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Dr. Jessy Sekhon - A Surgeon's Fatherhood Journey · Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home

• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Hi, I'm Riley and I'm Ryder and this is my dad show.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Hey, everybody, it's Casey Jaycox with the quarterback dad cast.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: Welcome to season six, and I could not be more excited to have you join me for another year of fantastic episodes and conversations really unscripted and raw and authentic conversations with dads.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: If you're new to this podcast, really it's simple.
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: It's a podcast where we interview dads, we learn about how they were raised, we learn about the life lessons that were important to them, we learn about the values that are important to them and really we learn about how we can work hard to become a better quarterback or leader of our home.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: So let's sit back, relax and listen to today's episode on the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: Well, hey, everybody, it's Casey Jaycox with the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: We are in season six.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: I'm very grateful for today.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful for the chance to speak to our next guest, who I actually met through his wife at a conference, which is actually a really cool story.
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: Our guest, though, he's a doctor we're going to learn all about that an orthopedic, but he's a doctor we're going to learn all about that An orthopedic but he's a really hands-on dad.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: We're going to hear about the why behind that.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: He went to Northwestern, so he's a Wildcat.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: He also went to UCLA, so he's also a Bruin.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: But most importantly, he is a dad.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: And how I met him and heard about his story was through his wife, who shared a story about their daughter and a video which is one of the cutest and genuine and authentic videos I've seen.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: And I somehow convinced, uh, our next guest, um Jesse's say con to to let to get this video out in the world.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: And she was like no, I'm not doing it.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: And then I somehow convinced her and then her LinkedIn blew up and she had all these comments and they said, oh my God, this is the best thing ever.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: It was actually kind of cool to see her try it.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: But long-winded intro, everybody, we're here to talk to Jesse the dad and we're learning about how he's working hard to become the ultimate quarterback or leader of his household.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: So, without further ado, mr Saikhan, welcome to the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: Thank you for having me Pleasure to be here.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you bet.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: Well, we always start out with gratitude, so tell me how.
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: What are you most grateful for as a dad today?
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: Well, two things to be very grateful for.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: One is a dad, and as a doctor, I'm always grateful for just the kids' health.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: You know that's a big part of my life and and just for them to be healthy is the number one.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: And then the second thing I'm very grateful for that may not necessarily pertain to the kids this year, is I just got back from Orleans where my Philadelphia Eagles won the Superbowl.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: Let's go.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: So I was down there and and just got back and that was definitely a bucket list item.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: I went with some buddies that I grew up with but you know, walking around the Superbowl there I was like God willing we go again.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: It'll be a family trip.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: I was lucky enough to.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: I was.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: I went in 2006 when the Seahawks lost and then I went in 2013 with my son and my wife and we saw the Seahawks won their first Superbowl and bucket list.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: Man, I'll never no regrets, oh yeah.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: It's you know, and it's you know we talk about, like you know, our husbands and our wives and how you know we have that kind of mutual teamwork going.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: She, she pushed.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: We talk about, like you know, our husbands and our wives and how you know we have that kind of mutual teamwork going.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: She pushed me.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: She's like, look, you're a diehard Eagles fan and I'm on the computer and you know tickets aren't cheap and hotels aren't cheap.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: And it was a last minute thing and I was just like, ah, this kind of hurts.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: She's like, just do it.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: She's like you don't spend any money on yourself, you don't.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: You know you don't treat yourself.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: You.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: You know you kind of dedicate to the family, like do something for yourself.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: And she pushed me to it and uh, it was a hard pill when I, when I hit submit, but man, what a time and definitely no regrets.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: Uh is unbelievable.
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: Well, congrats to you guys.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: We're everybody we're recording.
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: In February this episode will come out, um, maybe in a month or so, Um, what I'm grateful for is my son's coming home tomorrow from college, and for, for those that have gone through sending a kid to college Jesse, I warn you, my man it's uh, it is brutal, but it's brutal.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: But it's also so cool to see them spread their wings and then they come home for Christmas and you like, oh, he's back, and then they fricking, he's gone again.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: So it's been six weeks, Um and uh.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: So we're so excited to see him tomorrow and it's going to be, if he's home, for my wife's birthday, his girlfriend's birthday, Um, my daughter two big high school playoff games this week, so she's going to, he's going to see those.
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: So it's going to be a pact.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: How many days is he going to be here?
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: He'll be here till Sunday.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: Okay, all right, that's.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: That's going to be a pact in a trip for him.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: This can be awesome.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we can't wait.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: I don't know if he's more excited to see us or his dogs.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: So, well, cool.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: Well, you are also the first guest in the podcast to wear scrubs, so I feel like you should learn something.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: I just got back from work not too long ago, so I want to play the part you take it's like these are our scrubs.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: Oh, are they.
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: I love that one liner.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: I can't remember what movie that's from, but okay, tell me about the, the huddle, tell me about the squad um.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: Share with our listeners.
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: How did you and your bride meet and tell us a little bit about your inner huddle, your kids.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I mean, she knew my wife is definitely CEO, general manager, president.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: All of that wrapped into one.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: We met when I was in my residency.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: In kind of a pseudo embarrassing but funny story, I met her on my God, that was my 26th birthday at a club in Detroit and we had a mutual friend introduce us towards the end of the night, filling my drinks a little bit, and she just came up and she said you know, we know each other through that and I was just literally taken aback and so she had some niceties and she's like all right, well, it was nice meeting.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: I was like well, hold on timeout.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: I was like you have to give me your number.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: Like you can't.
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: She's like well, I don't really give out my numbers to guys, I just met.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: I was like, okay, fine, don't you know?
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: Through the craziness of the club she's like we're going to go to the Starbucks on such and such road and I was like I don't really know where that is.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: I was like just give me your number, otherwise I'm going to get lost.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: So she gave me the number and that was a Friday, and then Saturday I called her and I said look, there's supposed to be some three-day rule that you're not supposed to call after until three days.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: I was like I'm calling, we're going to a movie tomorrow.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: Um, wow and uh and the rest is history.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we just uh that was, you know, dated the residency got married in, uh, towards the end of my residency in detroit.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: Um, spent a year apart when I was in la, but she'd go back and forth.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: And then, uh, they moved to new york wow, so yeah she, she's, she's the rock.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: She, you know, holds us all together, she's super supportive and, uh, just a really good person with a great heart.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: Um, so she, she's running the show.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: And then, uh, I got, uh, my two little ones.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: Well, not so little anymore.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: My son is Sean.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: He's 13,.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: Uh, just super warm kid and and just a smile that just lights up the room.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: He's big into basketball and singularly focused on basketball.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: So we just have really great conversations about sports and things of that nature.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: And you know, you get so caught up in the day to day of, you know, raising your kids and school and this and that.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: That, you know, sometimes you don't realize what the kids impact are until somebody else tells you.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: And so we were with some friends of ours and both the mom and the dad said you know what their son said, said the nicest thing about Sean, he's like when Sean comes into school in the morning, if he's happy, we're all happy and we have a great day, and when he's not in a good mood, then we don't have.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: We're always not in such a good mood.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: Whatever his aura is, it's pervasive, and so just a real special kid.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: And then my daughter, simi, is turning 10 tomorrow and just super, super special, just really into all kinds of stuff.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: She's an artist, she likes to draw and do tons of art, she plays the piano and she has a knack for sports also.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: So softball and basketball are big on her list of sports.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: So she's just kind of, you know, does, does it all and does it with a smile and just you know, just real.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Two special kids that were just so grateful.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you know you have to get that 36,000 foot view of just kind of how special they are, because you kind of get lost up in the grind of the day to day.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: So sometimes you step back and you're like, wow, we're really lucky parents.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, that's, that's the crew, that's the team.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: Well, you have some jealous dads out there that they're like wait a minute.
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: Can you rewind this?
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: Because I hear your wife sent you to the Super Bowl and convinced you like, like wives.
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: If you're like, wait a minute, can you rewind this?
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: Because did I hear your wife sent you to the Super Bowl and convinced you Like wives if you're?
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: listening.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: Take advice from Shino.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: What an angel.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: I mean, I was beyond lucky to have her in so many ways, and you know that's how she is.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: She's like look, how could you not go to the Super Bowl?
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: She's like this is your team?
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: Good question.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: You know and you not go to the Super Bowl.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: She's like this is your team, we're fortunate enough to have the means to do it.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: She's like if you don't click that button, I'm going to.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: She pushed me.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: Was Sean jealous?
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: He was when the Eagles won the NFC Championship.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: I get a text.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: He's like Dad, we should do a father-son trip to the Super Bowl.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: I was like we're going to New Orleans.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: Like Dad, we should do a father-son trip to the Super Bowl.
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: I was like oh, Get a few sales.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: I was like, we're going to New Orleans and you know we always do a way trip with some of my buddies.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: We've been Eagles fans since we were little kids.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: I was like this year, let me do it with these guys because this has been in the making.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: I was like, but sure you know we'll do it again.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: The other thing too, by the way, is and I told him this because you know I struggle with, you know being able to do a lot of things, the kids being able to do a lot of things, because we have the means and you know not giving it to them all so quick.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: You know, like you know you're 13.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: If and I'd said this specifically you, you, you peak at the Super Bowl what else is there?
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: I know the feeling dude.
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: So when Ryder, our son, was seven, his first NFL game, jesse, was the Super Bowl.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: Oh my goodness at seven.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: And he's the biggest diehard.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: So we wrapped this up as Christmas, his birthday, easter and we wrote a letter to him and he opened it up and we saw the video and he saves it.
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: He goes.
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: He was like here's the opportunity, but it'll be gone before you know it If any of these things happen.
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: And we literally made him sign like an agreement with this type thing and I love that he sprinted off the couch, gave me a hug.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: I still can feel it as I mean he's that was 11 years ago and, um, we had, I really worried about that, cause I was like this is we were too very grateful to be had the means to be able to go do it and but I was like I don't want any regrets, guys at diehard Hawks and and so for us it, it made sense of time and worked out.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: And he's he, he jokes that the one, we the next year.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: We didn't go, obviously because I didn't like that's not normal to go back to back.
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: And so when he, when he was like now, he was like what eight?
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: And he bawled his eyes out when they lost.
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: He's like dad, I'm so glad if I was your now at 18, I would probably would not have been safe to society knowing that what happened, and so he laughed exactly, exactly it's like memories.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: I mean your buddies, you'll you know and, and you know, to be fair, and I, and again it's what I struggle with a lot, because you know, growing up I didn't really have much, and these kids have a lot, um, and I want them to have experiences and all these things, but then if they get too much or too, it comes too easy and there's no appreciation for it, um.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: And so the other thing too is you know he's more of a basketball guy and so you know he for his birthday.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: He.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: He's a Clippers fan.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: I don't know how that happened, but, um, he's like I always wanted to to see the Clippers play in LA and his birthday's in August.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: We don't really get to do much because there's nobody around and so he didn't really have a birthday party.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: He's like Dad, you know, if we can make this happen, just father-son trip to a basketball game.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: And so you know we did that and I told him this time I said you know we will do this, and I was like you know, I know you like the Eagles, but you're not diehard, so let's earn it, you know.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: Let's let's, you know, do one thing at a time.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: But yeah, it's a challenge, you know I want them to enjoy it, I want them to do that, but I don't.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: The problem is giving it to them all at once.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: You know kind of want to work up to it, just to make the experiences that much more special.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: And then you keep them grounded and humbled, and that's a perfect segue Cause.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: So everybody, I usually don't get the chance to talk to my guests twice Usually it's it's first time, but we connected in December Cause he was like wait a minute, what am, what am I signing myself up for here?
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: And so Jesse was grateful to to just get to know me a little bit and I and I learned a little bit about him.
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: So I'm going to ask you questions.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: I learned before, so I know when we talked in December, we talked about like, making sure we keep our kids humble, grounded, keep that resilience, great skill sets in life you talked about you know where, you know where, your family, some of the how you got to America and some of these stories which I was like blown away by.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: So I'd love to take us back to what was life like growing up for you and a little bit about the life lessons your parents taught you.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's interesting.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: I mean, I guess those life lessons were, you know, started even before I was born.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: I mean, my dad grew up in a small village in India.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: There's no electricity, but his brother realized that the only way to get out of the village was education.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: You know, they just singularly focused on my dad and you know he studied and he would be out in the fields, like in the cornfields, and they didn't have electricity.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: But he thought, if he, you know, tied up some onions on a string, that that could be a light bulb for him, and he would just like make this clearing in the fields and he would just study.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: And so you know he had that work ethic and you know his family was exceedingly poor.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: There was nothing and like in the villages in those days in the 50s.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: People would take your land, and there was just.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: There was so much strife going on in those times that they knew that the education was the only way out, and so him and my mom had an arranged marriage in the 70s, and my mom's family happened to be she's Indian also, but had been in Canada for some time, and so they moved to Toronto where I was born in 76.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: And then moved to right outside Philly for work and you know the immigrant experience, as you may have heard, is different.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: You know he was not like and he's when you came from nothing and now you're in the States, you know and you're just trying to earn money, full stop.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: And he was an engineer and he just worked, you know, and he was afraid that if he didn't and we didn't have money then, then you know what would he have?
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: And it wasn't even like money hungry, it was like money saving, like super frugal guy.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: And you know, he's an engineer, he's in a new country, he doesn't necessarily know the cultures and the sport, you know none of that stuff, and so but one thing that he always told us is like you know, we need to save money for your college.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: If there's anything that you need related to books or anything like that, he's like I will spend it.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: And so this was like I don't know 86.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: And he bought the entire Encyclopedia Britannica collection, which was like $3,000 in those days, and I was like I don't, we have encyclopedias at school, you don't need to buy.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: He's like no, he's like this, I will spend this.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: We surround myself with all these books and stuff.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: So my upbringing was pretty middle class and it was just watching him work, and so from that I got the concepts of work ethic.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: He was a perfectionist, so he had to do everything exactly, perfectly.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: But on the flip side, we weren't going to games, we weren't watching sports together and so I kind of did a lot of that alone.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: But I'm really fortunate because my dad was this quiet, or is a quiet engineering type immigrant.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: My mom super gregarious, super outgoing, tons of friends, you know, dancing at parties and stuff like that, and so I got the best of both.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: You know I got my dad's kind of work ethic and you know his intellect but my mom's social nature, and so I remember growing up and be like man.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: How lucky am I.
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: You know that that I got the best of both.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: And then you know how that plays into being a dad is.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: You know you pick and choose.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: You know like I want the kids to see.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: You know the work ethic and things like that.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: But I also know what I didn't get, you know.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: So you know, on Mondays, when the kids were talking about watching sports with their, with their dad, and you know doing this kind of American stuff, you know I didn't have that.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: And you know like I'll play basketball with my son, I'll play basketball in the dad's leagues.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: So you know, once the sport is over, the dads get together.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: They play the kids, dads versus kids.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: And I tell my son I was like, look, I didn't get this.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: You know, like my dad wasn't playing sports with me and so I just I try to pepper in and I try not to overdo it.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like that's one of the challenges that I'm still trying to figure out.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: Like I feel like sometimes I'm teaching and I'm preaching and I'm trying to tell him okay, this thing, that thing worked out that sometimes I got to pull myself back and be like all right, let's just enjoy the moment, let's just have fun.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: Not everything has to be a lesson.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: Not everything has to be like oh, this is how it was, you know in my day or your grandfather's day.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: So that's one of the challenges that I'm still trying to figure out.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: Is you?
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: know how not to overdo it Not everything has to be a lesson.
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: So I want to make sure that everyone grasps, like what you just said.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: So most people who have listened to the show I don't all summarize or generalize or I'm going to judge everybody in a healthy judge did not have a dad that grew up in a village without electricity.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: You know, like that is that when you told me that before, like you're taking me back to when we talked in December, like blew my mind.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: So like, like, how does one even get access to the education in a village to be able to like that's what blows my mind.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it's.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: It's really, it's stepwise and and you know a lot of this stuff I didn't know till I was in my twenties.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: And you know, we used to go to India every couple of years and you see family, but there was no life lessons.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: Again, you know, you don't that mentality is okay, you just work and you don't talk about it.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: Okay, like, yes, I work, I'm going to provide for you.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: But you know there was no like father-son moments of you know, this is how it was until probably my twenties.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: We were in the village and my dad showed me his school, his little one room school, and he's like I would walk from here to there barefoot and it was all just incremental.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: So you, you know, you do a couple of grades there and then, you know, a lot of credit goes to my uncle his older brother, who's kind of the patriarch, and he was like, look, we need to get you out of this school because it's not getting you where you need to be.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: And they, you know, go to another school a little bit further down and you know, just, you're walking barefoot to that school and you do that for a couple of years and then I know he had the talent and then it just from there, okay, well, there's a city nearby and so now you're going to go to this college in the city.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: It's like, okay, now you're doing that, Now we're going to send you to another city to do more and more and more.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: And I didn't know the story until my mid-20s and he just kind of like said, I don't know why, all of a sudden he was open to talking about it.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: But then you know, the floodgates are open.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: This is how it was and this is, you know, kind of the trials and tribulations and you know this relative and that relative, but it led to a very, very frugal life because you didn't know, you know when you the next piece of money was coming in, I mean my grandmother, his mom, I mean she would keep the bills so crispy, clean, like she would.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: She would give us, like when we go there, and she'd give us like a little money and she would take it out and the money itself she'd probably had for 15, 20 years and it was so clean and crisp because it was like wait, this thing is, there's so much value here, and then she would give it and it was like you know this, this big thing, and so you know that that immigrant experience carries over here.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: And so you know we didn't do a ton of vacations.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: You know we would do a road trip here, there and um, and so you know all my friends are, you know they're going on ski trips and they're going to disney world, this and that, and you know we just kind of you know, me and my brother were just kind of at home in the summer times and working out and getting ready for sports and things of that nature.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: And then, uh, we went to disneyland, disney World after I graduated high school and I'll never forget my dad goes.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: He's like this is my one regret.
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: He's like I wish I had done this with you when you guys were kids.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: He's like I didn't know any better and I just wanted to save and so that stuck with me.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: I was like, okay, I did want to do that when I was a kid, but we couldn't.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to make sure that my kids get to have these experiences.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, are mom and dad still with us?
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: They are Yep, yep, they're still with us Very cool and still, you know, pretty sharp, you know age.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: Well, it definitely takes a toll physically but yeah, they're still with us and you know my mom's up here and visiting time to time, loves to hang out with the kids, visiting time and time, loves to hang out with the kids and it's fun to watch them do a lot of those things that they didn't necessarily get to do.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: Like I mean, I've never heard my dad say I love you so much, I love you so much to the grandkids.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: Because, those weren't words that come out of, you know, an engineer's mouth, from India, you know, in those days.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: So they get to kind of revisit some of those things that they may not have had when we were growing up.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: So that's, that's really special.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: I love.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: I love seeing that.
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: What type of engineer was he?
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: He did elect, he did a few.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: He's a mechanical engineer and then he did some nuclear engineering as well.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: So yeah, he's definitely an intellectual guy.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: But you know, outside of asking you know where's this sport being played and what's going on, there was not.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: You know, our conversations were academics and finances, even up until now.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: Ok, you know how the finances, you know, do you do this, do you have this retirement plan, this thing and that thing?
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: And growing up it was academics, whereas with my mom then I could talk to her about oh, you know, these friends are doing this and that and um, it's funny.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: I, my freshman year at Northwestern, uh, I joined a fraternity and they had no idea what it was and they were scared out of their mind.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: They're like you're gonna join a cult.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: She's like we're sending you to Northwestern and you're joining a cult.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: I was like, mom, it's not a cult, we're sending you to Northwestern and you're joining a cult.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: I was like mom it's not a cult Like you know.
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: it's just this thing and they're like freaking out.
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: And I told them I was like I'm going to do it, like I want to do it, and they were just so, so nervous.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: Oh man, it ended up okay, but they didn't know what that even was was.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: So he's always kind of like little little things that that popped up, you know, throughout the years.
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: I would think it would have been hard for your dad.
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: I don't know if you've ever asked him this but, like you know, coming from where he came from, hard work, just you know, brought create this amazing opportunity.
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: And now and now he's got to feel so proud seeing what you and Shino have done.
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: But if he didn't play sports?
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: Cause I've?
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: I've talked to some people who, like their dads, were hardcore academic growing up.
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: They're like no, you're not playing sports, bro, like, but the cool thing, he let you do it and it was a passion of yours, it's true for better or for worse?
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: I just I don't think, because I was the kind of kid that, just you know, if I knew that I want to do it, I would sign myself up.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: I would, you know, just just give me to practice.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: That's all I need to do is give me to practice.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: You know I'll.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: I found a gym and I'm like all right, I can walk to the gym and I'm going to train on my own, like there was no, you know, extras and they're just like all right, I guess he's going to do it.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: But you know they, they came to one game, you know cause kind of you'd accept those things.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: And you know you don't know any difference.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: You're just like all right, I guess I'm going to play sports and I'll tell them about it later, you know.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: Wow, so when tell me when you thought you would get into medicine?
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: Like when did that passion happen?
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: That probably started.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: It started coming up in like eighth grade, it's crazy to say, but like eighth grade, ninth grade, I really.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: I mean I always liked sports and I was just really getting into science.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: And then 10th grade, we did some, you know, pig dissections and cat dissections.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: I'm like I love this.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: And even in high school I was like, look, I love sports and I love biology.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: I'm like how can I combine these two?
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: And I was like, all right, maybe I'll go into sports medicine.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: And I wrote my high school, you know, college essay on being a sports medicine doctor.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: And I knew which is, also, looking back, kind of crazy to think about but I knew I couldn't do anything else and so I applied to these you know medical programs or get into college and med school simultaneously.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: I didn't even entertain any other possibilities and so my whole thing has just been go, you know, like, from high school to college, to med school, to residency, it's you put your head down and you're like this, you know, like just grinding um, because that's kind of was my nature and that's how I did it.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: For my training was five, six years, college and med school was seven.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: So for 13 years I just put my nose down and just just went at it.
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: Wow, it's pretty cool.
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: Man Now was out of curiosity was she news family?
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: Where they, where they had they'd been in America for a while, where they, they, they were immigrants also.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, she knew she was families.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: They have not too different of a story than actually my dad.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: You know her dad also from a village, also no electricity, and ironically I mean there are two neighboring states of India, but their villages have the same name, which we found out what are the chances?
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: And he's the same name which we found out, asking what are the chances.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: And he's the same thing.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: He was an engineer and he was a professor and then came to Windsor, worked there for a while and moved over to Detroit and he's an entrepreneur and academic and same sort of thing.
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: You know, you just you have that immigrant experience and it's great for work ethic and you know pushing you.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: But you know there's other things that you kind of miss along the way from in terms of parental supports, and that's how we're trying to, you know, combine it for our kids.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: You know we want to be there for all those things that we didn't get but don't want to lose.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: You know the work ethic either, and that's a very precarious balancing point, at least for me personally.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: Like you know, I know how I was and I see some of that in my kids, but it's different and by no means do I expect them to be me at all.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: They're their people and but then sometimes I get this like anxiety, that like wait when they're doing their homework.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: It's like I remember doing this and they're not getting it, like I think they should be getting it, and so then I start getting anxious and then I have to back off because they can feel my anxiety, cause you know, and so I have to, I'm really working, I guess my, my project is, and I do accept them, of course, or my kids, and I love them, but just accepting that they're going to progress through school and stuff at their own pace, and I need to kind of tap the brakes a little bit, cause sometimes I get a little anxious, cause that was my thing, you know.
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: So we've done a lot of episodes.
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: I've interviewed almost 300 dads, jesse, and like, sometimes like with all, like youth sports, the perfect example where sometimes parents, on accident, they put their own goals on their own kids or maybe it's, maybe it's academics too, and you forget.
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: It's like we know these things because we've, we're got them.
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: You know we're 48 years old, they're 13, 14, 15, whatever the age is, so like they don't know the same mistakes and I think the hardest part is like that I think some of these generations, like maybe, maybe generation below us and then even younger is they don't want to see their kids fail, which is where all the growth is like I don't know how, what made you you?
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: But like for me, I think I have multiple years, multiple examples of massive adversity, massive failure, um, but I don't remember my parents, like going to talk to the coach or doing this or doing that.
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: They were like it is what it is and so, like you develop, that's where you develop hard work and grit and toughness and, um, I think sometimes when you you have to go through it, then you get to protect mode Cause you don't want to see your kids go through it, but then you got to remember, but that's how I got to where I am.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it's, and God that that the titration point for that is so fine in terms of going one way or the other.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: And you're right, you know and to be honest, it's not even whatever they decide to do, I'm a hundred percent on board supportive.
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: I just remember the confidence that I would get from you know, knowing this fact or you know, being able to play this, and I want them to have that same confidence.
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: And so then I get kind of worried, like, okay, if you're not doing this, then you're not going to have the confidence that I remember having.
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: And then I just have to let them fail.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: And I'm all about adversity in terms of how it builds character.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: I tell Shino all the time I'm like, look, let's just just let him figure it out, we don't have to be there on top of things.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: But you know, it's definitely this push pull that that's never consistent.
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: I guess that's, you know, the life of a parent well, I think it all makes sense now why you're an eagles fan.
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: I mean there's no way.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: I mean you got to be from a village with no electricity to become an eagles.
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: They want tough people.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: They don't want these soft seahawk fans yeah, exactly, we grind it out in philly oh man, um, okay, so I want to.
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: Before we go into um, before we go into this, one of the stories that was kind of interesting is you know, she knew is.
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: So I met, for everybody I met.
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: I met jesse's wife.
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: She knew at a um, an event in called out to tech serve and I was and they had me speak to like a smaller group and then we met and I was like, and her, she was one of the many people there.
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: That was really really great.
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: People Fast for the story.
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: I see her at a women's luncheon because one of my very first clients shout out to Leslie Vickery she runs this women's luncheon and it's very well attended.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: But they've also there's like four or five guys every year and it's like male allies and I'm like I'm all about that.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: I want I have a daughter and I want her to have opportunities.
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: So I was there supporting my fellow ladies and uh, she knew serendipitously, got put at my table and uh, somehow, uh, she ends up sharing the story about the video you capture and in my mind immediately goes to like curiosity and vulnerability.
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, I know exactly what we're doing this thing.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: And the look on her face when I said I know exactly what you're going to do.
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: And she's like, oh hell, no, that's not going to happen.
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, yes, it is.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, I know we don't really know each other, but like this is what connects people.
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: So maybe just for the audience to share with us about video and how you capture it, because it's pretty touching.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean we a buddy of mine who has a daughter similar age, you know, he's definitely one that likes to plan trips and the four of us took an RV and we went around Lake Michigan and there's probably July and it was gorgeous out and you know long Michigan nights and we just kind of uh sat down for some ice cream and uh, I think he he might've been taping and it was his idea to talk about, um, you know who our role models were, and it was very, although he was taping it, that the Genesis of it was very natural.
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: It wasn't like, okay, now we're going to do this.
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: It was just, it was a conversation and he saw what was coming.
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: So he just kind of hit record and yeah, she's just talking about, you know, what an amazing woman her mom is and what a role model it is and it's just, yeah, it's just so touching and you know we'll look back at it and and she's there's no qualms like yeah, mom, you're my role model.
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah um, well it's cool, it didn't take her long.
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: So then I I think I challenged her like that was maybe on like a tuesday, and then I spoke on wednesday and I think she attended my session and she came up afterward and she goes, it's posted.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: I was like what, let's go yeah, sometimes she doesn't want to post a lot of those things.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: I gave her a lot of credit too, and then people came up to us after.
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: I was like, like, was that like some scripted thing?
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: And I was like no, let me just throw it up there yeah, I mean it was.
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: It was so genuine and that's the thing it was so cool.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: It's like and what a gift to be able to capture that.
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: And that'll be cool to see when sydney's later to be able to capture that, and that'll be cool to see when Sydney's later to be able to show her like hey, do you remember saying this?
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, absolutely.
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: And you know God, just this age is just such a great age, and I'm sure they're all great ages, but you know, you only know what you know, and they're so pure and they just say what's on their mind and there's you know, god is there anybody that's more present than a kid, that's there in the moment and it's just yeah.
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you just look at it like wow, I mean to be in that moment and to feel that, and it comes across like that is such a special thing on both sides.
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: Well, it only gets more.
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: My, you know you hope that in the minor leagues before they go off to the majors.
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: You know, like sports analogy, like these off college now, like our hard work and it's not done, done, but like a lot of our hard work's done, done but like a lot of our hard work's done and you hope we're just like, but it's been the most gratifying, um, amazing experience to see like the, the kid you create.
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: And then when they go away and I've talked to many dads about this who have kids in college and they're like oh, my god, that first year just blown away about the stuff we're talking about and questions they'll ask and like, of all things, my son, this one that really blew me away Cause he's like a big sports guy, he's, he's actually like school a lot more.
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: Now he's in college, but he just typical, like me, his dad didn't really apply himself in high school.
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: It did, you got, you did enough to get by with a three, four, three, five.
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: And he, um, he sends me a text one day.
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: He's like hey, dad, he's a picture of my book I wrote, wrote.
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: He's like, hey, I'm reading your book.
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: I'm like do you even know how to read and he's like ah, funny.
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: And I'm like it wasn't my idea.
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: But like seeing those moments and then hear him say like you know, dad, like I'm starting to see like some of these things you talk about, like just being a good listener or setting expectations and how like just getting ahead of things can make life pretty easy on yourself.
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: I'm like, bro, you're 18, this is like.
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: I'm like yes, like yes we're winning Exactly.
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: We're throwing a party Full circle, moment right there.
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: To hear your son say dad, I'm reading your book, it's like what.
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: I was like I asked my wife did you pay?
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: Him to say that Like there's no way.
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: But yeah, we're proud dad.
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: Hello everybody, my name's Craig Coe and I'm the Senior Vice President of Relationship Management for Beeline.
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: For more than 20 years, we've been helping Fortune 1000 companies drive a competitive advantage with their external workforce.
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: In fact, Beeline's history of first-to-market innovations has become today's industry standards.
• 35:40
  Speaker 3: I get asked all the time what did Casey do for your organization?
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: And I say this.
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: It's simple.
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: The guy flat out gets it.
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: Relationships matter.
• 35:49
  Speaker 3: His down to earth presentation, his real world experience applied to every area of our business.
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: In fact, his book Win the Relationship and Not the Deal has become required reading for all new members of the global relationship management team.
• 36:04
  Speaker 3: If you'd like to know more about me or about Beeline, please reach out to me on LinkedIn.
• 36:10
  Speaker 3: And if you don't know Casey Jaycox, go to CaseyJaycoxcom and learn more about how he can help your organization.
• 36:17
  Speaker 3: Now let's get back to today's episode.
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: So one other thing.
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: I was really intrigued by your story.
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: So, orthopedic, you're kicking ass as a doctor in New York, new Jersey area.
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: She knews doing her thing.
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: You got two working parents.
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: You're commuting and I remember you finally said, hey, something's got to change here.
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, you know, we my practice in the city and um know, after a certain amount of time my wife was like, look, we just we need to go to the suburbs, like I've had enough.
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, I mean wasn't crazy about I did.
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: I like where I was working, we're living, etc.
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: And um, we moved kind of in covid and there wasn't, nobody was out out on the road, so it only added to my commute maybe 20 minutes, so it was no big deal.
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: But then, slowly but surely, people started going back to work and the commute just started creeping up, creeping up.
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: Pretty soon it was an hour and 40 in two hours coming home.
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: It was brutal.
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: And then my wife was like look, we don't see you, and when you do come home you're crabby because you just had a two-hour commute.
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: It's like something's got to give.
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: And so she was saying it and I looked at jobs locally where the commute wasn't as bad.
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: But in medicine you set up your practice and it takes time for other doctors to know you, the families to know you, your patients to know you, and I had developed that it takes time for other doctors to know you, the families to know you, your patients to know you, and I had developed that I didn't want to start over in a new town where nobody knew me.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: I had to do all that again and so the turning point was Friday's, my surgery day, and I was supposed to drop off my son at baseball practice and he had never played baseball before.
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: He'd done some basketball.
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: But this was his first kind of foray into kind of formal sports, fourth grade and you know I warm up with him on the weekends and the set.
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: And he's like, dad, this is, you know, x and Y practice, it's really important.
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: And he's like, can you just meet me at practice and warm me up before we start?
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: I was like sure, but surgery runs late or for whatever reason.
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: And I was like sure, but surgery runs late or for whatever reason and I realized I was going to miss it.
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: So I told Sheena I was like you have to take him.
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: I was like just bring a glove, just go around with him.
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: And she's like okay, so she takes him there and he goes.
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: He's like you know, is dad going to help me warm up?
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: And she's like no, he got held up in surgery.
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: And she's like but I'll help you warm up.
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: And so she gets out of the car and he just stops her.
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: He's like sorry, mom, it's just not the same.
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: And he turned around and he walked to practice and Sheena goes into the car, she's bawling and she's calling me.
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: She's like do something different.
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: And so I was just in a very fortuitous position where I told my practice.
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: I said, look, you know, I love working here, I love the patients.
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: I just this commute is killing me, but I still want to be here to do this.
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: Let's come up with an arrangement.
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: And it just got things just kind of worked out and it just became more efficient with the practice.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: And so I still go down there, I just I'm not, I'm not going down every day, and you know take some pay cuts with that and but I mean, you know, knock on wood, I wouldn't have been able to do without.
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: She knew, not only pushing me, like she always does, but you know, she's also very successful business woman, all this stuff.
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: And she's like look, this is the time that we need to be with the kids.
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: And it kind of brought me back to when I was growing up, because, you know, my mom was working, my dad's working, and it was just, you know, in the house.
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: And so I was like this is it?
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: I don't know how much longer the kids want to hang out with me, because pretty soon they'll be hanging out with their friends.
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: And I was like I need to be here now.
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: And it's wonderful, you know, pick them up, drop them off to school.
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: On certain days I pick them up, I'm catching games in the evenings.
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: It's been really, really fantastic and for as long as I can do it, I will.
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: But yeah, there was just kind of.
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: You know, I have been this grind mentality for so long and then you just kind of realize, like wait a second, like that's what my dad was doing and now I'm doing it and you know the kids are and she and I are suffering.
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: You know, and you know for me, when I work I'm not on a computer, I'm not on a phone.
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: You know I'm talking to patients and so I wasn't doing anything for the house, you know.
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: I'm not setting up camps or playdates, or you know, I was just working and so you know she was running a company and being the sole parent, and you know grows I was just working, and so you know she was running company and being the the sole parent and you know just it reached a breaking point and and now I love doing all that stuff, I love setting up their camps, and you know researching, you know what their activities are going to be, um, and and just being there it's, it's been been the best you know and, and I thought you know, my son's 13 and, yeah, he's hanging out with his friends, but he's still, even today.
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: He's like dad, spring football is going to be starting up.
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: He's like you know, once the snow's off the ground, we need to throw around a little bit.
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: So I'm like, oh, like you know but what I love about the story, jesse, is a couple of things.
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: One, I think sometimes the male ego gets in the way and we have this like false sense of what we have to do or what society says we have to do.
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: And I've interviewed I mean, you're not a stay at home dad, but I've interviewed stay at home dads who don't, who they said, listen, my wife's a beast, she's going to go to work.
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: You got way more skills than I do.
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: But I think you, being like the perception of a doctor or in medicine, you'd be like sorry, I'm doing this, but you guys, both jobs are important and you, you got, you went into solution mode versus like blame or oh, this sucks, it's like no, let's figure it out.
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: And I think it's amazing when you kind of go to your employer and kind of can try to figure things out a little bit, it's amazing they maybe they're going to do something for you.
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: And I don't know if I shared the story with you, but when you said that story it took me back to when my son was like two and a half, two maybe, and I was at the height of my career in the staffing industry and things were great and everybody loved it.
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: But I was miserable because I was getting home at seven and I didn't get to see my kids before they went to bed.
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: And I remember going to my boss shout out to Angela Veronica and I said and this sucks, like I know you guys love this, the team loves it, but I'm like miserable.
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: And she's like then leave it, leave it, for I'm like it's not a bank, I can't leave it for, like why can't you?
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: I'm like, uh, I don't know.
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: And she's like do you trust us?
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: I go, yeah, I go, we got your back.
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: Just be available on the drive home and just make sure that you know emails are cleaned up at night, documentation.
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: But go get.
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: And it's like what a gift a leader did for me that now I like try to share those stories.
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: I'm like in my world of like executive and sales teams coaching, like you can do it.
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: If I did it of all people, why can't you?
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: And and I hope maybe there's a doctor listening that says what you could do that like why not?
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: yeah, not.
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, listen it's, it's the Holy grail, for sure, um, but everybody's.
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: And the other thing, too, is I might not have been able to do that.
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: Timing was everything you know early on in my career Cause if, if you're not accessible and available as a young physician, you're not going to get your your practice off the ground.
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: And I you know I was with other doctors but you know you need the experience of seeing the patients and doing the operations and I wouldn't have wanted to do that early on.
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: But after however many years of doing it, the timing just was right and I'm fortuitous.
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: And I'm sure there's some younger doctors like, wow, I wish I could do that now, and I'm not sure I'd necessarily agree with that because there is timing.
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: And then also, look, it's $150,000 when I went to med school.
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: So you're paying off loans and you're doing all that kind of stuff, and it's probably even more now.
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, I think that just the timing worked out perfectly, especially, know, especially with the kids ages.
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: I mean, you know, if they were older I might've already missed the boat.
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: So it just, yeah, just, and and you talk about grateful, I mean I'll just be, I don't mind the two hour commute anymore and I'll be driving and I'm like man, I just have it really, really good and just you know, just get these moments of like, wow, I got it.
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: You know like it's.
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: It's definitely, it's good.
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: So gratitude comes in gratitude comes in all the time in different ways.
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a lot of the.
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: I've one thing that I've adopted and I've shared this with many people, like in 20, when we went through COVID was a gratitude practice.
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: So every morning I can, it's right here.
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: I mean, people are listening on the radio, can't see it, but like it's every morning and it's like I write and it's like I can't wait to do it and I find myself subconsciously smiling when I'm writing it and usually it's like God, thanks for waking me up today.
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: And man, I'm grateful for I'm grateful I just woke up and just like it's amazing when you start with the right mindset as a dad, like it just changes for me versus oh, I gotta do this, got that.
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: You're just like stressed out of the gate, versus for me, I'm really glad people taught me that on the power of gratitude.
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: But and then there's some people I found that like either you kind of like ah, I don't, that's whatever, you know, it's corny, or whatever, like all right, that's your opinion I'm.
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: I'm proof that it works and it changes.
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: The mindset changes.
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: I don't know if it's chemically in your brain, um, but like it's amazing, when you have gratitude, you the negative, difficult times in your life don't seem as bad because you're you're looking for something to be positive for.
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: Are there repeats in that Like?
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: Will you have like a couple of days in a row where it's just the same?
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: Oh, few things oh yeah, and sometimes it's like I I thought about that war, but I'm like but am I still grateful for an awesome wife?
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: Am I still grateful for great kids?
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: Am I still grateful that I get to do the work I'm doing now?
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I'm gonna keep telling myself that so that it reminds me when maybe I don't have a great day or something.
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: I get a curve ball thrown at me.
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: I'm like, but I love what I'm doing and I mean, as corny as this is, jesse, this is.
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: I feel like it's a calling.
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: I'm not like a super religious person, but like I definitely very, but I'm very spiritual, I don't, but I like I just feel like this was what I'm meant to do right now and I just have there's like so many serendipitous signs or people I've met.
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: I'm like there's no way, like it's just trippy stuff, but um, you know, sometimes there's something to be said for for the action of writing it.
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: You know when you can think it, uh, and you can go through the five things that you're grateful for, but some about just writing it down solidifies it in a way chemically in your brain.
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: Uh, that's different than if you're just thinking about it.
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: So I mean definitely something there.
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: I 1000% agree with you.
• 46:47
  Speaker 2: Um, okay, if you were to.
• 46:50
  Speaker 2: Actually, you kind of mentioned it earlier, but I'll ask it again.
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: So, like, one of the questions I like asking dads is if there's an area of your dad game that maybe you kind of talked about me get anxious or something like for me I have to work on patience as a competitive person Like, but is there an area of your dad game that sometime that might relate to dad's a home, that, like you know it's not always your best, but at least you can admit it and we can get dads to be humble and honest and say like, hey, this is an area of my game I'm going to work on to get better.
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean, I've been working, uh, last couple of years, definitely have patience and also, you know that acceptance, part of it.
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: You know, and, and, realizing that they're not going to approach things the way that I would necessarily approach it, and, and um, I'll I'll be honest sometimes raise my voice, yell at them.
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: Why can't you just do it this way?
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: You know, and and and, and, of course, she knew, has always been the voice of race Like that's, you're not, it's not helping, and and I and I know it's not helping, but I just get this like feeling inside that, just like guys, come on and homework or this or that, and so I'm really like A trying to back off on that, and B I realized that in the past and I feel guilty for it that I was maybe too harsh on my son and yelling and screaming at him and go back and apologize and be like you know what Bingo.
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: I shouldn't have done that and you're right.
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: And it doesn't help.
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: And I just want, like you know what Bingo, I shouldn't have done that and you're right and it doesn't help.
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: And I just want to let you know that I'm sorry and I've done that and I've I've done on multiple occasions.
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: I do it more now than before and I think he really appreciates it, you know, and he's definitely a share Like.
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: He likes to talk and share a lot of things, and so it makes me that way.
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: Now, I share with them.
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: And I'll say I remember that time I did that, I got really upset and I'm like I'm sorry.
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: And so that's.
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: That's kind of like I'm working on it.
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: It's not always easy.
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: It's a work in project, sorry, work in progress, but yeah, trying to stay calm, you know just it's fun.
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: I don't know where I read this, but just how the kids mirror your emotions and they know, like even if I don't say anything to my son, he's like but you're mad, I can tell that you're mad.
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not mad, you know.
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: And he's just like dad.
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: I know you're mad, so just you know, taking that beat, but I'm working on, I'm working on.
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: Still not not there, but uh trying to get better at that for sure there's not a manual for to be the perfect dad, I think, but the fact that we had you admit it, I that it speaks dude.
• 49:21
  Speaker 2: I.
• 49:21
  Speaker 2: I used to struggle, I still do the times, but I think the gold what you did is you apologized and I think when we actually did an interview early in, like episode like nine or ten, my buddy, darren ballmore, shout out to d and he talked about the power of saying sorry, because I think not only does it, it's good for you as the dad, or us as the dad, but it also teaches the kids it's okay to say you're sorry yeah you know.
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: So it's almost like you're.
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: You're actually providing outside.
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: I think you're perfect, lead by example mentality.
• 49:46
  Speaker 2: Um, because who doesn't mean?
• 49:49
  Speaker 2: Sometimes saying you're sorry is the best way for make a problem go away.
• 49:51
  Speaker 2: And it like you kind of like forgive yourself.
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: It's like we don't wake up meaning to be an asshole to somebody or ruining someone's day.
• 49:58
  Speaker 2: It's like now it's almost embarrassing.
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: But when we don't apologize now, it's like just makes us even a worse version of ourselves, cause all that anxiety stuck inside of us has nowhere to go.
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's funny.
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: I tell my wife, like you know, give yourself some grace in whatever the thing is and try to.
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: And I definitely try to give it to the kids, but I'm trying to give it to myself a little bit more, like, okay, just you know, let yourself make some mistakes and let yourself, you know, learn from from the way it was back.
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: I mean there was times like God did.
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: Uh, you know, learn from from the way it was back.
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: I mean there was times like God did I just screw up my son by yelling at him so much?
• 50:33
  Speaker 3: and all this kind of stuff, and you know what am I?
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: doing to him and um.
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I definitely try to give myself some grace in terms of you know going day by day week by week.
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: Um, okay, before we get into the some fun stuff, um, if you were to summarize what we've talked about today that the dads can maybe take from what we've we've talked about a lot We've talked about, you know, I mean a lot of really really cool things in your story is fantastic.
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: But if, if dads can take from your story things we've both shared, maybe call it two or three actionable things they can take away from what we talked about they can apply in life to maybe kind of improve their leadership skills inside their home, tell me what comes to mind.
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: Definitely acceptance, you know, except that you know these little guys are going to do what's right for them and they're going to figure it out.
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: And you know, I guess, just trust the process, as they say.
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: So, definitely that, and just God just being present with them.
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: You know just, even if it's for a couple of minutes, it's with them.
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: You know just, even if it's for, you know, a couple minutes, it's the best.
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: You know, I'll read with my daughter at night and I'll read the paper and she'll read her book and she'll look it over.
• 51:39
  Speaker 3: What article are you reading?
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: It's like even for 10 minutes.
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: You know we're just talking about the news or whatever it is.
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: It's magic, and so just, you know, trying to be present, and yeah, just, and so just you know, trying to trying to be present and yeah, just the acceptance part that's.
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: That's where I'm really trying to to get better at that's a good one, solid man, well, um.
• 51:57
  Speaker 2: So now it's time.
• 51:57
  Speaker 2: Oh, actually take the back.
• 51:59
  Speaker 2: I want to now make sure that we highlight you and your practice, and if there's people in the northeast someone's got a, a bum knee, a bum shoulder, they're like god.
• 52:07
  Speaker 2: I wish there was a good orthopedic I can go.
• 52:08
  Speaker 2: And how can we make people aware of you and your, your colleagues, if they're?
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I think, uh, it probably is just plain old Google, Dr Seikon S E K H O N, and then it'll kind of take you around to, you know, the different uh sites that I'm affiliated with, Um, but, uh, yeah, I'm happy to happy to help anybody.
• 52:28
  Speaker 2: Cool, and what's the name of the practice?
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: The hospital is Maimonides Hospital.
• 52:32
  Speaker 2: Okay, awesome, all right, it is now time to go into the lightning round, jesse, where I go completely random and show you that the negative effects have taken too many hits not bong hits, but football hits in college.
• 52:46
  Speaker 2: Your job is to answer these questions as quickly as you can, and my job is to try to get a giggle out of you got it, I'm gonna lose right away.
• 52:53
  Speaker 2: I might lose a while after my own joke, so it's like I already was same um well, have you seen the movie um spies like us?
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: oh man, long time ago, don't remember too much of it.
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: I remember is that dan akroyd?
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: dan akroyd and bill murray they're one of the greatest and chevy chase actually Chevy Chase and Dan Aykroyd One of the greatest lines they were.
• 53:14
  Speaker 2: They actually were.
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: I think they were in India as FBI agents.
• 53:17
  Speaker 2: No, not that one.
• 53:19
  Speaker 2: Oh, yes, that part when they did that they did.
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: The first step of a procedure like this is shave the patient.
• 53:24
  Speaker 2: But the question when you go into surgery, how many times do you say doctor, doctor, doctor and doctor.
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: It's funny.
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: The other thing in terms of being mindful, which I've also started to do, is it used to.
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: I would like I'd approach surgery as a sport, where I would, right before I'd go through like all the steps and I realized that I should have I already.
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: Now what I do is I go through the steps way early and so when I'm scrubbing right before, just clear my mind and just, you know, think about okay, what's the water feel like on my hands, what, what sounds am I hearing?
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: So that when you go in clear head, but yeah, you, realize all these?
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: different things that can apply to other parts of life are just as equally as important.
• 54:10
  Speaker 3: Totally yeah.
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: Love it Tell me your favorite movie of all time Godfather series.
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: Okay, favorite comedy of all time.
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: Dumb and Dumber has got to be up there Tell me there's a chance, I love it.
• 54:32
  Speaker 3: Sunshine State Tell me there's a chance I love it.
• 54:33
  Speaker 2: If I was to come to your house for dinner tonight, what would we have?
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: I was taco Tuesdays at the Saigon household.
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: Tonight Okay.
• 54:41
  Speaker 2: Sounds nice and tasty.
• 54:42
  Speaker 2: If I went into your phone and we went to the physician's office, what would be the one song that might surprise your colleagues?
• 54:51
  Speaker 2: You listen to.
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: You know, they know that I listen to reggae in the operating room.
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: There's something about it just kind of like puts me in a zen state.
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: And you know, there's sometimes like my co-surgeons or other people like in another operating room and they come in and it's the same reggae.
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: Do you ever adopt a reggae accent in surgery?
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: No, but I, where I work, there's a lot of West Indians and they love it too, so we're having a good time in there.
• 55:23
  Speaker 2: You're like my scapel man.
• 55:24
  Speaker 2: Okay, If you were to go on vacation right now, just you and Chinook.
• 55:30
  Speaker 2: Sorry, kids are staying home.
• 55:31
  Speaker 2: Where are we going?
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: We have to be Italy.
• 55:35
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: We haven't been spent too much time.
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: We've always wanted to go.
• 55:39
  Speaker 2: Okay, if there was to be a book written about your life, tell me the title.
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: Ah, that's a tough one, getting better.
• 55:49
  Speaker 2: Okay, there we go Now, jesse getting better.
• 55:52
  Speaker 2: Um, I've told all my friends about it.
• 55:55
  Speaker 2: We can't get a copy of it because things selling out, it can't get on Amazon, they can't print enough.
• 55:58
  Speaker 2: It's in Barnes and Noble, sold out all airports, it's, it's fricking gone.
• 56:01
  Speaker 2: So Netflix has found out about they're going to make a movie.
• 56:04
  Speaker 2: You're the casting director.
• 56:05
  Speaker 2: I need to know who's going to star Jesse Sacon in this critically hit new movie.
• 56:10
  Speaker 2: Oh, will Smith for sure, there we go Easy, there we go, all right.
• 56:16
  Speaker 2: And then last question Tell me two words that would describe your wife.
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: Oh, wow, loving, supportive, beautiful Two's too short.
• 56:26
  Speaker 2: Those are hyphenated.
• 56:26
  Speaker 2: We're going to make them.
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, lovingly beautiful and supportive.
• 56:35
  Speaker 2: There we go.
• 56:35
  Speaker 2: All right, man, lightning rounds over, this has been a blast.
• 56:37
  Speaker 2: Your story is fricking so cool.
• 56:38
  Speaker 2: Your, your wife's, fantastic.
• 56:39
  Speaker 2: Your kids sound fantastic.
• 56:40
  Speaker 2: Your dad is just.
• 56:41
  Speaker 2: I'd never met the guy, I don't know if I ever will, but man, what an inspiring dude.
• 56:45
  Speaker 2: To just the opportunity to give your family and shout out to your uncle too, for seeing the, the, the wise or I mean this is the skills in his younger brother.
• 56:54
  Speaker 2: Um, I want to say thank you to our sponsors, thank you Everybody who continues to listen.
• 56:57
  Speaker 2: If this episode has piqued your interest and you and you feel like you have time to leave us a review on wherever you consume your podcast, that would be a huge gift, uh, or if you want to share this with an friend that you think might inspire another dad to kind of lead into a professional development of fatherhood and just working hard to become better, please share with them, because this podcast, for everybody that you know, it is a project and I get free therapy out of every episode, and this is not the revenue generating in the household.
• 57:28
  Speaker 2: This is just a way to serve and it is by far one of my favorite things I get to do and I don't know how long I'll do it.
• 57:33
  Speaker 2: The more people support and keep listening, the more longer we'll keep doing it, but I just want to say thank you, jesse, for your time for your story and thank you for everybody who continues to listen.
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: I hope to talk to you soon, man, so great Awesome.