Latest / Mental Health and the Mission of the Church / Managing Emotions (cont)

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Managing Emotions (cont) · Mental Health and the Mission of the Church

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Hey everybody, good morning.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Didn't realize I was running just a minute late there.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry about that.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: But uh looking forward to talking to you this morning.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: What uh what I put in the uh description for today is um uh do dogs feel stress?
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, uh I don't know how many of you have a pet, but uh my dog sitting right down here, Maverick is his name.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: He's a little brat, you know, as you can imagine.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: And um spoiled by my wife, of course.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: And um, you know, he now he's got separation anxiety, so when we're gone, he uh he can get a little crazy.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: But as far as just life stuff, um, does he feel stressed?
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Does he, you know, does he like think about uh, gee, are we gonna be able to pop pay the power bill this month?
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Or when we go out for a walk, does he feel snubbed by other dogs and start thinking about what a loser he is and why he's not more popular?
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: And does he does he kind of look across?
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: We got this little pond out here we walk around.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Does he look across the pond at this cool-looking uh you know labradoodle or something and say, Man, I wonder why she doesn't like me?
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, you know, I is I'm just such a loser.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: I don't I don't do well with friends or whatever.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, what am I trying to say?
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Do animals feel the kind of stress, or maybe another way to say it is, can animals feel stressed out like we obviously can and do?
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: I would say pretty often we can feel pretty stressed out.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: And here's a thought, here's a thought I want you to think.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: If you didn't think, could you feel stress?
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, if you didn't think about things, could you feel stress?
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: So you're going through your day, and uh maybe a bill comes in you didn't expect, or you know, uh, you know, somebody, somebody that you were hoping to make a connection with, uh, you know, something happens that makes it clear they don't see you the same way you see them.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: And in other words, so what if you can't think?
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: What if you can't think about the ramifications of that?
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well, in other words, what if you can't?
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Here's a key thought.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: Can a dog talk?
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: Can a dog form words and talk about, wow, that that that puppy chow you just fed me was really good.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I'm uh I'm looking forward to the the next time you fill my bowl.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, no, they can't.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: So if they can't use words, they can't use what you might call abstract concepts, and I'm going somewhere, and they can't they can't live in any moment except the present.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: They can't.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: They just can't.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: They don't have the mental equipment and capacity to live in any moment but the one they're in.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: So, what am I trying to say to you?
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: If you didn't think, if you didn't have the capacity to think, if you didn't have the capacity to use words to describe to yourself what's happening, what's not happening, and why-really important word, why, then could you feel stress?
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Could you ever get stressed out?
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Now, obviously, what I'm getting back to is what we started talking about last week.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: We're in this little stretch where we're talking about three epidemics.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: An epidemic of heart disease.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, hope deferred makes the heart sick.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, you when you when you want something, need something, and it doesn't happen, you're you're believing, trusting for something to take place and it doesn't happen.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: If that happens enough time in enough situations, um hope deferred, hope put off to the future, hope just continually disappointed makes the heart sick.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: So that's a really important thought, and uh obviously I mean the emotional, internal uh feeling heart.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: And then the second epidemic is um renegade emotions.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: And renegade simply means they're they're out, they're out from under the canopy of healthy management.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: You know, they're they're off doing their own thing, you might say.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: So uh emotions that just aren't being managed well, and what we started to talk about last week is that most of us feel like our emotions are beyond our control.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Most of us really believe emotions happen to us, and the reality of it is emotions are self-generated.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: The uh the third epidemic is the epidemic of victimization.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Why do I share that now?
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's the thing: that thought that emotions happen to us as if they come from the outside and jump on us, is an example of a victim mindset.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, why do they, that person over there that hurt me, why do they keep doing that to me?
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, why do their actions drive my emotions to places I wish they wouldn't go?
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: Now, what we started to talk about last week is this really, really, really, really simple but important thought.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: The ABCs of emotion.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: A is, and this is all, it's called cognitive therapy, it's just a counseling school technique, whatever.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: But it's it's very biblical, very Christian.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: As a man thinks deep within himself, so is he.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Thinking is talking to yourself, right?
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: So a activating event.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, A is all this stuff that happens outside of you.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: C is your corresponding response.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, A triggers something, C is your response to that trigger.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: Make sense?
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, but here's where most people get lost.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: A, the outside activating event, doesn't cause C your corresponding response.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, a person snubs me that I hope to have a friendship or some kind of working relationship or whatever with, romance, whatever.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: I get snubbed.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's A.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: C is hope deferred makes the heart sick, maybe, and I go into this spiral of negativity.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: It could be anger toward that person, it could be you know criticism toward myself.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you're such a loser if you would have.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's the part that I'm trying to clarify.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: A is that outside activating events, C is your internal corresponding response.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: B, A does not cause C.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: You you gotta trust me, you gotta believe me on this.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: A doesn't cause C.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: A, B, C.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: What is B?
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: B, and you know, the way they use the A B C is B is your belief system.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: What happens when I'm trying to connect with this person over here and it doesn't work out?
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's the activating event.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: B is my belief system.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: What kicks in, and we've talked about this many times before, are my ants, automatic negative thoughts.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: What kicks in are my ants, my automatic negative thoughts.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: What in the world are those?
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Those are thoughts that have developed within me from the time I was in my mother's womb, quite honestly.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: And they're thoughts about my identity, my worth, my value, my competency, my confidence, my comfort with risk taking, all the different things that that define me to me, that help me think about what I am, what I'm like, who likes me, who should like me, who doesn't like me, who won't like me.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: So so A, excuse me.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: A is this outside activity and event, C is my response.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what I'm trying to say to you guys.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: If we didn't think, could we feel pain when we're disappointed?
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Could we feel pain when something doesn't work out the way we want?
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: I mentioned earlier that a dog can't get stressed out because they can't use words, they can't live in any moment but the present.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the deal, guys, because of the this amazing capacity God's given us that enriches life in so many amazing ways, um we're able to live in moments other than the one we're in.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: Now we're physically can't live in any other moment, but in our thoughts, we can go into the future and we can go back to the past.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: And uh this is grossly oversimplified.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: But if you live in the past, you you you could have a tendency toward depression.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: If you live in the future, you could have a tendency toward anxiety.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying you will, but you could.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: And here's what I'm getting at living in the present is managing what's going on up here in reference to what's happening out here.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: Key thought is this freedom, freedom, emotional uh health management, um, pulling yourself out of those three epidemics, epidemic of heart disease, renegade emotions, and victimization.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Freedom comes from taking responsibility, bondage from giving it away.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, when you dare to say, you know, I think he might be right, I think scripture might be right, um, that person's behavior surely, you know, hurts me some, disappoints me, but the degree to which it hurts me, how long it hurts me, um, how much I kind of get caught in that negative loop thinking about it, you know what?
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's really up to me.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really about managing what's going on between my ears, how I'm thinking slash how I'm talking to myself.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: And here's all I'm trying to say to you this morning is you gotta think about that simple thought.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: If I couldn't think, could I feel stressed out?
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, stress is taking an external event, adding an interpretation or a meaning to it, and then projecting how it's gonna turn out.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Anxiety and stress are caused by putting a negative spin on that, and usually driven by ants, automatic negative thoughts about ourselves.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: We've got to own our emotions, take responsibility for managing our thoughts, which will indirectly and directly affect our emotional responses to what happens in life.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: A, external activating events don't cause my feelings.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: The B, the belief system between the event and my feeling is what has the most power.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: And where can I go to work that's gonna produce the greatest fruit?
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: Can I keep people from ever hurting me again?
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: Can I manage the degree to which they hurt me?
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness, yes, you can.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness, yes, you can.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what we're gonna talk about.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: Probably bounce around there some more next week.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: And uh love you guys.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: Look forward to talking to you.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.