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Transcript

Toni Moog- Telemierda · Comedy Central Stand-Up

• 0:02
  Comedy Central Podcast. Well you' ll see the two means of moped nmoud
• 0:19
  and I' m wearing tatus ok. I' ve been saying no all
• 0:21
  my life, but there' s a point that status is getting to me.
• 0:25
  You know, he sees them ink weighs, and I started carrying my
• 0:29
  first Moor around at Comedy Central. The tattoos around here, look, they
• 0:33
  ' re coming down, they' re coming down, that is, they
• 0:35
  ' re weighing. I' ve got the eggs full of ink for a
• 0:38
  calamats and it gives. From now on, I' m gonna change and
• 0:40
  I' m gonna start by saying good night. I' m a T
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  - A- T- T- T- T- T- T-
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  T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T
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  - T- T- T- T- T- T- T-
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  T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T
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  - T- T- T- T- T- T- T-
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  T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T
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  - T- T- T- T- T- T- T-
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  T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T
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  - T- T- T- T- T- T- T-
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  T- T. You applaud good. Thanks for those applause I don'
• 0:53
  t need. I say it with humility, not because I want to laugh,
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  laugh, laugh, I' m a comedian. You know no Laughter,
• 1:00
  risa, risa I' m a little sweaty in applause. I don
• 1:04
  ' t always say I was on my dick, but it' s true.
• 1:06
  From here you don' t see it if you go up here there
• 1:08
  ' s a pool already sweaty. I want to laugh. Sometimes you humor
• 1:11
  me that make a joke and people applaud, but without laughing the blah,
• 1:15
  blah I say and laughter inside. I' m busting my ass on the
• 1:21
  inside. I mean, I want laugh, basic laugh. You understand me
• 1:23
  ha ha ha. What good is the applause, for it only serves me,
• 1:26
  for look. That five- ten- second round of applause. Or
• 1:29
  it' s the five seconds I take advantage of. Damn it, a
• 1:33
  little thing to soak my hero' s commissar. Hey there, fuck,
• 1:45
  stop it, it' s braking, it' s lopaje, it'
• 1:53
  s ice and I don' t always explain it because of course it doesn
• 1:55
  ' t seem like it. There' s people here that' s a
• 1:57
  wiki I don' t know what. Brake. Hey, I know it
• 2:00
  doesn' t look like it, but there' s a lot of drinks
• 2:02
  that aren' t what they look like. You know how I get in
• 2:04
  there that I know aquaria was made for the aquarium, so that energy,
• 2:07
  drink, energy, uh, uh, there' s strength, strength and
• 2:10
  it' s used for diarrhea. Fuck, even the doctors, not the
• 2:15
  doctors themselves, gastro enteritis, drinking aquarium and I' m going to burn
• 2:19
  my ass to shit, because you didn' t get it. Gripolla,
• 2:21
  hey you, you find a friend down the street where you go with a
• 2:23
  bottle of aquarium to run for a run and I' m shitting myself.
• 2:25
  You understand me not and I happen to be with the braker. I'
• 2:30
  m a coach, so in case he caught a you know uh, imagine
• 2:36
  and then huff and uh and with a relapse you shit eh a flu ah
• 2:42
  you got it. I didn' t do anything. The flu a cold
• 2:45
  doesn' t matter you understand me not a topic, for I take the
• 2:49
  braking and the fucking flu and eye that is the normal flu, because a
• 2:52
  few years ago you don' t remember like a flu that eh well,
• 2:54
  ah uh, the flu ah you save people shelter to my God the flu.
• 2:59
  That' s where we' re going to die the epidemic at the
• 3:04
  end of the world Walking Dead, my God, he' s got this
• 3:07
  bathroom, uh, he' s got some fucking shit, really the flu
• 3:10
  was invented next to the doctor. I have the flu so what symptoms it
• 3:16
  has or because uf I' m with aquarium. Imagine good play that I
• 3:23
  smell diarrhea bombmito nausea diarrhea that I shit that hurts my ass already from shitting
• 3:30
  and everything, because it has the flu. Point they called the flu because
• 3:35
  a faggot was diagnosed. You have the flu, and that' s where
• 3:42
  I know it was. I don' t know that half the people.
• 3:45
  I thought you were too dumb, uh, in the middle and the other
• 3:47
  half came to Wipedia' s fluppear house. So, then, that'
• 3:52
  s why I take it, because the Frenadolf who also, because it goes
• 4:01
  well for or something that came to me did not, do not look,
• 4:04
  did not come. I' ve come to see you listen to me well
• 4:12
  if babies have something cold and drink in a space, I don' t
• 4:15
  know what the hell happens to the human body. See, he' s
• 4:15
  going to his fucking pot, that' s the brain, he doesn'
• 4:19
  t match up well with the orders on the frenzy nerve. You know,
• 4:23
  I was gonna go to her fucking pot, or you' re drinking something
• 4:27
  cold and your eye hurts standing up, and you' d have to hurt
• 4:30
  your throat, not clugi club, and, uh, but why would you
• 4:32
  know that? But they will be optical nerio. You know the longest one
• 4:35
  I' ve ever laid a foot in his ass and gave eyes. You
• 4:36
  know no, and it' s telling you the egg- dropping, toyhora
• 4:40
  the two of you. Yeah, and you take it out of the choho.
• 4:43
  You' re already twisted. You understand no, because he' s
• 4:47
  the madman. I mean, the brain goes to his fucking air and doesn
• 4:51
  ' t coordinate. For example, look the other day what happened to me
• 4:55
  and that' s true, uh, the other day I had, I
• 4:59
  had hiccups, but careful, po corrupt and pol in a toto at the
• 5:02
  same time. But imagine, but the brain and grossness didn' t come
• 5:05
  to his order. It crossed the light and I shit clear, of course,
• 5:10
  it crosses the nelio Caca Caca that smelled up there for I own it
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  the hiccups do not smell that so it smells like clouds. I say shit
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  you and the mens compress is the human body that does these things. I
• 5:24
  don' t know why. The brain suddenly scares me now dad, I
• 5:26
  fall down and like the pussy already without wanting, uh you don' t
• 5:31
  know without wanting, that is typical, you know who hasn' t,
• 5:39
  to whom, to everyone, not ever not the typical. Oh, and
• 5:49
  I didn' t do it to see what I was doing. You know
• 5:51
  if he did ah but he didn' t stay that way. Uh,
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  since I don' t know, it still falls off, but I'
• 5:59
  m cool with him' s boyfriend' s face. Well, I'
• 6:01
  m a boyfriend. I can' t imagine or couple what I know,
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  I mean, it makes a polvadu as fast as badufo call your pipe starts
• 6:11
  okay but the q coola me its authentic. He can hold my gaze there,
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  yes, you know how to say" quiet" or he' s
• 6:20
  going to make you wrong and I' m doing it in my dick.
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  B look at her. I like it. That' s the attitude,
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  because the body goes to her fucking pot you know the chicks. Instead,
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  I think aunts don' t know about birth, they have a chi chips,
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  yes, a chips, a brain chip already born that makes them immune
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  to these things. For example, the sneeze the basic, the big,
• 6:46
  the horse that raises the dust the ground and you see the aunt who prepares
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  the sneeze well, but then finishes as alexis to take the polllo from the
• 6:51
  ball. No, hi, you' re going to toruda and make a
• 6:58
  hell of a mess of mine. Oh, it' s eaten, but
• 7:00
  I fuck that sneezing sadragon you know something empty that' s three hundred miles
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  an hour, the pressure artesa a salo an eye from the mad basin.
• 7:06
  How do you remember that in there to a me say mine, well it
• 7:11
  ' s there. They' re piling up in his spleen the day he
• 7:14
  ' s in there, he' s getting a little fracky the day.
• 7:24
  All this I wanted to say is thank you for selling the comedy center recording
• 7:29
  here tonight, eat central, because well, you say good, too.
• 7:35
  There are more interesting things to do, more interesting things to do in quotation
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  marks. See what I say in quotes when I make the quotes, because
• 7:44
  there are people who make quotation marks without saying in quotes. I usually gesture
• 7:46
  you know about all the chicks are very good is. Handsome good- looking.
• 7:50
  You know, and he says, and they lynch their fins, you
• 7:56
  know, they make me want to tell him there Put your pussy quotes in
• 7:59
  there anyway. You know no, and there are more interesting things to do.
• 8:03
  Not very much the one who can or is allowed to play Candi Crash.
• 8:07
  That' s right, nobody touch it, Candi Crash, that I
• 8:11
  ' m there mereao level juai, not Candy Crash. Ball dream. Of
• 8:18
  course I see people in the audience I mean, look, it' s
• 8:20
  pink, blue, pink red, and this woman who' s striped.
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  Imagine I' m talking, but the brain is thinking and you say yes,
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  yes, yes, yes. Next to this s pampampam explode the net
• 8:30
  and along with the striped one a bomb of five. You understand me I
• 8:35
  ' m not people. People tell me what kind of candy crals. I
• 8:41
  mean, yes, at what level, I mean the sick, sick level.
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  So, well, I' m just like that, forgive me that
• 8:50
  I know, but look or explain if if you could get inside my brain,
• 8:56
  you' d see it the doll that' s carrying it you understand
• 9:01
  me, no, I' m a bullet, but at the same time
• 9:05
  it' s also lying. I say one thing. I' m a
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  mans people You understand me a gentleman. The other day I told a friend
• 9:09
  of mine in the face, I say sorry, I say, but another
• 9:13
  day your wife winked at me says no she has a tick. I mean,
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  I' ve already been fucked by two of them. I' m
• 9:18
  a gentleman. Anyway. Of course, other than that, there' s
• 9:24
  nothing more interesting to do that you say good to watch TV ah but you
• 9:28
  know the pine of TV, because I always said it, television is shit.
• 9:33
  With coughing the fucking letters six I fucking know how many counts your eight
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  letters or fucking shit the shows they put there come on look, who jumps,
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  uh, look who dances that fucking shit, uh, I put on
• 9:45
  TV look who jumps Look, who changes to take fuck gets him out eh.
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  The programotes that put you there on TV five women and men and vice
• 9:56
  versa that fucking shit, that would have to be called polygon cyclaus and the
• 10:01
  reverse dick already take in the ass EH and the click comes out there I
• 10:05
  say where you go that you pile your eyebrows more than my mother already Cabron,
• 10:09
  you have eyebrows of trónistas of faggot, EH and the other with the
• 10:13
  sha hoops. They put me on and I think you' re Garrula yonky
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  whore, how' s he gonna put you on? Is that shit?
• 10:18
  This is him, the rafa Mora, the rafa Moran? That' s
• 10:26
  where he knows you' re rafa Mona? You know, no? Don
• 10:26
  ' t you? Don' t you? Don' t you? Don
• 10:28
  ' t you? Don' t you? Don' t you? Don
• 10:28
  ' t you? Don' t you? Don' t you? Don
• 10:28
  ' t you? Don' t you? Don' t you? Don
• 10:28
  ' t you? Don' t you? Don' t you? You
• 10:30
  think you' re an ambulance and you tell me to get in there Look,
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  I' ll net it for you I' ll laugh at it here
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  Watch out for me. I' m careful, uh, I can take
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  care of him, I get him, I' m a rebel, uh,
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  I' m a house jape, I' m 29- year-
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  old careful with me. You know what I mean. Hey, rafa mora,
• 10:56
  I' ll get the head off him, you know the keys to
• 11:03
  the ninjas. I know the movies are dying, and it' s over.
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  That' s a lie if I' ve tried it on my brother,
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  and what does he do? And me and he' s doing something
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  to me and he' s not dying and I come, come on,
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  you understand there dead and on top. Aunts always make one like a disgusting
• 11:24
  death, doesn' t make guys kill her, kill another and kill another.
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  Hey, it' s another way of watching movies, women and men.
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  Hey, a war movie pa va. Two hundred dead, uh,
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  and aunt is eating your dog will have killed him without human girl and three
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  children already, but dog and over on one side like that I really understand
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  no. And, well, the other one, that' s the other
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  one. Well, g makes me. But because right now it gives me
• 12:05
  everything a little bit, because I' m resective, I have the critor
• 12:11
  and Fidelandio sees there that I have the flower that flangs me. You know
• 12:16
  and not because I' m reading the East booklet of the fifty shadows of
• 12:20
  Grace, East that the aunts have read it, but tame millions of axis
• 12:22
  plans have been measured the world, eh millions, someone has read fifty shades
• 12:30
  of grey notice and all the same tone. Here' s a held fas,
• 12:37
  here' s a vibrato and it' s touched. Girls touch each
• 12:41
  other by reading the book. Colleagues, they touch each other, they rub
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  each other, they rip each other off, they get wet, there are
• 12:48
  chicks that get wet, they pass pages like that. Sana, imagine how
• 12:52
  you' re going to fail Wait a minute You' re going to get
• 13:03
  Rackira in a movie He' s got a chang clan there Imagine my god
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  there Imagine him He' s an accommodator Row eight Take a hush Uncle Br
• 13:18
  Sana brewing or n r eh Hostia a cinema that doesn' t go to
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  the popcorn. TV sucks what I tell you no, but hey there'
• 13:28
  s always a zangano that has no other name. Zangano what he says,
• 13:35
  for I will be saping at three o' clock in the morning. Something
• 13:39
  good, I' m going to Pillambre, something good, I' m
• 13:41
  going to get it. Have roulette tarot rueta da roulette tarot roulette tarot.
• 13:46
  I don' t know what they call the tarot Tell me a number,
• 13:48
  the eight, because come call the roulette, put it on the eight.
• 13:50
  He told me about roboth the tarot that you look at it, but everybody
• 13:54
  sees it. Although you don' t tour help, in particular that even
• 13:58
  if you don' t want to lose the look just like ten of the
• 14:01
  night. You' re calm there watching the little peliculite and show up Hello.
• 14:07
  I' m hope, grace, hey there, moving the hooves.
• 14:11
  The choreography that does uh uh, my dearest video, I say uh,
• 14:15
  call now. If you can' t wait, call now, call now.
• 14:16
  We' ve been solving people' s lives for years and years.
• 14:20
  Some have committed suicide that doesn' t count, that they are very crazy.
• 14:22
  You know uh, wait for grace and then there' s the other
• 14:26
  one who pops up suddenly too who is she, who is the king of
• 14:35
  the tarot holy king and thinks he' s handsome uncle you know there with
• 14:43
  the face that of Rappe the hair Lazio looks like an Indian Cherokee with flu
• 14:48
  and and he thinks he has powers a telescopic magnetic of good night, Well
• 14:54
  night, honey, how is my herma, my love, my life,
• 14:58
  What does my life call you fondly? My lozanaha to castiza altanera moa I
• 15:01
  want you to go out with me that listen to me, my beautiful love,
• 15:05
  that you fall already, but what it calls you love tired, but
• 15:09
  you are capricornio. Hey, I get you the capricorn that I' m
• 15:11
  seeing with him from here, which is that people don' t believe me.
• 15:15
  When I talk, I have it. The truth understands what it means
• 15:16
  to you to listen to me, chasten mine, beautiful my heart weapon.
• 15:20
  That' s what. Yes, listen to me, why he calls,
• 15:24
  what you' re worried about, because I call. It happens to see
• 15:28
  when I' ll stop being unemployed, for when you find a job,
• 15:35
  I' ll mention and the same night and take for a turkey with two
• 15:39
  balls. Oh vega a franco- dir, he' d put, uh,
• 15:45
  a tranch. You know there the guy. I see a light I
• 15:46
  see a light ha ha take polglo. I think that' s why they
• 15:52
  shit on TV that everyone does or did the same thing as I watch the
• 15:54
  same channel, the only channel worth or worth because it' s taken away.
• 16:03
  Aside from the comediol that dwell egg the canal there is worth a divinity
• 16:11
  faggot you go eye I saw good to say with gafitas in plan. I
• 16:15
  ' m more Discovery Max. You know no Discovery Max Mega mega giant engineering
• 16:22
  constructions. To build that tunnel. One billion kilos of tungsten tons were used
• 16:26
  and this one comes out less on my own. That' s the guy
• 16:30
  and with the lyrics, with the cofit, the typical smart guy that everyone
• 16:34
  knows. You know, we' re playing triple He' s just playing
• 16:38
  the army up his ass, not the channel. Explore those shows I used
• 16:44
  to put you on at dinner time, eh, and we didn' t
• 16:47
  throw out the miracle pot. You know there, come on a thousand ways
• 16:49
  to die and you, man, sucker. He ate an olive and hit
• 16:53
  the eyeball and died. That' s what you' re gonna say,
• 17:00
  asshole, kid, come and see the telecolla, the mom and Oliva,
• 17:04
  who' re fucking ass- fucking- assed, I know it' s
• 17:04
  coming, you know, weird addictions. The guy' s that I can
• 17:07
  ' t separate the baby' s nail or and I love it Uh,
• 17:14
  red isn' t that good. The blue looks at the blue, the
• 17:15
  luxury cluk uy that' s all good and smiles there uh, I think
• 17:18
  he sucked a smurf there eh, hey it' s eh. And the
• 17:21
  other crazy me who can' t stop eating chalk, but I love tizza
• 17:26
  I' m just that since I run by uh, the Walter' s
• 17:30
  very good white on the greener wen Son, I don' t like it
• 17:33
  that much, but the wet with gasoline. I' m fine, uh,
• 17:33
  ah, but well, you understand me or and I love it.
• 17:38
  I love it, I love it, it eats and the boyfriend and I
• 17:44
  don' t eat. The dick is crazy or not crazy, uh,
• 17:48
  and then the show' s over. That already had cloth and when I
• 17:52
  saw it, I was saying, well, embarrassing bodies, uh, whoa
• 17:59
  I say, but where, where, where it came from, uncle you
• 18:02
  got an aunt out there. But as if such a thing did not and
• 18:04
  I don' t know what happened, I don' t know how,
• 18:11
  but look beyond here, I say a bunch of grapes, the armpit me,
• 18:14
  but I repeat, there are greetings, you son of a bitch,
• 18:17
  but I know I thought a wart, not a pickle. She' s
• 18:19
  already fermented and look look, but a vine, a vine of rubas here
• 18:23
  with Gandera, daughter of Puta, and she' s got it. I
• 18:25
  don' t know what I can do, because you can kill yourself with
• 18:27
  the shit, that means you hang pussy, that one there, the other,
• 18:36
  there, not another. When I feel, my uterus comes out.
• 18:38
  Look, look, look, look, he wants to see me pussy on
• 18:41
  the inside. Look, look, look, I' ve got support.
• 18:45
  Look, there' s like a little broccoli that came out to me like
• 18:45
  a weird thing. There, then touch it, because it' s big.
• 18:48
  Look, look and show the pussy on TV and then they tell him.
• 18:52
  But let' s see why you haven' t gone to the doctor
• 18:56
  before. It' s just that I' m embarrassed and you' re
• 19:03
  not ashamed. I showed the pussy all over TV. Daughter of Puta loves
• 19:08
  this and then there was already the ultimate expuarent the program East the older brother.
• 19:15
  I always said where they do casting, because you know there in the
• 19:22
  barracks. I don' t know, or there' s a turkey out
• 19:26
  there and look, it stays, it' s singing, it knows that
• 19:29
  Mom, it' s got to get me, Mom, I' m
• 19:32
  fucking with you, I' m fucking with you in the day and in
• 19:33
  the fucking hell. There it is. The other sh has already appeared I
• 19:37
  ' m your big brother, the whon. But if I don' t
• 19:41
  have a brother or a look at mom, what we' re going to
• 19:44
  do today, forgive me for getting in the way. So, what do
• 19:45
  you say, what are you, what do you say about my sister or
• 19:48
  I don' t know what? And I' ve always thought about that
• 19:49
  program, that program is edited, it' s staged. You know not
• 19:52
  the guy who puts you in, but I' ll hit you with a
• 19:56
  tatata matachi and the other thing. Cut short, cut short, Pa continues.
• 20:00
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, for my brother, he' s my
• 20:07
  brother, all right, uh, yeah, but don' t hit me.
• 20:10
  Hey, hey, who do you love mom, big sister, uh,
• 20:15
  all right, uh, and here you' re gonna suck my brother.
• 20:19
  Don' t hit me, don' t hit me. You understand
• 20:22
  me so I think I already tell you that television is quite rotten and that
• 20:26
  you do very well to pay some money, because to come here to watch
• 20:30
  a live show or watch it here on TV. No and don' t
• 20:36
  swallow them, because I know the fucking thing is on TV, yes or
• 20:38
  no. Or yes, so that. Thank you, friends, good night. O ra