Latest / The Family Teams Podcast / Ep. 211 | What Does the Bible Say About How to Handle Temper Tantrums

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Ep. 211 | What Does the Bible Say About How to Handle Temper Tantrums · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:00
  Connect and defer is kind of how I think about it. But, and if you can do that right, it usually helps you immensely.
• 0:10
  What's up, guys? Welcome to another 5-Minute Fatherhood. So what does the Bible say about how to handle temper tantrums? Is there a verse that could be helpful? And so I was recently reading a book about temper tantrums. There's a great book. A lot of you guys have talked about, Whole Brain Child. So many cool things in there just from a scientific perspective. Some things I don't agree with completely from a tactical perspective, but I thought it was super helpful. I loved some of the things they said about tantrums.
• 0:35
  But it really reminded me of this verse. Let me read it to you guys, and then I'll talk a little bit about this. So 1 Thessalonians 4.14 talks about that you need to treat people differently depending on what stage they're in. It says, And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone.
• 0:54
  I think this is like, this should be every parent's verse for how to handle temper tantrums. Because what he's saying is there's actually different kinds. And one of the things that they say in this book is there's two totally different kinds of temper tantrums, and you have to discern which one you're getting from your child. There's the first one, which is the emotional overload temper tantrum. This is usually younger kids where they just literally lose control, and you cannot stop them.
• 1:20
  It's not pre-meditated. They're not manipulating at all. They literally don't know how to handle the surge of emotions. And so in this verse, it says, help the weak, right? Encourage the disheartened. Be patient. And so that's really important. However, there is a second kind of temper tantrum, which is when it's intentionally manipulative. If you don't give me what I want, I'm going to make your life miserable. And the authors of this book...
• 1:50
  They said, if you're getting this kind of temper tantrum, then the answer is never negotiate with a terrorist. They're basically like, you need to make sure that you're training your children and you're not giving in to a manipulative temper tantrum, or it will get worse.
• 2:05
  And so this kind of goes back to the first Thessalonians 4.14, where he says, you know, warn those who are disruptive. Okay, this is a manipulative tactic. And so you have to discern which is which. And they look very similar sometimes on the surface, but the way that you deal with this is very different. Jeff, I've seen you in real time, you know, like really think through and deal with particularly the emotional overload kind of reactions. And I just want you to maybe talk through that one a little bit.
• 2:33
  Yeah, I think there's because there's different solutions for each. And if you cross those wires, then you're usually not doing damage, but just it's not helpful, right? If you're kind of giving an emotional overload answer to a manipulative tantrum, or a manipulative answer to an emotional overload tantrum. So yeah, for us, especially, I mean, yeah, our kids are still in the age where, you know, they're tired, and they're hungry, and then they don't know what they're feeling. And then they're just I can, I've started to learn to like the face difference where I've, you know, you kind of like as a parent get more and more expert, you know,
• 3:00
  And I feel like I know which one is the manipulative one and which one's the emotional overload one now. But yeah, I do feel like it's really, really important to try to connect with them really quick and understand them on the emotional overload one, but then redirect. And yeah, Alyssa calls it my superpower because she tries it and it doesn't go as well. But...
• 3:21
  But yeah, there's something about that, like that has saved us so many things. And of course, some of them, they just go on and on and you got to just hug them or you got to just let them, you know, go upstairs or take them away and just whatever, let it run its course. But if you can kind of nip it in the bud early, there's this, there's something, I don't know, you kind of have to just know your kid's currency and your kid's heart and just kind of say like, Hey, I understand you, I understand you, but you know, I'm like, do you see this or what about this or come over here? Or can I ask you a question? I've noticed that like even just asking them a bunch of questions, especially with our middle.
• 3:48
  kid canon kind of like they they can't answer while they're balling do you know i mean so like they kind of stop to answer and then that calms them down like there's just different little ways you kind of have to test trying to just get them to emotionally regulate which is basically what you're trying to do without you know there's no consequence there's no discipline it's not one of those so yeah it's super um hard to do but to kind of craft the the basically what it is is yeah connect and redirect connect redirect or connect and defer is kind of what how i think about it but um and if you can do that right it usually helps you immensely
• 4:18
  Yes. Hey guys, if you like this short content on five minute fatherhood, then you're going to love long form interviews that Jeremy and I do with other dads, just like you over at dad's building teams. We go much more in depth hearing the stories, challenges and journeys of different dads who are trying to build multi-generational teams on mission. Just go to whatever podcast platform you use and search for dad's building teams.