Latest / Relationship Talk Thursday / Falling In Love and Choosing to Stay

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Falling In Love and Choosing to Stay · Relationship Talk Thursday

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  Speaker 1: Good morning.
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  Speaker 2: It's version thirteen ninety. Family, It's Sonia Blakie. The Power
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  Speaker 2: couple is back. Pastors Damone and Erica Glenn.
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  Speaker 3: Everybody, I'm good.
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  Speaker 2: It's been a busy summer for you guys.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, keeping, say the least.
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  Speaker 2: Trying to keep the couples together, encourage y'all celebrated how
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  Speaker 2: many years of marriage?
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  Speaker 3: Twenty years?
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  Speaker 2: Wow, that's incredible. And your daughter went away to college.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, away a way, that's cool, all right, any other
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  Speaker 3: daddy and he's still recovery.
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  Speaker 2: That's how it was with my daughter too, when we
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  Speaker 2: sent her off to film and my husband was the
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  Speaker 2: first to cry.
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  Speaker 4: I was like, what's got out? Yeah?
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  Speaker 1: But that it means you've got deep roots, good love
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  Speaker 1: and a strong family.
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  Speaker 4: That's what's up. That's what's up.
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  Speaker 2: So I love this October series Falling cause it's.
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  Speaker 4: Fall y'all get it.
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  Speaker 2: Falling in love and choosing to stay love is a choice,
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  Speaker 2: not a coincidence.
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  Speaker 3: No, never.
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  Speaker 1: I think people romanticize falling in love because it's movies.
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  Speaker 1: It's the soundtrack is all the feels and everything, and
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  Speaker 1: my love is a feeling.
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  Speaker 4: Love is a decision.
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  Speaker 1: A lot of people follow the feeling, and then what
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  Speaker 1: do you do with a feeling face when a feeling fades? Now,
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  Speaker 1: you've got to make a decision because you're not gonna
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  Speaker 1: feel it every day, No, I mean some days you
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  Speaker 1: don't feel like it. And so what do you do
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  Speaker 1: when I love you but I don't like it? Right?
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm tired of you and I don't want to
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  Speaker 4: be around you.
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  Speaker 1: I don't want to talk to you, and I still
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  Speaker 1: want to have enough integrity that I keep my commitment
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  Speaker 1: that I made even if I don't feel like loving
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  Speaker 1: you or it doesn't feel loving right now. And I
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  Speaker 1: think people too are too lad with the feeling of
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  Speaker 1: love and the falling in love that they don't know
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  Speaker 1: how to decide or choose love.
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  Speaker 3: M Yes, well, no, it's just that I agree. I think,
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  Speaker 3: especially for women, we make love just this. You know
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  Speaker 3: this movie, that this fantasy that it is in R
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  Speaker 3: and B song true, but it is that, but not
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  Speaker 3: always that. And I think that people forget that it's
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  Speaker 3: a covenant. When you're in marriage, it's a covenant. It
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  Speaker 3: is not something that this is not your boyfriend, this
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  Speaker 3: is your husband. This is the band that's over your life.
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  Speaker 3: So you cannot Yeah, that's holding everything together. And so
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  Speaker 3: you know, we might have a bad day, but we
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  Speaker 3: might have an excellent week, or we might have a
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  Speaker 3: couple of weeks it's not great, but we might have
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  Speaker 3: some great months. And I think that people just don't
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  Speaker 3: stay in it for the long haul. They just really
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  Speaker 3: look at it as something that is temporary, and it's not.
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  Speaker 3: It's a covenant, and it's a covenant that you made
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  Speaker 3: with your spouse. It's a covenant that you made as
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  Speaker 3: unto God. And when you make a covenant to God,
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  Speaker 3: then you can put it back to God. God help
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  Speaker 3: me to do what I said that I was going
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  Speaker 3: to do with my vow. And he will help you.
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  Speaker 3: He will help you, but you have to go back
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  Speaker 3: to him when you feel like you're in your feelings
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  Speaker 3: and not in your covenant.
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  Speaker 1: Help me keep my commitment, you know, because culture version
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  Speaker 1: of love, and this culture that we live in is
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  Speaker 1: a cutof culture. It's a cancel culture, and that stuff
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  Speaker 1: gets in the water, it gets in our blood. We
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  Speaker 1: quick to, we quit to without realizing that I'm sick
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  Speaker 1: of this, this ain't working for me.
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  Speaker 4: I'm out of.
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  Speaker 1: Here, and we just out And I mean, she said,
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  Speaker 1: you might have a bad day or a bad week.
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  Speaker 1: What happened? If you have a bad five years? You
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  Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, this is top do us apart.
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  Speaker 1: We know couples that had a bad five years, but
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  Speaker 1: the install they're celebrating their twentieth year anniversary. So they
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  Speaker 1: had a bad five years and a great fifteen years
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  Speaker 1: because something changed, something shifted, something elevated in the context
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  Speaker 1: of that marriage. And so we're not saying, you know,
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  Speaker 1: always suck it up and stick it out when it struggle,
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  Speaker 1: when you're on a struggle bus. But we are saying,
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  Speaker 1: make proper adjustments and proper changements because the changes because
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  Speaker 1: of real identification for love by way of Corinthians is
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  Speaker 1: love is patient, Love is kind. Love always protects and
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  Speaker 1: always trusts. It hopes against hope, it perseveres.
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  Speaker 4: You know.
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  Speaker 1: So sometimes people give up to fives and they don't
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  Speaker 1: have a persevering love that can go through.
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  Speaker 4: And as the song say, stand the test of time.
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  Speaker 2: Falling in love versus choosing love with covenant? Does that
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  Speaker 2: require a compromise? Sometimes I think it's all all of
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  Speaker 2: all of love. I can't love without compromises.
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  Speaker 4: You can't.
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  Speaker 1: You can't love without forgiveness. If you say you're going
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  Speaker 1: to love somebody, you are saying that you're going to
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  Speaker 1: forgive them before they make a mistake, because there is
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  Speaker 1: no love without forgiveness. So already built into my covenant.
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  Speaker 4: Of love that I'm going to have to forgive you.
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  Speaker 1: I'm gonna give you grace, You're gonna give me grace.
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  Speaker 1: We're gonna give each other grace. It's not gonna be
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  Speaker 1: perfect we don't make some mistake, and I can't really
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  Speaker 1: love you in a covenant kind of love if there
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  Speaker 1: is a compromise, if there isn't consistency, if there isn't
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  Speaker 1: even some conditions and some expectations. That's connected to that.
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  Speaker 1: But anytime, one of my mentors is to say that
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  Speaker 1: if I have to if I tell you I love
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  Speaker 1: you and I have to tell you why, then it's
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  Speaker 1: not really love because love is what love does.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's good, good good.
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  Speaker 2: How do you love when it's hard?
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  Speaker 1: You know?
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  Speaker 2: I mean, I guess you got to be intentional, You've
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  Speaker 2: got to make decision to do it, But it can
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  Speaker 2: be hard. Like you said, like five years, somebody went
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  Speaker 2: through a tough five year period in their relationship. So
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  Speaker 2: how do you love during those hard times?
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  Speaker 3: I think it's I think it's as we stated before
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  Speaker 3: that it is definitely a decision. It is something that
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  Speaker 3: cannot be based upon how you're feeling. It's something that
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  Speaker 3: is bigger and greater than you. I mean, your parents
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  Speaker 3: love you. You know, they have to love you. They
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  Speaker 3: birked you, they came together, your adopted parents chose to
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  Speaker 3: love you. This part person that you're married to. They had,
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  Speaker 3: they're receiving all of the stuff that you are, that
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  Speaker 3: you have become, all of the hang ups, all of
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  Speaker 3: the hiccups, and they choose to love you. And I
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  Speaker 3: think when people realize that in a marriage that love
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  Speaker 3: is a choice and not something that just happens, I
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  Speaker 3: think that there they will embrace it a little bit
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  Speaker 3: differently and to look at it a little bit differently.
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  Speaker 3: I think most people think that it's a feeling, and
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  Speaker 3: once you realize that it's not a feeling and that
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  Speaker 3: that is a choice, that I think that builds or
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  Speaker 3: you have a different muscle in your relationship.
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  Speaker 1: I Mean, nobody advocates for hard times, but how do
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  Speaker 1: you love when it's hard?
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  Speaker 4: I don't know you loved me until it's hard exactly.
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  Speaker 1: Don't know that it was love because it was easy.
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  Speaker 1: I know it was love because it was unconvinced. It
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  Speaker 1: was it was unconventional. I know it's love because it
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  Speaker 1: was difficult. I know it was love because we had
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  Speaker 1: an argument. I know it was love because it was tested.
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  Speaker 1: I know it was love because I lost my job.
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  Speaker 1: I know it's left because we had to found bankruptcy
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  Speaker 1: and rebuild again. I know it's loved because we went
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  Speaker 1: through a difficulty, a loss, a transition. I know it's
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  Speaker 1: not because something happened. A friend is born for adversity.
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  Speaker 1: If there's no adversity, I don't know if you're really
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  Speaker 1: my friend. If there was a friend invests, there's adversity. So,
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  Speaker 1: in the love kind of relationship, of a relationship of marriage,
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  Speaker 1: hard times supposed to come. What people usually do at
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  Speaker 1: hard times, they let hard times tear them apart. Hard
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  Speaker 1: times are designed to bring you together. Hard times are
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  Speaker 1: designed to test your love.
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  Speaker 2: So in relationships, would you say our love for each
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  Speaker 2: other should model that of God's love towards us?
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  Speaker 3: Almost definitely like love God is love. And on top
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  Speaker 3: of that, as a marriage, you know for us that
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  Speaker 3: our kingdom believers that every time someone sees a marriage
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  Speaker 3: in the world, they're seeing how Christ feels about the
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  Speaker 3: Church and how he Well, yeah, that's how it should be.
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  Speaker 3: And that helps you to me, that helps you to know. Okay,
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  Speaker 3: if this is how Christ, if this is how Christ
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  Speaker 3: feels about the church, and I'm that example? Am I
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  Speaker 3: being the good example of that? Like, if the love
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  Speaker 3: is how Christ loves the church, I haven't always been right,
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  Speaker 3: I haven't always done good. But He doesn't walk away
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  Speaker 3: from me. He doesn't leave me, he doesn't forsake me.
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  Speaker 3: He loves me, he takes care of me. He is
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  Speaker 3: still in relationship with me. And so if I'm supposed
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  Speaker 3: to be that example, how can God be that for me?
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  Speaker 3: And I can't be that for another human being that
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  Speaker 3: I'm in covenant relationship with. Like I said, this ain't
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  Speaker 3: my boyfriend and it's my husband.
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  Speaker 1: And I hear you chicagoing around the world saying, but
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  Speaker 1: I ain't got God.
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  Speaker 4: Okay, So God is in you, and God is.
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  Speaker 1: Love, and the kind of love that you want to
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  Speaker 1: experience is the God kind of love. And so if
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  Speaker 1: you want that kind of love, you got to give
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  Speaker 1: that type of love. And I think people give too
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  Speaker 1: much love with conditions and with performances, and that doesn't
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  Speaker 1: mean that love doesn't have expectations to tie to it.
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  Speaker 1: But at the same time, conditional love and performative love
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  Speaker 1: is not a God kind of love.
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  Speaker 4: Love is what love does. All right, great question, great answer?
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  Speaker 2: All right. Going to close this out with pastors Damone
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  Speaker 2: and Erica Glenn, how would you like to in this
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  Speaker 2: falling in love versus choosing love?
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  Speaker 1: Bottom line, I just think, like we said, it's not
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  Speaker 1: an accident, it's not a coincidence. It's intentional. Make a
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  Speaker 1: decision to love somebody and period. Don't let anybody outside
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  Speaker 1: change how you choose or decide to love. Show it,
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  Speaker 1: express it, feel it, communicated. This is how I love.
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  Speaker 1: When I love you, I love you, if I ever
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  Speaker 1: love you, I forever love you, or I never loved you.
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  Speaker 2: All right, that's the Erica you want to give the
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  Speaker 2: closing thought.
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  Speaker 3: And just you know, we have a book called The
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  Speaker 3: Thirty Day Love Challenge if you need some ideas, and
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  Speaker 3: it doesn't just only speak to married couples, but it
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  Speaker 3: also speaks to just people in general, because I think
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  Speaker 3: as an unmarried person, you practice love on the people
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  Speaker 3: that are around you, which would make it easier or
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  Speaker 3: be able to transfer you to into a marriage because
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  Speaker 3: you have built that muscle of love. And so this
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  Speaker 3: Thirty Day Love Challenge book, it helps you to do that.
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  Speaker 3: It gives you something to do every every day for
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  Speaker 3: thirty days, and it's and it's a challenge. And it's
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  Speaker 3: a challenge because in the world today, love is being challenged.
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  Speaker 3: So I say it is being love is being challenged,
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  Speaker 3: and so you know we are we can do it.
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  Speaker 3: We can do it, we can.
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  Speaker 4: Love love sweet.
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  Speaker 3: Okay, okay, we do right now.
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  Speaker 1: My favorite one though, is Stevie Wonder that says.
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  Speaker 4: Love's in need of love today. Like when you.
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  Speaker 1: Say love needs love, that's where we are in the world.
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  Speaker 1: Love needs because people don't know what real love is.
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  Speaker 1: And love is a behavior that is modeled by a belief. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: so if you believe, right, you behave. You can't behave
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  Speaker 1: beyond your beliefs.
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  Speaker 4: So love is.
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  Speaker 2: Love, yeah, and the commodore is Jesus is love? Okay, awesome,
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  Speaker 2: that's not the lust.
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  Speaker 4: That's a whole. That's all another show, right.
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  Speaker 2: It is our October series Falling in Love and Choosing
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  Speaker 2: to Stay Love y'all tune in next week. Don't forget
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  Speaker 2: there's a podcast any show that you want to hear,
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  Speaker 2: You can go to our website, Inspiration thirteen ninety or
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  Speaker 2: simply download the iHeartRadio app. Thank you, Pastors Jamon and
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  Speaker 2: Erica Glynn a pleasure.
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  Speaker 4: I appreciate you