Latest / The Steve & Jeff Show / S2 E37 - The Return of Dr. Rhinostein

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S2 E37 - The Return of Dr. Rhinostein · The Steve & Jeff Show

0:01
SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the Steve and Jeff Show, the first comedy podcast in the history of the world.
0:08
SPEAKER_02: Assuming the world began when I started talking.
0:12
SPEAKER_02: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Steve and Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
0:17
SPEAKER_02: Write us a review while you're there too.
0:20
SPEAKER_02: And now, here's Steve and Jeff.
0:24
SPEAKER_02: Well, thank you, Johnny and Jeff.
0:26
SPEAKER_02: Welcome back.
0:27
SPEAKER_02: Isn't it great to be back?
0:28
SPEAKER_02: It is great.
0:29
SPEAKER_02: How's it going, Steve?
0:30
SPEAKER_02: As great as it is to be back, I've this week I've really been thinking a lot about the old days.
0:37
SPEAKER_02: You know, things are crazy now, a lot of crazy stuff going on.
0:40
SPEAKER_02: I really have been missing those old days when we were young, you know, and it it just seemed like things were simpler, things were more fun.
0:48
SPEAKER_02: It just seemed like a better time.
0:50
SPEAKER_02: I've really been nostalgic lately.
0:52
SPEAKER_03: I know that there's really some nasty stuff going around, especially, you know, sort of fake truths and stuff.
0:58
SPEAKER_03: And it was simpler back when we were young.
1:00
SPEAKER_03: Although for me, I do remember that it was pretty brutal at times, too, you know, especially because of my nose.
1:08
SPEAKER_02: And that is a great point.
1:09
SPEAKER_02: That's kind of the anti-nostalgia, if you will.
1:12
SPEAKER_02: That we put that on the scale against the nostalgia.
1:15
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, it was a simpler time, it was fun.
1:17
SPEAKER_02: But you know, people were just a lot crueler, they were a lot less considerate in things they said.
1:22
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I remember, yeah, you must have really gotten tired of those nose jokes growing up.
1:27
SPEAKER_02: Steve boy, not you know, though, they were horrible and they were insensitive and they were insulting.
1:33
SPEAKER_02: But you know, actually, Jeff, really as a comedy guy, some of them some of them were kind of funny.
1:39
SPEAKER_02: I mean, when they called you two can Sam, you know, from the Fruit Loose bucket, yeah.
1:44
SPEAKER_02: And that's back when it was F R O O T, you know.
1:48
SPEAKER_02: I mean, hey, it was a real Fruit Loose back then.
1:50
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you're right.
1:51
SPEAKER_03: I think sometimes cruelty can be funny.
1:54
SPEAKER_03: My dad used to tell me that all the time.
1:56
SPEAKER_03: That was his sort of the way he looked at the world.
1:58
SPEAKER_03: I will say though, that if people weren't so cruel to me, I probably wouldn't have felt a need to have a different nose.
2:04
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know, put on.
2:05
SPEAKER_02: But no, that's true.
2:06
SPEAKER_02: All these years later, you got a you got a new nose.
2:09
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I think there's probably a connection there, but I I try to block out in my mind some of the jokes that were said to me because they were so cruel.
2:17
SPEAKER_02: I can probably help you remember because I speaking about your dad.
2:20
SPEAKER_02: Now, your dad's nose was not small either.
2:22
SPEAKER_02: Let me just say that.
2:23
SPEAKER_02: I was his son's nose, no doubt about that.
2:25
SPEAKER_03: Okay, need 23 and me to to figure out that he was my dad.
2:29
SPEAKER_02: But when I was over there, he was giving me the scotches.
2:32
SPEAKER_02: He told me he told me a bunch of jokes.
2:34
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I remember one in particular.
2:36
SPEAKER_02: That this is so offensive, and nobody could tell this joke now, really.
2:40
SPEAKER_02: It's just so offensive.
2:41
SPEAKER_02: Says, what do you call somebody with no legs and a really big nose?
2:46
SPEAKER_02: What you call them an amputee, you know.
2:48
SPEAKER_02: I mean, that's so out there, that's so bad.
2:52
SPEAKER_03: It is out there, but the good news is that they didn't say like an ugly amputee because of the big nose.
2:58
SPEAKER_03: So at least that wasn't about me per se.
3:01
SPEAKER_03: If you remember, I did have my legs back when we were young.
3:05
SPEAKER_03: So absolutely, but yes, uh those days are gone, you just don't hear that kind of stuff anymore.
3:09
SPEAKER_02: No, but you know, though, I I think you did make the right decision with that nose.
3:14
SPEAKER_02: You did need to bring it down a little bit because after all, this is a small studio, limited air.
3:19
SPEAKER_02: You got to be a little careful.
3:20
SPEAKER_02: I'm just saying, you know, but but that really doesn't take away from how cruel people were when we were kids.
3:25
SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh, they were terrible.
3:27
SPEAKER_02: Remember Johnny that we talked to in the in the uh old school show a few weeks ago?
3:31
SPEAKER_02: Yes, he used to tell this riddle.
3:33
SPEAKER_02: I like riddles.
3:34
SPEAKER_02: I have green skin, a nose three times the size of the horn on my head, four brown teeth, and my neck is covered in furry scales.
3:44
SPEAKER_02: What am I?
3:45
SPEAKER_03: I I don't know what you're ugly, just you know, but but it's all external.
3:52
SPEAKER_03: He's not looking because that kind of sounds like the definition of a furry, too.
3:57
SPEAKER_02: Could be a furry, but you know that that's all external.
4:00
SPEAKER_02: He's not thinking about the the inside, could be a very beautiful whatever that would be.
4:05
SPEAKER_02: Furry, for example, you know.
4:07
SPEAKER_03: See, there seems to be a common thread here with your jokes that you remember.
4:11
SPEAKER_03: Ugly seems to be like a dominant theme: noses and ugly.
4:16
SPEAKER_03: Well, it's because I was hanging around with you, you know.
4:18
SPEAKER_02: I mean, that's because those are jokes I heard.
4:21
SPEAKER_02: I did hear one.
4:22
SPEAKER_02: I think, in fact, I think your dad told me this one.
4:24
SPEAKER_02: I did hear one.
4:25
SPEAKER_02: Uh-oh.
4:26
SPEAKER_02: Again, so it oh, I just this is so bad.
4:30
SPEAKER_02: Nobody could tell this joke anymore.
4:32
SPEAKER_02: It's terrible.
4:33
SPEAKER_02: But anyway, we're having this like three or four scotches in.
4:36
SPEAKER_02: Now I need to hear it.
4:37
SPEAKER_02: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
4:40
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
4:41
SPEAKER_02: Bull.
4:43
SPEAKER_02: That was your dad's joke.
4:44
SPEAKER_02: That was your dad's joke.
4:45
SPEAKER_02: I mean, dad.
4:47
SPEAKER_02: He's cracking them up at Stateville right now, I'm sure.
4:49
SPEAKER_02: Jesus, is that a horribly offensive joke and funny?
4:53
SPEAKER_02: Really offensive, super funny.
4:55
SPEAKER_02: Well, see, that's the problem.
4:56
SPEAKER_02: You know, sometimes they're funny, they're really horrible and offensive, but you know, it's kind of funny in some ways, too, you know.
5:03
SPEAKER_03: Steve, you're from Peoria.
5:05
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and you know, one of the famous, actually, two of the famous comedians of all time are from Peoria.
5:11
SPEAKER_03: Both were very offensive.
5:12
SPEAKER_03: Oh, yes.
5:13
SPEAKER_03: Richard Pryor, of course.
5:14
SPEAKER_03: Richard Pryor Pryor, and then my favorite Sam Kinnison.
5:18
SPEAKER_03: Sam Kinnison, who was from Peoria very, very offensive.
5:22
SPEAKER_02: He kind of made Richard Pryor look PG 13, you know.
5:25
SPEAKER_02: I mean, he really did.
5:26
SPEAKER_02: Pryor wasn't he was a minister, right?
5:28
SPEAKER_03: Wasn't he a minister?
5:29
SPEAKER_03: He was, yeah.
5:29
SPEAKER_02: He had been a retired minister, I think.
5:32
SPEAKER_02: But yeah, he had been a minister.
5:33
SPEAKER_03: There is something to be said that horrible, disgusting, offensive things can be hilarious.
5:38
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
5:39
SPEAKER_02: Thinking about your nose now.
5:41
SPEAKER_02: We did a show where we had the doctor, the plastic surgeon, or well, whatever he was, the tree surgeon, whatever it was that did the did the operation.
5:50
SPEAKER_02: Dr.
5:50
SPEAKER_02: Will Reinestein.
5:51
SPEAKER_02: It was an interesting show.
5:52
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you remember that show, right?
5:54
SPEAKER_03: I do, and I I actually remember somebody told me later that Dr.
5:58
SPEAKER_03: Will got arrested and he's in Joliet performing nose jobs for the other prisoners.
6:04
SPEAKER_02: Yet another reason why we should have a remote broadcast.
6:08
SPEAKER_02: We should do a show from Stateville.
6:10
SPEAKER_02: We really have so many fans there.
6:12
SPEAKER_02: You have two dads there, and now you got your plastic surgeon there too.
6:16
SPEAKER_02: Oh my goodness.
6:16
SPEAKER_03: You know, and there's probably a prostitute there, so you can't.
6:20
SPEAKER_02: I guarantee they're full.
6:22
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
6:23
SPEAKER_02: But but I digress.
6:24
SPEAKER_02: Maybe it'd be good to kind of review that show, just give it a listen because it's been a long time since we did that show.
6:30
SPEAKER_03: Why don't we put it a little painful for me?
6:33
SPEAKER_03: But yeah, I think I think a little painful in multiple ways.
6:35
SPEAKER_03: But oh, absolutely.
6:36
SPEAKER_02: I'm open to to listen to it because I don't remember a lot of it.
6:40
SPEAKER_02: Johnny, play that nose job show.
6:43
SPEAKER_02: We got a great guest tonight.
6:45
SPEAKER_03: Just a little backstory here.
6:47
SPEAKER_03: For a long time, self-improvement was very important to me, you know, whether it was taking extra classes or yeah, improv or or whatever it is.
6:56
SPEAKER_03: And but one of the areas that I really wanted to improve on was my nose.
7:02
SPEAKER_03: You know, I felt that is a good place to start.
7:04
SPEAKER_03: Kind of a big project.
7:05
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
7:06
SPEAKER_03: It's something you know that I've sort of dragged along.
7:09
SPEAKER_03: And to be honest with you, with the COVID stuff, some of these tests where you're sticking it up the nose, I always just felt like they weren't long enough.
7:17
SPEAKER_03: And I thought, well, maybe a little surgery on the nostrils or whatever would be a good idea.
7:25
SPEAKER_03: So I did some research.
7:26
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and and you know, I I bet when you get nasal congestion, you really get nasal congestion.
7:32
SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
7:33
SPEAKER_02: I mean, it's like a powerhouse, right?
7:35
SPEAKER_03: Steve, it's like rush hour on the George Washington Bridge in New York, you know, it's like nothing moves.
7:41
SPEAKER_02: Anyway, so you checked into this, right?
7:43
SPEAKER_02: You've done some work.
7:44
SPEAKER_03: I did, you know, I looked into you know noser us and the nose nose, yeah.
7:49
SPEAKER_03: The one I did's business, you know, which I think is mob related.
7:54
SPEAKER_03: So I didn't I didn't want to go there.
7:56
SPEAKER_03: I ended up being recommended who uh somebody who I think is just a fantastic plastic surgeon, and he is our guest today, and his name is Dr.
8:07
SPEAKER_03: Rinstein, Rhinosteiner.
8:09
SPEAKER_03: How uh Dr.
8:11
SPEAKER_03: Will, how do you pronounce that last name?
8:14
SPEAKER_01: Dr.
8:14
SPEAKER_01: Will Rhinostein.
8:16
SPEAKER_03: Rhinostein.
8:18
SPEAKER_02: Wow, very good.
8:20
SPEAKER_02: He was you know, he was born to do your nose job, I think.
8:23
SPEAKER_03: Well, Steve, you and I have talked many times about how last names people end up going down a path based on their last names.
8:32
SPEAKER_03: And I don't know.
8:33
SPEAKER_03: Uh Dr.
8:34
SPEAKER_03: Can I call you Dr.
8:35
SPEAKER_03: Will?
8:35
SPEAKER_01: Of course, of course.
8:37
SPEAKER_03: Is that what happened to you?
8:38
SPEAKER_01: Did you always want to be a plastic surgeon?
8:41
SPEAKER_01: I've always had a lot of compassion for what my mother would call unfortunate-looking people.
8:47
SPEAKER_02: Oh, then you must love Jeff.
8:48
SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh.
8:50
SPEAKER_01: The psychological damage of going through life with a grotesque deformity such as Jeff's is just so difficult and it's traumatic.
9:00
SPEAKER_03: You're absolutely right.
9:01
SPEAKER_03: And and we're not even talking about my nose yet.
9:03
SPEAKER_02: Like all the rest of the stuff, too.
9:05
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
9:06
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's it's a burner.
9:07
SPEAKER_02: I mean, do you have to stop at the nose doctor?
9:09
SPEAKER_02: Could just keep keep cutting.
9:10
SPEAKER_02: I mean, just keep doing, you know.
9:12
SPEAKER_01: He may be my greatest work so far.
9:15
SPEAKER_01: When I am done, he will be amongst the mouth rushmore of people that have been carved.
9:21
SPEAKER_03: I've I've been to Rount Mount Rushmore, and I like those noses on the mount.
9:26
SPEAKER_03: They're big, they're really big.
9:28
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I mean, they are way big.
9:29
SPEAKER_03: Well, they can be beautiful, big can be beautiful.
9:32
SPEAKER_03: I think smaller is prettier and more beautiful, but yes, big can be uh beautiful too.
9:39
SPEAKER_02: I have a question.
9:40
SPEAKER_02: The phraseology, I I just you're a plastic surgeon, that's right.
9:43
SPEAKER_02: Is that right?
9:44
SPEAKER_02: Uh yes, yes, yes.
9:45
SPEAKER_02: Now, is there is there such a thing as a paper surgeon?
9:48
SPEAKER_01: In the primitive history of of my art form, there were people who would make them a paper mache, clay, uh various uh animal parts.
9:58
SPEAKER_02: I had to ask because you know I was in the grocery store earlier today and they said paper or plastic.
10:02
SPEAKER_02: And I thought, well, hey, we're just talking to a plastic surgeon later today.
10:07
SPEAKER_02: Maybe I'll I'll ask if there's like a if they do paper too.
10:10
SPEAKER_01: It's a little known fact that George Washington actually had a wooden nose.
10:15
SPEAKER_03: Wow, wow.
10:16
SPEAKER_03: I didn't know he was Jewish.
10:18
SPEAKER_03: Doctor, one other question, you know.
10:20
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, just saying Doctor, one more question about that.
10:24
SPEAKER_03: Is it less expensive if I went with a paper mache or you know, a different material uh than if I go with the plastic?
10:34
SPEAKER_03: Because plastic, I don't know.
10:36
SPEAKER_03: Do I really want a plastic nose?
10:38
SPEAKER_03: It's just I don't know.
10:39
SPEAKER_03: I'm just asking.
10:40
SPEAKER_01: Plastic is my medium, it is what I have come to know and from.
10:44
SPEAKER_01: And I actually use 3D printers, I use the highest technology to make the nose perfect.
10:51
SPEAKER_02: Another question about plastic.
10:52
SPEAKER_02: Say if you if you do the plastic surgery and say Jeff's in a sauna, would the nose melt?
10:59
SPEAKER_01: Oh, it would be have to be at very, very high temperatures.
11:02
SPEAKER_01: His skin would burn before the plastic would melt.
11:05
SPEAKER_02: Ah, okay.
11:06
SPEAKER_02: Well, it's durable plastic.
11:08
SPEAKER_02: That's good.
11:08
SPEAKER_03: It's good to know.
11:09
SPEAKER_03: Doc, just some clarification.
11:11
SPEAKER_03: You are a doctor.
11:12
SPEAKER_03: Just want to make sure because a lot of people think, you know, like plastic surgeons are not like brain surgeons.
11:19
SPEAKER_03: You know, brain surgeons are real doctors.
11:21
SPEAKER_03: Um, are you a real doctor or like a paralegal, that kind of thing?
11:26
SPEAKER_01: Oh no, no, I can absolutely assure you I am technically a doctor.
11:30
SPEAKER_02: Technically, good so so so you can prescribe drugs.
11:33
SPEAKER_01: Oh, oh yes, absolutely.
11:34
SPEAKER_02: I prescribe those myself quite frequently.
11:37
SPEAKER_02: Oh, Jeff, you got a real find here.
11:38
SPEAKER_02: This is great.
11:39
SPEAKER_02: One stop shop.
11:40
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, there you go.
11:42
SPEAKER_03: So, in in terms of looking at my nose and where you want to go with this, I had a couple ideas.
11:49
SPEAKER_03: I just wanted to throw them out.
11:50
SPEAKER_03: One of my favorite movies is Dirty Dancing.
11:53
SPEAKER_03: I know that Jennifer Gray had a nose job at one point, and I just thought she was so cute.
11:59
SPEAKER_03: And I was just wondering, can I choose a nose that is a celebrity nose, like Jennifer's?
12:06
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yes, yeah.
12:06
SPEAKER_01: Oh, absolutely.
12:08
SPEAKER_01: We uh I have a whole catalog with various noses, and you can go through it just like just like the poster at the barber shop with the all the haircuts.
12:15
SPEAKER_01: You can go through and choose the nose you want, and that will be the exact nose that I create on your face.
12:22
SPEAKER_02: Hey, you know, Doctor, speaking of celebrities, I bet you've done plastic surgery on a lot of different celebrities over the years, haven't you?
12:29
SPEAKER_01: Oh, uh of course, but you know, a gentleman never tells.
12:33
SPEAKER_02: Well, maybe just like first names.
12:35
SPEAKER_01: But I'd have to say Chris.
12:38
SPEAKER_02: Ah, see, I knew that I knew, yeah.
12:41
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, huh?
12:43
SPEAKER_02: But I told you.
12:44
SPEAKER_02: Oh, well, hey, everybody did surgery on him, right?
12:48
SPEAKER_02: Oh, and of course, Tom.
12:51
SPEAKER_03: Whoa, that's how he stays so young.
12:54
SPEAKER_03: There you go.
12:55
SPEAKER_03: Funny part is, and uh God, I don't want to go to the dark side here, but just a question.
13:01
SPEAKER_03: Most of the people I know that have had nose jobs are women, not men.
13:07
SPEAKER_03: But you named three men.
13:09
SPEAKER_03: Is it because we don't know that they had the nose jobs?
13:12
SPEAKER_03: Or why do you why do you think there's a stigma?
13:15
SPEAKER_03: Is there a stigma against men getting nose jobs?
13:18
SPEAKER_01: Oh, you know, I I don't think so.
13:19
SPEAKER_01: I think it's become widely accepted.
13:22
SPEAKER_01: It's it's it's the civil rights uh fight of our age to really get acceptance for everyone who's having plastic surgery.
13:31
SPEAKER_01: And I do have female clients, maybe one you've heard of.
13:35
SPEAKER_02: Really?
13:35
SPEAKER_03: Ooh, who would that be?
13:37
SPEAKER_01: First thing.
13:38
SPEAKER_01: I can't tell you.
13:38
SPEAKER_01: Oh, come on.
13:40
SPEAKER_01: Initials then.
13:41
SPEAKER_01: I said I I think you might have heard of her.
13:45
SPEAKER_02: Oh, oh, oh, I think I know what he's saying.
13:47
SPEAKER_02: That's I let me with no names, but does she owe somebody like 13 million dollars?
13:54
SPEAKER_01: I think like I said, I can't tell.
13:56
SPEAKER_02: I can't think I know who he's talking about.
13:58
SPEAKER_02: When you say herd, is she deaf?
14:00
SPEAKER_03: I know I know a deaf celebrity.
14:02
SPEAKER_03: Oh man, that's low, Jeff.
14:04
SPEAKER_03: So my other question is your income, I'm assuming, is is based um on the number of surgeries you do.
14:14
SPEAKER_03: Do you do you do any promotional stuff, any advertising?
14:19
SPEAKER_03: I'm just saying that because you're getting all kinds of exposure now.
14:23
SPEAKER_03: And I'm just wondering if that could affect the price that you charge me.
14:29
SPEAKER_01: I I think we can work something out because of course your work will be extensive.
14:34
SPEAKER_01: What what do you mean?
14:35
SPEAKER_01: What do you mean extensive?
14:36
SPEAKER_01: I mean chess.
14:37
SPEAKER_01: Let's say your case is is more complicated than some others I've done.
14:41
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you're complicated because I'm a celebrity.
14:43
SPEAKER_02: No, I mean, Jeff, they have mirrors where you live, right?
14:46
SPEAKER_02: You know, I mean, come on, you know.
14:48
SPEAKER_02: I mean they they do.
14:50
SPEAKER_03: I try not to walk past them.
14:54
SPEAKER_01: I don't want to be hurtful, but it's going to take quite a lot of time.
14:58
SPEAKER_03: And and you said you you have drugs?
15:00
SPEAKER_03: Because I would want to really load up.
15:02
SPEAKER_03: I you know, when I go to the dentist, I have them put me under for cleaning.
15:06
SPEAKER_03: I'm not real good with pain.
15:07
SPEAKER_01: Oh, don't don't worry, you'll fall asleep, and many days later you'll wake up and feel refreshed and beautiful.
15:15
SPEAKER_01: What do you mean many days?
15:17
SPEAKER_01: Oh, uh between seven and twelve, I think.
15:20
SPEAKER_01: You're gonna be way out there, Jeff.
15:22
SPEAKER_01: Isn't that called a coma?
15:24
SPEAKER_01: In a in a very technical medical sense, yes.
15:26
SPEAKER_02: Would would would that be what they call like a medically induced coma because you're medically doing something and he's in a coma, so that's medically induced.
15:36
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, a medically seduced coma, yes.
15:38
SPEAKER_02: Seduced, yes.
15:39
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
15:39
SPEAKER_02: Well, if it's medical, I guess it's all right.
15:42
SPEAKER_02: Medically seduced, sounds like it's gonna be a good time, man.
15:45
SPEAKER_03: You know, although I'm getting kind of queasy about this.
15:49
SPEAKER_03: I know we're scheduled for next week for the surgery, but you know, I was in Mexico for a few days, and I I may have COVID.
15:58
SPEAKER_01: Maybe we should uh postpone this for a bit.
16:02
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
16:03
SPEAKER_01: You know, my schedule, my schedule is very, very tight.
16:06
SPEAKER_01: I I think it'll be fine.
16:07
SPEAKER_01: We'll we'll just put you in a quarantine ward while I I do your my work on you.
16:11
SPEAKER_01: Trust me, 80 80 of my clients never complain.
16:14
SPEAKER_02: There you go, eight out of ten.
16:16
SPEAKER_01: What about the 20?
16:18
SPEAKER_01: Everybody gets every show gets bad reviews, right?
16:20
SPEAKER_02: Hey, you you're not you're never gonna please everybody.
16:23
SPEAKER_02: I mean, some people are just are whiners, you know.
16:25
SPEAKER_02: I please four out of five.
16:27
SPEAKER_01: It's not bad, it's not a bad ratio, really.
16:29
SPEAKER_02: Four out of five.
16:29
SPEAKER_02: Hey, you know, if four out of five people listen to our podcast, we'd already be rich.
16:34
SPEAKER_02: You know that?
16:34
SPEAKER_01: And and if I do it right, you won't remember anything to be worried about.
16:38
SPEAKER_01: What what do you mean if you do it right?
16:41
SPEAKER_03: Are there uh this is this is making me a little uncomfortable?
16:45
SPEAKER_03: I feel Steve, to be honest, I feel like I need to go to your psychologist and talk about this because now I'm feeling like all this anxiety.
16:54
SPEAKER_02: Well, she'd talk to you, she won't talk to me.
16:56
SPEAKER_02: She she might talk to you, maybe.
16:58
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
16:58
SPEAKER_01: You know, medicine is more of an art than a science.
17:01
SPEAKER_01: Is it?
17:01
SPEAKER_01: I thought medicine was a science.
17:05
SPEAKER_01: No, if medicine was a science, why would I have a master in fine arts?
17:09
SPEAKER_02: You have a master in fine well when he when he says when he says medicine's an art, is that mean like after you do a nose, it's like people stand around and look at Jeff and they'll say, Well, I see I see a rainstorm there.
17:22
SPEAKER_02: It's like, no, I see I see Mount Rushmore, no, I see you know the Matterhorn.
17:28
SPEAKER_02: It's like people kind of bring something to the art.
17:31
SPEAKER_01: You know, some people some people see a rim brand, some people see a Picasso.
17:36
SPEAKER_01: But I want them to see a nose.
17:38
SPEAKER_01: Well, uh, you know, nose is a vague term.
17:41
SPEAKER_02: Hey, Picasso was big with those noses.
17:44
SPEAKER_02: I mean, they weren't all like strays, but you know what I mean.
17:47
SPEAKER_02: Did Picasso have a big nose?
17:48
SPEAKER_02: Well, yeah.
17:50
SPEAKER_02: Well, yeah, he did.
17:52
SPEAKER_01: And and that's what you want.
17:53
SPEAKER_01: You want the sharp angular uh nose, yes.
17:56
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
17:57
SPEAKER_03: What do you think, Steve?
17:59
SPEAKER_03: I mean, for the for I'm willing to do anything for the show.
18:02
SPEAKER_02: I like what the doctor just said about the sharp angular nose.
18:06
SPEAKER_02: Maybe if you get one of those, that would make your look stand out, and then that would be good for the podcast.
18:13
SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
18:14
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, maybe you have like a instantly recognizable face.
18:18
SPEAKER_03: Well, well, Doc, I think it's great, and I think that I'm really looking forward to it.
18:24
SPEAKER_03: Can you send me some of that some of the drugs ahead of time just so that I can kind of get used to them?
18:30
SPEAKER_03: I don't want to put a shock to my system when you when you administer that.
18:34
SPEAKER_03: Uh, if you could just send over some of those drugs like this week, then I can prepare myself.
18:40
SPEAKER_02: Send two doses because I I want to try them too.
18:43
SPEAKER_02: Um, I may get a nose job.
18:45
SPEAKER_01: Yes, you know, I'll I'll send you over the medicine.
18:47
SPEAKER_01: You can take it.
18:48
SPEAKER_01: I'll send my people to pick you up, they will wheel you over here, and then we will begin the surgery.
18:53
SPEAKER_02: Hey doctor, I I I gotta ask too.
18:56
SPEAKER_02: Do you do you do uh liposuction?
18:58
SPEAKER_02: Oh, we we can we can easily do that while we're in there.
19:01
SPEAKER_02: Somebody told me.
19:02
SPEAKER_02: I don't know, I just gotta ask if this is true.
19:04
SPEAKER_02: Do you guys do you use a garden hose for that?
19:06
SPEAKER_02: I mean just like hook it up, it's like a sprinkler system or something.
19:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but it's it's it's a very it's a sanitized garden hose.
19:13
SPEAKER_01: It's very, very clean, very surgical.
19:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's it's it's nothing, it's nothing to worry about.
19:20
SPEAKER_01: And it still has that smell that reminds you of drinking from the hose of the child.
19:24
SPEAKER_01: Sounds very natural.
19:25
SPEAKER_03: Gosh.
19:26
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
19:27
SPEAKER_03: Which surgery is cheaper?
19:29
SPEAKER_03: The nose job or the lipo?
19:31
SPEAKER_01: Oh, well, the the lipo is cheaper, but when we package it together, when you when you bundle with Dr.
19:37
SPEAKER_01: Rhinostein, you you will definitely get a better better deal overall.
19:42
SPEAKER_02: The rhinostein bundle, you know, you could do the nose and liposuction and gosh, maybe a handsplant too.
19:48
SPEAKER_02: I don't know, you know.
19:50
SPEAKER_02: I'll ensure your boat as well.
19:51
SPEAKER_03: I guess you know, I've made the commitment, at least on this show I have.
19:55
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I guess we'll find out in the coming weeks how it turned out.
19:59
SPEAKER_02: We got some more questions for the doctor, but I I think we Jeff, we got another sponsor.
20:04
SPEAKER_02: We got like last week, we had a and it's not it's a different sponsor this time.
20:09
SPEAKER_02: It's one of those cable channels.
20:11
SPEAKER_02: It's the ignorance channel that's sponsored is our is going once they've run a commercial.
20:16
SPEAKER_02: You ready for it?
20:17
SPEAKER_02: You ready for the ignorance channel commercial?
20:19
SPEAKER_02: All right, here it is coming this fall to the Ignorance Channel.
20:24
SPEAKER_02: You loved Real Housewives of Ralston.
20:26
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20:30
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20:35
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20:40
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20:52
SPEAKER_02: Real Bros shows the heartbreak, the passion, the adventure of those who are brave enough to live in mom's basement well into their adulthood.
21:02
SPEAKER_02: You'll see adventures like this.
21:04
SPEAKER_01: Dude, hey bro, I got beer.
21:07
SPEAKER_01: Dude, or this.
21:09
SPEAKER_01: Man, you should see what's going on across the street.
21:12
SPEAKER_01: I think some babe is moving in.
21:14
SPEAKER_01: Oh, dude, not now.
21:16
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21:20
SPEAKER_02: You won't want to miss a single moment of the action this fall.
21:24
SPEAKER_01: Hey, dude, did you eat all the edibles?
21:27
SPEAKER_02: What?
21:27
SPEAKER_02: So set your VCRs because hey, you'll forget, man.
21:31
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21:40
SPEAKER_02: All product mentions are in fact endorsements, and the ignorance channel has been paid a fee for the endorsements greater than all your cable subscriptions combined.
21:47
SPEAKER_02: What?
21:48
SPEAKER_02: Pretty cool, huh?
21:50
SPEAKER_02: We got another commercial there, Jeff.
21:52
SPEAKER_02: We got another sponsor.
21:53
SPEAKER_02: The money is gonna start rolling in here.
21:55
SPEAKER_02: I think it's wonderful.
21:57
SPEAKER_02: It's a beautiful thing.
21:58
SPEAKER_02: I mean, the ignorance channel that's a that's That's big time.
22:00
SPEAKER_02: I mean they own I think they own the Indigoba channel too.
22:03
SPEAKER_02: You know, I mean they own all the stuff, you know.
22:06
SPEAKER_03: That's right.
22:07
SPEAKER_03: Hey, hey, Dr.
22:08
SPEAKER_03: Will, are you still there?
22:09
SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes, I I'm still there.
22:10
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he's right over there.
22:11
SPEAKER_02: See?
22:12
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's the other side of the glass.
22:13
SPEAKER_02: Look, there he is.
22:14
SPEAKER_02: So when we left, yeah, there he is.
22:16
SPEAKER_02: Look, he's waving.
22:17
SPEAKER_03: Hey, hey, Dr.
22:18
SPEAKER_03: Will.
22:19
SPEAKER_03: When we left to go to the commercial right before that, we were talking about you discounting doing a liposuction surgery instead of my nose.
22:29
SPEAKER_02: Is that where we were, Steve?
22:31
SPEAKER_02: We we had talked about liposuction, and then he had the uh rhinostein bundle where he puts it all together at at one low price.
22:39
SPEAKER_02: Well, one price.
22:40
SPEAKER_02: I don't know if it's low, but yeah.
22:42
SPEAKER_03: So is there is there anything, doctor, that you do not perform surgery on any part of the body that's off limits?
22:48
SPEAKER_01: Well, you know, I I've worked on many parts of the body, but if you have something that I haven't worked on, I'm sure I could wing it.
22:54
SPEAKER_02: You may have parts of the body that like he never studied in medical school.
22:58
SPEAKER_02: There is a distinct possibility.
23:00
SPEAKER_02: I this could be you could get in like the medical textbooks, New England Journal of Medicine.
23:06
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
23:06
SPEAKER_01: I mean, contrary to popular belief, medical school is not as comprehensive as it might be seem.
23:11
SPEAKER_02: So you don't really learn everything you need in medical school, then, right?
23:16
SPEAKER_01: Oh, oh, no, not at all.
23:18
SPEAKER_01: For instance, like feet, what are what are feet all about?
23:21
SPEAKER_01: That's crazy.
23:22
SPEAKER_03: Obviously, this is our second doctor on the show, and uh I think he's made a really good point that this is kind of mysterious what we think doctors know and what their experiences are.
23:35
SPEAKER_03: We find out that they may not know quite as much as we thought.
23:38
SPEAKER_02: Well, and and you know that's interesting.
23:39
SPEAKER_02: I think that says something about us, Jeff, because we've had two doctors on here.
23:44
SPEAKER_02: We've had two guests, and they've both been doctors.
23:46
SPEAKER_02: What does that tell you?
23:48
SPEAKER_02: It tells me that those are the only two guests we could get.
23:51
SPEAKER_02: I mean, well, yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:53
SPEAKER_02: But that's who we know, see?
23:55
SPEAKER_02: And how do we know them, right?
23:57
SPEAKER_01: Well, it's good, it's good to get your name out there.
23:59
SPEAKER_01: It really is like as my business grows, I I will be trying to help so many more people be less grotesque and more attractive.
24:10
SPEAKER_02: I appreciate that.
24:11
SPEAKER_02: I didn't even come in wanting plastic surgery, and it never really occurred to me, but now I kind of want to get some plastic surgery now that I'm hearing how good it is.
24:20
SPEAKER_03: Well, Steve, I'm so glad you said that because Doc, there's gonna be a lot of leftovers from my nose by the time you're done.
24:30
SPEAKER_03: Steve's got a very small nose, he's a big guy.
24:33
SPEAKER_03: He's got a small nose.
24:34
SPEAKER_03: Is there have there been cases where you actually take leftover nose and put it on somebody who is lacking?
24:43
SPEAKER_01: The the Caesar nose is very popular, but not everyone has the extra material.
24:48
SPEAKER_01: So sometimes you can take it.
24:50
SPEAKER_01: There, there's actually a procedure called the face-off where you take one person's face off and put their face on another person and take that face off and put that on the other person.
24:57
SPEAKER_02: See, what do you think?
24:59
SPEAKER_02: Um you know, I'm gonna start looking for a face-off candidate.
25:03
SPEAKER_02: Or do they have like face-off donors that say, hey, yeah, take my face, I'll take, I'll I'll switch with you.
25:09
SPEAKER_01: Oh, absolutely.
25:10
SPEAKER_01: Uh uh many of them uh come from our correctional facilities, uh, and they are brave volunteers and they are very helpful.
25:17
SPEAKER_02: Correctional facilities.
25:18
SPEAKER_02: If I got one of those faces, I'd look really tough.
25:20
SPEAKER_02: I see, I don't, I don't think I look that tough, you know.
25:23
SPEAKER_02: I just I don't, but I think if I got one of those faces, I would look tough.
25:27
SPEAKER_02: I bet.
25:27
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yes.
25:28
SPEAKER_01: You I could I could take you from Penn State to State Pin.
25:32
SPEAKER_03: Very good.
25:32
SPEAKER_03: Yes, I like that.
25:33
SPEAKER_03: I like I like that too.
25:35
SPEAKER_03: You could look like John Travolta.
25:36
SPEAKER_03: Wasn't he in that movie?
25:38
SPEAKER_03: Well, I think this has been an amazing interview, so much better than our last view.
25:44
SPEAKER_02: I've learned so much about plastic surgery that I I'm just I'm so excited.
25:48
SPEAKER_02: I'll be calling you, Doctor.
25:50
SPEAKER_01: You know, you you can call me or you can just sign away the papers and I will show up when it's convenient and uh you'll never see it coming.
25:57
SPEAKER_03: Well, and and I know you said that your schedule's tight, but the depth, the value, the weight of being on our show isn't really there right now, but in the long run, you're gonna find this very beneficial to growing your business, which is uh, I'm sure very important.
26:16
SPEAKER_02: Oh, absolutely.
26:16
SPEAKER_02: You know, someday before your retirement, probably just before, you will realize hey, that was a great thing that I did being on that show.
26:25
SPEAKER_02: Because look, it took years, but now I've got some business from it.
26:29
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yes, yeah.
26:30
SPEAKER_01: I I'm sure this will pay off in rows.
26:33
SPEAKER_03: Well, not only that, dollars too.
26:35
SPEAKER_03: I put my marketing hat on.
26:36
SPEAKER_03: Steve, a lot of the research we've done so far has indicated that most of our audience needs some form of plastic surgery.
26:45
SPEAKER_03: Oh, absolutely.
26:46
SPEAKER_01: Every time I go out, I see, oh, she needs a new face, oh, she needs a new nose, oh, he definitely needs some new eyebrows.
26:53
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, that's that's a fair bet because if we need it, then probably people that follow our humor need it too, you know?
27:02
SPEAKER_02: I mean, that's probably just follows.
27:04
SPEAKER_00: Oh, absolutely.
27:05
SPEAKER_03: So I think this is great.
27:06
SPEAKER_03: Oh, I have to admit, I'm a little anxious, but uh doctor, you've been very forthcoming.
27:12
SPEAKER_03: And I in some ways, you know, you had me at you can prescribe uh drugs.
27:18
SPEAKER_03: So as long as I can get a lot of drugs, I pretty much do whatever you want to me.
27:24
SPEAKER_03: I think that's kind of been my feeling in life in general.
27:27
SPEAKER_03: That's my philosophy.
27:29
SPEAKER_01: I date with the same philosophy.
27:31
SPEAKER_03: Wow, that brought back all kinds of memories, Steve.
27:35
SPEAKER_03: And you know, it's like memories are sometimes you can smell things and it brings back a memory.
27:40
SPEAKER_03: In this case, I I remember almost everything about that episode now just because of of my nose.
27:47
SPEAKER_03: And and funny thing is, Steve, that I was actually at the the same red roof end that I had the nose job, that I was in the same hotel, the same room where they did the surgery.
28:00
SPEAKER_03: I know it was such a weird thing, and I didn't at that time I didn't really connect it.
28:04
SPEAKER_03: But now that we have listened to the episode, it reminded me that I found a little piece of a nostril that looked like a nostril under the bed.
28:14
SPEAKER_03: And that very well could have been my old nose.
28:16
SPEAKER_03: It might have been my nostril.
28:18
SPEAKER_02: Well, no, wait, Jeff.
28:19
SPEAKER_02: Wait, Jeff, that couldn't have been yours.
28:21
SPEAKER_02: It was under the bed, it was under the bed.
28:23
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, no, it never would have fit.
28:25
SPEAKER_02: Never would have fit.
28:26
SPEAKER_02: And you know, Jeff, I mean, staying in the room like on vacation, you stay in the room where you had the surge.
28:32
SPEAKER_02: That gives a whole new meaning to surgical suite.
28:35
SPEAKER_02: I'll tell you.
28:36
SPEAKER_02: What did they have room service there too?
28:38
SPEAKER_02: I bet, you know.
28:39
SPEAKER_02: Hey, what the heck?
28:40
SPEAKER_03: A free breakfast thrown in, you know.
28:42
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and I don't remember, I I don't remember having like bad feelings about it, but I do remember watching a lot of episodes of Friends.
28:50
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it seemed like I just, you know, non-stop episodes of Friends and couldn't quite figure out why that was out, but now I why that happened, but now I know.
28:57
SPEAKER_02: Well, you do now I know putting it's probably trying to critique its performance.
29:02
SPEAKER_02: It was just one to see, it's like, oh, oh, should have said that, should have moved there.
29:06
SPEAKER_02: You know, it's just you do that after the show.
29:09
SPEAKER_02: You think, oh, I should have said this, I should have said that.
29:11
SPEAKER_02: Oh, it was great going down memory lane.
29:13
SPEAKER_02: What a great show.
29:14
SPEAKER_02: And you know, I I don't think we can get Dr.
29:17
SPEAKER_02: Will Reinelstein any gifts in jail.
29:21
SPEAKER_02: They really watched that thing, but you know, Jeff, with all the abuse you took for your nose and and with all the jokes and everything, you know, I think you deserve some presents.
29:30
SPEAKER_02: So, Johnny, what do we have for Jeff?
29:34
SPEAKER_02: Right, Steve?
29:35
SPEAKER_02: Jeff can dream away all that kidding the kids gave him when he enjoys Tomco's new plastic surgeon game, complete with actual polyurethane body parts, all fully interchangeable for your entertainment pleasure.
29:48
SPEAKER_02: Dream of a better look, amaze your friends, or start a profitable business just like Dr.
29:53
SPEAKER_02: Reinelstein did.
29:55
SPEAKER_02: The plastic surgeon game from Tomco.
29:58
SPEAKER_02: It's all okay if your health plan pays.
30:01
SPEAKER_02: And in the spirit of 76, Jeff will be the proud owner of an intermittently faithful reproduction of the famous wooden nose, worn by none other than George Washington.
30:12
SPEAKER_02: The nose is sure to bring the stunt of patriotism to any backyard cookout or horseshoe game.
30:17
SPEAKER_02: This nose is a plastic and paper mache recreation and has no historical significance whatsoever.
30:22
SPEAKER_02: It will be Yankee Doodle all day long with this real imitation nose.
30:27
SPEAKER_02: Collect the whole paper mache Mount Rushmore set.
30:31
SPEAKER_02: And we save the best for last.
30:33
SPEAKER_02: Courtesy of the good people on both sides at Farmer Proof, Jeff will receive a year's worth of Plastipix and can imagine that totally neutral fills are whatever he wants them to be.
30:44
SPEAKER_02: Now, scam endorsed at 100% cornstarch, Plastipix does nothing at all, which can sometimes be a pleasant change of taste.
30:53
SPEAKER_02: This has been a two-can Sam production in association with Buddy Scope Media.
30:57
SPEAKER_02: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Steve and Jeff Show wherever you listen to the podcast.
31:03
SPEAKER_02: Leave us a review while you're there too.
31:05
SPEAKER_02: This is Johnny speaking.
31:07
SPEAKER_02: Steve's mom told me the other night that I don't need any plastic surgery, that I'm just fine as I am.
31:14
SPEAKER_02: Well, except for my chin, which sags a little.
31:18
SPEAKER_02: Oh, oh, and my stomach hangs just a little bit over my belt.
31:23
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, my ears are a little big for my head.
31:26
SPEAKER_02: And of course my love handles.
31:27
SPEAKER_02: Oh well.
31:29
SPEAKER_02: Good night.