Latest / Drawn of History / Nick Swardson _ This Past Weekend w_ Theo Von _515(M4A_128K)

Transcript

Nick Swardson _ This Past Weekend w_ Theo Von _515(M4A_128K) · Drawn of History

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: These are exciting, brand-new tour dates. During the LSU-USC game,
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: I will be playing that weekend in Las Vegas, Nevada.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: That's August 30th and 31st back at Resorts World Las Vegas.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, September 25th at the Paycom Center. North
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: Little Rock, Arkansas, September 26th at Simmons Bank Arena. Springfield, Missouri,
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: September 27th at the Great Southern Bank Arena. Kansas City, Missouri,
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: September 28th. Sioux Falls, South Dakota on October 10th. La Crosse, Wisconsin,
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: October 11th. Green Bay, Wisconsin, October 12th. And Moline, Illinois,
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: October 13th. Get your tickets early starting Wednesday, July 10th
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: at 10 a.m. local time with presale code RATKING. General
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: on sale starts Thursday, July 11th. at 10 a.m. local time.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: We also have tickets still for Bethel, New York, Wallingford, Connecticut, Portland,
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: and Bangor, Maine, as well as other places. Get all
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: your tickets at theovon.com slash T-O-U-R. And thank you to
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: everyone who's come out to support the show. It just
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: keeps getting better.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: We got new merch, guys. We have new colorways for
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: the Be Good to Yourself t-shirts. We have blue jean, granite, bay,
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: and banana. Check all that and more at TheoVonStore.com, the
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: only place we sell merch. Today's guest is a comedian,
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: an actor, an entertainer. You know him from Reno 911,
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: from Grandma's Boy. He has a new special, Make Joke
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: From Face, premiering on YouTube on July 18th, and he
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: has a new tour going on. I'm grateful to spend
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: time today with my friend, Mr.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: Nick Swardson.
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: Shout!
• 1:59
  Speaker 4: I'll sit and tell you my story Shine on me
• 2:12
  Speaker 4: And I.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: Will find a song I've.
• 2:15
  Speaker 4: Been singing since the.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: Beginning Little Nicky, remember him? yeah of course who thought
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: that was an idea well the crazy thing was i
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: remember god bless adam oh no i think it was
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: it was uh beelzebub it was interesting but i remember
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: that year we had a lot of like mentally impaired
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: or mentals or whatever they call them or nugget lovers
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: nation yeah people say all different things yeah a lot
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: of times it's just like yeah if you eat all
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: nuggets all day You know what I'm saying? And you
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: are in a small classroom than you are.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like a commercial for fentanyl.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, basically, yeah. It's basically. Well, they had a couple
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: of issues in our area where they like it sprayed
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: for bugs too many times. And so in the forthcoming decades,
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: you had a lot of little Nickys running around.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: But at Halloween, after that film had come out, everybody
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: was little Nicky.
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: I love little Nicky, by the way.
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: It's like such a great movie, but it's like. Yeah,
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: there were a lot of, like, copycats where people, you
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: couldn't tell if they were challenged.
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: Or they were from the devil.
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: And you grew up in Norland.
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: You know. So, like, everybody, like, on Bourbon Street might
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: be a little Nicky.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, a lot of little.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: A lot of little Dickies.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, a lot of little Nickies. Fuck.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: Suck off. One of my favorite moments, I was going
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: to tell you this. I don't know if I ever did. Here,
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: move this over here a little. Let's do it this way. Like,
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: push it out.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: Hold on. Okay. All right, here we go.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: Me up. So back in New Orleans, the first time
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: I was there, I was like 19 years old.
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: You were?
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah. What is this?
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: Huh?
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: What is this, fucking Avatar? What kind of production is this?
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: I don't know. It likes you, though.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: I noticed that.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm into Black Dick now.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: Well, it's okay. Black dick me off. I wonder if
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: there is, yeah, like, black dick, is it a seasonal thing?
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: I don't know any. I haven't ever thought of it.
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: We don't know yet.
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: But it is a valid question, because it's like, black
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: dick season, what.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: Would it be? Christmas?
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: No. Halloween?
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: Possibly. Yeah.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: Maybe Easter.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Ooh, Easter.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: Springtime. Or Black History Month. Hmm. I mean, I think
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: that'd be apropos.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: We should suck them all off.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: I'm not doing it. I'll support anybody. I will pat
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: somebody on the back while they do it. I'll do it.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: Is that?
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: Is that appropriate if you, yeah, like, how, yeah, like,
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: how do you be supportive of your gay friends? I
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: guess sometimes, like, You don't pat somebody on the back
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: if they're BJing somebody, do you? That's being weird, right?
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: That's not being supportive, I guess.
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: I think that's being supportive. I think you're wrong on that. Okay.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: I think you're like, okay, you know what?
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: You go, Gary. Yeah. Yeah. You get it, Gary.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: Praise him. Get it, Gary.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: Carrot top.
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: Guzzle, guzzle, guzzle, buddy.
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: Fucking.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: You play a little kazoo. Jizzle, jizzle, jizzle.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you play the fucking jizz flute. Jizzle bells. That's
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: why I said Christmas.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: I think we're there now.
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: Jizzle bells, deck the balls with balls of cocky.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: Oh, Nick Schwartzen. Yeah, I'm back. Good to see you, dude.
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: This is my fucking dude. Love you very much.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: Love you too, man. Missed you.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: My New Orleans story, really quick. When I was first there,
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: and this, like, as somebody that drinks, The drunkest I've
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: ever been, New Orleans, and I call it Le Barf,
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: where I walked down Bourbon Street and I threw up
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: into my hands. No reason why I did that. Hands
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: like this? Yep.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: Praise.
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: And I vomited and then threw it in the air.
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: Ooh.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: And I've never done that before since. But, like, 19,
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: 20 years old, I was like, yeah, this sounds like. And, like,
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: when LeBron, like, throws powder and, like, you know, before
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: the game. But I threw barf and I was like.
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: And I call it the LeBarf. I don't recommend it, but.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: You know, you've been down there. Who dat?
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: Oh, I've seen it.
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: Who dat?
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Well, a lot of times if you, yeah. And you
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: can even, there's a couple of brothers down there. You
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: get them a couple of dollars. He'll backflip right through
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: the vomit or whatever. There's a lot of like, there's
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: backflipping brothers will roll up on you there.
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: Like, hey.
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: A backflip vomit?
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: Give me $ 3. I'll fucking backflip through a. Yeah, what
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: a motherfucker. Yeah, through a vomit or stream or through
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: some asbestos or something.
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: They got those hard hitters down there.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, game on. Asbestos fucking shots.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: Good God. Asbestos bombs. Don't do it.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: They're just playing that at Chinese construction sites.
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, of course.
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: Shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot.
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and then everyone's dead. Everybody, everybody suck me up.
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: Suck me.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: Suck me up. the thing I wanted to tell you
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: I'm really bummed out about it just let me just
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: vent please I thought of a movie and it was
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: already made and it was a movie for us and
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: I thought it was like in the vein of Chardonnado
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: or whatever the fuck Chardonnado?
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: That's not that wives thing where it's a big glass
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: of wine chasing them.
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: Or whatever I mean it could be but I thought
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: of a movie called Llamageddon and it was you and
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: me Armageddon with llamas and it's already been made And
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: I was really bummed out because I tried to find
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: the spelling today. And they were like, yeah, that movie
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: has been made. And I'm like, me and Theo, Lomageddon,
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: kill Spade off immediately.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: David Spade done early.
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: First Spade fucking bonk.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: It's easy to, you also need to just sit him
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: on a chair that is a centimeter uneven. And his
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: spine is.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: Centimeter uneven. Couple phone books.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: He brings his own chair. Yeah, he does.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: People don't know that, by the way. David Spade, God
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: bless him.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: Well.
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: Rest in peace.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, that part, yeah. Yeah, he passed.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: But he has a bad spine.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: B-Y-O-C, dude. That dude will bring his own fucking chair anywhere.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: And the problem, here's what it is. The chair doesn't
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: match the other chairs. That's the problem.
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: It doesn't match at all. He has like a metal
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: folding chair.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: It's like a cafeteria chair from the war or something.
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: It looks like the Roaring Twenties or something like... Yeah,
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: we don't... Yeah, it looks horrifying. But it suits his back.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: There he is, right there. Look at him with his
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: own chair. Oh, my God. Go to my chair. What
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: a gypsy. Go to my chair in that shot.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: Just show me. Look at my chair. That is Joe Dirt.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: Regular chair, and he brings his fucking... Homemade chair, dude.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: It's something he made at like church camp or something
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: he said.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it was like in like a petting
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: zoo or something.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: What are you going to do?
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: It's a petting zoo.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: The guy's a BLM activist, you know? Yeah, we praise him.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: Oh, we praise him.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: Good to see you, dude. That was the drunkest you'd
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: ever been there in New Orleans?
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: That was the drunkest where I was like, I mean,
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: I've never vomited into my hands and threw it in
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: the air.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: I don't even know what I was accomplishing there. Like,
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: what am I celebrating? Not dying?
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: I think it's, yeah.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: New Orleans like you know New Orleans yeah New Orleans
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: oh they get pissed yeah New Orleans bro they say
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: New Orleans baby and then somebody like oh we from
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: New Orleans and then somebody like hardcore we from New
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: Orleans bro And then you'll just have someone just be like,
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: and they'll just give you an.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: Oyster and then shoot you in the head. And that's like.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: And then they fucking fire hose your vomit. And they're like,
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: all right, let's ruin a baby. Eat my swamp pussy lips.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: The crazy thing about New Orleans is like if you
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: if something bad happens to you during a during like
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: Mardi Gras or in a parade or if you have
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: a stroke or have a child or something. Or both.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: Whatever you're doing. A child that has a stroke.
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: Whatever.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: You're going through it yourself. An ambulance cannot get to you.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: So you are fucking. You are fucking dead. You are
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: either dead or somebody's alive. It's like it depends on
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: if you're having the stroke or the child. But yeah,
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: just like people, they'll start digging a grave. They're like,
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: we can't even. The ambulance is like 40 blocks away.
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they're like, yeah, you're gone. Say goodbye to your aunt.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: Well, I went on down to the Ottawa Zoo. Your
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: Aunt Betty.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: That's just like, I've got two aborts.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: Hurricane.
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: Bye, bye, bye.
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're fucking dead. They're like, damn, the water doesn't
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: work here. No shit.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: First of all, you were eight feet below sea level.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: The water was never supposed to work.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: It was never supposed to work. I remember one of
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: my favorite times I was at like fucking Jazz Fest
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: or some nonsense, which is awesome. Yeah, Jazz Fest is awesome.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: But there was a police horse. I don't know if
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: I ever told you this. There was a police horse
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: and the.
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: The horse had diarrhea on the wall of a hotel.
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: It's right off Bourbon Street.
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: Diarrhea on the wall. So I thought, this was a
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: long time ago, I thought it would be appropriate to
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: pull my pants down and pretend like I diarrheaed. So
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: I pulled in front.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: Of the cop. Oh, yeah, shit tricks.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, shit tricks. You fucking know, man. So I pulled
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: down the shit trick, and the cop, I remember my
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: friend had a Polaroid. That's how far back it was.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: Took a shot. Of me diarying on the horse wall.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: And the cop just looked at me and he just went, no, no.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, yeah, but it's funny, right? And he's like, yeah,
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: I get it. Just fucking move along, man. It's just
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: like patient zero. He's just like, no, I'm not.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: Move along.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: I'm not entertaining this.
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: I'm not.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: And he didn't arrest me, thank fucking God. But it
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: was just like. Yeah, that's not your diarrhea.
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: That's a horse.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: Okay, yeah.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're copying his diarrhea.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's copywritten basically as well. It's shoddy written. Yeah, yeah.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: The craziest thing is that's New Orleans. You'll be eating
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: in a fine dining restaurant and then a horse just
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: bowel blasts fucking one of the panes of window glass
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: out because everybody right outside of the restaurant– He's just
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: drinking hand grenades, drinking each other's blood.
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they're having caviar. And then all of a sudden,
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: fucking splatty-ar comes out the fucking window.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: Chelsea's on a vacation. Yeah, everyone's fucked. Oh, man. Praise him.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: You're a top.
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: Can you praise him?
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: The baby God.
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: And he's with us.
• 13:41
  Speaker 4: Um.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: What was I going to fucking say to you? Good
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: to see you, dude.
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: Great to see you. I love you.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: I had a series of times in which I would
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: get drunk and go. Me and my friend would go.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: We would get too drunk, and then we would just
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: go start. We'd get under, like, one of the overpasses
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: of the bridge there, and we'd start vomiting together. But
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: in between vomits, we would, like, just dap each other up.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: In what city? New Orleans. In between vomiting, like, we would.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: Because we would go through profuse bouts of vomiting. Because, like.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: you know some of the alcohol it's just like they
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: made it at home some of the alcohol is like
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: right New Orleans is it's like hair filtered like hair
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: filtered pubic hair that's the thing it's pubics it's pubics
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: cubes yeah yeah New Orleans is like it's one of
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: the cities where I'm like horrified where I'm like oh
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: god like what like Vegas I can deal with it's
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: fine but there's certain cities where I'm like oh god
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: how is this gonna fucking play out yeah You know
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: what I mean?
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: Where they just pull you into their fucking magic fucking voodoo.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: Well, it's a lot of big titties, a lot of gout,
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: a lot of undiagnosed sunburn, a lot of mosquito bites, malaria,
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: good food. Now, that's one thing. Yeah, some.
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: Quarter cup.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: A tad. Yeah.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: Maybe a shot.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: Quarter cup. But it's one of those cities where there's
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: just so much going on. But there's music going on,
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: you know?
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the thing. It's like the bar in Star
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: Wars where it's like.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: And you're like, oh, yeah, I can drink a vase
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: of alcohol. It's not even like casual drinking. It's just like, oh,
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: can I get a fire hose of a fucking thing
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: called Hurricane?
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: They had a Hurricane.
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: It was fucking debilitating. And they're like, let's run it back.
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: Let's keep the drink going. It's a fucking sugary IV.
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: It's just a diabetes falcon crest.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: Good God. All the drinks there are just named after
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: things that will just kill you around that area.
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: 100%. Can I get an AIDS bomb?
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, can I get a black-on-black crime with a splash
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: of Chianti?
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: Can I get a stabbed in the shadows? Is that possible?
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: Can I get a backflip through some fucking throat mist, homie?
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: Throat mist.
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: Can I get a machete to the dick?
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: Shot?
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: Dude, some shot names, it's way too... It's like, yeah,
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: machete to the dick. Or you'll have like vulva Doberman.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: And you're like, that seems....
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: Can I get a clit taco sandwich?
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: What is that?
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: No, it's got peanut butter and fucking... Bird flu. Bird flu. Yeah,
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: it's fucking horrifying. But, like, what's a city where you're, like,
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: just touring?
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: I'm like. You obviously, like, I mean, you spent a
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: year at Key West.
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: A year and a half at Key West. Okay, sorry.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: I can't believe I fucking survived that, by the way.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: By the way, new tour, Toilet Head, this fall. NickSwartzen.net. Really?
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Oh, nice, man.
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: I have a whole new hour, and then a new
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: hour coming out on YouTube July 18th.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: Do you really? Let's go.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: Dude, not my first rodeo, dog. Bro, that's awesome, man. Rodeo.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: Rodeo. I was just in Las Vegas. I almost went
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: and saw The Grateful Dead at the Sphere. I might
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: go back this weekend. The show didn't get out early
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: enough for us to get over there.
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: We tried to get over there. We got stuck in traffic.
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: Weren't you there when I was there? What hotel are
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: you at?
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: I'm staying at the Wynn Hotel. Wynn Encore or something
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: it's called.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: Where do you do shows there?
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: We did a show at Resorts World.
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay. Yeah, that's a new one.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Is it great? Yeah. I didn't stay at the hotel.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: The place, the venue, I thought was really cool. It
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: was nice. The stage is, like, shiny, and you get
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: out there. It feels pretty fancy, really.
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: I heard it's great.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: But it was good, dude. I do the Venetian now.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: Ooh.
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: So that's connected to the Sphere, which is awesome. And
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: I saw U2 there.
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: Nuh-uh.
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: It was amazing. Now, would you say it's, like, I
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: had somebody this week and they said, I don't know
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: if I would want to see a show somewhere else
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: now because it's so interesting there. And they labeled themselves
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: a sphere head. And I just never heard that. It
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: was like, like I've heard somebody be like a fan
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: of a band but never like of a venue that much.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: I was like, wow. Yeah, I disagree with that.
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: Really?
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: It wasn't like that?
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: I thought it was an amazing show. It was awesome.
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: But it's like, the stage is so small. So it's like,
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: You know, obviously it's very visceral.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: I mean, look at this, bro.
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: Oh my God.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: Is that what it was like for you? I'm erect.
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: Did I film that? Doubt it. Is that, who's there?
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: Dane Cook? It's high quality.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: This does look like a Dane Cook special, huh? Bro,
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: this wasn't unbelievable.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but I didn't, I didn't have enough. I don't
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: live in a drone. I don't fly around like a
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: fucking alien. That's true.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah. This is drone footage. We're looking at guys. You
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: can't see it at home because you, Or you can
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: see it at home, but some of you can't see
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: it because you're listening on a radio.
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: I mean, it was epic. You know who I want
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: to see there?
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: Wham.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: Whites against Mexicans?
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah. No, Wham.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: George Michael, rest in peace. Oh, really?
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: Are they doing a reenactment or whatever?
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: I just, I pray for it. I think that's a
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: weird prayer to have, but I want that to happen.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: Happened for there to be a wham wham and we
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: had a group called wham in our town was whites
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: against mexicans there was two dudes.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: That's the most new orleans thing i've ever heard.
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: Well they just didn't have any i think they kind
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: of actually wanted mexicans they were just afraid to invite
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: them or whatever right and so a lot of times
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: people like pretend like they don't want it even though
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: they want it you know like we're whites against mexicans
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: hey yeah I mean, okay. Like reverse psychology.
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm talking about?
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: I get it.
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: But it's like they could invite them.
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: Maybe just have a margarita.
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: And enjoy your life.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah. I mean, the group was affiliated for probably
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: 11 months. I don't think they had a. They didn't
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: have like a sponsor. Yeah, they didn't have a sponsor.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: They didn't have a charter.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: They didn't have like White Claw. They didn't have a
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: long term. They didn't have Brennan's job. Yeah, they didn't
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: have a food truck as sponsoring. They didn't have Joe Dirk.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: You know, I love going to concerts and other events.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: I went to a Las Vegas Aces game the other day,
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: and I really enjoyed that. And it was thankful to
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: Game Time. That's where I got my tickets at the
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: last minute. It makes getting tickets for concerts and events
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: faster and easier, even if you don't buy tickets right away.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: Prices on the GameTime app actually go down the closer
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: it gets to show start time. With killer last-minute deals
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: all in prices, views from your seat, and the lowest
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: price guarantee, GameTime takes the guesswork out of buying concert tickets.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: You want to go see Dead & Co. at the Sphere?
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: or you want to go to a Las Vegas Aces
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: WNBA game, GameTime can help.
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: That's right.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: GameTime also offers the lowest price guarantee, or GameTime will
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: credit you 110% of the difference. Take the guesswork out
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: of buying concert tickets with GameTime. Download the GameTime app,
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: create an account, and use code WEEKEND for $ 20 off
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: redeem code WEEKEND, W-E-E-K-E-N-D for $ 20 off. Download GameTime today.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: Last minute tickets, lowest price guaranteed. You know, podcasting has
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: come with things I didn't expect, like having a merch
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: store online. You know, originally we had my buddy Kevin
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: was just making the t-shirts out of his basement with
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: his brother, who I think was drinking a lot, but
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: that changed over time as things built and grew bigger.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: We needed some e-commerce help. That's what they call it.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: We started getting worried if things would be done right
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: or how they would be done and if they would
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: be done the same every time. That's why ShipStation helped.
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: ShipStation helps those who own or run a business. If
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: you run an e-commerce business, you already know shipping can
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: consume valuable time and resources. ShipStation makes it easier. They're
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  Speaker 1: when you're on summer vacation. Work less and ship more
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  Speaker 1: shipping challenges into opportunities for growth. Go to ShipStation.com and
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: use code THEO to sign up for your free 60-day trial.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: That's ShipStation.com, code Theo. If your business and e-commerce needs
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: to evolve, ShipStation can help. I haven't seen you since, well,
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: I saw the video that you had about the drink
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: where you got just, what happened with the video? It
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: was in Colorado, right?
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: Colorado.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: Because Ari Maness was working with you.
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Beaver Creek.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I just worked with Ari this weekend.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he's great. Yeah, he's great. He's really brilliant. Yeah,
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: it was like the start of my whole spring tour.
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: And it was like club dates to get ready for
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: Toilet Head again this fall. Nick Swartzen.net.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: Toilet Head. Floss. And we had a floss sound right there.
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: So yeah, I took an edible 9,000 feet. Nuh-uh.
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: And it was like, the shows were great after that,
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: but it was like, yeah, it was a full brain fart.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: And I've rarely had that outside of New Orleans where
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: I vomited and threw it into my hand. But, yeah,
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: it was just like a full brain fart. And I
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: was on stage. I was like, oh, my God. And
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: the edible hit me, and I was like, fuck. And
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: I'm like on stage, you know what I mean? Like
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: when you're live and you're like, oh, yeah, here we go.
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: And I was like just high as fuck and balls.
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: So you weren't drunk? No, I had a couple cocktails,
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: but the edible is what really hit me.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: Oh. Was it– bro, that makes me so scared. I've
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: had moments just where I can't kind of remember what
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: I'm talking about. And even that gets scarier. I'll have
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: like a bit that maybe didn't go as well. And
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: now I'm like– I start to feel like nervous. And
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: then if I can't figure out my next step, I
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: get super scared. So I can't even imagine if an
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: edible hit.
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was like– but it was so blown out
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: of proportion. It's like it wasn't like a disaster.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: Well, people were yelling. Play like 10 seconds of it.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: Have you watched it? Yeah, go for it. Well, you
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: did it.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: What are you saying right now?
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: I'll say this.
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: Let me ask you this. This is a weighted question.
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: What?
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: Oh, what? Okay. I'll tell you a joke.
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: All right. Here we go.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: And somebody yelled f * * * too, and that was.
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: The crowd was so belligerent.
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: Anybody here have kids? Anybody here have kids? oh my
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: god dude it was amazing okay.
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: And my apologies to Beaver Creek I'm not proud of
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: like that but I was like I was so fucking
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: high what do you have to.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: Say to the people of Beaver Creek who first of
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: all they legalized marijuana there yeah by the.
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: Way I'm not the first person to get high in
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: Colorado yeah that's not I'm not fucking so.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: What do you have to say to those people because
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: yeah it's a tough that's a double edged sword right
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: if you invite me over to chocolate town or whatever
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: right Right. And I show up and I end up
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: getting diabetes or whatever, like a black lung, whatever you
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: get from eating too much chocolate.
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: Like Willy Wonka invites you to the chocolate factory. Right.
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: And he's like, suck my chocolate dick. And then you
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: have diabetes.
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: And it's on camera.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's on camera. But the people in the town
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: have some responsibility. The people that built the factory and
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: let you have as much chocolate as you want.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they're making it. They're sitting there. Making it. And
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: then they judged you to you. Get the fuck out
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: of here. Yeah, that's what- You Wonka people. Fucking bonkers.
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: Fucking tard nation. So what happened- My apologies to Beaver Creek, sorry. Yeah, no.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: Well, it's a beautiful area too. And where were you at?
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: You guys were at a theater there. Yeah, it was
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: a theater. You're performing.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: You go out there. Did you know before you went
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: out there that you were like, I should not go
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: out there right now?
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: No, I was totally fine. But again, the edible hit
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: me- Right when I was in the middle of my
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: set and it was a new set. So it's like, again,
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: it's actually really great. Toilet head this fall. It's a
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: solid endorsement. But I was like, oh, God. And it's
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: like if anybody's taking an edible, especially if you're in
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: altitude like 9000 feet, even if you're stone sober, it's
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: like aggressive. You know what I mean? Like it hits
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: you stone sober. But I took an edible with a
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: couple of cocktails. I was like, oh, no. And I'm like, God,
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: here we go. And I remember the venue went to
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: Ari and they were like, we're going to pull Nick.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: And Ari was like at my back. He's like, don't
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: do that. Nick will figure it out. You know what
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: I mean? Like he'll just he'll figure it out. It's
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: not his first rodeo. And they were like, no. And
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: they pulled me.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: Because they cut the mic at one point. So you
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: just talk. You can't. They can't even hear you.
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh, all right.
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: I was like, were people yell like what were. I
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: don't know.
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: You were kind of blacked out. I wasn't blacked out.
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: I was just like, I didn't have my set list
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: with me. And like, you know, people like will comment
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: like that were in the crowd. I'm like, yeah, I
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: could have gotten through it. But I think people were
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: booing because they pulled me. I think they were like,
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: what the fuck? Why is Nick getting pulled? But I
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: think it was half and half.
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: Because some people start yelling, get this F got or
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: whatever off the stage.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: You can say Fagorny waiver.
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: Get this.
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: This Faganakai.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: Faganakai. Yeah, get this beautiful little Care Bear off the stage.
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: Somebody yelled that, actually, which I thought was cute. Yeah,
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: which is appropriate. When you got backstage, what was it like?
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: What did the management say to you or something?
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: They were like, yeah, so, yeah. And I was like, yeah, what?
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: That happened.
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: I hate it when people don't even know what to say. Yeah,
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: they were like, oh, hey. You suck. Suck you? Like,
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: it was just ambiguous. I was like, what the fuck?
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: Did you wake up the next day and you were like,
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: because what happened after that? If the edible hits, it's
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: probably pretty hard, huh?
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: No, it was the best because I went and did
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: two sold-outs. All my shows sold out after that. They
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: were awesome.
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: People can attest to that.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: At that point, people want to come and also see
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: if you're going to fuck up as.
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: Well, I bet.
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I did two shows in Aspen at the
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: Belly Ups, one of my favorite venues. People threw edibles
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: at me on stage. I was on stage. Physically, I
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: was covered in edibles. on the stage and then i
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: did like six shows in denver it was like all
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: awesome so.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: Oh so you you went out right after that oh
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: i that.
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: Was the start of my spring tour so that was
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: the initial show of like that's how i kicked it
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: off and i was like woke up and all of
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: a sudden it was like a hundred text messages and
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: people were like, Hey man, you're on CNN. It was
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: like so dumb.
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: I'm like, really? Like, we're going to blow this out. Like, like, uh,
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: TMZ called me. They're like, we want to comment. I'm like,
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: for fucking what? I got too high in Colorado. I apologize.
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: I'll do my own apology. And I apologize to Beaver Creek.
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: I love them very much. Very sweet.
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: Are they sweet, though, if they got you all doped up?
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: Jury's still out on that. But they were nice enough
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: to show up and then, you know.
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: Who gave you the edible? I don't want to snitch
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: on anybody, but somebody did it. You want the truth?
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Abraham Lincoln. No way.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: Well, he got so high, he freed all the slaves.
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: Dude, he freed my brain.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: He did. How about that?
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: He fucking unleashed the Kraken. That's why we pray.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah. And he unleashed the non-Krakers as well. I
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: know that.
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: That's for sure. He 100% did that.
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: There's nobody like him. Dude, imagine what it must have
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: been like for everybody to like him, right? If everybody
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: was racist at the time and he just rolls up
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: and he's like, guys, crazy idea. I'm going to go
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: to the opera. Just, I don't need security. No, I'm
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: saying he's going to release all the slaves, man.
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: But he had to pitch that to his buddies first.
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I see what you're saying.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: You don't just surprise everybody, like say, hey, everybody cover
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: your eyes.
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: And then ta-da. So he was the original magician? Is
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: that what you're saying? I mean, I'm just saying he
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: pulled a lot of brothers out of a fucking pretty
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: tough hat.
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he did.
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: But that was a big top hat.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was.
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: Those are fucking hard black necks.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: You know, he kept his notes in that hat a lot. Yeah.
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: A lot of that.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: And he was very tall as well. How tall was he?
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: That's a valid question. How tall was his beard? I mean,
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: his wife. 6'4, bro.
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: He was the tallest U.S. president.
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: So he can dunk, which brings it back to black people.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: Oh, he definitely obviously wanted to hoop or he wouldn't
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: have released.
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: All those guys. Yeah, he fucking.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: Did pick-up games and fucking crushed them. Dude, there's no
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: way you're not like, oh, fuck, I need some better competition. Yeah,
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: he's like— We gotta get these.
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: He's like, let's go. These fucking white people suck assholes.
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: We gotta get these brothers on the court. Oh, yeah,
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: I'm sure James Madison or whatever, he probably fucking totally
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: jammed on that little client. Oh, my God.
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: How hard did he dunk on Thomas Jefferson? Oh, he
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: took his way— Did he dunk on him with the Constitution?
• 32:18
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: He was like, give me this piece of paper. Bye.
• 32:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: Buh-bye.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: Buh-bye.
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: Wait, side note. Hold on, sorry. I just got off
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: the road, and I did like three and a half
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: months straight.
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: Did you really?
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, three and a half months straight.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: Did you go to rehab for that three and a
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: half months or not? Or were you really doing comedy?
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: Dude, I was doing clubs, working out my set.
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: You were.
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: So people are so bonkers. So when you come to
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: a show, awesome.
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: Love you.
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. Let's not be bonkers. So these are two
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: road stories. Where this guy, hotel bar at the Marriott.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: Awesome.
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: This guy shows up and he goes, hey, man, are
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: you Nick Swartzen? I go, yeah. And he goes, can
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: I have a drink with you? And I'm like, yeah, totally.
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: Like, I'm down.
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: Like, if anybody wants a photo cocktail, I'm down. This
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: guy saddles up and he, swear to God, I can't
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: make this up. He goes, let me just say something.
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: And I go, yeah, what?
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: And he goes, I'm going to say the word.
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: Nigger a lot.
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: A lot.
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: He just told you straight up?
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: And I go, what? And he goes, I'm not racist,
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: but I'm just, just so you know, I'm going to
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: say that a lot. And I go, well, fucking no.
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: You can't hang out with me. Like, what did you
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: think my response would be? Like, get the fuck out
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: of here.
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: Like, what would I be like?
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: Ah, finally, somebody has the courage. Like, no, get the
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: fuck out of here. Fucking weirdo.
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: Oh, some of that stuff.
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: Some.
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: We have road stories.
• 33:52
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: Like, dude, I have so many. I'm like, oh, my God.
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: Really? Oh, my God.
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: Like crazy people. Yeah. That just like they just like
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: drunk chicks are the number one most bonkers outside of
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: racist guy. But it's like there was one where I
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: did a casino in Connecticut and these girls came up
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: and they were like, hey, it's our shop. And I go, oh, cool.
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: And they go, yeah, funny. And I go, thank you.
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: I go, do you want a picture? And they're like, no.
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, okay, well, pleasure to meet you. Thank
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: you for coming to the show. And they're like, yeah.
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: And I turned around and was playing video poker. And
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: they were like, mad for some reason. They were like, yeah,
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: you know what? You're not that funny.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: Fuck you.
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: And I was like, okay. That escalated. I'm like, yeah,
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: I just, you don't want a photo?
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: No.
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: And they're like, no, go fuck yourself. And they walked away.
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: I'm like, okay.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: Christ.
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: So then the boyfriend comes up. This guy goes, hey, man,
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: were you a dick to my girl?
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's the worst.
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: And I was like, bro. I'm like, dude, I wasn't.
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: I offered a photo, everything. I was super nice. And
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: he's like, okay. And I'm like, do you want a shot?
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: And he's like, okay. So he saddles up. So we
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: do a shot watching SportsCenter talking sports. And the guy goes... hey, man,
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: you know what? You're actually really cool. And I'm like, yeah,
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: I'm like a fucking real guy. Like, I'm just a dude.
• 35:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: And he's like, yeah, you know what? My girlfriend's a
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: fucking cunt. Oh, yeah. He's like, this fucking bitch can't
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: handle her liquor. And I was like, dude, I didn't
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: say that. And he's like, yeah, fuck that. Sorry about this.
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: You're cool. Like, he walked away. Dude, we had, I
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: remember one time, And in that crowd, I said, all
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: the ladies, close your eyes, all right? And then I
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: was like, guys, if you could take your wife on
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: a vacation and eliminate her while y'all are traveling, raise
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: your hand, right? And none of the ladies were allowed
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: to look.
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: That's amazing.
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: And it was probably maybe about 1,800 people in the crowd.
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: About 11 guys raised their hand. That's hilarious. And one
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: dude even did it like this a little bit, like,
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: I think because he didn't trust his wife wouldn't see.
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: So he kind of just did that. But it was like,
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: holy shit, dude, a lot of women could go missing.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: Women could go missing so easy. I think that's one
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: of the reasons it takes them so long to get ready, probably,
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: because it might be last looks, you know? Yeah, we
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: don't know.
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that could be like in your coffin. That's what
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: you're doing. You got your eyeliner.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: Put it on.
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, just saddle up.
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: Put it on.
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: Get your pageant face on.
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: Judy, Janet.
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: Maybe Janet, maybe Corrine.
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: Maybe Katonkas?
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: What's a good.
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: Oh, bro.
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: One night I remember there was a gal.
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: I went over to her place.
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: What an old-timey term, by the way.
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: A gal?
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah. What are you, from fucking... You valet your time machine?
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: Fucking weirdo.
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: I was in Philadelphia, and there was a gal. Bro,
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: and Kobe Bryant had died, and she made me sleep
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: in this bed with her and a great Dane, bro,
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: named Kobe, that wore.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: Lower mary in jersey what high.
• 37:15
  Speaker 5: School do you go to yeah lower mary and pa.
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah yeah was that chicago or no.
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: Oh that's where he went i didn't even realize that
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: i didn't know that's where that was but i was
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: in philadelphia it was after a show stayed over at
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: this girl's house me this great dane and her all
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: fucking shared a bed together and the great dane slept
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: in the middle of us dude so i've never done
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: any like g-a-y-s-t-u-f-f but That is, it's definitely when you're
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: holding a fucking Great Dane, it's like a.
• 37:46
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: It's not racial, but it's like.
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: It's intriguing.
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: It's intriguing a little bit, but it also feels like
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: you're kind of like in a part of the zoo
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: you shouldn't be in. Does that make any sense?
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: I mean, kind of, but also it's like.
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: Look at the Great Dane right here. I mean, look
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: at this.
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: You can't.
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God. Go back. What?
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: Who is this people?
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: What?
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: How big was the Great Dane? First of all, all
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: your furniture's broken.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: Do you have a penis?
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: Do you have a penis?
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: Does he have a penis?
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, dude.
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: If he rolled over, his penis just fell out of
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: the bed and broke the back of a fucking.
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: Full-grown... Oh, my God. It'll smash a futon?
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: Oh, it'll break the back of a full-grown cat that's
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: laying down there, dude.
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: It's a fucking... His dick was a calf? He had
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: calf dick?
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: Bro, his penis had shoelaces on it. I'm like, that
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: thing is.
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: Shit laces.
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: Bro, his penis had a little tag on it. It
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: said US 10.5, UK 11. I was like, damn.
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: You can get his penis at Costco. Fucking, Woody got
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: that fucking ramp on him, homie. You know what I'm saying?
• 38:54
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God.
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: He's got a parking lot dick.
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: Are you still drinking these days? Because before you weren't
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: going to take a break from drinking. Are you able
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: to manage it? Because you had had, you know, you
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: had almost died, didn't you? You went to the hospital
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: or whatever. Yeah, almost died.
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I manage it.
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's fine. Are there drinks you cannot have?
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: I just, like, I don't, like, I cut out sugar,
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: so I just, like, drink. Like, if I do drink, it's, like,
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: Tito's water. Like, it's pretty basic. But, like, I quit
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: smoking cigarettes. You did? I never really did drugs, so, like, but, like,
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: I drink casually.
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: But, like, I don't go, like, bonkers. Like, back in
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: the day, like, Key West was a year and a
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: half of, like, fucking game on. Like, it was.
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: And what were you doing? Because you were just hanging
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: out at a hotel bar or something.
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: Remember?
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: Because remember, Dustin Poirier sent me a picture. Yeah, we
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: talked about it. He saw you down there one time.
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but I would drink.
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: Cause it was like during COVID. So I was just
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: like over everything. I was just like, fuck every like
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: the world.
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: Oh, you're just down there counting cube and swimming over
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: having a couple of fucking mojitos.
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: I was just sucking off fucking margaritas. And that's the
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: guy's name.
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: Game on Wayne. No, but I was just like, I
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: didn't really give a fuck. So I just drank like
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: from 8am to two in the morning, three in the morning,
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: every day.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: It was amazing.
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: But yeah, now I got my shit together, and it's awesome.
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: So you didn't go to rehab then?
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: I did not, no.
• 40:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: I mean, I've been there before, but that was like
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: years and years ago. Yeah. I mean, hours ago. Yeah.
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: I mean, we're in rehab, actually.
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: This is... Yeah, we praise him.
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: Well, now they have virtual rehab that people are going to.
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: Have you heard of this thing?
• 40:39
  Speaker 3: No.
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: It's like through VR or whatever. Can you bring that up?
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: Virtual reality rehab?
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: You put on like a.
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: What is it, Oculus or something?
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you put on something like that. But you'll have
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: somebody at the bar, and they'll go sit in the
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: corner for like 40 minutes with fucking rehab on. Erect?
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: And then they, oh, I wasn't that close to the
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: guy I saw on it.
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: I think you were.
• 40:59
  Speaker 3: But.
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: You fucking swamp possum.
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: And the guy's like, I've been at rehab, I just
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: got back. And I'm like, you just fucking sat over
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: there with your Oculus on for 30 minutes.
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: I mean, that'd be amazing.
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, it's outpatient. I was like, all right, dude, whatever.
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: Fucking called out. How out are you?
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: Fucking bonk. Way outpatient, dude.
• 41:19
  Speaker 2: God.
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: The virtual reality system allows participants to immerse themselves in
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: a variety of settings and situations to practice recovery techniques,
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: such as fighting off temptations, as well as to receive
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: therapeutic support. Can you even imagine?
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: I mean, I'm not laughing at it. God bless. But,
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: I mean.
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: I'm laughing at it. I mean, we can laugh at it. Imagine.
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: But also, like, sorry.
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: Sorry.
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: No, what are some of these scenarios going to be?
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: You put on the virtual reality. Suddenly some guy comes in, right,
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: with like a meth queen on his arm, right?
• 41:52
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: And you're just supposed to be sitting there just reading
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: a book or something. And you're like, pick out who
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: might have the eight ball or whatever. Like, what is
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: the fucking... But also, like, you could be in any scenario.
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: So it's like if you have an Oculus, you could
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: be anywhere. Yeah.
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: You could be at the beach, yeah. Yeah.
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: And a little crab tries to bring you up. Yeah,
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: you could be in Margaritaville or some shit. A Soma
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: or something, yeah. Yeah, they'll, like, sit there. Somebody shows
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: up with, like, a fucking fentanyl snowman. And you're like, oh.
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: Bells will be ringing.
• 42:25
  Speaker 3: Chelsea's on it.
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: You're fucking DOA, dog.
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: Dude, that's the saddest. When there's fentanyl in the snow, dude,
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: I think I heard about, like, that some of those...
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: Somebody put fentanyl in one of those cloud seeding machines
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: or whatever.
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: That's a scary thing now, man.
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: It's like... Yeah, it's, like, not a joke. Like, I'm
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: not making fun of fentanyl. It's, like, fucking horrible.
• 42:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: But, like, it can appear, like, in a cactus. Oh,
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: you have no idea.
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: There's even.
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: Sorry, sound. Dude, we had a, I remember kids would like,
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: not kids, but women kids, female kids, would do like
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: vajippan or whatever. When I was a kid, they'd put
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: LSD into their vagina.
• 43:14
  Speaker 4: What?
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: And they would have chicks like just.
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: On Bourbon Street?
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and they'd be like, no, this was more like
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: in people's, in like a safety of a home or whatever.
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: You'd be like, oh, yeah, Teresa's vajippan, homie. And you'd
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: be like, oh, fuck, bro. I hope she's all right,
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: you know?
• 43:30
  Speaker 3: What?
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: That doesn't sound like a safety home. In the safety
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: of a home. I'll just say, yeah. You just put
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: a bunch of drugs in your pussy hole. In a
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: fucking gutter. Bro. This is a safe place. Anyway, drugs
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: in your genitals.
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: Absorb it. Hey.
• 43:47
  Speaker 3: And then....
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: Brian Callen. Bro.
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: Dude, that's fucking Lord's Lockbox, dude. That's the original... Dude,
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: you know that little, that safe that's in the hotel
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: room sometimes? The vagina was, a lot of times people
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: just hide stuff in their wife's vagina.
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: That's the original escape room. Yeah, it is, dude. Yeah,
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: you just try to find a way out, find your life.
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: And that's an Amy Schumer joke. What else is going on? Dude,
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: do you see all this stuff that's happening with Sketch?
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: Did you see this? People were, you know the What's
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: Up Brother? No, I don't know what that is. Sketch
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: is a streamer. He's known for his Madden streams. for
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: just being like a one-of-a-kind guy.
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: Oh, I think I saw him. Yeah, he was on
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: your show.
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it was excellent. I've spent time with him
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: over the past few months. We talk every couple of weeks.
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: Just like, I mean, a gift. Sketch is a gift
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: to the world. And so I guess allegedly he did,
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: he had some, he did some OnlyFans stuff a few
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: years back. And some of it may have been, um, homoerotic,
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: you know, or gay or men, you know, extra men,
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: more than one man type of thing or whatever, or
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: just gay. And you know, I'm talking about, and, um,
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: so this, all these pictures started coming up, things that.
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: People found in only fans.
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: Um, and then I think everybody was just curious. Is
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: this really him? You, you, you, You have no idea
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: now with AR or whatever. You have no idea what
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: anything is.
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: It could be. And people.
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: What did he say? Was it like genital warfare?
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: I don't know. But people are writing some of the
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: strangest things. Nick, what was that one tweet that I
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: put in there?
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: Well, I mean, like what?
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: I don't understand. Like, is he like canceled or something? Well,
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: it just this shows the uncanniness of whenever people rip
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: somebody on the Internet.
• 45:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: It's like what a broken record. It's like, good God.
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: And I love sketch. I support him a hundred percent,
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: no matter what it is. Um, somebody tweeted this, how
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: could you at the sketch reel? I met you. I
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: used to be a big fan of you. I was
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: your biggest fan of all time. And this is just
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: kind of like a chubby kid or young Filipino woman
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: who has tagged, uh, sketch in this. And it's kind
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: of calling him out, I guess. And they put a
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: heartbroken emoji, right? So first of all, what does it matter?
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: Why was he, why are you not a fan now?
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: It He doesn't owe you that like he had to
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: tell you that he had gay activity or he had OnlyFans.
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: But then here's what happens to this tweet. Somebody shares
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: this tweet, tags that tweet, and adds to it, quotes.
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: It said, go lose weight, you fat fucking fuck, right?
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: To this child, okay? Period.
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God. Fucking fat shit. They're right after that.
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: Period. Which doesn't even have. A noun in it, I guess.
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: Or it might just be a noun, but it's missing. Yeah,
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: that doesn't... It needs a preposition. It needs something, right?
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: It needs an adverb. Then, after that, they came to the...
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: So far, you would think they'd come to the defense
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: of sketch. Because they say, go lose weight, you f
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: * * * ing fat f.
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: * * *.
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: Comma McF * * *. Sorry, I left that part out. Period.
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: F * * * ing fat shit. Then, they double-spaced
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: and wrote, Fuck sketch the gay f * * *.
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: It's like, what?
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. The internet is so
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: bonkers insane. I'm like, I don't read comments. I'm just
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: like so over it where people like just chime in
• 47:29
  Speaker 2: such insanity where I'm like, okay.
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: But you're not even, why even come to the defense?
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: Like, what are you saying? Like, what is anybody, it's like.
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: It's so bonkers.
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and why is this kid, like, it just, like,
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: why would the kid be looking for clout just to say, hey, Sketch, like,
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: I used to love you, didn't tell, like, he didn't
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: know you. You didn't know him. It's obviously a picture
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: of just some, a random stranger.
• 47:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, literally.
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: That had met him. And then the other guy quotes,
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: read it one more time, Nick, I can't really.
• 48:03
  Speaker 5: Go loose, wait, you f * * * ing fat
• 48:05
  Speaker 5: f * * *, McFuck, f * * * ing
• 48:07
  Speaker 5: fat shit, f * * * Sketch the gay f
• 48:10
  Speaker 5: * * *.
• 48:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: What is the point? Imagine just spending your time just
• 48:17
  Speaker 2: going like, I've got to chime this in. I'm like
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: so over it. Like back in the day when I
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: started making movies and I did Grandma's Boy and like
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: Benchwarmers and I would read critic reviews, which weren't like
• 48:33
  Speaker 2: that scathing, but they were like, hey, fuck you.
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: You fucking suck.
• 48:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: What did I do? Let's try to make a funny movie. Yeah. Like, why, like,
• 48:44
  Speaker 2: when people chime in, it's just like, dude, like, what the,
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: what the fucking, you go make a movie.
• 48:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: You fucking tard nations.
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like, wow, this shit was such a waste of
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: my time. This guy used to be funny. It'll say
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: stuff like that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it'll say
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: that on, like, a baby announcement. It's like, you know,
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: Hector's here. He's four days old. And people are like, yeah,
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: I remember when he used to be funny. It's like,
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: he's four days old.
• 49:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he's a child.
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: Like, people will comment. They just have no chill, man.
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: People don't care. No, people want to chime in, like,
• 49:14
  Speaker 2: at all times. It's hilarious. Like, I'm again like I'm
• 49:18
  Speaker 2: just like so over it like sometimes I'll like read
• 49:21
  Speaker 2: comments you're like hey man you're fucking old yeah I'm
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: like yeah I know I'm 47 what do you want
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: from me what do you see 3PO yeah are you
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: a calendar yeah Yeah, are you Chewbacca? Yeah, what are you,
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: the Mayans or whatever? Yeah, are you a fucking Egyptian princess?
• 49:38
  Speaker 2: And also, first of all, the- Is mummied?
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, eee.
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not a mummy.
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: Eee.
• 49:44
  Speaker 3: Fucking.
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: And here's what's dumb about mummies, they don't even make
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: any sounds, dude. They kind of remind me of door
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: dashers that don't have any food on them, you know,
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: because they're just kind of coming towards you.
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and they're covered in toilet paper. And you ordered
• 49:55
  Speaker 2: toilet paper, which is more ironic, where you're like, can
• 49:58
  Speaker 2: I get the toilet paper, please? Can you peel it
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: off your fucking- Egyptian.
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: Brain. And I do. And I feel for sketcher. What, what,
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: what was his comment? I sent him some messages this morning.
• 50:11
  Speaker 3: Look at this open and honest. That was me. That
• 50:17
  Speaker 3: was me. It's okay though. I will tell you what. Okay.
• 50:24
  Speaker 3: Two years ago, I did some stuff. I'm sorry. If
• 50:27
  Speaker 3: you've seen some of their stuff, You know, I'm a
• 50:32
  Speaker 3: changed person.
• 50:39
  Speaker 2: What does that mean?
• 50:39
  Speaker 3: This is going worse than I thought it was. I don't.
• 50:44
  Speaker 2: Know.
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: What does he apologize for?
• 50:49
  Speaker 3: I did not have sexual relations with that man. I'm
• 50:52
  Speaker 3: just kidding.
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: I did.
• 50:53
  Speaker 3: Possibly.
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: Catch out of the bag.
• 51:02
  Speaker 3: It's okay. What else do I have to say?
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 51:07
  Speaker 3: Thank you to all my people that have been sticking
• 51:08
  Speaker 3: up for me. I understand if you're bad. Shit hit
• 51:16
  Speaker 3: the fan. Okay. I was dealing with some addiction problems.
• 51:20
  Speaker 2: What is he apologizing for? Having sex with a man?
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 51:23
  Speaker 3: Hit the fan. Okay. I was dealing with some addiction problems.
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: Addicted to dick? A couple of them.
• 51:34
  Speaker 3: But, what's the point after? The point after was not
• 51:38
  Speaker 3: very good. If I was alone and I was at
• 51:41
  Speaker 3: my house, I probably wouldn't be talking to you right now. But,
• 51:46
  Speaker 3: the people at Faze, banks, especially, and my friends that
• 51:52
  Speaker 3: I've made over the past couple years came and they
• 51:56
  Speaker 3: saved me. I don't know what I was going to do, but.
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: Save him what? What the fuck is going on?
• 52:02
  Speaker 2: I think he was just scared the internet really came
• 52:04
  Speaker 2: after him.
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, don't look at the fucking internet. But I think
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: in his case, it's hard. It's a lot of his
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: life is built on there. And then also, it's like
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: if something like that came out, I mean, you can't
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: just pretend it didn't happen. You know what I'm saying?
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: It's so strong.
• 52:18
  Speaker 2: He like blew a guy or who the fucking cares? Yeah, well,
• 52:21
  Speaker 2: I don't care what he did. Well, there was just
• 52:23
  Speaker 2: whatever it was. Take your wig off.
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: Doing gayness, dude. Take your wig off. It's not a wig.
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: Some guy at the airport.
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: It's a fucking wig.
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: Some guy at the airport comes up to me the
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: other day. Because that's a wig, isn't it?
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's 100% a wig.
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: So you think this is a wig, dude?
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: Your fucking wig-warny weaver.
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: I could imagine. If you don't know something like that,
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: you think it's private and then it goes out public,
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: that would be very, that would be alarming.
• 52:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it'd be alarming if it was like 1800s. Oh,
• 52:51
  Speaker 2: I agree. I think it's ridiculous. I think anybody coming
• 52:54
  Speaker 2: at him for being gay. Pussy, fucking, who cares? Yeah.
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: Oh, I think it's ridiculous. Do both at the same time.
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: Pussy and a dick.
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: Oh, but you're a real intersection at that point, dude.
• 53:04
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's both ears.
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: It's bumper to bumper traffic. But it's just interesting, just
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: as he's making this statement, he's like, well, what else
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: do I have to say? It's almost weird. It's like
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: you're pleading for peace from this.
• 53:19
  Speaker 2: From just strangers.
• 53:20
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 53:21
  Speaker 1: It's just kind of fascinating where we are in time
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: that you watch somebody who has to make this plea.
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: Even as he's trying to figure out what is he even...
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: Asking for you know like what.
• 53:33
  Speaker 2: Is he apologizing for I agree the fuck.
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: I agree But I just think it's fascinating to see
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: that that's where we're at in time where you're watching
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: somebody Apologize hyper or whatever it is right totally to
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: a screen Yeah, because of the world that we live.
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: It's just it's very interesting I think but who cares
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: that that he was gay first of all he was
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: a Texans fan way tougher than Than doing some gay stuff.
• 54:00
  Speaker 2: Way tougher.
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: What the F? Oh, more dudes took down David Carr
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: than did Sketch ever, huh?
• 54:07
  Speaker 5: Yeah, he got sacked 73 times this rookie season.
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: Okay, dude.
• 54:11
  Speaker 2: I mean, good God. He got sacked in his fucking mouth. Dude.
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: That's what sack means.
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: And yeah, Sketch, I just want to say, man, yeah,
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: don't just hang in there if you're feeling any type
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: of way or, yeah, just keep your head up, brother.
• 54:28
  Speaker 2: We love you.
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: And everybody loves you, dude. And it doesn't matter whatever's
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: happened or has it, or yeah, whatever, you know, we
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: love you because of who you are. And, um, and yeah,
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: and nothing will change that, bro. So just hang in
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: there and know that people have your back. Um, some
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: people probably have your front too. Some of these people
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: are perverts, but just know, I love you, bro. And, um,
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: And I'm just one of the millions of people that do.
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: So just hang in there, champ.
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: Sketch, we love you. You're fine.
• 55:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 55:05
  Speaker 2: Don't stress about this nonsense. And yeah, if you feel
• 55:07
  Speaker 2: like you, and now people do what they want, bro.
• 55:10
  Speaker 2: Some people are gay. Some people are straight. Some people
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: don't even know. Some people don't even have a sexuality.
• 55:15
  Speaker 2: There's kids out there, not kids, but adult children or whatever,
• 55:19
  Speaker 2: who don't even know.
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: They're like, I don't even know. I like to go
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: to the library or whatever. I didn't even know I
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: had a wiener. You'll have a, Somebody say that sometimes.
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they don't even know what a library is. But
• 55:30
  Speaker 2: they're going to go to it. Yeah, you'll even have
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: a guy being like, oh, look at this long pussy
• 55:35
  Speaker 2: I have with balls under it. Yeah, look at these
• 55:37
  Speaker 2: fucking fresh fucking labes. Look at how many labias do
• 55:41
  Speaker 2: I have? I have pussies in my armpits. I don't
• 55:43
  Speaker 2: even know what's going on anymore. Yeah, somebody will be like, oh,
• 55:46
  Speaker 2: look at this long vagina I have. Look at this vagine. Oh,
• 55:51
  Speaker 2: I'm going to fucking bring this to Bourbon Street. Throw
• 55:54
  Speaker 2: some beads in my puss.
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: We love you, Sketch. And sorry you're having to deal
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: with that or if it's scaring you or whatever. I
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: just can't imagine it would be very scary, you know?
• 56:06
  Speaker 2: What is scary about that? Haunted House is scary.
• 56:09
  Speaker 5: I think– I don't think he's gay. It sounded like
• 56:13
  Speaker 5: he had addiction issues and maybe he was doing it
• 56:15
  Speaker 5: for money. So it was something he was keeping secret.
• 56:18
  Speaker 5: And his fame really kind of happened overnight in the
• 56:20
  Speaker 5: last six months. And everybody just who loved him found
• 56:24
  Speaker 5: that out. a thing he doesn't have to be ashamed for,
• 56:27
  Speaker 5: but he's already felt shame for it, so he was
• 56:30
  Speaker 5: just scared. And it sounded like he was in really
• 56:32
  Speaker 5: bad shape yesterday, but the streamers from FaZe Clan really
• 56:36
  Speaker 5: supported him, and he went over there, and I think
• 56:38
  Speaker 5: it's all good. I think he's only going to be bigger,
• 56:40
  Speaker 5: to be honest.
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's what I'm saying. I just feel
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: so much that he's scared.
• 56:47
  Speaker 2: That's what makes me....
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: But what are you scared of?
• 56:51
  Speaker 2: It's like, well, you're just scared of fucking die.
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: He's fine.
• 56:54
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: But I think for a lot of people, it feels
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: like the internet is the only be all end all
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: like you and I are at a different age where
• 57:01
  Speaker 1: it's not as much, right?
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: We're different age.
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: But for, for, for the younger generation, I think that
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: is it. Right. Is that making sense now? Right.
• 57:09
  Speaker 2: That makes sense where it's like, okay, that's, that's the
• 57:13
  Speaker 2: jury of my life.
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 57:15
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean? Where it's like, It's not. Right.
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: I mean, we still have a little bit more of like,
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: there's a human jury and there's an online jury, but
• 57:21
  Speaker 1: I think it gets fucking cares.
• 57:24
  Speaker 2: I agree.
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: But you know what I'm saying? But the power of
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: it is intense. I mean, even the power of just
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: your video where they had, if you guys were drinking
• 57:31
  Speaker 1: or had done edibles and whatchamacallit, it was like, look
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: how much news, you know what I'm saying? It was like, yes,
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: it doesn't matter, but the media doesn't fucking care what matters,
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: you know?
• 57:40
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 57:40
  Speaker 2: But I didn't, I didn't like hold a grain of
• 57:42
  Speaker 2: salt to like, when it came out, like on TMZ
• 57:45
  Speaker 2: was like, Nick Swardson is hammered on stage and whatever,
• 57:49
  Speaker 2: like edibles. And I'm like, yeah, all right.
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: What the fuck? Like, who cares? Yeah.
• 57:56
  Speaker 2: Everybody out there just listening. Don't worry about the Internet
• 58:00
  Speaker 2: and comments. It's fucking dumb and superfluous. Makes no sense.
• 58:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 58:05
  Speaker 2: Like, just move on. Enjoy your life.
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: Be you.
• 58:09
  Speaker 2: And don't kill people.
• 58:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: But I think in your times, if you're struggling with drugs,
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: people will get into some wild stuff, you know, if
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: people are out there.
• 58:18
  Speaker 2: Dude, everyone's done wild shit.
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: What the fuck? Oh, yeah, I agree.
• 58:22
  Speaker 2: You look back at your past, you've done some fucking
• 58:24
  Speaker 2: nose nachos. Somebody's had some nose nachos in their past.
• 58:28
  Speaker 2: Some of those fucking... Yeah, fucking, fucking.
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: Some of that fucking snout mustard, homie, you feel me?
• 58:39
  Speaker 3: Fucking.
• 58:40
  Speaker 2: That fucking dick mayonnaise.
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: Oh, no, no, I'm good. I wanted some Coke.
• 58:45
  Speaker 2: No.
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: Okay, chill. Don't be that guy. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding, man.
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  Speaker 1: Visit BetterHelp.com slash Theo today to get 10% off your
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 1: first month. That's BetterHelp.com slash T-H-E-O. Dude, you know what
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: I saw the other day? Did I tell you I
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: heard that Frederick Douglass was gay? Did I tell you that?
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 2: Frederick Douglass? Like the old black author? Yeah. Who?
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 3: There he is.
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 1: Bro, hit that picture right there above.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 3: One.
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 2: How did that come out?
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 1: Come on. Bro, you telling me, bro. And look, I respect.
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 2: How did that come out that Frederick Douglass is gay?
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: Bro, I respect fucking F-Doug to the end, bro.
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he's a legend.
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 1: But don't even tell me, bro. He was like Lil
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: Nas Xscape.
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 2: He looks like he was the other member of Color
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 2: Me Bad. Yeah, dude, huh? I wanna sex you up
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 2: in a hot TikTok all night. Sweaty genitals, sweaty genitals.
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: Bro, FDR. And I just heard that. I'm not saying that.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: That's something that I've.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 2: Heard a lot. Yeah, did you grow up with them?
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: How did you even know that?
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: No, it was just you would read it on places.
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: You would read like little... Where did you read that?
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: Just saw, what's it called?
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 2: Spade.com.
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 1: No, when people write something on a bench or whatever.
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 1: you know, Henry got fucked or whatever. You're like, well, gee,
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: is he okay? What's going on?
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 2: I don't like read benches and live by it.
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 1: But benches used to be the internet. You didn't have
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 1: the internet, dude. You had whatever somebody wrote on them.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: Bathroom walls and all that. Yeah, that was the internet.
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 2: Don't you know that?
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: The original Reddit.
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 2: I guess, yeah, that's, yeah, that's about it.
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: Larry sucks cock or whatever. You're like, oh God, good
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 1: to know.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 2: Gary's got that gay flu. Yeah.
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 1: Motherfucker. Hit me up for free tires or whatever. Like
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 1: a 1-800 number. But that was the internet. It was
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 1: the bathroom wall or benches, man.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true.
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 1: You know what I was looking at recently, man? They
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 1: had– there's gay animals out there. Like what? Name a couple.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 1: How about this then? I know some of them, okay?
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: You tell me which– Wait, personally or the genre of
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 1: the animal? Let's go genre. Not specific animal because you
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: can't be like, oh, Paddington bear or whatever. But I
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: want like a genre of an animal or a species
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 1: or– Species. Is that the right spec? Species. Species, yeah.
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 1: You tell me an animal, I'll tell you if it's
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 1: gay or not.
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 2: Panda. Not sure.
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: Okay. Giraffe. Fuck yeah, dude. Yeah. Giraffe, bro?
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 2: Just dripping dicks. They got fucking waterfall penises. They just
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 2: hang down.
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 1: Well, that neck too. A neck is just a long
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 1: penis with sounds in it.
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 2: It's like the Ron Jeremy of horses.
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: And here's the trick about being a giraffe. Giraffe, your
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: head and eyes are so far from your wiener that
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 1: if a guy blows you or whatever, you can pretend
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 1: it's not a guy if you want, right? Because you're
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: so far.
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 3: You can't see.
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 1: You're so far removed from it. Like if I'm up
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 1: here and somebody's just whistling on my root or whatever,
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: I can pretend it's whoever. But if I'm right here
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 1: like a human, it's hard to not– it's hard to
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 1: be in denial.
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you can see fucking Steve and Mark.
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: Right. You can see somebody with a– Showing your fucking butt, puss. Yeah,
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 1: you can see somebody with a Terry McLaurin jersey or
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: something on just harping you down, you know? Yeah. Look
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 1: at this. Oh, yay, dude.
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 2: Oh, whoa.
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 1: Hold on.
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 3: Oh, God.
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 2: That did not go well.
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 1: Wow, that thing is pop-locking. Whoa, homie, bro.
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 3: Shit.
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 2: Jeez.
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: And that is how you meet a man out there
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 1: in the woods, buddy. Okay.
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 2: What if a lion's sucking your dick? How fucking sweet
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 2: would that be?
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 3: Well.
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 2: You're a giraffe.
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 1: Giraffe is definitely.
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 3: No teeth.
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 2: No teeth. The lion's just. Maybe the lion doesn't have teeth.
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 3: It does.
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 1: That's why we. Okay.
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 2: It does.
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 1: It would nibble that thing down just like somebody just.
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 1: biting down a piece of thing a mistletoe okay I
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 1: like that some vegetarian yes or no elephant gay or
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 1: no elephants no two just.
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 2: Dude what about if the trunk goes into your gin
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 2: oh and then you can suck your own dick hmm
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 2: so does that make the elephant gay we don't know
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 2: what about guess another one uh cheetah no They dress gay,
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 2: I think, but I don't think they are. But they
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 2: do dress gay.
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 1: Or they dress either.
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 2: They dress like 80s hairband gay.
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like Italian women.
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Jersey Housewives.
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 2: At a Poison concert.
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 2: God, that's good.
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they dress pretty gay. What about here? I'll tell you.
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: I'll give you a clue. Nighttime, Halloween. Bats?
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 2: Bats.
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 1: Bats are way gay, dude.
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 2: How are bats gay?
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 1: First of all, they're hiding in the dark. You can't
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 1: even see what's going on, right? So something just flies
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 1: right into your ween or whatever. It could be like, oh,
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 1: I'm a, you know, like, that's the craziest thing. The
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 1: dark is just this, it's the ultimate.
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 2: Or it's also like, I'm sleeping upside down, but they're
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 2: trying to suck their own dick.
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 2: So what about Batman?
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's dark. I'm going to fly into some other
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 1: bats and just whatever happens, that kind of shit. I'm
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 1: going to fly into it.
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 2: Robin, who's a fucking gay bird. Yeah.
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 1: Oh, I'm not gay. It's just really dark in here.
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 1: Bat thing.
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 1: Bats have that. I got it. Oh, right here. In
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 1: wild little brown bats, males often mount other males during
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 1: late autumn and winter when many of the mounted individuals
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 1: are torpid. 35% of matings during this period are homosexual. Wow.
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 1: What does torpid mean, Nick? Yeah, what is torpid? I've
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 1: never even heard that word. Mentally or physically inactive or lethargic.
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 1: So I guess... Isn't every man... It's like a K-hole,
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 1: I guess, for animals. When many of man and individuals
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 1: are torpid.
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 2: Huh. So yeah, so bats can be gay. Bisons, too. Bisons.
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 1: Look up bisons being gay, please.
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 2: That can't be right.
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 1: Bisons, dude.
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 2: Aren't they basically buffaloes?
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 1: The American bison is a bovine mammal which displays homosexual behavior.
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 1: Look at him right there. Full anal penetration between bulls
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: has been noted to occur among American bison.
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 2: Put in gay bison. And let me know where that
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 2: bar is.
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's gay. Sorry. Right there. Zoom in on that picture.
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: Look at the kid. He's kind of off at school
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 1: or whatever that area is of the yard. Right.
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 2: And this dude is trying to holler at that, his dad.
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 1: I mean, good Lord. And that one's in blackface, I
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 1: want to say. I mean, I don't know if that's
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 1: okay to say or not.
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 2: Well, faces can be black.
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 1: So anyway, just want to go down a little trail there.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 1: But yeah.
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 2: That was a treasure trail.
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think the crazy part is just like, yeah,
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I just feel for Sketch. I hope
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 1: that he's okay. He'll be fine.
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 2: He's alive. That's all you want is to be alive.
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 1: Oh, dude, totally. Good God. And even that's tough, bro.
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 1: Sometimes if somebody was like, well, you want to be alive,
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 1: someone's going to be active.
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, but it's like, When I wake up
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 2: every day, I'm like, fuck, here we go.
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Christ in heaven.
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 2: But if somebody right now is like, would you want
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 2: to be alive or do you want to have a
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 2: really nice lunch? What does the lunch consist of? Four
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 2: course lunch, soup, salad. From which establishment?
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 1: It's a new place.
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 2: Would it be in New Orleans?
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: It's a new place in New Orleans.
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 2: Would I buy some gumbo?
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 1: It's a new place.
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 2: And some jambalays, eh? And some maybe a hurricane?
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 1: And then drewberries!
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 3: And then.
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 3: Blue!
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 1: He just comes out and hums the dessert into your mouth. Dude,
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 1: they used to have that restaurant called Lambert's with a
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 1: throw the roll across the.
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 2: Love Lambert's.
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: You've been there? Yeah, of course.
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not my first fucking rodeo, bro.
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 1: They would throw the roll. You think I just fell
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 1: to earth?
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 2: You fucking wig gypsy.
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 1: They'd throw the roll to you across town. I think Billy... Yeah,
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 1: it'd be like a curveball. There it is right there.
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 1: That's the guy who'll throw the roll to you right there.
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 1: Lambert's home of the throwed rolls, and they'll hum a
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 1: bread over at you. Yeah, amazing. Right there. And that
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 1: guy probably... Is that Kirk Cousins right there? It's Knox.
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 3: He.
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 2: That's Kirk. Oh, yeah, that's an Amish dude.
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. Now, this is way greater than anything Sketch did.
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean.
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 1: Underhand tossing a bread roll to somebody in a full restaurant.
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 2: I would take that guy over Kirk Cousins.
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah. For the Vikings. But, yeah, I just can't even
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 1: believe that that's the biggest issue. I think him being
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 1: a Texans fan for the past however long they've been
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 1: in existence.
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 2: But, I mean, they're exciting. I love Houston very much.
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 3: Now, yeah.
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah. But I mean, back in the day, yeah, they
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 2: were just. And back in the day was two years ago.
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 2: It was just like J.J. Watt was just trying to
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 2: play every position and try to keep them alive.
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 2: Good God. That's why we pray.
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 1: What else, man? What else is happening?
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 2: What else is going on? I'm going on tour. Toilet Head.
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 2: Nick Swartzen.net. Got my new special July 18th on YouTube.
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 1: Game on.
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 3: And are you.
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 1: Oh, I did see you.
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 2: I'm doing Happy Gilmore 2.
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 1: You're doing Happy Gilmore 2. You're in.
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 3: Yep.
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 3: You're in.
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 1: And you're going to play.
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 2: I'm going to play Adam's caddy.
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, super excited.
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 1: Have you already read the script or no?
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 2: There's no script yet, but we start shooting in the fall.
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 1: Congratulations, bro.
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 2: I know you're excited about that. And then David Spade,
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 2: I don't know what he's doing.
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 1: I think he's homeless. David? Yeah, we pray. Do you know,
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 1: there you go, Comedian X4 announces he will play as
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 1: Adam Sandler's candidate in Happy Gilmore 2.
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 2: Yep. And how did that come to pass? Did Adam
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 2: ask you about it? How does that work? He called
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 2: me up.
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 1: And he goes, why? Why is it? Why is it?
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 1: And I go, hey, what's up, man?
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 2: No, he goes, hey, I'm doing Happy Gilmore 2. I'm like, oh,
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 2: that's fucking awesome. Because he had turned it down for, like, decades.
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 2: He was, like, never wanted to do, like, a reboot
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 2: of it or a sequel. And he was like, yeah.
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 2: He's like, I don't have a script yet, but I
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 2: wanted to play the caddy.
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, fuck yeah. Amazing. Amazing.
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 2: So, super stoked.
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 1: Any opportunity for a Grandma's Boy 2, you think?
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 2: No, I got off of Grandma's Boy 2. I turned
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 2: it down.
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 3: Really?
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I just, like, sequels are so tricky, especially with comedy. So,
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, I thought about it for a minute.
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 2: The only sequel I ever wanted to do really bad,
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 2: and I had thought of a whole concept, was Benchwarmers 2. So,
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 2: I really wanted to do that, and... We lost the
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 2: rights to the fucking movie and they made some bonkers
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 2: shit show of a sequel. But I had like a
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 2: whole outline of it. That was the only one I
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 2: would do.
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 1: A sequel to.
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 2: Benchwarmers 2.
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like balls fart or something.
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, whatever.
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 2: Mine would have been balls shart.
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 1: So you'll be in that. That's awesome, man.
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 2: In Happy Gilmore, yeah.
• 1:12:43
  Speaker 1: What else did I just see? I saw, oh, Steve-O's
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 1: getting breast implants. Did you see that?
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 2: Is he really doing that? I'm doing a show with
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 2: him tomorrow night.
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 1: Are you?
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 2: We're doing the Dr. Phil with Adam Ray.
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. Feel them frickin' B-cups for me then. Yeah,
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 1: I think he's going to get them for a couple
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 1: of months. Is it a fundraiser he's doing it for?
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 2: That's the most Steve-o thing ever. By the way, Steve-o's amazing.
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 3: I love him.
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 1: But getting tits is.
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 3: Is.
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 2: He, like.
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 2: Is he going to get rid of his penis? I
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 2: don't know.
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 1: Let me see. This says right here, Jackass star Steve-O
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 1: confirmed this week he's going to undergo breast augmentation for
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 1: a laugh during an appearance on the X5 podcast on Wednesday.
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 1: The 50-year-old prankster said he's been thinking about getting a
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 1: pair of fake breasts for years. I came up with
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 1: the idea a few years ago to get a boob
• 1:13:30
  Speaker 1: job and just film a bunch of legitimately funny hidden
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 1: camera pranks with me.
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 2: In disguise in various disguises.
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 3: I mean.
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 1: I spoke with the doctors and I said to them candidly,
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 1: The one thing I'm really freaked out about and bummed
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 1: out about and would back out of this over is
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 1: if I'm just going to be a mess afterwards. He's
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 1: going to get D-cups.
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't go that heavy, I don't think.
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a little aggressive.
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 1: Two months, it comes out absolutely no issues. That's what
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 1: the doctor told him.
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 2: But D-cups is aggressive.
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this feels, why not just wear fake boobs to me? Like,
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 1: why not just wear a.
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, totally.
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 1: Totally. Like a prosthetic tit. Or synthetic. What is it? Yeah.
• 1:14:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, a few years ago.
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 2: To get a boob job.
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 1: If you go through this, X5 will pay for that. Oh, wow.
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 1: And pay for the time I'm taking out. Look, I
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 1: just so happen to have my checkbook with me.
• 1:14:26
  Speaker 2: It's not a problem. Dude, that actually means a lot
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 2: to me.
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 2: Wow. I'm going to see him tomorrow. So I'll ask him.
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 1: I'll text you. That's incredible, man. Yeah, getting some breasts
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 1: would be, I don't know if I would love them.
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 1: What do you think, Nick?
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 3: I mean, I.
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 1: Don't think I want breasts. I don't think I want that.
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 2: I mean, that would be, D-cups, again, is like, that's
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 2: a haul.
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 2: You're hauling some fucking weight.
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 2: You got some mammaries right there, and you don't have
• 1:15:03
  Speaker 2: a fake baby. Just suck on them potato cons. You
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 2: know what I'm saying.
• 1:15:09
  Speaker 1: And there's no way you're not going to put your
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 1: tongue on them a little if you have them.
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 2: Well, no, you got to eat them out.
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you want to be fucking nip. Yeah, I mean,
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 1: I would definitely just juice box those little bad.
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 2: Boys, you know. Yeah, but I want juice boxes in
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 2: my tits.
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 2: So I want some Capri Suns and then sucking.
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 1: On a vacation for a while.
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 2: And then we praise them. But yeah, I would for
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 2: sure feel my... Would you get some?
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 1: I don't know. It just seems like a lot. After
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 1: the thing happened in Colorado, did people call you and
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 1: express concern? I was concerned. I reached out. I was like, dude,
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 1: what's going on?
• 1:15:44
  Speaker 2: I know you hit me up. You were like, what
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 2: in the fuck? And I was like, God. I've already
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 2: been through hell and back. I was like, yeah, I
• 1:15:53
  Speaker 2: got too high in Colorado. I'm like, what the fuck?
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 2: People are like, okay, well.
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 2: My bad that was me no no no it's fine
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 2: well you know you're a good friend oh.
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 1: Like what's going on man no.
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 2: It was a valid question but i was like you
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 2: guys like people that like know know me i'm like
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 2: they're like yeah okay like you're fine you know what
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 2: i mean like i'm not like you know i don't
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 2: i'm not bonkers it was just like a slip you
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 2: know what i mean where i was like yeah i
• 1:16:24
  Speaker 2: just made the mistake of taking edible and I still
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 2: take edibles and I don't even do any other drugs
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 2: it's like people think like I'm some like cuckoo brain
• 1:16:36
  Speaker 2: it's like no I'm fucking I know my shit I'm
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 2: smart as fuck.
• 1:16:40
  Speaker 1: Did people start coming to the shows and wanting you
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 1: to like do the same thing like kind of trip
• 1:16:44
  Speaker 1: out or whatever.
• 1:16:46
  Speaker 2: Well yeah like I said like I did two shows
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 2: sold out in Aspen people were throwing edibles at me
• 1:16:51
  Speaker 2: and then so people afterwards were like okay what's gonna
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 2: happen and I would address it on stage I was
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 2: very candid. I'm like, you had a bad day at work.
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 2: You ever have a bad day at work and you
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 2: end up on the fucking news? Yeah, that's a blast.
• 1:17:04
  Speaker 2: But like my shows after that, like people can attest
• 1:17:06
  Speaker 2: to that. Like Columbus, Omaha, Philly, Houston, like they're all great.
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 2: Like my new set is fire.
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 1: It's awesome. Nick Swartzen.net.
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 2: You feel good about it? Yeah, I love it. I
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 2: talk about Norm Macdonald a lot.
• 1:17:20
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah?
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I got three Norm stories.
• 1:17:22
  Speaker 1: That are great. Do you remember, did you ever go
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 1: to his birthday party or anything?
• 1:17:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I went to everything.
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 3: Really?
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Where was one of his birthday parties at? I
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 1: never got to go to it.
• 1:17:33
  Speaker 2: Well, he would have ones at his house. Oh, yeah?
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's nice. But I remember one of my favorite
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 2: moments is I was on tour with Sandler, Spade, and Schneider.
• 1:17:42
  Speaker 1: And Norm.
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 2: And we were in Connecticut, Mohican Sun. And we were backstage.
• 1:17:47
  Speaker 2: And Norm and I were in the hallway. And there
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 2: was a security guard walking down. And he had a gun.
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 1: Security guard.
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 2: But, like, long hallway.
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 2: So I saw it and I go to Norm. I go, hey,
• 1:17:59
  Speaker 2: that guy's got a gun. And Norm was like really
• 1:18:02
  Speaker 2: paranoid about death. And he goes, hey, what? A gun?
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 2: That guy's got a gun? And I was like, yeah.
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 2: And he goes in the sailor's dressing room. And it's, again, Adam, David,
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 2: and Rob. And Norm goes in and he goes, hey,
• 1:18:17
  Speaker 2: there's a guy with a gun. And Adam goes, what
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 2: the fuck? Are you serious? Everyone's like freaking out. And
• 1:18:24
  Speaker 2: I go, oh, no, no, no, I was, no, it's
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 2: a security guard. I was joking. And everyone's like, what?
• 1:18:30
  Speaker 2: And Norm goes, yeah, you said it was a guy
• 1:18:31
  Speaker 2: with a gun. I'm like, yeah, I know. I was just,
• 1:18:33
  Speaker 2: it was a joke. And he goes, why is that funny?
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 2: And Adam's like, what the fuck is wrong with you?
• 1:18:38
  Speaker 2: I'm like, no, I was just trying to mess with Norm.
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 1: It's fine. It's fine.
• 1:18:43
  Speaker 2: And they're like, that's a joke? Fucking psycho. And I
• 1:18:47
  Speaker 2: just went to my room alone I was like.
• 1:18:50
  Speaker 1: There's a guy with a gun. How do you know?
• 1:18:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:18:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah. It's like, how do I do it? Teach you
• 1:18:58
  Speaker 1: how to do it.
• 1:18:59
  Speaker 2: Do what? There's a guy with a gun.
• 1:19:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:19:04
  Speaker 2: It's like a little bit, a little bit of a
• 1:19:06
  Speaker 2: hesitation where it's like, and you got to do the hands.
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 1: What?
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 3: No.
• 1:19:11
  Speaker 1: A gun?
• 1:19:13
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 1: Now there's a guy. He's got a gun? What? A
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 1: guy with a gun? Yeah, that's better. What? What? He's
• 1:19:25
  Speaker 1: got a gun.
• 1:19:27
  Speaker 2: He's not a dead body. Sorry.
• 1:19:29
  Speaker 1: A guy with a gun?
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 2: No, you're doing a dead body voice.
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 1: A guy with a gun?
• 1:19:34
  Speaker 3: No.
• 1:19:36
  Speaker 2: The guy with a gun that was.
• 1:19:40
  Speaker 1: Kind of it huh thanks dude what's another impersonation you
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 1: do anything Morgan Freeman.
• 1:19:46
  Speaker 2: I do a couple impressions that I will save for
• 1:19:49
  Speaker 2: my new hour I'm not going to spoil it there
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 2: he is right there look at that oh Don Knotts
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 2: I loved him oh yeah.
• 1:19:59
  Speaker 1: That was impromptu not.
• 1:20:01
  Speaker 2: Going well.
• 1:20:04
  Speaker 1: I'm coming in your butt So stupid. That's the worst
• 1:20:09
  Speaker 1: Don Knotts.
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 2: Well, listen, man.
• 1:20:11
  Speaker 1: Hey, your mouth is my toilet. That's the worst Don
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 1: Knotts ever, dude. It's not that bad. It's fucking.
• 1:20:18
  Speaker 2: My dog shits snowman. That's not Don Knotts. That's Don Knotts.
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 1: I can do, oh, Morgan Freeman, you know. They said
• 1:20:35
  Speaker 1: it would take a man 600 years to get out
• 1:20:37
  Speaker 1: of this here prison, but Andy Dufresne did it in
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 1: less than 20.
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 2: That was Frederick Douglass. Oh, really? Where them boys at?
• 1:20:48
  Speaker 1: That's Frederick Douglass, dude. No, you eat me out. Yeah,
• 1:20:52
  Speaker 1: you know that. What's something you miss about when you
• 1:20:58
  Speaker 1: were younger? Is there anything you ever have nostalgia for, ever,
• 1:21:00
  Speaker 1: you feel like?
• 1:21:03
  Speaker 2: Breaking things.
• 1:21:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:21:05
  Speaker 2: I remember, like, back in the day, like, growing up
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 2: in the 80s.
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 3: 1980s.
• 1:21:10
  Speaker 2: And I remember it was, like, we would have, like, oh, okay, like,
• 1:21:13
  Speaker 2: go outside and play.
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:21:15
  Speaker 2: And I would just break things. I would find things
• 1:21:17
  Speaker 2: in the dumpster. Remember dumpsters?
• 1:21:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 2: And you would find, like, some light bulbs and then.
• 1:21:23
  Speaker 1: Break those bitches. Maybe some fireworks.
• 1:21:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we don't know.
• 1:21:26
  Speaker 1: The best was if you worked somewhere and, like, I
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 1: need you, we need you to take these fluorescent bulbs out.
• 1:21:29
  Speaker 2: We just change them out. And they would fucking explode.
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 2: When the powder would come out.
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 2: And then you would orgasm.
• 1:21:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:21:37
  Speaker 1: Did you ever meet Michael Jackson or not?
• 1:21:40
  Speaker 3: No. Damn.
• 1:21:42
  Speaker 2: Not yet.
• 1:21:44
  Speaker 1: Not yet. What about Spacey just did a podcast. Did
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 1: you ever meet him?
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 2: Kevin Spacey? Yeah. Really? I never did. I saw him
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 2: at a party and he looked at my genitals and
• 1:21:58
  Speaker 2: that was fine.
• 1:21:59
  Speaker 1: That's where he looks. Yeah.
• 1:22:02
  Speaker 2: No, I never met him. Hmm. He does a podcast?
• 1:22:06
  Speaker 1: He just had a podcast. Is he, like, over his, like...
• 1:22:11
  Speaker 1: He just did one. Oh, is he over the allegations
• 1:22:14
  Speaker 1: against him? Yeah, I guess nothing ever happened. Oh, he
• 1:22:16
  Speaker 1: has his own podcast now?
• 1:22:17
  Speaker 5: No, that was about his trial, not.
• 1:22:20
  Speaker 2: Okay. Yeah, I don't know, like, who's canceled or what
• 1:22:24
  Speaker 2: is going on. It's fucking weird. Oh, I don't think
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 2: anybody's canceled him or nobody gives a fuck. Who gives
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 2: a fuck? Kanye got canned.
• 1:22:32
  Speaker 1: Nobody gives a fuck. The dude's still selling out tours.
• 1:22:34
  Speaker 1: So nobody cares what somebody says in the media.
• 1:22:37
  Speaker 2: Nobody even reads them. It's like, it's so bizarre. It's
• 1:22:40
  Speaker 2: so ambiguous. Cause you're like, what, like who is, are
• 1:22:45
  Speaker 2: they still, can we, yeah.
• 1:22:48
  Speaker 1: I think you can kind of do whatever you want.
• 1:22:50
  Speaker 2: It feels like, you know, I'm going to fucking fuck
• 1:22:53
  Speaker 2: this plant.
• 1:22:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:22:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:22:55
  Speaker 1: Then cancel me. It's fine with me.
• 1:22:59
  Speaker 2: I'm going to fuck your wig. no yep I'm gonna
• 1:23:01
  Speaker 2: take a shit on your wig don't do that shit
• 1:23:03
  Speaker 2: wig don't that's my next special buddy shit wig hey
• 1:23:07
  Speaker 2: shit wig I'm.
• 1:23:09
  Speaker 1: In dude what's something tell me something else from like
• 1:23:11
  Speaker 1: a let me think of a good oh this was
• 1:23:13
  Speaker 1: the best this is the best touring story I ever
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 1: heard right and I don't remember who told it to
• 1:23:18
  Speaker 1: me but they said that one night they were at
• 1:23:22
  Speaker 1: they had done a show at a comedy club they
• 1:23:24
  Speaker 1: get off stage and their opener they were both staying
• 1:23:29
  Speaker 1: at the same hotel They said right when they get
• 1:23:30
  Speaker 1: off stage, some like this hot chick comes and rushes
• 1:23:34
  Speaker 1: up and is like flirting with them. And they're like
• 1:23:38
  Speaker 1: and she's like, let's go back to my place. And
• 1:23:42
  Speaker 1: her place was like 30 minutes away. So the comic
• 1:23:45
  Speaker 1: was like, now let's just go back to my hotel room.
• 1:23:47
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 1:23:47
  Speaker 1: So they go back to the hotel and she starts
• 1:23:50
  Speaker 1: getting like super belligerent, like throwing shit at him in
• 1:23:52
  Speaker 1: the room and stuff. And like, let's go to my place.
• 1:23:54
  Speaker 1: Let's go to my place. She's like, I have drugs there.
• 1:23:57
  Speaker 1: And so finally the comedian's like, fuck, this is too crazy, man.
• 1:24:01
  Speaker 1: And he throws her out of his room. She goes
• 1:24:04
  Speaker 1: down the hall or when she's leaving somehow, she comes
• 1:24:06
  Speaker 1: across the opener who was also staying at the hotel.
• 1:24:11
  Speaker 1: The opener goes to, leaves with the chick, goes to
• 1:24:14
  Speaker 1: her house, right? They take a taxi there or whatever.
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 1: They get inside. The chick they're hooking up, they take
• 1:24:23
  Speaker 1: some pills or the girl took a pill or something
• 1:24:25
  Speaker 1: like that. The girl- handcuffs the guy to a bed
• 1:24:30
  Speaker 1: starts giving him like a BJ and she passes out
• 1:24:36
  Speaker 1: so now the dude's handcuffed to the bed this chick
• 1:24:38
  Speaker 1: is passed out on his lap and he sees like
• 1:24:41
  Speaker 1: some headlights come across the through the windows of like
• 1:24:44
  Speaker 1: a car pulling into the driveway so he's like oh
• 1:24:47
  Speaker 1: fuck a man comes in walks down the hallway looks
• 1:24:52
  Speaker 1: in the bedroom where this dude is on the bed
• 1:24:54
  Speaker 1: with this chick right Goes into the kitchen or whatever,
• 1:24:58
  Speaker 1: does something, comes back, gets the girl, takes her out
• 1:25:01
  Speaker 1: of there, puts her somewhere, comes back in the room,
• 1:25:05
  Speaker 1: tells the dude, if I ever see you at my
• 1:25:07
  Speaker 1: house again, I'm going to fucking kill you. Blows the dude.
• 1:25:12
  Speaker 2: I was hoping you were going to say that.
• 1:25:15
  Speaker 1: Then lets him go, dude, and gave him all his
• 1:25:18
  Speaker 1: shit and fucking sent him walking. The headlining comedian says
• 1:25:22
  Speaker 1: like 5 a.m. he gets a call. And it's the opener,
• 1:25:26
  Speaker 1: and the opener's at, like, a gas station or something
• 1:25:28
  Speaker 1: 25 minutes away and.
• 1:25:30
  Speaker 2: Needs some help.
• 1:25:32
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God. I don't know if that's a true story,
• 1:25:34
  Speaker 1: but it was the guy who told it to me.
• 1:25:36
  Speaker 2: I want to believe it's true.
• 1:25:38
  Speaker 1: It was so— it had me— A little detailed. Yeah. Oh,
• 1:25:44
  Speaker 1: that'd be the worst, dude. Why?
• 1:25:46
  Speaker 2: The guy— did he come?
• 1:25:48
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 1:25:49
  Speaker 2: I mean, that's a valid question.
• 1:25:50
  Speaker 1: Ugh. It just, it's just that.
• 1:25:53
  Speaker 2: Kind of- You have fucking multiple mouths on your dick?
• 1:25:56
  Speaker 1: It just makes me sad that that's the kind of
• 1:25:58
  Speaker 1: stuff that's going on. The bait and switch type of thing.
• 1:26:01
  Speaker 1: Does that make you sad?
• 1:26:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:26:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:26:03
  Speaker 2: Do you cry over it? You weep.
• 1:26:05
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't cry over it.
• 1:26:06
  Speaker 2: But you said sadness.
• 1:26:08
  Speaker 1: What bums me out? It doesn't bum you out that
• 1:26:10
  Speaker 1: somebody's getting chained up at a house thinking they're going
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 1: to hook up with a girl. And then somebody's stepdad
• 1:26:15
  Speaker 1: or whatever comes in and BJs them out? No. Yeah, well.
• 1:26:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, sure.
• 1:26:21
  Speaker 2: If I only had a heart. Yeah, no, it's amazing.
• 1:26:28
  Speaker 2: What else, man? One story I had. So I had
• 1:26:33
  Speaker 2: to do a gig in Philly. It was a casino.
• 1:26:36
  Speaker 2: I had to go through Dallas. I had a casino
• 1:26:38
  Speaker 2: in Iowa. So same day. So this is not a
• 1:26:43
  Speaker 2: similar story in any way. Weird segue. But it was
• 1:26:46
  Speaker 2: one of my favorite moments of the spring tour. So
• 1:26:49
  Speaker 2: I go Philly through Dallas, Sioux Falls, drive to Iowa. Again,
• 1:26:53
  Speaker 2: same day, key detail. So I go, and my flight's
• 1:26:58
  Speaker 2: at 6 in the morning. I've got to make this
• 1:27:00
  Speaker 2: show in Iowa. So I go to the airport, 9 p.m.,
• 1:27:04
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, I'm just going to sleep at the airport.
• 1:27:07
  Speaker 2: So I show up at 9 p.m., I'm like, hey,
• 1:27:09
  Speaker 2: I'll just sleep at the gate.
• 1:27:10
  Speaker 1: What airport?
• 1:27:11
  Speaker 2: Philadelphia.
• 1:27:12
  Speaker 1: Philadelphia.
• 1:27:12
  Speaker 2: Okay. So I'm like, I'll just sleep at the airport.
• 1:27:15
  Speaker 2: I'll sleep at the airport? Yeah, I was like, I'll
• 1:27:17
  Speaker 2: sleep under, I don't fucking care. Like, I'll just fucking
• 1:27:20
  Speaker 2: sleep on the floor in front of the gate.
• 1:27:22
  Speaker 1: What do you mean you'll sleep at the airport?
• 1:27:24
  Speaker 2: My flight was at six in the morning. I've seen
• 1:27:25
  Speaker 2: people sleep all the time at the airport.
• 1:27:27
  Speaker 1: It's an airport. Yeah, I know. I'm like, whatever, fuck it.
• 1:27:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're right. So I go 9 p.m. the night before,
• 1:27:33
  Speaker 2: and I go, hey, can I just sleep here? And
• 1:27:37
  Speaker 2: they were like, no. They were like, TSA is closed.
• 1:27:41
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh, fuck. And they're like, we have
• 1:27:42
  Speaker 2: a Marriott airport hotel. And I'm like, oh, okay. So
• 1:27:46
  Speaker 2: I go to the Marriott, connect to the airport, and
• 1:27:47
  Speaker 2: I go, hey, can I get a room? And they're like, no,
• 1:27:49
  Speaker 2: we're sold out, oversold out. And I go, oh, motherfucker.
• 1:27:53
  Speaker 2: I'm like, are you serious? And they were like, yeah.
• 1:27:56
  Speaker 2: So I go to the airport bar at the Marriott,
• 1:27:58
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, can I get a cocktail? So this
• 1:28:01
  Speaker 2: couple that I had met in Key West, and they go, Nick, Swartzen.
• 1:28:06
  Speaker 2: And I go, yeah, what's up? And they go, what
• 1:28:09
  Speaker 2: are you doing? And I'm like, I'm fucking homeless. I'm homeless.
• 1:28:13
  Speaker 2: I have no place to stay. I've got to fly
• 1:28:15
  Speaker 2: to Dallas tomorrow. And they go, oh, we're on the
• 1:28:17
  Speaker 2: Dallas flight. And I go, oh, cool. And they're like,
• 1:28:20
  Speaker 2: you don't have a room?
• 1:28:21
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, no.
• 1:28:21
  Speaker 2: So they're like, do you want to crash on our floor?
• 1:28:23
  Speaker 2: So I just slept on this couple's floor. They were
• 1:28:27
  Speaker 2: so nice. I literally slept on their floor. They gave
• 1:28:30
  Speaker 2: me a pillow, slept on the floor.
• 1:28:32
  Speaker 1: Oh, wow.
• 1:28:32
  Speaker 2: And then we woke up four in the morning, made
• 1:28:34
  Speaker 2: our flight, and I made the gig, and it was great.
• 1:28:36
  Speaker 1: Did they, aww. where they like flirt, like try, to
• 1:28:40
  Speaker 1: be a swinger thing or no?
• 1:28:42
  Speaker 2: No, not at all. It was just like, hey, do
• 1:28:43
  Speaker 2: you want to crash? I'm like, I don't know what
• 1:28:46
  Speaker 2: other comic would do that.
• 1:28:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:28:48
  Speaker 2: Just sleep on the floor. And I vaguely knew them
• 1:28:51
  Speaker 2: from Key West. They were really sweet. But I was
• 1:28:53
  Speaker 2: just like, yeah, I'm just going to, yeah.
• 1:28:55
  Speaker 1: Dude, my buddy Jiggy, he opens up with Impractical Joker sometimes.
• 1:29:00
  Speaker 2: Okay. They're great, by the way.
• 1:29:01
  Speaker 1: Those guys are awesome.
• 1:29:03
  Speaker 2: Comedian.
• 1:29:04
  Speaker 1: He was on a plane talking to a girl, flirting,
• 1:29:07
  Speaker 1: having a good time. The plane ends up getting delayed.
• 1:29:11
  Speaker 1: It doesn't leave the tarmac. He goes back to the gate.
• 1:29:15
  Speaker 1: The girl kind of speaks a little bit of a
• 1:29:16
  Speaker 1: different language, but the girl says, you can come and
• 1:29:19
  Speaker 1: stay with me. So my buddy's like, holy shit, dude,
• 1:29:21
  Speaker 1: I'm going to go stay at this girl's place.
• 1:29:23
  Speaker 2: What are the odds?
• 1:29:25
  Speaker 1: The girl, they get to the place. It's the girl's
• 1:29:28
  Speaker 1: grandmother's house. Him, the girl, and the grandmother all slept
• 1:29:31
  Speaker 1: in the same bed just watching a movie. What? Yeah.
• 1:29:34
  Speaker 1: Any new pets in your life?
• 1:29:38
  Speaker 2: I do not. I wish. Yeah? I travel so much.
• 1:29:41
  Speaker 2: I love cats and dogs. I'm addicted, fully addicted to
• 1:29:44
  Speaker 2: Instagram animal videos.
• 1:29:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:29:47
  Speaker 2: Like I spend maybe ballpark two hours a day watching
• 1:29:52
  Speaker 2: animal videos. And just sending them to people, my family.
• 1:29:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, my friends. Yeah, there's something beautiful about that.
• 1:29:59
  Speaker 1: There's something I love seeing a little animal. I got
• 1:30:02
  Speaker 1: to meet some alpacas yesterday, or not.
• 1:30:05
  Speaker 2: Yesterday, one week ago.
• 1:30:07
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's amazing.
• 1:30:08
  Speaker 2: Where was that?
• 1:30:09
  Speaker 1: It was in Utah. Just had a beautiful time. Forward
• 1:30:13
  Speaker 1: to those alpacas a little bit, right?
• 1:30:16
  Speaker 2: I love alpacas.
• 1:30:17
  Speaker 1: Here we go.
• 1:30:18
  Speaker 2: My boy's got them.
• 1:30:20
  Speaker 3: Oh, dang.
• 1:30:21
  Speaker 2: Wow, bro.
• 1:30:25
  Speaker 1: That's why I quit smoking, homie. Dang. Beautiful.
• 1:30:29
  Speaker 2: Wow, they're beautiful, huh?
• 1:30:32
  Speaker 1: And their fur. That's good, brother. And their fur is so.
• 1:30:38
  Speaker 2: Warm and soft.
• 1:30:41
  Speaker 1: Their fur is so warm and soft, dude.
• 1:30:43
  Speaker 2: And some of them look so weird.
• 1:30:45
  Speaker 1: And look at this dude, John Rogan, dude.
• 1:30:49
  Speaker 2: That was our bus driver. John Rogan?
• 1:30:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:30:52
  Speaker 2: Is he related to Joe?
• 1:30:54
  Speaker 1: He grew up in the same town. Is that true?
• 1:30:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah. My favorite is I had lunch with Joe Rogan recently,
• 1:31:01
  Speaker 2: and he had genie sashimi. He brought a genie lamp
• 1:31:06
  Speaker 2: and rubbed it. Genie came out, and Joe cut it
• 1:31:09
  Speaker 2: up and fucking ate it.
• 1:31:11
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's beautiful.
• 1:31:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he's not afraid.
• 1:31:13
  Speaker 1: Dude, I think sometimes I wish my fucking.
• 1:31:17
  Speaker 2: I wish I had... Metal legs?
• 1:31:20
  Speaker 1: No, because you'd be so clangy when you were sitting down. Yeah,
• 1:31:24
  Speaker 1: not if you sit right. That's why you cross your legs.
• 1:31:27
  Speaker 1: You wish you had more balls you could handle it
• 1:31:29
  Speaker 1: or not?
• 1:31:29
  Speaker 2: Or two's good? I think two's fine. I mean, ideally,
• 1:31:33
  Speaker 2: I would like eight. Little fucking satchel.
• 1:31:38
  Speaker 1: Little family, huh?
• 1:31:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, little fucking hobo satchel. A little stick with a
• 1:31:43
  Speaker 2: fucking satchel.
• 1:31:44
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, like a little spider carrying their eggs or whatever?
• 1:31:47
  Speaker 2: Exactly. Yeah, and then they spread and fucking... Disease. Yeah.
• 1:31:52
  Speaker 1: Have you ever had STD or not?
• 1:31:55
  Speaker 2: I have not. Not yet. Sure, dude. I'll be on tour.
• 1:32:00
  Speaker 2: Nick Swartzen.net.
• 1:32:02
  Speaker 1: Everybody lies is that, dude. You see that lady that
• 1:32:05
  Speaker 1: hid those drugs in those burritos?
• 1:32:09
  Speaker 2: Is that a euphemism?
• 1:32:10
  Speaker 1: Drug disguised as Taco Bell burritos found during traffic stop.
• 1:32:15
  Speaker 3: Great.
• 1:32:15
  Speaker 2: Now I want Taco Bell.
• 1:32:16
  Speaker 1: Thanks.
• 1:32:17
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 1:32:19
  Speaker 1: You ever do some good blow back in the day, Nick, ever?
• 1:32:21
  Speaker 2: I was never a big Coke guy, but I did
• 1:32:26
  Speaker 2: do it one time where it was like really good,
• 1:32:29
  Speaker 2: like 20 years ago.
• 1:32:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:32:31
  Speaker 2: And it was like pure. And you guys have a
• 1:32:34
  Speaker 2: long night on it.
• 1:32:35
  Speaker 1: Do you remember that or not?
• 1:32:36
  Speaker 2: I remember like it was in Atlanta, fucking ATL. I'll
• 1:32:42
  Speaker 2: be there on tour, Nick Swartz.
• 1:32:43
  Speaker 1: I'm just kidding.
• 1:32:44
  Speaker 2: I just keep whoring myself. No, but yeah, I went
• 1:32:47
  Speaker 2: to some bar and I did blow with this fucking
• 1:32:49
  Speaker 2: black dude who's cool as shit. And then we talked
• 1:32:51
  Speaker 2: philosophy all night.
• 1:32:53
  Speaker 5: Oh, yeah.
• 1:32:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:32:54
  Speaker 2: It was like one of those cocaineversations. Yeah. It was
• 1:32:58
  Speaker 2: just fucking chat Sajak. We were just back and forth.
• 1:33:02
  Speaker 2: And we were talking about the difference between Plato and
• 1:33:05
  Speaker 2: Socrates and then existentialism. Really? Yeah, it got bonkers.
• 1:33:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:33:10
  Speaker 2: Because I love transcendence. Transcendentalism and existentialism. I haven't seen existentialism.
• 1:33:15
  Speaker 2: Emerson and Thoreau, I can talk, all that stuff. But
• 1:33:18
  Speaker 2: it was a great night. It was great.
• 1:33:20
  Speaker 1: I got cornered by two brothers one time at a
• 1:33:23
  Speaker 1: pizza joint, actually, out there near Palm Springs. And they
• 1:33:32
  Speaker 1: were the first people that ever told me about Flat Earth.
• 1:33:35
  Speaker 1: Two brothers.
• 1:33:37
  Speaker 2: You wouldn't expect that.
• 1:33:39
  Speaker 1: You would.
• 1:33:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you might be right.
• 1:33:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you would.
• 1:33:42
  Speaker 2: What was the pizza joint?
• 1:33:44
  Speaker 1: It was at a casino out there. I was working
• 1:33:45
  Speaker 1: at a casino and they had a pizza place in it.
• 1:33:47
  Speaker 1: I don't remember the name of it.
• 1:33:47
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay. It was at a casino, though.
• 1:33:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:33:49
  Speaker 2: It wasn't like a franchise.
• 1:33:50
  Speaker 1: Mm-mm.
• 1:33:51
  Speaker 2: It wasn't like pizza.
• 1:33:51
  Speaker 1: Mm-mm.
• 1:33:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:33:54
  Speaker 2: I did a movie in southern Indiana. Yeah. And it
• 1:33:57
  Speaker 2: was retarded. My friend Michael Rosenbaum's movie is great. It's
• 1:34:00
  Speaker 2: called Back in the Day.
• 1:34:01
  Speaker 1: It's awesome. Is it out yet?
• 1:34:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's out. It's on DVD.
• 1:34:04
  Speaker 1: Oh, nice.
• 1:34:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's great.
• 1:34:05
  Speaker 1: Great movie.
• 1:34:06
  Speaker 2: But we were in southern Indiana.
• 1:34:07
  Speaker 1: Michael's awesome.
• 1:34:08
  Speaker 2: And I go, do you... Guys have like, what's a
• 1:34:11
  Speaker 2: nice restaurant here? And they're like, we have a Pizza Hut.
• 1:34:15
  Speaker 2: And that was their fancy place. And I was like,
• 1:34:19
  Speaker 2: all right. So I went to Pizza Hut. But that
• 1:34:24
  Speaker 2: was their bar. They were like, yeah, we have a
• 1:34:27
  Speaker 2: fancy place.
• 1:34:28
  Speaker 1: Pizza Hut.
• 1:34:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:34:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Pizza Hut's kind of like.
• 1:34:32
  Speaker 2: I still have diarrhea.
• 1:34:33
  Speaker 1: Pizza Hut's kind of like that thing wherever you put,
• 1:34:36
  Speaker 1: whatever you put in it, it's still going to be,
• 1:34:39
  Speaker 1: you can tell because of the roof, you know? It's
• 1:34:41
  Speaker 1: almost like if somebody's trans or whatever. Like, no matter
• 1:34:43
  Speaker 1: what you do, you can know because of the roof
• 1:34:48
  Speaker 1: what the original kind of structure was, you know?
• 1:34:50
  Speaker 2: Right, yeah, totally.
• 1:34:51
  Speaker 1: Like, it could be a Chase Bank, and you're like, yeah, but. Yeah,
• 1:34:55
  Speaker 1: but what was it? We know there was breadsticks up here. Yeah.
• 1:35:00
  Speaker 2: Also, like, whatever hut is in the word, there's nothing
• 1:35:04
  Speaker 2: classy about, like. Yeah, let's go to Sushi Hut. No,
• 1:35:09
  Speaker 2: I'm not doing that. Let's go to fucking China Hut. Yeah,
• 1:35:14
  Speaker 2: that's not good.
• 1:35:16
  Speaker 1: It's a hut. Or F * * k' s Bistro. I'm like, that,
• 1:35:21
  Speaker 1: I don't know if that's what we should eat at. Dude,
• 1:35:24
  Speaker 1: we had a dude one time in our neighborhood. I
• 1:35:25
  Speaker 1: know you were talking about like kind of racial clothing
• 1:35:27
  Speaker 1: or whatever earlier, but.
• 1:35:29
  Speaker 2: He had a hat, right? The hat said the N-word
• 1:35:32
  Speaker 2: on the front, right? He sold this hat. It said
• 1:35:35
  Speaker 2: the N-word.
• 1:35:35
  Speaker 1: On the back, it said just joking across the back.
• 1:35:40
  Speaker 1: Who the fuck sold that?
• 1:35:43
  Speaker 2: I guess like an entrepreneur or whatever. I don't know
• 1:35:45
  Speaker 2: what it's called. An entrepreneur? Or an intrapreneur, dude.
• 1:35:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess so.
• 1:35:52
  Speaker 2: Hard intrapreneur.
• 1:35:55
  Speaker 1: But it was crazy because at first I just saw
• 1:35:57
  Speaker 1: the front of it and I was like, oh, man,
• 1:35:59
  Speaker 1: you can't. You're like, I'll buy that. I was like...
• 1:36:03
  Speaker 1: I was like, save me one, but I wouldn't make
• 1:36:04
  Speaker 1: a lot of those, you know? Yeah. But then he goes, dude, no.
• 1:36:08
  Speaker 1: And he turns around and says, just joking across the bat.
• 1:36:11
  Speaker 2: It's like, oh. That's so weird.
• 1:36:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:36:14
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's just like one of those gimmicky kind
• 1:36:16
  Speaker 1: of shirts or whatever. No, I get what it is.
• 1:36:18
  Speaker 1: You know? Can you see that video where they find them?
• 1:36:21
  Speaker 2: What if it was a yarmulke?
• 1:36:22
  Speaker 1: The mentally challenged guy and they catch him. They accuse
• 1:36:25
  Speaker 1: him of being a child predator and then they make
• 1:36:27
  Speaker 1: him wear a shirt that said, I went to meet
• 1:36:30
  Speaker 1: up with a child, and all I got was this
• 1:36:31
  Speaker 1: stupid shirt. Can you believe that shit? Is that real?
• 1:36:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Oh, that's amazing. Can you pull it up, Nick?
• 1:36:37
  Speaker 1: It's on TikTok, I think. But it's just, there's a
• 1:36:42
  Speaker 1: lot of this child predator stuff now, you know? You
• 1:36:44
  Speaker 1: see that guy, Vitaly, and maybe in Bradley, Martin caught a,
• 1:36:51
  Speaker 1: they caught a Hollywood executive, they surprised him at a
• 1:36:54
  Speaker 1: pizza place. But it's crazy that just regular everyday citizens
• 1:36:58
  Speaker 1: now are doing, have become officers, you know?
• 1:37:01
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:37:02
  Speaker 1: Here you go right here.
• 1:37:03
  Speaker 3: What is your name? Boris.
• 1:37:05
  Speaker 2: My name is Boris.
• 1:37:06
  Speaker 3: Boris. What's your name? Shake my hand. What's the problem?
• 1:37:09
  Speaker 3: What do you see with my daughter?
• 1:37:10
  Speaker 1: You know who she is?
• 1:37:11
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 1:37:12
  Speaker 2: I have no idea.
• 1:37:13
  Speaker 3: You have no idea? I have no idea. You have
• 1:37:15
  Speaker 3: no idea?
• 1:37:15
  Speaker 2: No. The fuck you thought was going to happen here?
• 1:37:18
  Speaker 3: Nothing. I work. I have a pizza.
• 1:37:20
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 1:37:21
  Speaker 1: Pizza?
• 1:37:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you don't know?
• 1:37:22
  Speaker 1: How old is she?
• 1:37:23
  Speaker 3: Red.
• 1:37:24
  Speaker 2: I met, you know how old she is? I matched
• 1:37:25
  Speaker 2: with her.
• 1:37:26
  Speaker 1: She was 23, 23.
• 1:37:26
  Speaker 2: Is that what, is.
• 1:37:28
  Speaker 1: That what the conversation looked like?
• 1:37:30
  Speaker 3: She was 23, 23 on a dating site. Yeah.
• 1:37:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:37:35
  Speaker 2: She was 23.
• 1:37:36
  Speaker 3: How old is she? I have no idea. Lila, how
• 1:37:38
  Speaker 3: old are you? I'm sorry.
• 1:37:41
  Speaker 1: 15.
• 1:37:42
  Speaker 3: She was 23 on a dating site.
• 1:37:45
  Speaker 1: All we've done is.
• 1:37:45
  Speaker 3: So she didn't tell you, she didn't tell you how
• 1:37:47
  Speaker 3: old she was.
• 1:37:47
  Speaker 2: That's good.
• 1:37:48
  Speaker 3: She did.
• 1:37:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah. How old is she? That's Bradley Martin talking. Some
• 1:37:50
  Speaker 1: of you guys can't see it if you're just on audio. Um,
• 1:37:53
  Speaker 1: But they just stopped this guy who I guess met
• 1:37:55
  Speaker 1: up with a girl at a pizza place. But you're
• 1:37:57
  Speaker 1: seeing a lot of this now.
• 1:38:00
  Speaker 2: Vigilantes.
• 1:38:01
  Speaker 1: Vigilantes.
• 1:38:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:38:02
  Speaker 1: You're seeing it everywhere.
• 1:38:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but why does it always come back to pizza?
• 1:38:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:38:08
  Speaker 2: That's a good question. Why don't we ban pizza?
• 1:38:12
  Speaker 1: Let's get rid of pizza.
• 1:38:15
  Speaker 2: Or open up a pizza slut hut.
• 1:38:17
  Speaker 1: Did they lose their job, Nick, because of that though?
• 1:38:20
  Speaker 5: No, it just kind of went away.
• 1:38:23
  Speaker 1: Oh, but did I thought Vitaly got kicked off a kick.
• 1:38:26
  Speaker 3: I thought you were.
• 1:38:30
  Speaker 5: Talking about the writer. I'm looking that up if he
• 1:38:32
  Speaker 5: got kicked off.
• 1:38:35
  Speaker 2: I don't know who that is.
• 1:38:36
  Speaker 1: It's a streamer. These streamers, it's a tough business, man.
• 1:38:40
  Speaker 1: Could you imagine that? Milonakis did it for a while.
• 1:38:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, he was like one of the originals. Yeah,
• 1:38:46
  Speaker 2: Andy like started streaming... Like, way back in the day.
• 1:38:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:38:50
  Speaker 2: I was like, what the fuck is going on here?
• 1:38:51
  Speaker 1: Because it'd be crazy when you're around him. He's just
• 1:38:53
  Speaker 1: stringing his whole universe going in, you know?
• 1:38:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:38:56
  Speaker 1: It's like you're literally stuck in the internet, it feels like.
• 1:38:58
  Speaker 2: Well, you're just non, it's non-stop content.
• 1:39:02
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 1:39:02
  Speaker 2: So it's like, I can't. It feels exhausting. It feels
• 1:39:05
  Speaker 2: super exhausting. Like, I am so, like, tired of, like,
• 1:39:12
  Speaker 2: just touring enough and, like, coming out, like, new special,
• 1:39:15
  Speaker 2: July 18th. But, like, you know, just touring and, like,
• 1:39:18
  Speaker 2: doing my nonsense and, like, filming. But I can't imagine, like, nonstop, like,
• 1:39:24
  Speaker 2: having your phone, like, yeah, hey, I'm here at Pizza Hut.
• 1:39:29
  Speaker 1: How old are you?
• 1:39:31
  Speaker 2: I'm just like, oh, my God.
• 1:39:33
  Speaker 1: Dude, imagine if you're just trying to, this must be
• 1:39:38
  Speaker 1: the worst part. You're sitting there. You're just trying to
• 1:39:41
  Speaker 1: enjoy your meal.
• 1:39:43
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 1:39:44
  Speaker 1: And somebody next to you is a child predator. So
• 1:39:49
  Speaker 1: now your meal's ruined. And you're in the background. Yes.
• 1:39:53
  Speaker 2: So people are like.
• 1:39:54
  Speaker 1: People are like, dude, I saw you hanging out with
• 1:39:55
  Speaker 1: that child predator. You're like, hanging out? I was at
• 1:39:58
  Speaker 1: table seven.
• 1:40:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and they're like, Rick, are you affiliated with Gary?
• 1:40:05
  Speaker 2: Who's fucking putting babies on his asshole?
• 1:40:09
  Speaker 1: And what's in your new special? Is it tough to
• 1:40:10
  Speaker 1: make a new special these days?
• 1:40:12
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's hard as shit because it's like, and
• 1:40:15
  Speaker 2: I think you know this, like you've done it long
• 1:40:16
  Speaker 2: enough where it's like, when you have a new hour,
• 1:40:18
  Speaker 2: so I have a new hour coming out, again, July 18th,
• 1:40:21
  Speaker 2: and then a whole new hour in the fall. So
• 1:40:24
  Speaker 2: every time you have a new hour, it's so daunting
• 1:40:27
  Speaker 2: where I'm like, can I think of another hour like
• 1:40:30
  Speaker 2: after this? Like, I don't know if this might be
• 1:40:32
  Speaker 2: my last one.
• 1:40:33
  Speaker 1: I don't know. You know what I mean?
• 1:40:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:40:36
  Speaker 2: Like whenever you think of a new hour, it's so
• 1:40:39
  Speaker 2: hard to write like a good hour.
• 1:40:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Oh, yeah, I've had bits where I'm like, oh,
• 1:40:42
  Speaker 1: I'll never have another good bit. This is the best
• 1:40:44
  Speaker 1: bit I'll ever have.
• 1:40:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm always like, I'm done.
• 1:40:46
  Speaker 1: This is my favorite joke, and this is what I got,
• 1:40:48
  Speaker 1: and that's it.
• 1:40:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, totally.
• 1:40:50
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 1:40:50
  Speaker 2: But my new hour's fire, dude.
• 1:40:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:40:53
  Speaker 2: It's fun as shit.
• 1:40:54
  Speaker 1: What are some of the things you're discussing? Like, is
• 1:40:56
  Speaker 1: it about a certain part of your life? Is it
• 1:40:58
  Speaker 1: about growing up, or is it just stories, or what
• 1:41:01
  Speaker 1: is it?
• 1:41:01
  Speaker 2: It's kind of, like, all over the place. Like, if
• 1:41:03
  Speaker 2: you've seen my shows, which people have, it's, like, storytelling... One-liners.
• 1:41:09
  Speaker 2: It's like kind of all over the map, like observational.
• 1:41:11
  Speaker 1: Diarrhea stuff or no?
• 1:41:13
  Speaker 2: There's a couple of D-rays. A couple of D-rays. I
• 1:41:18
  Speaker 2: make sure my fans know. You show up, you're going
• 1:41:20
  Speaker 2: to hear a D-ray.
• 1:41:21
  Speaker 1: We're spraying it on the walls, homie.
• 1:41:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:41:25
  Speaker 2: Of course, poopy.
• 1:41:26
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah, it's just crazy how there's like vigilantism now.
• 1:41:28
  Speaker 1: It's like, you know. Yeah, which is cool.
• 1:41:31
  Speaker 2: But if it's warranted, you know what I mean? It's like, yeah.
• 1:41:34
  Speaker 2: What do you mean? Like people listening to warrants? Yeah,
• 1:41:37
  Speaker 2: like the band Warrant. But yeah, if it's warranted, yeah,
• 1:41:45
  Speaker 2: of course.
• 1:41:47
  Speaker 1: Remember the first time somebody ever touched your genitals or not?
• 1:41:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, vaguely. Where was it? What count or whatever? It
• 1:41:55
  Speaker 2: was at my family reunion. That's why we pray.
• 1:42:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, do we need more fucking gay animals?
• 1:42:03
  Speaker 2: We need....
• 1:42:05
  Speaker 1: And we got to support our gay animals. That's the thing.
• 1:42:09
  Speaker 1: We have to.
• 1:42:10
  Speaker 3: You know?
• 1:42:11
  Speaker 1: Giraffes.
• 1:42:12
  Speaker 2: If you see a giraffe, suck its dick. It's right there.
• 1:42:17
  Speaker 2: It's hanging fruit. It's so big, though.
• 1:42:20
  Speaker 1: You know how big it's going to be? Yeah, but
• 1:42:22
  Speaker 1: why don't you just suck it up? Why don't you
• 1:42:24
  Speaker 1: suck it up? Dude, it'll rip your jaw open if
• 1:42:27
  Speaker 1: he fucking moves over to the left or whatever.
• 1:42:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, why don't you get a new jaw? Why don't
• 1:42:31
  Speaker 2: you get jaw implants?
• 1:42:32
  Speaker 1: You're going to be in a neck brace because you
• 1:42:34
  Speaker 1: tried to blow some giraffe, dude?
• 1:42:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, then you have a great story.
• 1:42:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:42:40
  Speaker 2: And people are like, what happened to your jaw?
• 1:42:42
  Speaker 1: Turtle head.
• 1:42:43
  Speaker 2: Giraffe dick.
• 1:42:44
  Speaker 1: New special coming out, or tour, sorry.
• 1:42:47
  Speaker 2: Toilet head. Sorry, toilet head. Did you say toilet? Toilet head.
• 1:42:53
  Speaker 2: I said turtle head.
• 1:42:54
  Speaker 1: Sorry, man. I was in Vegas all weekend. My brain
• 1:42:57
  Speaker 1: is rattled, dude.
• 1:42:58
  Speaker 2: His wig is off.
• 1:43:00
  Speaker 1: My way is off. July 18th, YouTube.
• 1:43:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:43:05
  Speaker 2: Joke from face, then toilet head this fall.
• 1:43:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:43:08
  Speaker 1: Game fucking on. And Sketch, we love you, dude.
• 1:43:11
  Speaker 3: Hang in there.
• 1:43:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I just can't believe that this whole time he's
• 1:43:17
  Speaker 1: been a.
• 1:43:19
  Speaker 2: Texans fan. Yeah.
• 1:43:23
  Speaker 1: Houston. We have a problem. I embrace him. Nick Swarton,
• 1:43:30
  Speaker 1: thanks for hanging out, dude.
• 1:43:32
  Speaker 3: Love you, dude.
• 1:43:32
  Speaker 1: Sorry if I was a little bit subdued today, man. Dude,
• 1:43:34
  Speaker 1: that's okay.
• 1:43:35
  Speaker 2: I'm fucking always subdued.
• 1:43:37
  Speaker 1: Make jokes from face. That comes out July 18th on YouTube.
• 1:43:42
  Speaker 1: His tour, Toilet Head. You can get out there now
• 1:43:45
  Speaker 1: and catch him. Any more edibles on stage, Nick? You're done.
• 1:43:49
  Speaker 2: We don't know yet.
• 1:43:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:43:50
  Speaker 2: See how this plays out.
• 1:43:51
  Speaker 1: Well, I wish it was a night.
• 1:43:58
  Speaker 2: When i could touch your body she's my gary pie
• 1:44:03
  Speaker 2: oh yeah gary pie dude i love that um.
• 1:44:08
  Speaker 1: Oh halfway there oh spade has no hair dude spade
• 1:44:17
  Speaker 1: took me to his hair doctor that guy's fucking 2
• 1:44:19
  Speaker 1: 000 years old dude oh yeah All.
• 1:44:23
  Speaker 3: Right, cool, man.
• 1:44:24
  Speaker 2: All right, praise God.
• 1:44:25
  Speaker 4: Now I'm just floating on the breeze And I feel
• 1:44:28
  Speaker 4: I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone.
• 1:44:36
  Speaker 3: Oh, but when I
• 1:44:37
  Speaker 4: Reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I
• 1:44:40
  Speaker 4: found I can feel it in my bones