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The Seven Money Wounds That May Be Holding You Back · Rock My Finances

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  Speaker 3: Welcome to the Rock my Finances show on k FORHD
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  Speaker 3: Radio and Talk for TV, where we put the fund
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  Speaker 3: in finance. Join Powerhouse Jeffer Jos CDFA CMC and private
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  Speaker 3: wealth advisor as she collaborates with you to create clarity,
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  Speaker 3: control and confidence with your money, your web. It's not
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  Speaker 3: about the zeros, So what is it all about? Let's
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  Speaker 3: find out.
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  Speaker 2: Now.
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  Speaker 3: Here's your host and weekly friend, Jennifer Jose.
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  Speaker 2: Welcome back, y'all. This one's going to be a great
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  Speaker 2: rock life, finances, and I know we talk a lot
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  Speaker 2: about emotions, we talk a lot about money. We talk
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  Speaker 2: a lot about all sorts of things. Well, today we're
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  Speaker 2: going to sum it all up kind of ready, the
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  Speaker 2: seven money wounds that may be holding you back, Okay,
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  Speaker 2: seven money wounds. Number one is scarcity, Number two is shame.
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  Speaker 2: Number three is worthiness, number four is control, number five
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  Speaker 2: is trust, number six is security, and number seven is identity.
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  Speaker 2: Today we are going to talk about how they all interact.
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  Speaker 2: Are you ready for this? I know our money decisions
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  Speaker 2: are very much driven by emotional wounds. Did y'all know
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  Speaker 2: you got wounds? Did you know that you're a little
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  Speaker 2: bit wounded from childhood, past experiences, past relationships, anything, anything.
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  Speaker 2: It doesn't have to be traumatic. It can be something small.
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  Speaker 2: It could just be your mom's stressed when she's doing
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  Speaker 2: the bills, Like, we have no idea what it is,
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  Speaker 2: and that really kind of doesn't matter. I know we
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  Speaker 2: do psychotherapy and we can figure all that out as well.
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  Speaker 2: And at the same time, it's there, we have wounds.
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  Speaker 2: None of us are perfect and none of us are
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  Speaker 2: one hundred percent healed. So I believe that we all
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  Speaker 2: have a money story, and within that money story, there's
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  Speaker 2: one or more money wounds. So this is how we're
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  Speaker 2: going to escavate them. The signs are not something that
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  Speaker 2: makes it like there's something wrong with you. There's nothing
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  Speaker 2: wrong with you at all. You are perfect just as
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  Speaker 2: you are right now in this moment, and you're kind
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  Speaker 2: of a badass for listening to my podcast just saying okay.
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  Speaker 2: There's simply emotional patterns that we've developed to protect ourselves
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  Speaker 2: as kids as growing up. I grew up at a
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  Speaker 2: dysfunctional household. Maybe you did too. The good news is
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  Speaker 2: that once you recognize it, we can start healing them.
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  Speaker 2: And healing them means they disappear and we don't have
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  Speaker 2: to worry about them anymore. So the first wound is scarcity.
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  Speaker 2: Scarcity is the belief that there will not be enough,
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  Speaker 2: that they'll never be enough, never enough money, never enough opportunities.
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  Speaker 2: It always develops from childhood. If you're growing up hearing
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  Speaker 2: maybe we can't afford that, watching your parents struggle financially,
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  Speaker 2: or experiencing total financial instability. One month we have money,
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  Speaker 2: one year we have money, one year we lose a house.
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  Speaker 2: We have to move, we have to move in with family,
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  Speaker 2: any of that. Right, Even if you're financially comfortable today,
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  Speaker 2: you may even still feel anxious when you have to
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  Speaker 2: spend money or when there's a big decision to be made.
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  Speaker 2: So you might not think like, I am not like
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  Speaker 2: my parents at all, because you know, you might have
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  Speaker 2: things that they didn't, or they could just look very differently.
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  Speaker 2: But on the inside the F word, y'all, you're still
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  Speaker 2: feeling some part of that childhood growing up. So you
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  Speaker 2: may even save excessively and avoiding investing. Maybe you constantly
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  Speaker 2: worry that everything that you have could disappear overnight. Here's
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  Speaker 2: your coaching question. Are you ready? Is there truly not enough?
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  Speaker 2: Or does it simply mean you feel that way because
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  Speaker 2: of your past? That is scarcity now. My mom grew
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  Speaker 2: up in the depression. She absolutely had scarcity mindset. And
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  Speaker 2: it was hilarious because I could see it. She's ninety
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  Speaker 2: what is she ninety two? She'll be ninety three. She's
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  Speaker 2: in a care facility here. It's amazing. I just went
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  Speaker 2: sorry yesterday. She's walking all over the place. I'm like, Mom,
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  Speaker 2: where's your role later, where's your cane? She's like I'm fine.
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  Speaker 2: I'm like Oh my gosh. So she is hilarious. And
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  Speaker 2: she would save one bite left from her dish or
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  Speaker 2: two bites left, and little tiny tupperwares and little tiny
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  Speaker 2: cups in the refrigerator, like she saved everything because of
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  Speaker 2: her scarcity. She was very frugal. She never overspent. And
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  Speaker 2: at the same time, we grew up with a Cadillac,
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  Speaker 2: we grew up with fine things or nice things, you know,
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  Speaker 2: maybe a little Middle America or whatever. And she still
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  Speaker 2: has that scarcity mindset of hanging on to things, like
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  Speaker 2: even now, it's so funny. She has so many books
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  Speaker 2: in her room and papers, and she saves everything. And
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  Speaker 2: I go around her little room and she's got little
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  Speaker 2: tiny trinkets that they have like like events or something
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  Speaker 2: that they have during the day. She saves it all.
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  Speaker 2: She saves pins and pencils and paper and it's just
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  Speaker 2: so cute. But that's just her mind, right. So the
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  Speaker 2: second wound is shame. Shame says I'm bad with money.
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  Speaker 2: I will never get this right. Maybe you made mistakes
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  Speaker 2: in the past, and maybe someone criticized you one time
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  Speaker 2: for spending too much or maybe not earning enough money.
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  Speaker 2: Over time, these experiences become part of your identity instead
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  Speaker 2: of just simply becoming an experience that you went through.
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  Speaker 2: I had a client that had an issue in her
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  Speaker 2: first marriage about buying a car, and that was an
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  Speaker 2: issue for it was really hard to buy her own
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  Speaker 2: car on her own. Then I had another one that
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  Speaker 2: is parents controlled everything and did everything, so they didn't
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  Speaker 2: even know how to do things on their own. And
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  Speaker 2: I mean I grew up in the day that you know,
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  Speaker 2: women didn't really know much about money. We were just
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  Speaker 2: getting into it, so we would follow our role models,
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  Speaker 2: which were you know, paying the bills and that was it.
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  Speaker 2: So your exercise for shame is write down one financial
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  Speaker 2: mistake that you've been carrying with you and then write
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  Speaker 2: it down what did it teach you. Let's turn that
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  Speaker 2: shame into actual wisdom. So for me, I sold a
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  Speaker 2: car to the manager that was working for me, but
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  Speaker 2: I signed on the wrong side of the pink slip,
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  Speaker 2: So instead of signing that I'm a lean holder for
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  Speaker 2: ten thousand dollars, I signed on the front of the
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  Speaker 2: pink slip and gave it to her and she went
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  Speaker 2: and sold it that day and left the state. So
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  Speaker 2: I was out ten thousand dollars. Kid and you say stupid. Yeah, right.
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  Speaker 2: So for me, what I learned from that was I
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  Speaker 2: was moving way too fast. I was on the phone.
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  Speaker 2: I needed to tell her to pause and wait until
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  Speaker 2: I was ready to get to that task so that
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  Speaker 2: I could actually think about that task. But instead I
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  Speaker 2: was in my rush mode, trying to do a million
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  Speaker 2: things at once, and I thought that's the way life
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  Speaker 2: needed to be. So I learned a big lesson to
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  Speaker 2: slow down and to look at everything that we're doing.
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  Speaker 2: Our third wound is worthiness. This wound kind of whispers
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  Speaker 2: I don't deserve like I shouldn't charge anymore for my services,
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  Speaker 2: or if I become successful, people will not like me anymore.
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  Speaker 2: I will be lonely. Right, So, feeling like I don't
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  Speaker 2: deserve wealth again, I felt this as well. I still
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  Speaker 2: have this. This is my big core wound is worthiness
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  Speaker 2: and perfectionism and not being good enough. This is my
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  Speaker 2: wound for sure. And looking at that wound and healing
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  Speaker 2: that wound throughout the years has done so much. Many
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  Speaker 2: people were just taught to be humble, but somewhere along
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  Speaker 2: the way they confused humility with believing that they weren't
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  Speaker 2: worthy of success or abundance. Or love or whatever you
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  Speaker 2: feel like you're lacking. You could be feeling that you're
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  Speaker 2: just not worthy enough. And I did, and I had
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  Speaker 2: to go back and start healing that. Now it's an
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  Speaker 2: ever lasting, lifelong thing. Right, Like, every time I get frustrated, upset, sad,
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  Speaker 2: I always look in word and I'm like, okay, what
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  Speaker 2: that telling me? And it usually goes back to my
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  Speaker 2: perfectionism or my worthiness. Somehow I'm going to think something
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  Speaker 2: is going to look back on me that I didn't
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  Speaker 2: do something good enough or well enough. So I know
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  Speaker 2: that that's my wound. It's all me, it's not you,
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  Speaker 2: it's not anybody else, And so that I can take
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  Speaker 2: responsibility for that and heal it a little bit more
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  Speaker 2: each time. Okay, here's your coaching question for worthiness. If
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  Speaker 2: I truly believed I wasn't, if I truly believed I
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  Speaker 2: was worthy, I am worthy? What final decision? What I'm
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  Speaker 2: differently today? So like maybe going back in the past
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  Speaker 2: and looking at a decision that you made out of
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  Speaker 2: scarcity or that you're just not worthy, right, And so
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  Speaker 2: I have done that. I have made very very frugal
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  Speaker 2: choices instead of spending the right amount of money on
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  Speaker 2: something I would go cheaper and less than and then
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  Speaker 2: later it would break or it wouldn't work out the
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  Speaker 2: way it would should I can't think of anything right now,
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  Speaker 2: but it's happened to me just so, even recently, and
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  Speaker 2: I'm like, dang, I should have just spent the good
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  Speaker 2: amount of money in the first place, because I am
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  Speaker 2: worthy of having that unit to work or whatever. It
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  Speaker 2: might be. Right, So we want to look back at
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  Speaker 2: that and say, what would I do differently today. Our
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  Speaker 2: fourth wound is control. I just did a podcast episode
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  Speaker 2: on control and how it changes our life feeling in control,
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  Speaker 2: so check that one out. Control often developed once we
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  Speaker 2: felt like unpredictable. Maybe life was uncertain, money was uncertain,
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  Speaker 2: Maybe your parents got divorced, maybe someone made financial decisions
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  Speaker 2: that affected your family. Maybe as adults, we sometimes try
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  Speaker 2: to control every single dollar, every outcome, every person because
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  Speaker 2: it makes us feel safe. So controlling makes us feel safe.
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  Speaker 2: That's the whole thing is. We want our life to
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  Speaker 2: be good, so we want someone else to be different
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  Speaker 2: so that we can feel safe. The truth is that
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  Speaker 2: control is often wearing a disguise. Instead of asking how
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  Speaker 2: can I control this, ask yourself, what might I be
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  Speaker 2: afraid of happening right now, and what if I just
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  Speaker 2: let that control go. The fifth wound is trust. If
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  Speaker 2: you've ever been betrayed financially or even emotionally or relationship wise.
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  Speaker 2: We always attach that to money relationship as well. If
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  Speaker 2: you've ever gone through a divorce, a painful divorce, lost
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  Speaker 2: money in the market maybe, or watch someone misuse money,
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  Speaker 2: even trusting again can feel absolutely impossible. Now, clients come
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  Speaker 2: to me after they've had an advisor that they didn't
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  Speaker 2: really click with, and so it's hard for them to
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  Speaker 2: trust a new advisor. So we have to build that
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  Speaker 2: relationship so that they can feel like they can trust me,
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  Speaker 2: which I totally understand. Just like a love relationship. Right,
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  Speaker 2: It's like, if we've ever been betrayed before or lied
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  Speaker 2: to or cheated on in a relationship, Oh my gosh,
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  Speaker 2: to be able to get over that and to love again,
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  Speaker 2: it takes work, It takes time, it takes effort, it
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  Speaker 2: takes choice, It takes the choice to let the old
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  Speaker 2: beliefs go and to step into the new beliefs for
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  Speaker 2: our new us, our new reality. Right, So you may struggle,
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  Speaker 2: You may struggle to trust financial professionals. You know, you trust.
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  Speaker 2: Love relationships again, and anybody that's lied to you, maybe
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  Speaker 2: friend relationships. You may struggle to trust your spouse just
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  Speaker 2: because of life and past experiences, and a lot of
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  Speaker 2: us struggle to trust ourselves. I get a lot of
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  Speaker 2: clients come to me that they just want me to
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  Speaker 2: be their sounding board and their friend and this money
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  Speaker 2: world because they don't trust themselves to make the right decisions,
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  Speaker 2: so they need someone to bounce it off against. Normally,
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  Speaker 2: one spouse doesn't want to talk about finances and doesn't
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  Speaker 2: want to go there, but one does but doesn't want
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  Speaker 2: to do it all on their own. So I'm a
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  Speaker 2: perfect sounding board for that type of a thing, right,
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  Speaker 2: so that you can learn to build that trust. Healing
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  Speaker 2: begins with one small decision at a time, because then
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  Speaker 2: you're going to prove to yourself that you can trust
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  Speaker 2: yourself or someone else as well. So like when I
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  Speaker 2: get a new client that's been had a hard, tough
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  Speaker 2: relationship with an advisor in the past, we will just
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  Speaker 2: make very small steps in their financial world because they
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  Speaker 2: need to learn to build that trust. So before we
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  Speaker 2: go hog wild all in on something, we need to
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  Speaker 2: build that trust. Just like a relationship, you need to date,
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  Speaker 2: you need to go out to dinner, spend time together.
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  Speaker 2: Of course, I'm going to say play pickupball together because
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  Speaker 2: I'm addicted things like that, Go golfing together, Spend time together.
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  Speaker 2: Before you start jumping into bed, jumping into monogamy, jumping
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  Speaker 2: into all of that. It's little bits and pieces. Same
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  Speaker 2: with us. When we're learning to trust ourselves and others,
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  Speaker 2: we have to go slow. Many people believe that money
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  Speaker 2: is what keeps them safe. While money certainly creates options
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  Speaker 2: and opportunities, but no amount of money can absolutely eliminate
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  Speaker 2: all uncertainty. Sorry to burst your bubble, but it doesn't
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  Speaker 2: matter how much money you have. The feelings around money
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  Speaker 2: will still be there until we do our work to
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  Speaker 2: heal them. I have. That's why I say it's not
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  Speaker 2: about the zeros. I have clients that are barely making it.
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  Speaker 2: I have clients making loaf six figures. I have multi millionaires.
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  Speaker 2: They all have same beliefs, feelings and wounds around money.
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  Speaker 2: It doesn't have anything to do with the zeros. So
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  Speaker 2: we want to be able to heal this so that
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  Speaker 2: we can bring in what we really deserve. If your
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  Speaker 2: entire sense of safety depends on your bank account. Then
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  Speaker 2: your never going to feel like you have enough, and
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  Speaker 2: that's going to trickle over to your love relationships as
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  Speaker 2: well and your friendships. Real financial confidence comes from knowing
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  Speaker 2: that even when life changes, you can adapt. You might
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  Speaker 2: need support and different support, new people in your life, whatever,
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  Speaker 2: but trust yourself that you're always going to be able
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  Speaker 2: to figure it out. Ask yourself, am I building wealth
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  Speaker 2: or am I chasing certainty? The seventh wound here we
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  Speaker 2: go is our last wound is identity. This may be
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  Speaker 2: the deepest wound of all when our identity becomes attached
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  Speaker 2: to money. Every financial success inflates our confidence, and every
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  Speaker 2: setback destroys our confidence. If your portfolio is not your identity,
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  Speaker 2: your paycheck is not your identity. Your net worth is
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  Speaker 2: not your self worth is not your self worth. Your
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  Speaker 2: net worth is just net worth that has nothing to
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  Speaker 2: do with who you are as a person. You are
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  Speaker 2: valuable because of who you are, not because of what
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  Speaker 2: you own, not because of what you do, not because
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  Speaker 2: of what you have. It's because who you are. You're alive,
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  Speaker 2: breathing on this planet right now, so you are a
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  Speaker 2: badass and you're listening to this podcast, or you're even
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  Speaker 2: getting smarter just saying, here's what I'd love for you
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  Speaker 2: to do for the week. Take out a journal. You
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  Speaker 2: should have your money journal because I always have homework
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  Speaker 2: on my episodes. And write these seven words down. Are
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  Speaker 2: you ready number one? Scarcity number two, shame number three,
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  Speaker 2: worthiness number four, control number five, trust number six, security
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  Speaker 2: number seven, identity Next to each run rate yourself from
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  Speaker 2: one to ten. Which one shows up more often in
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  Speaker 2: your life? Which one creates the most amount of stress?
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  Speaker 2: Which one keeps you from making financial decisions that you
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  Speaker 2: know you should be making. Now? Are you the ostrogs
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  Speaker 2: that you don't look at your bills? You cover everything
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  Speaker 2: up and you don't look. You don't talk about money?
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  Speaker 2: Are you that highther? Do you barely look at it?
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  Speaker 2: Do you just do it when you have to do
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  Speaker 2: your taxes? Don't judge yourself self. Let's just become curious.
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  Speaker 2: Let's find out why we're not looking at things. Awareness
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  Speaker 2: is always the first step towards change. The goal is
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  Speaker 2: not to become perfect with money. The goal is to
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  Speaker 2: understand yourself so that you can begin making financial decisions
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  Speaker 2: from peace instead of fear from love, instead of fear
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  Speaker 2: from wisdom. Instead of fear from confidence, instead of insecurity,
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  Speaker 2: from wisdom, instead of old emotional patterns. Because healing your
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  Speaker 2: money story isn't just about building wealth, It's also about
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  Speaker 2: creating a life where money becomes a tool. It's not
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  Speaker 2: a source of fear, shame, or identity. It's literally just
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  Speaker 2: a tool to get what we want. And I know
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  Speaker 2: we all want something because we believe that we're going
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  Speaker 2: to feel better in doing so. We want that bigger house,
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  Speaker 2: we want that newer car, we want that really cute outfit,
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  Speaker 2: we want a good wardrobe. All of those things we
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  Speaker 2: want because we believe that we're going to feel better
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  Speaker 2: in doing that. Is that true? Absolutely? I always feel
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: better when I have a great outfit on. I love
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  Speaker 2: my new car, I love my new house. Yes, these
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  Speaker 2: things are true, and that feeling is only going to
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  Speaker 2: be temporary. So what I want us all to do
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  Speaker 2: is build lasting love for ourselves. That is what we're
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  Speaker 2: doing with all of these exercises. So we're going to
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  Speaker 2: go through scarcity, shame, worthiness, control, trust, security, and identity.
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  Speaker 2: And where does that show up in your money world?
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  Speaker 2: Then you can even move it on to your love
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  Speaker 2: world or your friendship world. You can do the exact
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  Speaker 2: same exercise and see where that's coming from. Then we're
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  Speaker 2: going to look at it. So for like me, my worthiness,
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  Speaker 2: that is my number one thing that comes up all
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  Speaker 2: the time. I don't feel good enough. So then I
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: go back and look at that. Why don't I feel
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  Speaker 2: good to that? Okay, well let's go back my little
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  Speaker 2: girl growing up, she lived in chaos. In that chaos
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  Speaker 2: where I find security. I found security in control and
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  Speaker 2: if I could control everything, then I could feel more
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: at peace. Well, guess what. We never can control everything, right,
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: so then horrible things happen in our lives that we
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: cannot control. Then all that does is perpetuate the feeling
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: of worthiness, of just not being worthy for what I
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: feel like I should be right, because it's just going
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: to go keep going around in a circle. So we
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: have to stop that one I don't feel worthy, when
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: I just don't feel good enough, or if I've made
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: a really big mistake, I have to go back to
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: that wound and say, Okay, loving myself for me cures
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: my worthiness, lack of worthiness feeling. So I have to
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: love myself, and then what do I do. Here's some
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: more homework. Make a list of one hundred things that
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: you love. I love music. I love my pillow. I
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: love this pink, little spongy thing. I love my cell
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: phone case. Of course. I love my friends and family.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: I love my new son in law, my daughter just
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: got married. Love him, Love their family, love the wedding.
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: Love.
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: Everything we did was so great. If you start pulling
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: up things that you love, you automatically feel worthy right there.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: Then second task is make a list of all your
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: skills and attributes. Everything that I did. Graduated high school,
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: graduated college, got my psych degree, got out of a
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: bad marriage, raised great kids, still there for my kids.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: My clients love me, I do well, I'm smart, you
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: know whatever it is. I got great hair. Just saying
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: I like my hair has nothing to do with me.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: But I got my hair right. So all of these
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: things skills and approtudi. Now I'm feeling better about myself.
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: I'm standing like Supergirl here in the mirror. Right, I'm
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: feeling good. All I gotta do is start talking about
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: love and everything that I've done right, and that worthiness
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: gets stronger and stronger and stronger. And I am worthy
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: of abundance. I am worthy of love, I am worthy
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: of wisdom and wealth, and health, and I'm worthy of
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: the best one.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: Fun.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: Yes, I freaking love fun, love love love it. I
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: am worthy of fun. I love it all right, y'all.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: I hope you enjoyed this episode. Please listen to the rest. Now.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: I'm going to go through each individual wound on its
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: own and have a whole episode on each one. Scarcity, shame, worthiness, control, trust, security,
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: and identity. So I hope you listen to all of
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: the podcasts. Thank you so much. I want you to
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: be able to listen to these episodes and walk away
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: with saying I rock my finances.
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: We appreciate you joining us today, and don't forget to
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: subscribe to the rock my Finances YouTube channel for more
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: engagement and bonus content. Tell me what is your money story?
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: Let's find out with Jennifer right here on K four
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: HD Radio and Talk for TV. It's not about the zero,
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: It's about the F word, feelings, feelings. Jennifer can't wait
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: to explore with you next week. Until then, let's all
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: say I rock my Finances.