Latest / The Difficult Boss Podcast with Fexingo: Managing Up, Toxic Managers, and Workplace Survival / How to Navigate a Boss Who Withholds Information Intentionally
Transcript
- Lucas: So you're in a meeting and your boss says something that clearly contradicts the timeline you've been operating under. And you realize — they never told you the deadline moved. Again. Luna: Yeah, that's a specific kind of frustration. It's not that they forgot. It feels deliberate. Lucas: Right. And sometimes it is deliberate. There's a pattern of behavior where a manager withholds information, not because they're disorganized, but because it gives them leverage. They know something you don't, and that asymmetry is a form of control. Luna: So today we're talking about the boss who hoards information intentionally. How do you even confirm that's what's happening? Lucas: There's a real case from about two years ago at a mid-sized tech company — let's call it NexusPoint — where a VP of Engineering kept his team in the dark about shifting product priorities. The CEO had told him to delay a feature by two quarters, but the team kept working on it for months because the VP never passed that down. Luna: Was he just a bad communicator, or was there a motive? Lucas: According to a former senior engineer who later wrote about it, the VP wanted to be the sole conduit between the C-suite and the team. If anyone else had the same information, his role felt less essential. So he controlled the flow. Luna: That's a power play. And it backfired, I assume? Lucas: Massively. The team wasted about 1,200 person-hours on a feature that got scrapped. The CEO eventually found out when a frustrated engineer went over the VP's head. The VP didn't get fired, but he lost a lot of credibility. Luna: But by then the damage was done. So what's the first thing you do if you suspect your boss is holding back on purpose? Lucas: Step one is to verify the pattern. One incident could be a slip. Three or more, especially around high-stakes decisions, suggests intent. Keep a running log of what you knew and when you found out a key piece of information should have been shared. Luna: That sounds like a lot of work. Is it worth it? Lucas: It is if you're considering escalating. Data is your shield. If you ever need to raise the issue with HR or a skip-level, having a timeline of 'I was told X on this date, but the decision was made two weeks earlier' makes your case concrete. Luna: But what if you're not at the escalation stage yet? You still need the information to do your job. Lucas: Then you build alternative channels. Not by going behind their back — that's risky — but by cultivating relationships with peers who might have the same dependencies. If you and a colleague in another department both need the same update, you can share what you each know. Luna: That's smart. But there's a line. If your boss finds out you're getting info from someone else, they might see it as a threat. Lucas: Exactly. So you frame it as collaboration, not circumvention. You say, 'Hey, I was talking to Sarah in product to align our timelines, and she mentioned the launch shifted. Just want to make sure I'm working off the right date.' That invites your boss to correct or confirm without accusing. Luna: It also signals that you're proactive. But it doesn't work if your boss is deeply insecure. Lucas: No, and there's a study from the Journal of Organizational Behavior — I think it was late 2025 — that looked at information hoarding and turnover. They found that in teams where the manager hoarded information, voluntary turnover was 23 percent higher over the next 18 months, compared to teams where information flowed openly. Luna: 23 percent is huge. And it makes sense. If you can't trust that you have the full picture, you can't do good work. So eventually people leave. Lucas: Right. So the question becomes, do you try to change the dynamic, or do you plan your exit? And I think the answer depends on whether the hoarding is the only problem or part of a broader toxic pattern. Luna: What do you mean? Lucas: If your boss withholds information but is otherwise supportive — gives you credit, advocates for your promotion — you might be able to work around it. But if they also micromanage, take credit, or gaslight, then the information hoarding is just one symptom of a systemic problem. Luna: That's a good lens. But let's say it's isolated. How do you ask for information without triggering their defensiveness? Lucas: I've got a three-step script. First, frame the request around your need to perform, not their failure to share. So instead of 'You never told me the deadline changed,' say 'To make sure I hit the right deadline on this, could you confirm the current target date?' Luna: That's non-accusatory. I like it. Lucas: Second, create a regular check-in where information is expected. If you have a weekly one-on-one, you can say, 'In our next sync, could we review the top-level priorities for the quarter? I want to make sure my work is aligned.' That makes it a routine, not a special request. Luna: And third? Lucas: Third, build a reputation for discretion. If your boss sees that when you do get sensitive information, you handle it responsibly, they might trust you more over time. It's a long game, but it can work. Luna: But what if it doesn't? What if you've tried all that and they're still keeping you in the dark? Lucas: Then you have a decision to make. You can escalate to their boss, but you need to be strategic. You don't go in saying 'My manager doesn't tell me things.' You go in with a business case: 'I'm concerned that the team is operating on outdated information, which led to X wasted effort. I want to make sure we have a reliable information flow.' Luna: That makes it about the work, not the person. Lucas: Exactly. And if the skip-level is any good, they'll see the pattern. But you have to be prepared for the possibility that nothing changes, and then you're stuck deciding whether to stay. Luna: That's a tough spot. But it's also where a lot of people are right now. You know, it's funny — we talk about this kind of tough workplace dynamic week after week, and I think the reason people listen is because it's real. We're not selling anything here. Lucas: No, we're not. And that's deliberate. This show doesn't run ads, and it never will. The whole Fexingo podcast network is ad-free by design. If you've gotten value out of episodes like this one — maybe it helped you navigate a difficult conversation or decide to make a move — and you want to support that choice, you can find us at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Luna: Yeah, it's a simple way to keep this going without any commercial interruption. Appreciate it. Lucas: Alright, so back to the hoarding boss. Let's talk about one more tactic that's a bit more advanced: creating a culture of transparency from below. Luna: How do you do that without stepping on toes? Lucas: You over-share your own work openly. Use shared documents, send team-wide updates on your progress. When you model transparency, it puts subtle pressure on others to reciprocate. And if your boss sees that you're open, they may feel more comfortable sharing with you. Luna: But it could also backfire if your boss sees your over-sharing as trying to show them up. Lucas: That's a risk. So you want to keep it team-focused. 'Here's what I'm working on in case anyone needs to align.' Not 'Look how transparent I am.' Luna: Right. Tone is everything. I think the key takeaway is that information hoarding is a power move, but you have more agency than it feels like. Lucas: Absolutely. You can verify the pattern, build parallel channels, and use scripts that lower the boss's defensive walls. And if none of that works, you have the data to make a case for change — or to make a change yourself. Luna: Good episode. Next week we'll tackle another one: the boss who's never available when you need a decision. Lucas: That's a classic. Until then, take care.