Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 401. Dealing with the disappointment about where your life is

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401. Dealing with the disappointment about where your life is · Do You F*cking Mind?

• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful beans, and welcome to the podcast episode of Today.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: So this is an episode that I think, at least
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: at some stage, many people can probably relate to. And
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: this is dealing with the disappointment of where your life
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: is at. It doesn't mean that you hate your life,
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that everything is wrong, but I think
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: a lot of us can relate to this feeling of like,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: is this where I thought I was going to be?
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: Is this it is there more? Or I thought this
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: is the career that I wanted because I worked so
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: hard for it, or the relationship or where I or
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: the city that I want to live in, and now
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: I'm living it and it's just I'm not satisfied and
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: I'm kind of disappointed with where it's at. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Okay,
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: So I think that this can be applied with so
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: many different parts of your life. Be applied if you
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: think that you are falling behind quote unquote your peers
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: or your friends. It could be applied to if you
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: are you're like I'm too old to change something, so
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: I just I'm not going to change it. It can
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: be applied to so many things. So I think almost
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: anyone can relate before before we do that, I do
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: have a science fact. And I'm not sure if I've
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: covered this before or not, but the fact that I
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: don't remember means that you guys probably wouldn't remember either,
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: unless you've just randomly found this in the back cutalog.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: But we're talking about genes, dominant and recessive genes, okay,
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: because I think that we've all probably heard about, you know,
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: when genes get passed down and someone can be a
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: carrier for a certain gene or a certain disease or
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: a disorder or a trait. Okay, So we're going to
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: talk about that. So that way you can really understand
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: what a dominant and what a recessive gene is, and
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: next time you have a conversation with a group of
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: friends or with anyone, you can be like, I actually
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: know a fun fact about this, because it's pretty cool.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: So we're going to start with chromosomes, all right. So
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: humans typically have forty six chromosomes present in every single cell, okay,
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: and each of those chromosomes contains thousands and thousands of genes, okay,
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: So we have in total, it's twenty three pairs, okay,
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: twenty two of those paired chromosomes are labeled one to
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: twenty two chromosome, one chromosome, seventeen chromoson. They're labeled one
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: to twenty two, and they are labeled according to their size. Okay,
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: So the first pair is the largest chromosome and then
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: they go down. Now these are non sex chromosomes, which
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: means that every single person has the same of these
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: twenty two chromosomes and then also known as autosomes. And
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: then the last pair, the twenty third pair, are the
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: sex chromosomes. This is what determines the sex that you
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: were born with. You're biological sex. Okay, So in this
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: twenty three one copy is from the egg and the
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: other copy is from the sperm. The female, the mother
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: always passes down the X chromosome. Every single person has
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: an X chromosome, okay. The father passes down either an
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: X or a Y. So if the father passes down
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: an X, then you are XX and you are born
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: biologically a female. If the father passes down a Y,
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: you are y X or x Y and you are
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: biologically male. Okay. Then there are other variations where there's
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: I'm not even gonna go into it because then of
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: course there's all these other you know, conditions where people
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: can have an extra chromosome, you know, like a trisomme
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: it's called, and things like that. But I'm just going
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: to stick to the typical population. Okay, So this we're
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: talking about this last pair just for now. So sex
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: chromosomes carry genes that control many other things other than sex. Okay,
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: many genes are located on the X, and there are
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: less that are located on the Y. The Y is
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: smaller than the X. Okays, you've got more on the
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: X than you do on the Y. And then any
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: genes that are on the X are called X linked
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: traits and those that are on the Y are called
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: Y linked traits. Okay, traits, characteristics, diseases, health conditions. They
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: can all be passed down genetically. Not always you can
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: get them through like some mutation that occurs in the womb,
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: but a lot of the time they do get passed
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  Speaker 1: down genetically. Now let's get into dominant and recessive genes
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: separate to the X and Y because next week I
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: kind of have like a part two of X linked
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: traits and Y linked traits and how you know, men
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: may be more or males may be more susceptible to
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: certain genetic conditions than females. And I'm gonna explain why
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: that is the case in a second. Now we're talking
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: about recessive and dominant genes. Every variation of the gene
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: is called an allele. Okay, this is a different version
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: of the same gene. Two copies of the gen copy
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: from the father, copy from the mother is going to
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  Speaker 1: influence how the cell works. Like I said, you've got
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: all the chromosomes in every single cell. So depending on
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: the pairing, the allele pairing, the variation of that gene
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: will depend on how it's expressed and whether it's going
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: to express in you know, whether it's a trait or
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: a disease or not. Okay. Now, the most common allele
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: interaction is called a dominant recessive relationship, where one of
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: the pairing is dominant and the other one is recessive.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: When you have a dominant recessive, the dominant is what
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: is expressed. Okay. Dominant allele will overrule a recessive allele always, Okay.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: So the mom could pass down the dominant or the
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: father could pass down the dominant, it doesn't matter, but
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: one of them will always be well, not always I'll
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: explain in a second, but often the most common is
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: one will be dominant over the recessive and that will
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: cancel the recessive. So an example of this is eye color. Now,
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: this is going to be quite a crude example, and
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: the reason for this is because there's actually a few
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: other genetic factors that can influence eye color. So while
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: I'm going to act like this is pretty cut and dry,
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: please keep in mind that there are other factors at
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: play that could influence eye color separate to what I'm
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: about to say, but in general, this goes for the
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: vast population. Eye color is kind of determined like this.
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  Speaker 1: The allele for brown eyes is dominant, okay. So brown
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: is a dominant allele. So in most cases, like I said,
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: not every case, because there's other factors involved with eye color,
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: but in most cases, brown will knock out the other allele,
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: which would be recessive. Okay. So the allele for blue eyes,
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  Speaker 1: like I said, is recessive green and hazel is actually
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: kind of on a spectrum of blue eyes. So we're
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: only going to be talking about brown and blue eyes here.
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  Speaker 1: So if there's one for brown and one for blue,
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  Speaker 1: then in most cases, the brown is going to knock
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: out the blue because it is dominant over the recessive blue.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: The quote unquote like weaker gene, the less strong allele. Okay, However,
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: if you have too blue recessive, if you've got recessive recessive,
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: then of course recessive is going to be expressed because
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: you don't have a dominant knocking it out. So, like
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: I said, this is not the best example because other
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: things can influence our color. But basically you could be
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: both blue eyed and have a brown eyed child because
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: of the grandparents as well. But I'm going to give
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: you an example that's really very easy to explain. I,
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: Alexis Fernandez, have brown eyes. My mother has brown eyes,
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: and my father has blue eyes. Okay, so my mother's
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: brown eyes was the dominant gene. It knocked out the recessive,
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  Speaker 1: and I was born with brown eyes. My sister was
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: born with brown eyes. So there's like the perfect example
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  Speaker 1: of dominant knocking out the recessive. Okay, So but he's
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: still passed down my father's still passed down the recessive blue.
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  Speaker 1: So in my genes, I have the gene for blue eyes,
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: but it is recessive, so it is not expressed, Okay,
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: because the brown exists and it's dominant. Tyrone has brown
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  Speaker 1: eyes like me, His father has brown eyes and his
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: mother has blue eyes. So his father passed down the
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: dominant blue, mother passed down the recessive Sorry, the father
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: passed down dominant brown. Mother passed down recessive blue. Brown
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  Speaker 1: is expressed, but Tyrone is still a carrier for the
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  Speaker 1: recessive blue. So both Tyrone and I are carriers for
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  Speaker 1: recessive blue, but we are expressing dominant brown. Okay, this
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  Speaker 1: is where it gets interesting. So basically Tyrone and I
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  Speaker 1: both have this illeal interaction of dominant recessive, like I said,
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  Speaker 1: the most common one. Okay. However, just because we both
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: have brown eyes, it doesn't mean that when we have
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: a child it's definitely going to have brown eyes, even
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: though it's the dominant gene. And the reason for this
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: is because both Tyrone and I are carriers for the
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: recessive blue gene. Okay. Now, if I were to pass
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: on my recessive blue to the child, and instead of
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: the dominant brown going through, the recessive went through, and
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: then Tyrone passed down the recessive blue as well, then
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  Speaker 1: our child could still have blue eyes even though we
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: both have brown eyes. And there's actually roughly a twenty
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  Speaker 1: five percent chance of our child having blue eyes, so
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  Speaker 1: seventy five percent chance brown. And the reason for this
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: is this is the accommodation. If we both passed down
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  Speaker 1: our dominant brown, it's going to be brown. If I
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  Speaker 1: passed down a dominant brown and Tyrone passes down the
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: recessive blue, it's brown. If he passes dominant brown, and
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: blah blah blah, it's brown. And then only if we
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: both so one quarter of the chance, one quarter of
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  Speaker 1: the times of probability too recessive is going to be
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: a blue eyed child. Okay, so good times. And like
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: I said, green and hazel is kind of on a
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: bit of a spectrum, so you might see someone with
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: blue eyes and brown eyes and they have a hazel
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: or a green eyed child. Okay, So this is why
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: the eye color gets a little bit more complicated. Okay.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: Now we've got something also, So that's our colors explained
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: very basically. Now I've got something called co dominant or
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: co dominance. So with our color, there's a dominant color.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: Brown is dominant. Blue is recessive. Okay. But what happens
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: when each allele in the gene pair is equally as
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: dominant Okay, what happens because one can't overpower the other
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: if they're equally as strong as each other. So if
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: they are, we get something called a co dominance and
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: both are expressed. And a perfect example of this is
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: blood groups. So blood type A is strong, it's dominant, okay,
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: and blood type B is equally as strong as A,
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  Speaker 1: so it's also dominant. So if you were to get
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: a copy of blood type A from one parent and
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: blood type B from the other, you would be blood
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: type A B because it's a co dominance expression, so
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: the allele will be dominant dominant, okay. Sebra to that,
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: you've probably heard of the concept of being a carrier
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: for genetic conditions, okay, So this would that you carry
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: the recessive trait because if you had that genetic condition, yeah,
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: you're a carrier, but you also have the condition and
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: you have it it's expressed in you, but you could
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: have no symptoms, you could never have that genetic condition,
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: but you could carry it and pass it down to
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: the future generation. That is, because it is recessive, it
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: may never ever ever or will never be expressed, but
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: it could still be passed down. That's why a lot
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: of times diseases and you know mutations can skip generations, Okay,
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: so often the dominant is the healthy version of that gene.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: Not always, but very often that is the case. So
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: if the person that you procreate with is also a carrier,
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: and two recessive genes are passed down, then there's a
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: twenty five percent chance that the child expresses that genetic condition.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: And why is it twenty five percent? Kind of like
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: I explained with the blue eyes. If it's too recessive,
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: it's going to be roughly twenty five percent chance of
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: that child getting it, Okay, but if it's one person's
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: dominant and one person's recessive, then the chances are higher. Now,
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: what are ways around this? If we're talking about a
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: really serious genetic condition that could be passed down, are
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: there any ways around it? There are ways around it
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: thanks to science. So this would be IVF. So it's
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: something called preimplantation genetic testing, and this is where you
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: can actually test the embryos created via IVF for these
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: genetic conditions before you transfer that embryo to the uterus.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: So it reduces the risk of obviously transmitting genetic disorders.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: So now you understand dominant, recessive, codominant and being a
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: carrier for a disease, a trait, a characteristic. Okay, next
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: week we're going to be talking about why linked and
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: X linked traits, which is specifically like male female the
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: sex chromosomes. Very interesting, So that is the science fact
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: for today. I love talking about genetics. I find it
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: so interesting. I hope you guys loved that so much
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: as well, like thrived on that information. But now we're
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: going to get straight into the topic of today's episode,
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: and that is dealing with the disappointment of where your
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: life is at. It sounds doom and gloom, but it's not.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: Firstly, what is disappointment as far as the dictionary is concerned, So,
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: disappointment is a sadness or displeasure caused by the non
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: fulfillment of one's hopes or expectations. So when something or
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: someone is not as good as you had hoped for
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: or expected. Okay, disappointment in people not living up to
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: your expectations is another form of it, and this is
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: a trap. I'm going to go into that in a second.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: And then another way of explaining it is when your
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: expectations and hopes for others are out of line with reality,
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: So what is really happening is not in line with
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: what you expected to happen. Okay, However, disappointment is actually
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: not all that bad if you use it properly, like
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: I say, with so many you know, I talk about
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: this even with regret. You know it's not all bad
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: if you can make use of it, and you know
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: you can recycle and make use of so many emotions
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: that instead of sitting are like, oh now I feel guilty.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: Now I feel even lower because I'm feeling this thing.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: Put it to good use, make it useful, and do
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: something with it, and then it's not all lost. Okay.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: So I look at disappointment as serving as like an
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: alarm or a flag that you need to kind of
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: recalibrate something in your life. Okay, something needs to change.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: I'm not satisfied, and if I keep going, I'm going
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: to continue to fall lower and lower on that kind
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: of chart of life satisfaction. Okay. And the main thing
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: is that something on your end has to change. Okay,
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: you can't be disappointed in life, but think, oh, it's
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: got to be something outside of me that has to
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: change in order for it to be useful. You've got
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: to think, what is it that I can change? What
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: is it that I can control? That needs to be recalibrated,
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: because if it's something that you can't control, then then
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: what you can't do it, can't do anything about it.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: So first we get the alarm of disappointment. I'm let down,
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: I'm disappointed. I don't feel good, I don't feel empowered
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: in this moment due to this. And then you've got
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: three options that you can how you respond. Number one
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: is pacify and distract. This is the most common option.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: So this is where you revert to behaviors where you
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: can kind of avoid situations when you brush them under
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: the rug, where you distract yourself and you kind of
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: cruise through life. You're not satisfied with your life, but
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: you're not really doing much to change it, maybe because
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: you don't know where to begin, or because you're afraid
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: to change, or you don't You just a bit lost.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: And that's the kind of people that will go through
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: like life on autopilot and they look back being like
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: I've wasted all these years. That's that, okay. Number two
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: is you sit in the pain and it becomes part
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: of you, part of your identity, where you complain about something.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: Maybe you're really disappointed in your partner. They're not the
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: person that you wanted them to be, and so you
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: always make jokes about how bad your marriage is or
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: they are ball and chain, and you're just like, it's
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: just not where you want it to be, but you're
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: not doing anything proactive to change it, whether it's improving
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: your relationship or whether it's getting out of the relationship.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: So it's kind of like, oh, well, this is me.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: I'm now a victim to my circumstances, and you kind
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: of sit in that and it becomes you your identity,
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: and then it's almost hard to shake it. Even though
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: it's not serving you, it's hard to shake it. This
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: can go for many different things in our life that
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: we decide to make as part of our identity even
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: though it doesn't work for us, and we could do
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: something about it, okay, because sometimes you can't do something
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: about certain things, but I'm talking about things you could do, okay.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: So so you know, you basically continue to expect the
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: same thing from other people who aren't actually going to
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: give it to you. And the reason I'm using relationships
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: as a prime example is like, I see this a
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: lot in people's relationships and in marriages, where people will
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: be so upset that their partner didn't do this thing
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: for them, and then they'll like joke about how shit
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: their partner is at that, and oh, I'm such a victim.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: And then the partner still won't follow through and do
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: what they wanted, and they'll again joke about it and again,
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: but they're kind of them continue to expect the same
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: behavior from this person, and then they find themselves in
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: this really unpleasant, disappointing situation, you know, where they're just again,
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: it's kind of like that, I'm expecting the same results
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: from someone who's never given me there's results, So why
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: am I expecting that? Okay, so you end up feeling
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: let down, but you also aren't changing anything because you
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: don't really know where to start or you're scared. And
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: then number three, you can look at this as a
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: wake up call and that's the most useful one. And
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: that's what we're going to talk about today. What I
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: want you to realize is that most unpleasant emotions, most
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: of them, will serve you as a teacher or as
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: a life lesson. It's going to push you in a
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: different direction. It's a catalyst for change, okay, but only
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: if you're ready for it. So if you're willing to
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: accept that change, if you're willing to be self aware,
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: if you're willing to self critique, then it's going to
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: serve as a really good catalyst for change, okay. For example,
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: anger indicates like the emotion of anger is telling you
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: that there's another feeling that you're not addressing. Regret allows
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: you to learn from your mistakes and never walk down
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: that same path again because you can grow from it.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: You can learn from it. It allows you to repair
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: and mend things. Possibly it allows you to never sit
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: on the fence ever again because you've learned from that emotion,
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: you don't want to experience it again, so you thinkay,
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: what can I do differently next time? So that's where
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: regret can serve you as a teacher. Right, Disappointment teaches
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: us how to interact differently with others, most importantly and
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: then also with our circumstances. So something it's telling us
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: something needs to change. I need to change how I
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: interact with this person or how I interact with with
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: my surroundings. Otherwise I'm going to live a very mediocre life,
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: very mediocre life in order to avoid these emotions. If
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: you don't want to avoid facing why you're disappointed, anger,
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: or regret, you will have I'm not saying your life
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: will be mediocre, but in comparison to facing those emotions,
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: it will be mediocre. Okay, because on the other side
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: of all these emotions is every feel good emotion that
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: you could feel. It's growth, it's clarity, it's love, it's vulnerability,
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: it's understanding. But if you're not going to face those
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: difficult emotions, it's mundane, mediocre, boring. Okay. So the first
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: thing that you want to do is become really well
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: acquainted with your disappointment in life. Okay, So you don't
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: want to shy away from it. It's not a shameful thing.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: It's good that you have standards for yourself. Set the
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: standards for yourself. There's nothing wrong with being disappointed. I
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: don't mind being disappointed sometimes because I'm like, I should
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: be fucking disappointed. It should be fucking better than this.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: This is ridiculous. I don't have to settle for this shit. Okay.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: So when disappointment arises, you can think, you know what exactly,
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: fuck this shit? What am I going to do about it? Though? Okay?
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: Because if I start ha ha ha ha joking it's
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: my identity, then you're going to be a victim for
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: the rest of your life. Okay. So it's okay if
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: your standards aren't met yet, but it's important to be like,
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: what am I going to do about it? Because standards
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: are healthy and what they are responsible for keeping us
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: sane in life. Okay. Now I'm going to talk about
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: people first, and then I'm going to talk about your
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: life situation that's not related to people other people, because
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: a big source of disappointment in our lives and disappointment,
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: you know, in where our life is at, is due
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: to the people around us. Okay. So when we're disappointed
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: in people, there's two versions. Number one, which is the worst.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: One is when we set expectations on people who have
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: never demonstrated that they could live up to this expectation. Ever,
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: so we've just gone and decided. So this could be
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: a total stranger, or it could be someone that you're
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: related to, or your spouse or your boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, whoever. Okay,
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: So basically, you set these expectations based on your standards
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: and your morals and what you deem to be fair
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: and right and logical. Okay, So you're using yourself as
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: a compass. First mistake, Okay, because then you'll get let down. Right,
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: You need to manage your expectations when it comes to
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: other people. Manage your expectations, don't manage them. Manage your expectations. Okay.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: It is not your fault that they're not meeting your expectations,
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: but it is your fault when you decide to place
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: expectations on someone who's never demonstrated that they're able to
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: achieve them. You're just causing yourself to suffer when you
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: do that. Okay, Especially when it comes to a partner.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: Your partner, your spouse, the person you're going to do
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: life with or a significant portion of your life with
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: is the biggest, the biggest decision you're ever going to
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: make in your life. I can guarantee you that, or
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: your choice to be single for the rest of your life,
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: that's a huge fucking decision, okay, because this person's showing
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: you their character. And if you go in to a
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: marriage or to like a long term relationship with this
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: idea of like, I'm banking on their potential and they
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: really need to change all these things, but yet you're
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: doing yourself a massive disservice. Okay. The same thing goes
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: for dating. Okay, you can have an idea of what
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: you want in dating, but if someone doesn't live up
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: to that idea. In the dating world, you can be
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: disappointed that it wasn't your time, that this person wasn't
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: the person that you're going to have a relationship with,
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: But you also don't want to waste your time making
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: it personal and being disappointed in them. You know, Like
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: if I have like, Okay, I want to meet this
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: perfect person I want to and I meet this person
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: online and they seem to tick all the boxes and
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: then we have a date and then I think, oh,
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: but they're so perfect in all these other things, and
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: this is disappointing. But maybe if I asked, and maybe
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: if I tried and maybe this and then they continually
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: let me down, who's that fault? Like, really, who's that
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: fault me? Because they they showed me what I needed
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: to see, and I'm like, oh, that's disappointing, but maybe
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: I can maybe maybe maybe what you see is what
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: you get for the most part, hopefully, unless someone's like
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: a gas lighting, love bomba but that's a whole other episode. Okay,
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: So the best thing for someone to do is to
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: show you who they are. What a lot of people
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: will do is think this can be changed. No, can't, no, can't. Okay,
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: if someone's showing you who they are, you say thank
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: you very much, and you take that information and you
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: run with it. Okay, don't be delusional and think no, no, no,
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: you must be joking about that, because we've all been there,
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: and then we go and do that to ourselves again
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: and again and again. Okay. It basically just puts you
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: in a deeper hole of disappointment because now like you've
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: been let down, you've invested time, and because you've invested time,
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: you're like, well, i've invested we have invested time with
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: this relationship. This other person doesn't probably doesn't give a fuck,
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: and then you're like investing's time, time, time, time on time,
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: and so that causes you to stay this relationship. Ever,
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: the next version of disappointment, and this is I think
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: where disappointment in someone else is fair, and this is
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: where people have shown you their character. Okay, so they've
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: consistently earned a place in your life, where you can
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: rely on them, where there's basically they're consistent. You can say, yep,
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: I know that you are reliable. I know that you're
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: always going to respond in this way. I know that
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: you know you treat me with respect, that all these things,
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: they took all these boxes. So they're an inner circle
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: person in your life. Okay, so you can hold them
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: to this standard because they've earned that. I for me,
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: it's actually a privilege for people that are close to
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: me to expect a level of behavior from me, because
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: it means that they know me and they trust me,
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: and they are willing to be vulnerable and expect the
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: same from me. I look at that as a privilege
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: because I'm like, I should be that caliber a friend
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: to you, and the fact that you acknowledge that and
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: that you expect me to continue being that caliber friend
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: and vice versa, obviously, I think that's really cool. It
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: shows like a depth of understanding in the relationship. So
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: it's a good thing. Okay. It also helps to hold
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: me accountable and helps to hold the people close to
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: me accountable. Okay, so if I were to drop the
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: standard my behavior was to drop, they would pull me
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: up on it because they're saying, this is not good
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: enough going by your standard. It's not fucking good enough.
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: You've disappointed me, and you've probably disappointed yourself. Okay, that's good,
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: that's healthy, Okay, because it is me dropping the standard
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: off my character. So if your best friend is always
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: just fucking legend and then they go do and do
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: something to let you down, that is fair to be
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: disappointed in them. And you tell them that, you say, listen,
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: your track records amazing, but you really let me down
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: last night because you did bang bang bang bang. That's
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: not like you. And then it gives an opportunity to repair,
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: and if they don't want to repair, it gives the
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: other person an opportunity to say, you know what, you're right,
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: but I've started to realize that I don't have the capacity. Like,
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: let's say you're a fucking people pleaser and you always
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: do what your friends want. You've set a standard, right,
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: so of course they're going to expect something from you,
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: and then if you turn around one day and change
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: your mind, they're going to be a bit disappointed, being like, well,
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: I was expecting this and you didn't give me this.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: You still can have a good friendship and say, you
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: know what, I realize that I'm burning out, I'm giving
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: too much away. I've got to do less. It's the
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: right thing for me. Whatever, And a good friendship will
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: either be able to pull each other up and you
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: fix your behavior, or you're able to use this as
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: an opportunity to be like, I can't give this much anymore,
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: so I'm gonna let you know what I can give you.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: So then again they're not gonna be let down because
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: you've told them what to expect from you. Okay, So
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: those are the two things when you're expecting, you know,
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: things from other people. And if you're listening to this thinking, well,
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: my partner does nothing around the house, it's you know,
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: it's only fair that they do something and that they
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: do like fifty percent, but they don't see it that way,
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: and it's just it's just not fair, and my partner
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: should be doing this. So I have the right to
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: be disappointed because they're not pulling their weight and I'm
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: pull round. You're going through this whole fucking thing. Fair
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: and reality don't always intersect, unfortunately for whoever is feeling
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: this way right now. Unfortunately for all of us, what's
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: fair and what is real does not always intersect, and
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: it is our job to try and align with people
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: that align with what we consider to be fair. Okay,
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: because if I were to marry someone that never fucking
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: pulled their weight, never, and then I went and had
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: children with that person, I'm not I can't be shocked
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: if they don't pull their weight. As a parent, I
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: could be fucking pissed off. But again, if you choose,
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: like I said, most important decision you're ever gonna make,
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: If you choose a person and they've shown you a
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: standard and you've chosen to ignore that standard, then yes,
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: of course you can be pissed off and annoyed. But
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: it's like, when have they ever shown me that they're
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: capable of being the person that I want them to be? Never? Right,
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: So you've got to look at this with everyone. The
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: biggest disservice you'll ever do is to set expectations and
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: be let down on people that have never shown you
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: they're capable of doing something. You are wasting your time,
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: you're wasting your energy, you're wasting your breath. Okay, I
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: don't care if you're married to them. I don't care
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: if someone's not shown you a track record. If someone's
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: not shown you, it's in their character. No matter what
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: you do. You could beg plead, scream, cry, manipulate whatever.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: They're not going to change unless they want to change it.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: But that's not your job. It's not your job to
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: teach someone fair. It's not your job to set the
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: moral standard for other people. It's your job to find
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: people that are aligned with you in a way that
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: works best for your fucking mental health, Okay, fair or unfair?
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: You know, you've got to decide who am I actually
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: going to live with, And it's not based on who
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: I can control, because we can't control other people. So
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: that's relationships. Now let's look at personal So this could
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: be whether like this could be based on your career.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: I'm not happy with where I am career was. Maybe
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: it's the life that you have right now it's noway
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: near where you thought it would be at this stage
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: in your life. Maybe you're going through a really, really
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: tough season in your life and it feels like there's
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: no light at the end of the tunnel. Like one
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: thing that I hear a lot is, you know when
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: people go through the journey of like where they just
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: had kids, or where they've just finished university. It's like
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: there's a big line in the sand moment in their life,
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: and then they think like, I feel like my old
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: life was exactly where I had it and I was
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: so happy, and now this big, big thing has happened
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: in my life. And but then that's a season because
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: it's not forever. That at least exactly how that is.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: It's not forever. Even if you've just had kids. The baby,
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: the newborn stage is a season of your life. You're
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: not going to be needed to that extent for the
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: rest of your life. Maybe you worked really really hard
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: for something, but then you fell short, didn't get that thing,
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: and you're disappointed in the results because it means a
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: different trajectory for your life. Many of these things are
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: in your control, and many of these things are not
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: in your control. You could think you're prepared, you've got
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: everything going for you, you have prepared for it, you've set
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: everything up, and then it doesn't work out for you,
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: and you think, well, as far as what was in
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: my control, I did it. I did it all. I
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: prepared as much as I could to my capacity. I
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: did all these things. I did everything, and it still
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: didn't work out the way I did, and now I'm disappointed. Okay,
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: so what are we going to do? Because I've got
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: a few steps to help put things into perspective and
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: make you feel a little bit better about yourself and
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: put you on the right trajectory to feel more empowered
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: with where your life is headed. The first one, and
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: this is it's very related, but it feels like it's
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: not like an instant thing, but it is prioritizing yourself
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: and your health. Right. So this is the foundation and
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: the reason I talk about this is because a lot
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: of our happiness slash, all of our happiness comes from inside.
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: When you feel happy within just for being you, everything
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: in life starts to take a different perspective. And I'm
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: not saying that you just settle for things, but you
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: deal with things a lot better. You're a lot more resilient,
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: you're more dynamic, you come up with ideas in a
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: better way, you find ways of making things work, and
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: if things don't work, you're more at peace with letting
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: it go. And this is because you are happy within yourself.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: You are content with who you are. So what I
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: would recommend as the first thing, if you're someone that's
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: I'm disappointed in my life is when number one we're
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: going to work with the home of our mind. Okay,
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: so this is where you're putting yourself as a priority
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: whenever possible. So I want you to find find a
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: workout that works for you that you love. What is
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: that going to be yoga, CrossFit, fucking running? Well, find
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: something that works for you where you're moving your body.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: Get and I'm just using examples, and I'm not saying
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: you've got to tick all these things off, but like
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: get a skin routine that when you finish doing routine,
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: you're like, fuck, I feel like a million dollars, Like
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: I really put in that time and effort for my skin.
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: You know, take vitamins. Have a morning routine. Another really
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: important one that sounds superficial but it's not is wear
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: clothes and get ready in a way that you look
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: in the mirror and you think, fuck, I love how
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: I feel Like this makes me feel really good. Like
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: don't not for other people, but for you. When I
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: dress in a way that I'm like, yes, I'm fucking
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: feeling myself, I'm in a better mood for the rest
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: of the day. Sound stupid, but it's because I'm aligning
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: with like, the happy version of myself. When I wear
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: clothes that I like, I'm more likely to wear clothes
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: that I like when I go out and meet people
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: and this and that. Like your nice clothes, wear them,
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: get like, dress up for yourself, show up for yourself
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: as the best version of yourself for you. Okay, so
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: you start doing that, you allow yourself time to read,
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: you allow yourself time to you know, get ready. Would
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: you start to allow pockets of time the things you
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: really start prioritizing yourself. I'm not going to dove too
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: much into this because I've got so many episodes on
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: you know, routine and discipline and self love and all
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: of that, but that is your foundation. If you were
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: dissatisfied with your life, you're likely doing the option number one,
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: where you're pacifying. And this is where everything falls to
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: the wayside. That's the first mistake that a lot of
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: us make, and I think many of us have found
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: ourselves in this thing. Disappointed with my career, but all
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: of a sudden everything's taken a slip. Why you know,
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: if I started working on everything else, maybe my career
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: prospects would improve too, Because I feel like a healthier,
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: happier version of myself. Okay. Number two, this is very important,
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: But you have to allow yourself to grieve that thing
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: that you didn't get or that you thought you were
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: going to have that you couldn't have it, especially if
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: it's something that can't be changed or it can't be reattempted,
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: or you can't go back from. You don't necessarily have
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: to allow yourself to grieve if you're going to like
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: let's say you've tried out for the fire department and
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: you didn't get in, but you're going to try it
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: next year. You don't have to grieve really that much.
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: You can be like this fucking sucks, let's read group whatever,
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: but I'm doing it next to you, okay, because I
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: now know what I need to do whatever in this scenario,
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: especially if it's something that you can't go back from,
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: and doesn't even have to be a negative thing. But
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: it could be, like I said, like a line in
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: the sand situation, like going from child free to having newborns,
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: you know, or from thinking that you were always going
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: to have kids to maybe a realization that maybe you're
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: never going to have kids, Like there could be major
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: events that occur in your life that make you think, wow,
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: my life trajectory is so off where I thought it
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: would be, and I am so fucking disappointed, and I'm
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: so fucking sad, you know, realizing that a career that
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: you worked your fucking ass off for years and years
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: and years is just not going to happen for you
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: and you need to find something else to do. A
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: sport that you dedicated all of your teenage years and
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: you thought, Yep, I'm going to fucking and I'm going Olympics,
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: it's not gonna happen for you. You have to let
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: yourself grieve because it's it is a loss. It's it's
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: a realization and it's a loss. And if you bottle
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: it up and don't allow yourself to actually process these emotions,
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: it's going to manifest in other things. It's going to
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: be like bubbling under the surface, and you will crop
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: up in other areas. You'll resent, You'll resent the new
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: things that you're doing or people in your life. You'll
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: never truly be able to like, really be happy in
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: this new version of your life that you're creating, because
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: you'll be living in the past thinking, oh my god,
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: it could have been, it could have been, it could
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: have been, instead of always thinking it could have been.
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: It's like, I'm going to close this chapter and I'm
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: going to allow myself to be sad, allow myself to grieve.
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: You know, I want you to really process these emotions. Okay,
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: allow it to leave your body. Okay, because if you
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: don't allow yourself to mourn, you're not going to be
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: able to embrace the new things that are coming your
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: way because you're going to have your eyes on the past.
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: You're going to be thinking those were the best days,
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: Those were the good days in my life. Those were
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: I've already lived my best days. You could be thirty
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: saying you've lived your best days, which is ludicrous. Okay.
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: There are so many opportunities for your best days to
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: be ahead of you, but only if you make it
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: that way. Okay, So grieve it, process, feel the feelings. Cry.
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: Listen to my fucking episode on Tactical Crying Why it's
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: so good for you? But do it now. I actually
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: just did an interview on a different podcast called The
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: Curve earlier today, and I think it comes out in
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: two or three weeks, but I spoke about this and
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: I've spoken about this again on the podcast before, but
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: on average, did you know, and if you're an avid listener,
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: do you fucking mind, you'd know that on average people
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: have seven versions on average of their life that they
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: would be truly happy in seven versions, completely different versions.
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: One version is I'm a child free artist living in
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: a fucking loft apartment in whatever. Another version is I
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: have four kids and I'm married and I have Another
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: version is I am whatever the fuck. But we're talking
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: about on average, seven completely different versions of their life
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: that they could really find themselves being happy in, truly happy.
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: So for some of you it's going to be a
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: lot more than that, and for some of you it
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: might be slightly less. But let's talk about seven on average. Okay,
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: But if you've brought into this idea that there's only
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: one version of your life that you can be happy in,
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: the chances of you being disappointed are going to be
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: a lot higher, because if that one thing doesn't happen
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: for you, you're going to be like, well, now I just
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: have to like basically settle. I've got to settle for
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: the rest of my life. I might have seventy years left,
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: I'm fucking settling because that one thing never happened for me.
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: But if you can turn it around and think, after
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: I've mourned this and grieved this and processed it because
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: I need to do that, what could be these other
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: versions of my life Like this is pretty fucking exciting
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: on the other side of this door, which is processing grieving.
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: There could be a version of my life out there
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: that I had no fucking idea i'd be into. There
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: could be a career I haven't even fathomed in my
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: mind that I like, there could be a per person
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: out there that shits on this person that I'm heartbroken over.
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: Shit's on them, Shit's all over them. But here I
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: am thinking that they were the best thing that ever
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: happened to me because they are good on paper, but
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: our relationship was probably garbage, you know. So, like you
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: have to think there is something on the horizon. There
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: always will be. It's fucking numbers game, guys. You got
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: to put yourself out there, but there's going to be
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: something on the horizon that could be infinitely more and
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: better than what you have experienced in the past. But
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: because you've shut yourself off to being like that was
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: it plan a that was only the one thing that
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: was all I could ever do. You will be disappointed, okay,
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: So you have to change that perspective. You've got to
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: be like, I'm allowed to be sad. I'm allowed to
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: think this is fucked, but I also have to I
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: owe myself the opportunity to look into the future and think,
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: I'm excited for what's to come. I don't know exactly
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: what's to come yet, but I'm fucking excited for what's
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: to come. Okay. Don't have this idea that it's only
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: don't be deranged. Don't be deranged and think there's only
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: one chain, there's only one chance and it didn't happen.
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: You have to give yourself a bit more credit than that. Okay.
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: Number three, ask yourself, and this is really helpful in
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: the growth part of what you're doing. Ask yourself, what
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: have I learned? Okay? What have we learnt through this disappointment? Okay?
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: Or what have I gained in this life while this
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: other thing wasn't happening for me? Because a lot of
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: people you know, will think, well, I never realized that
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: career that I ever wanted, but I did meet the
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: absolute love of my life. My fucking person who's you know,
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: or the other way around. I haven't ever found the
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: love of my life, but fuck, I've had a fulfilling
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: life as an individual. Like, yeah, I could feel like
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: I'm disappointed and I could magnify that and it could
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: bleed into every other area of my life that I
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: never got that partner. That I still haven't yet found
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: a partner. But I've seen things that most people have
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: never seen. I've traveled to places that most people that
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: never traveled to. My memories of my past are so rich.
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: I've got all this experience and history, and I've got
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: all this knowledge, and I'm a gun in my career,
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: and I'm this, and I'm that, I'm the fucking funnest
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: person in the room. Like There's a lot I've gained,
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: you know, And it's really important that you've got to say,
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: if this version of my life didn't exist, then I
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: wouldn't have this, Okay, and knowing that, knowing that I
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: can have all these things in a version of my
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: life that maybe wasn't exactly how I wanted it to be,
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: how can I continue to rebuild and recalibrate and remold
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: Because I've gained all these things, what else could I gain?
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: What else could I be bringing into it? Because you
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: can't control if someone's going to date you. You can't
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: control if your dream job is going to arrive this
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: year or this month. But you can control many things
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: around it. You can control your perspective. You can control
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: who you spend your time with. You can control how
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: you expect things from other people and how it fulfills you,
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: what you do with yourself, and how you take care
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: of yourself, the personal goals that you set yourself. There's
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: many things that you can control, and I can guarantee
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: you when you're working on all these and you've got
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: all these cylinders firing, the thing that's a disappointment is
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: going to get smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller,
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: because you're going to start to realize opportunities and things
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: in your life that you never even were aware. If
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: it wasn't in your awareness, but it was there. So
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: much of what you can have in your life is
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: just right fucking in front of your eyes. But where
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: buyas to look at something else? We're looking this way
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: when we've got something right here. Okay, so we need
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: to change how we're looking at our life situation. Okay,
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: what are other versions of my life where I could
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: really thrive in? You know, what things from the past
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: can I bring into the future, And what dina I
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: want to bring into the future. What am I done with?
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: Where do I need to be more patient with myself?
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: Where can I hit the ground running where I don't
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: need patience? I need to fucking bite the bullet and
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: start before I'm ready? Asking yourself all these questions, just
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: those questions that I've asked, you ask yourself now. The
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: last thing that you're going to do to wrap up
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: this episode, last one is pick out. After you've asked
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: yourself all these questions, pick one path for now to
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: move forward on to action. One path that you're going
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: to action. I'm disappointed? Why am I disappointed? Have I
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: grieved it? What's another version of my life for another
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: twenty five version of my life where I could be
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: happy with? What's something that I've learned? What can I
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: We've asked ourselves all these questions. Now we've got a
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: good idea of like where I could possibly be headed
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: with trying something different for my life. But now the
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: step number four, the most important one is pick one
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: thing and just action it. Don't worry if it's not
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: the right one, because that's not what matters. Indecision is
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: the biggest disservice you can do. I say so many
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: things are the biggest disservice you can do, but this
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: is really one of the biggest disservices you can do
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: to yourself being indecisive for your life. You can be
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: decisive for a pizza. You can't be indecisive for your life, okay,
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: because the problem with that is you waste time, and
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: that is a commodity you will never get back. You
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: are much better and you actually save more time picking
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: something it failing, and then choosing something else. And the
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: reason for that is because you never waste another day
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: of your life fucking around with the oh but I could, but,
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: oh but maybe, oh oh no, but it's gonna be
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: too hot. Before you know, you did five years of
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: that shit every day. Okay, So instead you're gonna think,
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: you know what, this looks good enough, and I do
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: have the resources, or I could acquire the resources to
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: actually be pretty good at that. I'm gonna bite theullet.
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: Let's do it. Let's go, let's go. Then you start
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: going down that path and you think, oh, yeah, no,
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: that's probably not really for me. But I've learned all
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: these things, and you don't go back to square one.
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: You then you kind of change direction, but you don't
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: go backwards. You just change direction. But that one thing
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: that you went down, the path that didn't work out
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: for you, you think, well, I never have to think
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: about that ever again. I'm glad I gave it to
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: go because it's done. That decision has been made for me.
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: It is fucking finished, and I never have to arm
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: until I'm ninety five years old. Okay, So you pick
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: one path and you just proceed. You're not gonna worry
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: about if it's the right one or the wrong one.
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: The one that entices you the most, that's what you're
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: gonna do. Okay. Progress is going to snap you out
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: of disappointment because you are looking forward. Disappointment happens when
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: we look backwards. Okay, forward forward, forward, progress, progress, progress.
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: You're not looking back. Okay. The time is now to
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: do this. There's no other time. Okay. You could be
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: sitting here pacifying your disappointment in life by distracting yourself,
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: and before you know it, it's new Year's eve and
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: you're like, yeah, sique, can't. I listened to Alexis's you know, like,
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: you know, refresh, restart, whatever the fuck I called it
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: on how to like, you know, hit the ground running
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: in the new year, and I did the two weeks,
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: but nothing's changed, or you could find yourself at the
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: end of the year being like I action to all
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: these things. Fifty percent didn't work, but fifty percent really did,
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: and I am leaps and bounds ahead of where I
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: thought I was going to be because I was willing
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: to fail and I was willing to try these things.
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: But the only thing that mattered to me. My priority
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: to me was moving forward, progress, progress, progress, progress, That's
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: what mattered to me. And here I find myself at
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: the end of the year being like, yeah, fuck yeah,
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: look at all these things are acquired, Look at all
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: this knowledge, Look at all these experiences, potentially jobs, potentially money, people, relationships,
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: all these things. Okay, so your awareness is actually filled
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: with so many possibilities for what lie ahead. And I
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: feel like being in stagnation is what stops you from
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: being creative. It's what stops you from looking at possibilities
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: when you are stagnant. You can only look at the
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: past because you're not moving forward. So that's where we
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: get stuck. But if you are moving forward, you're not
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: looking at the past as much because you've got shit
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: to do, You've got shit to look forward to. You've
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: got you know, hurdles to jump over, problems to solve,
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: and it feels good because we're growing, we're changing. Shit's happening. Okay,
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: So stagnation is out for twenty twenty five, for March
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: of twenty April twenty twenty five, and progress is in. Okay,
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: So just to summarize those four points. Number one, prioritize
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: yourself and your health. This will be huge. Listen to
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: all my podcasts about self help and discipline and whatever.
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: This will change your life. How to set a routine.
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: Listen to the first two weeks off this year. They're
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: all fifteen minute episodes. Bang. Turn through those episodes, okay.
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: That will give you a good idea of how you're
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: going to refresh yourself. Number two, allow yourself to grieve
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: that thing. You have to go through the emotions in
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: order to get out. Don't bottle it up, and then
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: we can really look. Then Number three, ask yourself all
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: these questions, including what are the other versions of my
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: life where I could truly be happy in after I've
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: grieved it, because you could be like, well, no, I'm
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: not gonna be truly happy. No, no, no, after I've
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: grieved it. Really, let's get creative. What are the other
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: completely different versions of my life where I could be
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: happy with? Get creative? Make it a fine exercise. And
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: number four, pick one path and move forward and don't
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: be so hell bent on it being the one. But
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: it's like I'm doing, I'm making progress and I will
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: get somewhere, even if it's not where I think I'm
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: going to go, It'll take me somewhere as good or better. Okay, guys,
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: thank you so much for listening to today's episode. I
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: really hope this struck a chord with you all. If
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: you enjoyed it, please rate, review, share it. You guys
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: are the reason that my podcast grows and is the
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: size that it is is because if you're sharing it,
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: so please continue to do so. I would greatly appreciate that.
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: And if you ever want to write in a question,
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: a message, anything, just email info at dyfmpod dot com.
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: If you are not already a member of the Hotel
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: Mindset app. Go check that out. You've got meditations, affirmations,
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: you've got soundscapes, We've got all kinds of things on there.
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: It's literally like a hotel for your mind and workouts
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: as well, so it's like it's where you check in
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: and then check out. If the rest of the world
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: it's fucking epic. Anyway, go check it out. That is
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: all for today. I love you guys so much. As always,
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: remember be kind to yourself, be kind to your brain,
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: don't take shit from anyone, and especially don't take shit
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: from yourself. Dunk