Latest / The GOA Speakers Podcast / Finding Hope, Healing, and Humor: Comedian JJ Barrows on Faith, Recovery, and Mom Brain :: Ep 2 GOA Speakers Podcast

Transcript

Finding Hope, Healing, and Humor: Comedian JJ Barrows on Faith, Recovery, and Mom Brain :: Ep 2 GOA Speakers Podcast · The GOA Speakers Podcast

0:02
Unknown: The geoa speakers podcast begins now.
0:06
Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the geoa
0:09
speakers podcast. We're so glad you're joining us. I'm your
0:12
host, Abigail, and I'm joined, as always, by Greg Oliver, our
0:17
president and founder of geoa speakers and today we have the
0:21
privilege of being joined by JJ Barrows, our lovely guest. So
0:27
for those of you who may not know JJ she is a comedian, an
0:32
author, mixed media artist and a mom. I know that has become a
0:37
huge part of your life, doesn't it always Yeah, and, and you've
0:42
been able to be on dry bar and a lot of of comedy clubs that
0:46
people would recognize right away, and you're based in
0:49
Chattanooga, I believe, right? So, yeah, well, we're so glad to
0:54
have you on with us. And we immediately had a question,
0:57
well, I do what? Tell us, what a mixed media for our listeners.
1:02
What is a mixed media artist? What is that?
1:06
A mixed media artist is an artist who uses a bunch of
1:10
different mediums for their art form. So like, not just paint or
1:14
not just a specific type of paint, like you'll have oil
1:16
painters or Acrylic Painters. I did strictly just paint for a
1:21
long time, and I love it. I love painting, love colors, but I
1:25
like to use all kinds of materials. I like to decoupage.
1:29
I like to add layers and textures to my canvases, and
1:32
then I expanded beyond the canvas, and I do things with
1:36
decoupage and beads and pipe cleaners and just all kinds of
1:40
wacky, crazy things, crowns that you can wear on your head. And
1:44
so it's not just gonna be like, a picture you can put on your
1:46
wall. Like, literally, if someone comes to me and they're
1:49
like, can you make XYZ, even if I've never made it before, I'm
1:52
like, I'll figure it out. I probably can. Awesome. Doesn't
1:56
mean I have but maybe I could.
1:58
That's fun. Do you have a favorite medium.
2:01
I love painting. That's probably my original art form. And I
2:05
love, I love abstract painting. I used to do more still life.
2:09
And when I was in college, I took art classes, and it was
2:12
very much like you're painting exactly what you're looking at.
2:15
And that, for me, was so rigid. In particular, it was very hard
2:19
for me to quote, stay within the lines. Yeah, I kind of always
2:23
wanted to explore out and more, so like, well, just have fun.
2:27
And so I did that kind of like, more still life art for a while,
2:33
but I never felt good enough. And I think I always assumed
2:36
abstract painting is not real art. But then when I realized
2:39
it's not about the finished product. It's about the process
2:42
of creating that made me feel really alive, and I found that
2:45
in abstract, yeah. So I fell in love with abstract, and I was
2:48
like, This is why people do it. And then a lot of times there is
2:51
a really cool finished product, but even if there's not just the
2:55
process itself is so wonderful. So I'd say paint, and I work
2:59
more with acrylics now is probably one that I love, but
3:03
more consistently, I'm definitely working with like,
3:05
pipe cleaners and beads and making all kinds of, like, funky
3:08
head gear, because I like making, like, party head pieces
3:11
for other people, because as a comedian, you know, I'm on stage
3:13
a lot, yeah, attention is always on me. So with my art, it's my
3:17
chance to make other people the centerpiece, yeah, to make them
3:22
the center of attention. So they wear this big fun headpiece, and
3:24
they walk into a room, and people are like, whoa. So it's
3:27
fun for me to kind of get to be behind the scenes in that way.
3:30
So do you do this? These the mixed art? Do you do that for
3:35
just for fun, or do you do that sell these pieces, a little
3:40
of both? Yeah, I would say it started for fun, and then people
3:42
started asking, and so then I started an Etsy shop. I still
3:46
have an Etsy shop, but it's on pause a lot, just because now,
3:48
being a mom as you know, being a new mom as well, it is very time
3:53
consuming, so you kind of have to pick and choose. So I do it
3:56
less now for income and more just when I have a chance to do
4:01
it, or if someone has, like, a specific event coming up, or
4:04
whatever. But I used to be way more regular with it, but now
4:08
it's definitely with my kid. It's become more of a hobby,
4:11
which is great. I love my kid. Yeah, he's that's awesome.
4:14
Remind me how old he is now, because, like, he's not at the
4:17
point where he's able to do art with you. Yeah?
4:20
He like, pours all the beads out, right? He helps me
4:24
organize. So he's a year and a half, okay? So he loves to come
4:29
in my craft room, for sure. Oh, yeah. And he, I feel like, you
4:32
gotta have a lock and key, yeah, he'll if you got to be watching
4:35
him like a hawk, because there's little pieces. And he's at that
4:39
exploratory phase where he's like, what's this? And he'll
4:42
stick in his mouth, and it's like, oh my gosh. So I
4:45
definitely have to, like, you know, I can't just freely kind
4:50
of create, and then he'll do his own thing, like, I'll bring him
4:52
in there to get I want him to be used to the environment, and I
4:55
want him to get used to the materials and even start to
4:57
realize, Oh, we don't put that in our mouth,
4:59
yeah, don't. Put beads in your mouth. I want him to be familiar
5:02
with the things,
5:04
but he doesn't necessarily like create yet. He mostly just like
5:07
quote organizes my materials.
5:09
Yeah, oh, I love that. I have a question what, how did you? Did
5:15
you just wake up one day and go, I want to be a comedian. How
5:18
did, how did that whole process? How did that whole process
5:21
happen?
5:22
Yeah, well, not at all, not at all. It's never been a goal of
5:26
mine. It's never been something I ever thought I would do or was
5:31
possible i I mean, I think I've always had a funny sense of
5:36
humor. I love movies. I love quoting movies. My sister and I,
5:39
we speak in movie quotes. It's kind of like we joke. It's our
5:42
love language. We specifically have, like, a heart for nine I
5:47
don't
5:47
think that's one of the love languages it should be. I'll
5:51
talk to Dr Jackman.
5:55
So yeah, I would say humor has always been like, a part of my
5:59
life in that sense, but never like, oh, that's profession that
6:04
I want to do. To be honest, I was going through a really hard
6:08
season of life, and this is like post. I went through some really
6:11
hard seasons in my 20s. I was in rehab, went through severe
6:15
depression, went through an eating disorder, went through
6:17
that whole process, found recovery, beautiful recovery
6:20
story. Fast forward, like, I think maybe six years from that,
6:26
I had a relapse that was really difficult, recovered from that
6:30
beautiful recovery story. Again, life just comes in waves, right?
6:32
So, like, we go through one thing and we think that we've,
6:35
oh, I'm healed and I'm better, and maybe, yeah, like, it's not
6:38
that there wasn't healing there, but it also doesn't mean and
6:41
from now on, life will be easy, exactly. And so for me, the
6:44
lesson I had to learn was, oh. It doesn't mean I wasn't healed.
6:48
It means how will I handle the next storm when it hits? And you
6:52
know, because at first I was like, Maybe I never covered, but
6:55
it was really just like, Oh no. I was given tools, yeah, to then
7:00
face this next challenge, and now I have the choice. Am I
7:02
going to use these tools that I learned to use for those
7:05
difficult seasons? So fast forward even further from that
7:08
relapse was probably maybe even, like, four or five years later,
7:11
I knew I was going through a difficult season. My mind was in
7:14
a dark place. I was feeling really stuck, really trapped,
7:16
really like the depression was like hidden, and I was like, I
7:19
know where this leads. It's not good. What I need to be in is
7:23
consistent therapy. But I was at a time where I was working at
7:27
coffee shops financially, it was like that does not feel like an
7:30
option. And I kind of just googled, like alternatives to
7:34
therapy or cheaper options or happy hacks, how to get out of
7:38
your head, how to get unstuck, stuff like that. And one common
7:42
thing that kept coming up was improv comedy classes. And I
7:45
was, like, interesting, yeah, and I knew a little bit about
7:49
improv. I had lived in Chicago for a while. I had attended a
7:52
couple of, like, improv Olympics. Is there Second City,
7:55
where a lot of the like SNL people came from. So like SNL, a
7:59
lot of that's based out of improv comedy. It's like sketch
8:02
comedy. So it's very, I mean, improv is not, improv is, well,
8:06
it's improvised, right? But it's group oriented. It's people kind
8:09
of playing off of each other, making up stuff on the spot. And
8:12
the reason that kept coming up was it's a way to get out of
8:15
your head, to get unstuck. You're having to just kind of
8:18
like, Yeah, you don't think about it. There's, you know,
8:20
you're just playing off of each other. It's community oriented.
8:23
It's not isolating. It's getting you out of your comfort zone.
8:26
And a lot of people who are stuck in that depressive,
8:29
isolated state, the most uncomfortable thing to do is
8:33
sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself, which is to
8:36
uncomfortably go into the situations where there are
8:39
people to connect with. And so I was like, Okay, six week,
8:45
course, costs about the same as, like, a two hour therapy
8:48
session. Six weeks will last me a lot longer than two hours for
8:54
your buck, right? So I'll try it. I was like, really nervous,
8:58
but I was like, whatever, like, I, you know, I just, I need to
9:01
get out my head's not in a good space. I need to get out of it,
9:05
yeah. And so I signed up for this class, and I show up, and
9:08
on the first day of class, the teacher was like, Oh, the improv
9:11
class was full. This is a stand up class. And I was like, oh,
9:15
it's probably the same thing. Like, that's how much I did not
9:19
know about comedy. I didn't it was not on my radar. I couldn't
9:22
have named a single comedian before I walked into that class.
9:27
I knew like, you know, Robin Williams and Steve Martin, but I
9:31
knew them as actors, like when I when I met them, they were Mrs.
9:34
Doubtfire, right, and Father of the Bride, right? Like I didn't
9:37
know them from the 70s or the 80s or whatever. So I get in the
9:41
class, and the teacher's like, all right, I want everyone to
9:44
take a turn, get on stage and say why you're taking this
9:47
class. And everyone that got up there was like, Oh, I've always
9:50
wanted to be a comedian, or this has always been on my bucket
9:53
list, or I'm inspired by Robin Williams, and I really want to
9:57
write comedy. They had all these really like intentions. Reasons
10:00
for why they were taking this class, and I was like, I'm a
10:02
fraud. And my MO, I'm not proud of it, but my MO throughout a
10:08
lot of my life, has always been trying to figure out how to fit
10:11
in. How do I how do I get people to just accept me and just be a
10:14
part of it and blend and
10:18
and I'm racking my brain, like, who is a comedian,
10:22
and I just didn't know what to say. And so it was my turn to
10:25
get on stage. And I was like, whatever. I guess I'll just tell
10:27
the truth, which is, like, it's hard for me to do at the time.
10:33
And I said, Honestly, I just needed therapy, and I couldn't
10:36
afford it, and the whole class laughed, and the teacher was
10:39
like, that's funny. And I was like, Oh, I was being serious.
10:42
He was like, that's even funnier. And I was like, what? I
10:49
was like, really confused. And he was like, some of the best
10:51
comedy is based on the truth. Oh, yeah. He said, especially if
10:55
it's about yourself, if you can be honest what you're insecure
10:59
about, people enjoy that because we all have our own
11:01
insecurities, and that's half the reason they're laughing is
11:04
because they know what that feels like, totally and it was
11:08
like this aha moment where I was like, Wait, you mean I don't
11:12
have to, like, pretend like I have it all together to be on
11:16
stage, nor do I have to, like, put on a performance, right? In
11:22
order to be accepted. Was weird, because comedy is a performance
11:25
based thing, but it was the first time I felt like I didn't
11:29
have to perform. Yeah, it's like storytelling, yeah, yeah, in
11:33
order for people to connect, or, you know, to just be myself,
11:38
like, I literally just got to be myself and talk about my own
11:41
insecurities and evidence therapy, yes, literally, like,
11:44
Yeah, wow, what I was kind of going after in the first place.
11:47
And so it was a six week course. After the six weeks, we have a
11:52
little graduation showcase at the end of it was like 25 people
11:55
in this small, little theater. It was really sweet. And I kind
11:58
of thought that would be it. And then this guy that performed at
12:01
The Comedy Store, I was, I was living in San Diego at the time,
12:04
and this guy that performed at The Comedy Store was like, hey,
12:06
I want you to come open for me in a couple weeks. I was like,
12:10
okay, like, I didn't know that that was like, you know, a big
12:14
deal to go to the Comedy Store. And so my second show ever was
12:18
in front of 250 people. It went amazing. Like, I just, I don't
12:23
know, I just, I, I just allowed myself to be myself. And because
12:28
of that, I felt comfortable. I felt comfortable being on stage.
12:31
Because there wasn't this, like, oh my gosh, yeah, I have to put
12:36
my best foot forward. And did it all, like, I kind of just really
12:39
took to heart what that teacher said, like, some of the best
12:42
comedy is just based on the truth, and when you're just
12:45
calling yourself out, and for me especially, I'm not good at
12:47
making fun of other people because I'm not good at taking
12:50
being made fun of. But when I can call out myself and make fun
12:53
of myself, and I can get ahead of the joke and laugh totally
12:57
it's way more enjoyable to laugh with people, and I found I
13:01
became, in a sense, kind of less sensitive, because I kind of got
13:06
to also make fun of the things that I used to hide, right? That
13:09
used to kind of be embarrassing to me, yeah? And instead, I got
13:12
to actually use it as a tool, and I felt less shame around it.
13:17
So yeah, it was this weird kind of like healing journey that
13:22
tumble we did into a career that also then became, once it became
13:26
a career that brings its own pressures and stuff that was not
13:30
part of the original intention of it being fun. So it's been a
13:32
journey for sure, like it started as a total accident. It
13:35
was not something I ever sought out to do. But when I found it
13:39
and it worked and it clicked, and I found that it fed both
13:43
people and myself. I thought, oh, there's gold here. Yeah, God
13:48
is in the midst of this, yeah, so that's where we're at for
13:51
now.
13:52
That's really cool. Yeah, yeah. Well, how do you feel? Like, is
13:57
it one of those things where you can, like, see God along the
14:00
way, like, now that you look back, you know, because we were
14:03
just talking with one of our other guests about the way, you
14:06
know, when you know that God has a purpose for you, and when you
14:10
set out to do something, it's so much different than going into
14:13
it, like, should I be doing this? So did you totally, did
14:16
you kind of start to feel that? Like, did that kind of put wind
14:20
under your wings as you do comedy now, like, do you feel
14:23
like the Lord kind of breathed on it like that? That wasn't
14:25
really an accident?
14:27
Oh, for sure, yeah. I definitely now can look back and say that
14:32
wasn't an accident, I think in the first few years, I mean, it
14:37
still felt like intentional, but it definitely felt like I was
14:40
just kind of like tumbling through it. I just, it was just,
14:43
Oh, I'm just saying yes to the next thing. Even for the first,
14:46
like two, three years, I don't know if I would have said, Oh,
14:51
I'm pursuing comedy. I just, I was doing it, but yeah, I don't
14:56
know if I was still aware at the time. I mean, even when, at the
14:59
time that I. Film my dry dry bar special, which was very early
15:02
for for a comedian. I think I was two years into doing comedy
15:06
when I filmed my Wow, two years from your from my stand up
15:11
class, yeah, okay, which is very soon, like anyone will tell you,
15:14
like most people are, like, You got to be doing comedy. You got
15:18
a bomb at least 10 years before you get good. Like, oh, really,
15:21
whoops. Okay, I kind of think not to, like, toot my own horn,
15:26
but maybe I was just in such a dark place that, honestly, any
15:30
sort of a response felt like I'm killing it. Yeah, because I
15:35
started at a really, I was in a hole, and there was no no weight
15:40
was riding on it. There was no expectation. There was no I hope
15:43
this goes good. This is always what I wanted to do. It was no
15:46
skin off my back if it didn't work out. This was my attempt at
15:50
getting better, mentally, emotionally, for my own well
15:54
being. This wasn't I need to kill the comedy game. And so I
15:57
think because of that, there wasn't this pressure riding on
16:01
it early on that I think maybe a lot of people who are like, I
16:05
really want to pursue this. Yeah, it feels like there's a
16:09
lot more at stake there for every performance, even if it's
16:11
just these smaller shows. And that's why it feels like, if it
16:15
doesn't feel like a, you know, standing ovation close out show,
16:19
it's like, oh, that was the worst. Yeah, nine times out of
16:22
10. I feel like for most people, it's not the worst effect. If
16:25
you even get up there in front of people, especially if you're
16:28
calling yourself a comedian, that's a different expectation
16:31
the audience has on you a comedian versus a speaker. If
16:35
you're a speaker and you happen to be funny, you will blow
16:37
people away, yeah, but if people know you're coming up as a
16:41
comedian. They're starting with prove it. Yeah, that is funny.
16:45
That is their mental space. Even the nicest of people I do, these
16:49
women enjoy events that I love, and they are some of my favorite
16:52
audiences. And it is so funny. How many women come up to me
16:56
afterwards and said, Honey, I gotta tell you, when they said
16:58
there was gonna be a comedian here, I was not expecting much,
17:01
but you were wonderful.
17:04
They aren't sure better or worse, yeah,
17:06
I totally, especially in a church environment, yeah, what's
17:09
that gonna be like? Yeah, especially sometimes a woman you
17:14
don't know. Like, we get our we get our bad raps. In the comedy
17:17
world, people just have a lot of associations, whether it's
17:22
because of their own past experiences, right or wrong.
17:25
They have a lot of associations with what to expect from a
17:28
comedian, and sometimes they expect someone to be super
17:31
crass, and they're like, Oh, this isn't going to be good,
17:33
because I don't like that type of comedy. And then I perform,
17:35
and they're like, you didn't say one dirty word, and I really
17:37
enjoyed Yeah. How is that funny? So it's, it's it's funny to me
17:43
how an audience will start with an assumption of who the
17:47
comedian is supposed to be, and everyone's assumption is going
17:50
to be different. And that's why it's so hard as a comedian just
17:54
to start, because you are starting with the audience from
17:58
a mindset of prove to me that you are who you say you are,
18:02
yeah, and that is intimidating, and that's why you can never be
18:06
fully like I mean, I'm confident in what I do and in who I am,
18:11
but I always have to approach every show with a lot of
18:15
humility, because every audience is very different. Every area of
18:19
the country is very different. Something that's funny over here
18:22
is not going to be funny over there. Yeah, people's, you know,
18:25
sense of humors are different. And so it's like, I compare it
18:31
to the ocean. The ocean is different every day. Some days
18:34
it's calm, and you're like, oh my gosh, I just sat on a little
18:37
floaty all day. And it was amazing. If you expect to go out
18:40
the next day, and just like command the ocean, the ocean
18:43
might be raging, yeah, might spit you right back out. The
18:47
ocean never, you'll never win against the ocean. The ocean,
18:50
you know Same with the audience. The audience is never the same.
18:53
You can never assume, Oh, because I killed it over here,
18:57
I'm gonna go kill it over there. So it's like this weird mix of,
19:00
you have to be confident, but not too confident. You have to
19:03
be humble. But, yeah, it's weird. It's really,
19:09
it's, I just can't imagine going into a situation where the
19:14
audience is like, arms folded, and prove it. Prove it to me
19:18
that you're really funny.
19:20
Oh yeah, they're out there. Intimidating. They're out there.
19:26
I've seen them.
19:27
I want to go back to something you said earlier. And obviously
19:30
all of us are, you know, in process and walking through, you
19:35
know, different parts of our healing process. But tell us
19:39
about you mentioned earlier. And I just kind of want to go back
19:42
to go back to this, you know, your own healing journey and
19:45
your own recovery journey. Tell us how you kind of came out on
19:50
the other side of that.
19:51
Yeah, so when I was 23
19:55
I went to rehab in Illinois for severe depression. In an eating
20:00
disorder, and at the time, I knew I wanted help, but I kind
20:07
of just wanted a certain degree of help, like I wanted to there
20:11
was this weird desire to have control over over my situation,
20:18
especially with the eating disorder, so it's like, okay,
20:20
I'm in pretty bad. I need help, but I want to still do it my
20:23
way. Yeah, it was like, it wasn't even, I wasn't even
20:26
necessarily ready to, like, fully surrender. But I think
20:30
just the mere fact that I knew I needed help was all that was
20:33
needed for me to take the steps to go to rehab. And at the time,
20:40
I just was, like, I was so tired. I was so done with kind
20:45
of just every day feeling like a struggle and and just, I just, I
20:51
was, I mean, tired is really the best word that I have, because
20:54
it got to the point where, I mean, even in my faith, you
20:58
know, I'd pray God man, either just like, fix me, or just don't
21:06
bother waking me up tomorrow. I just don't want to wake up
21:10
another day and feel like this because, like, feeling nothing,
21:17
I think, is just one of the worst places you can be like
21:22
that's why I really try to encourage people to feel their
21:24
feelings even when they're sad or hard, because I would way
21:27
rather feel sad than to just feel nothing, and so to just to
21:34
face each day like that. It just I was so tired, and so my
21:40
journey or my story, is not that I was actively suicidal or
21:43
anything, but I I very much know what it's like to just not want
21:48
to have to wake up and face another day. And so when I went
21:53
to rehab, I went in 2007 I went Super Bowl weekend that the
21:58
Chicago Bears were in the Super Bowl. Is why I'm wearing my
22:01
Chicago shirt. We're playing the package because we haven't been
22:07
since 2007 so I was not a Bears fan at the time, so I was living
22:11
in South Carolina. I board this plane to go to Chicago, to go to
22:17
rehab, and on the plane, and I remember even just thinking
22:21
like, I mean, it's fine if I don't even make it to Chicago,
22:24
like, Whatever, whatever that meant, not that I wanted anyone
22:27
to get hurt or anything, but I just was like, this is
22:30
miserable. And I'm on the plane, and then the pilot comes on and
22:35
he's like, Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, thank you flying
22:38
and friendly skies to the home of the Super Bowl contenders,
22:41
duh bears. And the whole plane went, everyone started going,
22:45
duh bears, dub and the flight attendants would get on, and
22:49
everyone's like, Duh bears, dub bears, and they're getting on.
22:51
They're doing all these quotes that I recognized from SNL right
22:55
in, like, the late 80s, early 90s. And I was like, Oh my gosh,
23:00
like it just kind of it took me back to this time in my head
23:04
when I enjoyed life like that, maybe like high school age of
23:10
that era, and again, those 90s comedies that my sister and I
23:14
loved. And it just felt like a simpler time, and people are
23:18
just like, I mean, this plane ride was magical, just the
23:22
thrill that these people had to see their team in the Super Bowl
23:26
was like insane. And so it was just enough for me to go, huh?
23:31
Okay, kind of want to see this game. And it was the first time
23:36
in a long time that I just had the desire for the day to be
23:43
extended. I want to get to that point. So it was like it was the
23:49
next day that the game was going to happen, but to just want to
23:53
see the next day, as opposed to to end the day with just don't
23:56
bother waking me up tomorrow. Yeah, was just enough of a shift
24:01
was like the smallest baby step towards me, inching out of that
24:06
place. And so I remember we watched the game that weekend.
24:11
Unfortunately, we lost to the Colts. If I had gone to rehab in
24:15
Indiana, I might be a colts fan, I don't know, but I landed in
24:18
Chicago and and again, just the spirit of that whole weekend, of
24:24
the vibe around it, the excitement, just seeing people
24:27
excited, I think for me, being surrounded by people excited
24:31
about something was also I didn't know it at the time, but
24:34
it was very influential. It was just a reminder, like, there's
24:39
good things in life, even something as simple as a
24:42
football game, like create your own magic, if you have to.
24:45
That's what when people hate on people for loving sports, it's
24:47
like, why are you hating on someone for getting excited
24:50
about something like, that's awesome, right? I mean, breaking
24:52
your TV if they lose, that's a little much, but the excitement
24:55
part, you treat your family Exactly. The excitement part
25:01
that I get, I can get on board with that. So, yeah, I just, I
25:05
rode this way with these people over the weekend, and, you know,
25:10
then they lost, and it was kind of like, Oh, well. But it was
25:12
enough when I recognized, like, just that little bit like, oh, I
25:19
there was something I wanted to do. I I was able to to think,
25:23
like, what if there's something else, you know, that's not a
25:27
football game, yeah, what if there's something else that I
25:30
could maybe look forward to. And so for me, it was this very baby
25:35
step process. It was never this big overnight thing. I don't
25:38
have that story of, I prayed God healed me. Poof, you're better.
25:41
Like I say that sometimes in my shows, depending on, you know,
25:45
what type of show I do and where and how much time I have, but
25:48
you know, every story is so different. And while those are
25:52
beautiful stories, you know, the clouds parted. God shown down.
25:55
He healed me in that moment. Like, not every story is an
25:58
overnight success.
25:59
Actually, most of them are not, I know, but oftentimes
26:03
we don't hear those ones on stage or on social media.
26:05
They're not the trending ones, right? We want the really quick
26:08
snap of the finger stories, and so I very purposely share mine,
26:13
so that people out there know you are not crazy if you're not
26:18
getting the answer that you're hoping for, or the healing that
26:20
you're hoping for, or it might look different than you thought.
26:24
It might look like a stint in rehab. It might look like
26:27
antidepressants. It might look like God using, if God can take
26:31
mud and rub it in a blind man's eye to heal him, he can use
26:36
something physical. He doesn't have to. He could have just said
26:38
you're healed, right? But for some reason, with that guy, he
26:41
rubbed mud in his eye, right? So who's to say your story doesn't
26:45
involve an antidepressant or, you know what I mean, like,
26:48
there needs to be room for everyone's story to just be so
26:52
different with God. Yeah, our relationships with God is
26:55
different, and how he works with us is so different. And at the
26:59
time, I think I didn't know that, I think growing up in the
27:01
ministry, I saw, I very much saw how things are done on stage,
27:06
and not that they were wrong or just for show by any means. But
27:10
I just saw a lot of success stories. And so being someone in
27:13
the ministry, when I did not feel like a success, that was
27:17
very hard for me, and I very much felt like something is
27:19
wrong with me, yeah. And I didn't yet know that God was
27:23
just working with me in a very different way, and that was
27:27
okay. There was room for us to have a very different type of
27:31
relationship, yeah. That's what made him so big. There wasn't
27:35
just this one way to relate to him kind of a thing. And so it
27:38
was very much a slow journey, still beautiful, but very slow,
27:45
very came in, came in, waves, ebbed and flowed, but Yeah, huge
27:52
part of my story, yeah, definitely a game changer. Yeah.
27:55
I just love what you're sharing. Because you know, for those who
28:00
are out there listening to this podcast, for them to know that
28:04
they're not alone, that they're that there is somebody who has
28:08
been down that same path, potentially, I think is very
28:13
encouraging. You mentioned something about being in the
28:16
ministry. I did want to ask you about your grandfather. Your
28:20
grandfather was in the ministry. He was the worship leader, I
28:26
guess, for Billy Graham. Is that right? Yes. Tell us about that
28:29
was, yeah.
28:30
So he led worship. They met man, I think they were in their 20s.
28:34
I think my grand, if I remember the story right, my granddad,
28:36
was actually on his honeymoon. Billy Graham's the guy that, I
28:40
think, like, played piano for him at the time, or maybe was
28:43
just in the state. I think they were in North Carolina. He got
28:45
sick, and my grandfather and my grandma were on their honeymoon.
28:50
Just happened to be staying close by, and the head of the
28:52
inn was like, Hey, if you're looking for a music guy, there's
28:55
a guy on his honeymoon staying at our place. And Billy was
28:57
like, bring him over. And then, like, the rest is history. I
28:59
don't know what happened to the guy that got sick, but I he
29:03
never played for Billy Graham again. I know that sometimes it
29:11
helps to just play sick, because you might not get the gig. No,
29:13
I'm just kidding, but yeah, so he was, they were, like, early
29:17
20s at the time, and it started out in this small kind of like
29:21
tent revivals, and then obviously grew to being an
29:23
International Stadium, stadiums, yeah, all over. So that's all I
29:29
knew growing up, was we went to Billy Graham crusades all the
29:33
time stateside. But yeah, so I grew up very much seeing
29:38
ministry happen on these big stages. And my father's a pastor
29:43
as well, so, you know, stages at home.
29:45
But, yeah, it never, it never.
29:50
You don't realize kind of how big it is or meaningful to
29:54
people when you're a kid, right? Like it's your granddad and
29:57
right? Oh, yeah, that's what he does. And but the end. Impact. I
30:00
don't think you you really realize it until you're you're
30:03
older, and I think for me, and I want to tread lightly here,
30:08
because I very much value and respect my grandfather and Billy
30:11
Graham and what they did, and I think they did it with the best
30:16
that they knew how. But the reality is, as men who traveled
30:20
the world doing what they did, it means they weren't at home.
30:24
And so it does mean that their kids, to a degree, missed out on
30:28
some fatherhood experiences and relationship, which I very much
30:32
saw play out. And so and I both of them said, towards the end of
30:38
their lives, they they do have regrets about how they didn't
30:41
spend as much time with, you know, their family or their kids
30:44
as as they could have. And so again, I think they were doing
30:49
what they understood and thought to be the best, you know, they
30:55
could do at the time. But, you know, because of that, I think I
30:59
thought, okay, ministry is something that you do. If you
31:04
can't have a family and do it, you kind of have to leave your
31:07
family and go do it. I don't ever want to do that. Like, I
31:11
just, I kind of had this, yeah, all or nothing, right? You know,
31:14
kind of, kind of view around it. And I think for a while in my
31:19
20s, I think the 20s, you know, you're kind of angsty, and you
31:22
kind of think you know everything. And no offense to
31:24
anyone in the 20s out there. It's beautiful, but it's also,
31:26
like, really difficult and confusing and doing great. Yeah,
31:30
are you in your 20s? 28 you're killing it. You're almost out.
31:35
Don't worry, the 30s are wonderful. I'm so excited. I'm
31:39
worried about. I think it's normal to be, oh my gosh, I'm
31:42
almost 30. That's so old. A, it's not so old at all. B, it's
31:45
wonderful. Yeah, it's the beginning of you starting to
31:49
care less what everyone else thinks, and starting to realize
31:51
you don't know as much as you thought you did, which
31:53
really frees you up a lot. I'm very aware of that part.
31:57
So see, you're already on the right track. Okay, you're doing
32:00
great for me in my 20s. And again, that's when I landed in
32:04
rehab. I was very angsty. I was I just struggled a lot. And I
32:08
think I also I just, there was a lot of rebellion in me. There
32:11
was a lot of like rejection of like, family, you know, like a
32:14
I'm like this because of you, and, yeah, maybe there's truth
32:17
to that, but also maybe not. And so I think there was some
32:22
resentment there with my family and my family background and my
32:25
granddad doing what he did, and everyone thinking he was so
32:28
wonderful, and I'm like, but he wasn't at home. And I was way
32:32
more about calling out stuff for the sake of, like, being
32:36
rebellious than I was about like, hey, let's just, like,
32:39
talk openly and honestly about how this might have affected us.
32:43
And so I think I struggled with a lot of anger towards him. And
32:47
then, you know, go to rehab, and I start dealing with all this
32:51
anger, processing family stuff, navigating my own faith, all
32:54
those things. And I really I work through a lot of it, and I
32:56
come to a lot of peace of with it. And actually, when I was in
32:58
rehab, my granddad for the first time ever, and he was actually
33:03
the person I was most afraid of to find out. Person I was most
33:06
afraid was my family, you know, just to know that I needed help,
33:11
was like, Oh, God, but I'll never forget. He sent me a card
33:18
in rehab, just saying that he loved me and he was so proud of
33:20
me, and he was praying for me, and he sent me a teddy bear.
33:22
Teddy Bear. Never gotten a stuffed animal from him in my
33:25
life. I was 23 years old, and I got a teddy bear from my
33:28
grandfather. I still have it to this day. It is in my bed right
33:31
now. Wow. His name is Hopkins. He hides under a pillow. It's
33:36
not weird. I don't like sleep with him and my husband at the
33:39
same time, but yeah, I gotta keep them somewhere, so I hide
33:42
them under the pit
33:42
to have a kid now, exactly, My son loves them. Now, my child
33:46
is the excuse, even though, now I just outed myself on a
33:49
podcast, but I still have them and and it was so meaningful to
33:55
me because it was the first time and again, not that he wouldn't
33:59
have been opening and accepting of me before, but I never
34:04
allowed the chance for that, because I would not voice that I
34:08
was sick and I needed help, because my understanding that
34:12
was that other people were sick and needed help, but not us.
34:16
Yeah, we aren't sick and we don't need help. Well, guess
34:20
what? That's not true. Like we're all human, all of us, no
34:26
matter what level of superiority in in the leadership tier, you
34:33
know, from the pastor to the parking attendant, we're on the
34:37
same level. Yeah, and I, think I don't think I really registered
34:43
that while I was growing up. I think I thought because I grew
34:47
up in the family that I grew up in again, not that anyone in my
34:50
family ever directly said it to me. I think it was more of like
34:53
a quietly felt, yeah, either I put it on myself, either I
34:58
thought other people put it on me. Like other people were
35:00
probably just living their own lives honestly, but I just kind
35:03
of thought, oh, people expect us to be, yeah, perfect. And I
35:06
think that was part of my problem, sometimes when I kind
35:11
of go through all this, this healing from this, and really
35:13
let it all go, and I, you know, have this, especially with my
35:17
granddad in in rehab, and kind of feel his acceptance and his
35:21
love. Later, when I did more like public speaking gigs, I had
35:25
an opportunity to, like, talk about my rehab journey, and I
35:29
talked about my story with my granddad, and kind of that I had
35:32
had a bit of a stint of anger and kind of resentment towards
35:36
him. And this lady came up to me after I had performed, and she
35:40
said, You know, I totally understand. You know where
35:43
you're coming from, about you know your family being on stage
35:47
and them not being at home, but I just want you to know it was
35:50
never wasted. She said, I remember when I was a little
35:55
girl, my mom was married to a very alcoholic, abusive man, and
36:01
he would come home from work and he would yell, and he would hit
36:04
her, and he wouldn't even let us watch TV. He would take the TV
36:07
apart so that we couldn't watch it, you know, even while he was
36:10
gone. And then he would put it back together so he could watch
36:13
his shows when he returned, wow. She said, Well, you know, one
36:17
day, you know, we all figured out how to put the TV back
36:20
together, and it was, you know, me and my brother and my mom,
36:23
and we turned the TV on, and a Billy Graham crusade was on, and
36:27
I remember this man coming on the TV with this woman, and they
36:33
sang, his eyes on the sparrow and his Ethel Waters. I'll never
36:36
forget it was my granddad in Ethel Waters. And they sang his
36:39
eye his eyes on the sparrow. And they sang it over and over, and
36:43
they sang this chorus, and he told this story about how, if
36:46
his eyes on the sparrow, how much more his eye on you blah,
36:49
blah, blah. She says, My father came home that day, that night,
36:54
whatever it was, and we're like, hurry, you know, pull the TV
36:57
apart, get try to get it back, you know. But he gets in the
37:00
house and realizes that they were watching TV. He goes nuts,
37:04
you know. And her mom just screams, I can't remember if it
37:07
was like her actual dad or the man she was married to at the
37:10
time, but she said, Mom yells at us to just run, to get out of
37:16
the house, run. And we could hear him just yelling, just
37:20
hitting my mom, just yelling. And, you know, we ran down the
37:24
streets and we hid behind the neighbor's house, and she said,
37:27
I just kept saying to my little brother, remember what the man
37:31
saying on the TV? His eyes on the sparrow, his eyes on the
37:35
sparrow. He's watching us. He's watching Mom. He's watching us.
37:39
He's, I'm like, I'm gonna cry right now just telling it, but
37:42
yeah, she said, I never forgot that that man sang that song
37:50
that day, that he shared that story, she said, and that man
37:53
was your grandfather. So I'm not saying that to make you feel
37:56
better about any kind of loss when he wasn't at home. I don't
37:59
want to, like, minimize that at all. I just want you to know
38:03
that at the times that he wasn't, it wasn't wasted, and
38:07
people were heavily impacted, and not just at that stadium. We
38:11
weren't at that stadium that day. You know, I don't know what
38:15
the story was with her mom, with the guy, but she said it helped
38:18
hurt her mentally. And if there's one thing I learned
38:20
about going through my own recovery, mental strength,
38:22
mental strength is so important, navigating any kind of hard road
38:26
to get out of where you're at. And she said, it just, it really
38:30
ministered to them. And so that to me, was like, the final kind
38:34
of like, like, I just kind of let go of any kind of, like,
38:41
bitter, resentful feeling that I had carried about the ministry
38:49
background, essentially, that I had come from, because I used to
38:52
really hide it. I did not talk about it. I didn't want people
38:54
to know. And now it's not that I shot it from the rooftops, but
38:58
it's like, it's just part of my story, so I'll share it in a
39:01
show, or if it comes up, or, you know, talk about it's just I'm
39:05
no longer. I don't know if I was ashamed, but there was some kind
39:10
of ick feeling around it. I didn't like it. I didn't like
39:13
talking about it, and my faith looked very different. Still
39:16
does looks very different from my grandfather. So I didn't want
39:19
to be like assumed it should be the same or look the same or
39:22
whatever, and so I would kind of shy away from it, but having
39:25
gone through rehab and then having experiences like that,
39:28
where I get to hear other people's experiences of how
39:31
their time out on the road impacted them, I'm like, wow,
39:34
okay, I can see how it's actually really beautiful and
39:37
meaningful and profound, and we're all messed up. We might
39:40
not do things perfectly, but I can definitely tell that they
39:43
tried to do it to the best of their ability, which I can
39:46
respect. Yeah.
39:47
I just love how open and honest you are and just, you know, I
39:53
think there's something I don't know, just in the last 10 years
39:58
or so, it's. It's become, I don't know, there was, like,
40:05
prior to the last 10 years, there was kind of a stigma. If
40:08
you were in therapy, or you had, you know, you were going through
40:12
counseling, or whatever, there was kind of a stigma. And it
40:15
seems like one thing I love about the day we're living in
40:19
now is that it's kind of acceptable. Everybody you know
40:24
is honest enough that, hey, we all have issues, and we all need
40:28
help in our journey. You know, you wouldn't necessarily go to
40:33
the gym and go, you know, you've never been in a gym. You need a
40:36
coach. You need somebody that's going to help you, that's going
40:39
to show you how to use the weights or the machines, or, you
40:44
know, your, your not just your fitness, but maybe even your
40:48
diet, or your, you know, your whatever eating plan you may be
40:51
on. You know, it's good to have a coach. And same way with, you
40:56
know, mental health, it's, it's great to have a coach. Yeah,
40:59
it's
41:00
not weakness. I think there used to be kind of like, what you're
41:02
saying, that you see a stigma around it, that there was a
41:05
weakness, so that you lacked something, or even in the
41:08
Christian faith, sometimes it's, Oh, you must not have enough
41:10
faith, or must be something with you and God or must be. And it's
41:13
like, no, actually not at all. Yeah. Again, like God just uses
41:18
different things with with different people. And it's, it's
41:21
actually a strength to say, Wow, I am lacking in this area. I
41:26
need someone outside of myself to help me get better at it.
41:29
Yeah, yeah, because I could use it like it is a huge strength.
41:33
If you can say you need help. Holy cow, it's
41:36
the whole gospel, isn't it? Yeah, right, no, like we're not
41:38
supposed to be
41:39
and this was so funny to me. Is like, growing up in the church,
41:42
it's like I was so aware that Jesus saves, but for the longest
41:46
time, I was like, Okay, but what does he save from? Because
41:49
nobody wants to talk about that part. Yeah. I know everyone
41:52
keeps saying he saves what from? What's going on?
41:57
Yeah, that's so true.
41:58
So it's big. If you can say like, Hey, I need help. I am
42:04
man, and that took me a long time to say that.
42:08
Yeah, well, I think it's so cool, like I feel like,
42:12
from the outside looking in, knowing that story with your
42:15
grandfather, I'm sure it shapes you now, having your own family,
42:22
and I'm sure even the way that you like value time with your
42:24
son, and the way you prioritize it, and you have a special
42:29
coming up, right, called Mom Brain, hopefully, or Yeah,
42:33
you've got trying
42:34
to make it happen. I would love to hear about, yeah, yeah.
42:37
So obviously, like having a kid has completely changed, even
42:40
just my material, because that kid is gold, oh yeah, for sure,
42:45
just the labor and delivery process, I'm sure, as you know,
42:48
is, like, is its own, like, trauma, yeah, that was just a
42:52
shocking thing for me to navigate. And again, I didn't
42:55
know how much of it was personal versus how much it is universal,
42:57
until I started talking about on stage. And I was like, oh my
43:00
god, everyone's going through this, right? We gotta talk about
43:02
it. So yeah, I came up with this idea because when I started
43:08
talking about all these, like mom stories, it was kind of like
43:13
finding a whole new audience, because it was just like women,
43:16
especially, and honestly, guys, anyone that's gone through the
43:22
newborn phase, or if they've gone through labor and delivery
43:25
with their partner, their wife, their girlfriend, whoever, like,
43:29
it's gnarly, right? And so I even say my husband, we
43:34
experience different things, but he also went through an
43:36
experience, even just watching me, was like, Oh my God, right.
43:39
Like it just, we both know what it's like to go through this
43:44
thing together, and when other people have gone through it
43:47
laughing from a place of I know what that feels like. Is such a
43:51
harder laugh than, Oh, that's clever, right? Do you know what
43:54
I mean? Yeah, you can solidarity laugh, yes, yeah. It's laughing
43:58
from your gut, yeah, because you've been there and you are,
44:02
oh, my God, you're remembering, yeah, you're it's, it's such a
44:07
it's such a wild life. And so when I realized, okay, there's
44:11
this unique experience here with parents and talking about going
44:17
through this whole, like transitioning into parenthood
44:19
thing, it's a different kind of laugh. It's a deep life
44:23
experience laugh. And something about that, to me was very
44:26
thrilling. And then obviously experiencing Mom Brain was like,
44:30
real. I just was like, I thought that was like a joke or like a
44:33
meme. I didn't know this was like a real thing. And the
44:36
amount of people that would say to me, Oh, honey, it never goes
44:39
away, like, no matter how old or sweet, yeah, I thought, well,
44:43
that's interesting. And so I I, I've talked with different, you
44:47
know, even comedian mom friends of mine. And I'm like, who have
44:50
older kids? And, you know, what's your perspective on Mom
44:54
Brain? Oh, yeah. Definitely never goes away. Never goes
44:57
away. So this whole idea that I went to birth into. Assistance
45:01
is, is around this idea of Mom Brain. I want to call it the Mom
45:04
Brain Comedy Tour, where, essentially, no matter what
45:07
stage of motherhood, Mom Brain never really goes away. And so
45:10
you got a mom with a mother of babies, which would be me, a mom
45:13
who's a mother of like, teens or tweens, and then a mom who's
45:17
maybe more like college age adult kids. So they can you
45:20
know, parents, moms, whoever I say moms, but it can relate to
45:24
parents, because you're going through it together. I'm saying
45:26
mom, because I'm a mom, but going through the different
45:30
stages of raising a child, because as soon as you think you
45:34
got it figured out, the stage changes, right? Like we mastered
45:38
the sleep schedule and then teething started happening. Oh
45:41
my gosh, the teeth keep popping through, and he's waking up
45:44
again. Oh my gosh. Well, six months in, you're six months,
45:52
right? It took us six months, yeah, so hopefully it's on the
45:56
horizon, but I'm just saying Fear not. Thank you, because it
45:59
took us. It took us at least, at least if, if not more six months
46:03
to figure something out. But I found it to be super relatable,
46:07
because whether people have young kids or older kids, people
46:10
know either you're listening and you're remembering because you
46:13
were there, you're listening because you're about to be
46:16
there, it's going to be the next stage you're in, or you're
46:18
listening because you're in it right now. Yeah. So I just think
46:21
it really could appeal to a unique audience of of parents,
46:29
because man, laughing at something from life experience
46:32
is just, it's such a fun it's such a fun laugh. It's so
46:35
different from like, Oh, it's a really good joke, yeah. Like,
46:39
you can, you can listen to smart comedy and think, oh, that
46:41
person's hilarious. But then actually, like, laughing from a
46:44
place of like, oh, man, I remember those days, yeah,
46:47
that's a good laugh, yeah. And so that's my hope, that's my
46:50
dream, that we want to birth into existence and kind of take
46:53
it, take it all over, and, yeah, it'd be a fun whether it's a
46:58
mom's night out or a parent's night out. You know, have the
47:01
kids tucked in somewhere, and just get out and laugh and just,
47:06
man, enjoy the night. I think more and more we just need those
47:09
little breaks totally, where we just get to have an evening
47:12
where we can just, like, whoo. I mean, even now, like when we get
47:15
candy to bed, like my husband and I will be like, All right,
47:17
what show we watching? We just need to, like, a Can we just
47:20
like, check out for a little bit and just like, every now and
47:23
then we'll cheers, like, who made it through another day?
47:24
Yes, you know, just like clinker glasses, like, we just got to
47:27
congratulate each other. Sometimes you just got to create
47:30
those moments, because otherwise you get lost in the monotony of
47:34
it, which can get really overwhelming. So yeah, that's my
47:38
hope of what to do with it. I think it could be really just
47:42
super fun for for audiences, if we brought it out there. Yeah,
47:47
well, I'll
47:47
be cheering you on. I'm excited about that. Thank you. Well,
47:50
thank you so much for your time today. JJ, it's really been such
47:54
a pleasure. I obviously know of you from working for Goa, but to
47:59
actually meet you in person and hear your story. It's so
48:01
awesome.
48:02
Thank you. Thanks for having me. Yeah.
48:04
And I quickly just wanted to say, if you want to find JJ on
48:08
social media, that's always a place you can find her, but you
48:11
also have a book kind of funny, kind of ready. So if you want to
48:15
hear more from JJ, a little more about her story, a deep dive,
48:19
funny, yeah, check out her book. Yeah, any other platforms that
48:23
you'd want to shout out before we wrap up,
48:25
you can find me anywhere as JJ Barrows, Instagram, YouTube,
48:30
yeah, my website, JJ barrows.com, I try to keep it
48:32
easy, yeah, so it's nice and simple. You're looking for me.
48:35
You could come. Yeah. Well, thank you so much, and thank you
48:38
guys for tuning in. It's been great to have you with us for
48:40
another episode of the Goa speakers podcast.
48:43
This has been the Goa speakers podcast. Find out more and
48:48
follow along at Goa speakers.com you.