Latest / Three Rebel Souls / Episode 3: Erica's story

Transcript

Episode 3: Erica's story · Three Rebel Souls

• 1:18
  All
• 1:19
  righty.
• 1:20
  Well,
• 1:20
  we
• 1:20
  are
• 1:21
  back,
• 1:22
  and
• 1:23
  Today
• 1:24
  we
• 1:24
  have
• 1:24
  Ms.
• 1:25
  Erica
• 1:27
  telling
• 1:28
  us
• 1:28
  all
• 1:28
  about
• 1:28
  her.
• 1:30
  Hi.
• 1:31
  So
• 1:31
  excited.
• 1:32
  So
• 1:32
  excited
• 1:33
  to
• 1:33
  hear
• 1:33
  this.
• 1:34
  Yep.
• 1:39
  I
• 1:39
  took
• 1:39
  my
• 1:40
  heating
• 1:40
  pad
• 1:40
  off
• 1:40
  because
• 1:41
  now
• 1:41
  I'm
• 1:41
  just
• 1:41
  hot.
• 1:42
  And.
• 1:45
  Because
• 1:45
  we
• 1:45
  put
• 1:45
  all
• 1:45
  the
• 1:45
  focus
• 1:46
  on
• 1:46
  you.
• 1:46
  A
• 1:46
  little
• 1:46
  sweaty.
• 1:47
  Yeah.
• 1:47
  I
• 1:47
  don't
• 1:48
  like.
• 1:49
  I
• 1:50
  don't
• 1:50
  like
• 1:50
  being
• 1:50
  in
• 1:50
  the
• 1:51
  hot
• 1:51
  seat
• 1:52
  or
• 1:52
  in
• 1:52
  the
• 1:52
  spotlight,
• 1:55
  but
• 1:55
  we're
• 1:56
  gonna
• 1:56
  do
• 1:56
  it
• 1:56
  because
• 1:56
  we
• 1:56
  can
• 1:56
  do
• 1:56
  hard
• 1:57
  things
• 1:57
  temporary.
• 1:58
  And.
• 1:59
  Yeah,
• 1:59
  you've
• 1:59
  seen.
• 1:59
  You've
• 1:59
  been
• 2:00
  on
• 2:00
  the
• 2:00
  other
• 2:00
  side,
• 2:00
  and
• 2:01
  it
• 2:02
  feels
• 2:02
  good,
• 2:02
  actually.
• 2:04
  I'm
• 2:04
  excited.
• 2:05
  I'm
• 2:05
  excited
• 2:05
  to
• 2:06
  hear
• 2:06
  it.
• 2:06
  So
• 2:06
  tell
• 2:06
  us.
• 2:07
  Tell
• 2:07
  us
• 2:07
  about
• 2:07
  you.
• 2:08
  I
• 2:08
  feel
• 2:08
  like
• 2:08
  this
• 2:08
  is
• 2:09
  important
• 2:09
  part
• 2:09
  of
• 2:09
  the
• 2:10
  process.
• 2:11
  Yeah.
• 2:12
  Well,
• 2:13
  do
• 2:13
  we
• 2:13
  want
• 2:13
  to
• 2:13
  do
• 2:13
  a
• 2:13
  check
• 2:14
  in
• 2:14
  first?
• 2:15
  How
• 2:15
  are
• 2:15
  we
• 2:15
  feeling
• 2:16
  today?
• 2:19
  Today?
• 2:20
  Sure.
• 2:22
  I
• 2:22
  am.
• 2:24
  I
• 2:24
  don't
• 2:24
  know.
• 2:24
  I
• 2:24
  woke
• 2:25
  up
• 2:25
  feeling
• 2:25
  good.
• 2:25
  I
• 2:26
  had
• 2:26
  some
• 2:26
  crazy
• 2:27
  dreams
• 2:27
  last
• 2:27
  night,
• 2:28
  but
• 2:28
  I
• 2:28
  can't
• 2:28
  remember
• 2:28
  what
• 2:29
  they
• 2:29
  were,
• 2:29
  but
• 2:30
  I
• 2:30
  feel
• 2:30
  like
• 2:30
  they
• 2:31
  were
• 2:31
  good.
• 2:33
  I
• 2:33
  just
• 2:34
  can't
• 2:34
  remember
• 2:34
  exactly
• 2:35
  what
• 2:35
  they
• 2:35
  were.
• 2:36
  Oh,
• 2:36
  I
• 2:36
  remember
• 2:36
  horses.
• 2:37
  Horses.
• 2:37
  Oh,
• 2:38
  horses.
• 2:40
  Ponies.
• 2:41
  A
• 2:41
  lot
• 2:41
  of
• 2:41
  ponies.
• 2:44
  I
• 2:44
  have
• 2:44
  to
• 2:44
  look
• 2:45
  that
• 2:45
  up.
• 2:45
  Excuse
• 2:46
  me.
• 2:46
  Yeah,
• 2:47
  I
• 2:47
  have
• 2:47
  to
• 2:47
  look
• 2:47
  it
• 2:47
  up,
• 2:47
  but
• 2:48
  I
• 2:49
  feel
• 2:49
  good.
• 2:49
  I'm
• 2:49
  going
• 2:49
  out
• 2:50
  tonight.
• 2:50
  I'm
• 2:50
  going
• 2:50
  dancing,
• 2:51
  so
• 2:51
  I'm
• 2:51
  going
• 2:51
  to
• 2:51
  shake
• 2:51
  it
• 2:52
  tonight.
• 2:52
  I'm
• 2:53
  excited
• 2:53
  for
• 2:53
  that.
• 2:55
  And,
• 2:56
  yeah.
• 2:56
  Yeah.
• 2:57
  I've
• 2:57
  been
• 2:58
  trying
• 2:58
  to
• 2:59
  put
• 2:59
  out
• 2:59
  feelers,
• 3:00
  and
• 3:00
  that
• 3:01
  gets
• 3:02
  out
• 3:02
  of
• 3:02
  my
• 3:03
  comfort
• 3:03
  zone
• 3:03
  a
• 3:03
  little
• 3:04
  bit.
• 3:04
  So
• 3:05
  I'm
• 3:05
  gonna
• 3:06
  meet
• 3:07
  some
• 3:07
  people.
• 3:08
  Are
• 3:08
  you
• 3:08
  auditioning
• 3:09
  other
• 3:09
  friends?
• 3:09
  Ew.
• 3:10
  For
• 3:11
  a
• 3:11
  walk?
• 3:11
  What's
• 3:12
  happening?
• 3:13
  I
• 3:13
  know.
• 3:14
  How
• 3:14
  could
• 3:15
  I?
• 3:17
  I'm
• 3:17
  gonna
• 3:17
  go
• 3:17
  meet
• 3:18
  some
• 3:18
  other
• 3:18
  ladies
• 3:19
  in
• 3:19
  the
• 3:19
  neighborhood
• 3:19
  for
• 3:20
  a
• 3:20
  walk
• 3:20
  on
• 3:21
  Wednesday.
• 3:21
  So
• 3:22
  I'm
• 3:22
  excited
• 3:23
  about
• 3:23
  that.
• 3:25
  And
• 3:25
  then
• 3:26
  Wednesday's
• 3:26
  a
• 3:26
  big
• 3:26
  day.
• 3:27
  That's.
• 3:27
  We're
• 3:27
  gonna
• 3:28
  do
• 3:28
  our
• 3:28
  next
• 3:28
  podcast,
• 3:29
  and
• 3:29
  then
• 3:29
  I'm
• 3:30
  gonna
• 3:30
  go
• 3:30
  for
• 3:30
  a
• 3:30
  walk,
• 3:30
  and
• 3:30
  then
• 3:31
  I'm
• 3:31
  going
• 3:31
  to,
• 3:33
  like,
• 3:33
  audition
• 3:35
  for
• 3:36
  my
• 3:36
  friend
• 3:36
  who's
• 3:37
  a
• 3:37
  musician
• 3:38
  as
• 3:38
  a
• 3:38
  backup
• 3:40
  vocals.
• 3:41
  What?
• 3:42
  That's
• 3:42
  great.
• 3:43
  Oh,
• 3:43
  yeah.
• 3:44
  Totally
• 3:44
  pushing
• 3:45
  the
• 3:45
  comfort
• 3:45
  lines
• 3:46
  here,
• 3:46
  because
• 3:46
  all
• 3:47
  of
• 3:48
  those
• 3:48
  things
• 3:48
  are
• 3:49
  like,
• 3:49
  E.
• 3:50
  But
• 3:51
  hold
• 3:51
  on
• 3:51
  a
• 3:51
  second.
• 3:51
  I
• 3:52
  didn't
• 3:52
  know
• 3:52
  you
• 3:52
  sang.
• 3:54
  I
• 3:55
  did.
• 3:57
  See?
• 3:57
  You
• 3:57
  do
• 3:57
  learn
• 3:57
  something
• 3:58
  new
• 3:58
  every
• 3:58
  day.
• 4:00
  That
• 4:00
  was
• 4:00
  revealed
• 4:01
  at
• 4:01
  the
• 4:01
  lake
• 4:01
  house.
• 4:04
  Was
• 4:04
  I
• 4:04
  there?
• 4:05
  Maybe
• 4:05
  you
• 4:05
  hadn't
• 4:06
  gotten
• 4:06
  there
• 4:06
  yet.
• 4:06
  Yeah,
• 4:07
  I
• 4:07
  don't
• 4:07
  think
• 4:07
  I
• 4:07
  had
• 4:07
  gotten
• 4:08
  there
• 4:08
  yet.
• 4:08
  Oh,
• 4:08
  yeah.
• 4:08
  Erica's
• 4:09
  like,
• 4:09
  I
• 4:09
  can't
• 4:09
  sing.
• 4:10
  And
• 4:10
  then
• 4:10
  she
• 4:10
  was,
• 4:10
  like,
• 4:11
  jamming
• 4:11
  the
• 4:11
  entire
• 4:12
  time
• 4:12
  on
• 4:12
  the
• 4:12
  way
• 4:13
  back
• 4:14
  from
• 4:14
  Letchworth.
• 4:16
  But
• 4:17
  I
• 4:17
  cannot
• 4:18
  sing.
• 4:18
  I'm
• 4:19
  not
• 4:20
  well.
• 4:20
  Oh,
• 4:21
  my
• 4:21
  God.
• 4:21
  Everybody
• 4:22
  can
• 4:22
  sing,
• 4:22
  but
• 4:24
  sounds
• 4:24
  other
• 4:24
  people
• 4:25
  would
• 4:25
  pay
• 4:25
  money
• 4:25
  to
• 4:26
  hear.
• 4:26
  Don't
• 4:26
  come
• 4:26
  out
• 4:27
  of
• 4:27
  me.
• 4:27
  When
• 4:27
  I
• 4:27
  say
• 4:29
  I
• 4:29
  feel
• 4:29
  the
• 4:30
  same.
• 4:30
  Way,
• 4:31
  I
• 4:31
  say
• 4:31
  I
• 4:31
  can
• 4:32
  carry
• 4:32
  a
• 4:32
  tune.
• 4:33
  That's
• 4:34
  what
• 4:34
  I
• 4:34
  say.
• 4:37
  But
• 4:37
  no,
• 4:37
  I
• 4:37
  took
• 4:38
  voice
• 4:38
  lessons
• 4:38
  in.
• 4:39
  In
• 4:39
  high
• 4:39
  school
• 4:39
  for
• 4:40
  a
• 4:40
  little
• 4:40
  while,
• 4:41
  but
• 4:41
  it's
• 4:42
  nothing.
• 4:42
  My
• 4:43
  dream
• 4:43
  as
• 4:43
  a
• 4:43
  teenager
• 4:44
  was
• 4:44
  to
• 4:44
  be
• 4:44
  a
• 4:44
  backup
• 4:44
  singer
• 4:45
  because
• 4:45
  I
• 4:45
  hate
• 4:46
  being
• 4:46
  the
• 4:46
  center
• 4:46
  of
• 4:47
  attention.
• 4:49
  That's
• 4:49
  amazing.
• 4:50
  My
• 4:50
  dream
• 4:50
  was
• 4:51
  to
• 4:51
  be
• 4:51
  a
• 4:51
  backup
• 4:51
  dancer.
• 4:53
  I
• 4:53
  was
• 4:53
  to
• 4:53
  be
• 4:54
  a
• 4:54
  singer
• 4:54
  also.
• 4:54
  For
• 4:55
  the
• 4:55
  same
• 4:55
  reason.
• 4:56
  And
• 4:56
  here
• 4:56
  we've
• 4:57
  our
• 4:57
  Sagittarius.
• 4:58
  Fiery
• 4:59
  energy.
• 4:59
  Like,
• 5:00
  put
• 5:00
  me
• 5:00
  right
• 5:00
  up
• 5:00
  front.
• 5:01
  Look
• 5:01
  at
• 5:01
  me.
• 5:02
  Oh,
• 5:02
  my
• 5:03
  God,
• 5:03
  that's
• 5:03
  so
• 5:03
  funny.
• 5:04
  We've
• 5:04
  never
• 5:04
  talked
• 5:04
  about
• 5:04
  this
• 5:05
  before,
• 5:05
  but
• 5:05
  I
• 5:05
  always
• 5:06
  thought
• 5:06
  that
• 5:06
  I
• 5:06
  would.
• 5:06
  I
• 5:07
  always
• 5:07
  wanted
• 5:07
  to,
• 5:07
  like,
• 5:07
  be
• 5:08
  a
• 5:08
  singer.
• 5:08
  I'm
• 5:09
  crying.
• 5:12
  The
• 5:12
  three
• 5:13
  rebel
• 5:13
  souls
• 5:13
  on
• 5:14
  tour
• 5:14
  singing.
• 5:15
  Oh,
• 5:16
  boy,
• 5:18
  oh,
• 5:19
  boy.
• 5:20
  I'm
• 5:20
  shaking
• 5:20
  my
• 5:20
  head
• 5:21
  vigorously.
• 5:22
  Yeah,
• 5:23
  that
• 5:23
  sounds
• 5:24
  like
• 5:24
  a
• 5:24
  nightmare.
• 5:25
  Let
• 5:26
  me
• 5:26
  just,
• 5:26
  like,
• 5:26
  like,
• 5:27
  curl
• 5:27
  in
• 5:27
  on
• 5:27
  myself
• 5:28
  for
• 5:28
  a
• 5:28
  minute.
• 5:29
  So
• 5:30
  funny.
• 5:30
  Yeah,
• 5:30
  no,
• 5:30
  I
• 5:31
  wouldn't
• 5:31
  attempt
• 5:31
  that.
• 5:31
  I've
• 5:31
  never
• 5:32
  even
• 5:32
  had
• 5:32
  one
• 5:32
  single
• 5:33
  voice
• 5:33
  lesson
• 5:35
  not
• 5:35
  happening
• 5:36
  out
• 5:36
  of
• 5:36
  this
• 5:37
  box.
• 5:38
  Maybe
• 5:38
  we'll
• 5:39
  do
• 5:39
  a
• 5:39
  podcast
• 5:39
  where
• 5:40
  we
• 5:40
  each
• 5:40
  sing
• 5:40
  a
• 5:40
  little
• 5:41
  verse
• 5:41
  or
• 5:42
  something.
• 5:42
  Yeah,
• 5:42
  no,
• 5:43
  no,
• 5:43
  It'll
• 5:44
  be
• 5:44
  fun.
• 5:45
  We
• 5:45
  can
• 5:45
  do.
• 5:46
  We
• 5:46
  can
• 5:46
  do
• 5:46
  scary
• 5:46
  things.
• 5:47
  That
• 5:47
  sounds
• 5:48
  like
• 5:48
  a
• 5:48
  great
• 5:48
  way
• 5:48
  to
• 5:48
  lose
• 5:49
  whatever
• 5:49
  listeners
• 5:50
  we're
• 5:50
  able
• 5:50
  to
• 5:50
  get.
• 5:52
  You
• 5:52
  are
• 5:52
  only
• 5:53
  speaking
• 5:53
  for
• 5:54
  myself.
• 5:54
  Erica
• 5:55
  can
• 5:55
  carry
• 5:55
  a
• 5:55
  tune.
• 5:56
  F.
• 5:58
  Okay.
• 5:58
  I
• 5:59
  cannot.
• 6:02
  Okay.
• 6:03
  Well.
• 6:03
  And
• 6:03
  how
• 6:04
  are
• 6:04
  you,
• 6:04
  Erica?
• 6:08
  I'm
• 6:08
  good.
• 6:10
  I
• 6:11
  feel
• 6:11
  like
• 6:11
  it's
• 6:11
  been
• 6:11
  another.
• 6:12
  There
• 6:13
  were
• 6:13
  a
• 6:13
  lot
• 6:13
  of
• 6:13
  good
• 6:14
  things
• 6:14
  this
• 6:14
  week,
• 6:15
  especially,
• 6:16
  like,
• 6:16
  at
• 6:17
  work
• 6:18
  that
• 6:18
  happened
• 6:19
  all
• 6:19
  in
• 6:19
  a
• 6:19
  row,
• 6:20
  which
• 6:20
  was
• 6:20
  awesome.
• 6:22
  But
• 6:22
  I've
• 6:23
  also
• 6:23
  been
• 6:23
  doing
• 6:23
  a
• 6:23
  lot
• 6:24
  of
• 6:24
  reflecting
• 6:24
  on
• 6:25
  this,
• 6:25
  and,
• 6:25
  like,
• 6:25
  how
• 6:25
  do
• 6:26
  I.
• 6:27
  How
• 6:27
  do
• 6:28
  I
• 6:28
  tell
• 6:28
  this
• 6:28
  story
• 6:29
  in
• 6:29
  one
• 6:29
  episode
• 6:30
  way
• 6:30
  as,
• 6:31
  like,
• 6:31
  the
• 6:31
  starting
• 6:31
  point?
• 6:32
  Like,
• 6:32
  what
• 6:32
  are
• 6:32
  the.
• 6:32
  What
• 6:33
  are
• 6:33
  the
• 6:33
  things?
• 6:33
  So,
• 6:33
  of
• 6:33
  course,
• 6:34
  like,
• 6:34
  I've.
• 6:34
  I've
• 6:34
  been
• 6:34
  revisiting
• 6:35
  a
• 6:35
  lot
• 6:35
  of
• 6:35
  things,
• 6:36
  and
• 6:37
  that's
• 6:38
  been
• 6:38
  an
• 6:38
  interesting
• 6:39
  little
• 6:39
  roller
• 6:40
  coaster
• 6:40
  to
• 6:41
  go
• 6:41
  on,
• 6:42
  kind
• 6:42
  of
• 6:42
  preparing
• 6:43
  for
• 6:43
  this
• 6:43
  episode,
• 6:44
  but
• 6:45
  here
• 6:45
  we
• 6:45
  are.
• 6:46
  So
• 6:46
  I'm
• 6:46
  ready.
• 6:47
  Let's
• 6:47
  rip
• 6:48
  off
• 6:48
  the
• 6:48
  band
• 6:48
  aid.
• 6:49
  Okay.
• 6:51
  Tell
• 6:52
  us
• 6:52
  a
• 6:52
  little
• 6:52
  bit
• 6:53
  about
• 6:53
  yourself.
• 6:56
  Okay.
• 6:56
  So
• 6:56
  I
• 6:56
  think
• 6:57
  what's
• 6:57
  maybe
• 6:57
  been
• 6:59
  difficult
• 6:59
  for
• 7:00
  me
• 7:00
  in
• 7:00
  sharing
• 7:01
  my
• 7:01
  story
• 7:01
  because
• 7:02
  not
• 7:03
  a
• 7:03
  lot
• 7:03
  of
• 7:04
  people
• 7:05
  know
• 7:05
  the
• 7:05
  details
• 7:06
  of,
• 7:07
  like,
• 7:07
  all
• 7:07
  of
• 7:08
  my
• 7:08
  story,
• 7:10
  is
• 7:11
  that
• 7:11
  I'm.
• 7:12
  I'm
• 7:12
  still
• 7:12
  kind
• 7:13
  of
• 7:13
  afraid
• 7:14
  of
• 7:15
  the.
• 7:16
  I
• 7:16
  don't.
• 7:16
  I'm
• 7:16
  not
• 7:16
  afraid
• 7:17
  of
• 7:17
  what
• 7:17
  people
• 7:17
  will
• 7:18
  think,
• 7:18
  because
• 7:18
  I
• 7:18
  think
• 7:18
  I've
• 7:19
  come
• 7:19
  to
• 7:19
  a
• 7:19
  place
• 7:19
  where
• 7:19
  I'm,
• 7:20
  like,
• 7:20
  very
• 7:22
  secure,
• 7:23
  and
• 7:23
  I
• 7:23
  know
• 7:23
  that
• 7:24
  I've
• 7:24
  made
• 7:24
  all
• 7:24
  the
• 7:24
  right
• 7:24
  choices
• 7:25
  because
• 7:25
  of
• 7:25
  where
• 7:26
  I
• 7:26
  am
• 7:26
  now.
• 7:27
  Like,
• 7:27
  any
• 7:28
  one
• 7:28
  different
• 7:29
  thing
• 7:30
  would
• 7:30
  have
• 7:30
  landed
• 7:31
  me
• 7:31
  in
• 7:31
  a
• 7:31
  different
• 7:31
  place,
• 7:32
  and
• 7:32
  then
• 7:32
  I
• 7:32
  wouldn't
• 7:32
  be
• 7:32
  here.
• 7:33
  Right?
• 7:33
  So
• 7:33
  I'm.
• 7:33
  I'm.
• 7:34
  I'm
• 7:34
  at
• 7:34
  peace
• 7:35
  with,
• 7:35
  like,
• 7:35
  all
• 7:35
  of
• 7:35
  that.
• 7:36
  But
• 7:36
  it's
• 7:37
  interesting
• 7:37
  when
• 7:38
  you
• 7:38
  tell
• 7:38
  your
• 7:38
  story
• 7:39
  the
• 7:39
  way
• 7:39
  people
• 7:39
  react
• 7:39
  to
• 7:40
  it,
• 7:40
  because
• 7:40
  my
• 7:41
  story
• 7:41
  isn't
• 7:42
  a
• 7:42
  story
• 7:42
  about,
• 7:43
  like,
• 7:44
  escaping
• 7:45
  a
• 7:45
  bad
• 7:46
  life
• 7:46
  or,
• 7:46
  like,
• 7:47
  all
• 7:47
  these
• 7:47
  terrible
• 7:48
  things
• 7:48
  happen
• 7:48
  to
• 7:49
  me.
• 7:49
  It
• 7:49
  was
• 7:50
  more
• 7:50
  about
• 7:53
  abandoning
• 7:54
  a
• 7:54
  good
• 7:54
  life
• 7:55
  that
• 7:55
  wasn't
• 7:55
  my
• 7:56
  life,
• 8:00
  which
• 8:00
  is
• 8:00
  a
• 8:00
  very
• 8:00
  different
• 8:01
  thing.
• 8:02
  But
• 8:03
  when
• 8:03
  I
• 8:03
  was
• 8:03
  reflecting
• 8:04
  on
• 8:04
  this
• 8:04
  and
• 8:04
  trying
• 8:04
  to
• 8:05
  think
• 8:05
  about
• 8:07
  how
• 8:07
  to
• 8:07
  articulate
• 8:08
  that
• 8:09
  in
• 8:09
  a
• 8:09
  way
• 8:09
  that
• 8:10
  maybe
• 8:11
  will
• 8:11
  resonate
• 8:11
  with
• 8:12
  some
• 8:12
  people,
• 8:13
  the
• 8:13
  best
• 8:13
  way
• 8:13
  that
• 8:13
  I
• 8:13
  can
• 8:14
  think
• 8:14
  about
• 8:15
  this
• 8:15
  is
• 8:15
  that
• 8:17
  feels
• 8:17
  like
• 8:17
  I
• 8:18
  was
• 8:18
  given
• 8:20
  this
• 8:20
  picture
• 8:22
  of
• 8:23
  what
• 8:23
  a
• 8:24
  perfect
• 8:24
  life
• 8:24
  should
• 8:25
  look
• 8:25
  like.
• 8:26
  And
• 8:27
  along
• 8:27
  with
• 8:28
  that
• 8:28
  picture,
• 8:30
  it
• 8:30
  looks
• 8:30
  like
• 8:30
  a
• 8:30
  paint
• 8:31
  by
• 8:31
  number.
• 8:32
  It's,
• 8:32
  like,
• 8:32
  divided
• 8:32
  into
• 8:33
  sections,
• 8:33
  and
• 8:33
  it's
• 8:33
  like,
• 8:33
  you
• 8:34
  put
• 8:34
  this
• 8:34
  color
• 8:34
  here
• 8:35
  and
• 8:35
  this
• 8:35
  color
• 8:35
  here,
• 8:36
  and
• 8:36
  everything
• 8:36
  has
• 8:36
  to
• 8:36
  be
• 8:37
  exactly
• 8:37
  this
• 8:37
  way.
• 8:38
  And
• 8:38
  when
• 8:38
  it's
• 8:38
  all
• 8:39
  done,
• 8:39
  this
• 8:39
  perfect
• 8:40
  image
• 8:40
  will
• 8:40
  come
• 8:40
  to
• 8:41
  life.
• 8:41
  This
• 8:41
  beautiful
• 8:41
  image
• 8:42
  will
• 8:42
  come
• 8:42
  to
• 8:42
  life,
• 8:42
  and
• 8:44
  it'll
• 8:44
  be
• 8:45
  all,
• 8:45
  like,
• 8:45
  butterflies
• 8:45
  and
• 8:45
  rainbows,
• 8:46
  right?
• 8:48
  So
• 8:48
  it
• 8:48
  was
• 8:48
  like
• 8:48
  a
• 8:49
  paint
• 8:49
  by
• 8:49
  number
• 8:51
  that
• 8:52
  I
• 8:52
  was
• 8:52
  given
• 8:53
  that
• 8:53
  was
• 8:53
  sort
• 8:53
  of
• 8:54
  like,
• 8:54
  here's.
• 8:54
  Here's
• 8:55
  the
• 8:55
  recipe.
• 8:57
  And
• 8:57
  one
• 8:58
  thing
• 8:58
  to
• 8:58
  know
• 8:58
  about
• 8:58
  me
• 8:58
  is
• 8:58
  that
• 8:58
  I've
• 8:59
  always
• 8:59
  been
• 8:59
  a
• 8:59
  rule
• 8:59
  follower.
• 9:00
  I
• 9:01
  never
• 9:01
  got
• 9:01
  in
• 9:01
  trouble
• 9:02
  for,
• 9:02
  like,
• 9:02
  anything
• 9:03
  ever.
• 9:04
  Growing
• 9:04
  up,
• 9:07
  I
• 9:07
  was
• 9:07
  definitely,
• 9:09
  like.
• 9:10
  I
• 9:10
  was
• 9:10
  just
• 9:11
  the
• 9:12
  little.
• 9:13
  I
• 9:13
  don't
• 9:14
  know.
• 9:14
  I
• 9:14
  was
• 9:14
  very
• 9:14
  compliant
• 9:15
  as
• 9:16
  a
• 9:16
  child.
• 9:16
  I
• 9:17
  was.
• 9:17
  I
• 9:18
  learned
• 9:18
  the
• 9:18
  rule
• 9:20
  of
• 9:20
  the
• 9:20
  world
• 9:20
  around
• 9:21
  me,
• 9:22
  and
• 9:23
  I
• 9:23
  followed
• 9:23
  them.
• 9:24
  So,
• 9:25
  of
• 9:25
  course,
• 9:25
  then
• 9:27
  when
• 9:28
  people
• 9:29
  or
• 9:29
  society
• 9:29
  give
• 9:30
  you
• 9:30
  this,
• 9:30
  like,
• 9:30
  paint
• 9:30
  by
• 9:31
  number
• 9:31
  and
• 9:31
  it
• 9:31
  comes
• 9:32
  with
• 9:32
  rules,
• 9:32
  you're
• 9:32
  like,
• 9:33
  okay,
• 9:33
  I
• 9:34
  can
• 9:34
  do
• 9:34
  this.
• 9:35
  I
• 9:35
  can
• 9:35
  put
• 9:35
  the
• 9:35
  blue
• 9:36
  here,
• 9:36
  and
• 9:36
  I
• 9:36
  can
• 9:36
  put
• 9:36
  the
• 9:37
  red
• 9:37
  here,
• 9:37
  and
• 9:37
  I
• 9:37
  can
• 9:38
  put
• 9:38
  the
• 9:38
  purple
• 9:38
  here,
• 9:38
  and
• 9:38
  I'll,
• 9:39
  like.
• 9:39
  And
• 9:39
  I'm
• 9:39
  gonna.
• 9:40
  I'm
• 9:41
  gonna
• 9:41
  do
• 9:41
  everything
• 9:41
  exactly
• 9:42
  the
• 9:42
  way
• 9:42
  I'm
• 9:42
  supposed
• 9:42
  to
• 9:42
  do
• 9:43
  it.
• 9:46
  So
• 9:46
  I,
• 9:47
  you
• 9:47
  know,
• 9:47
  I
• 9:47
  wanted
• 9:47
  to,
• 9:48
  like,
• 9:48
  fill
• 9:48
  in
• 9:49
  the
• 9:49
  picture
• 9:49
  correctly.
• 9:50
  And
• 9:50
  I
• 9:50
  think
• 9:51
  that's
• 9:51
  partially,
• 9:51
  like,
• 9:53
  the
• 9:53
  way
• 9:53
  I'm
• 9:54
  wired.
• 9:54
  I
• 9:54
  just
• 9:54
  sort
• 9:55
  of
• 9:55
  have,
• 9:55
  like,
• 9:55
  a
• 9:56
  natural
• 9:57
  disposition
• 9:57
  to,
• 9:57
  like,
• 9:58
  systems
• 9:58
  and
• 9:58
  rules.
• 9:59
  But
• 9:59
  also,
• 10:00
  we
• 10:00
  were
• 10:00
  parented
• 10:01
  by
• 10:01
  the
• 10:01
  because
• 10:01
  I
• 10:01
  said
• 10:02
  so
• 10:02
  generation.
• 10:03
  So
• 10:03
  I
• 10:03
  also.
• 10:04
  I
• 10:04
  think
• 10:04
  I
• 10:04
  learned
• 10:04
  very
• 10:05
  early
• 10:05
  that
• 10:05
  I
• 10:05
  shouldn't
• 10:06
  question
• 10:07
  the
• 10:07
  rules.
• 10:11
  And
• 10:12
  then
• 10:14
  there
• 10:14
  was
• 10:14
  also
• 10:14
  this,
• 10:15
  like,
• 10:15
  little
• 10:15
  side
• 10:16
  side
• 10:16
  story
• 10:16
  of
• 10:17
  my
• 10:17
  parents
• 10:17
  divorced
• 10:18
  when
• 10:18
  I
• 10:18
  was
• 10:18
  seven.
• 10:20
  For
• 10:20
  me,
• 10:21
  even
• 10:21
  as
• 10:21
  a
• 10:21
  child,
• 10:22
  I
• 10:22
  remember,
• 10:23
  like,
• 10:24
  of
• 10:24
  course,
• 10:24
  I
• 10:24
  was
• 10:25
  upset
• 10:25
  about
• 10:25
  it
• 10:25
  at
• 10:25
  first,
• 10:26
  but
• 10:26
  very
• 10:27
  quickly
• 10:27
  that
• 10:27
  turned
• 10:28
  into,
• 10:28
  like,
• 10:29
  the
• 10:29
  realization
• 10:30
  that
• 10:30
  this
• 10:30
  was
• 10:30
  better,
• 10:30
  and
• 10:31
  it
• 10:31
  was
• 10:31
  almost
• 10:31
  a
• 10:31
  Relief
• 10:32
  not
• 10:33
  having
• 10:33
  them
• 10:33
  be
• 10:33
  in
• 10:33
  the
• 10:34
  same
• 10:34
  place
• 10:35
  anymore
• 10:36
  because
• 10:36
  they
• 10:36
  were
• 10:36
  both
• 10:38
  much
• 10:38
  happier
• 10:38
  individuals
• 10:39
  on
• 10:39
  their
• 10:39
  own.
• 10:42
  They
• 10:43
  just.
• 10:43
  They
• 10:43
  never
• 10:45
  really
• 10:45
  seem
• 10:45
  to
• 10:45
  like
• 10:46
  each
• 10:46
  other
• 10:46
  very
• 10:46
  much.
• 10:48
  But
• 10:48
  also,
• 10:48
  I
• 10:49
  think
• 10:49
  that
• 10:51
  can
• 10:51
  mostly
• 10:52
  be
• 10:52
  traced
• 10:52
  to
• 10:53
  my
• 10:54
  dad,
• 10:54
  who's
• 10:56
  alcoholic
• 10:56
  and
• 10:56
  a
• 10:56
  bit
• 10:57
  of
• 10:57
  a
• 10:57
  narcissist,
• 10:58
  but
• 10:58
  that's
• 10:58
  like
• 10:59
  a
• 10:59
  whole
• 10:59
  other
• 10:59
  story.
• 11:00
  But
• 11:00
  at
• 11:01
  any
• 11:01
  rate,
• 11:01
  I
• 11:01
  looked
• 11:02
  at.
• 11:03
  I
• 11:04
  looked
• 11:04
  at
• 11:05
  their
• 11:05
  marriage,
• 11:05
  and
• 11:06
  I
• 11:06
  was
• 11:06
  like,
• 11:06
  okay,
• 11:07
  well,
• 11:07
  here's
• 11:07
  another
• 11:08
  rule
• 11:08
  I'm
• 11:08
  learning.
• 11:09
  Do
• 11:09
  the
• 11:09
  opposite
• 11:10
  of
• 11:10
  whatever
• 11:10
  this
• 11:10
  is.
• 11:11
  Like,
• 11:11
  just
• 11:13
  this
• 11:13
  ain't
• 11:13
  it.
• 11:14
  So
• 11:15
  take
• 11:15
  all
• 11:15
  of
• 11:15
  this
• 11:16
  and
• 11:16
  just
• 11:17
  go
• 11:17
  to
• 11:17
  the
• 11:17
  other
• 11:18
  extreme
• 11:19
  and
• 11:19
  do
• 11:19
  that,
• 11:20
  and
• 11:20
  then
• 11:20
  things
• 11:20
  will
• 11:21
  be
• 11:21
  good,
• 11:21
  right?
• 11:22
  So
• 11:22
  I
• 11:22
  did
• 11:23
  all
• 11:23
  the
• 11:23
  things
• 11:23
  I
• 11:23
  did
• 11:24
  really
• 11:24
  well
• 11:24
  in
• 11:24
  school.
• 11:25
  I
• 11:25
  participated
• 11:26
  in
• 11:26
  all
• 11:26
  the
• 11:27
  sports.
• 11:27
  I
• 11:27
  was
• 11:27
  on
• 11:27
  the
• 11:27
  teams.
• 11:28
  I
• 11:28
  did
• 11:28
  the
• 11:28
  things.
• 11:29
  I
• 11:29
  had,
• 11:30
  quote,
• 11:30
  unquote,
• 11:31
  friends.
• 11:32
  At
• 11:32
  least
• 11:32
  it
• 11:32
  looked
• 11:33
  like
• 11:33
  I
• 11:33
  did
• 11:33
  on
• 11:33
  the
• 11:34
  surface
• 11:34
  level.
• 11:36
  I
• 11:37
  went
• 11:37
  to
• 11:37
  college,
• 11:37
  I
• 11:38
  graduated,
• 11:38
  and
• 11:38
  I
• 11:38
  got
• 11:39
  a
• 11:39
  job.
• 11:39
  I,
• 11:40
  you
• 11:40
  know,
• 11:40
  continued
• 11:41
  to,
• 11:41
  like,
• 11:41
  progress
• 11:41
  through
• 11:42
  my
• 11:42
  career.
• 11:42
  I
• 11:42
  got
• 11:43
  married
• 11:43
  to
• 11:43
  a
• 11:43
  really
• 11:43
  nice
• 11:44
  guy.
• 11:45
  We
• 11:45
  got
• 11:46
  a
• 11:46
  dog.
• 11:47
  We
• 11:48
  moved
• 11:48
  around
• 11:48
  to
• 11:49
  a
• 11:49
  couple
• 11:49
  different
• 11:49
  cities.
• 11:50
  We
• 11:50
  lived
• 11:50
  different
• 11:50
  places.
• 11:51
  We
• 11:52
  had
• 11:52
  some
• 11:52
  fun
• 11:53
  adventures.
• 11:53
  And
• 11:54
  about
• 11:55
  nine
• 11:55
  years
• 11:55
  into
• 11:55
  our
• 11:56
  marriage,
• 11:56
  we
• 11:56
  bought
• 11:56
  a
• 11:56
  house,
• 11:57
  which
• 11:57
  was
• 11:59
  a
• 11:59
  massive
• 12:00
  feat
• 12:00
  in
• 12:00
  and
• 12:00
  of
• 12:00
  itself
• 12:01
  in
• 12:01
  the
• 12:01
  greater
• 12:01
  Boston
• 12:02
  area.
• 12:04
  But
• 12:04
  I
• 12:05
  just
• 12:05
  remember
• 12:05
  thinking
• 12:07
  once
• 12:08
  we
• 12:08
  got
• 12:08
  there
• 12:09
  and
• 12:10
  we
• 12:10
  were,
• 12:10
  like,
• 12:10
  kind
• 12:10
  of
• 12:10
  settled
• 12:11
  in
• 12:11
  and
• 12:11
  I
• 12:11
  had,
• 12:11
  you
• 12:12
  know,
• 12:13
  made
• 12:13
  everything
• 12:13
  look,
• 12:14
  like,
• 12:14
  so
• 12:14
  beautiful
• 12:15
  inside
• 12:15
  and,
• 12:15
  like,
• 12:16
  picked
• 12:16
  out
• 12:16
  the
• 12:16
  curtains
• 12:16
  and
• 12:17
  the
• 12:17
  carpets
• 12:17
  and
• 12:17
  all
• 12:18
  the,
• 12:18
  like,
• 12:18
  all
• 12:18
  the
• 12:18
  furniture,
• 12:19
  I
• 12:19
  just
• 12:20
  remember
• 12:20
  thinking,
• 12:20
  like,
• 12:21
  okay,
• 12:24
  I
• 12:24
  filled
• 12:24
  in
• 12:25
  all
• 12:25
  the
• 12:25
  colors.
• 12:25
  When
• 12:26
  is
• 12:26
  this
• 12:26
  going
• 12:26
  to
• 12:26
  get
• 12:26
  good?
• 12:28
  And
• 12:29
  it
• 12:29
  was
• 12:30
  just
• 12:30
  this,
• 12:30
  I
• 12:31
  think
• 12:31
  at
• 12:31
  first,
• 12:31
  like,
• 12:32
  a
• 12:32
  bit
• 12:32
  of
• 12:32
  a
• 12:32
  slow
• 12:32
  burn.
• 12:33
  Like,
• 12:34
  I
• 12:34
  had
• 12:34
  achieved
• 12:35
  so
• 12:35
  many
• 12:35
  things,
• 12:35
  and
• 12:36
  I'd
• 12:36
  done
• 12:36
  all
• 12:37
  the
• 12:37
  things
• 12:37
  I
• 12:37
  was,
• 12:37
  quote,
• 12:37
  unquote,
• 12:38
  supposed
• 12:38
  to
• 12:38
  do,
• 12:40
  but
• 12:40
  I
• 12:40
  was
• 12:40
  still
• 12:40
  feeling
• 12:41
  really
• 12:41
  unfulfilled.
• 12:43
  And
• 12:43
  frankly,
• 12:44
  I
• 12:44
  was,
• 12:44
  like,
• 12:44
  tired.
• 12:45
  I
• 12:45
  was
• 12:45
  just
• 12:47
  exhausted
• 12:48
  from,
• 12:50
  you
• 12:51
  know,
• 12:51
  in
• 12:51
  retrospect,
• 12:51
  I
• 12:52
  think
• 12:52
  it
• 12:52
  was
• 12:52
  just
• 12:52
  a
• 12:52
  lot
• 12:52
  of,
• 12:52
  like,
• 12:53
  probably
• 12:53
  unhealthy
• 12:54
  striving
• 12:55
  or,
• 12:55
  like,
• 12:55
  this
• 12:57
  obsession
• 12:57
  with
• 12:58
  perfectionism.
• 12:59
  So
• 13:01
  that's
• 13:02
  the
• 13:02
  short
• 13:02
  version.
• 13:04
  One
• 13:05
  thing
• 13:05
  that's
• 13:05
  just
• 13:05
  stuck
• 13:05
  out
• 13:06
  to
• 13:06
  me
• 13:06
  when
• 13:06
  you
• 13:06
  said
• 13:07
  about
• 13:08
  being
• 13:08
  happy
• 13:09
  with
• 13:09
  the
• 13:09
  divorce,.
• 13:15
  It.
• 13:15
  Which
• 13:16
  is
• 13:16
  funny
• 13:16
  because,
• 13:17
  like,
• 13:17
  you're
• 13:17
  seven
• 13:17
  years
• 13:18
  old
• 13:19
  and
• 13:19
  you
• 13:19
  were
• 13:20
  wise
• 13:21
  enough
• 13:21
  to
• 13:21
  know
• 13:22
  that
• 13:22
  that
• 13:22
  was
• 13:22
  better
• 13:23
  for
• 13:23
  you,
• 13:24
  right?
• 13:25
  And
• 13:26
  as
• 13:26
  we
• 13:27
  know,
• 13:27
  so
• 13:27
  many
• 13:27
  people
• 13:27
  stay
• 13:28
  in
• 13:28
  marriages
• 13:29
  for
• 13:29
  the
• 13:29
  children
• 13:32
  because
• 13:32
  they
• 13:32
  think
• 13:33
  that
• 13:33
  they
• 13:33
  know
• 13:36
  everything
• 13:36
  that's
• 13:36
  best.
• 13:36
  And
• 13:37
  they
• 13:37
  never
• 13:37
  include
• 13:37
  the
• 13:38
  children,
• 13:38
  even
• 13:38
  in
• 13:38
  discussions
• 13:39
  of
• 13:39
  how
• 13:40
  they
• 13:40
  might
• 13:40
  feel,
• 13:41
  because
• 13:41
  maybe
• 13:41
  they're
• 13:41
  afraid
• 13:42
  of
• 13:42
  what
• 13:42
  the
• 13:42
  K
• 13:43
  would
• 13:43
  feel,
• 13:43
  how
• 13:44
  they,
• 13:44
  you
• 13:44
  know,
• 13:45
  because
• 13:45
  it
• 13:45
  might
• 13:46
  be
• 13:46
  upsetting
• 13:46
  or
• 13:46
  whatnot,
• 13:47
  but
• 13:47
  I
• 13:47
  can
• 13:48
  totally
• 13:48
  relate
• 13:48
  to
• 13:51
  it
• 13:51
  feeling
• 13:51
  more
• 13:51
  like
• 13:51
  a
• 13:52
  relief.
• 13:52
  Right?
• 13:52
  Like,
• 13:53
  did
• 13:53
  you
• 13:53
  feel
• 13:53
  more
• 13:53
  like
• 13:54
  a
• 13:54
  relief
• 13:54
  because
• 13:55
  from,
• 13:55
  like,
• 13:55
  all
• 13:55
  the
• 13:56
  chaos.
• 13:57
  Yeah,
• 13:58
  yeah.
• 13:58
  Everything
• 13:59
  was
• 13:59
  much
• 13:59
  more.
• 14:01
  Well,
• 14:02
  I
• 14:02
  shouldn't
• 14:02
  say
• 14:02
  everything,
• 14:04
  right.
• 14:04
  Because
• 14:05
  there
• 14:05
  was
• 14:05
  still.
• 14:06
  We
• 14:06
  went
• 14:06
  back
• 14:07
  and
• 14:07
  forth
• 14:07
  between
• 14:07
  houses,
• 14:08
  and
• 14:08
  there
• 14:08
  was
• 14:08
  still,
• 14:08
  like,
• 14:09
  the
• 14:09
  side
• 14:09
  of
• 14:09
  it
• 14:09
  where
• 14:12
  my
• 14:12
  dad
• 14:12
  was
• 14:12
  quite
• 14:12
  unpredictable,
• 14:15
  ironically
• 14:16
  enough.
• 14:16
  Like,
• 14:18
  he
• 14:19
  was
• 14:19
  the
• 14:19
  one
• 14:19
  who
• 14:20
  opted
• 14:20
  to
• 14:20
  end
• 14:20
  the
• 14:21
  marriage.
• 14:22
  But,
• 14:23
  like,
• 14:24
  my.
• 14:24
  I
• 14:24
  think
• 14:24
  my
• 14:24
  mom,
• 14:25
  if
• 14:25
  she'd
• 14:25
  had
• 14:26
  her
• 14:26
  way,
• 14:26
  was
• 14:26
  sort
• 14:26
  of
• 14:26
  more
• 14:27
  in
• 14:27
  that
• 14:27
  mindset.
• 14:27
  Right.
• 14:28
  Again,
• 14:28
  because
• 14:28
  that's
• 14:28
  what
• 14:29
  they
• 14:30
  were
• 14:30
  told.
• 14:31
  It's
• 14:31
  till
• 14:31
  death
• 14:31
  do
• 14:32
  us
• 14:32
  part,
• 14:32
  no
• 14:32
  matter
• 14:33
  what.
• 14:33
  Stay
• 14:34
  in
• 14:34
  it
• 14:34
  for
• 14:34
  the
• 14:34
  kids.
• 14:37
  And
• 14:37
  I
• 14:37
  know
• 14:37
  she
• 14:37
  did.
• 14:37
  She
• 14:38
  wouldn't
• 14:38
  have
• 14:38
  wanted
• 14:38
  to
• 14:39
  do
• 14:39
  anything
• 14:40
  that
• 14:40
  would
• 14:42
  harm
• 14:42
  me
• 14:43
  or
• 14:43
  my
• 14:43
  brother.
• 14:45
  So
• 14:46
  I.
• 14:46
  I
• 14:46
  remember,
• 14:47
  like,
• 14:47
  consciously
• 14:48
  understanding,
• 14:48
  like,
• 14:49
  okay,
• 14:49
  well,
• 14:50
  they're
• 14:50
  in
• 14:50
  two
• 14:50
  different
• 14:50
  places
• 14:51
  now.
• 14:51
  They
• 14:51
  can't
• 14:52
  fight
• 14:52
  anymore,
• 14:52
  so
• 14:53
  that's
• 14:53
  good.
• 14:55
  There
• 14:55
  was
• 14:56
  still
• 14:56
  a
• 14:56
  little
• 14:56
  bit
• 14:56
  of,
• 14:56
  like,
• 14:57
  volatility
• 14:57
  just
• 14:58
  with
• 14:58
  my
• 14:58
  dad's
• 14:59
  unpredictable
• 15:00
  personality,
• 15:02
  but
• 15:04
  for
• 15:05
  the
• 15:05
  most
• 15:05
  part,
• 15:06
  everything
• 15:07
  was
• 15:07
  better
• 15:08
  after
• 15:08
  that.
• 15:11
  And
• 15:12
  what
• 15:12
  was
• 15:12
  the
• 15:12
  relationship
• 15:13
  with
• 15:13
  your
• 15:13
  dad
• 15:14
  like
• 15:14
  after
• 15:15
  that?
• 15:18
  Was
• 15:18
  there
• 15:18
  a
• 15:18
  relationship?
• 15:19
  Well,
• 15:20
  for
• 15:20
  a
• 15:20
  while
• 15:21
  there
• 15:21
  was,
• 15:22
  because
• 15:22
  I
• 15:22
  was
• 15:23
  very
• 15:23
  young
• 15:24
  and
• 15:24
  very
• 15:24
  naive,
• 15:26
  right.
• 15:26
  So,
• 15:26
  like,
• 15:27
  I.
• 15:30
  Like,
• 15:30
  my
• 15:30
  dad
• 15:31
  was
• 15:31
  a
• 15:31
  big
• 15:31
  sports
• 15:31
  guy,
• 15:32
  and
• 15:32
  like
• 15:32
  I
• 15:32
  said,
• 15:32
  I
• 15:33
  played
• 15:33
  sports.
• 15:33
  My
• 15:34
  brother
• 15:34
  played
• 15:34
  sports.
• 15:35
  So,
• 15:35
  like,
• 15:35
  a
• 15:35
  lot
• 15:35
  of
• 15:36
  our
• 15:36
  stuff
• 15:36
  revolved
• 15:37
  around
• 15:38
  sports.
• 15:39
  And,
• 15:39
  like,
• 15:40
  we
• 15:41
  grew
• 15:41
  up
• 15:41
  going
• 15:41
  to
• 15:41
  Penn
• 15:41
  State
• 15:42
  games.
• 15:42
  And
• 15:42
  that
• 15:42
  was
• 15:42
  always
• 15:43
  fun
• 15:43
  because
• 15:43
  it
• 15:44
  was
• 15:44
  always
• 15:44
  a
• 15:44
  big
• 15:44
  show
• 15:45
  and,
• 15:45
  you
• 15:46
  know,
• 15:47
  a
• 15:48
  show
• 15:48
  that
• 15:49
  my
• 15:49
  dad
• 15:49
  would
• 15:49
  put
• 15:50
  on
• 15:50
  for
• 15:50
  his
• 15:50
  friends
• 15:51
  at
• 15:52
  the
• 15:52
  tailgate,
• 15:52
  because
• 15:53
  that
• 15:53
  was
• 15:53
  sort
• 15:53
  of
• 15:53
  like
• 15:53
  the.
• 15:54
  The
• 15:54
  theme.
• 15:57
  And
• 15:58
  for
• 15:58
  a
• 15:58
  while,
• 16:00
  we
• 16:01
  just.
• 16:01
  Like,
• 16:01
  he
• 16:01
  was
• 16:02
  the
• 16:02
  unparent,
• 16:03
  right?
• 16:04
  Like,
• 16:04
  he
• 16:04
  was
• 16:04
  the
• 16:04
  one
• 16:04
  who
• 16:05
  always
• 16:05
  tried
• 16:05
  to
• 16:05
  be
• 16:06
  our
• 16:06
  friend.
• 16:08
  And
• 16:08
  so
• 16:09
  for
• 16:10
  a
• 16:10
  while,
• 16:10
  I
• 16:10
  thought
• 16:11
  that
• 16:11
  that
• 16:11
  was
• 16:11
  better
• 16:13
  in
• 16:14
  retrospect,
• 16:15
  I
• 16:15
  realized
• 16:15
  the
• 16:17
  structure
• 16:19
  that.
• 16:20
  The
• 16:20
  structure
• 16:20
  and
• 16:20
  the
• 16:21
  stability
• 16:21
  that
• 16:21
  my
• 16:21
  mom
• 16:22
  provided
• 16:22
  is
• 16:22
  actually
• 16:23
  what's
• 16:23
  serving
• 16:24
  me
• 16:24
  well
• 16:24
  in
• 16:24
  adulthood.
• 16:26
  Like,
• 16:26
  the
• 16:26
  things
• 16:26
  I
• 16:26
  learned
• 16:28
  from
• 16:28
  her
• 16:29
  are
• 16:29
  what
• 16:29
  serves
• 16:30
  me
• 16:30
  well.
• 16:31
  So
• 16:31
  for
• 16:31
  a
• 16:31
  while,
• 16:31
  I
• 16:32
  had
• 16:32
  a
• 16:32
  good
• 16:32
  relationship
• 16:33
  with
• 16:33
  my
• 16:33
  dad,
• 16:33
  and,
• 16:34
  like,
• 16:34
  I
• 16:34
  maybe
• 16:35
  like,
• 16:35
  a
• 16:35
  typical
• 16:37
  tumultuous,
• 16:38
  like,
• 16:38
  mother,
• 16:38
  daughter,
• 16:39
  teenage
• 16:39
  relationship,
• 16:41
  but
• 16:41
  that
• 16:41
  shifted
• 16:43
  when
• 16:44
  I
• 16:44
  started
• 16:44
  to
• 16:45
  get
• 16:45
  a
• 16:45
  little
• 16:45
  bit
• 16:45
  older
• 16:46
  and
• 16:46
  wiser
• 16:48
  and
• 16:48
  see
• 16:48
  my
• 16:48
  dad
• 16:48
  for
• 16:49
  who
• 16:49
  he
• 16:49
  was.
• 16:52
  And
• 16:52
  then
• 16:52
  when
• 16:52
  I
• 16:52
  met
• 16:53
  my
• 16:55
  husband
• 16:55
  and
• 16:56
  started
• 16:56
  dating
• 16:56
  him,
• 16:57
  and
• 16:58
  I
• 16:58
  met
• 16:58
  his
• 16:59
  parents
• 17:00
  who
• 17:00
  were
• 17:00
  still
• 17:01
  together
• 17:02
  and
• 17:03
  who
• 17:03
  were
• 17:03
  incredibly
• 17:04
  like,
• 17:05
  kind
• 17:05
  people
• 17:07
  with
• 17:07
  a
• 17:07
  very,
• 17:07
  like,
• 17:08
  stable
• 17:09
  family
• 17:10
  who
• 17:10
  actually
• 17:10
  liked
• 17:11
  each
• 17:11
  other
• 17:11
  and
• 17:11
  loved
• 17:12
  spending
• 17:12
  time
• 17:12
  together,
• 17:13
  and,
• 17:13
  like,
• 17:13
  it
• 17:13
  was
• 17:13
  just
• 17:13
  the
• 17:14
  same
• 17:14
  very,
• 17:14
  like,
• 17:15
  lovely
• 17:16
  Dynamic.
• 17:17
  I
• 17:18
  remember
• 17:18
  the
• 17:18
  first
• 17:18
  time
• 17:18
  I
• 17:18
  experienced
• 17:19
  that.
• 17:19
  I
• 17:19
  was
• 17:19
  like,
• 17:19
  oh,
• 17:21
  oh,
• 17:22
  this
• 17:23
  is
• 17:23
  how
• 17:23
  it
• 17:23
  was
• 17:23
  supposed
• 17:24
  to
• 17:24
  be.
• 17:25
  And
• 17:26
  so
• 17:27
  I
• 17:27
  feel
• 17:27
  like
• 17:28
  what
• 17:29
  happened
• 17:29
  then
• 17:29
  was
• 17:29
  just
• 17:30
  this,
• 17:30
  like,
• 17:30
  series
• 17:30
  of
• 17:31
  events
• 17:31
  that
• 17:32
  led
• 17:32
  me
• 17:32
  to
• 17:32
  try
• 17:33
  to,
• 17:33
  like,
• 17:34
  set
• 17:34
  better
• 17:34
  boundaries
• 17:35
  with
• 17:35
  my
• 17:36
  dad,
• 17:36
  of
• 17:36
  which
• 17:37
  he
• 17:37
  just,
• 17:37
  you
• 17:38
  know,
• 17:39
  completely
• 17:40
  disregarded
• 17:42
  and
• 17:42
  continued
• 17:43
  to,
• 17:43
  like,
• 17:43
  violate.
• 17:44
  And
• 17:45
  so
• 17:45
  I
• 17:46
  tried
• 17:47
  boundaries.
• 17:48
  I
• 17:48
  tried
• 17:49
  having
• 17:50
  more
• 17:51
  direct
• 17:51
  conversations.
• 17:52
  The
• 17:52
  Last
• 17:53
  Resort
• 17:53
  team
• 17:54
  going,
• 17:54
  no
• 17:55
  contact,
• 17:55
  which
• 17:56
  I
• 17:57
  did
• 17:57
  in
• 17:57
  2008.
• 17:59
  So
• 17:59
  it's
• 17:59
  been
• 18:00
  18
• 18:01
  years
• 18:02
  since
• 18:02
  I
• 18:03
  talked
• 18:03
  to
• 18:03
  my
• 18:03
  dad
• 18:03
  or
• 18:03
  had
• 18:04
  a.
• 18:04
  Had
• 18:04
  any
• 18:04
  kind
• 18:04
  of
• 18:05
  relationship
• 18:05
  with
• 18:05
  him,
• 18:08
  which
• 18:08
  was
• 18:09
  both
• 18:09
  the
• 18:09
  hardest
• 18:10
  thing
• 18:10
  I've
• 18:10
  ever
• 18:10
  done
• 18:11
  and
• 18:11
  the
• 18:11
  best
• 18:11
  thing
• 18:11
  I've
• 18:12
  ever
• 18:12
  done
• 18:12
  for
• 18:12
  myself.
• 18:13
  Yeah.
• 18:18
  And
• 18:19
  I
• 18:19
  don't,
• 18:19
  I
• 18:19
  don't
• 18:19
  have
• 18:20
  any
• 18:21
  regrets
• 18:22
  about
• 18:22
  that
• 18:23
  because
• 18:25
  again,
• 18:26
  in
• 18:26
  retrospect,
• 18:27
  as
• 18:27
  I,
• 18:28
  as
• 18:28
  I
• 18:28
  kind
• 18:28
  of,
• 18:28
  like,
• 18:29
  you
• 18:29
  know,
• 18:29
  as
• 18:29
  I
• 18:30
  left
• 18:30
  home
• 18:30
  and
• 18:30
  I
• 18:30
  went
• 18:31
  to
• 18:31
  college
• 18:31
  and
• 18:31
  I
• 18:32
  met
• 18:32
  other
• 18:33
  people
• 18:33
  and
• 18:33
  had
• 18:33
  different
• 18:33
  experiences,
• 18:34
  and
• 18:34
  I
• 18:34
  kind
• 18:35
  of,
• 18:35
  like,
• 18:35
  learned
• 18:35
  a
• 18:35
  little
• 18:36
  bit
• 18:36
  more
• 18:36
  about
• 18:36
  the
• 18:36
  world,
• 18:36
  I
• 18:37
  kind
• 18:37
  of
• 18:38
  could
• 18:38
  see
• 18:38
  how
• 18:39
  the
• 18:39
  things
• 18:39
  that
• 18:39
  were
• 18:39
  normalized
• 18:41
  growing
• 18:42
  up
• 18:42
  were
• 18:42
  not
• 18:43
  normal
• 18:44
  and
• 18:44
  were
• 18:45
  not
• 18:45
  things
• 18:45
  that
• 18:45
  I
• 18:46
  had
• 18:46
  to
• 18:46
  accept
• 18:46
  or
• 18:47
  tolerate
• 18:47
  anymore.
• 18:49
  And
• 18:49
  so
• 18:49
  I
• 18:49
  feel
• 18:49
  like
• 18:49
  that
• 18:50
  was
• 18:50
  the
• 18:50
  first
• 18:52
  massive
• 18:53
  shift
• 18:54
  for
• 18:54
  me.
• 18:56
  But
• 18:56
  it
• 18:56
  was
• 18:56
  because
• 18:57
  I
• 18:58
  sort
• 18:58
  of
• 18:58
  had
• 18:59
  the
• 18:59
  safety
• 18:59
  net
• 19:00
  of,
• 19:00
  like,
• 19:00
  this
• 19:01
  relationship
• 19:01
  and
• 19:02
  this
• 19:02
  family
• 19:03
  showing
• 19:04
  me
• 19:05
  what,
• 19:06
  what
• 19:06
  good
• 19:07
  looked
• 19:07
  like.
• 19:10
  And
• 19:10
  that's
• 19:10
  not
• 19:11
  to
• 19:11
  say
• 19:11
  that,
• 19:11
  like,
• 19:11
  my
• 19:11
  mom's
• 19:12
  family
• 19:13
  also
• 19:13
  didn't
• 19:13
  have
• 19:13
  a
• 19:13
  lot
• 19:14
  of
• 19:14
  bright
• 19:14
  spots.
• 19:14
  My
• 19:14
  mom's
• 19:15
  family
• 19:15
  is
• 19:15
  very
• 19:15
  close.
• 19:15
  Like,
• 19:16
  they're
• 19:16
  very
• 19:16
  supportive.
• 19:17
  I'm
• 19:17
  still,
• 19:18
  like,
• 19:18
  I
• 19:19
  still
• 19:19
  see
• 19:19
  them
• 19:19
  a
• 19:20
  lot.
• 19:20
  But
• 19:21
  my
• 19:21
  dad's
• 19:21
  family
• 19:22
  was
• 19:22
  very
• 19:22
  different.
• 19:23
  So
• 19:24
  I
• 19:24
  had,
• 19:25
  like,
• 19:25
  this
• 19:25
  other
• 19:25
  family
• 19:26
  now
• 19:26
  showing
• 19:26
  me
• 19:27
  what
• 19:28
  better
• 19:28
  relationships
• 19:29
  look
• 19:29
  like.
• 19:30
  And
• 19:30
  that
• 19:30
  sort
• 19:30
  of
• 19:30
  gave
• 19:31
  me
• 19:31
  the
• 19:32
  confidence
• 19:33
  to
• 19:33
  say,
• 19:33
  like,
• 19:34
  okay,
• 19:34
  well,
• 19:34
  I'm
• 19:34
  definitely
• 19:35
  not
• 19:35
  willing
• 19:35
  to
• 19:35
  accept
• 19:36
  this
• 19:36
  anymore.
• 19:38
  And
• 19:38
  so
• 19:39
  I
• 19:39
  think
• 19:39
  I
• 19:39
  was,
• 19:39
  like,
• 19:39
  23
• 19:40
  when
• 19:40
  I
• 19:41
  cut
• 19:41
  off
• 19:41
  contact
• 19:42
  with
• 19:42
  my
• 19:42
  dad.
• 19:43
  Okay,
• 19:43
  so
• 19:44
  along
• 19:44
  those
• 19:45
  lines,
• 19:45
  when
• 19:45
  you
• 19:46
  talk
• 19:46
  about
• 19:46
  building
• 19:47
  a
• 19:47
  life
• 19:47
  that
• 19:47
  was
• 19:48
  opposite
• 19:49
  of
• 19:49
  what
• 19:49
  you
• 19:49
  had
• 19:50
  experienced,
• 19:52
  what,
• 19:53
  what
• 19:53
  was
• 19:53
  that
• 19:54
  like?
• 19:54
  Was
• 19:54
  that
• 19:54
  a
• 19:55
  different
• 19:55
  rule
• 19:56
  book?
• 19:59
  Yeah,
• 19:59
  I
• 19:59
  mean,
• 19:59
  I
• 20:00
  thought
• 20:00
  that
• 20:00
  was
• 20:00
  the
• 20:00
  antidote.
• 20:01
  Right.
• 20:02
  But
• 20:02
  it
• 20:02
  was,
• 20:03
  it
• 20:03
  turned
• 20:04
  out
• 20:04
  that
• 20:04
  it
• 20:04
  was
• 20:04
  just
• 20:05
  as
• 20:05
  much
• 20:06
  of
• 20:06
  a
• 20:06
  cage
• 20:07
  as
• 20:08
  the
• 20:08
  first
• 20:08
  version
• 20:09
  of
• 20:09
  the
• 20:09
  rule
• 20:10
  book.
• 20:10
  It
• 20:10
  was
• 20:10
  just
• 20:10
  a
• 20:11
  different
• 20:11
  set
• 20:12
  of
• 20:12
  rules.
• 20:14
  And
• 20:14
  so
• 20:14
  while
• 20:14
  I
• 20:15
  say,
• 20:15
  like,
• 20:17
  you
• 20:17
  know,
• 20:17
  I
• 20:17
  had
• 20:17
  this,
• 20:19
  you
• 20:19
  know,
• 20:19
  this
• 20:19
  partner
• 20:20
  who
• 20:20
  had
• 20:20
  a
• 20:20
  relatively
• 20:21
  easy
• 20:22
  childhood
• 20:22
  and,
• 20:23
  like,
• 20:23
  a
• 20:23
  very
• 20:23
  stable
• 20:24
  family,
• 20:24
  and
• 20:24
  they,
• 20:25
  they
• 20:25
  liked
• 20:25
  each
• 20:25
  other,
• 20:26
  they
• 20:26
  spent
• 20:26
  time
• 20:26
  together,
• 20:28
  I,
• 20:30
  I,
• 20:32
  I
• 20:32
  feel
• 20:32
  like
• 20:32
  it
• 20:32
  was
• 20:33
  almost.
• 20:33
  It
• 20:34
  was,
• 20:34
  it's
• 20:34
  kind
• 20:34
  of
• 20:35
  like
• 20:35
  imposter
• 20:35
  syndrome
• 20:36
  in
• 20:36
  my
• 20:37
  marriage
• 20:38
  where
• 20:38
  I
• 20:38
  Felt
• 20:39
  like
• 20:39
  I
• 20:39
  could
• 20:39
  never
• 20:39
  really
• 20:40
  let
• 20:40
  them
• 20:40
  see
• 20:40
  me
• 20:41
  because
• 20:41
  I
• 20:41
  knew
• 20:43
  some
• 20:43
  of
• 20:43
  the,
• 20:43
  like,
• 20:45
  kind
• 20:45
  of
• 20:47
  the
• 20:47
  darker
• 20:48
  parts
• 20:48
  of
• 20:49
  my
• 20:49
  childhood
• 20:49
  where,
• 20:50
  like,
• 20:50
  you
• 20:50
  know,
• 20:51
  like,
• 20:51
  my
• 20:51
  dad
• 20:51
  was
• 20:51
  pretty
• 20:52
  manipulative.
• 20:52
  He
• 20:53
  was,
• 20:53
  like,
• 20:53
  emotionally
• 20:54
  abusive.
• 20:54
  He
• 20:54
  never
• 20:55
  hit
• 20:55
  my
• 20:56
  brother
• 20:56
  and
• 20:56
  I.
• 20:56
  But
• 20:57
  he
• 20:57
  was
• 20:57
  really
• 20:58
  good
• 20:58
  at
• 20:58
  gaslighting,
• 20:59
  you
• 20:59
  know,
• 20:59
  like,
• 20:59
  a
• 20:59
  lot
• 21:00
  of
• 21:00
  narcissists
• 21:01
  are.
• 21:04
  And
• 21:04
  so
• 21:04
  I
• 21:04
  feel
• 21:04
  like
• 21:04
  there
• 21:04
  were
• 21:05
  just,
• 21:05
  like,
• 21:05
  parts
• 21:06
  that
• 21:06
  I
• 21:06
  could
• 21:06
  never
• 21:08
  vocalize
• 21:12
  or
• 21:12
  let
• 21:12
  them
• 21:12
  see.
• 21:14
  And
• 21:15
  also,
• 21:15
  because
• 21:15
  I
• 21:16
  didn't
• 21:16
  grow
• 21:16
  up
• 21:17
  in
• 21:17
  that
• 21:17
  dynamic
• 21:18
  the
• 21:18
  way
• 21:18
  they
• 21:18
  did,
• 21:19
  it
• 21:19
  took
• 21:20
  me
• 21:20
  a
• 21:20
  while
• 21:20
  to
• 21:20
  figure
• 21:21
  out
• 21:21
  how
• 21:21
  to
• 21:21
  function
• 21:22
  in
• 21:22
  that
• 21:22
  dynamic,
• 21:23
  to
• 21:23
  feel
• 21:23
  comfortable
• 21:24
  in
• 21:24
  that
• 21:24
  dynamic,
• 21:25
  if
• 21:25
  that
• 21:25
  makes
• 21:26
  sense,
• 21:26
  because
• 21:26
  it
• 21:27
  was
• 21:27
  so
• 21:27
  foreign
• 21:29
  to
• 21:29
  me.
• 21:31
  I
• 21:32
  have
• 21:32
  a
• 21:32
  question,
• 21:33
  though.
• 21:33
  Did
• 21:34
  you.
• 21:34
  Did
• 21:34
  you.
• 21:35
  In
• 21:36
  all
• 21:36
  the
• 21:36
  time
• 21:36
  that
• 21:36
  you
• 21:37
  were
• 21:37
  in
• 21:37
  this
• 21:37
  family,
• 21:38
  did
• 21:38
  you
• 21:39
  ever
• 21:40
  notice
• 21:41
  any
• 21:41
  dysfunction
• 21:42
  in
• 21:42
  the
• 21:42
  family?
• 21:43
  Or
• 21:43
  were
• 21:44
  they
• 21:44
  always
• 21:44
  just
• 21:44
  that
• 21:45
  loving
• 21:45
  and
• 21:46
  caring
• 21:48
  kind
• 21:48
  of
• 21:49
  people?
• 21:49
  I
• 21:50
  mean,
• 21:50
  nobody's
• 21:50
  perfect,
• 21:51
  right?
• 21:51
  Like,
• 21:52
  nobody's
• 21:53
  perfect.
• 21:54
  And
• 21:54
  I
• 21:55
  think.
• 21:55
  I
• 21:56
  think
• 21:56
  the
• 21:56
  dysfunction
• 21:57
  came
• 21:57
  from
• 21:59
  the
• 21:59
  same
• 21:59
  pattern
• 22:00
  that
• 22:00
  repeated
• 22:00
  itself
• 22:01
  in
• 22:01
  my
• 22:01
  marriage,
• 22:01
  which
• 22:02
  I
• 22:02
  could
• 22:02
  then
• 22:02
  see
• 22:03
  in,
• 22:03
  like,
• 22:04
  other
• 22:05
  family
• 22:06
  dynamics,
• 22:06
  was
• 22:07
  the
• 22:07
  avoidance
• 22:08
  of
• 22:08
  conflict,
• 22:10
  right?
• 22:11
  So,
• 22:11
  like,
• 22:13
  I
• 22:14
  thought
• 22:15
  growing
• 22:15
  up
• 22:16
  in
• 22:16
  a
• 22:16
  household,
• 22:17
  well,
• 22:17
  for
• 22:17
  seven
• 22:18
  years
• 22:18
  at
• 22:18
  least,
• 22:19
  that
• 22:19
  was
• 22:20
  in
• 22:21
  conflict
• 22:21
  quite
• 22:22
  often
• 22:23
  that
• 22:23
  the
• 22:23
  absence
• 22:24
  of
• 22:24
  conflict
• 22:24
  in
• 22:25
  my
• 22:25
  marriage
• 22:25
  was
• 22:25
  a
• 22:26
  good
• 22:26
  thing,
• 22:27
  but
• 22:27
  it
• 22:27
  was
• 22:28
  not.
• 22:28
  It
• 22:28
  was.
• 22:29
  It
• 22:29
  was
• 22:29
  an
• 22:29
  avoidance
• 22:30
  conflict,
• 22:30
  right?
• 22:31
  So
• 22:31
  it
• 22:31
  would
• 22:31
  be
• 22:31
  where,
• 22:31
  like,
• 22:32
  I
• 22:32
  could
• 22:33
  bring
• 22:34
  something
• 22:34
  up
• 22:34
  that
• 22:34
  was
• 22:34
  bothering
• 22:35
  me,
• 22:36
  and
• 22:39
  my
• 22:39
  husband
• 22:40
  was
• 22:40
  kind
• 22:40
  of,
• 22:40
  like,
• 22:40
  passive,
• 22:42
  and
• 22:43
  so
• 22:43
  would
• 22:43
  just.
• 22:46
  I
• 22:46
  don't.
• 22:47
  I
• 22:47
  don't
• 22:47
  even
• 22:47
  know
• 22:48
  how
• 22:48
  to
• 22:48
  explain
• 22:49
  the
• 22:49
  dynamic,
• 22:50
  but
• 22:51
  felt
• 22:51
  like
• 22:52
  nothing
• 22:52
  was
• 22:52
  ever
• 22:54
  difficult
• 22:54
  or
• 22:54
  contentious.
• 22:55
  It
• 22:55
  felt
• 22:55
  very
• 22:56
  easy
• 22:57
  for
• 22:57
  me.
• 22:59
  Looking
• 23:00
  back,
• 23:01
  I
• 23:01
  can't
• 23:01
  imagine
• 23:02
  that
• 23:02
  it
• 23:02
  would
• 23:02
  have
• 23:02
  been
• 23:02
  easy
• 23:03
  for
• 23:03
  him
• 23:04
  because
• 23:05
  I
• 23:05
  feel
• 23:05
  like
• 23:05
  he
• 23:05
  was
• 23:05
  maybe,
• 23:06
  like,
• 23:06
  harboring
• 23:06
  things
• 23:07
  or
• 23:07
  just,
• 23:07
  like,
• 23:07
  not
• 23:09
  vocalizing
• 23:09
  his
• 23:10
  own
• 23:10
  stuff
• 23:10
  or,
• 23:10
  like,
• 23:11
  trying
• 23:11
  to,
• 23:11
  like,
• 23:11
  avoid
• 23:12
  conflict.
• 23:12
  I.
• 23:13
  I
• 23:13
  can't
• 23:13
  really
• 23:13
  be
• 23:14
  sure.
• 23:14
  Like,
• 23:14
  I
• 23:14
  can't
• 23:15
  say
• 23:15
  with
• 23:15
  100%
• 23:16
  certainty
• 23:16
  that
• 23:16
  that
• 23:17
  was
• 23:17
  his
• 23:17
  experience,
• 23:17
  but
• 23:18
  I
• 23:19
  can't
• 23:19
  help
• 23:19
  but
• 23:19
  think
• 23:19
  that,
• 23:19
  like,.
• 23:22
  We.
• 23:22
  Were
• 23:22
  together
• 23:22
  for
• 23:22
  13
• 23:23
  years.
• 23:23
  There's
• 23:23
  no
• 23:24
  way
• 23:24
  I
• 23:24
  didn't
• 23:24
  do
• 23:24
  shit
• 23:24
  that
• 23:25
  didn't
• 23:25
  annoy
• 23:25
  you.
• 23:26
  There's
• 23:27
  no
• 23:27
  way
• 23:27
  I
• 23:28
  didn't
• 23:28
  do
• 23:28
  stuff
• 23:28
  that,
• 23:29
  like,
• 23:29
  didn't
• 23:29
  bother
• 23:30
  you,
• 23:30
  but
• 23:30
  it
• 23:30
  was
• 23:31
  never
• 23:31
  really
• 23:31
  brought
• 23:32
  up.
• 23:35
  And
• 23:35
  so
• 23:35
  I
• 23:35
  feel
• 23:35
  like,
• 23:37
  again,
• 23:37
  in
• 23:37
  retrospect,
• 23:38
  while
• 23:38
  it
• 23:38
  felt
• 23:40
  like
• 23:40
  everything
• 23:40
  was
• 23:40
  happy
• 23:41
  and
• 23:41
  everything
• 23:41
  was
• 23:42
  comfortable
• 23:42
  and
• 23:42
  easy,
• 23:44
  I.
• 23:45
  I'm
• 23:46
  kind
• 23:46
  of
• 23:46
  seeing
• 23:46
  that,
• 23:47
  like,
• 23:47
  there
• 23:47
  was
• 23:47
  probably
• 23:48
  a
• 23:48
  little
• 23:48
  bit
• 23:48
  of
• 23:48
  that
• 23:49
  type
• 23:49
  of
• 23:49
  dynamic.
• 23:50
  Maybe
• 23:50
  it
• 23:50
  was,
• 23:50
  like,
• 23:51
  more
• 23:51
  avoidance
• 23:52
  or,
• 23:52
  you
• 23:53
  know,
• 23:53
  whatever.
• 23:56
  But
• 23:56
  I
• 23:56
  still.
• 23:57
  I
• 23:57
  still
• 23:58
  know
• 23:58
  that,
• 23:58
  like,
• 23:58
  There
• 23:58
  were
• 23:59
  parts
• 23:59
  of
• 23:59
  me
• 23:59
  that
• 24:00
  felt
• 24:00
  like
• 24:00
  I
• 24:00
  didn't
• 24:01
  fit
• 24:01
  in
• 24:01
  because
• 24:01
  I
• 24:01
  couldn't
• 24:02
  be
• 24:02
  100%
• 24:02
  authentic
• 24:03
  in
• 24:03
  that
• 24:04
  environment.
• 24:05
  And
• 24:05
  parts
• 24:06
  of
• 24:06
  me
• 24:06
  that
• 24:06
  didn't
• 24:06
  necessarily
• 24:07
  feel
• 24:07
  worthy
• 24:08
  of
• 24:08
  that
• 24:08
  level
• 24:09
  of
• 24:09
  ease
• 24:09
  because
• 24:10
  relationships,
• 24:11
  like
• 24:12
  family
• 24:12
  dynamic
• 24:12
  relationships
• 24:13
  hadn't
• 24:13
  been
• 24:13
  that
• 24:14
  easy
• 24:15
  for
• 24:15
  me
• 24:15
  for
• 24:16
  the
• 24:16
  rest
• 24:16
  of
• 24:16
  my
• 24:16
  life.
• 24:17
  You
• 24:17
  know,
• 24:17
  it
• 24:17
  hadn't
• 24:17
  been
• 24:17
  that,
• 24:17
  like,
• 24:18
  effortless.
• 24:20
  I
• 24:20
  had
• 24:21
  had
• 24:21
  to
• 24:21
  work
• 24:21
  really
• 24:22
  hard
• 24:22
  as
• 24:22
  a
• 24:23
  kid.
• 24:23
  Like
• 24:23
  I
• 24:23
  was
• 24:23
  a
• 24:23
  very
• 24:24
  hyper,
• 24:24
  vigilant
• 24:25
  child,
• 24:27
  always
• 24:27
  on
• 24:28
  alert,
• 24:28
  like
• 24:29
  looking
• 24:29
  for
• 24:29
  the
• 24:29
  signs
• 24:30
  that
• 24:30
  things
• 24:30
  like,
• 24:30
  was
• 24:31
  about
• 24:31
  to
• 24:31
  hit
• 24:31
  the
• 24:31
  fan
• 24:32
  or
• 24:32
  there
• 24:32
  was
• 24:32
  going
• 24:32
  to
• 24:32
  be
• 24:32
  like
• 24:33
  some
• 24:33
  kind
• 24:33
  of
• 24:35
  anger,
• 24:36
  upset,
• 24:37
  whatever.
• 24:41
  So
• 24:41
  it
• 24:41
  was
• 24:42
  confusing
• 24:43
  to
• 24:43
  my
• 24:43
  nervous
• 24:43
  system,
• 24:44
  I
• 24:44
  think,
• 24:44
  to
• 24:45
  be
• 24:45
  in
• 24:46
  that
• 24:46
  state
• 24:47
  of
• 24:47
  calm.
• 24:47
  But
• 24:48
  I
• 24:48
  never.
• 24:48
  I
• 24:48
  still
• 24:48
  didn't
• 24:49
  feel
• 24:49
  like
• 24:49
  I
• 24:49
  could
• 24:49
  really
• 24:50
  relax,
• 24:50
  if
• 24:51
  that
• 24:51
  makes
• 24:51
  sense,
• 24:52
  because
• 24:52
  I
• 24:53
  couldn't.
• 24:53
  Couldn't
• 24:54
  be
• 24:54
  authentic.
• 24:55
  Right.
• 24:55
  Because
• 24:55
  silently
• 24:56
  you
• 24:56
  were
• 24:56
  given
• 24:56
  the
• 24:56
  message
• 24:57
  that
• 24:57
  not
• 24:57
  here.
• 24:58
  Right?
• 25:00
  Yeah.
• 25:01
  Yeah.
• 25:02
  So,
• 25:03
  so
• 25:03
  interesting.
• 25:06
  So
• 25:06
  you
• 25:07
  started
• 25:07
  seeing
• 25:08
  how
• 25:08
  that
• 25:09
  played
• 25:09
  out
• 25:09
  in
• 25:09
  your
• 25:09
  marriage
• 25:10
  and
• 25:10
  was.
• 25:10
  Was
• 25:10
  that
• 25:11
  what,
• 25:11
  like,
• 25:13
  was
• 25:14
  that
• 25:14
  one
• 25:14
  of
• 25:14
  the
• 25:14
  things
• 25:14
  that
• 25:14
  caused
• 25:15
  you
• 25:15
  to
• 25:15
  like,
• 25:15
  really
• 25:16
  look
• 25:16
  at
• 25:16
  your
• 25:16
  marriage
• 25:17
  and
• 25:17
  see
• 25:17
  whether
• 25:18
  it
• 25:19
  really
• 25:19
  was
• 25:19
  for
• 25:19
  you?
• 25:25
  I
• 25:25
  feel
• 25:26
  like
• 25:26
  along
• 25:27
  the
• 25:27
  way
• 25:27
  there
• 25:27
  were
• 25:27
  several
• 25:28
  little
• 25:28
  seeds
• 25:29
  that
• 25:29
  were
• 25:29
  planted,
• 25:31
  but
• 25:32
  I
• 25:32
  didn't
• 25:32
  necessarily
• 25:33
  see
• 25:33
  them
• 25:34
  all
• 25:34
  until
• 25:34
  I
• 25:34
  started
• 25:35
  looking
• 25:36
  backwards.
• 25:37
  Right.
• 25:38
  Like,
• 25:38
  so
• 25:39
  I.
• 25:40
  The
• 25:41
  one
• 25:41
  moment
• 25:41
  that
• 25:42
  I
• 25:42
  do
• 25:42
  remember
• 25:43
  very
• 25:43
  clearly
• 25:44
  was
• 25:44
  that
• 25:44
  I
• 25:45
  was
• 25:45
  in
• 25:45
  a
• 25:45
  job
• 25:45
  and
• 25:45
  I
• 25:46
  had
• 25:46
  to
• 25:46
  travel
• 25:46
  to
• 25:46
  Denver
• 25:47
  for
• 25:47
  work
• 25:47
  a
• 25:47
  lot.
• 25:48
  I
• 25:48
  was
• 25:48
  there
• 25:48
  like
• 25:48
  at
• 25:49
  least
• 25:49
  once
• 25:49
  a
• 25:49
  month
• 25:49
  for
• 25:49
  like
• 25:50
  a
• 25:50
  week
• 25:50
  at
• 25:50
  a
• 25:50
  time.
• 25:52
  And
• 25:52
  I
• 25:52
  remember
• 25:54
  being
• 25:54
  at
• 25:54
  dinner
• 25:54
  with
• 25:55
  all
• 25:55
  my
• 25:55
  work
• 25:55
  friends
• 25:55
  who
• 25:56
  I
• 25:56
  loved.
• 25:56
  Like,
• 25:57
  I
• 25:57
  had
• 25:57
  the
• 25:58
  best,
• 25:58
  like,
• 25:59
  people
• 25:59
  that
• 25:59
  I
• 25:59
  worked
• 26:00
  with.
• 26:00
  And
• 26:00
  I
• 26:00
  always
• 26:00
  looked
• 26:01
  forward
• 26:01
  to
• 26:01
  these
• 26:01
  trips
• 26:02
  because
• 26:02
  I
• 26:02
  got
• 26:03
  to
• 26:03
  like,
• 26:03
  be
• 26:03
  with
• 26:04
  people
• 26:04
  that
• 26:06
  I
• 26:06
  really
• 26:07
  enjoyed
• 26:07
  spending
• 26:07
  time
• 26:08
  with.
• 26:08
  We
• 26:09
  were
• 26:09
  out
• 26:09
  to
• 26:09
  like
• 26:10
  dinner
• 26:10
  and
• 26:10
  drinks
• 26:10
  after
• 26:11
  work
• 26:13
  and
• 26:14
  obviously
• 26:14
  there's
• 26:14
  like
• 26:14
  a
• 26:15
  two
• 26:15
  hour
• 26:15
  time
• 26:15
  difference.
• 26:16
  So
• 26:16
  it
• 26:16
  was
• 26:16
  like
• 26:17
  7pm
• 26:17
  we
• 26:17
  were
• 26:18
  just
• 26:18
  like
• 26:18
  right
• 26:18
  in
• 26:18
  the
• 26:18
  middle
• 26:19
  of
• 26:19
  dinner
• 26:19
  in
• 26:19
  Denver
• 26:20
  when
• 26:22
  my
• 26:22
  husband
• 26:22
  would
• 26:22
  be
• 26:23
  like
• 26:23
  starting
• 26:23
  to
• 26:23
  like
• 26:24
  wind
• 26:24
  down
• 26:24
  and
• 26:24
  get
• 26:24
  ready
• 26:25
  for
• 26:25
  bed
• 26:25
  and
• 26:25
  wanted
• 26:26
  to
• 26:26
  talk
• 26:26
  before
• 26:26
  he
• 26:27
  went
• 26:27
  to
• 26:27
  bed.
• 26:27
  And
• 26:27
  I
• 26:27
  remember
• 26:28
  being
• 26:28
  so,
• 26:29
  so
• 26:29
  annoyed
• 26:30
  that
• 26:31
  I
• 26:31
  had
• 26:31
  to
• 26:31
  get
• 26:31
  up
• 26:32
  from
• 26:32
  the
• 26:32
  table
• 26:33
  and
• 26:33
  step
• 26:34
  outside
• 26:34
  at
• 26:34
  the
• 26:35
  restaurant
• 26:35
  to
• 26:36
  say
• 26:36
  goodnight
• 26:36
  to
• 26:37
  him.
• 26:37
  And
• 26:38
  then
• 26:38
  I
• 26:38
  was
• 26:38
  like,
• 26:38
  ooh,
• 26:40
  why
• 26:40
  am
• 26:41
  I
• 26:41
  annoyed?
• 26:44
  But
• 26:45
  then,
• 26:46
  but
• 26:46
  then
• 26:46
  I
• 26:46
  also
• 26:46
  remember
• 26:47
  like
• 26:49
  starting
• 26:49
  to
• 26:49
  notice
• 26:50
  that
• 26:50
  I
• 26:50
  was
• 26:50
  like
• 26:50
  getting
• 26:52
  sad
• 26:52
  when
• 26:53
  I
• 26:53
  had
• 26:53
  to
• 26:53
  go
• 26:53
  home.
• 26:55
  And.
• 26:56
  And
• 26:56
  then
• 26:56
  I
• 26:56
  was
• 26:56
  like,
• 26:57
  oh,
• 27:00
  why
• 27:02
  Norm?
• 27:03
  Because
• 27:03
  I'm
• 27:03
  like
• 27:03
  a
• 27:03
  homebody.
• 27:04
  I
• 27:04
  would
• 27:04
  rather
• 27:05
  be
• 27:05
  at
• 27:05
  home
• 27:06
  seven
• 27:07
  days
• 27:07
  a
• 27:07
  week.
• 27:07
  I
• 27:08
  would
• 27:08
  rather
• 27:08
  not
• 27:09
  leave
• 27:09
  my
• 27:09
  house.
• 27:10
  I
• 27:10
  Would
• 27:10
  rather,
• 27:11
  like,
• 27:11
  sometimes
• 27:12
  I
• 27:12
  have
• 27:12
  to,
• 27:12
  like,
• 27:12
  force
• 27:13
  myself
• 27:13
  to,
• 27:13
  like,
• 27:13
  go
• 27:14
  to
• 27:14
  Walgreens
• 27:14
  or
• 27:14
  the
• 27:15
  grocery
• 27:15
  store
• 27:15
  just
• 27:15
  because
• 27:16
  I'm
• 27:16
  like,
• 27:17
  hey,
• 27:17
  I
• 27:17
  don't
• 27:17
  think
• 27:17
  I've
• 27:18
  left
• 27:18
  the
• 27:18
  house
• 27:18
  in
• 27:18
  three
• 27:18
  days.
• 27:19
  Maybe
• 27:19
  I
• 27:19
  should
• 27:19
  go
• 27:21
  at
• 27:21
  least
• 27:21
  lay
• 27:21
  eyes
• 27:22
  on
• 27:22
  another
• 27:22
  human
• 27:22
  being.
• 27:23
  You
• 27:23
  know
• 27:23
  what
• 27:23
  I
• 27:23
  mean?
• 27:23
  Like,
• 27:23
  I
• 27:24
  just
• 27:24
  should
• 27:24
  probably
• 27:24
  interact
• 27:25
  with
• 27:25
  society
• 27:26
  a
• 27:26
  little
• 27:26
  bit.
• 27:28
  I'm
• 27:28
  just,
• 27:28
  like,
• 27:29
  super
• 27:29
  cozy
• 27:30
  being
• 27:30
  at
• 27:30
  home,
• 27:31
  my
• 27:31
  dogs.
• 27:32
  But
• 27:33
  so
• 27:33
  it
• 27:33
  was
• 27:33
  weird
• 27:33
  to
• 27:33
  me.
• 27:34
  I
• 27:34
  think
• 27:34
  it.
• 27:34
  I
• 27:35
  started
• 27:35
  to
• 27:35
  notice
• 27:35
  how
• 27:36
  weird
• 27:36
  it
• 27:36
  felt
• 27:37
  to
• 27:37
  be,
• 27:37
  like,
• 27:37
  sad
• 27:38
  to
• 27:38
  be
• 27:38
  going
• 27:38
  home
• 27:39
  to
• 27:39
  my
• 27:39
  comfort
• 27:40
  place,
• 27:40
  that
• 27:40
  I
• 27:41
  was
• 27:41
  getting,
• 27:41
  like,
• 27:41
  more
• 27:42
  comfortable
• 27:42
  in,
• 27:42
  like,
• 27:43
  Airbnbs
• 27:43
  with
• 27:44
  my
• 27:44
  work
• 27:44
  friends
• 27:44
  and,
• 27:45
  like,
• 27:45
  in
• 27:45
  hotels
• 27:45
  with
• 27:46
  my
• 27:46
  work
• 27:46
  friends
• 27:46
  than
• 27:48
  I
• 27:48
  was
• 27:48
  going
• 27:48
  home.
• 27:48
  So
• 27:49
  I
• 27:49
  was,
• 27:49
  like,
• 27:49
  started
• 27:50
  to
• 27:50
  scratch
• 27:50
  my
• 27:50
  head
• 27:51
  on
• 27:51
  that
• 27:51
  one
• 27:51
  a
• 27:51
  little
• 27:51
  bit.
• 27:53
  But
• 27:53
  the
• 27:54
  real
• 27:54
  catalyst,
• 27:55
  unfortunately,
• 27:56
  I
• 27:56
  think
• 27:56
  this
• 27:56
  happened
• 27:56
  for
• 27:57
  so
• 27:57
  many
• 27:57
  people,
• 27:57
  was
• 27:57
  then,
• 27:58
  like,
• 27:58
  I
• 27:59
  came
• 27:59
  home
• 27:59
  from
• 28:00
  a
• 28:00
  work
• 28:00
  trip
• 28:01
  on
• 28:01
  Friday,
• 28:01
  March
• 28:02
  13,
• 28:02
  and,
• 28:02
  like,
• 28:03
  the
• 28:03
  very
• 28:03
  next
• 28:03
  Monday
• 28:04
  was
• 28:05
  when
• 28:05
  the
• 28:05
  world
• 28:05
  shut
• 28:06
  down
• 28:07
  for
• 28:07
  Covid.
• 28:09
  Like,
• 28:09
  there
• 28:09
  were.
• 28:09
  We
• 28:10
  were
• 28:10
  concerned
• 28:10
  about
• 28:10
  even
• 28:11
  getting
• 28:11
  home
• 28:11
  because
• 28:12
  they
• 28:12
  were
• 28:12
  already
• 28:12
  starting
• 28:13
  to
• 28:13
  be,
• 28:13
  like,
• 28:13
  whispers
• 28:14
  of,
• 28:14
  like,
• 28:14
  flight,
• 28:15
  flights
• 28:15
  shutting
• 28:15
  down
• 28:16
  and,
• 28:16
  like,
• 28:16
  things.
• 28:17
  But
• 28:17
  we
• 28:18
  got
• 28:18
  home
• 28:18
  on
• 28:18
  Friday,
• 28:18
  and
• 28:19
  then
• 28:20
  on
• 28:20
  Monday,
• 28:20
  like,
• 28:21
  the
• 28:21
  whole
• 28:21
  world
• 28:21
  shut
• 28:21
  down.
• 28:23
  And
• 28:23
  I
• 28:23
  don't
• 28:23
  know
• 28:23
  if
• 28:24
  it
• 28:24
  was,
• 28:24
  like,
• 28:24
  the.
• 28:25
  The
• 28:26
  realization
• 28:26
  that,
• 28:27
  like,
• 28:27
  now
• 28:28
  you
• 28:28
  can't
• 28:28
  go
• 28:28
  anywhere
• 28:29
  and
• 28:29
  this
• 28:29
  is
• 28:29
  the
• 28:29
  only
• 28:30
  person
• 28:30
  you
• 28:30
  get
• 28:30
  to
• 28:30
  interact
• 28:31
  with.
• 28:31
  And
• 28:31
  I
• 28:31
  was
• 28:31
  like,
• 28:32
  whoa.
• 28:34
  Yeah.
• 28:34
  Ouch.
• 28:37
  But
• 28:39
  so
• 28:39
  then
• 28:39
  I
• 28:40
  started
• 28:41
  just
• 28:41
  kind
• 28:41
  of,
• 28:41
  like,
• 28:41
  reflecting
• 28:42
  on
• 28:42
  that,
• 28:42
  and
• 28:42
  I
• 28:42
  was
• 28:43
  in.
• 28:43
  I
• 28:43
  was.
• 28:44
  I
• 28:45
  had
• 28:45
  been
• 28:45
  getting
• 28:45
  into,
• 28:46
  like,
• 28:46
  kind
• 28:47
  of
• 28:48
  learning
• 28:48
  about,
• 28:49
  dipping
• 28:49
  my
• 28:50
  toes
• 28:50
  into,
• 28:50
  like,
• 28:51
  spirituality,
• 28:51
  personal
• 28:52
  development,
• 28:52
  like,
• 28:52
  a
• 28:53
  lot
• 28:53
  of
• 28:53
  that
• 28:53
  work
• 28:54
  for
• 28:55
  probably
• 28:55
  about
• 28:55
  three
• 28:56
  or
• 28:56
  four
• 28:56
  years
• 28:57
  pre
• 28:57
  pandemic.
• 28:59
  But
• 28:59
  then
• 29:00
  when
• 29:00
  I.
• 29:02
  You
• 29:03
  know,
• 29:03
  I
• 29:03
  think
• 29:03
  we
• 29:03
  all
• 29:03
  sort
• 29:04
  of
• 29:05
  had
• 29:05
  a
• 29:05
  thing
• 29:07
  that
• 29:07
  we
• 29:08
  wanted
• 29:08
  to
• 29:08
  focus
• 29:08
  our
• 29:08
  energy
• 29:09
  and
• 29:09
  intention
• 29:10
  on
• 29:10
  during
• 29:10
  that
• 29:11
  time,
• 29:12
  to
• 29:12
  maybe
• 29:13
  forget
• 29:14
  what
• 29:14
  was
• 29:14
  going
• 29:14
  on
• 29:14
  in
• 29:15
  the
• 29:15
  world
• 29:15
  around
• 29:15
  us
• 29:16
  or
• 29:16
  maybe
• 29:16
  just
• 29:16
  keep
• 29:17
  us
• 29:17
  busy.
• 29:18
  I
• 29:18
  kind
• 29:19
  of
• 29:19
  went
• 29:20
  full
• 29:20
  tilt
• 29:21
  in
• 29:22
  just
• 29:22
  trying
• 29:22
  to
• 29:23
  learn
• 29:23
  more
• 29:24
  about
• 29:24
  myself
• 29:24
  and
• 29:25
  dig
• 29:25
  into
• 29:25
  some
• 29:25
  of
• 29:25
  these
• 29:26
  feelings
• 29:26
  that
• 29:26
  were
• 29:26
  coming
• 29:26
  up,
• 29:27
  because
• 29:28
  I
• 29:28
  knew
• 29:28
  that
• 29:29
  that
• 29:29
  was
• 29:29
  a
• 29:29
  problem,
• 29:29
  and
• 29:29
  I
• 29:30
  was
• 29:30
  really
• 29:30
  trying
• 29:30
  hard
• 29:31
  to
• 29:31
  discern.
• 29:31
  Do
• 29:32
  I
• 29:32
  just
• 29:32
  feel
• 29:32
  this
• 29:32
  way
• 29:33
  because
• 29:33
  I
• 29:33
  feel
• 29:34
  like
• 29:34
  I
• 29:34
  don't
• 29:35
  have
• 29:35
  a
• 29:35
  choice
• 29:36
  because
• 29:36
  I
• 29:36
  feel
• 29:36
  like
• 29:37
  I've
• 29:37
  lost
• 29:37
  my
• 29:37
  autonomy?
• 29:38
  Or
• 29:38
  do
• 29:38
  I
• 29:38
  feel
• 29:38
  this
• 29:38
  way
• 29:38
  because
• 29:39
  there's
• 29:39
  something
• 29:39
  there?
• 29:41
  And
• 29:42
  I
• 29:42
  thought
• 29:42
  of.
• 29:44
  I
• 29:44
  kind.
• 29:45
  I
• 29:45
  kind
• 29:45
  of
• 29:46
  thought
• 29:47
  back
• 29:47
  to
• 29:47
  all
• 29:48
  those
• 29:48
  moments
• 29:48
  where
• 29:49
  I
• 29:49
  was
• 29:49
  like,
• 29:49
  we've
• 29:50
  literally
• 29:50
  never
• 29:50
  had
• 29:51
  a
• 29:51
  fight,
• 29:52
  or,
• 29:53
  like,
• 29:53
  I've
• 29:53
  never
• 29:54
  felt
• 29:55
  100%
• 29:56
  at
• 29:57
  home
• 29:58
  with
• 29:59
  this
• 29:59
  family,
• 30:00
  like,
• 30:01
  with
• 30:01
  this
• 30:01
  family,
• 30:01
  like,
• 30:02
  I
• 30:02
  never
• 30:02
  felt
• 30:02
  like
• 30:02
  I
• 30:02
  really
• 30:03
  fit
• 30:03
  in.
• 30:03
  Like,
• 30:03
  I
• 30:03
  was
• 30:03
  a
• 30:04
  little
• 30:04
  bit
• 30:04
  of.
• 30:04
  The,.
• 30:06
  Like
• 30:06
  I
• 30:07
  was
• 30:07
  on
• 30:07
  the
• 30:07
  fringe,
• 30:07
  right?
• 30:08
  Like
• 30:08
  they,
• 30:08
  they,
• 30:09
  they
• 30:09
  welcomed
• 30:10
  me
• 30:10
  in.
• 30:11
  But
• 30:12
  it's
• 30:12
  almost
• 30:12
  like
• 30:12
  I
• 30:13
  was
• 30:13
  afraid
• 30:13
  to
• 30:13
  fully
• 30:15
  step
• 30:15
  in
• 30:15
  and
• 30:15
  show
• 30:16
  myself
• 30:17
  because
• 30:17
  of
• 30:18
  the
• 30:18
  messages
• 30:20
  I
• 30:20
  had
• 30:21
  received
• 30:21
  and
• 30:21
  that,
• 30:22
  like,
• 30:22
  I
• 30:22
  think
• 30:22
  I
• 30:23
  carried
• 30:23
  shame
• 30:23
  about
• 30:23
  things
• 30:24
  that
• 30:24
  were
• 30:24
  not
• 30:24
  necessarily
• 30:25
  shameful,
• 30:25
  but
• 30:26
  it
• 30:26
  was
• 30:26
  not
• 30:26
  polished
• 30:28
  the
• 30:28
  way
• 30:28
  that
• 30:29
  this
• 30:29
  was.
• 30:30
  And
• 30:30
  so
• 30:30
  it
• 30:30
  felt
• 30:30
  like
• 30:30
  it
• 30:31
  didn't
• 30:31
  fit.
• 30:36
  And
• 30:36
  then
• 30:36
  I
• 30:36
  also
• 30:36
  started
• 30:37
  noticing
• 30:37
  or
• 30:38
  thinking
• 30:38
  about
• 30:38
  the
• 30:38
  fact
• 30:39
  that
• 30:39
  like,
• 30:42
  we
• 30:43
  had
• 30:44
  taken
• 30:44
  all
• 30:44
  these
• 30:44
  like
• 30:45
  awesome
• 30:45
  vacations
• 30:46
  and
• 30:46
  like,
• 30:46
  had
• 30:46
  all
• 30:47
  these
• 30:47
  fun
• 30:47
  adventures
• 30:47
  and
• 30:48
  like,
• 30:48
  we
• 30:48
  did
• 30:48
  a
• 30:48
  lot
• 30:48
  of
• 30:48
  fun
• 30:49
  stuff
• 30:49
  together.
• 30:55
  In
• 30:55
  between.
• 30:56
  It
• 30:57
  was
• 30:57
  like
• 30:58
  sitting
• 30:58
  on
• 30:59
  the
• 30:59
  couch
• 30:59
  next
• 30:59
  to
• 30:59
  each
• 30:59
  other
• 31:00
  staring
• 31:00
  at
• 31:01
  our
• 31:01
  cell
• 31:01
  phones
• 31:01
  or
• 31:02
  like
• 31:02
  watching
• 31:02
  the
• 31:02
  same
• 31:02
  shows
• 31:03
  with
• 31:04
  no
• 31:04
  real
• 31:06
  emotional
• 31:06
  depth
• 31:07
  or
• 31:07
  connection.
• 31:07
  And
• 31:07
  then
• 31:08
  I
• 31:08
  was,
• 31:08
  and
• 31:08
  then
• 31:08
  I
• 31:08
  started
• 31:09
  thinking
• 31:09
  about
• 31:09
  like,
• 31:09
  okay,
• 31:10
  well,
• 31:11
  there
• 31:11
  have
• 31:11
  been
• 31:11
  moments
• 31:12
  where
• 31:12
  I
• 31:12
  tried
• 31:12
  to
• 31:12
  like,
• 31:13
  share
• 31:15
  things
• 31:15
  about
• 31:16
  like
• 31:16
  my
• 31:16
  childhood
• 31:17
  and
• 31:17
  our
• 31:17
  family
• 31:17
  dynamic.
• 31:19
  And
• 31:20
  I
• 31:21
  wasn't,
• 31:23
  I
• 31:23
  wasn't
• 31:24
  in
• 31:24
  any
• 31:24
  way,
• 31:24
  like
• 31:25
  dismissed
• 31:26
  or
• 31:26
  made
• 31:26
  to
• 31:26
  feel
• 31:27
  like
• 31:27
  any
• 31:27
  level
• 31:28
  of
• 31:28
  shame
• 31:28
  about
• 31:28
  it.
• 31:29
  But
• 31:30
  I
• 31:30
  also
• 31:30
  wasn't
• 31:31
  met
• 31:31
  with
• 31:31
  curiosity,.
• 31:34
  Like,
• 31:34
  indifference.
• 31:35
  Yes.
• 31:36
  And
• 31:36
  I,
• 31:36
  I
• 31:37
  just
• 31:37
  feel
• 31:37
  like
• 31:38
  what
• 31:38
  I
• 31:38
  need
• 31:41
  is
• 31:41
  to
• 31:41
  like.
• 31:42
  Because
• 31:42
  I
• 31:42
  feel
• 31:42
  like
• 31:42
  my,
• 31:43
  my
• 31:43
  way
• 31:43
  of
• 31:44
  doing
• 31:44
  this
• 31:44
  is
• 31:44
  to
• 31:44
  sort
• 31:44
  of
• 31:45
  test
• 31:45
  the
• 31:45
  waters
• 31:45
  to
• 31:45
  be
• 31:46
  like,
• 31:46
  here's
• 31:47
  a
• 31:47
  tiny
• 31:47
  sliver
• 31:48
  of
• 31:48
  what
• 31:48
  I'm
• 31:48
  thinking
• 31:49
  or
• 31:49
  feeling.
• 31:50
  And
• 31:50
  then
• 31:50
  like
• 31:50
  what
• 31:50
  you
• 31:51
  do
• 31:51
  with
• 31:51
  my
• 31:51
  tiny
• 31:51
  sliver
• 31:52
  tells
• 31:52
  me
• 31:52
  everything
• 31:53
  about
• 31:53
  whether
• 31:53
  or
• 31:53
  not
• 31:54
  we're
• 31:54
  going
• 31:54
  to
• 31:54
  be
• 31:56
  close.
• 31:56
  Right?
• 31:57
  Because
• 31:57
  if
• 31:58
  you're,
• 31:58
  if
• 31:59
  you
• 31:59
  grab
• 32:00
  onto
• 32:00
  it
• 32:00
  and
• 32:00
  like
• 32:00
  pull
• 32:01
  on
• 32:01
  that
• 32:01
  thread
• 32:02
  and
• 32:02
  you
• 32:02
  want
• 32:02
  to
• 32:02
  know
• 32:02
  more
• 32:03
  and
• 32:03
  you
• 32:03
  want
• 32:03
  to
• 32:03
  understand
• 32:04
  me
• 32:04
  and
• 32:04
  you,
• 32:04
  and
• 32:05
  you
• 32:05
  show
• 32:06
  like
• 32:06
  kind
• 32:06
  of
• 32:06
  empathy
• 32:07
  and
• 32:09
  non
• 32:09
  judgment,
• 32:10
  then
• 32:11
  I'm
• 32:11
  like,
• 32:11
  okay,
• 32:12
  we're
• 32:12
  safe
• 32:12
  in
• 32:13
  the
• 32:13
  depths
• 32:13
  here.
• 32:15
  But
• 32:15
  if
• 32:16
  I
• 32:16
  give
• 32:16
  this
• 32:16
  sliver
• 32:17
  and
• 32:17
  it's
• 32:18
  just
• 32:18
  sort
• 32:18
  of
• 32:18
  like
• 32:19
  it's
• 32:20
  not
• 32:20
  met
• 32:20
  with
• 32:20
  judgment,
• 32:21
  but
• 32:21
  it's
• 32:21
  also
• 32:21
  not
• 32:22
  met
• 32:22
  with
• 32:22
  curiosity.
• 32:23
  I'm
• 32:23
  just
• 32:23
  like,
• 32:24
  okay,
• 32:25
  but
• 32:25
  like,
• 32:25
  but
• 32:26
  like
• 32:26
  there's
• 32:26
  more.
• 32:28
  Do
• 32:28
  you
• 32:28
  want
• 32:29
  the
• 32:29
  more
• 32:29
  or,
• 32:30
  or
• 32:30
  should
• 32:30
  I
• 32:31
  just.
• 32:31
  I'll
• 32:31
  just,
• 32:32
  I'll
• 32:32
  just
• 32:32
  keep,
• 32:32
  I'll
• 32:33
  just
• 32:33
  keep
• 32:33
  that.
• 32:33
  Right?
• 32:33
  It's
• 32:34
  just
• 32:34
  gonna,
• 32:34
  I'm
• 32:34
  gonna
• 32:35
  hold
• 32:35
  it.
• 32:35
  Right?
• 32:36
  It's
• 32:36
  just
• 32:36
  mine.
• 32:37
  You
• 32:38
  haven't
• 32:38
  earned
• 32:38
  it.
• 32:39
  And
• 32:40
  so
• 32:40
  I
• 32:41
  think
• 32:41
  it
• 32:41
  was
• 32:41
  just
• 32:42
  the
• 32:42
  realization
• 32:43
  too
• 32:43
  that
• 32:44
  like,
• 32:45
  I
• 32:45
  don't
• 32:46
  think
• 32:49
  he's
• 32:49
  a.
• 32:50
  Who's
• 32:50
  such
• 32:50
  a
• 32:50
  nice
• 32:51
  person,
• 32:52
  like
• 32:52
  such
• 32:52
  a
• 32:52
  good
• 32:52
  person,
• 32:54
  but
• 32:54
  I
• 32:54
  don't
• 32:54
  think
• 32:55
  that
• 32:55
  he
• 32:55
  could
• 32:55
  meet
• 32:55
  me
• 32:56
  in
• 32:56
  the
• 32:56
  depths
• 32:57
  that
• 32:57
  like,
• 32:57
  I
• 32:57
  need,
• 32:58
  which
• 32:58
  I
• 32:58
  understand
• 32:59
  is
• 32:59
  a
• 32:59
  lot
• 33:00
  because
• 33:00
  I'm
• 33:01
  A
• 33:01
  very,
• 33:01
  like,
• 33:02
  empathic,
• 33:03
  like,
• 33:03
  deeply
• 33:04
  feeling
• 33:05
  person.
• 33:07
  And
• 33:07
  if
• 33:07
  that's
• 33:09
  not
• 33:10
  natural
• 33:10
  to
• 33:11
  you
• 33:12
  or
• 33:12
  if,
• 33:13
  like,
• 33:13
  you.
• 33:14
  What?
• 33:14
  Deep
• 33:15
  for
• 33:15
  you
• 33:15
  is
• 33:16
  like,
• 33:17
  a
• 33:17
  different
• 33:17
  level
• 33:18
  than
• 33:18
  deep
• 33:18
  for
• 33:19
  me,
• 33:19
  and
• 33:19
  it
• 33:19
  just
• 33:19
  doesn't
• 33:20
  match
• 33:20
  up.
• 33:20
  It's
• 33:21
  no
• 33:21
  one's
• 33:21
  fault.
• 33:22
  Right?
• 33:23
  Like,
• 33:23
  it's
• 33:23
  not.
• 33:24
  It
• 33:24
  wasn't
• 33:24
  wrong.
• 33:25
  It
• 33:25
  just
• 33:26
  wasn't
• 33:27
  right
• 33:27
  for
• 33:27
  me
• 33:28
  because
• 33:28
  it
• 33:28
  wasn't
• 33:28
  what
• 33:28
  I
• 33:28
  need.
• 33:29
  Yeah,
• 33:30
  you're,
• 33:30
  like,
• 33:30
  misaligned.
• 33:31
  Right?
• 33:33
  So
• 33:34
  I
• 33:35
  feel
• 33:35
  like
• 33:37
  the
• 33:37
  end
• 33:38
  of
• 33:38
  my
• 33:38
  marriage
• 33:38
  was
• 33:39
  more
• 33:39
  like
• 33:39
  death
• 33:39
  by
• 33:40
  a
• 33:40
  thousand
• 33:40
  paper
• 33:40
  cuts.
• 33:41
  And
• 33:41
  it
• 33:41
  was,
• 33:41
  like,
• 33:41
  things
• 33:42
  that
• 33:42
  I
• 33:42
  could
• 33:42
  only
• 33:42
  see
• 33:43
  in
• 33:43
  retrospect.
• 33:44
  Of
• 33:44
  all
• 33:44
  the
• 33:44
  times
• 33:44
  where
• 33:45
  I've
• 33:45
  just
• 33:45
  sort
• 33:45
  of,
• 33:45
  like,
• 33:46
  where
• 33:46
  I
• 33:47
  had
• 33:47
  just
• 33:47
  sort
• 33:47
  of,
• 33:47
  like,
• 33:47
  accepted
• 33:51
  or
• 33:51
  normalized.
• 33:55
  Like,
• 33:56
  the
• 33:57
  amount
• 33:57
  of
• 33:57
  times
• 33:57
  I
• 33:58
  just
• 33:58
  need
• 33:58
  to,
• 33:58
  like,
• 33:58
  ask
• 33:59
  for
• 33:59
  help
• 34:00
  around
• 34:00
  the
• 34:00
  house.
• 34:01
  Like,
• 34:02
  I
• 34:02
  normalized
• 34:02
  all
• 34:03
  of
• 34:03
  that.
• 34:03
  Like,
• 34:03
  you
• 34:03
  live
• 34:03
  here,
• 34:04
  too.
• 34:04
  Can
• 34:04
  you
• 34:04
  please
• 34:05
  just.
• 34:06
  Look,
• 34:09
  you
• 34:09
  please
• 34:09
  just
• 34:09
  take
• 34:10
  in
• 34:10
  this
• 34:10
  room
• 34:11
  and
• 34:11
  know
• 34:11
  what
• 34:12
  needs
• 34:12
  to
• 34:12
  be
• 34:12
  done
• 34:12
  without
• 34:13
  me
• 34:13
  having
• 34:13
  to,
• 34:13
  like,
• 34:13
  ask
• 34:14
  for
• 34:14
  it.
• 34:16
  Preach.
• 34:17
  The
• 34:17
  amount.
• 34:18
  The
• 34:18
  amount
• 34:18
  of
• 34:18
  times
• 34:19
  that
• 34:19
  I,
• 34:19
  like,
• 34:24
  You
• 34:24
  know,
• 34:25
  gave
• 34:25
  those
• 34:25
  tiny
• 34:26
  little
• 34:26
  offerings,
• 34:27
  and
• 34:27
  they
• 34:27
  weren't
• 34:29
  treated
• 34:29
  with
• 34:29
  the
• 34:30
  curiosity
• 34:30
  or
• 34:30
  care
• 34:31
  that
• 34:31
  I
• 34:31
  needed,
• 34:31
  so
• 34:31
  I
• 34:32
  stopped
• 34:33
  giving
• 34:33
  the
• 34:33
  offerings,
• 34:34
  like,
• 34:34
  and
• 34:34
  I
• 34:34
  didn't
• 34:35
  even
• 34:35
  realize.
• 34:35
  That
• 34:36
  wasn't
• 34:36
  even,
• 34:36
  like,
• 34:36
  a
• 34:36
  conscious
• 34:37
  decision
• 34:37
  I
• 34:37
  was
• 34:37
  making.
• 34:38
  I
• 34:38
  think
• 34:38
  I
• 34:39
  just
• 34:39
  sort
• 34:39
  of,
• 34:39
  like,
• 34:39
  internalized
• 34:40
  and
• 34:40
  learned.
• 34:40
  Like,
• 34:41
  that's
• 34:42
  not.
• 34:44
  You're
• 34:44
  not.
• 34:44
  Because
• 34:45
  suddenly
• 34:45
  he's
• 34:45
  telling
• 34:46
  you
• 34:46
  no.
• 34:47
  Right,
• 34:47
  Right.
• 34:48
  He's
• 34:48
  still
• 34:48
  sending
• 34:49
  the
• 34:49
  message.
• 34:50
  Right.
• 34:50
  And
• 34:51
  again,
• 34:51
  like,
• 34:51
  not
• 34:51
  maliciously.
• 34:52
  It
• 34:53
  just.
• 34:53
  It.
• 34:54
  He
• 34:54
  didn't
• 34:54
  have
• 34:54
  the
• 34:55
  capacity
• 34:55
  to
• 34:55
  meet
• 34:55
  me
• 34:56
  where
• 34:56
  I
• 34:56
  needed
• 34:57
  him
• 34:57
  to
• 34:57
  meet
• 34:58
  me.
• 34:58
  But
• 34:59
  then
• 34:59
  I
• 34:59
  also
• 34:59
  started
• 34:59
  to
• 35:00
  notice
• 35:01
  and
• 35:01
  think
• 35:01
  about
• 35:01
  things
• 35:02
  in
• 35:02
  retrospective.
• 35:02
  Like,
• 35:03
  when
• 35:04
  we
• 35:04
  first
• 35:04
  got
• 35:04
  married,
• 35:04
  he
• 35:05
  had
• 35:05
  all
• 35:05
  these
• 35:05
  friends
• 35:05
  he
• 35:05
  was
• 35:05
  in
• 35:05
  touch
• 35:06
  with.
• 35:06
  We
• 35:06
  would,
• 35:06
  like,
• 35:06
  go
• 35:06
  visit
• 35:07
  them
• 35:07
  and
• 35:07
  go
• 35:07
  hang
• 35:07
  out
• 35:07
  with
• 35:08
  them.
• 35:08
  And
• 35:09
  over
• 35:10
  time,
• 35:11
  he
• 35:11
  lost
• 35:11
  touch
• 35:11
  with
• 35:12
  all
• 35:12
  of
• 35:12
  his
• 35:12
  friends.
• 35:13
  And
• 35:14
  I
• 35:14
  feel
• 35:14
  like
• 35:15
  a
• 35:15
  lot
• 35:15
  of
• 35:15
  his
• 35:16
  identity
• 35:16
  was
• 35:16
  getting
• 35:16
  wrapped
• 35:17
  up
• 35:17
  in,
• 35:17
  like,
• 35:17
  us
• 35:17
  and
• 35:18
  our
• 35:18
  marriage.
• 35:20
  And
• 35:21
  then.
• 35:22
  So
• 35:22
  every
• 35:22
  time
• 35:22
  I
• 35:22
  would,
• 35:23
  like,
• 35:24
  discover
• 35:24
  something,
• 35:25
  like,
• 35:25
  when
• 35:25
  I
• 35:26
  first
• 35:26
  started
• 35:26
  getting
• 35:26
  into,
• 35:27
  like,
• 35:27
  meditation
• 35:28
  or,
• 35:28
  like,
• 35:29
  you
• 35:29
  know,
• 35:30
  those
• 35:30
  kinds
• 35:30
  of
• 35:30
  things,
• 35:30
  I
• 35:31
  would
• 35:31
  say
• 35:31
  like,
• 35:31
  hey,
• 35:31
  I
• 35:31
  did.
• 35:32
  Like,
• 35:32
  I
• 35:32
  learned
• 35:33
  this,
• 35:33
  and
• 35:33
  I'm
• 35:33
  really
• 35:33
  excited
• 35:34
  to
• 35:34
  try
• 35:34
  it.
• 35:35
  And
• 35:35
  I'm,
• 35:35
  you
• 35:35
  know,
• 35:35
  I
• 35:36
  want
• 35:36
  to
• 35:36
  keep
• 35:36
  learning
• 35:36
  about
• 35:37
  it.
• 35:38
  And
• 35:38
  it
• 35:38
  would
• 35:38
  be
• 35:38
  like,
• 35:39
  okay,
• 35:40
  yeah,
• 35:40
  let's
• 35:41
  do
• 35:41
  that.
• 35:41
  And
• 35:41
  I
• 35:41
  was
• 35:41
  like,
• 35:44
  it's.
• 35:45
  That's
• 35:45
  my
• 35:45
  thing
• 35:46
  that
• 35:47
  I
• 35:47
  want
• 35:47
  to
• 35:47
  do.
• 35:48
  For
• 35:48
  me,
• 35:49
  I
• 35:50
  appreciate
• 35:50
  that
• 35:50
  you're
• 35:50
  taking
• 35:51
  interest
• 35:51
  in
• 35:51
  my
• 35:51
  interests.
• 35:52
  But
• 35:53
  I
• 35:53
  started
• 35:53
  to
• 35:53
  feel
• 35:54
  like
• 35:55
  then
• 35:55
  I
• 35:55
  was
• 35:55
  sort
• 35:56
  of
• 35:56
  carrying
• 35:56
  the
• 35:56
  weight
• 35:56
  of
• 35:56
  the
• 35:57
  relationship
• 35:57
  because
• 35:57
  it
• 35:57
  was
• 35:57
  up
• 35:58
  to
• 35:58
  me
• 35:58
  to
• 35:59
  find
• 35:59
  the
• 35:59
  new
• 35:59
  things
• 36:00
  that
• 36:02
  we
• 36:03
  were
• 36:03
  interested
• 36:03
  in
• 36:03
  or
• 36:04
  we
• 36:04
  were
• 36:04
  going
• 36:04
  to
• 36:04
  do
• 36:04
  together,
• 36:05
  if
• 36:05
  that
• 36:05
  makes
• 36:05
  sense.
• 36:06
  And,
• 36:06
  like,
• 36:06
  again,
• 36:07
  this
• 36:07
  is,
• 36:07
  like,
• 36:08
  my
• 36:08
  perspective
• 36:09
  of.
• 36:09
  I
• 36:09
  felt
• 36:09
  like,
• 36:11
  yes,
• 36:12
  I
• 36:12
  want
• 36:12
  to
• 36:12
  share
• 36:12
  these
• 36:13
  things
• 36:13
  with
• 36:13
  you,
• 36:13
  but
• 36:13
  then
• 36:13
  it
• 36:14
  got
• 36:14
  to
• 36:14
  a
• 36:14
  point
• 36:14
  where,
• 36:14
  like,
• 36:15
  maybe
• 36:15
  I
• 36:15
  don't
• 36:15
  want
• 36:15
  to
• 36:15
  share
• 36:16
  these
• 36:16
  things
• 36:16
  with
• 36:16
  you
• 36:16
  if
• 36:17
  I.
• 36:17
  If
• 36:17
  I
• 36:17
  want
• 36:18
  things
• 36:18
  that
• 36:18
  I
• 36:18
  get
• 36:18
  to
• 36:19
  just
• 36:19
  sort
• 36:19
  of
• 36:19
  have
• 36:20
  for
• 36:20
  myself,
• 36:20
  because
• 36:21
  I
• 36:21
  was
• 36:21
  trying
• 36:21
  to
• 36:22
  figure
• 36:22
  out
• 36:23
  my
• 36:23
  own
• 36:23
  identity.
• 36:27
  And
• 36:27
  so,
• 36:27
  like,
• 36:27
  that
• 36:28
  was
• 36:28
  a.
• 36:28
  It
• 36:29
  was
• 36:29
  just
• 36:29
  a
• 36:29
  lot
• 36:29
  to
• 36:30
  kind
• 36:30
  of
• 36:30
  untangle.
• 36:32
  But
• 36:32
  the
• 36:32
  real
• 36:32
  kicker
• 36:34
  and
• 36:34
  the
• 36:34
  thing
• 36:35
  that
• 36:35
  made
• 36:35
  me
• 36:35
  actually
• 36:36
  ask
• 36:36
  for
• 36:36
  a
• 36:37
  divorce
• 36:37
  was
• 36:37
  when
• 36:37
  I
• 36:37
  came
• 36:38
  to
• 36:38
  the
• 36:38
  relationship
• 36:38
  realization
• 36:39
  that
• 36:39
  I
• 36:39
  didn't
• 36:39
  actually
• 36:39
  want
• 36:40
  kids.
• 36:40
  Like,
• 36:40
  that
• 36:40
  was
• 36:41
  the
• 36:41
  part
• 36:41
  of
• 36:41
  the
• 36:41
  paint
• 36:41
  by
• 36:42
  number
• 36:42
  we
• 36:42
  hadn't
• 36:42
  yet
• 36:42
  colored
• 36:43
  in.
• 36:44
  And
• 36:44
  I
• 36:44
  was
• 36:44
  like,
• 36:44
  oh,
• 36:44
  yeah,
• 36:45
  but
• 36:45
  I
• 36:45
  don't.
• 36:46
  That's
• 36:46
  not
• 36:46
  interesting
• 36:47
  to
• 36:47
  me
• 36:47
  at
• 36:47
  all.
• 36:48
  And
• 36:48
  so
• 36:50
  I
• 36:50
  don't
• 36:50
  like
• 36:50
  this
• 36:50
  picture.
• 36:52
  And
• 36:52
  so
• 36:52
  we're
• 36:53
  not
• 36:53
  gonna
• 36:53
  color
• 36:53
  that
• 36:53
  one.
• 36:53
  We
• 36:54
  get,
• 36:54
  like,
• 36:54
  that's.
• 36:55
  If
• 36:55
  we
• 36:55
  go
• 36:55
  down
• 36:55
  that
• 36:56
  path,
• 36:58
  then
• 36:58
  there
• 36:58
  is
• 36:59
  no
• 36:59
  return.
• 37:00
  Like,
• 37:00
  right.
• 37:00
  So
• 37:01
  I
• 37:01
  was
• 37:01
  like,
• 37:02
  I
• 37:02
  feel
• 37:02
  like
• 37:03
  I
• 37:03
  need
• 37:03
  to
• 37:03
  draw
• 37:03
  the
• 37:03
  line
• 37:03
  here.
• 37:05
  And
• 37:05
  I
• 37:06
  knew
• 37:06
  that
• 37:06
  that
• 37:06
  was
• 37:07
  a
• 37:07
  thing
• 37:08
  that
• 37:08
  was
• 37:08
  so
• 37:09
  important
• 37:09
  to
• 37:10
  him,
• 37:11
  and
• 37:12
  that,
• 37:12
  frankly,
• 37:13
  like,
• 37:15
  I
• 37:15
  didn't
• 37:16
  want
• 37:16
  to
• 37:16
  be
• 37:16
  the
• 37:17
  one
• 37:17
  who
• 37:18
  deprived
• 37:18
  him
• 37:18
  of
• 37:19
  being
• 37:19
  a
• 37:19
  dad,
• 37:20
  because
• 37:20
  I
• 37:20
  knew
• 37:21
  he'd
• 37:21
  be
• 37:21
  a
• 37:21
  fantastic
• 37:22
  dad.
• 37:23
  And
• 37:23
  so
• 37:23
  this
• 37:23
  wasn't
• 37:24
  a
• 37:24
  scenario
• 37:24
  where
• 37:24
  I
• 37:25
  was
• 37:25
  like,
• 37:25
  yeah,
• 37:25
  we're
• 37:26
  going
• 37:26
  to
• 37:26
  have
• 37:26
  this
• 37:26
  kid,
• 37:26
  and
• 37:26
  everything's
• 37:27
  going
• 37:27
  to
• 37:27
  be
• 37:27
  on
• 37:27
  me,
• 37:27
  and
• 37:27
  I'm
• 37:28
  going
• 37:28
  to
• 37:28
  have,
• 37:28
  like,
• 37:29
  you
• 37:29
  know,
• 37:29
  it
• 37:29
  wasn't
• 37:30
  going
• 37:30
  to
• 37:30
  be
• 37:30
  that
• 37:30
  stereotypical,
• 37:31
  like,
• 37:31
  dad
• 37:31
  does
• 37:31
  nothing,
• 37:32
  mom
• 37:32
  does
• 37:32
  everything,
• 37:32
  and
• 37:33
  mom
• 37:33
  burns
• 37:33
  out
• 37:33
  scenario.
• 37:34
  I
• 37:34
  knew
• 37:34
  that
• 37:35
  was
• 37:35
  not
• 37:35
  going
• 37:35
  to
• 37:35
  be
• 37:35
  the
• 37:36
  case.
• 37:36
  I
• 37:36
  knew
• 37:36
  he
• 37:36
  was
• 37:36
  going
• 37:36
  to
• 37:36
  be
• 37:37
  an
• 37:37
  amazing
• 37:37
  dad.
• 37:38
  I
• 37:38
  just
• 37:38
  didn't
• 37:38
  want
• 37:39
  him
• 37:39
  to
• 37:39
  be
• 37:39
  a
• 37:40
  mom.
• 37:41
  And
• 37:41
  so
• 37:43
  coming
• 37:43
  to
• 37:44
  that
• 37:45
  was
• 37:45
  the
• 37:45
  moment
• 37:45
  where
• 37:46
  I
• 37:46
  was
• 37:46
  like,
• 37:46
  okay,
• 37:47
  well,
• 37:48
  now
• 37:48
  that
• 37:49
  I've
• 37:49
  seen
• 37:49
  it,
• 37:49
  I
• 37:50
  can't
• 37:50
  pretend
• 37:50
  that
• 37:51
  I
• 37:51
  didn't
• 37:51
  see
• 37:51
  it.
• 37:52
  And.
• 37:54
  And
• 37:54
  I
• 37:55
  felt
• 37:55
  like
• 37:55
  the
• 37:56
  only
• 37:56
  path
• 37:57
  forward
• 37:57
  was
• 37:58
  to
• 37:58
  say,
• 37:58
  like,
• 38:00
  you
• 38:00
  know,
• 38:03
  I
• 38:03
  don't
• 38:03
  want
• 38:04
  to
• 38:04
  be
• 38:04
  the
• 38:04
  one
• 38:05
  to
• 38:05
  hold
• 38:05
  you
• 38:05
  back
• 38:06
  from
• 38:06
  this
• 38:06
  thing
• 38:06
  that
• 38:07
  I
• 38:07
  know
• 38:07
  you
• 38:07
  want
• 38:08
  and
• 38:08
  I
• 38:08
  know
• 38:08
  is
• 38:08
  important
• 38:09
  to
• 38:09
  you.
• 38:11
  And
• 38:11
  the
• 38:12
  hardest
• 38:12
  part
• 38:13
  about
• 38:13
  these
• 38:13
  conversations
• 38:14
  was
• 38:14
  that,
• 38:15
  like,
• 38:16
  he
• 38:16
  was
• 38:16
  like,
• 38:17
  okay,
• 38:17
  well,
• 38:17
  like,
• 38:18
  let
• 38:18
  me
• 38:18
  just
• 38:18
  think
• 38:18
  about
• 38:19
  this
• 38:19
  for
• 38:19
  a
• 38:19
  little
• 38:19
  while.
• 38:20
  And
• 38:20
  he,
• 38:20
  like,
• 38:20
  literally,
• 38:21
  like,
• 38:21
  went
• 38:21
  for
• 38:21
  a
• 38:22
  run
• 38:22
  and
• 38:22
  came
• 38:22
  back,
• 38:23
  like.
• 38:24
  And
• 38:24
  we
• 38:24
  talked
• 38:25
  four
• 38:25
  hours
• 38:25
  later,
• 38:25
  we
• 38:25
  sat
• 38:26
  down.
• 38:26
  He's
• 38:26
  like,
• 38:26
  I'm
• 38:26
  okay
• 38:27
  with
• 38:27
  it.
• 38:27
  And
• 38:27
  I
• 38:27
  was
• 38:27
  like,
• 38:29
  respectfully,
• 38:30
  you're
• 38:30
  not
• 38:32
  You.
• 38:33
  It's
• 38:33
  literally
• 38:33
  been
• 38:34
  four
• 38:34
  hours
• 38:34
  since
• 38:35
  we
• 38:35
  had
• 38:35
  this
• 38:35
  conversation.
• 38:37
  That
• 38:37
  is
• 38:37
  not
• 38:37
  enough
• 38:38
  time
• 38:38
  for
• 38:38
  you
• 38:38
  to
• 38:38
  process
• 38:40
  a
• 38:40
  completely
• 38:40
  different
• 38:41
  life
• 38:41
  path
• 38:41
  than
• 38:41
  the
• 38:42
  one
• 38:42
  that
• 38:43
  you
• 38:43
  envisioned.
• 38:44
  Right.
• 38:46
  And
• 38:46
  so
• 38:46
  that
• 38:46
  was
• 38:46
  another
• 38:47
  moment
• 38:47
  where
• 38:47
  I
• 38:47
  was
• 38:47
  like,
• 38:49
  I
• 38:49
  felt
• 38:49
  a
• 38:49
  lot
• 38:50
  of
• 38:50
  pressure
• 38:52
  and
• 38:53
  attachment
• 38:54
  to
• 38:54
  like
• 38:54
  the
• 38:54
  identity
• 38:55
  of
• 38:55
  being
• 38:55
  the
• 38:56
  husband
• 38:56
  and
• 38:56
  being
• 38:56
  in
• 38:56
  a
• 38:56
  marriage
• 38:57
  and
• 38:57
  like
• 38:57
  all
• 38:58
  of
• 38:58
  those
• 38:58
  things.
• 38:58
  And
• 38:58
  I
• 38:58
  was
• 38:58
  like,
• 38:59
  I.
• 39:00
  That
• 39:01
  to
• 39:01
  me
• 39:01
  felt
• 39:02
  more
• 39:02
  suffocating,
• 39:03
  like.
• 39:03
  Too
• 39:03
  much
• 39:03
  responsibility
• 39:04
  on
• 39:04
  you.
• 39:05
  Like
• 39:05
  you
• 39:06
  felt
• 39:06
  that
• 39:06
  whole
• 39:06
  weight
• 39:06
  of
• 39:07
  responsibility
• 39:07
  over
• 39:08
  the
• 39:08
  whole
• 39:08
  of
• 39:09
  him.
• 39:09
  You
• 39:10
  like
• 39:10
  everything.
• 39:12
  Well,
• 39:12
  because
• 39:12
  I
• 39:12
  was
• 39:12
  like,
• 39:13
  you
• 39:13
  can
• 39:13
  say
• 39:13
  that
• 39:13
  right
• 39:14
  now.
• 39:14
  What
• 39:15
  are
• 39:15
  you
• 39:15
  going
• 39:15
  to
• 39:15
  say
• 39:15
  in
• 39:15
  five
• 39:15
  years
• 39:16
  or
• 39:16
  10
• 39:17
  years
• 39:17
  when
• 39:17
  I
• 39:17
  still
• 39:18
  haven't
• 39:18
  changed
• 39:18
  my
• 39:19
  mind
• 39:20
  and
• 39:20
  now
• 39:20
  you
• 39:21
  regret
• 39:22
  not
• 39:22
  ever
• 39:23
  having
• 39:23
  had
• 39:24
  kids.
• 39:25
  Right,
• 39:26
  Right.
• 39:26
  And
• 39:26
  then
• 39:26
  resent
• 39:27
  you
• 39:27
  for
• 39:27
  it.
• 39:27
  And
• 39:28
  I,
• 39:28
  I
• 39:28
  was
• 39:28
  like,
• 39:28
  I
• 39:29
  can't.
• 39:31
  I
• 39:31
  can't
• 39:32
  be
• 39:33
  that
• 39:33
  person.
• 39:34
  And
• 39:35
  so
• 39:35
  it
• 39:35
  was
• 39:35
  very
• 39:35
  much
• 39:36
  a.
• 39:41
  There
• 39:41
  was
• 39:41
  a
• 39:41
  moment.
• 39:42
  So.
• 39:42
  Because
• 39:42
  it
• 39:42
  was
• 39:43
  Covid
• 39:44
  and
• 39:45
  we
• 39:45
  couldn't
• 39:46
  go
• 39:46
  anywhere
• 39:48
  but
• 39:48
  know
• 39:49
  was
• 39:49
  like
• 39:50
  hitting
• 39:50
  the
• 39:50
  fan
• 39:50
  at
• 39:50
  work
• 39:51
  and
• 39:51
  everything
• 39:51
  was
• 39:51
  like
• 39:52
  crazy.
• 39:52
  We
• 39:52
  were
• 39:52
  working
• 39:53
  like
• 39:53
  12,
• 39:53
  14
• 39:54
  hour
• 39:54
  days
• 39:54
  trying
• 39:55
  to
• 39:55
  just
• 39:55
  keep
• 39:55
  things
• 39:55
  afloat
• 39:56
  and
• 39:56
  like
• 39:57
  keep
• 39:57
  the
• 39:57
  wheels
• 39:58
  on
• 39:58
  the
• 39:58
  bus
• 39:58
  because
• 39:59
  everything
• 40:00
  was
• 40:00
  hard.
• 40:03
  I
• 40:03
  was
• 40:03
  like,
• 40:03
  I
• 40:05
  cannot
• 40:06
  be
• 40:06
  in
• 40:06
  this
• 40:06
  house
• 40:07
  right
• 40:08
  now
• 40:08
  because
• 40:09
  now
• 40:09
  the
• 40:09
  energy
• 40:10
  had
• 40:10
  completely
• 40:10
  shifted.
• 40:12
  So
• 40:12
  I
• 40:13
  went
• 40:13
  and
• 40:13
  I
• 40:13
  stayed
• 40:14
  in
• 40:14
  like
• 40:14
  a
• 40:16
  apartment
• 40:17
  hotel
• 40:17
  for
• 40:19
  like
• 40:19
  a
• 40:19
  month.
• 40:20
  I
• 40:20
  just
• 40:20
  booked
• 40:21
  like
• 40:21
  a
• 40:21
  long
• 40:21
  term
• 40:21
  stay
• 40:23
  during
• 40:23
  a
• 40:24
  pandemic
• 40:25
  in
• 40:25
  a
• 40:25
  city
• 40:25
  that
• 40:26
  was
• 40:26
  like
• 40:27
  the.
• 40:28
  There
• 40:28
  weren't
• 40:29
  a
• 40:29
  lot
• 40:29
  of
• 40:29
  places
• 40:29
  that
• 40:29
  were
• 40:30
  even
• 40:30
  allowing
• 40:32
  reservations.
• 40:33
  So
• 40:33
  I
• 40:33
  literally
• 40:34
  had
• 40:34
  to
• 40:34
  go
• 40:34
  like
• 40:34
  two
• 40:35
  hours
• 40:35
  away.
• 40:39
  But
• 40:40
  I
• 40:40
  packed
• 40:40
  up
• 40:40
  a
• 40:41
  bunch
• 40:41
  of
• 40:41
  clothes
• 40:41
  and
• 40:42
  some
• 40:42
  things
• 40:42
  for
• 40:42
  like
• 40:43
  the
• 40:43
  kitchen
• 40:43
  and.
• 40:44
  And
• 40:44
  I
• 40:45
  stayed
• 40:46
  for
• 40:47
  a
• 40:47
  month
• 40:47
  in
• 40:48
  a
• 40:48
  hotel.
• 40:49
  And
• 40:49
  I
• 40:49
  remember
• 40:54
  sitting
• 40:54
  in
• 40:54
  my
• 40:54
  hotel
• 40:55
  room
• 40:55
  and
• 40:55
  I.
• 40:56
  I
• 40:57
  took
• 40:58
  a
• 40:59
  ton
• 40:59
  of
• 40:59
  books.
• 40:59
  I
• 41:00
  took
• 41:00
  like
• 41:00
  all
• 41:00
  my
• 41:01
  cards
• 41:01
  and
• 41:01
  I
• 41:01
  took
• 41:02
  my
• 41:02
  yoga
• 41:02
  mat
• 41:03
  and
• 41:03
  I
• 41:03
  took.
• 41:03
  And
• 41:03
  I
• 41:03
  was
• 41:03
  like,
• 41:04
  this
• 41:04
  is.
• 41:04
  I
• 41:05
  need
• 41:05
  to
• 41:07
  be
• 41:07
  sure
• 41:09
  before
• 41:10
  we
• 41:10
  actually
• 41:10
  start
• 41:11
  moving
• 41:11
  forward
• 41:11
  with
• 41:11
  this.
• 41:11
  I
• 41:12
  need
• 41:12
  to
• 41:12
  be
• 41:12
  sure.
• 41:12
  And
• 41:12
  I
• 41:13
  needed.
• 41:13
  The
• 41:13
  only
• 41:14
  way
• 41:14
  for
• 41:14
  me
• 41:14
  to
• 41:14
  work
• 41:14
  through
• 41:15
  it
• 41:15
  was
• 41:15
  to
• 41:16
  have
• 41:16
  some
• 41:16
  like
• 41:16
  time
• 41:16
  and
• 41:17
  space
• 41:17
  again
• 41:17
  because
• 41:18
  the
• 41:18
  energy
• 41:18
  in
• 41:18
  the
• 41:18
  house
• 41:18
  had
• 41:19
  shifted
• 41:19
  so
• 41:19
  much.
• 41:20
  I
• 41:20
  was
• 41:20
  like,
• 41:20
  I
• 41:21
  can't
• 41:22
  think
• 41:22
  clearly
• 41:22
  here.
• 41:23
  So
• 41:23
  I
• 41:23
  went
• 41:23
  this
• 41:24
  hotel
• 41:24
  and
• 41:24
  I
• 41:24
  was
• 41:24
  like
• 41:25
  working
• 41:25
  through
• 41:25
  all
• 41:25
  this
• 41:26
  stuff
• 41:26
  and
• 41:26
  I
• 41:26
  was
• 41:26
  journaling
• 41:27
  every
• 41:27
  morning
• 41:27
  and
• 41:28
  like
• 41:29
  yoga
• 41:29
  and
• 41:29
  meditation
• 41:30
  and
• 41:30
  like
• 41:30
  trying
• 41:30
  to
• 41:32
  figure
• 41:33
  out
• 41:35
  how
• 41:35
  all
• 41:35
  these
• 41:36
  tools
• 41:36
  that
• 41:36
  I
• 41:36
  had
• 41:37
  just
• 41:37
  started
• 41:37
  learning
• 41:37
  about
• 41:37
  were
• 41:37
  really
• 41:37
  going
• 41:38
  to
• 41:38
  help
• 41:38
  me
• 41:38
  through
• 41:38
  this.
• 41:38
  And
• 41:39
  I
• 41:39
  was
• 41:39
  sitting
• 41:40
  on
• 41:40
  the
• 41:40
  couch
• 41:40
  reading
• 41:41
  one
• 41:41
  night
• 41:42
  and
• 41:42
  I
• 41:42
  was
• 41:42
  reading
• 41:43
  Eat,
• 41:44
  Pray,
• 41:44
  Love
• 41:46
  and
• 41:46
  there's
• 41:47
  a
• 41:47
  line
• 41:47
  in
• 41:48
  that
• 41:48
  book
• 41:49
  that
• 41:49
  said
• 41:51
  there's
• 41:51
  no
• 41:51
  such
• 41:52
  thing
• 41:52
  as
• 41:52
  One
• 41:52
  Way
• 41:53
  Liberation.
• 41:54
  And
• 41:54
  I
• 41:55
  was
• 41:55
  like,
• 41:56
  so
• 41:56
  true.
• 42:00
  Or
• 42:01
  was
• 42:01
  that
• 42:01
  from
• 42:02
  Untamed?
• 42:05
  It
• 42:05
  was
• 42:05
  from
• 42:06
  Untamed,
• 42:06
  but
• 42:06
  it
• 42:06
  was
• 42:07
  Elizabeth
• 42:07
  Gilbert
• 42:07
  who
• 42:07
  said
• 42:08
  it
• 42:08
  to
• 42:08
  Glennon
• 42:08
  Doyle
• 42:09
  to
• 42:09
  edit
• 42:09
  that
• 42:09
  part.
• 42:10
  So
• 42:11
  I
• 42:11
  was
• 42:11
  reading
• 42:12
  Untamed,
• 42:13
  and
• 42:13
  it
• 42:14
  was
• 42:14
  a
• 42:14
  scene
• 42:14
  in
• 42:14
  the
• 42:14
  book
• 42:14
  where
• 42:15
  Elizabeth
• 42:15
  Gilbert
• 42:15
  says
• 42:16
  to
• 42:16
  Glennon
• 42:16
  Doyle,
• 42:17
  there's
• 42:17
  no
• 42:18
  such
• 42:18
  thing
• 42:18
  as
• 42:18
  One
• 42:18
  Way
• 42:19
  Liberation.
• 42:19
  If
• 42:19
  it's
• 42:20
  best
• 42:20
  for
• 42:20
  you,
• 42:21
  it's
• 42:21
  best
• 42:21
  for
• 42:22
  everyone
• 42:22
  involved.
• 42:24
  And
• 42:24
  I
• 42:24
  was
• 42:24
  like,
• 42:25
  oh,
• 42:27
  okay.
• 42:29
  So
• 42:30
  I
• 42:31
  saw
• 42:31
  myself
• 42:32
  feeling
• 42:33
  guilty.
• 42:36
  I
• 42:36
  saw
• 42:36
  myself
• 42:38
  being
• 42:38
  worried
• 42:39
  about
• 42:39
  what
• 42:39
  people
• 42:39
  would
• 42:40
  say
• 42:40
  when
• 42:40
  they
• 42:40
  found
• 42:40
  out
• 42:40
  I'd
• 42:41
  ended
• 42:41
  a
• 42:41
  good
• 42:42
  marriage
• 42:42
  to
• 42:42
  a
• 42:42
  good
• 42:43
  man.
• 42:45
  And
• 42:46
  that's
• 42:46
  what
• 42:46
  was
• 42:46
  holding
• 42:47
  me
• 42:47
  back.
• 42:48
  But
• 42:49
  what
• 42:49
  I
• 42:49
  had,
• 42:50
  what
• 42:50
  I
• 42:50
  knew
• 42:52
  to
• 42:52
  be
• 42:53
  true
• 42:53
  more
• 42:53
  clearly
• 42:54
  than
• 42:54
  anything
• 42:54
  I'd
• 42:55
  ever
• 42:55
  known
• 42:55
  before,
• 42:56
  was
• 42:56
  that
• 42:56
  this
• 42:57
  wasn't
• 42:58
  right
• 42:58
  for
• 42:58
  me.
• 42:59
  And
• 42:59
  I
• 42:59
  can't
• 43:00
  explain
• 43:01
  unless
• 43:01
  you
• 43:01
  felt
• 43:02
  that
• 43:02
  feeling,
• 43:03
  what
• 43:03
  it
• 43:03
  feels
• 43:04
  like
• 43:04
  to
• 43:04
  know
• 43:04
  something
• 43:06
  so
• 43:06
  absolute.
• 43:09
  But
• 43:10
  that's
• 43:10
  the
• 43:10
  only
• 43:11
  thing
• 43:11
  that
• 43:12
  gave
• 43:12
  me
• 43:12
  the
• 43:12
  confidence
• 43:13
  to
• 43:13
  continue
• 43:13
  moving
• 43:14
  forward
• 43:16
  in
• 43:16
  spite
• 43:17
  of
• 43:19
  literally
• 43:19
  everything
• 43:20
  that
• 43:20
  was
• 43:20
  happening
• 43:20
  around
• 43:21
  me.
• 43:23
  That's
• 43:25
  very
• 43:25
  interesting
• 43:27
  because
• 43:27
  I
• 43:27
  wrote
• 43:27
  a
• 43:28
  whole
• 43:28
  thing
• 43:28
  about
• 43:29
  that
• 43:29
  to
• 43:29
  come
• 43:29
  back
• 43:30
  to,
• 43:30
  but
• 43:30
  I
• 43:30
  think
• 43:31
  we
• 43:31
  should
• 43:32
  maybe
• 43:32
  dive
• 43:32
  into
• 43:33
  ending
• 43:34
  our
• 43:34
  marriages
• 43:34
  in
• 43:34
  a
• 43:35
  completely
• 43:35
  separate
• 43:36
  episode
• 43:37
  because
• 43:37
  I
• 43:37
  think
• 43:37
  we
• 43:38
  have
• 43:38
  so
• 43:38
  much
• 43:38
  to
• 43:39
  talk
• 43:39
  about
• 43:39
  with
• 43:39
  that.
• 43:40
  Yeah.
• 43:41
  So
• 43:44
  moving
• 43:44
  on
• 43:45
  to
• 43:45
  now.
• 43:49
  What
• 43:49
  is
• 43:49
  that?
• 43:52
  Where
• 43:52
  are
• 43:53
  you
• 43:53
  now?
• 43:56
  Well,
• 43:58
  we're
• 43:59
  at
• 43:59
  the
• 43:59
  beginning
• 43:59
  of
• 43:59
  March,
• 43:59
  so
• 44:00
  it's
• 44:00
  almost
• 44:00
  six
• 44:00
  years
• 44:01
  removed
• 44:01
  from
• 44:01
  that
• 44:02
  initial
• 44:02
  conversation.
• 44:04
  And
• 44:04
  I
• 44:06
  can
• 44:06
  say
• 44:06
  that,
• 44:07
  like,
• 44:07
  that
• 44:08
  phase
• 44:08
  of
• 44:08
  my
• 44:08
  life
• 44:09
  or
• 44:09
  like,
• 44:09
  the
• 44:09
  rebuilding
• 44:10
  after
• 44:10
  the
• 44:11
  very
• 44:12
  intentional
• 44:13
  destruction
• 44:14
  of
• 44:15
  this
• 44:15
  life
• 44:16
  that
• 44:16
  I
• 44:16
  had
• 44:16
  built,
• 44:17
  trying
• 44:17
  to,
• 44:17
  like,
• 44:17
  make
• 44:18
  sure
• 44:19
  the
• 44:19
  rebuilding
• 44:21
  was
• 44:21
  difficult.
• 44:22
  And
• 44:23
  I
• 44:23
  would
• 44:23
  say,
• 44:23
  like,
• 44:24
  in
• 44:24
  some
• 44:24
  ways
• 44:25
  it's.
• 44:25
  It's
• 44:25
  still
• 44:26
  in
• 44:26
  progress,
• 44:26
  but
• 44:26
  I
• 44:26
  think
• 44:27
  it's
• 44:27
  always
• 44:27
  going
• 44:27
  to
• 44:27
  be
• 44:27
  in
• 44:28
  progress
• 44:28
  because
• 44:30
  there's
• 44:30
  still
• 44:30
  moments
• 44:31
  where
• 44:31
  I'm
• 44:31
  trying
• 44:31
  to,
• 44:31
  like,
• 44:32
  untangle
• 44:32
  what
• 44:33
  I
• 44:33
  was
• 44:33
  told
• 44:34
  to
• 44:34
  want
• 44:34
  from
• 44:34
  what
• 44:35
  I
• 44:35
  actually
• 44:35
  want.
• 44:36
  Right.
• 44:38
  And
• 44:38
  I
• 44:38
  want
• 44:38
  to
• 44:38
  say
• 44:38
  that
• 44:39
  with
• 44:39
  the
• 44:39
  disclaimer
• 44:39
  that,
• 44:39
  like,
• 44:40
  not
• 44:40
  everything
• 44:41
  on
• 44:41
  that
• 44:41
  little
• 44:41
  paint
• 44:42
  by
• 44:42
  number
• 44:42
  I
• 44:42
  was
• 44:43
  given
• 44:44
  was
• 44:44
  something
• 44:45
  that
• 44:45
  I
• 44:46
  reject.
• 44:47
  Right.
• 44:48
  Like,
• 44:48
  I.
• 44:49
  There's
• 44:49
  parts
• 44:49
  of
• 44:50
  it
• 44:50
  that
• 44:50
  are
• 44:50
  true.
• 44:51
  There's
• 44:52
  also
• 44:52
  parts
• 44:52
  of
• 44:52
  it
• 44:53
  that
• 44:53
  were
• 44:53
  like,
• 44:53
  well,
• 44:53
  you
• 44:53
  told
• 44:53
  me
• 44:53
  to
• 44:54
  paint
• 44:54
  this
• 44:54
  purple,
• 44:54
  and
• 44:54
  I
• 44:54
  actually
• 44:55
  want
• 44:55
  to
• 44:55
  paint
• 44:55
  it
• 44:55
  green.
• 44:56
  Like,
• 44:56
  there's
• 44:57
  parts
• 44:57
  that
• 44:57
  maybe
• 44:57
  are
• 44:57
  just
• 44:58
  a
• 44:58
  little
• 44:58
  bit
• 44:58
  different
• 44:59
  than
• 44:59
  what
• 44:59
  a
• 45:00
  quote
• 45:00
  unquote,
• 45:00
  picture
• 45:00
  perfect
• 45:01
  or
• 45:01
  Norm
• 45:01
  would
• 45:01
  look
• 45:02
  like.
• 45:02
  Right.
• 45:03
  So
• 45:04
  I'm.
• 45:05
  I'm
• 45:06
  at
• 45:06
  a
• 45:06
  much
• 45:06
  better
• 45:07
  place.
• 45:07
  But
• 45:07
  it's.
• 45:09
  It
• 45:09
  was
• 45:09
  like
• 45:09
  a
• 45:09
  hard
• 45:11
  earned
• 45:13
  confidence
• 45:13
  and
• 45:13
  trust
• 45:14
  in
• 45:14
  myself
• 45:15
  that
• 45:17
  was
• 45:17
  the
• 45:17
  result
• 45:17
  of
• 45:18
  a
• 45:18
  lot
• 45:18
  of
• 45:21
  introspection
• 45:22
  and
• 45:22
  alone
• 45:22
  time,
• 45:23
  like,
• 45:23
  immediately
• 45:24
  following
• 45:24
  that
• 45:25
  period
• 45:25
  of,
• 45:25
  like,
• 45:26
  leaving
• 45:27
  my
• 45:27
  husband
• 45:27
  and
• 45:28
  getting
• 45:28
  a
• 45:28
  divorce.
• 45:30
  Are
• 45:31
  we
• 45:31
  done?
• 45:32
  No,
• 45:33
  we
• 45:34
  are
• 45:34
  not.
• 45:34
  We're
• 45:34
  not
• 45:35
  done.
• 45:36
  We
• 45:36
  will
• 45:36
  never
• 45:36
  be
• 45:37
  done.
• 45:38
  But
• 45:39
  I
• 45:39
  will
• 45:40
  say
• 45:40
  that
• 45:40
  I.
• 45:41
  I
• 45:41
  now
• 45:41
  can
• 45:42
  notice,
• 45:43
  or
• 45:43
  at
• 45:43
  least
• 45:44
  I
• 45:44
  have
• 45:44
  the
• 45:44
  tools
• 45:44
  to,
• 45:45
  like,
• 45:45
  discern
• 45:46
  when
• 45:47
  something
• 45:47
  starts
• 45:47
  to
• 45:48
  feel
• 45:49
  performative
• 45:50
  or
• 45:50
  untrue
• 45:51
  for
• 45:51
  me
• 45:51
  or,
• 45:53
  you
• 45:53
  know,
• 45:54
  anything
• 45:55
  adjacent
• 45:55
  to
• 45:56
  that.
• 45:56
  And
• 45:58
  my
• 45:58
  window
• 45:58
  of
• 45:59
  tolerance
• 45:59
  for
• 45:59
  that
• 45:59
  is
• 46:00
  just
• 46:00
  so
• 46:00
  much
• 46:00
  smaller
• 46:01
  than
• 46:01
  it
• 46:01
  used
• 46:01
  to
• 46:01
  be.
• 46:02
  Like,
• 46:02
  I
• 46:02
  just.
• 46:04
  I
• 46:04
  can't
• 46:05
  anymore.
• 46:06
  Which
• 46:07
  I
• 46:07
  think
• 46:07
  is,
• 46:07
  like,
• 46:09
  I
• 46:09
  think
• 46:09
  I've
• 46:09
  just
• 46:10
  sort
• 46:10
  of
• 46:10
  reclaimed
• 46:13
  myself.
• 46:15
  Yeah.
• 46:16
  Yeah.
• 46:16
  You're
• 46:16
  so
• 46:17
  much
• 46:17
  more
• 46:17
  in
• 46:17
  tune
• 46:17
  with
• 46:18
  yourself
• 46:18
  that
• 46:18
  you
• 46:18
  can
• 46:18
  recognize
• 46:19
  those
• 46:19
  things
• 46:19
  so,
• 46:20
  so
• 46:20
  much
• 46:20
  quicker.
• 46:21
  I
• 46:21
  just.
• 46:21
  I
• 46:21
  love
• 46:22
  listening
• 46:22
  to
• 46:22
  you
• 46:22
  because
• 46:24
  it's
• 46:24
  just,
• 46:25
  you
• 46:25
  know,
• 46:26
  I'm
• 46:26
  glad
• 46:26
  that
• 46:27
  Sloan
• 46:28
  brought
• 46:28
  up
• 46:28
  the
• 46:29
  whole
• 46:30
  thing
• 46:30
  of
• 46:30
  us
• 46:30
  having
• 46:31
  a
• 46:31
  whole
• 46:31
  separate
• 46:32
  episode
• 46:32
  on.
• 46:33
  On
• 46:33
  ending
• 46:33
  the
• 46:34
  marriages,
• 46:34
  because
• 46:34
  there
• 46:35
  are
• 46:35
  so
• 46:35
  many
• 46:36
  similarities.
• 46:36
  Even
• 46:37
  if
• 46:37
  all
• 46:37
  the
• 46:37
  details
• 46:38
  aren't
• 46:38
  exactly
• 46:38
  the
• 46:38
  same,
• 46:39
  A
• 46:39
  lot
• 46:39
  of
• 46:39
  the
• 46:39
  feelings
• 46:40
  were.
• 46:44
  And
• 46:44
  it's.
• 46:45
  You
• 46:45
  know,
• 46:45
  it
• 46:46
  sucks
• 46:46
  to
• 46:46
  go
• 46:47
  through
• 46:47
  all
• 46:47
  of
• 46:48
  that.
• 46:48
  And
• 46:49
  I
• 46:49
  think
• 46:49
  so
• 46:49
  many
• 46:50
  people
• 46:50
  are
• 46:50
  afraid
• 46:51
  to
• 46:51
  go
• 46:51
  through
• 46:51
  that
• 46:52
  because
• 46:52
  of
• 46:52
  the
• 46:52
  stories
• 46:52
  we've
• 46:53
  been
• 46:53
  told.
• 46:56
  But
• 46:58
  like
• 46:58
  you
• 46:59
  said,
• 46:59
  the.
• 46:59
  The
• 46:59
  work
• 46:59
  is
• 47:00
  never
• 47:00
  done.
• 47:01
  But
• 47:01
  life
• 47:01
  gets
• 47:02
  so
• 47:02
  much
• 47:02
  better
• 47:04
  when
• 47:04
  you
• 47:04
  choose
• 47:05
  yourself.
• 47:07
  Like,
• 47:07
  it.
• 47:07
  It
• 47:07
  really
• 47:08
  just
• 47:08
  gets
• 47:08
  so
• 47:08
  much
• 47:08
  better.
• 47:09
  And
• 47:09
  again,
• 47:09
  I
• 47:09
  bring
• 47:09
  it
• 47:09
  back
• 47:10
  to,
• 47:11
  you
• 47:11
  do
• 47:12
  hard
• 47:12
  things,
• 47:12
  but
• 47:12
  you
• 47:13
  do
• 47:13
  get
• 47:13
  rewarded.
• 47:14
  You.
• 47:14
  You
• 47:15
  get
• 47:15
  rewarded.
• 47:15
  You
• 47:15
  get
• 47:16
  rewarded
• 47:16
  with
• 47:16
  amazing
• 47:17
  people
• 47:17
  that
• 47:17
  end
• 47:17
  up
• 47:17
  coming
• 47:17
  in
• 47:18
  your
• 47:18
  life
• 47:19
  to.
• 47:20
  You
• 47:20
  know,
• 47:20
  And
• 47:20
  I
• 47:21
  always
• 47:21
  bring
• 47:21
  it
• 47:21
  back
• 47:21
  to
• 47:22
  that
• 47:22
  because.
• 47:22
  Well,
• 47:23
  because
• 47:23
  it's
• 47:23
  so
• 47:23
  true
• 47:23
  for
• 47:23
  me,
• 47:24
  you
• 47:24
  know,
• 47:24
  like,
• 47:24
  we
• 47:25
  have
• 47:25
  so
• 47:25
  many
• 47:25
  similarities,
• 47:26
  right?
• 47:26
  Like,
• 47:26
  we've
• 47:27
  gone
• 47:27
  through
• 47:27
  so
• 47:27
  many
• 47:28
  similar
• 47:28
  things,
• 47:29
  and
• 47:29
  those
• 47:30
  things
• 47:30
  are
• 47:30
  what
• 47:30
  brought
• 47:31
  us
• 47:31
  together.
• 47:31
  Because
• 47:32
  while
• 47:32
  we
• 47:32
  felt
• 47:33
  so
• 47:33
  alone
• 47:35
  in
• 47:35
  our
• 47:36
  past
• 47:36
  life,
• 47:37
  like,
• 47:38
  the
• 47:39
  universe
• 47:39
  is
• 47:39
  like,
• 47:39
  I'm
• 47:39
  going
• 47:40
  to
• 47:40
  bring
• 47:40
  you
• 47:40
  these
• 47:40
  people
• 47:40
  here
• 47:41
  who
• 47:41
  understand
• 47:42
  everything
• 47:42
  about
• 47:42
  you,
• 47:43
  and
• 47:43
  you're
• 47:43
  going
• 47:43
  to
• 47:43
  continue
• 47:44
  going
• 47:44
  together,
• 47:45
  growing,
• 47:45
  and
• 47:46
  just
• 47:46
  enjoying
• 47:47
  life.
• 47:49
  And
• 47:49
  I
• 47:49
  love
• 47:50
  it.
• 47:50
  And
• 47:50
  I
• 47:50
  love
• 47:51
  the
• 47:51
  way
• 47:51
  you
• 47:51
  articulate
• 47:53
  your
• 47:53
  story.
• 47:56
  Again,
• 47:57
  as
• 47:57
  I'm
• 47:57
  listening
• 47:58
  to
• 47:58
  you
• 47:58
  tell
• 47:58
  your
• 47:58
  story,
• 47:59
  I'm
• 47:59
  like,
• 47:59
  this
• 47:59
  is
• 48:00
  why
• 48:00
  she
• 48:00
  understands
• 48:01
  me
• 48:01
  so
• 48:01
  well,
• 48:01
  right?
• 48:02
  Like,
• 48:03
  because,
• 48:03
  again,
• 48:03
  so
• 48:04
  many
• 48:04
  similarities.
• 48:05
  Like,
• 48:05
  I.
• 48:05
  I.
• 48:06
  As
• 48:06
  you
• 48:06
  were
• 48:06
  speaking,
• 48:06
  I
• 48:06
  just
• 48:07
  kept
• 48:07
  thinking
• 48:07
  of
• 48:07
  when
• 48:08
  we
• 48:08
  first
• 48:08
  met
• 48:09
  and
• 48:09
  how
• 48:10
  our
• 48:10
  initial
• 48:10
  conversation
• 48:11
  was
• 48:11
  so
• 48:11
  great,
• 48:12
  but
• 48:12
  then
• 48:12
  you
• 48:12
  had
• 48:12
  to
• 48:13
  coach
• 48:13
  me,
• 48:13
  so
• 48:13
  you
• 48:13
  couldn't
• 48:14
  really.
• 48:14
  It
• 48:14
  wasn't
• 48:15
  an
• 48:15
  even
• 48:15
  exchange.
• 48:15
  It
• 48:16
  was
• 48:16
  me
• 48:16
  telling
• 48:16
  you
• 48:16
  everything,
• 48:17
  but.
• 48:18
  But
• 48:18
  then
• 48:19
  when
• 48:19
  you
• 48:19
  got
• 48:19
  to
• 48:19
  tell
• 48:19
  me
• 48:21
  about
• 48:21
  you,
• 48:22
  I
• 48:22
  just
• 48:22
  remember,
• 48:23
  like,
• 48:24
  holy
• 48:25
  shit.
• 48:25
  You
• 48:25
  know,
• 48:26
  like,
• 48:26
  Everything
• 48:27
  that
• 48:27
  I
• 48:27
  was
• 48:28
  saying
• 48:28
  was
• 48:28
  so
• 48:29
  similar
• 48:29
  to
• 48:30
  what
• 48:30
  you're
• 48:31
  saying
• 48:31
  now.
• 48:33
  So,
• 48:33
  Yeah,
• 48:33
  I.
• 48:33
  It
• 48:34
  just
• 48:34
  feels
• 48:34
  so
• 48:34
  good
• 48:34
  to
• 48:35
  find
• 48:36
  people
• 48:36
  who
• 48:36
  see
• 48:36
  you,
• 48:37
  understand
• 48:37
  you
• 48:38
  and
• 48:41
  grow
• 48:41
  with
• 48:42
  you
• 48:42
  and
• 48:43
  just
• 48:43
  are
• 48:43
  along
• 48:44
  for
• 48:44
  the
• 48:44
  ride,
• 48:45
  you
• 48:46
  know,
• 48:46
  to
• 48:46
  help
• 48:46
  you
• 48:46
  along
• 48:47
  the
• 48:47
  way.
• 48:47
  I
• 48:47
  love
• 48:47
  that.
• 48:49
  Yeah,
• 48:50
  I
• 48:51
  agree.
• 48:51
  I
• 48:52
  do
• 48:52
  think.
• 48:53
  I
• 48:53
  do
• 48:54
  agree
• 48:54
  with
• 48:54
  the
• 48:55
  sentiment
• 48:55
  that,
• 48:55
  like,
• 48:58
  your.
• 49:01
  Your
• 49:02
  authenticity
• 49:05
  or
• 49:05
  just
• 49:05
  kind
• 49:05
  of
• 49:06
  following
• 49:06
  your
• 49:06
  intuition
• 49:06
  even,
• 49:07
  is.
• 49:07
  Is
• 49:08
  rewarded
• 49:09
  with
• 49:11
  people
• 49:12
  who
• 49:12
  can
• 49:12
  meet
• 49:13
  you
• 49:14
  when
• 49:14
  you're
• 49:14
  able
• 49:15
  to,
• 49:15
  like,
• 49:15
  in
• 49:15
  those
• 49:16
  moments,
• 49:16
  say,
• 49:16
  this
• 49:17
  is
• 49:18
  good.
• 49:19
  This
• 49:19
  is
• 49:19
  fine.
• 49:20
  I
• 49:20
  should
• 49:21
  be
• 49:21
  grateful
• 49:21
  for
• 49:22
  this.
• 49:22
  Like,
• 49:22
  as
• 49:22
  soon
• 49:22
  as
• 49:22
  you
• 49:22
  start
• 49:23
  shoulding
• 49:23
  yourself,
• 49:23
  then
• 49:24
  you're
• 49:24
  like,
• 49:25
  oh,
• 49:27
  well,
• 49:27
  maybe
• 49:27
  there's
• 49:27
  still
• 49:28
  something
• 49:28
  here
• 49:28
  that
• 49:28
  doesn't
• 49:29
  feel
• 49:29
  quite
• 49:29
  right.
• 49:29
  So
• 49:29
  what
• 49:30
  would
• 49:30
  it
• 49:30
  look
• 49:30
  like
• 49:31
  if
• 49:32
  I
• 49:32
  just
• 49:33
  made
• 49:33
  space
• 49:35
  for
• 49:36
  the
• 49:36
  right
• 49:37
  thing
• 49:37
  to
• 49:37
  come?
• 49:37
  And
• 49:38
  as
• 49:38
  soon
• 49:38
  as
• 49:38
  you
• 49:38
  do,
• 49:41
  man,
• 49:41
  does
• 49:42
  the
• 49:42
  universe
• 49:42
  ever
• 49:43
  just
• 49:45
  knock
• 49:45
  yourself
• 49:45
  off?
• 49:46
  Yep.
• 49:50
  I
• 49:50
  think
• 49:50
  the
• 49:50
  hardest.
• 49:51
  That
• 49:51
  was
• 49:51
  the
• 49:52
  hardest
• 49:52
  thing
• 49:52
  for
• 49:52
  me
• 49:52
  was
• 49:53
  just
• 49:54
  acknowledging
• 49:55
  that,
• 49:55
  like,
• 49:56
  good
• 49:57
  and
• 49:57
  should
• 49:58
  be
• 49:58
  grateful
• 49:59
  is
• 50:00
  not
• 50:01
  the
• 50:01
  same
• 50:03
  as
• 50:04
  living.
• 50:06
  Right.
• 50:06
  Like,
• 50:06
  it's
• 50:06
  not
• 50:06
  the
• 50:07
  same
• 50:07
  as,
• 50:07
  like,
• 50:07
  truly
• 50:08
  living
• 50:08
  or
• 50:08
  truly
• 50:09
  coming
• 50:09
  alive.
• 50:11
  It
• 50:11
  actually.
• 50:12
  Like,
• 50:12
  in
• 50:12
  retrospect,
• 50:13
  I
• 50:13
  could
• 50:13
  sort
• 50:14
  of
• 50:14
  see
• 50:16
  that
• 50:16
  it
• 50:16
  was
• 50:16
  more
• 50:16
  like
• 50:17
  a.
• 50:17
  It
• 50:17
  was
• 50:18
  more
• 50:18
  like
• 50:18
  a
• 50:18
  slow
• 50:18
  death.
• 50:19
  Yeah.
• 50:20
  That
• 50:21
  I.
• 50:21
  It
• 50:22
  was
• 50:22
  so
• 50:22
  slow
• 50:22
  that
• 50:23
  I
• 50:23
  wasn't
• 50:23
  even
• 50:24
  aware.
• 50:26
  Right.
• 50:26
  Like.
• 50:27
  And
• 50:27
  so
• 50:28
  once
• 50:28
  I
• 50:28
  keyed
• 50:28
  in
• 50:29
  on
• 50:29
  it,
• 50:29
  though,
• 50:30
  there
• 50:30
  was
• 50:30
  no.
• 50:31
  There
• 50:32
  was.
• 50:32
  I
• 50:32
  had
• 50:33
  no
• 50:33
  ability
• 50:33
  to
• 50:33
  pretend
• 50:34
  anymore.
• 50:35
  Yeah.
• 50:35
  I
• 50:36
  feel
• 50:36
  like
• 50:36
  when
• 50:36
  something
• 50:36
  clicks,
• 50:37
  it
• 50:37
  just
• 50:37
  clicks.
• 50:38
  Right.
• 50:38
  And
• 50:38
  you
• 50:38
  get
• 50:38
  it,
• 50:39
  and
• 50:39
  then
• 50:39
  you
• 50:39
  can't
• 50:39
  unsee
• 50:40
  it
• 50:41
  because
• 50:41
  being
• 50:41
  told
• 50:42
  that
• 50:42
  you
• 50:42
  should
• 50:42
  be
• 50:42
  grateful,
• 50:44
  it's
• 50:44
  just
• 50:44
  telling
• 50:45
  you
• 50:45
  to
• 50:45
  just
• 50:45
  settle
• 50:46
  and
• 50:46
  it's
• 50:46
  okay,
• 50:46
  and
• 50:46
  it's
• 50:47
  good
• 50:47
  enough.
• 50:47
  Right.
• 50:48
  Don't
• 50:48
  worry
• 50:48
  about
• 50:48
  what
• 50:48
  that
• 50:49
  feeling
• 50:49
  is.
• 50:49
  Just.
• 50:51
  You
• 50:51
  should
• 50:51
  be
• 50:51
  grateful.
• 50:52
  Yeah.
• 50:53
  How
• 50:53
  can
• 50:53
  you
• 50:53
  be
• 50:53
  grateful?
• 50:54
  How
• 50:54
  can
• 50:54
  you
• 50:54
  be
• 50:54
  grateful
• 50:55
  when
• 50:55
  you're,
• 50:55
  like,
• 50:55
  torn
• 50:56
  up
• 50:56
  inside
• 50:57
  about
• 50:57
  whatever
• 50:57
  it
• 50:58
  is,
• 50:58
  you
• 50:58
  know?
• 50:59
  Yeah.
• 51:01
  Well,
• 51:02
  in
• 51:02
  wanting
• 51:02
  something
• 51:03
  different
• 51:03
  doesn't
• 51:03
  mean
• 51:03
  you're
• 51:04
  not
• 51:04
  grateful.
• 51:05
  Right.
• 51:08
  We're
• 51:08
  wanting
• 51:09
  more.
• 51:10
  Well,
• 51:10
  right.
• 51:10
  But
• 51:10
  that's
• 51:11
  the
• 51:11
  problem
• 51:11
  in
• 51:11
  itself,
• 51:11
  right,
• 51:12
  Is
• 51:12
  that
• 51:12
  wanting
• 51:13
  something
• 51:13
  different
• 51:13
  means
• 51:14
  that
• 51:14
  you
• 51:14
  are
• 51:14
  not
• 51:15
  fitting
• 51:15
  into
• 51:16
  the
• 51:16
  box
• 51:16
  we
• 51:16
  want
• 51:16
  you
• 51:17
  to
• 51:17
  fit
• 51:17
  in.
• 51:18
  That's
• 51:18
  a
• 51:19
  problem.
• 51:20
  You
• 51:20
  know?
• 51:20
  And
• 51:20
  you're
• 51:20
  like,
• 51:20
  I
• 51:21
  don't
• 51:21
  want
• 51:21
  that
• 51:21
  box,
• 51:23
  you
• 51:23
  know,
• 51:23
  or
• 51:23
  that
• 51:23
  picture
• 51:24
  to
• 51:24
  color,
• 51:25
  like.
• 51:26
  No,
• 51:26
  thank
• 51:26
  you.
• 51:27
  Yeah.
• 51:29
  I
• 51:29
  can't
• 51:29
  wait
• 51:29
  to
• 51:30
  talk
• 51:30
  about
• 51:30
  some
• 51:30
  of
• 51:30
  this
• 51:30
  stuff.
• 51:31
  Okay.
• 51:33
  So
• 51:37
  I
• 51:37
  know
• 51:37
  Adriana
• 51:37
  just
• 51:38
  shared
• 51:38
  a
• 51:38
  little
• 51:38
  bit
• 51:39
  about
• 51:39
  what
• 51:40
  she
• 51:40
  loves
• 51:41
  and
• 51:41
  appreciates
• 51:42
  about
• 51:42
  you.
• 51:43
  So
• 51:44
  let
• 51:44
  me
• 51:44
  think
• 51:46
  if
• 51:46
  I
• 51:46
  can
• 51:47
  keep
• 51:47
  it
• 51:47
  short.
• 51:49
  Impossible.
• 51:50
  So
• 51:50
  much.
• 51:57
  Gosh.
• 52:00
  Okay.
• 52:01
  Am
• 52:01
  I.
• 52:01
  I'm,
• 52:02
  like,
• 52:02
  getting
• 52:02
  emotional
• 52:03
  okay,
• 52:05
  so
• 52:05
  I
• 52:05
  love
• 52:06
  that.
• 52:06
  I
• 52:06
  feel
• 52:06
  like
• 52:08
  this
• 52:08
  is
• 52:08
  true
• 52:09
  for
• 52:09
  both
• 52:09
  of
• 52:09
  you.
• 52:09
  But
• 52:09
  Eric,
• 52:10
  I
• 52:10
  feel
• 52:10
  like,
• 52:11
  I
• 52:11
  don't
• 52:11
  know.
• 52:15
  It's
• 52:15
  very
• 52:16
  interesting
• 52:17
  how
• 52:17
  our
• 52:17
  relationship
• 52:18
  has
• 52:18
  evolved
• 52:19
  to
• 52:20
  me
• 52:20
  and
• 52:21
  I
• 52:21
  am
• 52:22
  so
• 52:23
  grateful
• 52:23
  that
• 52:27
  we
• 52:27
  got
• 52:27
  to
• 52:28
  the
• 52:28
  place
• 52:29
  where
• 52:29
  we
• 52:29
  are
• 52:30
  through
• 52:32
  our
• 52:33
  growth
• 52:33
  individually
• 52:35
  that
• 52:35
  to
• 52:35
  now
• 52:36
  we
• 52:36
  get
• 52:36
  to
• 52:36
  grow
• 52:36
  together.
• 52:39
  Because
• 52:40
  I
• 52:40
  love
• 52:42
  how
• 52:43
  bold
• 52:44
  you
• 52:44
  are
• 52:45
  and,
• 52:46
  and
• 52:48
  firm
• 52:48
  in
• 52:49
  your
• 52:49
  boundaries
• 52:50
  is.
• 52:50
  That
• 52:50
  is
• 52:50
  something
• 52:51
  that
• 52:51
  I
• 52:51
  struggle
• 52:52
  mightily
• 52:52
  with.
• 52:56
  And
• 52:56
  you're
• 52:56
  just
• 52:56
  like,
• 52:56
  no,
• 52:58
  like,
• 52:58
  I
• 52:59
  think
• 52:59
  you're
• 53:00
  the
• 53:00
  master
• 53:00
  of.
• 53:01
  Nope,
• 53:02
  you
• 53:02
  will
• 53:03
  not.
• 53:04
  Like,
• 53:04
  seriously,
• 53:05
  when
• 53:05
  I
• 53:05
  hear
• 53:06
  you
• 53:06
  talk,
• 53:06
  I'm
• 53:06
  just
• 53:07
  like,
• 53:07
  oh,
• 53:07
  I
• 53:08
  need
• 53:08
  to
• 53:08
  borrow
• 53:08
  some
• 53:08
  of
• 53:08
  that
• 53:09
  sometimes.
• 53:09
  Is
• 53:10
  that
• 53:10
  for
• 53:10
  myself
• 53:11
  or
• 53:11
  for
• 53:11
  other
• 53:11
  people?
• 53:11
  Because
• 53:12
  sometimes
• 53:12
  I
• 53:12
  feel
• 53:13
  like
• 53:13
  my
• 53:13
  boundaries
• 53:14
  are
• 53:14
  non
• 53:14
  existent.
• 53:15
  That's
• 53:15
  still
• 53:16
  a
• 53:16
  work
• 53:16
  in
• 53:16
  progress.
• 53:17
  I
• 53:17
  don't
• 53:17
  know.
• 53:17
  I
• 53:17
  wouldn't
• 53:18
  say
• 53:18
  they're
• 53:18
  non
• 53:18
  existent.
• 53:19
  There
• 53:19
  might
• 53:19
  be
• 53:19
  a
• 53:19
  work
• 53:20
  in
• 53:20
  process,
• 53:20
  but
• 53:20
  I
• 53:20
  feel
• 53:20
  like
• 53:21
  that's
• 53:21
  for
• 53:21
  everyone.
• 53:21
  But
• 53:21
  I
• 53:21
  would,
• 53:22
  I
• 53:22
  would,
• 53:22
  would
• 53:22
  definitely
• 53:23
  not
• 53:23
  say
• 53:23
  that.
• 53:24
  Excuse
• 53:24
  me.
• 53:24
  That
• 53:24
  they're
• 53:25
  not
• 53:25
  existent.
• 53:28
  Maybe
• 53:29
  I'm
• 53:29
  holding
• 53:29
  on
• 53:29
  to
• 53:29
  an
• 53:29
  old
• 53:30
  story.
• 53:31
  Maybe
• 53:32
  because
• 53:32
  what
• 53:33
  I
• 53:33
  see
• 53:33
  in
• 53:33
  you
• 53:33
  is
• 53:34
  like,
• 53:34
  yeah,
• 53:35
  we
• 53:35
  aren't
• 53:35
  doing
• 53:35
  this
• 53:35
  anymore.
• 53:36
  And
• 53:36
  it's
• 53:36
  like,
• 53:37
  cool.
• 53:37
  How
• 53:38
  do
• 53:38
  you
• 53:38
  just
• 53:38
  do
• 53:39
  that?
• 53:39
  I
• 53:40
  want
• 53:40
  to
• 53:40
  study
• 53:41
  that
• 53:42
  and
• 53:42
  be
• 53:42
  like,
• 53:43
  I'm
• 53:43
  okay.
• 53:46
  Although
• 53:46
  I
• 53:47
  feel
• 53:47
  like
• 53:47
  I'm
• 53:48
  probably
• 53:48
  a
• 53:48
  little
• 53:48
  further
• 53:48
  along
• 53:49
  than
• 53:49
  I
• 53:49
  think
• 53:49
  I
• 53:49
  am
• 53:50
  too.
• 53:51
  But
• 53:51
  we
• 53:52
  never
• 53:52
  give
• 53:52
  ourselves
• 53:52
  enough
• 53:53
  credit.
• 53:54
  Yeah,
• 53:54
  but
• 53:55
  that's
• 53:55
  okay.
• 53:55
  We're
• 53:55
  still
• 53:56
  growing.
• 53:56
  It's
• 53:56
  all
• 53:56
  good.
• 53:57
  Absolutely.
• 54:00
  The
• 54:01
  way
• 54:01
  your
• 54:01
  mind
• 54:01
  works,
• 54:03
  how
• 54:04
  confident
• 54:04
  you
• 54:04
  are,
• 54:06
  and
• 54:08
  it's
• 54:08
  really
• 54:09
  made
• 54:10
  me
• 54:10
  more
• 54:10
  confident.
• 54:16
  Like,
• 54:16
  see
• 54:16
  you
• 54:17
  model
• 54:17
  that.
• 54:18
  Like,
• 54:19
  I
• 54:19
  know
• 54:19
  my.
• 54:20
  And
• 54:22
  don't
• 54:22
  try
• 54:22
  to
• 54:22
  tell
• 54:22
  me
• 54:23
  otherwise
• 54:23
  because
• 54:24
  you
• 54:24
  just
• 54:24
  look
• 54:24
  like
• 54:24
  a
• 54:25
  fool.
• 54:25
  And
• 54:26
  you
• 54:26
  know,
• 54:27
  like,
• 54:27
  I
• 54:28
  love
• 54:28
  that
• 54:29
  because
• 54:29
  I
• 54:30
  felt
• 54:30
  like
• 54:30
  that,
• 54:30
  but
• 54:31
  always
• 54:31
  felt
• 54:31
  like
• 54:32
  that
• 54:32
  was
• 54:32
  wrong
• 54:34
  in
• 54:35
  a
• 54:35
  way.
• 54:35
  And
• 54:36
  now
• 54:36
  when
• 54:36
  I
• 54:36
  catch
• 54:37
  myself
• 54:37
  being
• 54:37
  confident.
• 54:42
  Isn't
• 54:42
  that
• 54:42
  a
• 54:42
  funny
• 54:43
  way
• 54:43
  to
• 54:43
  put
• 54:43
  that?
• 54:44
  When
• 54:44
  I
• 54:44
  catch
• 54:45
  myself
• 54:45
  being
• 54:46
  confident,
• 54:46
  I
• 54:46
  don't
• 54:47
  shut
• 54:47
  it
• 54:47
  down.
• 54:50
  Right.
• 54:50
  Which
• 54:51
  should
• 54:51
  be
• 54:51
  the
• 54:51
  old
• 54:51
  story.
• 54:52
  Right?
• 54:53
  Like,
• 54:54
  who
• 54:54
  are
• 54:54
  you
• 54:55
  to
• 54:55
  think.
• 54:55
  Blah,
• 54:55
  blah,
• 54:56
  blah.
• 54:56
  Like,
• 54:57
  I,
• 54:58
  I
• 54:59
  don't
• 54:59
  do
• 54:59
  that
• 54:59
  anymore.
• 55:00
  I'm
• 55:00
  like,
• 55:01
  do
• 55:01
  I
• 55:02
  now?
• 55:02
  It's
• 55:02
  like
• 55:02
  approaching
• 55:03
  it
• 55:03
  with
• 55:03
  the
• 55:03
  curiosity.
• 55:04
  Right?
• 55:04
  Like,
• 55:06
  is
• 55:06
  that
• 55:06
  true?
• 55:08
  Yes,
• 55:09
  I
• 55:10
  know
• 55:10
  my.
• 55:11
  And
• 55:12
  I
• 55:12
  have
• 55:12
  a
• 55:12
  right
• 55:13
  to
• 55:13
  be
• 55:13
  confident.
• 55:14
  So
• 55:16
  it's
• 55:17
  awesome
• 55:18
  to
• 55:18
  see
• 55:18
  that
• 55:19
  modeled
• 55:22
  and
• 55:22
  to
• 55:23
  just
• 55:24
  be
• 55:25
  like,
• 55:26
  yes,
• 55:27
  I
• 55:27
  feel
• 55:27
  things
• 55:27
  and
• 55:27
  yes,
• 55:28
  this
• 55:28
  is
• 55:29
  that
• 55:29
  and
• 55:29
  that's
• 55:30
  who
• 55:30
  I
• 55:30
  am.
• 55:30
  And
• 55:31
  that's
• 55:31
  okay.
• 55:32
  Like,
• 55:33
  I
• 55:33
  just
• 55:34
  appreciate
• 55:34
  that.
• 55:36
  And
• 55:36
  you
• 55:37
  see,
• 55:38
  I
• 55:38
  want,
• 55:38
  I
• 55:38
  just
• 55:38
  want
• 55:38
  to
• 55:39
  add
• 55:39
  one
• 55:39
  more
• 55:40
  thing
• 55:40
  because
• 55:41
  that's,
• 55:41
  that's
• 55:42
  What
• 55:42
  I
• 55:42
  mean
• 55:42
  about
• 55:43
  the
• 55:43
  gift
• 55:44
  that
• 55:44
  we
• 55:44
  get,
• 55:46
  like,
• 55:46
  that's
• 55:46
  the
• 55:47
  gift.
• 55:47
  It's
• 55:47
  not
• 55:47
  that
• 55:47
  just
• 55:47
  people
• 55:48
  coming
• 55:48
  to
• 55:48
  your
• 55:48
  life.
• 55:49
  Right.
• 55:49
  It's
• 55:49
  not
• 55:49
  just
• 55:49
  having
• 55:50
  people
• 55:51
  or
• 55:51
  accumulating
• 55:52
  people.
• 55:53
  It's
• 55:54
  what
• 55:54
  they.
• 55:54
  It's
• 55:54
  what
• 55:54
  they
• 55:55
  bring
• 55:55
  into
• 55:56
  your
• 55:56
  life,
• 55:56
  and
• 55:57
  it's
• 55:57
  that
• 55:57
  support,
• 55:59
  that
• 55:59
  belief
• 55:59
  in
• 56:00
  you,
• 56:00
  even
• 56:00
  when
• 56:00
  you
• 56:01
  don't
• 56:01
  see
• 56:01
  it
• 56:01
  in
• 56:01
  yourself
• 56:02
  is
• 56:02
  when
• 56:02
  they
• 56:03
  see
• 56:03
  in
• 56:03
  you
• 56:04
  what
• 56:04
  you
• 56:04
  can't
• 56:05
  even
• 56:05
  see
• 56:05
  in
• 56:05
  yourself,
• 56:06
  that
• 56:06
  helps
• 56:06
  you
• 56:09
  get
• 56:09
  stronger,
• 56:10
  be
• 56:10
  more
• 56:10
  confident,
• 56:11
  you
• 56:11
  know,
• 56:11
  be
• 56:12
  more
• 56:12
  aware.
• 56:13
  Like,
• 56:14
  that.
• 56:14
  That's
• 56:15
  what
• 56:15
  I
• 56:15
  mean
• 56:15
  about
• 56:17
  the
• 56:17
  gift,
• 56:17
  and
• 56:17
  that's
• 56:17
  the
• 56:18
  gift
• 56:18
  that
• 56:19
  I've
• 56:19
  received
• 56:19
  from
• 56:20
  the
• 56:20
  both
• 56:20
  of
• 56:20
  you.
• 56:21
  Yeah.
• 56:21
  That
• 56:22
  helps
• 56:22
  me.
• 56:22
  Like,
• 56:23
  I.
• 56:24
  When
• 56:25
  you
• 56:25
  have
• 56:25
  people
• 56:25
  that
• 56:25
  believe
• 56:26
  in
• 56:26
  you,
• 56:26
  it
• 56:26
  just
• 56:26
  helps
• 56:27
  you.
• 56:27
  Like,
• 56:27
  I
• 56:27
  can
• 56:27
  handle
• 56:28
  anything.
• 56:28
  Like,
• 56:29
  I.
• 56:29
  What
• 56:29
  I.
• 56:30
  The
• 56:30
  things
• 56:30
  that
• 56:30
  I've
• 56:31
  had
• 56:31
  to
• 56:31
  handle
• 56:33
  since
• 56:33
  the
• 56:33
  two
• 56:33
  of
• 56:34
  you
• 56:34
  came
• 56:34
  into
• 56:34
  my
• 56:34
  life,
• 56:35
  I
• 56:36
  was
• 56:36
  able
• 56:36
  to
• 56:37
  handle
• 56:38
  those
• 56:38
  things
• 56:38
  and
• 56:39
  do
• 56:39
  those
• 56:39
  things
• 56:40
  because
• 56:40
  I
• 56:40
  had
• 56:41
  you
• 56:41
  in
• 56:41
  my
• 56:41
  life,
• 56:43
  you
• 56:43
  know,
• 56:44
  because
• 56:45
  you
• 56:45
  guys
• 56:45
  have
• 56:45
  given
• 56:45
  me
• 56:46
  that
• 56:46
  strength,
• 56:49
  and
• 56:49
  that's.
• 56:49
  That's.
• 56:50
  That's
• 56:50
  what's
• 56:50
  so
• 56:50
  beautiful.
• 56:51
  And
• 56:52
  I
• 56:52
  feel
• 56:52
  like
• 56:52
  I
• 56:52
  don't
• 56:53
  have
• 56:53
  to
• 56:53
  explain
• 56:53
  myself
• 56:54
  to
• 56:54
  you.
• 56:54
  Right.
• 56:55
  My
• 56:55
  Gemini
• 56:56
  friend
• 56:56
  speaks
• 56:57
  my
• 56:57
  Gemini
• 56:57
  rising
• 56:58
  language,
• 56:59
  so
• 56:59
  100%.
• 57:00
  I
• 57:00
  just
• 57:01
  can't
• 57:01
  tell
• 57:01
  you
• 57:01
  how
• 57:01
  much
• 57:02
  I
• 57:02
  appreciate
• 57:02
  that.
• 57:03
  Yeah.
• 57:04
  Yeah.
• 57:04
  Find
• 57:04
  a.
• 57:06
  What
• 57:06
  did
• 57:06
  we
• 57:06
  say?
• 57:06
  And
• 57:07
  did
• 57:07
  we
• 57:07
  say
• 57:07
  this
• 57:07
  in
• 57:07
  our
• 57:08
  last
• 57:08
  one?
• 57:08
  Find
• 57:08
  someone
• 57:09
  who
• 57:09
  speaks
• 57:09
  your
• 57:09
  language.
• 57:10
  You
• 57:10
  don't
• 57:10
  have
• 57:10
  to
• 57:10
  spend
• 57:11
  a
• 57:11
  lifetime
• 57:11
  translating
• 57:12
  your
• 57:12
  soul.
• 57:13
  Like,
• 57:13
  that's.
• 57:14
  That's
• 57:14
  so
• 57:15
  valuable.
• 57:17
  Just
• 57:17
  sort
• 57:17
  of,
• 57:17
  like,
• 57:17
  understands
• 57:18
  innately.
• 57:19
  But
• 57:19
  I
• 57:19
  also
• 57:20
  think
• 57:20
  there's,
• 57:20
  like,
• 57:20
  a.
• 57:21
  I
• 57:22
  mean,
• 57:22
  part
• 57:22
  of
• 57:22
  the
• 57:23
  reason
• 57:23
  that
• 57:24
  we're
• 57:24
  doing
• 57:24
  this.
• 57:24
  Like,
• 57:25
  at
• 57:25
  least
• 57:25
  my
• 57:25
  why
• 57:26
  for
• 57:26
  doing
• 57:26
  this
• 57:26
  is
• 57:27
  that,
• 57:27
  like,
• 57:29
  I
• 57:29
  know
• 57:30
  exactly
• 57:33
  how
• 57:35
  much
• 57:35
  I
• 57:36
  had
• 57:36
  to
• 57:36
  unlearn
• 57:38
  and
• 57:38
  untangle
• 57:39
  and
• 57:40
  wrestle
• 57:41
  with
• 57:41
  and
• 57:41
  reconcile
• 57:43
  and
• 57:43
  rebuild
• 57:44
  in
• 57:44
  this
• 57:45
  process.
• 57:45
  Like,
• 57:45
  I
• 57:45
  know
• 57:46
  how
• 57:46
  hard
• 57:46
  I
• 57:47
  had
• 57:47
  to
• 57:47
  fight
• 57:48
  to
• 57:48
  become
• 57:50
  a
• 57:50
  much
• 57:51
  more
• 57:51
  confident,
• 57:51
  empowered
• 57:52
  version
• 57:52
  of
• 57:52
  myself,
• 57:53
  which
• 57:53
  I
• 57:54
  still
• 57:54
  don't
• 57:54
  feel
• 57:54
  confident
• 57:55
  all
• 57:55
  the
• 57:55
  time.
• 57:55
  I
• 57:55
  still
• 57:56
  don't
• 57:56
  feel
• 57:56
  empowered
• 57:57
  all
• 57:57
  the
• 57:57
  time.
• 57:57
  I
• 57:57
  still
• 57:58
  slip
• 57:58
  back
• 57:58
  into
• 57:58
  old
• 57:59
  patterns,
• 57:59
  but
• 58:00
  I'm
• 58:02
  way
• 58:02
  farther
• 58:03
  along,
• 58:04
  for
• 58:04
  sure,
• 58:04
  than
• 58:05
  I
• 58:05
  used
• 58:05
  to
• 58:05
  be.
• 58:06
  But
• 58:06
  my
• 58:07
  why
• 58:07
  for
• 58:07
  doing
• 58:08
  this
• 58:08
  is
• 58:08
  exactly
• 58:08
  what
• 58:08
  you've
• 58:09
  both
• 58:09
  just
• 58:09
  said.
• 58:10
  It's
• 58:10
  like,
• 58:11
  the
• 58:11
  more
• 58:12
  we
• 58:12
  see
• 58:14
  other
• 58:14
  women
• 58:15
  living
• 58:17
  unapologetically,
• 58:19
  the
• 58:19
  more
• 58:20
  it
• 58:20
  gives
• 58:20
  us
• 58:20
  permission
• 58:21
  to
• 58:21
  do
• 58:21
  the
• 58:21
  same.
• 58:23
  Like,
• 58:23
  that's
• 58:23
  where
• 58:24
  I
• 58:24
  think
• 58:25
  this
• 58:26
  is.
• 58:26
  This
• 58:26
  is
• 58:27
  so
• 58:27
  important.
• 58:29
  Right?
• 58:29
  It
• 58:30
  feels.
• 58:31
  It
• 58:31
  feels
• 58:33
  rebellious
• 58:35
  to
• 58:35
  say
• 58:35
  things
• 58:35
  like,
• 58:36
  yeah,
• 58:36
  I'm
• 58:36
  fucking
• 58:37
  good
• 58:37
  at
• 58:37
  that.
• 58:38
  Yeah.
• 58:38
  Yeah.
• 58:39
  Because
• 58:39
  we
• 58:39
  were
• 58:39
  told
• 58:39
  to
• 58:40
  make
• 58:40
  ourselves
• 58:40
  smaller.
• 58:41
  It's
• 58:42
  not
• 58:42
  rebellious.
• 58:43
  That's
• 58:43
  just
• 58:43
  confidence.
• 58:45
  Yeah.
• 58:46
  And,
• 58:46
  yeah,
• 58:46
  I
• 58:46
  just
• 58:46
  want
• 58:47
  to
• 58:47
  add,
• 58:47
  like,
• 58:47
  we're
• 58:48
  humans,
• 58:48
  right.
• 58:48
  We're
• 58:49
  having
• 58:49
  the
• 58:49
  human
• 58:49
  experience,
• 58:50
  and
• 58:50
  we're
• 58:51
  not
• 58:51
  meant
• 58:51
  to
• 58:52
  get
• 58:53
  to
• 58:53
  the
• 58:53
  point
• 58:53
  where
• 58:54
  we're
• 58:55
  just
• 58:55
  always
• 58:55
  confident
• 58:56
  or
• 58:56
  always
• 58:56
  empowered.
• 58:58
  You
• 58:58
  know
• 58:58
  what
• 58:58
  I
• 58:58
  mean?
• 58:59
  There's.
• 58:59
  You're
• 58:59
  going
• 58:59
  to
• 58:59
  have
• 59:00
  those
• 59:00
  moments.
• 59:01
  Right.
• 59:01
  But
• 59:02
  it's
• 59:02
  why
• 59:02
  you
• 59:03
  have
• 59:03
  the
• 59:03
  support,
• 59:04
  is
• 59:04
  to
• 59:05
  help
• 59:05
  you
• 59:05
  get
• 59:06
  back.
• 59:06
  Get
• 59:06
  back
• 59:07
  to
• 59:07
  that.
• 59:08
  I
• 59:08
  feel
• 59:08
  like
• 59:08
  we
• 59:08
  need
• 59:08
  a.
• 59:09
  Maybe
• 59:10
  this
• 59:10
  is
• 59:10
  also
• 59:10
  a
• 59:10
  whole
• 59:10
  nother
• 59:11
  episode,
• 59:11
  but
• 59:11
  that.
• 59:11
  Oh,
• 59:12
  totally.
• 59:12
  The
• 59:13
  moment
• 59:13
  in
• 59:13
  the
• 59:13
  journey
• 59:14
  where
• 59:14
  you
• 59:14
  realize,
• 59:15
  like,
• 59:15
  there
• 59:16
  is
• 59:16
  no
• 59:16
  end
• 59:17
  point.
• 59:18
  And
• 59:18
  then,
• 59:18
  like,
• 59:20
  the
• 59:23
  slightly
• 59:23
  empowering
• 59:24
  but
• 59:24
  also
• 59:25
  slightly
• 59:25
  defeating
• 59:26
  realization
• 59:26
  of
• 59:27
  that,
• 59:27
  like,
• 59:27
  just
• 59:27
  being
• 59:28
  like
• 59:29
  that
• 59:30
  sucks
• 59:31
  that
• 59:32
  it's.
• 59:34
  That
• 59:34
  now
• 59:34
  I've
• 59:35
  signed
• 59:35
  up
• 59:35
  for,
• 59:35
  like,
• 59:36
  a
• 59:36
  lifetime
• 59:36
  of
• 59:37
  this.
• 59:37
  But
• 59:37
  then
• 59:37
  also,
• 59:38
  like,
• 59:38
  that's
• 59:39
  fucking
• 59:39
  awesome
• 59:40
  because
• 59:40
  think
• 59:40
  of
• 59:40
  how
• 59:41
  good
• 59:41
  it's
• 59:41
  gonna
• 59:41
  get.
• 59:42
  Yeah.
• 59:42
  Right.
• 59:42
  Like
• 59:43
  on
• 59:43
  the
• 59:43
  other
• 59:43
  side
• 59:43
  of
• 59:43
  it.
• 59:44
  But,
• 59:44
  man,
• 59:45
  sometimes
• 59:46
  I'm
• 59:46
  just
• 59:48
  tired.
• 59:49
  Yes.
• 59:53
  Can
• 59:53
  I
• 59:53
  take
• 59:53
  a
• 59:53
  day
• 59:53
  off?
• 59:55
  Right,
• 59:55
  exactly.
• 59:56
  The
• 59:56
  journey,
• 59:56
  the
• 59:57
  growth.
• 59:58
  That's
• 59:58
  the
• 59:58
  thing
• 59:58
  about
• 59:59
  being
• 59:59
  nowhere.
• 59:59
  Right.
• 1:00:00
  Because
• 1:00:00
  you
• 1:00:00
  can't
• 1:00:00
  go
• 1:00:00
  back.
• 1:00:01
  You
• 1:00:01
  can't
• 1:00:01
  go
• 1:00:01
  back.
• 1:00:02
  And
• 1:00:02
  sometimes
• 1:00:02
  it's
• 1:00:02
  like
• 1:00:02
  this.
• 1:00:03
  For
• 1:00:03
  one
• 1:00:03
  day,
• 1:00:03
  I
• 1:00:04
  want
• 1:00:04
  to
• 1:00:04
  be,
• 1:00:04
  like,
• 1:00:04
  totally
• 1:00:05
  just.
• 1:00:06
  I
• 1:00:06
  want
• 1:00:06
  to
• 1:00:06
  be
• 1:00:06
  oblivious
• 1:00:07
  to
• 1:00:07
  anything.
• 1:00:07
  Fully
• 1:00:08
  ignorant
• 1:00:09
  again.
• 1:00:09
  Yeah.
• 1:00:09
  Pretty
• 1:00:10
  please.
• 1:00:11
  I'd
• 1:00:11
  love
• 1:00:11
  to
• 1:00:12
  not
• 1:00:12
  know
• 1:00:12
  all
• 1:00:13
  the
• 1:00:13
  things.
• 1:00:13
  Right.
• 1:00:15
  Yeah.
• 1:00:16
  And,
• 1:00:16
  you
• 1:00:16
  know,
• 1:00:16
  I
• 1:00:17
  mean,
• 1:00:17
  I
• 1:00:17
  feel
• 1:00:17
  like
• 1:00:17
  we're
• 1:00:17
  just
• 1:00:18
  going
• 1:00:18
  to
• 1:00:18
  repeat
• 1:00:18
  this
• 1:00:18
  over
• 1:00:18
  and
• 1:00:19
  over
• 1:00:19
  and
• 1:00:19
  over
• 1:00:19
  again
• 1:00:20
  in
• 1:00:20
  our
• 1:00:20
  podcast.
• 1:00:21
  Because,
• 1:00:24
  I
• 1:00:24
  mean,
• 1:00:24
  for
• 1:00:24
  me,
• 1:00:25
  that's.
• 1:00:25
  This
• 1:00:25
  is
• 1:00:25
  what
• 1:00:25
  I'm
• 1:00:26
  so
• 1:00:26
  grateful
• 1:00:27
  for,
• 1:00:27
  is
• 1:00:27
  just
• 1:00:27
  having
• 1:00:28
  the
• 1:00:28
  two
• 1:00:28
  of
• 1:00:29
  you.
• 1:00:29
  Because
• 1:00:29
  again,
• 1:00:32
  I
• 1:00:32
  just.
• 1:00:34
  It.
• 1:00:34
  I
• 1:00:35
  don't
• 1:00:35
  know
• 1:00:35
  how
• 1:00:35
  I
• 1:00:35
  would
• 1:00:35
  have
• 1:00:36
  done
• 1:00:36
  it
• 1:00:37
  the
• 1:00:37
  last
• 1:00:37
  several
• 1:00:37
  years
• 1:00:38
  without
• 1:00:38
  the
• 1:00:38
  two
• 1:00:38
  of
• 1:00:38
  you.
• 1:00:39
  Right.
• 1:00:39
  And
• 1:00:40
  I'm.
• 1:00:40
  I'm
• 1:00:40
  gonna.
• 1:00:41
  I'm.
• 1:00:41
  I'm
• 1:00:41
  gonna
• 1:00:41
  say
• 1:00:41
  that
• 1:00:42
  a
• 1:00:42
  lot
• 1:00:46
  because
• 1:00:46
  it's
• 1:00:47
  just
• 1:00:48
  so
• 1:00:48
  true.
• 1:00:51
  Yeah.
• 1:00:51
  It's
• 1:00:52
  gonna
• 1:00:52
  happen
• 1:00:52
  in
• 1:00:52
  every
• 1:00:52
  conversation.
• 1:00:54
  Anything
• 1:00:55
  else?
• 1:00:57
  No.
• 1:00:57
  I'm
• 1:00:58
  very
• 1:00:58
  sweaty,
• 1:00:58
  though,
• 1:00:59
  so.
• 1:01:03
  Because
• 1:01:04
  you've.
• 1:01:04
  Spotlight's
• 1:01:05
  been
• 1:01:05
  on
• 1:01:05
  you.
• 1:01:06
  Oh,
• 1:01:07
  I'm,
• 1:01:07
  like,
• 1:01:07
  dying.
• 1:01:08
  Great.
• 1:01:08
  It's
• 1:01:08
  awesome.
• 1:01:09
  This
• 1:01:09
  is
• 1:01:09
  amazing.
• 1:01:10
  So
• 1:01:11
  happy
• 1:01:11
  to
• 1:01:13
  talk
• 1:01:13
  about
• 1:01:13
  these
• 1:01:13
  things
• 1:01:14
  and
• 1:01:15
  to.
• 1:01:15
  To
• 1:01:15
  hear
• 1:01:16
  your
• 1:01:16
  story
• 1:01:17
  and.
• 1:01:19
  And
• 1:01:19
  obviously
• 1:01:19
  there's
• 1:01:20
  more,
• 1:01:20
  even
• 1:01:20
  more
• 1:01:20
  to
• 1:01:21
  our
• 1:01:21
  story
• 1:01:21
  that,
• 1:01:21
  you
• 1:01:22
  know,
• 1:01:22
  we
• 1:01:22
  haven't
• 1:01:22
  told
• 1:01:22
  the
• 1:01:23
  details,
• 1:01:23
  but
• 1:01:23
  they'll
• 1:01:23
  come
• 1:01:23
  out.
• 1:01:24
  They
• 1:01:24
  will
• 1:01:24
  be
• 1:01:24
  out
• 1:01:24
  in
• 1:01:25
  other
• 1:01:25
  episodes.
• 1:01:26
  Yep.
• 1:01:29
  So,
• 1:01:29
  yeah.
• 1:01:30
  Stay
• 1:01:30
  tuned
• 1:01:30
  for
• 1:01:31
  more.