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Shrine Of Storms · The Danger Zoo

0:02
Password accepted. Welcome to the Danger zoo.
0:07
Welcome back to the Danger Zoo. The department of anomalous and
0:10
non human genetic entities, Reconnaissance and zoological
0:13
occult operations. I am coyote.
0:16
What a mouthful. The game warden.
0:18
Your mom's mouthful. What?
0:21
No, no, you're, you're a mouthful.
0:23
Sometimes. Wait a minute.
0:25
If I put my in there. Wait a minute.
0:28
Immediately demonetized. Thank you.
0:31
Can't say this stuff at the beginning thoughty you're the
0:36
notes keeper. What happened last time on the
0:37
Danger Zoo? So if I remember correctly,
0:41
because I did hit my head in the last episode, we zip lined in
0:47
and I fell off the zip line while carrying Hulk Hogan or the
0:52
the body of Hulk Hogan. And yeah, and then I fell into
0:57
the water. And then I used his shoes as
0:59
paddles to get over to the beach.
1:02
While U2 landed very safely in the in the the I don't know the
1:08
intended location. Then we talked to my homie Vaas
1:13
there and the throne. Yeah, he's cool, man.
1:17
The dude that wanted Hulk Hogan's autograph.
1:19
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I promised him Hulk Hogan's
1:21
autograph and he didn't kill us. Which is pretty cool of him.
1:25
I'm. Assuming he works for the cartel
1:26
because his name is his Vyas, no.
1:30
Racist piece of shit. And then we searched for our our
1:34
friend Hazy and we figured out that he had become Hazy the cow,
1:37
and I got to pet him and scratch his shin.
1:40
Hazy the cow. What the fuck?
1:43
All right, to better describe that, 2 episodes ago Hazy died.
1:47
And hey, Hazy is a gypsy. So we went with the Pagan
1:50
heritage of going into Nov via zip line, which Baby Bird blew
1:55
in here and put down for us. And then we came in with Hulk
1:58
Hogan's body so we could shove Hazy's soul back into it.
2:02
And so we found a soul. You led him over here with
2:05
Gushers, by the way. And then we shoved his soul into
2:09
his mouth. And that is how Hazy Soul
2:12
entered Hulk Hogan at the beginning of this episode.
2:18
Pretty Kitty guy, pretty weirded out by that.
2:20
So he just went and he, he just went and laid down behind
2:23
Vellas's throne here. And then Baby Bird miraculously
2:27
came from out of nowhere to tell us where he's been.
2:30
He always didn't ride the zip line because VIAS being a little
2:33
bitch he is, destroyed it. No, he he's the one that set up
2:37
the zip line so that we could zip line in no.
2:39
Vias. I know, I'm saying Baby Bird did
2:42
it. Yeah, obviously he didn't come
2:43
in zip line. Yeah.
2:45
So let's change this cow to a hazy.
2:49
Now, with your reincarnation hazy, your soul hasn't fully
2:55
taken over the body. So you're going to talk for
2:59
almost this entire episode as Hulk Hogan.
3:02
And as episodes come on, it'll slowly fade out.
3:05
I was so terrified that was going to be the.
3:08
I was thinking like maybe a couple of lines.
3:10
I got you the whole fucking episode I got.
3:13
You you can do it as much as you can.
3:15
Yeah, yeah. Don't forget Hazy that I
3:21
promised vias there Hulk Hogan's autograph.
3:26
So I need you to put on your best Hulk Hogan impersonation
3:30
and give him an autograph so he doesn't kill us.
3:35
Yeah, he is like the God of this realm and he let us go find you
3:38
and shove you in there because apparently he's a huge
3:42
Hulkamania. Do I know I'm not Hulk Hogan?
3:45
Do I think I'm hazy? I'm just having to like, talk in
3:48
a Hulk Hogan voice for some reason.
3:51
Yeah, you know, you're hazy. You're just stuck in Hulk
3:53
Hogan's voice. So just out of habit you say
3:56
Hulk? Hogan Y Things I got you.
3:59
So go go give that out. Of oh, is that like right now?
4:03
I mean, yeah, you're here. Just the the blinding light
4:06
happened. Give me a give me a fucking 10
4:09
second little pause to gather myself.
4:12
So no, no the 10 the. 10 seconds was us telling you right now
4:17
what do you have to? Do it's go time.
4:18
Go, go, go. Well, let me tell you something,
4:22
brother. I appreciate all my Hulkamaniacs
4:27
of the world. Hulkamania lives strong in this.
4:29
What I can tell. Little autograph for Pilla.
4:32
Timmy. What's his name again?
4:34
Phyllis. He's a Phyllis.
4:36
Pagan God. Baez.
4:38
What name is Baez? One of my favourite Hulka
4:40
maniacs of all the Hulka universe.
4:44
I go over there and rub him on his head.
4:47
Sign him all. I sign his forehead.
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He's 8 feet tall, man. I climb him.
4:54
I'm the host sign. His forehead give me a diplomacy
4:58
check at advantage. This guy is a huge Hulka maniac.
5:02
Let's. See, diplomacy is what the fuck?
5:07
Charisma. Oh yeah, sweet, that one.
5:10
Dude, Viacom, Diaz, dude is going to be crying because
5:13
Hulk's touching him. 16. Oh wait, did I not put your new
5:19
stat in here? Hold on one second.
5:21
Oh, new stats, I like that. You might not.
5:24
Does it add to charisma? Oh, it took away all your
5:27
charisma. The fuck?
5:28
That's my best stat, dude. There does it add to my
5:32
charisma? It does something to your
5:35
charisma. Well then don't die next time.
5:38
One second I got to log in to pull it up.
5:40
I want you guys to know I'm eating dinner right now and I'm
5:44
munching on some spicy Italian sausage.
5:48
Emphasis on the sausage it. It's not emphasis on the spicy.
5:57
Do you want it to be? Whatever floats your boat.
6:03
Does it matter? There's nothing spicy.
6:07
All right, hazy for charisma you have -1?
6:09
No, the fuck, Come on. Nice, So what did you roll?
6:13
I roll a 13, so it's a 12 I guess.
6:16
Jesus. OK, OK.
6:18
No, no. I mean you roll it twice though.
6:20
I got it at advantage. Gotcha.
6:23
One second. All right, So we're going with
6:27
the best one, right? Yes.
6:29
Yeah, that'd be a 13. What would I say?
6:31
Yeah, 13. The original 1 you.
6:33
Had 12, The 12, yeah. OK.
6:36
OK, yeah, so they're both twelves, basically.
6:38
And all right, so yeah, you, you signed his forehead.
6:40
And this dude's just like. This is the.
6:43
Best day of my life. This is amazing.
6:45
Wait till Macho Man hears about this.
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Macho man's here. Randy Savage.
6:53
Obviously macho man's here, he's in Valhalla.
6:56
The Macho Man Randy Savage bone. Saw is ready.
7:03
I got you up for three minutes. Guys, can we, can we go?
7:09
Can we go visit Randy Savage? Is it the fifth turning of the
7:13
sun? No, the Macho 1 sits at the
7:17
table of wagers tonight. His realm is close to
7:20
interruptions. OK, I'm going to turn Tobias and
7:29
be like, so this, this Hulk Hogan guy, he like knows Randy
7:33
Savage. I just like, shake my head in
7:36
defeat and I'm like you, you don't talk anymore, thought he.
7:39
Obviously they know each other. Well, I mean Randy Savage is to
7:44
to go. So obviously I know Randy
7:46
Savage, but never heard of this whole coding guy.
7:48
What? Is it like a small community?
7:53
Brother. Is he like in a different league
7:56
or something? Like maybe like an amateur
7:57
league. I just like stop my foot and
8:02
point at you. Listen here brother, the macho
8:05
Man Randy Savage has nothing on me.
8:07
Respect the Hulk of maniacs all around the world.
8:11
Hulk of Mania will be at your doorstep if you are not careful.
8:16
I just RIP my shirt in half off of my body and I just yell at
8:19
Thadi. But if you don't knock it the
8:21
fuck off, I'm leaving you in the afterlife.
8:24
OK, Geez, geez, sorry. I'm like, jump on your face a
8:26
little bit. Anyways, what are we doing guys?
8:28
Oh, wait a minute. Go back to that rewind.
8:31
Yeah, thanks. What are we doing?
8:33
So I guess we have to make our way home, right?
8:36
OK, how do we get out of here? He took down our zip line.
8:39
We're going to go take one of the canoes, right guys?
8:42
Well, I mean, Hoko maniacs everywhere make my home
8:47
everywhere. So wherever you all want to go,
8:50
but the Hulkster is down for whatever.
8:53
There's a bar where we're going. We can't go South.
8:57
Does that sound good, Hulkster? You want to go to the bar.
9:00
Sure. OK, everybody in the canoe.
9:04
Which canoe? The the closest one.
9:08
Oh, is it nice, this other one? The one directly to the South of
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the party. I don't know, man.
9:13
The the closest one, the baby bird is underneath the water
9:16
right there. All right, well, lead the way.
9:20
All right, yeah, We're going to go to the one that's like
9:22
directly South of you. How?
9:24
How many can we safely fit in each canoe?
9:27
Only two? Oh.
9:29
Nice. All right, I call riding with
9:33
Coyote. I call.
9:35
I'm not riding the fucking canoe out of here.
9:38
All right, he wants to ride the canoe with Adi.
9:40
I pick pretty Kitty up and I go over there and I drop him in the
9:43
canoe with you, take him home, make sure he gets home safe.
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And I and I pull his hat up, showing his bald head a little
9:51
bit, and I kiss his forehead, make sure he stays safe.
9:56
As you turn away, you see me looking all pouty in the canoe.
9:59
Where's mine? I told you I'm a monster fucker.
10:06
Oh, I got a white monster for you.
10:08
No, you don't. Yeah, you're right.
10:12
She said. Somebody else do something
10:14
please? I look at you thoughty with
10:20
despondent eyes. We can't go South.
10:23
That's a big word, I. Don't even know what that word
10:25
means. Because if we go South, they're
10:28
these hottie demons with four titties and four arms.
10:31
Huh. Like what?
10:32
I pull my pants down and I show you there's nothing there.
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What? Hold What?
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They took it from me. Hold on, hold on.
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What? Why are you smooth like a Ken
10:42
doll? Hasn't he always been like that?
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This is Filipino and all. Oh, I thought you were gonna
10:48
reference Jewish. They reproduce asexually.
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Fuck, this seems like it. Like.
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Yeah, we just where people live and then, you know, we spawn
11:01
there. Oh, OK, anyways, explain what
11:06
happened to yourself there, baby bird.
11:08
Also hazy. Get off of that God's forehead.
11:11
I flying leg drop off of the forehead onto whoever this dead
11:17
guy is. Oh, sorry, that's the body you
11:20
took over. He's gone.
11:21
Oh, then I just. Actually, that is, that is you.
11:27
That was Hulk Hogan's body. It's bad.
11:31
Why am I sitting in his lap? Now that's that's not bad.
11:36
He won't let you go. He's.
11:38
Just sitting there. You're sitting on his lap.
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He's got his arms around you. Oh, just shaking your legs
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because they don't reach. You're kicking your legs.
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This is taking a turn, guys. I don't feel so good, brother.
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I've been to a ditty party. I know how this is.
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The Hulkster needs a safe word. Pause as soon.
11:59
As soon as I zip lined down here, this gigantic woman with
12:05
four arms caught me as soon as I hopped off the zip line.
12:09
And then, and then she flew me South Down past that bridge,
12:15
threw me on the ground, put my legs up by my head.
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And you want to. And you want to meet this chick
12:22
again? Honestly, no, because I don't
12:26
it. It felt so good that I don't
12:28
know if I can handle it again. Are you trying to talk us out of
12:32
going there? Were you aroused at any point of
12:36
this, you know, situation? He had to have been.
12:39
Why would they take his junk let's if he wasn't?
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It's very true. I still see no downside of going
12:46
South. You're.
12:47
Going to lose your junk, your manhood.
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Yeah, I mean, I wasn't really using it anyways.
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Oh my God. OK, so you guys want to go
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selfish? We can't.
13:02
I have nothing to give them anymore.
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That's all the better. They won't take anything from
13:07
you. OK, now that the fact you're
13:10
trying to talk us into it, I know we shouldn't go South, so
13:13
I'm going to go north. As the idiots, myself including,
13:18
are debating this, Villas stands up real quick and he throws Hazy
13:22
to the ground off him. And as Hazy hits the ground.
13:26
Let me, let me get a brother there, Hazy.
13:28
Brother, you have aroused me too much.
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The God stands up and he's like. A pity.
13:36
About your clever little tether. But footprints won't serve you.
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Now the dragon watches the threshold.
13:45
Oh, brother. Is it male or female?
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It's ambidextrous, ambidextrous. Oh, brother.
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It's ambidextrous. And the guy's like.
14:02
Strange walks among you. Especially you, Hulkster.
14:07
Puts his fists out for you to fist bump him.
14:10
I'd jump up as high as I can to try to fist bump all.
14:14
Right, so because we have his favorite wrestler with us, the
14:18
less offers us this warning. I do not offer warnings lightly,
14:24
but in the presence of the Champion, I'll make an
14:27
exception. You wear your toughness well,
14:30
mortals, but you are. Clay and that guardian is caught
14:35
from. Ruin Hulk Hogan is a wrestler.
14:40
I'm going to stab you in the fucking throat hole.
14:43
Fucking beef tickler. Well, I mean, I kind of think we
14:48
should fight the Shrag. Let's.
14:50
Fucking fight that dragon. All right, Well, we could fight
14:54
the dragon. I don't think that's going to go
14:56
for. This.
14:56
No God can talk shit on me and then expect me to just give.
15:02
Up. I mean, I know at the perfect
15:04
time I'm just going to Hulk out and just go crazy, so I'm just
15:09
waiting on that guy. Yeah, dude's going to Hulk out.
15:12
Yeah. I've got nothing to lose after
15:15
losing everything. Literally.
15:19
Dude, we can buy you a strap on when we get home.
15:23
You could just borrow authorities.
15:26
How'd you know about that? How'd you know about that?
15:28
That wasn't my sock chord. Anyways, so the Villaeus is
15:31
talking to us again. Very well, if you crave death by
15:35
flame, I won't stop you. But no, these only a certain
15:41
blade can wound the guardian. OK.
15:47
And then? If you wish to wound what was
15:51
forged in fire and shadow, then find the weapon of storms
15:56
Perun's spear, the Lightning Force spear created by the God
16:02
Perun himself. Oh.
16:06
Perun, I thought you said Peru. No, Perun, no, we're not going
16:10
to Peru. We're not fighting Kryptos
16:12
there. Fuck Peru.
16:15
It can cut through fire and magic.
16:18
It lies hidden in the Shrine of Storms, in an abandoned hilltop
16:22
temple, now half swallowed by forest.
16:26
But Perun, long silent, will not hand over without a trial.
16:30
Well. Which direction is Peru?
16:33
I mean perun. The list looks at your knee,
16:37
rubs his beard for a little bit while thinking.
16:39
He looks over the holster and he's like.
16:42
Forgive me champion, but even I cannot see the path to the shine
16:46
of storms. It's trail shift with the
16:49
Thunder. Good gravy, this guy is useless.
16:54
Water bomber brother. And a nipple.
16:58
As we're talking. Whoa, it kind of looked like
17:01
that. This goddess pops up.
17:03
She's like baby bird. Where are you going, sweetie
17:08
pie? Don't Get Me Out of here.
17:10
No way. No way.
17:13
And then I flashed the 20 inch pythons get her attention.
17:18
She's like baby bird. You must return to me.
17:22
Is that Hulk Hogan? Are you part of the Hulk of the
17:26
Universe, young lady? I start barking at.
17:33
Her. I'm here in the canoe just, I
17:39
mean, I'm more of a Macho Man fan, but the Hulkster's pretty
17:43
cool. Let's go.
17:47
Damn right I'm cool, sister. Anyways, baby bird, you must
17:52
return at once to finish the ritual.
17:55
Whoa. I slink down into the boat,
17:58
pretending I'm not there. You.
18:00
Just walk past her and just get in this boat sitting on the
18:02
unconscious pretty Kitty. Yes.
18:05
I close my eyes. All right, if I can't see them,
18:09
they can't see me. I mean, yeah.
18:13
That's the science all. Right.
18:14
Well as you ignore her she gets super mad and a tornado comes
18:18
out of nowhere taking all of us 1 by 1 to a distant land.
18:28
Oh no. Wait a minute, is that a steer?
18:36
It is. Please tell me mommy's here.
18:40
All of us except Pretty Kitty lands on what is that?
18:45
A peninsula archipelago because there's a couple other islands
18:48
around it. Yeah, the archipelago.
18:51
And it's just storming, just lightning flashing everywhere.
18:56
The immortal call back. Wait, is the mommy here with us?
19:03
The mommies here with us? This is the perfect scenario for
19:06
me to recreate a movie scene. No, we just kind of, we didn't
19:09
lose consciousness, but we kind of like just figured out where
19:12
we are. I'm just laying on top of baby
19:14
bird and I'm like sliding off him because he's got nothing to
19:17
hold on to. And then I get up, but I'm just
19:20
like, all right, well, baby bird, tell your girlfriend
19:23
thanks for the ride, because I think this is where we needed to
19:25
be. Thanks babe.
19:28
The shrines sits atop a jagged Ridge beyond the marshlands.
19:32
The team must hike up a narrow switch bank, which we didn't do
19:35
because I took a shortcut. The pounding rain thunders and
19:39
rattles the hills. The route isn't blocked, but
19:43
there's a small opening in the front of the South entrance.
19:47
And there's a small opening to the east entrance.
19:50
And So what we're looking at here is looks like an altar in
19:54
the middle of this, what used to be a stone temple.
19:57
And there's four pillars around. The center altar and just
20:02
crumbling walls around it. That little broke ass trees by
20:06
the shoreline. OK, well I think going into the
20:12
east entrance is the best idea. We take it a vote.
20:17
Are you just going for it? I'm going and whoever can come
20:21
with me can come with me. Who the fuck made you the
20:23
leader, brother? I don't even know who you are.
20:29
And Slim Tim suck ass. Watch your fucking mouth.
20:35
I've never punched Ho Goga before, but this is the first
20:37
time for everything. Now is your chance, brother.
20:41
Damn. Delete these dumb ass cows.
20:45
Hold on. Was I at least cute as a cow?
20:50
You were dude. I got to scratch your chin and
20:52
pet you and Fiji gushers. Lot cuter than you are now,
20:55
that's for sure. Sweet, lot less hairy.
20:59
Now you're pretty hairy. It's your account so.
21:03
So less any a. Little bit.
21:04
All right, Donna, you head up east to the entrance.
21:07
Baby bird, what are you doing? I'm gonna go touch the spear
21:12
because I long for something phallic.
21:17
Long. All right, Hazy He he starts
21:20
walking S towards the entrance. What are you doing, Hazy?
21:25
That would be like N actually. You are correct.
21:29
He starts walking to the South entrance.
21:31
Thanks nerd. You're welcome.
21:34
Pushes up glasses. Actually, it's a wyrin, not a
21:40
dragon. Stupid.
21:42
I'm going to do unspeakable things to you tonight.
21:46
That's hot hazy. What are you doing?
21:48
I'm going to follow as closely as I can.
21:51
To who? Oh, that's a toss up, isn't it?
21:57
I guess I'm going with Toddie. Yeah.
22:01
I guess I'll go with baby bird. I go stand behind him.
22:03
I'm. Going to grab by the beltline,
22:06
follow the Hulkster. Wouldn't do that.
22:09
I mean, I mean, I don't know who the Hulkster is.
22:11
Just like you didn't know what grinder was.
22:15
Wait A. Minute wait, hold up.
22:18
Before we enter a Thunder Thunder, a lightning strikes,
22:23
hitting the spear. We're blinded for a second, and
22:26
when we could see again, there stands a proud warrior.
22:30
My eyes. Is he holding the spear?
22:36
He's holding what looks like a Trident.
22:40
OK. But the two side pieces are
22:43
flames. That's cool as shit man.
22:46
Sure. You don't think that's fucking
22:48
cool? No, I I was just, I was just
22:52
saying sure, man, I wasn't disagreeing.
22:54
I'm. Going to fucking punch you.
22:56
I'm going to be in the back like slowly changing into old school
23:01
N.W.A Wolf Pack gear with the shades.
23:04
Oh fuck yeah. The best version of Hogan so.
23:07
That's my favorite era baby. That's what I'm saying.
23:09
So I'm, I'm just getting ready for this is I feel like this is
23:12
about to get intense. Well, it's not a wrestling
23:14
match, so. It's about to be.
23:18
As the lightning strikes, the warrior looks at us.
23:20
So he he's looking South and he's looking E at us and he just
23:23
keeps looking back and forth waiting.
23:24
Can I wave at him? No, sure, you wave at him.
23:28
Does he do anything? I don't know.
23:30
Give me give me a persuasive check.
23:33
Persuasion. 60. Or diplomacy.
23:38
He looks at you and he gives you the really cool like he didn't
23:43
smile or anything but he just kind of like lifts his.
23:45
Chenny nods at you. Like what up?
23:47
Nice. I don't know what to do with
23:50
that. None of us do.
23:52
What are we doing here? All right, I'm, I'm walking in.
23:55
Walk in. Yeah, walk to be in like 10
23:58
feet. And just stand there.
24:01
All right, you walk in 10 feet and another lightning, another
24:03
lightning strike happens. Got your?
24:07
Eyes. You're thrown back out.
24:11
The warrior looks at you. What is your purpose?
24:17
What is your favorite color? Suck titties get fitties, boy.
24:22
While he's distracted with Thonty, I run at him.
24:25
You run 10 feet in and another lightning stripe and you are
24:28
back to the front. My purpose is to seek the spear,
24:33
OK? He shakes his head.
24:35
An honorable. Purpose.
24:37
And he looks at baby bird, he says.
24:40
Where's your spear? Get right, kid.
24:46
It's too soon. I just look at him like, that's
24:49
fucking mean, Dick. All right, yeah.
24:52
We we want the spear. Yeah, yeah, I seek.
24:56
The spear, the warrior walks to you, but actually the the sound
25:02
he walks sounds like Cell from Dragon Ball Z, that annoying
25:06
little yeah, yeah. And he looks at you and he says.
25:10
What does a warrior fight with? Not as peen all his baby birds
25:16
out. Courage.
25:22
The Warrior slaps you for good gravy.
25:26
Yeah, he slaps you for six points of damage.
25:29
Can I moan? If you want cat.
25:35
OK, I'm. Let's no, don't say it.
25:37
Let's hear it. There you go.
25:41
I'm gonna say for honor. Jesus, the Warrior looks at Hazy
25:46
the Hulkster and he's like. Oh what's up ho?
25:49
What does the Warrior fight with?
25:52
With honor, brother. Brother.
25:55
That's the weakest brother I've ever fucking heard, brother.
25:58
He's nervous. Wait one, what is your new AC?
26:03
Hazy is it? Is this part of the Riddle?
26:07
16 Yeah. Oh, he hits you.
26:10
He hits you for five points of damage.
26:12
Son, some bitches, everybody. Hates cream and another
26:17
lightning flash. He's appeared.
26:18
He appears before Baby Bird. What does the Warrior fight
26:23
with? A spear.
26:27
He slaps you for oh, he actually misses.
26:32
He just goes. He's like, I'm recently dead.
26:35
This whole spiritual body is really hard to get used to.
26:38
Patrick Swayze, he's teaching me on the subway.
26:39
But I mean not a lot of subways here.
26:43
You didn't seem too bad hitting me.
26:46
He looks over at you and he was like.
26:48
Yeah, of course not. I put on my own to it.
26:50
You're the Hulkster. I'm going to let you down.
26:51
I'm going to look like a bitch out here.
26:53
I'm going to give my thumbs up. You're right, brother.
26:58
I'm just like standing behind him, like with my arms aside.
27:01
Like what the fuck man? He walks over to me and he asks.
27:06
What does a warrior fight with? Hard you.
27:14
Know what? That's pretty close, but that's
27:15
not it. I'm not going to hit you, but
27:17
that's not it. Oh fuck, thank God, another
27:21
lightning strike. He's back at 30.
27:23
What does a warrior fight with? This time he's getting a little
27:26
loud with you. Oh.
27:27
Shit, better get it right. Can can iPhone a friend?
27:32
Who are you going to phone? Can I actually call somebody?
27:36
Because it'd be pretty cool. Who are you going to call?
27:40
Don't say Ghostbusters, damn it. It's too easy, I know.
27:44
Hold on, hold on. I'm going to call somebody real
27:46
quick. I'm calling my boss.
27:49
Hopefully he answers. No.
27:51
If any of you have ever read The Gunslinger by Stephen King, you
27:54
might know the answer. It's been so long.
27:59
Damn, they're mine. As you say that, the warrior
28:03
looks over you. What'd you say?
28:07
I said you're mine, brother. He's like, fucking brother,
28:10
you're mine. You boys ready for a mind game
28:13
'cause I'm gonna, I'm Chris Angel.
28:16
I'm gonna freak your mind. My.
28:19
Freak, my freak, all right. And as he does that, he tells
28:24
all of us. Choose your position.
28:29
Whether he's back, he's back at the beginning, Maker.
28:33
The last position I was in, I lost my giblets.
28:37
That's not good. I'll take power bottom for 100
28:40
please. No, gentlemen.
28:43
Oh, it's a chess board. This whole fucking thing is a
28:44
chess board and pieces start popping up.
28:48
That's what I meant. To what?
28:50
Fucking pieces. Do you want to be a Rook?
28:54
A pawn? A Bishop?
28:57
A queen. What the fuck happened while I
28:59
was gone? As he figured it out by
29:01
accident. Damn it, what was the answer?
29:04
Your mind. Damn.
29:06
Mind freak. So here's our king bump.
29:11
There's their Rook. All right, so the way the game
29:13
is played, it's a fucking chess board We're picking.
29:17
These pieces are not going anywhere specific.
29:19
I was. About to say I don't want to
29:20
start all the way, isn't. There usually more pieces in
29:22
chess. Do you want to be here all day?
29:27
Yeah, no, you're right. There's four of us, so we get a
29:32
king and the four of us play a position.
29:34
He is their king and he's got 4 positions.
29:39
I bet you jealous. Don't you, man?
29:42
Well. He would probably leave you with
29:46
a shocking surprise. Oh fuck, I'm good.
29:52
You make me really angry this episode, baby bird.
29:57
What position are you playing? I'm the Bishop.
30:02
I'm the Rook. I go in the Rook position.
30:05
Hazy. What position are you playing?
30:07
It's always fucked the intern, so the pawn.
30:10
We're actually not the intern anymore.
30:12
We didn't get to read your sheet, but basically.
30:14
I I still haven't got a fucking paycheck.
30:15
What's going on? Your your new role is Backdoor
30:19
Bandit and you are a melee fighter.
30:22
Backdoor Bandit. Sounds intriguing, yeah.
30:26
Your new powers are sneak attack.
30:27
You get a plus D6 damage if the enemy is flat footed, which
30:30
means you snuck up on them. You also have a power called Oh
30:33
shit. So if no tacks have been made,
30:35
Hazy may disengage without provoking an attack of
30:37
opportunity so you can run. US.
30:41
That's pretty good. Sounds pretty rogue.
30:44
Yeah, hey it is. He's a rogue.
30:46
You get silver tactical knife, silver rounds, 4 mags 10 rounds
30:49
each and he has flares to blind the enemies still.
30:53
They shoved the flares in their eyes.
30:56
It's got a 2 Strength for Dexterity, 1.
30:58
Constitution -1 wins wisdom -1 Charisma.
31:02
That's crazy. I worked so hard on that
31:04
charisma. That's fucked up.
31:07
Next time, don't die, don't talk shit to a goddess that puts us
31:11
in a maze. That's what I was saying.
31:13
I went down like a gangster. I would do it again.
31:16
No, no regrets. If you say so.
31:19
So, Thadi, I'm assuming that puts you at queen.
31:22
Yeah, Squeege. So the way this is going to work
31:27
is you guys got to roll AD 20 to move.
31:28
Oh. Shit.
31:31
Wait, but like. Well, I'm I'm going to have no
31:33
power in this game. At all.
31:34
Does like the D20 decide how many spaces we move or if we get
31:38
to move or not? You'll see.
31:40
I hate. You tell me where you're going
31:43
to go 1st and then I'll tell you where you move.
31:46
OK. We are all placed in different
31:51
areas. Their only pawn is A7, their
31:56
queen is on B8, their king is at C8, the Bishop is E8 and the
32:02
Rook is G8 For us AC you got put at oddly enough right across
32:11
from the pawn A2 I input at G1. Baby bird is F1.
32:19
Their pawn moves down 1 to a six.
32:23
You can't put his pawn right in front of me man.
32:25
I'm going to stalemate myself in two moves.
32:28
Come the fuck on. Maybe next time don't pick to be
32:30
a pawn. I was trying to be creative.
32:34
Nothing more creative than a pawn, I guess.
32:37
Yeah, if you don't put me right in front of the other pawn.
32:40
Everyone wrote for initiatives, so we know who's rolling what
32:42
here. Sons of bitches. 5. 19. 12.
32:52
F1 to C4 there. You go.
32:56
All right, you've got the spear and run, Yeah.
33:00
Yeah, it's not giving. To me, everybody.
33:03
OK, give me a roll before I move you the.
33:08
Fuck one. Nice that doesn't happen.
33:13
You move one block to the left to E2.
33:18
What? All right, it's their turn.
33:21
Their Bishop moves southwest all the way to a four.
33:29
Oh yeah, come after me. Dude, we're actually just
33:32
playing chess against you, Kylie.
33:35
They're not. No.
33:37
Ah all. Right.
33:45
Oh, that's me. You're playing chess against
33:47
yourself now. I'm a Rook.
33:49
Go get. The Rook.
33:52
Go get the Rook. I guess I'll just take out the
33:54
Rook. Hold on.
33:54
And. You're going to put the king in
33:56
check. Oh shit I roll a 13 I'm going to
34:01
move to G8. That take out that Rook by
34:06
bucket sway boy bitch. Our King's in check now.
34:09
You guys, you guys say check. Check baby.
34:13
That means they have to move their king.
34:15
Correct. They also have to roll D 20s.
34:17
Why it's taking so long? I'm about to say like he he.
34:20
I know you wiggled him, but he didn't actually move.
34:23
That's how this works. Their king moved SE one spot to
34:27
D7. OK thought of your up.
34:31
Yeah, I'm going to move. I I'm going to move diagonally
34:37
to the right one spot. In front of the king.
34:41
Yeah. All right, roll AD 20. 12.
34:46
All right, yeah, you move right in front of the king to C2.
34:50
Bonk, What is this guy going to do?
34:54
Oh, no. The queen.
34:58
She's going to go Take Me Out. Let's see her roll, bitch.
35:03
Their queen moves east all the way, killing me at G8.
35:07
She nails me. She just slams me.
35:11
I'm on the outside now. She took my junk.
35:20
But it was fun though, right? It's kind of fun.
35:24
Well I can't even do the only cool move a pawn can do and go 2
35:27
spaces first move, so I guess it's just move forward 1 space.
35:32
Hazy moves N to a three. He's such a sad existence in
35:37
this game. My game's done, this is all I
35:41
could do. And so he fucking moves and I
35:42
can go forward one more space. All right, that was my turn.
35:47
That was fun. The Bishop moves northeast to
35:51
B5. Good job E2 to G4.
35:56
Two spots to checkmate the king. OK, give me a roll. 6.
36:01
I'm. Actually awesome sauce.
36:03
So you actually go northwest 2 spots.
36:10
Nice. Wait, why 2?
36:13
Oh, wait, you were trying to go 3, right?
36:16
Yeah, yeah. OK, So yeah, you go to B5.
36:19
Do you take out that BR show? Bang, Bishop's gone.
36:24
Check. Oh, he isn't Check, You're
36:26
right. Correct, that is check.
36:28
Good job. However, he has a pawn.
36:31
Yeah, it's like right there. Let's see what this pawn rolls.
36:34
He gets to do something cool. Oh no, the pawn just moves
36:37
forward. Oh wait, no, can't move forward.
36:41
It has to eat me. So I can't eat you.
36:44
The king will move though. Their king moves S 1 to D6.
36:51
Ki want to move forward to the back left of the king.
36:57
OK, why there? I want to stare at his ass.
37:02
All right, give me AD 20 roll. 16.
37:06
Damn OK thought he is going all the way N to C7 now say check
37:12
and get slapped. But their king goes.
37:17
Northwest and kills Thodi at C7. Yep.
37:24
So that he lands out there with me.
37:25
Good. Job y'all really suck at this
37:28
game. Now that I'm with you.
37:30
I'm going to Nope, you don't get any turns.
37:34
No kiss. And you really could have put it
37:37
up to. Where he had to kill you or move
37:40
away because Big Bird would have saved you if you had not gone so
37:43
far up. Yeah.
37:46
All right, whose turn is? It oh, it's third turn.
37:50
Oh, no, wait, it's our turn, baby bird, get the fuck out of
37:52
there. Oh, Hazy, it's your turn.
37:54
Shit. Oh, watch me move.
37:57
Up one spot. Oh yeah, All right, roll AD. 20
38:02
and then I'm going to pull up my fucking gun.
38:04
It's just so shooting shit a whole cutscene and he just.
38:07
Takes a step. Let's see D20.
38:11
Oh a fucking Nat 20. Let's go 2 spaces.
38:15
Two spaces. Two spaces.
38:18
Oh yeah, I'm still staying right in front of him.
38:21
Easy breaking the law of. Chess.
38:23
Moves three spots and kills a pawn directly in front of him at
38:27
A6 going north. Yeah, I did something.
38:30
Y'all saw it? Fuck that diagonal movement that
38:33
shit's for. The birds Hey house rules.
38:36
Baby house rules. This is like that subreddit.
38:39
Anarchy Chess? What's Reddit?
38:42
I don't know, I've never played. It have you ever guys?
38:44
Have you ever seen chess boxing? Oh, it's so awesome.
38:48
Oh dude. Their.
38:51
King is going to move north. To C8, don't let.
38:55
Me catch you on that diagonal I'm.
39:00
Going to move diagonally to spaces to the right.
39:05
Wait, no, no. Don't.
39:09
Don't make that mistake, I'm going to move.
39:12
Diagonally 1 space to the right. OK, give me AD 20 roll. 3.
39:19
OK, I'm low on. I'm rolling really low.
39:22
You're on a three. You actually go.
39:24
Southeast one spot to C4 nice which is probably.
39:30
Actually more helpful than. What you just said I touched a
39:33
spear. Do you do you think it's
39:36
helpful? I don't.
39:38
Know fuck that Queen is also. Going to move all the way down
39:42
southwest to kill baby bird at C 40.
39:47
No taking baby bird. Out.
39:50
I can't go backwards. I can only go forwards so now
39:54
it's check. Our king is going to boot scoot
39:57
and boogie one spot to the West for B1.
40:01
OK OK, their king is going to go South one spot to C7.
40:06
How am I the last guy surviving? That's crazy.
40:09
It is crazy. Let me move.
40:12
Forward one spot. All right, give me AD 20 roll.
40:17
Let's do it. Oh, a four, all right.
40:24
You actually. Forget to take your turn.
40:28
I just said it no. One even noticed.
40:33
You just got to dance. Dude, there ain't no way around
40:35
it. I just feel like dancing, their
40:40
queen goes. South one spot.
40:42
To C3 man. Hey, your your.
40:47
Roll. You're going for it.
40:48
There's nothing else you could do.
40:49
Just fucking roll AD 20. I'm going to start hulking up.
40:52
Start shaking. Let me tell you something
40:55
brother, I'm getting real tired of this fucking game.
41:00
Cool, give me AD 20 roll. Let's.
41:02
See. 1212 All right, you move up 1.
41:07
Boom baby, day 7 so close. Nice you see that?
41:13
Everybody saw that, right? All right.
41:16
Their king forgets the spot. These are some hardcore steps
41:20
you're. Taking Dude, why are you
41:21
stomping? I'm I'm I'm about to be kinged.
41:26
I can barely hear you guys over the.
41:27
Applause. Hazy.
41:31
Give me another D20. Another D20 it is.
41:34
Let's. Go.
41:35
Don't be shitty. Don't be.
41:37
Shitty 19. Let's go boom.
41:41
Hazy goes up one spot. A8.
41:44
Hazy now transforms. Lightning strikes.
41:47
Down there you go. Babe where you had it slightly
41:52
strikes down, hits hazy boom and he stands proud and he's like I
41:56
am a queen now and he's Hulkamania in drag.
42:00
The ultimate queen. Let's go.
42:06
This was the master plan. Why are you erect?
42:10
I'm always erect when I play. Chess.
42:13
That's why I'm not allowed at the.
42:14
Local parks. Anymore what?
42:20
All right, Hazy fucking deuce. Oh, no.
42:23
The King's going to move forward again to C6 Bomb Kelly move.
42:30
What's my move? You're a queen, you can go
42:32
anywhere. Oh, I'm a queen now.
42:35
Nice. Yeah.
42:38
I'm going. To go E 2 made the 20 roll. 8.
42:46
No, you're going to go down. One hazy to A7.
42:49
Nice. King's going to move.
42:52
Down here. Hold on, let me see what he's
42:54
got. Now 10, King doesn't move at
42:58
all. He forgets to take his turn.
42:59
That's how shit he is. Hazy.
43:01
Do something quickly. I'm going to.
43:04
Go down 3. Give me AD 20.
43:07
Roll 13 Hazy. You're going to go down to to
43:15
A5. Check.
43:18
That is check. Good job.
43:20
Let's see what they're going to do 8 Not good.
43:24
Well, the queen was going to kill you, Hazy, but she rolled
43:27
shittily and she's going to go to the southeast.
43:31
One spot to D2 Hazy, take out that queen, give me AD 20 roll.
43:37
Do it. It's going.
43:39
To be a bad roll. Watch Oh is it a Nat 20 is.
43:42
That bad? It's a Nat 20 left.
43:47
Hazy comes down, takes out this stupid.
43:49
Ass queen at D2. The chess board explodes.
44:00
We got a queen and king versus third king.
44:03
He's going to start running backwards.
44:05
I. Am a real American fight for
44:09
what's right it's all over now just a.
44:12
King and a queen coming after that King Bebe.
44:16
Actually, we're going to cut this short.
44:19
So this guy's basically you're just chasing him down and he's
44:22
like, you know what? You know Hulkster.
44:24
You've been chasing me down. Really love the NWO shirt.
44:27
I'll tell you what, you give me that shirt, we can forget about
44:30
this chess match. Oh no, whites allowed.
44:32
Fuck. No, brother.
44:36
Nice, I will. Let you have that.
44:38
Spear, brother, You fought well, valiant young hulkster.
44:44
Thank you very much brother it. Means a lot to.
44:46
The Hulka universe and all the Hulka maniacs all around the
44:48
world. Hey, with that.
44:51
Lightning strikes. Ending the fucking episode,
44:54
Yeah, TuneIn, next time to find out.
44:57
If we get the. Spear, does Baby Bird and Coyote
45:00
get their junk? Let's back find out.
45:03
Next time, same. Bat Time, same Bat Channel.
45:07
Rest in peace. Hulka Mania.
45:09
Yeah. We're good at chess.
45:11
We're. Not.
45:15
Transmission lost. Teen status unknown.