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Bloom Past Fear Into Purpose · Divas That Care Network

0:00
SPEAKER_00: It's Divas the Care Radio.
0:02
SPEAKER_00: Stories, strategies, and ideas to inspire positive change.
0:06
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Divas the Care, a network of women committed to making our world a better place for everyone.
0:13
SPEAKER_00: This is a global movement for women by women engaged in a collaborative effort to create a better world for future generations.
0:20
SPEAKER_00: To find out more about the movement, visit divuslippare.com after the show.
0:26
SPEAKER_00: Right now, though, stay tuned for another jolt of inspiration.
0:31
SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the Confidence in Bloom, where bold women rise, shine, and own their power.
0:38
SPEAKER_02: We all face that pesky inner critic, what I call the Itty Bitty Shitty Committee, whispering self-sabotaging doubts and untrue trash talk that holds us back.
0:48
SPEAKER_02: Here, we don't let that noise win.
0:51
SPEAKER_02: This is a space to celebrate the fierce, fabulous women who have broken free from fear, crushed limiting beliefs, and stepped into their full, unstoppable selves.
1:00
SPEAKER_02: Because let's be real, the most powerful thing any woman can wear is her confidence.
1:06
SPEAKER_02: I'm Tina Spolotini, your host with the Divasat Care Network, and I will bring you real stories from women who reclaimed their voice, embraced their worth, and are lighting the way for all of us.
1:16
SPEAKER_02: Ready to bloom into your best self?
1:18
SPEAKER_02: Let's dive in.
1:20
SPEAKER_02: Today I'm chatting with Melinda Hill, founder of the Lifely Liaison Success Coaching.
1:25
SPEAKER_02: She's a confidence curator and empowerment coordinator who helps people move from stuck to confident in their careers.
1:33
SPEAKER_02: She believes career growth doesn't have to be all serious, bringing encouragement and humor to every conversation.
1:39
SPEAKER_02: Her mission to help people see every setback as a step forward.
1:44
SPEAKER_02: So welcome, Melinda.
1:48
SPEAKER_02: So this season we're talking about women and being on the edge of reinvention.
1:54
SPEAKER_02: So before we dive in, maybe you can share a little bit more about where you are right now in your life and what reinvention means to you.
2:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so right now I'm in between jobs, and I feel like, you know, once you find something you love, if it's weighing on your heart and it just keeps coming back, that that's where you're supposed to go.
2:15
SPEAKER_01: So if you don't fly out of the nest, they're gonna kick you out, right?
2:19
SPEAKER_01: So I feel like I lost my job a year ago, and I feel like if if that wouldn't have happened, I would have never left where I was and would kind of stay in that stuck feeling.
2:28
SPEAKER_02: So sometimes the universe gives us that little push that we're not ready for, right?
2:35
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I love that.
2:36
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
2:37
SPEAKER_02: But you're ready now, you're ready to move forward.
2:40
SPEAKER_02: 100% moving forward.
2:42
SPEAKER_02: That's all it takes, right?
2:43
SPEAKER_02: Is that feeling of readiness.
2:45
SPEAKER_02: What was the moment or feeling that told you that life was that the change was necessary?
2:51
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I I know that you know, losing your job isn't always that, you know, it's always when we look back.
2:56
SPEAKER_02: So what was that?
2:58
SPEAKER_02: What moment did you realize that the change was necessary?
3:02
SPEAKER_01: I think when you are on your way to work, right?
3:05
SPEAKER_01: And you just kind of have this, I am not doing what I'm supposed to be doing.
3:10
SPEAKER_01: Yes, my work is important.
3:11
SPEAKER_01: Yes, it is helping people, but it isn't impacting people in the way that I truly want to at a human level.
3:17
SPEAKER_01: I can make your day go smoother.
3:19
SPEAKER_01: I can clear your calendar and give you room to breathe and remind you to do the things you need to do to take care of yourself, but I am not seeing that direct impact.
3:27
SPEAKER_01: And that's what was missing from all of my roles that I've had.
3:33
SPEAKER_02: I get that.
3:34
SPEAKER_02: I get that.
3:35
SPEAKER_02: Sometimes we know we live in that circle, right?
3:37
SPEAKER_02: We're constantly going around and around and around, and then all of a sudden, there, you know, it's like there's like a little bump in that circle road, and all of a sudden we're like, well, wait a minute, I'm doing the same thing here and I'm getting nowhere.
3:50
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we feel stuck.
3:51
SPEAKER_01: We feel like you're in this this cycle and this grind, and you then then my brain says, Well, what am I missing?
3:58
SPEAKER_01: I'm missing something, and I don't know what it is, but I'm not satisfied.
4:03
SPEAKER_02: So that's yeah, I get that.
4:06
SPEAKER_02: I get that.
4:07
SPEAKER_02: Like sometimes, you know, and I I find like we get so it's because we're happy, we're creatures of habit, right?
4:13
SPEAKER_02: And so I find sometimes the habits just continue on and on and on until one day we just kind of wake up and go, we're doing the same, I'm doing the same shit every day.
4:25
SPEAKER_02: And I just like I'm numb, like I have no more excitement or energy inside me, right?
4:31
SPEAKER_02: Like it's all stagnant.
4:33
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I get that.
4:34
SPEAKER_02: I get that.
4:35
SPEAKER_01: You're not looking forward to anything.
4:37
SPEAKER_01: You know what it is already.
4:38
SPEAKER_01: It's very predictable, it's monotonous, but it just seems that that's the way it is.
4:43
SPEAKER_01: That's what this life is about, and and that's what you do.
4:47
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I remember, you know, when I had when I had my kids um, you know, quite young, I was only working two or three days a week at the time.
4:54
SPEAKER_02: And I worked in administration with a bank.
4:57
SPEAKER_02: And I remember thinking, I don't want there to be too many challenges at work.
5:01
SPEAKER_02: I have enough challenges at home, at least at work, I know what I'm gonna be facing, right?
5:07
SPEAKER_02: And and it's it's funny how all of a sudden they were like 16, 17, and I'm like, where's my challenge?
5:14
SPEAKER_02: Right?
5:14
SPEAKER_02: Like they're too challenging.
5:16
SPEAKER_02: I want something a little bit more stay, like I still, I guess, wanted the stability, but that sort of became the normal, right?
5:25
SPEAKER_02: The craziness of you know, teenage life that now I wanted like something a little bit more, you know, deeper.
5:33
SPEAKER_02: I was like, I'm done with this part of my life.
5:37
SPEAKER_01: I know that's no, it's no, it doesn't.
5:41
SPEAKER_01: You know, you you lose a part of yourself because you're giving so much to other people.
5:45
SPEAKER_01: You have these people you have to take care of that's your great distraction.
5:49
SPEAKER_01: So you're like, I'm busy, I have to go to soccer, I have an after-school program, we have to pick them up.
5:53
SPEAKER_01: And when the chaos is over, you're like, now what do I do?
5:57
SPEAKER_02: That's exactly yeah, that's exactly what happened to me.
5:59
SPEAKER_02: So tell me, was there a particular challenge, setback, or realization that pushed you toward the shift?
6:05
SPEAKER_02: Was there something, was there a bump in that little circle road?
6:09
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I always have this vegan on my head.
6:13
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't matter.
6:14
SPEAKER_01: Wherever I go, people come to me, they tell me their stories in five minutes on the way to the dressing room.
6:19
SPEAKER_01: I was at Kroger the other day.
6:20
SPEAKER_01: I I told this lady, I love your outfit because it was great.
6:23
SPEAKER_01: She had bright green pants on, they were velvet and a purple shirt.
6:26
SPEAKER_01: I said, I love your whole outfit.
6:27
SPEAKER_01: She was like, Thank you.
6:28
SPEAKER_01: So I'm leaving the store.
6:30
SPEAKER_01: She's leaving the store at the same time.
6:32
SPEAKER_01: I have headphones in, I get in my car, she's right at my window.
6:34
SPEAKER_01: I screamed, she scared me.
6:36
SPEAKER_01: I said, You scared me.
6:38
SPEAKER_01: I rolled down and she said, I'm so sorry.
6:40
SPEAKER_01: I said, Excuse me, ma'am.
6:41
SPEAKER_01: She said, You're so kind.
6:43
SPEAKER_01: I have this problem.
6:44
SPEAKER_01: And she just starts and she said, What should I do?
6:47
SPEAKER_01: And I said, Oh, okay, here's what I would do if I were you.
6:51
SPEAKER_01: I was supposed to help her that day.
6:53
SPEAKER_01: You know, she didn't speak a lot of English, and I had already made a connection with her clearly.
6:58
SPEAKER_01: And so she thought, well, she's already personable.
7:01
SPEAKER_01: So people just come to me, my friends come to me, even the leaders that I support.
7:05
SPEAKER_01: I find at the end of the day I'm kind of like their sounding board, and I help them with more than just work life.
7:12
SPEAKER_01: It's like, well, why are you getting up at 6 a.m.
7:14
SPEAKER_01: and taking a meeting at 6 30 a.m.?
7:16
SPEAKER_01: That's unacceptable.
7:17
SPEAKER_01: Like, how do we build your day better?
7:20
SPEAKER_01: Do you need to have all of these meetings with every single person?
7:24
SPEAKER_01: Back to no, you do not.
7:26
SPEAKER_01: You can group them, you can spread them out.
7:29
SPEAKER_01: They can be bi-weekly.
7:30
SPEAKER_01: Because you're just wasting time.
7:33
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it gets to be that way, doesn't it?
7:35
SPEAKER_02: Like sometimes we just keep piling on the tasks, and truthfully, like you said, we can group them together or we can spread them out to give your your your mind that break, right?
7:49
SPEAKER_02: And sometimes, and I think, well, and I I also believe that especially like women my age, we need to be told that, right?
7:59
SPEAKER_02: Like we don't figure it out, right?
8:01
SPEAKER_02: Like we were like, if as soon as somebody says, you know, are you busy or are you just like making life hard, right?
8:09
SPEAKER_02: Like, because I mean everybody uses that word, I'm busy, right?
8:13
SPEAKER_02: But busy, everybody's busy, right?
8:15
SPEAKER_02: But are you being busy because you're making yourself busy or are you busy getting things done?
8:20
SPEAKER_02: Right, there is a difference.
8:23
SPEAKER_01: You know, that I'm I'm so busy, that's your fault.
8:25
SPEAKER_01: That's on you, right?
8:27
SPEAKER_01: So you have to figure that out.
8:28
SPEAKER_01: We weren't like brought into this world to suffer and to go from one to the other and have so many meetings and appointments in a day that we can't get any work done or let our brains relax, right?
8:39
SPEAKER_01: We're we were brought here to live a good life and to help other people, right?
8:43
SPEAKER_01: The fact that we make this already heavy place even heavier, even with good things, we burn ourselves out socially, emotionally at work.
8:52
SPEAKER_01: It's crazy.
8:53
SPEAKER_02: It's crazy.
8:54
SPEAKER_02: And the thing is, we work towards that.
8:57
SPEAKER_02: That's the sad part, right?
8:59
SPEAKER_02: We're we're always competing with the neighbor.
9:02
SPEAKER_02: Like we see that the neighbor's busy.
9:03
SPEAKER_02: Well, that means I have to be busy, right?
9:05
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so now I'm like making a list, you know, 30, you know, items long instead of the two things that are super important to me, right?
9:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
9:15
SPEAKER_01: My one leader said, Oh, we freed up this time in my calendar, right?
9:19
SPEAKER_01: This previous department chair I worked with, and she said, now that means I have time for this.
9:24
SPEAKER_01: And I said, No, now that means you have time to go take a wellness walk, go get a coffee, take a lunch break.
9:31
SPEAKER_01: So, like my brain is always like taking care of other people and making sure they're taking care of themselves.
9:36
SPEAKER_01: You just don't you need somebody to tell you to do it.
9:39
SPEAKER_02: You do, yeah, it's absolutely true.
9:41
SPEAKER_02: And and I think you know, like in the grocery store, what better place?
9:46
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, fine.
9:47
SPEAKER_02: How many times do you find women in there that are like you can see without even talking to them that they're stressed?
9:52
SPEAKER_02: They have to be in four different places, you know, in 10 minutes, right?
9:57
SPEAKER_02: You can see that.
9:58
SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, why are you doing this to yourself?
10:00
SPEAKER_02: You know, there's this this word delegation, right?
10:03
SPEAKER_02: There's also that, you know, that you need to take the time.
10:07
SPEAKER_02: And you know, when I started to realize that I was doing the whole, you know, task after task after task, I started taking five minutes in my car, right?
10:17
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, okay, I would drive to the grocery store or wherever I was running an errand, and I would sit in my car and I started playing a game on my phone.
10:24
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna take five minutes, right?
10:26
SPEAKER_02: If this game is gonna be two minutes, now I got carried away with it because I tend to do, you know, I like to do the fun stuff first.
10:34
SPEAKER_02: And so sometimes I would spend like half an hour in the car and I'm like, holy crap, like I gotta get my shit going here.
10:41
SPEAKER_02: Right.
10:41
SPEAKER_02: But I mean, at the same time, like I when I realize that, hey, I get to have time for myself too, right?
10:48
SPEAKER_02: I took the time.
10:49
SPEAKER_02: And I think that's one thing that women don't think about, right?
10:53
SPEAKER_02: We're always worried about what other people need from us, right?
10:57
SPEAKER_02: And so I'm sure that's kind of partly what you know you do with your business, right?
11:03
SPEAKER_02: Is you sort of help women or men, whoever you're talking with, see that you know, there's other things we can be doing to make to bring joy and happiness.
11:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but people always say, Well, I don't have time for that.
11:16
SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, I would love to look at your week with you on honestly, look at your week because I bet you have a favorite show that you watch, and that is your decompression time because I do it too.
11:27
SPEAKER_01: So you sat on the couch for an hour, but you didn't have time, 10 minutes to sit in your car and just play a game, right?
11:35
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, right.
11:37
SPEAKER_02: Okay, now playing it, we don't all have to play games, right?
11:40
SPEAKER_02: That's not what I'm suggesting.
11:41
SPEAKER_02: But there, but there is, you know, like instead of walking directly to the store, you know, maybe walk, park, you know, two or three stores away and take a little walk, like enjoy that time, right?
11:52
SPEAKER_02: Now, I wouldn't suggest that with you know four or five hundred dollars worth of groceries because I don't want to walk across the parking lot, right?
11:58
SPEAKER_02: But I mean, you know, if I'm running to this, like I have we have outdoor malls here where we can almost park in front of the door of the store.
12:06
SPEAKER_02: So often I'll park two or three stores away just so that I get that little bit of breath of fresh air or whatever, right?
12:13
SPEAKER_01: So getting outside, even I would tell you, like on the days that I have hard days, I just think to myself, okay, you know, your day of monotony or your worst day or the day that you're sad is someone else's dream day.
12:28
SPEAKER_01: You have all this time freedom you have all the get outside, get some air, and that that does wonders for your mental health.
12:34
SPEAKER_01: Just taking a walk.
12:35
SPEAKER_02: Isn't that the truth?
12:36
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that is so true.
12:37
SPEAKER_02: You know, I was in the hospital last week and I thought, my god, there's so many people in here that cannot go outside.
12:44
SPEAKER_02: Some have windows, some do not, right?
12:47
SPEAKER_02: And it is so beautiful outside.
12:50
SPEAKER_02: There's no wind, everything is still green, like it's just so beautiful, and these poor people are stuck inside.
12:56
SPEAKER_02: And most days I choose not to go outside.
12:59
SPEAKER_01: I know it's it's hard.
13:00
SPEAKER_01: It's it's the silliest thing to say.
13:02
SPEAKER_01: It's hard to go outside.
13:03
SPEAKER_01: We get stuck in what we're doing.
13:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it doesn't matter what it is.
13:07
SPEAKER_01: You're in the house, you're on your phone, you're on your laptop, you're watching a show, you have laundry, dinner, whatever.
13:12
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
13:13
SPEAKER_02: Well, even just life itself, like there's so much more I can be doing inside.
13:18
SPEAKER_02: But then again, like I'm I'm stuck in the doing, right?
13:21
SPEAKER_02: Why can't I just go outside and just be right?
13:25
SPEAKER_01: Not everything has to be scheduled, not everything has to fit into this box.
13:30
SPEAKER_02: Yes, I love that.
13:31
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
13:32
SPEAKER_02: And I think that's that our as a coach, I think that's our job to make everyone understand what else there is.
13:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
13:41
SPEAKER_01: Like you you think, oh, I'm not living my potential, I'm not doing what oh my gosh, I could be doing that so much better.
13:48
SPEAKER_01: But why don't you just focus on the wins that you had today, those little glimmers that came through?
13:53
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, because eventually those grow, right?
13:55
SPEAKER_02: And they move, they move along.
13:57
SPEAKER_02: Yes, I love that.
13:59
SPEAKER_02: How in the past, how in the past, Melinda, have you handled fear, self-doubt, and all those itty bitty shitty committee ideas?
14:08
SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, you know, I stopped the negative self-talk a long time ago because I realized I was doing it.
14:15
SPEAKER_01: I didn't I didn't understand I was doing it, I was just doing it.
14:19
SPEAKER_01: And I thought, okay, I'm gonna stop right now.
14:22
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna stop you right here, self, because there's already all this stuff out here telling me I'm too big, I'm too skinny, I'm too short, I'm not enough.
14:32
SPEAKER_01: Whatever it is, you're not smart enough, you're not good enough, right?
14:36
SPEAKER_01: And I was doing it to myself.
14:38
SPEAKER_01: I was telling myself, like, well, do you know you're fat, you can't fit in those jeans.
14:42
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't matter.
14:43
SPEAKER_01: Stop that.
14:44
SPEAKER_01: You are you.
14:45
SPEAKER_01: This is who I am, all of me, every day, whatever size, whatever education level I have, I have enough exterior noise telling me what I should be.
14:55
SPEAKER_01: I don't need to do that to myself.
14:57
SPEAKER_01: So I stopped it.
14:58
SPEAKER_01: I stopped overanalyzing my pictures.
15:01
SPEAKER_02: Good for you.
15:02
SPEAKER_02: And how, okay, so I I'm just interested in how you managed to do that.
15:06
SPEAKER_02: Like, did you hire a coach to help you with those limited beliefs?
15:10
SPEAKER_02: No, you just said, enough is enough.
15:12
SPEAKER_02: There is no need for that.
15:14
SPEAKER_01: I coached myself.
15:15
SPEAKER_01: The the issue is I don't I don't think a lot of people realize it.
15:19
SPEAKER_01: So when I'm around uh a new person, uh, for example, someone was drawing my blood, right?
15:25
SPEAKER_01: And I said, You don't have to apologize.
15:27
SPEAKER_01: And she's like, Oh, I know, I'm so sorry.
15:29
SPEAKER_01: And I said, She's just doing it again.
15:31
SPEAKER_01: She said, I am sorry, I bet you 10 times in the first 10 minutes of just talking.
15:37
SPEAKER_01: She goes, I do do that a lot.
15:39
SPEAKER_01: I'm just not very confident.
15:41
SPEAKER_01: And I said, Why?
15:42
SPEAKER_01: She just did, she said, I my parents put a lot of pressure on me, and I always just felt like I was in a way.
15:47
SPEAKER_01: I was always like, I'm sorry.
15:48
SPEAKER_01: And and a lot of that is also being a woman, right?
15:50
SPEAKER_01: We're told to apologize and be small and scoot over and accommodate, don't take up space, strength yourself down.
15:58
SPEAKER_01: No, no, so I think it takes somebody else to to help you realize what you're doing.
16:04
SPEAKER_01: I just I was in a focus group, and this one lady just broke down and she said, I wear certain clothing so people don't stare at my stomach, so they keep their eyes here, right?
16:16
SPEAKER_01: And I thought, oh my gosh.
16:18
SPEAKER_01: And that's when I realized we were all speaking negatively to ourselves.
16:23
SPEAKER_01: And her face turned feet red.
16:25
SPEAKER_01: We were all in tears by the end of it.
16:26
SPEAKER_01: It was it was great though, because that probably also helped me realize how mean I was being to myself.
16:32
SPEAKER_01: I didn't need to do that, yeah.
16:34
SPEAKER_02: But isn't it okay?
16:35
SPEAKER_02: So that I mean, I know that that's a whole new conversation, right?
16:39
SPEAKER_02: Because we could talk clothing and body image for hours.
16:43
SPEAKER_02: But one thing I I do have to say is how sad is that?
16:48
SPEAKER_02: It's terrible.
16:49
SPEAKER_02: Like this poor woman thinks that everyone is staring at her stomach.
16:54
SPEAKER_02: Like, why?
16:55
SPEAKER_02: Why do you think that that's what we're looking at?
16:58
SPEAKER_02: Right?
16:59
SPEAKER_02: When I look at you, I'm looking at your face.
17:01
SPEAKER_02: That's what's in front of me.
17:02
SPEAKER_02: But if you were your, you know, okay, we're on camera, but if you were sitting in front of me in real, I'm not checking out your body.
17:10
SPEAKER_02: I want to talk to you.
17:11
SPEAKER_02: Like you're I'm talking to your like your insides really, like your heart, your soul.
17:17
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
17:18
SPEAKER_02: And yet we have this image of everyone only seeing us for what we are physically.
17:25
SPEAKER_02: We we think our flaws.
17:27
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
17:28
SPEAKER_02: It's you know, it it makes me so sad.
17:31
SPEAKER_02: And I know I'm I know I'm guilty of it too.
17:34
SPEAKER_02: I have that itty bitty shitty committee that speaks very loudly to me when I don't want it to be, right?
17:40
SPEAKER_02: But I don't know.
17:42
SPEAKER_02: How do you how do you work with that?
17:44
SPEAKER_02: How do you tell someone?
17:45
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'll just say, like, I'm not here to look at your, you know, your stomach or your body or your you know, your lopsided ears.
17:52
SPEAKER_02: I'm not looking at that.
17:53
SPEAKER_02: I'm looking at you.
17:54
SPEAKER_02: I want to talk to you, right?
17:56
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's like when someone comes to and says, you know, oh my house is a mess, but please come in, let's have a coffee, right?
18:02
SPEAKER_02: I'm not there to visit your house, I'm here to visit you.
18:05
SPEAKER_02: I don't care what's going on around your house, right?
18:07
SPEAKER_02: Now, I don't want to sit in you know dirt or whatever.
18:10
SPEAKER_02: No, but I mean, if your house is just untidy, hey, we all live in a house, my house gets untied.
18:15
SPEAKER_02: Come on over.
18:16
SPEAKER_02: I can just play with you.
18:19
SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
18:20
SPEAKER_02: How do we make women?
18:22
SPEAKER_02: I think women are worse at this than men are, but how do we make them understand that it's okay?
18:28
SPEAKER_01: So one of my very good friends, she always tells me how old she is.
18:32
SPEAKER_01: She's 65.
18:34
SPEAKER_01: I said, I always say, I don't care.
18:35
SPEAKER_01: I love you.
18:36
SPEAKER_01: You're my friend.
18:37
SPEAKER_01: To me, I don't, I I always I don't care, it doesn't matter.
18:41
SPEAKER_01: But she will always say, Well, I'm not wearing I'm not wearing those shorts.
18:44
SPEAKER_01: I'll wear shorts because of my legs, they're veiny.
18:46
SPEAKER_01: And I said, You know what?
18:47
SPEAKER_01: Who cares?
18:48
SPEAKER_01: If you die tomorrow, are you gonna be mad at yourself because you didn't wear shorts?
18:52
SPEAKER_01: Who cares?
18:53
SPEAKER_01: If you get to look at my legs, you're welcome.
18:55
SPEAKER_01: And if you don't like them, don't look at them.
18:58
SPEAKER_01: You are 65 years old, and you've been telling your the yourself these negative stories for your whole life, and she has.
19:05
SPEAKER_01: So we we work on it.
19:06
SPEAKER_01: I think she did wear shorts the other day.
19:08
SPEAKER_01: We were together.
19:08
SPEAKER_01: I didn't say anything because I didn't want it to be a focus, but I was so proud of her.
19:14
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and you do that little dance of joy inside to you, right?
19:18
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so I have, you know, it it kind of brought me to think.
19:21
SPEAKER_02: So, you know, we live in a world where tattoos are a fashion, like it's a kind of a must, right?
19:28
SPEAKER_02: And my in it, so in especially in my family, my generation, it's still a no-no, right?
19:35
SPEAKER_02: Like, so my I have three kids.
19:37
SPEAKER_02: My daughter is not fully tattooed, but she's she's very tattooed.
19:42
SPEAKER_02: I don't like it.
19:43
SPEAKER_02: Like, I don't like tattoos, I don't care if like if you like it, please by all means do what makes you happy.
19:49
SPEAKER_02: When she started coming home with all these tattoos, I was like, you need to stop doing this.
19:53
SPEAKER_02: And I did, we did fight, we fought over it.
19:56
SPEAKER_02: But it seemed like the more I got mad at her, the more she wanted them.
19:59
SPEAKER_02: And so finally I just went, you know what?
20:02
SPEAKER_02: It's your body, you do what you gotta do.
20:05
SPEAKER_02: But when people judge you, you have to accept the judgments because if I'm judging you and I'm your mother, right, there are other people who are gonna judge you just the same.
20:16
SPEAKER_02: Now, I do, I still don't like them.
20:19
SPEAKER_02: I'm not gonna say that they're growing on me because they do, they are not, but I also get it, like especially these young kids, they follow the trends.
20:27
SPEAKER_02: When I was a kid, there thank God it wasn't a trend, but I tried to follow as much as I could whatever the trend was.
20:33
SPEAKER_02: So I get it, like I do understand it.
20:35
SPEAKER_02: I just didn't do anything that's gonna like permanently mark my body, right?
20:40
SPEAKER_02: I mean, let's face it, these tattoos are you've got them forever.
20:42
SPEAKER_02: It doesn't matter where you lead you, right?
20:45
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
20:46
SPEAKER_02: And and so when you were saying about the, you know, the not wearing the shorts, you know, you can go without the shorts, but once you put a tattoo on your body, like you're you're opening yourself up to more.
20:57
SPEAKER_02: Now, yes, we should accept people for who they are.
20:59
SPEAKER_02: I agree, like I believe that 100%.
21:01
SPEAKER_02: I do have a hard time with that though, right?
21:04
SPEAKER_02: Especially when I look at my beautiful daughter and I think, why, why would you do that to yourself, right?
21:09
SPEAKER_02: But you know, it's kind of the same thing, right?
21:12
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it is.
21:14
SPEAKER_01: I have tattoos and I put them all where I can hide them, right?
21:17
SPEAKER_01: Because I used to work in a hospital setting, and if you have them, they needed to be covered.
21:21
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you have to work close to the street, it was a whole thing.
21:24
SPEAKER_01: But now I see the younger generations and they are sleeved up and everything, and I'm just like, wow, we definitely could not do that.
21:35
SPEAKER_01: We could, but we wouldn't have gotten a job.
21:37
SPEAKER_01: Now, I mean, you go to the hospital and you have people working on you, and they're they have tattoos everywhere.
21:42
SPEAKER_01: You know, I I think it's awesome.
21:45
SPEAKER_01: I can't, I still can't do like I couldn't do the, you know what I mean?
21:48
SPEAKER_01: It just I needed to have no to be hidden if I want them to be.
21:52
SPEAKER_02: Of course.
21:52
SPEAKER_02: And I mean, yeah, like and this is a body image thing too, but I remember when my twins were born, they were nine weeks early.
21:57
SPEAKER_02: So they lived in the NICU for six weeks.
22:00
SPEAKER_02: And we had one nurse, she was absolutely amazing.
22:04
SPEAKER_02: She loved those kids.
22:05
SPEAKER_02: I swear it was like they were her own kids.
22:07
SPEAKER_02: But when you looked at her, the first time I saw her, I was like, who is that holding my baby?
22:12
SPEAKER_02: Right?
22:13
SPEAKER_02: She had like she was pierced all over her face, she had dreadlocks, she did not look like a caring person, in my opinion, right?
22:21
SPEAKER_02: But when I watched her look after my babies, I was like, wow, I want her to move in with me, right?
22:27
SPEAKER_02: And so that goes to show like how we judge people for what they look like, right?
22:32
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and it doesn't matter what we're looking at, we're not just looking at tattoos and piercings, it's also about the weight, right?
22:39
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely, you know, like just because someone is overweight, that doesn't mean they are lazy, right?
22:44
SPEAKER_02: It doesn't mean that you know they don't move or they don't care about themselves, right?
22:49
SPEAKER_01: But in today's society, it means you're less than, right?
22:53
SPEAKER_01: You're not as good as.
22:55
SPEAKER_01: You know, people don't say anything to people when they're too thin, they say nothing.
22:59
SPEAKER_01: No, like, wow, you're great.
23:01
SPEAKER_02: Unless you're Italian.
23:03
SPEAKER_01: Well, they eat.
23:07
SPEAKER_01: But if you're overweight, you know, people are like, oh geez, you really want to eat that, or you know, I read this thing about like the invisible woman, you know, as we get older and we age.
23:16
SPEAKER_01: Well, someone has they'd gotten on a new medication or something and they gained like 30 pounds.
23:21
SPEAKER_01: And she said, you know what I noticed?
23:22
SPEAKER_01: People don't open doors for me anymore, they don't look at me, they don't make eye contact.
23:27
SPEAKER_01: She said, I never have experienced the other side because I've always been small and pretty and cute.
23:33
SPEAKER_01: It's crazy.
23:35
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
23:36
SPEAKER_02: But you know, sometimes I wonder if that's like kind of a lesson to be learned, right?
23:41
SPEAKER_02: Like what, like, I mean, I don't want to judge people, it's not my place, but why is that happening to you?
23:48
SPEAKER_02: Like, why, like, why now are people treating you differently?
23:53
SPEAKER_02: Right?
23:53
SPEAKER_02: Like, I just wonder, I don't know, that's you know, a whole new conversation as well, but you know, like it's almost like you know, a reflection of something that I've done or haven't done, right?
24:04
SPEAKER_01: Right, right, right.
24:05
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you turn into a whole different person when your weight fluctuates, you know, within 30 pounds and you you exude your uncomfortabless, you know, your discomfort for a better lack of better.
24:16
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
24:17
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
24:18
SPEAKER_02: So now if if you are in a room with other women or just one woman who is kind of standing on the edge of her own reinvention, what would what would you tell these women?
24:30
SPEAKER_02: Like, what would you say?
24:31
SPEAKER_02: Like, how do you get them started?
24:34
SPEAKER_01: I really like to tell people what I used to tell myself all the time when things were really difficult.
24:40
SPEAKER_01: So this like today is not the rest of your life, right?
24:43
SPEAKER_01: Today is not it.
24:44
SPEAKER_01: There's always tomorrow.
24:46
SPEAKER_01: If something is on your heart, if you're if you're almost just just jump.
24:50
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you are gonna kick yourself if you don't at least try.
24:53
SPEAKER_01: Wouldn't you try?
24:53
SPEAKER_01: Wouldn't you like to try and fail instead of what ifing yourself to death?
24:57
SPEAKER_01: Like I have people tell me all the time, yeah, I should have been a nurse or I should have done this.
25:00
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, you're not dead.
25:03
SPEAKER_01: Just take a class, go shadow somebody, see if you like it.
25:06
SPEAKER_01: If it's on your heart, it's there for a reason.
25:08
SPEAKER_01: It's calling you back to your purpose, right?
25:12
SPEAKER_01: Or at least your curiosity.
25:13
SPEAKER_01: You could go shadow somebody and figure out if you hate it or not.
25:18
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's not the truth.
25:20
SPEAKER_02: I had a lady on here uh as a guest oh a couple years ago now.
25:24
SPEAKER_02: She was in her 70s, but I think she had gone through three different careers, and each career needed some kind of university training.
25:33
SPEAKER_02: Oh, and now and now she interprets dreams, right?
25:37
SPEAKER_02: Like she she had this, you know, lifetime of of career change, and now she's helping women, you know, deal with their dreams.
25:46
SPEAKER_02: And I think, wow, what that's amazing.
25:49
SPEAKER_02: Don't you think that that's amazing?
25:50
SPEAKER_02: Like she has all this knowledge, and now she's helping people understand how their thoughts come to them.
25:57
SPEAKER_02: I I'm like, wow, this woman is just amazing.
26:00
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
26:01
SPEAKER_02: I know, right?
26:02
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, because like you said, we go through like just because we haven't done it up till now, tomorrow's a new day, right?
26:10
SPEAKER_02: And you might go in, like, you know, you might okay.
26:12
SPEAKER_02: I have I wanted to be a nurse, right?
26:14
SPEAKER_02: So you go, you enroll in school, you do maybe two or three months, you go, I don't do not want to do this, right?
26:20
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like I don't do blood, right?
26:22
SPEAKER_02: So you give me anything that requires cleaning blood, and I'm like, I'm done, I'm out.
26:28
SPEAKER_01: And that's okay.
26:29
SPEAKER_01: I think a lot of a lot of folks when they're going to school or they're going to college, you know, it's okay to change your mind.
26:35
SPEAKER_01: That's what I tell people too.
26:37
SPEAKER_01: You know, so many people give other people flack, they're like, Well, you changed your major.
26:40
SPEAKER_01: What's it gonna be this time?
26:42
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't matter.
26:42
SPEAKER_01: I'm discovering myself.
26:44
SPEAKER_01: Maybe I wanted to do criminal justice and now I don't, and that is okay.
26:49
SPEAKER_02: We're here to serve, right?
26:50
SPEAKER_02: And that doesn't mean that I have to serve with the first idea I have, right?
26:55
SPEAKER_02: If it takes me 20 years to figure out what my my serving purpose is, I will figure it out.
27:00
SPEAKER_02: But I won't if I have to do something I'm not ready for.
27:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and congratulations to all the people that came into this world with a blueprint, and they knew from the get that they were supposed to be ex.
27:13
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
27:14
SPEAKER_02: That's right.
27:14
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
27:15
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
27:16
SPEAKER_02: So when you look ahead with your own life, Melinda, what excites you the most about the next chapter you're about to start?
27:24
SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, just being able to help people.
27:26
SPEAKER_01: People ask me, what do you want to do?
27:28
SPEAKER_01: What do you love?
27:28
SPEAKER_01: I love to help people, I love to help people get unstuck.
27:32
SPEAKER_01: I love to see that light bulb moment, you know.
27:35
SPEAKER_01: Just as an example, if you're speaking to someone, they feel like they're stuck, they work a nine to five, it doesn't light their fire.
27:41
SPEAKER_01: But I love working in a restaurant.
27:43
SPEAKER_01: I love that buzz and that hum and the smells and the people and the fast and the quick.
27:48
SPEAKER_01: It's like, why aren't you doing that?
27:51
SPEAKER_01: So start as a server, go through all the channels.
27:55
SPEAKER_01: If you want to be the chef, be the chef, the manager, whatever it is.
27:58
SPEAKER_01: What is it about that energy that you like?
28:00
SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's events and you think it's a restaurant, right?
28:03
SPEAKER_01: Maybe you you need to be an event coordinator.
28:05
SPEAKER_01: So I just like to see that light bulb moment where people just say, Yeah, you know, I I really do.
28:10
SPEAKER_01: I do like to watch kids grow.
28:12
SPEAKER_01: And I and I love to be there to help support them.
28:15
SPEAKER_01: And maybe I should open a daycare.
28:17
SPEAKER_01: Like maybe that is what I'm supposed to do because I love children.
28:21
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
28:22
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
28:22
SPEAKER_02: Although, as soon as you said restaurant, I'm like, seriously, I hate cooking.
28:26
SPEAKER_02: I hate it.
28:27
unknown: Okay.
28:29
SPEAKER_02: I know that I'm trying so hard, so hard to change that, you know, that statement.
28:34
SPEAKER_02: And, you know, I really want to say I love cooking, but oh, my heart does not say that, and I'm working on that.
28:42
SPEAKER_01: I go through spurts, so I've just been doing easy things.
28:45
SPEAKER_01: Last night I made ramen because I know there's a reward up then.
28:48
SPEAKER_01: It's so good.
28:49
SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, it was so good.
28:51
SPEAKER_01: So I did that last night.
28:52
SPEAKER_02: I love it.
28:54
SPEAKER_01: My my niece just graduated, you know, from grad school, and I said, Welcome to being an adult, figuring out what's for dinner every single night.
29:02
SPEAKER_01: She's everything on reach eat all the time.
29:04
SPEAKER_01: She's like, Yes.
29:06
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, right.
29:07
SPEAKER_02: I you know, you've we've all seen those shirts that say, you know, the thing I hate most about nobody told me about adulting and you know, knowing what's for supper every night.
29:17
SPEAKER_02: Why is that my job?
29:18
SPEAKER_02: Why is that?
29:19
SPEAKER_02: Why do I have to do that?
29:21
SPEAKER_02: Can't it just appear?
29:24
SPEAKER_02: Right.
29:25
SPEAKER_02: Goodness.
29:27
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I love it.
29:28
SPEAKER_02: So, where can our listeners connect with you?
29:31
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, all of my socials are the Holinda Hill Instagram, Facebook.
29:35
SPEAKER_01: Instagram is probably the best.
29:37
SPEAKER_01: They can get a hold of me there.
29:38
SPEAKER_01: I set up the calendarly, but messaging me first is great.
29:42
SPEAKER_02: Perfect.
29:42
SPEAKER_02: That's awesome.
29:43
SPEAKER_02: We'll have all your contact information as well in the uh show notes.
29:46
SPEAKER_02: So that'll be good.
29:47
SPEAKER_02: Is there anything else that you would like to add to tell our listeners about how they can, you know, maybe start their reinvention or what to look for when they do decide?
29:59
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean.
30:00
SPEAKER_01: Just think about when you were happiest and just make a list.
30:04
SPEAKER_01: Like starting your dream is just writing it down, making a list.
30:08
SPEAKER_01: When was I happiest?
30:09
SPEAKER_01: Did I live in the cold weather?
30:11
SPEAKER_01: Did I live by the beach?
30:13
SPEAKER_01: Was I with my parents?
30:14
SPEAKER_01: Was I working with animals?
30:16
SPEAKER_01: What do you love to do?
30:18
SPEAKER_01: If you were in a restaurant, you heard people talking, what would they have to be talking about for you to interrupt them?
30:25
SPEAKER_01: Right?
30:25
SPEAKER_01: What is it?
30:26
SPEAKER_01: You're like, oh, I don't want to say it.
30:29
SPEAKER_01: You know, so I mean follow your heart.
30:32
SPEAKER_01: If it's on your heart, it's for a reason, it's calling you.
30:35
SPEAKER_01: And today isn't the rest of your life.
30:36
SPEAKER_01: You don't have to be where you are.
30:39
SPEAKER_01: You're not stuck, you're just sticky.
30:41
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I love that.
30:42
SPEAKER_02: Yes, thank you so much for saying that.
30:44
SPEAKER_02: I love to dance, and I know that when I feel my best, I'm dancing.
30:48
SPEAKER_02: And I do not do that anymore.
30:52
SPEAKER_02: There was a time, you know, where supper, when it was time to cook supper, that music playlist came on and I danced around the kitchen while I cooked.
31:00
SPEAKER_02: But then I lost the joy of cooking, and I'm like, I don't get this, right?
31:04
SPEAKER_02: The dancing didn't change that.
31:05
SPEAKER_02: So I'm like, ah, I'm not dancing when I am doing something I don't like.
31:10
SPEAKER_02: You can still just dance.
31:12
SPEAKER_02: That music changes your whole mood.
31:14
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it should, right?
31:15
SPEAKER_02: But for unfortunately, for cooking, it did not do that.
31:18
SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much for joining me today, Melinda.
31:20
SPEAKER_02: This has been so awesome.
31:23
SPEAKER_02: Yes, thank you so much.
31:24
SPEAKER_02: I appreciate it.
31:26
SPEAKER_02: Thanks for listening to Confidence in Bloom, where we celebrate the amazing, brilliant, and beautiful woman you already are.
31:32
SPEAKER_02: You don't have to look like a movie star or supermodel.
31:36
SPEAKER_02: Spoiler, they don't even look like that.
31:38
SPEAKER_02: You are enough, worthy of unconditional love, especially from yourself.
31:43
SPEAKER_02: We pour love out to everyone around us, so it's time to give that same love to you.
31:48
SPEAKER_02: If you're ready to step into your power and boost your confidence, I'm offering personalized coaching, three focused sessions designed to help you build your confidence, define your personal brand, and start creating your own signature style.
32:02
SPEAKER_02: Remember, she comes in every shape and size, and the most important thing to believe in is yourself.
32:08
SPEAKER_02: Want to be a guest here on Confidence and Bloom?
32:10
SPEAKER_02: Reach out to me on Instagram.
32:12
SPEAKER_02: Email, oops, sorry, Instagram at InfobloomStyling, email Tina at Infobloomstyling.com or visit the Divas That Care website.
32:22
SPEAKER_02: Until next time, keep blooming confidently.
32:26
SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening.
32:28
SPEAKER_00: This show was brought to you by Divas That Care.
32:30
SPEAKER_00: Connect with us on Facebook, on Instagram, and of course on divas that care.com, where you can subscribe to our newsletter so you don't miss a thing.