
  Matt: Now and he is going up against the nominee from ALA, the Cicade.
• 23:34
  Matt: Another deep cut, another deep cut in the lore of Yadaft.
• 23:40
  Matt: Now the Cicade is, I would say should really be represented by its leader, the watcher.
• 23:48
  Eric: And for those of you not in on the lore, the cicada is the name of the collective species of cicada that live, that are slumbering beneath us right now.
• 24:01
  Eric: Right now they slumber, for now we are safe, but when they rise, oh yes, when they from the ground to reclaim.
• 24:12
  Eric: What is this?
• 24:14
  Matt: now eric.
• 24:14
  Matt: This is a tough matchup because these are both steeped in your daft war oh yeah, oh yeah.
• 24:23
  Eric: And Matt, I do want to pitch this out there because I I'm torn.
• 24:29
  Matt: I am torn.
• 24:29
  Eric: I'm going to make this a little harder, I think, if we go with the Cicade or the Watcher, I think we have to go with the Watcher.
• 24:37
  Eric: I know Lexi put in the Cicade but I think we can represent the Cicade by the Watcher I do like having a terrifying Cicada cryptid being a mascot, and I think he's tag honestly there, because they all refer to themselves in the Royal we absolutely their catchphrase.
• 24:57
  Eric: Their motto should be when they sleep in on you, tuck them in.
• 25:04
  Eric: What, the what does that mean, I don't know man, cicada sleep, cicada sleep when they sleeping on you tuck them in, tuck them in.
• 25:14
  Matt: Tuck them in, Tuck them in the fact that the catchphrase doesn't make any sense at all doesn't make me more attracted to it, just imagine the cicada is saying it.
• 25:22
  Eric: very is like brandishing a switch blade at you with that motto when they sleep in on you, sneak tuck them in Great, great, absolutely Great.
• 25:33
  Matt: So both of these are violent, both of these are violent entirely different modes of violence.
• 25:39
  Matt: Yes.
• 25:41
  Eric: Worth noting the, the, the depiction of JG Toesworth that was made for us by the internet, holding two giant feet, eight toes on each foot, eight toes on each toes on those grippers, and it looks like he has the proper amount of fingers, but they're very odd, matt, matthew Right.
• 26:05
  Matt: One, two, three, four, yeah, four fingers and a thumb there.
• 26:09
  Eric: Yeah, they kind of nailed his hands, they depleted their extra digits budget on the foot, matt, yeah, I am so mad at myself.
• 26:19
  Eric: Tell me Because.
• 26:22
  Matt: I just thought of a joke.
• 26:23
  Matt: Okay, you may say so.
• 26:26
  Eric: JG Toesworth has been with us for so long and I only just now thought of this joke.
• 26:32
  Eric: Okay, JG Toesworth, what does JG stand for?
• 26:35
  Eric: Jg stand for it.
• 26:36
  Eric: I don't know what G stands for, but let me hear you with this JG Toesworth aka Jack the Gripper.
• 26:43
  Eric: Tell Toesworth aka Jack the Gripper.
• 26:46
  Eric: Tell me that's not fucking hilarious, Tell me that's not the funniest fucking thing you've ever heard.
• 26:50
  Eric: Jack the Gripper.
• 26:52
  Matt: I get, I hear it and I'm gonna get back to you on if it's the funniest thing I've ever heard.
• 27:00
  Eric: I don't worry, listeners.
• 27:02
  Eric: Sorry those of you.
• 27:04
  Eric: We gotta give a second for people to recover from their guts getting fucking busted.
• 27:09
  Matt: All right, all right, eric, now that you've busted everyone's guts, oh yeah, babies, watcher the Cicade or JG Toesworth, where do you come down on this?
• 27:20
  Matt: Honestly, I think I've made up my mind.
• 27:24
  Matt: I have made up my mind, have made up my mind.
• 27:26
  Matt: Should we say it on three?
• 27:26
  Matt: Yes one, two, three jg joseworth.
• 27:33
  Eric: Okay, sorry, you said it so fast that it fucked me up well, I still got what yeah jg jg joseworth.
• 27:42
  Matt: Moving on, I did not think the watcher would be out so soon.
• 27:46
  Eric: No, nor I'm at very interesting development but honestly it's because it was he was give it.
• 27:51
  Eric: He was a gift to us from another podcast.
• 27:54
  Eric: It's got that sentimental attachment to it, that beautiful human connection 100, 100.
• 28:01
  Matt: Now sherlock bones is is our next candidate from AtZackDeuce.
• 28:08
  Eric: Sherlock Bones, aka, according to AI.
• 28:13
  Matt: And we didn't make this one.
• 28:14
  Matt: Zach sent this in, but it was absolutely put through an AI generator.
• 28:18
  Matt: Oh, 100%.
• 28:22
  Eric: It looks like the Watson to Wishbones.
• 28:25
  Eric: Sherlock, it does look like that.
• 28:29
  Matt: He doesn't look like Sherlock.
• 28:31
  Eric: He looks like Watson Got that BWE, that big Watson energy.
• 28:35
  Matt: Sherlock Bones, an astute canine detective, possesses an uncanny ability to sniff out questions and answer them all, while being unbelievably cute.
• 28:44
  Matt: Ability to sniff out questions and answer them all while being unbelievably cute.
• 28:47
  Matt: With a wagging tail and a nose for adventure, this pint-sized investigator navigates the daft landscape with a determination that rivals his human counterpart.
• 28:54
  Matt: Sherlock Bones is the bark of the town when it comes to helping Matt and Eric answer life's least pressing questions I do, and it's also.
• 29:04
  Eric: It is also points in zach's favor that I'm reading.
• 29:07
  Eric: Like.
• 29:07
  Eric: As you're reading these, I'm filtering it into zach's voice yeah as you should, I do a disservice to him we, we, every human being on earth.
• 29:18
  Eric: It does a disservice anytime they say any words and they're not in zach deuce's voice, so write that down.
• 29:25
  Matt: So let's get the matchup out of the way Sherlock Bones going up against a creature I created to fill out the bracket, of which there are a couple in here, and that would be Tricky, wiki Tricky.
• 29:37
  Eric: Wiki Fun to say Tricky.
• 29:39
  Matt: Wiki is a mascot that I made by putting into the ai generator a mascot based on wikipedia named tricky wiki, and this is.
• 29:50
  Matt: This is the spooky little globe that it spit out at me yeah, it's got three arms.
• 29:56
  Eric: It's got three arms.
• 29:57
  Eric: It's got like.
• 29:58
  Eric: It's got like the two main arms and then and then like a.
• 30:01
  Eric: This is what's upsetting.
• 30:02
  Eric: It's like a, it's a shadowed, like coming from the darkness behind him.
• 30:07
  Matt: Yeah, there's like jack-o'-lanterns and stuff on the floor and for some reason he's wearing a witch's hat.
• 30:13
  Eric: Yeah, he's wearing a.
• 30:13
  Eric: Well, I'm imagining the trickery, the trick-or-treat algorithm.
• 30:17
  Eric: Oh the trick part.
• 30:19
  Matt: That's what got it.
• 30:20
  Matt: Yeah, tricky wiki.
• 30:23
  Eric: So I think it interpreted this as what if Wikipedia went trick-or-treating as trick-or-treating?
• 30:29
  Matt: I think that is how it interpreted it.
• 30:31
  Matt: Now I will say this is a tough matchup for me because one I like the name Tricky Wiki, but I have no emotional attachment to it, and you made him up.
• 30:39
  Matt: I made him up to get this bracket more full.
• 30:45
  Matt: Sherlock Bones, however, has an emotional connection for me as well, because Sherlock Bones and Zach had no way to know this.
• 30:53
  Matt: Sherlock Bones is the name given to the narrator's dog in the one-person show Every Brilliant Thing, of which I played the narrator at one point, so sherlock bones does have a special connotation for me.
• 31:10
  Matt: Uh, it's very funny that he came up with the same name it's a good name.
• 31:16
  Eric: It is a good name and for that reason instantly markets itself I think sherlock bones moves on eric.
• 31:21
  Matt: I think sherlock bones moves on Eric.
• 31:22
  Matt: I think Sherlock Bones moves on, Unless you feel strongly about Tricky Wiki, a creation I made up about 20 minutes ago.
• 31:27
  Eric: No Tricky Wiki.
• 31:29
  Eric: Fun to say Tricky Wiki every day.
• 31:33
  Matt: Tricky Wiki eliminated from this bracket.
• 31:36
  Eric: Yes, yes, did not make it to the next round, tricky Wiki, I'm sorry.
• 31:41
  Matt: Now our final matchup of the initial side here before we flip to the other side of the bracket.
• 31:49
  Matt: Is you, as in didn't ask, also submitted from Tim at Against All Oddities, versus the phrase you didn't ask for this, which I put through a AI generator for the same reason and said you didn't ask for this as a podcast host, and the image it gave us there it gang it's.
• 32:11
  Eric: I will reiterate again it is a shame that this was created by ai, by, by stolen material with stolen artwork from actual human artists, because it gave us who boy that's good it somehow knew about the hot dog sandwich question.
• 32:31
  Eric: And did you give it any prompting besides just saying you didn't ask for this?
• 32:35
  Matt: What I put in the AI generator to get this image again.
• 32:38
  Matt: Go to our Instagram at.
• 32:45
  Matt: You didn't ask pod is.
• 32:46
  Matt: You didn't ask for this as a podcast host and this is what it gave me it is so.
• 32:51
  Eric: So I'm gonna do my best to describe your work, man sure, my work it is imagine, if you will.
• 32:57
  Eric: It's a little it.
• 32:59
  Eric: It's a hot dog.
• 33:00
  Eric: That's also a sandwich, with the most upsetting parts of both and the and the hot.
• 33:06
  Matt: So the sand.
• 33:06
  Matt: You can see sandwich parts like lettuce and mustard coming out the side of it, yeah, but his front is where the hot dog is supposed to be.
• 33:15
  Matt: But it looks more like ground beef to me, uncooked yes, uncooked on.
• 33:21
  Eric: So you know, when you buy ground beef and it hasn't been broken up yet, it's just those long noodles of pink meat product.
• 33:28
  Eric: That's what's in the middle here and it's got a mouth.
• 33:33
  Matt: Sticking his tongue out.
• 33:35
  Matt: As if going meh, and he has arms which are out to the side, as if to say, come at me, bro yeah, out to the side, as if to say come at me, bro yeah.
• 33:50
  Matt: So this picture is fun, funny and disturbing all wrapped up in one.
• 33:52
  Matt: But I think it's got to be you, simply because Tim went to the hard work of giving it to us as a suggestion, and that's E-W-E, as in the animal, you the sheep.
• 34:02
  Eric: Yeah, it's a sheep.
• 34:03
  Eric: It's a very good joke.
• 34:05
  Eric: It's a very funny pun.
• 34:07
  Eric: That is like a top tier wordplay.
• 34:10
  Matt: It's top tier wordplay that really, really works on an audio medium.
• 34:14
  Eric: Can we just, yeah, can we everyone just give it the?
• 34:16
  Eric: Let's all give a little golf, clap together, Good good joke.
• 34:21
  Matt: Excellent job, tim.
• 34:22
  Matt: That is a good joke.
• 34:23
  Matt: Excellent job, now, that is a good joke.
• 34:24
  Matt: Excellent job.
• 34:25
  Matt: Now.
• 34:25
  Matt: Let's move on to the other side of the bracket, where we have once again Harry the Centaur, but this one is a little bit more specific.
• 34:37
  Matt: This one came to us from at alexalee and at unholymole, which is, of course, ian the Holy Mole, previous guest of the show, who did a little back and forth, a little co-pro on threads, to give this to us, and they said Harry the Centaur playing bingo in a mosh pit.
• 34:59
  Matt: Very good, very good, very funny.
• 35:02
  Eric: I will Very specific Two different people submitted.
• 35:05
  Matt: I'm saying they they co-pr, like in the comments.
• 35:08
  Eric: Oh they, they worked it out.
• 35:09
  Matt: Oh, oh yes, yes, Eric doesn't really check our social media, so he doesn't really know what's happening.
• 35:15
  Eric: I'm kind of I don't, I'm off the grid man.
• 35:19
  Matt: That's one word to describe your contribution.
• 35:22
  Matt: Yes, word to describe your contribution.
• 35:30
  Matt: Yes, now the the the candidate that it's up against is you daft punks with an x at the end, and that it.
• 35:33
  Matt: Let me just check my notes.
• 35:35
  Matt: That was also a late submission.
• 35:37
  Matt: Came from at doe babe on instagram.
• 35:42
  Matt: Um, and now the ai.
• 35:45
  Matt: I did put this through ai.
• 35:47
  Matt: This gave us, oh, a crazy.
• 35:51
  Matt: Uh.
• 35:51
  Matt: I did send it over to.
• 35:53
  Matt: Uh, this is alissa.
• 35:55
  Matt: Your, yes, this is my beloved, your beloved and uh, your beloved did uh yell at me about using ai images.
• 36:03
  Eric: Oh yeah, alyssa came in, because Alyssa saw this and she was like uh, uh, uh, uh, uh uh, uh.
• 36:10
  Matt: She essentially said I was a bad artist.
• 36:13
  Eric: Oh, she said you were a bad artist.
• 36:14
  Eric: She said you were like a sellout.
• 36:16
  Eric: She says you were a class traitor.
• 36:17
  Eric: I can't believe you wouldn't support artists.
• 36:20
  Matt: Class traitor was thrown around.
• 36:22
  Matt: I believe she said class traitor.
• 36:24
  Matt: I also believe she said I hate you now.
• 36:28
  Matt: Yeah, and I thought all that was very rude, especially after I stuck up for nazumi in the last episode or two episodes yeah, it's kind of fucked up, fucked up.
• 36:36
  Eric: It's kind of fucked up, man, it's kind of fucked up but anyway, he's got this wild play-doh-esque hair.
• 36:41
  Matt: He's wearing a denim jacket.
• 36:43
  Matt: He's's crazy looking, but he is fun.
• 36:45
  Matt: I will say he's very fun.
• 36:47
  Matt: This is one I had to put through the AI generator a couple of times because it just kept giving me straight up Daft Punk.
• 36:55
  Eric: Yes, and this one evokes Daft Punk.
• 36:58
  Eric: It evokes yes, but does not.
• 37:01
  Matt: But does not replicate.
• 37:03
  Eric: Does not.
• 37:03
  Eric: Yes, does not replicate.
• 37:05
  Eric: Yes, does not replicate.
• 37:14
  Matt: I'm very glad that the AI stolen art generator has at least filed the serial numbers off, so to speak.
• 37:17
  Matt: Now, what I'd say to you, eric, is I think that you daft punks, we've sort of settled on that being the name of our fans, the, the name we've given to our cult-like following oh my god.
• 37:31
  Eric: Yeah, they think I bet they call each other that it's a good name I'm not sure that it's a good mascot.
• 37:37
  Matt: On the other hand, harry the centaur playing bingo in a mosh pit too specific, I think too very specific.
• 37:44
  Matt: How are we supposed to repurpose that on very in various forms?
• 37:49
  Matt: It's gonna take up a lot of merch real estate, not to mention that harry sent the centaur is already through to the next round yeah, I, I this.
• 38:00
  Eric: I feel like the coaches would get called in on this one?
• 38:02
  Eric: It's because it's like Harry you already won the first bracket, but you're out here trying to get it.
• 38:08
  Eric: What would happen if it was Harry versus Harry?
• 38:13
  Eric: I don't know.
• 38:14
  Eric: I don't even want to think about that.
• 38:16
  Eric: I don't either, because then one of them is getting put down Absolutely.
• 38:21
  Matt: Now, what I'm going to say here, eric, is I think you deaf punks for that reason should move on.
• 38:26
  Matt: But I don't fancy its chances.
• 38:28
  Matt: I don't fancy it.
• 38:31
  Matt: I don't fancy its chances going down the line.
• 38:34
  Matt: What's wrong, eric?
• 38:42
  Eric: Matt, you are a fine dime.
• 38:44
  Eric: Let me tell you that right now, you are a fine dime.
• 38:45
  Eric: Let me tell you that right now you are a fine dime, what makes you say that, my friend?
• 38:49
  Eric: Oh God, it's just, I love you so much.
• 38:55
  Eric: I love you too, anyway are we in.
• 38:56
  Matt: I love you too.
• 38:57
  Eric: You're a fine dime, you just said.
• 38:59
  Matt: I love you too to my, I love you too to your love you.
• 39:02
  Matt: How much love can one podcast have?
• 39:06
  Eric: let's find out in the next bracket.
• 39:07
  Eric: Your daft punks moves on.
• 39:09
  Eric: Your daft punks moves on tenuously at best now again.
• 39:14
  Matt: I can't stress this enough.
• 39:15
  Matt: I don't fancy its chances.
• 39:17
  Matt: Now, the next candidate, the next candidate and I don't know why is just platypus oh, yeah, that platypus was submitted to us by at the jarge on instagram.
• 39:35
  Matt: Who?
• 39:35
  Matt: Also 100 understands the brand and the assignment I do and now I for this image that you'll see on our Instagram.
• 39:45
  Matt: I told the AI to give me a platypus in a pond hosting a podcast and this delightful cartoon.
• 39:54
  Eric: It's very cute.
• 39:55
  Eric: It's very cute.
• 39:56
  Eric: It's what it gave us Upsettingly.
• 39:59
  Eric: Looks like actual podcast merchandise.
• 40:02
  Matt: It does look very funny.
• 40:04
  Matt: I could easily see this being our actual logo.
• 40:08
  Eric: It's a good God.
• 40:10
  Eric: Damn it God.
• 40:12
  Eric: The amalgamation of all human art and creativity is very good.
• 40:17
  Matt: Now that goes up against Stolen.
• 40:20
  Matt: The very last candidate submitted to us at the beginning of this episode that we said recorded live, which is from at Carissa Hatfield on Instagram, and a comically oversized question mark emoji Eric your thoughts.
• 40:38
  Eric: Yeah, man, this is fucking tough, matt.
• 40:39
  Eric: You know what I mean, like I do.
• 40:42
  Eric: In one, in one corner, we've got comically oversized question mark yes and and on the other corner we have God's mistake, god's mistake.
• 40:55
  Matt: And you know what, eric?
• 40:56
  Matt: You just summed it up, because if God's mistake doesn't sum sum up this podcast, I don't know what does.
• 41:04
  Matt: Yeah, Platypus moves on in my book bud.
• 41:06
  Eric: Platypus, the ever-present threat.
• 41:08
  Eric: It moves on the ever-present Matt.
• 41:13
  Eric: I was talking.
• 41:13
  Eric: Okay, I do have to mention this though.
• 41:15
  Matt: Tell me.
• 41:15
  Eric: It's a complete side tangent.
• 41:17
  Eric: I'm so sorry.
• 41:17
  Eric: I was talking about this with friends.
• 41:20
  Eric: We were talking about if we were big cats, what big cats would we be?
• 41:23
  Eric: My friend, phil, would be a jaguar, and you'd have to say it like that okay I, it was determined that I would be a mountain lion.
• 41:31
  Eric: The thing about mountain lions, matt, is this is why I like mountain lions so much.
• 41:37
  Eric: Tigers like lions, panthers, bears oh my.
• 41:46
  Eric: Indeed, but those ones, those may as well be fictional fairy tale creatures.
• 41:52
  Eric: They're on other continents, they're make-believe as far as I'm concerned.
• 41:56
  Eric: But in the United States of America, yes, there are mountain lions.
• 42:04
  Eric: Yes, there are.
• 42:05
  Eric: There is a non-zero chance that, as an American, I may have to deal with a mountain lion.
• 42:13
  Eric: It's a very low, low chance, but it's still not zero.
• 42:18
  Eric: Low chance, but it's still not zero.
• 42:24
  Eric: No, and that is why the mountain, the creatures like the mountain lion and the platypus, they are the ever-present threat, a hundred percent.
• 42:29
  Matt: Platypus is venomous it's a venomous mammal.
• 42:31
  Matt: I could I couldn't agree with you more, and I, and, and for that reason I'm very glad that the platypus has already moved on yeah, yeah, yeah, I fucking that's that's what gets it, and the two things that have to beware the platypus in the next round are the daft elite, which was submitted to us by our good friend, aaron, who has sent us many an email, um, and he gave us a little illustration here, which is on, uh, the instagram, of course.
• 43:02
  Matt: Well, he drew this, it's clear a I did drawn.
• 43:06
  Matt: If this was made with love, this goes right up on the fridge it goes up on the fridge and it goes up against a late candidate uh, just just like half an hour old.
• 43:16
  Matt: The Eagle sound from a dot, lexa Lee.
• 43:21
  Matt: Uh, which very strong matchup, very strong matchup.
• 43:26
  Matt: The Eagle sound does show up whenever we mentioned me being an Eagle scout, like right now, and I did not run this through an AI yet.
• 43:36
  Matt: Um, I will by the time this comes out.
• 43:38
  Matt: I can't wait to see what it what it looks like, so I can't describe it to you, but go to the instagram.
• 43:44
  Matt: It'll be there, eric.
• 43:46
  Matt: I think it's, with all due respect to alexa lee, the amount of love that went into this hand-drawn creation, because we have another hand-drawn creation coming up this was that, and and matt I would be remiss and matt I something I appreciate about our show.
• 44:06
  Eric: Tell me the many things a we are brave bs what we adhere to above all else.
• 44:12
  Eric: Say it with me intellectual integrity.
• 44:15
  Eric: Yes, we all need to address the eagle in the room.
• 44:20
  Eric: What we all commonly associate as the sound of an eagle is not in fact an eagle screech.
• 44:29
  Matt: No Eagle sound, I'll come clean.
• 44:31
  Eric: Nothing like that.
• 44:32
  Matt: No, I'll come clean.
• 44:33
  Matt: The sound that you hear whenever we talk about an Eagle Scout, that sound is in fact a hawk.
• 44:41
  Matt: Yeah, and I did this on purpose, because if I showed you what an eagle sounds like, you would be unimpressed.
• 44:50
  Matt: And that is why, in popular culture, when eagles make noise, they sound like they're screeching.
• 44:56
  Matt: But that's not what eagles sound like, eric.
• 44:59
  Eric: That's not what eagles sound like, eric, that's not what eagles sound like.
• 45:01
  Matt: And Matt, and I think you'll support my decision, because this, this, dear listener, is what an eagle sounds like.
• 45:07
  Matt: Yeah, kind of sucks, doesn't it For that?
• 45:15
  Eric: reason that fucking.
• 45:17
  Eric: That's dog shit, my guy, you definitely.
• 45:23
  Matt: You definitely, you definitely moving on.
• 45:25
  Matt: Congratulations, aaron, and thank you, a Lex Lee, for the submission.
• 45:30
  Matt: It did make me chuckle, yeah, sorry Now.
• 45:34
  Matt: And now we've got two creations coming up next.
• 45:37
  Matt: The first was submitted to us and it was submitted to us by at Saber628 on Twitter, who happens to be my brother-in-law.
• 45:50
  Matt: Now they gave us the definitive Ran King.
• 45:56
  Matt: Uh-huh, very good joke.
• 45:59
  Eric: Very good joke.
• 46:00
  Matt: Now we got an AI ai generated image here of a king on a throne.
• 46:05
  Eric: Just pretty generic classic but regal imagine a king on a throne.
• 46:10
  Matt: There you nailed it, there you nailed it and if you're having trouble, just go on over to the Instagram there once again.
• 46:17
  Matt: Now he goes up against a creation of my brain, ike E.
• 46:23
  Matt: That's Ike, middle initial, e, last name, uh, and that's just because we talk about how much we love Ikea all the time.
• 46:30
  Matt: We love Ikea.
• 46:31
  Matt: I was just honestly, I was just trying to think of more lore from the podcast that we could put in here.
• 46:38
  Matt: Now I do love the podcast host that AI spit out at me.
• 46:45
  Matt: I do recommend going to look at it, because not only is it delightful, it also looks like he's standing in an Ikea.
• 46:53
  Eric: Yes, also looks like he was made by DreamWorks.
• 46:56
  Matt: Yes, oh 100%.
• 46:58
  Eric: He's making the face.
• 46:59
  Matt: He's making the face's making the face.
• 47:00
  Eric: He's got them eyes got them eyes, the one cocked eyebrow and the smarmy grin absolutely.
• 47:07
  Matt: Please check him out now.
• 47:08
  Matt: That being said, as as I have said with all my creations so far, this has been very good for a laugh, but I we have an actual listener submission.
• 47:18
  Matt: I, I think I go with that eric, I go with definitive ranking.
• 47:22
  Eric: What do you go with the definitive ranking?
• 47:24
  Matt: we'll think of lore for him on our way up yeah, we don't need to think of the lore you know at the beginning for everything no, no, no, we'll get to ringside interviews now our final, like first round matchup.
• 47:37
  Matt: Eric, we've arrived to it and it happens to be the griper, which is spelled double G R I P E R, and that was submitted to us by Juniper Juniper, who left us that very, very nice email.
• 47:53
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 47:54
  Matt: Now, just taking a look at this monster that was created for us by ai and includes, for some reason, a lego minifig in the foreground yeah, so the graver.
• 48:06
  Eric: So, judging off this graver is about, uh, probably like a foot tall maybe.
• 48:11
  Matt: If that no, like probably solid eight, nine inches if we're thinking that the, uh, the, the minifig is proper sized.
• 48:19
  Matt: This is all scale, yeah this is all scale.
• 48:21
  Eric: Yes, to scale, that's the phrase I was looking for.
• 48:23
  Eric: I need that.
• 48:23
  Eric: There's also at the griper's feet what appear to be earthworm cephalopods.
• 48:31
  Matt: Yes, it is a little gross, honestly.
• 48:35
  Eric: It's very upsetting these shapes.
• 48:37
  Eric: Non-euclidean drives me to madness, as they say.
• 48:40
  Matt: And it looks like.
• 48:41
  Matt: If you look in the griper's crotch area, it sort of looks like he's melting or has growth underneath him.
• 48:48
  Eric: Oh yeah, oh he is, he is, he is moist.
• 48:53
  Matt: He is moist and he goes up against.
• 48:55
  Matt: Once again, a creation of my own brain.
• 48:59
  Matt: Really, actually, it's a creation of my own brain.
• 49:01
  Matt: Uh, really, actually it's a creation of your own brain, but I I just put him in here in the bracket chad gpt cannot stress this enough chad gpt and the image that ai gave us for chad uh, who featured prominently in the last episode, is basically a clean shaven me wearing a cape, wearing a cape with a shirt that says gpt yeah it just.
• 49:29
  Eric: It looks like you.
• 49:31
  Matt: It does look like a clean shaven.
• 49:33
  Eric: It looks like clean, shaven you, oh, adorable okay it.
• 49:38
  Eric: It's very.
• 49:38
  Eric: It's like a chibi anime style Now this.
• 49:42
  Matt: this is a tough one because this Chad is a part of the lore Relatively new, relatively relatively new, but the griper user submitted griper user submitted Also.
• 49:53
  Eric: I've spent the majority of this episode talking mad shit about AI and it feels a little class traitory.
• 50:00
  Eric: Know, matt uh, to, to, to, then, to award it to chad.
• 50:05
  Matt: To award it to chad do you want, it's already a guest on the show yeah, that's true, he has a segment yeah, he's a.
• 50:12
  Eric: Yeah, you can't get a segment and be the mascot.
• 50:16
  Eric: That's that, ain't that.
• 50:17
  Eric: That can't be right, that be.
• 50:20
  Matt: Well then I'd say, the griper moves on bud.
• 50:22
  Eric: Yeah, the griper moves on.
• 50:23
  Eric: Griper, no griping.
• 50:25
  Matt: Well, griper, no griping, that means we move all the way up to what I'll say the first round proper, which is to say, here we have the candidates that were submitted early on and therefore had a buy in the first round, and the first one, the very first submission we got came from none other than at Zach Deuce.
• 50:47
  Eric: Zachy D got in.
• 50:49
  Matt: day one stayed getting in and not only that, Zach went to the trouble of creating for us a mascot on top of our own logo, which is a question mark with muscle musculature that rivals a.
• 51:08
  Eric: God, oh yeah, he man, absolute cannons, and then also legs.
• 51:15
  Eric: So got the naked arms, naked legs, question mark body looking up at God saying you want a fucking piece of this.
• 51:23
  Matt: But the things he included.
• 51:24
  Matt: He included Harry the Centaur coming out of an explosion behind Quarry.
• 51:29
  Matt: He included a Monopoly board.
• 51:31
  Matt: He included a squid in the top corner God damn.
• 51:37
  Matt: A cheesecake, Piece of cheesecake.
• 51:39
  Matt: And, most importantly, he's holding a Christmas pickle.
• 51:44
  Matt: Eric Goddammit, yes, he is.
• 51:46
  Matt: He's holding a hidden gherkin.
• 51:48
  Eric: Yep, it's real good.
• 51:50
  Matt: It's really good, it's really strong and it goes up against another Zach Deuce creation.
• 51:58
  Eric: the three questionnaires Matt Eric, here's my thinking.
• 52:02
  Eric: Tell me, let me know if you agree.
• 52:04
  Eric: I will.
• 52:05
  Eric: The query takes this Absolutely, however Obviously it does.
• 52:09
  Eric: It's the query and the three questionnaires, both made by Zach ED, I think the three questionnaires in the lore of the query, should they become mascot that they are like, that's like the King Louie to their, to the three musketeers.
• 52:25
  Eric: You know what I mean.
• 52:25
  Eric: He calls on them when he needs yeah, so that they can live in his shadow.
• 52:30
  Matt: So you're saying query can still summon the three questionnaires, but query would be the mascot.
• 52:36
  Eric: Yeah, you 100% I Eric.
• 52:39
  Matt: I agree.
• 52:39
  Matt: Okay, all be the mascot.
• 52:44
  Matt: Yeah you 100.
• 52:44
  Matt: I eric.
• 52:45
  Matt: I agree, okay, all right.
• 52:45
  Matt: So query moving on, okay, and zacky d, thank you again for being the first, for being the first.
• 52:47
  Matt: I hope we hear from you real soon.
• 52:49
  Matt: That's what I hope oh yeah, buddy possibly a teaser there for you.
• 52:57
  Matt: Now the next, uh, the next matchup, eric, this is it.
• 53:01
  Matt: This might be the whole bracket.
• 53:03
  Matt: Right, fucking here.
• 53:04
  Matt: Harry the centaur versus jg toesworth yeah, buddy yeah, buddy what do we do?
• 53:10
  Eric: what do we fucking?
• 53:11
  Matt: do?
• 53:12
  Matt: I thought the.
• 53:13
  Matt: I thought this would be a final two matchup.
• 53:15
  Matt: If I'm being honest, I didn't think this would be this early.
• 53:18
  Eric: I did not foresee this, but this was put.
• 53:22
  Matt: Those seeds were put in in the order they were received, and so it's harry the centaur versus jg toesworth.
• 53:28
  Matt: This is tough.
• 53:31
  Eric: This is.
• 53:32
  Eric: This is like we're matt, we are.
• 53:35
  Eric: We are fleeing, we are fleeing the scene, we.
• 53:40
  Eric: There's a helicopter leaving, people are getting into it.
• 53:42
  Eric: Do not ask for details beyond that.
• 53:44
  Eric: You and I, we're loving parents, the gunfire behind us, they're after us, they're going to get us.
• 53:50
  Eric: The helicopter's taking off.
• 53:52
  Eric: People are like clamoring on and the helicopter's like sorry, we got to go.
• 53:55
  Eric: The helicopter's taking off and you and I are like no, please, I'm holding both of them because of course I am.
• 54:02
  Matt: Well, you're tall enough to reach the helicopter as it launches from the Saigon hospital.
• 54:09
  Eric: Matt, I've got our two babies in my arms.
• 54:12
  Eric: Where am?
• 54:13
  Matt: I, by the way.
• 54:14
  Eric: You're running alongside with me, you have like a fucking machine gun and you're just like you're holding down, like we're not gonna make it matt.
• 54:24
  Eric: I'm just gonna tell you that right now, you and me we're not gonna make it.
• 54:26
  Eric: No, no, and only one of these little precious babies can, can make it.
• 54:28
  Eric: Get them up, uh, yeah, yeah, like they're like we can only take one.
• 54:32
  Matt: what's gonna happen is you're only gonna, you're only gonna get one into the helicopter, at which point my ray'm going to shoot you.
• 54:38
  Matt: I'm going to shoot you for failing the other baby.
• 54:41
  Matt: Yes, rightfully so, I think.
• 54:44
  Eric: Rightfully so.
• 54:45
  Eric: I think it's a high tension situation.
• 54:47
  Eric: Listen, you don't know war until you're in it.
• 54:49
  Eric: Okay, we can't pass judgment on Matt's activities in Saigon.
• 54:57
  Matt: You can't hold me accountable.
• 54:59
  Matt: The podcast wars were a were a hard time, you know trying to get these downloads.
• 55:08
  Eric: Hey, hey, matt, matt, matt, we're here.
• 55:10
  Matt: It's 2024 now sorry, the flash is the flash it matt, it is march of 2024.
• 55:17
  Eric: It isn't jan January of 2024 anymore.
• 55:19
  Matt: And it's not November of 2024 yet, thank God.
• 55:24
  Matt: So there we go, eric.
• 55:29
  Matt: That was a delightful tangent that told us absolutely nothing.
• 55:32
  Matt: It told us the stakes.
• 55:34
  Matt: You're right, I take it back.
• 55:36
  Matt: On the one side, we have Harry the Centaur, first episode our very first creation On the ground floor the very first creation from our world-class improvisation.
• 55:53
  Eric: From our own.
• 55:54
  Eric: Yes, born from nothing more than a question and a dream.
• 55:59
  Matt: A pauper that became a prince truly cinderella's story, if I've ever seen cinderella's story, if ever I heard one versus jg's toesworth, who I think we can all agree is a villain no, I I I'll push back on that I love he is.
• 56:21
  Eric: He is an anti-hero.
• 56:23
  Eric: He is an anti-hero he is someone's villain, he's someone's villain.
• 56:27
  Eric: He is an anti-hero he's an anti-hero and matt.
• 56:30
  Eric: Are we lords of sea land?
• 56:33
  Matt: nothing if not anti-hero, nothing but anti-hero, truly.
• 56:38
  Matt: If not, it's me.
• 56:44
  Matt: Hi, I'm the problem.
• 56:46
  Eric: It's me jg toes for the ever, the truly ever-present threat.
• 56:56
  Eric: You only got to worry about mountain lions, platypi and jg toesworth in these united states, but hey, wait, listen, let's not forget harry the centaur.
• 57:05
  Matt: Harry centaur is mean, he's just out here pooping bushes he's out here pooping bush.
• 57:11
  Matt: He's pooping wherever he damn well pleases making a working class panera worker clean up his shit.
• 57:17
  Eric: Nowhere, I tell you, nowhere.
• 57:18
  Eric: He tell you.
• 57:19
  Eric: He doesn't Shit.
• 57:19
  Eric: Tell me in a fucking toilet.
• 57:21
  Eric: No, why would he?
• 57:23
  Eric: He doesn't need to, he doesn't need to.
• 57:26
  Eric: It's like cool hand Luke Versus the Fonz.
• 57:31
  Matt: Alright, eric, I think it's decision Time fuck me.
• 57:36
  Eric: I think, Do we count to three this?
• 57:39
  Matt: Sure, let's count to three it and see what we say.
• 57:41
  Matt: Alright, three, two one, oh no alright, give me your pitch.
• 57:53
  Eric: I, harry the centaur, represents.
• 57:58
  Eric: I think, harry, this is what it is for me, harry the centaur represents.
• 58:01
  Eric: I think, harry, this is what it is for me.
• 58:03
  Matt: Harry the Centaur is a deeply personal to me and you yeah, he was there at the birth, eric, he was there at the birth.
• 58:10
  Matt: He is the oldest piece of lore we have.
• 58:17
  Eric: Yes, the only piece of lore older than Harry the centaur for this show is the concept of this show.
• 58:24
  Eric: Yeah, that's true.
• 58:25
  Eric: So he's he's so like and I mean this with all of my heart.
• 58:30
  Eric: He is so I'm actually getting misty-eyed he's so like, tied to you and me and our friendship and our and our chemistry, and you're gonna, and you're going to eliminate him.
• 58:41
  Eric: No, no, no, no.
• 58:42
  Eric: I'm going to finish explaining Finish.
• 58:45
  Eric: Jg Toesworth represents and Matt, I'm approaching this not from like who do I love more?
• 58:54
  Eric: Who do I love more Harry?
• 58:56
  Eric: Harry takes that every day.
• 58:58
  Eric: Harry's my boy.
• 58:59
  Matt: Then send him to the next round my guy.
• 59:01
  Eric: But JG Toesworth, matt Okay Represents and, mind you, this is in the context.
• 59:09
  Eric: We are selecting a mascot.
• 59:11
  Eric: Yes, and what a mascot does Tell?
• 59:16
  Matt: me what a mascot represents.
• 59:17
  Matt: Explain to me a mascot Eric the mascot is the connective tissue.
• 59:24
  Eric: It is.
• 59:24
  Eric: He is the veil, yeah, through which the audience uh-huh and the performer uh-huh, through which they take hands okay, he's the, the, the intermediary, okay, between them.
• 59:41
  Eric: I hear you and jg toesworth to me because he was in.
• 59:47
  Eric: His concept was created by our fans.
• 59:50
  Eric: His name and backstory and arrest record was created by you and I.
• 59:57
  Eric: He represents that sacred bond.
• 1:00:02
  Matt: Yes, I think what you've said not only is beautiful, but is also accurate.
• 1:00:09
  Eric: Thank you.
• 1:00:10
  Eric: I usually don't get both.
• 1:00:12
  Matt: I usually don't get both Almost never.
• 1:00:14
  Matt: But I have to remind you, Eric, that JG Toesworth is also.
• 1:00:19
  Matt: Not only was he in the first episode, but he is also the subject of our very first piece of fan mail, Because we had a fan submit a visage of JG Toesworth way back when.
• 1:00:34
  Matt: I'm scrolling right now to pull it up.
• 1:00:36
  Eric: You keep saying JG Toesworthworth and I believe you, I mean harry the centaur by amy sank a coffee face way, amy, amy oh, I forgot that is so many because it's amy sank a coffee fest.
• 1:00:55
  Eric: Amy, who I have known since I was in the ninth, grade.
• 1:01:00
  Matt: Now, eric, I love Jake G Toesworth, but for me, I think, harry the Centaur and the fact that Harry the Centaur was submitted to us by many different people, as was Jake G Toesworth, yeah, yes, but Jake G Toesworth, I think in the long run a little too dark.
• 1:01:20
  Matt: Harry the Centaur, however, a little mysterious, a little strange.
• 1:01:24
  Matt: Also a little bit negative too personality-wise.
• 1:01:29
  Matt: But, eric, I think the points you've made about Jake G Toesworth can be found within Harry the Centaur and I'll even add this.
• 1:01:43
  Eric: I'll add this.
• 1:01:44
  Matt: He's not only half man, half horse, he's half host, half listener.
• 1:01:51
  Eric: That did it, that sealed it, jg.
• 1:01:55
  Matt: Eric, I got to be honest, I moved myself.
• 1:01:59
  Eric: Yeah, no, that was that Matt fucking A little golf clap for me.
• 1:02:04
  Eric: Yeah, no, that was.
• 1:02:06
  Eric: This is definitely the most.
• 1:02:08
  Eric: This was the most emotional part of the break.
• 1:02:10
  Eric: I want to stop, but we can't.
• 1:02:13
  Eric: Yeah, this is.
• 1:02:14
  Eric: We simply can't.
• 1:02:15
  Eric: This was someone.
• 1:02:16
  Eric: Someone just carried their, bobsled across the finish line and everyone helped 100%, 100%.
• 1:02:25
  Matt: Now our next matchup is the winner of the first qualification round Sherlock Bones versus the Elf on the Shelf.
• 1:02:35
  Matt: Now, the Elf on the Shelf.
• 1:02:40
  Matt: We did a whole episode, was it by?
• 1:02:43
  Matt: Was it by?
• 1:02:43
  Matt: We did a lot of uh, uh content on the elf on the shelf regarding, um, the christmas episode of 2022, I believe, and we also, uh, had an ongoing bit that led to me buying an Elf on the Shelf and hiding it for my dear wife, lindsay Barr, and recording it.
• 1:03:03
  Matt: So the Elf on the Shelf does have a special place in the lore of the show, however.
• 1:03:08
  Matt: Copyright.
• 1:03:11
  Eric: Copyright.
• 1:03:12
  Eric: Also, let me tell you how this is going to go.
• 1:03:15
  Eric: When you read off Elf on the Shelf, I forgot for a second that it was a buy, so my immediate reaction was like who the fuck did he beat again?
• 1:03:23
  Eric: Who lost to?
• 1:03:25
  Matt: this.
• 1:03:25
  Matt: So I think Sherlock Bones takes the.
• 1:03:28
  Eric: Sherlock Bones.
• 1:03:29
  Matt: We don't have to spend a ton of time on this.
• 1:03:30
  Eric: Yeah, we don't have to belabor the point.
• 1:03:32
  Eric: Wow, we peaked.
• 1:03:33
  Eric: We peaked so hard with JG Toesworth and Harry the Centaur and we vallied my brother we vallied right after it.
• 1:03:40
  Matt: Yeah, so our next matchup is again the winner of the previous qualification round, you, as in, didn't ask for this.
• 1:03:50
  Matt: The sheep versus an anthropomorphic one-star Google review Ooh, it's good, it's good.
• 1:03:59
  Eric: It's good.
• 1:04:00
  Matt: Now the anthropomorphic one star google review came to us from at up dog pm, another early adopter of the you didn't ask for this lifestyle yes, what is up dog?
• 1:04:14
  Matt: Indeed, indeed.
• 1:04:16
  Matt: So, eric, we have two user, two user submissions, so we can't use that as any sort of barometer.
• 1:04:27
  Eric: So I do want to throw in.
• 1:04:30
  Eric: This is not, I'd say, a point against, I just it's something that needs to be considered.
• 1:04:36
  Eric: Okay, Because if there is one thing that we represent on this show, one thing we're about, Matt say it with me Copyright infringement.
• 1:04:46
  Eric: Yes, we take it very seriously.
• 1:04:49
  Eric: The word Google is in the name of this mascot, Do we now that?
• 1:04:54
  Eric: I think that'd be a violation, but I think I'd be willing to to shorten it, Cause that can.
• 1:04:59
  Eric: The higher up that goes in the bracket, the more the Google stands out to me.
• 1:05:04
  Eric: Now we could give him a name.
• 1:05:05
  Eric: Well, no, do we just call it the anthropomorphic one-star review?
• 1:05:09
  Eric: Sure, we could call it that.
• 1:05:11
  Eric: It's just sans sans Google.
• 1:05:13
  Eric: He just lost.
• 1:05:14
  Eric: He just lost Google sponsorship.
• 1:05:30
  Matt: That's big news coming into the match.
• 1:05:33
  Matt: Oh, he just lost it, did he?
• 1:05:35
  Matt: Yeah, he just lost it.
• 1:05:38
  Matt: Uh, so it is the one star, the a.
• 1:05:41
  Matt: It's a rat, like a naked rat, a hairless rat wearing hairless rat red eyes one uh, wearing a uh like a zip-up sweater with one star as a button.
• 1:05:56
  Matt: Now he's sitting down a dinner.
• 1:05:58
  Eric: It looks like he's holding a spoon, but the meal in front of him is like a tomato and an onion matt, can I draw your attention to the fact that what that rat is eating is ratatouille, ratatouille.
• 1:06:14
  Eric: It's ratatouille, that is major points.
• 1:06:19
  Matt: That's very good.
• 1:06:21
  Matt: That's very good AI.
• 1:06:22
  Eric: That's terrifying.
• 1:06:24
  Eric: That's fucking terrifying, because that is a very funny visual joke.
• 1:06:29
  Eric: That's a very funny joke.
• 1:06:31
  Eric: That is a very funny visual joke and I don't know that the AI intended to make that joke.
• 1:06:38
  Eric: I don't know that the AI was even aware that it was making it.
• 1:06:43
  Matt: But the AI made that joke.
• 1:06:44
  Matt: The AI made that joke and you the sheep is also funny.
• 1:06:50
  Eric: Ooh, matt would also be remiss if I didn't point out, because, again, this is AI.
• 1:06:54
  Eric: The anthropomorphic one-star Google review has its own stars, like as if it's being reviewed.
• 1:07:02
  Eric: There are one, two, three, four, five, six stars, and out of six stars, the anthropomorphic one-star Google review gave itself six stars.
• 1:07:11
  Matt: Off the charts, truly.
• 1:07:12
  Matt: I think where we can fix the copyright problem is we can give, because anthropomorphic one-star google review is a description, it's not a name.
• 1:07:25
  Matt: It is a description, so we can give him a name.
• 1:07:28
  Matt: Oh, I think anthropomorphic one-star google review moves on okay, what do you know, do we?
• 1:07:35
  Matt: And this is versus yeah yeah, no, I think this is you, as in didn't ask for this.
• 1:07:41
  Eric: Yeah, what clinched?
• 1:07:42
  Eric: It was the Ratatouille visual.
• 1:07:43
  Eric: That is True.
• 1:07:44
  Eric: I am horrified by that.
• 1:07:46
  Eric: That is very funny.
• 1:07:48
  Eric: Okay, that is very funny.
• 1:07:49
  Matt: Now we have to go all the way back up to the top of the bracket because next up is the number two seed, which is the Ask Hole, which was submitted to us by at michael perry jr on mike perry on instagram and he did hand draw a um an image for us, and I know that because he signed it, like picasso it's very good.
• 1:08:15
  Eric: Even put a little smiley face in the signature.
• 1:08:16
  Eric: That's cute as fuck absolutely.
• 1:08:18
  Matt: And his description?
• 1:08:19
  Matt: His initial description was a small british man with a cicada head in a suit and a little bowler hat with a question mark on it, and that's what he delivered, uh it's very cute, like look at him.
• 1:08:31
  Eric: Oh well, he's a little silly little guy.
• 1:08:34
  Eric: He's got questions undeniably cute.
• 1:08:36
  Matt: He, he's got questions, he looks smart, he looks smart.
• 1:08:41
  Eric: I would buy that Squishmallow a hundred times.
• 1:08:45
  Matt: Now he's up against Yadaftpunks.
• 1:08:48
  Matt: I think the name Yadaftpunks belongs to the listener.
• 1:08:54
  Matt: I think that is more of a descriptor and even we can credit we could even credit Alyssa with coining the phrase oh yeah, she's head of the fan club.
• 1:09:06
  Matt: She's head of the fan club.
• 1:09:07
  Matt: That's kind of bold, actually.
• 1:09:09
  Matt: That's kind of bold.
• 1:09:12
  Matt: That feels like a little bit of insider trading to me a little bit, feels a little Yoko.
• 1:09:19
  Matt: It feels a little.
• 1:09:19
  Matt: A little bit Feels a little Yoko.
• 1:09:20
  Matt: It feels a little Yoko.
• 1:09:22
  Matt: It feels a little Yoko to me.
• 1:09:24
  Matt: Yeah, it feels a little Yoko.
• 1:09:26
  Eric: No, Alyssa gives it.
• 1:09:27
  Eric: And you know what, Eric?
• 1:09:28
  Eric: I can see Alyssa staring into space as she listens to this and shaking her head.
• 1:09:34
  Matt: And you know what, eric?
• 1:09:35
  Matt: For those reasons it's the asshole for me.
• 1:09:38
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, for those reasons it's the asshole for me.
• 1:09:39
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:09:40
  Eric: No, babe, sorry, I sank that one for you.
• 1:09:43
  Eric: I tried too hard.
• 1:09:52
  Matt: I tried too hard to abuse the system, but what I was actually going to say originally was I think we can give Alyssa the credit of coining the Yadav puns name.
• 1:10:00
  Matt: Oh, 100%.
• 1:10:02
  Eric: Yeah, no one can ever take that from her, but it can't be our mascot.
• 1:10:05
  Matt: Can't be our mascot.
• 1:10:05
  Matt: It can't be both.
• 1:10:07
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, can't be both.
• 1:10:08
  Matt: So our next matchup, eric, is Platypus versus the Yadathlete.
• 1:10:12
  Matt: Yes, this is tough.
• 1:10:15
  Matt: I'm not sure what to think about this.
• 1:10:17
  Eric: Look, coming into this today, I think people had expectations.
• 1:10:21
  Matt: I certainly did.
• 1:10:22
  Eric: Of what kind of match they were going to see.
• 1:10:23
  Eric: Now, some people came out here.
• 1:10:25
  Eric: They were expecting Platypus.
• 1:10:26
  Eric: Some people came out here.
• 1:10:28
  Eric: They were expecting Udaftali.
• 1:10:29
  Eric: Did they expect Udaftali versus Platypus?
• 1:10:33
  Eric: I don't think so, matt.
• 1:10:35
  Matt: I don't think so either.
• 1:10:35
  Matt: I know I didn't.
• 1:10:37
  Matt: Udaft definitely was user submitted and was submitted by aaron.
• 1:10:44
  Eric: He did give us a hand-drawn drawing, which is adorable, and I believe the only, and and when I say not hand, not the only hand created, but the only colored pencil on paper, yes, medium yes mike perry's hand drawing, meticulously hand hand drawn, is great.
• 1:11:03
  Matt: Could, honestly, could, have been done on like an ipad.
• 1:11:07
  Matt: Uh situation, you know how you can like draw right on the computer screen I don't know.
• 1:11:11
  Eric: I don't know if that's true.
• 1:11:12
  Eric: I don't know if that's true yeah, every artist does.
• 1:11:15
  Matt: It could have been scanned in.
• 1:11:16
  Matt: For all I know, this could have been scanned in for all.
• 1:11:18
  Matt: I know this could have been scanned in.
• 1:11:19
  Matt: This is clearly a photograph of a drawing.
• 1:11:22
  Matt: Yeah, we got it raw.
• 1:11:25
  Matt: We got it raw.
• 1:11:26
  Matt: It's raw dogged, if you will.
• 1:11:28
  Matt: Yeah, oh, you definitely out here raw dogging Raw dog, and for that reason perhaps we should draw our attention to the platypus, platypus mysterious, what is it?
• 1:11:39
  Matt: Why is it here Ever?
• 1:11:40
  Eric: present threat.
• 1:11:41
  Eric: Attention to the platypus.
• 1:11:42
  Eric: Platypus mysterious.
• 1:11:43
  Eric: What is it?
• 1:11:43
  Eric: Why is it here?
• 1:11:43
  Eric: Ever-present threat.
• 1:11:47
  Matt: God's mistake.
• 1:11:48
  Matt: God's mistake Lays eggs.
• 1:11:50
  Eric: Mammal, venomous Mammal, and does not all of those things describe us?
• 1:11:51
  Eric: Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank me, sleek.
• 1:11:55
  Matt: Sleek Musky, sleek Musky, confusing, confusing.
• 1:11:59
  Matt: Confusing, confused, hurt, confused, hurt, itself in its own confusion, hurt itself in its own confusion.
• 1:12:06
  Matt: And is that not you and I?
• 1:12:07
  Matt: Is that not us?
• 1:12:09
  Matt: I think it's platypus.
• 1:12:10
  Matt: I think it's platypus.
• 1:12:11
  Matt: Platypus moves on, but Aaron Platypus moves on.
• 1:12:13
  Eric: Thank you for the athlete, please tell me that's on your fridge.
• 1:12:20
  Matt: Up next is Please tell me that's on your fridge.
• 1:12:22
  Matt: It should be.
• 1:12:23
  Matt: If not, it's going to be on mine Now.
• 1:12:25
  Matt: Up next is ranking versus another.
• 1:12:30
  Matt: Buy the number three seed Dali, and this was also submitted to us from Against All Oddities, I don't know.
• 1:12:39
  Matt: I assume this is ai generated, but it might not be.
• 1:12:42
  Matt: It is a box with arms and legs and a question mark on it, and that's it and you can just tell by its bearing that it's sad.
• 1:12:52
  Matt: It is definitely sad.
• 1:12:53
  Matt: It's downtrodden.
• 1:12:54
  Eric: It's down like it's honestly impressive, like, like, how the artist conveyed this.
• 1:13:01
  Matt: This is a depressed question mark box.
• 1:13:03
  Matt: It is a sad sad question.
• 1:13:06
  Eric: That is 100% us.
• 1:13:07
  Eric: That's the saddest question I ever did see.
• 1:13:09
  Matt: I will say this what does it mean?
• 1:13:12
  Matt: Where did it come from?
• 1:13:14
  Matt: It has no lore.
• 1:13:15
  Matt: Yeah, dal-.
• 1:13:17
  Matt: This is like just a thing, it's a riddle.
• 1:13:21
  Matt: It's a riddle which is like our podcast, but definitive ranking, kind of a pun, and also relates to the show.
• 1:13:30
  Eric: Did against all oddities and I need them to reach out and confirm this type in Dali, into the program Dali doll e, into the program doll e, and this is what came out.
• 1:13:45
  Eric: What's dolly?
• 1:13:46
  Eric: It's an ai art generator.
• 1:13:46
  Eric: Oh, I didn't know that.
• 1:13:47
  Matt: I believe that's not what I used, so I didn't know that yeah, dolly, it's open, ai.
• 1:13:51
  Eric: So I think aaron did the most meta shit on earth, uh-huh, and kind of preemptively called us out by going to an A he couldn't have known, he couldn't have known.
• 1:14:02
  Eric: But here we are, but he did, but he did.
• 1:14:05
  Eric: That's powerful.
• 1:14:10
  Matt: That's powerful.
• 1:14:11
  Matt: I think it's Dali.
• 1:14:12
  Matt: I think it's Dali.
• 1:14:13
  Matt: I think it's Dali in this round, I don't know how far he's going to get.
• 1:14:17
  Matt: I don't.
• 1:14:18
  Eric: Matt, to quote a great man, I don't know how far he's gonna get.
• 1:14:24
  Eric: I don't matt, to quote a great man I don't fancy his chances.
• 1:14:25
  Eric: I don't fancy because, again, the concept of an ai tool being being our mascot when I I when I have made my stand, I have drawn the battle lines and I want y'all to know the more I'm seeing in this fucking art, the more I'm sweating, going up to bat for y'all meat sacks, because the AIs they're looking pretty.
• 1:14:47
  Eric: Ooh svelte.
• 1:14:49
  Matt: They're looking svelte, they're looking good, they're looking powerful.
• 1:14:52
  Matt: Now let's look at who Dolly might be up against.
• 1:14:54
  Matt: It's either the griper from the qualification rounds or a heavy hitter.
• 1:15:01
  Matt: Truly the squonk.
• 1:15:03
  Matt: Ooh, now the squonk.
• 1:15:06
  Matt: For all of you who might not have listened to some of the earlier stuff, the squonk is a real-life cryptid.
• 1:15:13
  Matt: Yes, you take that phrase however you'd like, which is to say, we didn't create him.
• 1:15:18
  Matt: He's a Pennsylvanian cryptid, not exclusively, but that's where he came from.
• 1:15:24
  Matt: Um, he is from the fearsome creatures of the lumber woods book that we referenced many times.
• 1:15:30
  Matt: He famously which matt got for me.
• 1:15:33
  Matt: He is so nervous that his only defense mechanism is to burst into tears to the point that he melts away.
• 1:15:45
  Matt: Yeah, I have a special place in my heart for the squonk, yeah, squonk, yeah, squonk.
• 1:15:52
  Matt: Listen.
• 1:15:53
  Matt: The griper.
• 1:15:53
  Matt: I think we've had fun with him.
• 1:15:56
  Eric: We've had fun with the griper, Juniper banger.
• 1:16:00
  Matt: You did a good job.
• 1:16:01
  Matt: He is a.
• 1:16:01
  Matt: He is a fearsome creature of the lumber woods I look he might only be eight inches tall.
• 1:16:07
  Eric: I ain't fighting that the squonk.
• 1:16:09
  Eric: Not only does he have value within our lore value within the lore also conveniently has to be within the public domain, has to be, has to be okay, I think it's.
• 1:16:23
  Matt: I think it's, I think it's squawk, I think squawk takes it.
• 1:16:25
  Matt: And eric looky, here we're at the elite eight baby.
• 1:16:29
  Matt: Oh no, now.
• 1:16:31
  Matt: First up in the elite.
• 1:16:34
  Matt: First up in the elite eight.
• 1:16:36
  Matt: Query versus harry the centaur oh, this is tough query.
• 1:16:39
  Matt: User submitted.
• 1:16:39
  Matt: Isery versus Harry the Centaur Ooh, this is tough Query.
• 1:16:42
  Matt: User submitted is delightful.
• 1:16:44
  Matt: Harry the Centaur we've already talked about.
• 1:16:45
  Matt: Yeah, I don't know that I have more points to make about Harry the Centaur, but I do love the image that Zach gave us for Query.
• 1:16:53
  Eric: The image of the Query is so good and encapsulates so much.
• 1:16:57
  Eric: This is the image for the connoisseur.
• 1:16:59
  Eric: It is.
• 1:17:01
  Matt: This is the image for the connoisseur.
• 1:17:02
  Eric: This is the image.
• 1:17:02
  Eric: This is the shit you put.
• 1:17:04
  Eric: These are the stickers you put on your Trapper Keeper so that some other kid looks over and goes holy shit, and they start slipping references out.
• 1:17:14
  Eric: You know what I mean.
• 1:17:15
  Eric: You know what I mean.
• 1:17:18
  Matt: Deep cuts the Monopoly board.
• 1:17:20
  Matt: The cheese yes, it's all very good.
• 1:17:24
  Matt: The pickle, the very key.
• 1:17:26
  Eric: Just just quoting me and Matt left and right busting guts all over the classroom, all their classmates go.
• 1:17:33
  Eric: Oh my God, this.
• 1:17:34
  Eric: What is this hilarious thing you're quoting?
• 1:17:38
  Matt: And Zachy D.
• 1:17:39
  Matt: You know he's.
• 1:17:41
  Matt: How many episodes have we?
• 1:17:43
  Eric: been apart yeah.
• 1:17:44
  Matt: Has he been a part of without even being on the episode?
• 1:17:47
  Matt: Oh my God.
• 1:17:48
  Eric: He is.
• 1:17:49
  Eric: Yeah, he's the.
• 1:17:50
  Eric: If this podcast had a godfather, like if our podcast parents needed to name a godfather in case they get into an accident in saigon.
• 1:18:00
  Eric: Zacky d's top of the list.
• 1:18:02
  Eric: He's top of the list, he was at our christening.
• 1:18:05
  Matt: If, eric, I'll say this if anything ever happens to you, oh, we riot, uh, uh, we riot.
• 1:18:13
  Matt: And then after the riot, I go to zacky d and say zacky d, I need a favor oh, oh if I ever leave.
• 1:18:20
  Eric: Oh, I thought you were saying if zacky d ever leaves.
• 1:18:22
  Eric: I was like, what's gonna?
• 1:18:23
  Eric: No, I was saying, if you're gonna do eric, what are?
• 1:18:25
  Matt: you gonna do.
• 1:18:26
  Eric: What's gonna happen.
• 1:18:27
  Eric: What's gonna happen, matt, what's matt, what's gonna happen.
• 1:18:29
  Eric: What's gonna happen I.
• 1:18:32
  Matt: I said I'd go to zacky.
• 1:18:33
  Eric: You're the one who brought up the godfather bit no, I, I sorry, no, I would want it to be easy.
• 1:18:38
  Eric: If anyone was gonna replace me.
• 1:18:39
  Eric: No, I sorry, no, I would want it to be.
• 1:18:41
  Eric: If anyone was going to replace me, it would be Zachy D.
• 1:18:43
  Eric: Zachy D, I, I'm trying to go along with your bit.
• 1:18:46
  Eric: I got scared Because for a second.
• 1:18:50
  Matt: I saw this show without us.
• 1:18:52
  Matt: Eric, nothing's going to happen to you.
• 1:18:54
  Matt: Zachy D is not going to steal this podcast from us.
• 1:18:57
  Eric: Please don't.
• 1:18:58
  Eric: Zachy D, You're the godfather for me.
• 1:19:01
  Matt: You know what, eric, since Zachy D is trying to steal the podcast from us, I think it's got to be Harry the Centaur.
• 1:19:07
  Eric: Yeah, I think it's got to be Harry the Centaur.
• 1:19:08
  Eric: Zachy D during March, madness no less tried to drive a wedge between me and Matt.
• 1:19:15
  Eric: I can't believe he'd do that the audacity.
• 1:19:18
  Eric: I can't believe he'd do that audacity I I can't imagine the next time he's gonna be on this show the next time I see that guy oh I.
• 1:19:27
  Matt: I can't imagine that he was gonna be a guest anytime soon, let alone on the next episode I that's all say for now.
• 1:19:36
  Eric: Let's all say on the subject, that's all I'm gonna say I can't.
• 1:19:40
  Matt: I can't imagine what the odds of that could be.
• 1:19:42
  Eric: Ooh, I can think of 88 reasons why I am mad to see him next.
• 1:19:50
  Matt: Sherlock Bones versus the anthropomorphic one-star Google review.
• 1:19:54
  Eric: Yes, so Sherlock Bones, very good boy, very good boy, very cute, anthropomorphic one-star google review eating ratatouille and eating ratatouille, that is still, that energy is still carrying him so fucking hard for me right now now, eric, we have to remember that is not the end.
• 1:20:17
  Eric: All be all that is not the end, all be all, but I will say like that's an ai image like we're going to have a ai image, and this is this is the problem matt with, with using a art, ai art in today's society.
• 1:20:30
  Eric: But we have to use it to stay competitive with other podcasts that are selecting their march madness mascots.
• 1:20:37
  Eric: Today we're using it because other people are using it that's right, this is like we're like the lance armstrong of we are.
• 1:20:47
  Matt: We are the lance armstrong of podcasting, one testicle between us one testicle between us.
• 1:20:53
  Matt: None of his personal views however they're horrific no god, they're really bad.
• 1:21:01
  Matt: No, absolutely, just the testicle thing just the testicle thing.
• 1:21:05
  Eric: Also, none of the the doping.
• 1:21:08
  Matt: So and no none of the bracelets either.
• 1:21:11
  Eric: No, none of the brain, no, no, no bracelets, no bracelets.
• 1:21:14
  Eric: So all that to say sherlock bones this is the one complication that keeps coming up in my mind.
• 1:21:20
  Eric: Tell me there is no fucking way that someone has not already jumped on that brilliant pun and made that amount.
• 1:21:29
  Eric: That is all right.
• 1:21:31
  Eric: That has got to be a thing to someone so I think, sure, now that I'm thinking about, I think, sherlock bones is, I'm telling you it's in a published player, no, but beyond that, beyond that, I mean that feels like such, like a.
• 1:21:46
  Eric: It's right there, just take it, just take it.
• 1:21:49
  Eric: I'm pretty sure that that was also a puppet character in the Baltimore Rock Opera Society, which is also a wildly deep cut.
• 1:21:58
  Matt: Eric, there's too many variables related to Sherlock.
• 1:21:59
  Eric: Bones.
• 1:22:00
  Eric: There's too many variables to Sherlock.
• 1:22:01
  Matt: Bones, it's got to be the anthropomorphic one-star.
• 1:22:03
  Eric: Google, it's got to be the anthropomorphic one-star Google.
• 1:22:04
  Eric: That's all I'm saying on that.
• 1:22:06
  Eric: He moves on.
• 1:22:08
  Matt: He moves on and we move on to the other side of the bracket, to the askhole versus platypus.
• 1:22:14
  Eric: Yes.
• 1:22:15
  Matt: The askhole was given to us with an image that was handcrafted Handcrafted the platypus.
• 1:22:19
  Matt: I'm still not 100% sure why it was given to us.
• 1:22:22
  Eric: I'm not sure why it was given to us, and now I find myself wondering.
• 1:22:31
  Matt: I was like I think this is platypus is definitely the underdog, I'd say right now, the fact that he has already defeated two other candidates is a triumphant end of itself.
• 1:22:42
  Eric: A triumphant end of itself, and remember that, that the platypus was relegated 16 years ago.
• 1:22:48
  Eric: Started in this league, at the bottom, yes, and through some wild fluke, made its way here.
• 1:23:00
  Matt: Are you making a Wrexham AFC reference at me right now?
• 1:23:04
  Eric: Got through season one baby.
• 1:23:05
  Eric: Fuck yeah, baby.
• 1:23:07
  Eric: Got through season one, baby.
• 1:23:08
  Eric: Oh, I'm so proud of you.
• 1:23:09
  Matt: Eric's getting into soccer, soccer Eric's getting into soccer.
• 1:23:13
  Matt: Gonna get myself a bingo square.
• 1:23:15
  Matt: Eric's getting into soccer.
• 1:23:16
  Matt: Gonna get myself a bingo square.
• 1:23:17
  Eric: Eric's getting into soccer, so you're through the first season.
• 1:23:20
  Matt: Yes God, oh, my God.
• 1:23:21
  Matt: You gotta catch up, eric, because the third season is going to premiere before the current season of Wrexham's actual season is over.
• 1:23:31
  Matt: It's gonna catch up to real time, eric.
• 1:23:33
  Matt: How's that gonna work?
• 1:23:34
  Matt: It's gonna catch up to real time, eric.
• 1:23:35
  Matt: How is that going to work?
• 1:23:35
  Matt: It's going to catch up to real time, eric.
• 1:23:36
  Matt: There's going to be two games left in the season when this premieres, eric.
• 1:23:41
  Matt: I'm telling you, and then you can get my newsletter, the Wrexham Reader, available on Substack.
• 1:23:46
  Matt: How many seasons are there?
• 1:23:48
  Matt: Three?
• 1:23:48
  Matt: There's two out right now.
• 1:23:50
  Matt: That's going to be the third.
• 1:23:56
  Eric: Everyone should support.
• 1:23:56
  Matt: Wrexham AFC.
• 1:23:56
  Matt: Everyone should support Wrexham AFC.
• 1:23:57
  Matt: Go out there.
• 1:23:57
  Matt: They're a great soccer team, football club and they have my full backing.
• 1:24:05
  Matt: And not only that, I do write a now weekly recap newsletter for your benefit, to keep you up to date.
• 1:24:13
  Matt: It's the Wrexham Reader.
• 1:24:14
  Matt: It's available on Substack.
• 1:24:16
  Matt: Sure, why not?
• 1:24:17
  Matt: I'll put the link in the description.
• 1:24:19
  Matt: Matt, you got it.
• 1:24:21
  Matt: You got it.
• 1:24:22
  Matt: The Ask.
• 1:24:22
  Eric: Cole versus the Platypus Versus the Platypus.
• 1:24:25
  Eric: Platypus, you came so far.
• 1:24:27
  Eric: You tried so hard and got so fucking far.
• 1:24:29
  Eric: I don't think anyone could deny they had a great season.
• 1:24:31
  Eric: So fucking far.
• 1:24:31
  Eric: I don't think anyone could deny they had a great season.
• 1:24:33
  Matt: They had a great season, they had a great run, but ultimately Platypus was given to us at the Jarge.
• 1:24:42
  Matt: San's image yeah, san's explanation.
• 1:24:48
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:24:48
  Eric: I think it's gotta be the asshole.
• 1:24:51
  Eric: It's gotta be the asshole.
• 1:24:52
  Eric: But I will say this Platypus represents the spirit of this game.
• 1:24:56
  Eric: Absolutely it does.
• 1:24:58
  Eric: Platypus is the mascot for the march madness, I agree I agree for the for the.
• 1:25:04
  Eric: Yeah for the game.
• 1:25:05
  Eric: Platypus has been there.
• 1:25:06
  Eric: Platypus, you are the.
• 1:25:08
  Eric: The mascot of the mascot, contest the squonk versus dolly eric.
• 1:25:15
  Matt: I'm gonna come right out and say this I don't even want to debate this it's the squonk, squonk, listen dolly, it's a fun submission.
• 1:25:23
  Matt: It's meta as hell.
• 1:25:24
  Matt: It's meta as hell.
• 1:25:25
  Matt: It can't hold.
• 1:25:26
  Matt: I know I'm a fool for that.
• 1:25:27
  Matt: I don't think it can hold a candle to the squonk.
• 1:25:29
  Matt: And if it did, it'd be very cruel because the squonk would burn and disintegrate.
• 1:25:34
  Matt: Yes, yes, it's the squonk.
• 1:25:37
  Matt: It's the squonk.
• 1:25:39
  Matt: It's the squonk for me, it's the squonk and my depression.
• 1:25:41
  Matt: So that moves on to Harry the Centaur versus the anthropomorphic one-star Google review.
• 1:25:47
  Matt: On the other side of the bracket is going to be the askhole versus the squonk.
• 1:25:52
  Matt: That's your final four, eric.
• 1:25:55
  Matt: Oh baby.
• 1:25:56
  Matt: Harry the Centaur versus Anthropomorphic One Star Google Review.
• 1:25:59
  Matt: Eric, what are your thoughts?
• 1:26:01
  Eric: Honestly Anthropomorphic One Star, google Review, strikes me as a classic recurring character.
• 1:26:10
  Eric: Yes, much like the segment Of Google Gripes that it is a part of.
• 1:26:17
  Matt: That's where it trips for me, because it represents a segment and the segment Google Gripes inarguably is beloved, beloved and the vibe it is the vibe, and every time we do Google Gripes I feel like each season has had more and more thoughts about it.
• 1:26:42
  Matt: More and more discussion has erupted.
• 1:26:45
  Matt: Yeah, I hear those points.
• 1:26:48
  Matt: I have a hard time turning my back on Harry.
• 1:26:51
  Matt: Yeah, harry is an originator.
• 1:26:54
  Matt: He's been with us since the beginning.
• 1:26:56
  Matt: Bud he's mighty.
• 1:26:57
  Matt: Could the anthropomorphic one-star Google review, could the aspects that we like about Google gripes?
• 1:27:04
  Matt: Could that not be incorporated in the eventual image we will commission, as opposed to Harry the centaur, because he's very specific, he's very specific's very specific.
• 1:27:15
  Matt: You can't say get.
• 1:27:16
  Matt: I think we could say to an artist give me harry the centaur, but pepper in google gripes somehow yeah, if you just like pepper it in.
• 1:27:26
  Matt: You can't say the opposite.
• 1:27:27
  Matt: You can't say give me google gripes as a mascot, but pepper in harry the centaur.
• 1:27:34
  Eric: You can't say that unless it's the reviews are explicitly about Panera breads or about Harry about Harry and that's rude.
• 1:27:41
  Eric: And that's rude.
• 1:27:42
  Matt: I'm going to say it, eric, I think I'm coming down on the hairy side of the fence.
• 1:27:46
  Matt: Yeah, clock, clock, but I don't want to lose.
• 1:27:49
  Matt: I do not want to lose Google gripes.
• 1:27:49
  Matt: I Do not want to lose Google gripes.
• 1:27:51
  Matt: I think we need to have that incorporated to the eventual winner.
• 1:27:55
  Matt: So Harry the Centaur moves on to the finals.
• 1:27:58
  Matt: Ooh Harry, ooh Harry.
• 1:28:00
  Matt: And that he goes up and, honestly, after getting over the hump of JG Toesworth, I kind of saw this coming from the beginning for Harry.
• 1:28:09
  Matt: I had a feeling he had the chance to go all the way.
• 1:28:14
  Matt: I fancied his chances.
• 1:28:15
  Matt: Now, on the other side, we have the ask hole and we have the squonk.
• 1:28:19
  Matt: The squonk a long part of the lore, but hasn't been around in a while.
• 1:28:27
  Matt: We haven't mentioned it.
• 1:28:27
  Matt: Hasn't been around in a while.
• 1:28:28
  Eric: But his spirit is.
• 1:28:29
  Eric: His spirit is.
• 1:28:32
  Matt: The ask hole His name, eric, his name, his name.
• 1:28:37
  Matt: It almost does feel like a judgment about us doesn't it, it does.
• 1:28:45
  Eric: And what fucks me up is it's an accurate judgment.
• 1:28:49
  Matt: Yeah, I'm not saying that you or I are not assholes.
• 1:28:52
  Matt: Yeah, no, we saying that you or I are not assholes.
• 1:28:54
  Eric: Yeah, no we.
• 1:28:56
  Matt: Are.
• 1:28:57
  Eric: We are we are and not in the toxic, like I safe, mean things to people and I expect no repercussions because I'm just an asshole.
• 1:29:07
  Eric: No, but like we're assholes.
• 1:29:11
  Matt: I think that's fair we're just a couple of assholes.
• 1:29:12
  Matt: I think that's fair, but I think it's rude to say.
• 1:29:15
  Matt: It is rude to say.
• 1:29:18
  Eric: And it makes me sad.
• 1:29:20
  Matt: It makes me very introverted, it makes me very self-reflective, much like the squonk, the squonk.
• 1:29:28
  Eric: You know who will never judge us, because they will always live in perpetual fear and terror of us.
• 1:29:36
  Matt: I bet, I know the squonk, the squonk, squonk.
• 1:29:38
  Matt: I think I lean towards the squonk.
• 1:29:40
  Matt: I think I lean towards the squonk.
• 1:29:42
  Eric: Mike Puri, your art chef's kiss, chef's kiss.
• 1:29:46
  Eric: You did a great job, beautiful, gorgeous.
• 1:29:51
  Matt: But it's got to be the squonk.
• 1:29:52
  Matt: For me, I think it's got to be the squonk.
• 1:29:53
  Matt: For me, I think it's got to be the squonk.
• 1:29:54
  Matt: So the squonk moves on and just like that, folks, we're down to the finals.
• 1:29:57
  Matt: It's Harry the Centaur and the squonk.
• 1:30:03
  Eric: Oh my God.
• 1:30:03
  Eric: So this, matt, this is truly this is some movie shit, because one side Hollywood ending, is it not?
• 1:30:11
  Eric: We have the clear favorite.
• 1:30:14
  Eric: We have the clear favorite, we have the man city, we have the man city.
• 1:30:20
  Matt: Eric, I love this.
• 1:30:21
  Matt: We have the man city, we have the man city Versus, in many ways, the Wrexham, the Squonk, the Squonk, the underdog Started at the bottom and now we're here now.
• 1:30:35
  Matt: We started the bottom and now we are technically one rung higher now.
• 1:30:39
  Matt: So, harry the centaur versus the squonk?
• 1:30:50
  Eric: oh, I don't know, I don't know I my only question for the squonk, my only hangup, and this is what makes him the underdog.
• 1:30:59
  Eric: Okay, legality Can we trademark the squonk?
• 1:31:04
  Eric: Should we?
• 1:31:06
  Matt: I don't think we can trademark.
• 1:31:08
  Eric: I feel like we cannot ethically trademark the squonk.
• 1:31:12
  Matt: It's cryptic.
• 1:31:12
  Matt: We can't trademark the squonk because we can't trademark a Bigfoot.
• 1:31:16
  Matt: Yeah, now we could make our logo incorporate a Sasquatch, incorporate a squonk, but not the squonk, so he'd have to be a squonk.
• 1:31:33
  Eric: Mm-hmm.
• 1:31:33
  Eric: Okay, which, honestly, my biggest thing about this.
• 1:31:37
  Eric: Everyone.
• 1:31:38
  Eric: So here, actually, here's my thing.
• 1:31:40
  Eric: Tell me so, when you see a centaur that immediately evokes a genre, an idea it gives you, it gives you suppositions to make about the thing that this is for.
• 1:31:57
  Eric: And in my trying to divorce myself from what I know of Harry and his myth, I see a centaur, I'm thinking, oh, this is D&D, this is fantasy, this is literature, this is nerd shit.
• 1:32:13
  Eric: Mm-hmm, I see a squonk and my first question is what the fuck is that exactly?
• 1:32:22
  Matt: why is that exactly now?
• 1:32:24
  Matt: The the squonk?
• 1:32:26
  Eric: who is that?
• 1:32:27
  Eric: What is that?
• 1:32:28
  Eric: Explain that to me.
• 1:32:28
  Eric: Where did you see?
• 1:32:29
  Matt: the squonk first appeared in fearsome creatures ofures of the Lumberwoods in 1910.
• 1:32:35
  Matt: Yeah, so first of all, that's definitely public domain, right?
• 1:32:38
  Matt: That's gotta be.
• 1:32:40
  Matt: And not only that, he is used in popular media.
• 1:32:43
  Matt: This is something we didn't talk about before.
• 1:32:45
  Matt: There is a Genesis song called Squonk.
• 1:32:50
  Matt: Oh, fuck me up Off the 1976 album A Trick of the Tail.
• 1:32:54
  Matt: Oh, fuck me off.
• 1:33:00
  Matt: The 1976 album a trick of the tail.
• 1:33:01
  Matt: Also the steely dan song.
• 1:33:02
  Matt: Any major dude will tell you steely dan also has a line.
• 1:33:03
  Matt: Have you ever seen a squonk's tears?
• 1:33:06
  Matt: Well, look at mine.
• 1:33:08
  Matt: Not only that, johnstown, pennsylvania, celebrates the squonk at Squonkapalooza every August.
• 1:33:16
  Matt: Ooh chills, eric, I don't know what to do here, chills.
• 1:33:22
  Matt: When I looked at this matchup just now, when I put it on the bracket and I saw Harry the Centaur versus the squonk, I thought for sure Harry's going to take it.
• 1:33:31
  Eric: I'll confess it to you, I think everyone coming to this game today, as soon as I said Harry's name in the first round, you had to know he was a favorite.
• 1:33:43
  Eric: You, you, you, you, it, it.
• 1:33:43
  Eric: When you heard Harry's name, it's like it it only became a question of okay, well, who's going up against Harry?
• 1:33:48
  Matt: and when you heard the squonk originally, I bet a lot of you went oh yeah, the squonk, that's cute.
• 1:33:52
  Matt: I remember that from way back.
• 1:33:53
  Matt: When that's funny oh yeah, the squonk, that's cute.
• 1:33:54
  Matt: I remember that from way back when oh, that's funny.
• 1:33:56
  Matt: But the thing is, the squonk never went away, did he Eric?
• 1:33:59
  Eric: No, and that I think this is about what we want the mascot to embody.
• 1:34:04
  Eric: Yeah, harry, embodies our adventurous spirit, our humor, our camaraderie.
• 1:34:12
  Eric: Uh-huh the squonk represents us, represents us.
• 1:34:18
  Eric: It represents above all else because again I'm gonna go back to it you see the squonk, your first thing.
• 1:34:23
  Eric: What is that?
• 1:34:24
  Eric: Yeah, where is that from?
• 1:34:25
  Eric: Why do you have that curiosity?
• 1:34:28
  Eric: Curiosity, and is that, matthew boiled down to its raw, sad, crying essence?
• 1:34:39
  Eric: Is that the fucking heart of this show?
• 1:34:42
  Eric: Curiosity Questions.
• 1:34:45
  Eric: We're just asking questions.
• 1:34:46
  Eric: We're just out here asking questions, eric.
• 1:34:50
  Matt: We do one more, three, two, one All right, I think I'm ready to give my answer.
• 1:34:55
  Matt: Yeah, me too.
• 1:34:56
  Matt: Three, two, one Squonk Wow.
• 1:35:05
  Matt: So that's it, eric, after all, this time it's the squonk.
• 1:35:14
  Matt: It's the squonk.
• 1:35:16
  Matt: The world turned upside down Now.
• 1:35:23
  Matt: I don't think.
• 1:35:27
  Eric: No one could have foreseen this.
• 1:35:28
  Matt: I don't think anyone saw this coming.
• 1:35:29
  Matt: We sure as fuck didn't.
• 1:35:32
  Matt: No, I mean, we have all these user submissions, but the squonk ultimately was something discussed on the show.
• 1:35:41
  Matt: It was suggested by a few people, yes, but mainly from your daft lore.
• 1:35:47
  Matt: So was Harry the centaur, but he also was suggested by many is this.
• 1:35:52
  Eric: Is this not flawless through a game in which we are wading through user-submitted things that they just came up off the top?
• 1:36:03
  Matt: of their head, fan-submitted.
• 1:36:04
  Matt: We have said user-submitted a few times.
• 1:36:07
  Eric: Sorry, I have said user-submitted, I don't know why it's just hitting me.
• 1:36:11
  Matt: I'll tell you why because I work from home in an IT-type role and that's why that's Fan-submitted.
• 1:36:18
  Eric: Fan-submitted that's what they call our fans, users, users, fan-submitted ideas, but dodging AI influence at every turn.
• 1:36:32
  Eric: And when the dust settles, matt, when the dust settles, is it something made by one of our friends?
• 1:36:38
  Eric: Is it something?
• 1:36:40
  Matt: made by one of the fans.
• 1:36:41
  Matt: Is it something made by AI?
• 1:36:43
  Eric: No, it's something that some guy came up with a hundred years ago, because it's in the public domain.
• 1:36:50
  Eric: We are assholes, we are absolutely assholes.
• 1:37:04
  Eric: Yeah, we are such assholes, god we are pieces of shit.
• 1:37:06
  Matt: Listen for that reason.
• 1:37:07
  Matt: It's the squawk baby.
• 1:37:08
  Eric: I'm sad anyone of you used to be mad about it.
• 1:37:09
  Eric: Dare any one of you to be mad about it?
• 1:37:12
  Eric: Look me in the fucking eye and tell me you're mad about it.
• 1:37:15
  Matt: You're not, or at the very least you can go to the thought line at 410-929-5329 and let us hear about it.
• 1:37:21
  Matt: But thank, I want to give a big thank you to everyone who submitted an illustration, an idea, who kept this idea afloat.
• 1:37:34
  Matt: We've been promoting it for a fucking year and you know what?
• 1:37:39
  Matt: It was a lot of fun to go through this with you, poach, this was a hoot.
• 1:37:41
  Matt: Now you might think, by the length of the episode thus far, that there's no closing segment.
• 1:37:48
  Matt: Oh boy, would you be wrong.
• 1:37:51
  Matt: You would be wrong because we did the closing segment before we did the rest of the episode oh yeah, babies it's, oh yeah, it's time, eric, for us to finally tell the people what this hidden segment that we've been talking about for a long time is going to be.
• 1:38:09
  Matt: And now the prestige.
• 1:38:12
  Matt: We're going to throw it over to two correspondents in the field, live on the scene.
• 1:38:19
  Matt: Live on the scene.
• 1:38:20
  Matt: And those correspondents this may shock you it's me and Eric.
• 1:38:24
  Eric: Yeah, oh, it's us.
• 1:38:25
  Eric: We went out into the fucking world armed with cleverly hidden mics.
• 1:38:34
  Matt: Yes, and it did not go to plan no, not even a little.
• 1:38:39
  Matt: Not even a little bit, but a long time ago we had the idea, or I should say I pointed out, that I had never had a blizzard from dairy queen.
• 1:38:50
  Matt: Yeah, and eric said we got to go one day and get a blizzard.
• 1:38:54
  Matt: Well, that's exactly what we did, but we did it for a very specific reason.
• 1:38:59
  Matt: When we had the idea for this segment to go out into the world with hidden microphones, we had a very specific idea in mind, a very specific destination.
• 1:39:12
  Eric: We, yeah.
• 1:39:13
  Eric: Dairy Queen was not our first choice.
• 1:39:17
  Eric: Dairy Queen was but a means to an end.
• 1:39:20
  Matt: My friends, no, the Dairy Queen excursion that you're about to hear was A test run, was a test run of the equipment and we've taken some notes.
• 1:39:29
  Matt: I will say that this I'm hoping for the next time we do this segment, which will, in fact, be an entire episode.
• 1:39:36
  Matt: I hope the audio quality will be slightly better than you're about to hear.
• 1:39:40
  Matt: Yes, um, but that being said, I don't want to say anything else, because the actual announcement of a big episode that's coming down the line well, that we're gonna have to turn over to matt and eric manner man, er, take it away.
• 1:39:55
  Matt: Okay, so here we are in a Dairy Queen Yep in Maryland that you have driven like 40 minutes to get to now.
• 1:40:08
  Matt: Yes, because at first I went to the wrong one.
• 1:40:12
  Eric: There was some misalignment on which Dairy Queen I fucked up.
• 1:40:14
  Eric: I went to the wrong one.
• 1:40:14
  Eric: There was some misalignment on which Dairy Queen I fucked up which is impressive, because there's not a lot of Dairy Queens left in Maryland, I'm realizing or left.
• 1:40:21
  Matt: Or left.
• 1:40:22
  Matt: And I was about to, we were about to go in and record, yeah, and I dropped the little clip for the mic that we have hidden under our garments, under my seat.
• 1:40:34
  Matt: So the two of us have just spent like 10 minutes 10 minutes, easy, easily 10 minutes Crawling around my tiny little Ford Focus heads down asses up, and the worst part is, we found it at one point.
• 1:40:47
  Matt: We found it.
• 1:40:47
  Matt: At one point we located it, it was stuck to something metal down there.
• 1:40:50
  Matt: Yeah, it's magnetic, and so I went to try to get my big old thingies down there and it flicked it into parts unknown Into the ether.
• 1:40:58
  Matt: So the reason we're here, eric, is I've never had a blizzard.
• 1:41:01
  Matt: Yes, so we're going to go get a blizzard.
• 1:41:03
  Eric: And I'm fairly certain, like the more I've thought about it.
• 1:41:06
  Matt: I don't think I've had a blizzard either.
• 1:41:08
  Matt: I can tell you with full certainty.
• 1:41:09
  Matt: I have not set foot in a Dairy Queen since I was like six or seven and my grandparents took me.
• 1:41:16
  Eric: I've eaten in a Dairy Queen.
• 1:41:17
  Eric: I don't think I've ever gotten a blizzard, though.
• 1:41:19
  Eric: Let's blizzard up, let's blizzard up, let's blizzard up, let's blizzard up.
• 1:41:22
  Eric: Oh yeah, I think that person in the car next to us might have thought we were like arguing, because we look very intense, should we?
• 1:41:32
  Matt: keep up that facade.
• 1:41:33
  Matt: Do you think it's very windy?
• 1:41:35
  Eric: it's very windy.
• 1:41:36
  Eric: The audio, this is good just just pick up that wind.
• 1:41:38
  Matt: We could sit on the side of that building if we wanted an outside set.
• 1:41:42
  Matt: Okay, maybe maybe let's, but I made you drive the wrong place, so we're definitely I'm paying.
• 1:41:47
  Matt: It's on me this date.
• 1:41:50
  Matt: Oh, there's barely any place to sit.
• 1:41:52
  Matt: It's oh yeah, drive through only inside, close-through only inside closed.
• 1:41:55
  Eric: Drive-through only inside closed.
• 1:41:57
  Eric: Yet another development.
• 1:41:58
  Matt: Let me tell you something, folks and that there was a big sign.
• 1:42:01
  Matt: I have been sitting in this parking lot for at least 40 minutes now, and now once have I.
• 1:42:10
  Matt: We've been crawling around on the floor trying to find a clue for the most discreet methodology of recording.
• 1:42:21
  Matt: Yeah, and only to walk up to a door that has the biggest, Biggest like fucking 116-point font.
• 1:42:31
  Eric: Inside closed Drive-thru only, All right.
• 1:42:34
  Matt: All right, let's do this.
• 1:42:35
  Matt: Let's do this.
• 1:42:36
  Matt: Alright, I'm backing up.
• 1:42:37
  Matt: We're now going through a drive-thru and I had this whole bit planned of being like what do you personally recommend?
• 1:42:43
  Matt: I'm still going to do it.
• 1:42:45
  Eric: Oh yeah, ask them in the drive-thru.
• 1:42:47
  Eric: They love that.
• 1:42:48
  Eric: Yeah, they absolutely do.
• 1:42:49
  Eric: Patience please, Only two employees.
• 1:42:52
  Matt: Holy shit, hi, yes, listen, here's the situation.
• 1:42:55
  Eric: I've never had a blizzard so I want to know what the best one is.
• 1:43:02
  Eric: We have like seasonal ones right now.
• 1:43:04
  Eric: That's like the Oreo hot cocoa that comes with whipped cream.
• 1:43:06
  Eric: I'm going to go with, like cheesecake, chocolate and strawberry peanut butter cup pie, like a little cookie dough.
• 1:43:13
  Eric: What are you feeling?
• 1:43:14
  Eric: I want that hot chocolate blizzard Because we have a bunch of chocolate ones.
• 1:43:19
  Matt: Oh okay, how about, I think could we get two of those the chocolate fudge ones, chocolate brownie extreme.
• 1:43:27
  Matt: Chocolate brownie extreme.
• 1:43:30
  Eric: Did I hear correct that there's like a hot chocolate one, the one with hot cocoa yeah, the one with hot cocoa yeah.
• 1:43:36
  Matt: Oreo hot cocoa yeah, what size.
• 1:43:39
  Eric: I would like one of those medium All right, and just one of those.
• 1:43:43
  Matt: Yeah, we'll do one of those.
• 1:43:44
  Matt: I'll do the Oreo hot cocoa also a medium.
• 1:43:48
  Matt: All right, anything else, no, that'll be it.
• 1:43:51
  Matt: That'll be wrong, I love the medium.
• 1:43:54
  Matt: All right, thank you, Oreo hot cocoa.
• 1:43:56
  Matt: I know it's intriguing.
• 1:43:57
  Eric: Yeah, so many Do they still hold it upside down for us.
• 1:43:59
  Eric: I don't know, maybe we have to hold it upside down, yeah, when it's drive through, I feel like that's a reasonable ask.
• 1:44:05
  Matt: Now see, what we had previously talked about on the podcast was that I had never had a delicious blizzard.
• 1:44:12
  Matt: But you have.
• 1:44:17
  Eric: But now you are calling it disgusting.
• 1:44:17
  Eric: Now I'm wondering.
• 1:44:18
  Eric: I don't think I have, because I know I've eaten a Dairy Queen, but I don't think I've ever gotten a blizzard.
• 1:44:22
  Eric: I've got Schrodinger's Blizzard up in here.
• 1:44:29
  Matt: What does that mean?
• 1:44:31
  Eric: I'm in a state of maybe I have, maybe I haven't.
• 1:44:34
  Eric: I couldn't tell you what one I have, maybe I haven't.
• 1:44:35
  Eric: I can't.
• 1:44:36
  Matt: Couldn't tell you what one tastes like, but I might have had one well, this has been a failed experiment from many angles, is what we've learned well, it's only this woman has circled twice.
• 1:44:50
  Matt: She's circled the drive-thru twice like a cheetah circling a gazelle.
• 1:44:54
  Matt: Yeah, are we the gazelle Could?
• 1:44:56
  Eric: be, but it's only a failed experiment insofar as we do not retrieve good data from it.
• 1:45:01
  Eric: So let's go over the good data.
• 1:45:03
  Eric: We've retrieved.
• 1:45:03
  Eric: Data point number one make sure we go to the.
• 1:45:07
  Eric: We both go to the same place.
• 1:45:08
  Eric: Make sure we align on where we're going, yeah.
• 1:45:11
  Eric: Two make sure the place we're going to has an inside option, yes, okay.
• 1:45:17
  Eric: Number three don't lose the little magnetic backer to the microphone.
• 1:45:22
  Matt: Don't lose the little duca, as my family likes to say.
• 1:45:25
  Matt: What else?
• 1:45:29
  Eric: I've learned that there are a variety of Blizzard flavors.
• 1:45:32
  Matt: Seasonal.
• 1:45:32
  Eric: I thought it was like a McFlurry situation where there's like.
• 1:45:35
  Eric: Blizzard.
• 1:45:35
  Eric: And then there's, like Oreo Reese's.
• 1:45:37
  Eric: I thought there were like five.
• 1:45:39
  Eric: There's a meta.
• 1:45:41
  Matt: There's a Blizzard meta Now.
• 1:45:42
  Matt: She wasn't as annoyed to speak to me as I thought she would be, as most women are.
• 1:45:48
  Eric: Especially considering.
• 1:45:49
  Eric: Like when we pulled up, there's a little sign on the drive-thru order menu that says please be patient two employees there are two human beings holding down this Dairy Queen right now and the drive-thru is like bopping.
• 1:46:04
  Matt: It is bopping.
• 1:46:04
  Matt: I didn't know.
• 1:46:05
  Matt: People went to Dairy Queen.
• 1:46:08
  Eric: Yeah, but I guess it's like a ride or die for some people, I guess.
• 1:46:13
  Eric: So If you've been going to Dairy Queen, you stay going to Dairy Queen.
• 1:46:16
  Matt: And you know in retrospect, there were a lot of people just parking around me as I waited for you, eating ice cream in a car and I thought that was unusual.
• 1:46:24
  Matt: Yeah, but I also thought it was because it's windy.
• 1:46:27
  Eric: It's windy or they're like maybe I don't.
• 1:46:30
  Matt: All right, we're moving up one.
• 1:46:32
  Matt: Okay, there's a Defender in front of us.
• 1:46:34
  Matt: Oh damn, that thing's fucking tall.
• 1:46:37
  Matt: I don't like it.
• 1:46:38
  Matt: I don't like it.
• 1:46:39
  Matt: Look at these old-fashioned windows.
• 1:46:41
  Matt: Well, of course, this is Dairy Queen.
• 1:46:42
  Eric: I can't believe it's been updated at any time recently.
• 1:46:46
  Eric: Okay, good, they've decorated for St Paddy's Day.
• 1:46:48
  Eric: The people who are listening for this announcement.
• 1:46:51
  Matt: We've been talking about that.
• 1:46:52
  Matt: We still haven't done.
• 1:46:54
  Matt: Have got to be disappointed, right.
• 1:46:58
  Eric: No, no, no, no.
• 1:46:59
  Eric: They got to Like why else would we have put this on the internet if it wasn't worth it?
• 1:47:07
  Matt: That's almost after we have had with our last episode, where we practically sent it away for peer review to see if it's too much to put out.
• 1:47:19
  Eric: We had to have a coming to God moment with one of our episodes.
• 1:47:22
  Matt: Yes, we did.
• 1:47:22
  Matt: So I guess.
• 1:47:24
  Matt: I mean, I guess should we do the?
• 1:47:26
  Matt: Oh, they did it, they turned it upside down.
• 1:47:30
  Eric: They turned that shit upside down, live at the drive-thru.
• 1:47:33
  Matt: Are you fucking?
• 1:47:33
  Eric: kidding me To the defender?
• 1:47:34
  Eric: Honestly, it was at the drive-thru.
• 1:47:35
  Eric: Are you fucking kidding me To the defender?
• 1:47:36
  Eric: Honestly, it was like a three-quarters turn.
• 1:47:38
  Eric: I need you to answer this question right now.
• 1:47:39
  Eric: What are you going to do if she doesn't do it for you?
• 1:47:46
  Eric: Are you going to hand it back and ask them to do it?
• 1:47:48
  Eric: Is this like it, fucking?
• 1:47:50
  Eric: Do I have the strength.
• 1:47:51
  Eric: Have you ever been to Mission Barbecue or those barbecue places where you go to pick up their order and they open each box like a briefcase?
• 1:47:59
  Matt: Okay, well, now that she handed it to him, it started upside down and flipped it as she handed it to him.
• 1:48:05
  Matt: This woman is a pro.
• 1:48:07
  Matt: Oh, she's on it.
• 1:48:08
  Matt: She's on it.
• 1:48:08
  Matt: I don't have any oh.
• 1:48:10
  Eric: God Look at this.
• 1:48:11
  Matt: This is also the fourth blizzard this guy has taken.
• 1:48:14
  Matt: Look at this form.
• 1:48:16
  Eric: All right, here we go.
• 1:48:16
  Eric: Okay, here we go.
• 1:48:17
  Eric: Game time, game time, game time let's drive.
• 1:48:19
  Eric: All right, don't mention, we're cops, I sure won't.
• 1:48:23
  Eric: No, thank you I have a wallet around here somewhere, Please note.
• 1:48:29
  Eric: Matthew, no $100 bills.
• 1:48:36
  Matt: Only $50 or less.
• 1:48:36
  Matt: Thank you, all right, let's do this, these little flippy floppy windows.
• 1:48:38
  Eric: Haven't seen them.
• 1:48:38
  Eric: Yeah, it's been a minute.
• 1:48:39
  Matt: It's been a minute.
• 1:48:39
  Matt: Well, there's no reason to keep the mics under our clothes.
• 1:48:42
  Matt: So once we park, we can.
• 1:48:45
  Eric: Well, is it worth it to get to test out, like how they hold up under our clothes while we're talking?
• 1:48:50
  Matt: Yeah, it probably is.
• 1:48:52
  Eric: I mean, I did a little test of that because we're gonna need it when we go, you know to the place, to the place, to the main event this is just the warm-up this is.
• 1:49:02
  Matt: This is ultimately a test.
• 1:49:04
  Eric: This is a test run for for bigger, grander things.
• 1:49:08
  Matt: Absolutely, though judge should have gotten one of the stock flavors we each got the same flavor.
• 1:49:16
  Eric: We got the hot cocoa.
• 1:49:17
  Matt: No, we didn't.
• 1:49:18
  Matt: I got the hot cocoa, you got the thank you, I got the hot cocoa.
• 1:49:21
  Matt: Hot cocoa Oreo.
• 1:49:22
  Matt: I forgot to say thank you, so I still set it to a closed window.
• 1:49:26
  Eric: I just want everyone to know that here we go.
• 1:49:28
  Matt: It's upside down.
• 1:49:29
  Eric: Thank, you, thank you, oh my goodness, thank you.
• 1:49:31
  Matt: You're welcome have a great one, thank you, oh my goodness, thank you so much.
• 1:49:33
  Matt: Which one is which?
• 1:49:35
  Eric: They're the same one.
• 1:49:35
  Matt: Oh, they are, yeah, yeah, we both got Oreo hot cocoa.
• 1:49:38
  Matt: Oh, I thought we got two different.
• 1:49:39
  Matt: You got the chocolate bourbon.
• 1:49:41
  Eric: Oh, no, no, no, they asked for one.
• 1:49:48
  Matt: I was like no, I want that, I want that experiment in my car.
• 1:49:51
  Eric: Yeah, see, now that she's done it, I feel like I'm tempting fate.
• 1:49:56
  Eric: I feel like there's a window in which you have to accomplish.
• 1:50:00
  Matt: All right, I'm doing it, I'm doing it, I'm putting a hand.
• 1:50:02
  Eric: Whoa, I've never been more afraid of my whole life, Matt look.
• 1:50:06
  Matt: Matt, look, I don't know.
• 1:50:09
  Eric: Is this science?
• 1:50:09
  Eric: I?
• 1:50:11
  Matt: just turned it upside down several times, so many times.
• 1:50:13
  Matt: I just did it once and was scared.
• 1:50:15
  Matt: Ooh, they give you that long spoon.
• 1:50:17
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:50:17
  Matt: Okay, that was all whipped cream, that bit.
• 1:50:20
  Matt: All right here we go Cheers, my friend Cheers.
• 1:50:22
  Matt: Here we'll do a little spoon cheers.
• 1:50:24
  Matt: Oh yeah, okay, okay, okay, what notes are you getting?
• 1:50:35
  Matt: Hmm?
• 1:50:37
  Eric: It's very Oreo forward, which I appreciate.
• 1:50:39
  Eric: I do get the hot cocoa.
• 1:50:41
  Eric: Yeah, no, because whenever I hear hot cocoa I'm like, okay, but is this just chocolate?
• 1:50:46
  Eric: And you're calling it hot?
• 1:50:47
  Eric: But this is like I'm getting those notes of Swiss Miss.
• 1:50:52
  Matt: And this is no Oreo dust from a mid-flurry.
• 1:50:57
  Matt: This is chunks of Oreo.
• 1:50:59
  Eric: They took a bag of Oreos out back, took a baseball bat to it.
• 1:51:02
  Eric: Yeah, office space style.
• 1:51:04
  Matt: Yeah, they beat the shit out of these Oreos.
• 1:51:07
  Eric: I love it.
• 1:51:07
  Matt: This is the part of the podcast where they just hear us chew right up close.
• 1:51:11
  Eric: Oh yeah, Didn't think about that part.
• 1:51:13
  Eric: They become intimately familiar with how much I smack my lips.
• 1:51:16
  Matt: Oh they, already are bud.
• 1:51:21
  Eric: I've done my best.
• 1:51:22
  Eric: I've salvaged what I could.
• 1:51:23
  Matt: This is nice.
• 1:51:25
  Matt: This is very nice.
• 1:51:26
  Matt: This is nice.
• 1:51:27
  Matt: We're having a nice little date in Dairy Queen Park.
• 1:51:35
  Eric: Sharing a thick-ass milkshake ice cream.
• 1:51:36
  Eric: Situation Across the street from a.
• 1:51:37
  Eric: Um, oh shit, we're across the street from Wheels.
• 1:51:38
  Eric: Holy shit, that takes me back.
• 1:51:40
  Eric: Uh, wheels skating center and a Vapor's.
• 1:51:42
  Matt: Ring.
• 1:51:43
  Matt: Yeah, next to a Five Guys.
• 1:51:45
  Matt: Yeah, that's a hopping little intersection.
• 1:51:47
  Matt: What the fuck?
• 1:51:48
  Matt: A plastic bottle just assaulted my car Like like, at a like it, just you didn't hear it.
• 1:51:56
  Matt: It just smacked against the side of the vehicle, damn Got.
• 1:51:59
  Eric: RKO'd by a bottle.
• 1:52:04
  Matt: Okay, it's time to announce the announcement we've teased for seemingly years, truly so.
• 1:52:09
  Matt: The segment has been revealed.
• 1:52:10
  Matt: We have mics and we're going out into the wild and these are hidden mics.
• 1:52:16
  Matt: Yeah, it's Yadaft.
• 1:52:20
  Eric: Undercover is a possible title of the segment Yadaft in the wild.
• 1:52:24
  Matt: What do we think about that Yadaft?
• 1:52:27
  Eric: in the wild is good.
• 1:52:28
  Eric: Yadaft on the wire, ooh oh.
• 1:52:32
  Matt: In the wild on the wire.
• 1:52:34
  Matt: Mm, that's the tagline in the wild on the wire.
• 1:52:42
  Matt: But the reason we wanted to do the dairy queen, yes one, because neither of us apparently have had blizzards and, honestly, top marks, top marks.
• 1:52:49
  Matt: This is a rich dairy queen I always get a medium and that might have been too much.
• 1:52:52
  Eric: yeah, oh yeah, but one place that we have mentioned many, many, many, many times oh, we have, and I feel like a place that both of us in our lives have knelt at the altar of.
• 1:53:06
  Matt: Oh yes, Our lives are very well supported by this institution and we are going to repay them by probably violating a recording policy.
• 1:53:15
  Matt: Yeah, we are going undercover to record an episode live at IKEA.
• 1:53:23
  Eric: IKEA motherfuckers.
• 1:53:24
  Eric: We're on the scene.
• 1:53:27
  Matt: We will be on the scene.
• 1:53:29
  Matt: We will be in those sofas.
• 1:53:31
  Eric: I'm going to be rifling through their umlauts like it's my fucking job.
• 1:53:35
  Eric: So we need In those sofas.
• 1:53:36
  Matt: I'm going to be rifling through their umlauts like it's my fucking job, so we need your questions on IKEA.
• 1:53:44
  Matt: Ikea-related questions, ikea-based questions.
• 1:53:47
  Matt: Swedish meatball questions.
• 1:53:49
  Matt: Swedish questions yeah.
• 1:53:51
  Eric: And we're going to make a day of it.
• 1:53:52
  Eric: Oh yeah, we're going to the food court.
• 1:53:54
  Eric: We're walking the floor.
• 1:53:56
  Eric: I think we've got to start at the food court.
• 1:53:58
  Eric: We've got to start at the food court, you cannot.
• 1:54:00
  Matt: Episode opens with us walking in.
• 1:54:03
  Matt: Yeah, this is my vision we walk in, we go up the stairs.
• 1:54:13
  Eric: That know which one.
• 1:54:14
  Eric: Don't be fucking cute, I'm a veteran.
• 1:54:18
  Matt: We don't need to tell them it's a podcast war no.
• 1:54:21
  Eric: It's a podcast war and we're in the fucking trenches.
• 1:54:25
  Matt: And then we go, we devour some meatballs and then we just walk through the Ikea answering the questions that we get and commenting on the umlauts we see, because God knows, I might walk out of there with some furniture.
• 1:54:39
  Matt: We might.
• 1:54:40
  Matt: It's a good store.
• 1:54:41
  Matt: Well then, we better take your Jeep.
• 1:54:43
  Eric: Oh, that's a big step for us.
• 1:54:44
  Eric: What if we bought Ikea furniture together?
• 1:54:47
  Matt: I remember when me and Lindsey bought our first Ikea piece of furniture.
• 1:54:51
  Matt: It was like a $200 couch.
• 1:54:52
  Matt: It was a piece of furniture.
• 1:54:54
  Matt: It was like a $200 couch.
• 1:54:55
  Matt: It was a piece of shit.
• 1:54:55
  Matt: Yeah, it did not hold up.
• 1:54:58
  Eric: No.
• 1:54:58
  Matt: But now we have elevated to like top tier Ikea.
• 1:55:03
  Matt: These days Ikea does have tiers.
• 1:55:05
  Matt: Anyone who doesn't know that is a fool.
• 1:55:08
  Matt: So I think we're going to go on a busy day, yeah.
• 1:55:13
  Eric: We're going to blend.
• 1:55:13
  Eric: It'll be sad.
• 1:55:14
  Eric: Where we can blend in Us by ourselves, we're not going to go on a busy day.
• 1:55:15
  Eric: Yeah, we got to blend, it'll be sad for us by ourselves.
• 1:55:16
  Matt: You know we're not going to talk to people because we don't want to tell people we're recording.
• 1:55:20
  Matt: But if they're talking to us, you know we're not going to be like the conversation should organically arise.
• 1:55:25
  Eric: Who are we to stop it?
• 1:55:26
  Eric: Who are we to say no?
• 1:55:27
  Matt: So we're going to go to this Ikea and we're going to answer your questions, so please send them to us.
• 1:55:33
  Matt: You didn't ask for this Gmailcom, that's all spelled out.
• 1:55:35
  Matt: Or you didn't ask pod on Instagram, twitter, facebook, et cetera, et cetera.
• 1:55:40
  Matt: Or, you know, call the what this is the first time I've ever heard you say this in person, in person, and I'm doing it to a five guys facade across the street facade.
• 1:55:58
  Matt: Across the street, I'm addressing my windshield as if I'm on stage, so call the thought line at 410-929-5329.
• 1:56:03
  Matt: Give us your Ikea related questions there.
• 1:56:04
  Matt: Carrier pigeon.
• 1:56:06
  Matt: However else you want to do it Technically, eric, this is the end of the episode where we're announcing this oh yeah, um, so, um, so.
• 1:56:14
  Matt: Uh, I'm putting that in your head, okay, because you're gonna now have to think of your closing bit for an episode.
• 1:56:22
  Matt: Not only have you not heard, we haven't even recorded, we're doing this first.
• 1:56:28
  Matt: So just put that in your head, because, uh, I just want I know you need a little.
• 1:56:34
  Eric: I need, I need plenty of runway to think up like a real fucking.
• 1:56:39
  Eric: Just dislocate your knee slapper.
• 1:56:42
  Matt: Yeah, absolutely I'll tell you this I am so fucking excited to do this episode I am so.
• 1:56:50
  Eric: We've been talking about this for like for a long long time.
• 1:56:54
  Eric: I feel like it was like a year at this point.
• 1:56:57
  Matt: I think it was a year ago.
• 1:56:58
  Matt: We had the idea.
• 1:56:59
  Eric: To like go out and do something.
• 1:57:01
  Eric: And then it was, yeah, figure out where we want to go.
• 1:57:03
  Matt: And we've been peppering in.
• 1:57:05
  Matt: We have a new segment idea that we don't have the equipment for yet.
• 1:57:09
  Matt: No, On the podcast for quite some time, and now we have the equipment.
• 1:57:12
  Matt: Now we have the equipment, we might need to get a replacement part on the very first usage of it.
• 1:57:17
  Matt: Yeah, but that's on me and I can, uh, continue to, you know, dig around my seat like a mole rat to try to find this in private and not while other people around us wondering what sexual position we're trying to achieve like.
• 1:57:35
  Eric: Truly it for anyone.
• 1:57:38
  Eric: Look looking at this car from the outside.
• 1:57:40
  Eric: Looking in, it looked like because they saw matt parked here ball cap, sunglasses, true, like like he's in witness protection.
• 1:57:49
  Eric: I pull up in my Jeep which is missing a wheel guard.
• 1:57:54
  Eric: It has several dings.
• 1:57:57
  Eric: My Jeep is looking rough.
• 1:57:59
  Matt: I call you into my passenger seat.
• 1:58:02
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, we exchange some words.
• 1:58:03
  Eric: I get out of the Jeep, I walk around to the side of his car, I get in the passenger seat, we sit, we talk, we fiddle around with some things, and then it looks like a drug deal.
• 1:58:16
  Eric: But we dropped the drugs in the side of the car, so we're like fuck man, and then we both get in the back seat at one point.
• 1:58:26
  Matt: Yes, and just for everyone's remembrance, you are freakishly tall.
• 1:58:33
  Eric: Yeah, I'm big.
• 1:58:33
  Matt: And I am 5'11", so I'm not a small man either.
• 1:58:37
  Matt: And this is a Ford Focus.
• 1:58:39
  Matt: It is.
• 1:58:42
  Eric: It was tight.
• 1:58:43
  Eric: Yeah, it's tight, it's tight.
• 1:58:44
  Eric: I can't okay.
• 1:58:46
  Eric: I can now fully.
• 1:58:47
  Eric: I don't know what changed between the time I got in this car, but when I first got in, I feel like my head was bumping the ceiling a little.
• 1:58:52
  Matt: You haven't been erect this whole time.
• 1:58:54
  Matt: Is that what you're saying?
• 1:58:54
  Matt: It's true, yes, because I've been erect this whole time.
• 1:59:03
  Matt: Yeah, it's just great.
• 1:59:05
  Eric: I thought maybe there'd be more of a banter, we would make the worst drug dealers.
• 1:59:13
  Matt: Yeah, I don't think we should try.
• 1:59:15
  Eric: No, no, no, no no no, no.
• 1:59:17
  Matt: Well, I think we got the mileage out of this little equipment test.
• 1:59:21
  Matt: I'm just going to say it.
• 1:59:22
  Matt: Okay, this has been nice, this is very nice.
• 1:59:26
  Eric: This is the first time we're recording like in person together.
• 1:59:30
  Matt: And it couldn't be more unorthodox.
• 1:59:32
  Matt: No, the way we're doing it, the way we chose to go about this, you know, god tried to stop us so many times, like three times just today, but we didn't take the hint.
• 1:59:45
  Matt: We said not today, god.
• 1:59:48
  Eric: Goodness, no, I can't wait to see what kind of like fucking Sodom and Gomorrah shit unleashes in Ikea.
• 1:59:55
  Eric: We should end the episode now.
• 1:59:57
  Matt: Okay, so send us your Ikea questions.
• 1:59:58
  Matt: Yes, we're going to Ikea, we're going to buy.
• 2:00:02
  Matt: I think we have to buy something each, even if it's a spatula.
• 2:00:07
  Eric: Even a spatula, I mean.
• 2:00:09
  Matt: I could buy.
• 2:00:09
  Matt: It's the least we could do.
• 2:00:15
  Eric: Do you know what my favorite thing I've ever bought at Ikea is?
• 2:00:17
  Eric: What's that?
• 2:00:17
  Eric: It's a little.
• 2:00:17
  Eric: They make these beds for dolls.
• 2:00:19
  Eric: They're doll-sized beds, which means they're also the perfect size for my cat.
• 2:00:24
  Matt: So I just bought my cat a little Ikea bed.
• 2:00:26
  Eric: Oh my God, it's so cute.
• 2:00:28
  Eric: She slept in it too.
• 2:00:29
  Eric: She slept in it too.
• 2:00:30
  Eric: Use a little pillow, it'll melt your fucking heart.
• 2:00:33
  Eric: I can't wait, I can't wait, tell you what this blizzard has definitely lost its upside down consistency but not as much as you would think no, I well, now it's just become milkshake.
• 2:00:45
  Eric: It is milkshake now it's just milkshake.
• 2:00:47
  Eric: I wish, I feel like dairy queen, I gotta say dairy queen could have really, really fucking gone the distance if they included those.
• 2:00:58
  Eric: Do you remember those combination straw spoons?
• 2:01:00
  Eric: Oh yeah, this is what that is for that's what it's needing.
• 2:01:05
  Matt: This is what it needs Because I'm going to have a little pool at the bottom.
• 2:01:07
  Eric: I can tell A little trove.
• 2:01:08
  Eric: They really do not skimp on the toppings, which I appreciate.
• 2:01:11
  Matt: I know, Usually I get a McFlurry.
• 2:01:13
  Eric: They're not even toppings do not skimp on the toppings, which I appreciate.
• 2:01:15
  Eric: Usually I get a McFlurry.
• 2:01:16
  Eric: They're not even toppings, they're in there.
• 2:01:17
  Eric: Yeah, you ever get a McFlurry.
• 2:01:18
  Eric: You dig through the initial crust of the topping and then it's just soft serve the whole way down.
• 2:01:20
  Eric: It's depressing.
• 2:01:21
  Matt: They don't even bother making it turn anymore, they just dump a spoonful of you are now responsible for McFlurrying your McFlurry.
• 2:01:32
  Matt: Yeah, you have to McFlurry the McFlurry with the Oreo ash that they put on top of it.
• 2:01:36
  Eric: Oh, my God, yeah, the fine.
• 2:01:38
  Eric: The confectioner's sugar of Oreo they put in there, it gets everywhere, god damn it.
• 2:01:45
  Matt: So send us those IKEA questions.
• 2:01:46
  Matt: We'll be here, we'll be waiting, and then we're going to answer them live in an IKEA.
• 2:01:52
  Matt: Yeah, face to face.
• 2:01:53
  Matt: We're going to sit in those different you know those different rooms.
• 2:01:57
  Matt: They got there.
• 2:01:58
  Eric: Oh, it's going to be great.
• 2:01:58
  Eric: We're going to try them all out, give them a little.
• 2:02:00
  Eric: Give them a little little feel we're going to open those Swedish book placeholders.
• 2:02:04
  Matt: They got everywhere.
• 2:02:05
  Eric: Oh, and we're going to have some meatballs and you're going to hear us chew more.
• 2:02:10
  Matt: We're going to try to pronounce so many names, gang, yeah, yeah, maybe we can just ask people how do you pronounce it, how do you pronounce that, and see what they do.
• 2:02:16
  Matt: Anyway, that awaits you.
• 2:02:18
  Matt: Send us some stuff.
• 2:02:20
  Matt: We're very excited and I think that'll about do it for this episode of you.
• 2:02:24
  Matt: Didn't Ask for this, don't you agree?
• 2:02:25
  Matt: Oh, I absolutely agree.
• 2:02:26
  Matt: We can finish these McFlurries without pausing and silence to talk.
• 2:02:33
  Matt: For the sake of the listener, we can dismiss them from the car.
• 2:02:38
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 2:02:40
  Matt: Go get a Blizzard.
• 2:02:41
  Matt: Go get a Blizzard Again, not sponsored in any way.
• 2:02:44
  Matt: And for all of us here, you didn't ask for this.
• 2:02:47
  Matt: My name's Matt Shea, my name's Eric Poach and listen, you didn't ask.
• 2:02:52
  Eric: But truly on a scale of 1 to 10, I give the Blizzard, like that's, a solid 8.5.
• 2:02:59
  Matt: Yeah, 8.5 is good.
• 2:03:01
  Matt: 8.5 is good.
• 2:03:02
  Matt: I don't rule out a 9, honestly I don't rule out a 9.
• 2:03:05
  Eric: I think it depends on the day, like at that point.
• 2:03:08
  Eric: It depends on, like what I was like, okay, okay.
• 2:03:11
  Matt: The availability of it is its downfall.
• 2:03:16
  Eric: I like my tasty frosty treats to be a little more exclusive, a little more coy.
• 2:03:22
  Matt: A little more coy.
• 2:03:23
  Eric: Yeah, you said the availability of it.
• 2:03:25
  Matt: Yeah, oh, you want to be able to play yeah.
• 2:03:27
  Matt: I want to you like it playing hard to get Exactly.
• 2:03:30
  Eric: I want to fucking work for my tasty ice cream.
• 2:03:33
  Eric: If I can just have it whenever I want, I'm going to start taking it for granted.
• 2:03:35
  Eric: There, I said it.
• 2:03:37
  Eric: Should we go to a Sonic?
• 2:03:39
  Eric: Ooh, I could fucking murder a Sonic.
• 2:03:44
  Eric: Interview someone on roller skates.
• 2:03:45
  Eric: Oh my God, because at that point it's not illegal If they're on roller skates.
• 2:03:49
  Eric: No, that's a binding contract.
• 2:03:50
  Eric: Yeah, it is not illegal if they're on roller skates.
• 2:03:52
  Eric: It's a binding contract.
• 2:03:52
  Eric: Yeah, it is not illegal if they're on roller skates.
• 2:03:53
  Eric: No, they're performing.
• 2:03:54
  Eric: Yeah, they're not technically pedestrian at that point Like they're not employee.
• 2:03:56
  Eric: They're on roller, like they're they work for us.
• 2:03:58
  Eric: Oh, yes, they work for the people.
• 2:04:01
  Eric: Little known fact, little known footnote in the Constitution.
• 2:04:05
  Eric: All right, that's it.
• 2:04:07
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, we did it, we did it, we did it.