Latest / The Black Sheep Leadership Podcast / THE MOST UNDERRATED WEAPON IN 🔪🗡️ THE ROOM Why the Person Who Listens 👂🏽 Usually Knows More Than the Person Who Talks.

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THE MOST UNDERRATED WEAPON IN 🔪🗡️ THE ROOM Why the Person Who Listens 👂🏽 Usually Knows More Than the Person Who Talks. · The Black Sheep Leadership Podcast

• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Black Sheep Leadership Podcast.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Athena Renee, and this is where the underdogs, the Misfits, and the Black Sheep come to turn pain into power so that they can build a life by design and leave a legacy behind.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if this is your first time tapping in, welcome home, fam.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Pull up a chair.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: We're glad you're here.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're back again, what's good, family?
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's so glad it's so good to see you again.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for trusting me with your time.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: I don't take that lightly.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Now, let's do this quick vibe check.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you're easily offended, sensitive, entitled, waiting on somebody to come save you, or allergic to accountability, get your ass up out of here because this is not your safe space.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Go ahead and tap out now.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're ready to think bigger, move smarter, and you refuse to live beneath your potential, stay locked in, my friend.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because by the end, you'll be walking away with something that you can execute immediately.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's get to work.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Last week I dropped a special message called While You Still Have Time.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: We talked about taking care of yourselves, saying what needs to be said, and building something while we still have the opportunity.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: Today, we're getting back into our strategic intelligence work, and we're talking about a skill so simple that most people completely underestimate its power.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: So season two, it operates through our OAE framework, observe, analyze, and execute.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: In today's briefing, it falls under observation.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: Because before you can accurately analyze anything, you have to learn how to receive the information.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever noticed the person telling you the most usually thinks they're telling you the least.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Give somebody enough room to talk and eventually they'll tell you what they want you to hear, what they fear, who they dislike, what they're planning, their insecurities.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes they'll even tell you exactly how they're going to screw you over.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: And the crazy part is you didn't even have to interrogate them.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: It only required for you to do one thing.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: To shut up.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: So, principle one silence collects information.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Black sheep family.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: Let me just be straight up with you guys.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: Some of us, we talk too damn much.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: We got good intentions, but we talk too damn much.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: We explain too much, we defend ourselves or defend other people too much.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: We defend our decisions, we reveal too much to people, we try to fill in every awkward silence.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody can ask us a question, and instead of us giving them the answer that they actually asked for, we give them the answer, the backstory, the commentary, the deleted scenes, and the sequel.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Meanwhile, we learn absolutely nothing about them.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's backwards.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Listening is one of the most underrated forms of intelligence available to you.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: It costs you nothing.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Think about a job interview.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Most people walk into the room thinking, how can I impress these people?
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: But a smart candidate is also listening.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: What problem are they trying to solve?
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: What keeps coming up in the interview?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Why is the position open?
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: What does a hiring manager seem frustrated about?
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: What does a company value?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: And here's one of the key what are they not saying?
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because the interview isn't only them evaluating you, you're evaluating them as well.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: The same thing happens on dates or in meetings, during negotiations, or even at family gatherings, friendships.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Every conversation contains information, but you can't collect it if you're constantly broadcasting.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: If you're constantly talking, you cannot collect the information that could possibly change your life.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Here's another thing: listening doesn't mean sitting quietly, waiting for your turn to talk.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's not listening, that's reloading.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: See, real listening, it requires curiosity.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: See, some people they're not listening, they are prepping up and reloading to respond.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: But when you're listening, you are actually trying to understand what is being communicated with verbal and nonverbal cues instead of trying to prepare your comeback while the other person is still speaking.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the smartest thing you can say is nothing.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Let the silence sit.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: You will be amazed at what people will tell you just because they become uncomfortable with three seconds of silence.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: Principle number two, family.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Listen for what's underneath the words.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: Here's where listening becomes strategic.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: Don't just listen to what people say, listen for the patterns, their tones, their contradictions, repeated phrases, what gets avoided.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes there's sudden changes in their energy, in their body movements.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: What are they emphasizing?
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: What do they minimize?
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: And especially what they consistently blame on everybody else.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: Because words give you information, but those patterns they give you context.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: See, someone says, I hate drama.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's information.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: But then every story they tell you has drama.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Every friendship ended dramatically, every ex was crazy, every employer was terrible, right?
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Everything in the relationship was about drama.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Every family member betrayed them.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Now don't immediately judge them, right?
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Don't don't judge them off the top.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Remember the operating system.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: This is observation first.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Collect the information because one story is an event.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: But if you get 10 similar stories, that might be a pattern.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: See, listening allows you to notice the difference.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: And this applies to great things too.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody consistently talks about solutions, solutions, they take accountability, they ask questions, they give credit and props where it's due, they speak respectfully about people who aren't even in the room.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Pay attention to those types of traits, just like you will pay attention to people that's always talking behind somebody's back.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Observation isn't about looking for villains everywhere, it's about seeing people more accurately.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: Here's something else I've learned.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: People tell you who they are all the time, but we don't listen most of the time.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: You know why?
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because we're too busy replacing their information with our imagination.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody tells you, I don't really do commitment, and you're thinking they just haven't met me yet.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: You know, they told you sometimes someone might say, I'm terrible with money.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: Then you loan them money and act shocked when there's a problem.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: They told you a potential business partner says, Yes, I'm kind of bad about responding to emails.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: Then you build an entire project around their communications, and six weeks later, you're furious.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody tells you that they're consistent, but every time you turn around, they're changing what they're working on, meaning they've switched the job, they've switched up uh the business they've started.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever met someone that started a new business, four new businesses within six months?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Black sheep, they told you that doesn't mean every casual statement becomes a permanent diagnosis.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: People grow, they change, people joke around, context matters.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we analyze before we observe, but stop throwing away the information just because it doesn't match what you hoped was true.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's what we're called giving people the benefit of the doubt.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: See, sometimes listening, if you just listen to people, it saves you from lessons you didn't need to learn the hard way.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: I literally just went through that when I told you about the trip that I went on to Jacksonville and the female, I had already observed two things.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, she always talks about her friends behind their back.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because even though I've known her for over two decades, I'm not always around because I'm on a mission, I have a vision.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: So when you're living two different types of lifestyles, the requirements are different.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: But what I noticed was she was always talking about the people that's been supporting her, that's been around her, that's hanging around with her or hanging out with her.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: So that had already told me.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: Here's another thing that I have I observed or I listened to was that every time she and I would have an interaction, she will go back and tell an acquaintance of ours, somebody else that we've been knowing at the same time.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: Every single time.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: But see, I was not listening because I was replacing that information with what I'd hoped for.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of taking the information for what it was because it was a pattern, I had to learn the hard way.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, and I want you to, I really want you to take this uh briefing to heart because a lot of times people tell us who they are.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: When they tell you the first time, even though you're listening, active listening, that's an action.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: So when people are talking, that's an action.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: When they're talking, that's an action.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then when they back it up with doing, all of those things are a way that people are telling you who they are, and sometimes it starts with you being quiet long enough to really focus on the conversation.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, here's the third principle: listening gives you a powerful positioning for leadership because people want to feel heard, employers do, employees do, customers, friends, partners, children, everybody does.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: They want to be heard, and one of the fastest ways to lose influence is to make people feel like you're always waiting for them to stop talking so you can demonstrate how smart you are.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Some of you might say, Well, what if I'm talking to somebody that don't know when to be quiet?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Guess what?
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: That is still information because at the end of the day, you now know you're talking to a chatty Kathy or chatty Patty, and you know that let me make sure I give this conversation a time frame or time limit because you know you're talking to someone that will go on and on and on.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: See, strong leaders ask questions, then they listen to the answer because they're seeking clarity, they really want to understand.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: A customer tells you what they hate about your product, listen to them.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: Your employees keep bringing up the same information about the system, the bottlenecks, or the process.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, three people give you similar feedback about your behavior.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: You might want to listen.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: Your audience keeps asking you the same question.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, because sometimes the next opportunity isn't hidden.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: People have been telling you exactly what they need.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: I have literally been with entrepreneurs, and their process is they create a product or service around what people are saying they need.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, because they were listening.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: But when you're busy talking, you don't pick up those things.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Here's another advantage when you become known as somebody who actually listened, people tell you things, they trust you, they bring you information, they tell you what they're experiencing because they know you're actually going to listen to them.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: They tell you what's changing, where the problems are, and this gives a leader or someone that really wants to level up their life incredible value, and that is better data.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: And better data, it creates better decisions.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, now here's the thing: I I need to put an important boundary around this, though.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, listening is very powerful, but don't become manipulative with it.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody trusts you with vulnerable information, it's not ammunition for you to bring it back up.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: We're not learning strategic intelligence so we can become sneaky, paranoid, or exploit people.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: We're listening because black sheep family, you need discernment, you need discernment because we've given people the benefit of the doubt for a very long time.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm wrong, let me know.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: But if you resonate with being the underdog, the black sheep, or the misfit, we have given people the benefit of the doubt too long, and they have shown us and told us who they are over and over and over again.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: So you need this information so that you can make your next move your best move because you are next up.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: Black sheep, it's your time.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so there's a difference between gathering information so you can understand people and gathering information so that you can control them.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because trust and believe, black sheep family.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: When you tell people, hey, I don't, or when you tell them or you show them, yeah, I'll come over to your house, I'll bring something.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: What do you need?
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: You're always trying to show up, you're giving them information, and guess what?
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: They're gathering it.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: Now you're that person, they're always they know that.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, they know call ABC up, they'll come at the last minute, they'll bring this, they'll bring that.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: Black Sheep family, they know that we love to support people because we didn't get the support we had or we needed, so now they use that as a weakness, they are using it that information as a manipulative tactic.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: You got to know the difference because your character and your your character and your integrity, it still matters, even when nobody knows what you know.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: So here's a strategy.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: Talk less when you need information.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Listen beyond the words, then look for the patterns before reaching a conclusion.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, talk less when you need information.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: Listen beyond the words, look at look at body language, uh, eyes, the mouth will tell you things.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: Look at all of that, look at the tone.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's the OAE in real time.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: Observe what I'm actually hearing, analyze.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: Is this an isolated statement or part of a pattern?
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: Execute.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: What does this information require me to do differently?
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: That's how listening becomes more than communication, it becomes strategic intelligence.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: So, what's your next move, family?
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: Here's three practice the three-second rule.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: This week, when someone finishes talking, don't respond immediately.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: Give it three seconds, let the silence breathe.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: You may discover that they weren't finished.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: Move number two.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of immediately telling your story, ask what happened next.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: Why do you think that happened?
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: What do you mean by that?
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: See, one additional portion can reveal information you never wouldn't have gotten otherwise.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: Move number three.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: Listen for the pattern.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to choose one important relationship or relationship in your life.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: Stop analyzing isolated moments.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: Listen for repetition.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: What keeps coming up?
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: What keeps changing?
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: What keeps contradicting itself?
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: Don't make up anything, don't assume.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: Collect the data first.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: Listen to it first.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: Then decide what it means.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: Family, I want you to remember everybody wants to be heard.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: Strategists understand the advantage of listening.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: You don't always need to be the loudest voice in the room.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you need to just have the best ears.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: Talk less.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: Notice more.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: And let people reveal what you don't need to force them to tell you.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: Now listen.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: Don't just hear today's message.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to test it.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: Master it.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because information is everywhere.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: And execution is rare.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you next time.